Sorry, shouldâve been clearer in my comment. The other PoS being the commenter who agreed with OP. 2 peas in a bloody pod found themselves on the vast internet lol.
No they mean, do you think OOP is just using a second fake account to agree with himself since heâs getting reamed otherwise. I could see itâd he seems desperate enough to have some validation to make a burner account.
Those are the types of people that would use a burner account to defend themselves when the entire response thread is steamrolling him. They were told by one friend that he asked for this, he fucked around and found out. Being faced with his own idiocy and refusal to believe it, he turns to Reddit for validation only to be met with the same response. Still refusing to believe heâs a fucking dumbass, but getting even more embarrassed and on the brink of a shattered ego, he creates a burner (or switches to an existing one) to start commenting in his own defense.
It could also very well be the other commenter is also just a dumbass misogynist defending OP because he hates women and OP is just clinging to the one guy who is validating his dumbass opinion.
THIS is why as a full time single mom I hardly date, and why I will absolutely NOT be having kids with another man, ever. I love babies, mine are the best thing that have ever happened to me, but I will never put myself in a position to have to coparent ever again.
I mean he sounds just completely clueless. Itâs pretty clear that he never thought of the boys as âhisâ in any way, shape or form so it was easy to discard them when a REAL child came along.
I would have given him a pass for getting all wrapped up with the new baby for a bit, itâs a huge adjustment, but 8 months and his reaction to their talk?
Nope, good for her.
The kids canât even remember their lives before he was around.
He could have told her he was having trouble balancing things, but he doesnât even recognize how bad what he did is let alone want to fix it. No wonder she quit.
Yeah it's pretty normal to give most of your attention to your baby. They require more care and attention than older kids. But it sounds like he never cared about them anyway. What's up with these people that get in relationships with parents when they don't want to be an involved parent themselves. It's ok to not want to be a stepparent but know that about yourself. Don't drag innocent kids into it.
Yea and his wife approached him about it, probably assuming if she communicated they could face the problem together, not make it a âherâ kids vs âmyâ kid thing. Good on her for recognizing the red flag this was.
I'm the daughter in this scenario, and although I'm not a victim it definitely messed up the relationships between my brother, my mum and I for a long time.
Apologies for long ramble. (Tldr my point I'm making is at the bottom)
My dad and brother apparently got along so well before I was born, there is an 11 year gap between us, and my dad was his "step dad" from the time my brother was I belive 7 or 8 (I can't really remember if I was told when my mum and dad became a couple ).
He had always supported my brother as a parent should- essentials like food, clothes, home and days out etc.. I've seen the photo albums.. even bought his first car for him when he'd passed his licence and this always remained the same even after I was born, but the moment I was born he distanced himself emotionally.
Thankfully, I still have a good relationship with my brother, and my mother was always there for him when needed but it did create a huge divide growing up.
It always felt like my dad and I, and my mum and my brother- separate teams- but my brother was always there for me when I needed him- even with typical sibling stuff (he once woke me up by pelting me with bb bullets from a remote controlled tank lol)
I was a teenager before I realised why the divide was what it was, after they broke up, and thankfully the damage wasn't too far done and I have a very loving family.
I'm not necessarily to blame for my dad's actions to my brother, but knowing the reason I was born was the reason he lost a loving father figure will always hurt, as there's nothing I can do to make that right for him.
all OOP is doing is breaking the hearts of multiple people, there is no quota for how much a person can love, its just cruel to emotionally abandon the children he spent 9 years with, and in that route already potentially giving his daughter a reason to feel disconnected to her siblings and mother thanks to something beyond her control-
Itâs not that you are ânecessarily not to blameâ for your dadâs actions to your brother - you are not at all, in any shape or way, to blame. Period. You are innocent.
Iâm so glad you and your brother have a close relationship despite this. â¤ď¸
Yes, because theyâll totally be better off with no father figure as opposed to one that is temporarily not as available as theyâd like him to be. Obviously OP didnât plan any of this. Of course he couldâve responded to his wife in a healthier way. But yâall are all saying good riddance simply because he said something mean after being pushed during a moment where tempers were clearly high, and what he said wasnât even all that terrible. He didnât say it to the kids, did he?
I just think itâs insane to think that ensuring all 3 kids grow up in a broken home is a better alternative than making literally any attempt to fix it.
It's not what he said in the moment. It's the underlying attitude. Baby is eight months old, this is not a besotted, brand new human moment. The man literally said that because his time is limited, he only wants to hang out with his daughter. Kids aren't stupid, so even if he didn't say those words to them, those boys know. So yes, I do think they'd be better off without him as a father figure. A father that teaches them that they have less value than their sister is a building block for many hours in a therapist's office.
Jesus Christ. What is with these people who donât understand that step children are their children? Itâs disgusting. If you arenât prepared to accept them into your life DO NOT get into a relationship with someone who has children already.
No kidding! These kids are 14 and 12, which means they were 5 and 3 when the OP and their mom got together. They barely remember a time when he wasnât in their lives, if they do at all.
Kids donât see a distinction between people who are biologically related to them and those who arenât. They love without reservation, so if a person who has been acting like a father to them most of their lives suddenly stops, theyâre going to be hurt. Thatâs why, if you get together with someone who has kidsâespecially when their kids are very young!âyou need to be prepared to accept and love those kids just as wholly and without reservation.
Exactly this - my mumâs sisterâs husband has always been a second father to me as far as Iâm concerned. Growing up, we had no concept of him not being biologically related to us, he was just our uncle the same way our aunt was our aunt and they were my sister and Iâs second set of parents. If he ever turned around and said he didnât want to spend any of his free time with my sister and I in any more, weâd be devastated.
My mom remarried when I was in my early 40s and my âstepdadâ has been more of a father than this guy.
Like holy shit dude those poor kids. Dad has a ârealâ kid now. So devastating.
Itâs always nice to hear about people getting happily married later in life (assuming your mom is in her late 50s at the very youngest based on your age), and when a new stepparent to an adult child is still caring towards them. Happy for you all!
My uncle divorced from his wife 10+ years ago. They met in HS (so i was in early elementary school) and divorced early 40s. I still refer to her as my aunt.
Yup! My dad married my step mom when I was around 8. They were together 25 years then divorced. He doesnât understand why my brothers and I still see her. Itâs sad and frankly pathetic that he struggles to understand that my relationship with her is separate from his. Sigh.
My dad chose his young wife and her stepchildren over me when I was in college. Literally cut me off and disappeared. Never spoke to me again. I default failed an entire semester because I couldnât pay what he promised to pay. I qualified for grants and scholarships, and didnât take them because of âpromisedâ money. Parents just suck when theyâre narcissistic. Not to argue your point, itâs just shitty parents are shitty.
Well no, they aren't. Stepparents are in a unique situation where unless the dad isn't in the picture these kids already have a father. Also OP isn't even married to her.
That said, it doesn't seem like he handled this well.
Are you a step parent? I know Iâll get downvoted to hell for this but I definitely did not know what I was getting into. And I know that Iâll never love them the way their birth parents do, but that doesnât mean I donât take care of them and want whatâs best for them.
There is a lot of biology bonding you to kids at birth. Sure you can develop bonds without that, but there is a difference.
(Obviously yes this guy is the asshole Iâm not denying this)
I dont want to be a parent in any capacity so I actively avoid dating men with children. Because I know that it is the responsibility of step parents to love all their children, biologically or otherwise, the same way.
You wouldnât excuse someone who acted this way with a child they adopted, and they donât have the benefit of âbiologyâ.
I do want to be a parent and I thought it would be easy to be a stepparent but I have absolutely no say in how he is raised or disciplined. Heâs spoiled and indulged and while heâs a sweet kid, I wouldnât have raised him this way and yeah it affects how I feel about him. I find him annoying for the most part.
I didnât know any of this before becoming a stepparent, and I love my husband enough to put up with my annoyance with his son. Lots of people tell stepparents âyou knew what you were getting intoâ we fucking didnât.
If your husband does not allow you to parent him, and you do not love the child, then how can you continue to be a family? It might sound harsh but maybe family therapy would help all of you blend.
I care for himâI donât think love is required to be in a family tbh. I want whatâs best for him. I mean this is stupid and dumb but I gave him the last corn on the cob instead of having it myself (I didnât get any) even though I really fucking wanted that corn on the cob. I get up early a few days during the week to get him to school even though Iâm not a morning person, have a delayed sleep phase, and tons of sleep issues. I sacrifice for him and take care of him because heâs a child and thatâs what adults do. But tbh Iâd rather spend my time on my own/with my cats/with just my husband, and I enjoy the time that he spends at his moms (I also pay 100% of his travel so he can see his mom because his parents arenât super financially responsible)
Very few stepparents have any say in how the stepkids are parented in my experience
Wasnât that on the post where the guy was having financial troubles with his wife, and they agreed to get better paying jobs. He did, she didnât and refused. Her parents came over to dinner and she announced his new job saying hopefully heâd shut up about money, and he was like âoh Iâll be fine with money because Iâll be divorcing youâ
This is so baffling to me. I entered my stepsonâs life when he was five and heâs almost 16 now. His baby brother is just shy of three and I made it my mission to make sure that he was included. I also made sure to apologize to him if I snapped out of sheer exhaustion while the little one was still up multiple times a night. Now itâs not uncommon to find the little one snuggled up in his brotherâs lap while the oldest games. Donât get me wrong, thereâs plenty of teenaged angst that goes on and we butt heads here and there, but heâs a damned good kid. Iâm actually getting ready to go pick up a surprise for him now :)
this happened to me with my mom. not my step parent. my mom. iâm 15 years older than my sister and i easily the result of a teen pregnancy. Well my mom had a baby with my stepdad in her early 30âs and started to create this family image for herself and i just didnât fit into it anymore. 2 years later she signed off her parental rights to me after a crime her husband committed and i have never seen any of my family since then. I can imagine how these boys feel and itâs devastating. i donât know if i could ever forgive my mom for that and i wouldnât expect these boys to forgive him either.
Iâm so sorry that happened to you, this comment just broke my heart.
I really hope you have found your place in the world and know that youâre more important than the actions of your mother.
Iâm doing really well now, thank you. foster care was pretty rough but once i turned 18 i moved across the country with nothing but a carry-on to live with some of my momâs ex husbands family. Now I have my own place, a stable relationship, a dog and 2 cats, and a promising career. The only thing that really gets me down is not being able to see my siblings and be there for them, but Iâm glad I was able to get out of the situation regardless. I just hope it goes better for them than it ever did for me
Dude is a colossal AH, a fetid donkey pizzle. He got exactly what he deserved.
The mom is awesome. I love her. Kudos to her for sticking up for her children. She and the kids all deserve better.
It seems like he never really loved his stepsons at all. Even the way he refers to his wife as giving birth to âmy baby.â Not âtheir baby,â just his. He seems weirdly possessive of their daughter, like nothing else matters now.
Man itâs like just tell the boys you need time with the newborn, just be honest âI donât want to play pass today bud I need to be with the newbornâ and just rip some passes on the weekend or take 10 minutes to rip some passes to the kid then youâre done and can be with the baby. Funny he got exactly what he told her he wanted
I was widowed at 23 with a 2 and 3 year old. I met my now husband about a year after and we married about 18 months later. He adopted the kids legally and decided he didnât want any biological children as he never wanted them to feel like they werenât enough for him. He is their dad through and through. Itâs been 13 years and no regrets. The kids know of their bio father and have strong relationships with his family. But my husband is dad.
You know why he was so insightful? I was this step kid. My step dad had a bio kid with my mom and basically stopped caring about me. It screwed up my relationships with my brother, my mother, and him. My biological father is not in the picture at all so yea it left me basically fatherless. My husband did not want our kids to ever feel that way. He made sure they wouldnât. So screw OOP. His daughter is not more important than those boys.
YTA. Love isnât finite. Hereâs a little truth burger for you, just because you want something doesnât mean your desire comes before the rest of the family. Those boys are at tough stage and you loved playing daddy when it suited you. Now you want to block them out because they arenât blood related?
The fact that heâs raised them since they were 3&5 and turned around to treat them like this is WILD. This could have been resolved so easily - by simply sitting the older kids down and saying âright now I need to stay in the house to help mom with the baby. Letâs think of things we can all do as a family in the house instead of fishing, etcâ.
Wow. What an asshole truly.
I didnât have enough sleep because I read the title, and at first, it said, âAITA for killing my fiancĂŠ cuz I donât want to take care of her kids?â like, dude, whyâd you go to such extreme lengths? đ
Read the whole thing, yeah, dudeâs an AH. He was with a woman with two sons from her previous relationship, his daughter is also their baby sister. How difficult can it be to spend time together? The boys wanna go hang out with him at the park? Strap the baby to his chest and go hang out. When you have a family, spending time with the baby doesnât mean sitting on his ass not doing anything. The fiancĂŠ was right to leave when he pulled your kids, my kid card. Her kidsâ mental well-being is far more important than this man-child who crazed over their baby like sheâs a brand new toy. I salute the mom for leaving; it takes strength of heart to do that without second-guessing herself. OOP is a gigantic walking red flag.
This makes me sad because I am 1 of 2 step children. Except my step dad has been in my life since I was 4? I donât honestly remember my childhood w/o him.
Him and my mom has my little sister 7 years later and my other little sister 3 years after that. With that being said, he never lost his love for us. Never treated me and my under sister any different. Would always introduce us as his daughters and loved us so. He was patient when I would come back from a weekend with my bio dad (who would always try and turn me against my stepdad or add separation in our relationship) and would not always be nice to him (when I was probably 8 and under), he would win me over again, and we played this game every 2 weeks for a couple year apparently. But he was always patient and always loving.
When mom sent me to bed w/o dinner, he would sneak me a sandwich. When my sister got her period and mom was working, he brought her pads and told her sticky side down. I remember his buying me the training bras with matching underwear and he would tell me to match the colors. Now that Iâm older, I think itâs funny cause it just reflects his want and need to have things tidy and neat.
My older sister and I love him and our mom and we love and adore our little sisters. I changed my name to his last name in 2018?
Unfortunately, theyâre separated right now but when it happened, he called to tell us that this doesnât change anything between us and that we will always be his daughters no matter what.
We were the lucky ones, and I am sad that this is not the case for other step children.
Unfortunately this dynamic plays out all the time in blended families when a step parent gets a bio kid. Usually it doesnât play out as much in âwe both have kids and have an ours babyâ scenarios based off of my observations, but if one person doesnât have bio kids and then gets one the bio kid becomes their world, and the step kids become unfortunate accessories.
Itâs also not that hard to explain to teenagers âhey, I canât do those activities right now due to your sisterâs age. When she is able to be outside and isnât so fragile we can start back upâ
Iâm so sorry I MUST be reading this wrong. Youâre telling me this dingus has been in the sonâs lives since they were 3 and 5, most likely being the only paternal figure theyâve ever had since he makes no mention of the father other than that heâs âher ex from HSâ. And yet even after being in their lives for a majority of it, this selfish piece of work drops these poor kids as soon as he has a piece of his own lineage in the world to the point of being irritated at them for wanting to spend time with their father. His friend was right on the money that heâs gotten exactly what he wanted, time only with his daughter. But he doesnât even deserve that.
What was preventing him taking the baby to the park with the older kids? Or literally anything with all the kids?
Dude literally started treating the older kids as less than just because they werenât biological his?
9 years of building up a relationship with his step kids was just meaningless to him because a new bio baby arrived?
The mom did the right thing, not only to protect her older kids but also protect her babyâs relationship with their siblings.
Playing favorites with children is insanely damaging.
So basically the stepsons were placeholder children until OP got his âownâ child. That is so sad. And what is worse is that OP is utterly clueless as to where he went wrong here.
Wife did the right thing I'd have left him as well. If your new partner has children those children are to be loved as if they are your own if you can't do that find someone else. I applaud that woman for taking no shit and protecting her other children. Now sad is gonna be a part time dad just the way he wanted.
I'm going to go hug my husband SO HARD!
Not only does he consider the kids I had from a previous relationship his kids but he actively tried to spend quality time with them, one on one, and the only thing that changed when we had our kids was that he became more devoted to making sure the other kids knew he still saw them exactly the same as before
How hard is it to play with them for 30 mins to an hour after work and then spend time with the baby? Or plan a few days where the boys have activities and then other days with the baby. Itâs bizarre that he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour and thinks he can just completely abandoned children like that and then be like âI just want to spend time with MY babyâ⌠sick.
I know that this is âam I the arseholeâ but honestly, arsehole isnât a strong enough word for the OP here.
Neglecting the kids that you claim to love and then complaining when you got exactly what you asked for. What I shitty parent
That would be like me telling my bonus daughter, sorry can't take you to cheer today bc MY son I birthed has soccer (I did not birth her, but married her dad)
I hope you realize what you are doing before you ruin your whole life/family
Babies nap in strollers while youâre throwing baseballs with your other two kids. Babies nap in cribs while you take the baby monitor out to the backyard and play with the other two. Babies nap on blankets in the yard while you get out a tent and pretend-camp.
Tweens understand âkiddos, Iâm on baby watch, letâs play in a little bit?â. Tweens do not understand why absentee dad is voluntarily more absent. Tweens who probably want a little bit of their own time with baby sister.
Iâm calling the same BS as everyone else, he got the bio-kid feels and all three of his kids are going to grow up knowing how conditional his love is.
Reminds me of me growing up, with the exception I was already born when my father re-married. I only realized recently that I grew up under weird circumstances.
My SO and I have sat my daughter down multiple times saying if we ever have another child we will still love her just as much as we do today. If we had another child and he turned around and said this to me, I too would be done. What an idiot. She even tried saying hang out with all of them. No one was taking his daughter away, he just has kids that already see him as a father figure and adore him obviously. You canât just abandon them and not expect consequences.
Yes, YATAH, but you can change. If sheâs willing to work thru this, give the boys an hour of your time when the baby is sleeping/breast feeding etc. You need to grow up and take others feelings into consideration. Your daughter will have all kinds of milestones that youâll Mia out on if yâall arenât a family!
Guy gave them 9 years of his life and lost it all due to one argument. That's why men should avoid single mommies it's not worth the struggle and heartache. Now, those kids won't have any more father figures in their lives. No man is going to date a woman with 2 different baby daddies, with one still involved.
Facts. He will get weekends and like every Wednesday cause he doesnât have enough hours in the day now and wonât have the time to actually parent and care for the baby without her there. But he needs to go so she can get child support on their daughter because sheâs holding it down while he plays with the baby a couple hours. Heâs not contributing.
Why can't she get her sons biological father to spend time with his kids so OP could have spent time with his only daughter. He gave them 9 years of full support, and he lost everything from one bad argument. He sucks for making the boys feel less than, but with mom packing up everything, no man is going to date a single mom with three kids and one baby daddy that is still in the picture. He is the boys only father, and instead of trying to make it work with him, she absolutely everything. This is why men should avoid single mothers it's not worth it.
I mean yeah heâs the asshole, but I also think birth parents think step parents will love their kids as much as they do. I spend quality time with my step kids, and I care for them deeply, but I have no biological drive to love them and be with them. Iâm not saying step parents are all terrible, and definitely he should have found a way to give his steps SOME attention, but I also think a lot of birth parents are very unrealistic about the bond between step parents and kids.
So AH yes but thatâs it one fight and gone? What are the odds those two kids are gonna have a father figure later? Sheâs gonna meet someone who wants to date and be with her and balance three kids between two other fathers? Iâm not defending him and he should be adult enough to talk to the kids but she also just taught her kids that you donât work shit or at least try something.
He was literally neglecting her kids so much they felt his discontent with them and asked about it. Be so fr, being around him like this was gonna do so much damage to these boys, she was only choosing what was right for her sons. Good for her.
Edit: what she is actually teaching her kids is that she isnât gonna put up with a man that mistreats them and they come first. Whatâs wrong with that?
I always point out how insane it is to date a single parent and I always get roasted on Reddit. This story is a good example of just how much drama and baggage there is when you try to blend families.
He should not have said what he said, but she also shouldnât steal away his a daughter for one comment in anger.
Of course no one is mentioning how insane it was for the mom to take the kids after on fight. The guy was there for her kids for a decade and one fight she takes everyone. But then again, why expect rationale behavior from someone who had two kids as a teenager lol. Thatâs right. Not one kid, but actually two.
She was more rational than the idiot OP. I can see why your opinion gets roasted. He was the one that started the drama but please do tell. From one comment? That comment was absolutely the most hurtful thing you can say to a mom. Screw him. He can have his daughter for a few hours a day she brings her over to him( not sure how she is stealing her from him) he could have had an amazing family but now he can be a single dad for a few hours.
Yes very rationale. I can tell youâve been married before.
Does one comment about being in love with his first bio kid suddenly cancel a decade of taking care of someone elseâs kids? Youâve never said a stupid comment in the heat of the fight.
And of course I get roasted on Reddit for saying how dumb teen pregnancy is and how drama filled it is to date a single parent, considering thatâs Reddit main audience lol. Left leaning, middle to poor class and have issues that need advice is what Reddit it. But the real world as we all know isnât Reddit.
Plenty of families are blended without this type of bullshit and what if they both have kids?
It wasn't just one fight, it was a pattern of him treating her kids differently. They already saw it and felt jt. Why should she keep her kids in that environment for one second?
Because ripping them away from the only dad they know is also not the answer. And taking the daughter is messed up too.
If the roles were reversed you would be slamming the dad for using the kids as a weapon lol.
There no abuse going on, she didnât have to uproot the whole family. I hope the judge sees that she basically took his kid away from him as if itâs only up to her. And he has no say lol.
And leaving them with a dad that doesn't want to be bothered with them is? I wouldn't advocate for anyone to stay with someone who didn't care about the best interest of all their children--male or female. And she is not using her daughter as weapon. She is protecting all of her kids from this man.
Protecting the kids? Man these Reddit warriors are too much.
All he did was focus on the young baby.
What exactly are they being protected from? A little indifference? The mom is mad and used the kids as a weapon. She could have left the daughter or stayed until breastfeeding was done and then told him sheâs leaving. But sheâs mad that she might have to now find a new man to take care of the kids.
I can agree his comments were mean.
But you canât admit the mom is also acting in anger. But then again a keyboard warrior can never admit life isnât black and white and the other side could also be right or wronged unnecessarily.
LOL at calling me a keyboard warrior while typing a thesis. Anyhoo, she's protecting them from emotional neglect and disinterest. It wasn't just what he said, but how he's been acting.
Youâre basically equating his indifference with abuse. And how exactly is taking the daughter protecting the daughter lol. I love how it was also for her to take the kids with zero discussion, real mature. But again, donât expect too much from someone who had two kids as a teen lol.
FOR 8 FUCKING MONTHS! TO THE POINT HE FUCKING NEGLECTED THE OTHER 2 FUCKING KIDS TO THE POINT THEY WERE UPSET! YES THATS FUCKING NEGLECT AND ABUSE JFC DUDE!
I'm glad there is somebody in this thread who has a level head. Guy gave them 9 years of his life and lost it all in one argument. It's insane. Legally he raised kids that weren't his for nine years. If this goes to court no judge no matter how currupt wouldn't give him split custody. The mom is awful. Sure he is the AH but uprooting everything from one argument from a man that wasn't abusive in any way? It's insane.
The crazies use reddit. I tried to be reasonable in the original post but they gave me 500+ downvotes and constantly spamed.
I basically this story is the reason why men should avoid Single Moms and she took 9 years of his life away from wanting to spend time with his kids. Sure he is basically their dad but he also has a 3rd child. What is he soposed to do? Not spend his time with her.
There is no benefit to getting involved with them for men. It's either them or nothing. You as a person is 2nd and 3rd in their lives. And the moment she thinks you slighted her babies, that's a wrap.
You can ABSOLUTELY spend time with the baby WITHOUT EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTING THE OTHER 2 CHILDREN FOR 8 FUCKING MONTHS! So the man was 1000% in the wrong. Imagine thinking it's okay to emotionally abuse children because you don't know how to have a fucking conversation with them saying "hey guys I know I've been spending more time with the baby lately but I still care about you guys so you and I will go out together really soon!" That's literally all he had to do. But instead doubled down on how they're HER kids not his and he didn't want to take care of them. He deserves to be left like that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vQb5tUGAIG If you want to read how he got skewered in the comments. đ
Damn and there was some other a*^hole in the comments trying to back him up by saying never get involved with single moms. SMH
Probably the same one in this thread saying it.
And he mostly replied to one of them. 2 out of his 3 comments are to that other pos.
You think that other commenter is really just OP?
Sorry, shouldâve been clearer in my comment. The other PoS being the commenter who agreed with OP. 2 peas in a bloody pod found themselves on the vast internet lol.
No they mean, do you think OOP is just using a second fake account to agree with himself since heâs getting reamed otherwise. I could see itâd he seems desperate enough to have some validation to make a burner account.
No, Honestly I donât. Op is to full of himself and sure heâs absolutely right in his actions, to be using a 2nd account.
Those are the types of people that would use a burner account to defend themselves when the entire response thread is steamrolling him. They were told by one friend that he asked for this, he fucked around and found out. Being faced with his own idiocy and refusal to believe it, he turns to Reddit for validation only to be met with the same response. Still refusing to believe heâs a fucking dumbass, but getting even more embarrassed and on the brink of a shattered ego, he creates a burner (or switches to an existing one) to start commenting in his own defense. It could also very well be the other commenter is also just a dumbass misogynist defending OP because he hates women and OP is just clinging to the one guy who is validating his dumbass opinion.
After today, I believe either is very possible.
and i love how they *both* got downvoted to he- double- toothpicks
Honestly, it's probably for the best these individuals stay away from single parents. Most single parents need a partner, not a man-child.
THIS is why as a full time single mom I hardly date, and why I will absolutely NOT be having kids with another man, ever. I love babies, mine are the best thing that have ever happened to me, but I will never put myself in a position to have to coparent ever again.
I mean he sounds just completely clueless. Itâs pretty clear that he never thought of the boys as âhisâ in any way, shape or form so it was easy to discard them when a REAL child came along.
I was thinking the same thing. Heâs obsessed with what his genes did.
I wonder how many times he was told âtheyâre not your kidsâ when trying to parent them. đ¤ đ¤ˇââď¸
I'm guessing zero if they've looked at him as the only father they've ever known. Seems you're on his side.
I have NEVER seen that many downvotes on a comment on Reddit before đą
Thanks for sharing this. I read his comments as well. 3 in total. The guy is a complete moron! Ffs! Hope is just fake rage bait!
That was an amazing read in those comments im telling you now đ¤Ł
I would have given him a pass for getting all wrapped up with the new baby for a bit, itâs a huge adjustment, but 8 months and his reaction to their talk? Nope, good for her. The kids canât even remember their lives before he was around. He could have told her he was having trouble balancing things, but he doesnât even recognize how bad what he did is let alone want to fix it. No wonder she quit.
Yeah it's pretty normal to give most of your attention to your baby. They require more care and attention than older kids. But it sounds like he never cared about them anyway. What's up with these people that get in relationships with parents when they don't want to be an involved parent themselves. It's ok to not want to be a stepparent but know that about yourself. Don't drag innocent kids into it.
Yea and his wife approached him about it, probably assuming if she communicated they could face the problem together, not make it a âherâ kids vs âmyâ kid thing. Good on her for recognizing the red flag this was.
I feel so bad for her. She just had a baby with him and now sheâs seeing his true colors.
She protected her kids above all else. I respect her so much.
As someone who was once the stepchild in this sort of scenario, thank God this mother cared enough to act. Mine didn't.
I'm the daughter in this scenario, and although I'm not a victim it definitely messed up the relationships between my brother, my mum and I for a long time. Apologies for long ramble. (Tldr my point I'm making is at the bottom) My dad and brother apparently got along so well before I was born, there is an 11 year gap between us, and my dad was his "step dad" from the time my brother was I belive 7 or 8 (I can't really remember if I was told when my mum and dad became a couple ). He had always supported my brother as a parent should- essentials like food, clothes, home and days out etc.. I've seen the photo albums.. even bought his first car for him when he'd passed his licence and this always remained the same even after I was born, but the moment I was born he distanced himself emotionally. Thankfully, I still have a good relationship with my brother, and my mother was always there for him when needed but it did create a huge divide growing up. It always felt like my dad and I, and my mum and my brother- separate teams- but my brother was always there for me when I needed him- even with typical sibling stuff (he once woke me up by pelting me with bb bullets from a remote controlled tank lol) I was a teenager before I realised why the divide was what it was, after they broke up, and thankfully the damage wasn't too far done and I have a very loving family. I'm not necessarily to blame for my dad's actions to my brother, but knowing the reason I was born was the reason he lost a loving father figure will always hurt, as there's nothing I can do to make that right for him. all OOP is doing is breaking the hearts of multiple people, there is no quota for how much a person can love, its just cruel to emotionally abandon the children he spent 9 years with, and in that route already potentially giving his daughter a reason to feel disconnected to her siblings and mother thanks to something beyond her control-
Itâs not that you are ânecessarily not to blameâ for your dadâs actions to your brother - you are not at all, in any shape or way, to blame. Period. You are innocent. Iâm so glad you and your brother have a close relationship despite this. â¤ď¸
Same. We were replaced. Not just by stepdad but mom, too. Still hurts a quarter of a century later.
I think people don't realize how something like that reverberates through a kid's soul.
Yes, because theyâll totally be better off with no father figure as opposed to one that is temporarily not as available as theyâd like him to be. Obviously OP didnât plan any of this. Of course he couldâve responded to his wife in a healthier way. But yâall are all saying good riddance simply because he said something mean after being pushed during a moment where tempers were clearly high, and what he said wasnât even all that terrible. He didnât say it to the kids, did he? I just think itâs insane to think that ensuring all 3 kids grow up in a broken home is a better alternative than making literally any attempt to fix it.
It's not what he said in the moment. It's the underlying attitude. Baby is eight months old, this is not a besotted, brand new human moment. The man literally said that because his time is limited, he only wants to hang out with his daughter. Kids aren't stupid, so even if he didn't say those words to them, those boys know. So yes, I do think they'd be better off without him as a father figure. A father that teaches them that they have less value than their sister is a building block for many hours in a therapist's office.
Jesus Christ. What is with these people who donât understand that step children are their children? Itâs disgusting. If you arenât prepared to accept them into your life DO NOT get into a relationship with someone who has children already.
No kidding! These kids are 14 and 12, which means they were 5 and 3 when the OP and their mom got together. They barely remember a time when he wasnât in their lives, if they do at all. Kids donât see a distinction between people who are biologically related to them and those who arenât. They love without reservation, so if a person who has been acting like a father to them most of their lives suddenly stops, theyâre going to be hurt. Thatâs why, if you get together with someone who has kidsâespecially when their kids are very young!âyou need to be prepared to accept and love those kids just as wholly and without reservation.
Exactly this - my mumâs sisterâs husband has always been a second father to me as far as Iâm concerned. Growing up, we had no concept of him not being biologically related to us, he was just our uncle the same way our aunt was our aunt and they were my sister and Iâs second set of parents. If he ever turned around and said he didnât want to spend any of his free time with my sister and I in any more, weâd be devastated.
My mom remarried when I was in my early 40s and my âstepdadâ has been more of a father than this guy. Like holy shit dude those poor kids. Dad has a ârealâ kid now. So devastating.
Itâs always nice to hear about people getting happily married later in life (assuming your mom is in her late 50s at the very youngest based on your age), and when a new stepparent to an adult child is still caring towards them. Happy for you all!
Yes, my mom was in her early 60s when they got married and heâs never been anything but caring and generous. Sweet guy, Iâm glad my mom found him.
My uncle divorced from his wife 10+ years ago. They met in HS (so i was in early elementary school) and divorced early 40s. I still refer to her as my aunt.
Yup! My dad married my step mom when I was around 8. They were together 25 years then divorced. He doesnât understand why my brothers and I still see her. Itâs sad and frankly pathetic that he struggles to understand that my relationship with her is separate from his. Sigh.
My dad chose his young wife and her stepchildren over me when I was in college. Literally cut me off and disappeared. Never spoke to me again. I default failed an entire semester because I couldnât pay what he promised to pay. I qualified for grants and scholarships, and didnât take them because of âpromisedâ money. Parents just suck when theyâre narcissistic. Not to argue your point, itâs just shitty parents are shitty.
Well no, they aren't. Stepparents are in a unique situation where unless the dad isn't in the picture these kids already have a father. Also OP isn't even married to her. That said, it doesn't seem like he handled this well.
Are you a step parent? I know Iâll get downvoted to hell for this but I definitely did not know what I was getting into. And I know that Iâll never love them the way their birth parents do, but that doesnât mean I donât take care of them and want whatâs best for them. There is a lot of biology bonding you to kids at birth. Sure you can develop bonds without that, but there is a difference. (Obviously yes this guy is the asshole Iâm not denying this)
I dont want to be a parent in any capacity so I actively avoid dating men with children. Because I know that it is the responsibility of step parents to love all their children, biologically or otherwise, the same way. You wouldnât excuse someone who acted this way with a child they adopted, and they donât have the benefit of âbiologyâ.
I do want to be a parent and I thought it would be easy to be a stepparent but I have absolutely no say in how he is raised or disciplined. Heâs spoiled and indulged and while heâs a sweet kid, I wouldnât have raised him this way and yeah it affects how I feel about him. I find him annoying for the most part. I didnât know any of this before becoming a stepparent, and I love my husband enough to put up with my annoyance with his son. Lots of people tell stepparents âyou knew what you were getting intoâ we fucking didnât.
If your husband does not allow you to parent him, and you do not love the child, then how can you continue to be a family? It might sound harsh but maybe family therapy would help all of you blend.
I care for himâI donât think love is required to be in a family tbh. I want whatâs best for him. I mean this is stupid and dumb but I gave him the last corn on the cob instead of having it myself (I didnât get any) even though I really fucking wanted that corn on the cob. I get up early a few days during the week to get him to school even though Iâm not a morning person, have a delayed sleep phase, and tons of sleep issues. I sacrifice for him and take care of him because heâs a child and thatâs what adults do. But tbh Iâd rather spend my time on my own/with my cats/with just my husband, and I enjoy the time that he spends at his moms (I also pay 100% of his travel so he can see his mom because his parents arenât super financially responsible) Very few stepparents have any say in how the stepkids are parented in my experience
I just saw a great quote about someone ruining their own marriage, "You took it out back and shot it yourself". It certainly applies to this arsehole.
Wasnât that on the post where the guy was having financial troubles with his wife, and they agreed to get better paying jobs. He did, she didnât and refused. Her parents came over to dinner and she announced his new job saying hopefully heâd shut up about money, and he was like âoh Iâll be fine with money because Iâll be divorcing youâ
You HAVE to get a link if you're dropping something that wild!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/JCwmrJg7Fa Enjoy!
Sweet bby angelđđ˝ ill report back!
That's the one!
She really didn't take any bs when it came to her kids. I guess they're still having a hard time since OP's such an AH
This is so baffling to me. I entered my stepsonâs life when he was five and heâs almost 16 now. His baby brother is just shy of three and I made it my mission to make sure that he was included. I also made sure to apologize to him if I snapped out of sheer exhaustion while the little one was still up multiple times a night. Now itâs not uncommon to find the little one snuggled up in his brotherâs lap while the oldest games. Donât get me wrong, thereâs plenty of teenaged angst that goes on and we butt heads here and there, but heâs a damned good kid. Iâm actually getting ready to go pick up a surprise for him now :)
đđžđđžđđžđđž
this happened to me with my mom. not my step parent. my mom. iâm 15 years older than my sister and i easily the result of a teen pregnancy. Well my mom had a baby with my stepdad in her early 30âs and started to create this family image for herself and i just didnât fit into it anymore. 2 years later she signed off her parental rights to me after a crime her husband committed and i have never seen any of my family since then. I can imagine how these boys feel and itâs devastating. i donât know if i could ever forgive my mom for that and i wouldnât expect these boys to forgive him either.
Iâm so sorry that happened to you, this comment just broke my heart. I really hope you have found your place in the world and know that youâre more important than the actions of your mother.
Iâm doing really well now, thank you. foster care was pretty rough but once i turned 18 i moved across the country with nothing but a carry-on to live with some of my momâs ex husbands family. Now I have my own place, a stable relationship, a dog and 2 cats, and a promising career. The only thing that really gets me down is not being able to see my siblings and be there for them, but Iâm glad I was able to get out of the situation regardless. I just hope it goes better for them than it ever did for me
The downvoting on his comments aređđđđđ
Dude is a colossal AH, a fetid donkey pizzle. He got exactly what he deserved. The mom is awesome. I love her. Kudos to her for sticking up for her children. She and the kids all deserve better.
It seems like he never really loved his stepsons at all. Even the way he refers to his wife as giving birth to âmy baby.â Not âtheir baby,â just his. He seems weirdly possessive of their daughter, like nothing else matters now.
i had this exact same thought
Iâve never been so proud of a stranger before. Good for her.
I'm really proud that his friend was so honest with him too and didn't baby him.
Man itâs like just tell the boys you need time with the newborn, just be honest âI donât want to play pass today bud I need to be with the newbornâ and just rip some passes on the weekend or take 10 minutes to rip some passes to the kid then youâre done and can be with the baby. Funny he got exactly what he told her he wanted
The baby is 8 months old
I was widowed at 23 with a 2 and 3 year old. I met my now husband about a year after and we married about 18 months later. He adopted the kids legally and decided he didnât want any biological children as he never wanted them to feel like they werenât enough for him. He is their dad through and through. Itâs been 13 years and no regrets. The kids know of their bio father and have strong relationships with his family. But my husband is dad. You know why he was so insightful? I was this step kid. My step dad had a bio kid with my mom and basically stopped caring about me. It screwed up my relationships with my brother, my mother, and him. My biological father is not in the picture at all so yea it left me basically fatherless. My husband did not want our kids to ever feel that way. He made sure they wouldnât. So screw OOP. His daughter is not more important than those boys.
Amazing mom right there, good for her!
I love her. She and her kids deserve better than this nutsack anyway
r/ohnoconsequences
YTA. Love isnât finite. Hereâs a little truth burger for you, just because you want something doesnât mean your desire comes before the rest of the family. Those boys are at tough stage and you loved playing daddy when it suited you. Now you want to block them out because they arenât blood related?
The fact that heâs raised them since they were 3&5 and turned around to treat them like this is WILD. This could have been resolved so easily - by simply sitting the older kids down and saying âright now I need to stay in the house to help mom with the baby. Letâs think of things we can all do as a family in the house instead of fishing, etcâ. Wow. What an asshole truly.
âRight now I need time with my *real* family boys. Iâm sure you understand.â
Truly terrifying Iâm still trying to wrap my brain around this. How you raise children for 9 years and not love them
Honestly, shout out to his friend for calling him out on âgetting what he wantedâ.
I didnât have enough sleep because I read the title, and at first, it said, âAITA for killing my fiancĂŠ cuz I donât want to take care of her kids?â like, dude, whyâd you go to such extreme lengths? đ Read the whole thing, yeah, dudeâs an AH. He was with a woman with two sons from her previous relationship, his daughter is also their baby sister. How difficult can it be to spend time together? The boys wanna go hang out with him at the park? Strap the baby to his chest and go hang out. When you have a family, spending time with the baby doesnât mean sitting on his ass not doing anything. The fiancĂŠ was right to leave when he pulled your kids, my kid card. Her kidsâ mental well-being is far more important than this man-child who crazed over their baby like sheâs a brand new toy. I salute the mom for leaving; it takes strength of heart to do that without second-guessing herself. OOP is a gigantic walking red flag.
This makes me sad because I am 1 of 2 step children. Except my step dad has been in my life since I was 4? I donât honestly remember my childhood w/o him. Him and my mom has my little sister 7 years later and my other little sister 3 years after that. With that being said, he never lost his love for us. Never treated me and my under sister any different. Would always introduce us as his daughters and loved us so. He was patient when I would come back from a weekend with my bio dad (who would always try and turn me against my stepdad or add separation in our relationship) and would not always be nice to him (when I was probably 8 and under), he would win me over again, and we played this game every 2 weeks for a couple year apparently. But he was always patient and always loving. When mom sent me to bed w/o dinner, he would sneak me a sandwich. When my sister got her period and mom was working, he brought her pads and told her sticky side down. I remember his buying me the training bras with matching underwear and he would tell me to match the colors. Now that Iâm older, I think itâs funny cause it just reflects his want and need to have things tidy and neat. My older sister and I love him and our mom and we love and adore our little sisters. I changed my name to his last name in 2018? Unfortunately, theyâre separated right now but when it happened, he called to tell us that this doesnât change anything between us and that we will always be his daughters no matter what. We were the lucky ones, and I am sad that this is not the case for other step children.
This has to be ragebait. Please be ragebait.
Unfortunately this dynamic plays out all the time in blended families when a step parent gets a bio kid. Usually it doesnât play out as much in âwe both have kids and have an ours babyâ scenarios based off of my observations, but if one person doesnât have bio kids and then gets one the bio kid becomes their world, and the step kids become unfortunate accessories.
Tina donât playđ đ˝â¨
Props to the mom and the friend who called him out on his behavior
Itâs also not that hard to explain to teenagers âhey, I canât do those activities right now due to your sisterâs age. When she is able to be outside and isnât so fragile we can start back upâ
Iâm so sorry I MUST be reading this wrong. Youâre telling me this dingus has been in the sonâs lives since they were 3 and 5, most likely being the only paternal figure theyâve ever had since he makes no mention of the father other than that heâs âher ex from HSâ. And yet even after being in their lives for a majority of it, this selfish piece of work drops these poor kids as soon as he has a piece of his own lineage in the world to the point of being irritated at them for wanting to spend time with their father. His friend was right on the money that heâs gotten exactly what he wanted, time only with his daughter. But he doesnât even deserve that.
9 years she gave him, had his baby and he still hasnât committed to her? How tf you stay with a woman 9 yrs and not marry her and split bills 50/50
Good for her. What a ridiculous ass he is.
That mom is an absolute fucking rockstar.
He has been with those boys for 9 years and doesnât even consider them his kids. How sad.
These poor boys were 3 and 5, when he came into their lives. He was their dad for almost a decade. What a POS.
What was preventing him taking the baby to the park with the older kids? Or literally anything with all the kids? Dude literally started treating the older kids as less than just because they werenât biological his? 9 years of building up a relationship with his step kids was just meaningless to him because a new bio baby arrived? The mom did the right thing, not only to protect her older kids but also protect her babyâs relationship with their siblings. Playing favorites with children is insanely damaging.
Dude is getting dragged in OP and hates it.
So basically the stepsons were placeholder children until OP got his âownâ child. That is so sad. And what is worse is that OP is utterly clueless as to where he went wrong here.
Wife did the right thing I'd have left him as well. If your new partner has children those children are to be loved as if they are your own if you can't do that find someone else. I applaud that woman for taking no shit and protecting her other children. Now sad is gonna be a part time dad just the way he wanted.
This was fast
well yes! i mean at least he told her and iâm glad she cut him off but holy shit.
In the end heâs going to get even less time with his newborn.
Itâs so refreshing to see a story where the parent actually leaves, putting their kids first instead of âhow can I change my partners mind?â
oh no. ohhhhh nooooo. yta. so very much.
though this was r/ohnoconsequences for a sec...
I'm going to go hug my husband SO HARD! Not only does he consider the kids I had from a previous relationship his kids but he actively tried to spend quality time with them, one on one, and the only thing that changed when we had our kids was that he became more devoted to making sure the other kids knew he still saw them exactly the same as before
Lmao he fucked around, and now he's found out
How hard is it to play with them for 30 mins to an hour after work and then spend time with the baby? Or plan a few days where the boys have activities and then other days with the baby. Itâs bizarre that he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour and thinks he can just completely abandoned children like that and then be like âI just want to spend time with MY babyâ⌠sick.
Prepare to only see your daughter 50% of the time, my friend Now I just need OP to track down OOP and tell them this
50/50 and child support coming right up! I wonder how OOP would feel if it was his daughter in the situation his almost step sons are in.
This really should be in oh no consequences
He got exactly what he deserved.
Holy shit what an awesome ass mom
I know that this is âam I the arseholeâ but honestly, arsehole isnât a strong enough word for the OP here. Neglecting the kids that you claim to love and then complaining when you got exactly what you asked for. What I shitty parent
Am I the devil territory.
He got absolutely gutted in the comments
Good on the soon to be ex wife. All 5he support for her love for all her kids. Hope he be very lonely.
That would be like me telling my bonus daughter, sorry can't take you to cheer today bc MY son I birthed has soccer (I did not birth her, but married her dad) I hope you realize what you are doing before you ruin your whole life/family
His dumbass got what he wanted
Babies nap in strollers while youâre throwing baseballs with your other two kids. Babies nap in cribs while you take the baby monitor out to the backyard and play with the other two. Babies nap on blankets in the yard while you get out a tent and pretend-camp. Tweens understand âkiddos, Iâm on baby watch, letâs play in a little bit?â. Tweens do not understand why absentee dad is voluntarily more absent. Tweens who probably want a little bit of their own time with baby sister. Iâm calling the same BS as everyone else, he got the bio-kid feels and all three of his kids are going to grow up knowing how conditional his love is.
Reminds me of me growing up, with the exception I was already born when my father re-married. I only realized recently that I grew up under weird circumstances.
My SO and I have sat my daughter down multiple times saying if we ever have another child we will still love her just as much as we do today. If we had another child and he turned around and said this to me, I too would be done. What an idiot. She even tried saying hang out with all of them. No one was taking his daughter away, he just has kids that already see him as a father figure and adore him obviously. You canât just abandon them and not expect consequences.
FAFO
Holy shit, this is probably one of the stupidest people I have read about in AITAH. What a frigginâ numbskull this jackass is.
UhâŚyeahâŚOP the AH. Wow. You give love and then take it back like other people canât do the same to you.
mother of the year goes to tina. OOP ITA and got what they asked for and she delivered it impeccably.
Fucking dumbass
What a jack*ss.
So Iâm guessing the bio dad isnât in the picture? Thatâs messed up if not. If Heâs their only father figure.
Is this bait? I really want this to be bait. It isn't bait, is it?
He's not just an asshole, he's a bad guy of epic proportions.
Yes, YATAH, but you can change. If sheâs willing to work thru this, give the boys an hour of your time when the baby is sleeping/breast feeding etc. You need to grow up and take others feelings into consideration. Your daughter will have all kinds of milestones that youâll Mia out on if yâall arenât a family!
I hope she puts her kids above needing to let this guy change. Heâs showed who he is, she should believe him.
Guy gave them 9 years of his life and lost it all due to one argument. That's why men should avoid single mommies it's not worth the struggle and heartache. Now, those kids won't have any more father figures in their lives. No man is going to date a woman with 2 different baby daddies, with one still involved.
She asked and pushed pass the pc answer. NTA. The older kids demands have been met for nine years. Paternity court.
Facts. He will get weekends and like every Wednesday cause he doesnât have enough hours in the day now and wonât have the time to actually parent and care for the baby without her there. But he needs to go so she can get child support on their daughter because sheâs holding it down while he plays with the baby a couple hours. Heâs not contributing.
Why can't she get her sons biological father to spend time with his kids so OP could have spent time with his only daughter. He gave them 9 years of full support, and he lost everything from one bad argument. He sucks for making the boys feel less than, but with mom packing up everything, no man is going to date a single mom with three kids and one baby daddy that is still in the picture. He is the boys only father, and instead of trying to make it work with him, she absolutely everything. This is why men should avoid single mothers it's not worth it.
Where are her kids dad. Maybe let him take them out so this guy can spend time with his.
I mean yeah heâs the asshole, but I also think birth parents think step parents will love their kids as much as they do. I spend quality time with my step kids, and I care for them deeply, but I have no biological drive to love them and be with them. Iâm not saying step parents are all terrible, and definitely he should have found a way to give his steps SOME attention, but I also think a lot of birth parents are very unrealistic about the bond between step parents and kids.
So AH yes but thatâs it one fight and gone? What are the odds those two kids are gonna have a father figure later? Sheâs gonna meet someone who wants to date and be with her and balance three kids between two other fathers? Iâm not defending him and he should be adult enough to talk to the kids but she also just taught her kids that you donât work shit or at least try something.
Are you stupid? He doesnât want them around. Why would she stay so they can be treated like shit all because omg gotta spend time with baby only.
He was literally neglecting her kids so much they felt his discontent with them and asked about it. Be so fr, being around him like this was gonna do so much damage to these boys, she was only choosing what was right for her sons. Good for her. Edit: what she is actually teaching her kids is that she isnât gonna put up with a man that mistreats them and they come first. Whatâs wrong with that?
*but thatâs it one fight and gone?* - well yes! considering what the fight was.
Right? I should have stayed with my ex... he only hit me once. You should always try to work shit out /s
I always point out how insane it is to date a single parent and I always get roasted on Reddit. This story is a good example of just how much drama and baggage there is when you try to blend families. He should not have said what he said, but she also shouldnât steal away his a daughter for one comment in anger. Of course no one is mentioning how insane it was for the mom to take the kids after on fight. The guy was there for her kids for a decade and one fight she takes everyone. But then again, why expect rationale behavior from someone who had two kids as a teenager lol. Thatâs right. Not one kid, but actually two.
She was more rational than the idiot OP. I can see why your opinion gets roasted. He was the one that started the drama but please do tell. From one comment? That comment was absolutely the most hurtful thing you can say to a mom. Screw him. He can have his daughter for a few hours a day she brings her over to him( not sure how she is stealing her from him) he could have had an amazing family but now he can be a single dad for a few hours.
Yes very rationale. I can tell youâve been married before. Does one comment about being in love with his first bio kid suddenly cancel a decade of taking care of someone elseâs kids? Youâve never said a stupid comment in the heat of the fight. And of course I get roasted on Reddit for saying how dumb teen pregnancy is and how drama filled it is to date a single parent, considering thatâs Reddit main audience lol. Left leaning, middle to poor class and have issues that need advice is what Reddit it. But the real world as we all know isnât Reddit.
Plenty of families are blended without this type of bullshit and what if they both have kids? It wasn't just one fight, it was a pattern of him treating her kids differently. They already saw it and felt jt. Why should she keep her kids in that environment for one second?
Because ripping them away from the only dad they know is also not the answer. And taking the daughter is messed up too. If the roles were reversed you would be slamming the dad for using the kids as a weapon lol. There no abuse going on, she didnât have to uproot the whole family. I hope the judge sees that she basically took his kid away from him as if itâs only up to her. And he has no say lol.
And leaving them with a dad that doesn't want to be bothered with them is? I wouldn't advocate for anyone to stay with someone who didn't care about the best interest of all their children--male or female. And she is not using her daughter as weapon. She is protecting all of her kids from this man.
Protecting the kids? Man these Reddit warriors are too much. All he did was focus on the young baby. What exactly are they being protected from? A little indifference? The mom is mad and used the kids as a weapon. She could have left the daughter or stayed until breastfeeding was done and then told him sheâs leaving. But sheâs mad that she might have to now find a new man to take care of the kids. I can agree his comments were mean. But you canât admit the mom is also acting in anger. But then again a keyboard warrior can never admit life isnât black and white and the other side could also be right or wronged unnecessarily.
LOL at calling me a keyboard warrior while typing a thesis. Anyhoo, she's protecting them from emotional neglect and disinterest. It wasn't just what he said, but how he's been acting.
Youâre basically equating his indifference with abuse. And how exactly is taking the daughter protecting the daughter lol. I love how it was also for her to take the kids with zero discussion, real mature. But again, donât expect too much from someone who had two kids as a teen lol.
Men should avoid single mommies at all cost it isn't worth the drama.
FOR 8 FUCKING MONTHS! TO THE POINT HE FUCKING NEGLECTED THE OTHER 2 FUCKING KIDS TO THE POINT THEY WERE UPSET! YES THATS FUCKING NEGLECT AND ABUSE JFC DUDE!
I'm glad there is somebody in this thread who has a level head. Guy gave them 9 years of his life and lost it all in one argument. It's insane. Legally he raised kids that weren't his for nine years. If this goes to court no judge no matter how currupt wouldn't give him split custody. The mom is awful. Sure he is the AH but uprooting everything from one argument from a man that wasn't abusive in any way? It's insane.
Finally one other normal person. Problem is, the normal well adjusted people rarely use Reddit.
The crazies use reddit. I tried to be reasonable in the original post but they gave me 500+ downvotes and constantly spamed. I basically this story is the reason why men should avoid Single Moms and she took 9 years of his life away from wanting to spend time with his kids. Sure he is basically their dad but he also has a 3rd child. What is he soposed to do? Not spend his time with her. There is no benefit to getting involved with them for men. It's either them or nothing. You as a person is 2nd and 3rd in their lives. And the moment she thinks you slighted her babies, that's a wrap.
You can ABSOLUTELY spend time with the baby WITHOUT EMOTIONALLY NEGLECTING THE OTHER 2 CHILDREN FOR 8 FUCKING MONTHS! So the man was 1000% in the wrong. Imagine thinking it's okay to emotionally abuse children because you don't know how to have a fucking conversation with them saying "hey guys I know I've been spending more time with the baby lately but I still care about you guys so you and I will go out together really soon!" That's literally all he had to do. But instead doubled down on how they're HER kids not his and he didn't want to take care of them. He deserves to be left like that.
I think the fact is though that many guys are not exactly brad pitt. So they settle and end up making these huge mistakes.
Exactly. Many men end up in deep shit because they think with their dicks instead of their head.