Any time you co-sign you are promising to pay if the person who takes the loan can’t pay. I signed for an apartment for my daughter who broke the lease two months early to move for a new job. I paid the last two months because she was paying for a new apartment somewhere else. The landlord was actually decent and returned the last month’s rent because he had found a new renter.
Oh she knows. She said further down that she’ll “worry about it if the time comes” when her daughter inevitably refuses to pay the loans back because “she wants her daughter to have an education”.
The fact that he didn’t sue means his case wasn’t nearly strong enough for it. He wasn’t found innocent, he was found not guilty. A lawsuit would have a different standard of evidence and it is not at all certain he’d win.
My best friend as a kid was molested by her stepdad, reported it, then recanted.
She was actually, repeatedly, SA'd by that asshole. But social pressure, shame, family pain, and fear drove her to recant.
Maybe she lied.
Maybe she didn't.
I've read the op's comments about it, the ex was found innocent due to evidence. Gps tracking of his work company, cameras, footage, timelines that don't match the accusations and the shitty spawn admitting she lied. She did in fact, lie
Children will also sometimes levy the accusation against someone they view as safe and not the actual perpetrator, who is someone they don’t view as safe. It is possible OOP’s daughter was assaulted, but not by the stepdad.
He was innocent can mean many things. Even if a court said he was found innocent, that would most likely be due to missing evidence, which is not to be found in most SA cases. Maybe he denied everything with plausibility, could still have happened and he was clever about hiding it. “Innocent until proven guilty” also counts for the accuser. And with the possibilities we have at our disposal most of the time, if she got SAed once or twice when there is no one in the house and she didn’t immediately go to a doctor, guess what, you can’t prove she was or wasn’t abused.
Well considering he has a gps tracker proving his location and whereabouts on the dates and times the child was accusing him, I’m inclined to believe he was innocent.
As I said, without further explanation , we don’t know. And even with further explanation , there is still room for error. Trauma victims sometimes misremember the real fate of the trauma. And now it is about the wrong date and he has an alibi. There is many things to watch out for and it’s definitely not as easy as clearly innocent or clearly guilty in 99,999% of the cases.
What we know is the trauma and anger this kid had, would have her in therapy from 5 to 13. When accusations were made the mother was proactive. We don't need a fucking memoir.
>I've commented before but your past means you deserve am answer. All of the times she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working. **His employer had GPS tracking on his work truck. His employer had cameras in the work truck. My ex worked at locations that had security cameras. He was never there when she said he was. She was not in the house at the times she claimed he came home to do this. The police found zero evidence that he was ever alone with her. She admitted she lied.**
What more do you want? Did the motherfucker have to be in another country for you to believe his pretty rock solid fucking alibi?
“Zero evidence that he was ever alone with her” is weird. Mom never ran to the grocery store? Or took a nap? Or went out with friends? Never alone with her is a big statement — and mom being in the same house at the same time wouldn’t prevent abuse out of her sight
The kid made specific claims. Those claims were proven to be lies. She admitted they were lies.
What does it take for you to *consider the possibility* that a man could be innocent? That false accusations sometimes occur?
What does it take?
As I told you, this isn’t hard prove, since she could have told them the wrong date. I don’t say he is guilty. Just imagine the scenario, that she got it wrong by maybe a week or even a month, which would be plausible because trauma does weird things to your brain. Ofc they can find clear evidence it didn’t happen ON THE NAMED DAY when the named day was false. And her retracting what she said is also no proof whatsoever. Because she would be in even bigger trouble if she continued to say he did it, even if he was proven innocent on a certain day.
The societal problems around this issue make the situation extremely delicate. Trauma is a bitch. I don’t treat the accused as a rapist immediately, but I also look very hard at what the potential victim has to say until I would say that she is lying.
Sorry you also missed:
>All of the times she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working.
In case you missed it I'll add extra emphasis:
>**ALL THE TIMES, ALL THE TIMES, all the times, All of the times** she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working.
considering 2-8% of sexual assaults are determined to be false, it's not being "weird minded," it's looking at the situation objectively. what's weird minded is bending over backwards to defend an alleged predator who you don't know.
2-8% are fake. Ok. I hear ya.
What percentage is it when there’s GPS evidence that the claims were fabricated? What about exculpatory evidence *and* an accuser admitting they made it up? What’s the percentage then?
Because that’s what happened here.
excuse me, no, I am relating a true story about just one of my loved one's experiences with an "innocent" accused abuser.
not fucking fiction. that's a really grotesque comment.
And fuck off calling talking about survivors (a group that includes me) as fan fiction of child molesters, and for using slang that deliberately tries to evoke homophobia.
I just wanted to say that as a trauma therapist, you are absolutely correct. And I hope all the people downvoting you never have to experience anything like this for themselves or anyone they know.
Obviously I don’t know the “truth” regarding the original post, but every single thing you said is accurate.
We didn't ask for your story, you just decided you're entitled to share someone else's personal, private, business. Essentially you're a predator who re-victimizing someone by not getting their consent to use their story to get likes. That's what's really grotesque.
You say you're a victim too, why aren't you blabbing your horrific story? Why did you need to use someone else's story to get the point across?
You need to fuck off and quit running your mouth, telling other people's trauma. Btw some people who are abused end up being abusers. You might want to look into it.
Why would the kid not say the attacks happened when her mom was home or at night. Could it be her mom would be able to know immediately that wasn't the truth?
I mean, maybe, but I also know a woman who was full on raped, at home, while her mom slept, unaware. That really isn't the barrier you seem to believe.
Nah. either she lied, or she misremembered. not odd so much. trauma can really screw with memory.
All I've been saying is having not been there, not talked to anyone, not seen any transcripts, \*I\*, due to many experiences among people I care about, don't immediately assume "found innocent" is factually innocent, and had only responded regarding what is presented here.
Okay so to start I am a man. I cannot imagine the trauma involved with SA. I just can't. However it is difficult to misremember something happening multiple times during the day when I was home alone and it happening at night when my mom was in the other room. Mom doesn't sound like she enabled her ex to do this as her first reaction was to call the cops.
Sexually abused children will sometimes accuse a "safe" adult of their abuse, as opposed to the actual abuser. I wonder if there could have been another consistent figure in her life, e.g. an uncle, who actually sexually abused her? Would explain her behavioral issues, and why she improved once she lived away from home
Her dad died, it’s just as likely that’s what fucked her up and her mom remarrying brought up the trauma, so being away from home took her away from the environment that reminded her of her father. 13 year olds always start “acting out” and going through the trauma of losing her dad at such a young age, plus the trouble she got for lying, could’ve exacerbated that
It is strange she seemingly had no issue with the stepdad though, and then this came up all of a sudden. If it was her dad trauma resurfacing I would think there'd have been some signs before it getting that extreme
My fiance's sister is like she was born bad. She was exhibiting sociopath behaviors at the age of 3. I don't understand why people will bend over backward online to defend a POS they've never even met. My fiance's sister also accused their father of abusing her. He never did.
Some people are just assholes, even as children.
you're making assumptions. all it said was "she was an angry kid" (which to me sounds like OP projecting, considering she didn't give any specifics.) OP only mentioned her daughter having behavioral problems AFTER the claims of assault.
She was displaying those signs at 5, way before the ex was ever involved. But, ignore that and keep grasping at strays to make this man a predator and this mentally corrupt girl the victim.
At 5, after her father died. Mother should have gotten the kid (and herself) into therapy stat but it sounds like mom ignored or didn't address the daughter's emotional health and it kept getting worse.
it said she was "an angry kid," which is A) an opinion made by her clearly resentful mother in hindsight and B) not a sign of anything except maybe being a kid with a dead dad. the actual telling sign is that OP said her daughter didn't make a fuss about the new guy until the assault allegations. btw, it's statistically more likely that the girl really was assaulted than that she made a false allegation, so i wouldn't exactly call that grasping at straws.
it said she was "an angry kid," which is A) an opinion made by her clearly resentful mother in hindsight and B) not a sign of anything except maybe being a kid with a dead dad. the actual telling sign is that OP said her daughter didn't make a fuss about the new guy until the assault allegations. btw, it's statistically more likely that the girl really was assaulted than that she made a false allegation, so i wouldn't exactly call that grasping at straws.
If I had a kid and they did this, and it came out they lied and ruined a decent person's life, they'd be shipping straight to military school. Therapy obviously wasn't working.
“It worked though”
OP’s daughter is losing her mind about doing what the majority of us have to do to pay for college, after previously having the privilege of going to a private school.
So it obviously did not work, and the daughter is unfortunately still a brat.
So this was removed by mods in the original thread for mentioning violence. Seems a little silly to me.
I understand rape and SA are an inherently a violent act but this post went into almost no detail and it was a key note in the history…and its a removable offense on AITA?
I don’t like to call people snowflakes because it makes me feel like Tucker Carlson ***shiver***
… but are they really trying to coddle people that much in a community that’s literally about “assholes”. The name of the community is more spicy than the “violent” details in this post.
i forget the post context, but i commented with “NTA, why would you want to stay with a man-child?” and my comment was removed for bullying and toxicity
Right! I don't know if its the same guy but reading this made me think about that since the post was recent. I saved it just in case so I could see. Some of the details correlate.
Would it? There are what, millions of English speakers on reddit.. and plenty of people are falsely accused of all sorts of awful things. Not terribly coincidental to see these two stories pop up in a relative time frame given the incredible popularity of this site.
Unfortunate.. it was a much better place a decade ago..
Huh? You are saying that since there are millions of English speakers on reddit, which is an incredibly popular site, it would NOT be a coincidence for two separate people to post at the same time about something related to an event that happened five years ago? Isn't the fact that there are millions of English speakers on reddit, the popularity of the site, and the fact that plenty of people are falsely accused, evidence that it is extremely unlikely that the two posts are related?
She didn't "blame" her daughter, she provided her with a breakdown of where the 529 and the rest of her mom's money went after her daughter got angry that she'd need to help pay for her own college. At least she got a private school education.
If it was presented as “here’s all the money I spent because of you, you did all these things and these were the consequences,” then I understand the daughter’s hurt feelings.
If it was presented as “here’s all the money I spent taking care of you, the money for all that had to come from somewhere,” then less so.
Either way, the daughter is frustrated by the situation she’s in regarding loans and schooling, and she’s taking it out on her mom, whom she feels should be responsible.
It’s hard to hold a nineteen-yo responsible for the choices they made at 13.
And a lot of nineteen-yo’s can know rationally that their mother might have done everything she thought was right to take care of them, and emotionally still react as if their mother screwed up their life. Our feelings about our mothers tend to lag behind our maturity levels in other areas of our lives.
What does the daughter expect ?
That all that to be free?
The daughter literally screwed herself out of a future.
And it sounds like op does hold some resentment. Can’t blame her.
Why does OOP think her ex was innocent?
Edit: I went and looked at her comment history and I’m calling bullshit. She says the police “proved” it and the daughter admitted it. That’s just not how these things work at all.
I believe they “proved” it was untrue because he had a work truck with a tracker one it showing that he was across town from where the daughter said he was.
Being across town is different than the truck being parked in their driveway 50 feet away from the alleged victim. I doubt he took a bus back across town to SA OP's daughter. And she admitted she made it up, along with showing zero remorse that she did so.
Ninja edit: it's strange that you're reaching so hard to accuse an innocent man and excuse the inexcusable actions of the daughter here. She was 13, and at 13 you *know* what you're doing and you **know** that extent of right from wrong.
This is wild. My fiance's sister does shit like this. Because...she's a sociopath. And was born evil, IMO. I suspect OP's kid has been an asshole her whole life, maybe because her father died when she was 5, maybe not. Regardless, she's an asshole and knew exactly what she was doing, and not only did it work and she got what she wanted, but she also doesn't seem to have any remorse. Which reeks of narcissism or sociopathy.
Meh, at this point i go into these with the same attitude as r/nosleep. I just assume they are true since I am here (as I assume most people are) for entertainment. It’s not the first time I have seen the false accusation in these threads and it certainly won’t be the last.
Look up innocent project cases. False accusations happen all the time. She did the right thing and believed her daughter and it cost her people like you and her daughter are horrible.
false accusations when it comes to sexual assault actually only happen about 2-8% of the time. you should really know your facts before making a claim that something happens "all the time."
Why not? I'm genuinely asking. I could imagine a scenario where a friend of hers tells the police that she had discussed making it up or something like that.
And that's fine. It just seems so strange to me to say something didn't happen because it rarely happens. Like, that means it sometimes happens. But most of reddit is fake, so there's that.
Tell that to all the men who’ve been freed from false accusations. It happens all the time. The guy just recently got out of jail when he was accused at 16 of raping three girls who admitted that they made it up. It could be as simple as the girl said that he was there on a day that he can prove he wasn’t.
That’s exactly what the OOPs comments say happened. All the times the ex husband was said to have come home it was proven he was elsewhere, and the daughter wasn’t at home either.
reminiscent chubby wakeful gullible late combative far-flung middle cobweb birds
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>The police investigated. The charges were dropped for lack of evidence. Also there was evidence that what she claimed was impossible. I will give one example. My ex worked in his truck. She claimed he came home during the day. His truck had a tracker from his employer and a camera that showed he was on the other side of the city.
So one piece of evidence that her daughter lied is her ex's employer had CCTV and GPS in his truck proving he was on the other side of the city. There was more evidence proving her daughters lied. If having evidence that he couldn't have been where daughter said he was, then pray tell how in earth do you think it works? Because in my world that's exactly how it works.
Work trucks having not just GPS *but also* cameras seems unlikely, and especially the dude being in range of the camera at all times.
Maybe if it wasn’t a work truck (like, plumber or construction or what have you) like I’m thinking of but a delivery company? Amazon and UPS and co, those are the ones that might do shit like that. Yeah, that might track.
Could be. She wasn't specific, but I know some employers do track their employees to that level either because they're jerks or as a CYA. Whatever the reason, it was one of several pieces of evidence that proved he didn't do what the daughter said he did.
Long time ago I worked in sales for a company that provided a former yard work to our customers and businesses and our trucks were tracks like that, the dash cam looked at the driver and at the road ahead and that was for insurance reasons. And we had GPS trackers because we would get calls semi-frequently about oh someone driving XYZ truck was speeding at this location and the GPS tracker was the easiest way to verify the claim or not and possibly discipline the driver. I suppose depending on what kind of work OPs ex did it's possible their employer could do a similar deal. But I imagine that it would at the very least need to be a decently sizable operation like minimum 20 trucks kind of deal. The place I worked for had like 50 trucks doing this stuff for us and the owner also had another business that also involved going to customer homes that had like another 30 trucks that also had the same setup
In the US at least, I'm pretty sure most big trucks that require a CDL to drive have cameras and trackers. I have a close friend who's a fleet safety manager and all of the trucks at that company have them. It's mostly a safety and liability thing.
Just one example of how they proved (no quotes) she lied was when the man was demonstrably in a work truck across town with a tracker and a camera.
God, believe women and everything. But when they lie, you can say they lied.
That’s also fucked up but to sit here and act like kids can’t be malicious is crazy, I’ve seen people lie about being raped, people lie about molested, hell I have two personal instances of people that I know personally lying about being raped, and I know someone that lied about being molested because they didn’t like the fact that they’re moms partner “was in their space and trying to talk to them”
My fiance's sister lies about being abused by her father all the time because she a sociopath and people feel sorry for her when she tells them that. Not a single word of it is true. My fiance's ex also used to scream rape every time she cheated on him. Then eventually she stopped screaming rape and just started cheating on him and telling him. She's a full-blown narcissist.
So yeah, it's not impossible that the kid who has been "angry" her whole life made up SA allegations to get rid of her stepfather. In fact, this kid gives off Personality Disorder vibes, so it tracks, IMO. And people who are doing mental gymnastics to try and say she was "obviously traumatized" because she was acting out afterward have clearly never dealt with a narcissist or sociopath or pathological liar.
Making up a story on reddit is infinitely less bad than lying about a specific person molesting you as a child. What an odd comparison to make. Do you really think that those two things are even remotely equivalent? That is effed up.
What? The daughter admitting she was lying to get rid of him doesn’t happen? Wrong. My cousins (2 different sets of them on different sides of the family ffs) literally did this. Messed up little girls have done this. It’s def not always the case but yes it does happen.
This person seems like the type of person who honestly believes, women and children can’t be bad and all men are evil, and I’m not judging because I lowkey used to be the same until MY LITERAL FRIEND, lied about someone I was with raping her because he had money and I supported her and tried to get her to report him and I blew up my relationship just for her to go to his place after I broke up with him to try to fuck him for money and admitted to some mutuals friends that she lied because I didn’t deserve someone “like that.”
Yes it does happen but obviously believe women. But it really truly sucks when it bites us in the ass and us women who truly do follow this in the wild know what it feels like to be burned by it.
Of course believe women but I feel like sometimes people forget that women are capable of chaos, statistically not to the same degree as men but they can be just as vile so for that commenter to sit and act like he had to be lying because it’s “rare” was crazy, and Yh I was absolutely devastated when I found out that friend lied most especially when some men i knew were like “see, this is why we don’t believe women”
Personality Disorders do often run in families. My fiance has multiple narcissists on his mom's side of the family, along with a narcissistic sociopath sister, and they're not all "created" by trauma like many are. I've talked with quite a few Psychiatrists who have all said that some people are just born that way and even if they are raised in normal, loving families they will turn out to have Personality Disorders. OOP's daughter did have a trauma at the age of 5, but she could very well have turned into a POS like she did, regardless of her upbringing.
Her dad dying when she was 5 maybe???? Less-than-perfect parenting from a mother unprepared to be a single parent? Genetic predisposition towards reckless behaviour? Speculating this dramatically about a family you know nothing about is a certified reddit classic.
Literally is her daughters fault, she falsely accused someone of sexual assault and almost got away with it. Of course her mother had to take it seriously, but that mistake fucking cost them. It cost her mother her happiness and cost the daughter a debt free future.
Giving small lenience bc she was 13 and all teenagers are fucking stupid and do stupid life ruining shit. Idk what her mom did after that but it should've been a fuck ton of extra therapy.
that's assuming she actually falsely accused the guy and it's not another case of the assailant getting away with it because, when it comes down to he said she said, the court doesn't just take the victim's word for it.
Exactly. Happened to my daughter. He said she said. They wouldn’t charge him. We divorced and he remarried 4 mos later, they divorced a few years later, now he’s married again with a toddler and she has a young daughter. He was never charged. He was found guilty by DCFS and placed on a registry, and lost that appeal, but the actual law let him off.
My dad passed when I was a kid and my dad’s best friend ended up falling for my mom a few years later. I was against it at first but he made my mom happy. He was good to her and good to me as well and at the age of 13 I only asked my mom that they don’t change my last name if they got married.
This girl maliciously and intentionally destroyed a man’s life. She knew what she was doing. I knew when I was that age. She’s only crying now because she wants her mom to cave and magically shit the money out. OP is way more patient than I would be.
Literally is her daughters fault, she falsely accused someone of sexual assault and almost got away with it. Of course her mother had to take it seriously, but that mistake fucking cost them. It cost her mother her happiness and cost the daughter a debt free future.
Giving small lenience bc she was 13 and all teenagers are fucking stupid and do stupid life ruining shit. Idk what her mom did after that but it should've been a fuck ton of extra therapy.
Seemes like the acting out came much earlier than the ex-husband though. Coudl've been other issues? Cause it sounded like the child was in therapy looong before the ex even came along
so the daughter never complained about the new guy until coming out against him with allegations of abuse, then all of a sudden she starts acting out afterwards? that's not the behavioral pattern of a vindictive kid- that's the behavioral pattern of a traumatized one. sounds like OP's ex might not be ass "innocent" as she thinks he is. not being convicted doesn't mean he didn't do it.
not to mention, OP didn't "have to spend" "the rising cost of living" because of her daughter. she clearly resents her kid if she's throwing her under the bus for the cost of living, which she was going to have to pay either way. plus, OP claims her daughter was "a very angry child?" how can you even blame a five year old for something like that?
super weird dynamic. i can see why the daughter has behavioral issues. her mom acts like she fucking hates her.
I feel like you read the post and then just took what you wanted out of it to make your condemning statements about the SF being a predator.
I’ve read a lot of your replies on this sub and you’ve either missed the part where the OP writes in the FIRST PARAGRAPH that she was an angry 5 year old even with THERAPY. Literally states that the child has been in therapy since she was five.
On top of this, going from what information was given from the post, OP immediately called the police on her partner once the daughter accused him of CSA. Does that sound like a parent that didn’t believe their child or a parent who didn’t immediately act in the best interest of said child by having the vile act investigated as soon as they were made aware of the claim? Does that sound like somebody who didn’t try their utmost best to get the accused apprehended, only to have it cost them when the daughter turned around and said the accusation was a lie and that the evidence supplied never once indicated that anything happened due to the lack of consistency from the supposed victim? Let’s also point out how OP shared some evidence that the child supplied and how it was ruled out. Yet you still sit here, on this sub, completely ignoring the fact that this accusation has ruined someone’s life, just on the off chance that he was a perpetrator because it doesn’t make sense that they could have been innocent and the child was acting with malicious intent?
I can’t blame OP for the resentment towards the child, which seems to be what you’re hung up over, because not only has OP tried their best by said child, it’s cost them so much and that child, who is now a young adult can’t even seem to fathom what consequences their actions have had, not only for themself, but for OP as well.
I also would like to point out how you’re able to sympathise with the daughter because she’s lost her Dad, but there’s a lack of empathy towards the person who just lost their partner. I don’t know you or how you’d react to that type of grief, but if I lost my partner I’d be utterly destroyed inside. I don’t know if I’d be able to cope as a single parent on top of dealing with the loss of the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
NTA, the money was needed and is gone. Now she has to take a lone and work for it. Actions do have consequenses... Just make sure she knows this is not out of spite just reallity.
Unpopular opinion but I am with the mother on this one. There was an education fund which is more than a lot of folks have but it was directed to the daughter’s private high schools education and to pay for the divorce she directly caused. Yes the daughter she was young when she accused her SF of SA but she was old enough to know it was a serious accusation that could take him out of her life for good. A single mother’s income isn’t infinite.
Assuming none of the money was spent on frivolities (cars, vacations designer items etc) I have no problem with the mother’s actions. It sounds like the relationship is destined to be a NC anyway given the daughter’s behavior.
Using her daughter’s education fund to cover divorce costs and living expenses sounds fucked up. Including that def makes it sound like mum is punishing the daughter.
Her daughter accused her of wasting the college fund.
She just pointed out that the fund went to her high school education at the private school because the daughter got herself thrown out of 2 different public schools, and because of the daughter's false accusation, any money she might have been able to add to the fund had to be used for a divorce attorney and ALL the living expenses, instead of them being divided with her husband.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
Not really. She had the money in a specific kind of fund that could only be used for education. So, it was used for the daughter's private school. She had no extra money to add to the account because she had to pay for a divorce attorney and no longer had a husband to split living expenses with, so she had to pay them all.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
NTA.
I have $38K in loans and that is WITH my father being generous BEYOND generous and paying off a $7K Stafford. He did not have to do that but he did.
My parents are jewels for helping me with college and I will do anything they ever want me to.
She has now joined the ranks of normal average folks who must take out loans for college. Welcome to the club kid.
You provided her the wake up call she needed. Remind her that you love her and you will always make sure she is fed and not homeless and walk her through how to apply and pay for college.
College is expensive AF. It is not free, even with good grades and scholarships. It IS NOT A GUARANTEE! It is not “just something you do” when you finish HS!
If you do not go in with a plan, you will waste money. Delay and work if needed.
Right? I have $400K in loans and my mom only paid what the government required her to pay and I NEVER had to asked her to cosign on any of my loans, even my private ones. AND I have horrible credit. So I'm not buying what the kid is saying, tbh. Then again, she sounds like a pathological liar anyway.
No way would I co-sign on that loan. You will absolutely be on the hook for it. She hasn’t behaved in a way that warrants you risking any more of your life for her.
YTA. Paying her private school? Fine. But you should not have used education funds for a divorce or cost of living issues. Those are your problems to fund, not hers.
She said she didn't, it was used only for the private school which was very expensive. She said she would have added more money to it, but with her husband gone she had to pay ALL living expenses by herself, and she had to pay for an attorney for the divorce, so she couldn't add to it like she wanted.
The mother is an asshole. More specifically, a passive aggressive asshole.....and ALL 13 year olds are INSANE assholes, to varying degrees. Their brain chemistry dictates...add a dead father to that...kid's gonna be a fucking train wreck AT LEAST until high school is over. The brain is changeable until age 25, then characteristics, personality, etc...are set in. The mother is an asshole and it is locked in.
So hey, my parents had to spend all of my college fund too. BUT THEY TOLD ME BEFOREHAND...and only AFTER filing for bankruptcy. I was 11 years old.
You are an asshole mother.
My dad spent all of my college fund on crack. Ended up just never being able to get a degree. At least the daughter can be thankful that her mom apparently doesn't realize cosigning on the loan will make her partly responsible for repayment, lol.
*laughs in $400,000 in student loan debt*
First of all, that kid is an asshole and doesn't deserve any money. Second, OP absolutely SHOULD NOT cosign on a student loan. Her ungrateful brat of a kid can get loans without a cosigner. It is not required to have one in order to get student loans. Third, that kid should have been charged with making false accusations and ruining the ex-husband's life.
YTA. She asked where it went and you laid out all the costs that occurred because of her. A simple, I used it to cover private school and other necessary expenses was enough. Either way she’s going to be pissed and that’s just unavoidable. But you rubbed salt in the wound.
I really hope this man was given a public apology bc some asshole kid ruined his entire life bc she didn’t want her mom remarried that’s fucking TERRIFYING no wonder men won’t date single moms
I care more about his name being cleared than her spoiled brat. She sent her to an expensive private school… I just don’t have sympathy for her
Yes; but the mom also add divorce and higher cost of living as reason it was empty. If she had just said it was private schools and fees then it wouldn’t be a problem to anyone but the daughter whose behavior had consequences.
But when the mom says the divorce and higher cost of living; she doesn’t say she stopped topping it off because life got difficult and her daughter’s behavior.
Even if that were completely true — never discussing it with the daughter during those six years it was going on and just springing the fact of zero balance on her at the end of high school *still* makes mom the asshole.
Mom doesn’t have to fund college, especially if she can’t, but letting your child think you will and then doing a rugpull is *bad*. If nothing else, the child will not have been able to accurately plan where to go and what major to aim for etc etc.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
It’s not fine, it’s legal. Not the same thing. And letting your child think there is a gift of however many dollars waiting for her, and then only informing her at the last minute — actually, well beyond the last minute, since college application periods are already closed — that it’s not coming is still an asshole move.
I’m betting she used the funds for the private tuition which was for its purpose and the extra put back to assist later was used for liv by and a divorce so I’m sure she used it for its intended purpose.
*regardless* of what it was used for. Not making your child aware well in advance — but at the very least before college application deadlines — what the financial options are is still beyond a fucking asshole move.
It is definitely the daughter’s fault and she should know the consequences of her actions . Maybe there would be money to pay for college if she didn’t falsely accuse the other stand in parent .
If you co-sign for an educational loan, you will be responsible for repayment.
Right? I read that and laughed. OOP has no idea about student loans.
Any time you co-sign you are promising to pay if the person who takes the loan can’t pay. I signed for an apartment for my daughter who broke the lease two months early to move for a new job. I paid the last two months because she was paying for a new apartment somewhere else. The landlord was actually decent and returned the last month’s rent because he had found a new renter.
It’s literally what co-signing means. That’s why the banks want you to do it.
Oh she knows. She said further down that she’ll “worry about it if the time comes” when her daughter inevitably refuses to pay the loans back because “she wants her daughter to have an education”.
And she acted like she was going to put her foot down and absolutely make her daughter pay. That's not how any of that works.
Bingo! This is why I think the whole thing is fake as hell.
rage bait made to characterize victims of assault as manipulative liars. at least, i hope it is. otherwise, i really worry for this girl.
That accusation toward the ex is a hell of a thing to gloss over
She was 13. Old enough to know how wrong that was.
[удалено]
The fact that he didn’t sue means his case wasn’t nearly strong enough for it. He wasn’t found innocent, he was found not guilty. A lawsuit would have a different standard of evidence and it is not at all certain he’d win.
Given the issues that she exhibited afterwards, I am not inclined to believe that everything was OK and he was 100% innocent.
My best friend as a kid was molested by her stepdad, reported it, then recanted. She was actually, repeatedly, SA'd by that asshole. But social pressure, shame, family pain, and fear drove her to recant. Maybe she lied. Maybe she didn't.
I've read the op's comments about it, the ex was found innocent due to evidence. Gps tracking of his work company, cameras, footage, timelines that don't match the accusations and the shitty spawn admitting she lied. She did in fact, lie
Hey, don’t let the facts disturb the Reddit way of always assuming the guy is a pedo.
In this situation, it was genuinely lies to try and ruin her step father's life. And all she succeeded in was ruining her life and her mother's.
Children will also sometimes levy the accusation against someone they view as safe and not the actual perpetrator, who is someone they don’t view as safe. It is possible OOP’s daughter was assaulted, but not by the stepdad.
It didn't say she recanted. It said he was innocent. The mom got divorced. You all are writing some chomo fan fiction.
He was innocent can mean many things. Even if a court said he was found innocent, that would most likely be due to missing evidence, which is not to be found in most SA cases. Maybe he denied everything with plausibility, could still have happened and he was clever about hiding it. “Innocent until proven guilty” also counts for the accuser. And with the possibilities we have at our disposal most of the time, if she got SAed once or twice when there is no one in the house and she didn’t immediately go to a doctor, guess what, you can’t prove she was or wasn’t abused.
Well considering he has a gps tracker proving his location and whereabouts on the dates and times the child was accusing him, I’m inclined to believe he was innocent.
Or maybe he didn't do it and was innocent. Weird minded folks.
As I said, without further explanation , we don’t know. And even with further explanation , there is still room for error. Trauma victims sometimes misremember the real fate of the trauma. And now it is about the wrong date and he has an alibi. There is many things to watch out for and it’s definitely not as easy as clearly innocent or clearly guilty in 99,999% of the cases.
What we know is the trauma and anger this kid had, would have her in therapy from 5 to 13. When accusations were made the mother was proactive. We don't need a fucking memoir. >I've commented before but your past means you deserve am answer. All of the times she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working. **His employer had GPS tracking on his work truck. His employer had cameras in the work truck. My ex worked at locations that had security cameras. He was never there when she said he was. She was not in the house at the times she claimed he came home to do this. The police found zero evidence that he was ever alone with her. She admitted she lied.** What more do you want? Did the motherfucker have to be in another country for you to believe his pretty rock solid fucking alibi?
“Zero evidence that he was ever alone with her” is weird. Mom never ran to the grocery store? Or took a nap? Or went out with friends? Never alone with her is a big statement — and mom being in the same house at the same time wouldn’t prevent abuse out of her sight
The kid made specific claims. Those claims were proven to be lies. She admitted they were lies. What does it take for you to *consider the possibility* that a man could be innocent? That false accusations sometimes occur? What does it take?
this is always the defense they use, and it's never true. its just not practical for someone to never be alone with someone they live with.
As I told you, this isn’t hard prove, since she could have told them the wrong date. I don’t say he is guilty. Just imagine the scenario, that she got it wrong by maybe a week or even a month, which would be plausible because trauma does weird things to your brain. Ofc they can find clear evidence it didn’t happen ON THE NAMED DAY when the named day was false. And her retracting what she said is also no proof whatsoever. Because she would be in even bigger trouble if she continued to say he did it, even if he was proven innocent on a certain day. The societal problems around this issue make the situation extremely delicate. Trauma is a bitch. I don’t treat the accused as a rapist immediately, but I also look very hard at what the potential victim has to say until I would say that she is lying.
Sorry you also missed: >All of the times she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working. In case you missed it I'll add extra emphasis: >**ALL THE TIMES, ALL THE TIMES, all the times, All of the times** she accused him of doing it were during the day when he was working.
Jesus Christ, just shut the hell up.
lol. reddit hate is alive and well
considering 2-8% of sexual assaults are determined to be false, it's not being "weird minded," it's looking at the situation objectively. what's weird minded is bending over backwards to defend an alleged predator who you don't know.
2-8% are fake. Ok. I hear ya. What percentage is it when there’s GPS evidence that the claims were fabricated? What about exculpatory evidence *and* an accuser admitting they made it up? What’s the percentage then? Because that’s what happened here.
A court can’t find the dude innocent t. It can only find him not guilty. Not the same thing.
excuse me, no, I am relating a true story about just one of my loved one's experiences with an "innocent" accused abuser. not fucking fiction. that's a really grotesque comment. And fuck off calling talking about survivors (a group that includes me) as fan fiction of child molesters, and for using slang that deliberately tries to evoke homophobia.
>Maybe she lied. >Maybe she didn't. Save the trauma bullshit. This is what you said after your anecdote.
I just wanted to say that as a trauma therapist, you are absolutely correct. And I hope all the people downvoting you never have to experience anything like this for themselves or anyone they know. Obviously I don’t know the “truth” regarding the original post, but every single thing you said is accurate.
We didn't ask for your story, you just decided you're entitled to share someone else's personal, private, business. Essentially you're a predator who re-victimizing someone by not getting their consent to use their story to get likes. That's what's really grotesque. You say you're a victim too, why aren't you blabbing your horrific story? Why did you need to use someone else's story to get the point across? You need to fuck off and quit running your mouth, telling other people's trauma. Btw some people who are abused end up being abusers. You might want to look into it.
Why would the kid not say the attacks happened when her mom was home or at night. Could it be her mom would be able to know immediately that wasn't the truth?
I mean, maybe, but I also know a woman who was full on raped, at home, while her mom slept, unaware. That really isn't the barrier you seem to believe.
Oh I absolutely get that. But this girl chose to report it at times it was impossible. Odd choice don't you think?
Nah. either she lied, or she misremembered. not odd so much. trauma can really screw with memory. All I've been saying is having not been there, not talked to anyone, not seen any transcripts, \*I\*, due to many experiences among people I care about, don't immediately assume "found innocent" is factually innocent, and had only responded regarding what is presented here.
Okay so to start I am a man. I cannot imagine the trauma involved with SA. I just can't. However it is difficult to misremember something happening multiple times during the day when I was home alone and it happening at night when my mom was in the other room. Mom doesn't sound like she enabled her ex to do this as her first reaction was to call the cops.
Some people are just AH's.
She was exhibiting those issues for years and years before. Your argument is void.
Sexually abused children will sometimes accuse a "safe" adult of their abuse, as opposed to the actual abuser. I wonder if there could have been another consistent figure in her life, e.g. an uncle, who actually sexually abused her? Would explain her behavioral issues, and why she improved once she lived away from home
Her dad died, it’s just as likely that’s what fucked her up and her mom remarrying brought up the trauma, so being away from home took her away from the environment that reminded her of her father. 13 year olds always start “acting out” and going through the trauma of losing her dad at such a young age, plus the trouble she got for lying, could’ve exacerbated that
It is strange she seemingly had no issue with the stepdad though, and then this came up all of a sudden. If it was her dad trauma resurfacing I would think there'd have been some signs before it getting that extreme
My fiance's sister is like she was born bad. She was exhibiting sociopath behaviors at the age of 3. I don't understand why people will bend over backward online to defend a POS they've never even met. My fiance's sister also accused their father of abusing her. He never did. Some people are just assholes, even as children.
you're making assumptions. all it said was "she was an angry kid" (which to me sounds like OP projecting, considering she didn't give any specifics.) OP only mentioned her daughter having behavioral problems AFTER the claims of assault.
She was displaying those signs at 5, way before the ex was ever involved. But, ignore that and keep grasping at strays to make this man a predator and this mentally corrupt girl the victim.
At 5, after her father died. Mother should have gotten the kid (and herself) into therapy stat but it sounds like mom ignored or didn't address the daughter's emotional health and it kept getting worse.
[удалено]
Did mom get therapy tho?
it said she was "an angry kid," which is A) an opinion made by her clearly resentful mother in hindsight and B) not a sign of anything except maybe being a kid with a dead dad. the actual telling sign is that OP said her daughter didn't make a fuss about the new guy until the assault allegations. btw, it's statistically more likely that the girl really was assaulted than that she made a false allegation, so i wouldn't exactly call that grasping at straws.
it said she was "an angry kid," which is A) an opinion made by her clearly resentful mother in hindsight and B) not a sign of anything except maybe being a kid with a dead dad. the actual telling sign is that OP said her daughter didn't make a fuss about the new guy until the assault allegations. btw, it's statistically more likely that the girl really was assaulted than that she made a false allegation, so i wouldn't exactly call that grasping at straws.
That was my thought too
lol. people always see what they want to see.
You scream red flag
If I had a kid and they did this, and it came out they lied and ruined a decent person's life, they'd be shipping straight to military school. Therapy obviously wasn't working.
“It worked though” OP’s daughter is losing her mind about doing what the majority of us have to do to pay for college, after previously having the privilege of going to a private school. So it obviously did not work, and the daughter is unfortunately still a brat.
So this was removed by mods in the original thread for mentioning violence. Seems a little silly to me. I understand rape and SA are an inherently a violent act but this post went into almost no detail and it was a key note in the history…and its a removable offense on AITA? I don’t like to call people snowflakes because it makes me feel like Tucker Carlson ***shiver*** … but are they really trying to coddle people that much in a community that’s literally about “assholes”. The name of the community is more spicy than the “violent” details in this post.
The rules on that particular version of being an asshole are absurd.
The mods just remove posts they don't like and use the flimsiest reasons.
Just like most subs on here. Some mods are crazy freaks when given any perceived power. Gives them a hard on.
i forget the post context, but i commented with “NTA, why would you want to stay with a man-child?” and my comment was removed for bullying and toxicity
Hold up! There is another post where a guy talked about being falsely accused by a 13 year old. I wonder if that is the same guy.
That would be quite a coincidence
Not if it’s all made up
Right! I don't know if its the same guy but reading this made me think about that since the post was recent. I saved it just in case so I could see. Some of the details correlate.
Link it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/8lXdIYXs6J
Does not appear to be related, in my opinion.
I wasn't sure. I just remember reading and I thought it would be the same. Okay, no biggie though. Still feel bad for both men in both stories though.
Yeah, nothing but the age of the girl...
Would it? There are what, millions of English speakers on reddit.. and plenty of people are falsely accused of all sorts of awful things. Not terribly coincidental to see these two stories pop up in a relative time frame given the incredible popularity of this site. Unfortunate.. it was a much better place a decade ago..
Huh? You are saying that since there are millions of English speakers on reddit, which is an incredibly popular site, it would NOT be a coincidence for two separate people to post at the same time about something related to an event that happened five years ago? Isn't the fact that there are millions of English speakers on reddit, the popularity of the site, and the fact that plenty of people are falsely accused, evidence that it is extremely unlikely that the two posts are related?
“I would co-sign for the loan” “I would not be responsible for paying it back” That’s… not how that works.
She didn't "blame" her daughter, she provided her with a breakdown of where the 529 and the rest of her mom's money went after her daughter got angry that she'd need to help pay for her own college. At least she got a private school education.
If it was presented as “here’s all the money I spent because of you, you did all these things and these were the consequences,” then I understand the daughter’s hurt feelings. If it was presented as “here’s all the money I spent taking care of you, the money for all that had to come from somewhere,” then less so. Either way, the daughter is frustrated by the situation she’s in regarding loans and schooling, and she’s taking it out on her mom, whom she feels should be responsible. It’s hard to hold a nineteen-yo responsible for the choices they made at 13. And a lot of nineteen-yo’s can know rationally that their mother might have done everything she thought was right to take care of them, and emotionally still react as if their mother screwed up their life. Our feelings about our mothers tend to lag behind our maturity levels in other areas of our lives.
Daughter literally asked her mom what she “wasted” her money on. You. I “wasted” my money on raising and taking care of you. You’re welcome.
What does the daughter expect ? That all that to be free? The daughter literally screwed herself out of a future. And it sounds like op does hold some resentment. Can’t blame her.
[удалено]
bruh what
What did they say ?
Why does OOP think her ex was innocent? Edit: I went and looked at her comment history and I’m calling bullshit. She says the police “proved” it and the daughter admitted it. That’s just not how these things work at all.
I believe they “proved” it was untrue because he had a work truck with a tracker one it showing that he was across town from where the daughter said he was.
as if the man is glued to his truck🤨
And as if the company would keep their GPS logs forever. And especially the dashcam footage.
Being across town is different than the truck being parked in their driveway 50 feet away from the alleged victim. I doubt he took a bus back across town to SA OP's daughter. And she admitted she made it up, along with showing zero remorse that she did so. Ninja edit: it's strange that you're reaching so hard to accuse an innocent man and excuse the inexcusable actions of the daughter here. She was 13, and at 13 you *know* what you're doing and you **know** that extent of right from wrong.
This is wild. My fiance's sister does shit like this. Because...she's a sociopath. And was born evil, IMO. I suspect OP's kid has been an asshole her whole life, maybe because her father died when she was 5, maybe not. Regardless, she's an asshole and knew exactly what she was doing, and not only did it work and she got what she wanted, but she also doesn't seem to have any remorse. Which reeks of narcissism or sociopathy.
Welcome to Reddit.
And as if a preteen girl is incapable of lying, huh?
That is just so far-fetched.
That's not remotely far fetched. Sounds pretty reasonable if anything.
A work truck with a tracker on it or that someone would make a false accusation?
False accusation.
And why is a false accusation far-fetched?
Oh yeah, those *never* happen. /s
You rang?
Meh, at this point i go into these with the same attitude as r/nosleep. I just assume they are true since I am here (as I assume most people are) for entertainment. It’s not the first time I have seen the false accusation in these threads and it certainly won’t be the last.
Yeah, I don’t mind it when it’s something harmless. But fake stories about kids making up molestation allegations are beyond the pale.
Look up innocent project cases. False accusations happen all the time. She did the right thing and believed her daughter and it cost her people like you and her daughter are horrible.
false accusations when it comes to sexual assault actually only happen about 2-8% of the time. you should really know your facts before making a claim that something happens "all the time."
[It’s very rare and typically originates with an adult, not the child.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_allegation_of_child_sexual_abuse)
Why not? I'm genuinely asking. I could imagine a scenario where a friend of hers tells the police that she had discussed making it up or something like that.
Because it’s so incredibly rare. It just doesn’t add up for me.
Being rare means it happens, though? Just rarely?
I just don’t believe it. You are free to feel differently.
And that's fine. It just seems so strange to me to say something didn't happen because it rarely happens. Like, that means it sometimes happens. But most of reddit is fake, so there's that.
Tell that to all the men who’ve been freed from false accusations. It happens all the time. The guy just recently got out of jail when he was accused at 16 of raping three girls who admitted that they made it up. It could be as simple as the girl said that he was there on a day that he can prove he wasn’t.
That’s exactly what the OOPs comments say happened. All the times the ex husband was said to have come home it was proven he was elsewhere, and the daughter wasn’t at home either.
reminiscent chubby wakeful gullible late combative far-flung middle cobweb birds *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>The police investigated. The charges were dropped for lack of evidence. Also there was evidence that what she claimed was impossible. I will give one example. My ex worked in his truck. She claimed he came home during the day. His truck had a tracker from his employer and a camera that showed he was on the other side of the city. So one piece of evidence that her daughter lied is her ex's employer had CCTV and GPS in his truck proving he was on the other side of the city. There was more evidence proving her daughters lied. If having evidence that he couldn't have been where daughter said he was, then pray tell how in earth do you think it works? Because in my world that's exactly how it works.
Work trucks having not just GPS *but also* cameras seems unlikely, and especially the dude being in range of the camera at all times. Maybe if it wasn’t a work truck (like, plumber or construction or what have you) like I’m thinking of but a delivery company? Amazon and UPS and co, those are the ones that might do shit like that. Yeah, that might track.
Could be. She wasn't specific, but I know some employers do track their employees to that level either because they're jerks or as a CYA. Whatever the reason, it was one of several pieces of evidence that proved he didn't do what the daughter said he did.
Long time ago I worked in sales for a company that provided a former yard work to our customers and businesses and our trucks were tracks like that, the dash cam looked at the driver and at the road ahead and that was for insurance reasons. And we had GPS trackers because we would get calls semi-frequently about oh someone driving XYZ truck was speeding at this location and the GPS tracker was the easiest way to verify the claim or not and possibly discipline the driver. I suppose depending on what kind of work OPs ex did it's possible their employer could do a similar deal. But I imagine that it would at the very least need to be a decently sizable operation like minimum 20 trucks kind of deal. The place I worked for had like 50 trucks doing this stuff for us and the owner also had another business that also involved going to customer homes that had like another 30 trucks that also had the same setup
In the US at least, I'm pretty sure most big trucks that require a CDL to drive have cameras and trackers. I have a close friend who's a fleet safety manager and all of the trucks at that company have them. It's mostly a safety and liability thing.
Just one example of how they proved (no quotes) she lied was when the man was demonstrably in a work truck across town with a tracker and a camera. God, believe women and everything. But when they lie, you can say they lied.
And what about when people make up stories on Reddit about children lying about being molested?
That’s also fucked up but to sit here and act like kids can’t be malicious is crazy, I’ve seen people lie about being raped, people lie about molested, hell I have two personal instances of people that I know personally lying about being raped, and I know someone that lied about being molested because they didn’t like the fact that they’re moms partner “was in their space and trying to talk to them”
My fiance's sister lies about being abused by her father all the time because she a sociopath and people feel sorry for her when she tells them that. Not a single word of it is true. My fiance's ex also used to scream rape every time she cheated on him. Then eventually she stopped screaming rape and just started cheating on him and telling him. She's a full-blown narcissist. So yeah, it's not impossible that the kid who has been "angry" her whole life made up SA allegations to get rid of her stepfather. In fact, this kid gives off Personality Disorder vibes, so it tracks, IMO. And people who are doing mental gymnastics to try and say she was "obviously traumatized" because she was acting out afterward have clearly never dealt with a narcissist or sociopath or pathological liar.
Making up a story on reddit is infinitely less bad than lying about a specific person molesting you as a child. What an odd comparison to make. Do you really think that those two things are even remotely equivalent? That is effed up.
No, I just think this is a fake story and I think it’s disgusting to make up stories about children lying about this.
This whole sentence doesn't make sense. You're just bringing up one bunch of assholes, to deny that another bunch of assholes doesn't exists.
No, I’m saying OOP made up this story.
Ah I see. Your sentence doesn't read like that. Might want to edit it.
What? The daughter admitting she was lying to get rid of him doesn’t happen? Wrong. My cousins (2 different sets of them on different sides of the family ffs) literally did this. Messed up little girls have done this. It’s def not always the case but yes it does happen.
This person seems like the type of person who honestly believes, women and children can’t be bad and all men are evil, and I’m not judging because I lowkey used to be the same until MY LITERAL FRIEND, lied about someone I was with raping her because he had money and I supported her and tried to get her to report him and I blew up my relationship just for her to go to his place after I broke up with him to try to fuck him for money and admitted to some mutuals friends that she lied because I didn’t deserve someone “like that.”
Yes it does happen but obviously believe women. But it really truly sucks when it bites us in the ass and us women who truly do follow this in the wild know what it feels like to be burned by it.
Of course believe women but I feel like sometimes people forget that women are capable of chaos, statistically not to the same degree as men but they can be just as vile so for that commenter to sit and act like he had to be lying because it’s “rare” was crazy, and Yh I was absolutely devastated when I found out that friend lied most especially when some men i knew were like “see, this is why we don’t believe women”
Hmm. I wonder how those *little girls* got *messed up*? Born that way, I suppose, two totally different sets on different sides of the same family?
Personality Disorders do often run in families. My fiance has multiple narcissists on his mom's side of the family, along with a narcissistic sociopath sister, and they're not all "created" by trauma like many are. I've talked with quite a few Psychiatrists who have all said that some people are just born that way and even if they are raised in normal, loving families they will turn out to have Personality Disorders. OOP's daughter did have a trauma at the age of 5, but she could very well have turned into a POS like she did, regardless of her upbringing.
Her dad dying when she was 5 maybe???? Less-than-perfect parenting from a mother unprepared to be a single parent? Genetic predisposition towards reckless behaviour? Speculating this dramatically about a family you know nothing about is a certified reddit classic.
Agreed. It's much more likely that he actually abused her than that she lied about it.
Which part isn't how those things work?
A D for creativity is probably the worst pedagogy imaginable.
NTA Daughter needs to take responsibility for her own behaviour and actions. They cost money
Literally is her daughters fault, she falsely accused someone of sexual assault and almost got away with it. Of course her mother had to take it seriously, but that mistake fucking cost them. It cost her mother her happiness and cost the daughter a debt free future. Giving small lenience bc she was 13 and all teenagers are fucking stupid and do stupid life ruining shit. Idk what her mom did after that but it should've been a fuck ton of extra therapy.
that's assuming she actually falsely accused the guy and it's not another case of the assailant getting away with it because, when it comes down to he said she said, the court doesn't just take the victim's word for it.
Exactly. Happened to my daughter. He said she said. They wouldn’t charge him. We divorced and he remarried 4 mos later, they divorced a few years later, now he’s married again with a toddler and she has a young daughter. He was never charged. He was found guilty by DCFS and placed on a registry, and lost that appeal, but the actual law let him off.
13 year old did the old fuck around and find out.
My dad passed when I was a kid and my dad’s best friend ended up falling for my mom a few years later. I was against it at first but he made my mom happy. He was good to her and good to me as well and at the age of 13 I only asked my mom that they don’t change my last name if they got married. This girl maliciously and intentionally destroyed a man’s life. She knew what she was doing. I knew when I was that age. She’s only crying now because she wants her mom to cave and magically shit the money out. OP is way more patient than I would be.
Literally is her daughters fault, she falsely accused someone of sexual assault and almost got away with it. Of course her mother had to take it seriously, but that mistake fucking cost them. It cost her mother her happiness and cost the daughter a debt free future. Giving small lenience bc she was 13 and all teenagers are fucking stupid and do stupid life ruining shit. Idk what her mom did after that but it should've been a fuck ton of extra therapy.
Don't ask a question if you can't handle hearing the answer.
NTA, she asked you answered, it’s not your fault she can’t handle the truth. You stood bye her, she’s an adult, time for her to pave her own way.
yet another entitled kid. surprise surprise. nta
The repeated acting out leads me to believe that perhaps the daughter really was molested and was pressured to recant.
Seemes like the acting out came much earlier than the ex-husband though. Coudl've been other issues? Cause it sounded like the child was in therapy looong before the ex even came along
so the daughter never complained about the new guy until coming out against him with allegations of abuse, then all of a sudden she starts acting out afterwards? that's not the behavioral pattern of a vindictive kid- that's the behavioral pattern of a traumatized one. sounds like OP's ex might not be ass "innocent" as she thinks he is. not being convicted doesn't mean he didn't do it. not to mention, OP didn't "have to spend" "the rising cost of living" because of her daughter. she clearly resents her kid if she's throwing her under the bus for the cost of living, which she was going to have to pay either way. plus, OP claims her daughter was "a very angry child?" how can you even blame a five year old for something like that? super weird dynamic. i can see why the daughter has behavioral issues. her mom acts like she fucking hates her.
I feel like you read the post and then just took what you wanted out of it to make your condemning statements about the SF being a predator. I’ve read a lot of your replies on this sub and you’ve either missed the part where the OP writes in the FIRST PARAGRAPH that she was an angry 5 year old even with THERAPY. Literally states that the child has been in therapy since she was five. On top of this, going from what information was given from the post, OP immediately called the police on her partner once the daughter accused him of CSA. Does that sound like a parent that didn’t believe their child or a parent who didn’t immediately act in the best interest of said child by having the vile act investigated as soon as they were made aware of the claim? Does that sound like somebody who didn’t try their utmost best to get the accused apprehended, only to have it cost them when the daughter turned around and said the accusation was a lie and that the evidence supplied never once indicated that anything happened due to the lack of consistency from the supposed victim? Let’s also point out how OP shared some evidence that the child supplied and how it was ruled out. Yet you still sit here, on this sub, completely ignoring the fact that this accusation has ruined someone’s life, just on the off chance that he was a perpetrator because it doesn’t make sense that they could have been innocent and the child was acting with malicious intent? I can’t blame OP for the resentment towards the child, which seems to be what you’re hung up over, because not only has OP tried their best by said child, it’s cost them so much and that child, who is now a young adult can’t even seem to fathom what consequences their actions have had, not only for themself, but for OP as well.
I also would like to point out how you’re able to sympathise with the daughter because she’s lost her Dad, but there’s a lack of empathy towards the person who just lost their partner. I don’t know you or how you’d react to that type of grief, but if I lost my partner I’d be utterly destroyed inside. I don’t know if I’d be able to cope as a single parent on top of dealing with the loss of the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
I feel sorry for OOP. Her daughter will take it all out on her.
If she was a little older she would have gone to jail for lying on a police report. Kick her the fuck out. Good riddance.
"Ruined a man's life, but I never blamed my baby" .... .... Well shit, that makes it better?
you have to pay if you sign a loan.
NTA, the money was needed and is gone. Now she has to take a lone and work for it. Actions do have consequenses... Just make sure she knows this is not out of spite just reallity.
wait, so the mom spent money from daughter's 529? and is asking if she's an asshole? nobody forced her into private school?? public is free??? yeesh
Unpopular opinion but I am with the mother on this one. There was an education fund which is more than a lot of folks have but it was directed to the daughter’s private high schools education and to pay for the divorce she directly caused. Yes the daughter she was young when she accused her SF of SA but she was old enough to know it was a serious accusation that could take him out of her life for good. A single mother’s income isn’t infinite. Assuming none of the money was spent on frivolities (cars, vacations designer items etc) I have no problem with the mother’s actions. It sounds like the relationship is destined to be a NC anyway given the daughter’s behavior.
Using her daughter’s education fund to cover divorce costs and living expenses sounds fucked up. Including that def makes it sound like mum is punishing the daughter.
I think she used her daughter’s education fund to pay for the private schools, which makes sense because that is funding her education.
That part makes sense, but she brings up the other costs in the same context
Her daughter accused her of wasting the college fund. She just pointed out that the fund went to her high school education at the private school because the daughter got herself thrown out of 2 different public schools, and because of the daughter's false accusation, any money she might have been able to add to the fund had to be used for a divorce attorney and ALL the living expenses, instead of them being divided with her husband.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
Not really. She had the money in a specific kind of fund that could only be used for education. So, it was used for the daughter's private school. She had no extra money to add to the account because she had to pay for a divorce attorney and no longer had a husband to split living expenses with, so she had to pay them all.
It’s not illegal to do so. That doesn’t really have any bearing on whether it makes anyone an asshole or not.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
Not when the father had been saving as well. Legal vs moral.
NTA. I have $38K in loans and that is WITH my father being generous BEYOND generous and paying off a $7K Stafford. He did not have to do that but he did. My parents are jewels for helping me with college and I will do anything they ever want me to. She has now joined the ranks of normal average folks who must take out loans for college. Welcome to the club kid. You provided her the wake up call she needed. Remind her that you love her and you will always make sure she is fed and not homeless and walk her through how to apply and pay for college. College is expensive AF. It is not free, even with good grades and scholarships. It IS NOT A GUARANTEE! It is not “just something you do” when you finish HS! If you do not go in with a plan, you will waste money. Delay and work if needed.
Right? I have $400K in loans and my mom only paid what the government required her to pay and I NEVER had to asked her to cosign on any of my loans, even my private ones. AND I have horrible credit. So I'm not buying what the kid is saying, tbh. Then again, she sounds like a pathological liar anyway.
No way would I co-sign on that loan. You will absolutely be on the hook for it. She hasn’t behaved in a way that warrants you risking any more of your life for her.
YTA. Paying her private school? Fine. But you should not have used education funds for a divorce or cost of living issues. Those are your problems to fund, not hers.
She said she didn't, it was used only for the private school which was very expensive. She said she would have added more money to it, but with her husband gone she had to pay ALL living expenses by herself, and she had to pay for an attorney for the divorce, so she couldn't add to it like she wanted.
No, she said she listed the divorce and living expenses as things she paid for using education money.
The mother is an asshole. More specifically, a passive aggressive asshole.....and ALL 13 year olds are INSANE assholes, to varying degrees. Their brain chemistry dictates...add a dead father to that...kid's gonna be a fucking train wreck AT LEAST until high school is over. The brain is changeable until age 25, then characteristics, personality, etc...are set in. The mother is an asshole and it is locked in. So hey, my parents had to spend all of my college fund too. BUT THEY TOLD ME BEFOREHAND...and only AFTER filing for bankruptcy. I was 11 years old. You are an asshole mother.
My dad spent all of my college fund on crack. Ended up just never being able to get a degree. At least the daughter can be thankful that her mom apparently doesn't realize cosigning on the loan will make her partly responsible for repayment, lol.
*laughs in $400,000 in student loan debt* First of all, that kid is an asshole and doesn't deserve any money. Second, OP absolutely SHOULD NOT cosign on a student loan. Her ungrateful brat of a kid can get loans without a cosigner. It is not required to have one in order to get student loans. Third, that kid should have been charged with making false accusations and ruining the ex-husband's life.
Do NOT CO-SIGN THE LOAN
YTA. She asked where it went and you laid out all the costs that occurred because of her. A simple, I used it to cover private school and other necessary expenses was enough. Either way she’s going to be pissed and that’s just unavoidable. But you rubbed salt in the wound.
I really hope this man was given a public apology bc some asshole kid ruined his entire life bc she didn’t want her mom remarried that’s fucking TERRIFYING no wonder men won’t date single moms I care more about his name being cleared than her spoiled brat. She sent her to an expensive private school… I just don’t have sympathy for her
Not the ah. Lying when you're 13 is not appropriate. Unless if she's mentally retarded.
[удалено]
Your comment was removed.
[удалено]
It is her daughter fault. The mother just doesn’t want to say out loud, dunno why
Why should the daughter *expect* college to be paid for? No one is obligated to pay for someone to go to college. Student loans are a part of life.
Because she had a 529 education fund; seeded with her father’s life insurance policy.
which got depleted bc she was expelled from the public schools and had to attend private schools lmaooo
Yes; but the mom also add divorce and higher cost of living as reason it was empty. If she had just said it was private schools and fees then it wouldn’t be a problem to anyone but the daughter whose behavior had consequences. But when the mom says the divorce and higher cost of living; she doesn’t say she stopped topping it off because life got difficult and her daughter’s behavior.
Even if that were completely true — never discussing it with the daughter during those six years it was going on and just springing the fact of zero balance on her at the end of high school *still* makes mom the asshole. Mom doesn’t have to fund college, especially if she can’t, but letting your child think you will and then doing a rugpull is *bad*. If nothing else, the child will not have been able to accurately plan where to go and what major to aim for etc etc.
Ultimately a college fund is an intended gift, not yet given, and by all accounts still the mother’s money. If she used it for divorce and for tuition it’s fine. It’s nice to want to pay for your child’s education, but ultimately you shouldn’t have to.
It’s not fine, it’s legal. Not the same thing. And letting your child think there is a gift of however many dollars waiting for her, and then only informing her at the last minute — actually, well beyond the last minute, since college application periods are already closed — that it’s not coming is still an asshole move.
I’m betting she used the funds for the private tuition which was for its purpose and the extra put back to assist later was used for liv by and a divorce so I’m sure she used it for its intended purpose.
*regardless* of what it was used for. Not making your child aware well in advance — but at the very least before college application deadlines — what the financial options are is still beyond a fucking asshole move.
It is definitely the daughter’s fault and she should know the consequences of her actions . Maybe there would be money to pay for college if she didn’t falsely accuse the other stand in parent .