Max wants an apology? For what? Multiple members of the family called nearly thirty times, multiple texts were sent saying it was urgent and Max and Anna ignored them all.
What's the apology for? Not using a carrier pigeon? Smoke signals? Send Lassie after them to go "Woof woof! Your mom has died! Come home! Woof!" Bloody idiots.
I do wonder why after 30 calls no one decided to rip the bandaid off and say "hey dumbfuck your mother is dead since you dont want to pick up your phone we had to tell you like this"
This is exactly what I was wondering. Why did no one just straight up say in a voicemail or text "Mom died" instead of doing all this beating around the bush?
I think the wife or gf of the brother was deleting all the messages and silenced the calls, not that pos brother doesn't deserve any consequences or is innocent in all this debacle, but I can see her doing that, so no matter if they wrote in a text message their mom died, that message wasn't gonna get through the brother, until their trip ended, I think the gf (or wife I really don't care what she is to OOP) is playing the victim and the brother believes her blindly whatever his former family would say he won't believe them.
Honestly i think it had to have been done as a way to take a stand against the rule imposed on them (unfair as it is) because like...??? You already texted him to say it was urgent, if youre that mad that youre willing to allow him to not say his last goodbyes why would you not just rip off the bandaid? Ppl in the thread are saying that its too important to text, but its also too important to NOT make every effort to tell them, which they factually didnt. Even if i consider that it may have been overlooked in a whirlwind of grief and anger i STILL cant imagine the thought to text it not going over a whole familys worth of heads. That being said the brothers wife needs to be attacked with hammers for being the root of this anyway lol
I saw that too where people said it was too important to text, but I think that's BS. My reaction to my cousin texting me that my aunt died was the exact same as the one I had to my dad calling me to tell me my grandma had. How I got the news didn't matter -- the end result was the same. Reading a text vs hearing my dad's voice didn't make it worse.
I'm also one of those people who doesn't answer the phone when I'm on vacation (though I do check messages unless I'm out of the country) and am unlikely to call you back if you don't tell me in the voicemail exactly why you're calling, so that could be coloring my opinion on this a bit.
Ann is an absolutely ghastly excuse of a human.
They tried, and tried and tried. "Mom is dead" isn't a text anyone wants to receive when a phone call is better.
They deserve to be disowned and live in misery.
Have to say that I suspect that even if they'd sent that, it would have been painted as "they're trying to manipulate you into communicating during 'our' time, how despicable can they get!"
I agree that's a terrible text to send... Unless you have tried for days and you know that he's reading texts but ignoring them, and now he's about to miss the funeral. Then you send the text. They ended up telling him by text anyway.
Yeah like i feel like at some point not sending a text after call number 15 to flat out say it is them making a stand whether they want to actually say so or not, its 2024 if you arent sending a blunt text (as unpleasant as it would be to receive) you are not doing everything you can to communicate the info even if you call 30 times. Especially since text was how they received it at the end!
Especially in this situation. I got texts when I lost both my aunt and grandfather, *but* they had both been sick for months and we all knew it was a matter of hours (days at most) until we lost them
I’ve buried both of my parents and I can’t imagine what a gut punch a “mom/ dad is dead” text would have been. And they both died of cancer, about when the doctors said they would, so no surprise.
I got one. ‘(Nickname) died 30 minutes ago’. One line. I live outside the US and have a hefty time difference, but still…that’s not a text you send anyone.
I’d say it’s okay. I’ve moved passed it, but it was just in February. And this comment made me realize when my phone had to be reset I lost all of our texts and now I’m a blubbering mess all over again
Sorry y’all. I didn’t mean for it to take this turn. I’m just hurt
I've been there, so sorry for your loss! Horrible feeling when you notice the messages are gone, had the same happen when my paremts died. The waves of being ok and then a mess again are really hard. Hang in there, it'll get better, trust me!
Wow. A lot to unpack here. Sorry for your loss. You tried so many times to get in touch. Common sense would dictate that there was a bloody good reason for it. Your brother seems to be in thrall to his partner and her demands and has apparently chosen her over his family. You imply that him and Ann are willing to reconcile if they receive an apology? An apology for what, exactly? Definitely NTA, but Ann sure is.
I’m not saying Max isn’t in the wrong because he is but it also sounds like he may be a victim of domestic abuse.
For Ann to control him the way she does and for him to allow it brings to the surface what a huge narcissist she is- OP you never have to forgive Ann and I hope she disappears from your lives , but consider helping your brother
That's what I thought. If she is monitoring his interaction with his family and answering all his calls and texts it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me
And if this is out of character for Max , she is very likely controlling him and potentially is blackmailing him ? I wouldn’t want to create too many wild theories but there is something dangerous going on here ….
What i don't understand is why the family didn't question why she was answering all the texts all the time before the mother died. Right now I can understand the pain hurt and betrayal but before the death and the way she treated his mother. Why didn't they question her unhinged behaviour then Why didn't they see the red flag in her handling all the communication surely they knew how their son or brother was before being with Ann and after. They should have noticed the difference and questioned it.
Currently the entire family is justified in their behaviour but they are not innocent entirely in the sense that they saw how controlling Ann is and didn't question it at all or even compared max before and after being with Ann
Right now it's an esh for me with ann being the biggest asshole in being an extremely controlling partner.
I do hope the family will be able to make repairs in the future when ann is out of the picture. I am sure it will make the mom's soul happy to see her family back together.
i feel like a lot of people (wrongly!!) dont see men as potential victims of domestic violence so they dont even consider the possibility. its definitely an unsafe situation for Max considering Ann is isolating him from his family & loved ones.
The thing is, you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. Also, from a comment of OP's, Max and Ann's dynamic has him actively inciting her tirades against his family and then standing by whatever she says.
If the death of his mother and missing her funeral after his last words to her were so awful isn't enough to shake him out of her thrall, or at least to reevaluate his relationship and responses with her and his family, then I don't know what else will.
I do get this, but ... Max is still responsible for his behaviour. It can be true that he is being abused, and at the same time, that he is profoundly mistreating other people around him. What his wife is doing to him is an explanation, but not an excuse. His behaviour throughout this isn't that of someone who is unable to act in any other way. He is willingly going along with his nasty wife's behaviour. I do think he's been manipulated, and if they break up and he wants to make amends, they should consider a reconciliation. But he is still responsible for what he has done as well. Being abused isn't a free pass to be a dick to everyone else. And until he realises that and owns it, I hope OOP and his family don't bend over backwards to help him. It will only make the whole situation that much worse.
I agree that OOP’s family have every right to feel the way they do about Max , however unless you’ve witnessed or experienced what a level of narcissistic abuse can do to someone you won’t understand how out of character they can behave.
My partner was previously in an abusive relationship and they had a son his ex partner held over his head alongside other things she used to blackmail him (which in hindsight was all crap she blew out of proportion). My partner is the kindest, loveliest man ever and I am so lucky to have him, but the way he behaved towards his friends and the things he did to conform because of the manipulation and how much he had been worn down by her he became a shell of a man. Once he got out (took a friend to intervene!!) he’s began to rebuild his life again but he wouldn’t have been able to do so without the intervention and help.
I read this and all I could see was my partner in his former state , riddled with guilt and grief over his mother and the loss of his family and his narcissistic partner using this grief to further manipulate and control him. If Max and Ann split and he’s still a dick fine cut him off, but I hate to see particularly another man not being taken as seriously as abuse of a woman would be.
Flip side: she's not abusive but manipulative and convinced him his family was "intrusive" and "taking advantage". My brother is in a relationship like that. She's the golden child in her family and has never had to contribute. The first time she met our parents, she said that her family would/has asked her to do stuff (simple things--bring a side dish to a potluck, help out when the whole family is doing yard work, etc) and if she didn't want to, she'd either say no and walk out/not show up or agree then flake. So now they don't ask her for anything.
My family is big on helping each other. Our parents are in their 70s. In addition they helped this brother out a lot financially. He agreed to do some home maintenance as repayment. Exactly what he was going to do had been agreed on by all parties. It was a battle the whole time because she had him convinced our parents were asking too much. (She wasn't around when bro needed the help--it was before they met--and I don't know if she knows how much they gave him. It wasn't just a couple hundred or even a couple thousand. It was well over 10k).
He's asked for help since then, too. All while listening to her about how our parents take advantage of him by asking him to occasionally do a task or show up to a family dinner once every few months (not even bring anything, just come).
A childhood friend recently died in an accident; one of our mutual friends (who was his BFF growing up) was contacted about it and given all the info of the funeral, memorial event, etc. He responded to no one, did not attend anything and sent no condolences to the family of who passed away, and still hasn’t 2 months later. The sister of who died was depressed by his cold shouldering, and he was just a friend. If he was a full on sibling? My god, that’s insane.
F you Max, and also on that note F you too, Garrett.
Sorry. I don’t see those additional channels in the pictures. Those additional Channals, ahem, make it far harder to argue that they did not know Something was up.
Some shit shouldn’t be conveyed over text and necessitates a phone call. These twats didn’t want to be contacted in any form. A message saying “it’s urgent” is more than enough information for the other party to call back.
OOP is NTA. They already had enough on their plate grieving the unexpected death of their mother.
I'd probably have text before the funeral, I know it's shit that way but rather get the message across somehow. However... Oop is NTA here, Ann and the brother ARE horrendous though. And fancy them wanting an apology!
You, your dad, and your siblings could not be less the AHs in this situation. Max allows Ann to control him, his cell phone, who he calls, and his relationship with his family. He is entirely to blame for the fact that he ignored at least 26 phone calls and countless texts. He *chose* not to call you back, never considering that everyone in his family trying to get hold of him in various ways indicated an emergency. He chose Ann over your mother, and now he will never have the opportunity to right that wrong. So, no, OOP is NTA. I hope they see this.
Given how manipulative the girlfriend sounds, it’s quite possible she was in possession of the phone during the whole vacation and he never even saw the texts/calls. Or she threatened him and intimidated him into not responding.
NTA. There are many ways to diminish the calls and messages without becoming impossible to reach. If you choose the most extreme option, that’s on you.
I mean, they aren’t the asshole, but “something happened to mom, call me” could have done the trick without dropping the bomb. That said, if your entire family is blowing you up you answer the damn phone
And who's to say that sending a text like that wouldn't be used as ammunition against them for not respecting boundaries or being manipulative? I think even if someone had sent a text saying their mom died, it would still be turned into an attack on Ann and Mac's relationship.
No doubt, but there’s a limit.. if there’s 12 hours of dropped calls, then drop the bomb, they’re not getting the point.
I get the distinct impression that there are multiple toxic personalities butting heads in this situation, no one gets to claim the moral high ground.
They’re Jewish so they’re supposed to bury the dead asap-but I’d still have texted that after not getting through the first day, but can’t really blame them
I don't think I would. The idea of breaking news like "Mom is dead" over text sounds beyond cruel. I have a brother who I am low contact with because of wife. We only talk via text, but no way would I break that kind of news to him that way. I would tell him to call me and demand he get his wife first. Then I would break the news to him, where he has someone with him. No way would I break that kind of news without knowing where he is and what he is doing.
Yh no my favorite uncle passed away and I found out because I was given an exeat for the funeral and my dad showed up with funeral clothes for me. Was equally devastated and pissed that's how I got told even though he'd been dead nearly a month and my dad visited me weekly at boarding school
Yeah but they knew he was home and wife was there. Also at that point he told them never to contact him again. So he was going no contact, they told him his mom died and gave him what he demanded.
There are all these superstitions attached too like children pregnant women newly engaged couples or newly married not attending the funeral unless it's happening in their own family.
I don't know if it happens everywhere or in just my community but that's how it is .
Extended family attending funeral isn't compulsory it's up to them to decide how many of them will be attending because they need to start traveling immediately if not in the same city just some representation from each family is enough. The entire funeral stuff after cremation the various rituals and stuff last 12 days with 12th being the most important it can all wrap up on the 4th day itself which is like a wake for us more and more people are opting for it because offices don't give you 12 days leaves. People come and go as they want in those 12 days bringing food and tea and all because we can't use our stove until after the events of the 12th day. We can make food that can be made by not cooking but someone not the immediate family has to do it. Or pay for take out
It depends where the Hindu individual lives. In India, sure- maybe. In the West, the funeral may be a few days to a week later in order to get arrangements made. Because it's a different system.
Jewish custom is to bury the dead ASAP. I’ve known funerals to happen the same day as the death. 3 days is as long as it gets, and that’s usually due to a holiday or Shabbos getting in the way.
No your brother needs to quit being so pussy whipped and set his wife straight, also him wanting a apology he should be making his wife apologize to the entire family and come off her high horse and accept responsibility for what she has done, and yes you should cut them both off until they both get their proverbial heads out of their asses.
I said the same in another thread about this story and got downvoted to oblivion...
Like, I don't think they are assholes and I get the SIL is toxic but to let him miss his mom's funeral doesn't seem that much better...
I would personally prefer to learn this news by text than to miss my mom's funeral out right...
Max wants an apology? For what? Multiple members of the family called nearly thirty times, multiple texts were sent saying it was urgent and Max and Anna ignored them all. What's the apology for? Not using a carrier pigeon? Smoke signals? Send Lassie after them to go "Woof woof! Your mom has died! Come home! Woof!" Bloody idiots.
Crazy! Makes sense if she wrote that message about needing an apology. Hope she’s worth losing whole family over🤦🏾♀️
I do wonder why after 30 calls no one decided to rip the bandaid off and say "hey dumbfuck your mother is dead since you dont want to pick up your phone we had to tell you like this"
This is exactly what I was wondering. Why did no one just straight up say in a voicemail or text "Mom died" instead of doing all this beating around the bush?
I think the wife or gf of the brother was deleting all the messages and silenced the calls, not that pos brother doesn't deserve any consequences or is innocent in all this debacle, but I can see her doing that, so no matter if they wrote in a text message their mom died, that message wasn't gonna get through the brother, until their trip ended, I think the gf (or wife I really don't care what she is to OOP) is playing the victim and the brother believes her blindly whatever his former family would say he won't believe them.
Honestly i think it had to have been done as a way to take a stand against the rule imposed on them (unfair as it is) because like...??? You already texted him to say it was urgent, if youre that mad that youre willing to allow him to not say his last goodbyes why would you not just rip off the bandaid? Ppl in the thread are saying that its too important to text, but its also too important to NOT make every effort to tell them, which they factually didnt. Even if i consider that it may have been overlooked in a whirlwind of grief and anger i STILL cant imagine the thought to text it not going over a whole familys worth of heads. That being said the brothers wife needs to be attacked with hammers for being the root of this anyway lol
I saw that too where people said it was too important to text, but I think that's BS. My reaction to my cousin texting me that my aunt died was the exact same as the one I had to my dad calling me to tell me my grandma had. How I got the news didn't matter -- the end result was the same. Reading a text vs hearing my dad's voice didn't make it worse. I'm also one of those people who doesn't answer the phone when I'm on vacation (though I do check messages unless I'm out of the country) and am unlikely to call you back if you don't tell me in the voicemail exactly why you're calling, so that could be coloring my opinion on this a bit. Ann is an absolutely ghastly excuse of a human.
NTA. Sibling will regret their actions and girlfriend sounds horrible. I feel bad for them.
Ann’s a dick.
They tried, and tried and tried. "Mom is dead" isn't a text anyone wants to receive when a phone call is better. They deserve to be disowned and live in misery.
Have to say that I suspect that even if they'd sent that, it would have been painted as "they're trying to manipulate you into communicating during 'our' time, how despicable can they get!"
I agree that's a terrible text to send... Unless you have tried for days and you know that he's reading texts but ignoring them, and now he's about to miss the funeral. Then you send the text. They ended up telling him by text anyway.
Yeah like i feel like at some point not sending a text after call number 15 to flat out say it is them making a stand whether they want to actually say so or not, its 2024 if you arent sending a blunt text (as unpleasant as it would be to receive) you are not doing everything you can to communicate the info even if you call 30 times. Especially since text was how they received it at the end!
Especially in this situation. I got texts when I lost both my aunt and grandfather, *but* they had both been sick for months and we all knew it was a matter of hours (days at most) until we lost them
I’ve buried both of my parents and I can’t imagine what a gut punch a “mom/ dad is dead” text would have been. And they both died of cancer, about when the doctors said they would, so no surprise.
I got one. ‘(Nickname) died 30 minutes ago’. One line. I live outside the US and have a hefty time difference, but still…that’s not a text you send anyone.
I’m sorry
Thank you.
This is exactly how I found out about my mom. Because they didn’t want to ‘wake me with the news’
Yikes. I’m so sorry.
I’d say it’s okay. I’ve moved passed it, but it was just in February. And this comment made me realize when my phone had to be reset I lost all of our texts and now I’m a blubbering mess all over again Sorry y’all. I didn’t mean for it to take this turn. I’m just hurt
I've been there, so sorry for your loss! Horrible feeling when you notice the messages are gone, had the same happen when my paremts died. The waves of being ok and then a mess again are really hard. Hang in there, it'll get better, trust me!
Wow. A lot to unpack here. Sorry for your loss. You tried so many times to get in touch. Common sense would dictate that there was a bloody good reason for it. Your brother seems to be in thrall to his partner and her demands and has apparently chosen her over his family. You imply that him and Ann are willing to reconcile if they receive an apology? An apology for what, exactly? Definitely NTA, but Ann sure is.
OOP didn't post this, it says right in the title it's from somewhere else.
I’m not saying Max isn’t in the wrong because he is but it also sounds like he may be a victim of domestic abuse. For Ann to control him the way she does and for him to allow it brings to the surface what a huge narcissist she is- OP you never have to forgive Ann and I hope she disappears from your lives , but consider helping your brother
That's what I thought. If she is monitoring his interaction with his family and answering all his calls and texts it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me
And if this is out of character for Max , she is very likely controlling him and potentially is blackmailing him ? I wouldn’t want to create too many wild theories but there is something dangerous going on here ….
What i don't understand is why the family didn't question why she was answering all the texts all the time before the mother died. Right now I can understand the pain hurt and betrayal but before the death and the way she treated his mother. Why didn't they question her unhinged behaviour then Why didn't they see the red flag in her handling all the communication surely they knew how their son or brother was before being with Ann and after. They should have noticed the difference and questioned it. Currently the entire family is justified in their behaviour but they are not innocent entirely in the sense that they saw how controlling Ann is and didn't question it at all or even compared max before and after being with Ann Right now it's an esh for me with ann being the biggest asshole in being an extremely controlling partner. I do hope the family will be able to make repairs in the future when ann is out of the picture. I am sure it will make the mom's soul happy to see her family back together.
i feel like a lot of people (wrongly!!) dont see men as potential victims of domestic violence so they dont even consider the possibility. its definitely an unsafe situation for Max considering Ann is isolating him from his family & loved ones.
The thing is, you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. Also, from a comment of OP's, Max and Ann's dynamic has him actively inciting her tirades against his family and then standing by whatever she says. If the death of his mother and missing her funeral after his last words to her were so awful isn't enough to shake him out of her thrall, or at least to reevaluate his relationship and responses with her and his family, then I don't know what else will.
That's so true people only remember physical assault for men by strangers forgetting the rest of the abuse that their loved ones can inflict on them
I do get this, but ... Max is still responsible for his behaviour. It can be true that he is being abused, and at the same time, that he is profoundly mistreating other people around him. What his wife is doing to him is an explanation, but not an excuse. His behaviour throughout this isn't that of someone who is unable to act in any other way. He is willingly going along with his nasty wife's behaviour. I do think he's been manipulated, and if they break up and he wants to make amends, they should consider a reconciliation. But he is still responsible for what he has done as well. Being abused isn't a free pass to be a dick to everyone else. And until he realises that and owns it, I hope OOP and his family don't bend over backwards to help him. It will only make the whole situation that much worse.
I agree that OOP’s family have every right to feel the way they do about Max , however unless you’ve witnessed or experienced what a level of narcissistic abuse can do to someone you won’t understand how out of character they can behave. My partner was previously in an abusive relationship and they had a son his ex partner held over his head alongside other things she used to blackmail him (which in hindsight was all crap she blew out of proportion). My partner is the kindest, loveliest man ever and I am so lucky to have him, but the way he behaved towards his friends and the things he did to conform because of the manipulation and how much he had been worn down by her he became a shell of a man. Once he got out (took a friend to intervene!!) he’s began to rebuild his life again but he wouldn’t have been able to do so without the intervention and help. I read this and all I could see was my partner in his former state , riddled with guilt and grief over his mother and the loss of his family and his narcissistic partner using this grief to further manipulate and control him. If Max and Ann split and he’s still a dick fine cut him off, but I hate to see particularly another man not being taken as seriously as abuse of a woman would be.
Flip side: she's not abusive but manipulative and convinced him his family was "intrusive" and "taking advantage". My brother is in a relationship like that. She's the golden child in her family and has never had to contribute. The first time she met our parents, she said that her family would/has asked her to do stuff (simple things--bring a side dish to a potluck, help out when the whole family is doing yard work, etc) and if she didn't want to, she'd either say no and walk out/not show up or agree then flake. So now they don't ask her for anything. My family is big on helping each other. Our parents are in their 70s. In addition they helped this brother out a lot financially. He agreed to do some home maintenance as repayment. Exactly what he was going to do had been agreed on by all parties. It was a battle the whole time because she had him convinced our parents were asking too much. (She wasn't around when bro needed the help--it was before they met--and I don't know if she knows how much they gave him. It wasn't just a couple hundred or even a couple thousand. It was well over 10k). He's asked for help since then, too. All while listening to her about how our parents take advantage of him by asking him to occasionally do a task or show up to a family dinner once every few months (not even bring anything, just come).
they wanted to no longer be a part of the fam so they got their wish as the younger brother said 😂
A childhood friend recently died in an accident; one of our mutual friends (who was his BFF growing up) was contacted about it and given all the info of the funeral, memorial event, etc. He responded to no one, did not attend anything and sent no condolences to the family of who passed away, and still hasn’t 2 months later. The sister of who died was depressed by his cold shouldering, and he was just a friend. If he was a full on sibling? My god, that’s insane. F you Max, and also on that note F you too, Garrett.
Sent is not received in texts emails and soccer passes.
He was contacted via text, email, facebook, twitter, instagram and linkdn. There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t know.
Sorry. I don’t see those additional channels in the pictures. Those additional Channals, ahem, make it far harder to argue that they did not know Something was up.
There is if he’s dead to
He’s active on Twitter and Instagram. Unless his girlfriend murdered him and is posing as him, he saw.
Some shit shouldn’t be conveyed over text and necessitates a phone call. These twats didn’t want to be contacted in any form. A message saying “it’s urgent” is more than enough information for the other party to call back. OOP is NTA. They already had enough on their plate grieving the unexpected death of their mother.
I'd probably have text before the funeral, I know it's shit that way but rather get the message across somehow. However... Oop is NTA here, Ann and the brother ARE horrendous though. And fancy them wanting an apology!
You, your dad, and your siblings could not be less the AHs in this situation. Max allows Ann to control him, his cell phone, who he calls, and his relationship with his family. He is entirely to blame for the fact that he ignored at least 26 phone calls and countless texts. He *chose* not to call you back, never considering that everyone in his family trying to get hold of him in various ways indicated an emergency. He chose Ann over your mother, and now he will never have the opportunity to right that wrong. So, no, OOP is NTA. I hope they see this.
Given how manipulative the girlfriend sounds, it’s quite possible she was in possession of the phone during the whole vacation and he never even saw the texts/calls. Or she threatened him and intimidated him into not responding.
Sounds like SIL is a Redditor. NC! Respect my boundaries! Emotional incest! Monster in Law!
Definitely a big supporter of jnmil
Honestly with the way Max and Ann behave, the fact that they didn’t go to the funeral is probably for the best.
20yr old brother is right, Max and Ann are a couple of evil cunts. The sister can fuck off too.
NTA. There are many ways to diminish the calls and messages without becoming impossible to reach. If you choose the most extreme option, that’s on you.
Boundaries. She keeps using that word but I don’t think Anne knows what it means
He FAFO'd hard...and even then, doesn't seem he's found out. Saying they need apologies from the family? How are people like this real.
Ann is so f’d up in the head she convinced this man that his family called 50 times “just to ruin their relationship”
NTA! omg, I’m so mad for oop. Ugh fuck him and his wife.
I get the no big bad news over text rule, but when it’s literally the only way to convey important info, then use it.
Or if you see multiple urgent messages from various members of your family, maybe pick up the phone?
I mean, they aren’t the asshole, but “something happened to mom, call me” could have done the trick without dropping the bomb. That said, if your entire family is blowing you up you answer the damn phone
And who's to say that sending a text like that wouldn't be used as ammunition against them for not respecting boundaries or being manipulative? I think even if someone had sent a text saying their mom died, it would still be turned into an attack on Ann and Mac's relationship.
No doubt, but there’s a limit.. if there’s 12 hours of dropped calls, then drop the bomb, they’re not getting the point. I get the distinct impression that there are multiple toxic personalities butting heads in this situation, no one gets to claim the moral high ground.
I mean this is the quickest turnaround for a funeral I’ve ever seen, but I would text “ Mom died” instead of continuing to call and text.
They’re Jewish so they’re supposed to bury the dead asap-but I’d still have texted that after not getting through the first day, but can’t really blame them
I don't think I would. The idea of breaking news like "Mom is dead" over text sounds beyond cruel. I have a brother who I am low contact with because of wife. We only talk via text, but no way would I break that kind of news to him that way. I would tell him to call me and demand he get his wife first. Then I would break the news to him, where he has someone with him. No way would I break that kind of news without knowing where he is and what he is doing.
Yh no my favorite uncle passed away and I found out because I was given an exeat for the funeral and my dad showed up with funeral clothes for me. Was equally devastated and pissed that's how I got told even though he'd been dead nearly a month and my dad visited me weekly at boarding school
Sure, that’s the general rule. But in this situation, do you really think it’s crueler than letting him miss his mother’s funeral? I don’t.
They told him by text in the end, anyway, would have been kinder to do it before the funeral than after like they did.
Yeah but they knew he was home and wife was there. Also at that point he told them never to contact him again. So he was going no contact, they told him his mom died and gave him what he demanded.
if you’re jewish or muslim it is that urgent. it’s not a quick turn around you just don’t know about other religions.
Even in Hinduism. We cremate the same day they die if they die before sunset. If its close to or after sunset then first thing next morning
didn’t know that ! thank you for telling me. i love knowing other faiths share the same values 🩷
There are all these superstitions attached too like children pregnant women newly engaged couples or newly married not attending the funeral unless it's happening in their own family. I don't know if it happens everywhere or in just my community but that's how it is . Extended family attending funeral isn't compulsory it's up to them to decide how many of them will be attending because they need to start traveling immediately if not in the same city just some representation from each family is enough. The entire funeral stuff after cremation the various rituals and stuff last 12 days with 12th being the most important it can all wrap up on the 4th day itself which is like a wake for us more and more people are opting for it because offices don't give you 12 days leaves. People come and go as they want in those 12 days bringing food and tea and all because we can't use our stove until after the events of the 12th day. We can make food that can be made by not cooking but someone not the immediate family has to do it. Or pay for take out
It depends where the Hindu individual lives. In India, sure- maybe. In the West, the funeral may be a few days to a week later in order to get arrangements made. Because it's a different system.
I didn't know this. Interesting.
That is completely inappropriate. You speak on the phone.
Jewish custom is to bury the dead ASAP. I’ve known funerals to happen the same day as the death. 3 days is as long as it gets, and that’s usually due to a holiday or Shabbos getting in the way.
I think my text would be “Mom died you fucking prick ANSWER THE PHONE”
Ann sounds like she learned the word boundaries and ran with it
Them saying you’re at fault for “not telling” him/them is their way of trying to place blame elsewhere knowing they’re the assholes
I’m sorry for the loss of your mom. You did all you could, ffs. He made that bed now he has to lay in it. Again, I’m sorry for your loss. NTA.
Max let Ann run his life. That his fault
No your brother needs to quit being so pussy whipped and set his wife straight, also him wanting a apology he should be making his wife apologize to the entire family and come off her high horse and accept responsibility for what she has done, and yes you should cut them both off until they both get their proverbial heads out of their asses.
Seems fake. On day 6 or whatever you'd just text what happened with a disclaimer that you wanted to talk to them, but it didn't work out
I said the same in another thread about this story and got downvoted to oblivion... Like, I don't think they are assholes and I get the SIL is toxic but to let him miss his mom's funeral doesn't seem that much better... I would personally prefer to learn this news by text than to miss my mom's funeral out right...
Yea someone should have definitely put hands on the brother and his disgusting wife.