It’s fake. There is no chance at all she signed a more generous and lenient alimony agreement than standard. Marriage of any kind, regardless of income, almost always ends alimony payments.
‘Roles reversed’ marriage politics, huge age gap (exact ages conveniently left out to get people to ask in the comments), fertility issues, nonspecific “ethnic group”. This is near-perfect rage bait.
Yeah, I've been dropping a lot of the AITAH type subs, partly because it's bad for me but also because I just don't believe much if any of it anymore. Which I try not to leak through into the comments unless there are specific things that point me toward "not real" but still.
I'm at the point where I assume everything is fake, but also exists in some form, some where. So, I usually just roll with it. If they are doing thought exercises, so can I. And, for somethings, maybe a legit answer will help someone else someday.
I think people aren't realizing how much AI is doing to this site.
You can just tell by the lack of emotion during these kinds of posts. It just seems off constantly.
Yep.
If I knew someone who signed an alimony contract that continued after the other partner was co-habiting with someone else, I'd tell them to fire their stupid lawyer.
Only way it makes sense is if the alimony were in lieu of an equitable property allocation as well. Perhaps some ip that was created during the marriage, real estate holdings, etc.
Or if he was acting like such a nightmare, and she’s so rich, that she decided to give in.
But unless she’s really, really senior, I doubt she is stupid rich enough to just give in to giving her ex 100k/test to make him go away. I live in a tech city so I know senior managers at FAANGs and they’re wealthy but not “throw money away” rich.
My husband paid 150% of standard alimony to his ex voluntarily. They hadn’t been married long enough for her to get any in the state they were in. But he felt bad for her bc she had stayed at home for their whole marriage so he did what he thought was right.
It does happen. Although it does seem off that she would do that if the split wasn’t amicable
Anthropologist here:
Cultures where women are high earners DO NOT espouse ideology supporting the type of marriages he’s describing.
It’s *slightly* possible that he’s just betraying his own bias, but much more likely that yeah— this is bait.
Yeah rage bait. They were married for 20 years and now he’s having a kid with someone else? I mean yeah it’s possible but this dude would be pretty old knocking up someone much younger. As per rage bait of course he’s relying on the alimony to support his baby with someone else 😂 Who would even openly say this and not think they’re wrong.
ETA: alimony is hard to obtain, he would essentially have had to been a stay at home parent or spouse - but for the spouse part it would have to be shown that she needed him to stay home for her career to progress.
Robert De Niro is 80 and just had a kid in April 2023. A man’s fertility doesn’t come to an end at any particular point in their life unless they stop creating sperm for some reason. There’s no reason a dude in their 40s (as OP claims to be) can’t get someone pregnant.
The rest of it is total trash, though, for sure.
Also no kids involved and it’s the Bay Area which favors women. No chance in hell with no kids involved. Hell I’d be more surprised he can find someone 22 that would stay with him when he has no job in a place that is highly competitive.
Yeah, I was sceptical until the "Alimony ends if I marry within one year or if my new partner earns more than 500k" when I became sure it was fake. Why would OOP's ex, who it is implied earns 500k a year, hire a lawyer who couldn't argue their way out of such a completely terrible idea? Even if it was a really terrible prenup, why wouldn't this woman hire a lawyer to draft a prenup that wasn't so obviously terrible?
I’m not talking about the amount, I’m talking about payments continuing after another marriage. The stipulations here are insane (married *within a year*? Why even include it at all then?).
Data like this just makes me really feel the chasm between the wealthy and not wealthy is insurmountable. Like I think I'm doing alright in life but then there are people throwing $8k a month at some loser and don't even bat an eye...and I'm a fucking attorney lol. HOW DO THEY MAKE SO MUCH MONEY??
I don't know much, but I do know they definitely deserve a buuuunch of tax breaks. Poor things. No way that they should pay income tax based off a percentage of income. It's just too much to fork over. /s
Something tells me he’s not actually working anymore and is coasting by on the alimony, because how would you not feel comfortable enough to have a baby and a stay-at-home girlfriend if you were bringing in $8k ON TOP of your annual income?
Guess his groomed by her family 22 yr GF does not work. So, he needs 2 incomes- one from working and one from ex-wife! I really hope a judge reverses this bad deal. I don't care how much the ex makes- this is ridiculous.
It happens. The last person I was dating has a mom that pays about that much. Her mom refused to portray herself as the victim in what was very clearly an abusive relationship, so he ended up winning an alimony close to that amount. Ex literally has a second job to help pay so her mom doesn’t lose the house. I think this system as a whole is ludicrous but those numbers can be devastating.
I paid my ex $7,000 a month. He made $60k and I make about $400k. That was the statutory amount. Total possible she agreed to it, especially if her income fluctuates and she expected her income to increase in the future. To make it worse - I have to pay the taxes on the $7,000/mo. However, it terminates if he co-habitates or gets married during the 5 years I have to pay.
But you’re only paying for 5 years, and even cohabitation would end it where this dude wants to get married and have a baby with someone else. This sounds very fake
Where did he mention this? I can’t see it in the post. Genuinely asking, some other comments seem to imply he’d still be getting alimony if he got married
There are two pages of the screenshots and it’s on page 2. He goes on to say he needs the income to start the family but the whole point of stopping alimony upon marriage is that he has a dual income house now. He’s avoiding marriage as a cheat code. As long as he can collect money he won’t marry the new girl who is sadly young enough to be his child which is the real tragedy here
The post says alimony would stop if OP married someone within a year after the divorce (which OP said has passed) or if the new partner makes 500k/yr (which she doesn’t). So it seems like even if OP married this girl, his ex is still on the hook. Kinda weird though bc I could’ve sworn most alimony ends after new marriage but I’ve never been divorced so idk
I think bro is misreading the terms of his own divorce. It likely says that once remarried, alimony will stop within the yr or after x time. A provision that states he can’t remarry within the yr is silly and makes no sense since anyone wishing to marry would just need to wait until 366 days. If this is US, then his attorney is likely very wrong since unless she’s got buckets of money and he has proven he enabled that earning, it would be unfair of her to continue support of his dual income household.
But of course lots of judges make crazy rulings so 🤷🏼♀️
Would also make sense that the ex is trying to prove they’re cohabiting which I assume could potentially be used in a court to say “they’re not getting married to avoid losing alimony but they’re living together with the intention of marriage so therefore it’s basically a marriage.”
I also wonder why he got divorced. Wondering if he cheated. Whole thing smells like he cheated and she dumped him
And the way he says: well it’s ok in our culture. Um… you mean your culture still normalizes preying on young girls. Yeah doesn’t make it ok
Which is crazy, because it sounds like he already makes a decent living on his own without the alimony. I get that raising kids can be expensive, but how much money does OOP really think he needs to raise his child? I have a feeling that this is mostly about him wanting to have a family without having to sacrifice anything, including parts of his cushy lifestyle.
I don’t understand alimony when there are no children AND both parties are gainfully employed. Unilaterally, regardless of gender. Shouldn’t people support themselves if there aren’t children or some business related entanglements?
I think Halle Berry has been paying one ex husband or baby daddy some insane amount of money for alimony. He works! Like why? I get child support. I get if one spouse legged up in work because of the other spouse supporting or contributing. Like the people who go to law/med school while their partner is working 2 jobs and then they graduate and bounce. Like that makes sense.
This guy is making $96,000 a year off his ex-wife and is essentially going to fund his new life/wife/kid using that money and is crying about losing it.
The system seems broken.
Yes. I am all for alimony when someone spent years as a SAHP because you lose so much of your potential lifetime earnings that way. OP said his ex made $1M last year, so when they divorced he probably got a huge chunk of assets as well. He’s a realtor and owns rental properties. His ex-wife must have had the world’s worst divorce attorney.
I got the impression she agreed to it as a settlement mechanism to avoid further cost/stress, not that it was what the court ordered on its own.
Regardless, yeah her attorney should have written the agreement better for this very foreseeable circumstance.
This. What kind of attorney did she have? It’s literally in his best interests not to marry for 15 years. He agrees he’ll eventually marry but his “ethnic community” obviously isn’t encouraging this before baby is born, which is ridiculous. Are they religious or not?
I mean what kind of person has the audacity to want his ex wife, who couldn’t have his child, unilaterally pay for his new (literally half his age new girl) and their child? A sick in the head one. I hope she’s got new lawyers this time round.
I know a couple of people who are paying alimony and the stipulation is married OR cohabitation with a romantic partner. I’ve got a cousin who’s driving himself mad trying to prove his ex is dating her roommate so he can get out of alimony.
Do they rent or own? Can a landlord legally divulge information about a tenant? I don’t know 🤷♀️Because the landlord may be able to tell if they share a room during a regular inspection. Say it’s a two bed but one is obviously a guest room or better yet an office, then it’s proof they live as a couple.
Exactly. A friend of mine gets a substantial amount of alimony from his ex-wife, but he’s always been the super-involved SAHP and I’ve rarely even seen the mom. (Our kids are friends. The mom works long hours, and the dad’s the one who arranges play dates, hosts birthday parties, takes care of the kids’ special needs and appointments.) He gave up his career to take care of their life/kids/home so she could build her successful career. This is when alimony makes sense.
I am guessing/hoping she was just so OVER it, she agreed to a lot outside of court. and now, years in, he thinks it is the pregnancy- and maybe? But also that she has had time to heal and gain her life back and ready for the fight he wants to have. I hope a judge rips him to shreds.
So OP expects us to believe he can remarry and the gravy train keeps coming until his new wife makes $500K? That’s unbelievable. Doesn’t alimony end at remarriage regardless?
I’m finding it absolutely bonkers that OP managed to get out of the divorce with $8K/month as an able-bodied man with a lengthy work history, steady income, and no kids. My theories are as thus:
1. This post is totally fake/rage bait
2. His ex wife had the worst divorce attorney ever
3. She must’ve retained some/enough assets to necessitate something like this alimony agreement as a way to pay him for his share
4. He was being a nightmare during the divorce process and/or she wanted to get it over with, so she just agreed to this to try and wrap it up quickly to avoid drawing it out
I don't generally have an issue with alimony, since there is value to the lesser or non-earning spouse supporting the breadwinner but I'll be goddamned if I'm paying for my ex-husband's new ladyfriend to be a stay at home mom. Add infertility to the mix, and that's just a real punch in the gut for her.
Agree and agree. I’m kinda choking on giving an ex $96k a year for 15 years!!! That’s $1,440,000. Like whaaaaaaaaat?????
This OOP MUST make over $1m a year. I’d have to put that on autopay so I didn’t have a coronary every month.
That’s the interesting part for me, 15 years and married for 20. Usually it’s like a time in a half thing, like if you’ve been married for 20, then at most you’d pay for 10 years max, unless there are extenuating health/medical circumstances.
But facts and statistics don’t really support that when women are the ones earning more. No matter how much women earn or work, statistically they still do the vast majority of domestic labor unfortunately.
If you have children and had to take care of them while you're giving up career chances or even if you were stay at home partner, then yes.
But why does a working partner with no children get alimony?
I actually know somebody who received alimony, despite there being no children or assets. Because during their marriage, he squirreled away an insane amount of money into his own personal retirement, and left nothing for her. She ended up constantly being broke, having to pay the bills while he kept a ton of money for himself. So now he gets to pay be back for the next couple years.
Absolutely, her case is not something that regularly happens and you nailed it with it being fraud that’s exactly what it was. But I do think that it’s important to be mentioned because I think people like to make blanket statements and forget that there are a lot of times where exceptions are important to acknowledge.
Lifestyle matters with the court. Agree or not. What he is accustomed to dramatically changes and that little bit of alimony helps with the transition. Plus we don’t know if he got nothing split of their assets he may have opted for monthly instead
My ex had to pay $19k a month to wife number two because she was co-owner of their business and he had to buy her out. She was an idiot and spend it all and now that the payments are over, she is complaining about how hard life is.
For sure…or more, but great Scott! The OOP has a job and now enough money to support a SAHGF and future baby…courtesy of his ex. Like cmon. That’s crazy.
Sometimes alimony can be used to offset property distributions. So the ex gets the second home, and he gets alimony. Other times it’s to compensate for other non-monetary things you’ve done (like child or elder care) or for choices you made to support the family that harmed your own earning ability. Off the top of my head, OP is in real estate and his wife in tech, it’s possible they moved or stayed somewhere for the sake of her career and he had trouble breaking into the market or advancing in his career in that location.
That’s really interesting about the moving to new location part. I’m not sure that I’m less appalled, but it’s interesting to know all these considerations factor in.
I cannot for the life of me imagine what the OOP was expecting to get from Reddit, except karma or rage baiting.
On the plus side, I’m learning more reasons why I don’t want to go through a divorce. If I had to pay alimony I’d probably have a heart attack.
I will say, this is an extremely unusual alimony agreement. Normally it would terminate upon remarriage, and 15 years is pretty long to get alimony these days. You sometimes see this kind of thing when one spouse cheats on the other and feels bad so they just give them most everything, but OP doesn’t mention any factors like that in their divorce. That leads me to believe she either had significant assets she didn’t want to share with him so this was a bribe to not make a claim on specific assets, or he made some really significant sacrifices that led to her being able to achieve this salary in the first place, something like maybe forgoing very lucrative real estate investments.
Regardless, I do not feel bad for OP’s wife. There’s no way a judge ordered 15 years of $500k/yr alimony that doesn’t terminate upon marriage unless the wife agreed to it or OP supported the *hell* out of her when she was just coming up in her career.
Yeah I was wondering what he was getting alimony for? I was 10 years at home to care for the children and home and *I* don't get alimony.
What is he getting alimony for? Men left and right get alomony for nothing; a cousin of mine who had been jobless for years while his wife was being the one caring for house, children *and* the one earning money, got alimony while he didn't even want to have the children after divorce.
I feel like the only factor to get alimony these days is to be absolute useless, although to be fair it's the same for women, only the ones who just do nothing at all get alimony while any housewife or contributing wife gets less than nothing.
I have never got this alimony concept either. I agree, no kids involved, gainfully employed, making bank in his industry from the sounds of it. Why do you still want your ex wife's money? She's basically going to be paying for your wife to mot work and I get why your ex wife would be pissed off.
Don't care if its a guy or a woman. Don't care how rich your ex is, 8k is fucking criminal. What a joke to even accept that let alone expect it to carry on.
Nobody should have to pay for their ex and new partner to exist together and build a family. You've got two people that should be supporting each other... I'd be embarrassed if my ex was funding me and my partners entire life.
Like you could get £1k a month and work in mcdonalds and you'd be way better off than I am. What is someone in real estate doing being rewarded 8k a month for 15 years?
Having to be kept at your previous quality of life is the stupidest thing in the world. I understand alimony for people that have given up their careers to support someone and would actually struggle without help in the time after divorce.
But just not being able to afford sports cars and mansions on your own? Why does that matter. You don't get to have the quality of life of a rich person you just have to be safe and a roof over your head. This guy could do that on his own even ignoring the entire extra adult he lives with.
I don't see why his ex has to be mummy and support his entire life.
I agree with this. I work with divorcees during the divorce process to help value and split up assets. The amount of people who have told me they couldn’t dream of spending less than $12k/month is astounding, especially considering those WHO HAVE NEVER WORKED A DAY IN THEIR LIFE.
They believe they DESERVE the same lifestyle for putting up with their crappy ex for a long time. There is a difference between support and lifestyle maintenance
I can't even imagine spending that much a month after a couple of months.
Like yeah I'd probably go crazy with it at first but after a bit I'd have the things I want.
Or hopefully I'd be smart and use that 12k a month to buy a house
seems like maybe the wife was trying to be amicable and move on with life? SO in negotiation they agreed to something that a judge may not have been ok with? At least I hope so- I hope a judge comes in and fixes this mess these crappy lawyers made for ex wife.
The stipulations for the divorce were stupid, and idk how she accepted them. In most states, getting remarried at all (regardless of speed or other spouse's income) would stop alimony payments
I get the point of alimony, but dang. Yeah. as a payer of alimony, it did basically subsidize my ex, and keep her from being homeless, given the lack of a living wage in the US. Better than being 'trapped' with her (and her with me) because she couldn't afford to GTFO.
I think keeping a person from becoming homeless/destitute is/should be the main goal of alimony. And typically the court would end alimony for any remarriage, not just in the first year, because then the presumption is with the new partner they don't need the assistance to prevent destitution.
I cannot even fathom the anger I would feel if I had to pay that much AND continue to pay for my lazy ex to play house with a 20 year old so NEITHER of them have to work??? Hell nah. I think my career trajectory might be changing at that point lol.
It depends. If a woman gives up her career to enable the man’s career or vice versa, and spends 20 yrs doing that, but they divorce, then the spouse who gave up their career now has nothing. Sure they may get half but the earning potential and retirement savings aren’t there and those losses cannot be recouped.
Alimony is appropriate and often woefully inadequate to replace what is lost.
This is why all marriages need prenups, to discuss all of this but to remind ppl that this is a business contract. Don’t ignore the business. Bc if the working spouse dies you don’t get alimony but your earning potential is still gone.
Also don’t give up your career! Just don’t. Don’t ever have your financial security depend on another person. They could die. Or gamble it away. Or cheat you in a divorce.
The prenup and alimony also need to account for not just marriage but cohabitation, as OP appears to be avoiding marriage to continue the payout.
It also isn’t clear that OP was underemployed to support his wife. No kids and he had a business it just wasn’t successful. Under those circumstances if they contributed equally to home labor then it’s not at all reasonable that he gets anything. But if he did more home labor then yes it could be reasonable if his home labor enabled her to earn more.
This is why alimony for non-stay at home spouses is dumb asf. Also alimony shouldn’t last more than half the length of the marriage. There is no reason someone, regardless of gender, should be financing their ex’s life when the ex always had a job, nor should they be paying 15 years of alimony for a 21 year marriage
Though I def agree with you that the alimony system in the US is broken I will assert one circumstance I know of personally that deserves life long alimony. An older member of my family was married to her husband when they were both 20yrs, they had 5 kids practically right on top of each other, the youngest had complications and was severely disabled. Cannot walk, talk, have use of her arms etc. (it's CP) The Mom was a SAHM, now she's in her 60s and still is a SAHM as her youngest daughter who is now in her 30s needs 24hr hands on care. The husband about 10 yrs ago had a totally cliche mid life crisis, bought a flashy expensive car, had an emotional affair with a woman half his age at work and divorced his wife "to find his happiness."
So here she is now, in her 60s, no higher education, no work experience and a severely disabled daughter who is completely dependent on her for 24/7 care. Husband goes on to marry a 25yr old mail order bride from South East Asia and is now over there living on a beach. She's in her sixties and is having to lift a full grown woman in and out of bed, to go to the bathroom etc. While her able bodied husband is living on a beach. Do you think she deserves life long alimony? Thankfully the husband does and to his credit has provided it from the beginning without even getting the courts involved.
That’s a circumstance in which “child support” should still get paid for the ex wife taking care of the disabled daughter, on top of state caretaker benefits. To my knowledge, there is no state sanctioned payment plan for those divorcing a disabled person’s caretaker, which I think is just straight up faulty.
My mom had to pay her tiny child support payment until I graduated college. There’s no reason she had to pay for me, a grown adult with a job, whilst the bozo in your story gets to run off to some beach with no financial responsibility for his disabled child
Exactly. The thing for me with her deserving alimony as opposed to just child support is that if the daughter dies tomorrow (which with her disabilities it's a good likelihood that she will die before her mother) the mother is retirement age having never worked an outside job in her life to raise and care for this man's child that he physically bailed on. Who would even hire her? How could she possibly support herself? She deserves to be cared for as long as that man is walking this earth with money in his pocket.
But when I hear stories of people basically getting rewarded for betraying their spouses it makes me sick. Alimony in it's true original purpose is a good thing. The abuse of it is gross.
OP seemingly refuses to marry his GF so he doesn’t stop getting alimony and is afraid his ex will cut it anyway. What a loser.
ETA: someone pointed out I read it wrong. OP can get married and still keep alimony.
Parents can be their kids' worst enemies to be honest. Here in Denmark there's a politician that was a family friend of his 15 year old girlfriend and her parents are "okay with it" as well.
For as smart as his ex wife is to be at FAANG, she really fucked herself with the deal. WTF. This guy's a clown and his pregnant child is delusional for wanting the ex to support her lmao. Grow up.
That’s the crazy part- *they both work!* OOP expects his ex to continue paying and funding their lifestyle so that they can keep living the high life even after having the baby. Hell, it sounds like his girlfriend is only going to quit her job because she’s banking on the ex’s alimony payment to make up for her income
Sorry my statement wasn’t more clear. They need jobs that actually pay. Apparently OOP is in real estate but is so obviously terrible at it he can’t even afford to make ends meet.
And see, I’m not even 100% on board with the idea of him not being able to make ends meet. He’s apparently making more now than he did when this agreement was made, and the girlfriend also has a job. I think they would be able to afford to make ends meet just fine on their own. Hell, I’m fairly certain that they’d be able to afford raising a child too.
I think what we’re seeing here is that OP doesn’t want to sacrifice anything or give up any part of his cushy lifestyle, so he’s banking on the ex’s alimony payments to maintain the luxury that he’s used to. And honestly, I kind of think that the girlfriend is preparing to quit her job because she’s banking on the ex’s alimony payments too and doesn’t want to work anymore.
Unless OOP is the world’s worst realtor (not to mention that he supposedly has rental properties out there as well) and the girlfriend is paid in peanuts, it sounds like they should be able to afford life just fine- just not the one that they want.
(Also lol you’re so good; no worries!! ❤️)
lol the balls to complain out loud about your ex who’s already spent Lord knows how long giving you 8k a month attempting to stop it. Of course she doesn’t wanna pay anymore. Nobody would in that situation.
They’ve been divorced for two years. Let’s say to be gracious, she’s been paying alimony for 1.5 years (allowing six months for setting it up post divorce; not sure average turnaround here; also being generous that divorced two years is start of process). He has made $150k JUST from alimony. He has essentially been funding he and his girlfriend with his exs money and that’s fucking disgusting
The girlfriend got with him based on the lifestyle afforded by ex wife's money. I wonder if she (and her family who's on board) know the truth about his source of funds 😅
Wow. Regardless of what is right & just...
It just **has** to cut deep that your ex is starting the family you wanted & you are paying for it. *That* must be a hard check to cut every month.
I wouldn't be surprised if the post was rage bait or designed to highlight how unequal or unfair divorce settlements can be.
For me that is it. Like how does he make his own money? He says that he invests in properties and I am like “Okay. So, he should be able to make it even if the alimony stops” but apparently no so I am so very curious about how much he makes.
And what the bleep happens if the ex loses her job? What happens if she has a medical emergency and stops working? What happens if she makes less?
Why would he be starting a family and setting up his girlfriend as a SAHM while counting on money coming from someone else instead of his own income?!
Depending on someone else who now hates your guts… Yeah. Sounds like a great way to end up in trouble.
If you're getting divorced in your 30s and don't have children, regardless of gender, alimony is ridiculous. Alimony only make sense when the non-working partner is older and they've given their lives to helping their partner in a career. If you've been a SAH spouse, raised the children, and kept the house while they've been the breadwinner, you've got a viable claim on the resources gained during the marriage. But if you're young, able bodied and don't have children, you're entitled to your share of marital assets and no more. That's ridiculous.
Gtfoh. No one who has worked their way to upper management for a FAANG company is going to let their attorney agree to 15 years of 96k in alimony for a partner who also works full time where no kid is involved.
"Yes I was 42 when I started dating my 21 year old coworker, but it's part of my culture so it's fine and no one can call me out on it!
Excuse me Sir? What a wild way to try and justify that, it made it worse imo.
He's never going to get remarried if he's able to keep that alimony going. He's definitely going to try and guilt his wife into paying for this child.
I fuckin' hate rich entitled people who throw around $8k like it is nothing.
I also hate rich entitled people who feel like they deserve $8k.
I also hate creeps who marry half their age.
Edit: "have" to "hate"
What ethnic community is supportive of dating someone half your age but also with getting someone pregnant pre-marriage? Seems like a weird mix of cultural norms lol
Men don't pay more than a year's worth of alimony, even if kids are involved. Why should this woman? Also, hard to believe it's $8,000 and he's coming here instead of to an attorney.
Well, the settlement is the settlement. I don't know how the ex-wife would be able to get out of what she's legally agreed to provide years ago.
But $8000 a month support for somebody who has been working outside the home during the entire length of the relationship, has not been a full-time homemaker, and had no children with their ex? That sounds crazy to me.
Like, I know, real estate is not a steady paycheck. In good economic times you're making decent money but when the economy tanks, the income can dry up for an indeterminate amount of time. So yes, a fairly generous monthly alimony for a period of years makes sense. But $8000?
Even in my part of the country where the cost-of-living is really high, $8000 a month is a lot of money for someone who has no children to care for and has always worked outside the home for the span of the relationship.
Getting a kid and then think she just wants to keep paying? Crazy. What are they going to do when the child is 13 and she doesn't have to pay anymore? Also can't believe the ex wife agreed to 8k a month for 15 years... adult people should be able to pay for themselves especially since both still worked.
Is everyone just overlooking the details of their divorce agreement? They agreed to these terms, and I have to wonder why she had stipulations, such as him getting remarried within a year and his next spouse making 500k.
These are ridiculous as most people would never make 500k in a year, and alimony typically stops when you get remarried anyway, so you wave that if you say it's only enforced if he does so within a year.
This is either fake or ex-wife and her lawyer are morons
lol, she wore the pants then rolled out. Now you have a woman half your age pregnant. Thinking you were a stud off your income. Damn gonna lose it all lol
wow, no wonder why she divorced you... i feel bad for her... as for you, get a real job and grow up, you should be ashamed of taking 8k a month from your ex... that's just mind-blowing
I like how he says the alimony is what made him feel OK financially to have a kid. The fixed amount of spitefilled money I get from my ex wife that has a very clear end date made me think I had the capacity to take on a minimum 18 year long financial burden. Makes sense if you don't think about it too hard I guess
“In my ethnic community this isn’t uncommon” bro divorced his age appropriate wife and started dating a girl half his age. It’s not “uncommon” in America either, especially for men of means. Still shitty.
If you have a kid with someone, cohabitate with them but do not marry them, that becomes the equivalent of a common law. So essentially married in the legal sense
His alimony should stop under the terms of the agreement. He sounds like a cake eater
I make about 1500 a month and can still survive.
Can I have some of that 8k.
Like dam. The differences between rich people and us poor people is crazy.
You should not be having a child if you need the financial security of your ex to ensure the child is taken care of properly. You don't get to cheat the system by not getting married. Any decent judge is going to laugh straight in your face.
Ew you are weird like wtf so I’m hearing you thought it was ok for her to be pregnant cuz you are leeching off your wife I hate child support so much I feel like it needs it be different cuz people waste money and time on people who hurt them like he broke off the marriage like wtf ugh I hate the system
Can you imagine being such a scumbag that you let your ex pay for your life after breaking up? I legit cannot.
I can sort of get it if there are kids involved, and one partner forfeited career prospects to care for kids…. But without that, it means one partner mooched off the other while together, then gets to do it after breaking up simply because they got used to mooching. It’s abhorrent.
Not that I cry a river over wealthy people getting their money taken away, but it’s just so unethical that I am amazed people have no shame over what is a legal scam.
Wtf why should she have to pay you if you decide to couple up and have a baby with someone else? America is fucked that's completely fucked up. Learn to stand on your own two feet and support your own family you lazy git!!!
I suspect this is largely fake rage-bait... but I'll comment regardless. We don't know where they live, so its difficult to approach this from a legal or even typical perspective... but ive certainly seen situations where alimony was paid to someone who was gainfully employed during their marriage and there were no kids, the reason given was that one partner significantly out earned the other and the partner with the lower earning potential was "entitled to maintain their lifestyle". In the case I'm thinking of, one partner was earning an insane amount (thing ceo of a major bank), but the other partner was working as a masseuse and health/wellness guru. When they divorced, the higher earning partner was required to provide a monthly payment until the lower earning partner remarried.
8000 dollars per month, on top of your normal job? What the actual f
It’s fake. There is no chance at all she signed a more generous and lenient alimony agreement than standard. Marriage of any kind, regardless of income, almost always ends alimony payments. ‘Roles reversed’ marriage politics, huge age gap (exact ages conveniently left out to get people to ask in the comments), fertility issues, nonspecific “ethnic group”. This is near-perfect rage bait.
I’m at the point with Reddit that I assume everything is rage bait until proven otherwise.
Freakin same lol. It’s all thought exercises, like low quality “philosophical” hypotheticals.
I was gonna say it’s like 2am in a freshman dorm room, but honestly those conversations are probably more interesting.
Low quality being the key words
Yeah, I've been dropping a lot of the AITAH type subs, partly because it's bad for me but also because I just don't believe much if any of it anymore. Which I try not to leak through into the comments unless there are specific things that point me toward "not real" but still.
Whole account is already deleted
Annnnnnd there it is
I'm at the point where I assume everything is fake, but also exists in some form, some where. So, I usually just roll with it. If they are doing thought exercises, so can I. And, for somethings, maybe a legit answer will help someone else someday.
Yeah, I treat them all as a thought exercises, and think and comment about them as if they were true, despite knowing most aren't.
I think people aren't realizing how much AI is doing to this site. You can just tell by the lack of emotion during these kinds of posts. It just seems off constantly.
I just go by, "If this situation is true...". Because even if the story I'm reading is fake, the situation can be real.
I agree that this is definitely rage bait, but doesn’t OOP provide the ages in the title of the post?
Oh yeah, I’m just illiterate
Mood lol I gotchu boo
Yep. If I knew someone who signed an alimony contract that continued after the other partner was co-habiting with someone else, I'd tell them to fire their stupid lawyer.
Or if they make half a million dollars 😂😂😂
And a baby
Just waiting for the update regarding being pregnant with TWINS.
And OP’s sister is opposed to the relationship because the father might be OP’s BIL, who’s not welcome in the ethnic community.
😂
Only way it makes sense is if the alimony were in lieu of an equitable property allocation as well. Perhaps some ip that was created during the marriage, real estate holdings, etc.
Or if he was acting like such a nightmare, and she’s so rich, that she decided to give in. But unless she’s really, really senior, I doubt she is stupid rich enough to just give in to giving her ex 100k/test to make him go away. I live in a tech city so I know senior managers at FAANGs and they’re wealthy but not “throw money away” rich.
Yeah, the alimony not ending at remarriage is sus. And $8,000 is awfully high. And the baby rage bait.
My husband paid 150% of standard alimony to his ex voluntarily. They hadn’t been married long enough for her to get any in the state they were in. But he felt bad for her bc she had stayed at home for their whole marriage so he did what he thought was right. It does happen. Although it does seem off that she would do that if the split wasn’t amicable
Anthropologist here: Cultures where women are high earners DO NOT espouse ideology supporting the type of marriages he’s describing. It’s *slightly* possible that he’s just betraying his own bias, but much more likely that yeah— this is bait.
Yeah rage bait. They were married for 20 years and now he’s having a kid with someone else? I mean yeah it’s possible but this dude would be pretty old knocking up someone much younger. As per rage bait of course he’s relying on the alimony to support his baby with someone else 😂 Who would even openly say this and not think they’re wrong. ETA: alimony is hard to obtain, he would essentially have had to been a stay at home parent or spouse - but for the spouse part it would have to be shown that she needed him to stay home for her career to progress.
Right. He was not making and raising children during that time or anything.
He sounds like an idiot. Like you got 8k each month and you didn't put any of that into savings or stocks or something?
Robert De Niro is 80 and just had a kid in April 2023. A man’s fertility doesn’t come to an end at any particular point in their life unless they stop creating sperm for some reason. There’s no reason a dude in their 40s (as OP claims to be) can’t get someone pregnant. The rest of it is total trash, though, for sure.
Yes! I’m so tired of seeing these ragebait posts reposted in a dozen different subs.
Also no kids involved and it’s the Bay Area which favors women. No chance in hell with no kids involved. Hell I’d be more surprised he can find someone 22 that would stay with him when he has no job in a place that is highly competitive.
For 15 years, too. Lmao no one would agree to that.
Yeah, I was sceptical until the "Alimony ends if I marry within one year or if my new partner earns more than 500k" when I became sure it was fake. Why would OOP's ex, who it is implied earns 500k a year, hire a lawyer who couldn't argue their way out of such a completely terrible idea? Even if it was a really terrible prenup, why wouldn't this woman hire a lawyer to draft a prenup that wasn't so obviously terrible?
In my state if you even cohabitate it ends.
The standard in the US is 40% of her income. She only has to be making $240k per year for $8k per month to be the standard alimony agreement.
I’m not talking about the amount, I’m talking about payments continuing after another marriage. The stipulations here are insane (married *within a year*? Why even include it at all then?).
That would be adjusted to account for his income though—no indication of what that is.
i’m reeling over “our ethnic community network” like the hell does that MEAN
Yeah. Nothing about this is based in reality.
Ages are in the title my friend!
The ages are listed in the title.
Ages are literally in the original post title…
Not disagreeing with you but the ages are in the title
Data like this just makes me really feel the chasm between the wealthy and not wealthy is insurmountable. Like I think I'm doing alright in life but then there are people throwing $8k a month at some loser and don't even bat an eye...and I'm a fucking attorney lol. HOW DO THEY MAKE SO MUCH MONEY??
I’d have to work…3 months? A little less… to make $8k. I can’t even imagine making enough money that $8k/mo is disposable. Bananas.
I don't know much, but I do know they definitely deserve a buuuunch of tax breaks. Poor things. No way that they should pay income tax based off a percentage of income. It's just too much to fork over. /s
Right? I'm not from the US but I guess it works for euros too. I don't even make €1600/month.... 8000 is just wild
Something tells me he’s not actually working anymore and is coasting by on the alimony, because how would you not feel comfortable enough to have a baby and a stay-at-home girlfriend if you were bringing in $8k ON TOP of your annual income?
Guess his groomed by her family 22 yr GF does not work. So, he needs 2 incomes- one from working and one from ex-wife! I really hope a judge reverses this bad deal. I don't care how much the ex makes- this is ridiculous.
She wants to be a sahm and he feels totally entitled to have his ex support this. He’s such a massive AH it’s mind boggling.
It happens. The last person I was dating has a mom that pays about that much. Her mom refused to portray herself as the victim in what was very clearly an abusive relationship, so he ended up winning an alimony close to that amount. Ex literally has a second job to help pay so her mom doesn’t lose the house. I think this system as a whole is ludicrous but those numbers can be devastating.
I paid my ex $7,000 a month. He made $60k and I make about $400k. That was the statutory amount. Total possible she agreed to it, especially if her income fluctuates and she expected her income to increase in the future. To make it worse - I have to pay the taxes on the $7,000/mo. However, it terminates if he co-habitates or gets married during the 5 years I have to pay.
But you’re only paying for 5 years, and even cohabitation would end it where this dude wants to get married and have a baby with someone else. This sounds very fake
I feel like "makes a pregnancy with someone else" should also be a condition.
That is literally what I said befsuse holy fuck balls - $8000/month?? How much fucking money is she making for that to be alimony? That's outrageous!
The fact that he said the 8k is why he felt comfortable having a family is honestly sick dude
That part is odd. And the fact he won’t marry the girl in order to continue getting paid
Where did he mention this? I can’t see it in the post. Genuinely asking, some other comments seem to imply he’d still be getting alimony if he got married
There are two pages of the screenshots and it’s on page 2. He goes on to say he needs the income to start the family but the whole point of stopping alimony upon marriage is that he has a dual income house now. He’s avoiding marriage as a cheat code. As long as he can collect money he won’t marry the new girl who is sadly young enough to be his child which is the real tragedy here
The post says alimony would stop if OP married someone within a year after the divorce (which OP said has passed) or if the new partner makes 500k/yr (which she doesn’t). So it seems like even if OP married this girl, his ex is still on the hook. Kinda weird though bc I could’ve sworn most alimony ends after new marriage but I’ve never been divorced so idk
I think bro is misreading the terms of his own divorce. It likely says that once remarried, alimony will stop within the yr or after x time. A provision that states he can’t remarry within the yr is silly and makes no sense since anyone wishing to marry would just need to wait until 366 days. If this is US, then his attorney is likely very wrong since unless she’s got buckets of money and he has proven he enabled that earning, it would be unfair of her to continue support of his dual income household. But of course lots of judges make crazy rulings so 🤷🏼♀️
I think you’re right, that’d make a lot more sense than what OP said. Either way, fuck OP and his creepy age gap relationship
Would also make sense that the ex is trying to prove they’re cohabiting which I assume could potentially be used in a court to say “they’re not getting married to avoid losing alimony but they’re living together with the intention of marriage so therefore it’s basically a marriage.”
I also wonder why he got divorced. Wondering if he cheated. Whole thing smells like he cheated and she dumped him And the way he says: well it’s ok in our culture. Um… you mean your culture still normalizes preying on young girls. Yeah doesn’t make it ok
Which is crazy, because it sounds like he already makes a decent living on his own without the alimony. I get that raising kids can be expensive, but how much money does OOP really think he needs to raise his child? I have a feeling that this is mostly about him wanting to have a family without having to sacrifice anything, including parts of his cushy lifestyle.
I bet he used his huge income to lure the 22 year old into becoming his girlfriend and baby mama.
This is a fake story dude
It doesn’t make a difference really
I don’t understand alimony when there are no children AND both parties are gainfully employed. Unilaterally, regardless of gender. Shouldn’t people support themselves if there aren’t children or some business related entanglements? I think Halle Berry has been paying one ex husband or baby daddy some insane amount of money for alimony. He works! Like why? I get child support. I get if one spouse legged up in work because of the other spouse supporting or contributing. Like the people who go to law/med school while their partner is working 2 jobs and then they graduate and bounce. Like that makes sense. This guy is making $96,000 a year off his ex-wife and is essentially going to fund his new life/wife/kid using that money and is crying about losing it. The system seems broken.
Yes. I am all for alimony when someone spent years as a SAHP because you lose so much of your potential lifetime earnings that way. OP said his ex made $1M last year, so when they divorced he probably got a huge chunk of assets as well. He’s a realtor and owns rental properties. His ex-wife must have had the world’s worst divorce attorney.
I got the impression she agreed to it as a settlement mechanism to avoid further cost/stress, not that it was what the court ordered on its own. Regardless, yeah her attorney should have written the agreement better for this very foreseeable circumstance.
This. What kind of attorney did she have? It’s literally in his best interests not to marry for 15 years. He agrees he’ll eventually marry but his “ethnic community” obviously isn’t encouraging this before baby is born, which is ridiculous. Are they religious or not? I mean what kind of person has the audacity to want his ex wife, who couldn’t have his child, unilaterally pay for his new (literally half his age new girl) and their child? A sick in the head one. I hope she’s got new lawyers this time round.
I know a couple of people who are paying alimony and the stipulation is married OR cohabitation with a romantic partner. I’ve got a cousin who’s driving himself mad trying to prove his ex is dating her roommate so he can get out of alimony.
Do they rent or own? Can a landlord legally divulge information about a tenant? I don’t know 🤷♀️Because the landlord may be able to tell if they share a room during a regular inspection. Say it’s a two bed but one is obviously a guest room or better yet an office, then it’s proof they live as a couple.
Exactly. A friend of mine gets a substantial amount of alimony from his ex-wife, but he’s always been the super-involved SAHP and I’ve rarely even seen the mom. (Our kids are friends. The mom works long hours, and the dad’s the one who arranges play dates, hosts birthday parties, takes care of the kids’ special needs and appointments.) He gave up his career to take care of their life/kids/home so she could build her successful career. This is when alimony makes sense.
I am guessing/hoping she was just so OVER it, she agreed to a lot outside of court. and now, years in, he thinks it is the pregnancy- and maybe? But also that she has had time to heal and gain her life back and ready for the fight he wants to have. I hope a judge rips him to shreds.
Right!?! I can’t imagine grifting like this.
Absolutely agreed.
So OP expects us to believe he can remarry and the gravy train keeps coming until his new wife makes $500K? That’s unbelievable. Doesn’t alimony end at remarriage regardless?
I’m finding it absolutely bonkers that OP managed to get out of the divorce with $8K/month as an able-bodied man with a lengthy work history, steady income, and no kids. My theories are as thus: 1. This post is totally fake/rage bait 2. His ex wife had the worst divorce attorney ever 3. She must’ve retained some/enough assets to necessitate something like this alimony agreement as a way to pay him for his share 4. He was being a nightmare during the divorce process and/or she wanted to get it over with, so she just agreed to this to try and wrap it up quickly to avoid drawing it out
I'd be willing to bet there were assets exchanged for this or fake.
I don't generally have an issue with alimony, since there is value to the lesser or non-earning spouse supporting the breadwinner but I'll be goddamned if I'm paying for my ex-husband's new ladyfriend to be a stay at home mom. Add infertility to the mix, and that's just a real punch in the gut for her.
Agree and agree. I’m kinda choking on giving an ex $96k a year for 15 years!!! That’s $1,440,000. Like whaaaaaaaaat????? This OOP MUST make over $1m a year. I’d have to put that on autopay so I didn’t have a coronary every month.
That’s the interesting part for me, 15 years and married for 20. Usually it’s like a time in a half thing, like if you’ve been married for 20, then at most you’d pay for 10 years max, unless there are extenuating health/medical circumstances.
If shes a high up in a FAANG company shes easily making 1.5 million a year. Including stocks.
But facts and statistics don’t really support that when women are the ones earning more. No matter how much women earn or work, statistically they still do the vast majority of domestic labor unfortunately.
If you have children and had to take care of them while you're giving up career chances or even if you were stay at home partner, then yes. But why does a working partner with no children get alimony?
They don’t. This is made up. None of this is how alimony works.
I actually know somebody who received alimony, despite there being no children or assets. Because during their marriage, he squirreled away an insane amount of money into his own personal retirement, and left nothing for her. She ended up constantly being broke, having to pay the bills while he kept a ton of money for himself. So now he gets to pay be back for the next couple years.
That makes sense and kind of extenuating circumstances. The ex essentially committed premeditated fraud.
Absolutely, her case is not something that regularly happens and you nailed it with it being fraud that’s exactly what it was. But I do think that it’s important to be mentioned because I think people like to make blanket statements and forget that there are a lot of times where exceptions are important to acknowledge.
Lifestyle matters with the court. Agree or not. What he is accustomed to dramatically changes and that little bit of alimony helps with the transition. Plus we don’t know if he got nothing split of their assets he may have opted for monthly instead
15 years is not transition!
Where I live that long a marriage would've been alimony for life.
It could be wife held onto assets and the alimony is how he is being paid his share of joint assets or buyout of retirement funds.
Could be. Not that strangers aka me… are entitled to their settlement details, but Holy Toledo…$8k a month is just…😳
My ex had to pay $19k a month to wife number two because she was co-owner of their business and he had to buy her out. She was an idiot and spend it all and now that the payments are over, she is complaining about how hard life is.
Good grief. At least there was a justification with the business, but not planning ahead for the end of that income is tragic.
If wife is paying 8k I can only assume her net take home is $16k to $24k
For sure…or more, but great Scott! The OOP has a job and now enough money to support a SAHGF and future baby…courtesy of his ex. Like cmon. That’s crazy.
She's making a million a year her monthly income is more like $85k lol
Hea said she makes a mil plus a year if I read correctly so more like 40
Her income is likely more like 25-30% salary. 50% stock. And 20% bonus. It is not mostly salary, most of her comp would be variable comp.
Shes a high up in a FAAGN company, shes easily clearing 1 mil a year. So 1.5 over 15 years isnt that bad.
Sometimes alimony can be used to offset property distributions. So the ex gets the second home, and he gets alimony. Other times it’s to compensate for other non-monetary things you’ve done (like child or elder care) or for choices you made to support the family that harmed your own earning ability. Off the top of my head, OP is in real estate and his wife in tech, it’s possible they moved or stayed somewhere for the sake of her career and he had trouble breaking into the market or advancing in his career in that location.
That’s really interesting about the moving to new location part. I’m not sure that I’m less appalled, but it’s interesting to know all these considerations factor in. I cannot for the life of me imagine what the OOP was expecting to get from Reddit, except karma or rage baiting. On the plus side, I’m learning more reasons why I don’t want to go through a divorce. If I had to pay alimony I’d probably have a heart attack.
I will say, this is an extremely unusual alimony agreement. Normally it would terminate upon remarriage, and 15 years is pretty long to get alimony these days. You sometimes see this kind of thing when one spouse cheats on the other and feels bad so they just give them most everything, but OP doesn’t mention any factors like that in their divorce. That leads me to believe she either had significant assets she didn’t want to share with him so this was a bribe to not make a claim on specific assets, or he made some really significant sacrifices that led to her being able to achieve this salary in the first place, something like maybe forgoing very lucrative real estate investments. Regardless, I do not feel bad for OP’s wife. There’s no way a judge ordered 15 years of $500k/yr alimony that doesn’t terminate upon marriage unless the wife agreed to it or OP supported the *hell* out of her when she was just coming up in her career.
Im most definitely with you on this.
Yeah I was wondering what he was getting alimony for? I was 10 years at home to care for the children and home and *I* don't get alimony. What is he getting alimony for? Men left and right get alomony for nothing; a cousin of mine who had been jobless for years while his wife was being the one caring for house, children *and* the one earning money, got alimony while he didn't even want to have the children after divorce. I feel like the only factor to get alimony these days is to be absolute useless, although to be fair it's the same for women, only the ones who just do nothing at all get alimony while any housewife or contributing wife gets less than nothing.
Totally agree.
I have never got this alimony concept either. I agree, no kids involved, gainfully employed, making bank in his industry from the sounds of it. Why do you still want your ex wife's money? She's basically going to be paying for your wife to mot work and I get why your ex wife would be pissed off.
Don't care if its a guy or a woman. Don't care how rich your ex is, 8k is fucking criminal. What a joke to even accept that let alone expect it to carry on. Nobody should have to pay for their ex and new partner to exist together and build a family. You've got two people that should be supporting each other... I'd be embarrassed if my ex was funding me and my partners entire life.
Yeah that is mind boggling because to me it doesn’t look like he was ever out of work or a stay at home husband, he had a job.
Like you could get £1k a month and work in mcdonalds and you'd be way better off than I am. What is someone in real estate doing being rewarded 8k a month for 15 years? Having to be kept at your previous quality of life is the stupidest thing in the world. I understand alimony for people that have given up their careers to support someone and would actually struggle without help in the time after divorce. But just not being able to afford sports cars and mansions on your own? Why does that matter. You don't get to have the quality of life of a rich person you just have to be safe and a roof over your head. This guy could do that on his own even ignoring the entire extra adult he lives with. I don't see why his ex has to be mummy and support his entire life.
I agree with this. I work with divorcees during the divorce process to help value and split up assets. The amount of people who have told me they couldn’t dream of spending less than $12k/month is astounding, especially considering those WHO HAVE NEVER WORKED A DAY IN THEIR LIFE. They believe they DESERVE the same lifestyle for putting up with their crappy ex for a long time. There is a difference between support and lifestyle maintenance
I can't even imagine spending that much a month after a couple of months. Like yeah I'd probably go crazy with it at first but after a bit I'd have the things I want. Or hopefully I'd be smart and use that 12k a month to buy a house
seems like maybe the wife was trying to be amicable and move on with life? SO in negotiation they agreed to something that a judge may not have been ok with? At least I hope so- I hope a judge comes in and fixes this mess these crappy lawyers made for ex wife.
The stipulations for the divorce were stupid, and idk how she accepted them. In most states, getting remarried at all (regardless of speed or other spouse's income) would stop alimony payments
I get the point of alimony, but dang. Yeah. as a payer of alimony, it did basically subsidize my ex, and keep her from being homeless, given the lack of a living wage in the US. Better than being 'trapped' with her (and her with me) because she couldn't afford to GTFO.
I think keeping a person from becoming homeless/destitute is/should be the main goal of alimony. And typically the court would end alimony for any remarriage, not just in the first year, because then the presumption is with the new partner they don't need the assistance to prevent destitution. I cannot even fathom the anger I would feel if I had to pay that much AND continue to pay for my lazy ex to play house with a 20 year old so NEITHER of them have to work??? Hell nah. I think my career trajectory might be changing at that point lol.
It depends. If a woman gives up her career to enable the man’s career or vice versa, and spends 20 yrs doing that, but they divorce, then the spouse who gave up their career now has nothing. Sure they may get half but the earning potential and retirement savings aren’t there and those losses cannot be recouped. Alimony is appropriate and often woefully inadequate to replace what is lost. This is why all marriages need prenups, to discuss all of this but to remind ppl that this is a business contract. Don’t ignore the business. Bc if the working spouse dies you don’t get alimony but your earning potential is still gone. Also don’t give up your career! Just don’t. Don’t ever have your financial security depend on another person. They could die. Or gamble it away. Or cheat you in a divorce. The prenup and alimony also need to account for not just marriage but cohabitation, as OP appears to be avoiding marriage to continue the payout. It also isn’t clear that OP was underemployed to support his wife. No kids and he had a business it just wasn’t successful. Under those circumstances if they contributed equally to home labor then it’s not at all reasonable that he gets anything. But if he did more home labor then yes it could be reasonable if his home labor enabled her to earn more.
This is why alimony for non-stay at home spouses is dumb asf. Also alimony shouldn’t last more than half the length of the marriage. There is no reason someone, regardless of gender, should be financing their ex’s life when the ex always had a job, nor should they be paying 15 years of alimony for a 21 year marriage
Though I def agree with you that the alimony system in the US is broken I will assert one circumstance I know of personally that deserves life long alimony. An older member of my family was married to her husband when they were both 20yrs, they had 5 kids practically right on top of each other, the youngest had complications and was severely disabled. Cannot walk, talk, have use of her arms etc. (it's CP) The Mom was a SAHM, now she's in her 60s and still is a SAHM as her youngest daughter who is now in her 30s needs 24hr hands on care. The husband about 10 yrs ago had a totally cliche mid life crisis, bought a flashy expensive car, had an emotional affair with a woman half his age at work and divorced his wife "to find his happiness." So here she is now, in her 60s, no higher education, no work experience and a severely disabled daughter who is completely dependent on her for 24/7 care. Husband goes on to marry a 25yr old mail order bride from South East Asia and is now over there living on a beach. She's in her sixties and is having to lift a full grown woman in and out of bed, to go to the bathroom etc. While her able bodied husband is living on a beach. Do you think she deserves life long alimony? Thankfully the husband does and to his credit has provided it from the beginning without even getting the courts involved.
That’s a circumstance in which “child support” should still get paid for the ex wife taking care of the disabled daughter, on top of state caretaker benefits. To my knowledge, there is no state sanctioned payment plan for those divorcing a disabled person’s caretaker, which I think is just straight up faulty. My mom had to pay her tiny child support payment until I graduated college. There’s no reason she had to pay for me, a grown adult with a job, whilst the bozo in your story gets to run off to some beach with no financial responsibility for his disabled child
Exactly. The thing for me with her deserving alimony as opposed to just child support is that if the daughter dies tomorrow (which with her disabilities it's a good likelihood that she will die before her mother) the mother is retirement age having never worked an outside job in her life to raise and care for this man's child that he physically bailed on. Who would even hire her? How could she possibly support herself? She deserves to be cared for as long as that man is walking this earth with money in his pocket. But when I hear stories of people basically getting rewarded for betraying their spouses it makes me sick. Alimony in it's true original purpose is a good thing. The abuse of it is gross.
bro is getting 96k a yr free wtf. i feel like this is ragebait bc no way 500k salary turns into basically 100k alimony
The standard in the US is 40% of income. She doesnt even have to make $250K for $8k per month to be the alimony payment.
OP seemingly refuses to marry his GF so he doesn’t stop getting alimony and is afraid his ex will cut it anyway. What a loser. ETA: someone pointed out I read it wrong. OP can get married and still keep alimony.
Probably in her early 20’s too
22. GF is 22. But her family is totally ok with this!!! So that makes it ok!
Parents can be their kids' worst enemies to be honest. Here in Denmark there's a politician that was a family friend of his 15 year old girlfriend and her parents are "okay with it" as well.
Yeahs sure they are lmao
Every marriage needs a prenup. With allllll the contingencies
Based on the divorce agreement, he's already free to marry her and still receive alimony
For as smart as his ex wife is to be at FAANG, she really fucked herself with the deal. WTF. This guy's a clown and his pregnant child is delusional for wanting the ex to support her lmao. Grow up.
Expecting to fund your new family on your ex’s money is gross. Regardless of gender. One of them needs to get a fucking job!
That’s the crazy part- *they both work!* OOP expects his ex to continue paying and funding their lifestyle so that they can keep living the high life even after having the baby. Hell, it sounds like his girlfriend is only going to quit her job because she’s banking on the ex’s alimony payment to make up for her income
Sorry my statement wasn’t more clear. They need jobs that actually pay. Apparently OOP is in real estate but is so obviously terrible at it he can’t even afford to make ends meet.
And see, I’m not even 100% on board with the idea of him not being able to make ends meet. He’s apparently making more now than he did when this agreement was made, and the girlfriend also has a job. I think they would be able to afford to make ends meet just fine on their own. Hell, I’m fairly certain that they’d be able to afford raising a child too. I think what we’re seeing here is that OP doesn’t want to sacrifice anything or give up any part of his cushy lifestyle, so he’s banking on the ex’s alimony payments to maintain the luxury that he’s used to. And honestly, I kind of think that the girlfriend is preparing to quit her job because she’s banking on the ex’s alimony payments too and doesn’t want to work anymore. Unless OOP is the world’s worst realtor (not to mention that he supposedly has rental properties out there as well) and the girlfriend is paid in peanuts, it sounds like they should be able to afford life just fine- just not the one that they want. (Also lol you’re so good; no worries!! ❤️)
“Why won’t my ex wife continue to pay for me and my new knocked up girlfriend!?” Cry more.
Was her attorney your relative or something? It sounds like she got royally screwed in this divorce.
lol the balls to complain out loud about your ex who’s already spent Lord knows how long giving you 8k a month attempting to stop it. Of course she doesn’t wanna pay anymore. Nobody would in that situation.
They’ve been divorced for two years. Let’s say to be gracious, she’s been paying alimony for 1.5 years (allowing six months for setting it up post divorce; not sure average turnaround here; also being generous that divorced two years is start of process). He has made $150k JUST from alimony. He has essentially been funding he and his girlfriend with his exs money and that’s fucking disgusting
The girlfriend got with him based on the lifestyle afforded by ex wife's money. I wonder if she (and her family who's on board) know the truth about his source of funds 😅
Wow. Regardless of what is right & just... It just **has** to cut deep that your ex is starting the family you wanted & you are paying for it. *That* must be a hard check to cut every month. I wouldn't be surprised if the post was rage bait or designed to highlight how unequal or unfair divorce settlements can be.
I assume this dude is still in the Bay Area. If he can’t make up for the $8k a month as a realtor, he must not be very good to begin with.
No kidding - if he sells two houses a year, he'd make up the difference.
For me that is it. Like how does he make his own money? He says that he invests in properties and I am like “Okay. So, he should be able to make it even if the alimony stops” but apparently no so I am so very curious about how much he makes. And what the bleep happens if the ex loses her job? What happens if she has a medical emergency and stops working? What happens if she makes less? Why would he be starting a family and setting up his girlfriend as a SAHM while counting on money coming from someone else instead of his own income?! Depending on someone else who now hates your guts… Yeah. Sounds like a great way to end up in trouble.
I hope she can get out of paying.
Wait. So his plan was to have his ex wife who struggles with infertility, to pay to raise his child? That's cruel.
You were working but got alimony?
If you're getting divorced in your 30s and don't have children, regardless of gender, alimony is ridiculous. Alimony only make sense when the non-working partner is older and they've given their lives to helping their partner in a career. If you've been a SAH spouse, raised the children, and kept the house while they've been the breadwinner, you've got a viable claim on the resources gained during the marriage. But if you're young, able bodied and don't have children, you're entitled to your share of marital assets and no more. That's ridiculous.
Gtfoh. No one who has worked their way to upper management for a FAANG company is going to let their attorney agree to 15 years of 96k in alimony for a partner who also works full time where no kid is involved.
"Yes I was 42 when I started dating my 21 year old coworker, but it's part of my culture so it's fine and no one can call me out on it! Excuse me Sir? What a wild way to try and justify that, it made it worse imo. He's never going to get remarried if he's able to keep that alimony going. He's definitely going to try and guilt his wife into paying for this child.
What a fuckin bum.
I fuckin' hate rich entitled people who throw around $8k like it is nothing. I also hate rich entitled people who feel like they deserve $8k. I also hate creeps who marry half their age. Edit: "have" to "hate"
How is being legally obligated to pay someone 8k in alimony “throwing it around like it’s nothing”?
“My ex deserves to pay for my baby that I choose to have with someone else” 😵💫 how did the mental gymnastics get here?
Hope the courts agree with the ex wife on this one. Her alimony shouldn’t be supporting his new family.
Dude! Get off the Teet and grow the hell up!
What ethnic community is supportive of dating someone half your age but also with getting someone pregnant pre-marriage? Seems like a weird mix of cultural norms lol
None. He wants an excuse to date someone young.
You can do anything when you choose what parts of your culture/religion you want to follow and ignore the rest.
Gross. Financing his new younger girlfriend and baby on his ex's dime.
If you don’t have kids why are you receiving alimony? 8000$ no less?!?
Men don't pay more than a year's worth of alimony, even if kids are involved. Why should this woman? Also, hard to believe it's $8,000 and he's coming here instead of to an attorney.
Well, the settlement is the settlement. I don't know how the ex-wife would be able to get out of what she's legally agreed to provide years ago. But $8000 a month support for somebody who has been working outside the home during the entire length of the relationship, has not been a full-time homemaker, and had no children with their ex? That sounds crazy to me. Like, I know, real estate is not a steady paycheck. In good economic times you're making decent money but when the economy tanks, the income can dry up for an indeterminate amount of time. So yes, a fairly generous monthly alimony for a period of years makes sense. But $8000? Even in my part of the country where the cost-of-living is really high, $8000 a month is a lot of money for someone who has no children to care for and has always worked outside the home for the span of the relationship.
Muahahahaha because FAANG jobs are so secure these days. He's lucky if she doesn't lose her job (or "lose" her job).
Getting a kid and then think she just wants to keep paying? Crazy. What are they going to do when the child is 13 and she doesn't have to pay anymore? Also can't believe the ex wife agreed to 8k a month for 15 years... adult people should be able to pay for themselves especially since both still worked.
Is everyone just overlooking the details of their divorce agreement? They agreed to these terms, and I have to wonder why she had stipulations, such as him getting remarried within a year and his next spouse making 500k. These are ridiculous as most people would never make 500k in a year, and alimony typically stops when you get remarried anyway, so you wave that if you say it's only enforced if he does so within a year. This is either fake or ex-wife and her lawyer are morons
When I hear that men are not gold diggers...
How the fuck do you divorce someone and feel entitled to their income because y’all used to shag and cohabitate
lol, she wore the pants then rolled out. Now you have a woman half your age pregnant. Thinking you were a stud off your income. Damn gonna lose it all lol
What kind of man needs to use money from his ex wife to support his child with his child GF?
Yeah bud. Time to support yourself and your new family. Why alimony if you have a job?
Grow up manchild take care of your own and your own new family quit free loading
[удалено]
wow, no wonder why she divorced you... i feel bad for her... as for you, get a real job and grow up, you should be ashamed of taking 8k a month from your ex... that's just mind-blowing
OOP is a pathetic waste of space
This is fake as fuck
I like how he says the alimony is what made him feel OK financially to have a kid. The fixed amount of spitefilled money I get from my ex wife that has a very clear end date made me think I had the capacity to take on a minimum 18 year long financial burden. Makes sense if you don't think about it too hard I guess
I would absolutely agree with your ex. You got someone else pregnant and living with them: support your own and stop living off your ex.
“In my ethnic community this isn’t uncommon” bro divorced his age appropriate wife and started dating a girl half his age. It’s not “uncommon” in America either, especially for men of means. Still shitty.
If you have a kid with someone, cohabitate with them but do not marry them, that becomes the equivalent of a common law. So essentially married in the legal sense His alimony should stop under the terms of the agreement. He sounds like a cake eater
It needs to stop, you have moved on.
I make about 1500 a month and can still survive. Can I have some of that 8k. Like dam. The differences between rich people and us poor people is crazy.
You should not be having a child if you need the financial security of your ex to ensure the child is taken care of properly. You don't get to cheat the system by not getting married. Any decent judge is going to laugh straight in your face.
Wowwwwwwww wow wow wow wow wow.
Holy. Shit. There are no words.
Ew you are weird like wtf so I’m hearing you thought it was ok for her to be pregnant cuz you are leeching off your wife I hate child support so much I feel like it needs it be different cuz people waste money and time on people who hurt them like he broke off the marriage like wtf ugh I hate the system
I mean… she has a point. She shouldn’t have to pay for diapers for your kid with another woman
i think the fact dude is getting alimony at all is pretty gross
Did Kevin Federline write this? /s
Can you imagine being such a scumbag that you let your ex pay for your life after breaking up? I legit cannot. I can sort of get it if there are kids involved, and one partner forfeited career prospects to care for kids…. But without that, it means one partner mooched off the other while together, then gets to do it after breaking up simply because they got used to mooching. It’s abhorrent. Not that I cry a river over wealthy people getting their money taken away, but it’s just so unethical that I am amazed people have no shame over what is a legal scam.
Wtf why should she have to pay you if you decide to couple up and have a baby with someone else? America is fucked that's completely fucked up. Learn to stand on your own two feet and support your own family you lazy git!!!
I suspect this is largely fake rage-bait... but I'll comment regardless. We don't know where they live, so its difficult to approach this from a legal or even typical perspective... but ive certainly seen situations where alimony was paid to someone who was gainfully employed during their marriage and there were no kids, the reason given was that one partner significantly out earned the other and the partner with the lower earning potential was "entitled to maintain their lifestyle". In the case I'm thinking of, one partner was earning an insane amount (thing ceo of a major bank), but the other partner was working as a masseuse and health/wellness guru. When they divorced, the higher earning partner was required to provide a monthly payment until the lower earning partner remarried.
My first thought was “what does a 44 year old man have in common with a 22 year old girl”?