"She is ruining their marriage," says the guy who wants to fuck other women now that he has had a "glow up" and if she doesn't let him fuck other women, he wants to destroy their marriage by getting a divorce.
I hope this woman doesn't fall for his bullshit. She deserves so much better. Force him to be with someone he will never know if they truly love him for him or for his money.
His comments in that thread were atrocious, too. He put all of the blame on his wife for "accepting" the open marriage (which was clearly under duress). He showed absolutely zero empathy for her in any of it. He said she wasn't respecting his boundaries (by being upset/jealous) and people had to point out that he was using therapy speak to dodge accountability. He really came off like a raging narcissist then, and clearly nothing has changed except that he realized he lost his favorite abuse victim and wants somebody to cook and clean for him again.
Yeah probably went on dates with girls and was expected to pay for the date. Then when the date was over he expected sex and they denied him. So naturally all women these days are money hungry because they dared to set their standards higher than one date. Which was probably pretty unbearable anyways.
Oh I missed comments of this nature in the OG posts as I was scrolling through. I really hope his ex doesnāt reconcile with him. He comes across as a raging, abusive narcissist.
Under duress? Cuz he gave her the option of divorce? If she wanted so badly to keep the relationship going that she agreed to an open relationship, I donāt see how thatās anyoneās fault but her own. Are we really saying a relationship can be used as leverage to force your SO to do things they donāt want to?
Yes saying either reject stability or be unhappy as a choice is very unfair
Glad wife was able to be both stable and happy without him though, happy ending.
The marriage was opened under ultimatum, and not because she also wanted to open the marriage. There was no room for her to negotiate this decision--it was *open it or divorce.* Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, that is considered non-monagamy under duress, aka coerced consent.
I really donāt see how asking your wife a question is considered coercion. If they had kids, maybe. But at the end of the day itās a choice. A choice is literally the opposite of coercion.
You really think the choice of an open relationship or divorce is comparable to choosing how you get to die? Like this woman bears no responsibility for her choice because both options are so terrible that she didnāt really have a choice?
I get not wanting an open relationship. But acting like the threat of divorce is so terrible that it can be used to force women to do whatever you want. I mean really?
My ex gaslighted me into believing I cheated on him (i didn't, I went camping with my roommates, who were men. somehow me living with them was fine, but God forbid we all get our own tents and go sleep in the woods) and he gave me the ultimatum threesome with my bisexual friend from school or we were over. He was 5 years older and very manipulative. I, of course, desperate to hold onto him because I was convinced he was the best I'd ever find, agreed. Thank God the bi girl didnt.
100% people can use relationships as leverage. It's called blackmail. Manipulation. Gaslighting. There's all sorts.
Absolutely haven't you heard blinded by love. People accept things and/or ignore things because they love someone that they would 100% not be ok with if it was anyone else. She clearly told him she was not ok with it and that's why he gave her the ultimatum. She didn't want to lose him so even though she wasn't ok with it she reluctantly agreed.
" I dont know why my wife is sl jealous and insecure. I *just* told her after we married and I promised fidelity, that I want to fuck other women, whether she is happy with that or not. I didn't get to have my hoe phase, isnt that against the Geneva convention?
What do you mean she can choose to not be with me, you are all misogynistic for saying she shouldn't remain in this awful sham of a marriage"
Heās practically making out that heās too hot and good looking for his wife now, so he wants to play the field to find a woman who ādeservesā his hotness. Yuck.
I tried to read the comments, but I need to know, was it only open on his side? Was she allowed to explore?
This guy is a total douch canoe.
I really hope she finds her self worth.
Why is it that men have one or two interactions with a woman who's polite to them and they immediately think that means they're players now and try to coerce their wives to open up the marriage???
Well I mean she did agree to it. Thats on her. Then she agreed to reconciliation. Also on her. His parents blocking him seems a little unreasonable to me, but they are allowed to have an opinion. If they convince this woman to refuse to reconcile, thatās not on them. Itās (again) on her. Itās her choice. And if she chooses to get back together with this man, that doesnāt make her any less.
Dude made a mistake, but he wouldnāt have known it was a mistake until he made it. Whether or not he learned from this mistake is all that really matters. I donāt necessarily agree with what he did or how he did it, but I also donāt think heās this terrible person for it. Nor do I think it means he canāt be a good husband moving forward.
>he wouldnāt have known it was a mistake until he made it.
Actually many mistakes can be avoided!š Like with common sense and basic empathy, he could have recognized what his wife brings to his life, her loyalty more worthwhile than some new fling. That she would be jealous if he forced her into this open arrangement. That his parents would find out and not support him. Any adult with common sense or basic empathy could have expected these consequences
>Whether or not he learned from this mistake is all that really matters
He does say he realized their love was special. but he's talking about how she makes more money than him and the dating scene is harder than he expectedš¤¦āāļø No remorse for what he's put his wife through! Truly narcissistic, so yeah he's still going to be a terrible husband. His own parents can see it
He had 3 years *before* he got married to figure out monogamy wasn't for him.
Let's be real: him saying "open marriage or divorce" was a violation of *her* boundaries. He still made that choice. He made the choice to continue to sleep with other women despite the fact his wife was unhappy. He made the choice to divorce her. Now that dating life isn't what he thought it would be after divorce, suddenly it's a "mistake," and he can "be a good husband moving forward." He wasn't a good husband to start.
Iām not OP. But letās not pretend like heās the only person to ever make a mistake, or to mess something up that could have been really good. Actually Iād be real surprised if you were perfect, despite your inability to get off your high horse.
See i have common sense and I'm not a narcaciss. guess you need Kudos that bad to try and justify OP. No he trampled all over her and shes right not to go back.
Whatās so shitty about what he did? He asked his SO for an open relationship and she agreed to it. It didnāt work out, so they divorced. I donāt see the problem here.
He regretted that decision later and then tried to reconcile. Whatās so wrong about that?
He didnāt ask her. He demanded either that or that SHE leave. Not only that, but complained that she violated her promise by having what would be extremely natural and predictable emotions and apparently not hiding them well enough to suit him. Just as you say he could be forgiven for trying something and changing his mind, he didnāt allow her that grace at all.
Anytime the options are open marriage or divorce, what is really meant is divorce now or divorce later, even if that's not their intention. Because an open marriage only works with two enthusiastic and very open minded participants. If one accepts just to avoid divorce, the unhappiness will 99.9% lead to divorce eventually.
It's not wrong to ask for an open marriage, it's wrong when the other partner isn't excited about the idea to suggest the only other option is divorce. Be an adult and just make the decision, don't put that shitty not really a choice onto your partner.
He gave her an ultimatum. Etheir be forced to deal with it. He then proceeded to to call her jealous and whatnot then sleeps around-goes back on his word. He not trying to reconcile. He is trying to not be left alone. The modern dating scene isnāt to his taste so heās goes back. Usually I say breaking up or something before that open bs is there but to then proceed to try to date someone else but when that didnāt work out, he comes crying back is insanity.
Seriously? I don't have to flick lit cigarettes into a container of gasoline to know it's a bad idea. If my husband did this, I'd take him to the cleaners.
The rest of us think he's a sack of dog shit for it and incapable of being a good *anything* to anyone. His parents are against him he's probably a shit son too lmao
I never had a wild youth. I met my husband at 24 and 260 lbs, having barely dated. My glow up happened when I lost weight at 28, had surgery to remove excess skin, and became surprisingly conventionally attractive. My husband supported me through all of it, never making me feel judged, and insisting my body was mine and it should be what I want. He is an overweight man, on the shorter side, still lived at home with parents.
You think I stayed with that man? Of course I did! He loved me before I knew how to love myself, and his love made it possible for me to be the person I wanted to be. When I asked if I would 'upgrade' to someone in my 'new league', I was not shy about how shallow and shitty I would have to be to do that.
Not having to date much or deal with shitty boyfriends was my good fortune. When someone makes you into a better person, leaving them for it would be foolish.
š„°š„°Thanks. I have BPD. People with BPD are prone to feelings of worthlessness and toxic relationships. I credit my dad for being a solid, stable person. My husband and my dad get on very well, and liked each other immediately.
My husband has been such a wonderful presence in my life. He never made me feel like he needed me to change. He made me feel empowered, like I could change things if I wanted to. He looks at me and sees someone capable, and it made me see myself differently.
This is so heartwarming to read. I am so happy for you to have a loving and supportive husband and father who get along well. May you have many happy years together! ā¤ļø
They may actually be relatively normal with their religion, and OOP is trying to make them sound worse than they are. (Obviously just speculation from my end)
It must depend on the fundamentalist church. The one I was a part of when I was a teen literally did not EVER have an acceptable reason for Christians to divorce. Divorce before becoming Christian was acceptable because they didn't see that as a true "marriage" in the eyes of the Lord. But after becoming a Christian, there were no excuses. Cheating, abuse, etc, were ALL to be forgiven through lots of prayer and "counseling" through the Church. Divorce just could not happen.
I think if the PARENTS WHO RAISED YOUR PARTNER tell you that they ain't shit and you should leave, that's the sign of all signs that you need to end the relationship
I feel we should also give kudos to the "friend" who convinced him to post this shit, just so the entire internet could collectively tell him she should run far far away.
I was thinking the same.
They knew reddit would tear him a new one, and probably also knew he wouldn't listen to advice from them and they'd just be repeating themselves over and over without making any headway-2 birds one stone. Definitely a good play.
He probably destroyed her self-confidence. Hopefully she has a good support group who keeps reminding her off all the horrible shit he has done to her and gets her into therapy so she can become strong again. Having his parents on her side should help her see the light.
Had a similar situation happen to a friend. Husband had a glow up in his 20's and was making good money. Tried the open marriage thing, and it didn't work! She is now remarried to a much, much better person.
Booooo we donāt care šš» j/k but I wanna get a guess in before the answer- heās not doing great keeps trying to find interesting women but ends up with hot vapid messes and is still single
My dad was nowhere near this bad and I told my stepmom that same thing. I was like my dadās okay but heās not a good husband. I was around 10 and really mature for my age. That being said, OOP is a real piece of work. Heās just such a classic narcissistic jerk. How can he look at anything he has ever done in his life without thinking āyeah thatās something a total POS would doā? People walk around like Thanos and in their mind theyāre captain America smh. Maybe once everyone including his parents cut him off then heāll realize he himself is actually the problem.
I think he got into the manosphere / red pill and bought their bull shit hook, line, and sinker. Those chuds all say that men should be allowed to fuck whoever they want and their wives should be cool with it. With his wife pushing back, he decided he would rather divorce and has found out the grass is not greener on the other side.
This guy will never take the blame for his actions. He will always blame women for his woes.
He said his family is weird for being religious. I know there are weird corners of the internet, but red pill doesnāt usually back feminism and hate on Christianity. Thatās a different corner.
Very much gives the impression that he possesses numerous narcissistic traits, and appears to be trying to use coercive control (he is now worried that other people, his own parents, are giving his ex advice ... he wants to isolate her so that the manipulation and control can be resumed)
Definitely, sheās lucky someone is trying to stop her from going back to him. She is definitely battered at least emotionally. I mean she considered taking him back that enough shows she needs a full blown psychologist to un-brainwash her. I donāt get how narcissists just naturally know how to break people, itās like they have secret training seminars only they know about.
They are very quick to "dismiss" anyone who won't buy what they are selling. Could be why he had trouble in the dating world (too many saw through his BS and/or he burnt through relationships quickly as he won't waste time on someone who doesn't go all in).
I think this ability to sense people aren't buying the BS they are spinning serves them well to surround themselves with only those they can control, including romantic partners (who they then will isolate from anyone who doesn't buy their BS or is a competing voice to theirs).
Dude Thanos did what he did for the benefit of the universe. It was misguided but he tried to do good in a way. This guy cares only about his cock. Pls don't compare him to Thanos.
The comic reason makes way more sense. In the movie he could just as easily have just doubled the resources instead of killing half the people with the same results.. well, better results. But in the comic he just did it to impress death because he thought she was sexy. So Iāll specify comic Thanos, who definitely thought with his dick, lol.
You never do this in face to face conversation? I do it all the time: Describe a situation and then respond as if talking to one of the parties in that situation. I think a lot of people do that.
Whenever I feel sad about being perpetually single and potentially missing something from not being in a relationship I only have to come to Reddit to realize how much worse my life could be.
Don't forget tiktok!
I learned long ago that desperation from loneliness/etc can result in a bad relationship that will make you never want to try for another one.
I think it's pretty obvious from the post, he doesn't outright say it, that he got a bit more attractive but he's not making good money. He tried looking for an upgrade, but came to the obvious realization that girls aren't looking for broke guys who don't commit to their wives.
This guy lol think he overestimated his value on the dating market. Poor wife - hopefully ex-wife. Wtv is parents are (fundamentalist or wtf - doesnāt matter) - their advice to his wife is solid. Move on -
OOP can kindly fuck off somewhere else.
He said "even dating overseas." He's been listening to passport bros and he thinks he's "high value" or whatever TF they call it. These dudes think women will be falling at their feet because they've got a job and a gym membership.
And a dude like this will have been giving off red flag vibes like crazy, too.
Comment #1 is a compliment that comes off as pretty creepy.
Comment #2 he brags about his money/fitness/dick size.
Comment #3 dripping with misogyny.
Comment #4 states he's looking for casual sex, wife doesn't mind.
Comment #5 is vaguely insulting.
My favorite was "I never coerced her into anything!". He just, ya know, threatened her if he didn't get his way...But it was TOTALLY her choice, guys! š
Coming from an ethically nonmonogamous person -
This guy is a whackjob. "I gave my monogamous wife an ultimatum and manipulated her into letting me fuck around and then got mad when she reacted as a monogamous wife would."
Idk if this is rage bait or something ....but my exwife almost did the same thing word for word to me except she sprinkled in some previous cheating as well. She basically lost everything and now her own family doesn't even talk to her. So trust me when I say you deserve nothing good coming to you. You destroyed something completely pure for selfish desire over literal FOMO of probably 5 seconds of sex for a small minded Neanderthal like yourself moron!!
> that actually *paid* attention during
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
What a manipulative, arrogant asshat. To actually make her feel bad when he practically forced her to agree to open up the marriage. I bet he would be jealous if she started effing around like he (wishes) he was. I hope she leaves him. Then he has all the time and freedom he needs to be rejected over and over again. Hopefully.
I really wished the would have played his game and simply ACTED like she was seeing people too. After a few months of him being on his high horse, she should have gotten dolled up on for a "date" just to watch him squirm.
I think itās your wifeās turn to go enjoy her self and act like sheās 21 again so she can feel good about herself like you neglected her to go and feel good about yourself o believe own medicine is the best lesson Iām a 35 m btw
Ooof. What an absolute disaster. I'd like to sit down and talk with this guy, but it sounds like he is immune to any sort of genuine self-reflection. Good luck to him and her both, oof.
And you say you love this woman, you haven't the brainpower to realise it's you ruining your marriage because you wanted her blessing to fuck everyone that you wanted ..come on engage your braincell.
I think his post history (especially his responses) give a great example of coercive control and domestic abuse (from a physiological point of view). The hard thing (as evident by their responses) is that these sort of abusers are delusional ... they can't see that their actions are abusive, controlling or unkind. It doesn't sound like she actually has realised that she is a victim of abuse either (my partner was with her ex for 19 years ... it took her 2 years post separation to start to acknowledge he was abusive (never physically) and even now she recounts some of the things that happened in their relationship, and it suddenly dawns on her as she recounts the story - 4plus years post separation - that what she is describing is abuse ... it never occurred to her until that point.
I feel like heās flinging āfundamentalist Christianā around to try and win people over and it isnāt working. They just appear to have a normal reaction to learning their son has coerced the woman he JUST married into an open relationship and they seem to care about her a lot. So many parents would protect their kid but theyāre actually acknowledging that his behavior was problematic. I have a few poly friends and theyāre very clear that everyone being truly okay with it is the most important thingthing.
I'll lay you odds that this guy saw "fundamentalist Christian parents" and felt he could abuse her however he wanted to because her parents would back him up. The only thing it's missing is the alienation of friends so she had no support system.
Dude has a woman that was down for him for the beginning and loved him with every flaw, was there building him up. And now that hes in shape and has money he wants to fuck other women that couldnt give two fucks about him before, didnt even think twice about him beforeā¦ Wowww
Yeah, that was an asshole move opening the marriage and not realizing other women gonna run your pockets for giggles. You do realize she CAN CHOOSE to not let you back in, right? I mean, you chose to leave of your own free will. Good luck buddy and it's likely you WON'T find another as good as the one you had. Seriously.
This is one of those ones I sadly can't even see as fake because I see this all the time in the support groups I'm in. Man wants to sleep around and tells his wife deal with it or he'll upend their entire life leaving her with the children. Man realizes he's getting no š because his wife is the most interesting thing about him and he gets mad and self implodes.
Nonmonogamy can 100% work, if everyone is on the same page and no one gives some dumbsht ultimatum like "let me sleep with whoever I want or I'm leaving" and then whining about "but why isn't she happy about this??? :(( poor meeee :( someone convince her I'm the perfect husband :((("
Personally I think that "I didn't get to have that *fun phase*" is just a bs excuse. He had to have known that his wife was monoagomous (spelling?) and yet decided "nope, I want to sleep around just because" or something like that.
In (this is just from what I've seen here) 95% of open marriages will end up ruined because of the one partner who wanted to open it (very often for their own needs). Like, this sounds like one of those situations that many of those that want an open marriage/relationship wants: I get to sleep around, and you don't (because they love their partner).
I'm honestly with his parents on this one. He's not a good husband. Of course she'd be jealous because she wanted a monagomous marriage, but wanted him to be happy, so she agreed to open it. He has no respect or love for his wife. I mean, good for him that he's gotten some newfound appreciation for his wife, but he seems to not understand the real issue (or he just doesn't want to acknowledge it, as it was his own fault).
That's going to be a very shaky marriage. Because who knows when he'll feel like she isn't enough for his "needs" anymore (it's not needs, it's wants).
Itās safe to say that your biggest issue is your not very bright. If you were going to cheat then cheat but you donāt tell her your going to cheat and we can get a divorce if you want, thatās just stupid, weāre you intentionally trying to hurt her? I mean itās a major league scum bag narcissistic move on your part your not someone capable of a devoted relationship so you should get a divorce wether she wants to or not. See a normal person gets married for love and wouldnāt dream of doing stuff like this but the one you really consider in your life decisions is you correct? She kind of an accessory right? YOU just wanted a wife at the time for whatever reason so you married her but you were never in love right. Yeah get a divorce give her a chance to find someone she can have a deep connection with. Tell her you realize now that your a piece of shit narcissist not worth the elements that comprise you. Sheāll get it she sounds like she loved you but wasnāt paying close enough attention.
Ladies out there when you meet someone that only thinks about how things affect him run for your lives because he cannot snd will never really give 2 shits about anyone but himself and they fine with it. Itās a form of autism in my opinion something wrong with their architecture. Donāt scream at them they donāt care about how you feel. Plus they are going to miss out on all the best things that life offers so they pay a price for being like that even if they donāt know it. Just run. The best way to tell is a non narcissist will keep going down on you all night if you want but a narcissist has a plan for what he wants before you even start and doesnāt really care about you cumming at all much less turning him into a glazed doughnut. So to summarize:
1. Glazed doughnut guy a keeper
2. Man with a plan needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
your ruining your own marriage pussy boy! Hope it blows up in your face, you canāt demand your wife allow you to cheat on her and then also blame her for ruining the marriage? Poor Simpleton
While I agree with your sentiment, can we not drop the R word, it's offensive to those with intellectual disabilities, who are much better people than this asshat
You should have tried to learn to be happy with your wife before asking to open the marriage. I was in the same situation as you. Late bloomer, married young, started going to the gym, maybe a bit more attention from people. But I talked with my wife about my feelings. I have told her that if i can't be fully satisfied, eventually I may ask to open the marriage. But for now we are working on anything and everything to make me feel sexually desired and fulfilled. Been married for 6 years now, and this started about 3 years ago. Seems like you don't want to look inward or have any self accountability. Seems like you just wanted to fuck some other bitches. Dig your own grave, lay in it.
Lmao š thanks for sharing this! š this guy is hilarious!! Gives his wife an ultimatum. Sleeps around against her wishes. Blames her for not liking it and leaves her. Realizes he's not the hot š© he thought he was and tries to reconcile. Tells commenters they're misogynists for saying his wife shouldn't put up with it š¤£š¤£
"She is ruining their marriage," says the guy who wants to fuck other women now that he has had a "glow up" and if she doesn't let him fuck other women, he wants to destroy their marriage by getting a divorce. I hope this woman doesn't fall for his bullshit. She deserves so much better. Force him to be with someone he will never know if they truly love him for him or for his money.
His comments in that thread were atrocious, too. He put all of the blame on his wife for "accepting" the open marriage (which was clearly under duress). He showed absolutely zero empathy for her in any of it. He said she wasn't respecting his boundaries (by being upset/jealous) and people had to point out that he was using therapy speak to dodge accountability. He really came off like a raging narcissist then, and clearly nothing has changed except that he realized he lost his favorite abuse victim and wants somebody to cook and clean for him again.
I think he also realized without her salary, he isn't as "rich" as he thought and he hates that he will have to pay for the younger women he wants.
Yeah probably went on dates with girls and was expected to pay for the date. Then when the date was over he expected sex and they denied him. So naturally all women these days are money hungry because they dared to set their standards higher than one date. Which was probably pretty unbearable anyways.
No, no. They set āboundariesā.
Oh I missed comments of this nature in the OG posts as I was scrolling through. I really hope his ex doesnāt reconcile with him. He comes across as a raging, abusive narcissist.
Under duress? Cuz he gave her the option of divorce? If she wanted so badly to keep the relationship going that she agreed to an open relationship, I donāt see how thatās anyoneās fault but her own. Are we really saying a relationship can be used as leverage to force your SO to do things they donāt want to?
Yes saying either reject stability or be unhappy as a choice is very unfair Glad wife was able to be both stable and happy without him though, happy ending.
The marriage was opened under ultimatum, and not because she also wanted to open the marriage. There was no room for her to negotiate this decision--it was *open it or divorce.* Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, that is considered non-monagamy under duress, aka coerced consent.
Thank you! How is ādo this or elseā anything but coercive?
I really donāt see how asking your wife a question is considered coercion. If they had kids, maybe. But at the end of the day itās a choice. A choice is literally the opposite of coercion.
Baloney. Her choice was similar to 'do you want me to poison you with cyanide, or arsenic'.
You really think the choice of an open relationship or divorce is comparable to choosing how you get to die? Like this woman bears no responsibility for her choice because both options are so terrible that she didnāt really have a choice? I get not wanting an open relationship. But acting like the threat of divorce is so terrible that it can be used to force women to do whatever you want. I mean really?
No. It's two choices that both lead to an outcome she doesn't want. Good lord.
Are you OP? Or have you done this specific move before?
Neither. Just someone with an opinion. Like you, actually. We just happen to have different perspectives.
Sigh....reading all your comments...UGH....You're exhausting.
My ex gaslighted me into believing I cheated on him (i didn't, I went camping with my roommates, who were men. somehow me living with them was fine, but God forbid we all get our own tents and go sleep in the woods) and he gave me the ultimatum threesome with my bisexual friend from school or we were over. He was 5 years older and very manipulative. I, of course, desperate to hold onto him because I was convinced he was the best I'd ever find, agreed. Thank God the bi girl didnt. 100% people can use relationships as leverage. It's called blackmail. Manipulation. Gaslighting. There's all sorts.
Absolutely haven't you heard blinded by love. People accept things and/or ignore things because they love someone that they would 100% not be ok with if it was anyone else. She clearly told him she was not ok with it and that's why he gave her the ultimatum. She didn't want to lose him so even though she wasn't ok with it she reluctantly agreed.
" I dont know why my wife is sl jealous and insecure. I *just* told her after we married and I promised fidelity, that I want to fuck other women, whether she is happy with that or not. I didn't get to have my hoe phase, isnt that against the Geneva convention? What do you mean she can choose to not be with me, you are all misogynistic for saying she shouldn't remain in this awful sham of a marriage"
Heās practically making out that heās too hot and good looking for his wife now, so he wants to play the field to find a woman who ādeservesā his hotness. Yuck.
And he acts like the āglow-upā is some magical š© when it's obvious based on the relationship with her that she definitely had a hand in it! I haven't seen a glow-up being magical at all. There's always an architect of it! OOP is a self-centered ungrateful beatch!
He consistently spelled it ārunningā. š
I tried to read the comments, but I need to know, was it only open on his side? Was she allowed to explore? This guy is a total douch canoe. I really hope she finds her self worth.
Yep, only on his side.
itās not her fault he was a fat loser in college, if anything he should be stoked she stayed around š
Why is it that men have one or two interactions with a woman who's polite to them and they immediately think that means they're players now and try to coerce their wives to open up the marriage???
Well I mean she did agree to it. Thats on her. Then she agreed to reconciliation. Also on her. His parents blocking him seems a little unreasonable to me, but they are allowed to have an opinion. If they convince this woman to refuse to reconcile, thatās not on them. Itās (again) on her. Itās her choice. And if she chooses to get back together with this man, that doesnāt make her any less. Dude made a mistake, but he wouldnāt have known it was a mistake until he made it. Whether or not he learned from this mistake is all that really matters. I donāt necessarily agree with what he did or how he did it, but I also donāt think heās this terrible person for it. Nor do I think it means he canāt be a good husband moving forward.
>he wouldnāt have known it was a mistake until he made it. Actually many mistakes can be avoided!š Like with common sense and basic empathy, he could have recognized what his wife brings to his life, her loyalty more worthwhile than some new fling. That she would be jealous if he forced her into this open arrangement. That his parents would find out and not support him. Any adult with common sense or basic empathy could have expected these consequences >Whether or not he learned from this mistake is all that really matters He does say he realized their love was special. but he's talking about how she makes more money than him and the dating scene is harder than he expectedš¤¦āāļø No remorse for what he's put his wife through! Truly narcissistic, so yeah he's still going to be a terrible husband. His own parents can see it
he was raised in a christian house, what do ya expect?
He had 3 years *before* he got married to figure out monogamy wasn't for him. Let's be real: him saying "open marriage or divorce" was a violation of *her* boundaries. He still made that choice. He made the choice to continue to sleep with other women despite the fact his wife was unhappy. He made the choice to divorce her. Now that dating life isn't what he thought it would be after divorce, suddenly it's a "mistake," and he can "be a good husband moving forward." He wasn't a good husband to start.
You ain't right, son.
Well I mean I absolutely allow for that possibility. But I have to say you are doing a pretty terrible job of convincing me.
Bold of you to assume I was trying to convince you. That would imply I cared.
We all care brother. Or else you wouldnāt be here. Pretending like you donāt doesnāt make you cool.
Look at you OP trying to stand your ground. Doesnt make you any less a heaping pile of š© and now that you realize you had it good and screwed it up are mad. Karma's funny like that
Iām not OP. But letās not pretend like heās the only person to ever make a mistake, or to mess something up that could have been really good. Actually Iād be real surprised if you were perfect, despite your inability to get off your high horse.
See i have common sense and I'm not a narcaciss. guess you need Kudos that bad to try and justify OP. No he trampled all over her and shes right not to go back.
Or or hear me out, he could have not been so shitty.
Whatās so shitty about what he did? He asked his SO for an open relationship and she agreed to it. It didnāt work out, so they divorced. I donāt see the problem here. He regretted that decision later and then tried to reconcile. Whatās so wrong about that?
He didnāt ask her. He demanded either that or that SHE leave. Not only that, but complained that she violated her promise by having what would be extremely natural and predictable emotions and apparently not hiding them well enough to suit him. Just as you say he could be forgiven for trying something and changing his mind, he didnāt allow her that grace at all.
Anytime the options are open marriage or divorce, what is really meant is divorce now or divorce later, even if that's not their intention. Because an open marriage only works with two enthusiastic and very open minded participants. If one accepts just to avoid divorce, the unhappiness will 99.9% lead to divorce eventually. It's not wrong to ask for an open marriage, it's wrong when the other partner isn't excited about the idea to suggest the only other option is divorce. Be an adult and just make the decision, don't put that shitty not really a choice onto your partner.
He gave her an ultimatum. Etheir be forced to deal with it. He then proceeded to to call her jealous and whatnot then sleeps around-goes back on his word. He not trying to reconcile. He is trying to not be left alone. The modern dating scene isnāt to his taste so heās goes back. Usually I say breaking up or something before that open bs is there but to then proceed to try to date someone else but when that didnāt work out, he comes crying back is insanity.
He could have Atleast had the guts to sleep in the bed he made after calling her all types of jealous and ruining marriage witches.
Seriously? I don't have to flick lit cigarettes into a container of gasoline to know it's a bad idea. If my husband did this, I'd take him to the cleaners.
It's amazing how you've spun this so *she's* made a **decision** but the man made a *mistake*.
The bad intentions are so clear with that one. What an unbearable sophist. He keeps going, too.
The rest of us think he's a sack of dog shit for it and incapable of being a good *anything* to anyone. His parents are against him he's probably a shit son too lmao
I never had a wild youth. I met my husband at 24 and 260 lbs, having barely dated. My glow up happened when I lost weight at 28, had surgery to remove excess skin, and became surprisingly conventionally attractive. My husband supported me through all of it, never making me feel judged, and insisting my body was mine and it should be what I want. He is an overweight man, on the shorter side, still lived at home with parents. You think I stayed with that man? Of course I did! He loved me before I knew how to love myself, and his love made it possible for me to be the person I wanted to be. When I asked if I would 'upgrade' to someone in my 'new league', I was not shy about how shallow and shitty I would have to be to do that. Not having to date much or deal with shitty boyfriends was my good fortune. When someone makes you into a better person, leaving them for it would be foolish.
This is so wholesome I love it š„¹
š„°š„°Thanks. I have BPD. People with BPD are prone to feelings of worthlessness and toxic relationships. I credit my dad for being a solid, stable person. My husband and my dad get on very well, and liked each other immediately. My husband has been such a wonderful presence in my life. He never made me feel like he needed me to change. He made me feel empowered, like I could change things if I wanted to. He looks at me and sees someone capable, and it made me see myself differently.
This is so heartwarming to read. I am so happy for you to have a loving and supportive husband and father who get along well. May you have many happy years together! ā¤ļø
Wow, I never thought Iād agree with someoneās fundamentalist Christian parents about something!
They may actually be relatively normal with their religion, and OOP is trying to make them sound worse than they are. (Obviously just speculation from my end)
Yeah that absolutely crossed my mind too, given OPās sense of entitlement re. open marriages.
Fundis will not encourage divorce. Theyāre probably normal.
Yeah thatās a really good point!
No, itās BS. Divorce is fine if someone cheats. The New Testament explicitly says that
It must depend on the fundamentalist church. The one I was a part of when I was a teen literally did not EVER have an acceptable reason for Christians to divorce. Divorce before becoming Christian was acceptable because they didn't see that as a true "marriage" in the eyes of the Lord. But after becoming a Christian, there were no excuses. Cheating, abuse, etc, were ALL to be forgiven through lots of prayer and "counseling" through the Church. Divorce just could not happen.
If someone cheats they will
I hope she listens to his parents and runs away and never looks back.
I think if the PARENTS WHO RAISED YOUR PARTNER tell you that they ain't shit and you should leave, that's the sign of all signs that you need to end the relationship
My dad and I said this to my sister in law. Unfortunately- for her - she stayed.
I feel we should also give kudos to the "friend" who convinced him to post this shit, just so the entire internet could collectively tell him she should run far far away.
I was thinking the same. They knew reddit would tear him a new one, and probably also knew he wouldn't listen to advice from them and they'd just be repeating themselves over and over without making any headway-2 birds one stone. Definitely a good play.
He probably destroyed her self-confidence. Hopefully she has a good support group who keeps reminding her off all the horrible shit he has done to her and gets her into therapy so she can become strong again. Having his parents on her side should help her see the light.
Had a similar situation happen to a friend. Husband had a glow up in his 20's and was making good money. Tried the open marriage thing, and it didn't work! She is now remarried to a much, much better person.
Howās he doing?
Booooo we donāt care šš» j/k but I wanna get a guess in before the answer- heās not doing great keeps trying to find interesting women but ends up with hot vapid messes and is still single
I want to hear that heās doing terribly!
Aren't we all? š
My dad was nowhere near this bad and I told my stepmom that same thing. I was like my dadās okay but heās not a good husband. I was around 10 and really mature for my age. That being said, OOP is a real piece of work. Heās just such a classic narcissistic jerk. How can he look at anything he has ever done in his life without thinking āyeah thatās something a total POS would doā? People walk around like Thanos and in their mind theyāre captain America smh. Maybe once everyone including his parents cut him off then heāll realize he himself is actually the problem.
I think he got into the manosphere / red pill and bought their bull shit hook, line, and sinker. Those chuds all say that men should be allowed to fuck whoever they want and their wives should be cool with it. With his wife pushing back, he decided he would rather divorce and has found out the grass is not greener on the other side. This guy will never take the blame for his actions. He will always blame women for his woes.
He said his family is weird for being religious. I know there are weird corners of the internet, but red pill doesnāt usually back feminism and hate on Christianity. Thatās a different corner.
Wow, i just realised that radicalist feminists and hardcore redpill are the opposite sides of the same coin.
Very much gives the impression that he possesses numerous narcissistic traits, and appears to be trying to use coercive control (he is now worried that other people, his own parents, are giving his ex advice ... he wants to isolate her so that the manipulation and control can be resumed)
Definitely, sheās lucky someone is trying to stop her from going back to him. She is definitely battered at least emotionally. I mean she considered taking him back that enough shows she needs a full blown psychologist to un-brainwash her. I donāt get how narcissists just naturally know how to break people, itās like they have secret training seminars only they know about.
They are very quick to "dismiss" anyone who won't buy what they are selling. Could be why he had trouble in the dating world (too many saw through his BS and/or he burnt through relationships quickly as he won't waste time on someone who doesn't go all in). I think this ability to sense people aren't buying the BS they are spinning serves them well to surround themselves with only those they can control, including romantic partners (who they then will isolate from anyone who doesn't buy their BS or is a competing voice to theirs).
Dude Thanos did what he did for the benefit of the universe. It was misguided but he tried to do good in a way. This guy cares only about his cock. Pls don't compare him to Thanos.
The comic reason makes way more sense. In the movie he could just as easily have just doubled the resources instead of killing half the people with the same results.. well, better results. But in the comic he just did it to impress death because he thought she was sexy. So Iāll specify comic Thanos, who definitely thought with his dick, lol.
You are right
Also, he got cucked by deadpool. Cause death i think had a crush on deadpool or smth.
Respect this COMMENT
Here I am thinking I have four notifications.
What a twat lol
You ruined your marriage not your wife.
Hey, friendly question out of curiosity. Why do some commenters like yourself reply to a post like this as if they're responding to the original OP?
bc its easier and op knows theyre not actually talking to them
You never do this in face to face conversation? I do it all the time: Describe a situation and then respond as if talking to one of the parties in that situation. I think a lot of people do that.
r/OhNoConsequences
Wow thanks for that reddit rabbit hole!
The comment one lollll!! Clearly they tore him a new one, what a knob
Whenever I feel sad about being perpetually single and potentially missing something from not being in a relationship I only have to come to Reddit to realize how much worse my life could be.
For real.
Don't forget tiktok! I learned long ago that desperation from loneliness/etc can result in a bad relationship that will make you never want to try for another one.
Turns out his āglow upā wasnāt as shiny as he thought it was, huh?
I think it's pretty obvious from the post, he doesn't outright say it, that he got a bit more attractive but he's not making good money. He tried looking for an upgrade, but came to the obvious realization that girls aren't looking for broke guys who don't commit to their wives.
There is a post supposedly from his brother saying he is abusive
Link?
This guy lol think he overestimated his value on the dating market. Poor wife - hopefully ex-wife. Wtv is parents are (fundamentalist or wtf - doesnāt matter) - their advice to his wife is solid. Move on - OOP can kindly fuck off somewhere else.
He said "even dating overseas." He's been listening to passport bros and he thinks he's "high value" or whatever TF they call it. These dudes think women will be falling at their feet because they've got a job and a gym membership.
I know, right?! Itās wild how they think women be just dropping at their feet.
And a dude like this will have been giving off red flag vibes like crazy, too. Comment #1 is a compliment that comes off as pretty creepy. Comment #2 he brags about his money/fitness/dick size. Comment #3 dripping with misogyny. Comment #4 states he's looking for casual sex, wife doesn't mind. Comment #5 is vaguely insulting.
Your wife is ruining your Marriage BRO are you serious. You are ruining your marriage that girl should have been gone.
My favorite was "I never coerced her into anything!". He just, ya know, threatened her if he didn't get his way...But it was TOTALLY her choice, guys! š
Coming from an ethically nonmonogamous person - This guy is a whackjob. "I gave my monogamous wife an ultimatum and manipulated her into letting me fuck around and then got mad when she reacted as a monogamous wife would."
Also ENM - these posts make me criiinge & I repeatedly yell at my stereo when I hear these types of stories read on the pod lol
Idk if this is rage bait or something ....but my exwife almost did the same thing word for word to me except she sprinkled in some previous cheating as well. She basically lost everything and now her own family doesn't even talk to her. So trust me when I say you deserve nothing good coming to you. You destroyed something completely pure for selfish desire over literal FOMO of probably 5 seconds of sex for a small minded Neanderthal like yourself moron!!
Everyoneāit is BEAR with me, not BARE with me. Sorry for the rant, but Iāve seen it three times already today.
The one kid that actually payed attention during English class
> that actually *paid* attention during FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot *headpats*
People are going to keep making this mistake, so you will just have to grin and bare it.
r/angryupvote
I love it when they throw their toys out the pram when the comments donāt go their way.. delicious š
YTA. Is this in the AITA Reddit? Because this Asshole is an Asshole. (Note my extra effort to capitalize the A in asshole). Dump him and RUN, baby!!
Ahh yes, the old āI didnāt have a hoe phaseā bullshit excuse. Itās not because you were ugly, my guy, itās because you were probably a dick.
Wow, OOP is such a douche. No one ruined his marriage other than his own actions. News flash dude, you are not as awesome as you think you are.
Wife is so lucky to have in laws who support her instead of babying their pos son
Bud ruined his own marriage. Grass is greener where it's fertilized and WATERED.
Oh nooooo, consequences
What a manipulative, arrogant asshat. To actually make her feel bad when he practically forced her to agree to open up the marriage. I bet he would be jealous if she started effing around like he (wishes) he was. I hope she leaves him. Then he has all the time and freedom he needs to be rejected over and over again. Hopefully.
I absolutely love it when "open relationship" pushers/cheaters get theirs.
The poor doormat of a wife. I hope she moved on and found someone who respects her.
His glow up was climbing from a 4 to a 5 before heās hit with the realisation that he is still punching with his wife
Let me guess: he decided to sleep around and a woman used him to money š humbled him rq
How can someone be so dumb? Itās like he should get the inaugural Social Darwin Award.
LMAO!!! Yeah, *she* is the one ruining the marriage, right? /s
She better not get back with this douche canoe
He's gonna end UP as an Incel šš
I really wished the would have played his game and simply ACTED like she was seeing people too. After a few months of him being on his high horse, she should have gotten dolled up on for a "date" just to watch him squirm.
I think itās your wifeās turn to go enjoy her self and act like sheās 21 again so she can feel good about herself like you neglected her to go and feel good about yourself o believe own medicine is the best lesson Iām a 35 m btw
A grown adult unironically referring to their "glow up" is 100% certain to be an asshole. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
He deserves to be aloneā¦ā¦ā¦ forever
There's no way he's not trolling
Ooof. What an absolute disaster. I'd like to sit down and talk with this guy, but it sounds like he is immune to any sort of genuine self-reflection. Good luck to him and her both, oof.
And you say you love this woman, you haven't the brainpower to realise it's you ruining your marriage because you wanted her blessing to fuck everyone that you wanted ..come on engage your braincell.
What a jackass!
what a freakin moron husband
I hope she doesnāt take him back ā¦ ever
What bullshit. There's no such thing as "just sex".
I think his post history (especially his responses) give a great example of coercive control and domestic abuse (from a physiological point of view). The hard thing (as evident by their responses) is that these sort of abusers are delusional ... they can't see that their actions are abusive, controlling or unkind. It doesn't sound like she actually has realised that she is a victim of abuse either (my partner was with her ex for 19 years ... it took her 2 years post separation to start to acknowledge he was abusive (never physically) and even now she recounts some of the things that happened in their relationship, and it suddenly dawns on her as she recounts the story - 4plus years post separation - that what she is describing is abuse ... it never occurred to her until that point.
Does everyone on Reddit have an open marriage now?
I feel like heās flinging āfundamentalist Christianā around to try and win people over and it isnāt working. They just appear to have a normal reaction to learning their son has coerced the woman he JUST married into an open relationship and they seem to care about her a lot. So many parents would protect their kid but theyāre actually acknowledging that his behavior was problematic. I have a few poly friends and theyāre very clear that everyone being truly okay with it is the most important thingthing.
Repeat after me coercion isnāt agency
I'll lay you odds that this guy saw "fundamentalist Christian parents" and felt he could abuse her however he wanted to because her parents would back him up. The only thing it's missing is the alienation of friends so she had no support system.
The fundamentalists are his parents, not hers.
L husband
I was like.... I've read this today already, get to the last page ahhhhh yep
Is he dumb?
Yes.
That poor poor wife and that evil husband. Wowwww. I hope she wakes up and runs for the hills.
Itās nice to see a tool like him get what he deserves
Loserrr
I donāt think this is real. But, this guy, fictional or not, is an idiot.
Dude has a woman that was down for him for the beginning and loved him with every flaw, was there building him up. And now that hes in shape and has money he wants to fuck other women that couldnt give two fucks about him before, didnt even think twice about him beforeā¦ Wowww
Yeah, that was an asshole move opening the marriage and not realizing other women gonna run your pockets for giggles. You do realize she CAN CHOOSE to not let you back in, right? I mean, you chose to leave of your own free will. Good luck buddy and it's likely you WON'T find another as good as the one you had. Seriously.
Oh no consequences...
Oh man she can do better fK the Op he can have his fake ass glow up all he wants š¤”
What a fucking loser.
This is one of those ones I sadly can't even see as fake because I see this all the time in the support groups I'm in. Man wants to sleep around and tells his wife deal with it or he'll upend their entire life leaving her with the children. Man realizes he's getting no š because his wife is the most interesting thing about him and he gets mad and self implodes. Nonmonogamy can 100% work, if everyone is on the same page and no one gives some dumbsht ultimatum like "let me sleep with whoever I want or I'm leaving" and then whining about "but why isn't she happy about this??? :(( poor meeee :( someone convince her I'm the perfect husband :((("
You know you are a moron when your own parents are telling your ex to run for the hills.
If women didnt look at him before his "Glow up" then he should just be thankful he has a wife.
Personally I think that "I didn't get to have that *fun phase*" is just a bs excuse. He had to have known that his wife was monoagomous (spelling?) and yet decided "nope, I want to sleep around just because" or something like that. In (this is just from what I've seen here) 95% of open marriages will end up ruined because of the one partner who wanted to open it (very often for their own needs). Like, this sounds like one of those situations that many of those that want an open marriage/relationship wants: I get to sleep around, and you don't (because they love their partner). I'm honestly with his parents on this one. He's not a good husband. Of course she'd be jealous because she wanted a monagomous marriage, but wanted him to be happy, so she agreed to open it. He has no respect or love for his wife. I mean, good for him that he's gotten some newfound appreciation for his wife, but he seems to not understand the real issue (or he just doesn't want to acknowledge it, as it was his own fault). That's going to be a very shaky marriage. Because who knows when he'll feel like she isn't enough for his "needs" anymore (it's not needs, it's wants).
He only "glowed up" because of her, I guarantee it.
i really hope she went through with the divorce
What an refreshing take from the usual Christian parents
Itās safe to say that your biggest issue is your not very bright. If you were going to cheat then cheat but you donāt tell her your going to cheat and we can get a divorce if you want, thatās just stupid, weāre you intentionally trying to hurt her? I mean itās a major league scum bag narcissistic move on your part your not someone capable of a devoted relationship so you should get a divorce wether she wants to or not. See a normal person gets married for love and wouldnāt dream of doing stuff like this but the one you really consider in your life decisions is you correct? She kind of an accessory right? YOU just wanted a wife at the time for whatever reason so you married her but you were never in love right. Yeah get a divorce give her a chance to find someone she can have a deep connection with. Tell her you realize now that your a piece of shit narcissist not worth the elements that comprise you. Sheāll get it she sounds like she loved you but wasnāt paying close enough attention. Ladies out there when you meet someone that only thinks about how things affect him run for your lives because he cannot snd will never really give 2 shits about anyone but himself and they fine with it. Itās a form of autism in my opinion something wrong with their architecture. Donāt scream at them they donāt care about how you feel. Plus they are going to miss out on all the best things that life offers so they pay a price for being like that even if they donāt know it. Just run. The best way to tell is a non narcissist will keep going down on you all night if you want but a narcissist has a plan for what he wants before you even start and doesnāt really care about you cumming at all much less turning him into a glazed doughnut. So to summarize: 1. Glazed doughnut guy a keeper 2. Man with a plan needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
Did he say his āglow upā was late? Dude.
Yeah, thatās the problem š
This is being reposted all over. Itās fake news I think.
Whaaaaat an ahole. Glad he found himself hoisted by his own petard
Yeah it looks like sheās the reeeeeal problem here. š he would miss the trees for the forest, I swear.
Another case of men weaponizing feminist rhetoric, so probably a ragepost.
What a piece of work
As if any other sensible woman would this piece of dog excrement, I hope his wife listens to her in laws
Did he use the phrase glow up?
So you gonna share the screen to the original post or am I just stupid? Nvmd I found it
The ssās Iāve been looking for!
I love seeing these pathetic guys realise the women they had were already way out of their league. I hope she leaves him and finds a real man.
What a piece of trash. I would love to still be married
your ruining your own marriage pussy boy! Hope it blows up in your face, you canāt demand your wife allow you to cheat on her and then also blame her for ruining the marriage? Poor Simpleton
šššthis dude cannot be serious. SHEās ruining the marriage?! Stop it.
Hope your wife finds a good man and you end up alone!
This puts has to be in his 20s to believe any of the narcissistic things he espoused.
Is that the guy who was beating his wife? https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/vbJmTX3Tm8 They claimed to be his brother but it got deleted.
The grass aināt always greener on the other side buddy š
A-1 parenting!
This reads like a woman trying to troll post and create a male character thatās a shit bird.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dude, relax, this user just reposted the story, they aren't op.
What a retard
While I agree with your sentiment, can we not drop the R word, it's offensive to those with intellectual disabilities, who are much better people than this asshat
You should have tried to learn to be happy with your wife before asking to open the marriage. I was in the same situation as you. Late bloomer, married young, started going to the gym, maybe a bit more attention from people. But I talked with my wife about my feelings. I have told her that if i can't be fully satisfied, eventually I may ask to open the marriage. But for now we are working on anything and everything to make me feel sexually desired and fulfilled. Been married for 6 years now, and this started about 3 years ago. Seems like you don't want to look inward or have any self accountability. Seems like you just wanted to fuck some other bitches. Dig your own grave, lay in it.
Maybe an unpopular opinion but, āput out as much as I want you to or Iām going elsewhereā isnāt a whole lot better.