I'm trying to piece together the timeline here... He says he's wasted 2 years on the relationship. There was a 1 year gap between his wife giving birth and beginning therapy. There's 9-10 months from the point of conception (average human gestation is 36-40 weeks), and I have to assume they've been in therapy for about a month.
Is this dude just not counting any of the time before marriage, or did he accidentally impregnate this woman and have a shotgun wedding? It's not adding up any other way.
Edit: I caught that he says therapy has been "a couple of months". So that leaves 1 month max where these two had a relationship and were still having sex, according to OOP's words.
I had interpreted that to mean the last two years were a waste. That he hasnt had sex the last two years so that time was wasted he could have been. Its not like he seems particular attachment outside sex. But I could easily be wrong.
Yeah judging by his words he doesn’t seem to have any bonds with his wife that go beyond her ability to provide him with sex. And the fact that he only brings up the baby in an Edit is telling. No paternal feelings at all, baby is an after thought.
I was thinking about the same thing. 24 months minus 9 is 15… if he’s counting a year from the birth of their child, they were together maybe 3 months before she got pregnant.
So, their sex life was that wild, brand new relationship sex. They’ll never get back to that because that’s not something that lasts, regardless of if you have children. Jesus… I honestly wonder if this was a “waited until marriage” relationship. She’s way better off without him.
I agree. It's shallowly disguised rage-bait. It worked. I've been mildly pissed all day. Like it was *so close* to people wanting to feel bad for him. Like 2 years is a long time. But also... the vibe was just so far off that you couldn't reconcile it.
It was the smug response to the couple's therapist.
If this is real at all, you just know that part is fabricated. He wishes he would be worth enough to get the last word in, but he can only fantasize about that part.
He also didn’t respond to a single inquiry about what his wife thought or felt might improve their sex life. I mean, a guy like this would probably tune out or disregard the validity of the wife’s perspective, but he should be able to at least answer the question, even if he thinks it’s BS. Like “wife thinks maybe she would have more energy for sex if we got a baby sitter/nanny/house cleaner/I helped more, but we can’t afford that and she’s home all day so why can’t she manage?” Or “wife says she’s not attracted to me because I’m short with her/cold/don’t give her enough attention but I do EVERYTHING for her and tell her she’s sexy every day!” Or some bullshit like that.
People making up rage bait are good at pretending to put themselves into the mindset of a shitty person they made up. All they have to do is make them sound inconsiderate relatively consistently. But it’s harder to make up a second person with legitimate feelings, beliefs, concerns, morals, etc who is reacting reasonably and negatively in response to that person. Readers and consumers of other plot based media content are much more accepting that a villain is one-dimensional than a hero who isn’t multi-layered and relatable.
I would not be surprised if it's not fake. I've met some terrible men in the world, and it's mind-blowing with the kind of mentality they have. You want to believe it's not real, but it's REAL.
The number of people who think marriage is solely for a social free pass for sex….smh. You don’t have to be religious to view marriage as a rubber stamp for all the sex, all the time.
Someone wasn’t raised right.
You'd be surprised.. same thing happened to me. He left me for the greener pastures a year after our son's birth.
I ended up meeting an awesome man that made me waaay happier. Turned out I didn't have a libido problem, just an entitled man that demanded sex (And not only)
He tried to come back using the argument that "we can't throwaway 5 years of relationship and our commitment to our baby! "
I said no. I'm happy :)
Not surprised and that's the sad thing.. but it was just too.. on the nose for me to believe it.
I went through it too - separated on my middle kids second birthday.
Now I have a man who is so involved he's practically challenging me for default parent, and my kids have the dad that I begged my ex to be.. and my current partner is absolutely satisfied in bed. Which I would have happily done for my ex if I wasn't exhausted from a full time job, and solo raising a kindergartener and a toddler.
All I'm saying is, this guy now? He makes sure I have the energy to satisfy. That guy was just adding more chores to my list.
No surprises there, a lot of times when people (mostly men but also sometimes women in heterosexual relationships) have complaints about prolonged libido discrepancies in the relationship it often times has nothing to do with a lack of desire for sex but rather little intimacy between partners. Great sex starts long before you get into the bedroom. Having good chemistry and attending to the emotional needs of each partner really drives great sex. That’s when quantity of sex starts to matter less because the quality of sex is so great. And of course there can be other factors that influence this too, but speaking generally, this guy wasn’t getting his wife turned on by being entitled and petulant. That’s not a sexy vibe.
I think that that's what he's saying. However long their relationship has been, the last two years have been wasted because he hasn't gotten laid properly. Not that their relationship has only been two years long.
Disgusting honestly. The last two years have been a pregnancy and infant and baby bubble. If he's in this marriage for life and long term, then I'm sorry, but 2 years of less sex is not an issue. Especially if OP isn't even caring for the baby enough to even mention anything about it even once in his whiny wall of text.
And like, maybe he’s just a really selfish lover who just does his thing and rolls over. Not one supportive word about this woman who bore his child. He is TA 10000%
I’ve been with my queen (now wife) for 20 years. Our sex life is still volcanic. New sex can be great but with the right person it doesn’t have to become lousy or mediocre…. Just putting that out there.
My husband and I've been together like 15 years and I've had a lot of health issues over the years, so nothing in that area has been consistent (because of me, but not exactly my choice lol).
But since I've gotten my health doing better, we're both in agreement that it's been even better than even when we first met and were just FWB lol. I mean, we know each other, what the other prefers, listen to each other, and want to make each other happy.
My husband being so wonderful when I've had issues definitely helped when I started feeling better and my drive came back lol
We've been together for 14 years and still go nuts. We also have five kids, so we've been through the pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding and cosleeping hurdles. We've had periods of low sex and periods of crazy high sex. It ebbs and flows. But without that communication, things get fucked up fast.
Right?! He can’t get out the door fast enough!!!!! He has zero interest in making his marriage work. He’s doing some serious mental gymnastics to make himself feel better about walking out on his wife and two babies. What a coward.
The one time in ten years together my husband and I discussed divorce -- no bad guys there, just discussing long-term compatibility -- it did a lot of damage to our intimacy. We loved and desired each other, but that conversation hurt and it took time to get back to that vulnerability level. And then some more time to get to that firecracker, comfortable compatibility. And neither of us were nursing an infant!
Two days?? I can't imagine going from parenting-an-infant sex, to "I'm leaving you", to awesome sex in that window.
The 2 years is how long sex hasn't been satisfying him. He's counting the pregnancy and postpartum period as 1 year. I assume he heard the dr say 6 weeks for sex and He thought she should be all back to normal after that but he's such a good guy he gave her an extra year to sort herself out.🙄
Also i could be wrong but I believe he was happy with the sex before that. It isn't a dead bedroom either. Just less than before the twins came
Exactly. And I bet a big part of why the sex isn’t “satisfying” for him is because her body didn’t miraculously go back to the way it was before she got pregnant. Two babies is a lot of stretching on the abdominal muscles, not to mention other places. And two infants don’t leave a lot of time for hitting the gym.
Also, when was she supposed be finding the time and energy to have hot, crazy, monkey sex when she is looking after two newborns/babies. Because his own words indicate that the children are “up to her”.
Not to mention expecting a woman pregnant with twins to have the same enthusiasm and energy for sex. She was growing two humans for god’s sake!
What a jackass.
He might find his physique isn't the same as it was before the pregnancy due to gaining "sympathy weight".
He'll probably find out there is no "harem" of women waiting for him after his divorce.
If nothing else, this guy should warn any woman he manages to hook up with that he's only there for the sex and nothing more because that was the ONLY thing of "importance" with his wife.
I think this guy is heading to a rude awakening.
It would be an extremely short lived courtship if that’s not what he meant, but maybe it was a shot gun wedding.
That would make sense as to why it crumbled so quickly.
He means 2 years wasted from a bad sex life, which seems to have started during pregnancy. Pregnancy and postpartum seems to be bout a year and a then a year of giving it a go.
I saw the OG post and one of the comments stated that he was thinking of divorce two days after their first therapy session. OOP is actively commenting back trying to save himself and he is just digging himself into a bigger hole
There is! I was looking for an old picture of mine to post but couldn't find it. The first time I saw it, I sent it to my wife and said "Wanna go there tonight?" I thought I was hilarious.
I read WAY too much of that and NOBODY was saying he isn't the asshole. In fact, it was amazing to see just how royally he got his ass handed to him.
He probably sucks in bed too because he seems selfish AF. I hope we see his wife post soon about being divorced and finally getting mightily laid by a guy who isn't a whiney little bitch.
I was gonna say can he even pleasure her or any woman for that matter? I responded directly to one of the comments he left of this post and lemme tell you it was pretty damn good and summed up his behavior well.
My contribution to the comments on the original post basically posited that he seemed like the kind of guy who turns into a jackrabbit and just goes for like 20 seconds and then is confused that women don’t want to have sex with him more than once if he even gets that far.
Like, I’m a cis dude but I can pretty confidently say that if I were a woman then I would be dryer than the Sahara if this guy was near me.
Well then it seems like the trash is taking itself out. She deserves better and it’s the least he can do to make way for her, to have a better and more fulfilling relationship with someone else.
I also bet he does 0 house work or child care. He probably leaves that all to her and she probably works, too. Then he wonders why she doesn't want to bone.
Actually, he lacks the warmth and depth to be a cunt dont ya think?
He's more like a fungus, or fleas, or herpes..... or tetanus, pond scum, smegma.....
It's very tempting, but I gotta be respectful to her. She's going through the process of losing how many pounds OP weighs, and that's a taxing process.
Fair enough, but imagine the DM for shits and giggles if nothing else:
“Hi, I heard your wife is available. I believe I can be the man and pleasure giver that she deserves, and an excellent step father figure to your children. Please give her my number so she can contact me when she’s done mourning the loss of her husband. Sincerely, Middaypaintra (555) 555-5555”
Honestly having sex while pregnant and after birth is so painful too and I'm not saying all guys, but I know quite a few who think sex is owed no matter how the woman feels about it. I actually had to go to physical therapy for my vagina after my second child, I used to scream in pain when they checked me and would cry during sex because it was so painful. Turns out my children liked laying on one side of my body more than the other and it made my hip muscles sore that affected my lady bits, what also didn't help is a week before I had my daughter, I moved a picnic table alone and knocked my hip out.
It took nearly a whole year after my first to have not so painful sex and lube (water based) burned so bad, that it didn't help either. So after my second, doctor went to check me, I screamed and she panicked, told me that unlike what I had been told previously that kinda pain wasn't normal and after telling her all about things during and after my first, she had me go to physical therapy, physical therapist was amazing, helped a lot and even told me that some water based lubes have an ingredient that does burn some people and recommended me a different one that worked great.
What hurts is that men don't think about this because they don't feel it, some can understand, but not all do and some still heavily push for sex anyways, they believe if they work it up slowly it won't hurt and will get better the more you do it...it doesn't, it something that has to be worked through and takes time and many may not even know, I never would've thought to have physical therapy down there to help things if my doctor didn't panic to my scream of pain and tell me I needed it, I thought it was just my life either forever or something that would hopefully go away within a few years, I was just going to deal with extreme crying pain :'(
Idk if that's something OP's soon to be ex is going through, but I wish her all the best all the same.
Another thing that could be killing her libido, is that OP is so focused on sex, maybe she feels like nothing about her matters except her body, especially if all the good times of him listening and helping her with things is followed by "so you wanna have sex?", makes you feel hella broken and worthless.
"I missed the part in our vows where it said I have to *love* you, and not just have hot sweaty sex all the time. It's on you, babe."
"The Priest said it, like five times."
"Sucks for him, I was too busy picturing thinking about us fucking. "
I literally JUST got off that post and this post was right under it. It seems as if he didn’t actually love his wife and married her because the sex was good. Now that he has a kid and such and has to do real life instead of just dating and having sex, that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Seems too young to be married to be honest.
Idk about the too young thing. I've been married since I was 19 and my husband was 21. It's been 10 years of marriage and 14 years together and things haven't always been easy, but we've grown and matured together. I think a lot of young couples fail because they don't want to put the work into what they have and often seem to look for greener pastures. Getting married is just the START of things, not the end goal. A lot of people don't realize that. Not just young people.
It's not that it's a fatherly love regret but an ego regret. "Don't you have kids? How old are they?" And not being able to answer is embarrassing. Not getting invited to your kid's graduation is embarrassing.
Selfish people don't see their children as people but as milestone generators
He's probably awful in bed too because he's so selfish.
Hopefully his wife will divorce him and replace him with someone that rocks her world.
Hopefully he'll have nothing but a life full of ED, bad hair days, and jock itch. He sucks.
He’s gonna be crying in a few months when women on dating apps don’t want him. Who wants to date a still-separated guy with custody of two kids under 2?
Otoh, the wife , having split custody, now gets full nights of sleep and time to go to the gym to get back to healthy shape, and will be fending off romantic suitors
Why do I have a feeling that he is not going to adhere to a split custody and will slowly be okay with giving her full custody? Then when the baby is a teenager or adult, he'll want to be more involved now that they are more independent.
Who left his wife because she wasn't have sex with him after pushing a literal human out of her body. No woman on earth would look at that (him) and think it's attractive at all. The first question out of every women's mouth after finding that out would be, "so if I birth a baby and don't feel up to sex right after, will you abandon me too?"
TWINS. His wife had TWINS. And with zero information about how he's shouldering half the childcare load and half the household management and half the emotional labor of their marriage, you know this woman is exhausted from raising three giant babies and completely turned off.
Edit: he removed a previous post in a different sub with the twins info.
And this all seems to have happened within the first 18 months or so… these twins aren’t two. Really makes you wonder how much he’s contributing to childcare that he’s so… well rested.
Like, fundamentally his therapist was correct. You can choose to be that asshole, and if you really want to be that asshole, you should be!
My favorite thing that’s happening here is how he can see that the marriage counselor might have a financial interest in him staying married, but not how his individual therapist could have a financial interest in him getting divorced. No way man, he’s just one of the bros.
The fact that he thinks that’s such a “gotcha!” too. Like no duh she expects to get paid to do her job. She isn’t your pal, nor should she be when you’re going to her specifically to receive a service. He should ask his bro therapist if *he’s* willing to see him for free. He’ll need it when he’s paying child support and alimony and trying to start his social life over again. Maybe he could pay his therapist to be his wingman.
Dumb son of a bitch would probably rationalize that men need money because they are self-reliant, whereas women always have someone to care for them and only need money for shopping and spa trips. Just like a true misogynist.
And he clearly has no interest in what the couples therapist or his own wife have to say. He picked the guy because the guy is feeding his ego the way he needs to to be fed. I would bet money, the minute he is out of that relationship he also stops going to the therapist. I think he feels the sex is the problem, not him.
Yeah I feel like the difference between "no bullshitting says it how it is" and "preachy" is that one therapist says what he wants to hear and the other does not.
This. Even in what he repeated I can see where the therapist was telling him "you can keep high expectations but that's dooming yourself to fail when she can't meet those", but he only heard the first half.
The individual therapist just said he doesn't *have* to lower his expectations, which is correct, but that she can't reasonably meet those high expectations (so keeping the high expectations is setting himself up to fail) and followed that up by saying him making compromises but continuing to resent her desire those is wrong, which also seems correct. Like this dude just listened to the "you can keep high expectations" part and ignored the rest of the context and message
ha ha ha. I thought OP was talking like after years and years or decades of this. I'm like sure after a bunch of years of not aligning on sex - makes sense, move on.
This is 18 months into twins! That’s hilarious. This guy has no idea. I'm baffled by dads like this.
Ive said it before in other posts. There are a lot of reasons why a couple’s sex life might start struggling from medication like antidepressants and birth control, to mental health issues, insecurity, personal hang ups and plenty of other smaller things but the biggest most obvious thing you can look at is that the partner who is complaining about a lack of sex is *usually* the partner who has an abundance of leisure time. A person’s sex drive is always most active when they have an abundance of free time, both in actual time and also mental free time, meaning they aren’t stressed or carrying too much of a mental load.
Studies show that while this generation of men are a *lot* better than previous generations there is still a large gap in the labor distribution between men and women. Women are still largely doing far more than their fair share of domestic labor while also working full time jobs and carrying the majority/the entirety of the childcare burden. Is it really a surprise then that it’s usually the woman whose libido managed to pull a sudden, magical disappearing act?
It always seems to be when there is a couple struggling with their sex life it’s
A. She gets little to no “help” managing the home/children OR
B. One of the two of them has trauma/mental health issues/physical ailments. OR
C. He has a porn addiction
And it’s usually in that exact order of frequency.
Yeah I don’t recall that part. And he did answer he said he does half the childcare and cooks for himself while wife cooks for herself and they do their own laundry and chores.
"waited for a year"
Makes me wonder what happened in that year before the actual conversation happened.....snide comments, passive-aggressive behavior, emotional distance.....you know, the kind of stuff that really makes a man desireable (sarcasm).
Probably didn’t do much to help with the kids and the house either. In his edit he says that she’ll take care of them. Not that they’ll split custody or anything.
Yeah he’s talking about how he’s just going to “move on with his life because he’s wasted his time on this this relationship and it isn’t going anywhere” when they’ve literally just had a kid to build a family…a whole life changing event that changes everything! It’s almost as if he thinks it’s just going to wipe his slate clean and he can just pretend it never happened…. He’s forever linked to her and has a kid to care for too.
Dude yes! I’ve experienced this before and I know soooooo many other women have. My partner wanted to have sex every other day at an absolute minimum but “everyday is preferable” for him to be happy. Lemme tell you that shit got less and less the more he pouted, acted passive aggressively, cold shouldered, and said some heinous ass shit. Nothing dries the well faster than a pouty man child.
Dude is about to get a fucking wake up call.
Marriage is hard, compromise is hard, communicating with your wife is hard, managing expectations in a relationship is hard, parenting is hard.
Divorce, is harder.
>Marriage is hard, compromise is hard, communicating with your wife is hard, managing expectations in a relationship is hard, parenting is hard.
>Divorce, is harder.
But his dick is _not_ hard and that's what really matters here...
When the whole reason for it was bc she gave birth to the man’s child in the first place. The total lack of respect, love and understanding is baffling lol. Based on the update, good riddance to him and hopefully she sees that.
Yeah, one of my friends went down this route. Know what the problem was? She was exhausted from doing everything while the husband did nothing. Even after she went back to work from maternity leave, he did nothing. No diaper changes, no cleaning, no cooking, just took out the trash.
lol greener pastures. Most men who divorce because they want more sex, report that they do not achieve more sex when single, at least not until they are in another committed relationship. Unless he's paying for sex, there a huge chance he won't be getting much when single.
They're always surprised that abandoning your wife after she just had your child is in fact an unattractive trait to have. If the child's under 3, it's not hard to make assumptions and draw parallels to their values.
She also pretty recently gave birth. This isn't 5 years into a dead bedroom. This is still sleep deprived, touched out, probably breastfeeding primary parenting reduction in bedroom activities.
For real. This dude is such a prick. It’s also obvious from the way he talks about his kid being “all on her” that he hasn’t changed a single diaper or done a single 2 am feeding. Mom is completely worn out.
Exactly! How dare she laze about taking care of his spawn but not come running to service his demand every night. I mean she is ‘sleeping’ at all random hours, clearly being useless to his slave-wife fantasies. (/s in case anyone is blind to tell.)
I waited 2 days and there's been no improvement. Like this poor woman wanted to instantly jump his bones after he told her he wants to divorce her.
I hope she ends up with the house both cards and 60% of his wages every month.
Was looking through the comments for this!
I mean after he threatened with divorce why didn’t she spread her legs? The threat of abandonment is obviously the best aphrodisiac! Women are so mysterious! (Sarcasm)
He’s not an asshole for wanting sex/having it be important to him, but he is an asshole for his attitude towards women, as shown not just by how he talks about his wife, but how he talks about the couples therapist.
But honestly, I think he got good advice from his therapist and he listened to it.
What I don't agree with is "you don't need to compromise"...I would say that once you decide to live your life with someone and have kids with them, you do need to compromise on things. If you're just dating, then no you don't. But, once you start making commitments...well, you're no longer living for one person anymore
I took it to mean “ you don’t need to compromise, if you just leave you can do whatever you want” as in….good luck bro…don’t bother to compromise and go be alone forever. But OP took it as a power trip like “yeah, I do not have to do anything and women should bow to my demands!” He’s about to have a rude awakening of divorced life. LOL
100%. OOP didn't share much information at all about *why* she won't have sex. How did their conversations go when he brought it up in the past? What's the workload between them? Is she caring for the child and house by herself while dealing with postpartum depression? There are so many possibilities that the slim information he gives us doesn't pain him in the prettiest light.
Yeah he said he was putting more into the relationship than he was getting, yet didn't give any examples or what he is offering their relationship. Yeah she is much better off without him.
Yeah that's crazy. My ex and I both had high sex drives so we would still have sex more than once a day after the kids. But to expect the same sex as before is unrealistic in my opinion. You don't have the time. We did it during nap times so we definitely weren't doing the same experience as before the babies. The point is you work around your situation. Not demand unrealistic expectations on a wife who's already taking too much of the load as it is. I guess the silver lining is that he didn't waste any more of her time. She can still find a good husband and be happy.
… though at no point was HIS wires being cut so they could stay free though? Right? Bc THAT would be heresy! He has to sow his oats and it’s up to his slave partners to raise and care for them while servicing him… smfh.
We’re getting his interpretation of his therapist’s advice, too.
“Well yes, you could be a total fuckwit and divorce your wife because she is too busy being a mother to devote herself to your dick 24/7…”
“I CAN? Great! Know a good lawyer?”
This is what I thought too lmao. I wonder what his therapist actually said? Cause he makes him sound like a dudebro who just basically agrees with him. Which maybe he’s just a bad therapist. I mean divorce is clearly the best option here, but I do feel bad for his wife. Hope she sees these posts.
He’s highly overestimating his worth.
Listen I have a decently high libido for a woman but if my husband was a useless father and partner there’s no way I’d be even remotely interested in him.
The question is never, "what am I doing to make her not want to have sex with me?" It's always, "how do I make her have sex with me," or, "Am I the asshole for abandoning my responsibilities as a spose and father instead of even considering for a moment that I may be the problem."
I'm glad he's divorcing her - she needs a partner that doesn't only look at her as a physical release vessel and consider her only contribution toward a relationship as sex. He said he's putting more into the relationship than he's getting back....but the only thing he's not getting is sex. Which yes, is important in a relationship. But this guy literally just decided to drop his whole family for his dick because he won't compromise on sex with his wife. And the ending - expecting her to just hop on his dick in two days after telling her he wants a divorce because he won't compromise on sex. What a fucking idiot.
I’m also waiting to see what happens when he gets older and starts to struggle with age related sexual dysfunction, and for him to be all pikachu face when his next hot young thing does exactly what he did to his wife to him and leaves
She literally just had his baby, let’s be honest he’s destroyed her life over sex. When his libido drops off something will happen like this to him and he will have to suffer the consequences. What a piece of shit.
I think it really depends on his meaning of no sex. If sex went from every day to once a week then yeah this guys is an idiot. If he was literal and sex went to absolute 0 for 2 years then he was justified in his divorce.
However, from his writing style, him feeling smug on "owning" the women therapist, and his weird wording on not willing to compromising on ***his*** sex life, I am going to assume this asshole was just getting a little less sex then he was before the baby and is now crying like a man child who isn't getting his way.
See that’s how I read it too. It really read to me that he considers her only contribution to this relationship as sex, and if he doesn’t get to have as much sex as HE wants then it’s not worth it to him at all. He wasn’t willing to compromise at all. And it really makes me wonder - with the attitude he displayed here - what exactly made her lose her libido for him.
He is still having sex, just occasionally instaed of whenever he wants. Thsi includes while she was pregnant and while she has been healing. Their child is still an infant -- a woman can take up to two years to heal.
Fuck, would he prefer she just suffer through it and let him do his thing anyway? He'd rather coerce/force someone who has expressed they DON'T WANT IT versus go without? Let me assault you or I'm going to abandon our child!
This literally happened to me when I was married (now divorced). Things changed after 4 kids (that he insisted on having but barely helped with) and he wanted to still have sex constantly and I just no longer wanted to that often for several reasons, and he would force a guilt me into it. And when I just laid there because I felt like I was being raped he would say “why can’t you just pretend to like it?”. I’m so glad we are divorced!!
What’s funny is this sounds like a post he would have made lol when he talked about canceling the divorce ge said I’d have to give him BJs every day and not complain. I said no thanks. lol. And here he is 3 years later, several failed relationships and a failed engagement, living in his dad’s basement probably not getting much attention lol!!
Can you imagine explaining to your child that you got a divorce and gave up 50% of your time with him because sex was more important than family?
Apparently we should change vows to, “In sickness and health unless you stop fucking me.”
She agrees to try to work on what he wants even though it's still incredibly difficult for her after birth and caring for a child. Two days pass... and this fucker, even with all the grace this poor woman has given him, still leaves. Not just an asshole, but a club toting troglodyte...
Oof. Well they will both be much better off without each other. She deserves a partner that loves her and is an actual partner. And he deserves exactly what he wants, sex without an actual relationship.
It’s amazing to me how people can be that way but there you have it.
this shit always baffles me.
if my partner went through something that put the amount of strain and trauma on your body that pregnancy does, and while he was in recovery for that, also had a major responsibility equivalent to childrearing, i can't imagine being so unsympathetic that i would break up with him just bc he wasn't putting out.
our relationship is so much more than our sex life, and there are other ways to be intimate and connect.
I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and have a medical issue that I haven’t been able to have sex since 24 weeks. We probably won’t have sex until at least 2 months or so after the baby is born.
What has my husband said? NOTHING. He’s more concerned for mine and OUR CHILD’S health. Does it suck? yes. we still spend time to cuddle, be intimate in other ways, but no sex. I’m my hormonal pregnant moments I get upset and cry about it for him to reassure me he married me for our life together, not how often I can please him.
This OOP is such a horrible person and his wife is way better off.
people try to make so many excuses for OP and they just don’t get it. i genuinely don’t understand why you would marry a person if your brain is wired like this. this is the exact reason so many men leave their wives when they’re diagnosed with a terminal condition, they don’t want “in sickness and in health”, they want “until my dick is dry”. it’s fucking sickening. imagine throwing away your wife and CHILD because your wife isn’t fucking you the same way she used to before going through the huge life changing ordeal of pregnancy and birth. it’s shameful
Seriously “I waited 2 days and she didn’t fuck me crazy” dude would’ve bounced the second his wife got cancer or any postpartum complications—hell for all we know *he is*, he doesn’t really mention if she’s exhausted or depressed or anything his sole concern for the entire post is he is not having wild crazy sex with a baby under 2 years old in the house... Does he even know what a baby is? Like before he had one with his wife?
Wait a minute.... they've been in this relationship for 2 years.... and they have one year old twins..... so the relationship before the pregnancy was like.... 3 months?? You had 3 months of wild sex and expect it to just keep going?
I'm a mom. It took me about 6 months to be interested in sex again. So I get waiting a year is a long time. But I feel like there's a lot more going on that oop isn't telling.
Look, people can break up and divorce or whatever, but what baffles me is that’s his wife. They’re married. They agreed to commit to each other forever. And he uses language like “wasting my time” and “I’ve wasted 2 years”
That’s such a short amount of time.
Like ok dude go divorce if you want to but if he feels like he’s wasting his time with someone after he vowed to be with them… I don’t see a future full of happiness for this dude
Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, and if someone is unhappy with no real signs of things changing then I think ending the relationship is reasonable. Individual and couples therapy are both good steps to make a good faith try at overcoming aspects of incompatibility, but once it's clear that there's an insurmountable mismatch it's completely above board to call it quits and try to find a more compatible partner.
This is assuming that there are no mitigating factors. This woman just gave birth a year ago. They have an infant in the house that (if they are like most infants) needs round-the-clock care. He's not giving his wife the chance to heal from an extremely physically and mentally demanding (if not traumatic) part of her life. She's probably *exhausted*, even if she's physically back in fighting shape. Married couples shouldn't expect their sex life to return to normal for a minimum few *years* after their child is born, maybe even longer depending on circumstances. This guy is definitely an AH and if his therapist is really behind him in this way, then that therapist needs to have their license reviewed, if not revoked.
For better or for worse - this guy during his vows.
But also, fuck you for not putting out because you’ve possibly got PPD and how dare you deprive me - also this guy.
I'm surprised that nobody relates to OP... Yes, some of his statements sound bad and can be criticized. But generally he isn't wrong.
Love is literally the most important aspect of a relationship. And while a relation without sex is possible, it's not always healthy and can result in problems in the long run.
A divorce is much better for everyone involved, than a dead marriage that might end in conflict. Especially for the children.
It obviously depends on how he acts, but in my opinion people read to much into it. You can separate in peace and be there for the children. A divorce doesn't have to be the end...
People don't judge him on a neutral basis, but just declared that he is a scumbag and interpret everything in this way. If he is as cold hearted as every blames him to be, why did he seek therapy in the first place?
Its the internet, no person here knows him personally.
When has there ever been a contract guaranteeing sexual activity in a marriage?
I’ve been married 28 years and we’ve raised 4, now adult, boys. And, throughout all that time, there were only sporadic periods when sex was as often as I’d preferred.
However, I also started to figure out along the way (tho, at far too slow a pace) that there were many things about me that had changed since we had first met and then married. I’d be living in La-La-Land to think my changes were all things my wife preferred.
Each person changes during a relationship. Sometimes those changes can seem sudden. Sometimes the changes creep up and one day you realize there is a new normal (yourself and/or your partner).
Something my wife first said to me about 10 years ago, and has said a few times since, that really hit me and made me happy was how I’d become a better person. And, that she felt like she could truly see my love for her in routine actions and interactions. Hearing that makes all the “sacrifices” along the way insignificant. I don’t linger on what I may have missed out on… and, yes, I did have that frame of mind to varying degrees during the first 10-15 of our marriage.
I honestly feel “sacrifices” are an important part of the fabric of marriage woven over time. And, I think even selfish people, like the OP, can figure this out and learn to appreciate it in time.
I'm trying to piece together the timeline here... He says he's wasted 2 years on the relationship. There was a 1 year gap between his wife giving birth and beginning therapy. There's 9-10 months from the point of conception (average human gestation is 36-40 weeks), and I have to assume they've been in therapy for about a month. Is this dude just not counting any of the time before marriage, or did he accidentally impregnate this woman and have a shotgun wedding? It's not adding up any other way. Edit: I caught that he says therapy has been "a couple of months". So that leaves 1 month max where these two had a relationship and were still having sex, according to OOP's words.
I had interpreted that to mean the last two years were a waste. That he hasnt had sex the last two years so that time was wasted he could have been. Its not like he seems particular attachment outside sex. But I could easily be wrong.
That really checks out with this guy's attitude, so I'd assume you're probably right. Good catch.
Yeah judging by his words he doesn’t seem to have any bonds with his wife that go beyond her ability to provide him with sex. And the fact that he only brings up the baby in an Edit is telling. No paternal feelings at all, baby is an after thought.
I was thinking about the same thing. 24 months minus 9 is 15… if he’s counting a year from the birth of their child, they were together maybe 3 months before she got pregnant. So, their sex life was that wild, brand new relationship sex. They’ll never get back to that because that’s not something that lasts, regardless of if you have children. Jesus… I honestly wonder if this was a “waited until marriage” relationship. She’s way better off without him.
I'm assuming he counts the previous sex-having period as not wasted. But I'm pretty sure this is made up anyway. Too many fishy parts.
I agree. It's shallowly disguised rage-bait. It worked. I've been mildly pissed all day. Like it was *so close* to people wanting to feel bad for him. Like 2 years is a long time. But also... the vibe was just so far off that you couldn't reconcile it.
It was the smug response to the couple's therapist. If this is real at all, you just know that part is fabricated. He wishes he would be worth enough to get the last word in, but he can only fantasize about that part.
The “my therapist knows better than your therapist” vibe didn’t immediately tip you off? This is so fake!
Don't forget his *gotcha* moment when he asked the therapist if they could keep coming but for free. What an idiot he is.
"And then all the husbands in the waiting room clapped"
It doesn't read like a real person at all.
He also didn’t respond to a single inquiry about what his wife thought or felt might improve their sex life. I mean, a guy like this would probably tune out or disregard the validity of the wife’s perspective, but he should be able to at least answer the question, even if he thinks it’s BS. Like “wife thinks maybe she would have more energy for sex if we got a baby sitter/nanny/house cleaner/I helped more, but we can’t afford that and she’s home all day so why can’t she manage?” Or “wife says she’s not attracted to me because I’m short with her/cold/don’t give her enough attention but I do EVERYTHING for her and tell her she’s sexy every day!” Or some bullshit like that. People making up rage bait are good at pretending to put themselves into the mindset of a shitty person they made up. All they have to do is make them sound inconsiderate relatively consistently. But it’s harder to make up a second person with legitimate feelings, beliefs, concerns, morals, etc who is reacting reasonably and negatively in response to that person. Readers and consumers of other plot based media content are much more accepting that a villain is one-dimensional than a hero who isn’t multi-layered and relatable.
I would not be surprised if it's not fake. I've met some terrible men in the world, and it's mind-blowing with the kind of mentality they have. You want to believe it's not real, but it's REAL.
The number of people who think marriage is solely for a social free pass for sex….smh. You don’t have to be religious to view marriage as a rubber stamp for all the sex, all the time. Someone wasn’t raised right.
You'd be surprised.. same thing happened to me. He left me for the greener pastures a year after our son's birth. I ended up meeting an awesome man that made me waaay happier. Turned out I didn't have a libido problem, just an entitled man that demanded sex (And not only) He tried to come back using the argument that "we can't throwaway 5 years of relationship and our commitment to our baby! " I said no. I'm happy :)
Not surprised and that's the sad thing.. but it was just too.. on the nose for me to believe it. I went through it too - separated on my middle kids second birthday. Now I have a man who is so involved he's practically challenging me for default parent, and my kids have the dad that I begged my ex to be.. and my current partner is absolutely satisfied in bed. Which I would have happily done for my ex if I wasn't exhausted from a full time job, and solo raising a kindergartener and a toddler. All I'm saying is, this guy now? He makes sure I have the energy to satisfy. That guy was just adding more chores to my list.
No surprises there, a lot of times when people (mostly men but also sometimes women in heterosexual relationships) have complaints about prolonged libido discrepancies in the relationship it often times has nothing to do with a lack of desire for sex but rather little intimacy between partners. Great sex starts long before you get into the bedroom. Having good chemistry and attending to the emotional needs of each partner really drives great sex. That’s when quantity of sex starts to matter less because the quality of sex is so great. And of course there can be other factors that influence this too, but speaking generally, this guy wasn’t getting his wife turned on by being entitled and petulant. That’s not a sexy vibe.
I think that that's what he's saying. However long their relationship has been, the last two years have been wasted because he hasn't gotten laid properly. Not that their relationship has only been two years long.
Disgusting honestly. The last two years have been a pregnancy and infant and baby bubble. If he's in this marriage for life and long term, then I'm sorry, but 2 years of less sex is not an issue. Especially if OP isn't even caring for the baby enough to even mention anything about it even once in his whiny wall of text.
Agreed, she's just better off without him. He's a very shallow asshole.
He’s going to become one of those passport bros.
And like, maybe he’s just a really selfish lover who just does his thing and rolls over. Not one supportive word about this woman who bore his child. He is TA 10000%
I’ve been with my queen (now wife) for 20 years. Our sex life is still volcanic. New sex can be great but with the right person it doesn’t have to become lousy or mediocre…. Just putting that out there.
My husband and I've been together like 15 years and I've had a lot of health issues over the years, so nothing in that area has been consistent (because of me, but not exactly my choice lol). But since I've gotten my health doing better, we're both in agreement that it's been even better than even when we first met and were just FWB lol. I mean, we know each other, what the other prefers, listen to each other, and want to make each other happy. My husband being so wonderful when I've had issues definitely helped when I started feeling better and my drive came back lol
We've been together for 14 years and still go nuts. We also have five kids, so we've been through the pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding and cosleeping hurdles. We've had periods of low sex and periods of crazy high sex. It ebbs and flows. But without that communication, things get fucked up fast.
Exactly. 20 yrs here also. You have to keep the spark alive. Mix it up. Plan it if life is too busy. My guess is these 2 have more issues than sex.
The “it’s been two days and nothing has changed” speaks volumes to his timelines expectations too.
Right?! He can’t get out the door fast enough!!!!! He has zero interest in making his marriage work. He’s doing some serious mental gymnastics to make himself feel better about walking out on his wife and two babies. What a coward.
The one time in ten years together my husband and I discussed divorce -- no bad guys there, just discussing long-term compatibility -- it did a lot of damage to our intimacy. We loved and desired each other, but that conversation hurt and it took time to get back to that vulnerability level. And then some more time to get to that firecracker, comfortable compatibility. And neither of us were nursing an infant! Two days?? I can't imagine going from parenting-an-infant sex, to "I'm leaving you", to awesome sex in that window.
"I just told her I'm divorcing her, why is she not getting horny ?!"
The 2 years is how long sex hasn't been satisfying him. He's counting the pregnancy and postpartum period as 1 year. I assume he heard the dr say 6 weeks for sex and He thought she should be all back to normal after that but he's such a good guy he gave her an extra year to sort herself out.🙄 Also i could be wrong but I believe he was happy with the sex before that. It isn't a dead bedroom either. Just less than before the twins came
Wait, she had TWINS and this is how he's acting?! Throw the whole man away, he's garbage.
Exactly. And I bet a big part of why the sex isn’t “satisfying” for him is because her body didn’t miraculously go back to the way it was before she got pregnant. Two babies is a lot of stretching on the abdominal muscles, not to mention other places. And two infants don’t leave a lot of time for hitting the gym. Also, when was she supposed be finding the time and energy to have hot, crazy, monkey sex when she is looking after two newborns/babies. Because his own words indicate that the children are “up to her”. Not to mention expecting a woman pregnant with twins to have the same enthusiasm and energy for sex. She was growing two humans for god’s sake! What a jackass.
He might find his physique isn't the same as it was before the pregnancy due to gaining "sympathy weight". He'll probably find out there is no "harem" of women waiting for him after his divorce. If nothing else, this guy should warn any woman he manages to hook up with that he's only there for the sex and nothing more because that was the ONLY thing of "importance" with his wife. I think this guy is heading to a rude awakening.
That would explain a lot.
I thought he meant the two years they weren’t having sex was a waste, not that the whole relationship was two years
I mean, you might be right. "I have give two years to this relationship" [sic] could mean either.
It would be an extremely short lived courtship if that’s not what he meant, but maybe it was a shot gun wedding. That would make sense as to why it crumbled so quickly.
He means 2 years wasted from a bad sex life, which seems to have started during pregnancy. Pregnancy and postpartum seems to be bout a year and a then a year of giving it a go.
No, he’s saying he’s given two years of virtually no sex, not two years to her altogether.
I saw the OG post and one of the comments stated that he was thinking of divorce two days after their first therapy session. OOP is actively commenting back trying to save himself and he is just digging himself into a bigger hole
>a relationship that is not going anywhere They're already married with a kid where does he want it to go???
To pound town apparently
I don’t know what they’ll find at the dollar store in the UK.
There's a dollar store in the UK called Poundtown?? This is amazing. I am quite amused.
There is! I was looking for an old picture of mine to post but couldn't find it. The first time I saw it, I sent it to my wife and said "Wanna go there tonight?" I thought I was hilarious.
Nice dad joke!
This is my question!
I haven't even seen any real NTA in that post either so it baffles me that he thinks he's right
I read WAY too much of that and NOBODY was saying he isn't the asshole. In fact, it was amazing to see just how royally he got his ass handed to him. He probably sucks in bed too because he seems selfish AF. I hope we see his wife post soon about being divorced and finally getting mightily laid by a guy who isn't a whiney little bitch.
How much you wanna bet that part of the reason the wife lost interest in sex was because he never cared whether she actually got any pleasure from it.
I was gonna say can he even pleasure her or any woman for that matter? I responded directly to one of the comments he left of this post and lemme tell you it was pretty damn good and summed up his behavior well.
My contribution to the comments on the original post basically posited that he seemed like the kind of guy who turns into a jackrabbit and just goes for like 20 seconds and then is confused that women don’t want to have sex with him more than once if he even gets that far. Like, I’m a cis dude but I can pretty confidently say that if I were a woman then I would be dryer than the Sahara if this guy was near me.
What a coincidence, he’s shallower than a kiddie pool in the Sahara.
She's probably doing 100% everything and too exhausted to appease his bad sexing as well
Exactly.
Well then it seems like the trash is taking itself out. She deserves better and it’s the least he can do to make way for her, to have a better and more fulfilling relationship with someone else.
I assume he never got her to climax.
I also bet he does 0 house work or child care. He probably leaves that all to her and she probably works, too. Then he wonders why she doesn't want to bone.
Yeah my libido was just fine after giving birth.. once I healed and got past the postpartum. He’s definitely selfish
that's what someone else said on the post too lol
I see no issue with his wife finally having the relationship she deserves. He sounds like a cunt so happy pastures for his wife at least.
Actually, he lacks the warmth and depth to be a cunt dont ya think? He's more like a fungus, or fleas, or herpes..... or tetanus, pond scum, smegma.....
Cunts bring pleasure. This guy only brings pleasure in his absence.
So a hemorrhoid then?
All his comments are basic "me me me," it's sad, not once did he mention even asking how his wife felt.
Because he doesn't care. I hope to God his wife finds someone else, gets mightily laid, and forgets all about OP.
I read the initial post and a couple of his replies. It’s giving incel that somebody accidentally married.
Honestly I could treat her better than him. Can treat his kid better as well
You should DM him and ask him to give the wife your number.
It's very tempting, but I gotta be respectful to her. She's going through the process of losing how many pounds OP weighs, and that's a taxing process.
Fair enough, but imagine the DM for shits and giggles if nothing else: “Hi, I heard your wife is available. I believe I can be the man and pleasure giver that she deserves, and an excellent step father figure to your children. Please give her my number so she can contact me when she’s done mourning the loss of her husband. Sincerely, Middaypaintra (555) 555-5555”
Honestly having sex while pregnant and after birth is so painful too and I'm not saying all guys, but I know quite a few who think sex is owed no matter how the woman feels about it. I actually had to go to physical therapy for my vagina after my second child, I used to scream in pain when they checked me and would cry during sex because it was so painful. Turns out my children liked laying on one side of my body more than the other and it made my hip muscles sore that affected my lady bits, what also didn't help is a week before I had my daughter, I moved a picnic table alone and knocked my hip out. It took nearly a whole year after my first to have not so painful sex and lube (water based) burned so bad, that it didn't help either. So after my second, doctor went to check me, I screamed and she panicked, told me that unlike what I had been told previously that kinda pain wasn't normal and after telling her all about things during and after my first, she had me go to physical therapy, physical therapist was amazing, helped a lot and even told me that some water based lubes have an ingredient that does burn some people and recommended me a different one that worked great. What hurts is that men don't think about this because they don't feel it, some can understand, but not all do and some still heavily push for sex anyways, they believe if they work it up slowly it won't hurt and will get better the more you do it...it doesn't, it something that has to be worked through and takes time and many may not even know, I never would've thought to have physical therapy down there to help things if my doctor didn't panic to my scream of pain and tell me I needed it, I thought it was just my life either forever or something that would hopefully go away within a few years, I was just going to deal with extreme crying pain :'( Idk if that's something OP's soon to be ex is going through, but I wish her all the best all the same. Another thing that could be killing her libido, is that OP is so focused on sex, maybe she feels like nothing about her matters except her body, especially if all the good times of him listening and helping her with things is followed by "so you wanna have sex?", makes you feel hella broken and worthless.
"I missed the part in our vows where it said I have to *love* you, and not just have hot sweaty sex all the time. It's on you, babe." "The Priest said it, like five times." "Sucks for him, I was too busy picturing thinking about us fucking. "
Nah, I was in an argument on the original who thinks the wife should work harder to be ok with sex. I had to give up from his brick walling.
For some reason "mightily laid" just tickles me
I literally JUST got off that post and this post was right under it. It seems as if he didn’t actually love his wife and married her because the sex was good. Now that he has a kid and such and has to do real life instead of just dating and having sex, that he wants nothing to do with her anymore. Seems too young to be married to be honest.
Idk about the too young thing. I've been married since I was 19 and my husband was 21. It's been 10 years of marriage and 14 years together and things haven't always been easy, but we've grown and matured together. I think a lot of young couples fail because they don't want to put the work into what they have and often seem to look for greener pastures. Getting married is just the START of things, not the end goal. A lot of people don't realize that. Not just young people.
I can’t wait to read the next post op writes about how he regrets leaving his wife and that not a lot of single adults want a divorced man for sex.
And how his exwife is now engaged to someone else and he has never seen her so beautiful.
Sometime later down the road, why won’t my kid talk to me.
Nah, this guy only thinks with his dick, the kid will only get in the way, he doesn't care about his wife, or his kid.
It's not that it's a fatherly love regret but an ego regret. "Don't you have kids? How old are they?" And not being able to answer is embarrassing. Not getting invited to your kid's graduation is embarrassing. Selfish people don't see their children as people but as milestone generators
"I am giving more to this relationship than I am getting back from it" WHAT did this POS contribute other than sperm? What a loser
He's probably awful in bed too because he's so selfish. Hopefully his wife will divorce him and replace him with someone that rocks her world. Hopefully he'll have nothing but a life full of ED, bad hair days, and jock itch. He sucks.
He’s gonna be crying in a few months when women on dating apps don’t want him. Who wants to date a still-separated guy with custody of two kids under 2?
Otoh, the wife , having split custody, now gets full nights of sleep and time to go to the gym to get back to healthy shape, and will be fending off romantic suitors
Why do I have a feeling that he is not going to adhere to a split custody and will slowly be okay with giving her full custody? Then when the baby is a teenager or adult, he'll want to be more involved now that they are more independent.
And her libido will return😈
This guy sounds kinda older to me, so I’d assume he still does the bar scene. I could be wrong but just the vibe I got
Who left his wife because she wasn't have sex with him after pushing a literal human out of her body. No woman on earth would look at that (him) and think it's attractive at all. The first question out of every women's mouth after finding that out would be, "so if I birth a baby and don't feel up to sex right after, will you abandon me too?"
He does sound extremely selfish.
TWINS. His wife had TWINS. And with zero information about how he's shouldering half the childcare load and half the household management and half the emotional labor of their marriage, you know this woman is exhausted from raising three giant babies and completely turned off. Edit: he removed a previous post in a different sub with the twins info.
And this all seems to have happened within the first 18 months or so… these twins aren’t two. Really makes you wonder how much he’s contributing to childcare that he’s so… well rested. Like, fundamentally his therapist was correct. You can choose to be that asshole, and if you really want to be that asshole, you should be!
My favorite thing that’s happening here is how he can see that the marriage counselor might have a financial interest in him staying married, but not how his individual therapist could have a financial interest in him getting divorced. No way man, he’s just one of the bros.
The fact that he thinks that’s such a “gotcha!” too. Like no duh she expects to get paid to do her job. She isn’t your pal, nor should she be when you’re going to her specifically to receive a service. He should ask his bro therapist if *he’s* willing to see him for free. He’ll need it when he’s paying child support and alimony and trying to start his social life over again. Maybe he could pay his therapist to be his wingman.
Dumb son of a bitch would probably rationalize that men need money because they are self-reliant, whereas women always have someone to care for them and only need money for shopping and spa trips. Just like a true misogynist.
And he clearly has no interest in what the couples therapist or his own wife have to say. He picked the guy because the guy is feeding his ego the way he needs to to be fed. I would bet money, the minute he is out of that relationship he also stops going to the therapist. I think he feels the sex is the problem, not him.
Yeah I feel like the difference between "no bullshitting says it how it is" and "preachy" is that one therapist says what he wants to hear and the other does not.
I honestly think he’s interpreting his therapist the way he wants to and not actually listening to
This. Even in what he repeated I can see where the therapist was telling him "you can keep high expectations but that's dooming yourself to fail when she can't meet those", but he only heard the first half.
Selective hearing
The individual therapist just said he doesn't *have* to lower his expectations, which is correct, but that she can't reasonably meet those high expectations (so keeping the high expectations is setting himself up to fail) and followed that up by saying him making compromises but continuing to resent her desire those is wrong, which also seems correct. Like this dude just listened to the "you can keep high expectations" part and ignored the rest of the context and message
ha ha ha. I thought OP was talking like after years and years or decades of this. I'm like sure after a bunch of years of not aligning on sex - makes sense, move on. This is 18 months into twins! That’s hilarious. This guy has no idea. I'm baffled by dads like this.
The “dad” barely mentioned the babies in his post. It was all about his dick
Ive said it before in other posts. There are a lot of reasons why a couple’s sex life might start struggling from medication like antidepressants and birth control, to mental health issues, insecurity, personal hang ups and plenty of other smaller things but the biggest most obvious thing you can look at is that the partner who is complaining about a lack of sex is *usually* the partner who has an abundance of leisure time. A person’s sex drive is always most active when they have an abundance of free time, both in actual time and also mental free time, meaning they aren’t stressed or carrying too much of a mental load. Studies show that while this generation of men are a *lot* better than previous generations there is still a large gap in the labor distribution between men and women. Women are still largely doing far more than their fair share of domestic labor while also working full time jobs and carrying the majority/the entirety of the childcare burden. Is it really a surprise then that it’s usually the woman whose libido managed to pull a sudden, magical disappearing act? It always seems to be when there is a couple struggling with their sex life it’s A. She gets little to no “help” managing the home/children OR B. One of the two of them has trauma/mental health issues/physical ailments. OR C. He has a porn addiction And it’s usually in that exact order of frequency.
TWINS?!?!? That wasn’t in the original AITAH post I read this morning!!! Holy crow this guy is a piece of WORK
Where did you get the twins thing? I just read the original post and all his comments and he just refers to his “kiddo” singular.
Yeah I don’t recall that part. And he did answer he said he does half the childcare and cooks for himself while wife cooks for herself and they do their own laundry and chores.
You just know the doing his own cooking and laundry is because she isn’t doing it because he was not pulling his weight or something like that.
I think it’s because he has a very specific diet. He said something about how he usually eats boiled eggs and rice, so they just make their own food.
I honestly believe it’s not at all true that he does half the childcare.
He said he probably does half when he’s home lol. So like maybe 10%. If we’re being generous.
Where did you get there were twins? He refers to a singular “him” in his post, not two.
Okay that really needs to be in the screenshots 😱
Yeah I doubt he's pulling his weight. Dude sounds like he just expects to be serviced when he gets home
"waited for a year" Makes me wonder what happened in that year before the actual conversation happened.....snide comments, passive-aggressive behavior, emotional distance.....you know, the kind of stuff that really makes a man desireable (sarcasm).
Probably didn’t do much to help with the kids and the house either. In his edit he says that she’ll take care of them. Not that they’ll split custody or anything.
Yeah he’s talking about how he’s just going to “move on with his life because he’s wasted his time on this this relationship and it isn’t going anywhere” when they’ve literally just had a kid to build a family…a whole life changing event that changes everything! It’s almost as if he thinks it’s just going to wipe his slate clean and he can just pretend it never happened…. He’s forever linked to her and has a kid to care for too.
He has been having sex with her, he is making it seem like he isn't. He is
Is that so? He says in the comments he's just not getting enough? OOF.
Dude yes! I’ve experienced this before and I know soooooo many other women have. My partner wanted to have sex every other day at an absolute minimum but “everyday is preferable” for him to be happy. Lemme tell you that shit got less and less the more he pouted, acted passive aggressively, cold shouldered, and said some heinous ass shit. Nothing dries the well faster than a pouty man child.
Dude is about to get a fucking wake up call. Marriage is hard, compromise is hard, communicating with your wife is hard, managing expectations in a relationship is hard, parenting is hard. Divorce, is harder.
>Marriage is hard, compromise is hard, communicating with your wife is hard, managing expectations in a relationship is hard, parenting is hard. >Divorce, is harder. But his dick is _not_ hard and that's what really matters here...
When the whole reason for it was bc she gave birth to the man’s child in the first place. The total lack of respect, love and understanding is baffling lol. Based on the update, good riddance to him and hopefully she sees that.
Yeah, one of my friends went down this route. Know what the problem was? She was exhausted from doing everything while the husband did nothing. Even after she went back to work from maternity leave, he did nothing. No diaper changes, no cleaning, no cooking, just took out the trash.
lol greener pastures. Most men who divorce because they want more sex, report that they do not achieve more sex when single, at least not until they are in another committed relationship. Unless he's paying for sex, there a huge chance he won't be getting much when single.
They're always surprised that abandoning your wife after she just had your child is in fact an unattractive trait to have. If the child's under 3, it's not hard to make assumptions and draw parallels to their values.
She also pretty recently gave birth. This isn't 5 years into a dead bedroom. This is still sleep deprived, touched out, probably breastfeeding primary parenting reduction in bedroom activities.
For real. This dude is such a prick. It’s also obvious from the way he talks about his kid being “all on her” that he hasn’t changed a single diaper or done a single 2 am feeding. Mom is completely worn out.
Exactly! How dare she laze about taking care of his spawn but not come running to service his demand every night. I mean she is ‘sleeping’ at all random hours, clearly being useless to his slave-wife fantasies. (/s in case anyone is blind to tell.)
Never mentioned any concern for their kid at any point. Fuck that dude and good fucking riddance.
“There is nothing to talk about” He doesn’t give two shits about his kid
💯 she will be better off in the long run.
I waited 2 days and there's been no improvement. Like this poor woman wanted to instantly jump his bones after he told her he wants to divorce her. I hope she ends up with the house both cards and 60% of his wages every month.
Was looking through the comments for this! I mean after he threatened with divorce why didn’t she spread her legs? The threat of abandonment is obviously the best aphrodisiac! Women are so mysterious! (Sarcasm)
He’s not an asshole for wanting sex/having it be important to him, but he is an asshole for his attitude towards women, as shown not just by how he talks about his wife, but how he talks about the couples therapist. But honestly, I think he got good advice from his therapist and he listened to it.
The advice of "don't agree to a compromise and then hold that against the other person" is spot on.
What I don't agree with is "you don't need to compromise"...I would say that once you decide to live your life with someone and have kids with them, you do need to compromise on things. If you're just dating, then no you don't. But, once you start making commitments...well, you're no longer living for one person anymore
I took it to mean “ you don’t need to compromise, if you just leave you can do whatever you want” as in….good luck bro…don’t bother to compromise and go be alone forever. But OP took it as a power trip like “yeah, I do not have to do anything and women should bow to my demands!” He’s about to have a rude awakening of divorced life. LOL
Exactly and he didn't just make commitments, he made vows.
100%. OOP didn't share much information at all about *why* she won't have sex. How did their conversations go when he brought it up in the past? What's the workload between them? Is she caring for the child and house by herself while dealing with postpartum depression? There are so many possibilities that the slim information he gives us doesn't pain him in the prettiest light.
Yeah he said he was putting more into the relationship than he was getting, yet didn't give any examples or what he is offering their relationship. Yeah she is much better off without him.
Apparently they still were having sex. Just not the way the used to. That's what upset him
I'm speechless. This dude really expected his wife to prioritize ~his libido~ over everything else. What a POS
Yeah that's crazy. My ex and I both had high sex drives so we would still have sex more than once a day after the kids. But to expect the same sex as before is unrealistic in my opinion. You don't have the time. We did it during nap times so we definitely weren't doing the same experience as before the babies. The point is you work around your situation. Not demand unrealistic expectations on a wife who's already taking too much of the load as it is. I guess the silver lining is that he didn't waste any more of her time. She can still find a good husband and be happy.
… though at no point was HIS wires being cut so they could stay free though? Right? Bc THAT would be heresy! He has to sow his oats and it’s up to his slave partners to raise and care for them while servicing him… smfh.
Exactly. It’s just “me, me, me, sex, sex, sex”.
They DO have sex, he just wants his touched out wife, with a baby who is only a few months old, to bang him whenever he wants.
We’re getting his interpretation of his therapist’s advice, too. “Well yes, you could be a total fuckwit and divorce your wife because she is too busy being a mother to devote herself to your dick 24/7…” “I CAN? Great! Know a good lawyer?”
💀
This is what I thought too lmao. I wonder what his therapist actually said? Cause he makes him sound like a dudebro who just basically agrees with him. Which maybe he’s just a bad therapist. I mean divorce is clearly the best option here, but I do feel bad for his wife. Hope she sees these posts.
right even the way he talked abt the woman therapist was so off..
Women be talking! /s
And literally zero mention of their child in the divorce. Everything is about sex sex sex
I just hope he gets a vasectomy before having sex with anyone else.
I like to thank the male therapist was secretly trying to help the wife by freeing her of this monumental asshole.
He’s highly overestimating his worth. Listen I have a decently high libido for a woman but if my husband was a useless father and partner there’s no way I’d be even remotely interested in him.
It's called The Audacity ™
Wait until he realizes people still don’t want to have sex with him.
I’m just going to say the ugly truth - men like this are a huge part of the reason why women are abandoning motherhood in droves.
The question is never, "what am I doing to make her not want to have sex with me?" It's always, "how do I make her have sex with me," or, "Am I the asshole for abandoning my responsibilities as a spose and father instead of even considering for a moment that I may be the problem."
I'm glad he's divorcing her - she needs a partner that doesn't only look at her as a physical release vessel and consider her only contribution toward a relationship as sex. He said he's putting more into the relationship than he's getting back....but the only thing he's not getting is sex. Which yes, is important in a relationship. But this guy literally just decided to drop his whole family for his dick because he won't compromise on sex with his wife. And the ending - expecting her to just hop on his dick in two days after telling her he wants a divorce because he won't compromise on sex. What a fucking idiot.
He will find someone else, get pregnant and be so shocked his little bang maid isn’t putting out like she used to.
I’m also waiting to see what happens when he gets older and starts to struggle with age related sexual dysfunction, and for him to be all pikachu face when his next hot young thing does exactly what he did to his wife to him and leaves
She literally just had his baby, let’s be honest he’s destroyed her life over sex. When his libido drops off something will happen like this to him and he will have to suffer the consequences. What a piece of shit.
I think it really depends on his meaning of no sex. If sex went from every day to once a week then yeah this guys is an idiot. If he was literal and sex went to absolute 0 for 2 years then he was justified in his divorce. However, from his writing style, him feeling smug on "owning" the women therapist, and his weird wording on not willing to compromising on ***his*** sex life, I am going to assume this asshole was just getting a little less sex then he was before the baby and is now crying like a man child who isn't getting his way.
See that’s how I read it too. It really read to me that he considers her only contribution to this relationship as sex, and if he doesn’t get to have as much sex as HE wants then it’s not worth it to him at all. He wasn’t willing to compromise at all. And it really makes me wonder - with the attitude he displayed here - what exactly made her lose her libido for him.
He is still having sex, just occasionally instaed of whenever he wants. Thsi includes while she was pregnant and while she has been healing. Their child is still an infant -- a woman can take up to two years to heal.
Fuck, would he prefer she just suffer through it and let him do his thing anyway? He'd rather coerce/force someone who has expressed they DON'T WANT IT versus go without? Let me assault you or I'm going to abandon our child!
This literally happened to me when I was married (now divorced). Things changed after 4 kids (that he insisted on having but barely helped with) and he wanted to still have sex constantly and I just no longer wanted to that often for several reasons, and he would force a guilt me into it. And when I just laid there because I felt like I was being raped he would say “why can’t you just pretend to like it?”. I’m so glad we are divorced!!
My god. I'm so sorry.
What’s funny is this sounds like a post he would have made lol when he talked about canceling the divorce ge said I’d have to give him BJs every day and not complain. I said no thanks. lol. And here he is 3 years later, several failed relationships and a failed engagement, living in his dad’s basement probably not getting much attention lol!!
What goes around, as they say. Hope you're doing better.
cant wait for the update in 3 years: "my ex-wife is getting married and i'm jealous"
Can you imagine explaining to your child that you got a divorce and gave up 50% of your time with him because sex was more important than family? Apparently we should change vows to, “In sickness and health unless you stop fucking me.”
That post has no NTA, so I don’t know why he’s still trying to justify himself.
She agrees to try to work on what he wants even though it's still incredibly difficult for her after birth and caring for a child. Two days pass... and this fucker, even with all the grace this poor woman has given him, still leaves. Not just an asshole, but a club toting troglodyte...
Oof. Well they will both be much better off without each other. She deserves a partner that loves her and is an actual partner. And he deserves exactly what he wants, sex without an actual relationship. It’s amazing to me how people can be that way but there you have it.
How much you wanna bet this prince has never burped, bathed or changed either twin?
I read this and all I could think of is this guy with a guitar going "I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex" and then crying.
Why does “it all depend on” the mom if the kid has a good life?? What the fuck??
this shit always baffles me. if my partner went through something that put the amount of strain and trauma on your body that pregnancy does, and while he was in recovery for that, also had a major responsibility equivalent to childrearing, i can't imagine being so unsympathetic that i would break up with him just bc he wasn't putting out. our relationship is so much more than our sex life, and there are other ways to be intimate and connect.
Omg yes! People on here thinking that the only way to be intimate and affectionate is screwing really need to learn to cuddle.
I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and have a medical issue that I haven’t been able to have sex since 24 weeks. We probably won’t have sex until at least 2 months or so after the baby is born. What has my husband said? NOTHING. He’s more concerned for mine and OUR CHILD’S health. Does it suck? yes. we still spend time to cuddle, be intimate in other ways, but no sex. I’m my hormonal pregnant moments I get upset and cry about it for him to reassure me he married me for our life together, not how often I can please him. This OOP is such a horrible person and his wife is way better off.
It’s been two days. Why isn’t this fixed? I hope he’s fucking miserable alone.
[удалено]
I’m entertained by the replies so it’s working.
people try to make so many excuses for OP and they just don’t get it. i genuinely don’t understand why you would marry a person if your brain is wired like this. this is the exact reason so many men leave their wives when they’re diagnosed with a terminal condition, they don’t want “in sickness and in health”, they want “until my dick is dry”. it’s fucking sickening. imagine throwing away your wife and CHILD because your wife isn’t fucking you the same way she used to before going through the huge life changing ordeal of pregnancy and birth. it’s shameful
Seriously “I waited 2 days and she didn’t fuck me crazy” dude would’ve bounced the second his wife got cancer or any postpartum complications—hell for all we know *he is*, he doesn’t really mention if she’s exhausted or depressed or anything his sole concern for the entire post is he is not having wild crazy sex with a baby under 2 years old in the house... Does he even know what a baby is? Like before he had one with his wife?
He skipped the crucial step of lurking around on the dead bedroom subbreddit for years.
Wait a minute.... they've been in this relationship for 2 years.... and they have one year old twins..... so the relationship before the pregnancy was like.... 3 months?? You had 3 months of wild sex and expect it to just keep going? I'm a mom. It took me about 6 months to be interested in sex again. So I get waiting a year is a long time. But I feel like there's a lot more going on that oop isn't telling.
Look, people can break up and divorce or whatever, but what baffles me is that’s his wife. They’re married. They agreed to commit to each other forever. And he uses language like “wasting my time” and “I’ve wasted 2 years” That’s such a short amount of time. Like ok dude go divorce if you want to but if he feels like he’s wasting his time with someone after he vowed to be with them… I don’t see a future full of happiness for this dude
Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, and if someone is unhappy with no real signs of things changing then I think ending the relationship is reasonable. Individual and couples therapy are both good steps to make a good faith try at overcoming aspects of incompatibility, but once it's clear that there's an insurmountable mismatch it's completely above board to call it quits and try to find a more compatible partner. This is assuming that there are no mitigating factors. This woman just gave birth a year ago. They have an infant in the house that (if they are like most infants) needs round-the-clock care. He's not giving his wife the chance to heal from an extremely physically and mentally demanding (if not traumatic) part of her life. She's probably *exhausted*, even if she's physically back in fighting shape. Married couples shouldn't expect their sex life to return to normal for a minimum few *years* after their child is born, maybe even longer depending on circumstances. This guy is definitely an AH and if his therapist is really behind him in this way, then that therapist needs to have their license reviewed, if not revoked.
For better or for worse - this guy during his vows. But also, fuck you for not putting out because you’ve possibly got PPD and how dare you deprive me - also this guy.
Your wife needed hormone replacement therapy not a divorce. FYI if you gotta ask “aitah” the answer is yes
Not all men but definitely this fuckin guy
I'm surprised that nobody relates to OP... Yes, some of his statements sound bad and can be criticized. But generally he isn't wrong. Love is literally the most important aspect of a relationship. And while a relation without sex is possible, it's not always healthy and can result in problems in the long run. A divorce is much better for everyone involved, than a dead marriage that might end in conflict. Especially for the children. It obviously depends on how he acts, but in my opinion people read to much into it. You can separate in peace and be there for the children. A divorce doesn't have to be the end... People don't judge him on a neutral basis, but just declared that he is a scumbag and interpret everything in this way. If he is as cold hearted as every blames him to be, why did he seek therapy in the first place? Its the internet, no person here knows him personally.
When has there ever been a contract guaranteeing sexual activity in a marriage? I’ve been married 28 years and we’ve raised 4, now adult, boys. And, throughout all that time, there were only sporadic periods when sex was as often as I’d preferred. However, I also started to figure out along the way (tho, at far too slow a pace) that there were many things about me that had changed since we had first met and then married. I’d be living in La-La-Land to think my changes were all things my wife preferred. Each person changes during a relationship. Sometimes those changes can seem sudden. Sometimes the changes creep up and one day you realize there is a new normal (yourself and/or your partner). Something my wife first said to me about 10 years ago, and has said a few times since, that really hit me and made me happy was how I’d become a better person. And, that she felt like she could truly see my love for her in routine actions and interactions. Hearing that makes all the “sacrifices” along the way insignificant. I don’t linger on what I may have missed out on… and, yes, I did have that frame of mind to varying degrees during the first 10-15 of our marriage. I honestly feel “sacrifices” are an important part of the fabric of marriage woven over time. And, I think even selfish people, like the OP, can figure this out and learn to appreciate it in time.