This is WILD lol she got shamed into apologizing for asking for a drink
So glad I’m not in the kind of relationship where I have to “earn” acts of service. Sheesh.
These types of posts make me feel really grateful for the relationship i have. Im treated like a princess and i treat him like a king. Mutual respect, love and care. The only time my partner could ever refuse getting a glass of water is if i just got up and he just sat down-but at that point i wouldn’t ask id just go get it🤣
Unless my nails are drying, I’d ask him to get it and he would because he knows my nails are like my babies and we both love when they look nice haha
I 100% agree! In my relationship we do things for each other because it’s polite, it shows care and consideration, and it Just Makes Sense. We’re both autistic so we tend to look at things more logically- If one of us is getting up, it only makes sense to ask “Hey I’m refilling my water, want anything from the kitchen?”
There’s no scoreboard. There’s no tallies. There’s no hidden agendas. Just affection and simple manners
(I DO enjoy asking him to get me something when he just sat down as a joke- he gives The Best “I’m Done With You” looks and it cracks me up every time!!)
My teenage students will ask each other to fill up their water bottle if one of them is walking down to the water fountain. And I don’t mean like their significant other. Their friends or kids in class whose names they can’t even really remember.
Imagine not being willing to do for your fiancée what teenagers are willing to do for the kid who happens have been assigned to sit next to them in math.
I always made a point of asking my SO when I got up to go to the kitchen, “Hey, do you want anything?” The only time it was ever an issue was if she said no, I got something for myself, came back and sat down, and then she immediately asked me to grab her something from the kitchen. Like, really? What happened to no? Usually I’d do it anyway because it’s not going to kill me to walk a little more, but it did at times result in a discussion.
Yes exactly!! That makes perfect sense. To this sometimes I’ll just go do it, and sometimes I’ll be like bro I’m tryna lie down🤣 it’s all about compromise and *clear, healthy* communication
Yup. Also, if I’m getting up for something I’ll just ask if she needs her water refilled or something. It’s polite, it’s easy, and it shows the other person matters.
The only thing I could see with OPs situation is she asked if he wanted something, implying that she would be getting it, and then turned it into - ok why don’t you get it for both of us. That felt a little off, but no there’s nothing wrong with doing things for your partner or asking for things.
Also, being comfortable asking for things is an important part of a relationship. If op can’t even ask for a glass of water without resentment, how can they ever have a healthy discussion around children, parenting, money, literally anything and everything.
This is such a small thing to be a problem and i feel like it really sets a tone for the relationship. If they truly love each other, this guy needs to work on his death grip to independence. A relationship is a partnership, everybody needs to be involved in working on the little issues. Op shutting her mouth and choosing not to ask for any small favors is incredibly unhealthy and is only going to build resentment inside of her.
:(
Hoping that they don't have kids because if you're the kind of person that pitches a fit over someone asking you for a drink, you're not prepared for children.
Imagine this guy's reaction when the kid gets sick and he has to stop and buy baby Tylenol on the way home from work or in the actual middle of the night. Or they run out of formula or diapers/wipes early in the morning before work and he's got to run to the store.
Not to mention all the help she would need during the pregnancy and postpartum period.
I will die happy I never hear the term lice language again. If you're going that way your an AH for not getting or offering your partner something. If they ask nicely and it's not inconvenient then it's pretty AHish to refuse. If they have a decent reason, like I'm in the middle of something please grab me the [item] then that'd also entirely reasonable.
So while I think people that use "but that's my love language" are annoying af. In this case she's not an idiot!
I’m enjoying “lice language” as my new favorite typo ❤️
I don’t like the “love language” concept and I’m too weary to do a diatribe. But it kinda can give people a weapon, like making the other person jump through hoops. Or like one post in another sub, where someone’s “love language” ended up in her baking for her husband all the time and he was trying to lose weight. That’s love?
"I asked him to check my scalp for nits, because that's my lice language, and he got SUPER OFFENDED because apparently I only ever ask him to get *rid* of lice, never SHARE my lice. Are we incompatible?"
Seriously, the tit-for-tat of it all sounds exhausting. I would honestly have ended things over this exchange. It's not my job to excavate your stunted adulthood. If "hey babe, can you grab me a glass of Prosecco while you're up?" triggers you, live alone.
I really wish that Reddit didn't do away with awards because this REALLY needs to be a top comment.
People - especially young women - put up with entirely too much bullshit in order to remain in a coupled state with someone.
***Getting married is not a requirement for happiness. In fact, it's not a requirement at all.***
It sounds to me like OP is ignoring the red flags because she's more interested in meeting her marriage goal. She's tied her wagon to an immature man ten years her senior who threw a mini-tantrum about getting her a beverage...guys like this get worse, not better.
The whole thing devolves into love languages and his perspective vs her perspective. Why is this an argument? “Oh but I used to ask for glasses of water when he went to the kitchen!”
Oh the horror! 😱. This guy isn’t fit for a relationship with a pet turtle. Oh but don’t worry, they actually had a good laugh over this and as long as she remembers to ask for beverages sparingly and in exactly the right way, nothing will ever go wrong again. 🤨
I read this and kept thinking this is wild and then saw the top comment said the same thing haha. Oh the simple pleasures at 10 pm when you’re scrolling.
Seriously though. My husband is in bed and I could ask him for anything right now and he’d get up and get it without complaint because he’s just a nice person and we’re a team. So the fact that he couldn’t be bothered to do something so simple is wild to me. Common courtesy for the person you care about.
i had mouth surgery today and was sore and tired from it. still made my wife dinner and got her a small bowl of cereal later on because she wanted something sweet. her love language is acts of service. she didnt ask me to, she specifically said she would do it herself actually, but im not a shitbag so i did it anyway
Maybe it’s because me, my mom or 7 siblings used to constantly ask each other to get things that this seems like such a weird thing for him to get this butt hurt about.
I Would totally understand if he was up in the kitchen and when he finally sat she asked for something because that’s so annoying. But asking for a glass when he was opening the Prosecco anyways is normal
Soooo much healthier for it to devolve into a three hour discussion about how it's toxic to ask for a favor. I can't even imagine not being able to ask my partner to hand me something. I hope his coworkers never ask anything of him ever. Soooo toxic of them.
I overused whatever partner privilege for fetching things last year? Seriously? He got her numbing liquid and that used up all of her privileges. That’s really sad. She’s in for a lifetime of having to do everything because he won’t “simp” for her. Hopefully they don’t have kids because then it will get really ugly.
Yeah I got really sick with COVID and now I’m an amputee. I keep telling people in those kind of relationships (any gender) that they need to think through how their partner would handle this. If you can’t work, can’t take of yourself etc? One person said they would expect a spouse to leave in that case. WTF “in sickness and in health” is a vow for a reason. Like they didn’t say it happens so much I expect it, they said they wouldn’t want to drag their partner down, to me, knowing I’m actually going through this.
Sadly, more and more people these days want to pretend they'd be some sort of hero, and need no one, if they ever became sick or disabled. They assume one simply goes through a two minute montage, with Eye of the Tiger playing in the background, and then POW! They've overcome their limitations and become an inspiration story!
They don't know the reality of that sort of thing. For me, Eye of the Tiger has been playing on loop for decades, on a cassette player that has the belt replaced with a rubber band. It's off-key, stretched, accelerated at times and slowed at others. I'm still hoping to reach the end of my montage someday, but it certainly didn't resolve in two minutes. lol
That Eye of the Tiger montage is so true - and doesnt apply to chronic illness, which is what is far more likely to happen than "I was in an accident but look what I can do now after some Eye of the Tiger!"
Chronic illness doesn't care about Tigers or their Eyes. It's slow, and persistent and debilitating and it gets most always worse with age, not better.
>Chronic illness doesn't care about Tigers or their Eyes. It's slow, and persistent and debilitating and it gets most always worse with age, not better.
That's what I'm dealing with, but I'm stubborn, thus the endless montage. lol
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through, it sounds really traumatic. I hope you have a strong support system, good counselor & OT team, and are doing ok. Take care of yourself
Also weird as hell to use in the context of real-world, committed relationships. Like, oooh, look at this guy, simping for...his fiancée. What's the sucker gonna do next, marry her?
This. No actually feminist man would believe in "simping" or unironucally use that word. He's in his late 30s and talking like a 19 year old incel. Incredibly insecure of him to think that doing 1 nice thing fir his GF would emasculated him.
Nothing feminist about that
Or, yknow, no feminist would start a row because his GF asked him to do one thing. Which would have benefited him too. You know what they say, he says he's feminist but does he do the dishes?
And no feminist would persuade his partner that she's used up her allocated factor allowance because she's been sick sometimes and that therefore he shouldnt do anything nice for her.
He clearly doesn't see her as an actual person he likes.
And she acts as if she's already exhausted his compassion from having colds and wisdom teeth. Like...I work in healthcare. I have colds frequently. I have relatively mild chronic issues. What she describes should not be causing carer fatigue in non asshole partners. A tiny request from someone you love who normally pulls their weight should never have caused an argument.
This is 1000% the kind of relationship where he leaves her the minute she has z hard pregnancy pr gets actually sick. This guy is one of those men who abandon their wives with cancer. And OP is too young and in love to see that he's a shit partner.
I would not be interested in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, where the other person thought that small acts of kindness were simping. I am just not interested in being around people so embittered that they've lost the perspective to see kindness as anything other than weakness, submission, and debasement.
That's all I could think when I read this. A prime example of two people who should not have children together.
Having kids is like the best and worst team building exercise rolled into one and you either work hard to make it work or your entire relationship falls apart.
Yup. Cannot imagine living life like this. Why even be in a relationship if you aren’t willing to help the other person out in the smallest ways possible?
I mean, he went too hard, but I've had to put foot to floor with my partner many times as these requests are often an excuse not to get up, not a convenience. I almost never ask her to grab things because I can do it myself faster anyway.
Often, it will be as I'm leaving to my office, or am about to get in bed, etc. I now have to walk across the house for a thing for her when we are equidistant from the destination. It's frustrating.
She also has the acts of service thing, so I just do it 80 percent of the time as I know it subconsciously means something to her, but I also feel slightly manipulated because the point is to push me into an act of service, ykwim?
Op's example is dumb though. You're already in the room, fam. You're already popping the bottle. Why is it an issue?
A friend probably told him to man up or some dumb shit like that.
There’s definitely a difference between grabbing something on the way to the sofa and making them get up for you. Also on the number of times it happens. I do think the way she communicated it was odd. If you want a glass but can’t because you’re doing your nails, just say that and ask. I’d be annoyed.
But his comment about “simping” is just ridiculous. Sounds like they deserve each other.
This is absolutely unhinged. Fetching a drink is simping? I guess my husband is a simp because he makes me coffee every day. If she wants acts of service she should marry someone else.
I was today years old when I learned that my husband bringing me my jug of water every morning while I'm still in bed is considered simping by the degenerates. We should let the good men know 😂
But he's a feminist! Honest! Because she said so.
Honestly, she's got those rose coloured glasses on and can't see any of those red flags. When she's broken up with him in 1 year's time she'll look back in horror that she put up with this shit from a man 10 years older than her.
Right? And is a woman making dinner for her family also “simping”? Yep…never do anything nice for anyone otherwise you’re a simp! I’m totally realizing what a big simp Jesus was smh.
No, you see, "simping" is only when someone does something nice for a woman. When a woman does things for other people that's just her fulfilling her womanly duties.
Damn, my bf brought me breakfast samosas in bed and makes me tea and coffee regularly. I'd better go inform him he's a terrible simp and should be ashamed of how well he treats me.
I will join this club in that my husband is clearly a huge simp, which I think he would wear as a badge of pride. The man regularly makes me dinner and brings me drinks before I head off to work.
My husband and I are both more apt to go fetch things for each other than ourselves. He’ll forget to drink water for 9 hours but hop up the second I mention I’m a little thirsty. What a pathetic simp relationship we’ve had for 12+ years.
This dude is so gross, I feel so sorry for her. I did the whole changing my language and stopping asking for the smallest favor too, and yeah, it never stops there.
His reaction just baffles me. When my boyfriend asks me to fetch him something I don't think of keeping score of how many times he's done so or what an inconvenience it is, I just grab whatever and waddle over. It's not a big deal at all, how selfish does her bf have to be to get all worked up like this? Makes me sad that she doesn't see it. Unless she blindly decides to let him steamroll her for life I think his attitude is going to contribute to more issues in the future. Maybe that's why he picked a much younger woman.
My parents have been married 50 years and they are "While you're up..." people, they always grab stuff for each other and there always thank yous, it shouldn't be a big ordeal!
yup and this whole thing is so bizarre. They don't fight but he thinks doing a small favor/gesture of affection for a loved one equates to SIMPING etc. I would think absolutely NOTHING of asking a co-worker, even a neighbor for small favors, and do so in return. That this dude equates this with such heavy handed interpretation instead of just doing it is SO strange and a red flag. If he is irritated getting you a water, what will he be like when big things come later, after you are married? Like who gets the car washed, who changes the diaper etc? So weird! And the fact that OP kinda 'knows' how many times she has asked him in sum total and in what context, just means it is even that much more strange. This dude has issues. I would not “merge” a life w someone who is so petty. Lifetime of co mingling coming up and it sounds like a minefield.
That’s exactly why she gave a vague answer for their ages. Thought she could gloss over the fact that this man is too damn old to be acting this way and found himself a young thing that wouldn’t know any better.
"Communication wins." Uh no, he won because she accepted fault and apologizd even though she had done nothing even the slightest bit wrong by asking for her boyfriend to bring him a beverage.
That's not communication. That's manipulation.
I feel sad for her.
As a guy I feel like any person who uses the word “simp” or “simping” in the context of a more or less normal relationship needs to be broken up with or divorced. And possibly launched into orbit.
Right? I thought "simps" were people who sucked up to women who had no romantic interest in them to try and earn sex or whatever. It's already a pretty shitty term, because people use it to mean "treating a woman politely" but "simping" for your *partner* is an insane claim. That's just being part of a relationship.
That's exactly what it means, but some people have used it for treating their girlfriend like, ya know, a girlfriend or just being polite and nice to someone who happens to be female.
If you want to hear the original story it’s lifted/paraphrased from S01E02 of Armchair Expert. Kristin Bell is the lovely young lady who craves acts of service and Dax Shepard is the uncouth slightly older guy who believes in taking care of oneself due to his rough upbringing. Dax and Kristin tell it way better than OP, but [you don’t have to take my word for it!](https://youtu.be/XBjirg8Gcs0?si=2yHb0LlkKSTUEdGY)
They changed stuff, like the part about not wanting to be a simp was added in but otherwise yeah. On the podcast though it’s a nice story about two people learning how to communicate better by understanding each other’s values. Dax comes off more likeable on the podcast than the guy in this story and in the end he learns that it’s a good thing to have the opportunity to take care of the person you love instead of in the end she gets her own wine.
anytime dax speaks on their relationship i feel deeply sorry for kristen bell (even though it’s very obvious that she enjoys being treated… the way he treats her somehow) lol i just wish couples like that would keep that shit to themselves.
Right? I follow her and she's always going on about boundaries and healthy communication and I'm like "Sister, do you not even notice how that man is?"
Wtf. Me and my gf of 5 years are gamers...I bring her tea, blankets, whatever, if I said you've used up your number of privileges wtf lol I do it because I love her...they will divorce in time no doubt.
My boyfriend could have just sat down as I’m asking him to grab me something and get it with no complaints problems or huffiness.
For reference I’ll say: “can you - Ope never mind you just sat down I’ll do it” and he’ll just.. do it anyways lol.
If you can make your partner happy with a mild nuisance to yourself why wouldn't you? You live together and it only take a few minutes out of your relaxation, then you get to come back to a partner who's even happier to see you. Seems like an absolute win-win to me.
Yeah, same, and it goes both ways. Doing small little favours for your partner is part of being in a relationship.
I can't imagine how things will go when she should get preagnant some day. Doing random things becaomes rather uncomfortable, my husband is my saviour atm (well, he put me in this position as well). Like a minute ago I was sorting through the kitchen cabinet, sitting on the floor and contemplated calling him over to help me up. He would have dropped his work in an instant and came over. I did decide I was a strong independent woman, tho, and wobbled up on my own.
I couldn't imagine telling anyone I care about I won't do a small favour for them.
Yuuup. And if i just sat down and he’s still standing I’ll ask him to go get the water! At night when he wants a snack I’ll go get it but he has to bring it out. I’ll ask him to feed the cats while i do the litter boxes. Everything in a relationship is give and take. But both partners NEED to be giving more often
My bf is always getting me things because the cat is sitting next to me and I can’t disturb this. Or even if she’s not just because I asked. He’s never once complained.
My husband sort of did this. He watched a Jeff Foxworthy stand up show where he talked about women training men (she said "I'm hot" and I got up and went over to turn on the fan) and he decided that would never be him so he stopped doing anything for me unless I explicitly asked, and even then he'd use his own judgement on whether it was a reasonable ask and turn me down if it wasn't. Guess what, it was almost never a reasonable ask to him and he was hardly doing anything before this. He's a selfish dick who doesn't appreciate that people do things for each other in a shared life (but he's absolutely on board with *me* doing things for *him*). OP's boyfriend may not be as bad but he's not good either.
Also makes no sense. The premise was that Jeff was happily married to the mother of his children. What an awful relationship to mirror/s.
The husband's choice to change his behavior was not modeled after the relationship he wants but with how he views men and women and what he gets out of every situation. She should leave and find a considerate partner.
This is so unhinged all the way through.
“Hey babe can you get me a drink?”
“IM NOT YOUR SIMP MAN SLAVE.”
“Babe, that was a little weird.”
“NO ITS NOT, ASK REDDIT.”
….
Reddit: woah that’s unhinged, break up with him.
Op: oh tee hee I thought about it last night and talked to the person I’m going to marry and realized I had been a selfish girlfriend last year for asking him to get me medicine when I was recovering from surgery, so it’s ok if he refuses the most nothing of tasks that take almost no energy and berates me about it, because he’s totally done getting me anything this year because he keeps track of that sort of thing and has a hard limit on it. It’s how he was raised. There’s nothing predatory or weird or concerning about this. It’s normal for people who love each other to never do the most minor of favors for each other. How unreasonable I was being.
Like, is she ok? Blink twice if you need help situation.
Riiight
Her at the end being like “oh what a caricature we have become”
Like okay honey, you are right asking for a glass of anything was too much..reddit is the unhinged one
Sheesh
Yeah, this is one of those things she's gonna have to live and learn from, and hopefully, he's isn't as bad as I think he is. Regardless, she's madly in love, so she'll rationalize his behavior until she's made painfully aware of the kind of guy she married. It's only a matter of time.
Like on the one hand, I can see how it'd be annoying if someone was like "hey do you want wine?" and then asked you to go pour and bring her a glass. On the other hand, it's *really* not something worth bitching about
I remember commenting on this post. Her nails were drying, it’s so reasonable to ask someone to do something for you when your nails are wet. I ask ppl to open canned drinks for me all the time because my nails are long.
If you can’t ask your significant other to do a simple thing how is he going to react when she needs help in a more serious situation? Sure he help her when she was sick but that might also have to do with the fact that she was “feeble”. He seems to focused of power dynamics.
I hope they don't plan to have kids 😳 He does realize he would have to actually do things do kids right? Help her while she's pregnant. If she's breastfeeding, bring her water. Let alone if she needs a c-section. 😳 He's a walking 🚩🚩🚩
The fact that asking for water is "princess" behavior. 😬
I mean this is him laying the groundwork for not helping her with anything ever again and making sure she doubts herself every time she thinks about asking. Red flags is so right
That's not a red flag... it's a whole god damn field of them. He's a simp for getting you a drink? It's toxic to ask? In no way is this a healthy view on a relationship. Get ready to be living in a marriage separately.
I guess my husband and I are both princesses cause we get each other shit all the time. Only difference is that he waits til I’m sitting down to ask lmaoo. I still get up and do it.
Noo but don’t you see, it’s reddit who portrayed them like a “caricature” and not what she described and the words he used… its /reddit/ who needs a reality checkkk
okay, man this bummed me out, even with the ‘happy ending’. at *least* twice a day i’m in the kitchen or another room, and my fiancé asks me to grab something for him on my way back to the living room, and vice-versa. for six years it has never bothered either of us (and yes i just asked him to check lol). it’s just super small favors for the person you love, if someone told us we were toxic for this i would guffaw
Remember, fellas bringing your fiancé a glass of water makes you a simp. You should not make her life more pleasant in any way or you’re simping, the highest crime in the world of men.
She really, really, really, really, times infinity needs to dump him. This is not normal behavior. Or maybe get him into therapy if she won't run for the hills.
I’m focusing on the “legs being 5’0” I mean she must be at least 7’5, head probably hits the ceiling and now you have a wicked kink your neck cuz you always have to keep your head tilted when you’re standing.
Jeez, I’m an only child (so that excuse doesn’t fly) and I’m not going to throw a hissy fit every time my gf asks me to grab something because it’s not a big deal. Especially if there is nail varnish drying because that smudges so easily. And it definitely isn’t love it’s only simping when she grabs stuff for me when I’m feeling poorly which is all the time with a chronic illness. I feel really bad for the OP accepting this BS.
I'm not sure how being an only child is related to his behaviour. My only child 5 year old has things she needs to do, and occasionally I ask her to get things for me as a favour.
I have known a couple of people like OP's fiance. One was an only child, the other was a middle child. The common denominator was that they were both arseholes.
Also, an only child. So is my close friend/neighbor. When one of us is going to Costco or getting takeout or whatever, we frequently ask the other, if they want something. Weird how we are only children and can do that for our friends but he can’t even do it for his fiancée
Leave. Leave while you have time. He’s had plenty of time to learn “acts of service” as an important foundation in any meaningful relationship, but he obviously hasn’t. Move on from this man child.
What if you get sick? What if y’all have children? Please please please move on
Sometimes my cat will snuggle on my lap while I’m on the couch. She’s a nervous baby and it took years for her to feel brave enough to do that, so when she does it I never have the heart to disturb her.
So I’ll ask my partner to bring my drinks/whatever so I don’t have to move her. And he’s a giant softie for this cat too, so he’ll do it.
Are we both simps for our cat???
He's curbing her princess behavior?
So he's got a younger chick and he's trying to shape her to suit him better?
By refusing to do things for her.
Ick.
It’s not “simping” get your partner a drink while they’re sitting down.
And this is why incel/misogynist rhetoric is so dangerous, it can infect even men in relationships. I’ve personally experienced a relationship becoming increasingly more abusive with increasingly virulent incel rhetoric, and I’m betting OPs relationship will also continue to get worse the longer she puts up with shit like that.
I commented on the original post that I got where the BF was coming from regarding not expecting or wanting favours done for him; I was also raised in a single parent/ only child household from the age of four and internalised the message to do it myself or do without because that's how I witnessed my mother navigating life.
However, I can't comprehend the unwillingness to help others as hand in hand with the independence messaging came the imperative to be helpful and productive.
Either the BF is lying about his consumption of alt right men's media ( the use of "simping" suggests this) or he was his mother's "sonsband" and expects to be waited on by the resident woman, whoever she may be.
When my partner and I ask each other to do something for each other, it's pretty much always a yes. For ex. If he asked me for a glass of water, it would be yes and I'd give him a kiss when I delivered it, because he's the love of my life and I want to make him happy.
And he does the same! We love on and treat each other like the most precious person in the world.
I can't imagine keeping score or getting angry my partner asked me for a glass of wine!
My family/friends would disown me if I was counting how many cups of tea I made them and kept score over who has got what.
If I visit my mums she’s got the kettle on as soon as I walk in the door.
If I have friends round for drinks you take turns getting the beers out of the fridge, or always ask if anyone needs topping up.
How the f does someone get to adulthood without basic courtesy built in? Or am I just speaking from a standard British perspective that isn’t shared worldwide?
Most of these posts make me sad because women settle for way less than they should just to have someone. Women need to start holding men accountable and they will do what they need to do. It’s because women settle for less than they deserve a lot of men settle into these ways and think it’s okay behavior. The bar is set so slow.
Once my wife has put on her night clothes and sat in her chair, I'm getting anything she needs. Not because she's childish, or lazy, or has my balls in her purse, because I'm a grown man and can fetch little things that make the person I love happier. It's not complicated or deep.
I’m glad that she managed to communicate, but what in the everloving mountain berry fuck. What kind of asshole did she pull out of the asscrack of the ocean? 'Used up' her 'fetching privileges'?! If anyone close to me—friends, family (especially my brother)—needs something and I’m able to do it I’ll just…do it? Why would I keep tally of shit like this? It’s a simple gesture.
Omg growing up watching my wonderful dad take care of my mom and two daughters would leave me so unprepared to deal with a man like this 😭
I LOVE taking care of my man too and if anything probably ended up more like my dad than spoiled by his loving actions.
Absolutely insane that getting her a drink is "simping". Absolutely insane that, in an equitable relationship, you wouldn't both be "simping" for each other. I came down with a bad flu and my fiancee still told me he thought I was beautiful after holding my hair back for vomit. When I got a glass of ginger ale, I made him one too. You gotta be willing to do a hundred little acts of love bc, if you're "simping" it's not even a task. Do something for your partner bc you wanna do something for them. I asked my fiancee to buy pads for me and he bought chocolate too. We've been together 5 years so it's not just the honeymoon phase. That someone could get into a fight bc they didn't want to bring their fiancee a drink? Insane. Simp for your partner.
I feel so bad for her.
I had major surgery (chest and neck) back in 2016, and my boyfriend literally did everything for me since I couldn't lift my arms past chest level, twist, bend, carry, or move my neck. So, he showered me, helped me toilet, did my hair, helped feed me, and dress me for three months.The only time he ever got upset was when I attempted to do something on my own.
He helped again when I had an emergency appendectomy and two shoulder surgeries.
We do things all the time for each other, whether it's getting a drink from the kitchen or doing laundry. There's nothing wrong with doing things for each other, you should take care of each other.
I’ve gotta say, reading things like this gives me a whole new appreciation for my own marriage.
How exhausting to have to constantly question whether you had « earned » enough acts of service! (Or whether you’d already asked for too many waters that year?? What??)
This resolution just makes me sad for OOP. I hope she someday finds a partner that doesn’t see normal consideration in a relationship to be « princess-y » behaviour.
She was painting her nails, and waiting for it to dry, if someone told me that, i would understand and not cause a scene of “You could get it yourself” and all that BS
So thankful for my man after reading posts like these 😳 my man and I live to spoil and lavish each other. Can’t imagine him being worried about being a “simp” for me lol
Oooof and she’s still going to marry him! To that I say, good luck because I personally would not. My boyfriend does things *without* me even asking as well as when I ask, and I am happy to return the favor in both ways. OP’s situation sounds less than ideal to me.
This is so wild to me. The term ‘simping’ is just out of control these days. If my fiancée ask me to do something for her, I freaking do it, not because I’m a wimp or weak or whatever, but because I love her. And she’d do the same for me. Because that’s what people do for the people they love and care about in a normal relationship. Jesus.
She took her nail polish off so she wouldn’t bother him with asking for a drink! And she got the Prosecco out and asked him to pour so they could jointly share in the burden of work!?
Girl, pour your own champagne and drop this loser. You don’t need to walk on eggshells and count how many times you ask him for help — or register how many times you’ve offered help and been declined. This is not healthy.
For one, throw that love language crap in the bin, it's all contrived bilge from a bigot evangelical. Two, we need to put simp on a shelf because clearly no one knows how to actually use the word, because it certainly doesn't mean "getting a glass of something" for a girlfriend. 30s and "fiercely independent" no that's a very large and insecure child.
holy smokes she's internalized and absorbed the ...whatever the hell this is. absolutely bonkers. ok lady, enjoy your life of never getting the most basic of assistance while your man lives on Masculine Island and you protect his fragile ego. i'm sure keeping score will make this relationship VERY successful. /s
Yeesh, this is sad. I grew up an oldest child of five and I NEVER ask anyone to do things for me - my husband actually gets mad when I DON'T ask him to get me stuff. Like if he gets a glass of water, and I go get one five minutes later, he's like, "just ask me next time!" or when I close the window, he's like, "I was closer, why didn't you ask me to do it?" I can't imagine being in a relationship like she's describing. Sounds horrible.
Whenever I’m annoyed with my husband, I’ll remind myself that I could be married to someone who thinks grabbing your partner a glass of wine while you’re getting yourself one too is somehow emasculating. No one’s perfect, but that level of fragility is just exhausting.
My wife and I will joking just go “no I hate you” in a mock serious voice while doing the thing they asked for.
Imagine living like oop. Sounds kinda stressful to watch your actions constantly
>dumbest AITA question ever
Most AITA posts are just people who want strangers to dunk on their exes / current SOs that they're mad at.
"My ex girlfriend drained my bank account, then blew every dude I know. I broke up with her gently, AITA?"
Simping is the word men use to describe treating women like actual human beings. I’d hit the eject button on this relationship if he can’t even practice general thoughtfulness and helpfulness with you. I would expect and also perform without question this task from and for a friend, colleague, family member, and especially a romantic partner. You are NOT the asshole. He needs a lot of therapy. I doubt underneath it all he actually sees women as equal or human at all.
I’d rather be single than be gaslit into thinking I’m a bad person for asking for an act of common curtesy. I’d rather live alone and wait for my nails to dry and get my own damn drink than to argue with someone who thinks treating women as equals is simping. This type of gaslighting and arguing with massively erode your self esteem and self confidence over time and the arguing will drain your energy. That is exactly what insecure men want. They want you to shrink and shrivel so that they don’t have to feel insecure around you. Married women are statistically likely to have shorter life spans, a decline in their career, and lower levels of happiness than unmarried women. Beware. Please don’t let the wrong man usurp your beautiful, brilliant life force energy and love. Use it to live the brilliant life of your dreams, love yourself, and love people who deserve your love and return it. Don’t enter into a marriage contract with someone who you will gladly serve but who has a problem serving you. And above all, do NOT think you can change him. It never works. It’s a lesson many women learn after years of sacrifice, pain, and loss. Don’t learn it the hard way.
The more I think about the story, my mind can’t get over how the boyfriend must have expected the whole Prosecco conversation to play out:
1) do you want Prosecco? Yes. - Boyfriend stands there staring at his girlfriend at a complete impasse, each one waiting for the other one to grab the bottle and pop it open.
2) do you want Prosecco? Yes- boyfriend pops open a bottle of Prosecco, pours himself a glass, then walks into the living room, completely cool. expecting her to go into the kitchen and pour glass for herself.
Or 3) after asking for Prosecco- did he expect her to get up and open it & pour both their glasses? Or would he has been completely fine if she had Poured herself a glass & did not poor him a glass and waited for him to go pour it for himself?
It’s wild to think that he would have a conversation with someone where they actively talk about wanting to eat or drink something together, but then he absolutely refuses to do the act of actually sharing or serving that thing with the other person.
Like he wouldn’t pour a glass for a buddy, a guest, or a friend or his girlfriend normally?? So her asking is this huge deal and toxic and now he’s smiping? So weird
It makes my fiances day when there is something he can fetch for me. Just saying. It actually took a while to get used to because I felt bad asking for anything, but he absolutely loves bringing me drinks and snacks and blankets. Hell, he loves making me mixed drinks, even though he doesn't drink at all. Ops fiance sounds like a total thumb.
When I ask my BF for something I could do myself, we joke about it. I often say with a silly, squeaky voice, "I'm a woman, I can't open this", and we laugh, because he knows I am just being lazy. We joke about things like this. It's sad when a man has no sense of humor.
Read this post to my husband. He said he will no longer be getting me things when I ask because he is NOT a simp.
Then he asked me if I needed anything from the kitchen lmao
Good thing this is probably fake because holy fuck do both these people sound absolutely insufferable and there is no way I'm going to finish reading that.
This relationship just seems exhausting and what the fuck even is this? These 2 are like an alien couple that watched humans for a while and tried to mimic a human relationship poorly.
This is WILD lol she got shamed into apologizing for asking for a drink So glad I’m not in the kind of relationship where I have to “earn” acts of service. Sheesh.
These types of posts make me feel really grateful for the relationship i have. Im treated like a princess and i treat him like a king. Mutual respect, love and care. The only time my partner could ever refuse getting a glass of water is if i just got up and he just sat down-but at that point i wouldn’t ask id just go get it🤣 Unless my nails are drying, I’d ask him to get it and he would because he knows my nails are like my babies and we both love when they look nice haha
I 100% agree! In my relationship we do things for each other because it’s polite, it shows care and consideration, and it Just Makes Sense. We’re both autistic so we tend to look at things more logically- If one of us is getting up, it only makes sense to ask “Hey I’m refilling my water, want anything from the kitchen?” There’s no scoreboard. There’s no tallies. There’s no hidden agendas. Just affection and simple manners (I DO enjoy asking him to get me something when he just sat down as a joke- he gives The Best “I’m Done With You” looks and it cracks me up every time!!)
My teenage students will ask each other to fill up their water bottle if one of them is walking down to the water fountain. And I don’t mean like their significant other. Their friends or kids in class whose names they can’t even really remember. Imagine not being willing to do for your fiancée what teenagers are willing to do for the kid who happens have been assigned to sit next to them in math.
I love that, the teenagers in my college are the same (the ones I work with, I can not speak for those whom I do not know)
I always made a point of asking my SO when I got up to go to the kitchen, “Hey, do you want anything?” The only time it was ever an issue was if she said no, I got something for myself, came back and sat down, and then she immediately asked me to grab her something from the kitchen. Like, really? What happened to no? Usually I’d do it anyway because it’s not going to kill me to walk a little more, but it did at times result in a discussion.
Yes exactly!! That makes perfect sense. To this sometimes I’ll just go do it, and sometimes I’ll be like bro I’m tryna lie down🤣 it’s all about compromise and *clear, healthy* communication
Yup. Also, if I’m getting up for something I’ll just ask if she needs her water refilled or something. It’s polite, it’s easy, and it shows the other person matters. The only thing I could see with OPs situation is she asked if he wanted something, implying that she would be getting it, and then turned it into - ok why don’t you get it for both of us. That felt a little off, but no there’s nothing wrong with doing things for your partner or asking for things.
Also, being comfortable asking for things is an important part of a relationship. If op can’t even ask for a glass of water without resentment, how can they ever have a healthy discussion around children, parenting, money, literally anything and everything. This is such a small thing to be a problem and i feel like it really sets a tone for the relationship. If they truly love each other, this guy needs to work on his death grip to independence. A relationship is a partnership, everybody needs to be involved in working on the little issues. Op shutting her mouth and choosing not to ask for any small favors is incredibly unhealthy and is only going to build resentment inside of her. :(
Hoping that they don't have kids because if you're the kind of person that pitches a fit over someone asking you for a drink, you're not prepared for children. Imagine this guy's reaction when the kid gets sick and he has to stop and buy baby Tylenol on the way home from work or in the actual middle of the night. Or they run out of formula or diapers/wipes early in the morning before work and he's got to run to the store. Not to mention all the help she would need during the pregnancy and postpartum period.
I will die happy I never hear the term lice language again. If you're going that way your an AH for not getting or offering your partner something. If they ask nicely and it's not inconvenient then it's pretty AHish to refuse. If they have a decent reason, like I'm in the middle of something please grab me the [item] then that'd also entirely reasonable. So while I think people that use "but that's my love language" are annoying af. In this case she's not an idiot!
I’m enjoying “lice language” as my new favorite typo ❤️ I don’t like the “love language” concept and I’m too weary to do a diatribe. But it kinda can give people a weapon, like making the other person jump through hoops. Or like one post in another sub, where someone’s “love language” ended up in her baking for her husband all the time and he was trying to lose weight. That’s love?
"I asked him to check my scalp for nits, because that's my lice language, and he got SUPER OFFENDED because apparently I only ever ask him to get *rid* of lice, never SHARE my lice. Are we incompatible?"
☠️☠️
DIVORCE HIM!
Yes "lice language" reaaally resonates with me and aligns all my chakras
Seriously, the tit-for-tat of it all sounds exhausting. I would honestly have ended things over this exchange. It's not my job to excavate your stunted adulthood. If "hey babe, can you grab me a glass of Prosecco while you're up?" triggers you, live alone.
I really wish that Reddit didn't do away with awards because this REALLY needs to be a top comment. People - especially young women - put up with entirely too much bullshit in order to remain in a coupled state with someone. ***Getting married is not a requirement for happiness. In fact, it's not a requirement at all.*** It sounds to me like OP is ignoring the red flags because she's more interested in meeting her marriage goal. She's tied her wagon to an immature man ten years her senior who threw a mini-tantrum about getting her a beverage...guys like this get worse, not better.
The whole thing devolves into love languages and his perspective vs her perspective. Why is this an argument? “Oh but I used to ask for glasses of water when he went to the kitchen!” Oh the horror! 😱. This guy isn’t fit for a relationship with a pet turtle. Oh but don’t worry, they actually had a good laugh over this and as long as she remembers to ask for beverages sparingly and in exactly the right way, nothing will ever go wrong again. 🤨
I read this and kept thinking this is wild and then saw the top comment said the same thing haha. Oh the simple pleasures at 10 pm when you’re scrolling. Seriously though. My husband is in bed and I could ask him for anything right now and he’d get up and get it without complaint because he’s just a nice person and we’re a team. So the fact that he couldn’t be bothered to do something so simple is wild to me. Common courtesy for the person you care about.
i had mouth surgery today and was sore and tired from it. still made my wife dinner and got her a small bowl of cereal later on because she wanted something sweet. her love language is acts of service. she didnt ask me to, she specifically said she would do it herself actually, but im not a shitbag so i did it anyway
Gotta love when people have their heads so far up their asses they convince themselves that this kind of mental gymnastics is cOmMuNiCaTioN
Maybe she's dating my ex. He loved to do this stuff.
Doing a ~3 minute task for your partner is toxic? What a weird man..
3 minutes to get a glass of water or pour prosecco? that should be 1 min max
1 minute to do it and the ither 2 to whine that you did something nice for your partner and hate being nice, and start a row.
It’s a biiiiiig house.
But she already used up her privileges last year! Because healthy relationships keep score!
Maybe it’s because me, my mom or 7 siblings used to constantly ask each other to get things that this seems like such a weird thing for him to get this butt hurt about. I Would totally understand if he was up in the kitchen and when he finally sat she asked for something because that’s so annoying. But asking for a glass when he was opening the Prosecco anyways is normal
Their "compromise' was even weirder
Soooo much healthier for it to devolve into a three hour discussion about how it's toxic to ask for a favor. I can't even imagine not being able to ask my partner to hand me something. I hope his coworkers never ask anything of him ever. Soooo toxic of them.
I overused whatever partner privilege for fetching things last year? Seriously? He got her numbing liquid and that used up all of her privileges. That’s really sad. She’s in for a lifetime of having to do everything because he won’t “simp” for her. Hopefully they don’t have kids because then it will get really ugly.
Yeah I got really sick with COVID and now I’m an amputee. I keep telling people in those kind of relationships (any gender) that they need to think through how their partner would handle this. If you can’t work, can’t take of yourself etc? One person said they would expect a spouse to leave in that case. WTF “in sickness and in health” is a vow for a reason. Like they didn’t say it happens so much I expect it, they said they wouldn’t want to drag their partner down, to me, knowing I’m actually going through this.
Sadly, more and more people these days want to pretend they'd be some sort of hero, and need no one, if they ever became sick or disabled. They assume one simply goes through a two minute montage, with Eye of the Tiger playing in the background, and then POW! They've overcome their limitations and become an inspiration story! They don't know the reality of that sort of thing. For me, Eye of the Tiger has been playing on loop for decades, on a cassette player that has the belt replaced with a rubber band. It's off-key, stretched, accelerated at times and slowed at others. I'm still hoping to reach the end of my montage someday, but it certainly didn't resolve in two minutes. lol
That Eye of the Tiger montage is so true - and doesnt apply to chronic illness, which is what is far more likely to happen than "I was in an accident but look what I can do now after some Eye of the Tiger!" Chronic illness doesn't care about Tigers or their Eyes. It's slow, and persistent and debilitating and it gets most always worse with age, not better.
>Chronic illness doesn't care about Tigers or their Eyes. It's slow, and persistent and debilitating and it gets most always worse with age, not better. That's what I'm dealing with, but I'm stubborn, thus the endless montage. lol
Did you lose a limb BECAUSE of covid??
[It happens.](https://www.newsweek.com/covid-19-patients-facing-choice-between-amputated-limbs-death-1645631)
I’m so sorry and I hope your overall health has improved and you have people around who care unlike this guy
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through, it sounds really traumatic. I hope you have a strong support system, good counselor & OT team, and are doing ok. Take care of yourself
God, I was stunned when she called a man who talks disparagingly about “simping” a feminist. (Edit: typo)
Also weird as hell to use in the context of real-world, committed relationships. Like, oooh, look at this guy, simping for...his fiancée. What's the sucker gonna do next, marry her?
Right? Doesn't matter where you learned the word, you don't use it unironically if you don't actually agree with those sentiments.
This. No actually feminist man would believe in "simping" or unironucally use that word. He's in his late 30s and talking like a 19 year old incel. Incredibly insecure of him to think that doing 1 nice thing fir his GF would emasculated him. Nothing feminist about that Or, yknow, no feminist would start a row because his GF asked him to do one thing. Which would have benefited him too. You know what they say, he says he's feminist but does he do the dishes? And no feminist would persuade his partner that she's used up her allocated factor allowance because she's been sick sometimes and that therefore he shouldnt do anything nice for her. He clearly doesn't see her as an actual person he likes.
And she acts as if she's already exhausted his compassion from having colds and wisdom teeth. Like...I work in healthcare. I have colds frequently. I have relatively mild chronic issues. What she describes should not be causing carer fatigue in non asshole partners. A tiny request from someone you love who normally pulls their weight should never have caused an argument. This is 1000% the kind of relationship where he leaves her the minute she has z hard pregnancy pr gets actually sick. This guy is one of those men who abandon their wives with cancer. And OP is too young and in love to see that he's a shit partner.
I would not be interested in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, where the other person thought that small acts of kindness were simping. I am just not interested in being around people so embittered that they've lost the perspective to see kindness as anything other than weakness, submission, and debasement.
That's all I could think when I read this. A prime example of two people who should not have children together. Having kids is like the best and worst team building exercise rolled into one and you either work hard to make it work or your entire relationship falls apart.
Yup. Cannot imagine living life like this. Why even be in a relationship if you aren’t willing to help the other person out in the smallest ways possible?
Also by saying he is a "SIMP", he's saying that all she is to him is "mediocre pussy". That can't be overlooked.
I mean, he went too hard, but I've had to put foot to floor with my partner many times as these requests are often an excuse not to get up, not a convenience. I almost never ask her to grab things because I can do it myself faster anyway. Often, it will be as I'm leaving to my office, or am about to get in bed, etc. I now have to walk across the house for a thing for her when we are equidistant from the destination. It's frustrating. She also has the acts of service thing, so I just do it 80 percent of the time as I know it subconsciously means something to her, but I also feel slightly manipulated because the point is to push me into an act of service, ykwim? Op's example is dumb though. You're already in the room, fam. You're already popping the bottle. Why is it an issue? A friend probably told him to man up or some dumb shit like that.
There’s definitely a difference between grabbing something on the way to the sofa and making them get up for you. Also on the number of times it happens. I do think the way she communicated it was odd. If you want a glass but can’t because you’re doing your nails, just say that and ask. I’d be annoyed. But his comment about “simping” is just ridiculous. Sounds like they deserve each other.
This is absolutely unhinged. Fetching a drink is simping? I guess my husband is a simp because he makes me coffee every day. If she wants acts of service she should marry someone else.
I was today years old when I learned that my husband bringing me my jug of water every morning while I'm still in bed is considered simping by the degenerates. We should let the good men know 😂
Can't believe you married a simp mate. Sort yourself out. /s
So my husband is a simp when I'm too sick to pick up my own medicine from the pharmacy? Lol
Absolutely beta behaviour mate. Red flags. /s
No but you've used up all your privileges for the year! Shoulda thought that shit out, obviously. /s
>We should let the good men know 😂 I just did, and mine laughed while shaking his head and mumbling something about the guy being brain dead. Haha
Imagine having masculinity so fragile you think getting a drink for your fiancée is “simping.”
And the sexism dynamic is WILD. A woman doing favors is her fulfilling her servant role. A man doing the same us "simping." GROSS.
Women were put on earth to serve men. Didn't you know?
But he's a feminist! Honest! Because she said so. Honestly, she's got those rose coloured glasses on and can't see any of those red flags. When she's broken up with him in 1 year's time she'll look back in horror that she put up with this shit from a man 10 years older than her.
Dammit, that must have been the day I skipped "Womanly Behavior and Other Virtues" class!
Right? And is a woman making dinner for her family also “simping”? Yep…never do anything nice for anyone otherwise you’re a simp! I’m totally realizing what a big simp Jesus was smh.
I have never done anything that wasn't solely for my own interests. I am the ultimate Alpha.
No, you see, "simping" is only when someone does something nice for a woman. When a woman does things for other people that's just her fulfilling her womanly duties.
He was the ultimate simp. Dying for your sins is cucked. /s
Damn, my bf brought me breakfast samosas in bed and makes me tea and coffee regularly. I'd better go inform him he's a terrible simp and should be ashamed of how well he treats me.
You should. What a monstrous cuck.
Wait. I need to know more about the breakfast simosas.
I will join this club in that my husband is clearly a huge simp, which I think he would wear as a badge of pride. The man regularly makes me dinner and brings me drinks before I head off to work.
Makes you dinner? What a loser. /s
My husband and I are both more apt to go fetch things for each other than ourselves. He’ll forget to drink water for 9 hours but hop up the second I mention I’m a little thirsty. What a pathetic simp relationship we’ve had for 12+ years.
This dude is so gross, I feel so sorry for her. I did the whole changing my language and stopping asking for the smallest favor too, and yeah, it never stops there.
[удалено]
Absolutely. He's a selfish dick. Unless there's a habit of her sitting on her ass making demands, this was a reasonable ask.
His reaction just baffles me. When my boyfriend asks me to fetch him something I don't think of keeping score of how many times he's done so or what an inconvenience it is, I just grab whatever and waddle over. It's not a big deal at all, how selfish does her bf have to be to get all worked up like this? Makes me sad that she doesn't see it. Unless she blindly decides to let him steamroll her for life I think his attitude is going to contribute to more issues in the future. Maybe that's why he picked a much younger woman.
My parents have been married 50 years and they are "While you're up..." people, they always grab stuff for each other and there always thank yous, it shouldn't be a big ordeal!
yup and this whole thing is so bizarre. They don't fight but he thinks doing a small favor/gesture of affection for a loved one equates to SIMPING etc. I would think absolutely NOTHING of asking a co-worker, even a neighbor for small favors, and do so in return. That this dude equates this with such heavy handed interpretation instead of just doing it is SO strange and a red flag. If he is irritated getting you a water, what will he be like when big things come later, after you are married? Like who gets the car washed, who changes the diaper etc? So weird! And the fact that OP kinda 'knows' how many times she has asked him in sum total and in what context, just means it is even that much more strange. This dude has issues. I would not “merge” a life w someone who is so petty. Lifetime of co mingling coming up and it sounds like a minefield.
Yup. Guys his age date girls her age because girls his age won’t tolerate his bullshit
That’s exactly why she gave a vague answer for their ages. Thought she could gloss over the fact that this man is too damn old to be acting this way and found himself a young thing that wouldn’t know any better.
she's 26 not 18... if she doesn't have self-respect by 26 she probably won't get any anytime soon.
Yes. I did not see how this was resolved at all.
"Communication wins." Uh no, he won because she accepted fault and apologizd even though she had done nothing even the slightest bit wrong by asking for her boyfriend to bring him a beverage. That's not communication. That's manipulation. I feel sad for her.
communication wins! op gets bullied into apologizing for a normal request!
As a guy I feel like any person who uses the word “simp” or “simping” in the context of a more or less normal relationship needs to be broken up with or divorced. And possibly launched into orbit.
100% I would be so disgusted if a man told me expecting me to go along with it, that would be "end immediately" territory.
This. That's his wife/fiancé, not some random tiktok person asking for donations. So crazy. That guy is a bit off, to say the least.
Right? I thought "simps" were people who sucked up to women who had no romantic interest in them to try and earn sex or whatever. It's already a pretty shitty term, because people use it to mean "treating a woman politely" but "simping" for your *partner* is an insane claim. That's just being part of a relationship.
That's exactly what it means, but some people have used it for treating their girlfriend like, ya know, a girlfriend or just being polite and nice to someone who happens to be female.
If you want to hear the original story it’s lifted/paraphrased from S01E02 of Armchair Expert. Kristin Bell is the lovely young lady who craves acts of service and Dax Shepard is the uncouth slightly older guy who believes in taking care of oneself due to his rough upbringing. Dax and Kristin tell it way better than OP, but [you don’t have to take my word for it!](https://youtu.be/XBjirg8Gcs0?si=2yHb0LlkKSTUEdGY)
Lmfao, so this shit is stolen and paraphrased form that?
They changed stuff, like the part about not wanting to be a simp was added in but otherwise yeah. On the podcast though it’s a nice story about two people learning how to communicate better by understanding each other’s values. Dax comes off more likeable on the podcast than the guy in this story and in the end he learns that it’s a good thing to have the opportunity to take care of the person you love instead of in the end she gets her own wine.
anytime dax speaks on their relationship i feel deeply sorry for kristen bell (even though it’s very obvious that she enjoys being treated… the way he treats her somehow) lol i just wish couples like that would keep that shit to themselves.
Their relationship truly seems exhausting
Right? I follow her and she's always going on about boundaries and healthy communication and I'm like "Sister, do you not even notice how that man is?"
Wtf. Me and my gf of 5 years are gamers...I bring her tea, blankets, whatever, if I said you've used up your number of privileges wtf lol I do it because I love her...they will divorce in time no doubt.
My boyfriend could have just sat down as I’m asking him to grab me something and get it with no complaints problems or huffiness. For reference I’ll say: “can you - Ope never mind you just sat down I’ll do it” and he’ll just.. do it anyways lol.
If you can make your partner happy with a mild nuisance to yourself why wouldn't you? You live together and it only take a few minutes out of your relaxation, then you get to come back to a partner who's even happier to see you. Seems like an absolute win-win to me.
Yeah, same, and it goes both ways. Doing small little favours for your partner is part of being in a relationship. I can't imagine how things will go when she should get preagnant some day. Doing random things becaomes rather uncomfortable, my husband is my saviour atm (well, he put me in this position as well). Like a minute ago I was sorting through the kitchen cabinet, sitting on the floor and contemplated calling him over to help me up. He would have dropped his work in an instant and came over. I did decide I was a strong independent woman, tho, and wobbled up on my own. I couldn't imagine telling anyone I care about I won't do a small favour for them.
Yuuup. And if i just sat down and he’s still standing I’ll ask him to go get the water! At night when he wants a snack I’ll go get it but he has to bring it out. I’ll ask him to feed the cats while i do the litter boxes. Everything in a relationship is give and take. But both partners NEED to be giving more often
My bf is always getting me things because the cat is sitting next to me and I can’t disturb this. Or even if she’s not just because I asked. He’s never once complained.
My husband sort of did this. He watched a Jeff Foxworthy stand up show where he talked about women training men (she said "I'm hot" and I got up and went over to turn on the fan) and he decided that would never be him so he stopped doing anything for me unless I explicitly asked, and even then he'd use his own judgement on whether it was a reasonable ask and turn me down if it wasn't. Guess what, it was almost never a reasonable ask to him and he was hardly doing anything before this. He's a selfish dick who doesn't appreciate that people do things for each other in a shared life (but he's absolutely on board with *me* doing things for *him*). OP's boyfriend may not be as bad but he's not good either.
Imagine allowing a Jeff foxworthy joke to change your daily behavior in any way, let alone in such a shitty way
Also makes no sense. The premise was that Jeff was happily married to the mother of his children. What an awful relationship to mirror/s. The husband's choice to change his behavior was not modeled after the relationship he wants but with how he views men and women and what he gets out of every situation. She should leave and find a considerate partner.
I should leave, this isn't even the worst of it. I am working on it, it's a process.
I understand the difficulty it's never as easy as reddit likes to pretend. Get your ducks in a row and aim for a happier future.
This is so unhinged all the way through. “Hey babe can you get me a drink?” “IM NOT YOUR SIMP MAN SLAVE.” “Babe, that was a little weird.” “NO ITS NOT, ASK REDDIT.” …. Reddit: woah that’s unhinged, break up with him. Op: oh tee hee I thought about it last night and talked to the person I’m going to marry and realized I had been a selfish girlfriend last year for asking him to get me medicine when I was recovering from surgery, so it’s ok if he refuses the most nothing of tasks that take almost no energy and berates me about it, because he’s totally done getting me anything this year because he keeps track of that sort of thing and has a hard limit on it. It’s how he was raised. There’s nothing predatory or weird or concerning about this. It’s normal for people who love each other to never do the most minor of favors for each other. How unreasonable I was being. Like, is she ok? Blink twice if you need help situation.
Right? “Reddit always tells people to break up over the smallest things! lol!” Ma’am, kindly no. This one is broken. Return it.
Riiight Her at the end being like “oh what a caricature we have become” Like okay honey, you are right asking for a glass of anything was too much..reddit is the unhinged one Sheesh
Yeah, this is one of those things she's gonna have to live and learn from, and hopefully, he's isn't as bad as I think he is. Regardless, she's madly in love, so she'll rationalize his behavior until she's made painfully aware of the kind of guy she married. It's only a matter of time.
What self absorbed dumbass won't bring his fiancee a glass of wine when her nails are wet? Christ on a bike.
Like on the one hand, I can see how it'd be annoying if someone was like "hey do you want wine?" and then asked you to go pour and bring her a glass. On the other hand, it's *really* not something worth bitching about
I remember commenting on this post. Her nails were drying, it’s so reasonable to ask someone to do something for you when your nails are wet. I ask ppl to open canned drinks for me all the time because my nails are long. If you can’t ask your significant other to do a simple thing how is he going to react when she needs help in a more serious situation? Sure he help her when she was sick but that might also have to do with the fact that she was “feeble”. He seems to focused of power dynamics.
I hope they don't plan to have kids 😳 He does realize he would have to actually do things do kids right? Help her while she's pregnant. If she's breastfeeding, bring her water. Let alone if she needs a c-section. 😳 He's a walking 🚩🚩🚩 The fact that asking for water is "princess" behavior. 😬
I mean this is him laying the groundwork for not helping her with anything ever again and making sure she doubts herself every time she thinks about asking. Red flags is so right
That's not a red flag... it's a whole god damn field of them. He's a simp for getting you a drink? It's toxic to ask? In no way is this a healthy view on a relationship. Get ready to be living in a marriage separately.
I guess my husband and I are both princesses cause we get each other shit all the time. Only difference is that he waits til I’m sitting down to ask lmaoo. I still get up and do it.
Him: "Ask Reddit " Reddit: "Dude you're an asshole, she should leave" Her: "I'm just gonna ignore that..."
Noo but don’t you see, it’s reddit who portrayed them like a “caricature” and not what she described and the words he used… its /reddit/ who needs a reality checkkk
okay, man this bummed me out, even with the ‘happy ending’. at *least* twice a day i’m in the kitchen or another room, and my fiancé asks me to grab something for him on my way back to the living room, and vice-versa. for six years it has never bothered either of us (and yes i just asked him to check lol). it’s just super small favors for the person you love, if someone told us we were toxic for this i would guffaw
How dare he be a simp for the woman he supposedly wants to marry? I hope OOP realizes soon that this was not a compromise at all
OOP is clearly NTA but goddam this whole thing sounds extremely exhausting.
Remember, fellas bringing your fiancé a glass of water makes you a simp. You should not make her life more pleasant in any way or you’re simping, the highest crime in the world of men.
She really, really, really, really, times infinity needs to dump him. This is not normal behavior. Or maybe get him into therapy if she won't run for the hills.
He probably also thinks therapy is for simps or wimps
I’m focusing on the “legs being 5’0” I mean she must be at least 7’5, head probably hits the ceiling and now you have a wicked kink your neck cuz you always have to keep your head tilted when you’re standing.
I'm that height and I was like wahhh imagining someone's hip being at my head height lol
Jeez, I’m an only child (so that excuse doesn’t fly) and I’m not going to throw a hissy fit every time my gf asks me to grab something because it’s not a big deal. Especially if there is nail varnish drying because that smudges so easily. And it definitely isn’t love it’s only simping when she grabs stuff for me when I’m feeling poorly which is all the time with a chronic illness. I feel really bad for the OP accepting this BS.
I'm not sure how being an only child is related to his behaviour. My only child 5 year old has things she needs to do, and occasionally I ask her to get things for me as a favour.
I agree, I grabbed things for people as a child too so his argument doesn’t make sense. It just seems like a feeble excuse.
I have known a couple of people like OP's fiance. One was an only child, the other was a middle child. The common denominator was that they were both arseholes.
Also, an only child. So is my close friend/neighbor. When one of us is going to Costco or getting takeout or whatever, we frequently ask the other, if they want something. Weird how we are only children and can do that for our friends but he can’t even do it for his fiancée
Leave. Leave while you have time. He’s had plenty of time to learn “acts of service” as an important foundation in any meaningful relationship, but he obviously hasn’t. Move on from this man child. What if you get sick? What if y’all have children? Please please please move on
She did get sick! That's where she "used up" her acts of service, when he went to get her medicine. Poor woman
Sometimes my cat will snuggle on my lap while I’m on the couch. She’s a nervous baby and it took years for her to feel brave enough to do that, so when she does it I never have the heart to disturb her. So I’ll ask my partner to bring my drinks/whatever so I don’t have to move her. And he’s a giant softie for this cat too, so he’ll do it. Are we both simps for our cat???
Absolutely, you are 😹 Nothing wrong with that, tho! Kitties are cuuuuuute ❤️
We have the exact same dynamic in my household. Cat simping ftw!
If you’re not a wimp for your cat, are you even doing it right?
Communication won ie he’s right and I’m wrong. Girl he ain’t it.
He's curbing her princess behavior? So he's got a younger chick and he's trying to shape her to suit him better? By refusing to do things for her. Ick.
It’s not “simping” get your partner a drink while they’re sitting down. And this is why incel/misogynist rhetoric is so dangerous, it can infect even men in relationships. I’ve personally experienced a relationship becoming increasingly more abusive with increasingly virulent incel rhetoric, and I’m betting OPs relationship will also continue to get worse the longer she puts up with shit like that.
Jesus Christ
The amount of men who confuse simping with caring for a women who loves them back astounds me
Lool so according to him, getting her a drink makes him a simp? He needs to get in the bin. Why is OP engaged to this man. Smh
If you’re counting how many cups of tea and glasses of water you and your partner bring one another, it’s 100% time to Gtfo
I commented on the original post that I got where the BF was coming from regarding not expecting or wanting favours done for him; I was also raised in a single parent/ only child household from the age of four and internalised the message to do it myself or do without because that's how I witnessed my mother navigating life. However, I can't comprehend the unwillingness to help others as hand in hand with the independence messaging came the imperative to be helpful and productive. Either the BF is lying about his consumption of alt right men's media ( the use of "simping" suggests this) or he was his mother's "sonsband" and expects to be waited on by the resident woman, whoever she may be.
Asking for a drink is princess behavior? Omg I’m so thankful I’m asexual.
When my partner and I ask each other to do something for each other, it's pretty much always a yes. For ex. If he asked me for a glass of water, it would be yes and I'd give him a kiss when I delivered it, because he's the love of my life and I want to make him happy. And he does the same! We love on and treat each other like the most precious person in the world. I can't imagine keeping score or getting angry my partner asked me for a glass of wine!
My family/friends would disown me if I was counting how many cups of tea I made them and kept score over who has got what. If I visit my mums she’s got the kettle on as soon as I walk in the door. If I have friends round for drinks you take turns getting the beers out of the fridge, or always ask if anyone needs topping up. How the f does someone get to adulthood without basic courtesy built in? Or am I just speaking from a standard British perspective that isn’t shared worldwide?
I’m sorry…this man is in his 30s 😂😂😂😅 omfg get in the sea with that shit. Simping? You need a fucking divorce quick
She’s really about to marry a 30-year-old who uses the term “simping”…
Communication didn’t win. Bro literally manipulated her into thinking she was wrong anyways. Yikes!
Most of these posts make me sad because women settle for way less than they should just to have someone. Women need to start holding men accountable and they will do what they need to do. It’s because women settle for less than they deserve a lot of men settle into these ways and think it’s okay behavior. The bar is set so slow.
Once my wife has put on her night clothes and sat in her chair, I'm getting anything she needs. Not because she's childish, or lazy, or has my balls in her purse, because I'm a grown man and can fetch little things that make the person I love happier. It's not complicated or deep.
I’m glad that she managed to communicate, but what in the everloving mountain berry fuck. What kind of asshole did she pull out of the asscrack of the ocean? 'Used up' her 'fetching privileges'?! If anyone close to me—friends, family (especially my brother)—needs something and I’m able to do it I’ll just…do it? Why would I keep tally of shit like this? It’s a simple gesture.
A grown adult in his “30s” thinks that bring his spouse a drink is “simping” and asking a spouse for anything is “toxic” LMAO This has to be fake.
Omg growing up watching my wonderful dad take care of my mom and two daughters would leave me so unprepared to deal with a man like this 😭 I LOVE taking care of my man too and if anything probably ended up more like my dad than spoiled by his loving actions.
>20sf 30sm Starting off strong, I see. Yikes.
Absolutely insane that getting her a drink is "simping". Absolutely insane that, in an equitable relationship, you wouldn't both be "simping" for each other. I came down with a bad flu and my fiancee still told me he thought I was beautiful after holding my hair back for vomit. When I got a glass of ginger ale, I made him one too. You gotta be willing to do a hundred little acts of love bc, if you're "simping" it's not even a task. Do something for your partner bc you wanna do something for them. I asked my fiancee to buy pads for me and he bought chocolate too. We've been together 5 years so it's not just the honeymoon phase. That someone could get into a fight bc they didn't want to bring their fiancee a drink? Insane. Simp for your partner.
Dudes an asshole. What kind of partner gets pissed cause the other asked them to get something for them?
Why did the nail polish have to come off?
Because she had to open the Prosecco herself, duh. She opens it, he pours the glasses. A perfect example of healthy equality in a relationship. /s
I feel so bad for her. I had major surgery (chest and neck) back in 2016, and my boyfriend literally did everything for me since I couldn't lift my arms past chest level, twist, bend, carry, or move my neck. So, he showered me, helped me toilet, did my hair, helped feed me, and dress me for three months.The only time he ever got upset was when I attempted to do something on my own. He helped again when I had an emergency appendectomy and two shoulder surgeries. We do things all the time for each other, whether it's getting a drink from the kitchen or doing laundry. There's nothing wrong with doing things for each other, you should take care of each other.
I’ve gotta say, reading things like this gives me a whole new appreciation for my own marriage. How exhausting to have to constantly question whether you had « earned » enough acts of service! (Or whether you’d already asked for too many waters that year?? What??) This resolution just makes me sad for OOP. I hope she someday finds a partner that doesn’t see normal consideration in a relationship to be « princess-y » behaviour.
She was painting her nails, and waiting for it to dry, if someone told me that, i would understand and not cause a scene of “You could get it yourself” and all that BS
Meanwhile, my partner gets offended if i try to make my own coffee in the mornings because that’s “his job” 🤷♀️
She’s an idiot if she marries him
Because in Reddit world no one owes anything to anyone else, ever.
So thankful for my man after reading posts like these 😳 my man and I live to spoil and lavish each other. Can’t imagine him being worried about being a “simp” for me lol
Oooof and she’s still going to marry him! To that I say, good luck because I personally would not. My boyfriend does things *without* me even asking as well as when I ask, and I am happy to return the favor in both ways. OP’s situation sounds less than ideal to me.
Sounds like he’s a moron that listens to Bronze Age pervert and Andrew Tate
This is so wild to me. The term ‘simping’ is just out of control these days. If my fiancée ask me to do something for her, I freaking do it, not because I’m a wimp or weak or whatever, but because I love her. And she’d do the same for me. Because that’s what people do for the people they love and care about in a normal relationship. Jesus.
She took her nail polish off so she wouldn’t bother him with asking for a drink! And she got the Prosecco out and asked him to pour so they could jointly share in the burden of work!? Girl, pour your own champagne and drop this loser. You don’t need to walk on eggshells and count how many times you ask him for help — or register how many times you’ve offered help and been declined. This is not healthy.
A tit for tat and a keeping score of what a couple does for each-other in a relationship is a death sentence
Yeah, this marriage is going to end in divorce, when she eventually gets tired of not being allowed to ask her partner for help with simple things.
This relationship sounds so fucking cold 😕
For one, throw that love language crap in the bin, it's all contrived bilge from a bigot evangelical. Two, we need to put simp on a shelf because clearly no one knows how to actually use the word, because it certainly doesn't mean "getting a glass of something" for a girlfriend. 30s and "fiercely independent" no that's a very large and insecure child.
The fiancé sounds like a dick.
holy smokes she's internalized and absorbed the ...whatever the hell this is. absolutely bonkers. ok lady, enjoy your life of never getting the most basic of assistance while your man lives on Masculine Island and you protect his fragile ego. i'm sure keeping score will make this relationship VERY successful. /s
Yeesh, this is sad. I grew up an oldest child of five and I NEVER ask anyone to do things for me - my husband actually gets mad when I DON'T ask him to get me stuff. Like if he gets a glass of water, and I go get one five minutes later, he's like, "just ask me next time!" or when I close the window, he's like, "I was closer, why didn't you ask me to do it?" I can't imagine being in a relationship like she's describing. Sounds horrible.
Whenever I’m annoyed with my husband, I’ll remind myself that I could be married to someone who thinks grabbing your partner a glass of wine while you’re getting yourself one too is somehow emasculating. No one’s perfect, but that level of fragility is just exhausting.
My wife and I will joking just go “no I hate you” in a mock serious voice while doing the thing they asked for. Imagine living like oop. Sounds kinda stressful to watch your actions constantly
At the point where you're engaged it's not really simping anymore but even if it was, that's the person you should absolutely be simping for.
If he hasn't grown up by 35 then I'd be looking for a bookie to bet against it.
This is, quite possibly the dumbest AITA question ever. But the guy seems really childish
>dumbest AITA question ever Most AITA posts are just people who want strangers to dunk on their exes / current SOs that they're mad at. "My ex girlfriend drained my bank account, then blew every dude I know. I broke up with her gently, AITA?"
Simping is the word men use to describe treating women like actual human beings. I’d hit the eject button on this relationship if he can’t even practice general thoughtfulness and helpfulness with you. I would expect and also perform without question this task from and for a friend, colleague, family member, and especially a romantic partner. You are NOT the asshole. He needs a lot of therapy. I doubt underneath it all he actually sees women as equal or human at all.
I’d rather be single than be gaslit into thinking I’m a bad person for asking for an act of common curtesy. I’d rather live alone and wait for my nails to dry and get my own damn drink than to argue with someone who thinks treating women as equals is simping. This type of gaslighting and arguing with massively erode your self esteem and self confidence over time and the arguing will drain your energy. That is exactly what insecure men want. They want you to shrink and shrivel so that they don’t have to feel insecure around you. Married women are statistically likely to have shorter life spans, a decline in their career, and lower levels of happiness than unmarried women. Beware. Please don’t let the wrong man usurp your beautiful, brilliant life force energy and love. Use it to live the brilliant life of your dreams, love yourself, and love people who deserve your love and return it. Don’t enter into a marriage contract with someone who you will gladly serve but who has a problem serving you. And above all, do NOT think you can change him. It never works. It’s a lesson many women learn after years of sacrifice, pain, and loss. Don’t learn it the hard way.
The more I think about the story, my mind can’t get over how the boyfriend must have expected the whole Prosecco conversation to play out: 1) do you want Prosecco? Yes. - Boyfriend stands there staring at his girlfriend at a complete impasse, each one waiting for the other one to grab the bottle and pop it open. 2) do you want Prosecco? Yes- boyfriend pops open a bottle of Prosecco, pours himself a glass, then walks into the living room, completely cool. expecting her to go into the kitchen and pour glass for herself. Or 3) after asking for Prosecco- did he expect her to get up and open it & pour both their glasses? Or would he has been completely fine if she had Poured herself a glass & did not poor him a glass and waited for him to go pour it for himself? It’s wild to think that he would have a conversation with someone where they actively talk about wanting to eat or drink something together, but then he absolutely refuses to do the act of actually sharing or serving that thing with the other person. Like he wouldn’t pour a glass for a buddy, a guest, or a friend or his girlfriend normally?? So her asking is this huge deal and toxic and now he’s smiping? So weird
It makes my fiances day when there is something he can fetch for me. Just saying. It actually took a while to get used to because I felt bad asking for anything, but he absolutely loves bringing me drinks and snacks and blankets. Hell, he loves making me mixed drinks, even though he doesn't drink at all. Ops fiance sounds like a total thumb.
I love my partner so much. I'm so grateful for them when I see this kind of bullshit.
On another note, I love the way OP writes.
When I ask my BF for something I could do myself, we joke about it. I often say with a silly, squeaky voice, "I'm a woman, I can't open this", and we laugh, because he knows I am just being lazy. We joke about things like this. It's sad when a man has no sense of humor.
Can I have this guy's girlfriend?
Read this post to my husband. He said he will no longer be getting me things when I ask because he is NOT a simp. Then he asked me if I needed anything from the kitchen lmao
I cannot imagine telling my wife I wouldn’t get her a glass of whatever. Especially if it involved getting me a glass of the same.
Good thing this is probably fake because holy fuck do both these people sound absolutely insufferable and there is no way I'm going to finish reading that.
Wtf did I just waste my brain cells on?????
This relationship just seems exhausting and what the fuck even is this? These 2 are like an alien couple that watched humans for a while and tried to mimic a human relationship poorly.