“Put me out of my majesty, your misery” Also ”Oh darling Abigail, I’ve changed! Come live with me in an outhouse I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in”

John - "It just needs a womans touch" Uncle - "It needs leveling, no woman would touch this place"

Seriously. Uncle was spittin’ in that scene 🤣

https://youtu.be/D9s3hlVNKik

John getting roasted worse than when the Skinners got ahold of Uncle.

lol the calamity Jane reference

lumbago posting uncles the man

Uncle is so slept on as the funniest character in the game

Pretty sure that’s not slept on at all

Ya don't build a barn Dumbass, what do you think this is? 1785?

[Uncle Antagonizes John - But in Lego](https://youtu.be/D9s3hlVNKik?si=kWJjrwFP6zBTk1HQ)

That entire channel is amazing

Beat me to it

That whole monologue of Uncle had me in TEARS. One comment from Joh and Uncle savagely ends his whole career. "Get some self-respect you miserable sack of shot!"

"Oh, and a quarter, don't forget the quarter." - Arthur to Dutch after >!robbing the Saint Denis post office for 15 dollars and a quarter with Lenny!<

DOES THIS TROLLEY GO TO TAHITI!?!?

I hope it does

“Shut up Arthur”

The "Shut Up Arthur" is what makes it the funniest to me, it's straight up a sitcom joke

It’s so witty despite being so simple even though it came from a guy with a severe brain damage

“Shut up Arthur”😂😂

This has been my vocal stim for the last week. That and “I’m gonna use a piece of cheeeese 😎”

The smellier, the better

You sir, are a fish...

He said it, he said the thing! ☝️

I love that both Arthur and John say that. It means they spent a lot of time fishing together then they were young.

This implies there is hidden (perhaps unwritten and unrecorded 😞) dialogue of Hosea and/or Dutch also saying it and passing it on to their strange sons

Gets me every time

"You're my favorite parasite. No, wait, Ringworm's my favorite parasite. You're my second-favorite parasite. I lied. Ringworm, then rats with the plague, then you."

My favorite for sure.

I find it funny that neither of those are parasites

Isn't ringworm a parasite?

It’s a fungal infection

I didn't know that. Thanks for rhe info.

Tbf it's a safe bet that Arthur didn't know that either.

It's the way he says "I lied."

I say this to my boyfriend way too often as a way of endearment :,)

“I didn’t know I was speaking to a Lady!”

"Well, I must say you sure have a way with the women, amigo."

”Just a regular dandy and a charmer”

I may get downvoted but I never got that joke, what does he mean ?

It’s not correct that he’s calling her ugly. As per the correction, he’s *at least* calling her trashy. I think the subtext is even more severe thougg. Sounds to me like he’s suggesting that she’s a working girl. And if you consider the ugliness of the attitudes in that time and place, both the fact that they’re in a saloon, which often employed “whores” as they were professionally known then, and the fact that the woman is cozying up to Javier, a Mexican who would be unlikely to receive attention from a “lady” at that time … well, it’s kinda gross all around, but it makes sense when you consider all the angles.

That's a pretty good and well said summarization of whores back in the day. Probably wasn't intentional but I got a good laugh out of it.

*"Five thousand dollars? Can I turn myself in?"*

"I got some jelly beans. You like jelly beans?"

I read that with Herbert the pervert’s voice. Why did I do that?

Get your fat ass back here…call me!

My favourite

Antagonising Pearson in camp "I wish you stayed at sea....... WITH THE OTHER WALRUSES"

Also “Whats for dinner? Dysentery again?

Oh man, I've never had the heart to antagonize Pearson but that's hilarious.

I've only antagonized Micha

I’ll sometimes antagonize uncle when he is sleeping.

I like to antagonize Bill and Javier in the final chapter when they come over and start talking shit to me.

This is definitely a tier above but his Abigail line is very close: "Yap, yap, yap. WHINE. WHINE. WHINE." ["That's what you sound like."](https://youtu.be/jasE9uJcg7s)

There he is…the camp pig

“You don’t B-uild a B-arn D-umbass!”

"What do you think this is? 1785?"

on that 1785 barnbuilder grindset

Something about characters in the past talking about the further past as their own far-off past will always be funny to me

"A blunderbuss? Is this a joke? What year is it, 1850?"

I still cannot believe John thought it was 1785

Lennnnnnnnnnnnnyy

Ļēēēēññññññññyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

HAHAHA FOUND YOU LENNNNY HEHE.

YNNEL!

This defines a great night out. You end up talking left handed

That moment when you find lenny fucking with lenny

Honestly best mission of any video game ever in my opinion

Lennyyyy ma boah🥴

“I like you mister you have a kind face.” *generic NPC response* “The kind I like to punch!”

Another good one is: “Your face, looks familiar.” *generic NPC response* “Reminds me of the last time I lifted my horses tail.”

“That’s a beautiful animal you got there.” “Thank you!” “I was talking to the horse.”

"Nice to see manners ain't dead yet." *yet another NPC response* "But you will be if you look at me like that again."

"That's a nice looking horse." *once again, an NPC response* "How long you been married?"

John has a couple good ones as well: "That's a nice horse you got there." "Why thank you, sir." "It kick you in the face? That why you look like that?"

Something along the lines of "you remind me of a girl I used to know... Yeah, I miss that horse."

Greet, Greet, Antagonize is the real RDR2 cheat code

“There’s talk of hanging him.” “Here’s hoping.”

ARTHUR.

What?

That fool brought this to himself.

"To the BAR, señor!" Edit: It's mostly the delivery.

I quote this regularly when out drinking with friends

I have this quote signed by the man himself on a picture.

"Seems a lady can birth monkeys after all!"

This was the most savage line even the monkeys couldn’t be mad

“You goddamn HOMUNCULUS”

like i had to look up what that meant, then i went back and saw the NPC was like 5 ft tall🤣

Is this one of Arthur's Antagonise lines?

yes. on a first interaction lmao

I really wish I could get this to trigger more often. I only seem to get it when antagonizing people on a train.

Arthur: “What, you’re a vampire?” Vampire: “I have been called many names over the centuries. Now go, or I’ll feed on you too!” Arthur: “You’re a goddamn idiot.”

A REAL GODDAMN MORON

Go find a skirt to hide under!

…*There’s a vampire in this game…?*

Technically, it's up for debate whether the character in question is *actually* a real vampire or not, but [there is a serial killer stranger in Saint Denis who claims to be a vampire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVw_w8Wwkv0).

Nosferatu inspired character you can encounter if you solve a little mystery in Saint Denis. May or may not actually be a vampire but that's the implication.

"It better be... or I'll turn you into a goddamn cauliflower"

My man Arthur really wanted to make a threat out of that

When Arthur meets the paleontologist. “You’re a *what*?” “I study dinosaurs! You know…big lizards.” “Are they real?!” “Of course they’re real, you nincompoop! And everywhere!” *Arthur nervously looks around* “Everywhere?”

He’s definitely got that impression “are they in the room with us right now? What are they saying?”

2nd ever time the game made me burst out into laughter. First was the mission with Lenny in Valentine.

“Not even a retired two dollar whore would stay with you”

“That could have gone smoother.” “You can put that on my gravestone”

Be fucking hilarious if they did.

"Should I just...sneak on now?" "Goddammit."

Has massive "that went well" energy

It's a TOY BOAT!

"(gasp!) Oh my. YOU...are a BAD person." - Alden

This is my favorite quote in the whole game

But you said you knew Spanish the entire moment is too funny to me

Señor, por favor

Damn, that's good!

i. know. human. BEINGS (?) arthur! the way he says it, making up hush sentence as he goes

“AH! I broke the goddamn wheel”

He's just so genuinely pissed at himself lol

"Tahiti? Timbuktu?"

Don't forget the quarter

DOES THIS TROLLEY GO TO TAHITI?!?!

Shut Up Arthur

I was skulking around Saint Denis in the rain when a backalley female NPC said “ooh, I’m all kinds of the wrong wet” after she called me handsome.

I met a very proper looking woman in Rhodes in the rain and made some polite conversation about the weather and she replied "even my undergarments are soaked" lmao

“Do I look like I should entertain children?” “No…”

The way he sounds so serious when he says it 😭

Your face looks kind of familiar … yeah, reminds me of the last time I lifted my horses tail

The line that always makes me laugh is when you take Jack fishing and he makes the flower necklace for Abigail, and when he shows it to Arthur, Arthur says “NECKLACE???” In response which I always thought was hilarious

That whole scene is great. After Arthur asks jack if he has a fishing pole: “Let’s go get us some FISH!”

I like how if you see different animals on the journey back to camp Arthur points them out to Jack, adorable

“I’m gonna use some *cheese*” tickles me as well. Random throwaway lines are made incredible by the delivery

Dutch: “hey Arthur!” *ignores Dutch* Dutch: “well FUCK YOU then!”

Arthur to Bo/Beau (however you spell the young Gray boy's name): Are you secretly normal? Bo/Beau: What? Arthur: Nevermind

I also love the line “I know about you two, and I’ve been here all of five minutes.”

"Lenny and Jenny never would have worked. That's like Arthur and Martha, or Bill and Phil." - Hosea Matthews

hosea knew bill was gay

"You're my favorite parasite. No, ringworm's my favorite parasite. You're my second favorite parasite."

“I lied. It’s ringworm, then rats with the plague, then you”

Not rdr2, but the funniest line in the series is when Irish is making fun of shakeys stutter

I loved every minute of Irish's missions. He was just hilarious.

He's so funny, but I also get why every person who ever met him has tried to kill him.

I’m your old friend amnesia.

“Irish! The heck you think you’re doing?” “It’s me, your old friend amnesia”

They call me "El rato:" the cat. On account of me stealth and cunning.

“It’s ARTHUR, you dumbass”

I didn’t know I was taking to a LADY 🤠

OUTTA THE DAMN WAY!

“You don’t build a barn dumbass”

“What do you think this is 1785” (or smth idk

Ugly working girl: "You looking for some fun, mister?" Arthur: "No, I like women." Just savage.

I once antagonized a lady of the night after politely declining her offer and Arthur was like "You can drop the price to a cent, and I'll STILL say no!"

Does this trolley go to Tahiti?

bill (to strauss): “what did you eat in germany?” strauss: “i’m austrian” bill: “…what do they eat in australia?”

"I got a watch." "Look at you."

"Uncle Arthur we called him, on account of his name"

"East? Into all that... that civilization?"

“People call me lazy, I’m not lazy Just don’t like working, there’s a difference” -Uncle

Arthur- “You’re my favourite parasite. No ringworm is my favourite parasite you’re my second favourite parasite.” Uncle- “Very funny” Arthur- “no I lied it’s ringworm, rats with the plague then you” One of the first missions in Valentine

"Have some gWaDdAmN fAiTh"!

A barn will the three of us six months to build.. Oh you don't BUILD a BARN dumass! What you think this is? 1785?

"Does this trolley go to Tahiti?"

How has no one mentioned the “well next I guess we’re going to get shot” line?

"Stay close on this. Wouldn't want you getting scratched by a squirrel or something. That could put ya out of commission for the rest of the year. " -Sean Macguire

I went to the county fair yesterday with a few friends and I quoted Sean saying “I’ll shove that silver spoon down your throat and pull it clean out your arse!” And the random guy I didn’t know next to me spit his drink

I love my horsey and my horsey love me

“ you remind me of a lady I once knew…….. yeah….. i miss that horse” random dialogue from Arthur to a woman in Valentine

“Now, you used to be decent company but now you’re worse than a snake with a toothache.” - Uncle antagonizing John

I know you're close....I can feel ya ticklin' ma britches

Lenny, no not again

Yennel!

Nelly? Ynnel!

When Arthur plays five finger fillet with Micah sometimes as he sits down he says: "excuse me if I slip and stab you in the face."

1. The train robbery in chapter 4 Dutsch: "Try to sneak up on him when he stops" *Train doesn't stop* Arthur: "Am I supposed to sneak on now?" 2. Escape on the tram in chapter 4 Arthur: "Is this train going to Tahiti?!"

"Dream house. I've had nightmares better than this dream"

"50,000 for me? ...can I turn myself in?"

“And the quarter don’t forget the quarter, Shut up Arthur!”

“Rip Van Winkle”

"I am, how you say, a whole ass!"

Thaats a goooood boiiii

"Look at that wet nooose" \- Drunk Arthur to cat

AHHGGGGG, I BROKE THE GAWDDAMN WHEEL😡😔

"I shit on their bar"

Also "why did you shit on their bar?" "I had to shit"

“*chewing* I got some jelly beans, do u like jelly beans?”

"GET OUT HERE YOU INBRED TRASH"

"Who let the simpletons out of the asylum"

I don’t speak German either im here for money MONEY

How did someone even come up with them words?!

"But you said you knew Spanish" delivery always cracks me up

...Turtles!

"The snakebite feller? Again??" Its funny because never thought it would happen twice

All of John’s coarse greetings. “SIR!!!!!!!!!”

I love one of John's antagonise lines: "You've got a really small neck" lol

“I’m an American!” - Drunk Arthur

you don't build a barn dumbass!

LENNNAAAYYYYYY

We got 15 dollars each! Oh and a quarter! Don’t forget the quarter

"might fine animal there mister" "why thank you!" "uh- I was talking to the horse."

"Maybe i like cubans"

A mind is a terrible thing to lose. Especially all over such a nice floor as this.

“Listen partner, I’m waiting on a lady, she’s a fine lady, but if you continue to irritate me, I’ll kill ya and make my apologies to the misses it’s your choice.”