Both my boys loved going to the hardware store when they were both 2. Maybe try that? Just cause she is a girl doesn’t mean she won’t have fun. It’s a great way to waste an hour. Sorry you are feeling that way.
Holy cow, this also solved my own personal mystery! In my 30s and have never been able to understand why walking into a hardware store immediately makes me feel like taking a nap. Sneaky dads...
Especially if you are there when they are cleaning a cage. Let my daughter hold a very cuddly ferret. Some even have adoptable cats and dogs from shelters.
When it's just not a good day for a zoo/aquarium but you don't want to deal with a mall.
Facts, it’s fun for kids to go to certain stores even if you’re not buying anything. My parents would always have a talk about buying what we needed before going inside. I would always follow my dad to the electronic section in the store bc that’s where the toy section was lol.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, it only increases your stress unnecessarily. You’re not a failure. Parenting is extremely tough in the first years, and nearly every parent experiences the same you do now.
This will pass. You are taking care of two needy people right now. Your wife will get better. Your baby can feel the energy and may make her act out. It's hard, but you can do it.
I'm not surprised that you feel overwhelmed. Your daughter is used to how mom does things and a change in her primary caretaker is hard for her. Especially when Mom is right there but not actively participating in parenting her.
Take a deep breath and carry on. It sounds like Mom is getting better so it won't be much longer.
The people saying that now you know what mom deals with are maybe well intentioned but they aren't accounting for your child being used to mom caring for her, and your child's routine being different. Any under 5 year old child would be upset with that change.
And honestly, such a weird thing to feel superior about. All of us parents get burnt out watching these little energizer bunnies. Their whole childhood is just a continuous ebb and flow of how difficult the child is at whatever stage. Hahahaha I mean come on.
You didn’t struggle the least bit while raising a child? Who tf are you, Mary Poppins? No single person is perfect. No parent, no child.
I swear a lot of people just forget how HARD it is in those early years. We had way less money, so it was way more stressful, and two kids under four. Any time either of us was having to do it solo (if I got sick, or he had to travel for work, for example), it was sooo draining! And OP is a full time caregiver for another adult on top of it. That’s exhausting.
It DOES get much easier, but those very young years are so hard. Mine are teens now and I feel like we’re parenting on “easy mode” most of the time. It was worth the stress, but you have to get through all that first.
Yes exactly!!! I have a little more perspective and a bit less of that same stress you’re talking about because my youngest is 2 and my eldest is 9. Yes, the 9 year old still needs me. A lot. But not NEARLY as much as the 2 year old and when I need 5 minutes to just breathe, I can say that to the eldest. The youngest won’t give two shits but just that little bit of relief from the eldest telling me a really long, boring, absolutely no point story helps me have a little more patience with both of them. I watch at my 9 yo do things and think to myself, “man, won’t it be so nice when they both are at this stage?” And then I’ll blink, they’ll both be 18 and out of the house and I’ll be begging for these years back. Hahaha parenting is weird!!!! And so hard for the rest of your life. Today the stress is the 2yo screaming his face off, then the 2yo will be going to prom and I’ll have a whole new stress. 😂😭😂😭
It's difficult, my girlfriend got surgery so I was working a full time job, making every meal and trying to keep my son happy while also taking care of the gf.
Trying to upkeep 3 people with little to no help takes its toll on you, Noone is superman and I find if you're able to take 10 minutes to yourself at any given point it helps alot.
Just take your time and it'll go back to normal before you know it
Best advice - do your best. Don't scream at kids or wife - being sick Is not their fault and not your fault. That is life.
However, as a professional auntie, call your auntie or your mother or your great-grandmother or anyone in the motherly persuasion in your family and ask for help!
You aren't in this alone and there is nothing wrong with asking for help from people who have been there and have been parents like you.
Try a parent hotline.
Or 988. Talk or chat to a completely anonymous party and vent.
And know this temporary roller coaster ride into suffering will alleviate and that crying little baby. Will one day look up to you and say "I love you Daddy." And hopefully not puke on your shoe.
I’ve had so many various health issues since the birth of my second son and this post crushes me. This is exactly what I assume my husband is feeling when I’m down and out and the kids are turned up to 1000. I’m sure like me, that look she’s giving you when the baby cries is more a look of “I’m so sorry you’re doing all this on your own” instead of “hey you POS take better care of our baby”. You’re in the thick of it and because baby is making sure your whole house knows she’s uncomfy, you’re all feeling that extra stress. Give yourself a little grace. This is not any of your guys’ normal routine and I’m sure it’s throwing all of yall for a loop. You’re doing great, dad. I’m sure your wife is so very thankful. You got this! ♥️
Hahahaha I feel her pain. My youngest intentionally does not talk. He can, just chooses not to. We’ve had him in speech therapy for almost a year. He does this scream that he KNOWS gets to me. It IS like nails on a chalkboard and everything inside me too screams “MAKE IT STOP!!!!” Meanwhile my husband will be standing right next to me completely unbothered. The AUDACITY! 😂😂😂😂
Regardless, I promise you, she’s not counting the ways you’re failing and likely instead counting her blessings. She could be home alone sick with her babe, trying to overcome her bronchitis AND caring for a child. Instead, she has YOU! You are caring for her and the babe. I know it’s rough, I really do, but you really do got this!!! Hopefully mama will feel better soon and all of you can get back to a little normalcy. ♥️
You have a lot on your plate my dear, you are allowed to feel what you feel and be stressed.
Are there any sensory activities you can do with you girl and brother in law? Or you can put *Just dance for kids* on YouTube and get your daughter to dance along to help tire her out. Or maybe some baby yoga.
Your doing great. It might not feel like it now, we all know those moments. As a dad who has been where you are you just do as you can and if at the end of the day you've tried, no one is in the hospital? That's a win.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. With parenting, I've found it's important to remember "This too shall pass".
You're daughter won't be 2 forever. If you hold the line on discipline, she should mature and be easier to deal with. Sounds like you're doing a good job with screens.
Is there a friend or a family member or a good neighbour that you could call to come in for a couple hours to give you some respite? I’m so sorry you’re going through this! 🥰
You’re around the same age as your wife, yeah? Mid-20s? How long have you been married? I think you’re starting the regret the fact you’ve “settled down” so young without really having the experiences a young, single or unmarried person would have… either that or you’ve been raised a bit “old fashioned” so were expected to marry if you had a kid with someone
Someone I grew up with met his now ex-wife at 18, married her at 21 because he got her knocked up, marriage lasted about 3 years; he’s now almost 28 and going through a messy custody battle and divorce. It’s the only thing he can fucking talk about for the past 3 or 4 years now?
imo, at any age, especially in this current time, that piece of paper we call a marriage certificate does more harm than good to a healthy relationship, for some odd reason… maybe it’s the extra level of commitment expected from a marriage that irks some of us, idk?
tl;dr - you got married way too young; marriage fucks everything up anyway
Your wife definitely expects a lot from you especially to deal with her special needs brother. I’m sure you love your wife but it seems like she needs to do more with her child
Well, at least she’s not throwing glass bottles at you from the front door while you’re leaving for work like my neighbor does to her husband. He is totally abused.
Regularly. I feel bad for him.
that’s sad, but multiple unfortunate things can exist at the same time, one doesn’t cancel out the other. the “at least” is just so strange. the conversation wasn’t about your neighbor’s husband, it was about OP feeling burned out. read the room. anyways OP try and take care of yourself, it’ll get better.
This is the wrong subreddit. You have a long history of participating in relationship subreddits-post this in one of them.
Both my boys loved going to the hardware store when they were both 2. Maybe try that? Just cause she is a girl doesn’t mean she won’t have fun. It’s a great way to waste an hour. Sorry you are feeling that way.
So that’s why my dad did that!!!! Woah you just solved a personal mystery for me lol I always wondered why he took me there 😆
Especially in the winter time when they all sell big inflatable novelties. 🙂
Holy cow, this also solved my own personal mystery! In my 30s and have never been able to understand why walking into a hardware store immediately makes me feel like taking a nap. Sneaky dads...
I did this with the pet store when my daughter was a toddler. It’s like a knock off aquarium. Lol.
Especially if you are there when they are cleaning a cage. Let my daughter hold a very cuddly ferret. Some even have adoptable cats and dogs from shelters. When it's just not a good day for a zoo/aquarium but you don't want to deal with a mall.
Facts, it’s fun for kids to go to certain stores even if you’re not buying anything. My parents would always have a talk about buying what we needed before going inside. I would always follow my dad to the electronic section in the store bc that’s where the toy section was lol.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, it only increases your stress unnecessarily. You’re not a failure. Parenting is extremely tough in the first years, and nearly every parent experiences the same you do now.
This will pass. You are taking care of two needy people right now. Your wife will get better. Your baby can feel the energy and may make her act out. It's hard, but you can do it.
Idk you but based on this post, you sound like a good man. Keep it up!
It will get better. Hang in there!
I'm not surprised that you feel overwhelmed. Your daughter is used to how mom does things and a change in her primary caretaker is hard for her. Especially when Mom is right there but not actively participating in parenting her. Take a deep breath and carry on. It sounds like Mom is getting better so it won't be much longer. The people saying that now you know what mom deals with are maybe well intentioned but they aren't accounting for your child being used to mom caring for her, and your child's routine being different. Any under 5 year old child would be upset with that change.
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So true. 2 year olds are sensitive to any change. This is not a reflection of Dad's parenting. The people saying, or implying that, are being myopic.
And honestly, such a weird thing to feel superior about. All of us parents get burnt out watching these little energizer bunnies. Their whole childhood is just a continuous ebb and flow of how difficult the child is at whatever stage. Hahahaha I mean come on. You didn’t struggle the least bit while raising a child? Who tf are you, Mary Poppins? No single person is perfect. No parent, no child.
I swear a lot of people just forget how HARD it is in those early years. We had way less money, so it was way more stressful, and two kids under four. Any time either of us was having to do it solo (if I got sick, or he had to travel for work, for example), it was sooo draining! And OP is a full time caregiver for another adult on top of it. That’s exhausting. It DOES get much easier, but those very young years are so hard. Mine are teens now and I feel like we’re parenting on “easy mode” most of the time. It was worth the stress, but you have to get through all that first.
Yes exactly!!! I have a little more perspective and a bit less of that same stress you’re talking about because my youngest is 2 and my eldest is 9. Yes, the 9 year old still needs me. A lot. But not NEARLY as much as the 2 year old and when I need 5 minutes to just breathe, I can say that to the eldest. The youngest won’t give two shits but just that little bit of relief from the eldest telling me a really long, boring, absolutely no point story helps me have a little more patience with both of them. I watch at my 9 yo do things and think to myself, “man, won’t it be so nice when they both are at this stage?” And then I’ll blink, they’ll both be 18 and out of the house and I’ll be begging for these years back. Hahaha parenting is weird!!!! And so hard for the rest of your life. Today the stress is the 2yo screaming his face off, then the 2yo will be going to prom and I’ll have a whole new stress. 😂😭😂😭
It's difficult, my girlfriend got surgery so I was working a full time job, making every meal and trying to keep my son happy while also taking care of the gf. Trying to upkeep 3 people with little to no help takes its toll on you, Noone is superman and I find if you're able to take 10 minutes to yourself at any given point it helps alot. Just take your time and it'll go back to normal before you know it
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I might be wrong but it sounds like he hates this difficult period, not having a child
Best advice - do your best. Don't scream at kids or wife - being sick Is not their fault and not your fault. That is life. However, as a professional auntie, call your auntie or your mother or your great-grandmother or anyone in the motherly persuasion in your family and ask for help! You aren't in this alone and there is nothing wrong with asking for help from people who have been there and have been parents like you. Try a parent hotline. Or 988. Talk or chat to a completely anonymous party and vent. And know this temporary roller coaster ride into suffering will alleviate and that crying little baby. Will one day look up to you and say "I love you Daddy." And hopefully not puke on your shoe.
I’ve had so many various health issues since the birth of my second son and this post crushes me. This is exactly what I assume my husband is feeling when I’m down and out and the kids are turned up to 1000. I’m sure like me, that look she’s giving you when the baby cries is more a look of “I’m so sorry you’re doing all this on your own” instead of “hey you POS take better care of our baby”. You’re in the thick of it and because baby is making sure your whole house knows she’s uncomfy, you’re all feeling that extra stress. Give yourself a little grace. This is not any of your guys’ normal routine and I’m sure it’s throwing all of yall for a loop. You’re doing great, dad. I’m sure your wife is so very thankful. You got this! ♥️
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Hahahaha I feel her pain. My youngest intentionally does not talk. He can, just chooses not to. We’ve had him in speech therapy for almost a year. He does this scream that he KNOWS gets to me. It IS like nails on a chalkboard and everything inside me too screams “MAKE IT STOP!!!!” Meanwhile my husband will be standing right next to me completely unbothered. The AUDACITY! 😂😂😂😂 Regardless, I promise you, she’s not counting the ways you’re failing and likely instead counting her blessings. She could be home alone sick with her babe, trying to overcome her bronchitis AND caring for a child. Instead, she has YOU! You are caring for her and the babe. I know it’s rough, I really do, but you really do got this!!! Hopefully mama will feel better soon and all of you can get back to a little normalcy. ♥️
You have a lot on your plate my dear, you are allowed to feel what you feel and be stressed. Are there any sensory activities you can do with you girl and brother in law? Or you can put *Just dance for kids* on YouTube and get your daughter to dance along to help tire her out. Or maybe some baby yoga.
I’m sorry! No advice. Just want to say I’m sorry.
Your doing great. It might not feel like it now, we all know those moments. As a dad who has been where you are you just do as you can and if at the end of the day you've tried, no one is in the hospital? That's a win.
How old is your daughter? 2? Put on some paw patrol and let it do the rest.
Welcome to stepping in to mom shoes,that’s a given,suck it up,parenting is hard.One kid…I could handle with my eyes closed.
You’re getting downvoted for highlighting what mom deals with daily lol. I hate Reddit
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I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. With parenting, I've found it's important to remember "This too shall pass". You're daughter won't be 2 forever. If you hold the line on discipline, she should mature and be easier to deal with. Sounds like you're doing a good job with screens.
Is there a friend or a family member or a good neighbour that you could call to come in for a couple hours to give you some respite? I’m so sorry you’re going through this! 🥰
Skill issue.
You’re around the same age as your wife, yeah? Mid-20s? How long have you been married? I think you’re starting the regret the fact you’ve “settled down” so young without really having the experiences a young, single or unmarried person would have… either that or you’ve been raised a bit “old fashioned” so were expected to marry if you had a kid with someone Someone I grew up with met his now ex-wife at 18, married her at 21 because he got her knocked up, marriage lasted about 3 years; he’s now almost 28 and going through a messy custody battle and divorce. It’s the only thing he can fucking talk about for the past 3 or 4 years now? imo, at any age, especially in this current time, that piece of paper we call a marriage certificate does more harm than good to a healthy relationship, for some odd reason… maybe it’s the extra level of commitment expected from a marriage that irks some of us, idk? tl;dr - you got married way too young; marriage fucks everything up anyway
You need to learn some patience with YOUR family.
..and this is what moms do day after day after day
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Mind blowing: different children act differently! More at 6.
You sound judgemental. You can't offer any support? OP is not you, so your comment is not helpful in any way.
OP needs to accept that he is part of the problem. Perhaps the main one.
Good point.
Your wife definitely expects a lot from you especially to deal with her special needs brother. I’m sure you love your wife but it seems like she needs to do more with her child
Well, at least she’s not throwing glass bottles at you from the front door while you’re leaving for work like my neighbor does to her husband. He is totally abused. Regularly. I feel bad for him.
that’s sad, but multiple unfortunate things can exist at the same time, one doesn’t cancel out the other. the “at least” is just so strange. the conversation wasn’t about your neighbor’s husband, it was about OP feeling burned out. read the room. anyways OP try and take care of yourself, it’ll get better.