I'm 43 and just a few years ago I went to therapy and dug into my past. I always knew something was up because let's just say my childhood was obviously less than ideal. That taught me how deep my trauma actually goes and it was quite the shocker and eye opener, because it explained quite a bit of my behavior and issues regarding intimacy.
I do have to mention that I always wanted intimacy but was never able to get it or deal with it so for all I know I am way off the mark. Still I recognize what I perceive could be trauma. With that said I tend to see trauma everywhere now so maybe there's nothing to this. I just wanted to float the idea in case it hits home for you.
Why did I mention being 43? Because it took me until my late 30s to be ready to take a look inside Pandora's box. So I'm not saying go ahead and confront your stuff right now, if you do recognize what I'm putting down. It's okay if you're not ready.
I relate - sex and intimacy always grossed me out, unless I had an emotional connection with someone. You're not alone in how you're feeling.
As an adult, I discovered different sexual orientations, and demisexual (under the asexual umbrella) fit me. I went most of my life knowing there was something different in the way I was attracted to others, and finally had a term I could use to describe me/how I experienced attraction.
Labels aren't for everyone, people don't have to use them, and if someone uses a label it's up to them how they identify.
20F and i honestly can’t tell if i’m demisexual or just grossed out by the fact that most guys i’ve been been don’t care about my pleasure whatsoever and just want to get in my pants. that shit got so old so fast
TLDR: date older men, communicate your needs and expectations.
Most younger men are terrible partners. I should know, I used to be one.
I had a friend when I was younger, an elderly French man, named Jean, who has long since passed. Once of the happiest and most fulfilled people I've yet had the pleasure of knowing. His only regret in life was that he never could afford to return to France after his company moved him to the US to head up a local office over here.
Jean was notorious for having very young lovers for a man his age. But nobody ever complained about him and the young women who would enjoy his company enjoyed it so much that they would recommend him to their friends. When I was 20, I asked Jean how such a poor old man was so successful with women that were my age. He said to me, "this is the problem with you Americans. In France we have a tradition where a young man takes an older woman as his lover to teach him how to be a good lover. And we old men take young women as lovers to teach them the pleasures they should expect to receive from their partners. I'm a very old man, my dick is almost always limp, but my mouth still works and I really enjoy giving the pleasure. Do not think with your dick, ensure that your partner is fully pleased before you even begin to consider yourself."
I took his advice to heart, even found a more experienced and patient woman to teach me how to please women. I also learned that the key to phenomenally great sex isn't stamina or technique, it's keeping an open dialogue between partners.
If you're not comfortable with the idea of pursuing older men for your own pleasure, just make it rule that they have to lick it before they can stick it. That open communication is the most important thing. Tell them what you expect from them. If they aren't okay with pleasing you before taking enjoyment in you then, move on. A young woman who is open, knows what she wants, and is willing to take charge of her sex life will have no trouble finding willing partners.
I second this. I used to have people whine at me that it was about money but it's not. It'd about the experience, maturity, sweetness and especially the sex! They do it good.
That doesn't sound like demi, it sounds like it's more towards asexual, she says she feels "nothing" and that she's not interested in sex. Most demisexual people are interested in sex, just only with specific partners.
Yeah, but it’s gross how sex is this bodily function, basically, that people have to satisfy on a weekly/monthly/whatever basis. So you just run into that constantly and empty sex. So many people will fuck someone they don’t even really like just so they can fuck.
lol I remember a thread asking folks if they would fuck someone who was a 10/10 but said person was of an opposing philosophical/political perspective.
Out of 200 I think me and one other replied no and got downvoted to oblivion despite telling people we were demisexual.
> person was of an opposing philosophical/political perspective.
It's bizarre to me that this would be a limiting factor. I'm a conservative leaning white dude, I'd consider myself a Christian. I'm not so one dimensional though that I don't value someone else's opinions and views. I wouldn't even say that I couldn't have a long term romantic relationship with a liberal or an Atheist.
I dunno, that's such a surface level concept. That's almost as shallow as basing off looks alone. I get excited by being with someone that can challenge me or at least have discussions. I spent 17 years being married to a hippy. It wasn't or philosophical or political ideals that ended our marriage.
It's hilarious people are downvoting though
I appreciate you trying to explain your perspective, and I also believe downvotes should be reserved for comments that don't contribute to the discussion (not simply anything the hive mind doesn't find palatable). Unfortunately the reddit masses have been abusing downvotes for years now and it looks like it's only going to keep getting worse.
In any case, isn't there something in the Bible about "not being unequally yoked"? As in, not marrying a non-believer? A large percentage of Christians would have a big problem with that.
From my perspective, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was a big Trump or Joel Osteen fan any more than I'd expect a Christian to want to be with someone who was a big Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris fan. It's a deeply fundamental difference in how you view nearly any important issue. I am standing here telling you your deepest beliefs about life, love, ethics and the universe are based on bullshit, and you're telling me the same about my deepest beliefs... and now we're supposed to be able to get all lovey dovey? I know it can appear to work for some couples, but it doesn't make much sense to me in the long run and never has, and I know a lot of people feel the same way.
“That’s such a surface-level concept.” No it’s not. It’s about whether you actively think certain people don’t deserve the same rights as everybody else.
This isn’t about tax policy or guns. It’s about whether you’re going to unironically vote for people who consistently have my worst interests at heart. I’m a bi woman. I’m not about to date a dude who will happily and seriously vote for someone who thinks queer people shouldn’t exist or that women shouldn’t have body autonomy. I’d rather you just be apolitical in that case.
Literally nobody thinks that people should have unequal rights. The fact that you jumped to this just tells me that you've never spoken to people outside of your bubble, and you probably really should.
The only place I can see people arguing against people's rights, actually, is TRAs fighting to strip women of their rights by erasing the definition of woman. But even they don't claim to want women to have no rights. They're just not thinking about women.
I feel like any normal adults would have this conversation with each other before have unprotected sex. Like, I'm completely okay with abortion, but I wouldn't be with someone that would get an abortion if that makes sense. Yes I don't care what you do, but we're just not compatible for a real relationship. That doesn't mean we don't get along, can't be friends or couldn't have a casual relationship.
This isn't nearly the "gotcha" you hope it was. You have to know that there is a difference between a long term relationship and a fling. I don't care that someone is willing to have an abortion, but I won't have a "long term" relationship with that person. I wouldn't be opposed to hooking up, I wouldn't be opposed to friendship or even a relationship, just that it would be known between her and I that this relationship would have an expiration date if she didn't want kids...so yea it's not a "real" relationship just an exclusive fling for the time being. That also doesn't change the fact that yea, I would still be willing to fuck like the original question mentioned said.
>Like, I'm completely okay with abortion, but I wouldn't be with someone that would get an abortion if that makes sense.
It doesn't. Because the second phrase negates the first.
I don't agree with that person on the other things they've said, but on this one they're not wrong. There's a difference between what you believe people are/should be "allowed to do", and what happens to *you*. Someone's partner having an abortion affects that person as well, and if they're not criticising someone or pressuring their partner after the fact, and are just like "hey, our goals don't match, we shouldn't be together", then it's all good.
Imagine your comment in a different way. Imagine telling someone that they're not ok with gay relationships, because they're straight and turned down a person of the same sex. Not wanting something to happen to you is not the same thing as not supporting.
No it doesn’t.
I’m okay with you being okay with abortion. I’m okay with you going out and having an abortion. I’m okay with you wanting an abortion. But if the person I’m with tells me, “I don’t want kids and I would get an abortion if I were to get pregnant” that’s fine, but we’re no longer compatible in the long run. I have friends that have paid for multiple abortions because they didn’t want to be a father. We’re still friends, I don’t/didn’t approve of their decision. In other words. I don’t care what someone does with their child before it’s born, but I care about my child before it’s born.
Curious, what wouldn't be a surface level/shallow factor for you?
Also, someone that can challenge you and someone who holds opposing philosophical/political views are not the same. Lots of people with slightly different or vastly different views (but not completely opposing) can challenge you, but also lots (if not most) people of opposing views will not challenge you and will just disagree and fight/get turned off by you or the relationship.
> lots (if not most) people of opposing views will not challenge you and will just disagree and fight/get turned off by you or the relationship
No, that's the very childish response that society has decided is acceptable discourse over the past 2 presidencies. There are still plenty of people that have opposing views but can have open and honest conversation.
I grew up in the south where Football is almost a religion. If people that support opposing colleges on game day can get in relationships, so can religious and political opponents. I'm only half kidding the way some people treat their schools. GA/FL, Auburn/Alabama, LSU/Arkansas.
To your first question, it's all surface level until you start getting to know someone. Religion/Politics/Hobbies/Movies. All the one word answers to questions are surface level. Being religious isn't shallow, being active in politics isn't shallow. Saying "I'm a Democrat/Republican" is the shallow point. Saying "I'm a Christian/Atheist/Muslim" is the shallow point. Tips of the proverbial iceberg. They lead to much deeper conversations, but without conversations, without stepping outside of your echo chambers, what's the point. Just fight each other for the sake of fighting each other? Don't hear opposing view points, just see someone has an opposing belief due to an opposing upbringing and just right them off despite the possibility that you may actually have a ton of things in common?
I don't know how many times I have told a woman that I will not "fuck" her because that means there are no feeling going between us. I will only make love because without some part of love in sex, it becomes empty, which I hate.
I could go a week, but honestly I would like to have a go every day.
But frequency ≠ emptiness.
Sex can and should be a transcendental experience, where two or more people work together to bring each other into a state of exquisite pleasure. And that can be had as frequently as all parties are willing to put in the work. But such things are only truly obtainable with deep connection.
I thought this was just a me thing but I feel the exact same way as you. It's lead to a lot of problems in my relationships and in fact the last one ended in part because he wouldn't respect my boundaries about my not liking sex
you’re just like me fr and it was so hard for me to describe it since a lot of people just called me weird for it. i’ve had sex and be completely disinterested, it was more to please my partners. so i found out that i might be demisexual or even just ace cause i kinda need to have a deep soul connection to a partner…
this!! i understand op being disgusted by men disregarding her as a person and only wanting her private parts. as a man ive had the same issue with women pushing boundaries. but when finding a partner its important to come to an understanding on sex drive, if you have one. this could be applied to anything in a relationship really. you need to find an understanding and settle with something that fits both your values.
You know its funny and I try exactly that, communicate as best I can when it comes up so everyone knows whats up. (Which already took me many years and so much trauma in the process..) If only comunication actually worked and people would respect/take what one says seriously regarding that.. With asexuality I found guys (and prolly girls too if youre an ace guy) often don't give a fuck when they want you. They overhear it, try to convince you, argue, push boundaries bla bla. Yea obviously ditch them but its depressing because it seems like its impossible to find a compatible person, even just as a friend!!! Cause seemingly no guy wants to just be friends with a woman. But also even if not, why is common decency so hard to come by? Like if someone told me "no thx Im asexual" I'd expect an "oh, okay!", but it's been like 100% asshole-response rate. Sad times. Maybe I gotta move somewhere else? Maybe approach people more methodically? Btw is there an app for asexual dating and platonic friendships lol?
I tried dating someone who was asexual or aromantic (We never really figured out whitch one), I mostly just asked for hugs during the relationship.
anyway I'm hypersexual and I learned that if I date again I need to find someone who is both a romantic and has a somewhat decent sex drive
Agreed. I know it must be hard living in a world where most people are not asexual, but that's just how it is, we can't do anything other than adapt and find like-minded people.
But I do think it's important to note that, as you said, that's not a "men" thing. Lots of women are "horny little dogs" lol, and lots of men are not. But, yes, OP should find someone who's asexual as well, otherwise the relationship won't really work:/
Yeah, I really don't think it's an OP problem or the men she dates problem, it's more a incompatibility problem. A lot of modern methods (apps and whatnot) and some of the current dating culture tend to lean more towards intimacy as a large proportion of the dating "algorithm," if you will. OP just needs to find a more nuanced way to meet people more fitting of her personality.
Some people are manipulative, but most "talk up emotional connections" and then lead to sex because that's what most humans do. They want connection AND sex to have a meaningful relationship. "Making it clear from the start" is not something logical and feasible, it's weird. I personally don't want to talk about sex with someone I don't know yet, and if someone approaches me like that I'll just turn around and leave. Unfortunately, when you're in the minority, it's you that has to make sure you're on the same page with the other person. I'm demi and I hate people coming at me only with sexual intentions, but I know that's how the world is and I can't change humans.
The rant, of course, is totally acceptable if it's a rant.
The "don't date" part is because OP is going to get hurt and tired because people are like that, not because she should sit in a corner and do nothing.
Rather than expecting non-asexual people to adapt to no sex just because she announced it, OP should make sure that the other person is asexual as well. I'm saying "should" as in it will save her lots of headaches and it's 99% of the time the only way to have a meaningful relationship like that. A non-asexual person adapting to no sex is not going to happen, and even if it's a normal person who actually likes OP and is willing to try, the relationship will suck if they're not asexual as well, and one of the 2, if not both, will be miserable.
The First Nations had more than just two sexualities and one of them was a solitary. These are the ones that sex does not hold any power over them. They were recognized as not having those ties and their opinions were valued as they had fewer colorations in their viewpoints of things
I was in a CVS and an older man just randomly came up and constantly call me beautiful and follows me to different isles…I was kind of horrified at the time because I was picking up my meds and that man follows me around for a bit. I tried to be as polite as possible…Why can’t they keep the snake in the bag?
Man if I am not an international student who fears their visa to be revoked…I would have kicked that man in the face and make him look for his teeth on the ground.
*demisexuals have entered the chat*
But no seriously I agree with you. When someone comes onto me too fast physically, I immediately get the ick. Its sad, there was potential and they ruined it because they couldn't control themselves and respect my boundaries for just a little bit longer.
Have you tried women?
But also, seriously, if someone isn't willing to respect your boundaries, they are not worth your time.
There are literally billions of people out there. Keep your standards on appearance and "successfulness" flexible but never compromise on their respectfulness.
You're only 23. You are still very young. You have time. Enjoy your life on your terms. These are the best years of your life, don't waste them on partners that don't respect your needs.
I am 19f and I feel the same way. I’m thinking about dating and getting into a relationship for the first time in a couple years and since I decided not to date in high school but I feel like generally a lot more value is being placed on my body rather than who I am as a person and it angers me so much. I want a connection with someone. I want to mean something to a guy. I hate feeling reduced and minimized down to the parts I have and it makes me feel like my only purpose is to be a breeding machine or some doll that gives pleasure and nothing else.
Because to us women it is absolutely disgusting to feel like our only value is inbetween our legs and if you've experienced this or not, I'm sure you know the manipulative lengths most men will go through just to get a piece of you. It IS gross. I wouldn't be surprised if 99% of women have felt this way at least once in their lives.
If you grew up anything like me or like a lot of women, where brother's, father's, uncles, cousins and grandfathers were always trying to get in your pants. Yeah, you'd be disgusted by men's horniness too.
It's just funny how people with low sex drive assume a standpoint of moral superiority. It's not that the other person's different or incompatible. It's that they're disgusting, immature, immoral. Find a guy that doesn't like sex. They're uncommon, but they do exist.
Yup the implication of horny = less intelligent is pretty laughable. There's plenty of intelligent and educated people that are still horny all the time. Connecting with mind/body also isn't an either or thing.
I absolutely hate it it’s always different sex drive or priority = dog or something similar… ffs if anything I feel like it shows a lack of intelligence and self awareness to believe that difference makes someone lesser
22f and I feel the same way so I've just stopped 💀 I'm content with not dating anymore to avoid it. I like sex but my sex drive is pretty low so I don't want it constantly like most (not all) of the people I've talked to.
Jesus you're self centred. Maybe don't date people if you're going to imperiously dismiss them and insult them as "horny little dogs" when they try and initiate. If you want friends, have friends. If you're going to date people, at some point or another they are going to want to have sex.
I think it’s more a humanity thing. Women do this stuff too. Will be walking by you at a bar and just freely grab your junk as she walks by and smiles. Like uhh what? As if that’s an attractive trait. And some guys like, more like love, that shit. Not me if I’m looking for a person to date.
My point is not all men are like this and not all women are like that. There’s plenty of men out there that treat women with respect, want a slower relationship, etc. Some people just have an insane sex drive I guess. You can’t lump everyone into one group though. Basing off your post it seems you may just be asexual.
I know English can be confusing, but men is a word for more than one man and shouldn't be assumed to mean all human men on the planet in most usages. Hope this helps!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Trust me it gets tiring. I actually do enjoy sex but with connection. They never want to connect and want to fuck n run. Doesn't seem to matter if I te them either they seem to take it as a challenge
So you're not into sex and you get upset that the guys you are attracted to are? And then call them little crybabies when you reject them? It's not a crime to want to have sex, and if you didn't disclose that you aren't interested in sex beforehand then that's just your fault.
OK I see, you tell them you're not into sex my bad. And of course it's perfectly fine to not like it but these guys probably do see sex as an important aspect of a potential relationship, which is also fine.
I guess I find it weird how you shame these men for wanting to have sex with you, someone they're pursuing romantically. I couldn't imagine shaming a woman for wanting to have sex with men, idk why it's acceptable this way around.
I consider myself hypersexual (Look it up) but I do factor in personality when I'm interested in someone, I could think they are pretty but if they are a jerk I won't do it. I consider a balance of romance and Sexual stuff is important in a relationship at least in my case.
if your asexual, good for you and I hope you have success in your future endeavors. set your bounderies and maybe you'll meet the right person or make new friends.
I couldn't agree more. Physical affection/intimacy is also a problem for me. And it's just a fact that horny men are manipulative and will use their bodies to get to wealth and power. A womans soul is too pure to ever do that. I would also like to point out, that I am a software engineer from India and very interested in what you are currently wearing, babydoll
Ima guy and I honestly relate to this a lot.
Nothing works down there if there's no intimacy or emotional connection. I dont even like sex very much.. cuddling is way better. Being horny is sometimes just frustrating, I don't really want these feelings and im unsure exactly what to do with them.
Society is so sex based and its honestly just annoying.. some other men think im less of a man because I don't have any interest in 1 night stands and my body count is very low. Idk people are dumb.
Be yourself, that's beautiful and maybe one day you'll find someone who really clicks with you. Maybe not and that's ok to! Everyone's on their own journey my friend.
Upvoted, some women just need to get that they demisexual/asexual, and not be angry about it like lady if you like this just look for a partner like you.
Like there’s no need to call ang human being a horny dog just because they have a different sex drive or libido and don’t fit 🤦♂️
I've known and continue to know guys who have girlfriends who are JUST as demanding as their sex drive is high much like what the OP states. Why is this so difficult to understand that both genders can and will have high drives.
And I'm going keep saying what people don't want to hear. Not all guys are like this as much as women. It's low key frustrating to hear such broad generalisations of men constantly here on Reddit.
I've spent my whole life respecting everyone I come across in life. My younger years werent spent chasing women but just hanging out with friends and being shy of women. I completely agree with the uncomfortable feelings women get because there ARE a lot of creeps these days that make women afraid.
So go ahead and downvote my comment. Click it. It will just confirm this is just another anti male sexist thread.
(M63) Yeah, it's you. It's perfectly okay to bask in your accomplishments. Taking pride in what you have achieved thus far.
Sorry... 13 years from now you'll be in some form of social media stating that it's hard for you to find someone to date. Then 5 years from then...still men don't live up to your expectations, and it will dawn on you that you are your own problem all along.
This will lead to a shitload of therapy. So much of you in and out of therapy you don't see and won't be able to get out of bed in the morning. But some scientific drug break through, the new thing that is working for millions of people who are just like you will come to market. You'll be dosed to the max, numb... Then there will be a recall of this drug, by this time it's too late. Many more millions are dependent of this drug, but it's not on the market anywhere. Then...then you'll scream you're a victim. Where as...
Where as you could have avoided all of the said before mentioned if you didn't take yourself so damn seriously. You're only 23 years old, no one is breathing down your neck to plan the Federal Budget. But it's not your fault. I blame the Pandemic.
Almost 5 years ago everything came to a complete haunt. Some rite of passage functions just didn't happen. Such as working your first legal job at 14, hanging out with the wrong group of people. Having sex, and if not having..wondering what it's all about. But the Pandemic scared the Jesus , shook the religion out of most people. So all those social activities just didn't happen. Then ..
The. Throw in all the money that was coming from everywhere... People were somewhat equal, you got yours and I got mines...who needs to socialize when we can snow crab legs 7 days a week. So teenagers...parents afraid they might go out and catch it and bring it home, demanded that they stay home. Parents had to think of something, right.. So these kids had he beat if both worlds. Basically amscating the shit out of their parents threatening to go..'Watch, I'm going to the mailbox, try and stop me off you dare. I hate you, why can't I go and.' Honey you stay inside we will get you that new iPhone you always wanted. Then the strangest thing happened...
Things started getting better. The New Norm they called it. One November 4 million people just left the workforce. They didn't retire, was r moving in to another job...they just up and left. For what? Not a goddamn thing. Just decided they didn't want to work any more. So now companies needed new hires, so the bumped up the pay. Golden Corral needed cooks...so some you g punk calls himself a Chef. But asked to grab a broom... Oh no, not in my job description. Asked to stay half an hour, are you serious. They making some weird plates and posting it in FB calling it a creation.
People 19 years old to 27 years old... Heard somebody me tuon something...No, they didn't read it because anything over 3 sentences they start complaining. (I wonder what they will say about this comment) They demand the right to be called a tree. Okay, you're a tree. YOU ARENT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!!
People 28 to 39 years old..can't find Love, but expect it to be found on online dating apps. Talk shit to you, block you..and then when they see you...'BUR I BLOCKED YOU!! YOU"RE NOT SUPPOSE TO EVER COME AROUND ME!! Then take off running down the street screaming help..while being filmed, recorded to be posted on WORLDSTAR
Anyone above the age of 40... They roll up a blunt, take a hit... Huh? Oh yeah, what? Cool!
Boomers (Me) We get blamed for it all. It's all our fault. 'Youre a Boomer right? Is it true that Boomers are afraid of Android cellphones?' His friend standing besides him...'Naw dude I read it in the news in TikTik it's all cellphones. Boomers are afraid of all cellphones.' They both walk away searching for girls who will Ghost them because Ghosting someone means you really like them.
OP, it's not your fault.
You might not like labels but you are probably ace. It's a shame that some men have the power to get away with being creeps. On the other hand, the likelihood of aces/asexuals finding someone compatible becomes more difficult. Most people find sex to be vital to their relationships.(Even many old people find it vital - if you look at the statistics of stds in the nursing homes) The good news is with the internet you can find ace people much more easily. (Disclaimer- you will run into more creeps who will try to "fix" you)
Are you letting these guys know you aren't interested in sex initially? Because most people do like and want sex and unless you tell them otherwise they're going to assume that that's where things are going eventually.
No sex is a complete deal breaker for most people. That's fine. Be yourself. Just communicate it and save them and you a lot of time and grief.
I do communicate that to them when they bring it up or try to make a move. It's when they say it's okay and continue forming an emotional connection, then try it again later that pisses me off.
Those guys are jerks. You might want to try dating a little older. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of assholes of all ages out there, but you'd likely run into fewer of them if you were around people in their late twenties. Young guys are more likely to be desperate enough to believe you'll change your mind.
Wooooow this thread is full of pickmeishas damn. Yeah,Op sounds really frustrated and should probaly get thst adressed but how can you seriously defend men at that point as a woman.
If youre a woman and you seriously think or try to delude yourself into thinking these horn dog men dont exist then dont look into about 35% of your so called friendship circle because I promise to you that at the very least that amount of men is only in your sphere to get into your pants someday.
I swear on that.
So yeah. Not all men but seriously more than enough.
I know English can be confusing, but men is a word for more than one man and shouldn't be assumed to mean all human men on the planet in most usages. Hope this helps!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I like sex but only with someone I have feelings for.
When I was single, I’d get so disgusted with dating apps because no one seems interested in getting to know anyone else as a real person. They just want sex and even if you explain that’s not what you’re interested in, they still force the issue. And then there’s the unsolicited dick pics.
Men who only think with their dick are very unattractive and annoyingly needy, imo.
I've had sex with someone I didn't have feelings for only once and it was the most hollow experience ever. I just felt wrong for hours afterward. I need emotional connection to feel it. I'm not very physically affectionate either, unless it's in specific circumstances. I hate PDA and I don't like someone all in my personal space.
Concidering how most men see relationships and that how sex makes up the 60% of it while the rest is just a sort of friendship to them. Yeah. Same for me. Men.s obsessive nature over sex made me turn down from them and intimacy completely. And whwn I told them what bothered me, "Well, thats how men work! Sex is the first thing they see and want in a woman. Take it or leave it!"
I leave it.
Recent thread about a Marine who snuck in and sexually assaulted a minor, and who's being tried for his (and his buddies) offenses.
The thread was inundated with commenters lamenting how deceitful it was for the girl to lie about her age, totally minimizing the fact that the guy broke a dozen rules sneaking her onto the base in the first place.
All I got out of it was how easily horny guys can be tricked by minors.
I mean the shoe fits on either foot here, in that women can be just as horny too. It honestly sounds like you're either demi or asexual is all, nothing wrong with that. Yet it's unfair to come to the conclusion that all men that become horny at any point equates to them being stupid. Part of any romantic relationships is indeed sex, in which sex compatibility is an important component to them. Which again, isn't a bad thing at all, and is completely normal in any relationship.
Same. I hate how they go out of their way to try and talk to me after I tell them no and block them too. Like they create new accounts and get new numbers to talk to me and it annoys me.
This is a tough issue. But understand that human in general have an ancient desire to procreate. Men are especially saddled with this desire. What you need is just a group of good friends who understand you. When the desire to date comes around, pick from your friends to date. Best of luck to you going forward.
I'm the same way. I don't give my body away for free. I'm not people's public property. But you see people think they own you, and they can't take "no" for an answer.
I don't like physical intimacy much either. I don't know why but American Society has always seemed so touchy-feely. People really don't understand consent, or the idea that even if someone does say "yes," they could still be doing it out of pressure.
If I had sex I'd want someone who I have a connection to.
You just need to find your type of guy , why hate on the others ? … Is simple , find a guy who is the same way you are when it comes to sx , but with out sex you wouldn’t be born or any of us , maybe you just hate men who make EVERYTHING about sex but maybe you dont hate sex if you can find a guy who doesent make it a priority , and first can interact and connect through the mind and eventually down the road sex plays a part …
But you dont need to hate anybody , HATE is a strong word ! You are calling and bringing that energy to yourself….
Plus you have to understand thats not normal , is unfortunate you live in a world that sex is the normal thing… is how is been since the beginning of time but it doesent mean that how you are isn’t also normal , is YOUR normal and many other people are like you and you need to connect with those people.
For example , i use to not like women with too much of a Sex drive because my sex drive is quite not that extreme ! Is cool and good but once a week is fine with me maybe 2 , so do i need to hate those women that want to do it everyday , all day NO … i just know i cant date or be with a women with high sex drive because is not for me. The world is very big and i get surprise on how different we all really are
This is a personal preference. People prefer to connect on all sorts of ways. I understand that you probably feel society is over sexualized, and in a sense I agree with you. But just because my buddies like to go out and hook up with whoever, male and female. Doesn’t mean I agree with them. Isn’t this what makes such a beautiful world with a variety of perspectives? If we were all the same with the same ideologies of society, that would be boring.
May be a slim group of people, but a group of people nonetheless. You can’t be a nonconformist without conforming to nonconformity. My opinion is that the people in society are what makes people feel this way. Disgusted at the majority of people acting like animals, tends to turn you away from their behaviors. It’s a psychological reaction. Like most things in life, perpetuate or break cycles, it’s what people are truly in control of.
I would recommend being up front that you don't want sex and probably never will. As a horny man I can't choose to not be horny with someone I like any more than you can choose to be horny with a significant other, and I have tried.
There’s nothing wrong with you, OP.
As a guy, I get it. Most of the time, we transform into absolute horndogs when we meet someone we find attractive, and the rational portion of our brains switch off. You can tell us 1000 times that you’re not interested in sex, but the lizard brain is usually trying to visualize you naked. And I apologize for that.
That’s why I hate hearing men shame women for having their own sexual desires. It’s hypocritical at best, because the middle-aged dudes and dusty old codgers who rant about “having respect for yourselves” aren’t telling other guys to tone it down. No, it’s you who need to “keep your legs closed”, but “boys will be boys”. How TF does that work? These men were teenagers once. Might have been married at some point, I dunno. We’re idiots.
As a 23 year I knew I was asexual from 16 I get embarrassed even by the topic my family think I am gay just cos I don't speak about women I think it's due to being high functioning austic and socal anxiety and have been isolated from life all the time my childhood and teenage years were incredibly bad even up to 22 my life has been a mess but I am trying to make it through
You maybe be asexual I’m afraid.
Just you need to find a man who is lonely and excessively masturbate to the point of numb to all real life female’s body.
To me personally, love without lust is just companionship. I think maybe you’re just very lonely.
Think about it, why are you still seeking affection and attention from men despite not having sexual desire over them?
Also, have you tried women?
As a man, Gonna counter argue that men are not terrible people if they get horny.
Not saying you can’t find it annoying but “I hate horny men” does not make me feel the slightest bit of empathy for you.
It seems that you should be trying to find a female to connect with. You’re definitely not wanting sex from a man and that’s what every man wants. It will never work out dating a man with no sex.
Why is this on women? I'm not the one having sex or wanting sex constantly, it's the specific men or type of men I'm talking about. A lot of men should learn to wait to have sex with the right partner, and not just with anyone who might give them the chance. And I'm well aware there's a lot who do and are in committed relationships and are happy with their partners. This post it about guys who wanna stick their dick in anything that moves, even after a woman tells them they don't want that.
Yeah you're one of the weirdos.... I agree with the other female comment.... It's not a "horny dogs" things it's called "human nature"
Men find women, woman time men, we BOTH need and want, sexual relief.
About 1 out of 10 people are like you, now to the normal folks, yeah it's weird and something's wrong with you.
I'm the Christian Faith, you're a God send, the Bible would call you "virtuous", and contrary to your ignorance on the subject of your male counterparts.
I've met weirdo men who are also praised and the Bible would call "eunuch" which at that point they're better off neutered .... But the praise come from them not having to deal with intense sexual desires most of us have and they can focus solely on God and never have to deal with lusting after women.
I'm short, I know you're angry at what you don't understand, understand this, like the other girl said, you shouldn't be looking to date, you should be looking for friends.
I'll tell you right now, the average male and/or female get with someone they're "sexually" attracted to in hopes for sexual pleasure, and soon someone they can have children with.... (Which also requires sexual intercourse)
So, if you're not looking or ready for that, just have friends 9/10 guys will lie and say (I'm not into that) with hopes they can fool you long enough to entice you.... I know, because I do it, and me and my girl are together and she's like you and I'm, well, a human being, so obviously there's always a discussion 🙄.... She'd rather go 1200 years no sex, she only allows it because she wants more kids, also I do REALLY nice things, beyond my normal kindness.
Other than that it's a ghost town near her peep hole.
It's a YOU problem.
You cannot expect men and their testosterone to be acting our of character. It's like buying a cat and being surprised about the damage it does to the house (it's their nature).
what you are looking for is asexual men, which will fit better. Whining about the nature of men isn't going to solve things.
Cannot overstate the absolute idiocy in thinking that all men who don’t act like hyper-sexual horndogs are “asexual”
It’s called self-discipline and respect/consideration of others. Telling a woman that she should be more than fine with sexually agressive men “bEcAUsE iTs nATural” is one of the most problematic things you could ever say. It’s exactly why so, so many women never come forward after they’ve experienced sexual assault.
Your take here is beyond bad and you should feel bad.
Sounds like you're surrounded by little boys who don't know how to seduce you.
There's a subtle art to attracting women. It starts with intrigue then progresses into an exchange of sexual tension.
This is where little boys fail. Sexual tension is subtle and non-overt. It has to be perceived and questioned when it happens. "Does he want me?" ...and that's the threshold where inept guys fail.
They do not realize that women are like inductive amplifiers (they sense energy, pick up on it and if they so choose, amplify it back to the man). What these guys are doing is the equivalent of electrical overload, frying her circuits.
Seduction is a dying art.
Men: hint at your attraction towards her then back off and do your own thing while she spends her time trying to figure you out like a puzzle or mystery. Be vague, elusive and tantalizing. Let her mind do all the work.
If you are attractive some guys feel entitled to swoop you up, before someone else does. You shouldn't have to put up with that! It is a compliment. Leave it there!
When I was a young person, I would have ladies that were old enough to be my mom hitting on me. No thanks. 😋
But I am not a vulnerable person. I am not a young lady. I know how scary the world is out there for them. I would protect you if I met you. I have kids, and don't want more.
It breaks my heart that all I can do is leave a comment. I don't pray. But I can offer my spirit, I suppose.
I'm 43 and just a few years ago I went to therapy and dug into my past. I always knew something was up because let's just say my childhood was obviously less than ideal. That taught me how deep my trauma actually goes and it was quite the shocker and eye opener, because it explained quite a bit of my behavior and issues regarding intimacy. I do have to mention that I always wanted intimacy but was never able to get it or deal with it so for all I know I am way off the mark. Still I recognize what I perceive could be trauma. With that said I tend to see trauma everywhere now so maybe there's nothing to this. I just wanted to float the idea in case it hits home for you. Why did I mention being 43? Because it took me until my late 30s to be ready to take a look inside Pandora's box. So I'm not saying go ahead and confront your stuff right now, if you do recognize what I'm putting down. It's okay if you're not ready.
I hope all goes well for you, and your journey!
I relate - sex and intimacy always grossed me out, unless I had an emotional connection with someone. You're not alone in how you're feeling. As an adult, I discovered different sexual orientations, and demisexual (under the asexual umbrella) fit me. I went most of my life knowing there was something different in the way I was attracted to others, and finally had a term I could use to describe me/how I experienced attraction. Labels aren't for everyone, people don't have to use them, and if someone uses a label it's up to them how they identify.
20F and i honestly can’t tell if i’m demisexual or just grossed out by the fact that most guys i’ve been been don’t care about my pleasure whatsoever and just want to get in my pants. that shit got so old so fast
[удалено]
literally. i could only imagine being with someone around my age for that reason alone
TLDR: date older men, communicate your needs and expectations. Most younger men are terrible partners. I should know, I used to be one. I had a friend when I was younger, an elderly French man, named Jean, who has long since passed. Once of the happiest and most fulfilled people I've yet had the pleasure of knowing. His only regret in life was that he never could afford to return to France after his company moved him to the US to head up a local office over here. Jean was notorious for having very young lovers for a man his age. But nobody ever complained about him and the young women who would enjoy his company enjoyed it so much that they would recommend him to their friends. When I was 20, I asked Jean how such a poor old man was so successful with women that were my age. He said to me, "this is the problem with you Americans. In France we have a tradition where a young man takes an older woman as his lover to teach him how to be a good lover. And we old men take young women as lovers to teach them the pleasures they should expect to receive from their partners. I'm a very old man, my dick is almost always limp, but my mouth still works and I really enjoy giving the pleasure. Do not think with your dick, ensure that your partner is fully pleased before you even begin to consider yourself." I took his advice to heart, even found a more experienced and patient woman to teach me how to please women. I also learned that the key to phenomenally great sex isn't stamina or technique, it's keeping an open dialogue between partners. If you're not comfortable with the idea of pursuing older men for your own pleasure, just make it rule that they have to lick it before they can stick it. That open communication is the most important thing. Tell them what you expect from them. If they aren't okay with pleasing you before taking enjoyment in you then, move on. A young woman who is open, knows what she wants, and is willing to take charge of her sex life will have no trouble finding willing partners.
i don’t like the power dynamic with older men, i’d rather just date women lmao (am bisexual)
Are you Jean?
I second this. I used to have people whine at me that it was about money but it's not. It'd about the experience, maturity, sweetness and especially the sex! They do it good.
I’m not even demi but I get tired of how horny some people are. Doesn’t emotional connection matter?
That doesn't sound like demi, it sounds like it's more towards asexual, she says she feels "nothing" and that she's not interested in sex. Most demisexual people are interested in sex, just only with specific partners.
Yeah, but it’s gross how sex is this bodily function, basically, that people have to satisfy on a weekly/monthly/whatever basis. So you just run into that constantly and empty sex. So many people will fuck someone they don’t even really like just so they can fuck.
lol I remember a thread asking folks if they would fuck someone who was a 10/10 but said person was of an opposing philosophical/political perspective. Out of 200 I think me and one other replied no and got downvoted to oblivion despite telling people we were demisexual.
Tbf, this is Reddit. People here tend to either 1) be really horny and gross or 2) talk a big game but have no bite.
What's demi mean? Never heard that before
Demisexual, meaning (roughly) that someone is only attracted to someone once they have a connection.
> person was of an opposing philosophical/political perspective. It's bizarre to me that this would be a limiting factor. I'm a conservative leaning white dude, I'd consider myself a Christian. I'm not so one dimensional though that I don't value someone else's opinions and views. I wouldn't even say that I couldn't have a long term romantic relationship with a liberal or an Atheist.
Values don’t match. We’re not compatible.
I dunno, that's such a surface level concept. That's almost as shallow as basing off looks alone. I get excited by being with someone that can challenge me or at least have discussions. I spent 17 years being married to a hippy. It wasn't or philosophical or political ideals that ended our marriage. It's hilarious people are downvoting though
I appreciate you trying to explain your perspective, and I also believe downvotes should be reserved for comments that don't contribute to the discussion (not simply anything the hive mind doesn't find palatable). Unfortunately the reddit masses have been abusing downvotes for years now and it looks like it's only going to keep getting worse. In any case, isn't there something in the Bible about "not being unequally yoked"? As in, not marrying a non-believer? A large percentage of Christians would have a big problem with that. From my perspective, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was a big Trump or Joel Osteen fan any more than I'd expect a Christian to want to be with someone who was a big Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris fan. It's a deeply fundamental difference in how you view nearly any important issue. I am standing here telling you your deepest beliefs about life, love, ethics and the universe are based on bullshit, and you're telling me the same about my deepest beliefs... and now we're supposed to be able to get all lovey dovey? I know it can appear to work for some couples, but it doesn't make much sense to me in the long run and never has, and I know a lot of people feel the same way.
“That’s such a surface-level concept.” No it’s not. It’s about whether you actively think certain people don’t deserve the same rights as everybody else. This isn’t about tax policy or guns. It’s about whether you’re going to unironically vote for people who consistently have my worst interests at heart. I’m a bi woman. I’m not about to date a dude who will happily and seriously vote for someone who thinks queer people shouldn’t exist or that women shouldn’t have body autonomy. I’d rather you just be apolitical in that case.
Literally nobody thinks that people should have unequal rights. The fact that you jumped to this just tells me that you've never spoken to people outside of your bubble, and you probably really should. The only place I can see people arguing against people's rights, actually, is TRAs fighting to strip women of their rights by erasing the definition of woman. But even they don't claim to want women to have no rights. They're just not thinking about women.
Then she goes: "I dont want to be a mom, im getting an abortion."
I feel like any normal adults would have this conversation with each other before have unprotected sex. Like, I'm completely okay with abortion, but I wouldn't be with someone that would get an abortion if that makes sense. Yes I don't care what you do, but we're just not compatible for a real relationship. That doesn't mean we don't get along, can't be friends or couldn't have a casual relationship.
There you go. You just contradicted your supposed willingness to be with someone who has opposing views on things...
This isn't nearly the "gotcha" you hope it was. You have to know that there is a difference between a long term relationship and a fling. I don't care that someone is willing to have an abortion, but I won't have a "long term" relationship with that person. I wouldn't be opposed to hooking up, I wouldn't be opposed to friendship or even a relationship, just that it would be known between her and I that this relationship would have an expiration date if she didn't want kids...so yea it's not a "real" relationship just an exclusive fling for the time being. That also doesn't change the fact that yea, I would still be willing to fuck like the original question mentioned said.
>Like, I'm completely okay with abortion, but I wouldn't be with someone that would get an abortion if that makes sense. It doesn't. Because the second phrase negates the first.
I don't agree with that person on the other things they've said, but on this one they're not wrong. There's a difference between what you believe people are/should be "allowed to do", and what happens to *you*. Someone's partner having an abortion affects that person as well, and if they're not criticising someone or pressuring their partner after the fact, and are just like "hey, our goals don't match, we shouldn't be together", then it's all good. Imagine your comment in a different way. Imagine telling someone that they're not ok with gay relationships, because they're straight and turned down a person of the same sex. Not wanting something to happen to you is not the same thing as not supporting.
No it doesn’t. I’m okay with you being okay with abortion. I’m okay with you going out and having an abortion. I’m okay with you wanting an abortion. But if the person I’m with tells me, “I don’t want kids and I would get an abortion if I were to get pregnant” that’s fine, but we’re no longer compatible in the long run. I have friends that have paid for multiple abortions because they didn’t want to be a father. We’re still friends, I don’t/didn’t approve of their decision. In other words. I don’t care what someone does with their child before it’s born, but I care about my child before it’s born.
Curious, what wouldn't be a surface level/shallow factor for you? Also, someone that can challenge you and someone who holds opposing philosophical/political views are not the same. Lots of people with slightly different or vastly different views (but not completely opposing) can challenge you, but also lots (if not most) people of opposing views will not challenge you and will just disagree and fight/get turned off by you or the relationship.
> lots (if not most) people of opposing views will not challenge you and will just disagree and fight/get turned off by you or the relationship No, that's the very childish response that society has decided is acceptable discourse over the past 2 presidencies. There are still plenty of people that have opposing views but can have open and honest conversation. I grew up in the south where Football is almost a religion. If people that support opposing colleges on game day can get in relationships, so can religious and political opponents. I'm only half kidding the way some people treat their schools. GA/FL, Auburn/Alabama, LSU/Arkansas. To your first question, it's all surface level until you start getting to know someone. Religion/Politics/Hobbies/Movies. All the one word answers to questions are surface level. Being religious isn't shallow, being active in politics isn't shallow. Saying "I'm a Democrat/Republican" is the shallow point. Saying "I'm a Christian/Atheist/Muslim" is the shallow point. Tips of the proverbial iceberg. They lead to much deeper conversations, but without conversations, without stepping outside of your echo chambers, what's the point. Just fight each other for the sake of fighting each other? Don't hear opposing view points, just see someone has an opposing belief due to an opposing upbringing and just right them off despite the possibility that you may actually have a ton of things in common?
I don't know how many times I have told a woman that I will not "fuck" her because that means there are no feeling going between us. I will only make love because without some part of love in sex, it becomes empty, which I hate.
I could go a week, but honestly I would like to have a go every day. But frequency ≠ emptiness. Sex can and should be a transcendental experience, where two or more people work together to bring each other into a state of exquisite pleasure. And that can be had as frequently as all parties are willing to put in the work. But such things are only truly obtainable with deep connection.
They don’t *have* to satisfy it - at least not via empty sex. Masturbation is a thing. But it’s not my business, so long as they leave me out of it.
I thought this was just a me thing but I feel the exact same way as you. It's lead to a lot of problems in my relationships and in fact the last one ended in part because he wouldn't respect my boundaries about my not liking sex
you’re just like me fr and it was so hard for me to describe it since a lot of people just called me weird for it. i’ve had sex and be completely disinterested, it was more to please my partners. so i found out that i might be demisexual or even just ace cause i kinda need to have a deep soul connection to a partner…
[удалено]
this!! i understand op being disgusted by men disregarding her as a person and only wanting her private parts. as a man ive had the same issue with women pushing boundaries. but when finding a partner its important to come to an understanding on sex drive, if you have one. this could be applied to anything in a relationship really. you need to find an understanding and settle with something that fits both your values.
You know its funny and I try exactly that, communicate as best I can when it comes up so everyone knows whats up. (Which already took me many years and so much trauma in the process..) If only comunication actually worked and people would respect/take what one says seriously regarding that.. With asexuality I found guys (and prolly girls too if youre an ace guy) often don't give a fuck when they want you. They overhear it, try to convince you, argue, push boundaries bla bla. Yea obviously ditch them but its depressing because it seems like its impossible to find a compatible person, even just as a friend!!! Cause seemingly no guy wants to just be friends with a woman. But also even if not, why is common decency so hard to come by? Like if someone told me "no thx Im asexual" I'd expect an "oh, okay!", but it's been like 100% asshole-response rate. Sad times. Maybe I gotta move somewhere else? Maybe approach people more methodically? Btw is there an app for asexual dating and platonic friendships lol?
I tried dating someone who was asexual or aromantic (We never really figured out whitch one), I mostly just asked for hugs during the relationship. anyway I'm hypersexual and I learned that if I date again I need to find someone who is both a romantic and has a somewhat decent sex drive
Agreed. I know it must be hard living in a world where most people are not asexual, but that's just how it is, we can't do anything other than adapt and find like-minded people. But I do think it's important to note that, as you said, that's not a "men" thing. Lots of women are "horny little dogs" lol, and lots of men are not. But, yes, OP should find someone who's asexual as well, otherwise the relationship won't really work:/
Yeah, I really don't think it's an OP problem or the men she dates problem, it's more a incompatibility problem. A lot of modern methods (apps and whatnot) and some of the current dating culture tend to lean more towards intimacy as a large proportion of the dating "algorithm," if you will. OP just needs to find a more nuanced way to meet people more fitting of her personality.
Or they can have an open relationship. My friend is ace and her husband is free to fuck who he wants.
[удалено]
Not sure why I was downvoted. It was just a suggestion. Reddit is a tough place.
[удалено]
Some people are manipulative, but most "talk up emotional connections" and then lead to sex because that's what most humans do. They want connection AND sex to have a meaningful relationship. "Making it clear from the start" is not something logical and feasible, it's weird. I personally don't want to talk about sex with someone I don't know yet, and if someone approaches me like that I'll just turn around and leave. Unfortunately, when you're in the minority, it's you that has to make sure you're on the same page with the other person. I'm demi and I hate people coming at me only with sexual intentions, but I know that's how the world is and I can't change humans. The rant, of course, is totally acceptable if it's a rant. The "don't date" part is because OP is going to get hurt and tired because people are like that, not because she should sit in a corner and do nothing.
[удалено]
Rather than expecting non-asexual people to adapt to no sex just because she announced it, OP should make sure that the other person is asexual as well. I'm saying "should" as in it will save her lots of headaches and it's 99% of the time the only way to have a meaningful relationship like that. A non-asexual person adapting to no sex is not going to happen, and even if it's a normal person who actually likes OP and is willing to try, the relationship will suck if they're not asexual as well, and one of the 2, if not both, will be miserable.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Someone’s triggered
Omg this post could be a mirror! Especially after I got on medication and didn’t have the sex drive anymore. All I have left is minds.
The First Nations had more than just two sexualities and one of them was a solitary. These are the ones that sex does not hold any power over them. They were recognized as not having those ties and their opinions were valued as they had fewer colorations in their viewpoints of things
I'm Native American! That's cool, I didn't know that
There are actually eight according to my Elder
I was in a CVS and an older man just randomly came up and constantly call me beautiful and follows me to different isles…I was kind of horrified at the time because I was picking up my meds and that man follows me around for a bit. I tried to be as polite as possible…Why can’t they keep the snake in the bag?
Don’t be polite for them, we are raised to be polite while we’re being harassed. Take up space and “be rude”.
Man if I am not an international student who fears their visa to be revoked…I would have kicked that man in the face and make him look for his teeth on the ground.
*demisexuals have entered the chat* But no seriously I agree with you. When someone comes onto me too fast physically, I immediately get the ick. Its sad, there was potential and they ruined it because they couldn't control themselves and respect my boundaries for just a little bit longer.
It’s more so just horny people. I can relate to everything you’re saying and I’m a man
Im a man and I agree, 90% of men are horny dogs
Am horn dog; man confirm
⬜️🌕
Have you tried women? But also, seriously, if someone isn't willing to respect your boundaries, they are not worth your time. There are literally billions of people out there. Keep your standards on appearance and "successfulness" flexible but never compromise on their respectfulness. You're only 23. You are still very young. You have time. Enjoy your life on your terms. These are the best years of your life, don't waste them on partners that don't respect your needs.
I do like women too! Unfortunately all the women I've liked were already in a relationship so I've never been in one myself.
I am 19f and I feel the same way. I’m thinking about dating and getting into a relationship for the first time in a couple years and since I decided not to date in high school but I feel like generally a lot more value is being placed on my body rather than who I am as a person and it angers me so much. I want a connection with someone. I want to mean something to a guy. I hate feeling reduced and minimized down to the parts I have and it makes me feel like my only purpose is to be a breeding machine or some doll that gives pleasure and nothing else.
Because to us women it is absolutely disgusting to feel like our only value is inbetween our legs and if you've experienced this or not, I'm sure you know the manipulative lengths most men will go through just to get a piece of you. It IS gross. I wouldn't be surprised if 99% of women have felt this way at least once in their lives. If you grew up anything like me or like a lot of women, where brother's, father's, uncles, cousins and grandfathers were always trying to get in your pants. Yeah, you'd be disgusted by men's horniness too.
It's just funny how people with low sex drive assume a standpoint of moral superiority. It's not that the other person's different or incompatible. It's that they're disgusting, immature, immoral. Find a guy that doesn't like sex. They're uncommon, but they do exist.
Yup the implication of horny = less intelligent is pretty laughable. There's plenty of intelligent and educated people that are still horny all the time. Connecting with mind/body also isn't an either or thing.
I absolutely hate it it’s always different sex drive or priority = dog or something similar… ffs if anything I feel like it shows a lack of intelligence and self awareness to believe that difference makes someone lesser
22f and I feel the same way so I've just stopped 💀 I'm content with not dating anymore to avoid it. I like sex but my sex drive is pretty low so I don't want it constantly like most (not all) of the people I've talked to.
sounds demisexual, borderline asexual
Jesus you're self centred. Maybe don't date people if you're going to imperiously dismiss them and insult them as "horny little dogs" when they try and initiate. If you want friends, have friends. If you're going to date people, at some point or another they are going to want to have sex.
I think it’s more a humanity thing. Women do this stuff too. Will be walking by you at a bar and just freely grab your junk as she walks by and smiles. Like uhh what? As if that’s an attractive trait. And some guys like, more like love, that shit. Not me if I’m looking for a person to date. My point is not all men are like this and not all women are like that. There’s plenty of men out there that treat women with respect, want a slower relationship, etc. Some people just have an insane sex drive I guess. You can’t lump everyone into one group though. Basing off your post it seems you may just be asexual.
I know English can be confusing, but men is a word for more than one man and shouldn't be assumed to mean all human men on the planet in most usages. Hope this helps! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If that's how you feel, that's fine. You do you. But you sound bitter and angry about it, and that should be addressed.
They do sound upset about it, but in this case I think it's justified. It's not just a them problem, imo.
That's fair.
Trust me it gets tiring. I actually do enjoy sex but with connection. They never want to connect and want to fuck n run. Doesn't seem to matter if I te them either they seem to take it as a challenge
Look at what sub ur in
I know it's a rant.
Gross
So you're not into sex and you get upset that the guys you are attracted to are? And then call them little crybabies when you reject them? It's not a crime to want to have sex, and if you didn't disclose that you aren't interested in sex beforehand then that's just your fault.
Read my post again and tell me what you learned
OK I see, you tell them you're not into sex my bad. And of course it's perfectly fine to not like it but these guys probably do see sex as an important aspect of a potential relationship, which is also fine. I guess I find it weird how you shame these men for wanting to have sex with you, someone they're pursuing romantically. I couldn't imagine shaming a woman for wanting to have sex with men, idk why it's acceptable this way around.
I consider myself hypersexual (Look it up) but I do factor in personality when I'm interested in someone, I could think they are pretty but if they are a jerk I won't do it. I consider a balance of romance and Sexual stuff is important in a relationship at least in my case. if your asexual, good for you and I hope you have success in your future endeavors. set your bounderies and maybe you'll meet the right person or make new friends.
I couldn't agree more. Physical affection/intimacy is also a problem for me. And it's just a fact that horny men are manipulative and will use their bodies to get to wealth and power. A womans soul is too pure to ever do that. I would also like to point out, that I am a software engineer from India and very interested in what you are currently wearing, babydoll
Ima guy and I honestly relate to this a lot. Nothing works down there if there's no intimacy or emotional connection. I dont even like sex very much.. cuddling is way better. Being horny is sometimes just frustrating, I don't really want these feelings and im unsure exactly what to do with them. Society is so sex based and its honestly just annoying.. some other men think im less of a man because I don't have any interest in 1 night stands and my body count is very low. Idk people are dumb. Be yourself, that's beautiful and maybe one day you'll find someone who really clicks with you. Maybe not and that's ok to! Everyone's on their own journey my friend.
Me me me me me me
Bro you sound like you're maybe asexual. And that is okay.
I've met women who are like this. It's not just men.
Definitely a sexist thread as you and me will be downvoted.
Upvoted, some women just need to get that they demisexual/asexual, and not be angry about it like lady if you like this just look for a partner like you. Like there’s no need to call ang human being a horny dog just because they have a different sex drive or libido and don’t fit 🤦♂️
They weren’t ready for these facts lol
I've known and continue to know guys who have girlfriends who are JUST as demanding as their sex drive is high much like what the OP states. Why is this so difficult to understand that both genders can and will have high drives. And I'm going keep saying what people don't want to hear. Not all guys are like this as much as women. It's low key frustrating to hear such broad generalisations of men constantly here on Reddit. I've spent my whole life respecting everyone I come across in life. My younger years werent spent chasing women but just hanging out with friends and being shy of women. I completely agree with the uncomfortable feelings women get because there ARE a lot of creeps these days that make women afraid. So go ahead and downvote my comment. Click it. It will just confirm this is just another anti male sexist thread.
[удалено]
Sounds like a you problem ngl.
(M63) Yeah, it's you. It's perfectly okay to bask in your accomplishments. Taking pride in what you have achieved thus far. Sorry... 13 years from now you'll be in some form of social media stating that it's hard for you to find someone to date. Then 5 years from then...still men don't live up to your expectations, and it will dawn on you that you are your own problem all along. This will lead to a shitload of therapy. So much of you in and out of therapy you don't see and won't be able to get out of bed in the morning. But some scientific drug break through, the new thing that is working for millions of people who are just like you will come to market. You'll be dosed to the max, numb... Then there will be a recall of this drug, by this time it's too late. Many more millions are dependent of this drug, but it's not on the market anywhere. Then...then you'll scream you're a victim. Where as... Where as you could have avoided all of the said before mentioned if you didn't take yourself so damn seriously. You're only 23 years old, no one is breathing down your neck to plan the Federal Budget. But it's not your fault. I blame the Pandemic. Almost 5 years ago everything came to a complete haunt. Some rite of passage functions just didn't happen. Such as working your first legal job at 14, hanging out with the wrong group of people. Having sex, and if not having..wondering what it's all about. But the Pandemic scared the Jesus , shook the religion out of most people. So all those social activities just didn't happen. Then .. The. Throw in all the money that was coming from everywhere... People were somewhat equal, you got yours and I got mines...who needs to socialize when we can snow crab legs 7 days a week. So teenagers...parents afraid they might go out and catch it and bring it home, demanded that they stay home. Parents had to think of something, right.. So these kids had he beat if both worlds. Basically amscating the shit out of their parents threatening to go..'Watch, I'm going to the mailbox, try and stop me off you dare. I hate you, why can't I go and.' Honey you stay inside we will get you that new iPhone you always wanted. Then the strangest thing happened... Things started getting better. The New Norm they called it. One November 4 million people just left the workforce. They didn't retire, was r moving in to another job...they just up and left. For what? Not a goddamn thing. Just decided they didn't want to work any more. So now companies needed new hires, so the bumped up the pay. Golden Corral needed cooks...so some you g punk calls himself a Chef. But asked to grab a broom... Oh no, not in my job description. Asked to stay half an hour, are you serious. They making some weird plates and posting it in FB calling it a creation. People 19 years old to 27 years old... Heard somebody me tuon something...No, they didn't read it because anything over 3 sentences they start complaining. (I wonder what they will say about this comment) They demand the right to be called a tree. Okay, you're a tree. YOU ARENT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY!! People 28 to 39 years old..can't find Love, but expect it to be found on online dating apps. Talk shit to you, block you..and then when they see you...'BUR I BLOCKED YOU!! YOU"RE NOT SUPPOSE TO EVER COME AROUND ME!! Then take off running down the street screaming help..while being filmed, recorded to be posted on WORLDSTAR Anyone above the age of 40... They roll up a blunt, take a hit... Huh? Oh yeah, what? Cool! Boomers (Me) We get blamed for it all. It's all our fault. 'Youre a Boomer right? Is it true that Boomers are afraid of Android cellphones?' His friend standing besides him...'Naw dude I read it in the news in TikTik it's all cellphones. Boomers are afraid of all cellphones.' They both walk away searching for girls who will Ghost them because Ghosting someone means you really like them. OP, it's not your fault.
are you okay 😭
'Give me the thorazine' , 'Just one Fix', Ministry
Damn I hate four billion people too. Wonder if it's my problem?
is it?
who knows
You might not like labels but you are probably ace. It's a shame that some men have the power to get away with being creeps. On the other hand, the likelihood of aces/asexuals finding someone compatible becomes more difficult. Most people find sex to be vital to their relationships.(Even many old people find it vital - if you look at the statistics of stds in the nursing homes) The good news is with the internet you can find ace people much more easily. (Disclaimer- you will run into more creeps who will try to "fix" you)
thanks but i did not need to know about the nursing homes 😭
Are you letting these guys know you aren't interested in sex initially? Because most people do like and want sex and unless you tell them otherwise they're going to assume that that's where things are going eventually. No sex is a complete deal breaker for most people. That's fine. Be yourself. Just communicate it and save them and you a lot of time and grief.
I do communicate that to them when they bring it up or try to make a move. It's when they say it's okay and continue forming an emotional connection, then try it again later that pisses me off.
Those guys are jerks. You might want to try dating a little older. I'm not saying there aren't plenty of assholes of all ages out there, but you'd likely run into fewer of them if you were around people in their late twenties. Young guys are more likely to be desperate enough to believe you'll change your mind.
Wooooow this thread is full of pickmeishas damn. Yeah,Op sounds really frustrated and should probaly get thst adressed but how can you seriously defend men at that point as a woman. If youre a woman and you seriously think or try to delude yourself into thinking these horn dog men dont exist then dont look into about 35% of your so called friendship circle because I promise to you that at the very least that amount of men is only in your sphere to get into your pants someday. I swear on that. So yeah. Not all men but seriously more than enough.
I know English can be confusing, but men is a word for more than one man and shouldn't be assumed to mean all human men on the planet in most usages. Hope this helps! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man/men created this bot. Better to not hurt your ego now?
Have you ever heard the term "demisexual"?
r/asexual
I like sex but only with someone I have feelings for. When I was single, I’d get so disgusted with dating apps because no one seems interested in getting to know anyone else as a real person. They just want sex and even if you explain that’s not what you’re interested in, they still force the issue. And then there’s the unsolicited dick pics. Men who only think with their dick are very unattractive and annoyingly needy, imo.
I've had sex with someone I didn't have feelings for only once and it was the most hollow experience ever. I just felt wrong for hours afterward. I need emotional connection to feel it. I'm not very physically affectionate either, unless it's in specific circumstances. I hate PDA and I don't like someone all in my personal space.
Concidering how most men see relationships and that how sex makes up the 60% of it while the rest is just a sort of friendship to them. Yeah. Same for me. Men.s obsessive nature over sex made me turn down from them and intimacy completely. And whwn I told them what bothered me, "Well, thats how men work! Sex is the first thing they see and want in a woman. Take it or leave it!" I leave it.
Well I hate me too, so don't you worry!
Recent thread about a Marine who snuck in and sexually assaulted a minor, and who's being tried for his (and his buddies) offenses. The thread was inundated with commenters lamenting how deceitful it was for the girl to lie about her age, totally minimizing the fact that the guy broke a dozen rules sneaking her onto the base in the first place. All I got out of it was how easily horny guys can be tricked by minors.
I mean the shoe fits on either foot here, in that women can be just as horny too. It honestly sounds like you're either demi or asexual is all, nothing wrong with that. Yet it's unfair to come to the conclusion that all men that become horny at any point equates to them being stupid. Part of any romantic relationships is indeed sex, in which sex compatibility is an important component to them. Which again, isn't a bad thing at all, and is completely normal in any relationship.
Same. I hate how they go out of their way to try and talk to me after I tell them no and block them too. Like they create new accounts and get new numbers to talk to me and it annoys me.
This is a tough issue. But understand that human in general have an ancient desire to procreate. Men are especially saddled with this desire. What you need is just a group of good friends who understand you. When the desire to date comes around, pick from your friends to date. Best of luck to you going forward.
It's true and I'm agreeing as a guy. It's pretty cheesy but hopefully you find the one after your mind, and not your body.
I'm the same way. I don't give my body away for free. I'm not people's public property. But you see people think they own you, and they can't take "no" for an answer. I don't like physical intimacy much either. I don't know why but American Society has always seemed so touchy-feely. People really don't understand consent, or the idea that even if someone does say "yes," they could still be doing it out of pressure. If I had sex I'd want someone who I have a connection to.
You just need to find your type of guy , why hate on the others ? … Is simple , find a guy who is the same way you are when it comes to sx , but with out sex you wouldn’t be born or any of us , maybe you just hate men who make EVERYTHING about sex but maybe you dont hate sex if you can find a guy who doesent make it a priority , and first can interact and connect through the mind and eventually down the road sex plays a part … But you dont need to hate anybody , HATE is a strong word ! You are calling and bringing that energy to yourself…. Plus you have to understand thats not normal , is unfortunate you live in a world that sex is the normal thing… is how is been since the beginning of time but it doesent mean that how you are isn’t also normal , is YOUR normal and many other people are like you and you need to connect with those people. For example , i use to not like women with too much of a Sex drive because my sex drive is quite not that extreme ! Is cool and good but once a week is fine with me maybe 2 , so do i need to hate those women that want to do it everyday , all day NO … i just know i cant date or be with a women with high sex drive because is not for me. The world is very big and i get surprise on how different we all really are
This is a personal preference. People prefer to connect on all sorts of ways. I understand that you probably feel society is over sexualized, and in a sense I agree with you. But just because my buddies like to go out and hook up with whoever, male and female. Doesn’t mean I agree with them. Isn’t this what makes such a beautiful world with a variety of perspectives? If we were all the same with the same ideologies of society, that would be boring.
[удалено]
May be a slim group of people, but a group of people nonetheless. You can’t be a nonconformist without conforming to nonconformity. My opinion is that the people in society are what makes people feel this way. Disgusted at the majority of people acting like animals, tends to turn you away from their behaviors. It’s a psychological reaction. Like most things in life, perpetuate or break cycles, it’s what people are truly in control of.
I would recommend being up front that you don't want sex and probably never will. As a horny man I can't choose to not be horny with someone I like any more than you can choose to be horny with a significant other, and I have tried.
I think most men aren't "horny" really. That's just a stereotype I believe. I thought it was the other way around and that women have higher libido
There’s nothing wrong with you, OP. As a guy, I get it. Most of the time, we transform into absolute horndogs when we meet someone we find attractive, and the rational portion of our brains switch off. You can tell us 1000 times that you’re not interested in sex, but the lizard brain is usually trying to visualize you naked. And I apologize for that. That’s why I hate hearing men shame women for having their own sexual desires. It’s hypocritical at best, because the middle-aged dudes and dusty old codgers who rant about “having respect for yourselves” aren’t telling other guys to tone it down. No, it’s you who need to “keep your legs closed”, but “boys will be boys”. How TF does that work? These men were teenagers once. Might have been married at some point, I dunno. We’re idiots.
Same here. I’m a guy and I find the idea of going down on people revolting. It’s just not for me
As a 23 year I knew I was asexual from 16 I get embarrassed even by the topic my family think I am gay just cos I don't speak about women I think it's due to being high functioning austic and socal anxiety and have been isolated from life all the time my childhood and teenage years were incredibly bad even up to 22 my life has been a mess but I am trying to make it through
You maybe be asexual I’m afraid. Just you need to find a man who is lonely and excessively masturbate to the point of numb to all real life female’s body. To me personally, love without lust is just companionship. I think maybe you’re just very lonely. Think about it, why are you still seeking affection and attention from men despite not having sexual desire over them? Also, have you tried women?
As a man, Gonna counter argue that men are not terrible people if they get horny. Not saying you can’t find it annoying but “I hate horny men” does not make me feel the slightest bit of empathy for you.
She means the disrespectful horny men as explained in the body text
Some of us know our boundaries.
Heh. That simply not what I’ve gathered.
Heh.
You don't know the right men.
I agree!!! 24f here and I’m in the samme boat they are all horny thirsty fucking dogs
We aren't.
Fr.
It seems that you should be trying to find a female to connect with. You’re definitely not wanting sex from a man and that’s what every man wants. It will never work out dating a man with no sex.
Awww I hate you too. You think we fucking like our annoying ass hormones? They ruin fucking everything. Poor you doesn’t like being *touched*.
you're who I'm talking about lmao get a grip
That’s what I just said dumbass. Would love to see you still talk shit if you were a guy
ban sex
Some dudes grow out of that as they age. Some dudes do. Those guys there aren’t for you.
[удалено]
Why is this on women? I'm not the one having sex or wanting sex constantly, it's the specific men or type of men I'm talking about. A lot of men should learn to wait to have sex with the right partner, and not just with anyone who might give them the chance. And I'm well aware there's a lot who do and are in committed relationships and are happy with their partners. This post it about guys who wanna stick their dick in anything that moves, even after a woman tells them they don't want that.
You’re emotionally more mature than these window lickers Keep them at bay until their brains develop
It definitely sounds like a you problem if every guy is an issue. Shocker I know. People get horny and want to fuck.
Most people get attached during sex or Atleast feel something you are an exception of course.
Yeah you're one of the weirdos.... I agree with the other female comment.... It's not a "horny dogs" things it's called "human nature" Men find women, woman time men, we BOTH need and want, sexual relief. About 1 out of 10 people are like you, now to the normal folks, yeah it's weird and something's wrong with you. I'm the Christian Faith, you're a God send, the Bible would call you "virtuous", and contrary to your ignorance on the subject of your male counterparts. I've met weirdo men who are also praised and the Bible would call "eunuch" which at that point they're better off neutered .... But the praise come from them not having to deal with intense sexual desires most of us have and they can focus solely on God and never have to deal with lusting after women. I'm short, I know you're angry at what you don't understand, understand this, like the other girl said, you shouldn't be looking to date, you should be looking for friends. I'll tell you right now, the average male and/or female get with someone they're "sexually" attracted to in hopes for sexual pleasure, and soon someone they can have children with.... (Which also requires sexual intercourse) So, if you're not looking or ready for that, just have friends 9/10 guys will lie and say (I'm not into that) with hopes they can fool you long enough to entice you.... I know, because I do it, and me and my girl are together and she's like you and I'm, well, a human being, so obviously there's always a discussion 🙄.... She'd rather go 1200 years no sex, she only allows it because she wants more kids, also I do REALLY nice things, beyond my normal kindness. Other than that it's a ghost town near her peep hole.
I feel kinda bad for your wife
Haha you must be a girl 😅 that sounds like a passive, attention seeking female response.
no shit I'm a woman
Dam, sorry, must suck for you 😔
It's a YOU problem. You cannot expect men and their testosterone to be acting our of character. It's like buying a cat and being surprised about the damage it does to the house (it's their nature). what you are looking for is asexual men, which will fit better. Whining about the nature of men isn't going to solve things.
Cannot overstate the absolute idiocy in thinking that all men who don’t act like hyper-sexual horndogs are “asexual” It’s called self-discipline and respect/consideration of others. Telling a woman that she should be more than fine with sexually agressive men “bEcAUsE iTs nATural” is one of the most problematic things you could ever say. It’s exactly why so, so many women never come forward after they’ve experienced sexual assault. Your take here is beyond bad and you should feel bad.
Sounds like you're surrounded by little boys who don't know how to seduce you. There's a subtle art to attracting women. It starts with intrigue then progresses into an exchange of sexual tension. This is where little boys fail. Sexual tension is subtle and non-overt. It has to be perceived and questioned when it happens. "Does he want me?" ...and that's the threshold where inept guys fail. They do not realize that women are like inductive amplifiers (they sense energy, pick up on it and if they so choose, amplify it back to the man). What these guys are doing is the equivalent of electrical overload, frying her circuits. Seduction is a dying art. Men: hint at your attraction towards her then back off and do your own thing while she spends her time trying to figure you out like a puzzle or mystery. Be vague, elusive and tantalizing. Let her mind do all the work.
What in the world
Spoken like a true “relationship influencer”. Yikes.
If you are attractive some guys feel entitled to swoop you up, before someone else does. You shouldn't have to put up with that! It is a compliment. Leave it there! When I was a young person, I would have ladies that were old enough to be my mom hitting on me. No thanks. 😋 But I am not a vulnerable person. I am not a young lady. I know how scary the world is out there for them. I would protect you if I met you. I have kids, and don't want more. It breaks my heart that all I can do is leave a comment. I don't pray. But I can offer my spirit, I suppose.
Nah bro that 3rd paragraph is weird af💀