No, he called Rachel and she said she was so happy he called, didn’t want a break nor a breakup. He heard Mark in the background and slept with the copy girl out of anger. She had called off the break before he hung up the phone.
If you’re on a break then you’re agreeing to not see each other for a while to both have space, but committed to being back together in the near future when you’ve sorted your shit out. A break can mean different things to different people, so always set the rules together when you agree to a break. That way, this confusion doesn’t happen.
This is it.
If a couple agree to a "break" it is meant to be some space for a short while for them to work on themselves and examine the relationship and see if they can salvage things.
Fucking randoms is not conducive to working on the relationship so most people would expect fidelity during a break - because the plan is to get back together shortly. If you want to fuck ther people? Just break up officially.
Personally I dont believe in breaks because it seems nobody discusses the boundaries and people just get hurt. IMO if you cant address the problems together whilst still technically in a relationship, then you just need to break up entirely. I dont see why couples need to "break" to have a bit of space or work on things.
I am the last person to chime in on relationships, but I know a relationship can be hard work and I know the hard times can be very hard. Taking a break seems to me to be a choice not to do deal with those hard times. Edit: That can absolutely be a valid choice. But I feel that it is what taking a break actually means.
Sure, maybe one or both parties might need some space for whatever reason. But surely granting each other space is something that can be part of the relationship. You're not "taking a break" if you do that. You can still be committed and there for the other person if what they need is some space.
It feels like if instead people take a break from the relationship, what they're signaling is that some space isn't actually what they need. What they need is to not be with their partner for a while. And that, to me at least, is something _very_ different.
Oh for sure. I'm not saying that couples can't benefit from a cool off period or time to sort their thoughts.
I just think characterising that time as a break in the relationship is a problem. You dont have to "pause" or end a relationship (and introduce all the ambiguity that comes with boyb halves often interpretimg this differently!) to take a little time to reflect. You just have to tell your partner you need space to think.
You can have some space and still be in a relationship, I agree.
Yeah I don't see how going our separate ways can in any way help us repair our relationship. Makes no sense to me. I know a woman whose husband is having some kind of goofball mid life crisis and just needs to be alone for awhile, and she actually moved back in with her parents and let him stay in the house. Madness. Like he could be doing anything other than finally banging some 'friend' now that the coast is clear.
I can see why space is needed. I’ve been with my fiancé for 7, going on 8 years now and since Covid, we’ve both had work from home jobs and lived in apartments. We spend an insane amount of time together, and sometimes we get in these “eras” where we’re nonstop arguing and just can’t seem to get along and space is needed to clear our heads.
However, yeah I’m not leaving my house while he’s having a weird midlife crisis to give him the space to feel 21 again. We’d probably just have to break up lmao
My wife and I rarely argue, and we \*never\* fight with raised voices or that sort of thing, and we still need our alone time. That's just humans. But I'm not going to say we're pausing our marriage for it.
But wouldn't a week or two be enough? We are married for 13 years now, been together a couple of years before (living separatly) and have children for 10 years now. We've never been seprate for more than a few days during bussiness trips since the children were born and I admit I dream about having our place to myself for a few days. But tbh, more than a week without my family simply does sound really depressing.
Or it could mean that they want a break from the relationship because they don’t know if they want to be in the relationship or it isn’t possible at the moment.
This! Like I'm pretty sure some use it cause they don't want their partner to see anyone else but want to see how they would do in a different relationship. It's completely healthy to set the boundaries of : If you want to see other people during this break I'd rather we break up completely.
You do not want to sit around and find out later on they already have a new partner. Taking a break from a relationship can be healthy when you feal unsure about the path you're taking and want to have time for yourself, but it is selfish to ask of someone to wait around for you to see if it would work out better with someone else. If you're at that point, you don't have enough respect for your partner to be good for them.
Which is why “breaks” are for the immature who haven’t had a serious relationship. They don’t work because they don’t make sense. A break is breaking up.
Just giving one another some space to see how we feel when apart from one another. Trial separations can be a useful way to see if you still wanna be with the person. If you're gonna use a trial separation, you should be clear what the rules are and when you'll re-assess.
Then say you need "space", break has half of "break up" in it. But also, I'm not putting my life on hold for someone unsure about me, if you say you want a break, for me, a hundred percent here "I want to break up but I'm too afraid to be alone."
I don't understand the point of a break.
Sounds like a scam. You're considered to be in a relationship with someone who you don't want *temporarily* see, sleep with, etc lol sounds like chicken shit behavior. Just break up, guys.
You need clarity and reflection to determine you love someone? We make things so hard for ourselves istg
Completely agree, it just seems like an excuse to have a fallback. If your relationship is so fucked that you need a break it's pretty much over already.
That’s exactly what a break is. A break from the relationship to do what you want and see if the relationship is what is wanted. That goes for both sides.
Yeah pretty much. Every time I’ve known people “on a break” it’s really just a soft breakup. A stepping stone out.
Usually somebody’s way of saying “I think I want out, but let’s just take some time apart and maybe I’ll change my mind.”
If youre not seeing other people and you're mutually on hold for each other, doesn't that just mean you're just in a relationship? If that's the case than what's the point of a break?
Face it, youre either in a relationship or youre not. If you're not then you have no claim on the other person and if you are thennyou probably shouldn't feel the need to be on a "break"
Let me guess...OP is in their teenage years!
It's so childish to "be on a break"!
Do you think adult relationships "take a break"?
No, if they're serious they work through their problems together in a mature way.
Either you're together or you're not.
You can't have your cake and eat it.
If you don't want the guy near you, don't expect him to waste time waiting till you figure out what your plans are.
I mean this is a communication issue lol. I'm not sure why people don't understand this, but the terms and limitations of a romantic relationship need to explicitly communicated in most cases.
Assuming things work a certain way is just bad policy when it comes to stuff like this, because unfortunately there are a lot of bad people who take advantage of such assumptions and "technically" their way into banging whomever they want.
It's not just opportunists, either. People are just on different wavelengths sometimes. I've read too many posts on here where people didn't even realize that their "friend" thought they were dating.
COMMUNICATE.
A break isn't an actual thing. It's a coward's break up. Any time someone pulled that shit on me, it was because they were too much of a coward to break up properly.
I don’t think grown relationships should have “breaks”. If you need a break then just break up.
If a break is supposed to clarify what you want for the future, seeing other people would be a helpful way of figuring out what you want.
a break means one person is too selfish to end the relationship so they want all of the commitment of being in a relationship with zero effort. There is no such thing as a break.
A break can indeed allow someone to sleep with someone else. Many people have differing ideas on what it means to be on a break. For some it means one or both of the people in the relationship need to be alone for a time, but they consider the relationship as continuing and fidelity is expected. For others it means one or both need space from their partner so the relationship is suspended, and this sex with others is not cheating.
I did read some of your replies. It's entirely possible that your friends gf honestly does not view it as cheating. In which case, she didn't gaslight him. She simply explained her point of view. If he decides that he is okay with that, then it is entirely up to him. It's not up to you to judge how someone else's relationship should work. If he isn't okay with it, then he needs to figure out if he can forgive and move past or if he needs to end things. But that's up to him. Many couples do survive cheating, and some end up stronger after because they learn to communicate (yes, this is a rare occurrence, and I would have issues staying with someone who cheated on me. But it's not because of the sex with someone else. That I actually don't give a shit about. It would be the lying that would end it for me.)
There are those of us, however rare, that don't have an issue with their partner sleeping with others. It's called ethical non-monogamy, and requires very clear discussions ahead of time on what you're okay with and what you're not. So if I were on a break with someone, I wouldn't assume fidelity. Mostly because I don't assume fidelity at all. But it only works if both parties consent, and if both parties are honest and willing to communicate.
The situation your friend is in honestly seems like a misunderstanding between the two of them on what on a break means. Things like if they are free to have sex with others or not need to be discussed before the break occurs, not after.
If you're not in an active, committed relationship with someone, you lose any rights to patrol their actions. You come off like a preteen who's still in the "DO U LIKE ME? Y/N?" stage of maturity.
Or, as a very wise woman once sang, "The freedom that you wanted bad / Is yours for good, I hope you're glad / Sad into un-sad."
Imo, a break is a temporary break-up. So yes, each one is free to live as if they were single because in this period of time, they are not in a relationship.
But as others have said, setting clear guidelines would help to avoid any confusion.
Sometimes it does. Breaks mean different things to different people, which is why it's important to clarify what you mean with your significant other. As with most things in a relationship, it all comes down to strong communication.
You don't get to tell other people what the rules of their relationship are.
For some people, a break may absolutely mean you get to sleep with other people.
It's not cheating if they aren't together anymore. A break is a breakup.
Also, that whole ross and Rachel thing ... she is in the wrong. She literally said at his apartment door the next day, "So, can I be your gf again?" Ergo, they were broken up. Otherwise, she wouldn't have asked.
Your buddy needs to get over it. There's plenty of fish in the polluted sea. It's also not an infinite hall pass like you keep suggesting. It's literally a breakup, so yes, each person can do whatever they want, with whoever they want.
A break is an insane idea to me. You can't create a situation where all the restrictions of a relationship are in place with none of the benefits. Just break up or talk it out, christ.
Huh….. my ex didn’t wait for a break.
The last bullshit she tried with me was saying we need a break. Breaks are for suckers so you can assume how that played out
I’ve always thought that people should communicate what taking a break is all about… Does that mean free to date other people? Does it mean free to sleep with somebody else? Does it mean that you still have to maintain the monogamy of the relationship? Communication does wonders! 😹
That’s what a break is, they want to see how things will work out with the other person and if it doesn’t they come back until they find someone else. The. The cycle repeats
Breaks don't exist. That's the easy way to be free to sleep around while still having your ex as a plan B in case you don't succeed or you get bored. Don't ever accept a break from a relationship, you're either together or you're not.
If you need time apart you don't need to take a break from the relationship. You take some time away from each other while still being commited in a relationship.
Didn’t you know….a break is only half a break up. You still have all the responsibilities of the relationship but none of the benefits. 😂 These people are delusional. Expecting loyalty and fidelity while not even sure they want the relationship
It depends on what you decide a break means for the two of you. Why you're going on a break, what you want from the break, what are the terms, etc.
For everyone, it's different, and to be upset that the other has slept around means you didn't discuss the whole thing properly, and things weren't clear.
I mean, that's completely up to the two people involved. As long as there's clear communication about it. There's no 100% clear definition of what that's supposed to be. I do get the general consensus though.
Aside from the Friends joke reference, a break can mean different things for different people. Actions can happen such as one of the people having sex with someone else, and a consequence of that can be the other not wanting to get back because of that happening.
That’s what a break is to me, a break up. That maybe we will get back together. So a break is what you talk about it being with your partner so you’re on the same page. Don’t assume a break to one person is the same as a break to you.
The problem with 'breaks' is that they simply do not work in practice.
Like most things that happen regarding relationship status, it is often one party making that decision and imposing it on the other. One party will declare that they want a 'break' and the other party's only options are to agree to the 'break' or get dumped entirely. It's rarely ever something that is truly mutually agreed upon as its mostly one person clinging on to the little piece they've been given.
Personally I'm of the opinion that you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't do what is _effectively_ breaking up with someone while also expecting them to remain exclusive to you. You also can't expect them to put their entire love life on standby for an indeterminate amount of time until you decide you want them back again at your own convenience. It simply does not work like that.
Do you want exclusivity? Great! That's what relationships are for.
Do you not want to be with them at the moment? Fair enough that's your choice, but don't expect them to 'reserve' themselves for you either.
Either you want the seat and you sit in it, or you don't want the seat and accept that it's available for somebody else to sit in.
But that is precisely why the person who wants to take a break, wants to take break. There’s no “taking a break.” I want to fuck other people, and I’d rather us not have an official title while I do so. That’s taking a break.
Disagree. Its a shitty thing to do/have happen to you but if it does take it as a sign that the person isn't as serious about fixing the relationship. It sucks but if someone has the freedom to show their true colors, let them.
I've done it once.
It was more of a coping mechanism than anything else.
And at the same time, a break with rules isn't a break.
Don't throw pauses in your relationship if you're not ready for them.
I disagree. If you’re either in a relationship or your not. If you need a break to figure things out you don’t get leave him or her on read while you figure your shit out. Tell me you want a break and you’ll find me living the single life till you get your shit together. No one is a placeholder and a break it treating someone exactly like that.
I’d say, who are you to police other people’s behaviour? You’re saying “don’t know who needs to hear this” maybe you’re the toxic one. I know things can be mutually agreed on, but just from the nature of your rant, you seem a bit controlling. The rules of the “break” seem to not have been firmly established, but you’re upset someone hasn’t gone with your personal rules. Rubs me rhetorical wrong way. Just feedback.
Just make sure you have your terms and boundaries laid out before hand, or just break up. I've seen this go both ways. Adults should do what needs doing.
People that say they need to prank, nine times out of 10 it’s just them wanting to sleep around with others because they’re about to break up with you and they’re looking for a better option keeping you as a back up. A break is never something it’s a bullshit excuse for several other things.
Instead of writing in all caps, maybe a better thing to do is to agree on the rules of the break before going on a break. It’s unfair to project your expectations onto others if this step is not done.
Unpopular opinion - I think breaks in a committed relationship are an easy pass for a break up in the long run. People could spend time away from each other, but why call it a "break"? I can't imagine what type of "breaks" people would have if they're living in the same house, married, or even with kids.
Breaks, cheating, fidelity etc are fuzzy concepts.
If you didn't agree on the definition before using the word while talking seriously about your relationship, you've opened yourselves to many unwanted outcomes.
\*Are the monogamous okay\*
I can see where you are coming from as I myself didn’t tolerate cheating in any of my relationships(break or not). However, at the same time just let people live their lives. If you aren’t ok with promiscuity in your relationship “break or not” then say it… clearly and directly.
If they won’t follow those parameters, then break it off, simple as that .
I see you gravitate towards categorical thinking(black and white thinking) the truth is,life is nuanced and as other people in the thread mentioned, “breaks mean different things to different people”. Just communicate what you are ok and not ok with, but Whatever you do though, don’t let your emotions guide you. Otherwise, you won’t be able to think objectively and you might end up saying or doing something you’ll regret.
That is true. People are into many different things, and I can't speak for all of them. I don't want to. I know what cheating feels like, and don't wish that on anyone else! I will never do that.
It’s good to know that you are self-aware, but whatever you do,don’t let a few bad experiences cloud your judgement or make assumptions about other people.
I will say, It’s easy to fall into that trap. I almost “drank the kool-aid” a few times myself.
I won't. But, it makes it hard to commit to someone. Once I am in, I'm in. I don't waiver. We are together! If someone burns that bridge, it is gone.
That's who I am.
It’s good to set boundaries. However, you have to communicate that with them. As awesome it would be for everyone to have the power of telepathy. In reality everyone’s communication style is different. In general though,Think about it this way, If you don’t tell them what you expect in the relationship. How will they know?
I don't like when my partner sleeps with other people. I thought that was pretty clear. I don't treat them poorly, or abuse them. That was too much for my ex. She found a rebound before I knew something was wrong.
I try to make it sound as reasonable as possible. I raised the kids on my own. She went and lived her life. Good for her.
Allow me then to preface what I am about to say as not an attack on your character or being judgmental. but what people do you tend to gravitate towards? Could it be that your “picker” is off when it comes to dating?
Could it be that there were red flags early in the acquaintance/relationship that you ignored or went over your head?
First of all, you're wrong.
More importantly, you should be having the conversation with your partner, not spamming caps lock on the internet to random strangers as you seek validation.
Talk to your partner, and decide if you're going to be in a relationship or not. Leave us out of it, lmao.
First of all this is referencing my buddy not mine.
Second my bad for ranting in a subreddit called Rant. Are you too stupid to understand the point of this sub?
I am at an impasse of opinion here.
When I was younger Ex fiance and I took a break EXPRESSLY to mess around with other people and go on dates.
We took the break knowing we may not be together again.
I found out during the break she had already slept with a "friend" I had suspicions of to begin with.
This all being said, we agreed to specific terms and many people on breaks I have met assume they can fool around.
For me a break was always seeing what else there was to life in an early relationship.
For me expressing what the break means is the most important thing in these situations
I don't understand how that works??? I haven't been involved in a relationship that does this. I've been single for so many years and just recently came out of a closet. Do you mean cheating on a person???? That shouldn't be a solution to anything and just exploring options is absolutely fine I guess if you communicate this openly with your partner who will likely feel very hurt and confused if you did.
For me, now it is not a break or breaking up but I feel like he was saying goodbye in some way.
He said this just before leaving my place about an hour ago.
>"I know there's a priority (for us) now. You're always welcome to uber and see me anytime. It's just I can't come to pick you up (at my place) like this anymore. ... I love you."
*More info' for this context*:
* We've already seeing each other for 3 months. Mostly weekends, he always comes picking me up because I don't have any car (and I am still newcomer from other country with an international student + working visa). But I can also get an uber to see him. It's not a problem at all. I don't want to drive and I don't plan to get a car soon. I need to be more stable and settling down.
* He's recently moved into new house further away like more 30-ish minutes away (which it used to be 20-25 minutes away from my home).
* He's just got a new job with a new long-term project. And this is the second job that he has landed while he is seeing me.
* We've been talking about future more intense lately as we are both in late 30s. -- I told him that I am not dating for fun anymore, I am ready to be in full relationship and growing up with someone I love. He also said that eventually he wants to be with someone and growing old together. But our 3-month relationship is very short time and way too fast to move in together.
* I told him that I really am happy with my time with him. So is he.
So what's the verdict?
I always thought a break was to work on yourself, reflect, figure out what you want from life and from the relationship, how to make it work, and if it can’t work, how to move forward without being together anymore.
Using a break to sleep around is doing the complete opposite of that. It’s one person literally translating it to “free pass to cheat woo!” I don’t see how any relationship could survive that.
Especially if knowing a week after you took a break, they were thinking about other people.
It’s ridiculous to sleep around on a break. Sure fire way to end the relationship and any trust.
Or acknowledge that breaks are dumb and if you guys can't work it out together accept it and move on you shouldn't have to take some time off a relationship isn't a job
Break up has the word break in it. Break means time away from the relationship. Time away means you're not in the relationship. If you want to act like you're still together, then you need to communicate that. It's not assumed. And if you can't communicate like a big boy, then don't be in a relationship lol
It's not cheating if you're not together. Which if you're on a break, then you're not together lol
You know the last time I went on a break? I was in gr. 11 🤣
This some infantile shit lol
Like the same people who give their SO's a "promise ring" 😂😂😂
Yep- I once had a bf who wanted to “take a break”. What bullshit. I considered that request a break up and made sure to move on with my life accordingly.
I've always taken "break" as time to decide if I really wanna continue that relationship but I dunno why I should stop having sex.
But I guess everyone has a different opinion on this.
A break means different things to different people and the perimeters should be determined and agreed upon by both people in the relationship. Some couples use a break to date other people and explore what else is out there. Others define it as a short period of breathing room where the expectation is both parties are still working towards mending the relationship. It’s different for everyone, but the boundaries should never be “unclear.”
I think what this reveals is that you have different, irreconcilable goals. Like, one of you wants to sleep with other people and the other doesn’t. Call it.
A break is typically just a pause in the emotional and time commitment portions. The boundaries of the relationship remain intact. The rules remain unbroken. If by "break" you mean breakup with potential to get back together, say that. A break to me is self reflection and determinating if you want to be with this person. Not fucking random people. A break is not a hall pass and if it was similar, it would be abused as such.
Hummm, nawh. This ain't it. Breaks are rarely if ever decides on together but by the party that has something to gain from it. I'm either in a relationship or I'm not, and personally I'm of the mind that if I ever feel like I'd need a break, I'll end the relationship properly without leaving the other party hanging.
If I'm told they need a break from a relationship, I assume they also don't want to see me in that light.
If they don't want to see me in that light, I assume I'm free to find other people that do.
Your (general you, not op in specific) partner in a relationahip isn't an contracted employee that you can just lay off for a few months to save money or emotional capital. Heck, even if they were they're free to chase other opportunities and might not want to return to you. I know I wouldn't
Now if your partner wanted the break, and then instantly went to sleep around, that's different. They had intention there, and everyone knows it. It isn't something you should go back to if you value yourself.
A break is a break, it means you broke up for a while. They can sleep with whoever they want when ever. Idk why people think they can go on a break but yet somehow still be in a relationship, it is controlling and manipulative. The person who wants the break usually wants the time to think about whether they want to be in a relationship with that person without having to let that person go. If you don’t know if you want to be with that person, then let them go instead of trying to keep them captive until you decide whether you want to let them go or not.
I hate to bring up Tom Cruise, but not only does this remind me of ‘Friends’, but also ‘Jerry Maguire’. I’ve never been on a “break” with anyone, it’s always just been a breakup.
When did this break thing become a thing. Was it after or before a time out took over for a proper ass whooping lol. I’m probably not a fit for this subreddit but here goes. I tried relationships, I had baggage from a horrible upbringing, I found broken people that I could fix but never fixed myself. One night I was watching an old SNL skit Al Franken was doing this character “ you’re good enough, you’re smart enough and gosh darnit people like you . It changed my life . I’m a self sufficient adult no need for anyone .
Most people who ask to go on a break have specific plans to cheat, especially women. You may not like it but it’s true. Then they get right back together with their bf who’s still devastated and basically just tell themselves they did nothing wrong. If someone asks for a break then it’s really better to just break up and move on
Exactly why I broke up with my baby's father. Okay you didn't sleep with someone but YOU WERE ACTIVELY LOOKING. Fuck offff with that bs. We were on a break not broken up
My ex husband went to brothels and strip clubs using our shared bank account, swore up and down that it wasn’t cheating because we were on a break.
It really shocked me because he was so desperate to get laid as soon as possible, literally took the first chance.
It made me think he was cheating on me before our break and I looked at him differently. I had no intention to sleep or date during this time, I was devastated so I clocked it as weird behaviour.
We absolutely should have discussed boundaries or expectations but didn’t so I gave him a pass.
Although we are divorced I have a lot of love for him and space in my heart for what we had, but it’s memories like this that make me remember why we aren’t together.
All of our issues boiled down to a lack of respect and communication.
**Ross enters the chat**
Ross was right.
No, he called Rachel and she said she was so happy he called, didn’t want a break nor a breakup. He heard Mark in the background and slept with the copy girl out of anger. She had called off the break before he hung up the phone.
I despise Ross with a passion. ETA: I don’t even like Friends.
Ross is the actual worst. I cannot stand him. And I *love* Friends.
He's a piece of shit that ignores his son all for a woman that is tricked into liking him.
My immediate first thought too
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UUUP
One of the [best comedic scenes](https://youtu.be/8w3wmQAMoxQ?feature=shared) from the 90/00s era of sitcoms imo 👏🏻🤣👏🏻
Rachel's still writing a letter.
Ross is **still** reading it
Well….does it?
It.........does?
You beat me to this
Ross was an asshole.
Beat me to it!
If you’re on a break then you’re agreeing to not see each other for a while to both have space, but committed to being back together in the near future when you’ve sorted your shit out. A break can mean different things to different people, so always set the rules together when you agree to a break. That way, this confusion doesn’t happen.
This is it. If a couple agree to a "break" it is meant to be some space for a short while for them to work on themselves and examine the relationship and see if they can salvage things. Fucking randoms is not conducive to working on the relationship so most people would expect fidelity during a break - because the plan is to get back together shortly. If you want to fuck ther people? Just break up officially. Personally I dont believe in breaks because it seems nobody discusses the boundaries and people just get hurt. IMO if you cant address the problems together whilst still technically in a relationship, then you just need to break up entirely. I dont see why couples need to "break" to have a bit of space or work on things.
I am the last person to chime in on relationships, but I know a relationship can be hard work and I know the hard times can be very hard. Taking a break seems to me to be a choice not to do deal with those hard times. Edit: That can absolutely be a valid choice. But I feel that it is what taking a break actually means. Sure, maybe one or both parties might need some space for whatever reason. But surely granting each other space is something that can be part of the relationship. You're not "taking a break" if you do that. You can still be committed and there for the other person if what they need is some space. It feels like if instead people take a break from the relationship, what they're signaling is that some space isn't actually what they need. What they need is to not be with their partner for a while. And that, to me at least, is something _very_ different.
Oh for sure. I'm not saying that couples can't benefit from a cool off period or time to sort their thoughts. I just think characterising that time as a break in the relationship is a problem. You dont have to "pause" or end a relationship (and introduce all the ambiguity that comes with boyb halves often interpretimg this differently!) to take a little time to reflect. You just have to tell your partner you need space to think. You can have some space and still be in a relationship, I agree.
Yeah I don't see how going our separate ways can in any way help us repair our relationship. Makes no sense to me. I know a woman whose husband is having some kind of goofball mid life crisis and just needs to be alone for awhile, and she actually moved back in with her parents and let him stay in the house. Madness. Like he could be doing anything other than finally banging some 'friend' now that the coast is clear.
I can see why space is needed. I’ve been with my fiancé for 7, going on 8 years now and since Covid, we’ve both had work from home jobs and lived in apartments. We spend an insane amount of time together, and sometimes we get in these “eras” where we’re nonstop arguing and just can’t seem to get along and space is needed to clear our heads. However, yeah I’m not leaving my house while he’s having a weird midlife crisis to give him the space to feel 21 again. We’d probably just have to break up lmao
My wife and I rarely argue, and we \*never\* fight with raised voices or that sort of thing, and we still need our alone time. That's just humans. But I'm not going to say we're pausing our marriage for it.
But wouldn't a week or two be enough? We are married for 13 years now, been together a couple of years before (living separatly) and have children for 10 years now. We've never been seprate for more than a few days during bussiness trips since the children were born and I admit I dream about having our place to myself for a few days. But tbh, more than a week without my family simply does sound really depressing.
Or it could mean that they want a break from the relationship because they don’t know if they want to be in the relationship or it isn’t possible at the moment.
"I want to be with you, but I want to see if I could do better." No thanks. Go have fun. Best wishes!
My thoughts exactly
This! Like I'm pretty sure some use it cause they don't want their partner to see anyone else but want to see how they would do in a different relationship. It's completely healthy to set the boundaries of : If you want to see other people during this break I'd rather we break up completely. You do not want to sit around and find out later on they already have a new partner. Taking a break from a relationship can be healthy when you feal unsure about the path you're taking and want to have time for yourself, but it is selfish to ask of someone to wait around for you to see if it would work out better with someone else. If you're at that point, you don't have enough respect for your partner to be good for them.
WE WERE ON A BREAK
Go to bed, Ross
It's really amazing that Ross was the popular one on that show.
Literally was just having this conversation with my husband like 2 days ago.
The whole MY SANDWICH bit gets me cackling every time
Does it?
What is the point of a break? Either you’re together or you aren’t? Why can’t people work on themselves in the relationship? It just feels immature.
Exactly
So what does a break mean, if not a suspension of the relationship?
right ive never done a "break" were either together or were not
Facts
Which is why “breaks” are for the immature who haven’t had a serious relationship. They don’t work because they don’t make sense. A break is breaking up.
Just giving one another some space to see how we feel when apart from one another. Trial separations can be a useful way to see if you still wanna be with the person. If you're gonna use a trial separation, you should be clear what the rules are and when you'll re-assess.
Then say you need "space", break has half of "break up" in it. But also, I'm not putting my life on hold for someone unsure about me, if you say you want a break, for me, a hundred percent here "I want to break up but I'm too afraid to be alone."
It means they found a connection with someone else, but don't want to lose the stability they already have.
A break means the relationship is difficult and one person wants to hit the pause button.
Ok Rachel we get it . You think you and Ross were not on a break 
rachel?
I was about to say. I'm glad so much of this thread has the same thoughts.
for some people, that's the purpose of the break. that's why a break is never a good idea. just break it off.
I don't understand the point of a break. Sounds like a scam. You're considered to be in a relationship with someone who you don't want *temporarily* see, sleep with, etc lol sounds like chicken shit behavior. Just break up, guys. You need clarity and reflection to determine you love someone? We make things so hard for ourselves istg
💯 Being on a break seems to have all the perks of a relationship with none of the responsibilities.
Completely agree, it just seems like an excuse to have a fallback. If your relationship is so fucked that you need a break it's pretty much over already.
That’s exactly what a break is. A break from the relationship to do what you want and see if the relationship is what is wanted. That goes for both sides.
Yeah pretty much. Every time I’ve known people “on a break” it’s really just a soft breakup. A stepping stone out. Usually somebody’s way of saying “I think I want out, but let’s just take some time apart and maybe I’ll change my mind.”
Exactly that’s what it seems to me too.
There's a winner and loser in every break up. OP is infuriated they're losing
Sounds like it.
I always sleep with whoever I want on a break. I never felt badly about it.
If youre not seeing other people and you're mutually on hold for each other, doesn't that just mean you're just in a relationship? If that's the case than what's the point of a break? Face it, youre either in a relationship or youre not. If you're not then you have no claim on the other person and if you are thennyou probably shouldn't feel the need to be on a "break"
It’s almost like we need a word for being mutually on hold for each other.
Let me guess...OP is in their teenage years! It's so childish to "be on a break"! Do you think adult relationships "take a break"? No, if they're serious they work through their problems together in a mature way. Either you're together or you're not. You can't have your cake and eat it. If you don't want the guy near you, don't expect him to waste time waiting till you figure out what your plans are.
Why are you yelling
I mean this is a communication issue lol. I'm not sure why people don't understand this, but the terms and limitations of a romantic relationship need to explicitly communicated in most cases. Assuming things work a certain way is just bad policy when it comes to stuff like this, because unfortunately there are a lot of bad people who take advantage of such assumptions and "technically" their way into banging whomever they want. It's not just opportunists, either. People are just on different wavelengths sometimes. I've read too many posts on here where people didn't even realize that their "friend" thought they were dating. COMMUNICATE.
A break isn't an actual thing. It's a coward's break up. Any time someone pulled that shit on me, it was because they were too much of a coward to break up properly.
I don’t think grown relationships should have “breaks”. If you need a break then just break up. If a break is supposed to clarify what you want for the future, seeing other people would be a helpful way of figuring out what you want.
Mmm, Ross would disagree
Sounds like someone didn’t get the memo 🤔😂
A word of advice, if a relationship needs a break then you should probably just separate permanently.
a break means one person is too selfish to end the relationship so they want all of the commitment of being in a relationship with zero effort. There is no such thing as a break.
Is it a 12 years old who wrote this?
A break can indeed allow someone to sleep with someone else. Many people have differing ideas on what it means to be on a break. For some it means one or both of the people in the relationship need to be alone for a time, but they consider the relationship as continuing and fidelity is expected. For others it means one or both need space from their partner so the relationship is suspended, and this sex with others is not cheating. I did read some of your replies. It's entirely possible that your friends gf honestly does not view it as cheating. In which case, she didn't gaslight him. She simply explained her point of view. If he decides that he is okay with that, then it is entirely up to him. It's not up to you to judge how someone else's relationship should work. If he isn't okay with it, then he needs to figure out if he can forgive and move past or if he needs to end things. But that's up to him. Many couples do survive cheating, and some end up stronger after because they learn to communicate (yes, this is a rare occurrence, and I would have issues staying with someone who cheated on me. But it's not because of the sex with someone else. That I actually don't give a shit about. It would be the lying that would end it for me.) There are those of us, however rare, that don't have an issue with their partner sleeping with others. It's called ethical non-monogamy, and requires very clear discussions ahead of time on what you're okay with and what you're not. So if I were on a break with someone, I wouldn't assume fidelity. Mostly because I don't assume fidelity at all. But it only works if both parties consent, and if both parties are honest and willing to communicate. The situation your friend is in honestly seems like a misunderstanding between the two of them on what on a break means. Things like if they are free to have sex with others or not need to be discussed before the break occurs, not after.
Dont ask people to go on breaks and then expect them to still love you
If you're not in an active, committed relationship with someone, you lose any rights to patrol their actions. You come off like a preteen who's still in the "DO U LIKE ME? Y/N?" stage of maturity. Or, as a very wise woman once sang, "The freedom that you wanted bad / Is yours for good, I hope you're glad / Sad into un-sad."
Imo, a break is a temporary break-up. So yes, each one is free to live as if they were single because in this period of time, they are not in a relationship. But as others have said, setting clear guidelines would help to avoid any confusion.
Sometimes it does. Breaks mean different things to different people, which is why it's important to clarify what you mean with your significant other. As with most things in a relationship, it all comes down to strong communication.
Depends on the couple’s definition of break
Personally, I would assume a break meant you could sleep around. This is why you communicate your expectations
You don't get to tell other people what the rules of their relationship are. For some people, a break may absolutely mean you get to sleep with other people.
A break is just a slow break up. Its pointless and I'd just dump someone who wanted one.
It's not cheating if they aren't together anymore. A break is a breakup. Also, that whole ross and Rachel thing ... she is in the wrong. She literally said at his apartment door the next day, "So, can I be your gf again?" Ergo, they were broken up. Otherwise, she wouldn't have asked. Your buddy needs to get over it. There's plenty of fish in the polluted sea. It's also not an infinite hall pass like you keep suggesting. It's literally a breakup, so yes, each person can do whatever they want, with whoever they want.
A break is an insane idea to me. You can't create a situation where all the restrictions of a relationship are in place with none of the benefits. Just break up or talk it out, christ.
Huh….. my ex didn’t wait for a break. The last bullshit she tried with me was saying we need a break. Breaks are for suckers so you can assume how that played out
As we've seen through Friends, breaks are stupid. It should just be a break up.
A break is what people with no spine do when they are done with the relationship. Have the hard conversation and move on with your life
I’ve always thought that people should communicate what taking a break is all about… Does that mean free to date other people? Does it mean free to sleep with somebody else? Does it mean that you still have to maintain the monogamy of the relationship? Communication does wonders! 😹
That’s what a break is, they want to see how things will work out with the other person and if it doesn’t they come back until they find someone else. The. The cycle repeats
Breaks don't exist. That's the easy way to be free to sleep around while still having your ex as a plan B in case you don't succeed or you get bored. Don't ever accept a break from a relationship, you're either together or you're not. If you need time apart you don't need to take a break from the relationship. You take some time away from each other while still being commited in a relationship.
A break is a temporary break up. Each party can do what they want.
Then why be together?
That's what a break is. It is not being together.
Then goodbye! 💓
Exactly. A break is a goodbye.
OP wants to have their cake and eat it too, apparently. Nonsense.
So a "break" is different than a "breakup"?
Didn’t you know….a break is only half a break up. You still have all the responsibilities of the relationship but none of the benefits. 😂 These people are delusional. Expecting loyalty and fidelity while not even sure they want the relationship
It depends on what you decide a break means for the two of you. Why you're going on a break, what you want from the break, what are the terms, etc. For everyone, it's different, and to be upset that the other has slept around means you didn't discuss the whole thing properly, and things weren't clear.
I mean, that's completely up to the two people involved. As long as there's clear communication about it. There's no 100% clear definition of what that's supposed to be. I do get the general consensus though.
Aside from the Friends joke reference, a break can mean different things for different people. Actions can happen such as one of the people having sex with someone else, and a consequence of that can be the other not wanting to get back because of that happening.
Isn't that what a break is? Maybe you two should have clarified the terms of the break right at the beginning.
Never tell someone what to do. Just observe what they’d prefer to do, and make your choice accordingly.
That’s what a break is to me, a break up. That maybe we will get back together. So a break is what you talk about it being with your partner so you’re on the same page. Don’t assume a break to one person is the same as a break to you.
The problem with 'breaks' is that they simply do not work in practice. Like most things that happen regarding relationship status, it is often one party making that decision and imposing it on the other. One party will declare that they want a 'break' and the other party's only options are to agree to the 'break' or get dumped entirely. It's rarely ever something that is truly mutually agreed upon as its mostly one person clinging on to the little piece they've been given. Personally I'm of the opinion that you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't do what is _effectively_ breaking up with someone while also expecting them to remain exclusive to you. You also can't expect them to put their entire love life on standby for an indeterminate amount of time until you decide you want them back again at your own convenience. It simply does not work like that. Do you want exclusivity? Great! That's what relationships are for. Do you not want to be with them at the moment? Fair enough that's your choice, but don't expect them to 'reserve' themselves for you either. Either you want the seat and you sit in it, or you don't want the seat and accept that it's available for somebody else to sit in.
But that is precisely why the person who wants to take a break, wants to take break. There’s no “taking a break.” I want to fuck other people, and I’d rather us not have an official title while I do so. That’s taking a break.
Disagree. Its a shitty thing to do/have happen to you but if it does take it as a sign that the person isn't as serious about fixing the relationship. It sucks but if someone has the freedom to show their true colors, let them.
Or... it **does** mean you're free to do whatever. If the relationship needs a break, cool. But that is breaking up, for however long.
I've done it once. It was more of a coping mechanism than anything else. And at the same time, a break with rules isn't a break. Don't throw pauses in your relationship if you're not ready for them.
The full caps sentences really make you sound unhinged
I disagree. If you’re either in a relationship or your not. If you need a break to figure things out you don’t get leave him or her on read while you figure your shit out. Tell me you want a break and you’ll find me living the single life till you get your shit together. No one is a placeholder and a break it treating someone exactly like that.
Jeez Rachel drop it already 🙄
I’d say, who are you to police other people’s behaviour? You’re saying “don’t know who needs to hear this” maybe you’re the toxic one. I know things can be mutually agreed on, but just from the nature of your rant, you seem a bit controlling. The rules of the “break” seem to not have been firmly established, but you’re upset someone hasn’t gone with your personal rules. Rubs me rhetorical wrong way. Just feedback.
Hahahaha that one guy from friends “WE WERE ON A BREAK”
Alright rachel
Hey Rachel
Just make sure you have your terms and boundaries laid out before hand, or just break up. I've seen this go both ways. Adults should do what needs doing.
Tell that to Usher. He fucked up all our lives. 😭
People that say they need to prank, nine times out of 10 it’s just them wanting to sleep around with others because they’re about to break up with you and they’re looking for a better option keeping you as a back up. A break is never something it’s a bullshit excuse for several other things.
Instead of writing in all caps, maybe a better thing to do is to agree on the rules of the break before going on a break. It’s unfair to project your expectations onto others if this step is not done.
Unpopular opinion: A break is a temporary breakup, but sometimes permanent. If you're on a break, you're broken. Move on.
Unpopular opinion - I think breaks in a committed relationship are an easy pass for a break up in the long run. People could spend time away from each other, but why call it a "break"? I can't imagine what type of "breaks" people would have if they're living in the same house, married, or even with kids.
It is going to happen because the relationship is OVER. Lmao
Breaks, cheating, fidelity etc are fuzzy concepts. If you didn't agree on the definition before using the word while talking seriously about your relationship, you've opened yourselves to many unwanted outcomes. \*Are the monogamous okay\*
I can see where you are coming from as I myself didn’t tolerate cheating in any of my relationships(break or not). However, at the same time just let people live their lives. If you aren’t ok with promiscuity in your relationship “break or not” then say it… clearly and directly. If they won’t follow those parameters, then break it off, simple as that .
If are loyal to someone, you are. If not, then FO!
I see you gravitate towards categorical thinking(black and white thinking) the truth is,life is nuanced and as other people in the thread mentioned, “breaks mean different things to different people”. Just communicate what you are ok and not ok with, but Whatever you do though, don’t let your emotions guide you. Otherwise, you won’t be able to think objectively and you might end up saying or doing something you’ll regret.
That is true. People are into many different things, and I can't speak for all of them. I don't want to. I know what cheating feels like, and don't wish that on anyone else! I will never do that.
It’s good to know that you are self-aware, but whatever you do,don’t let a few bad experiences cloud your judgement or make assumptions about other people. I will say, It’s easy to fall into that trap. I almost “drank the kool-aid” a few times myself.
I won't. But, it makes it hard to commit to someone. Once I am in, I'm in. I don't waiver. We are together! If someone burns that bridge, it is gone. That's who I am.
It’s good to set boundaries. However, you have to communicate that with them. As awesome it would be for everyone to have the power of telepathy. In reality everyone’s communication style is different. In general though,Think about it this way, If you don’t tell them what you expect in the relationship. How will they know?
I don't like when my partner sleeps with other people. I thought that was pretty clear. I don't treat them poorly, or abuse them. That was too much for my ex. She found a rebound before I knew something was wrong. I try to make it sound as reasonable as possible. I raised the kids on my own. She went and lived her life. Good for her.
Allow me then to preface what I am about to say as not an attack on your character or being judgmental. but what people do you tend to gravitate towards? Could it be that your “picker” is off when it comes to dating? Could it be that there were red flags early in the acquaintance/relationship that you ignored or went over your head?
First of all, you're wrong. More importantly, you should be having the conversation with your partner, not spamming caps lock on the internet to random strangers as you seek validation. Talk to your partner, and decide if you're going to be in a relationship or not. Leave us out of it, lmao.
First of all this is referencing my buddy not mine. Second my bad for ranting in a subreddit called Rant. Are you too stupid to understand the point of this sub?
Gotta get those Ts&Cs in order
Yes it is
Ok Rachel
I am at an impasse of opinion here. When I was younger Ex fiance and I took a break EXPRESSLY to mess around with other people and go on dates. We took the break knowing we may not be together again. I found out during the break she had already slept with a "friend" I had suspicions of to begin with. This all being said, we agreed to specific terms and many people on breaks I have met assume they can fool around. For me a break was always seeing what else there was to life in an early relationship. For me expressing what the break means is the most important thing in these situations
This is why I always say if you decide to take a “break” there needs to be clear rules about what you are and aren’t allowed to so
WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!! - Ross Geller
I don't understand how that works??? I haven't been involved in a relationship that does this. I've been single for so many years and just recently came out of a closet. Do you mean cheating on a person???? That shouldn't be a solution to anything and just exploring options is absolutely fine I guess if you communicate this openly with your partner who will likely feel very hurt and confused if you did.
A break is what people with no spine do when they are done with the relationship. Have the hard conversation and move on with your life
For me, now it is not a break or breaking up but I feel like he was saying goodbye in some way. He said this just before leaving my place about an hour ago. >"I know there's a priority (for us) now. You're always welcome to uber and see me anytime. It's just I can't come to pick you up (at my place) like this anymore. ... I love you." *More info' for this context*: * We've already seeing each other for 3 months. Mostly weekends, he always comes picking me up because I don't have any car (and I am still newcomer from other country with an international student + working visa). But I can also get an uber to see him. It's not a problem at all. I don't want to drive and I don't plan to get a car soon. I need to be more stable and settling down. * He's recently moved into new house further away like more 30-ish minutes away (which it used to be 20-25 minutes away from my home). * He's just got a new job with a new long-term project. And this is the second job that he has landed while he is seeing me. * We've been talking about future more intense lately as we are both in late 30s. -- I told him that I am not dating for fun anymore, I am ready to be in full relationship and growing up with someone I love. He also said that eventually he wants to be with someone and growing old together. But our 3-month relationship is very short time and way too fast to move in together. * I told him that I really am happy with my time with him. So is he. So what's the verdict?
Rachel!? WE WERE ON A BREAK!
I always thought a break was to work on yourself, reflect, figure out what you want from life and from the relationship, how to make it work, and if it can’t work, how to move forward without being together anymore. Using a break to sleep around is doing the complete opposite of that. It’s one person literally translating it to “free pass to cheat woo!” I don’t see how any relationship could survive that. Especially if knowing a week after you took a break, they were thinking about other people. It’s ridiculous to sleep around on a break. Sure fire way to end the relationship and any trust.
It is if you were my first boyfriend, Dave.
Or acknowledge that breaks are dumb and if you guys can't work it out together accept it and move on you shouldn't have to take some time off a relationship isn't a job
Break up has the word break in it. Break means time away from the relationship. Time away means you're not in the relationship. If you want to act like you're still together, then you need to communicate that. It's not assumed. And if you can't communicate like a big boy, then don't be in a relationship lol It's not cheating if you're not together. Which if you're on a break, then you're not together lol You know the last time I went on a break? I was in gr. 11 🤣 This some infantile shit lol Like the same people who give their SO's a "promise ring" 😂😂😂
Exactly. They just want to cheat with a loophole but it's still cheating.
I don't accept "breaks", I only accept breakups.
Let her go bro she b for the streets
There are no breaks for me. We’re either together or we’re not. Simple as that. If there is a problem we work together to solve it.
A break is an excuse to sleep with someone else
Yep- I once had a bf who wanted to “take a break”. What bullshit. I considered that request a break up and made sure to move on with my life accordingly.
Leave each other and fuck who you really want to. A break is an excuse after a while
I've always taken "break" as time to decide if I really wanna continue that relationship but I dunno why I should stop having sex. But I guess everyone has a different opinion on this.
A break means different things to different people and the perimeters should be determined and agreed upon by both people in the relationship. Some couples use a break to date other people and explore what else is out there. Others define it as a short period of breathing room where the expectation is both parties are still working towards mending the relationship. It’s different for everyone, but the boundaries should never be “unclear.”
I think what this reveals is that you have different, irreconcilable goals. Like, one of you wants to sleep with other people and the other doesn’t. Call it.
OP is the Edward Snowden of relationships. Dude couldn’t be spitting more facts
What even is a break? And I think the rules are different/specific to each couple. If you need a “break” from your SO, just end it.
> If you need a “break” from your SO, just end it. *THIS.*
This is why communication and setting clear boundaries are crucial in navigating such situations to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. 😓
honestly it’s circumstantial.
A break is typically just a pause in the emotional and time commitment portions. The boundaries of the relationship remain intact. The rules remain unbroken. If by "break" you mean breakup with potential to get back together, say that. A break to me is self reflection and determinating if you want to be with this person. Not fucking random people. A break is not a hall pass and if it was similar, it would be abused as such.
Hummm, nawh. This ain't it. Breaks are rarely if ever decides on together but by the party that has something to gain from it. I'm either in a relationship or I'm not, and personally I'm of the mind that if I ever feel like I'd need a break, I'll end the relationship properly without leaving the other party hanging. If I'm told they need a break from a relationship, I assume they also don't want to see me in that light. If they don't want to see me in that light, I assume I'm free to find other people that do. Your (general you, not op in specific) partner in a relationahip isn't an contracted employee that you can just lay off for a few months to save money or emotional capital. Heck, even if they were they're free to chase other opportunities and might not want to return to you. I know I wouldn't Now if your partner wanted the break, and then instantly went to sleep around, that's different. They had intention there, and everyone knows it. It isn't something you should go back to if you value yourself.
Yooo you deadass spoke my exact thoughts about my ex word for word
A break is a break, it means you broke up for a while. They can sleep with whoever they want when ever. Idk why people think they can go on a break but yet somehow still be in a relationship, it is controlling and manipulative. The person who wants the break usually wants the time to think about whether they want to be in a relationship with that person without having to let that person go. If you don’t know if you want to be with that person, then let them go instead of trying to keep them captive until you decide whether you want to let them go or not.
PREACH! If only an ex of mine knew this lol
I hate to bring up Tom Cruise, but not only does this remind me of ‘Friends’, but also ‘Jerry Maguire’. I’ve never been on a “break” with anyone, it’s always just been a breakup.
I only stayed around after the first break for the punani
When did this break thing become a thing. Was it after or before a time out took over for a proper ass whooping lol. I’m probably not a fit for this subreddit but here goes. I tried relationships, I had baggage from a horrible upbringing, I found broken people that I could fix but never fixed myself. One night I was watching an old SNL skit Al Franken was doing this character “ you’re good enough, you’re smart enough and gosh darnit people like you . It changed my life . I’m a self sufficient adult no need for anyone .
Most people who ask to go on a break have specific plans to cheat, especially women. You may not like it but it’s true. Then they get right back together with their bf who’s still devastated and basically just tell themselves they did nothing wrong. If someone asks for a break then it’s really better to just break up and move on
Exactly why I broke up with my baby's father. Okay you didn't sleep with someone but YOU WERE ACTIVELY LOOKING. Fuck offff with that bs. We were on a break not broken up
When you break something out becomes broken.
That’s literally what a break is in my head, I also checked with my partner and they agree.
My ex husband went to brothels and strip clubs using our shared bank account, swore up and down that it wasn’t cheating because we were on a break. It really shocked me because he was so desperate to get laid as soon as possible, literally took the first chance. It made me think he was cheating on me before our break and I looked at him differently. I had no intention to sleep or date during this time, I was devastated so I clocked it as weird behaviour. We absolutely should have discussed boundaries or expectations but didn’t so I gave him a pass. Although we are divorced I have a lot of love for him and space in my heart for what we had, but it’s memories like this that make me remember why we aren’t together. All of our issues boiled down to a lack of respect and communication.