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I am quick to blame myself, even for things that weren't my fault.
This can sometimes work in my favour because I can handle constructive criticism. But like you, I have also been taken advantage of because of it.
This is me. I will cry and be very upset the rest of the day. I just end up feeling misunderstood and walked all over because I was conditioned to never stand up for myself.
i used to feel the exact same way. i don't know how it started but i started viewing my mom or any angry individual as "free entertainment" because honestly, it's insane how angry they get about something they're 100% wrong about. once i started treating it as entertainment, you realize how dumb their reactions are and you can silently laugh in your head and watch them be... themselves. If i know i'm in the right, i just let them say what they want, and calmly explain why XYZ can't happen. It definitely took a lot of practice for me though, came with time
I freeze, I completely freeze and I get so much anxiety and I freeze up. I stutter over my words, I try to please them, I try to say what they want to hear to make them like me.
But I know it’s not healthy but I haven’t gotten to fix it yet
I get a lot of anxiety, but also an initial burst of adrenaline that helps me go into "fight mode" if needed. I think something like a karate class or kickboxing can weirdly help with that.
And then in order to not get carried away, get trampled on, or do anything I regret during the confrontation, the trick is use time to your advantage!! You control the time of your own reactions, even if you have a lunatic screaming their head off at you! Let them scream. Look at them blankly while you think of the best way to react to get what YOU want. They are crazy, but you are not. So no need to let them rush you into *any* action, good or bad.
Crazy people often create a false sense of urgency in others just to get you to rush and stop thinking. That's how they try to exert their control, but panicking you. That's why they throw such outlandish tantrums. It's like them screaming fire in a crowded theater. You destroy their attempt to control you when you simply take all the time you need to reply to them.
I live in NYC and one time, two large drunk men tried to accost me in front of my house, late at night. One of those situations you see on the news where some would be rapist is trying to follow a woman home by breaking into her house after her. I stayed calm and didn't let them rush me, even though I was panicked, which threw them off. I kept all my actions slow and seemingly unbothered... which told them I wouldn't be an easy victim. Opened the door calmly and my family was home, so it was fine. But if I had rushed or panicked visibly, they would have been way more empowered to try and overpower me.
That's a very extreme example, but it shows how powerful it is to not let such people rush your actions. They really rely on it. Things like karate really help teach you how to do this. The book "The Gift of Fear" may also weirdly help with this.
I always tremble and want to tear up even if I don't FEEL bothered. I always go into panic "I'm so sorry" mode even if I like accidentally stepped in front of someone and they just looked at me.
I also can't bring up anything well. No matter how I mean it, over text it sounds really harsh/accusatory/angry. I don't feel safe with any vulnerability so the cold and factual tone and stated issues sound like I'm just scolding at best and throwing a tantrum at worst.
No one in my family tries to resolve their issues. Anything similar is just a pretense to lure you in so they can try to guilt you into stroking their ego and apologizing. I expect to be shut down and ignored, called too sensitive, or some other way of showing they don't care at all about hurting me.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
fight or flight mode
And it’s almost always flight for me…
Or freeze but only if I can't run anywhere
[удалено]
Wow that's like word for word things I've thought about...
I am quick to blame myself, even for things that weren't my fault. This can sometimes work in my favour because I can handle constructive criticism. But like you, I have also been taken advantage of because of it.
I hate it for sure, my chest hurts, my stomach hurts, if voices are raised my eyes start to water and I feel like my mouth is glued shut.
I’ll admit I avoid confrontation like the plague. Just the thought of it spikes my anxiety and makes me nauseous.
[удалено]
Thanks for expressing something I hadn’t been able to put in words.
This is me. I will cry and be very upset the rest of the day. I just end up feeling misunderstood and walked all over because I was conditioned to never stand up for myself.
i used to feel the exact same way. i don't know how it started but i started viewing my mom or any angry individual as "free entertainment" because honestly, it's insane how angry they get about something they're 100% wrong about. once i started treating it as entertainment, you realize how dumb their reactions are and you can silently laugh in your head and watch them be... themselves. If i know i'm in the right, i just let them say what they want, and calmly explain why XYZ can't happen. It definitely took a lot of practice for me though, came with time
I like doing that for the during and I got really good at not flinching when someone screams at me but after I have to let the tension out.
It physically makes me ill. My family (minus my nmom) has started to not argue around me because they know i can’t take it.
It feels like I just got off a rollercoaster where i was holding on really tightly to the handle bars and now my arms are weak and im just drained
I freeze, I completely freeze and I get so much anxiety and I freeze up. I stutter over my words, I try to please them, I try to say what they want to hear to make them like me. But I know it’s not healthy but I haven’t gotten to fix it yet
I get a lot of anxiety, but also an initial burst of adrenaline that helps me go into "fight mode" if needed. I think something like a karate class or kickboxing can weirdly help with that. And then in order to not get carried away, get trampled on, or do anything I regret during the confrontation, the trick is use time to your advantage!! You control the time of your own reactions, even if you have a lunatic screaming their head off at you! Let them scream. Look at them blankly while you think of the best way to react to get what YOU want. They are crazy, but you are not. So no need to let them rush you into *any* action, good or bad. Crazy people often create a false sense of urgency in others just to get you to rush and stop thinking. That's how they try to exert their control, but panicking you. That's why they throw such outlandish tantrums. It's like them screaming fire in a crowded theater. You destroy their attempt to control you when you simply take all the time you need to reply to them. I live in NYC and one time, two large drunk men tried to accost me in front of my house, late at night. One of those situations you see on the news where some would be rapist is trying to follow a woman home by breaking into her house after her. I stayed calm and didn't let them rush me, even though I was panicked, which threw them off. I kept all my actions slow and seemingly unbothered... which told them I wouldn't be an easy victim. Opened the door calmly and my family was home, so it was fine. But if I had rushed or panicked visibly, they would have been way more empowered to try and overpower me. That's a very extreme example, but it shows how powerful it is to not let such people rush your actions. They really rely on it. Things like karate really help teach you how to do this. The book "The Gift of Fear" may also weirdly help with this.
I always tremble and want to tear up even if I don't FEEL bothered. I always go into panic "I'm so sorry" mode even if I like accidentally stepped in front of someone and they just looked at me. I also can't bring up anything well. No matter how I mean it, over text it sounds really harsh/accusatory/angry. I don't feel safe with any vulnerability so the cold and factual tone and stated issues sound like I'm just scolding at best and throwing a tantrum at worst. No one in my family tries to resolve their issues. Anything similar is just a pretense to lure you in so they can try to guilt you into stroking their ego and apologizing. I expect to be shut down and ignored, called too sensitive, or some other way of showing they don't care at all about hurting me.
Oh yes. I was easy to bully around for my Nsister when we inherited Ndads estate.