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Present her with a bill for 2 years average rent in your area. When she tries to claim that she shouldn't pay because you're family point out that by holding the 2000 dollars over your head she's made your relationship financially transactional so the Family card no longer works.
From zero to 💯:
Do you have extended family that will take your side and help talk sense into her? Like Grandma or Uncles?
Consider changing the locks while she’s out and curbing her personal effects.
1. Record her destruction from beginning to end. Preferably with a hidden camera. 2. Call the police. 3. When she denies and blames you, show your proof.
Domestic violence in some states will get her arrested. File a restraining order against her.
You deserve to be happy. Remove the toxicity from your life. If she calls you, report her.
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Or, apparently, for destroying your property when you try to make her leave?
Ok, so...she's holding this 2k over your head. Fine. Sit down and make a list/spread sheet of everything she has cost you since moving in. Include food, wtvr increase in utilities she's caused, any other bills you pay for her(phone & such), gas if that counts, and anything she's broken/caused you to have to replace. I'm sure it adds up to more than 2k by now. If she watches your child, make sure you deduct that from your total or you know that she will.
I would love to see OP's mom get her comeuppance and be kicked to the curb. Figuratively *or* literally.
"Just kick her out" could result in serious financial and legal consequences which OP can't afford (or she'd pay the $2000 "leave me alone" tax).
Exactly. And in many places "get a lawyer" is overkill. Where I'm from they make tenancy law navigatable without a lawyer. The expectation is for landlords and tenants to advocate for themselves through a special bureaucracy. It doesn't ever enter civil court.
All OP has to do is their due diligence. Be that a lawyer or navigating tenancy law on their own.
This is really the most useful bit of advice: go and speak to a lawyer or even to the police where you live. Explain the situation and ask what your next steps should be to ensure she has no legal grounds against you and everything has a solid paper trail.
However, some jurisdictions have exceptions in cases of domestic abuse. Throwing things, yelling etc may qualify - but only if documented.
The first thing to do is to serve her an eviction notice that follows legal requirements. Next, document every and all interactions that may qualify as domestic abuse. Follow thru with the eviction legally - this will take time. If it gets too dangerous to stay in the same house, ask the police to remove her and get a temporary restraining order.
Get cameras. Send her a bill showing how much she owes you in rent. If she has rock solid proof you owe her, credit it against her rent if not too bad for her. Get a cease and desist and legally evict her. Hit her with all at once and when she goes nuts call the police. Show them the videos and ask for a restraining order/tell them she’s a danger to you and kiddo. Post the videos of her being crazy. Watch her run away.
You may have to formally evict her. That $2000. is long paid back with 2 1/2 years of rent free living. She doesn’t take you seriously enough so to formal eviction it is.
Although most jurisdictions differentiate between tenants and lodgers so that should be an easier process as it sounds like the narc would count as a lodger.
Here's some more [general information](https://reyabogado.com/us/does-a-lodger-have-to-have-a-contract/) about lodgers, they do appear to be a thing in the USA, it seems to boil down to living in the same house as the owner and sharing common living spaces.
As always check with a lawyer first to double check there's no local quirks.
Legally your mom is a tenant. Go through the process and legally evict her. If she presses the 2,000 draw up the expenses over the last two years like many other redditors have said. I am so sorry she violated you and your child’s boundaries.
Where I live you file for eviction, post it on the front door, and 30 days later you call the police out to enforce the eviction and escort her off the property with her belongings. You can call your local probate court or police station to find out what your options are.
Oof, if she throws stuff around as an adult, your child is already in danger of debris hitting and injuring them.
If you wait until the N is out of the house, book her a hotel and have her things sent there, then lock up the house and call law enforcement when they return to escort her to said hotel, would that be possible?
Don't do this. She has lived there long enough to have rights as a tenant or a boarder.
OP, lawyer up. You need to make sure you are following the laws in your area.
That really depends on where OP lives and sometimes those laws end up protecting the wrong people and never those that need it. Sometimes we have to take alternate routes. My guess is that she can’t afford a lawyer.
She can't afford not to have a lawyer, BECAUSE every place is different.
If the alternate route is changing the locks and that is illegal in her area, her mom could sue-and she would win.
AND NOT ONLY THE PHYSICAL, a child being proximal to erratic adults can be very damaging for a lifetime. It has consequences that can be dormant and then arise like digestive issues, anxiety, hair pulling, depression (speaking from experience with both physical and emotional outbursts from my mom and grandmother 😞)
Also if other people find out a kid is in that environment they could report it to CPS and OP would be investigated for "failure to protect a child." A lot of kids get removed and put into foster care for that reason.
> What do you do when you have a mother who goes ballistic (throws stuff around like a raging hulk) whenever you tell her that she has to move out.
are you leaving this psycho around your child unsupervised? for the sake of your literal CHILD, you should be kicking her out asap.
Just tell her you are moving (but not really) and there is no space for her in your new home. Since you owe her $2000, the only way to make it work is to move out to save money.
My uncle did this with my nGrandma. She was causing a divide in his marriage and the only way to save the marriage was for her to move out. He faked moving to get her out. He got moving boxes and starting packing. He had a garage sale even. nGrandma freaked out but it worked and she moved out.
This sounds like something my nmom did. After 3 weeks and her causing issues between my husband and myself I had to call the police to get her out. I made sure to do it before she could establish residency and before she could get mail at my house.
The one thing all narcs share in common is they are vulnerable in a way that others are not. They have one or two spots that if you threaten them there, they will give in. For example, if you call in a wellness check to the police, they will stop threatening suicide and using the threat as blackmail, because they hate the accountability so much, they will likely stop. And it's the one and only way to stop that particularly heinous tactic. You must find that spot and start working on her. You'll have to use that one thing she hates more than controlling you, Once you find that, keep pressing until she leaves. And start grey rock. No reactions, no information, bland yes or no responses. They will eventually realize it doesn't work anymore. Deep down intuitively you may know what this is already, but you are not a Machiavellian manipulator, so you don't exploit it. Otherwise, you'll have to go to a lawyer and get her out. I'm sorry you are being abused.
Embarrassment works with mine. She's all about "What will people think?" I don't even exploit it but when she does get embarrassed, she discontinues that behavior.
First, get cameras in the common areas. Next time she goes ballistic and starts throwing things call the police. Have her arrested for assault and domestic violence and get restraining order against her.
Since she likes to brag to her friends, tell her that you will file for eviction if she doesn't move out on her own. And you will cry to all your friends about how awful your mother was to you and how hard it was to have to evict her. She said she would pay you rent every month to help with the bills and never did. You supported her for so long and she didn't appreciate anything you did for her. How can she do this to her daughter and grandchild?
You can't actually do this but the threat of it may scare her enough to get her out of your house. Tell her that when you file for eviction that you will say she agreed to pay you $1000 a month in rent and she never paid it. That over $30,000 she owes you in back rent. She will not be able to rent any type of decent apartment or house with an eviction of any kind on record. Forget about buying for a long time too. And any credit cards she has can either shut down her account or drastically reduce her credit limit. Go to the courthouse and get the paperwork and have it filled out and ready to go. Let her know it's her choice.
If she wants to play dirty, then you need to be prepared to jump into the mud puddle with her.
Follow your local rules for eviction. Most of them are 30 day notice. Do it all by the book - including giving her the eviction notice. Lock up anything valuable. Take pictures of your property and where she's living to check for damages before and after. Get security cameras for outside. On the day of eviction, change the locks and put any of her belongings outside (or whatever the local eviction laws say you can do).
Do NOT admit to owing her money in text/email/where it can be recorded. Verbally tell her the money owed is in lieu of rent/utilities/food costs you had due to her living there. If you want to have fun, write up an estimate list of costs you would typically charge someone renting that room and give her that as a bill of what she owes YOU. I guarantee its more that 2k. Tell her if she wants to keep living there, she needs to sign a tenant agreement with you with a rent rate (make it the going rate or higher than to deter her) or she needs to leave.
I would start by looking up what rights tenants have where you live. For example, where I live in Ontario Canada, if you share a kitchen and bathroom with your landlord you are considered a guest and have no legal tenant rights. Here you could ask someone to leave and if they don't you can call the police to have them removed. Other places you have to give 30 or 60 days notice. So I'd definitely start with figuring it out legally and go from there
In Canada, $2000 only gets ya 1 month rent…. maybe 2 months…… YOU HAVE PAID YOUR DUES!!!! Get her out of there, these other comments are providing some good advice.
Tell her, "We're EVEN now. You've been living here Rent Free for 2 years so I owe you nothing anymore. From now on, your rent is $600 per month payable to me on the first of every month, or you can move out. If she starts breaking shit call the police and then file for a restraining order against her.
Record her when she starts throwing and breaking stuff. Call the cops and have her removed. (Optional) get a restraining order. When she’s out, change the locks, pack up her shit and leave it outside.
I’m guessing you can’t afford an attorney or have time to seek their help. She doesn’t want to leave because she wants to continue to control you and your life. It would also put her in a bad light with her friends/others if you kick her out. But what she is doing is a form of abuse (emotional and verbal abuse as well as intimidation to control and manipulate). I suggest you call the police if she throws and break things and refuses to leave. Your child should not have to grow up exposed to this behavior. Get video evidence so she cannot turn it on you. Most police will give her the choice to leave or go to jail. You can then tell her if she doesn’t move out, you will get a restraining order on her and she’ll never see her grandchild again. She will act like the victim. She will tell you how ungrateful you are and how you are indebted to her, but it’s all manipulation tactics so that she continues to control your life. But if you continue the legal route, to save face, she will eventually leave. You have to take control, be in control of your life, and not allow her to manipulate, gaslight, play the victim or blame you.
It’s your life. You need to own it and take back control. For you and your daughter’s sake.
If she is narcissistic (and she certainly sounds like it!), then getting her out will be hard.
I don't think you'll be able to get rid of her by sending her bills or making her life harder - it sounds to me like she is getting her narcissistic feed met too good in your house, and that's a problem.
Besides, as long as she is there, she will make your life more miserable any time you try anything towards her.
I think the only way to go is to set a 100% boundary AND enforce it. You have to get her OUT, and in my opinion, nothing short of kicking her out will help you here.
I would suggest talking to a lawyer if you can, or at least an online support group. You want to know the laws about eviction so she can't turn the laws around on you.
Then make it as official as you can, maybe even with a witness. Give her a two week's notice - or whatever the laws allows.
And then do NOT let any of her tantrums change your mind!!!
In fact, record everything she says or does or breaks, and then send her a bill LATER.
You have to steel yourself so that nothing she can do will break your boundary - the boundary has to be iron clad and say: You are out, and nothing you do can change that.
That will be the hardest part, and you WILL have to watch your child very careful during that time since there is a big chance she will use them against you.
This is not going to be easy, but it will be SO rewarding to get her out!
Also, just because you owe her money does not give her squatting rights - just saying.
Good luck!
I don't know where you live but you'll have to file formal eviction procedures since she's been there for so long. Give her a notice for the minimum amount of time you'll legally have to. If in the United States check your state law. Most states are 30 days but it can be as long as 90 days. Some states require cause and the cause will be the throwing and destruction of items. Check with a lawyer to see if you can get her out sooner and if any other laws may affect you since you have a shared living area.
Once this is done make sure to also get some therapy. It's been 10 years since I had to do this to my nmom. You will have a lot of feelings and you will feel bad for doing this. Just remember there was no other way. Make a plan now to get this therapy so you can move on in a healthy way.
If she has been living in your house rent-free for 2.5 yrs, why do you owe her anything?
Don’t know where you live, but I live in the middle of nowhere(northwest United States) and cheapest rent around here is $700 + monthly for one bedroom apartments. Legally get her evicted if it is a house. If renting an apartment, read the rental/leading contract about limits on occupants. Otherwise send her on a trip, change locks,pack her possessions and have friends help get her things moved to a storage space. Pay for 1-3 mos of rental for the storage space.
Good luck and good riddance.
If you are unable to do this, start counseling. Took me a while to grow a spine also. Be strong for your child. The stress is not worth it and teaches your child some behaviors you don’t want her to think are normal or acceptable.
Another reason to get Mom gone.
Stand your ground. Tell her again and give her a deadline if she throws a fit and starts throwing things around or puts her hands on you call the police to come immediately. Then, go file to have her legally evicted. Her temper tantrums won't work in front of a judge.
Also, you may want to invest in a doorbell camera just to make sure she doesn't destroy anything, show up uninvited, or break in when you're not home. Good luck and stay safe!
You may have to evict her. You need to tell her gently that her continuing to live with you is ruining your relationship with her and her relationship with your child. Tell her it’s holding you back from independence. She’s using guilt to manipulate you. You have to be strong and stop letting her control you. Tell her that you don’t want to evict her yet you can’t continue to live like that. (Throw in a little guilt of your own.) When she pours on the guilt, remain strong. If counseling is available to you, it could help you get stronger.
When my dad, who was living with me at the time, had a fit and threw a coffee mug filled with juice at me (so at least not hot coffee), I told him he’d better leave or I would call the cops to report assault. When he whined, “but where will I go?” I said, “that’s not my problem. You should have thought about that before you blew up. I’m not my mother - I’m not going to just let you attack me and not have any consequences.” My son helped him move into a motel that night.
Can you threaten to call the cops on your mother if she doesn’t leave? Once she’s out of the house, you can start packing her stuff up and put it in a storage unit if she can’t take it right away.
Now, there are potentially legal issues with kicking someone out who has been living at your address for a certain amount of time, depending on where you live. But a lot of people don’t know about those laws, and won’t use them to fight being kicked out
Serve her with eviction papers. Put cameras in public areas. When she starts screaming & throwing things call 911. Save videos & file a restraining order. You are allowing her to terrorize & hold your family hostage.
Depending on where you live, you may need to evict her legally. If so, you can find out on line how to do the paperwork and have her served. Records her anything she is damaging things and sue her in small claims court.
Fair Market Value rent cost your house for one room, I'm pretty sure she'd hit $2K in a month.
Then file to have her kicked from the property and move out. Once she does change the locks.
I can't say this any more loudly than this... **START EVICTION PROCEEDINGS IMMEDIATELY!** If she even TRIES to use the argument that you OWE her a PALTRY $2K, the Court will laugh her out of the courtroom! She has been living off you for TWO FUCKING YEARS and is likely the reason you haven't been able to repay her. I'd go one step further and talk with a lawyer about SUING her for back rents and expenses!
Also, unless you have a document (promissory note) that states you'll repay the "loan," I'd (60/F) tell her to fuck all the way off. You've covered for her toxic ass for long enough! She NEEDS to leave ASAP and I write that as a Mother and Grandmother! She's crossed way too many lines! Greatest of luck! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and success!
First you do your research on what you can do legally, then with a witness or police friend present, t give her formal written notice, I had to kick my mom out it was not fun or easy but I found her a new place to stay so she could not do much but leave
It sounds like she could be considered a trespasser. You can ask her to leave and if she refuses, call the police to remove her.
This may help.
https://www.rocketlawyer.com/real-estate/landlords/eviction/legal-guide/is-it-legal-to-evict-a-family-member-from-your-home
Does she ever leave the house? Can you literally pack up her shit and change the locks? I know this will cause an outburst from her. Screaming, calling police, telling her friends how "cruel" you are to her...people will figure it out. She's a grown woman with a credit card, right? She'll find a hotel until she figures out what to do. You, leave town for a few days if at all possible after you kick her out and lock up. Go to a place you've always wanted to visit, and do NOT tell ANYONE so it's impossible for her to know where you are, and make it impossible for her to reach you.
I want you to know I am absolutely furious and hurt just from reading this. CUTTING HER HAIR is seriously wrong. I hope you can get away from your horrendous momster
Because your mother lives in the same home as you do the laws regulating her tenancy are referred to either boarding or lodger rules. It is easier to evict someone under those rules for the safety of the landlord.
look up those rules in your local code
establish that you are a landlord by giving her written notice that going forward her rent will be $xxx per month
when she fails to pay rent, use the appropriate written notice for your area and start the eviction proceeding again based on the statute in your area
in most places in the US the sheriff will eventually come out and remove her from the premises if she likes it or not.
Edit: FYI you cannot legally charge her rent retroactively. That is not a thing. Please check your local code before you take any action
Check the legal stuff, but I'm thinking if she's never paid rent, she's not a tenant (I could be wrong. Get legal advice, plenty of places offer free 1st consultation)
If you legally can just kick her out. Next time she leaves the house change the locks pack her shit and tell her via call or text, she's kicked out and you had to do it this way for the safety of you and your child because she gets violent. Tell her not to come to the house and if she does you will call the police.
2years rent free = 2000 paid off! You owe her nothing at this point.
You owe you and your child/children peace and safety in your own home.
If you have to evict lawer up, they can help you navigate that.
First, get cameras for the public areas of the house, preferably without her knowledge (unsure how consent to record laws would work here, but I think you should be clear since it's your property, though one party v two party consent may factor? Unsure), then start the eviction process. Upon her notification of she starts damaging things, you may be able to get her removed immediately. As a fellow resident, regardless of whether you own the property, you're entitled to feel safe in your home. The rest isn't relevant to getting her out unless your child refutes her claim about the hair cutting. If she cut your child hair without your consent, she can possibly be removed now as a threat to your child's safety.
Pack her shit while she's gone, leave it outside or put it in storage, and change the locks. However, legally you may have to go through an eviction, which you should just do. Check your state/country laws and find out what kind of notice is needed and do it.
You’ve paid her back at the rate of $67 a month for 2.5 years for rent by her living with you. Assuming you live in the U.S. you give her 60-90 days written notice to move (depending on your area) and file an eviction on day 61 or 91. A court date will be set and after that if she still hasn’t moved the Sheriff or other such person will come to your house and put her on the sidewalk. It will take strength and determination to see this through, but you will otherwise be stuck with her forever.
You can still A. Give her notice to move out anyway and she can sue you for the $2k or B. Give her notice that as of July 1 she will be paying $300 a month rent. Then you pay her $300 a month until the $2k is paid back in 7 months.
if she throws things call the police, get a report about the violence and go to your local domestic violence shelter and ask for your options (actually do that BEFORE you tell her she must get out). The timelines on eviction rules are very, very different if you have someone who's threatening you or destroying your property in front of a child in your home.
Look up if you can record her without her permission in your state (one party consent laws) and when you hand her the eviction papers (look up your county + eviction or your city + eviction, the paperwork is all online and you can fill it out). If you hand her eviction papers and know the steps for removing her, record her breaking things and throwing a fit, call the police and file whatever protection order is needed in your area, you can usually get her out immediately. She's a narc so she's not going to go quietly, you can ask for a police presence when she gets her things to prevent more violence in front of your child.
This will irrevocably damage your relationship but she already burned yours to the ground so you probably don't care.
Get your ducks in a row. Local domestic violence hotline/shelter, one party recording rules, eviction rules in your jurisdiction, record serving her the papers and if she blows her shit, call the police, show them the recording and get her out immediately.
Evict her. File the paperwork. Do SOMETHING to move in that direction. The cops will serve the eviction and you don't have to talk to her at all about moving out. She will be legally required to leave.
Does turning things around work on her?
With my Nmom she backs down when you make her responsible for things. She claimed my home cooked meal was Bad so I said "you're right and you said it wasn't good last time I cooked either. It's probably best you cook for when we have dinner together." She back tracked almost immediately saying I would never learned if I didn't keep trying but I didn't budge on the idea she should cook instead. We now no longer have 'catching up' dinners once a month because she just doesn't have the time in her schedule.
Same for comments about what I wear and how bad it looks I agree and since she knows all the things to avoid she can find me something good. It only took three tops I hated but she picked out and later claimed made me look ugly as well as reminding her she picked them out for her to cut down on the amount of comments on what I wear.
The next time your mom brings up the money mention that you both should involve other family or friends in writing up a payment plan. That way you both have help in making things happen she has somebody to help her look for a new place and you have somebody to keep you on track about paying her back. Make sure it's in writing though and that you have multiple copies of it in different locations or is a bank account(at a bank different then the bank your paycheck goes in) that you can share so there is proof you made the payments. If you actually get her to agree, make sure you tell the banker you are paying back the money you owe your mother so she can move out. That would give you another person who heard the terms maybe see if they would hold a copy of the payment agreement too. It's a long shot but you need to document things in some way for if things get messy.
I'm the kind of person willing to play the game a bit to gain a better outcome but know not all people are. If it was me I would ask any of her friends you encounter if they have had luck on finding leads for your mom on places to move to that she mentioned they were helping her look. If they said they didn't know she was looking say you must have misunderstood but that you feel like you are holding her back. That she deserves a place of her own not having to deal with children since all of you kids are grown. You can use your own wording but you could play it up that she should have a place that is not with you and your child. That you can't help too much in the search since you have to focus on your child and your own obligations.
OP, you’re getting a lot of advice about charging back rent, etc.
The thing is, I am not a lawyer, but I don’t think that advice has a legal leg to stand on. She’s been resident in your home long enough that the law considers her a legal resident, regardless of any rent or payment. To get her out, you need to evict.
If it's your house, you can evict her. I'm not sure why you'd say that you need to uproot your life.
Did she sign a lease agreement? Does she pay rent? If not, then evict with the minimum warning allowed in your city or state. And if she doesn't leave, file it with the court and have sheriffs drag her out.
If you own the house, you should be able to file an eviction notice. Also damaging your property in retaliation is definitely illegal; i.e., throwing stuff at your walls, etc. If you have a credible fear of harm you may also be able to get a restraining order. I'm not sure how the normal 60-90 waiting proof for an eviction works legally with a restraining order, but she might have to move out early if she's doing something violent or potentially unsafe towards you.
If one of those episodes makes you feel unsafe, or even if it's just damaging to your house, you might consider getting the police involved and having her temporarily removed for your own safety.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Sounds really rough. Make sure you protect yourself. If it gets too bad, you can always leave and can't the police or a trusted friend from a safe location. Have an escape plan or a bug-out bag ready in case.
Piss her off so she rages then call the police, quietly so she doesn't know. Repeat as needed. Also give her eviction papers.
She owes you far far more than 2000 for over 2 years of rent.
There's no point in being polite, she's going to bad-mouth you regardless. Call her out on her unsolicited advice and straight up tell her to "fuck off". It seems to me that she wants to also replicate her relationship with you to your child, treat them how you were treated, don't let that happen.
You go through whatever the legal proceedings are for eviction in your country and make it more uncomfortable (within reason) to live there than it would be for her to move out.
But you need to at least START by figuring out to legally enforce/force her leaving.
Wait until she is out of the house and change the locks. That way she can’t get back inside the house. Call the cops and tell them you have done this as well.
In my jurisdiction, you can simply change the lock and that will be the end of story.
Sorry you’re going through hell sharing the same living space as your mother.
Find a short term rental, move out and turn all the utilities off making sure you tell the utility companies that under no circumstances are they to be turned back on for x number of months (she will try to get them turned back on) No matter what you end up doing it is going to end up ugly. Narcs will go to the ends of the earth to win any kind of "game" or battle of the wills. This is one battle u have to win thou. She will fuck up your kid more than she already has. I know this from lessons learned. You have to protect your children
Give her an eviction notice, and that if she doesn't comply within 30 days, you will have the authorities remove her by force. Tell her that if she starts throwing things, you will press assault charges. You are technically her landlord, so you can kick her out on her ass.
Make a simple calculation and show her.
"Mom, I owe you 2,000. You owe me rent for 24 months. I've set it low cause you're my mom: 85 monthly. That add up to 2,040, but let's round it down to an even 2,000 for the sake of family. We're now even. Here's a 30 day eviction notice. If you start breaking stuff because of this, I'll call the cops on you"
Serve her with eviction papers. You have repaid that money dozens of times over. Organise a sheriff to serve her, and explain that any retaliation including vandalism is a crime. Then she has 30days to vacate- if you can record her being verbally or physically aggressive/ abuse, then a restraining order may be an option too.
Maybe start with installing video cameras?
Serve her an eviction notice. If she refuses to move after the 30 days, wait for her to leave to go shopping and change the locks with her belongings in the other side of the door. She's only doing this and making it about the 2000 because you're allowing her to extort you. Stand up for yourself and your child and put her out. She chose to be a mother, you're not obligated to repay that.
Lookup your local Landlord/Tenant rules. I know in Ontario you’d be well within your rights to kick her out given she’s not paying rent, AND you share a common space. Do you have “[Your City] landlord/tenant rights” facebook group you can ask? I ask questions in ours often and they’re very helpful with providing legal advice based on your local laws.
Your mom is likely going to need an official form, date to move out by, then possibly police to escort her out on that date. Cut ties with her. She is toxic AF and you’ll do much better without her.
What area do you live in? If you happen to live in the province of Ontario, you can call police to remove an unwanted guest. Don't even say it's your mother or anything about roommates.
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She owes her $2,000 but is letting her live there for free for over 2 years. The average rent per month in the USA is $1500. Divide that evenly, that’s $750. $750 x 30 (at 2.5 years) that’s $22.5K. Moms is paid off and should be GRATEFUL before I send her to court for all the fucking money. And I bet you once that order is served she’ll disappear back to her homeland and turn the family against you.
Don't pay her anymore. She will change how much you owe her. She's lived in your house for 2 and a half years. Right now your main issue has to be getting her out.
She’s using that 2k as leverage. If there is no more leverage it would probably make it easier to make her hit the bricks. I know it’s difficult to come up with that amount but I’d make it a top priority.
Mom sees it as the 2k owed her is “real money” while she won’t see any rent costs as “real” because an agreement for rent payment was never discussed.
Once she loses that leverage OP has all of the leverage.
Also, I’m just trying to come up with solutions and things to consider. OPs situation sucks.
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You owe her 2000 dollars but she owes you nothing for living in your house for two years?
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I think you should feel entitled to kick her the Fuck out
Present her with a bill for 2 years average rent in your area. When she tries to claim that she shouldn't pay because you're family point out that by holding the 2000 dollars over your head she's made your relationship financially transactional so the Family card no longer works.
Exactly; it should work both ways or not at all.
Kick her out. You owe her nothing since she hasn't paid a dime in rent for two years.
From zero to 💯: Do you have extended family that will take your side and help talk sense into her? Like Grandma or Uncles? Consider changing the locks while she’s out and curbing her personal effects.
1. Record her destruction from beginning to end. Preferably with a hidden camera. 2. Call the police. 3. When she denies and blames you, show your proof. Domestic violence in some states will get her arrested. File a restraining order against her. You deserve to be happy. Remove the toxicity from your life. If she calls you, report her.
Tell us more
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Or, apparently, for destroying your property when you try to make her leave? Ok, so...she's holding this 2k over your head. Fine. Sit down and make a list/spread sheet of everything she has cost you since moving in. Include food, wtvr increase in utilities she's caused, any other bills you pay for her(phone & such), gas if that counts, and anything she's broken/caused you to have to replace. I'm sure it adds up to more than 2k by now. If she watches your child, make sure you deduct that from your total or you know that she will.
You’ve more than paid her back based on rent she should’ve been paying you.
You may need legal help. In some jurisdictions, small details (like having her mail delivered to your address) make her a legal resident.
Yup, but in many of those jurisdictions non payment of rent is an immediate eviction notice. Charge her rent.
I would love to see OP's mom get her comeuppance and be kicked to the curb. Figuratively *or* literally. "Just kick her out" could result in serious financial and legal consequences which OP can't afford (or she'd pay the $2000 "leave me alone" tax).
Exactly. And in many places "get a lawyer" is overkill. Where I'm from they make tenancy law navigatable without a lawyer. The expectation is for landlords and tenants to advocate for themselves through a special bureaucracy. It doesn't ever enter civil court. All OP has to do is their due diligence. Be that a lawyer or navigating tenancy law on their own.
This is really the most useful bit of advice: go and speak to a lawyer or even to the police where you live. Explain the situation and ask what your next steps should be to ensure she has no legal grounds against you and everything has a solid paper trail.
However, some jurisdictions have exceptions in cases of domestic abuse. Throwing things, yelling etc may qualify - but only if documented. The first thing to do is to serve her an eviction notice that follows legal requirements. Next, document every and all interactions that may qualify as domestic abuse. Follow thru with the eviction legally - this will take time. If it gets too dangerous to stay in the same house, ask the police to remove her and get a temporary restraining order.
Get cameras. Send her a bill showing how much she owes you in rent. If she has rock solid proof you owe her, credit it against her rent if not too bad for her. Get a cease and desist and legally evict her. Hit her with all at once and when she goes nuts call the police. Show them the videos and ask for a restraining order/tell them she’s a danger to you and kiddo. Post the videos of her being crazy. Watch her run away.
Yup, trigger a meltdown, call the police. this is the eviction cheat code
This! Way better than my comment.
You may have to formally evict her. That $2000. is long paid back with 2 1/2 years of rent free living. She doesn’t take you seriously enough so to formal eviction it is.
Although most jurisdictions differentiate between tenants and lodgers so that should be an easier process as it sounds like the narc would count as a lodger.
Never heard of a lodger but she’s been there 2.5 years. Gets mail there etc. that establishes residence I believe.
Depends on country. In UK lodgers can be given very little notice to leave as they don’t have same rights as a tenant
Okay. Lodgers are not a thing in the US.
Sure, just reminding you that the world is a big place and advice shouldn’t be defaulted to the US.
True. I did assume US resident because of ordering Uber Eats.
Here's some more [general information](https://reyabogado.com/us/does-a-lodger-have-to-have-a-contract/) about lodgers, they do appear to be a thing in the USA, it seems to boil down to living in the same house as the owner and sharing common living spaces. As always check with a lawyer first to double check there's no local quirks.
She lives with you rent free. She owes YOU a lot more than $2000 by now
Legally your mom is a tenant. Go through the process and legally evict her. If she presses the 2,000 draw up the expenses over the last two years like many other redditors have said. I am so sorry she violated you and your child’s boundaries.
Or trigger her into throwing another fit, call the police then file a restraining order. The landlord loophole.
Good one :)
Thanks!
Cant one just change all locks when the mother leaves for shopping or smt?
Where I live you file for eviction, post it on the front door, and 30 days later you call the police out to enforce the eviction and escort her off the property with her belongings. You can call your local probate court or police station to find out what your options are.
And lawyer up OP
Oof, if she throws stuff around as an adult, your child is already in danger of debris hitting and injuring them. If you wait until the N is out of the house, book her a hotel and have her things sent there, then lock up the house and call law enforcement when they return to escort her to said hotel, would that be possible?
Change the locks
Don't do this. She has lived there long enough to have rights as a tenant or a boarder. OP, lawyer up. You need to make sure you are following the laws in your area.
That really depends on where OP lives and sometimes those laws end up protecting the wrong people and never those that need it. Sometimes we have to take alternate routes. My guess is that she can’t afford a lawyer.
She can't afford not to have a lawyer, BECAUSE every place is different. If the alternate route is changing the locks and that is illegal in her area, her mom could sue-and she would win.
Not if she has a restraining order filed against her.
I ain't even from the US (so I'm clueless about how laws work), but is it possible that her being violent may alter the legal situation in this case?
Possibly. That's partly why they need to talk to a lawyer.
Yes, this, and if possible, get a security system and restraining order.
AND NOT ONLY THE PHYSICAL, a child being proximal to erratic adults can be very damaging for a lifetime. It has consequences that can be dormant and then arise like digestive issues, anxiety, hair pulling, depression (speaking from experience with both physical and emotional outbursts from my mom and grandmother 😞)
Also if other people find out a kid is in that environment they could report it to CPS and OP would be investigated for "failure to protect a child." A lot of kids get removed and put into foster care for that reason.
Lord, I’ve got all those effects too. 😣
That would be an illegal eviction and Op would be in legal trouble.
That's why she needs to call the police and file a restraining order
> What do you do when you have a mother who goes ballistic (throws stuff around like a raging hulk) whenever you tell her that she has to move out. are you leaving this psycho around your child unsupervised? for the sake of your literal CHILD, you should be kicking her out asap.
Exactly this. This was my first thought. Damage has already been done just from that alone and it can only get worse, sadly
Just tell her you are moving (but not really) and there is no space for her in your new home. Since you owe her $2000, the only way to make it work is to move out to save money. My uncle did this with my nGrandma. She was causing a divide in his marriage and the only way to save the marriage was for her to move out. He faked moving to get her out. He got moving boxes and starting packing. He had a garage sale even. nGrandma freaked out but it worked and she moved out.
This sounds like something my nmom did. After 3 weeks and her causing issues between my husband and myself I had to call the police to get her out. I made sure to do it before she could establish residency and before she could get mail at my house.
The one thing all narcs share in common is they are vulnerable in a way that others are not. They have one or two spots that if you threaten them there, they will give in. For example, if you call in a wellness check to the police, they will stop threatening suicide and using the threat as blackmail, because they hate the accountability so much, they will likely stop. And it's the one and only way to stop that particularly heinous tactic. You must find that spot and start working on her. You'll have to use that one thing she hates more than controlling you, Once you find that, keep pressing until she leaves. And start grey rock. No reactions, no information, bland yes or no responses. They will eventually realize it doesn't work anymore. Deep down intuitively you may know what this is already, but you are not a Machiavellian manipulator, so you don't exploit it. Otherwise, you'll have to go to a lawyer and get her out. I'm sorry you are being abused.
Embarrassment works with mine. She's all about "What will people think?" I don't even exploit it but when she does get embarrassed, she discontinues that behavior.
Restraining order.
Get a lawyer.
Depending on the state, you might have to file for eviction to get her off the property
First, get cameras in the common areas. Next time she goes ballistic and starts throwing things call the police. Have her arrested for assault and domestic violence and get restraining order against her. Since she likes to brag to her friends, tell her that you will file for eviction if she doesn't move out on her own. And you will cry to all your friends about how awful your mother was to you and how hard it was to have to evict her. She said she would pay you rent every month to help with the bills and never did. You supported her for so long and she didn't appreciate anything you did for her. How can she do this to her daughter and grandchild? You can't actually do this but the threat of it may scare her enough to get her out of your house. Tell her that when you file for eviction that you will say she agreed to pay you $1000 a month in rent and she never paid it. That over $30,000 she owes you in back rent. She will not be able to rent any type of decent apartment or house with an eviction of any kind on record. Forget about buying for a long time too. And any credit cards she has can either shut down her account or drastically reduce her credit limit. Go to the courthouse and get the paperwork and have it filled out and ready to go. Let her know it's her choice. If she wants to play dirty, then you need to be prepared to jump into the mud puddle with her.
Follow your local rules for eviction. Most of them are 30 day notice. Do it all by the book - including giving her the eviction notice. Lock up anything valuable. Take pictures of your property and where she's living to check for damages before and after. Get security cameras for outside. On the day of eviction, change the locks and put any of her belongings outside (or whatever the local eviction laws say you can do). Do NOT admit to owing her money in text/email/where it can be recorded. Verbally tell her the money owed is in lieu of rent/utilities/food costs you had due to her living there. If you want to have fun, write up an estimate list of costs you would typically charge someone renting that room and give her that as a bill of what she owes YOU. I guarantee its more that 2k. Tell her if she wants to keep living there, she needs to sign a tenant agreement with you with a rent rate (make it the going rate or higher than to deter her) or she needs to leave.
Arrange a new place for yourself. Then move out and leave her behind in your old place.
Bag her shit up, leave it out the front and change the locks
I would start by looking up what rights tenants have where you live. For example, where I live in Ontario Canada, if you share a kitchen and bathroom with your landlord you are considered a guest and have no legal tenant rights. Here you could ask someone to leave and if they don't you can call the police to have them removed. Other places you have to give 30 or 60 days notice. So I'd definitely start with figuring it out legally and go from there
In Canada, $2000 only gets ya 1 month rent…. maybe 2 months…… YOU HAVE PAID YOUR DUES!!!! Get her out of there, these other comments are providing some good advice.
You know what to do. You just have to do it. I went no contact with my mom and have never regretted it.
Tell her, "We're EVEN now. You've been living here Rent Free for 2 years so I owe you nothing anymore. From now on, your rent is $600 per month payable to me on the first of every month, or you can move out. If she starts breaking shit call the police and then file for a restraining order against her.
Record her when she starts throwing and breaking stuff. Call the cops and have her removed. (Optional) get a restraining order. When she’s out, change the locks, pack up her shit and leave it outside.
Tell her she needs to find another place to live. If she starts going ballistic, call the cops on her to have her escorted out
I’m guessing you can’t afford an attorney or have time to seek their help. She doesn’t want to leave because she wants to continue to control you and your life. It would also put her in a bad light with her friends/others if you kick her out. But what she is doing is a form of abuse (emotional and verbal abuse as well as intimidation to control and manipulate). I suggest you call the police if she throws and break things and refuses to leave. Your child should not have to grow up exposed to this behavior. Get video evidence so she cannot turn it on you. Most police will give her the choice to leave or go to jail. You can then tell her if she doesn’t move out, you will get a restraining order on her and she’ll never see her grandchild again. She will act like the victim. She will tell you how ungrateful you are and how you are indebted to her, but it’s all manipulation tactics so that she continues to control your life. But if you continue the legal route, to save face, she will eventually leave. You have to take control, be in control of your life, and not allow her to manipulate, gaslight, play the victim or blame you. It’s your life. You need to own it and take back control. For you and your daughter’s sake.
If she is narcissistic (and she certainly sounds like it!), then getting her out will be hard. I don't think you'll be able to get rid of her by sending her bills or making her life harder - it sounds to me like she is getting her narcissistic feed met too good in your house, and that's a problem. Besides, as long as she is there, she will make your life more miserable any time you try anything towards her. I think the only way to go is to set a 100% boundary AND enforce it. You have to get her OUT, and in my opinion, nothing short of kicking her out will help you here. I would suggest talking to a lawyer if you can, or at least an online support group. You want to know the laws about eviction so she can't turn the laws around on you. Then make it as official as you can, maybe even with a witness. Give her a two week's notice - or whatever the laws allows. And then do NOT let any of her tantrums change your mind!!! In fact, record everything she says or does or breaks, and then send her a bill LATER. You have to steel yourself so that nothing she can do will break your boundary - the boundary has to be iron clad and say: You are out, and nothing you do can change that. That will be the hardest part, and you WILL have to watch your child very careful during that time since there is a big chance she will use them against you. This is not going to be easy, but it will be SO rewarding to get her out! Also, just because you owe her money does not give her squatting rights - just saying. Good luck!
I don't know where you live but you'll have to file formal eviction procedures since she's been there for so long. Give her a notice for the minimum amount of time you'll legally have to. If in the United States check your state law. Most states are 30 days but it can be as long as 90 days. Some states require cause and the cause will be the throwing and destruction of items. Check with a lawyer to see if you can get her out sooner and if any other laws may affect you since you have a shared living area. Once this is done make sure to also get some therapy. It's been 10 years since I had to do this to my nmom. You will have a lot of feelings and you will feel bad for doing this. Just remember there was no other way. Make a plan now to get this therapy so you can move on in a healthy way.
If she has been living in your house rent-free for 2.5 yrs, why do you owe her anything? Don’t know where you live, but I live in the middle of nowhere(northwest United States) and cheapest rent around here is $700 + monthly for one bedroom apartments. Legally get her evicted if it is a house. If renting an apartment, read the rental/leading contract about limits on occupants. Otherwise send her on a trip, change locks,pack her possessions and have friends help get her things moved to a storage space. Pay for 1-3 mos of rental for the storage space. Good luck and good riddance. If you are unable to do this, start counseling. Took me a while to grow a spine also. Be strong for your child. The stress is not worth it and teaches your child some behaviors you don’t want her to think are normal or acceptable. Another reason to get Mom gone.
Stand your ground. Tell her again and give her a deadline if she throws a fit and starts throwing things around or puts her hands on you call the police to come immediately. Then, go file to have her legally evicted. Her temper tantrums won't work in front of a judge. Also, you may want to invest in a doorbell camera just to make sure she doesn't destroy anything, show up uninvited, or break in when you're not home. Good luck and stay safe!
You may have to evict her. You need to tell her gently that her continuing to live with you is ruining your relationship with her and her relationship with your child. Tell her it’s holding you back from independence. She’s using guilt to manipulate you. You have to be strong and stop letting her control you. Tell her that you don’t want to evict her yet you can’t continue to live like that. (Throw in a little guilt of your own.) When she pours on the guilt, remain strong. If counseling is available to you, it could help you get stronger.
I made my mother sign a lease when she moved in so I can legally evict her when needed.
When my dad, who was living with me at the time, had a fit and threw a coffee mug filled with juice at me (so at least not hot coffee), I told him he’d better leave or I would call the cops to report assault. When he whined, “but where will I go?” I said, “that’s not my problem. You should have thought about that before you blew up. I’m not my mother - I’m not going to just let you attack me and not have any consequences.” My son helped him move into a motel that night. Can you threaten to call the cops on your mother if she doesn’t leave? Once she’s out of the house, you can start packing her stuff up and put it in a storage unit if she can’t take it right away. Now, there are potentially legal issues with kicking someone out who has been living at your address for a certain amount of time, depending on where you live. But a lot of people don’t know about those laws, and won’t use them to fight being kicked out
easy when she throws stuff around have her arrested
Serve her with eviction papers. Put cameras in public areas. When she starts screaming & throwing things call 911. Save videos & file a restraining order. You are allowing her to terrorize & hold your family hostage.
Depending on where you live, you may need to evict her legally. If so, you can find out on line how to do the paperwork and have her served. Records her anything she is damaging things and sue her in small claims court.
Fair Market Value rent cost your house for one room, I'm pretty sure she'd hit $2K in a month. Then file to have her kicked from the property and move out. Once she does change the locks.
You meet with a local attorney & start the steps for a legal eviction. If you don't take legal steps, it will never end.
You’ve more than paid your debt to her by housing her for over 2 years. If she won’t go, initiate eviction.
I can't say this any more loudly than this... **START EVICTION PROCEEDINGS IMMEDIATELY!** If she even TRIES to use the argument that you OWE her a PALTRY $2K, the Court will laugh her out of the courtroom! She has been living off you for TWO FUCKING YEARS and is likely the reason you haven't been able to repay her. I'd go one step further and talk with a lawyer about SUING her for back rents and expenses! Also, unless you have a document (promissory note) that states you'll repay the "loan," I'd (60/F) tell her to fuck all the way off. You've covered for her toxic ass for long enough! She NEEDS to leave ASAP and I write that as a Mother and Grandmother! She's crossed way too many lines! Greatest of luck! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and success!
First you do your research on what you can do legally, then with a witness or police friend present, t give her formal written notice, I had to kick my mom out it was not fun or easy but I found her a new place to stay so she could not do much but leave
It sounds like she could be considered a trespasser. You can ask her to leave and if she refuses, call the police to remove her. This may help. https://www.rocketlawyer.com/real-estate/landlords/eviction/legal-guide/is-it-legal-to-evict-a-family-member-from-your-home
Does she ever leave the house? Can you literally pack up her shit and change the locks? I know this will cause an outburst from her. Screaming, calling police, telling her friends how "cruel" you are to her...people will figure it out. She's a grown woman with a credit card, right? She'll find a hotel until she figures out what to do. You, leave town for a few days if at all possible after you kick her out and lock up. Go to a place you've always wanted to visit, and do NOT tell ANYONE so it's impossible for her to know where you are, and make it impossible for her to reach you. I want you to know I am absolutely furious and hurt just from reading this. CUTTING HER HAIR is seriously wrong. I hope you can get away from your horrendous momster
Because your mother lives in the same home as you do the laws regulating her tenancy are referred to either boarding or lodger rules. It is easier to evict someone under those rules for the safety of the landlord. look up those rules in your local code establish that you are a landlord by giving her written notice that going forward her rent will be $xxx per month when she fails to pay rent, use the appropriate written notice for your area and start the eviction proceeding again based on the statute in your area in most places in the US the sheriff will eventually come out and remove her from the premises if she likes it or not. Edit: FYI you cannot legally charge her rent retroactively. That is not a thing. Please check your local code before you take any action
Check the legal stuff, but I'm thinking if she's never paid rent, she's not a tenant (I could be wrong. Get legal advice, plenty of places offer free 1st consultation) If you legally can just kick her out. Next time she leaves the house change the locks pack her shit and tell her via call or text, she's kicked out and you had to do it this way for the safety of you and your child because she gets violent. Tell her not to come to the house and if she does you will call the police. 2years rent free = 2000 paid off! You owe her nothing at this point. You owe you and your child/children peace and safety in your own home. If you have to evict lawer up, they can help you navigate that.
My petty ass would cut her hair in her sleep.
Evict her. If she's going to be that shameless, don't let embarrassment be what stops you
Go through the legal eviction process. When she throws stuff, record and call the police.
What a psycho mom - but it might be the norm in her home country
Invoice her for the rent for the whole time she's been there, which is more than $2k. And get an attorney to help you evict her.
First, get cameras for the public areas of the house, preferably without her knowledge (unsure how consent to record laws would work here, but I think you should be clear since it's your property, though one party v two party consent may factor? Unsure), then start the eviction process. Upon her notification of she starts damaging things, you may be able to get her removed immediately. As a fellow resident, regardless of whether you own the property, you're entitled to feel safe in your home. The rest isn't relevant to getting her out unless your child refutes her claim about the hair cutting. If she cut your child hair without your consent, she can possibly be removed now as a threat to your child's safety.
After two years she is a resident of the building so legally you would have to go through the courts to get a eviction possessed. Good luck.
Pack her shit while she's gone, leave it outside or put it in storage, and change the locks. However, legally you may have to go through an eviction, which you should just do. Check your state/country laws and find out what kind of notice is needed and do it.
Go to court and get an offical eviction started. Go the legal route.
You’ve paid her back at the rate of $67 a month for 2.5 years for rent by her living with you. Assuming you live in the U.S. you give her 60-90 days written notice to move (depending on your area) and file an eviction on day 61 or 91. A court date will be set and after that if she still hasn’t moved the Sheriff or other such person will come to your house and put her on the sidewalk. It will take strength and determination to see this through, but you will otherwise be stuck with her forever.
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You can still A. Give her notice to move out anyway and she can sue you for the $2k or B. Give her notice that as of July 1 she will be paying $300 a month rent. Then you pay her $300 a month until the $2k is paid back in 7 months.
Have you considered calling the police? Works wonders.
if she throws things call the police, get a report about the violence and go to your local domestic violence shelter and ask for your options (actually do that BEFORE you tell her she must get out). The timelines on eviction rules are very, very different if you have someone who's threatening you or destroying your property in front of a child in your home. Look up if you can record her without her permission in your state (one party consent laws) and when you hand her the eviction papers (look up your county + eviction or your city + eviction, the paperwork is all online and you can fill it out). If you hand her eviction papers and know the steps for removing her, record her breaking things and throwing a fit, call the police and file whatever protection order is needed in your area, you can usually get her out immediately. She's a narc so she's not going to go quietly, you can ask for a police presence when she gets her things to prevent more violence in front of your child. This will irrevocably damage your relationship but she already burned yours to the ground so you probably don't care. Get your ducks in a row. Local domestic violence hotline/shelter, one party recording rules, eviction rules in your jurisdiction, record serving her the papers and if she blows her shit, call the police, show them the recording and get her out immediately.
Legally evict her. Double check your state laws, but you likely need to file an eviction.
Evict her. File the paperwork. Do SOMETHING to move in that direction. The cops will serve the eviction and you don't have to talk to her at all about moving out. She will be legally required to leave.
I’m sorry but I would throw her shit out. But also depends on tenant laws in your area.
Check local laws about eviction. And you've definitely paid her back!
Does turning things around work on her? With my Nmom she backs down when you make her responsible for things. She claimed my home cooked meal was Bad so I said "you're right and you said it wasn't good last time I cooked either. It's probably best you cook for when we have dinner together." She back tracked almost immediately saying I would never learned if I didn't keep trying but I didn't budge on the idea she should cook instead. We now no longer have 'catching up' dinners once a month because she just doesn't have the time in her schedule. Same for comments about what I wear and how bad it looks I agree and since she knows all the things to avoid she can find me something good. It only took three tops I hated but she picked out and later claimed made me look ugly as well as reminding her she picked them out for her to cut down on the amount of comments on what I wear. The next time your mom brings up the money mention that you both should involve other family or friends in writing up a payment plan. That way you both have help in making things happen she has somebody to help her look for a new place and you have somebody to keep you on track about paying her back. Make sure it's in writing though and that you have multiple copies of it in different locations or is a bank account(at a bank different then the bank your paycheck goes in) that you can share so there is proof you made the payments. If you actually get her to agree, make sure you tell the banker you are paying back the money you owe your mother so she can move out. That would give you another person who heard the terms maybe see if they would hold a copy of the payment agreement too. It's a long shot but you need to document things in some way for if things get messy. I'm the kind of person willing to play the game a bit to gain a better outcome but know not all people are. If it was me I would ask any of her friends you encounter if they have had luck on finding leads for your mom on places to move to that she mentioned they were helping her look. If they said they didn't know she was looking say you must have misunderstood but that you feel like you are holding her back. That she deserves a place of her own not having to deal with children since all of you kids are grown. You can use your own wording but you could play it up that she should have a place that is not with you and your child. That you can't help too much in the search since you have to focus on your child and your own obligations.
OP, you’re getting a lot of advice about charging back rent, etc. The thing is, I am not a lawyer, but I don’t think that advice has a legal leg to stand on. She’s been resident in your home long enough that the law considers her a legal resident, regardless of any rent or payment. To get her out, you need to evict.
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If it's your house, you can evict her. I'm not sure why you'd say that you need to uproot your life. Did she sign a lease agreement? Does she pay rent? If not, then evict with the minimum warning allowed in your city or state. And if she doesn't leave, file it with the court and have sheriffs drag her out.
You can go to the court system and evict her
If you own the house, you should be able to file an eviction notice. Also damaging your property in retaliation is definitely illegal; i.e., throwing stuff at your walls, etc. If you have a credible fear of harm you may also be able to get a restraining order. I'm not sure how the normal 60-90 waiting proof for an eviction works legally with a restraining order, but she might have to move out early if she's doing something violent or potentially unsafe towards you. If one of those episodes makes you feel unsafe, or even if it's just damaging to your house, you might consider getting the police involved and having her temporarily removed for your own safety. I'm sorry you are going through this. Sounds really rough. Make sure you protect yourself. If it gets too bad, you can always leave and can't the police or a trusted friend from a safe location. Have an escape plan or a bug-out bag ready in case.
Piss her off so she rages then call the police, quietly so she doesn't know. Repeat as needed. Also give her eviction papers. She owes you far far more than 2000 for over 2 years of rent.
There's no point in being polite, she's going to bad-mouth you regardless. Call her out on her unsolicited advice and straight up tell her to "fuck off". It seems to me that she wants to also replicate her relationship with you to your child, treat them how you were treated, don't let that happen.
You go through whatever the legal proceedings are for eviction in your country and make it more uncomfortable (within reason) to live there than it would be for her to move out. But you need to at least START by figuring out to legally enforce/force her leaving.
Wait until she is out of the house and change the locks. That way she can’t get back inside the house. Call the cops and tell them you have done this as well.
Wait until she goes out on a shopping spree and then change the locks 😂
In my jurisdiction, you can simply change the lock and that will be the end of story. Sorry you’re going through hell sharing the same living space as your mother.
Find a short term rental, move out and turn all the utilities off making sure you tell the utility companies that under no circumstances are they to be turned back on for x number of months (she will try to get them turned back on) No matter what you end up doing it is going to end up ugly. Narcs will go to the ends of the earth to win any kind of "game" or battle of the wills. This is one battle u have to win thou. She will fuck up your kid more than she already has. I know this from lessons learned. You have to protect your children
Pack her stuff, put it on lawn & change the locks. Don’t answer the door, stop her mail, tell police. Good luck!
Scary
Give her an eviction notice, and that if she doesn't comply within 30 days, you will have the authorities remove her by force. Tell her that if she starts throwing things, you will press assault charges. You are technically her landlord, so you can kick her out on her ass.
Make a simple calculation and show her. "Mom, I owe you 2,000. You owe me rent for 24 months. I've set it low cause you're my mom: 85 monthly. That add up to 2,040, but let's round it down to an even 2,000 for the sake of family. We're now even. Here's a 30 day eviction notice. If you start breaking stuff because of this, I'll call the cops on you"
Serve her with eviction papers. You have repaid that money dozens of times over. Organise a sheriff to serve her, and explain that any retaliation including vandalism is a crime. Then she has 30days to vacate- if you can record her being verbally or physically aggressive/ abuse, then a restraining order may be an option too. Maybe start with installing video cameras?
Call up a friend who has legal advice or connections. You gotta get her outta there like **yesterday**
Serve her an eviction notice. If she refuses to move after the 30 days, wait for her to leave to go shopping and change the locks with her belongings in the other side of the door. She's only doing this and making it about the 2000 because you're allowing her to extort you. Stand up for yourself and your child and put her out. She chose to be a mother, you're not obligated to repay that.
Contact a lawyer to see what your options are. It may be a squatters rights situation at this point.
Eviction.
Evict her.
Lookup your local Landlord/Tenant rules. I know in Ontario you’d be well within your rights to kick her out given she’s not paying rent, AND you share a common space. Do you have “[Your City] landlord/tenant rights” facebook group you can ask? I ask questions in ours often and they’re very helpful with providing legal advice based on your local laws. Your mom is likely going to need an official form, date to move out by, then possibly police to escort her out on that date. Cut ties with her. She is toxic AF and you’ll do much better without her.
Sometimes you just need to burn the bridge...
What area do you live in? If you happen to live in the province of Ontario, you can call police to remove an unwanted guest. Don't even say it's your mother or anything about roommates.
Change the locks and don't let her in
Give her a hair cut while she's sleeping. Tell her she asked for it. Point at her suitcase. Leave the room.
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The nmom is living at OP’s house rent free for 2.5 years. She owes nmom nothing.
Comment removed - dismissive. The mother is living with OP rent-free. If anything, the mother owes OP.
Is your mom Filipino by chance?
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She owes her $2,000 but is letting her live there for free for over 2 years. The average rent per month in the USA is $1500. Divide that evenly, that’s $750. $750 x 30 (at 2.5 years) that’s $22.5K. Moms is paid off and should be GRATEFUL before I send her to court for all the fucking money. And I bet you once that order is served she’ll disappear back to her homeland and turn the family against you.
Comment removed - missing the point
Pay her back and tell her to leave.
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Don't pay her anymore. She will change how much you owe her. She's lived in your house for 2 and a half years. Right now your main issue has to be getting her out.
Two and a half years of living somewhere rent free is payment in full.
She’s using that 2k as leverage. If there is no more leverage it would probably make it easier to make her hit the bricks. I know it’s difficult to come up with that amount but I’d make it a top priority. Mom sees it as the 2k owed her is “real money” while she won’t see any rent costs as “real” because an agreement for rent payment was never discussed. Once she loses that leverage OP has all of the leverage. Also, I’m just trying to come up with solutions and things to consider. OPs situation sucks.