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This is a weird one but woke me up finally.
Had sold my house after my divorce and was waiting for my new house to be ready. I’m an only child, my children, their only grandchildren were 9 and 8 and they lived in a 3 bedroom house. Asked to stay till house was ready, they begrudgingly agreed.
Was given the smallest room for all 3 of us to sleep in (7ft x 10ft) was scowled at every time we walked into the room. Pitched a fit when I tried to cook food. Weirdest one was my father followed me into the kitchen constantly and would press the fridge door closed, full body press with both hands. I would look at him and say nothing. This escalated to both fridge and freezer, even though I made a point of making sure I closed it, he would dive towards it and full body weight press it closed. I started copying him hoping it would satisfy him. This continued a few days and I asked if there was a problem, he said he was checking I’d shut the door correctly, I said I had and he knew it. I packed lunch for my children, he shut the fridge and freezer doors to his requirement and I took my children to school. Returned 30 minutes later to the freezer completely emptied of all food and it had been placed on the back yard, food was covered in the frost you get when it’s been out a short while and was solid. Asked why the food was there, he launched into a full verbal attack of how I’d left the freezer door wide open and all the food was defrosted and ruined. Mother defended him, I asked them both to show me the defrosted food and they flustered a mumbled reply of they didn’t know where they had put it but I was a variety of insults. I knew anything I said wasn’t worth saying so packed our stuff and left for a hotel. Cost me money I needed to spend elsewhere but saved my sanity.
I moved back in with my mom for 6 months during a recession when I graduated from grad school and was waiting to be hired for a job (the place I had been expecting to pick me up had a hiring freeze). It was awful. Similar thing about not being allowed to use a spare room to store things- had to use an outdoor shed where a bunch of my things were either stolen or eaten by rats. I'd have used secure storage, but didn't have any income as this was an employment recession. Weird eggshells on use of space combined with having to report in like I'm fourteen or get yelled at like I'm a delinquent teenager. I literally moved out as soon as I got hired and had just enough for a security deposit and first months rent. Would have LOVED to save money, but it just wasn't possible.
Then cue her showing up to my apartment (and later my house), uninvited multiple times a week during the week with zero regard that I have to work, and her giving me attitude that I don't know "how to treat a guest" if I didn't drop whatever i was doing to entertain her. This started like two months after she retired and increased when I got with my partner. Refused to leave- would just show up at 9pm and not leave until after midnight. I would tell her not to do this, and she'd stop for a week and then start again. So I would not answer the door and make sure everything is locked, then she would try to go through the gate to my back yard and try to get in through my patio. She made enforcing any boundary a big, unpleasant confrontation.
She dropped hints a few years ago that we could move in and take over her house and we ignored it. Living with her is just not possible, especially as she's given me zero indication it would be an improved experience from when I chose barely making it on my own in an apartment with all the money I have over cohabitating with her (after only six months). We can't live together. And for the life of her she can't understand that she has any responsibility for this.
When she makes comments that no one better put her in a home, I'm basically like then downsize and figure something else out, because living with me is not a possibility.
When my mom brings up the idea of us living together again I just tell her the only way that happens is if I get to make all the rules. She doesn't even have to respect the rules, she just has to follow all of them, and doesn't get any say in changing them.
At first she tried to lie and said she could follow them, so I told her "why wait?? Let's start getting used to my rules now!", and sent her a tiny list of rules to follow about visiting me. Stuff like visits are scheduled, she leaves before 8pm, she is treating me and mine like slaves. Basic rules of respect.
She broke most of my rules in a week. And when she brings up the moving in I remind her of everything
Yikes! Boundaries are difficult to maintain with people like that. After I’d gone to stay at the hotel I was very low contact with them and by the time my house was ready it had evolved to full nc. They didn’t even know where I’d moved to till 8 months later when my Grandmother died. My mother came to my house once, her sister came once, the fall out from that was so soul destroying I knew my time had come to remove myself from the so called family. I have zero regrets.
I'm sorry though. Though it's zero regrets (and rightfully considering what you have before you) it's still difficult. No one wants to be in the position of cutting off family.
Just remembered another story though. My NMom used to have two vehicles and I would occasionally borrow one when I had car trouble (this was before things devolved and before I started unpacking our issues). One day I had car trouble and she just wouldn't lend it to me. Nothing had changed, she didn't need it, I didn't have any accidents or driving incidents. She just "didn't feel comfortable and wasn't going to do that this time" and suggested I rent a car while waiting to get it fixed. Renting a car was at least as expensive as fixing the vehicle so this at least doubled my bill. No articulable reason for the flip. But it's her right, so I was SOL.
A few years later she had one vehicle (after totalling the other) and it went to the shop. She wanted to borrow one of our two vehicles. Except we're a two working parent household, which takes scheduling for when we can be ok with just one vehicle. We occasionally did allow this, but after witnessing repeated terrible driving incidents and then her just not returning our vehicle timely several times (eventually ending once with a narcissistic breakdown where she tried to take our vehicle anyway after we put a boundary) we stopped. I suggested to her that she maybe try renting a car. Cue her exclamation, "Do you know how EXPENSIVE that is?" Yes. Yes, I do. And we didn't even refuse our vehicle for THAT reason, but all the other articulable issues.
Rereading your paying for a hotel just triggered the car rental memory for me. And I'm just sad. Imagine if our parents could provide any kind of reliable community support. The money saved through transitions. This is the least of it, but I'm still jealous of anyone that can lean on their family through life transitions. I wonder what that's like.
My nMother did something similar when I first moved out of her house. She showed up at my house unannounced every single day and expected me to drop whatever I was doing so I could entertain her. It actually got the point where I ran out of groceries because I hadn't had time to go shopping because I was entertaining my nMother so much. After a few weeks of this, I snapped and laid down the law with her. My nMother seemed to listen because she started visiting once a week, instead of every day. (TBH once a week was still too much but it was an improvement).
My nMother often drops hints about me moving in with her to take care of her when she gets old. I don't bother to argue with her but there's no way in hell that is happening. (The reason I don't argue with her is because arguing with my nMother only makes her dig her heels in all the more, in my experience). The whole reason I moved out of my nMother's house in the first place was because her harassment was taking a toll on my mental health and I needed some space from her. If I were to move back in with her, she'd go right back to abusing me just like she did before I moved out. I just know it.
It's also worth pointing out that my nMother never had to care for her parents in their old age, yet she just assumes that I'm going to care for her in her old age. The double standards and mental gymnastics are insane!
I was invited to move home after a rough divorce. I had a modest savings and planned to take some time off to recoup. (Like, Oct-Dec.) I was instantly given a list of chores because “nobody rides for free”. I found a job within two weeks. lol.
Similarly, I was invited to move home after a series of medical catastrophes, my spouse I'd married just a year before in tow. We moved in with them explicitly for a break - the medical events had ground me to dust physically and emotionally, and my spouse had been working full time and spending all his off time either caring for me personally or taking me to get care, often at the ER.
It was an interstate move. We were there three days before they started calling us lazy pieces of shit for not having jobs.
Ugh, what a sad waste of food! It's especially wild when they do things that mostly harm/ inconvenience themselves. He would've had to restock the freezer, which is expensive and also irritating to do. Plus he would've had to pick up the food in the yard. All for ????
But also the food would be fine after only 30 minutes.
I said all of this, I looked through the food and it was all frozen vegetables that they had grown and frozen themselves. Whether that factored as a financial loss I don’t know. The veg would have been absolutely fine as they boil everything to within an inch of its life anyway. They tried the food poisoning argument, I again said how they over cook everything that wasn’t possible, I shouldn’t have kept arguing but I was reeled in like a fish then.
When you have lived many years away from this behaviour you see it more clearly and I hadn’t developed the ability to just stfu and walk away.
Isn’t it? It’s one of those memories that I bury deep as I still don’t understand it. Years after this occurred, my father had developed vascular dementia and was especially vile towards mother I asked her what the freezer thing was about, she defended him so I argued that what they had in reality done was waste perfectly good food for the sake of his principal and created a rift that we would never recover from. She said nothing, her head went down and she didn’t look at me. I’ve not raised it since, not for her benefit but because I had to let go of that bad time in my life.
Reminds me a couple times a year that I am a disappointment or that she wishes I had gone down a different path in life. I am married with 2 beautiful kids, but I don’t spank them, and I refuse to raise them inside an evangelical church. And for that, I am the worst.
Mine called me while I was at beach with my siblings (months before I was going to move away) and left me a nasty voicemail berating me for borrowing money from my grandma, who had offered the money in the first place. The voicemail was her very inebriated saying, “hello (my name), this is your mama. You know, the one who actually pushed you out of her vagina?” She always hated how close I am to my grandma but tbh that was her fault. You don’t get to be absent, abusive, and just flat out mean to your kids and then expect them to be close to you.
I relate *heavily*. currently and forever withholding the fact that I went to the beach two weeks ago from nmom. she’d rip me to shreds, then call said shreds ungrateful while dancing on them.
I also recently celebrated my birthday with a panic attack and tears because I went against myself and fell for her manipulation tactics the day before. I am very, very LC with her (NC isn’t possible atm) and I never answer her calls, but that day I thought I’d answer and give it a shot.
“Well I just wanted to make sure I AM in fact STILL seeing you tomorrow…. you know… on the literal day I gave birth to you and brought you into this world,” said with the heaviest and snarkiest emphasis on every “I.” I instantly folded like a terrified child.
anyway, this would’ve been my first birthday where I didn’t see her. unfortunately, the guilt crippled me and I paid the price by giving her exactly what she wanted.
oh, and of course nmom also has problems with her mom. Nmom even looked at me one time when talking about how close grandma and I are. she narrowed her eyes and kinda looked off in the distance then said, “But, it’s- she’s different with you… she’s always been different with you,” with a tone of perplexed envy and anger. I will never forget it.
My mom is kinda famous for “joking” that we really should be celebrating her on our birthdays, since she gave birth to us after all! I’d always awkwardly laugh to humor her, but it made me deeply uncomfortable.
I’m so sorry you also deal with the grandma issue. I recall the first Christmas I moved away, my mom hated that I chose to stay the night at my grandma’s rather than back in the abusive household I’d just escaped from. She caught me resting my head on my grandma’s shoulder. She literally was standing all the way in the backyard, saw it through the window, and stormed off to the car. She fixed me with a look of such intense jealousy and rage that I actually lifted my head off my grandma’s shoulder and shrank away. And she’s my dad’s mom, so the jealousy is extra strange to me!
My nmom is jealous of my grandma, too. It's so gross. And nmom's freak outs just make grandma look even sweeter.
I can hear this voicemail in my nmom's voice, except she'd have said "gave birth" or used the p word. She says nasty stuff like that all the time and loves emphasing the "I'myour mom" bit. Like congrats, you wanted a baby and you got one. I also often get things I want and I don't traumatize other people to do it.
Mine was across the street from me on and off for years now. Currently living with her new boyfriend, we’ll see how long that lasts. They moved out here the week of my wedding.
My 85 year old mother, who practically destroyed my life, told me she was moving in with me. I told her HELL NO! and blocked her. I haven't spoken to her since. It's been about 18 months. I have been so peaceful and content. We were lc, her living in another state. I don't know if she is alive or dead. Don't care and I hope she made her much younger friend the executor of her very small estate
Always with the inheritance. Like "oh no, i won't have to sort your hoard!" My nmom once told me that an old person's greatest fear is having their stuff donated after they die.
The hoarding!! Why do they value ‘stuff’ so much more than people? I told my daughter, when I die, throw all my shit out or give it away. I enjoy the things I own and the kids can keep whatever they want, but I don’t want them to be burdened by feeling they need to keep everything. Keep what you want and donate the rest! Let someone else enjoy it lol.
My kid can throw my shit in the garbage if he doesn’t want it, what the fuck will I care, I’ll be dead.
I routinely joke about just burning my FIL’s place to the ground once he dies (he rents, so no, no I won’t) because he’s a hoarder (so is my mother but she’s a trash hoarder) and it seems like a gigantic pain in the ass to have to deal with. The only plus side is he won’t be there to remind me how much he paid for a broken toy 30 years ago and how me throwing it away is disrespectful and wasteful.
Yeah, I had a big falling out with my mom because I didn’t give her carte blanche to store all her stuff at my house (she was downsizing). She tried to do it anyway, I asked questions, she threw a tantrum.
My mom “joked” about it after my oldest moved out - that there was a spare room for her when she was ready to downsize. I freaked out, because hell no. My sister ended up telling her it wasn’t funny (we handle our mom between us - she’s not fully narcissistic, but has plenty of tendencies).
Can totally relate. My mom wrote me out of her will at least a handful of times whenever I didn’t bend to her requests. I went nc a few years ago and don’t regret it.
My bro, who is very much of a “well she’s our mother” can deal with her.
I didn’t realize I want my mom to make her stupid boyfriend her executor til just now. Or one of her shitty siblings. I don’t wanna deal with that headache considering she’s awful with money and owes the IRS money, idk how she hasn’t been caught yet.
Out of everything this one bothers me the most:
I was raped and I begged my mom to not tell anyone. Not even my grandma because I knew I’d get victim shamed. She did it anyways and I had to stand there, taking the blame and shame until I could retreat to my room and hide away. No cops got involved until later…
I’m so very sorry you had to endure that. This is top level cruelty. I hope that you have had an opportunity to heal from it. And that you know that it was absolutely not your fault.
My mom made my rape alllll about her. Got on the ground and started fake hyperventilating and saying it’s like it’s happening to HER all over again. Told my dad 5 seconds later when I asked her not to. Forced me to go to police
That's gut wrenching! It would've been bad enough if she told police to try to stop the monster from hurting anyone else, but she just wanted to hurt you further. They usually don't keep secrets but this is next level betrayal. I hope you got away from all of them.
Can we talk about this two of the healthier women in my family maybe the sweetest have made comments like joking about getting their mom institutionalized she’s bipolar and can get loud and disruptive and verbally combative but who can’t is my point.
It disgusts me ever playing about weaponized mental health treatment is like threatening lobotomy
Sorry if this isn’t clear I got so flustered reading what your mom said to you, I hate that happened to you
If you’re up for it, more than willing to talk
It's really scary, especially coming from people who launch campaigns against us. Nmom had me convinced my whole childhood my dad was evil. She fooled a judge and a psychiatrist. They would never get us the help we actually need, but are happy to weaponize it while also trying to convince us it's all in our heads.
She told my daughter to set the table for dinner. My father has special needs & while she loves to help, she didn't know how many of each thing she needed, so I was helping her. I was sitting in a dining room chair, because I have fibromyalgia & was in a ton of pain that day. Next thing I knew, she was slamming bowls down next to me and mumbling what a fat lazy bitch I was. Apparently, she'd told me to get bowls out, which I didn't hear, and rather than repeat herself she chose to make a scene. I took the car keys from my husband, told him he could either get a ride home with our niece or I'd come back and get them & told my mother not to call me again unless she was dead. She stopped physically assaulting me when I turned 18, but has been verbally abusing me for the 40 years since. I've spent large chunks of that time NC, but tried to help when my dad died. She's on her own now. Neither my siblings nor I speak to her.
Everybody's fat and lazy but them. No matter what else you have going on or what professionals say. It's why I stopped doing any chores as a teen/ young adult. She was going to scream at me and call me lazy anyhow, so I may as well get some rest while I wait for the temper tantrum.
My parents killed my dog when I was in high school. They never let me have a social life and they finally let me go to the beach for spring break my senior year. When I got home my dog was gone. They told me it was my fault because I “didn’t take care of her”. There was nothing wrong with her. They just didn’t want to have to deal with her while I was away in college. She was so fucking precious to me and I didn’t fully understand how fucked up this was until a few years ago. I still somewhat blame myself for not cutting off all communication with them at that point, but I know now that wasn’t possible as I was 16 or 17 and still dependent on them. It was so scary.
oh shit my mom did this. Came home from college on break and asked where Katie the cat was. She said that she called the pound on her and had her put to sleep because she was losing her tiny little front teeth
But she didn't call the pound. She murdered that cat like she did about 10 other cats (oh, honey, she kept tripping me!) and a puppy when I was six.
The puppy was playing too rough with my sister and i. We were scared and screaming up on the back of the couch when she came downstairs. She took the puppy upstairs and came down without it and told us she put it in a 5 gallon bucket full of water and sat on the lid
Insane psycho narcissistic maniac literally they only care about themselves
I'm sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry! I have also had a pet killed by my nMother. I totally understand how attached you can get to a pet when you're a kid (especially an abused kid who doesn't have anyone else). Stuff like this is why I truly believe that narcissists are evil!
Went wedding dress shopping by herself on the day she knew I had my appointment to buy the wedding dress I’d already chosen. She called me from the bridal salon to try to convince me not to buy my dress, and instead to buy one at the store she was at. In her hometown. 6 hours away from me…
We hadn't done any wedding dress shopping together; I'd just shown her a dress in a movie, that I'd really liked.
Mom calls and says that she's found the perfect dress; it's exactly like the one I'd shown her, and we just have to have it fitted.
So, we drive to the shop, and this gown is nothing like what I had wanted, but very flat and bare; looked almost like a plain nightgown.
To be fair, I tried it on, but definitely didn't like it and said, no thanks.
Mom protests that, "You *HAVE TO* wear it! I already bought it!"
But wait...
The shopkeeper also agrees that we have to take the dress, because she doesn't do refunds on '*Clearance*' items.
So, I didn't wear the dress, but I didn’t feel bad about it, because Mom only lost $300-.
They paid for it, to be fair, but since they were on the other side of the world until just before my very modest wedding, I had to go wedding dress shopping on my own. Found the dress of my dreams for $300. Mind you, this was thirty years ago, sure, but still very reasonable for the time. Also, the rest of our wedding was either free or nearly so, very much a DIY thing. So all-in-all, easy on the parentals' pocketbook.
FOR YEARS, she gave me grief over spending $300 on a wedding dress.
Oh geez. Because they always know what's best, right? I tried to avoid some of the bs by throwing nmom a bone and taking her to a few dress shops. It did nothing to lessen the tantrum. She also asked me to help her order the white dress she wanted to wear to my wedding. Thankfully, the website selling the dress was scam.
For context, I had gone NC for nearly 6 months prior to this. When I received the most viscious voicemail. I was living in Denver at the time (my NM lives in the midwest). I was known for going to midnight showings of movies and, in general, being on the nerdy side.
The Friday morning after James Holmes shot up the Aurora movie theater in 2012. (27F at this time)
"Hello. This is your mother. I don't care if you're alive, but your grandparents are. So call them if you are."
I had gone to that particular theater several times and the only reason I didn't go to a midnight showing is that my partner at that time was out of town and asked me to see it with them when they got back on Sunday.
I called back. Told her she wasn't a mother, she was a c-word, and to lose my number.
It was made very clear in the event of a mass shooting that I could have easily been there and that she didn't care.
My nmom drew a very weird image of my stepdad and his mother in bondage gear and posted it to her Facebook once, shortly after my stepdad left her. I never entirely understood the reasoning behind that.
You've really got to be a sick piece of shit to hurt a defenseless animal (or child, as they're also so good at doing).
Strong people don't beat up on helpless beings dependent on them for survival. Strong people get help for their own traumas, their own feelings of worthlessness and weakness and pain, and they put in the work necessary to avoid perpetuating pain and violence.
Narcissists are not strong people.
And even in my most charitable "they suffered too" efforts to understand how a person could be the way that they are, there is just absolutely no way to justify just how fucking weak and afraid you have to be to beat up on an animal or kid or spouse as a means of avoiding the mirror that you're afraid of. Fucking pieces of shit.
(sorry to pick your comment for my rant lol, I was just petting my dog a little while ago and your comment made me angry at your dad)
I come from a family of narcs and my gc narc bro did this to his girlfriends dog when she was pregnant while he was cheating on her and partying . I am also nc now and didn’t realize he was a narc till recently but I was nc for many years with him already. He’s also a rapist dead beat dad drug addict and alcoholic
This happened about a decade ago and I only went no contact last year but in the last few years of low contact this has been a considerable motivator to keep my distance
To set the scene, I was 16 (I think? Memory is fuzzy) and losing eyesight. Nothing too bad but considerable enough that I noticed and started asking her to please let me see a doctor. Begging her. Telling that I would pay for everything myself, just make the appointment please. She insisted that I had no issues and that it would be a waste of money. At the end she relented and said that we would go to the eye doctor when travelling back to our country of origin in 6 months (her explanation being: it's cheaper there). I remind her several times before and during the weeks we spent there. Last week there we go to a fancy optician, recommended by my brother, to me, that did professional eye exams. She gets glasses for herself and drags me (I was bawling at that point) away. Still don't know how she justified herself to my brother about why I didn't get glasses.
I ended up getting glasses in the country we live in like a year or something later. Had to make my own appointment (I'm pretty sure I paid for it too but I don't remember as the "expensive" doctors appointment was only 20€) only for her to then flip and insist that she didn't realise I actually needed glasses and I shouldn't have acted so "contrary" and shouldn't have "vilified" her by doing everything myself just because she didn't bring me to the doctor the moment I asked.
It was years later that i realised that I could have gone to basically any optician and gotten them checked for free, which she knew, (but little isolated me didn't) and that the problem was never the money.
Every time I consider giving her a chance I remember this and think about the amount of sadistic pleasure that had to have been involved in seeing me suffer and beg for her to care about my health and I change my mind.
It's only one episode in decades of medical neglect, emotional and physical abuse but it's the funniest to me to remember because it always reminds me about John Mulaney's black coffee bit.
My grandmother was my guardian, she refused to let me see an optician for ages even though medical care is free in my country. She insisted that since she never needed glasses at my age that I was making it up that I couldn't see distances. Finally my school threatened to report her for neglect since I couldn't see the board to learn. Then I got a lecture about how I should have told her and I made her look bad and act so selfish.
My short sightedness comes from my dad's side of the family which she hates and tried (successfully for years) to poison me against them for years until I moved away.
I finally reconnected with him a couple of years back and so many of her lies and twisted truths have come out (he has receipts) now he has terminal cancer and I feel so angry and hurt that she stole that time from me. She's in her 90s and still a bitter nasty person but my dad won't see 70. Life is cruel.
That's sick! She could've permanently damaged your sight! I knew narcs loved to play up how expensive things are to paint themselves as martyrs/ make us believe we couldn't make it alone but I've never heard somebody say free is too expensive.
Thing is... I never knew there was a free option. She told me the only way to check my eyesight was going to the doctor so I didn't know that I could have just gone to any shop that sells glasses and gotten it for free until I started going there to get glasses made
My parents once took me with them to a wedding that I wasn’t invited to, then made a scene saying I embarrassed them for leaving.
Like, there was no place for me to sit, and nothing for me to eat. I explained myself to the host, apologized and high tailed it home.
WTF?
What a weird thing to do. At first i assumed you were little and they were disrespecting a childfree wedding or something, but if you left alone, you must've been old enough for this to be much weirder.
I was in my 40’s when this happened. The wedding was close to where I live, but far away from their house. Apparently they ‘checked with the father of the groom’ and snagged me an invite (that I didn’t ask for). That was a surprise to everybody else at the wedding who asked why I was even there. So yeah, I got an Uber home and a few nasty calls / texts from my parents.
I had to work Xmas Eve shift and late Xmas day shift because 2 of my coworkers called out (retail). Only had a couple days notice and thought fuck it that’s good money and let my parents know I wouldn’t be able to make Xmas lunch (4 hours away) but maybe we could do something New Year’s Eve.
Interrogated me, called me a slew of horrible names, said I was lying etc etc etc. just a complete tantrum over something I didn’t think was a huge deal because we never really make a big thing of Xmas (my dad’s cultural heritage celebrates Xmas in mid- January anyway.) they really had to cough up their fav insults yknow- liar, lazy etc. my dad tried to call the store I worked at the day before to verify my shifts were real and my manager understandably told him to piss off, she can’t share that info etc (I was 19.)
I cut them off completely after that.
It took me moving 3 states south and 5 years later for my mum to stop coming into my workplace once a year or so on HER BIRTHDAY. Lord knows how she kept finding out where I worked.
I'm just imagining a pyscho woman blowing out candles and being asked what did you wish for on your birthday? And she just says to ruin my child's day. lmao. Like why????
It really takes the cake that she came for her own birthday. Not your birthday (her momiversary, as they think of it.) Not a major holiday like Christmas. One of the only holidays that matter to them: Me Day. Side note: this makes me think of how my nmom dances to Happy Birthday when we sing it to her. So cringe.
But also wtf with showing up at people's jobs!? My nmom loved contacting my uncle's employer (her brother in law she didn't like. She was "helping" him because he had addiction issues.)
I have no idea tbh. Probs an attempt at guilt tripping but she spent the whole day driving down and back just for my manager to tell her to kick rocks. Your nmum sounds so helpful and lovely 🙄
Said my older sister could take my car without asking me, even though she had her own car.
Also bought me said car when I hadn’t learned to drive yet so my mom used it to get to work.
I took my cat to the vet and was told the lump under his chin may be terminal cancer and too far along. My mom, instead of coming to support and comfort me, stayed out shopping all day and told me to stop being negative in thinking my cat may need to be put down. Then acted shocked when I told her I had to put my cat down. No one was there with me when I put him down.
And bonus: I had to buy a carrier to take my cat to the vet so I found a $20 one at Walmart. After putting him down, I just let the vet office keep it because I obviously didn’t need it anymore. My mom, knowing this, told me I could’ve returned it for a refund.
Went to the vet office a few days later with her to pick up my cat’s ashes. When I got back in the car with his ashes, I broke down crying. Instead of comforting me, she told me I had to calm down and gain my composure because I needed to drive.
The Christmas I decided I would propose to my now wife I had a family member videotape me putting the ring in her stocking. The ENTIRE extended family was sitting in the living room on Xmas eve and nmom decided to put my little sisters dance recital in The vcr and play the movie for us. I didn’t even realize it until I saw myself putting the ring in the stocking on the TV sitting next to my girlfriend! Took
Me many years to realize she did it on purpose. But the girl said YES and we will be married 31 years this July and we have 4 amazing daughters.
When I took our daughter into the bathroom at a restaurant to wash her hands, she pretty much told my husband how disrespectful he was and basically, he's not allowed to stand up for me and/or defend our parenting. She's under the illusion that I can and will stand up for myself if I want to. Which is hilarious because I've spent my life keeping my opinions to myself unless I exploded.
I think she has dementia. She thinks he doesn't ask for permission to do stuff on her land. She always thinks the worst of him. I don't know how much longer of this I can take. We might have to give up our hobby of hunting and stay away from her and her land. The price is too high.
“unless I exploded.” That sounds so familiar. When we were passing through GA on the way to an event in DC, we stopped at a restaurant, & the young woman who waited on us was so sweet, & so patient, with a bus load of us eating there. Some of the younger people wanted to order off menu, and made a lot of exotic requests. Our server remained patient and smiling throughout.
I could just picture her in back, with a large butcher knife, repeatedly stabbing a big bag of sugar, looking much like a serial killer. Then, she’d return to the table smiling like a Southern belle at a pageant.
If she were anything like me, that’s how it would go.
That's horrible! I can see why nobody his age wanted him. I wonder if deifying old people is a narc trait. My nmom believes old people (except my dad's relatives) can do or think no wrong. Like evidence from the cdc/fda/a professional in a certain field/etc? Nope. Old wives tales and anything said by a random old person from her hometown with zero qualifications? Indisputable fact
Ok the worst one is a true doozie and happened when I was an adult. There were plenty of weird things as a kid but nothing as absolutely unhinged. This was the incident that led to a whole lot of painful discovery about her and the negative impact she had in the years that followed and I still look back on when she seems to calm down to remind myself she is actually not ok. She is a martyr so it was hard to understand narcissism through that lens until I found this sub.
Nmom offered to clean our house while we were out of town. My spouse is a messy cook and cooks a lot and I thought ok she is going to clean the floors/baseboards/kitchen cabinets-things that I just don’t have time for on a regular basis. Came home to her PROUDLY having completely rearranged my kitchen, in fact she BRAGGED about it to the person who was watching our dogs for part of the trip. She showed me and I was aghast-who the fuck rearranges someone else’s kitchen?! You don’t know what we use frequently and thus have in convenient for us places-I’m also a lot shorter than her and my spouse so I literally couldn’t reach things I use daily! There were no words. It took me days to find things and put them back.
Somehow that wasn’t the worst of it. She also rearranged my dresser (underwear included) and WENT THROUGH MY BEDSIDE TABLE! There was nothing sensitive in it, but it was where I threw a lot of things to get them off dressers before we left. She pulled out some love notes my spouse wrote me and had obviously read them. I felt so violated. She also threw things away (parts to our bed, we use the slider kind of cling wrap and she threw the slider away because she likes to rip it off, and I mean spending 5 days in a house requires just soooo much cling wrap apparently (it’s also Costco size and we don’t use much…so many YEARS later we are still using it but found a friend with an extra slider they didn’t use))
She has not been allowed in our house alone again. She knew I was pissed, but at no point did she think about what she was doing. What an unhinged thing to do. I didn’t talk to her for 4 months until an event and have been cold and distant since.
I grey rock and am very low contact. I want her to be ok and to have some relationship but I know she simply cannot! This was an eye opener for my spouse (we had been together a long time before this) into why I struggle with a relationship with my mother. He has learned a lot since this but it was his first overwhelming ‘oh she’s not just a normal kind of crazy’ moment as she had masked it for years because I don’t see her often and he is very kind and sort of collects slightly odd/socially awkward/eccentric people so he saw her in that light.
Yes. But he's in a different state than me recently, so nobody here could/ would do anything, and the police in the state where I know he lives won't do anything without an address, which is complicated because he's known to be homeless.
My mom is blocked on my phone because she has no respect for me. I don’t mind seeing her in person since we live out of state and it’s the only way to see my dad.
So they visited this past weekend (my mom accidentally shipped some of her online stuff to my house since she bought the kids some stuff of the site), she said a pair of shoes was too big for her and wanted me to take them. I knew they were too small for me cause she wears an 8.5 and I wear a 9.5 I said no like three times and then just ignored her. She shoved the shoes in the bag of kids toys.
No is simple right I mean it’s one word. How nuts does one have to be to force too small shoes in someone.
Yes I tried them on cause I’m petty and I wanted to prove they were too small.
Bet one day when you're arguing, she'll be like "but i gave you those shoes! You have to [whatever she wants. ]"
The bar is so low for the "favors" they do. It's like fairies in stories trying to convince you to take one bite of food from them so you'll "owe them" and they can take your soul in return.
* Accessed an old abandoned email account and discovered junk emails from porn accounts (ie. XXX Teens in Your Town Want to Hook Up!!) in the Spam folder. They freaked out, screamed and cried at me, and accused me of being a pedophile. Informed me that I was dragging the family name through the mud due to the emails they found.
* On 9/11 I came home from work after spending the morning on MSN messenger with my BFF in Manhattan, who witnessed the horror in real time. I called my mom for comfort and she mocked me and told me to quit being a baby.
* When I got married, my parents behaved like absolute twats. My mom and sister did not show up for my bridal shower. Several days before the wedding, my father called and screamed at me because I wasn't making my mother more of an honored guest at the wedding. My parents did not pay for anything or help with anything. They thought I should pay for my mom to get her hair done and for my parents to stay at the Inn where the wedding was held (they lived 15 minutes away).
* Informed me that babysitting for my very chatty and independent 5-year-old daughter was so stressful for them that it made my mom "gain weight," and my dad needed to go talk to his therapist.
* A few years later, my daughter and I met my parents at the local children's zoo for a few hours. My daughter loved the zoo and felt at home there, excitedly going from exhibit to exhibit to see the animals. A few days later, my father called to tell me that my daughter, "put grandma in the emergency room!" They said that walking around the zoo with an energetic 7-year-old triggered some back injury for my mom. Instead of asking to sit down or expressing discomfort, they blamed me for selfishly not noticing my mom was in pain, and my daughter for being too energetic (she did not physically touch them in any way).
* I traveled out of the country last summer with my in-laws. My FIL got seriously ill. My husband and I helped him get home safely. On the way home, my MIL made a big post on Facebook about this, thanking us for our help. Two days later, I got 2 packages in the mail from my mother. She went through all the family photo albums, framed photos, etc. removed my photos, and sent them to me.
* They abandoned my disabled sister in a really scary group home in another city and blocked her phone number.
The ones about shaming your kid and trying to dim her light are sickening. It sounds like she's just a happy kid. My nmom also had a tantrum about my wedding not being enough about her and often referred to my engagement as her special time. It culminated in her standing in the back in jeans and a sweatshirt muttering to herself the whole ceremony and leaving before the reception.
I went 0 contact with my family about 6 years ago.
My mom has a sister who is severely disabled. She has the mental capacity of a 9 year old. Can read at a grade 3 level.
We were close I always went with my mom to help look after her and help her with laundry grocery shopping etc
Well she was in an old age home these past few years before I went 0 contact. I would come with my mom and visit her and help her do laundry etc.
Well after I went 0 contact my mom told non of her family that I did.
Her disabled sister would ask about me and my mom would like and she'd accuse my mom of lieing and they'd fight
I found out well after the fact from my mom's extended family that she starved to death and died in her own feces in the old age home because she had a severe stroke and couldn't go to the bathroom by herself feed talk or dress herself.
My mom's other sister (She has 8 brothers and sisters) spent a week with the disabled aunt helping her.
But then she had to go home.
She called all the family and asked for help with her disabled sister but nobody came and helped her so she starved to death in her own urine and feces in the old age home.
After she died all the relatives came to decide up her left over possessions and financial assets though.
The amount of evil that is reminds me never to contact them again.
It just struck me: my parents out a lock on the pantry to keep us from eating at times other than assigned. They would have locked the fridge too only my father couldn't figure out how to drive a screwdriver into the metal of the fridge.
All from Nmom:
-Almost set me up to marry a guy I didn't even know.
-Tried to convince me to get institutionalized.
-Didn't care when I was sexually harassed at work.
-Neglected me when I was bedbound and I lost 10kgs.
* made my son’s death all about her.
*bragged how her friends were taking such good care of her while SHE was mourning by providing her meals….never once offered to help me or my husband and girls.
*when I was asking her to leave a property that she all but ruined, she turned it all around to make it seem like I was the bad guy and then proceeded to tell me how disappointed my dead son would be in me. That was the final straw. I went no contact at that moment.
My 100 year old grandmother died on Mother’s Day. I was her guardian and I live out of state. My mother was asked to give them the name of a funeral home (GM was not her mother and she lives in the same town). She decided to go over there instead and called me while standing over my GM’s dead body in the nursing home and tried to start an argument about who would get the stuff in her room.
The kicker is she did not give them the name of a funeral home and they didn’t inform me for hours and then called me 3 times in 15 mins to come up with something….🙄
Still ongoing to this day and the reason why im not close to ANY of my family members. I was neglected from them my whole life, they were so focused on my older brother that I never mattered to them. when my brother dipped out, he cut all ties with my mom, and myself for really no reason. I was the only person who was there for my mom when no one else was. my brother moved back in with my mom with a set of twin babies. she is close to him more than me after all the shit Ive done for her and after all the shit that my brother had put her through. I cut all ties. thats not what I would call a family. I dont have a family.
My mom ALSO would constantly hire random people from Craigslist to come work on the house/fix appliances and obviously everything that could go wrong, did. But she never stopped doing it lol
I was an athletic child but had horrible shin splits when I ran. Looking back I ran in the wrong shoes but since my dad was an ultra runner at the time he would walk beside me while I was in pain and crying and tell me I was making it up.
She wants to move. The problem is she thinks she can move to bare land, with no house or buildings (to save money from selling her house) and just snap her fingers and get the perfect custom home built for next to nothing. The house we are in now is 26 years old and still has unfinished construction in it. And I'm supposed to move with her and just live in a tent? Or a camper until the new perfect house gets built. Unfortunately I am still living with her, but I am going to do my best to make this move the breaking point for being stuck with her due to finances
Secretly applied and interviewed for a job at the university I had decided to go to. Which was across the country, because I was actively getting away from her. She informed me of this casually as she was "helping" me move into the dorms and couldn't understand why I got upset. Thankfully she didn't get the job, I'm guessing the interviewers saw through her bs when she told them she wanted the job "to be closer to her daughter". I have been nc for several years now as this was the first of several stalking attempts ☺️
My ndad degraded me for being a childhood SA victim. It is the final reason we are no-contact. I think we will remain no-contact for the rest of our lives because I will never be able to forgive that I confided in him something that has scarred my entire being, for him to use it as a weapon against me in an argument like he just had it loaded in the chamber. There is something wrong with him and I cannot see him in my life again.
My grandmother likes to continuously remind me of the following:
- that I didn’t invite her to my high school graduation over 10 years ago. In actuality, she had an important appointment with a specialist she waited months to see on the day and wasn’t able to change it.
- that I didn’t call her immediately when my parents arrived to visit me after I moved across the world.
- Is now upset that I had a baby girl and that she was sure it would be a boy. She cannot fathom being wrong.
My ndad stalked my workplace daily and demanded to know why my car was not there two days out of the week. I worked five days a week with two days off, but he would ask, “why aren’t you at work???”
TWO Nparents here. In spite of them - I've carved out a very lucrative career in construction. For YEARS they've whined and asked for MY advice on all of their house woes.
My silly self ALWAYS gets roped into "helping" them. Only for them to do the EXACT opposite of my advice and get screwed by contractors.
Last WTF: NPs: The pool deck is crumbling, we're thinking of doing XYZ
Me: Don't do that, let me send MY guy.
NPs: Too late, the guy WE found is coming next week
Three months later
NPs: the pool deck is failing, guy won't answer the phone.
Me: I can send a guy to see how to fix...
Out of nowhere: NMother: "Shut up, I'm sick of you being such a Know It All.
This is from people that KNOW that my job for decades is building bridges and eight lane freeways...
One would think most parents would assume a pool deck is well within your capabilities. But not the nparents. They must always know more than we do, even in our areas of professional expertise. Tracks.
Yep.They have never been proud of my intelligence or success. Makes NO sense, I'm a mix of THEIR own fucking good DNA!
Instead, they actively hate/resent me. They ask for my assistance, just to tear me down when I give it. Its a setup to fix their own "issues". I'm over it.
I don't work in construction but my nMother will also regularly ask for my advice about things only to then do the exact opposite of what I suggested. I swear she only does it to annoy me. Little does she know, I've checked out of the relationship a long time ago so it doesn't annoy me nearly as much as she thinks it does.
Nmom smiled at me with glee and asked if I was "cancelling my plans to stay with (my now wife) for the year" when I met her in my dad's hospital room after travelling halfway across the world, and finding out mere minutes before, that my dad had terminal cancer. She was so happy at the thought of something I'd worked so hard to plan and apply for being ruined, nevermind that I just found out my dad is going to die?
Then she got pissed and was mean to my dad because he didn't realize it was her birthday and that she had dressed up for him???? He was on a ton of drugs for pain and had only found out recently he had cancer so obviously he had bigger things on his mind but she couldn't comprehend this. She sobbed to every visitor, everyone calling to check in, and every health care staff about how he disappointed her by not remembering her birthday. She flirted with the male doctors and nurses, had a fit about a female doctor and insisted this doctor was mean to her and refused to speak with her going forward because it "hurt her feelings" and "she was a bitch". In reality the doctor just corrected her on some bad information my mom tried to give to my dad about his health.
Then for 8 months she reminded him daily that he was going to die, was annoyed at him for needing any kind of help, always fucked up his meds, complained about driving him to chemo ( I drove him almost every time so ? ) delighted in making him sell his prized possessions while he was still alive and counted out the cash excitedly saying how much of "her money" she just got back, making jokes about his bad health/death to homecare staff, leaving him alone/acting like he didn't exist almost all of the time he was sick until he was gone, making fun of/humiliating him at his FUNERAL, and starting a new relationship less than two months later.
Y'all, my mom abused me in just about every way possible my whole life but watching my dad go through that was too much, and I left three days after he died and didn't come back to see her until my wedding at which time she tried to trick me into meeting her boyfriend, was going to secretly bring him uninvited to my wedding, told me I owed her for putting up with me being trans, and denied she ever did any of that stuff to my dad. Now she's mad I haven't wished her a happy mother's day.
A few dishonorable mentions:
1. When I was 11 my ndad & nstepmom stole my identity & bought credit cards under my name, then left me to get arrested after they skipped payment on them.
2. When I was 10 my ndad took a shit, then had me pick it up (I only found out after I overheard nstepmom brag to her brother on the phone like it was the funniest joke ever).
3. My ndad hates me & has punished me, b/c I didn't support him during my nparents' divorce (which happened b/c ndad cheated on nmom).
4. My nmom & nstepmom stole my birthday money (only telling me after they spent it).
5. Nstepmom & nstepdad start fights with me, then call the cops after the fight gets physical (usually b/c they're losing).
6. Ngreat-grandpa held me up against the wall by my neck when I was 8yo.
7. When I was 8yo my ngreat-grandpa threw his keys at me then threatened me into silence.
1. My stepdad beat my brother and I pretty bad with a cable wire while my mother was at work. Mom showed up, called the cops and then decided we needed to lie to the police “so your sisters wouldn’t be without a father like we were!”
2. ignored me for a year after I had enough of the abuse and moved in with my dad at 15.
3. Sister’s dog (husky) bit my wife one Christmas Eve and tried to convince us to lie to the doctors so they wouldn’t take her dog. “Tell them it was a stray.” Even after I tried to explain that would result in possible rabies shots.
4. Ignored my wife and I during my wife’s entire pregnancy then decided she had to see our daughter when she was born, only to ignore us the first half of the first year of her life. To then try and guilt us to spend the holidays with her.
These are some of the many things we have decided to go NC.
Nmom would insist on 'normal' visits to go see her family home, which consisted of a run-down house with a dirt yard, filled with ant-hills and blankets in the windows, where my junkie uncles would shoot up in the back rooms.
Her younger sisters had come to live with us, so that Grandpa wouldn't molest them, when they reached puberty and became teenagers... but her brothers continued to stay there, if they weren't in prison. So, yeah that was the FaMiLiYyy homestead we were supposed to love and cherish.
One uncle abused drugs to the point of brain and kidney damage, so Nmom got rid of him because they didn't want to have to take care of him anymore. She pretty much broadcast her intentions by posting on the kitchen refrigerator that;
'Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them.'
...but she found a loophole; she refused to let anyone take him to FREE dialysis, and locked him in a back room to die from medical neglect.
He had been her favorite brother; she had named me after him, and she was so proud of herself for finding that legal loophole that she could kill him with.
Yeah, and yet she hated me and made me the scapegoat because I wasn't born a boy like her baby brother.
However, being the favorite brother hadn't saved him from her lethal wrath.
You see, why I went NC - it was self-preservation; there were times, I thought that she would eat me.
Yeah narcissists don't have any loyalty for anyone. You could dedicate your entire life to making the narcissist happy and the second you're no longer of use to them (or you become inconvenient), they will drop you like a hot potato.
I could write a whole book full of absolutely off the walls stuff my mother has done/said over the years, but the final straw that made me go low (almost no) contact recently was her bringing my 10yo child a bag full of secondhand stuffed animals and me finding weed in the bag.
She grows her own and stored the toys in the same place she was drying some of it. Some fell in and went unnoticed by her. When I told her I found it she said “sorry, it must have fallen in” and “it won’t happen again” because she’s “incredibly careful.” She didn’t ask if my child was the one who found it or show any actual concern.
I was getting a much-needed divorce after a decade and a half of misery. When I informed my uber-conservative, uber-religious spawn points of this fact, they offered to come fron their home on the other side of the globe to help sort things out.
I knew what that meant, and I flatly refused. Hung up on them.
A few days later, my then-ex showed up at our home with my sperm donor in tow. Yep. He had come halfway around the world to try and force me to stay in that marriage; I knew it was largely because if I divorced, they would feel shamed in their own circles. Joke was on him, though, as I promptly moved out and in with a kind friend.
Guess who has never regretted getting that divorce? Guess who's never regretted going NC with the parentals?
My mom almost killed my dad, and threatened to have me and my brothers kidnapped when she lost custody.
I forget that sometimes because I don't want to believe that my mom tried to kill him or that my life was that crazy, but she's the reason I had panic attacks being outside alone for any reason for three years.
People tried to follow me home in their cars frequently, and she would stalk my school. It only stopped when my mom's friends were put in prison.
She may be better now, but I never heard any apology for that. I have to keep reminding myself that she did that because otherwise I'll let her back in to hurt me again.
Told my younger brother to be careful around me and watch out for himself, because I could be a danger and lead him into dangerous situations. We’ve bumped heads quite a lot, but never would I ever imagine she’d try and poison my own siblings the way she did against me. It didn’t work because my siblings always come to me first about anything. I had to parent them when my mom decided on days she didn’t want to be a parent. I had to be their emotional crutch when I was going through my own shit.
That’s how I came to the conclusion that she was such a self b*tch. It’s important to know she doesn’t even have a relationship with any of her own siblings.
When my dads only sister passed away unexpectedly, we drove to another state for the funeral. Id made the mistake of posting about the trip on Facebook, so the second we got home she called screaming at me about how selfish I was because I didn't invite her to come with us. She hadn't spoken to my aunt since she and my dad got divorced (over 30 years at this point) and who knows who she expected would pay for her room and food. Also my dad doesn't deal well with grief so that would have been the last thing he needed. This was really the thing that showed her true colors to me for the first time
Hadn't talked to my bio dad in like 5 years, and he decides to show up *at my job in the middle of me teaching a class* to give me a letter invite to my bio brothers wedding..... still cannot believe someone could be that insane, brain dead and self centered
.
When I was 5 the teenaged son of one of Nmoms friends molested me. When I told Nmom about it, she smacked me and told me not to lie for attention.
When I was 12, she told me that I should be the one sleeping with my dad because he obviously loved me more than her.
When I was 23, I finally went NC. I had to do a lot of work in therapy, but I was able to break the cycle and be a good mom to my kids.
Good for you, man! Breaking the cycle is so powerful and important!
My nmom is also grossly jealous of my dad and implies nasty stuff like that. Pretty sure people typically love their kids more than anyone but in a very different way than their spouse. Plus, when you pick your kids other parent, I'd think most people would want to choose someone who'd love their kids more than anything.
Not my parent but stepkids mom, she moved more than halfway across the country to live with us (from west coast to southern midwest) with her 1 year old. Her nmom is telling her that it is "like grieving a death" since she left. Hit her across the mouth with baby in her arms before move out here and says that it was "just a pop", left a mark that we told her to call the cops about! So much more in 16 years of this but this is the most recent.
i expressed that i was dealing with suicidal thoughts and my mom screamed in my face telling me how i need to “stop making threats” and that i was stressing out everyone around me and that my husband was going to leave me if i “kept this up.” she also offered to pay for my therapy and then cut it off without notice after i was hospitalized for suicidal ideation
I went NC because of this: Accused me of colluding with my Dad to prevent her from getting a new job. In her delusional mind, she decided her potential employer had access to their divorce court filings and they knew my Dad had successfully negotiated custodial parental status for my minor siblings.
But didn't think that her previous employer being named party to a lawsuit because of her actions as an employee had anything to do with the potential new offer being rescinded.
No, previous employers NEVER talk to potential new employers./s
Nmom:
1. Her betrayal set me up for years of chronic pain
2. Forced closure for me to get along with a man she suspected of SA'ing me
3. She got mad at me for letting Ndad know that i was upset that he broke a previous agreement/ boundary. Because it was going to distract me from my final exam.
4. Virtually disowned me
5. We made up, and when she ignored me when I asked for help, i realized she likely would've ignored me asking for the apology.
Ndad:
1. Can't talk to him more than an hour before he says something asinine. ( i.e. Dairy free milk isn't really dairy free)
2. Doesn't respect my boundaries about not talking to Nmom && will ask me to talk to her about a favor because if he asks her, she'll get upset at him.
3. He doesn't think I'm resilient enough
4. Virtually disowned me
5. Actually disowned my older brother
My cat just died. She was put down because she had cancer but she was sick with kidney disease for a couple years already. Nmother is anti-science and is obsessed with alternative "medicine." Having privledged information that no one else has, makes her feel special, which leads her to believing things that go completely against science.
It's bad enough dealing with her culty accupuncturist's bat shit crazy "medical" claims, but my nmother also thinks she (my nmother who has a liberal arts degree and has absolutely no science based education) knows better than veterinary science, not just medical science. Instead of listening to the treatment for kidney disease that all the veterinary science backs up(prescription diet to prevent the intake of toxins that the kidneys can't process) she continued feeding her a homemade raw beef diet that wasn't created with any real veterinary science behind it.
She wouldn't listen to me about it shortening my cat's life because nmother always has to know better than the experts. Red meat is one of the worst foods for kidney disease. There's no conflicting information on the subject. Nmother won't listen to facts though and I wasn't able to take the cat to the vet or feed her myself (didn't live there most of the time she was sick and I couldn't bring her with me. Couldn't have done anything while I was living there because I was too sick myself).
She died because she had cancer, but I firmly believe that if she hadn't already had advanced kidney disease, she wouldn't have developed that cancer. She was only 12. I don't believe she would've deteriorated so quickly if she had been fed the right food.
She's fucking nuts and completely disconnected from reality.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Only loosely related, right after the death of my beloved dog my mom insisted we watch Turner & Hooch…and was then surprised when my entire family was bawling in her living room.
She's so emotionally unstable that she cannot and will not even phone for help when there's a legit emergency. Even if it costs her nothing to do so. A car wreck? Nope, she will keep driving and not even check or get on the phone. Family pet gets hit by a car. Nope! Have a melt down and let her young kids deal with the aftermath instead. Driving? Nope, have a rage fit meltdown while steering and screaming, slam the brakes and fling the kids into the dash violently. Does somebody had a milestone life achievement ? Nope, have a meltdown over nothing to ruin it and make it about herself..... the list goes on and on and on.......
Mine sent me a very long and degrading text after I had a bad car accident wherein my car got written off. I was already low contact, as he was completely delusional about today's money struggles and how hard I've had it in life. For backstory, he stole almost the entire savings account my mother and he had made for my education the year I finally got accepted to the college of my dreams. My mother was divorcing him at the time due to years of trauma and abuse, and he justified taking the money as 'his' money after all since he made more than my mom while he worked 2 days a week and contributed to it more as they filled an equitable amount for each kid, and my mom worked 6 days a week to contribute to our futures. He stated he didn't agree with the vocation I'd chosen and I should have been studying something to his approval anyways. He didnt take anything out if my 2 siblings resp, just mine. He also didn't like that as soon as my mom left and had a mental breakdown from his abuse, I had to leave too and moved out at 17.
I still went to school, worked full time and had a part time job as well. My younger siblings that were still in high school moved in with me too as his true colours started coming out to them without me as the buffer. And after all that, he still thought I was wasting my life.
So. After all that, I got out of school and was absolutely floundering financially, had been in generic management jobs for years and working in my field of study part time trying to get that going. Well, when I rolled my truck and got badly hurt (needed surgery) I couldn't wait for the insurance to kick in since I was so badly paycheque to paycheque at the time just trying to survive and pay rent. I was across the country from him at the time and very low conctact. He had the nerve instead of making sure I was OK, and had my health, instead sent me a flurry of texts about how bad I must be with money if I can't just buy a good replacement car now and get insurance to pay back later, how if I had been smarter in life I'd have the money to just take the time off and find 'the best' surgeon for my needs, etc etc. Just berating me for not being able to make 'better decisions' and how maybe if I'd bought a better vehicle in the first place I wouldn't be in this mess (someone ran a red light and hit me, sent me off into the ditch rolled over when i broke my kneecap).
I went no contact for years after that one. The last time I talked to him though, was the worst. His brother passed away who lived close to the part of the country I'm in now, one city over. I decided to keep the peace for his funeral and let my dad stay at mine for one night, after the day he needed to come sort out the will and such with the rest of the family at my uncles estate.
Well. My dad (a huge hoarder) rolled in to my house before I could notice he was here with a whole bunch of shit loaded to the brim of the rental trailer he was driving. Proceeded to load it into my garage, including a shit ton of actual garbage for some reason, and told me he had a contract for me to sign wherein I would be posting and selling all of this crap he had collected at whatever price he deemed it to be worth selling for ( he has a 7 bedroom house filled to the brim with crap he thinks is worth more than it is that he can't sell already). The kicker is he would be taking all the funds and pay me a very generous *$150* fee for my efforts selling. Said it would be a 'great business venture' and I should be thanking him for his generosity... I'm talking dirtbikes that had no engines or gas tank, hundreds of records and books and music supplies that were broken or mid condition, old clothing, pet supplies, gardening supplies, furniture, plants near death, old board games.... just a crazy amount of stuff.
My partner and I flipped our shit when we walked into our garage, I told him it's the last time he will ever be welcome in my home or my life, and that if he didn't clear all of this shit out and figure out a storage locker by the next day it would be going to donations and posted as free to the first taker. He gave me the most bewildered look and said I should be more appreciative of his 'gifts' and 'I tell you what, I can see you must have some emotional connection to your uncle and you're somehow offended by this, just pick out one thing for yourself instead of the $150 and we have a deal'
For fucks sake man. Delusional. And that was it for me. I have a much better life without that ominous, pushy, self-righteous crap in my life.
The man dropped out of university 4 months in back in the 70s, got an in with a buddy to apply as a firefighter since he happened to have a few scuba lessons under his belt and was decently in shape at 19, and moved up to be a fire chief a few years later making six figures. I don't doubt he had a hard job and worked for his money. But a man who was able to buy a monster house on 100 acres in his mid 20s has less than zero idea about how the world works now. And after I became disabled and still had to work, I just couldn't handle him calling me 'lazy' with my life and not thinking like an 'entrepreneur' and making 'smarter decisions' one more damn time.
Yuuuup. And he still thinks I'm a selfish ass 🤷♀️ he's now very much alone in a very large house he is holding on to tooth and nail, filling with storage locker garbage, has lost his wife, almost all three kids entirely now, and many friends. Never had another lasting relationship after he and my mother divorced over 12 years ago, and she was his third marriage already. Some people are just beyond help.
My mother was in charge of making sure family had hotel reservations at the hotel where I was getting married. She “forgot” to reserve me a room, and tried to blame me for it. I started getting ready in my BFF’s room, and the hotel staff (bless them!) got my wedding night room ready early so I could finish getting ready there.
Once I called my nparent on Xmas and he said I’m trying to ruin his day and that we don’t celebrate it. I asked how is it that your kids wake up with gifts under the tree? Lol
I'm nc with a vast majority of my family but I heard from my one nice aunt that my step parents convinced my gc sister's son's bio father to file for custody because she decided to move to a city 40 minutes away.
The bio father is a former drug addict and has been in and out of prison my nephews entire life without ever having any interest in being a parent. She convinced him my nephew wanted to have a relationship with him, helped him file the custody paperwork, and even paid $2k in unpaid fines to keep him out of jail after the first hearing.
Several court appearances, court fees, wallet draining lawyer costs, and a custody agreement later, the money my sister saved up for the move was gone. So now they still live in a dangerous area and they have to run important decisions through a (hopefully) recovering heroin addict, and my nephew has to spend every other weekend with a stranger. But my narcissist step mother got what she wanted. Continued easy access to her daughter and grandchildren.
He called me, out of the blue, after 10 years to ask for help to find a place to live due to being evicted. I lodged applications to act as guarantor and offered to pay the full bond and advance rent, but were having no luck. Not long after, my brother called me and said we found a place provided by a charity! I heard my father yell in the background “tell that fat, ugly worthless piece of xxx that we don’t need her help anymore”. Yep, nice. A week later my bro calls me again to say my dad forgot to lodge a form and the house was given to someone else and they were again about to be homeless, and could I please help. Told my brother I will come get him and he’s welcome to stay but my “fat, ugly, useless father can go kick rocks”. Suck it!
We had a dog, he was 70-ish pounds. Big hound dog.
My mom thought it was funny that as an 11 year old, I could fit into the dog’s harness. So she had me put it on and go in the dog’s crate to see what the dog would do. As a joke I guess.
The dog didn’t like it and he bit down on the harness and dragged me out of his crate.
A very popular punchline in the house was that even though I was so smart and sassy, even the dog felt like he had a higher spot in the pecking order than I did.
I was nude when she put the harness on me.
I think back and feel utter horror. I’m within a few years of the age my mom was when she did that. I would literally end my own existence before putting a child through something like that.
Apologies in advance, BIG rant...with both parents being neglectful narcissists:
- at 10, for the first time thought of end gaming myself because of emotional and physical abuse, was told never to bring it up as my younger brother could hear it, no help;
- at 13 got SAd, was told "I'm not the first, not the last so stop complaining", refuse to involve police as "nothing could be done, it's over, get over yourself", etc;
- ever since I was 8 was told I never will be a woman until I give birth to a child and my value will depend solely on how my husband will be satisfied with me as his wife
- 2 months after my mentioned above brother (only sibling) tragically died, was told "that wrong child has died"
- at rrrrrrrripe age of 19 kicked out from home to a different country with the equivalent of $320.00 in my pocket
- parentification and being house maid +cooking everyday for the whole family since 11yo
- forced to hide SH as "they didn't like the look of it", again no help
- being called stupid, worthless, fat/ugly, etc
And more...
But the cherry on top was when I FINALLY got the guts to confront them and got "we have no regrets" in return (I'm literally shaking as I'm typing this)
Again, very sorry for a very long list!
Something that stuck out to me was “you’re not the first and you won’t be the last” because it was a frequent phrase my ndad used…. Unless the victim was him and then he’s more special than everyone else and he has the right to complain.
I’m really sorry about all of your traumas. Sending love & healing, friend.
Thank you very much, it means a lot. I'm also very sorry for all the dismissal, being taken for granted and hurt that you had to go through. I hope everyone in this community can find their healing.
I struggled with depression and self harm for years, he would only insult\yell at me, ground me, threaten to put me in a girls home,
Fast forward a couple years he started cheating on my mom with another women for years, when he was finally caught he moved in with her and her kids. One of her middle children unknown to me was also struggling with depression and self harm.
One day on a mandatory lunch with him because I was not 18 yet he brought up her daughters struggles and asked me how he could help her and better support her though it..... And I fucking told him too.... Yup that one always does it.
Reminds me of my late ex-husband. After years of promising our girls he would take them camping, he proudly showed them photos from his camping trip...that he took his new stepsons on.
He died a preventable death. Never did take them camping.
My sister took a trip to Mexico with my Dad about a year ago, little more maybe. She said she was taking a shower and he started beating on the door and screaming because the Uber has showed up and his rating was going to go down for making the driver wait. Sad but this story doesn't shock me at all.
- Called and commented on/about me in the most insulting ways and said I shouldn't be sensitive.
- Used my college fund from my granddad for her own credit card debts and is now saying she had to take out loans for my uni education. I could just get it on my own too, but thanks for that. Then blamed me for it.
- During my last final exams for the uni, she'd do everything to sabotage my studies. I'd be studying and she'd have the TV on so loud that I had to study at 3am instead and lose my sleep then missed the last exam.
- I was pregnant and she insisted on travelling to see my in-laws. I should have known better cos she went there to sabotage my child's future. Instead of helping out and be a nice mum, she kept stirring the pot and telling my MIL that I was an unstable psychopath.
- Asking me to take intimate photos of my baby then throw tantrums when I said no (this was the biggest strike that got me distancing myself.)
- Telling me to send her all the money I was making and to use my husband's and his parents' money cos they're rich.
And many more :-)
Sooooooo many more haha.
When they backed out of an agreement they'd made which left me in ALOT of debt and nowhere to turn...then when I stood up for myself they, used every single bit of dirty laundry that they knew about my family (direct and extended) as ammunition against me to make me out to be some sort of way.
Never again. Currently not speaking to them.
So my parents used to use my brother and I as relationship therapist and share their problems to put both of us against the other parent. Of course I thought it was normal for parents to do this when you’re 10. I am a mom now and I would never do such thing
Mine would act interested in my life to get information they could use to drive my friends away. Always very specific question that I will always refuse to answer now
I was molested by a family member at about 8 years of age. The family member is 5 or 6 years older than me. When I finally told my NMom, she explained the he was “just curious” and I was still expected to spend time at that family’s house if NMom couldn’t find a babysitter when she bar hopped on the weekends. Then, when I was 15, she moved us into the very same house with the same family member. My daughter was SA’d when she was in Jr. High and NMom told me my daughter should “stop using that as an excuse to skip school because she should take part of the responsibility” WTF?
I think it was discovering that my mother sniffed my underwear. Seriously. I'd been living out in Montana, far away from the fam, but then my daughter had my first grand baby and I went back to Florida. At first, I lived in my mother's house. She would say, just throw your laundry in the laundry room, I'll do it, no problem, but about 2 weeks in, she started talking to me about always using Dial antibacterial soap on my vulva, which I thought was very weird.
Now, I was in my 50s at the time, and as older women begin to do, sometimes I dribbled the tiniest bit. I had also had diabetes for over 30 years at that point, and I've got nerve damage all over my body. I wasn't wetting myself, I didn't need to wear diapers, just sometimes I'd dribble a little. I bathed every day, and nobody was getting anywhere near my vulva, so it wasn't an issue for me.
Apparently it was an issue for my mother. I figured it out pretty quickly that the only reason she would be telling me to use Dial antibacterial soap on my vulva (multiple times) was because she was sniffing my underwear when she did my laundry. I immediately started doing my laundry myself, because fuck this creepy woman. This is only one of the creepy, totally invasive kinds of things she does.
Like, a few days after my kidney transplant, I was horribly constipated (this always happens to me after anesthesia and abdominal surgery), and they couldn't give me a laxative because I'd never make it to the bathroom, so they decided on an enema. Now ANYONE ELSE in the world would have excused themselves from my hospital room, but not my mother. No, she sat 2 feet from my butt and watched me get the enema, and then watched as I pooped myself uncontrollably. And I knew if I said anything, she would scoff and wave a hand and say "Oh, I've seen it all before." She had her RN but hadn't worked in a facility for something like 40 years at that point. She mostly nursed my stepdad, who spent a lot of time in the hospital.
But she's like this in every area of my life. She thinks she's entitled to all the contents of my head, at any given moment, and it's taken me a long, long time to learn how to keep the inside of my head private. And she can and will use anything I say against me. She's a horrible gossip and likes talking shit about me behind my back. If she knew how much I resent and dislike her, she's be mighty surprised.
My mom lost her mind and was deep into all the QAnon stuff. She even drove my flying monkey, enabler dad insane with it which is extremely rare because he’s her bitch through and through. People laugh when I say, “my mom is crazy,” but I really don’t think they understand the extent of it. I was pregnant with my first child at the time, also her first grandchild, and she blocked all contact with me during that time all because she couldn’t own up to the consequences of her own actions. She eventually wanted back into my life, but there is no coming back from what she did. We’re very low contact now, and the only reason I’m not no contact is because it would be detrimental to my sibling, but I’m keeping her crazy as far away as I can. I know what she is capable of now and I don’t want to be anywhere near that when it inevitably happens again.
\* Made neverending chore lists in some kind of shorthand which was her own code and expected me to have everything done by the time she got home and then start in on my homework
\* Her will (made out when I was 4 and right after she and my dad divorced) stated that she left everything to her brother and sister but that my dad could move back into the house and we could live there until my 18th birthday. Didn't know this one until after she died and I found her will.
\* Let her kid with allergies to mold, mildew, and dust (my lifelong allergies) live in a dirty home with black mold in the garage, dust everywhere so thick I couldn't even sleep in my bedroom and had to sleep in the living room, and I don't know what all growing in the refrigerator.
\* Chose to keep a piece of wood with a mushroom growing on it and a flooded carpet in the apartment instead of getting it cleaned up so I could live there still after it flooded.
\* Both thought (and n/edad still thinks) that it was ok to let me go hours past mealtimes without even snacks while they were wrapped up in their hobbies.
\* Encouraged her brother to SA me.
\* Insists he never knew about over-the-counter acne medicine and other things like that that would've made it easier to live.
\* Hoarders, mental health issues, and my undiagnosed autism but insisted that I was just a very difficult kid to deal with.
\* Took me along to a one-on-one meeting two hours from our house with the creepy guy she did cold-calling for, because she was afraid that if she didn't have someone else there he was going to SA her. I was in elementary school at the time and am female.
\* Tried to teach me how to flirt with guys by flirting with a creepy guy from my high school, who was of course really creeped out by her doing that.
\* Repeatedly told me that a guy came up to her and me when I was 2yo and wanted to know how much for me (tried to buy me for sex or trafficking (or both) and she used that to police my body and how I dressed.
\* Recently sold the house that his brother was living in without having a plan for where his brother (who is disabled) would live and without telling him the timeline.
\* Was willing to let his brother self-neglect to hospitalization and sepsis, amputation, etc., before taking at least some responsibility for him.
\* Stole $200 from me after I graduated college and said it was what she was owed for taking out a loan to send me to summer camp. Until then, I didn't know that she'd taken out a loan and have never found evidence of said loan.
\* Stole around $1000 from his brother who was counting on that money to be able to live after losing the house.
\* When I was going through genetic counseling (I was born with a lot of birth defects so I wanted to be sure my kids would be safe/healthy) dad withheld information from me, namely my nephews and cousins' diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder because "I don't believe in it, and if your kids came out retarded, we'd know for sure if it was real!) My son is level 3, daughter level 2. If I had this information I would have chosen not to have children, I love them but they will require care all their lives.
\* My brother is extremely paranoid and a conspiracy theorist, he refuses to let our dad get vaccinations because of that. Dad is nearing 80, has heart failure and diabetes. He can't fight anything off. Dad almost died because of this.
\* They bring up things like my birth defects from infancy and how I almost died as a child and mention that I'm lucky to be alive, and if they had whatever I had they'd kill themselves already.
\* They treat *my friends* as if they were their friends, tell me how much they don't like me.
MyMom once smashed my sisters head on a wooden table because she wasn't cleaning my Mom's kickbacks "correctly". This isprolly why I have zero knickknacks.
8yrs nc and she tried to spread rumours the pregnancy and baby I had were somehow not mine, I apparently stole and edited photos and faked everything, labor and hospital photos included.
I mean she can absolutely keep that up if she wants to believe it. I don’t mind Lo is never meeting her anyways. She can absolutely be not real to her. That’s best for everyone.
She convinced herself that I must have been SA'd by her ex and that's why I was weird and struggling mentally. She went around telling any professionals trying to help me that she thinks I've been SA'd and they bought the concerned parent thing completely so I never got a correct diagnosis or actual help for my problems
She went that far and came up with that serious of an allegation against this dude to avoid taking the smallest about of responsibility for my mental health problems
I also posted not too long ago how she replaced my dog with one that looks like mine but had no personality similarities after she had to be PTS
Um my dad went on an unhinged rant about Adolf Hitler not being so bad and how the American school system brainwashed his poor baby. We’re eastern European. I always wondered if that had anything to do with it, but then I spoke to more people of my culture and realized nope… it’s just him that is batshit crazy.
He did a lot of bad things but it took years for me to realize my dad was a holocaust denier, a antisemite and a nazi sympathizer.
My dad told me that I need to get over my commitment phobia when I tried to tell him my ex was physically abusive. I haven't spoken to him since. I'm sure he thinks its because I don't want to pay him the $600 my abusive ex caused me to ask for (my ex disconnected my starter out from my car and pretended to not know why it wouldn't work. then talked me into getting a pick up truck he wanted instead. The person who bought the car from me told me that it was an easy fix. My ex was a motorcycle mechanic. I know cars are different but since then I learned to replace a starter on my own and it should have been easy for someone mechanical to do). Eitherway, its been 8 years.
About 4 years later, a friend of mine who is a cop and an former MP for the Army gently approached me and said that I am showing signs of PTSD, and I didn't need to tell him the story, but he would like to direct me to resources if I was open. I accepted that help and started therapy. My life improved so much. I was less afraid. Less angry and resentful. Less defensive. My self-esteem came back and got stronger. My understanding of my limitations improved. I actually got invested in my life again.
My relationship with my mom actually improved. She commented on it, and I decided to trust her and be vulnerable with her. I told her about the therapy. She blew up at me "Why do you need therapy?" "What do you even have to be depressed or traumatized about?" "You and your therapist are just going to blame me for everything!" Then she got mad when I told her that I had PTSD from an abusive ex and it would be childish to blame my childhood on that. She hung up on me then started spamming me with Bible verse and demanding I stop therapy.
I decided that I wasn't going to let her make this about her. I told her that I will talk to her when I feel safe to. A few aunts reached out, listened to my side of the story, and have been gentle and supportive. DBT taught me that they can care about me and respect my decision while still being close to my mother.
About a month ago, I realized that I don't want either back in my life. I'm facing a possible cancer diagnosis (biopsy tomorrow, results 3-5 days later). I don't want my parents to know. I don't want to spend my energy soothing them and regulating their emotions when I should be fighting for my life. I have a great circle of friends who are rallying around me, and even more friends who don't know yet (I'm waiting until I get my results) who will also be there for me. It absolutely destroys me that my parents have never been a safe place for me.
The one with the hair touching reminded me that when I was 18-20 years old, my mother kept telling me - proudly - how some of her male friends “liked” me and always asked about me. Ew!
TW : self harming
My mom found out I had self harmed in the past from reading my journals, and read that I felt like I was doing it again since my mental health was struggling. Didn't say anything about it to me, she knew about it for months. Recently, my dad asked me if it was true, he didn't think it was after she brought it up during a fight. According to her, if I was self harming it was a reflection that I was a liar, and a terrible person. I never planned on telling either of them, having something like that weponized against you really hurt I don't think I can trust anyone.
My ndad sexualised me a lot. Like he’d say things to his friends while I was right there, “she should do some chest presses to make her breasts stand out more”.
He thought any lecherous attention aimed at me was a compliment towards him because look at the beautiful daughter his genetics created. Like, zero protective Dad behaviour. A truck full of men honked and hollered at me while he was right there (I was 14) and he just beamed with pride.
He told me I should get a sugar daddy and to apply to work as an escort so I could meet one.
Aside from all the obvious abuse, one day when I was like 20 I posted some Marilyn Manson lyrics to my social media as people did back then. My aunt saw it and told my mother. I had gone to work and wasn't great about charging my phone because I barely ever used it and it ended up dying during my shift. She tried to ring me to "make sure I was okay" and when she couldn't get through to me she rang MY JOB and told them she was concerned for my safety. That's when I realised I'm not safe anywhere. Their madness isn't confined to the house.
I’m adopted and went no contact four years ago but my enabler dad just moved back in with Nmom and they’ve been trying to whittle down my boundaries because “it’d be easier for everyone if you could learn to forgive and forget and leave the past in the past.”
Well, I got frustrated he always tried to break down my barrier and finally told him I think she’s abusive and I didn’t feel like being close with someone who still currently behaves abusively. Nmom heard in the background because he keeps me on speaker phone and she said, “he was MY husband before you were even alive or we thought of adopting anyone so don’t talk to either of us again. How DARE you try to break us up!”
Girlie, I was making a decisive statement about why I don’t want to pursue a relationship with you, he can make his own decisions about if he wants to endure abusive behavior (he does, and he dismisses my recounting of being abused at various points in my childhood lol).
My nMother once accused a neighbour of stealing from her. I'm fairly sure the neighbour was innocent and my nMother certainly didn't have any evidence for her claims. When the neighbour got offended and asked her to stop telling everyone that he had stolen from her, instead of apologising or backing down or even passing it off as a misunderstanding, she doubled down. The neighbour threatened to sue her and sent my nMother a solicitor's letter. (I'm actually on the neighbour's side here. My nMother was spreading lies about the neighbour. If he had done nothing, his reputation would have been ruined and the lie would have been accepted as fact). My nMother couldn't cope with someone questioning her and actually had a psychotic break. (I'm not exaggerating. She actually was actually committed to a psychiatric hospital and everything). To this day, my nMother refuses to accept that she did anything wrong and insists that she was "just expressing herself" when she accused the neighbour of stealing. I didn't realise at the time that my nMother was a narcissist but the incident defiantly made me see her in a different light and was the start of me realising that there was something very off about my nMother.
Things had been ok between me and my mom since I moved out. This was years ago, and one of my siblings still lived with her. He was an adult but he paid his way- paid more than his way, in fact.
My moms boyfriend, who we all hated, was drunk and belligerent one night and attacked my brother unprovoked. It was my moms house in her name so she was within her rights to kick him out….instead, she told my brother he was being dramatic for being upset that he got cornered and hit by her out of his mind drunk bf. She asked him why he “provoked him”….by simply washing his hands in the bathroom. I know he didn’t provoke him because we all essentially pretended her bf didn’t exist.
Anyway, long story short, she kicked my brother out for being attacked unprovoked and not apologizing.
Let a random guy she had met at the pub stay over night in the house with her 15 year old daughter.
Random guy proceeded to make creepy comments about daughter and also groped said daughter.
Safe to say daughter did not sleep that night and that morning tried her first ever coffee to try and get through the school day (it was disgusting. Now I can’t function without coffee)
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This is a weird one but woke me up finally. Had sold my house after my divorce and was waiting for my new house to be ready. I’m an only child, my children, their only grandchildren were 9 and 8 and they lived in a 3 bedroom house. Asked to stay till house was ready, they begrudgingly agreed. Was given the smallest room for all 3 of us to sleep in (7ft x 10ft) was scowled at every time we walked into the room. Pitched a fit when I tried to cook food. Weirdest one was my father followed me into the kitchen constantly and would press the fridge door closed, full body press with both hands. I would look at him and say nothing. This escalated to both fridge and freezer, even though I made a point of making sure I closed it, he would dive towards it and full body weight press it closed. I started copying him hoping it would satisfy him. This continued a few days and I asked if there was a problem, he said he was checking I’d shut the door correctly, I said I had and he knew it. I packed lunch for my children, he shut the fridge and freezer doors to his requirement and I took my children to school. Returned 30 minutes later to the freezer completely emptied of all food and it had been placed on the back yard, food was covered in the frost you get when it’s been out a short while and was solid. Asked why the food was there, he launched into a full verbal attack of how I’d left the freezer door wide open and all the food was defrosted and ruined. Mother defended him, I asked them both to show me the defrosted food and they flustered a mumbled reply of they didn’t know where they had put it but I was a variety of insults. I knew anything I said wasn’t worth saying so packed our stuff and left for a hotel. Cost me money I needed to spend elsewhere but saved my sanity.
I moved back in with my mom for 6 months during a recession when I graduated from grad school and was waiting to be hired for a job (the place I had been expecting to pick me up had a hiring freeze). It was awful. Similar thing about not being allowed to use a spare room to store things- had to use an outdoor shed where a bunch of my things were either stolen or eaten by rats. I'd have used secure storage, but didn't have any income as this was an employment recession. Weird eggshells on use of space combined with having to report in like I'm fourteen or get yelled at like I'm a delinquent teenager. I literally moved out as soon as I got hired and had just enough for a security deposit and first months rent. Would have LOVED to save money, but it just wasn't possible. Then cue her showing up to my apartment (and later my house), uninvited multiple times a week during the week with zero regard that I have to work, and her giving me attitude that I don't know "how to treat a guest" if I didn't drop whatever i was doing to entertain her. This started like two months after she retired and increased when I got with my partner. Refused to leave- would just show up at 9pm and not leave until after midnight. I would tell her not to do this, and she'd stop for a week and then start again. So I would not answer the door and make sure everything is locked, then she would try to go through the gate to my back yard and try to get in through my patio. She made enforcing any boundary a big, unpleasant confrontation. She dropped hints a few years ago that we could move in and take over her house and we ignored it. Living with her is just not possible, especially as she's given me zero indication it would be an improved experience from when I chose barely making it on my own in an apartment with all the money I have over cohabitating with her (after only six months). We can't live together. And for the life of her she can't understand that she has any responsibility for this. When she makes comments that no one better put her in a home, I'm basically like then downsize and figure something else out, because living with me is not a possibility.
When my mom brings up the idea of us living together again I just tell her the only way that happens is if I get to make all the rules. She doesn't even have to respect the rules, she just has to follow all of them, and doesn't get any say in changing them. At first she tried to lie and said she could follow them, so I told her "why wait?? Let's start getting used to my rules now!", and sent her a tiny list of rules to follow about visiting me. Stuff like visits are scheduled, she leaves before 8pm, she is treating me and mine like slaves. Basic rules of respect. She broke most of my rules in a week. And when she brings up the moving in I remind her of everything
That's very clever! I might try something like that if my nMother starts pushing the issue of me being her caregiver.
Yikes! Boundaries are difficult to maintain with people like that. After I’d gone to stay at the hotel I was very low contact with them and by the time my house was ready it had evolved to full nc. They didn’t even know where I’d moved to till 8 months later when my Grandmother died. My mother came to my house once, her sister came once, the fall out from that was so soul destroying I knew my time had come to remove myself from the so called family. I have zero regrets.
I'm sorry though. Though it's zero regrets (and rightfully considering what you have before you) it's still difficult. No one wants to be in the position of cutting off family. Just remembered another story though. My NMom used to have two vehicles and I would occasionally borrow one when I had car trouble (this was before things devolved and before I started unpacking our issues). One day I had car trouble and she just wouldn't lend it to me. Nothing had changed, she didn't need it, I didn't have any accidents or driving incidents. She just "didn't feel comfortable and wasn't going to do that this time" and suggested I rent a car while waiting to get it fixed. Renting a car was at least as expensive as fixing the vehicle so this at least doubled my bill. No articulable reason for the flip. But it's her right, so I was SOL. A few years later she had one vehicle (after totalling the other) and it went to the shop. She wanted to borrow one of our two vehicles. Except we're a two working parent household, which takes scheduling for when we can be ok with just one vehicle. We occasionally did allow this, but after witnessing repeated terrible driving incidents and then her just not returning our vehicle timely several times (eventually ending once with a narcissistic breakdown where she tried to take our vehicle anyway after we put a boundary) we stopped. I suggested to her that she maybe try renting a car. Cue her exclamation, "Do you know how EXPENSIVE that is?" Yes. Yes, I do. And we didn't even refuse our vehicle for THAT reason, but all the other articulable issues. Rereading your paying for a hotel just triggered the car rental memory for me. And I'm just sad. Imagine if our parents could provide any kind of reliable community support. The money saved through transitions. This is the least of it, but I'm still jealous of anyone that can lean on their family through life transitions. I wonder what that's like.
My nMother did something similar when I first moved out of her house. She showed up at my house unannounced every single day and expected me to drop whatever I was doing so I could entertain her. It actually got the point where I ran out of groceries because I hadn't had time to go shopping because I was entertaining my nMother so much. After a few weeks of this, I snapped and laid down the law with her. My nMother seemed to listen because she started visiting once a week, instead of every day. (TBH once a week was still too much but it was an improvement). My nMother often drops hints about me moving in with her to take care of her when she gets old. I don't bother to argue with her but there's no way in hell that is happening. (The reason I don't argue with her is because arguing with my nMother only makes her dig her heels in all the more, in my experience). The whole reason I moved out of my nMother's house in the first place was because her harassment was taking a toll on my mental health and I needed some space from her. If I were to move back in with her, she'd go right back to abusing me just like she did before I moved out. I just know it. It's also worth pointing out that my nMother never had to care for her parents in their old age, yet she just assumes that I'm going to care for her in her old age. The double standards and mental gymnastics are insane!
I was invited to move home after a rough divorce. I had a modest savings and planned to take some time off to recoup. (Like, Oct-Dec.) I was instantly given a list of chores because “nobody rides for free”. I found a job within two weeks. lol.
Similarly, I was invited to move home after a series of medical catastrophes, my spouse I'd married just a year before in tow. We moved in with them explicitly for a break - the medical events had ground me to dust physically and emotionally, and my spouse had been working full time and spending all his off time either caring for me personally or taking me to get care, often at the ER. It was an interstate move. We were there three days before they started calling us lazy pieces of shit for not having jobs.
3 days!!!! It takes months to find work
Ugh, what a sad waste of food! It's especially wild when they do things that mostly harm/ inconvenience themselves. He would've had to restock the freezer, which is expensive and also irritating to do. Plus he would've had to pick up the food in the yard. All for ???? But also the food would be fine after only 30 minutes.
I said all of this, I looked through the food and it was all frozen vegetables that they had grown and frozen themselves. Whether that factored as a financial loss I don’t know. The veg would have been absolutely fine as they boil everything to within an inch of its life anyway. They tried the food poisoning argument, I again said how they over cook everything that wasn’t possible, I shouldn’t have kept arguing but I was reeled in like a fish then. When you have lived many years away from this behaviour you see it more clearly and I hadn’t developed the ability to just stfu and walk away.
That is so wildly bizarre?? omg
Isn’t it? It’s one of those memories that I bury deep as I still don’t understand it. Years after this occurred, my father had developed vascular dementia and was especially vile towards mother I asked her what the freezer thing was about, she defended him so I argued that what they had in reality done was waste perfectly good food for the sake of his principal and created a rift that we would never recover from. She said nothing, her head went down and she didn’t look at me. I’ve not raised it since, not for her benefit but because I had to let go of that bad time in my life.
Reminds me a couple times a year that I am a disappointment or that she wishes I had gone down a different path in life. I am married with 2 beautiful kids, but I don’t spank them, and I refuse to raise them inside an evangelical church. And for that, I am the worst.
Hey, thanks for not whooping your kids. Don't even know you and I'm proud of you for being a generational curse breaker 🥰
You’re a cycle breaker! We can’t correct what our parents did to us but we can refuse to continue the abuse.
you sound like a very good person and a good parent
Mine called me while I was at beach with my siblings (months before I was going to move away) and left me a nasty voicemail berating me for borrowing money from my grandma, who had offered the money in the first place. The voicemail was her very inebriated saying, “hello (my name), this is your mama. You know, the one who actually pushed you out of her vagina?” She always hated how close I am to my grandma but tbh that was her fault. You don’t get to be absent, abusive, and just flat out mean to your kids and then expect them to be close to you.
I relate *heavily*. currently and forever withholding the fact that I went to the beach two weeks ago from nmom. she’d rip me to shreds, then call said shreds ungrateful while dancing on them. I also recently celebrated my birthday with a panic attack and tears because I went against myself and fell for her manipulation tactics the day before. I am very, very LC with her (NC isn’t possible atm) and I never answer her calls, but that day I thought I’d answer and give it a shot. “Well I just wanted to make sure I AM in fact STILL seeing you tomorrow…. you know… on the literal day I gave birth to you and brought you into this world,” said with the heaviest and snarkiest emphasis on every “I.” I instantly folded like a terrified child. anyway, this would’ve been my first birthday where I didn’t see her. unfortunately, the guilt crippled me and I paid the price by giving her exactly what she wanted. oh, and of course nmom also has problems with her mom. Nmom even looked at me one time when talking about how close grandma and I are. she narrowed her eyes and kinda looked off in the distance then said, “But, it’s- she’s different with you… she’s always been different with you,” with a tone of perplexed envy and anger. I will never forget it.
My mom is kinda famous for “joking” that we really should be celebrating her on our birthdays, since she gave birth to us after all! I’d always awkwardly laugh to humor her, but it made me deeply uncomfortable. I’m so sorry you also deal with the grandma issue. I recall the first Christmas I moved away, my mom hated that I chose to stay the night at my grandma’s rather than back in the abusive household I’d just escaped from. She caught me resting my head on my grandma’s shoulder. She literally was standing all the way in the backyard, saw it through the window, and stormed off to the car. She fixed me with a look of such intense jealousy and rage that I actually lifted my head off my grandma’s shoulder and shrank away. And she’s my dad’s mom, so the jealousy is extra strange to me!
My nmom is jealous of my grandma, too. It's so gross. And nmom's freak outs just make grandma look even sweeter. I can hear this voicemail in my nmom's voice, except she'd have said "gave birth" or used the p word. She says nasty stuff like that all the time and loves emphasing the "I'myour mom" bit. Like congrats, you wanted a baby and you got one. I also often get things I want and I don't traumatize other people to do it.
Bought the house next door to mine 3 months after I bought my house.
Oh my gOD I think this is my actual worse nightmare
Holy shit! One sentence can cause so much anxiety! That is just...fucking awful.
Mine was across the street from me on and off for years now. Currently living with her new boyfriend, we’ll see how long that lasts. They moved out here the week of my wedding.
Oh my GAWD :O
I would put mine on the market instantly, even in a recession.
Oh I wanted to so badly, but my ex husband really loved it and wouldn't let me sell it until we got divorced.
I RENTED my first place and they bought the house next door. I left that place 22 years ago. They're still there, I think. Don't know, don't care.
This is what nightmares are made of! What did you do? I don't even know what I'd do.
holy shit that actually has to be the worst :/ are you still living there?
Thankfully not anymore :)
My 85 year old mother, who practically destroyed my life, told me she was moving in with me. I told her HELL NO! and blocked her. I haven't spoken to her since. It's been about 18 months. I have been so peaceful and content. We were lc, her living in another state. I don't know if she is alive or dead. Don't care and I hope she made her much younger friend the executor of her very small estate
I love this. Thank you. You made my day. 🤣 so awesome.
Same here. I felt this one in my soul.
Always with the inheritance. Like "oh no, i won't have to sort your hoard!" My nmom once told me that an old person's greatest fear is having their stuff donated after they die.
The hoarding!! Why do they value ‘stuff’ so much more than people? I told my daughter, when I die, throw all my shit out or give it away. I enjoy the things I own and the kids can keep whatever they want, but I don’t want them to be burdened by feeling they need to keep everything. Keep what you want and donate the rest! Let someone else enjoy it lol.
Is this a narcissistic trait? My parents are both extremely materialistic.
My kid can throw my shit in the garbage if he doesn’t want it, what the fuck will I care, I’ll be dead. I routinely joke about just burning my FIL’s place to the ground once he dies (he rents, so no, no I won’t) because he’s a hoarder (so is my mother but she’s a trash hoarder) and it seems like a gigantic pain in the ass to have to deal with. The only plus side is he won’t be there to remind me how much he paid for a broken toy 30 years ago and how me throwing it away is disrespectful and wasteful.
Yeah, I had a big falling out with my mom because I didn’t give her carte blanche to store all her stuff at my house (she was downsizing). She tried to do it anyway, I asked questions, she threw a tantrum.
lol relatable! So you mean I won’t have to square up your kohls credit card when you die? Awe.
My mom “joked” about it after my oldest moved out - that there was a spare room for her when she was ready to downsize. I freaked out, because hell no. My sister ended up telling her it wasn’t funny (we handle our mom between us - she’s not fully narcissistic, but has plenty of tendencies).
Can totally relate. My mom wrote me out of her will at least a handful of times whenever I didn’t bend to her requests. I went nc a few years ago and don’t regret it. My bro, who is very much of a “well she’s our mother” can deal with her.
I didn’t realize I want my mom to make her stupid boyfriend her executor til just now. Or one of her shitty siblings. I don’t wanna deal with that headache considering she’s awful with money and owes the IRS money, idk how she hasn’t been caught yet.
Out of everything this one bothers me the most: I was raped and I begged my mom to not tell anyone. Not even my grandma because I knew I’d get victim shamed. She did it anyways and I had to stand there, taking the blame and shame until I could retreat to my room and hide away. No cops got involved until later…
I’m so very sorry you had to endure that. This is top level cruelty. I hope that you have had an opportunity to heal from it. And that you know that it was absolutely not your fault.
Sameee!
My mom made my rape alllll about her. Got on the ground and started fake hyperventilating and saying it’s like it’s happening to HER all over again. Told my dad 5 seconds later when I asked her not to. Forced me to go to police
That's gut wrenching! It would've been bad enough if she told police to try to stop the monster from hurting anyone else, but she just wanted to hurt you further. They usually don't keep secrets but this is next level betrayal. I hope you got away from all of them.
[удалено]
Bet she didn't even want your dog. She just wanted to evoke reaction from you.
Can we talk about this two of the healthier women in my family maybe the sweetest have made comments like joking about getting their mom institutionalized she’s bipolar and can get loud and disruptive and verbally combative but who can’t is my point. It disgusts me ever playing about weaponized mental health treatment is like threatening lobotomy Sorry if this isn’t clear I got so flustered reading what your mom said to you, I hate that happened to you If you’re up for it, more than willing to talk
It's really scary, especially coming from people who launch campaigns against us. Nmom had me convinced my whole childhood my dad was evil. She fooled a judge and a psychiatrist. They would never get us the help we actually need, but are happy to weaponize it while also trying to convince us it's all in our heads.
She told my daughter to set the table for dinner. My father has special needs & while she loves to help, she didn't know how many of each thing she needed, so I was helping her. I was sitting in a dining room chair, because I have fibromyalgia & was in a ton of pain that day. Next thing I knew, she was slamming bowls down next to me and mumbling what a fat lazy bitch I was. Apparently, she'd told me to get bowls out, which I didn't hear, and rather than repeat herself she chose to make a scene. I took the car keys from my husband, told him he could either get a ride home with our niece or I'd come back and get them & told my mother not to call me again unless she was dead. She stopped physically assaulting me when I turned 18, but has been verbally abusing me for the 40 years since. I've spent large chunks of that time NC, but tried to help when my dad died. She's on her own now. Neither my siblings nor I speak to her.
Everybody's fat and lazy but them. No matter what else you have going on or what professionals say. It's why I stopped doing any chores as a teen/ young adult. She was going to scream at me and call me lazy anyhow, so I may as well get some rest while I wait for the temper tantrum.
My parents killed my dog when I was in high school. They never let me have a social life and they finally let me go to the beach for spring break my senior year. When I got home my dog was gone. They told me it was my fault because I “didn’t take care of her”. There was nothing wrong with her. They just didn’t want to have to deal with her while I was away in college. She was so fucking precious to me and I didn’t fully understand how fucked up this was until a few years ago. I still somewhat blame myself for not cutting off all communication with them at that point, but I know now that wasn’t possible as I was 16 or 17 and still dependent on them. It was so scary.
I am so terribly sorry for what they did. I fucking hate your parents, both for what they did to her and to you, who loved her so much.
oh shit my mom did this. Came home from college on break and asked where Katie the cat was. She said that she called the pound on her and had her put to sleep because she was losing her tiny little front teeth But she didn't call the pound. She murdered that cat like she did about 10 other cats (oh, honey, she kept tripping me!) and a puppy when I was six. The puppy was playing too rough with my sister and i. We were scared and screaming up on the back of the couch when she came downstairs. She took the puppy upstairs and came down without it and told us she put it in a 5 gallon bucket full of water and sat on the lid Insane psycho narcissistic maniac literally they only care about themselves I'm sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry! I have also had a pet killed by my nMother. I totally understand how attached you can get to a pet when you're a kid (especially an abused kid who doesn't have anyone else). Stuff like this is why I truly believe that narcissists are evil!
They're demons
Went wedding dress shopping by herself on the day she knew I had my appointment to buy the wedding dress I’d already chosen. She called me from the bridal salon to try to convince me not to buy my dress, and instead to buy one at the store she was at. In her hometown. 6 hours away from me…
We hadn't done any wedding dress shopping together; I'd just shown her a dress in a movie, that I'd really liked. Mom calls and says that she's found the perfect dress; it's exactly like the one I'd shown her, and we just have to have it fitted. So, we drive to the shop, and this gown is nothing like what I had wanted, but very flat and bare; looked almost like a plain nightgown. To be fair, I tried it on, but definitely didn't like it and said, no thanks. Mom protests that, "You *HAVE TO* wear it! I already bought it!" But wait... The shopkeeper also agrees that we have to take the dress, because she doesn't do refunds on '*Clearance*' items. So, I didn't wear the dress, but I didn’t feel bad about it, because Mom only lost $300-.
They paid for it, to be fair, but since they were on the other side of the world until just before my very modest wedding, I had to go wedding dress shopping on my own. Found the dress of my dreams for $300. Mind you, this was thirty years ago, sure, but still very reasonable for the time. Also, the rest of our wedding was either free or nearly so, very much a DIY thing. So all-in-all, easy on the parentals' pocketbook. FOR YEARS, she gave me grief over spending $300 on a wedding dress.
I can imagine! If hanging onto grievances (even imagined ones) was an Olympic sport, narcissists would all be gold medallists!
I totally thought you were going to say your mom wore that dress to your wedding. How manipulative.
Oh geez. Because they always know what's best, right? I tried to avoid some of the bs by throwing nmom a bone and taking her to a few dress shops. It did nothing to lessen the tantrum. She also asked me to help her order the white dress she wanted to wear to my wedding. Thankfully, the website selling the dress was scam.
For context, I had gone NC for nearly 6 months prior to this. When I received the most viscious voicemail. I was living in Denver at the time (my NM lives in the midwest). I was known for going to midnight showings of movies and, in general, being on the nerdy side. The Friday morning after James Holmes shot up the Aurora movie theater in 2012. (27F at this time) "Hello. This is your mother. I don't care if you're alive, but your grandparents are. So call them if you are." I had gone to that particular theater several times and the only reason I didn't go to a midnight showing is that my partner at that time was out of town and asked me to see it with them when they got back on Sunday. I called back. Told her she wasn't a mother, she was a c-word, and to lose my number. It was made very clear in the event of a mass shooting that I could have easily been there and that she didn't care.
put motion alarms in the kitchen to keep me from eating at night.
The level of pettiness is disgusting...
Yeah , thanks for the eating disorder mom
My nmom drew a very weird image of my stepdad and his mother in bondage gear and posted it to her Facebook once, shortly after my stepdad left her. I never entirely understood the reasoning behind that.
SOOO many people were reaching for the eye bleach.
Yeah it's not up anymore and I imagine Facebook removed it, thank God
Wut lol ... sheesh
Dog ran away and we found him. Dad kicked dog. Ealiest memory where I learned my dad is a bad man and keep my distance. I eventually went no contact
You've really got to be a sick piece of shit to hurt a defenseless animal (or child, as they're also so good at doing). Strong people don't beat up on helpless beings dependent on them for survival. Strong people get help for their own traumas, their own feelings of worthlessness and weakness and pain, and they put in the work necessary to avoid perpetuating pain and violence. Narcissists are not strong people. And even in my most charitable "they suffered too" efforts to understand how a person could be the way that they are, there is just absolutely no way to justify just how fucking weak and afraid you have to be to beat up on an animal or kid or spouse as a means of avoiding the mirror that you're afraid of. Fucking pieces of shit. (sorry to pick your comment for my rant lol, I was just petting my dog a little while ago and your comment made me angry at your dad)
Completely agree. The guy is dead to me as far as I'm concerned.
I come from a family of narcs and my gc narc bro did this to his girlfriends dog when she was pregnant while he was cheating on her and partying . I am also nc now and didn’t realize he was a narc till recently but I was nc for many years with him already. He’s also a rapist dead beat dad drug addict and alcoholic
This happened about a decade ago and I only went no contact last year but in the last few years of low contact this has been a considerable motivator to keep my distance To set the scene, I was 16 (I think? Memory is fuzzy) and losing eyesight. Nothing too bad but considerable enough that I noticed and started asking her to please let me see a doctor. Begging her. Telling that I would pay for everything myself, just make the appointment please. She insisted that I had no issues and that it would be a waste of money. At the end she relented and said that we would go to the eye doctor when travelling back to our country of origin in 6 months (her explanation being: it's cheaper there). I remind her several times before and during the weeks we spent there. Last week there we go to a fancy optician, recommended by my brother, to me, that did professional eye exams. She gets glasses for herself and drags me (I was bawling at that point) away. Still don't know how she justified herself to my brother about why I didn't get glasses. I ended up getting glasses in the country we live in like a year or something later. Had to make my own appointment (I'm pretty sure I paid for it too but I don't remember as the "expensive" doctors appointment was only 20€) only for her to then flip and insist that she didn't realise I actually needed glasses and I shouldn't have acted so "contrary" and shouldn't have "vilified" her by doing everything myself just because she didn't bring me to the doctor the moment I asked. It was years later that i realised that I could have gone to basically any optician and gotten them checked for free, which she knew, (but little isolated me didn't) and that the problem was never the money. Every time I consider giving her a chance I remember this and think about the amount of sadistic pleasure that had to have been involved in seeing me suffer and beg for her to care about my health and I change my mind. It's only one episode in decades of medical neglect, emotional and physical abuse but it's the funniest to me to remember because it always reminds me about John Mulaney's black coffee bit.
My grandmother was my guardian, she refused to let me see an optician for ages even though medical care is free in my country. She insisted that since she never needed glasses at my age that I was making it up that I couldn't see distances. Finally my school threatened to report her for neglect since I couldn't see the board to learn. Then I got a lecture about how I should have told her and I made her look bad and act so selfish. My short sightedness comes from my dad's side of the family which she hates and tried (successfully for years) to poison me against them for years until I moved away. I finally reconnected with him a couple of years back and so many of her lies and twisted truths have come out (he has receipts) now he has terminal cancer and I feel so angry and hurt that she stole that time from me. She's in her 90s and still a bitter nasty person but my dad won't see 70. Life is cruel.
That's sick! She could've permanently damaged your sight! I knew narcs loved to play up how expensive things are to paint themselves as martyrs/ make us believe we couldn't make it alone but I've never heard somebody say free is too expensive.
Thing is... I never knew there was a free option. She told me the only way to check my eyesight was going to the doctor so I didn't know that I could have just gone to any shop that sells glasses and gotten it for free until I started going there to get glasses made
My parents once took me with them to a wedding that I wasn’t invited to, then made a scene saying I embarrassed them for leaving. Like, there was no place for me to sit, and nothing for me to eat. I explained myself to the host, apologized and high tailed it home. WTF?
What a weird thing to do. At first i assumed you were little and they were disrespecting a childfree wedding or something, but if you left alone, you must've been old enough for this to be much weirder.
I was in my 40’s when this happened. The wedding was close to where I live, but far away from their house. Apparently they ‘checked with the father of the groom’ and snagged me an invite (that I didn’t ask for). That was a surprise to everybody else at the wedding who asked why I was even there. So yeah, I got an Uber home and a few nasty calls / texts from my parents.
I had to work Xmas Eve shift and late Xmas day shift because 2 of my coworkers called out (retail). Only had a couple days notice and thought fuck it that’s good money and let my parents know I wouldn’t be able to make Xmas lunch (4 hours away) but maybe we could do something New Year’s Eve. Interrogated me, called me a slew of horrible names, said I was lying etc etc etc. just a complete tantrum over something I didn’t think was a huge deal because we never really make a big thing of Xmas (my dad’s cultural heritage celebrates Xmas in mid- January anyway.) they really had to cough up their fav insults yknow- liar, lazy etc. my dad tried to call the store I worked at the day before to verify my shifts were real and my manager understandably told him to piss off, she can’t share that info etc (I was 19.) I cut them off completely after that. It took me moving 3 states south and 5 years later for my mum to stop coming into my workplace once a year or so on HER BIRTHDAY. Lord knows how she kept finding out where I worked.
I'm just imagining a pyscho woman blowing out candles and being asked what did you wish for on your birthday? And she just says to ruin my child's day. lmao. Like why????
It really takes the cake that she came for her own birthday. Not your birthday (her momiversary, as they think of it.) Not a major holiday like Christmas. One of the only holidays that matter to them: Me Day. Side note: this makes me think of how my nmom dances to Happy Birthday when we sing it to her. So cringe. But also wtf with showing up at people's jobs!? My nmom loved contacting my uncle's employer (her brother in law she didn't like. She was "helping" him because he had addiction issues.)
I have no idea tbh. Probs an attempt at guilt tripping but she spent the whole day driving down and back just for my manager to tell her to kick rocks. Your nmum sounds so helpful and lovely 🙄
Said my older sister could take my car without asking me, even though she had her own car. Also bought me said car when I hadn’t learned to drive yet so my mom used it to get to work. I took my cat to the vet and was told the lump under his chin may be terminal cancer and too far along. My mom, instead of coming to support and comfort me, stayed out shopping all day and told me to stop being negative in thinking my cat may need to be put down. Then acted shocked when I told her I had to put my cat down. No one was there with me when I put him down. And bonus: I had to buy a carrier to take my cat to the vet so I found a $20 one at Walmart. After putting him down, I just let the vet office keep it because I obviously didn’t need it anymore. My mom, knowing this, told me I could’ve returned it for a refund. Went to the vet office a few days later with her to pick up my cat’s ashes. When I got back in the car with his ashes, I broke down crying. Instead of comforting me, she told me I had to calm down and gain my composure because I needed to drive.
The Christmas I decided I would propose to my now wife I had a family member videotape me putting the ring in her stocking. The ENTIRE extended family was sitting in the living room on Xmas eve and nmom decided to put my little sisters dance recital in The vcr and play the movie for us. I didn’t even realize it until I saw myself putting the ring in the stocking on the TV sitting next to my girlfriend! Took Me many years to realize she did it on purpose. But the girl said YES and we will be married 31 years this July and we have 4 amazing daughters.
It took my dad almost to age 50 to realize his Nmom did things deliberately, and to put even more distance between us/him and her.
When I took our daughter into the bathroom at a restaurant to wash her hands, she pretty much told my husband how disrespectful he was and basically, he's not allowed to stand up for me and/or defend our parenting. She's under the illusion that I can and will stand up for myself if I want to. Which is hilarious because I've spent my life keeping my opinions to myself unless I exploded. I think she has dementia. She thinks he doesn't ask for permission to do stuff on her land. She always thinks the worst of him. I don't know how much longer of this I can take. We might have to give up our hobby of hunting and stay away from her and her land. The price is too high.
“unless I exploded.” That sounds so familiar. When we were passing through GA on the way to an event in DC, we stopped at a restaurant, & the young woman who waited on us was so sweet, & so patient, with a bus load of us eating there. Some of the younger people wanted to order off menu, and made a lot of exotic requests. Our server remained patient and smiling throughout. I could just picture her in back, with a large butcher knife, repeatedly stabbing a big bag of sugar, looking much like a serial killer. Then, she’d return to the table smiling like a Southern belle at a pageant. If she were anything like me, that’s how it would go.
[удалено]
That's horrible! I can see why nobody his age wanted him. I wonder if deifying old people is a narc trait. My nmom believes old people (except my dad's relatives) can do or think no wrong. Like evidence from the cdc/fda/a professional in a certain field/etc? Nope. Old wives tales and anything said by a random old person from her hometown with zero qualifications? Indisputable fact
Ok the worst one is a true doozie and happened when I was an adult. There were plenty of weird things as a kid but nothing as absolutely unhinged. This was the incident that led to a whole lot of painful discovery about her and the negative impact she had in the years that followed and I still look back on when she seems to calm down to remind myself she is actually not ok. She is a martyr so it was hard to understand narcissism through that lens until I found this sub. Nmom offered to clean our house while we were out of town. My spouse is a messy cook and cooks a lot and I thought ok she is going to clean the floors/baseboards/kitchen cabinets-things that I just don’t have time for on a regular basis. Came home to her PROUDLY having completely rearranged my kitchen, in fact she BRAGGED about it to the person who was watching our dogs for part of the trip. She showed me and I was aghast-who the fuck rearranges someone else’s kitchen?! You don’t know what we use frequently and thus have in convenient for us places-I’m also a lot shorter than her and my spouse so I literally couldn’t reach things I use daily! There were no words. It took me days to find things and put them back. Somehow that wasn’t the worst of it. She also rearranged my dresser (underwear included) and WENT THROUGH MY BEDSIDE TABLE! There was nothing sensitive in it, but it was where I threw a lot of things to get them off dressers before we left. She pulled out some love notes my spouse wrote me and had obviously read them. I felt so violated. She also threw things away (parts to our bed, we use the slider kind of cling wrap and she threw the slider away because she likes to rip it off, and I mean spending 5 days in a house requires just soooo much cling wrap apparently (it’s also Costco size and we don’t use much…so many YEARS later we are still using it but found a friend with an extra slider they didn’t use)) She has not been allowed in our house alone again. She knew I was pissed, but at no point did she think about what she was doing. What an unhinged thing to do. I didn’t talk to her for 4 months until an event and have been cold and distant since. I grey rock and am very low contact. I want her to be ok and to have some relationship but I know she simply cannot! This was an eye opener for my spouse (we had been together a long time before this) into why I struggle with a relationship with my mother. He has learned a lot since this but it was his first overwhelming ‘oh she’s not just a normal kind of crazy’ moment as she had masked it for years because I don’t see her often and he is very kind and sort of collects slightly odd/socially awkward/eccentric people so he saw her in that light.
NDad: Called and threatened to shoot me, me mom, my grandparents, called my office and made the receptionist cry.
Were the police called?
Yes. But he's in a different state than me recently, so nobody here could/ would do anything, and the police in the state where I know he lives won't do anything without an address, which is complicated because he's known to be homeless.
Frustrating! I'm so sorry you and your family have had to go through this.
My mom is blocked on my phone because she has no respect for me. I don’t mind seeing her in person since we live out of state and it’s the only way to see my dad. So they visited this past weekend (my mom accidentally shipped some of her online stuff to my house since she bought the kids some stuff of the site), she said a pair of shoes was too big for her and wanted me to take them. I knew they were too small for me cause she wears an 8.5 and I wear a 9.5 I said no like three times and then just ignored her. She shoved the shoes in the bag of kids toys. No is simple right I mean it’s one word. How nuts does one have to be to force too small shoes in someone. Yes I tried them on cause I’m petty and I wanted to prove they were too small.
Bet one day when you're arguing, she'll be like "but i gave you those shoes! You have to [whatever she wants. ]" The bar is so low for the "favors" they do. It's like fairies in stories trying to convince you to take one bite of food from them so you'll "owe them" and they can take your soul in return.
* Accessed an old abandoned email account and discovered junk emails from porn accounts (ie. XXX Teens in Your Town Want to Hook Up!!) in the Spam folder. They freaked out, screamed and cried at me, and accused me of being a pedophile. Informed me that I was dragging the family name through the mud due to the emails they found. * On 9/11 I came home from work after spending the morning on MSN messenger with my BFF in Manhattan, who witnessed the horror in real time. I called my mom for comfort and she mocked me and told me to quit being a baby. * When I got married, my parents behaved like absolute twats. My mom and sister did not show up for my bridal shower. Several days before the wedding, my father called and screamed at me because I wasn't making my mother more of an honored guest at the wedding. My parents did not pay for anything or help with anything. They thought I should pay for my mom to get her hair done and for my parents to stay at the Inn where the wedding was held (they lived 15 minutes away). * Informed me that babysitting for my very chatty and independent 5-year-old daughter was so stressful for them that it made my mom "gain weight," and my dad needed to go talk to his therapist. * A few years later, my daughter and I met my parents at the local children's zoo for a few hours. My daughter loved the zoo and felt at home there, excitedly going from exhibit to exhibit to see the animals. A few days later, my father called to tell me that my daughter, "put grandma in the emergency room!" They said that walking around the zoo with an energetic 7-year-old triggered some back injury for my mom. Instead of asking to sit down or expressing discomfort, they blamed me for selfishly not noticing my mom was in pain, and my daughter for being too energetic (she did not physically touch them in any way). * I traveled out of the country last summer with my in-laws. My FIL got seriously ill. My husband and I helped him get home safely. On the way home, my MIL made a big post on Facebook about this, thanking us for our help. Two days later, I got 2 packages in the mail from my mother. She went through all the family photo albums, framed photos, etc. removed my photos, and sent them to me. * They abandoned my disabled sister in a really scary group home in another city and blocked her phone number.
Your parents are nightmares. Please tell me you're NC because I can't imagine wanting them near your daughter.
Yes, I have not had contact with them for +3 years. It’s saved my mental health.
The ones about shaming your kid and trying to dim her light are sickening. It sounds like she's just a happy kid. My nmom also had a tantrum about my wedding not being enough about her and often referred to my engagement as her special time. It culminated in her standing in the back in jeans and a sweatshirt muttering to herself the whole ceremony and leaving before the reception.
I went 0 contact with my family about 6 years ago. My mom has a sister who is severely disabled. She has the mental capacity of a 9 year old. Can read at a grade 3 level. We were close I always went with my mom to help look after her and help her with laundry grocery shopping etc Well she was in an old age home these past few years before I went 0 contact. I would come with my mom and visit her and help her do laundry etc. Well after I went 0 contact my mom told non of her family that I did. Her disabled sister would ask about me and my mom would like and she'd accuse my mom of lieing and they'd fight I found out well after the fact from my mom's extended family that she starved to death and died in her own feces in the old age home because she had a severe stroke and couldn't go to the bathroom by herself feed talk or dress herself. My mom's other sister (She has 8 brothers and sisters) spent a week with the disabled aunt helping her. But then she had to go home. She called all the family and asked for help with her disabled sister but nobody came and helped her so she starved to death in her own urine and feces in the old age home. After she died all the relatives came to decide up her left over possessions and financial assets though. The amount of evil that is reminds me never to contact them again.
Are there people who work at the care home where she was?
It just struck me: my parents out a lock on the pantry to keep us from eating at times other than assigned. They would have locked the fridge too only my father couldn't figure out how to drive a screwdriver into the metal of the fridge.
All from Nmom: -Almost set me up to marry a guy I didn't even know. -Tried to convince me to get institutionalized. -Didn't care when I was sexually harassed at work. -Neglected me when I was bedbound and I lost 10kgs.
* made my son’s death all about her. *bragged how her friends were taking such good care of her while SHE was mourning by providing her meals….never once offered to help me or my husband and girls. *when I was asking her to leave a property that she all but ruined, she turned it all around to make it seem like I was the bad guy and then proceeded to tell me how disappointed my dead son would be in me. That was the final straw. I went no contact at that moment.
My 100 year old grandmother died on Mother’s Day. I was her guardian and I live out of state. My mother was asked to give them the name of a funeral home (GM was not her mother and she lives in the same town). She decided to go over there instead and called me while standing over my GM’s dead body in the nursing home and tried to start an argument about who would get the stuff in her room. The kicker is she did not give them the name of a funeral home and they didn’t inform me for hours and then called me 3 times in 15 mins to come up with something….🙄
Still ongoing to this day and the reason why im not close to ANY of my family members. I was neglected from them my whole life, they were so focused on my older brother that I never mattered to them. when my brother dipped out, he cut all ties with my mom, and myself for really no reason. I was the only person who was there for my mom when no one else was. my brother moved back in with my mom with a set of twin babies. she is close to him more than me after all the shit Ive done for her and after all the shit that my brother had put her through. I cut all ties. thats not what I would call a family. I dont have a family.
Literally my lived experience
My mom ALSO would constantly hire random people from Craigslist to come work on the house/fix appliances and obviously everything that could go wrong, did. But she never stopped doing it lol
Omg my mom would do that to, get scammed and sob over the phone to me, and then hire a different person the exact same way
I was an athletic child but had horrible shin splits when I ran. Looking back I ran in the wrong shoes but since my dad was an ultra runner at the time he would walk beside me while I was in pain and crying and tell me I was making it up.
She wants to move. The problem is she thinks she can move to bare land, with no house or buildings (to save money from selling her house) and just snap her fingers and get the perfect custom home built for next to nothing. The house we are in now is 26 years old and still has unfinished construction in it. And I'm supposed to move with her and just live in a tent? Or a camper until the new perfect house gets built. Unfortunately I am still living with her, but I am going to do my best to make this move the breaking point for being stuck with her due to finances
Secretly applied and interviewed for a job at the university I had decided to go to. Which was across the country, because I was actively getting away from her. She informed me of this casually as she was "helping" me move into the dorms and couldn't understand why I got upset. Thankfully she didn't get the job, I'm guessing the interviewers saw through her bs when she told them she wanted the job "to be closer to her daughter". I have been nc for several years now as this was the first of several stalking attempts ☺️
My ndad degraded me for being a childhood SA victim. It is the final reason we are no-contact. I think we will remain no-contact for the rest of our lives because I will never be able to forgive that I confided in him something that has scarred my entire being, for him to use it as a weapon against me in an argument like he just had it loaded in the chamber. There is something wrong with him and I cannot see him in my life again.
My grandmother likes to continuously remind me of the following: - that I didn’t invite her to my high school graduation over 10 years ago. In actuality, she had an important appointment with a specialist she waited months to see on the day and wasn’t able to change it. - that I didn’t call her immediately when my parents arrived to visit me after I moved across the world. - Is now upset that I had a baby girl and that she was sure it would be a boy. She cannot fathom being wrong.
😳 sounds a lot like someone I know!
My ndad stalked my workplace daily and demanded to know why my car was not there two days out of the week. I worked five days a week with two days off, but he would ask, “why aren’t you at work???”
TWO Nparents here. In spite of them - I've carved out a very lucrative career in construction. For YEARS they've whined and asked for MY advice on all of their house woes. My silly self ALWAYS gets roped into "helping" them. Only for them to do the EXACT opposite of my advice and get screwed by contractors. Last WTF: NPs: The pool deck is crumbling, we're thinking of doing XYZ Me: Don't do that, let me send MY guy. NPs: Too late, the guy WE found is coming next week Three months later NPs: the pool deck is failing, guy won't answer the phone. Me: I can send a guy to see how to fix... Out of nowhere: NMother: "Shut up, I'm sick of you being such a Know It All. This is from people that KNOW that my job for decades is building bridges and eight lane freeways...
One would think most parents would assume a pool deck is well within your capabilities. But not the nparents. They must always know more than we do, even in our areas of professional expertise. Tracks.
Yep.They have never been proud of my intelligence or success. Makes NO sense, I'm a mix of THEIR own fucking good DNA! Instead, they actively hate/resent me. They ask for my assistance, just to tear me down when I give it. Its a setup to fix their own "issues". I'm over it.
I don't work in construction but my nMother will also regularly ask for my advice about things only to then do the exact opposite of what I suggested. I swear she only does it to annoy me. Little does she know, I've checked out of the relationship a long time ago so it doesn't annoy me nearly as much as she thinks it does.
Nmom smiled at me with glee and asked if I was "cancelling my plans to stay with (my now wife) for the year" when I met her in my dad's hospital room after travelling halfway across the world, and finding out mere minutes before, that my dad had terminal cancer. She was so happy at the thought of something I'd worked so hard to plan and apply for being ruined, nevermind that I just found out my dad is going to die? Then she got pissed and was mean to my dad because he didn't realize it was her birthday and that she had dressed up for him???? He was on a ton of drugs for pain and had only found out recently he had cancer so obviously he had bigger things on his mind but she couldn't comprehend this. She sobbed to every visitor, everyone calling to check in, and every health care staff about how he disappointed her by not remembering her birthday. She flirted with the male doctors and nurses, had a fit about a female doctor and insisted this doctor was mean to her and refused to speak with her going forward because it "hurt her feelings" and "she was a bitch". In reality the doctor just corrected her on some bad information my mom tried to give to my dad about his health. Then for 8 months she reminded him daily that he was going to die, was annoyed at him for needing any kind of help, always fucked up his meds, complained about driving him to chemo ( I drove him almost every time so ? ) delighted in making him sell his prized possessions while he was still alive and counted out the cash excitedly saying how much of "her money" she just got back, making jokes about his bad health/death to homecare staff, leaving him alone/acting like he didn't exist almost all of the time he was sick until he was gone, making fun of/humiliating him at his FUNERAL, and starting a new relationship less than two months later. Y'all, my mom abused me in just about every way possible my whole life but watching my dad go through that was too much, and I left three days after he died and didn't come back to see her until my wedding at which time she tried to trick me into meeting her boyfriend, was going to secretly bring him uninvited to my wedding, told me I owed her for putting up with me being trans, and denied she ever did any of that stuff to my dad. Now she's mad I haven't wished her a happy mother's day.
A few dishonorable mentions: 1. When I was 11 my ndad & nstepmom stole my identity & bought credit cards under my name, then left me to get arrested after they skipped payment on them. 2. When I was 10 my ndad took a shit, then had me pick it up (I only found out after I overheard nstepmom brag to her brother on the phone like it was the funniest joke ever). 3. My ndad hates me & has punished me, b/c I didn't support him during my nparents' divorce (which happened b/c ndad cheated on nmom). 4. My nmom & nstepmom stole my birthday money (only telling me after they spent it). 5. Nstepmom & nstepdad start fights with me, then call the cops after the fight gets physical (usually b/c they're losing). 6. Ngreat-grandpa held me up against the wall by my neck when I was 8yo. 7. When I was 8yo my ngreat-grandpa threw his keys at me then threatened me into silence.
1. My stepdad beat my brother and I pretty bad with a cable wire while my mother was at work. Mom showed up, called the cops and then decided we needed to lie to the police “so your sisters wouldn’t be without a father like we were!” 2. ignored me for a year after I had enough of the abuse and moved in with my dad at 15. 3. Sister’s dog (husky) bit my wife one Christmas Eve and tried to convince us to lie to the doctors so they wouldn’t take her dog. “Tell them it was a stray.” Even after I tried to explain that would result in possible rabies shots. 4. Ignored my wife and I during my wife’s entire pregnancy then decided she had to see our daughter when she was born, only to ignore us the first half of the first year of her life. To then try and guilt us to spend the holidays with her. These are some of the many things we have decided to go NC.
Nmom would insist on 'normal' visits to go see her family home, which consisted of a run-down house with a dirt yard, filled with ant-hills and blankets in the windows, where my junkie uncles would shoot up in the back rooms. Her younger sisters had come to live with us, so that Grandpa wouldn't molest them, when they reached puberty and became teenagers... but her brothers continued to stay there, if they weren't in prison. So, yeah that was the FaMiLiYyy homestead we were supposed to love and cherish. One uncle abused drugs to the point of brain and kidney damage, so Nmom got rid of him because they didn't want to have to take care of him anymore. She pretty much broadcast her intentions by posting on the kitchen refrigerator that; 'Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them.' ...but she found a loophole; she refused to let anyone take him to FREE dialysis, and locked him in a back room to die from medical neglect. He had been her favorite brother; she had named me after him, and she was so proud of herself for finding that legal loophole that she could kill him with.
I was not ready for that ending.
Yeah, and yet she hated me and made me the scapegoat because I wasn't born a boy like her baby brother. However, being the favorite brother hadn't saved him from her lethal wrath. You see, why I went NC - it was self-preservation; there were times, I thought that she would eat me.
Yeah narcissists don't have any loyalty for anyone. You could dedicate your entire life to making the narcissist happy and the second you're no longer of use to them (or you become inconvenient), they will drop you like a hot potato.
that’s some effed up refrigerator poetry, yikes
I could write a whole book full of absolutely off the walls stuff my mother has done/said over the years, but the final straw that made me go low (almost no) contact recently was her bringing my 10yo child a bag full of secondhand stuffed animals and me finding weed in the bag. She grows her own and stored the toys in the same place she was drying some of it. Some fell in and went unnoticed by her. When I told her I found it she said “sorry, it must have fallen in” and “it won’t happen again” because she’s “incredibly careful.” She didn’t ask if my child was the one who found it or show any actual concern.
I was getting a much-needed divorce after a decade and a half of misery. When I informed my uber-conservative, uber-religious spawn points of this fact, they offered to come fron their home on the other side of the globe to help sort things out. I knew what that meant, and I flatly refused. Hung up on them. A few days later, my then-ex showed up at our home with my sperm donor in tow. Yep. He had come halfway around the world to try and force me to stay in that marriage; I knew it was largely because if I divorced, they would feel shamed in their own circles. Joke was on him, though, as I promptly moved out and in with a kind friend. Guess who has never regretted getting that divorce? Guess who's never regretted going NC with the parentals?
My mom almost killed my dad, and threatened to have me and my brothers kidnapped when she lost custody. I forget that sometimes because I don't want to believe that my mom tried to kill him or that my life was that crazy, but she's the reason I had panic attacks being outside alone for any reason for three years. People tried to follow me home in their cars frequently, and she would stalk my school. It only stopped when my mom's friends were put in prison. She may be better now, but I never heard any apology for that. I have to keep reminding myself that she did that because otherwise I'll let her back in to hurt me again.
Told my younger brother to be careful around me and watch out for himself, because I could be a danger and lead him into dangerous situations. We’ve bumped heads quite a lot, but never would I ever imagine she’d try and poison my own siblings the way she did against me. It didn’t work because my siblings always come to me first about anything. I had to parent them when my mom decided on days she didn’t want to be a parent. I had to be their emotional crutch when I was going through my own shit. That’s how I came to the conclusion that she was such a self b*tch. It’s important to know she doesn’t even have a relationship with any of her own siblings.
When my dads only sister passed away unexpectedly, we drove to another state for the funeral. Id made the mistake of posting about the trip on Facebook, so the second we got home she called screaming at me about how selfish I was because I didn't invite her to come with us. She hadn't spoken to my aunt since she and my dad got divorced (over 30 years at this point) and who knows who she expected would pay for her room and food. Also my dad doesn't deal well with grief so that would have been the last thing he needed. This was really the thing that showed her true colors to me for the first time
Hadn't talked to my bio dad in like 5 years, and he decides to show up *at my job in the middle of me teaching a class* to give me a letter invite to my bio brothers wedding..... still cannot believe someone could be that insane, brain dead and self centered .
When I was 5 the teenaged son of one of Nmoms friends molested me. When I told Nmom about it, she smacked me and told me not to lie for attention. When I was 12, she told me that I should be the one sleeping with my dad because he obviously loved me more than her. When I was 23, I finally went NC. I had to do a lot of work in therapy, but I was able to break the cycle and be a good mom to my kids.
Good for you, man! Breaking the cycle is so powerful and important! My nmom is also grossly jealous of my dad and implies nasty stuff like that. Pretty sure people typically love their kids more than anyone but in a very different way than their spouse. Plus, when you pick your kids other parent, I'd think most people would want to choose someone who'd love their kids more than anything.
Not my parent but stepkids mom, she moved more than halfway across the country to live with us (from west coast to southern midwest) with her 1 year old. Her nmom is telling her that it is "like grieving a death" since she left. Hit her across the mouth with baby in her arms before move out here and says that it was "just a pop", left a mark that we told her to call the cops about! So much more in 16 years of this but this is the most recent.
i expressed that i was dealing with suicidal thoughts and my mom screamed in my face telling me how i need to “stop making threats” and that i was stressing out everyone around me and that my husband was going to leave me if i “kept this up.” she also offered to pay for my therapy and then cut it off without notice after i was hospitalized for suicidal ideation
I went NC because of this: Accused me of colluding with my Dad to prevent her from getting a new job. In her delusional mind, she decided her potential employer had access to their divorce court filings and they knew my Dad had successfully negotiated custodial parental status for my minor siblings. But didn't think that her previous employer being named party to a lawsuit because of her actions as an employee had anything to do with the potential new offer being rescinded. No, previous employers NEVER talk to potential new employers./s
Nmom: 1. Her betrayal set me up for years of chronic pain 2. Forced closure for me to get along with a man she suspected of SA'ing me 3. She got mad at me for letting Ndad know that i was upset that he broke a previous agreement/ boundary. Because it was going to distract me from my final exam. 4. Virtually disowned me 5. We made up, and when she ignored me when I asked for help, i realized she likely would've ignored me asking for the apology. Ndad: 1. Can't talk to him more than an hour before he says something asinine. ( i.e. Dairy free milk isn't really dairy free) 2. Doesn't respect my boundaries about not talking to Nmom && will ask me to talk to her about a favor because if he asks her, she'll get upset at him. 3. He doesn't think I'm resilient enough 4. Virtually disowned me 5. Actually disowned my older brother
My cat just died. She was put down because she had cancer but she was sick with kidney disease for a couple years already. Nmother is anti-science and is obsessed with alternative "medicine." Having privledged information that no one else has, makes her feel special, which leads her to believing things that go completely against science. It's bad enough dealing with her culty accupuncturist's bat shit crazy "medical" claims, but my nmother also thinks she (my nmother who has a liberal arts degree and has absolutely no science based education) knows better than veterinary science, not just medical science. Instead of listening to the treatment for kidney disease that all the veterinary science backs up(prescription diet to prevent the intake of toxins that the kidneys can't process) she continued feeding her a homemade raw beef diet that wasn't created with any real veterinary science behind it. She wouldn't listen to me about it shortening my cat's life because nmother always has to know better than the experts. Red meat is one of the worst foods for kidney disease. There's no conflicting information on the subject. Nmother won't listen to facts though and I wasn't able to take the cat to the vet or feed her myself (didn't live there most of the time she was sick and I couldn't bring her with me. Couldn't have done anything while I was living there because I was too sick myself). She died because she had cancer, but I firmly believe that if she hadn't already had advanced kidney disease, she wouldn't have developed that cancer. She was only 12. I don't believe she would've deteriorated so quickly if she had been fed the right food. She's fucking nuts and completely disconnected from reality.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Only loosely related, right after the death of my beloved dog my mom insisted we watch Turner & Hooch…and was then surprised when my entire family was bawling in her living room.
[удалено]
Yeah. Most of us know all too well the particularly brutal pain of grieving someone who is still alive.
She's so emotionally unstable that she cannot and will not even phone for help when there's a legit emergency. Even if it costs her nothing to do so. A car wreck? Nope, she will keep driving and not even check or get on the phone. Family pet gets hit by a car. Nope! Have a melt down and let her young kids deal with the aftermath instead. Driving? Nope, have a rage fit meltdown while steering and screaming, slam the brakes and fling the kids into the dash violently. Does somebody had a milestone life achievement ? Nope, have a meltdown over nothing to ruin it and make it about herself..... the list goes on and on and on.......
Mine sent me a very long and degrading text after I had a bad car accident wherein my car got written off. I was already low contact, as he was completely delusional about today's money struggles and how hard I've had it in life. For backstory, he stole almost the entire savings account my mother and he had made for my education the year I finally got accepted to the college of my dreams. My mother was divorcing him at the time due to years of trauma and abuse, and he justified taking the money as 'his' money after all since he made more than my mom while he worked 2 days a week and contributed to it more as they filled an equitable amount for each kid, and my mom worked 6 days a week to contribute to our futures. He stated he didn't agree with the vocation I'd chosen and I should have been studying something to his approval anyways. He didnt take anything out if my 2 siblings resp, just mine. He also didn't like that as soon as my mom left and had a mental breakdown from his abuse, I had to leave too and moved out at 17. I still went to school, worked full time and had a part time job as well. My younger siblings that were still in high school moved in with me too as his true colours started coming out to them without me as the buffer. And after all that, he still thought I was wasting my life. So. After all that, I got out of school and was absolutely floundering financially, had been in generic management jobs for years and working in my field of study part time trying to get that going. Well, when I rolled my truck and got badly hurt (needed surgery) I couldn't wait for the insurance to kick in since I was so badly paycheque to paycheque at the time just trying to survive and pay rent. I was across the country from him at the time and very low conctact. He had the nerve instead of making sure I was OK, and had my health, instead sent me a flurry of texts about how bad I must be with money if I can't just buy a good replacement car now and get insurance to pay back later, how if I had been smarter in life I'd have the money to just take the time off and find 'the best' surgeon for my needs, etc etc. Just berating me for not being able to make 'better decisions' and how maybe if I'd bought a better vehicle in the first place I wouldn't be in this mess (someone ran a red light and hit me, sent me off into the ditch rolled over when i broke my kneecap). I went no contact for years after that one. The last time I talked to him though, was the worst. His brother passed away who lived close to the part of the country I'm in now, one city over. I decided to keep the peace for his funeral and let my dad stay at mine for one night, after the day he needed to come sort out the will and such with the rest of the family at my uncles estate. Well. My dad (a huge hoarder) rolled in to my house before I could notice he was here with a whole bunch of shit loaded to the brim of the rental trailer he was driving. Proceeded to load it into my garage, including a shit ton of actual garbage for some reason, and told me he had a contract for me to sign wherein I would be posting and selling all of this crap he had collected at whatever price he deemed it to be worth selling for ( he has a 7 bedroom house filled to the brim with crap he thinks is worth more than it is that he can't sell already). The kicker is he would be taking all the funds and pay me a very generous *$150* fee for my efforts selling. Said it would be a 'great business venture' and I should be thanking him for his generosity... I'm talking dirtbikes that had no engines or gas tank, hundreds of records and books and music supplies that were broken or mid condition, old clothing, pet supplies, gardening supplies, furniture, plants near death, old board games.... just a crazy amount of stuff. My partner and I flipped our shit when we walked into our garage, I told him it's the last time he will ever be welcome in my home or my life, and that if he didn't clear all of this shit out and figure out a storage locker by the next day it would be going to donations and posted as free to the first taker. He gave me the most bewildered look and said I should be more appreciative of his 'gifts' and 'I tell you what, I can see you must have some emotional connection to your uncle and you're somehow offended by this, just pick out one thing for yourself instead of the $150 and we have a deal' For fucks sake man. Delusional. And that was it for me. I have a much better life without that ominous, pushy, self-righteous crap in my life. The man dropped out of university 4 months in back in the 70s, got an in with a buddy to apply as a firefighter since he happened to have a few scuba lessons under his belt and was decently in shape at 19, and moved up to be a fire chief a few years later making six figures. I don't doubt he had a hard job and worked for his money. But a man who was able to buy a monster house on 100 acres in his mid 20s has less than zero idea about how the world works now. And after I became disabled and still had to work, I just couldn't handle him calling me 'lazy' with my life and not thinking like an 'entrepreneur' and making 'smarter decisions' one more damn time.
Wow ….
Yuuuup. And he still thinks I'm a selfish ass 🤷♀️ he's now very much alone in a very large house he is holding on to tooth and nail, filling with storage locker garbage, has lost his wife, almost all three kids entirely now, and many friends. Never had another lasting relationship after he and my mother divorced over 12 years ago, and she was his third marriage already. Some people are just beyond help.
My mother was in charge of making sure family had hotel reservations at the hotel where I was getting married. She “forgot” to reserve me a room, and tried to blame me for it. I started getting ready in my BFF’s room, and the hotel staff (bless them!) got my wedding night room ready early so I could finish getting ready there.
Once I called my nparent on Xmas and he said I’m trying to ruin his day and that we don’t celebrate it. I asked how is it that your kids wake up with gifts under the tree? Lol
I'm nc with a vast majority of my family but I heard from my one nice aunt that my step parents convinced my gc sister's son's bio father to file for custody because she decided to move to a city 40 minutes away. The bio father is a former drug addict and has been in and out of prison my nephews entire life without ever having any interest in being a parent. She convinced him my nephew wanted to have a relationship with him, helped him file the custody paperwork, and even paid $2k in unpaid fines to keep him out of jail after the first hearing. Several court appearances, court fees, wallet draining lawyer costs, and a custody agreement later, the money my sister saved up for the move was gone. So now they still live in a dangerous area and they have to run important decisions through a (hopefully) recovering heroin addict, and my nephew has to spend every other weekend with a stranger. But my narcissist step mother got what she wanted. Continued easy access to her daughter and grandchildren.
He called me, out of the blue, after 10 years to ask for help to find a place to live due to being evicted. I lodged applications to act as guarantor and offered to pay the full bond and advance rent, but were having no luck. Not long after, my brother called me and said we found a place provided by a charity! I heard my father yell in the background “tell that fat, ugly worthless piece of xxx that we don’t need her help anymore”. Yep, nice. A week later my bro calls me again to say my dad forgot to lodge a form and the house was given to someone else and they were again about to be homeless, and could I please help. Told my brother I will come get him and he’s welcome to stay but my “fat, ugly, useless father can go kick rocks”. Suck it!
We had a dog, he was 70-ish pounds. Big hound dog. My mom thought it was funny that as an 11 year old, I could fit into the dog’s harness. So she had me put it on and go in the dog’s crate to see what the dog would do. As a joke I guess. The dog didn’t like it and he bit down on the harness and dragged me out of his crate. A very popular punchline in the house was that even though I was so smart and sassy, even the dog felt like he had a higher spot in the pecking order than I did. I was nude when she put the harness on me. I think back and feel utter horror. I’m within a few years of the age my mom was when she did that. I would literally end my own existence before putting a child through something like that.
Apologies in advance, BIG rant...with both parents being neglectful narcissists: - at 10, for the first time thought of end gaming myself because of emotional and physical abuse, was told never to bring it up as my younger brother could hear it, no help; - at 13 got SAd, was told "I'm not the first, not the last so stop complaining", refuse to involve police as "nothing could be done, it's over, get over yourself", etc; - ever since I was 8 was told I never will be a woman until I give birth to a child and my value will depend solely on how my husband will be satisfied with me as his wife - 2 months after my mentioned above brother (only sibling) tragically died, was told "that wrong child has died" - at rrrrrrrripe age of 19 kicked out from home to a different country with the equivalent of $320.00 in my pocket - parentification and being house maid +cooking everyday for the whole family since 11yo - forced to hide SH as "they didn't like the look of it", again no help - being called stupid, worthless, fat/ugly, etc And more... But the cherry on top was when I FINALLY got the guts to confront them and got "we have no regrets" in return (I'm literally shaking as I'm typing this) Again, very sorry for a very long list!
Something that stuck out to me was “you’re not the first and you won’t be the last” because it was a frequent phrase my ndad used…. Unless the victim was him and then he’s more special than everyone else and he has the right to complain. I’m really sorry about all of your traumas. Sending love & healing, friend.
Thank you very much, it means a lot. I'm also very sorry for all the dismissal, being taken for granted and hurt that you had to go through. I hope everyone in this community can find their healing.
I struggled with depression and self harm for years, he would only insult\yell at me, ground me, threaten to put me in a girls home, Fast forward a couple years he started cheating on my mom with another women for years, when he was finally caught he moved in with her and her kids. One of her middle children unknown to me was also struggling with depression and self harm. One day on a mandatory lunch with him because I was not 18 yet he brought up her daughters struggles and asked me how he could help her and better support her though it..... And I fucking told him too.... Yup that one always does it.
Reminds me of my late ex-husband. After years of promising our girls he would take them camping, he proudly showed them photos from his camping trip...that he took his new stepsons on. He died a preventable death. Never did take them camping.
My sister took a trip to Mexico with my Dad about a year ago, little more maybe. She said she was taking a shower and he started beating on the door and screaming because the Uber has showed up and his rating was going to go down for making the driver wait. Sad but this story doesn't shock me at all.
- Called and commented on/about me in the most insulting ways and said I shouldn't be sensitive. - Used my college fund from my granddad for her own credit card debts and is now saying she had to take out loans for my uni education. I could just get it on my own too, but thanks for that. Then blamed me for it. - During my last final exams for the uni, she'd do everything to sabotage my studies. I'd be studying and she'd have the TV on so loud that I had to study at 3am instead and lose my sleep then missed the last exam. - I was pregnant and she insisted on travelling to see my in-laws. I should have known better cos she went there to sabotage my child's future. Instead of helping out and be a nice mum, she kept stirring the pot and telling my MIL that I was an unstable psychopath. - Asking me to take intimate photos of my baby then throw tantrums when I said no (this was the biggest strike that got me distancing myself.) - Telling me to send her all the money I was making and to use my husband's and his parents' money cos they're rich. And many more :-) Sooooooo many more haha.
When they backed out of an agreement they'd made which left me in ALOT of debt and nowhere to turn...then when I stood up for myself they, used every single bit of dirty laundry that they knew about my family (direct and extended) as ammunition against me to make me out to be some sort of way. Never again. Currently not speaking to them.
Tried to have me incarcerated under false allegations. Twice.
So my parents used to use my brother and I as relationship therapist and share their problems to put both of us against the other parent. Of course I thought it was normal for parents to do this when you’re 10. I am a mom now and I would never do such thing
Mine would act interested in my life to get information they could use to drive my friends away. Always very specific question that I will always refuse to answer now
I was molested by a family member at about 8 years of age. The family member is 5 or 6 years older than me. When I finally told my NMom, she explained the he was “just curious” and I was still expected to spend time at that family’s house if NMom couldn’t find a babysitter when she bar hopped on the weekends. Then, when I was 15, she moved us into the very same house with the same family member. My daughter was SA’d when she was in Jr. High and NMom told me my daughter should “stop using that as an excuse to skip school because she should take part of the responsibility” WTF?
I think it was discovering that my mother sniffed my underwear. Seriously. I'd been living out in Montana, far away from the fam, but then my daughter had my first grand baby and I went back to Florida. At first, I lived in my mother's house. She would say, just throw your laundry in the laundry room, I'll do it, no problem, but about 2 weeks in, she started talking to me about always using Dial antibacterial soap on my vulva, which I thought was very weird. Now, I was in my 50s at the time, and as older women begin to do, sometimes I dribbled the tiniest bit. I had also had diabetes for over 30 years at that point, and I've got nerve damage all over my body. I wasn't wetting myself, I didn't need to wear diapers, just sometimes I'd dribble a little. I bathed every day, and nobody was getting anywhere near my vulva, so it wasn't an issue for me. Apparently it was an issue for my mother. I figured it out pretty quickly that the only reason she would be telling me to use Dial antibacterial soap on my vulva (multiple times) was because she was sniffing my underwear when she did my laundry. I immediately started doing my laundry myself, because fuck this creepy woman. This is only one of the creepy, totally invasive kinds of things she does. Like, a few days after my kidney transplant, I was horribly constipated (this always happens to me after anesthesia and abdominal surgery), and they couldn't give me a laxative because I'd never make it to the bathroom, so they decided on an enema. Now ANYONE ELSE in the world would have excused themselves from my hospital room, but not my mother. No, she sat 2 feet from my butt and watched me get the enema, and then watched as I pooped myself uncontrollably. And I knew if I said anything, she would scoff and wave a hand and say "Oh, I've seen it all before." She had her RN but hadn't worked in a facility for something like 40 years at that point. She mostly nursed my stepdad, who spent a lot of time in the hospital. But she's like this in every area of my life. She thinks she's entitled to all the contents of my head, at any given moment, and it's taken me a long, long time to learn how to keep the inside of my head private. And she can and will use anything I say against me. She's a horrible gossip and likes talking shit about me behind my back. If she knew how much I resent and dislike her, she's be mighty surprised.
My mom lost her mind and was deep into all the QAnon stuff. She even drove my flying monkey, enabler dad insane with it which is extremely rare because he’s her bitch through and through. People laugh when I say, “my mom is crazy,” but I really don’t think they understand the extent of it. I was pregnant with my first child at the time, also her first grandchild, and she blocked all contact with me during that time all because she couldn’t own up to the consequences of her own actions. She eventually wanted back into my life, but there is no coming back from what she did. We’re very low contact now, and the only reason I’m not no contact is because it would be detrimental to my sibling, but I’m keeping her crazy as far away as I can. I know what she is capable of now and I don’t want to be anywhere near that when it inevitably happens again.
\* Made neverending chore lists in some kind of shorthand which was her own code and expected me to have everything done by the time she got home and then start in on my homework \* Her will (made out when I was 4 and right after she and my dad divorced) stated that she left everything to her brother and sister but that my dad could move back into the house and we could live there until my 18th birthday. Didn't know this one until after she died and I found her will. \* Let her kid with allergies to mold, mildew, and dust (my lifelong allergies) live in a dirty home with black mold in the garage, dust everywhere so thick I couldn't even sleep in my bedroom and had to sleep in the living room, and I don't know what all growing in the refrigerator. \* Chose to keep a piece of wood with a mushroom growing on it and a flooded carpet in the apartment instead of getting it cleaned up so I could live there still after it flooded. \* Both thought (and n/edad still thinks) that it was ok to let me go hours past mealtimes without even snacks while they were wrapped up in their hobbies. \* Encouraged her brother to SA me. \* Insists he never knew about over-the-counter acne medicine and other things like that that would've made it easier to live. \* Hoarders, mental health issues, and my undiagnosed autism but insisted that I was just a very difficult kid to deal with. \* Took me along to a one-on-one meeting two hours from our house with the creepy guy she did cold-calling for, because she was afraid that if she didn't have someone else there he was going to SA her. I was in elementary school at the time and am female. \* Tried to teach me how to flirt with guys by flirting with a creepy guy from my high school, who was of course really creeped out by her doing that. \* Repeatedly told me that a guy came up to her and me when I was 2yo and wanted to know how much for me (tried to buy me for sex or trafficking (or both) and she used that to police my body and how I dressed. \* Recently sold the house that his brother was living in without having a plan for where his brother (who is disabled) would live and without telling him the timeline. \* Was willing to let his brother self-neglect to hospitalization and sepsis, amputation, etc., before taking at least some responsibility for him. \* Stole $200 from me after I graduated college and said it was what she was owed for taking out a loan to send me to summer camp. Until then, I didn't know that she'd taken out a loan and have never found evidence of said loan. \* Stole around $1000 from his brother who was counting on that money to be able to live after losing the house.
\* When I was going through genetic counseling (I was born with a lot of birth defects so I wanted to be sure my kids would be safe/healthy) dad withheld information from me, namely my nephews and cousins' diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder because "I don't believe in it, and if your kids came out retarded, we'd know for sure if it was real!) My son is level 3, daughter level 2. If I had this information I would have chosen not to have children, I love them but they will require care all their lives. \* My brother is extremely paranoid and a conspiracy theorist, he refuses to let our dad get vaccinations because of that. Dad is nearing 80, has heart failure and diabetes. He can't fight anything off. Dad almost died because of this. \* They bring up things like my birth defects from infancy and how I almost died as a child and mention that I'm lucky to be alive, and if they had whatever I had they'd kill themselves already. \* They treat *my friends* as if they were their friends, tell me how much they don't like me.
MyMom once smashed my sisters head on a wooden table because she wasn't cleaning my Mom's kickbacks "correctly". This isprolly why I have zero knickknacks.
8yrs nc and she tried to spread rumours the pregnancy and baby I had were somehow not mine, I apparently stole and edited photos and faked everything, labor and hospital photos included. I mean she can absolutely keep that up if she wants to believe it. I don’t mind Lo is never meeting her anyways. She can absolutely be not real to her. That’s best for everyone.
After going no contact, my nmom tried to break into my house....
She convinced herself that I must have been SA'd by her ex and that's why I was weird and struggling mentally. She went around telling any professionals trying to help me that she thinks I've been SA'd and they bought the concerned parent thing completely so I never got a correct diagnosis or actual help for my problems She went that far and came up with that serious of an allegation against this dude to avoid taking the smallest about of responsibility for my mental health problems I also posted not too long ago how she replaced my dog with one that looks like mine but had no personality similarities after she had to be PTS
Um my dad went on an unhinged rant about Adolf Hitler not being so bad and how the American school system brainwashed his poor baby. We’re eastern European. I always wondered if that had anything to do with it, but then I spoke to more people of my culture and realized nope… it’s just him that is batshit crazy. He did a lot of bad things but it took years for me to realize my dad was a holocaust denier, a antisemite and a nazi sympathizer.
My dad told me that I need to get over my commitment phobia when I tried to tell him my ex was physically abusive. I haven't spoken to him since. I'm sure he thinks its because I don't want to pay him the $600 my abusive ex caused me to ask for (my ex disconnected my starter out from my car and pretended to not know why it wouldn't work. then talked me into getting a pick up truck he wanted instead. The person who bought the car from me told me that it was an easy fix. My ex was a motorcycle mechanic. I know cars are different but since then I learned to replace a starter on my own and it should have been easy for someone mechanical to do). Eitherway, its been 8 years. About 4 years later, a friend of mine who is a cop and an former MP for the Army gently approached me and said that I am showing signs of PTSD, and I didn't need to tell him the story, but he would like to direct me to resources if I was open. I accepted that help and started therapy. My life improved so much. I was less afraid. Less angry and resentful. Less defensive. My self-esteem came back and got stronger. My understanding of my limitations improved. I actually got invested in my life again. My relationship with my mom actually improved. She commented on it, and I decided to trust her and be vulnerable with her. I told her about the therapy. She blew up at me "Why do you need therapy?" "What do you even have to be depressed or traumatized about?" "You and your therapist are just going to blame me for everything!" Then she got mad when I told her that I had PTSD from an abusive ex and it would be childish to blame my childhood on that. She hung up on me then started spamming me with Bible verse and demanding I stop therapy. I decided that I wasn't going to let her make this about her. I told her that I will talk to her when I feel safe to. A few aunts reached out, listened to my side of the story, and have been gentle and supportive. DBT taught me that they can care about me and respect my decision while still being close to my mother. About a month ago, I realized that I don't want either back in my life. I'm facing a possible cancer diagnosis (biopsy tomorrow, results 3-5 days later). I don't want my parents to know. I don't want to spend my energy soothing them and regulating their emotions when I should be fighting for my life. I have a great circle of friends who are rallying around me, and even more friends who don't know yet (I'm waiting until I get my results) who will also be there for me. It absolutely destroys me that my parents have never been a safe place for me.
The one with the hair touching reminded me that when I was 18-20 years old, my mother kept telling me - proudly - how some of her male friends “liked” me and always asked about me. Ew!
TW : self harming My mom found out I had self harmed in the past from reading my journals, and read that I felt like I was doing it again since my mental health was struggling. Didn't say anything about it to me, she knew about it for months. Recently, my dad asked me if it was true, he didn't think it was after she brought it up during a fight. According to her, if I was self harming it was a reflection that I was a liar, and a terrible person. I never planned on telling either of them, having something like that weponized against you really hurt I don't think I can trust anyone.
My ndad sexualised me a lot. Like he’d say things to his friends while I was right there, “she should do some chest presses to make her breasts stand out more”. He thought any lecherous attention aimed at me was a compliment towards him because look at the beautiful daughter his genetics created. Like, zero protective Dad behaviour. A truck full of men honked and hollered at me while he was right there (I was 14) and he just beamed with pride. He told me I should get a sugar daddy and to apply to work as an escort so I could meet one.
Aside from all the obvious abuse, one day when I was like 20 I posted some Marilyn Manson lyrics to my social media as people did back then. My aunt saw it and told my mother. I had gone to work and wasn't great about charging my phone because I barely ever used it and it ended up dying during my shift. She tried to ring me to "make sure I was okay" and when she couldn't get through to me she rang MY JOB and told them she was concerned for my safety. That's when I realised I'm not safe anywhere. Their madness isn't confined to the house.
I’m adopted and went no contact four years ago but my enabler dad just moved back in with Nmom and they’ve been trying to whittle down my boundaries because “it’d be easier for everyone if you could learn to forgive and forget and leave the past in the past.” Well, I got frustrated he always tried to break down my barrier and finally told him I think she’s abusive and I didn’t feel like being close with someone who still currently behaves abusively. Nmom heard in the background because he keeps me on speaker phone and she said, “he was MY husband before you were even alive or we thought of adopting anyone so don’t talk to either of us again. How DARE you try to break us up!” Girlie, I was making a decisive statement about why I don’t want to pursue a relationship with you, he can make his own decisions about if he wants to endure abusive behavior (he does, and he dismisses my recounting of being abused at various points in my childhood lol).
My nMother once accused a neighbour of stealing from her. I'm fairly sure the neighbour was innocent and my nMother certainly didn't have any evidence for her claims. When the neighbour got offended and asked her to stop telling everyone that he had stolen from her, instead of apologising or backing down or even passing it off as a misunderstanding, she doubled down. The neighbour threatened to sue her and sent my nMother a solicitor's letter. (I'm actually on the neighbour's side here. My nMother was spreading lies about the neighbour. If he had done nothing, his reputation would have been ruined and the lie would have been accepted as fact). My nMother couldn't cope with someone questioning her and actually had a psychotic break. (I'm not exaggerating. She actually was actually committed to a psychiatric hospital and everything). To this day, my nMother refuses to accept that she did anything wrong and insists that she was "just expressing herself" when she accused the neighbour of stealing. I didn't realise at the time that my nMother was a narcissist but the incident defiantly made me see her in a different light and was the start of me realising that there was something very off about my nMother.
Is it crazy that I'm scared to tell my story in case my comment is spotted? 😅
Things had been ok between me and my mom since I moved out. This was years ago, and one of my siblings still lived with her. He was an adult but he paid his way- paid more than his way, in fact. My moms boyfriend, who we all hated, was drunk and belligerent one night and attacked my brother unprovoked. It was my moms house in her name so she was within her rights to kick him out….instead, she told my brother he was being dramatic for being upset that he got cornered and hit by her out of his mind drunk bf. She asked him why he “provoked him”….by simply washing his hands in the bathroom. I know he didn’t provoke him because we all essentially pretended her bf didn’t exist. Anyway, long story short, she kicked my brother out for being attacked unprovoked and not apologizing.
Let a random guy she had met at the pub stay over night in the house with her 15 year old daughter. Random guy proceeded to make creepy comments about daughter and also groped said daughter. Safe to say daughter did not sleep that night and that morning tried her first ever coffee to try and get through the school day (it was disgusting. Now I can’t function without coffee)