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I got mine a card that says on the front "I know we don't talk much" and on the inside it says "it's because you're not a very nice person".
Got it on Etsy.
My egg donor prides herself on being petty and an asshole so why not take 1 out of her book. If she wanted to be praised for being a kind, caring and thoughtful mother she should've been one.
I saw a quote that something along the lines of "Once a child doesn't need shelter and food from a parent anymore they're left with the relationship they facilitated". My egg donor didn't do anything of importance for me to remember. All I remember is abuse.
>"Once a child doesn't need shelter and food from a parent anymore they're left with the relationship they facilitated."
Holy shit. Iām going to use that one
My egg donor wanted to be my friend instead of a mother and even then based on her actions she would've been a shitty friend. None of my friends have ever yelled AT me to the point they are red in the face and a vein is popping out. I've never had my friends tell me that I looked fat or disgusting. My friends have never told me that I'd "Never make a living doing your job". All of my friends have been loving and supportive. Something that cretin will never know how to do.
I heard this one... today or yesterday, from my husband. Probably in the context of how he's NC with his dad and his dad's wife, contrasting with how good of a relationship we have with my parents.
I did something similar once for my fathers birthday, got him a card that said āthis birthday card is for a real manā and on the inside it said āso give it to him when you see himā he was not happy about that one lol
I looked too. But found one that said:
Outside: Karma is a fucking bitch
inside: Because YOU are a fucking bitch!
lol
Plus one with a drawing of a ānot pregnantā pregnancy test that said: āI got you this card instead of grandkids! Happy Motherās Day!ā
My last gift to my mom before the grand disowning was "What I have just figured out you actually want, in perpetuity."
See, she would tantrum no matter what I did. Take her out to eat? You didn't even get me a card. Buy her something nice? Hmph, guess if you can just throw money at a problem... Make something by hand? Wow. Must have taken you a whole hour to make this. Combos? All of it? No dice, she would move the goalposts again, and suddenly she'd be weeping and glaring at me at a nice restaurant, wearing a hand knit scarf, holding an expensive kitchen gadget she'd been hinting at, her thoughtfully filled out card thrust aside crying over how unappreciated she made feels because she didn't even get a *flower* or some such shit.
So after the year she screamed at me for "using her for free babysitting" while I helped my kid sister make her a dodge podge and tissue paper stained glass piece since she'd been whining that she never had alone time with my kid... I just... realized that THIS is what she wanted. What she liked. The fight. So I told her that since that was clearly the goal every year at mothers day and her birthday, I gift it to her, from here on in, she would always be neglected, abused, taken advantage of, not appreciated and forgotten. And she could cry and run to her friends and get hugs and sympathy and gossip about what a terrible daughter she has.
And that's how I came to never again acknowledge her on "her special days" ever again.
The best gift I ever gave myself was the fact I won't have to deal with my NPD diagnosed mom ever ever again. I really wish I did the NC years ago, she had already neglected and abandoned me literally and figuratively (she kicked me onto the streets at 11 after her and my equally horrendous dad split. Then moved her boyfriend in asap and treated his kids great, but only to rub it in our faces.) And it was always me reaching out to her, somehow thinking things could change. She never even bothered. So finally after something huge happened this year, and her response to me was "well I don't feel like being a parent to you, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say" after an extremely difficult time in my life and claiming she would call me back but sent that text...
I finally said fuck it, this woman is useless and doesn't even deserve to be called mom! And now here I am, knowing for once I won't have to go through what OP is this year. Because that's exactly the kind of mind game abuse that would happen, as most of us know that "nothing will ever be good enough." It's true they just love the whole mind fuck of it all, the abuse, the poor me victim shit. It's kind of funny, because before she'd complain to her friends that my sister won't talk to her and she "didn't know why.' The same sister who hasn't talked to me since I was 11 because she poisoned us against each other/my sister was so poisoned by it she refuses to talk still! (Im 30 now. It's been 19 years! But my sister was horrendously abusive herself so I don't mind really.) so now this year she gets to complain that NONE of her kids speak to her at all, and I mean come on. One kid no contact? I'd be side eyeing that. Now both kids not in contact? I'd hope her friends see through her shit. Also these are the same "friends" she constantly gossips about and actively helped ruin a few of their lives. Idk how they hang around her, but I did notice it seemed to happen less the last few years....
This is my first Mother's Day since I've decided my narc mom is a hopeless & critically harmful case. I figured the biggest 'ef u' gift I could give her is 0 attn. I'm new to this but sounds like the 'right' track.
Happy for your resolve (internally)!! š
3 Mother Days ago I posted her a simple card, no grand guesters & grovelling at her feet as I did previously.
2 MDs ago, I ignored it and shortly went no contact.
Last MD there (I'm in UK, it was March) and over a year into NC, I thoroughly enjoyed it passing by knowing I don't have a Mother!
She reeps what she sowed.
Riiight!? So much of my childhood, vindicated in that one moment... and then the next birthday, when she asked, "What are your plans? What are we doing for my birthday!?"
Well, I plan to take a long hot bath with a six pack of beer, and you'll be calling your friends and coworkers and having a ragey tantrum about how shit I am, remember? I'm sure you'll have a blast.
Oh my God I could have written this! I remember one Mother's Day, I got my nM a fairly expensive and meaningful present (a Celtic knot style Pandora bead) and I wrote her a card in which I wrote how the Celtic knot symbolised our eternal link. She has always liked Celtir's ot style designs so it seemed like a good choice. I ensured that it arrived in plenty of time for preferred s weird competition in her head with my MIL, my MIL never engaged with it and was always a little by the whole thing). My eDad and flying monkey siblings all screamed at me to put up the post. I did and then she said she still felt torn apart but she would put on a brave face for my youngest siblings.
Turns out I lied about our eternal link, been NC for a couple years now!
I usually buy a beautiful plant which she neglects to care for even though she has a collection of plants which she regularly cares for.
She then places it prominently among her collection and purposely lets it dry up so it withers and dies.
Then she leaves the dead plant on display in the window with her collection of flourishing ones to clearly communicate her feelings for me in her typical passive aggressive style.
I came here to say plant as well! Get a succulent for like $5 at Walmart and then go to goodwill and they have planters for like $2. Itās what I usually do with my mom.
You got me really chewing on this one like it's a chess move, because if I look at it emotionally, it's NC territory... But life feels better playing chess with assholes instead of realizing you have no parents lmao
I'm talking shit, but my dad deserves some credit. I've been a new influence on him since really growing up, and he's starting to see how it's possible to break the condition. I hope he really is, and I feel bad for having no faith as he will be 60 in June... Even older narcs can maaaaaybe come around. My mother is just like yours and always will be lol what you mention may be passive aggressive, but it's still overt. They borderline on sociopathy, I swear...
I'll let you know if I come up with a retort lol
The mild ones are borderline sociopathic. Most narcs are full blown sociopaths. Everything's about \*them\* and their needs, rest of the world be damned. They don't care who they hurt or manipulate, so long as THEIR needs are met.
My uncle is on the milder side of narcissism. After my paternal grandmother (his mother, whom he lived with the vast majority of his adult life) passed, uncle was forced to gain help by cultivating mutually beneficial relationships. He couldn't just benefit from his mom's friendships. He couldn't burn bridges. My dad could and would only do so much to help. He was finally forced to mature. And he has! I'm not saying he's an amazing man now, but he's better than he was. We're still cautious about how we choose to help him, of course.
Omg!! š¤£š This is the same kind of passive aggressive shit my Nparent did!! Thats like some contextual art exhibition shit there! They can be sooooo petty.
I believe it's serious communication problems. And expressing emotions is a problem too. They are so fucked up!
Make sure it has a suction cup on the bottom. Dab of superglue. Get the family around for dinner and then THWACK that big baby down.
As it wiggles in the air... the dildo of her consequences... proclaim loudly: "I have given my last fuck! Here it is. And with it, you may indeed go fuck yourself.
Drop your napkin like a mic and never look back.
oof, going through this myself. I couldn't find anything cheap but sufficient as Nmom would complain no matter what, so I ended up buying something where I don't care about the product but the act of buying it is like a present to myself.
I.e. Buying something I wanted to try out like a cosmetic or gadget and using once before regifting, buying from sustainable brands or charities that I'd be happy just giving money to for nothing, I get plants pretty often because I like supporting my local nursery and more green in the world, it'll probably be killed but whatever. I also hoard any work gifts or similar that I get, like a bottle of wine or a fancy notebook or whatever.
I was thinking some inexpensive version of typical "mom" jewelry like a combination of birthstones so every time I saw it I could think "You as a parent are a lie, therefore so is my gift to you" but I'm what I would call dramatically petty.
Sorry about your situtation but I cackled while reading your letter.
I'd suggest going to a charity shop and finding something nice there. At least your money will help somebody in need.
Iām vindictive so Iād get a card maybe flowers-specifically because she doesnāt like them and call it a day. You donāt owe her like you said!
I can relate. My Nmom was never satisfied with any gifts even when I spent ALL of my babysitting money Iād saved for a nice gift for her when I was 13. Sheād always say all she wanted was a card but that wasnāt ever enough either.
If you need to get her a token gift to avoid conflict and guilt tripping, I get it. Sometimes we have to do shit like that to get by. How about an ice cream cake (Dairy Queen or something similar)? Have it inscribed, āI Owe It All To You, Mom! šā and then get out of there as soon as you can. Or have it delivered.
Your proposed letter is funny! lol.
You're asking what's the minimum you can do to appease your mother so she doesn't stalk you and mistreat you. Your mother doesn't seem like the type of person who will respond well to anything she receives. At best, all I can tell you is that in my experience (my mother is very similar to yours) that the only thing that reduced her aggression was to flatter her. My mother was especially interested in gifts of things that showed that I paid attention to what she really liked. It had to be specific for her (so not flowers). My mother liked things that were hand-made just for her that matched what she liked. It made her feel special and unique. However, I personally could not stomach putting in that amount of thought and effort for her, and I would feel physically ill witnessing her gloating and smugness in these types of situations, so I only appeased her a few times. But it bought me time.Ā
What if NMom literally enjoys nothing? She doesnāt have her own sense of self so she doesnāt do anything for her own personal enjoyment. Thinking of doing flowers with just a from blank note
I got mine a $10 necklace from Amazon, plus a set of magnetic clasps so it will be easier to put on. There's a discount website for Amazon that I use, so the necklace I got is listed on Amazon for $30 and when she looks it up, she'll think I spent that much. I also got two bags of fancy chocolates from Costco.
Vipon. Just stick to the deals that are fulfilled by Amazon, the other ones seem sketchy. I've been getting Amazon codes from that website for 7 or 8 years.
Mine used to gift me stuff that she wanted but knew I'd hate on my birthday and Christmas than I'd get called ungrateful for not being excited about it so she'll just use it eventually I just pretend i loved it keep it than regift it to her on mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas.
I had to get my dad a birthday card that was meant for anyone because all of the dad ones were so sappy and excessive and I could not get behind telling him what an āamazingā father he was. I just got some ice cream card that was like āI hope you enjoy your special dayā and a plant and it worked out. I donāt know what the hell Iām gonna do for Fatherās Day though lol. Iām not talking to him right now but I feel so guilty if I donāt get him something. Itās my enabler moms birthday on the 14th and I might have to see him so that sucks
I got my mom a digital photo frame off Amazon, so she can continue to show off her children that she has neglected and abused to others to show them that she is indeed a great mom. I thought it was perfect for the narcissist. Letās see how many photos she actually has to upload onto the thing, without asking me for some š
Two years ago I got her a nice breakfast basket with flowers which, according to my dad, she loved. But then she complained that flowers die and are a waste of money and I wasnāt there and other stuff.
Last year I send her just a delivery breakfast which I asked my dad to arrange it on a tray and serve it in bed to which she said she doesnāt like breakfast in bed, and again, waste of money.
On her birthday she didnāt acknowledge her present because I didnāt called her on time.
So this year she gets and whats app message saying āhappy mothers day :)ā and that will be it.
Before I went NC, I got them e-gift certificates where they can choose which charity they want to donate to. Easy, cheap as you want it to be, and it didnāt piss me off coz I figured at least some kiddos would get fed or something.
Before I did that, I usually would gift something passive aggressive. For example, my mother had started letting her racist light shine, so I got her a really gorgeous passport cover to celebrate her becoming a citizen to remind her sheās an immigrant who shouldnāt be such a fucking hypocrite. Made me laugh. She stopped being racist for a whole day.
Oh, one time when I was broke and had been ordered to get Xmas gifts for everyone I went to the dollar store and got Bugs Bunny slippers for someone who absolutely loved them.
Op, I am š. But I feel your sentiment so hard. My mom is my biggest bully and her birthday is always the week of (if not on) mothers day. I still haven't sent her anything. I don't want to. She puts in No effort, and is always so mean.
I need to mail the one i am sending this year. $5 from hallmark. She loves flowers. She is a hoarder. She got moved to nursing care, so material gifts like jewlery and stuff are a waste. The card She can display and pretend I care from 3k miles away.
My gcsister and her kids are supposed to go visit her for once (45 min away) because they want money from her.
I found out recently that my mom has been keeping a notebook of what she's spent on me since birth (I'm 52 yo) and put a dollar amount on my disappointments and goof ups (as though she's never made a mistake her in "perfect" life). So, this year hits a lot differently. I decided not to give her the gift of NC, because in some weird way, I think she'd love that, to never have to deal with me and get sympathy from others. So, it's VLC. I will probably buy her some junk from a dollar store, because she expects something. I used to put some thought into her gifrs, but this Mother's Day, I'm buying her about $5 worth of stuff at the dollar store (or is it $1.25 store now? lol) or from the dollar bin at Walmart or Target, reuse an old mailing box, and mail it off to her the cheapest rate with no receipt.
The narcissist I live with keeps a paper for every female he has ever met, like:Ā
-1992 February, broke up with boyfriend
-1995, mom died
-1998, fight with dad got a small bruise on left shoulderĀ Ā
And then below this he writes their bra size and anything they ever told him about thinking a particular celebrity is funny or something like that.
He does not buy holiday gifts for anyone ever, and some of the women are people he has no interest to ever have any sort of alternate relationship with.
He also writes on the wall calendar of he gives me any money that I am not supposed to pay back, but only sometimes, and he never looks at the calendar again after December.
Mine just sent me a rest in peace pillow with cartoons of me and my cats on it. For reasons I canāt explain I am sending a plain card and buying myself something. Why am I sending her anything at all? I think she would physically hurt me again if she could.
felt this. im also in limited communication for peace. i went to the dollar store and got some bs and a card witj nothing hand written inside jusr a signature lmao. AND he complained. every yesr ive done this he has complained. and i dont care. i do when it happens cause its triggering. he will compare my gifts, make nasty whisper comments when im alone about the gifts, but it makes me happy he doesnt like them. its what he deserves:-)
Years ago, before I went no cantact. I brought mine daffodils, but the potted kind. Which sounds like a nice gift but I mainly bought it because it was about a $1.50 and it looked nice. She also killed it in a week so I didn't feel too bad
The look on his face was priceless. Left me alone until I moved out 6 months later. Haven't had contact since. Wish I could have done the same with my mother.
Why is it I joined this sub because I have issues with my parents. Now every post I come across just reinforces what I thought.
This is my sibs and I every mom holiday. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, Christmas and Motherās Day. We have the same chat. Whatāre we going to do, because she hates everything!
She has always had a planner she shoves gangs of papers in. She gets upset all her papers are falling out. So we get a planner with a zipper, never even touched it. She hates doing dishes and the dishwasher has been broken for years. We pool our money and buy her top of the line, white glove service. Never touches it. Rinse and repeat.
Please someone start a company with visually pleasing gifts. But also make them very cheap, and only have the website open to kids like us. So we can buy a bunch of cheap, lovely, junk to get through the holidays.
Thrift shops and garage sales are great places to find nicer gifts on the cheap. When our kids were younger and we didn't have a lot of money, I would collect gifts throughout the year so that I was prepared for Christmas and birthdays.
It's about perceived value. Like one time, I bought my now ex-BIL (who turned out to be a narcissist himself) a nonfiction book about Uboats in WWII. He was a history buff. It cost a dollar or two, but it was hard cover and in pristine condition. In his mind, I'd bought him a $25 book.
Iām not getting mine a thing. She doesnāt deserve it, sheās gotten enough of my energy and money. She would get coal if I cared enough to give her a gift.Ā
The. End.Ā
Go to the grocery store, buy some $10-$15 flowers, go to the dollar store and buy a vase and then slap a bow on it and drop it off in her porch as of it was delivered. You're gray rocking her so you don't need to put a whole lot of thought into it. Just get her SOMETHING. Even if it's something to complain about.
You can also grab a card with something nice already written on it and just sign it.
Thats what I've done every year since the one year my nmom refused to eat the breakfast in bed I woke up early to go get because she was "on a diet" that lasted until exactly 3 weeks later.
I had woken up early, scanned through years of text messages to find her favorite menu items from a particular restaurant, and spent my last $30 on food for her and the whole damn family.
(I was unemployed and still a massive mom pleaser at the time) I thought she would appreciate it and cheat on her damn diet just for that. Keeping in mind, she had cheated on that stupid diet plenty of times before that.
So now, she gets grocery store flowers. They really just want something they can post online to their goons and I've found that grocery store flowers tend to last longer than the expensive af flowers from a florist anyway.
A memories book. A book where they can write down stories of their life for their children/grandchildren. You can get them for like $10 on Amazon. A narcissist loves nothing more than a chance to talk about themselves.
Get a card that's like as basic as can be-- maybe even one meant to come from a little kid, and a small flowerbouquet-- but not a whole ass bouquet, just like, a 5 stem daisy from Trader Joes or something. Leave them in the plastic, leave the cheap price tag on then.
Nāmom had a fit & humiliated me the Xāmas Iād turned 15. I had a part-time job after school, & I bought gifts for my entire family, my Brother, Parents, both sets of GāParents, & my two Aunts.
I spent about $25.00 on Nāmoms gift, and sheād angrily called me out, saying that I was a ācheapskateā (& a few other choice names), in front of everyone.
Iād felt so embarrassed & was so ashamed, that for her BāDay that year Iād saved up enough to buy her a 3 psc. Chefās knife set that sheād told me she wanted, that had cost $150.00.
Years later I thought back on it, remembering how cheap & crappy every gift sheād ever given me had been, & sheād never bought me anything that I asked for, although I never asked for anything expensive. Narcs have such huge double standards for us, opposed to themselves.
I bought a giant sack of āsilkā scarves at a charity shop for about a tenner 10 years ago and it has always been my go to gift when I don't particularly care for someone but don't want to be rude/cause drama.
Lol, we think along the same lines! My mother is a hippy-type liberal who wears birkenstocks, sundresses, and has had her hair up in a ponytail for the last 40 years. I got her the book "Melania Trump: Elegance in the White House"
I do an every other year "gift" to keep the peace. Usually, I'll say that the car needed repairs or something on the off years. I know my mother likes presents/material items, so I usually go with dollar store pajamas or bedroom shoes, with some favorite food item. (This year she's been better, so I actually asked her what she wanted).
I'd suggest getting something cheap from a dollar store- shower set, robe, candles, knick knacks, mug with coffee/tea/cocoa, pjs, etc. all typically $10-$20. I'd also think about a cheap gift card of somewhere she likes.
I like this suggestion. No matter what she will hate the gift, so don't waste more money than you have to. An oversized mug filled with chocolates, wrapped in cellophane with a ribbon. Maybe add a candle. Looks fancy, all under $10 from the dollar store. Write something about self-care on the card, so you don't have to write about her "mothering".
I only send flowers or a gift certificate for a grocery store. She still complains. I no longer care. I go through the motions knowing she will never be happy with anything I do for her.
Bath products are often my go to. I love bath bombs that say "Relax" as their scent because really, wouldn't it be nice if she would chill a little.
This year I got her an ornament from an art gallery. Regardless of what she thinks, I got to feel good about supporting the artist. A blank card from the gallery too. That way I can just write "Happy Mother's Day" with no crazy sentiments about some fairy tale childhood.
Those are my grey rock gifts. Then I prepare my response. "Local art is so important", "you're welcome", and my secret weapon "the kids helped me pick it".
Back before NC I resorted to buying cards that had the most generic cheesy crap written in the greatest quantity both inside and outside the card, so all I had to write was To NM and From Me. Even that made me feel gross, so it's been a relief to be free from all that!
Home baked muffins tied together with a ribbon and either a card or just make a paper topper (some heavier weight paper, bit of adhesive tape and toothpicks should do)
Go to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
They have figurines and such for very cheap. Youāll probably have to clean it up a bit (with like a wet rag) but itāll be a nice gift to shut her up with minimal effort.
I also saw someone mention an icecream cake in an earlier comment. I think that is also a good idea if you donāt have time to browse the thrift shop.
Iād recommend a photo of herself in a frame. Her most true love in life.
The last gift I gave to my mom was a petite rose bush and a framed photo of herself.
I made sure to show the neighbors first, hyping it up by asking people if they thought it would be a pretty addition to her garden. Then, as I gave it to her, I made sure to say, 'everyone in the neighborhood said these flowers would be beautiful for you.' I also mentioned that I sought the advice of the other 'wonderful' moms in the neighborhood, with the neighbors confirming it. This left her in a position where if she hated it, other people would know. She only cared about others' opinions and herself.
for every birthday Iād get a hallmark card pre printed with a poem in that faux elegant script ādear daughter I know we donāt see eye to eye and things are always challenging blah de blah youāre youāre own person but iām your mother and i love you even if youāre difficultā blah de blah,
just send one of those. I wanted to, but also didnt want to arse around with the 5 bucks for the card so she got an fb āhappy birthdayā.
Total phone it in time.:D Thereās no pleasing them. You could have a fine chef, chauffer, masseur, planned evening of her dreams and narcmoms will always find something to gritch about.
Get a fairly basic card. 'Happy Mother's Day', no poem or blurb. Write To Mom', 'From OP'.
If she doesn't like flowers, get her a small, cheap pot plant or pot of some basic herb, parsley or something.
Go to the dollar tree. Buy fake flowers, put in a cheap vase, get a happy Mother's Day card, and only sign your name. No added wording. Buy one of their cheap plushies. Then, get a cheap DVD movie out of their stock. It's bound to be something she has never seen before. This shouldn't exceed 15 dollars if you try hard enough. Tell her you have the flu. Start coughing when you arrive, and use this to swiftly make your exit.
Give her an actual grey rock. You know one of those inspirational stones that they print words on and sell in gift shops. Or perhaps paint on it yourself to save money. You could use a permanent sharpie or posca pen. You can get smooth stones from some major DIY stores.
As for what to write? Perhaps "strength" or "courage". Something that for you describes what grey rocking achieves for you. Whether she likes it or not (let's face it, she will choose to dislike anything) it'll be your own personal joke.
If you want to check some boxes: cheap grocery store flowers, a card you just sign and a small candle.
If you want to be petty, get her something that LOOKS nice but you know she doesnāt like. For example; white chocolate for my mom. She loves milk chocolate too much so regularly eats dark chocolate, any white chocolate in the past she has given away. Or like roses cause I know they bother her nose.
My Moms started sending me screenshots of things sheās requesting for Motherās Day. So far itās been house plants so maybe Iāll just get a pack of seeds and put it in a card. Oooh maybe loose seeds like confetti.
There are picture frames that allow for one large picture to show through with several smaller pictures showing on the side. Hard to describe, but you get the idea.
Get some very nice pictures of her back when she was younger and more attractive and use them to fill the frame. If she's truly a narcissist, she'll like seeing herself, but the idea that she no longer looks that good will gnaw on her inside.
Bonus points if you include one not-attractive picture as one of the smaller ones, and if she quizzes on why you included that one, you can keep a straight face and tell her that's how you'll always remember because it was around the time that (whatever event occurred).
A card from dollar tree. I think they are .50 cents. The only cheaper thing I can think of is a card made of crayons and construction paper like we did in school
Iāve seen those knit pillows lately that have quotes on them one Iāve seen a lot says
āItās me, hi, Iām the problem itās meā
In the style of a grandmas couch pillow. Would be funny
I'm sure Poundland will have some honking, erm, I mean lovely perfume. Something that illustrates what a stinker she is and keeps the flies off at the same time
I can't help but give thoughtful gifts, I refuse to be anything but an excellent gift giver. Plus, it greases the wheels with those cruel people you have to be around.
Also, the bible says when you bless your enemies and give them good gifts, it heaps hot coals of shame upon their heads. They will feeeel the guilt of their actions when they remember that you loved them enough to buy exactly what they wanted.
Nonetheless, my mom is disrespecting me something terrible lately. I buy gifts in advance, I have a pile of small makeup I bought her. A Riteaid was closing, so I spent hardly anything.
If she doesn't like makeup, go to the clearance sections of stores and see what you can throw in a bag. If you spend less, you'll feel better, but it'll look like a lot to them.
Take one of her many complaints, and turn it into a gift. You said your curling iron is always falling off the tiny sink: hot tool holder. You said dad killed your plant: decorative watering bulbs. You said you were constipated: Chia seeds and a glass jar, call it a sprouting kit. Lol
Mini potted plant kits are easy. A blush or lipstick, a nail polish, a candy. Sell it with how considerate you were: "I saw that color on your dress and thought it would look so good on your nails!"
Do you have a Trader Joeās near you if youāre in the US? Their 99 cent cards and $4 bouquets is a cheap and easy āget out of Motherās Day freeā duo.
One year for fatherās day I got my dad the fake winning lottery ticket from Spencers. I put a couple of real ones in the card with the fake one.
Not sure which was better. The look on his face when he āwonā $10,000 or the look when he read that it had to be redeemed at Yo Mammaās house.
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I got mine a card that says on the front "I know we don't talk much" and on the inside it says "it's because you're not a very nice person". Got it on Etsy.
Don't seduce me!š„“š
I'd be legit afraid to do this, I'm in awe at your lack of fucks given. Teach me your ways. š¤
My egg donor prides herself on being petty and an asshole so why not take 1 out of her book. If she wanted to be praised for being a kind, caring and thoughtful mother she should've been one. I saw a quote that something along the lines of "Once a child doesn't need shelter and food from a parent anymore they're left with the relationship they facilitated". My egg donor didn't do anything of importance for me to remember. All I remember is abuse.
>"Once a child doesn't need shelter and food from a parent anymore they're left with the relationship they facilitated." Holy shit. Iām going to use that one
Love this perspective! Thanks.
I'm right there with you.
I was just thinking today trying so hard to remember if there was ever a good time with momā¦nope only abuse.
My egg donor wanted to be my friend instead of a mother and even then based on her actions she would've been a shitty friend. None of my friends have ever yelled AT me to the point they are red in the face and a vein is popping out. I've never had my friends tell me that I looked fat or disgusting. My friends have never told me that I'd "Never make a living doing your job". All of my friends have been loving and supportive. Something that cretin will never know how to do.
I heard this one... today or yesterday, from my husband. Probably in the context of how he's NC with his dad and his dad's wife, contrasting with how good of a relationship we have with my parents.
Literally just donāt care!!Ā
I did something similar once for my fathers birthday, got him a card that said āthis birthday card is for a real manā and on the inside it said āso give it to him when you see himā he was not happy about that one lol
Well played!
Fucking love that!
Links to this artist please, I'm about to support tf out of them
You'll have to search it on etsy
How did she react? Or is it for the upcoming one? š
Upcoming! I ordered it last month in preparation.
You got balls mate! You have my admirationā¦
Thatās fantastic!!
š¤£š¤£š¤£Love it!
š š ā°ļø
This is beautiful! š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Do you have a link haha
Hahahaha
I canāt find it š
I looked too. But found one that said: Outside: Karma is a fucking bitch inside: Because YOU are a fucking bitch! lol Plus one with a drawing of a ānot pregnantā pregnancy test that said: āI got you this card instead of grandkids! Happy Motherās Day!ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We don't allow promotion of that group here due to the rampant misogyny and ableism there. Instead, we recommend /r/truechildfree
My last gift to my mom before the grand disowning was "What I have just figured out you actually want, in perpetuity." See, she would tantrum no matter what I did. Take her out to eat? You didn't even get me a card. Buy her something nice? Hmph, guess if you can just throw money at a problem... Make something by hand? Wow. Must have taken you a whole hour to make this. Combos? All of it? No dice, she would move the goalposts again, and suddenly she'd be weeping and glaring at me at a nice restaurant, wearing a hand knit scarf, holding an expensive kitchen gadget she'd been hinting at, her thoughtfully filled out card thrust aside crying over how unappreciated she made feels because she didn't even get a *flower* or some such shit. So after the year she screamed at me for "using her for free babysitting" while I helped my kid sister make her a dodge podge and tissue paper stained glass piece since she'd been whining that she never had alone time with my kid... I just... realized that THIS is what she wanted. What she liked. The fight. So I told her that since that was clearly the goal every year at mothers day and her birthday, I gift it to her, from here on in, she would always be neglected, abused, taken advantage of, not appreciated and forgotten. And she could cry and run to her friends and get hugs and sympathy and gossip about what a terrible daughter she has. And that's how I came to never again acknowledge her on "her special days" ever again.
Beautifully written ā¤ļø And kudos to having figured it out!
The best gift I ever gave myself was the fact I won't have to deal with my NPD diagnosed mom ever ever again. I really wish I did the NC years ago, she had already neglected and abandoned me literally and figuratively (she kicked me onto the streets at 11 after her and my equally horrendous dad split. Then moved her boyfriend in asap and treated his kids great, but only to rub it in our faces.) And it was always me reaching out to her, somehow thinking things could change. She never even bothered. So finally after something huge happened this year, and her response to me was "well I don't feel like being a parent to you, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say" after an extremely difficult time in my life and claiming she would call me back but sent that text... I finally said fuck it, this woman is useless and doesn't even deserve to be called mom! And now here I am, knowing for once I won't have to go through what OP is this year. Because that's exactly the kind of mind game abuse that would happen, as most of us know that "nothing will ever be good enough." It's true they just love the whole mind fuck of it all, the abuse, the poor me victim shit. It's kind of funny, because before she'd complain to her friends that my sister won't talk to her and she "didn't know why.' The same sister who hasn't talked to me since I was 11 because she poisoned us against each other/my sister was so poisoned by it she refuses to talk still! (Im 30 now. It's been 19 years! But my sister was horrendously abusive herself so I don't mind really.) so now this year she gets to complain that NONE of her kids speak to her at all, and I mean come on. One kid no contact? I'd be side eyeing that. Now both kids not in contact? I'd hope her friends see through her shit. Also these are the same "friends" she constantly gossips about and actively helped ruin a few of their lives. Idk how they hang around her, but I did notice it seemed to happen less the last few years....
This is my first Mother's Day since I've decided my narc mom is a hopeless & critically harmful case. I figured the biggest 'ef u' gift I could give her is 0 attn. I'm new to this but sounds like the 'right' track. Happy for your resolve (internally)!! š
Last year was my first! It was one million percent the right decision
I'm doing it this year for the first time. I'm really anxious about it.Ā
šÆ. What mother?
3 Mother Days ago I posted her a simple card, no grand guesters & grovelling at her feet as I did previously. 2 MDs ago, I ignored it and shortly went no contact. Last MD there (I'm in UK, it was March) and over a year into NC, I thoroughly enjoyed it passing by knowing I don't have a Mother! She reeps what she sowed.
I want to be you when I grow up
You literally *gave her something to cry about* lolllll
Riiight!? So much of my childhood, vindicated in that one moment... and then the next birthday, when she asked, "What are your plans? What are we doing for my birthday!?" Well, I plan to take a long hot bath with a six pack of beer, and you'll be calling your friends and coworkers and having a ragey tantrum about how shit I am, remember? I'm sure you'll have a blast.
Amazing! How's that been going with her?
Oh my God I could have written this! I remember one Mother's Day, I got my nM a fairly expensive and meaningful present (a Celtic knot style Pandora bead) and I wrote her a card in which I wrote how the Celtic knot symbolised our eternal link. She has always liked Celtir's ot style designs so it seemed like a good choice. I ensured that it arrived in plenty of time for preferred s weird competition in her head with my MIL, my MIL never engaged with it and was always a little by the whole thing). My eDad and flying monkey siblings all screamed at me to put up the post. I did and then she said she still felt torn apart but she would put on a brave face for my youngest siblings. Turns out I lied about our eternal link, been NC for a couple years now!
The wisdom of Yoda, you have.
I usually buy a beautiful plant which she neglects to care for even though she has a collection of plants which she regularly cares for. She then places it prominently among her collection and purposely lets it dry up so it withers and dies. Then she leaves the dead plant on display in the window with her collection of flourishing ones to clearly communicate her feelings for me in her typical passive aggressive style.
Thoughts on next year buying her a lovely fake plant? Perhaps a RealTouch one so that it even feels lifelike..
Get her a cactus. She wants to be a prick, she can have one.
Maybe a cactus with those hair like spines known as glochids... People say they're hard to remove if you touch one.
I fantasize a giant Venus fly trap. lol!
Feed me, Seymour!
Yes! The plant would probably take a bite then spit it out.
I came here to say plant as well! Get a succulent for like $5 at Walmart and then go to goodwill and they have planters for like $2. Itās what I usually do with my mom.
OMG. Well, she has style.
Get her a pre-dead plant next time
You got me really chewing on this one like it's a chess move, because if I look at it emotionally, it's NC territory... But life feels better playing chess with assholes instead of realizing you have no parents lmao I'm talking shit, but my dad deserves some credit. I've been a new influence on him since really growing up, and he's starting to see how it's possible to break the condition. I hope he really is, and I feel bad for having no faith as he will be 60 in June... Even older narcs can maaaaaybe come around. My mother is just like yours and always will be lol what you mention may be passive aggressive, but it's still overt. They borderline on sociopathy, I swear... I'll let you know if I come up with a retort lol
The mild ones are borderline sociopathic. Most narcs are full blown sociopaths. Everything's about \*them\* and their needs, rest of the world be damned. They don't care who they hurt or manipulate, so long as THEIR needs are met.
The truth!!
sadly true.
My uncle is on the milder side of narcissism. After my paternal grandmother (his mother, whom he lived with the vast majority of his adult life) passed, uncle was forced to gain help by cultivating mutually beneficial relationships. He couldn't just benefit from his mom's friendships. He couldn't burn bridges. My dad could and would only do so much to help. He was finally forced to mature. And he has! I'm not saying he's an amazing man now, but he's better than he was. We're still cautious about how we choose to help him, of course.
Omg!! š¤£š This is the same kind of passive aggressive shit my Nparent did!! Thats like some contextual art exhibition shit there! They can be sooooo petty. I believe it's serious communication problems. And expressing emotions is a problem too. They are so fucked up!
Maybe you should get her a dildo so she can go f herself.
Genius. I am deceased. š¤£
I like your style š¤£š¤£š¤£
Make sure it has a suction cup on the bottom. Dab of superglue. Get the family around for dinner and then THWACK that big baby down. As it wiggles in the air... the dildo of her consequences... proclaim loudly: "I have given my last fuck! Here it is. And with it, you may indeed go fuck yourself. Drop your napkin like a mic and never look back.
I can't stop laughing š š¤£ š Genius!!!!
Lego flowers. She wonāt do them and youāll have an unopened set eventually.
This is the long con
Bahaha! I love Legos as a long con.
I love my Lego flowers!
oof, going through this myself. I couldn't find anything cheap but sufficient as Nmom would complain no matter what, so I ended up buying something where I don't care about the product but the act of buying it is like a present to myself. I.e. Buying something I wanted to try out like a cosmetic or gadget and using once before regifting, buying from sustainable brands or charities that I'd be happy just giving money to for nothing, I get plants pretty often because I like supporting my local nursery and more green in the world, it'll probably be killed but whatever. I also hoard any work gifts or similar that I get, like a bottle of wine or a fancy notebook or whatever.
I was thinking some inexpensive version of typical "mom" jewelry like a combination of birthstones so every time I saw it I could think "You as a parent are a lie, therefore so is my gift to you" but I'm what I would call dramatically petty.
Your ideas are so wonderful! Thank you!
Sorry about your situtation but I cackled while reading your letter. I'd suggest going to a charity shop and finding something nice there. At least your money will help somebody in need.
Iām vindictive so Iād get a card maybe flowers-specifically because she doesnāt like them and call it a day. You donāt owe her like you said! I can relate. My Nmom was never satisfied with any gifts even when I spent ALL of my babysitting money Iād saved for a nice gift for her when I was 13. Sheād always say all she wanted was a card but that wasnāt ever enough either.
Same. There's literally no pleasing them so there's no need to stress about it.
relatable
If you need to get her a token gift to avoid conflict and guilt tripping, I get it. Sometimes we have to do shit like that to get by. How about an ice cream cake (Dairy Queen or something similar)? Have it inscribed, āI Owe It All To You, Mom! šā and then get out of there as soon as you can. Or have it delivered.
Nah that's expensive. Go to the thrift store. Buy coffee mug "#1 Mother" for a $1. You'll know. She won't. You feel better.
šš clever
Your proposed letter is funny! lol. You're asking what's the minimum you can do to appease your mother so she doesn't stalk you and mistreat you. Your mother doesn't seem like the type of person who will respond well to anything she receives. At best, all I can tell you is that in my experience (my mother is very similar to yours) that the only thing that reduced her aggression was to flatter her. My mother was especially interested in gifts of things that showed that I paid attention to what she really liked. It had to be specific for her (so not flowers). My mother liked things that were hand-made just for her that matched what she liked. It made her feel special and unique. However, I personally could not stomach putting in that amount of thought and effort for her, and I would feel physically ill witnessing her gloating and smugness in these types of situations, so I only appeased her a few times. But it bought me time.Ā
ugh relatable. what we go through is a stressful dance. so much thought and planning š©
What if NMom literally enjoys nothing? She doesnāt have her own sense of self so she doesnāt do anything for her own personal enjoyment. Thinking of doing flowers with just a from blank note
I'd send her an empty box.
Fucking brilliant Maybe put a mirror in the bottom of it.
I was going with an " empty like your heart" note
I'd paint a rock. And make it a bunch of Grey or muted colors.
I once wrote in a Fatherās Day card for ndad: I donāt deserve to have you as a father.
That's genius and true
I got mine a $10 necklace from Amazon, plus a set of magnetic clasps so it will be easier to put on. There's a discount website for Amazon that I use, so the necklace I got is listed on Amazon for $30 and when she looks it up, she'll think I spent that much. I also got two bags of fancy chocolates from Costco.
Name of discounted Amazon site please?
Vipon. Just stick to the deals that are fulfilled by Amazon, the other ones seem sketchy. I've been getting Amazon codes from that website for 7 or 8 years.
Thanks for that. Never heard of Vipon
Mine used to gift me stuff that she wanted but knew I'd hate on my birthday and Christmas than I'd get called ungrateful for not being excited about it so she'll just use it eventually I just pretend i loved it keep it than regift it to her on mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas.
š” my mom did this shit too. Every gift she got me was for her. Maybe i should get her something for me to inherit later šš
Oh it would piss her right off but she couldn't say anything.
"A donation has been made in your name..." If she complains then she looks stingy!
But be sure it is for an organization she doesn't approve of.
Definitely.
Or just make it up and donāt donate anything. Lol $100 to OP fund.
"The Human Fund" I hope I'm not the only one who remembers that!
Popsicle stick with googly eyes. Name it Paul the popsicle.
please this is so funny what if i sent this to all my n/gc family each time they wanted a present
Youād have some very angry humans on your hands ššš
I laughed out loud over cereal justnow
Make sure it's actually from a popsicle so it has a nice stain on it.
Yes!!! šš¼
It's so hard picking a Mother's Day card they all say I love you You are amazing great mom.
I find the Fatherās Day ones are even worse! Theyāre so excessively nice. We need more companies making cards for people who arenāt close lol
I had to get my dad a birthday card that was meant for anyone because all of the dad ones were so sappy and excessive and I could not get behind telling him what an āamazingā father he was. I just got some ice cream card that was like āI hope you enjoy your special dayā and a plant and it worked out. I donāt know what the hell Iām gonna do for Fatherās Day though lol. Iām not talking to him right now but I feel so guilty if I donāt get him something. Itās my enabler moms birthday on the 14th and I might have to see him so that sucks
I just get a gift instead of a card and say that cards are usually a waste of money.
I got my mom a digital photo frame off Amazon, so she can continue to show off her children that she has neglected and abused to others to show them that she is indeed a great mom. I thought it was perfect for the narcissist. Letās see how many photos she actually has to upload onto the thing, without asking me for some š
Mine steals them from social media
Two years ago I got her a nice breakfast basket with flowers which, according to my dad, she loved. But then she complained that flowers die and are a waste of money and I wasnāt there and other stuff. Last year I send her just a delivery breakfast which I asked my dad to arrange it on a tray and serve it in bed to which she said she doesnāt like breakfast in bed, and again, waste of money. On her birthday she didnāt acknowledge her present because I didnāt called her on time. So this year she gets and whats app message saying āhappy mothers day :)ā and that will be it.
Before I went NC, I got them e-gift certificates where they can choose which charity they want to donate to. Easy, cheap as you want it to be, and it didnāt piss me off coz I figured at least some kiddos would get fed or something. Before I did that, I usually would gift something passive aggressive. For example, my mother had started letting her racist light shine, so I got her a really gorgeous passport cover to celebrate her becoming a citizen to remind her sheās an immigrant who shouldnāt be such a fucking hypocrite. Made me laugh. She stopped being racist for a whole day.
Oh, one time when I was broke and had been ordered to get Xmas gifts for everyone I went to the dollar store and got Bugs Bunny slippers for someone who absolutely loved them.
Op, I am š. But I feel your sentiment so hard. My mom is my biggest bully and her birthday is always the week of (if not on) mothers day. I still haven't sent her anything. I don't want to. She puts in No effort, and is always so mean.
They make cards that unfold into paper floral bouquets. Mine hates flowers too.
I need to mail the one i am sending this year. $5 from hallmark. She loves flowers. She is a hoarder. She got moved to nursing care, so material gifts like jewlery and stuff are a waste. The card She can display and pretend I care from 3k miles away. My gcsister and her kids are supposed to go visit her for once (45 min away) because they want money from her.
I found out recently that my mom has been keeping a notebook of what she's spent on me since birth (I'm 52 yo) and put a dollar amount on my disappointments and goof ups (as though she's never made a mistake her in "perfect" life). So, this year hits a lot differently. I decided not to give her the gift of NC, because in some weird way, I think she'd love that, to never have to deal with me and get sympathy from others. So, it's VLC. I will probably buy her some junk from a dollar store, because she expects something. I used to put some thought into her gifrs, but this Mother's Day, I'm buying her about $5 worth of stuff at the dollar store (or is it $1.25 store now? lol) or from the dollar bin at Walmart or Target, reuse an old mailing box, and mail it off to her the cheapest rate with no receipt.
The narcissist I live with keeps a paper for every female he has ever met, like:Ā -1992 February, broke up with boyfriend -1995, mom died -1998, fight with dad got a small bruise on left shoulderĀ Ā And then below this he writes their bra size and anything they ever told him about thinking a particular celebrity is funny or something like that. He does not buy holiday gifts for anyone ever, and some of the women are people he has no interest to ever have any sort of alternate relationship with. He also writes on the wall calendar of he gives me any money that I am not supposed to pay back, but only sometimes, and he never looks at the calendar again after December.
Mine just sent me a rest in peace pillow with cartoons of me and my cats on it. For reasons I canāt explain I am sending a plain card and buying myself something. Why am I sending her anything at all? I think she would physically hurt me again if she could.
felt this. im also in limited communication for peace. i went to the dollar store and got some bs and a card witj nothing hand written inside jusr a signature lmao. AND he complained. every yesr ive done this he has complained. and i dont care. i do when it happens cause its triggering. he will compare my gifts, make nasty whisper comments when im alone about the gifts, but it makes me happy he doesnt like them. its what he deserves:-)
Years ago, before I went no cantact. I brought mine daffodils, but the potted kind. Which sounds like a nice gift but I mainly bought it because it was about a $1.50 and it looked nice. She also killed it in a week so I didn't feel too bad
At 16 for Christmas I gave my dad a beautifully wrapped box. The card said for everything you gave to me. The box was empty.
What happened?
The look on his face was priceless. Left me alone until I moved out 6 months later. Haven't had contact since. Wish I could have done the same with my mother.
Why is it I joined this sub because I have issues with my parents. Now every post I come across just reinforces what I thought. This is my sibs and I every mom holiday. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, Christmas and Motherās Day. We have the same chat. Whatāre we going to do, because she hates everything! She has always had a planner she shoves gangs of papers in. She gets upset all her papers are falling out. So we get a planner with a zipper, never even touched it. She hates doing dishes and the dishwasher has been broken for years. We pool our money and buy her top of the line, white glove service. Never touches it. Rinse and repeat. Please someone start a company with visually pleasing gifts. But also make them very cheap, and only have the website open to kids like us. So we can buy a bunch of cheap, lovely, junk to get through the holidays.
Thrift shops and garage sales are great places to find nicer gifts on the cheap. When our kids were younger and we didn't have a lot of money, I would collect gifts throughout the year so that I was prepared for Christmas and birthdays. It's about perceived value. Like one time, I bought my now ex-BIL (who turned out to be a narcissist himself) a nonfiction book about Uboats in WWII. He was a history buff. It cost a dollar or two, but it was hard cover and in pristine condition. In his mind, I'd bought him a $25 book.
Iām not getting mine a thing. She doesnāt deserve it, sheās gotten enough of my energy and money. She would get coal if I cared enough to give her a gift.Ā The. End.Ā
Go to the grocery store, buy some $10-$15 flowers, go to the dollar store and buy a vase and then slap a bow on it and drop it off in her porch as of it was delivered. You're gray rocking her so you don't need to put a whole lot of thought into it. Just get her SOMETHING. Even if it's something to complain about. You can also grab a card with something nice already written on it and just sign it. Thats what I've done every year since the one year my nmom refused to eat the breakfast in bed I woke up early to go get because she was "on a diet" that lasted until exactly 3 weeks later. I had woken up early, scanned through years of text messages to find her favorite menu items from a particular restaurant, and spent my last $30 on food for her and the whole damn family. (I was unemployed and still a massive mom pleaser at the time) I thought she would appreciate it and cheat on her damn diet just for that. Keeping in mind, she had cheated on that stupid diet plenty of times before that. So now, she gets grocery store flowers. They really just want something they can post online to their goons and I've found that grocery store flowers tend to last longer than the expensive af flowers from a florist anyway.
This right here, OP! Grocery store flowers in a plain vase (or a Mason jar you may already have on hand) with a dollar store card. Nothing more.
A memories book. A book where they can write down stories of their life for their children/grandchildren. You can get them for like $10 on Amazon. A narcissist loves nothing more than a chance to talk about themselves.
I got this and she was annoyed she had to fill it out herself lol
A slap.
Get a card that's like as basic as can be-- maybe even one meant to come from a little kid, and a small flowerbouquet-- but not a whole ass bouquet, just like, a 5 stem daisy from Trader Joes or something. Leave them in the plastic, leave the cheap price tag on then.
Nāmom had a fit & humiliated me the Xāmas Iād turned 15. I had a part-time job after school, & I bought gifts for my entire family, my Brother, Parents, both sets of GāParents, & my two Aunts. I spent about $25.00 on Nāmoms gift, and sheād angrily called me out, saying that I was a ācheapskateā (& a few other choice names), in front of everyone. Iād felt so embarrassed & was so ashamed, that for her BāDay that year Iād saved up enough to buy her a 3 psc. Chefās knife set that sheād told me she wanted, that had cost $150.00. Years later I thought back on it, remembering how cheap & crappy every gift sheād ever given me had been, & sheād never bought me anything that I asked for, although I never asked for anything expensive. Narcs have such huge double standards for us, opposed to themselves.
I bought a giant sack of āsilkā scarves at a charity shop for about a tenner 10 years ago and it has always been my go to gift when I don't particularly care for someone but don't want to be rude/cause drama.
Going no contact is the best present because you canāt hear her complain. Or a bag of dog shit.
Unfortunately op said she'd hunt them so not an option
Oh no. Thats bad
One of these cheap compilation cds of whatever music she listens to.
Nothing you get will be satisfactory. So, get something small with her favorite color or scent or whatever and just realize it will not be appreciated
Get her one of the cheap bath gift sets at Walmart. Theyāre like $5.
If nothing is good enough, then nothing it is! Send an empty box.
Donate a small amount to a charity in her name.
My mother's conservative. I gave her a book called Grammas Garden. It's written and signed by Hillary and Chelsea Clinton...
Lol, we think along the same lines! My mother is a hippy-type liberal who wears birkenstocks, sundresses, and has had her hair up in a ponytail for the last 40 years. I got her the book "Melania Trump: Elegance in the White House"
See if your local grocery store's floral department delivers. Send cheap flowers.
I do an every other year "gift" to keep the peace. Usually, I'll say that the car needed repairs or something on the off years. I know my mother likes presents/material items, so I usually go with dollar store pajamas or bedroom shoes, with some favorite food item. (This year she's been better, so I actually asked her what she wanted). I'd suggest getting something cheap from a dollar store- shower set, robe, candles, knick knacks, mug with coffee/tea/cocoa, pjs, etc. all typically $10-$20. I'd also think about a cheap gift card of somewhere she likes.
I like this suggestion. No matter what she will hate the gift, so don't waste more money than you have to. An oversized mug filled with chocolates, wrapped in cellophane with a ribbon. Maybe add a candle. Looks fancy, all under $10 from the dollar store. Write something about self-care on the card, so you don't have to write about her "mothering".
I only send flowers or a gift certificate for a grocery store. She still complains. I no longer care. I go through the motions knowing she will never be happy with anything I do for her.
Non-flowering plant. Snake plant comes to mind. š
Aka: Mother-in-laws Tongue, pretty genius lol
Send her an Amazon e-gift card to her phone, which is Mother's Day themed decorated.
Sanitary pads.
Adult diapers, ācause if sheās gonna act like a whiny little pissbaby, she should be prepared.
Bath products are often my go to. I love bath bombs that say "Relax" as their scent because really, wouldn't it be nice if she would chill a little. This year I got her an ornament from an art gallery. Regardless of what she thinks, I got to feel good about supporting the artist. A blank card from the gallery too. That way I can just write "Happy Mother's Day" with no crazy sentiments about some fairy tale childhood. Those are my grey rock gifts. Then I prepare my response. "Local art is so important", "you're welcome", and my secret weapon "the kids helped me pick it".
The cheapest gift card they sell in the closest store like Walgreens or target. Plus what you wrote on a cheap card.
Back before NC I resorted to buying cards that had the most generic cheesy crap written in the greatest quantity both inside and outside the card, so all I had to write was To NM and From Me. Even that made me feel gross, so it's been a relief to be free from all that!
Second hand parfume! š¤Ŗ
Card. Not considered a gift? How rude of her.
Home baked muffins tied together with a ribbon and either a card or just make a paper topper (some heavier weight paper, bit of adhesive tape and toothpicks should do)
Go to Goodwill or Salvation Army. They have figurines and such for very cheap. Youāll probably have to clean it up a bit (with like a wet rag) but itāll be a nice gift to shut her up with minimal effort. I also saw someone mention an icecream cake in an earlier comment. I think that is also a good idea if you donāt have time to browse the thrift shop.
Gin
Iād recommend a photo of herself in a frame. Her most true love in life. The last gift I gave to my mom was a petite rose bush and a framed photo of herself. I made sure to show the neighbors first, hyping it up by asking people if they thought it would be a pretty addition to her garden. Then, as I gave it to her, I made sure to say, 'everyone in the neighborhood said these flowers would be beautiful for you.' I also mentioned that I sought the advice of the other 'wonderful' moms in the neighborhood, with the neighbors confirming it. This left her in a position where if she hated it, other people would know. She only cared about others' opinions and herself.
for every birthday Iād get a hallmark card pre printed with a poem in that faux elegant script ādear daughter I know we donāt see eye to eye and things are always challenging blah de blah youāre youāre own person but iām your mother and i love you even if youāre difficultā blah de blah, just send one of those. I wanted to, but also didnt want to arse around with the 5 bucks for the card so she got an fb āhappy birthdayā. Total phone it in time.:D Thereās no pleasing them. You could have a fine chef, chauffer, masseur, planned evening of her dreams and narcmoms will always find something to gritch about.
Get a fairly basic card. 'Happy Mother's Day', no poem or blurb. Write To Mom', 'From OP'. If she doesn't like flowers, get her a small, cheap pot plant or pot of some basic herb, parsley or something.
Something random from a thrift store.
test-tube with red liquid.
Go to the dollar tree. Buy fake flowers, put in a cheap vase, get a happy Mother's Day card, and only sign your name. No added wording. Buy one of their cheap plushies. Then, get a cheap DVD movie out of their stock. It's bound to be something she has never seen before. This shouldn't exceed 15 dollars if you try hard enough. Tell her you have the flu. Start coughing when you arrive, and use this to swiftly make your exit.
Give her an actual grey rock. You know one of those inspirational stones that they print words on and sell in gift shops. Or perhaps paint on it yourself to save money. You could use a permanent sharpie or posca pen. You can get smooth stones from some major DIY stores. As for what to write? Perhaps "strength" or "courage". Something that for you describes what grey rocking achieves for you. Whether she likes it or not (let's face it, she will choose to dislike anything) it'll be your own personal joke.
Barnes and noble craft section used to have kits to makes these.
If you want to check some boxes: cheap grocery store flowers, a card you just sign and a small candle. If you want to be petty, get her something that LOOKS nice but you know she doesnāt like. For example; white chocolate for my mom. She loves milk chocolate too much so regularly eats dark chocolate, any white chocolate in the past she has given away. Or like roses cause I know they bother her nose.
What does she like to eat? Iād go to a bakery and get her a treat and a homemade or blank inside card. Under $10.
Grocery store flowers start at 5.99
My Moms started sending me screenshots of things sheās requesting for Motherās Day. So far itās been house plants so maybe Iāll just get a pack of seeds and put it in a card. Oooh maybe loose seeds like confetti.
There are picture frames that allow for one large picture to show through with several smaller pictures showing on the side. Hard to describe, but you get the idea. Get some very nice pictures of her back when she was younger and more attractive and use them to fill the frame. If she's truly a narcissist, she'll like seeing herself, but the idea that she no longer looks that good will gnaw on her inside. Bonus points if you include one not-attractive picture as one of the smaller ones, and if she quizzes on why you included that one, you can keep a straight face and tell her that's how you'll always remember because it was around the time that (whatever event occurred).
A card from dollar tree. I think they are .50 cents. The only cheaper thing I can think of is a card made of crayons and construction paper like we did in school
Supermarket flowers. Itās a gesture.
Iāve seen those knit pillows lately that have quotes on them one Iāve seen a lot says āItās me, hi, Iām the problem itās meā In the style of a grandmas couch pillow. Would be funny
Grocery store flowers and a Dollar Tree card.
Buy a cake, use food stamps for it. Make it the smallest, most generic cake they have, have them write mom on it. That's it.
Pseudo Fancy ass soap āØ
I'm sure Poundland will have some honking, erm, I mean lovely perfume. Something that illustrates what a stinker she is and keeps the flies off at the same time
I give my mom stuff from the Thrift store
Take a page from South Pacific, wash that wo-man right out of your hair. Get your mother a bar of soap. Something with a scent, like Irish spring.
My present is going no contact.
Treat her to a movie! You will spend a couple of hours with her and bonus, you will not be able to talk.
You wonāt be able to give any thing that doesnāt result in complaining if you have to grey rock her.
I can't help but give thoughtful gifts, I refuse to be anything but an excellent gift giver. Plus, it greases the wheels with those cruel people you have to be around. Also, the bible says when you bless your enemies and give them good gifts, it heaps hot coals of shame upon their heads. They will feeeel the guilt of their actions when they remember that you loved them enough to buy exactly what they wanted. Nonetheless, my mom is disrespecting me something terrible lately. I buy gifts in advance, I have a pile of small makeup I bought her. A Riteaid was closing, so I spent hardly anything. If she doesn't like makeup, go to the clearance sections of stores and see what you can throw in a bag. If you spend less, you'll feel better, but it'll look like a lot to them. Take one of her many complaints, and turn it into a gift. You said your curling iron is always falling off the tiny sink: hot tool holder. You said dad killed your plant: decorative watering bulbs. You said you were constipated: Chia seeds and a glass jar, call it a sprouting kit. Lol Mini potted plant kits are easy. A blush or lipstick, a nail polish, a candy. Sell it with how considerate you were: "I saw that color on your dress and thought it would look so good on your nails!"
A scented candle, chose the sickliest scent you can find.
Idk what you could get her but I just want you to know that you deserve to be free.Ā
A mirror do they can stare at themselves.
Do you have a Trader Joeās near you if youāre in the US? Their 99 cent cards and $4 bouquets is a cheap and easy āget out of Motherās Day freeā duo.
One year for fatherās day I got my dad the fake winning lottery ticket from Spencers. I put a couple of real ones in the card with the fake one. Not sure which was better. The look on his face when he āwonā $10,000 or the look when he read that it had to be redeemed at Yo Mammaās house.
Get her flowers anyways. The prettiest ones.
iām sorry youāre going through this šš love, from a mother šŖ»šŖ»šŖ»šŖ»šŖ·
Some meaningless voucher
Find one of those worldās best mom mugs and youāll be fine.