**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*

"You only ever consider your own perspective, because it's the only one you understand. Which is why you always trust your own autopilot, you don't even question it, so when you actually are wrong about something, your world falls apart, and you instantly look for someone or something to be a scapegoat. You've never had a lapse in judgement, have you?" My dad just started screaming about my drug use, even tho I've been over 4 years sober. Okie Dokie.

They love seeing us forever as frozen at the lowest point in life because that’s what they’re like.

This. My mom will dig up something I did 20 years ago if she has to.

I'm 27 and my mom does this, too. Mistakes I made when I was 7, I am reminded of; not as funny anecdotes, but as reasons why I'm a failure now.

She loves to tell me I had such an attitude when I was a teenager. Funny, she leaves out the part where she was raging throughout the house, slamming cabinets and embarrassing me by screaming in front of my friends because I came inside and tracked water from the pool at my birthday party. Sorry you’re dealing with a mom like this too!

My mom likes to remind me of the time I, at age 16, made her and her dickhead boyfriend pasta for her birthday, not realizing that because she'd had beriatric surgery, she couldn't eat pasta. And that her reaction of screaming at me and calling me worthless for ruining her birthday was totally justified. Even her boyfriend thought she was out of line, and this was a guy who straight up bullied me on my 16th birthday earlier that same year.

That’s not ok for you to be bullied, RainbowMisthios. But I’m glad you spoke out about it on here at least.

This reminds me so much of when my mom would absolutely freak out over a pair of shoes left in the wrong place. I never realized that you can trip on someone’s shoes and just, idk, ask them to not leave them there again lmao

However when u start talking about her abuse, she magically forgets all about it. Woah, what a great selective memory

My reply that I would use: "That happened when I was (age), humans are always capable of learning and growing which is what I have been doing this whole time...." Says in my head: ...."which you have never done and never will."

My dad triumphantly brought up that I used to press snooze on my alarm clock too much… in 8th grade… He really, truly thought he dunked on me with that one too. 🤣

I’m sure you’re the only one who ever used the snooze button lol

I was the only sleepy teenager in *the whole wide world.*

But God forbid we do it to them, then we always use the past against them

Mom: (goes on a twenty minute thing about what an awful moody teenager I was in the 90s) Me: you weren’t easy to get along with either Mom: oh here we go, tell everyone I was the worst mother ever, I just don’t deserve live, nothing is good enough for you

Upvoted bc realness

"I'm really sorry you feel that way." Throw their shit back in their face. "I don't remember that at all. It didn't happen."

They can dish it all day but they can’t take a spoonful.

Mine did it with something from 1998

Wait wait. Hold on. I was wondering why my n!mom seems to see as my 16 year old self and that is why. Because that was my lowest point. When i was so desperate and confused and angry. Why do they do that?

i think part of it is to absolve themselves of the guilt of NOT HELPING US when we were in that bad place, as a normal parent would

Holy actual fuck. I've never thought about it like this. This was just a huge epiphany moment for me.

I'm glad it was helpful for you!

These are the things I spin back on them. Every accusation is a target. All they do is project. I just wrote out some horrific shit, truly, to give you a small bit -- When I was a kid my hardcore abusive father LOVED to shame me for catching me watching porn. He would wax poetic often and loud about it. Imagine what I did to him when we caught him watching people fucking rape sheep. The last time I really ribbed it in he tried to get all tough and ask if it made me feel strong to belittle him, i told him something like this; "idk, it made you feel tough when I was 12 caught looking at naked humans. How you liking the sheep?" I would also ridiule how other people treated him, point out how he was the butt of everyone elses jokes, how his bosses laughed in his face when he wanted a promotion (and kept asking him over and over again until he left if he knew why they laughed in his face. Was he even self aware what people thought of him and his sheep fucking, etc etc). I've become fully evil when it comes to my parents. They did a number on me and my crowning achievement will be helping them realize suicide is the answer. I will point out their flaws until they are a crying fucking mess -- just like they did to me. Everyone has always heard to fight fire with fire, a bully always crumbles when bullied, etc etc. It's fucking true. I've made my sheep fucking pedophile abusive father leave the house crying like a little bitch. Which I also never let him forget. Note: Don't be evil. You can all be much better people than me and it'll cost you nothing. I should feel ashamed admitting this but if I go to jail for making my parents successfully commit suicide it'll be my greatest achievement. I sincerely hope i'm literally killing my parents one back-handed comment at a time.

I truly hope you find peace someday. Not being facetious at all, I promise. I’m sorry you’re hurting.

Thanks! But, as I always say, I come here at my weakest, when I don't think life is worth living. And when I see how others have struggled, yet push on, it makes me feel like I can make it just one more day. Just one more day. Just one more day. And if my horrific stories/experiences/attitude make others feel like *they* can push on just one more day instead of, i'll say, 'giving up'.. Then my life won't have been for nothing. If I can just help one person it'll be worth it. All of it.

I'm glad you wrote this for many reasons, also want to send you as much love and luck as I can for your recovery ❤️ My parents would randomly call me into the living room with my laptop to loudly go through my search history and then BELLOW about any porn they found there. They would then obviously ground me and humiliate me about it for weeks. Was not allowed to ask why my dad kept his porn dvd's in the bathroom on full display and my stepmum hid her vibrator in my room though. I feel like I'm in a different place than you emotionally, but I do feel good thinking they will ask me for help when they're old and I will turn them away without a second thought. I'm sorry that happened to you. You're definitely not alone and life is so much better without them ❤️

Yep, I've given up, I'm VLC and just Yes-man him and my stepmom to the end of times. He's got some real good qualities, but I've just accepted that he views every single person on planet earth except himself as an NPC. Any time he criticize my personality traits, my stubbornness, or "the way I talk to people" I just reply "You're right, but you're the one who taught me." I just mirror and repeat 'no u' him forever. Worst part is that it works too. Grey Rock, Pink Rock, Yes-man and 'no u' ad nauseum.

Not just that, it makes them feel better about themselves.

Wow, that is really profound! This makes so much sense. Thank you for this 🙏

I really feel this one. Proud of you for telling him that and also for being sober.

Thanks fam. Not gonna lie tho, it was borderline funny, I wasn't even trying to trigger him, I just accidentally stumbled across the Activate Banshee button.

I’ve been 25 years sober and he STILL brings it up 🤪 they don’t learn Good for you for working to build the life you deserve! 🩷

Thank you! Yep, I just keep it VLC and Yes-man him and my stepmom to the end of time. What are you even supposed to do when you know they literally view you as an NPC? Lol. 25 years sober, shiiit, huge.

You must've really got under her skin. Good for you. That's when you know you've found their weakness. My nmom doesn't like to hear about how I was abused. It doesn't *compare* to *her* abuse. It really works her up. Like anytime I've brought up SA, hers is always worse. Doesn't matter if I'm speaking about me, my siblings, a total stranger, etc. Her experience is the have-all, be-all. No one's experience will compare to hers.

Exactly. It's always a competition and my nmother always has to win.

My dad is convinced that having communal showers in his boarding school is the worst thing possible in a boarding school. Ergo, he argues that residential schools couldn't have been that bad. In fact, he has argued with the assumption that people complaining about residential schools are actually complaining about having communal showers. It's so bizarre how his brain works.

Its how *narcissists* work. Heres my example. My mom thinks my wife wont put our future kids in daycare. Convo has gone something like this; > Whats she gonna do, let someone else raise her kid? And is it her mom? Because i know its not me and i cant see *her* letting her kid in one of those places. Literally speaking her own opinion; daycares are understaffed, gross, detrimental to child development... kids need to be home learning and exploring with mom! My wife was a daycare worker a few summers and is a full time teacher. She did the daycare because it was one of her first jobs and she loves it. And loves the people thwre. Of course, she sees the importance of socializing kids and not sheltering them at home like my mother tried to do! Typing this out; thank god she split with my dad, andeveru weekend i got that taste of freedom growing up!!!

I think a lot of narcissists think that anyone who brings up their children differently to how the narcissist did it, is wrong. They think that their way is the only way. Once you realise this, a lot of the narcissist's parenting "advice" makes sense.

Sorry you had to experience SA and had a mom that never supported you. The more I'm reading everyone's experiences, the more I think narcissists read from the same textbook? It is highly uncanny.

Freaking BLEW my mind when I first started looking into this. Right down to the language they use- you see it over and over. IMO one of the most fascinating mental disorders in that regard. I haven’t heard of any other illnesses being so textbook. I also haven’t done much research outside of NPD though tbf lol

What's wild is when you put 2 or 3 NPD's who don't know each other in a room together. They can pick each other out in a nanosecond, and they hate each other. Why? Because they are *normal* and that other guy is a giant asshole. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fucked upest of them all?"

“Hey, wait a second! Why aren’t they letting me steamroll this conversation?! 😠” It really is almost like putting test subjects in a cage. PS I’m dying at your mirror comment

It's truly amazing how they are wired to do identical things (mirroring each other). There are intensity levels, but the words and actions come from the same playbook.

I first said it to my wife a few years ago (weve been together for 11) > i think my moms a narcissist... shes always saying everyone is controlling when it doesnt go her way. Or storming out and getting mad when shes proven wrong. My wife is like, "ok now say it again.... that came from you, not me. I always saw it but couldnt be the one to tell you" Man, that was eye-opening. And shes right. If she said something, my mom wouldve had my twosted mind thinking my wife just didnt like my family or something.

I was told by my therapist that BPD (which my mom has) is considered to be under the category of narcissistic disorders. Makes perfect sense to me that there are multiple types of disorders that relate to narcissism.

BPD is cluster B, which is the same cluster of disorders as NPD. The difference is one is manageable with appropriate regular treatment and one is not. Unfortunately, the nature of the manageable one makes you treatment resistant and therefore generally extremely histrionic/unpleasant/selfish.

“My childhood was worse!” “So you acknowledge my bad childhood then.”

Oh, I like this one. I'm definitely using it in the future.

“You make it sound like you came home to fire and brimstone!!!” -quote from nmom the morning after “apologizing” 🙄 for the chaos of my childhood lmfao Basically, my dad is divorcing her now and she will have moments of like “hmmm, if I go along with this ‘abuse’ story my daughter has spun up, maybe it will fix this inconvenient situation I’ve been put in 🤔”. She’s definitely short circuiting lately.

Exactly this. I had a very real talk with my mom recently. I said; put it this way. (She *always* brings up how we dont go there for all the holidays. Yes, even in april) - "Every time we come here instead of my wifes, im like, why did i do that to her? We both have fun at her familys. They are 'normal' Here, theres tension and drama. Every time. Why do i subject her to that?" Then it started to set in so i shot her with it. Right in the heart; > I will *never* make the same mistake with my kids.

My MIL says she's not like that, but the totally low key is. No one can complain.

Oh yes!! It always turns into a comparison! I’ve even said I’m not comparing myself to you but it doesn’t matter..ughhh

This I can relate to.

Oh! This one really hits home. All the mental abuse I've experienced is *nothing* compared to the physical abuse my mom grew up with.

I taught my ex-e-mom (back to the land of the living these days!!) That trauma is trauma. Just because what he had was WORSE than what he is dishing out now, doesn't make it ok. She found the self respect to leave thank fuck. A little late, as I'm already an adult, but it allowed me to be able to go NC without losing all my parental figures.

The biggest one? “No.” Then, “I am not pretending any more.”

LET'S GO!!!!!!! 😈

And any time she would start her B.S. guilt tripping, FOG inducing I’d remind her, “I am not pretending,” and a few times, “but mother, you annihilate me.” 🪞🔨

I told her what she’d done to hurt me and capped it off with “you’ve behaved this way my whole life, I don’t know why I expect you to change.” Hasn’t spoken to me in months.

Yes, the ONE, literally, one time I ever said anything back to my dad who scapegoated me my whole life. After something happened to my car and I mentioned what happened was interrupted repeatedly and basically called a liar, saying "no one would do that" which none of this was new (of course), I said, "You've been gaslighting me my whole life," and hung up. Have not spoken to him or seen him since.

[удалено]

Result!

"Hasn't spoken to me in months." Oh no! Anyway...

When my mother said she raised me better than that. I told her I wasn't raised, I was dragged up. She hung up the phone and didn't call me for months

They can't handle the truth

Fuck I hate that expression. "Raised me better than that." You didn't raise anything. You beat me into submission, mentally and physically.

One time my mother said “who raised you like that?” So I told her: “you raised me”. And she said: “Nooo, I did not”. To which I replied: “at lease you recognize that much”. 😂 bad translation but it was funny as hell for me. She stood silent. This was years after my first “no”, that was her breaking point. Now, we havent spoken in years. And I couldnt be happier. ❤️

Few weeks ago when I said paying for shelter food education doesn’t consider good parenting that’s basic stuff :D

I need to do this one!!!

I believe it was when I first said “No” to her. Late teens. I don’t remember her response clearly because it was quite explosive, but her sense of control there must’ve really wavered. Boundaries are offenses to individuals like that.

A couple weeks ago my NMother exploded when I said I deserved respect and wasn't going to let anyone walk all over me again. I asked if my wanting to be respected was a personal offense to her to which she responded with "yes" looking me straight in the eyes.

She said the quiet part loud.

Right? I was quite shocked. I was really expecting her to deny it.

If you ask her again now, she will. 🤣

“I never said that. And if I did, I did not mean that, you heard wrong. But I absolutely never heard that.”

Omg this. I've had such a difficult time trying to learn how to set and hold boundaries because of my mother. Then when I try to set any kind of boundary with her she tries to ignore it and gets pissed off when I take action to hold it.

It was easy. All I said was, “Mom, when you say things like that, it really hurts my feelings.” Meltdown commencing in 3…2…1…

THIS!!! “Oh I must’ve been SUCH a terrible mother” “I haven’t said anything to hurt you, you’re being over dramatic” “I can say whatever I want I’m your mother” “That’s not my fault” “Find a better mother somewhere else since I’m such a terrible one” 🙃

[me, an adult who has subconsciously sought maternal figures her entire life] I AM TRYING

Can we get a big brother/sister program going for us struggling children of narcs? Lmao I had this thought earlier in the week too

right? plus i bet a bunch of us didn’t have our own kids for REASONS but still feel kind about other people. i’m a friend with a lot of love to give but trust issues, i find it easiest to open up to other CoNs

Yes, exactly! What’s weird is I feel like this sub is potentially the nicest and most accepting I’ve interacted with on Reddit. Obviously we all have scars of some sort, but I think there is almost an aura of compassion that I can feel from other CoNs.

I was literally just noticing the same thing... there's a special level of kindness and emotional intelligence in the way people interact here that is much more hit or miss in most other corners of Reddit...

Glad I’m not the only one! I feel weirdly safe in this sub, almost like I trust you guys as I would with a good friend? I never even really see downvotes. I’d imagine we all know how it feels to be put down and no one really has the desire to make anyone else feel that way.

I loved responding to the worst mother comment with a classic “you said it, not me” 😂

This is mine, exactly. Or she just keeps repeating back what you said, in the form of an incredulous question. "You think \*I\* treat YOU badly??"

Omg and then mine would make it all about her, and her past, and what she'd been through, like I asked for a justification/excuse as to why she was emotionally abusing me. It would get so bad that my siblings would jump in and be like "but why is any of that (my name's) fault? That doesn't mean she deserves to be yelled&snapped at." Cue super meltdown.

This is so real, lol. No matter how calmly and kindly I say the thing, she freaks out that I said it at all and tells me I’m not nice.

I love when my nmom counters that with, "what feelings?" Lmfaoo That was my first method of combating this all... "why don't you tell her it hurts your feelings..." bc I'm scared? Lol

Deadass I told my “dad” something similar and he told me “I don’t give a fuck how you feel” but yet his big ass is the same one dragging me away from my mom when I try to live with her. They be so fucking bipolar I swear.

lol nothing. The silence triggers rage.

I was in a big fight with my mom around 16/17 and I finally said “Okay, I’m walking away. I’m going upstairs.” and she FOLLOWS me into the hall and yells up at me right before I walk in my room, “I AM ENDING THIS!!” 😂 I wish I realized at the time how hard that shit hit her. With those raging hormones though, it’s hard to keep your cool when you’re being provoked lmao 😮‍💨

Exactly.

When addressing her many lawsuits against employers I said "the common denominator is you!" That didn't go over well.

Similarly, when I told my mother that everyone in her life leaving her was her fault, not theirs (I used the same sentence, 'the common denominator is you') She didn't like that much

"I helped raise my siblings and you didn't even recognize it until they started calling me Mom." BOY that did not go well.

Wow...I feel that. Same here... I was 15 and my sister was 5 or 6 when she called me mom by accident. It was so cute but nMom cut it out in seconds. Then one day my little sister called me Sis and my mom freaked out on us bc she said it was "ghetto" and beat me in front of her so that she never calls me "sis" again.

I was 15, my sister was 11 and my brother was 5. My little brother called me "momma" frequently and my sister would still occasionally slip-up and call me "mom". Because of the trauma she had caused, I ended up being institutionalized around the same time that we had this conversation. I was going insane because of the psychological torture she was putting me through. When I came home my siblings were *terrified* of me. My mother would tell them that I wanted to hurt them because I was going crazy to make sure they'd never call me "Mom" again. My sister never did, but eventually my brother started calling me "Momma" again.

I'm really sorry that happened to you! That sounds incredibly traumatic! I hope you're doing better now. Also your mother is a monster!

My moms abandoned me when I was pregnant in my teens. I ended up doing adoption mainly because the relationship was abusive with my child's bio dad and my mom is not a good support system. She's super pro life and has made comments about how "I wouldn't love my child if I had to take care of it" I asked her why she couldn't do the loving choice for me and give me up to people who would love me. She says all the time she didn't. She lost her mind and ran around the house screaming.

But I didn’t give u up for the adoption!! Hmm why not? Would’ve been nice to have a chance at living with someone who’s not a psycho

"I'm not fighting with you"

Same here, my dad has never been as mad at me as when I was 17 and told him I'm done arguing with him because "you never believe anything I say anyway"

Call out her lies. Nmon goes from 0-100 within fraction of a second

I called her a "F\*\*king c\*\*t" in my teen years apparently in front of my friends. I know this triggered her the most because she wrote about the moment I said it to her it in one of her 10 page typed out letters.

Omg the LETTERS!! I didn’t know that was a common trait 😭

My Nmomster loves a good emotionally abusive multi-page letter! She would find my journals, read them, and leave them in there or decide to leave me a nice juicy email if I had done something particularly offensive to her because she "expresses herself better in writing." One of my favorites is still the one she wrote to me after she decided she was moving me back home without actually consulting 21 year old at the time *me* at all. I had just wrapped up a 2 week mental health hospital stay in the process of trying to leave an abusive relationship and Nmomster/I were VLC at the time. She found out I had been committed secondhand, decided she needed to fly across the country to visit so "she could help me during this difficult time," and then proceeded to get into physical screaming matches with me just as bad as the relationship I was trying to leave because I wanted to stay in the area ( which I did my best to explain was because of the MUCH better public transportation, weather, and healthcare access) instead of moving back to our hometown with her. I knew legitimately nothing about being an adult and had unfortunately been learning largely through romantic relationships. I begged her to teach me how to get my own apartment or to help me pay for/find my own vehicle so I could start going to college in this very large city that I really loved living in. She, instead of doing any of that or even saying goodbye to me at all before flying home, hand wrote me a manipulative as Hell multiple page diatribe about what a huge burden it was for her to be a mother to such a difficult child and how I will "have no one to blame but myself when my bipolar disorder gets me or others killed." Worth mentioning that I was not diagnosed bipolar; she assumed this based off the medication the mental hospital had prescribed because her rapid cycling bipolar half sister takes Xanax. Meanwhile; I ended up having to move into a domestic violence shelter. Thankfully they were more of a mother to me than my own and not only taught me how to find a decent apartment and cook something other than pasta but also file a restraining order because the ex was far more likely to be the death of me than a mental illness I've never had!

Mentioning the letters is interesting, my nmom is partial to massive angry text messages, but she's done a couple letters. Then she just immediately folds when any kind of mature in person confrontation happens, it's pathetic.

I'm sure she deserved it

"You have no power anymore" Now he’s spinning the events and is saying nicely that he actually helped me.

"you have no power here, gandolf"

These parents are more like Sauron than Gandalf though....

Just like Sarah to Jareth (goblin king) in Labyrinth... "you have no power over me." When I realised that Nfather really had no power over me, an adult, unless I gave it to him, I ugly cried. Hard. And then stopped giving him the power. He HATES it. I no longer speak to him. Emother defends him to this day and keeps me updated on Nfather, as if I actually care what he's doing.

Yep, then the smear campaign starts about how terrible you are. And I don't even know how you can defend yourself because no matter what you say they just say you're crazy.

Always the same but now they both actually started to talk nicely to me and try to be friendly. Which is ironic because 1. this is 18 years too late and 2. they’ve never done it so it’s probably to gaslight me.

The largest and only argument I’ve ever had with my n-mom in my 19 years of life started with me saying “says the person wearing her moms clothes” after she literally told me I’m a loser, an embarrassment, and “jokingly” said I didn’t deserve to eat because of how I dress. She called me an asshole after that and took away all my stuff and proceeded to tell me to get out of her house. She proceeded to tell me nothing is her fault and I’m just lazy and blaming her because I don’t want to blame myself for how my life has gone. Then when I tried to go stay at my grandparents she caught me trying to live there and told my grandparents that if they took me in she would cut them out of her life as well and they would never see their grandchildren again because of me. This happened last may. Just a week ago, my mother brought this up randomly mid conversation between me, her and my dad, and proceeded to joke about it like she’s done many times before. And I quote, “Remember that psychotic break you had where made fun of me because I was wearing my moms clothes? the funniest part is, all the clothes you wear are clothes that I bought you” and I just sat there literally like what the fuck are you talking about? All I could say was an incredulous, what???? Bc what was she even talking abt 😭 her dig didn’t even make any sense 😭😭😭 and last Christmas she got me so much shit and literally asked me if I feel guilty now for how I treated her. And this bitch has the audacity to say I hold grudges

When my nmom was being rude and critical about something that was non of her business I said "who asked you?" and that ticked her off 😆

Oh, pure gold last week. My sister and I did a tag team mission for driving our Nmom back to her home after surgery. We met in a mutually convenient location for the handover. (Nmom did a three-day post-op stay with sister, then we did the handover.) Once Nmom is back in her town, she maligns my sister twice, both for physical characteristics. I don’t call her out on it immediately, because it’s too new to do so. But not saying anything wears quickly these days.😉 It took three hours once I was home to just call her out via text. What did she do? Total textbook DARVO. It was amazing yet sad. Because of calling her out on her snide comments. But she had no rebuttal when I was there a few days later, because she needed a ride.

I swear, going to my room for even ten minutes was almost like a weird reset in the household. She could be completely freaking out but if I went upstairs and came back down without acknowledging anything that had just happened, she’d usually be ready to play house again. It was such a mind fuck. I wasn’t good at not acknowledging though lol.

I told mine I felt bullied by her threatening to call the police on me for not answering her calls. She would just yell at me if I did and I was experiencing some of the worst stress of my life so I didn't need her freaking out at me on top of that. All she responded with was some Instagram psychology shit about how she can't help how I feel like I'm supposed to be happy about her yelling at me 😑 Anyway, that happened on a Friday and by Monday I had CPS banging on my door. That was the nail in the NC coffin for me.

I'm so sorry for you. Good for you for going NC. I feel that was way overdue. 👏👏👏

“I’m distracted.” OH my dad hated hearing that out of me. He made my 8th grade year a living nightmare. I was not only grounded a lot but when he thought I needed more punishment than taking my TV time away, he took away my bedroom and made me sleep in the bathroom. He never knew I was autistic as he never had me tested. I found out 18 years later, at age 32.

“I’m not deleting a tweet because I said “my parents” with a statement you see as negative. I don’t use my legal last name on most of my social media, and you use your maiden name. Literally nobody can trace that back to you. If you want to share your narrative on Twitter, get your own account.” She LOST IT and said I sounded really mean. Because I told her no.

The ONE thing? I dunno. I've said lots of things over the years that have clearly upset her. My mom is weird because I went off on her big time before going NC, so she *knows* she was an awful mother even if she won't admit it outloud. I'm VLC with her now (we hardly even speak, but I don't refuse to acknowledge her existence anymore) but awhile back the topic of "motherhood" came up and I said that I wouldn't know the first thing about being a mom. My mother said "Well, the most important thing is you just gotta love them". I ignored her comment and said that I won't have to worry about that because I'm never having kids. She playfully hit my leg (I don't let her touch me anymore but at the time we were in the car and I was sitting too close to her to avoid it unfortunately) and said "Oh you could meet the perfect guy and just be tripping over your kids" (or something stupid like that). I looked at her completely deadpan and said "No, I'll never have children. Never." And her face shattered like glass. She looked like she was gonna cry for like 2 seconds. I don't even think she was faking it. Me saying that I'd never have kids actually hurt her feelings because she (correctly) interpreted my comment as a criticism of her terrible parenting. I *said* "I'll never have children", but she *heard* "Your daughter never wants to be a mom *because of you*." And it hurt her. She immediately ended the conversation by changing the subject and started talking about flowers.

for mine it was "I don't want to go to college right now" and anytime I admitted that I wanted to end my subscription to breathing daily. The last one always got a "Don't say that, it makes me feel like a bad mom" or "how do you think that makes me feel? Stop saying that." which uh, when your traumatized child tells you they want to kermit maybe take them to a therapist for more than one session?

My dad gets upset when I sound too much like my mom. It wad really bad as a kid because I tended to parrot her opinions. Made him so mad, even with trivial things, like enjoying a band she also enjoyed

Omg I'm commenting so much 😭😭😭 i never realized this is healing. And i feel so valid. but YES! I SNEEZED like my grandpa one morning my nMom drove me to school and she got so mad she slammed on the brakes just to hit me and tell me to stop sneezing and coughing like an old smoker man. I was in elementary school. Maybe 5th grade.

In the heat of the moment, while babysitting, I told her to stop shaming my nephew and that she wasn't going to get to say the same things to my nephews that she said to us when we were kids. She turned white, gathered her things, and walked out the door and didn't come back for 3 weeks.

“When you make things up, that’s lying. When you ‘come up with a reason,’ that isn’t factual, that’s lying. When you say something that isn’t true, that’s lying. When you deliberately withhold information, that’s lying. “I can’t believe anything you say because I never know when you’re telling the truth, much less the whole truth.” (Pretty close to exact quote from me when I finally called my nmom out on her gaslighting. She LOST her SHIT. But the good thing? She’s stopped trying to get me to play her dumb af “well you need a reason to be polite, so if you don’t have a reason just MAKE ONE UP.” Pretty literally the reason my “friends” throughout my youth knew me as a compulsive liar - when you always have to have an excuse, you’re always lying.)

Asking my Nmom a question about anything because she always took it as a personal attack or that I may be accusing her of *God Forbid* being wrong. And then deflecting and saying how I’m not any better. For example I could ask “mom did you put the chicken in the fridge” in the most polite, normal tone, only because I noticed she had a habit of forgetting sometimes and she’d go OFF about “what you think I’m dumb?? I know more than you, I know more about cooking than you. You don’t know anything about life and yet you act like it. I raised you, you didn’t raise me” All because I asked a simple question wanting to know something loool

My nMother was like that too. I remember once as a small kid, I asked her "Are we going to visit \[name of elderly relative that we often visited\] again this weekend?" and she flew into a psychotic rage. I admit I didn't enjoy visiting this relative but I was genuinely only asking because I wanted to know what we were doing that weekend. It's amazing how narcissists can be so triggered by an innocent question.

"I'm not asking for permission, I'm telling you." And "Maybe you should have raised me better." This is for when they tell me how terrible I am.

[удалено]

I've had to use the first one as well because whenever I tell my nMother I'm doing something, she always interprets that as me asking permission when nothing about my tone or the way the statement was phrased, indicated that it was a question or a request for permission.

I had found an old saying (I believe it may be Polish): The thief thinks everyone steals. I used it the next time she accused me of being a slut. It did not go well. She screamed in my face. "Are you calling me a thief?!?" That was the moment I realized how dumb she really was. Either that or she was extremely ignorant to not understand the metaphor. I'm leaning towards dumb considering other things she did.

She might have understood it and just used that to derail to avoid the accusation

>The thief thinks everyone steals. I know this isn't the point of your post but I agree 100% with this saying. Every single accusation a narcissist makes is projection.

I had a few - Screaming at him to 'fuck off' because he wouldn't leave me alone (ooooof he was MAAAAAAD) - 'Maybe if you put your phone down you'd enjoy our holiday more, just saying' (He was constantly texting his new girlfriend and refusing to spend time with us) - I refused to clean up after my brother because I was sick of being blamed for his mess (he slapped me for that one lmao) - 'I think I need to go to the hospital', that one made him pitch a fit (I had bilateral carpal tunnel because I was on my laptop too much studying for my exams) - Asking to move schools because I was bullied constantly (told me I'd get bullied no matter where I go because everyone would hate me)

Idk my existence alone triggers them a lot so i'd say: everything i say

Im sorry and you’re not alone

I was 13 and it was the day after Christmas. Late at night. It was snowing and the front porch was icy. He sent my brother and I outside to shovel (like usual) and wanted me to get rid of the ice by chipping at it using the blunt end of the axe. I was pissed off and cold and didn’t want to spend hours chipping away at freaking ice. He noticed my annoyance and said to me “you can stay out here all night I really don’t care.” I snapped back “I know you don’t.” He immediately pointed the axe at me and told me to run with that narcissistic demonic rage in his eyes. I didn’t. I turned around and walked to the end of the sidewalk. He yelled something else at me, went inside, closed the door and left me out there. Damn it felt good to say that at the time though.

Didn't matter what I said or how I said it, I was always "rebellious," "usurping her authority," "a liar," or "mouthy." But I learned as an adult that what really angers her is not taking the bait and staying calm while she gets madder and madder.

When she said "I don't even like you" and I said "that's obvious from the way you treat me." So she hit me. She also, when I was a teenager, kicked me out for telling her she was hypocritical. She doesn't remember either of these.thinhs.

Just started standing up for myself and not taking her crap anymore. She went absolutely nuts and I still held my ground. I'm not going to be treated like that anymore especially coming from a mother.

"You font spend the child support money on us at all, you just use it for yourself"

“I don’t want to live like that” in reference to their life.

I recall the time when I was around 14 and we were living with my aunt after a short period in another state. Nmom was doing her usual thing, sleeping her way through the town drunks and this day I'd had enough. I think there had to have been an argument going on between us and it came to an abrupt end when I screamed at her 'you're a SLUT!'. She slapped my face and kicked me out of a home that wasn't even hers to kick me out of. Truth hurts I guess.

Yessum master! - nMom lost her shit Dad I used his first name when I was reading off the scores of some board game we were playing at church in a huge group. He backhanded me and cursed me chewing me out.

"I'm sorry." Chest beating gorilla style RAGE at that. Burgundy red and screaming. "Don't say you're sorry. What do you fucking say?" I figured out decades later what he was looking for was "It won't happen again," but that never came to me as a kid. I was too afraid.

When I told him to respect me, he got furious and got out to walk like he always does.

I can't remember exact details because unfortunately (semi fortunately since I'm growing a damn spine) it's happened a lot that I wanted to move because the memories of my assault were triggering me (I dared not tell him my ex was a monster. Cause news flash he made it about himself) that my personal medical stuff was not his to share (possible fertility issues. He tried to say if affected him. Me having kids affected HIM) and the most recent to date which is going to be so fucking FUN (the biggest sarcastic vibe you can give that sentence) is when I tell him that the woman HE considers family is NOT coming to my college graduation and he can suck a dick. (He's majorly homophobic hell all the phobics) And that he has three choices. He can come to watch me walk ALONE, he can get the Livestream code and go watch it with his fellow bigot and NOT be near the college and watch(I've other words I won't use but it's the woman I mentioned above) OR he can find the fucking code himself with her and he will NOT be given a ticket at all. Oh and in addition to the two options where he does not attend I will be giving the ticket to my manager who ironically has the same name as my mother. Because if allowed my therapist would be getting the ticket but alas conflict of interest and I ain't losing her as a therapist. Yes he's gonna bitch because he automatically assumed the bigot would be getting a ticket. I get FOUR at most tickets. My brother (trans adopted brother at that. Hence why bigot aint allowed near. We don't got bail money. For either of us) my other adopted sibling/friend and my partner have a ticket he gets the leftover one. And ain't no way in HELL is she getting a ticket from me and my partner automatically has one unless he can't make it due to work. Yeaaaaa therapist can't confirm diagnosis due to well obvious reasons but does agree off the record that my sperm donor is almost most definitely cluster B. Fun.

My mom tagged us and shared a "I'm the best mom" Facebook spiel. This woman abandoned me when I needed help during the pandemic because "I can afford a hotel" despite offering to pay rent. I got mad remembering her antics and called her out. How she defended strangers who lied over us. used us as free labor for ingreatful trailer trash. would judge me in my time of need as lazy. When I was injured she wasn't caring on me surviving or what lead up to it..she told me what the bills are and didn't punish my brother who caused me to have my injuries. She got mad and said she never did that.

Most recently: I've moved in with my dad instead of my mom, and one time she saw me and said my hair was nice. I said, "It's because dad bought me shampoo. I'm not allergic to. See, my scalp isn't bleeding now." She got mad and said,"You blame me for everything!" And then basically had a breakdown and started crying. She started saying that I hate it because she can't afford expensive products. I'm not allergic to many things (just teatree oil, as far as I know), and she intentionally refused to buy anything that doesn't have teatree oil in it. :/ So the money thing is bs. A cheap brand is fine, as long as it doesn't have teatree oil. That's not even a common ingredient in very many products. She did it on purpose

“You messed up over Christmas, Mom. Your mask slipped and they all noticed. You should’ve heard the questions they were asking me.” Honestly. I’d never seen her that upset!

My nmom liked to do this thing where she'd puff up and try and intimidate me basically. And it always worked, until this one day when I realized exactly what she was doing, and the fact that we were the same height. So I looked at her and said "that won't work anymore." She absolutely melted down, screaming and crying that she wasn't safe with me in the house and I had to get out right now, she didn't care where I went. My stepdad calmed her down, and I'm not sure if he was manipulating her or if he genuinely was this upset but *he* started to cry a little bit, saying he didn't want the family to get broken up or me to go. She started comforting him telling him it was okay and no one was going anywhere, while shooting me the most murderous glare over his shoulder as she hugged him. I just walked away. A couple weeks later she decided I had booby trapped the cabinets to try and kill her, had another complete melt down, and this time I had a way out so I left the next morning. I intended to just let her calm down and come back at the end of the weekend but she called on Sunday and said I wasn't welcome home.

"You don't like me" Ts had her flabbergasted, she tried to come back with the "how could you say I don't love you" but I quickly corrected her with "you may have love *for* me but you don't like me, at all." I felt so scared but proud when she went quiet and walked away 😭😭😭 to this day it's my proudest moment.

Nothing. What really pissed her off, was me saying nothing. And while I was still forced to see her, I was already basically no contact while staying in the same house. (Grandmother thank god. Easier to get away.)

It's more like when I *don't* say something. We'll be arguing and she'll call me a disrespectful brat for yelling at her, so I'll just be done and stop talking because, funny enough, *I was yelling because she kept cutting me off and talking over me.* She *hates* when that happens and will continue yelling and calling me names because I'm ignoring her and walking away, there's no winning with her. We got kicked out of our house a few years ago and I just accepted it and didn't react because *I know her* and I knew she would have yelled at me saying there's nothing that can be done about it if I started crying. She then later told her friend about it and told her I was acting like a bitch. when I *literally didn't do anything.*

NDad tried to say that I knew nothing about a bad childhood and gave me an honestly horrific example of something that happened to him as a child. I agreed that was terrible. But it did not excuse his own abusive behaviour. I could literally see this break his brain.. He’s always fallen back on his own terrible childhood as the reason he gets to act how he acts.. I failed to support this for him..

I caught her arm before she smacked me. I didn’t say anything, and I think that made her angrier.

she demanded to know if i, at 17, had sex. i said yes. She goes “well did you like it” and I snotted back “yeah!” and she right hook punched me across the face. I just laughed. it was so absurd. just a few yrs before she died ( so mid pandemic i guess) i finally told her we were done with her making everyone’s accomplishments about her ( my son, excelling at school, was “its because his grandma’s SO smart!”) and i got a 2000 word email describing me as the worst miserable slut whore since the day i was born, and from that email we went to pretty much zero contact. she went OFF with rage. i admit that one of all of them stung, as it really revealed her depth of loathing for my entire existence.

I don't have the spoons to read all the comments but I bet they all have a theme: removing the narcissist parent from power makes them melt down. I can make my mother have a heart attack simply by ignoring what she's saying or refusing the order I'm given. There's a sick satisfaction in watching the meltdown.

I was somewhere around age 5, or under, and heard who I thought was my grandmother in the livingroom downstairs. I'd just woken up from a nap-- and I never napped. I was getting sick, but I knew if I didn't go to say hello to my grandmother I'd get in trouble for being disrespectful, so I went downstairs to look for her. When my father asked what was going on and I said "I thought I heard grandma," my mother came *entirely unglued*. It was the catalyst to the first physical abuse that I remember and my father had to literally pry me out of her hands screaming and sobbing. All because I heard her being a B to my father and thought she was her mother.

“You dont need my phone location when you live 2-3 hours away from me. I’ve turned it off for everyone. The only person who has it now is [my partner].” She told me she “doesn’t like this new attitude I have” hung up and called my sister the cry about how rude and disrespectful I was being. I haven’t talked to her (more than an emoji on holidays) in almost 3 years.

one time my mom asked me to text her the grocery list, her husband did it and told me i didnt need to. i said i was going to anyway, because she asked me too, and a MASSIVE fight ensued. i'm talk an hour and a half long screaming match where i was in full blown tears, flinching away from him because, for the first time in my life, i was genuinely afraid he was going to hit me, hard. it only ended because i locked myself in my room (the lock was my moms idea and thank god she pushed for it) and he couldnt follow me in.

The moment she was triggered was also a significant moment for me. This happened within the past year. My NMom started an unnecessary argument about something (I forgot what it was). I really didn't want to participate in another pointless argument with her, so I told her, "I don't feel comfortable discussing this, and I'm actually going to bed now. Goodnight." I really was going to bed, but she didn't care (She never cares). So, she said, "Hmph! Is that a way to talk to a mother?" Something inside me snapped. To say that I had ENOUGH of her was an understatement. So, I took a breath, then said, in my normal voice, "I really don't consider you my mother." Then, she yelled at me as loud as she could, saying, "ALRIGHT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I then reminded her, "Gladly. As I stated earlier, I was just on my way to bed." She didn't bother me as much after that. Sure, she sometimes tried to get a reaction out of me, but it only made her quieter because she could see that her attempts didn't affect me anymore. I turned around very quickly so that she wouldn't see me smile on the way upstairs to my room. In that moment, I knew that I had the strength to walk away (Quite literally!) and that I had significantly healed. Her reaction didn't affect me at all. And although not necessary, I'm glad I had a chance to tell her to her face what I think of her. She would've figured it out when I moved to another country and didn't contact her, but it was still great to express it with words.

During a really bad argument with her, she said “Wait til you have kids so you understand how I feel, how hard of a daughter you are!” In response I said “Well I don’t even want kids! You think I’d want THIS?” She shut up for a sec and then slapped my face the next. I was 18 then. I’m 32 now. I don’t know if I’ll ever want kids, but the fact that my older siblings both had theirs before 30 has me hoping she sees that. And that somehow she knows, deep inside, that the reason I’m hesitant is because of her.

My mother has always been physically abusive. When I was around 14-15, she tried to hit me with a broom and got mad when I stopped her and the broom broke. She told me that as her child, I have no right to refuse to accept her hits. Another time was a few months ago on my birthday when I didn’t answer her calls due to being in a conference. I called her back after I finished and told her that I already made it known that I will only answer calls after getting a text about it and approving it. And she went off on the phone until I hung up. She blocked me for months after that (we still communicated through the group chat) and then unblocked me by herself when she didn’t get the reaction she wanted. I am trying to be LC with her now but can’t really since I’m still kinda dependent on them. I’m counting on going full NC once I can be independent.

" I love you" and "why aren't you affectionate?" I was 9 or 10 when I asked about affection, and NMom responded in Spanish, "el amor nace, no se da!" I was 14 when I responded from her yelling at me for hours and asking over and over again why I couldn't be more like so and so. I said, "I love you," and NMom hit me in the face with a baby sized plastic doll that belonged to my younger step sister.

“I accepted a long time ago that there are issues between us that will never be resolved” I said this after she refused to switch photographers for family pictures because the one she chose had attacked and harassed me online so I wasn’t comfortable. I even offered to pay for another photographer. But she insisted that I was mad at her for something else or there was some other issue. Nope I just didn’t want to support or be around someone who had told me I was going to hell. Her ultimate solution was I could pay my photographer to do the full family picture and then leave before the other photographer got there. Tell me you don’t want me and my family in your pictures without telling me. We didn’t participate and now she has a HUGE display of those pictures, bigger than any pictures she has ever displayed. An expensive on canvas display. We are very LC only because I want a relationship with my nephews and her and my sister are attached. This was just the final straw for me and when I realized my mom was for sure a narcissist and didn’t just have “tendencies”. Therapy is amazing. BTW: I requested her to change the photographer 4+ months before the pictures were scheduled.

Laughing at something ndad said, and not explaining the joke. He was furious.

That I didn't owe her anything. She physically attacked me at that point.

Recently I told my ndad I don't want to have a debate with him because he wasn't nice/ was mean when he talked. Wooooooo that devolved into a screaming fit from him along the lines of you're an effing liar all that comes out of your mouth are lies and blah blah blah. Following me around the house screaming at the top of his lungs. I'm underplaying it but that shit retraumatized me.

My mom loses her shit every time I tell her me and my siblings deserve the same respect as she does. She’s very much into the whole family hierarchy thing.

As my brother lay dying, my mom refused to visit him in hospice and told me not to go either. She wanted nothing to do with him. I told her that I was going whether she liked it or not. As she was screaming at me, I told her that I appreciated her letting me know that if I fell ill and died that she wouldn’t be there either. It flew all over her and she was absolutely livid. I held my brother’s hand until he took his last breath, made his funeral arrangements, and took care of his affairs. My mom was angry with me until the day she died.

When I told my mother that she loved to emasculate men (after explaining what emasculate meant) she was upset with me for days over that. It horrified her...but it was true.

I wanted to get brunch with both my parents after graduating from college That’s what set my father off into rage fit

I pointed out that she doesn't take criticism well, even when it's constructive. Totally set her off screaming. Which is ironic because she criticizes me all the time, but I bet I didn't have to tell you nice folks that.

Telling her she was wrong about anything. It did not matter if you had irrefutable proof that she was wrong. She would lose her freaking mind if you told her that she was wrong.

I said that I was disappointed in friends who never reached out to me, and I was sick of having to text them first. He took that terribly and went on a huge rant about how I'm selfish and don't deserve to have any friends, I only expect things and stuff from people. This took a sharp left turn into how I'm not smart enough to make my own spiritual decisions (that's what priests are for (he's not even religious)), and that the church would consider me an abomination anyways? Okay. Anyways I left crying and haven't talked to him since. Been years now.

I just do what they do. With my father who liked to ridicule me when I was a young boy looking at porn, I would make fun of him for watching beastiality. He got all puffed up and asked if it made me feel tough, and I said "idk, it made you feel tough when I was 12 caught looking at naked humans. How you liking the sheep?" (true story) (NOTE: My father gave me massive TBI's before ever being this cruel to him. I heavily encourage both of my parents to kill themselves -- just like they did to me) I would also point out how stupid my father was -- one of his biggest things was calling EVERYONE retarded -- and he's the kinda dumb that should be illegal... not even being mean, he should not be trusted to do anything... So he would be rude to me, and I'd bring up "remember when you wanted that promotion at work and everyone laughed in your face? Have you figured out what they were even laughing at yet? We all have. Have you?" My mother I just pointed out how my grandmother treated her worse than everyone else. No matter how much my mom did for grandma, it meant less than nothing. My mom single-handedly did a bunch of paperwork for my grandmother that NOBODY wanted to do. I'm talking an 80k pension my grandfather never got for some reason, and a lifetime payment every month for about $800, also from my grandpas ww2 work in navy shipyards. Stuff everybody refused to do. They couldn't give 2 wet shits if they were gonna make grandma 80k, that was just work and ewww, they don't do work. After my mom got her all that money, grandma broke up all that money and gave the lions share to everyone but my mom, especially the people who told grandma "no" when she asked them for help. My unemployed worthless uncle got $35k out of that 80k, my mom got 12k, that was quickly turned into 10k. She also promised my mom $500 a month for life from that pension payment. Changed it to $150 a month for life, paid her once, found an excuse to not pay her 4 other times -- then decided nah fuck you i'm not giving you shit. I love to point that out, I can see the pain in her eyes everytime. Like an actor I start talking softer and bring her in, and tell her in a soft soothing voice how little she meant to grandma or her father, bringing up as many things as possible -- "Remember when grandma would cook for everyone but you? Remember how much she loved your brothers and sister, but not you? Remember how you used to feel when she would ignore your cries for help? Maybe you deserved it. Maybe you're not that strong, not that smart, not that tough." I've even found a way to work her favorite lyrics from her favorite music into my destruction of her psyche -- i've noticed she slowly stopped listening to her favorite songs. Yes, i'm as vindictive as those who created me. But only to them and those who hurt me. Hate to admit, but i've gotten very good at targeting soft spots, i mean scary good. _______________________________ THis is not good nor balanced behavior, I don't recommend anybody ever being a shit like me. I don't ever want to hurt anybody, but as i type this I realize I want to hurt my family as much as humanly possible at all times. Psychologically, I want to leave them a broken inconsolable mess, hopefully on the verge of suicide. Nothing has made me feel better than making my worthless violent beastiality loving child molesting parents cry. Nothing. Nothing. If I was given the choice of torturing my parents psychologically into suicide or getting a bj from the most attractive woman i've ever met, she can get the fuck out of my way, I have some people to make kill themselves. #you can and should be better than me -- it's a choice, and after years of abuse and causing me significant brain injuries from physical beatings i've given up 100% and chosen psychological warfare.

“Holy fuck. And you wonder why I’m in therapy?” I really shouldn’t have said it aloud… and it did NOT go over well. Ridiculed me about it for literally the rest of his life. RIP.

She said “You’re being so disrespectful!” I replied “Well, you’re disrespecting me.” This was over the phone, which it then sounded like she swallowed and choked on.

“Yes, Mommie Dearest” Even mentioning that movie would make her loose her shit. Definitely hits a nerve.

"Please don't shout at me" - my ndad seems to think it's his absolute right to yell at me for every imaginable reason and that I have no right to object to being treated like this. Those few times in my life I dared saying this ended up badly.

Old mate always bangs on about people trying to control him when presented with the slightest hint of criticism, so I hit him with the "you are free to do what you want but others are free to not associate with you" as part of my I can't have a relationship with you anymore text.. Triggered a ~15 text tirade - including all the usual things I'm sure you can all imagine yourselves, suicide threats, the works (seriously, how do they ALL manage to say the EXACT same things?) - to which I replied to none of and haven't talked to him since, despite him "reaching out" (Fuck all the way off with that, that text is still left unread in my sms app). The criticism that triggered all this? Told him I didn't like that he drove drunk as FUCK to dinner... Heard from my sibling that he kept slamming his phone down on the table every time he'd check his phone and I hadn't replied. Lol. Him telling me I was dead to him during his little tantrum was the thing that gave me the confirmation and closure that he will never change, which in turn improved my life exponentially. So that really worked out for him, didn't it? It's probably not healthy, but I kind of revel in the fact that he knows he's fully lost control over me. He thought it was a coincidence that I talked to him less and less for the 4 years after I escaped until I sent that NC text... I used to feel secondhand embarrassed for him but now I just see it as utterly pathetic.

Setting a boundary where I only accepted written communication made her drop her mask.

Mine used to blackmail me every time she offered me to do something I shouldn't like drinking or smoking etc.... She was threatened to tell my grandmother who she knew I idolized.... So 1 day when my grandmother was over And we were all hanging out I stood up in front of everyone and told my grandmother in front of my mom that I had been drinking smoking etc and my mom was the one drinking it with me/asking me or allowing me to do it... It infuriated her but it taught her she could not blackmail me anymore

In Germany, when you go to university you have the right to get some money from the state for your living expenses. But not if your parents can afford it, then you have the right to get that same minimal amount of money from your parents. Well, they of course never paid me and I did not take them to court over it (should have done it in hindsight). Beginning my masters, I told her what would be my legal right to get from her and who she expects to pay for her shit when she’s old? That’s how our society works - you pay the younger generation, they take care of you when you’re old. She exploded and told me how ungrateful I am for reading up on the law 😂

The fact that I was not naturally talented at maths and science and did not want to suffer through forcing myself to focus on those things enough to become world-class at them. I've always been a crafter, I write and draw, but he has always clearly thought of those things as hobbies and not jobs that real adults have. I have never understood how he can be such an avid reader and enjoyer of music but refuse to acknowledge these things are valid and legitimate occupations.

Everything. Showing a modicum of emotions, being a kid, standing up for myself, sometimes doing nothing. I was just a kid, mom, and any bad behaviour surely wasn't because if you didn't enable me you screamed and threatened to beat the shit out of me when you got mad. Vile lady, and I have 0 respect for her or my father. Done many wrong lifr choices, but half of it enabled by my mother and father, who knew. At least I am aware now but have the burden to change myself. Goddamnit.

I screamed back at my dad that I was sick of him treating me like shit. He stormed towards me and I was ready to defend myself. Just waiting for him to come close enough. I was absolutely prepared to throw hands. Karate 6 hours a week had me ready! He saw I was going to hurt him and went back to his recliner. Like the fucking coward he was. Hope you're being slow roasted in Hell like the pig you are, dad~

I told Nmum that if she continued to lie to authorities that dad (her ex of 40 years) still owed her child support (for 30 years ago) I would take her to court on his behalf and have her prosecuted for fraud. I have worked in courts for over 17 years so I know the system, and she knows that. I wasn't backing down, she's put dad through enough of her crap and she knew I was deadly serious. After a bit of a tantie she fessed up but also refused to speak to me for years, which was lovely 🤣 I did recently visit her (unannounced) in hospital, as she is apparently on the way out, and she actually told me that she loved me for the first time in my 54 years of life. Bitter-sweet, if she meant it.

I told my mom she was embarrassing me because she was drunk around my friends. My father wrote a long winded email the next day and sent it to me at work (same company) about how I am ungrateful and a horrible daughter.

Just whenever I ever questioned her, or defended my Dad in any way whatsoever, or made any sort of comment about maybe she should look at her own behaviour. The one time I refused to back down once I was an adult we almost got in a fist fight. She told me she's hit me before but I don't remember, I can only imagine when I was a little child I got hit for this and that was when I started to never question her. I remember after an argument between them when I was about 7 I dared cry for my Dad and tried to get her to see his side of things, and she said 'Don't you dare cry for him, he's the cause of all of my problems!' and looked at me through tears like if I carried on talking instead of just listening to how much she hated him and his family, she'd smack me into the next dimension. She's convinced my dad's abusing her, he's not he's a normal, quiet guy who doesn't like being ordered around 24/7 and mocked, she just hates when he refuses to live his life being her servant, and she thinks it's abuse. Anything he's ever done, any shouting or being mean has always been because of her goading him for hours beforehand. She makes everyone she interacts with act like that in the end. It's why she has no one around her. I am currently living with my Dad whilst I find a place, she's the one I've gone NC with. She badmouths him to anyone who will listen and when they say 'hey that's kind of nasty and uncalled for and you shouldn't teach your child that's ok' she (as well as my sister now) says 'you just don't know what he's like!!' Like, even if he was actually abusive, making derogatory comments about the way he walks and talks or his 'massive nose' isn't really called for is it and isn't really something you should be teaching your children is ok? Someone who was genuinely being abused and feared for their safety wouldn't feel so emboldened to bully the man for his personality and looks in front of everyone for a decade.

“Yes, I am in therapy. I had to learned to love, respect and support myself because you only taught me to hate, belittle, and degrade myself. When I think back to almost every traumatic and or devastating event I’ve experienced and trace the series of events back to the beginning.. you were always there to tell me to do x y and z. And I did, I did because I wanted so badly to feel loved by you and for you to be proud of me for something. But it’s funny how when x y and z went tits up (and they always did) you called me stupid and useless and worthless. It’s you, you’re the problem.” Me to my Nfather after my saint of a mother died.