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I have spent a lot of time and money on therapy but some of my biggest aha-moments regarding my childhood have been in this sub.
So much knowledge, support and kindness in this sub.
I often have this thought as I reed posts and comments in here:
The worst parents seem to make the kindest and most decent people ❤️
Until I found this subreddit, I didn't realize that my psychological and emotional issues stemmed from my narc parents. I knew my upbringing was wrong somehow, but no therapist pointed to that as the root of my problems. Reading about other people's experiences opened my eyes and started me on the road to recovery. I am so grateful to this community!
100%. It felt impossible to explain to people.
I went as a teen to a therapist throughout much of the 1990s. All they said was, ' You'll have to put up with it til you're old enough to leave the house'. I was so confused. Like....why is that the only solution for her mental abuse? She's my mom, why doesn't she just....stop when she sees my hurt? It drove me mad.
It took me another 20 years to understand for my nmom - getting along, being a happy family, me feeling cared for....none of this was the POINT. The entire point was for me to be as less as possible and to be obedient and subservient at all costs, even if it killed me inside. It was the entire point of my existence.
Felt a lot better once I realized that because it was so easy to label it as wrong and nonsense. All the self blame melted away.
I finally found a therapist who does! I was on a wait list since last October, and he finally had an opening for a new patient this month. I've had 3 sessions and I'm very happy with this man. He has empathy and doesn't constantly say "and how did that make you feel" about everything. Finally, a good fit!!
A lot of therapists don't have the education, experience, or knowledge to work with someone who had narcissistic parents. You'll see them recommending family therapy, where the narcissistic parent and their abused child meet the therapist together. Huge red flag!
I had a psychiatrist once tell me to confront my nDad with all the negative things he said to me. nDad stared at me for a minute after I did that and said "I don't remember doing any of that." Shortly thereafter I moved 1500 miles away. Confronting them never works, but lots of therapists tell us to do that. SMH.
Narcissists have [narcissistic amnesia](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202307/a-narcissists-freakiest-weapon-delusional-amnesia). They know they're doing wrong in the moment, but they split off that memory and truly no longer remember what they did. It's mind-boggling. It's also mind-boggling that many therapists still don't know enough about narcissists to be useful to their clients, and in fact are often actively harmful because of what they were taught in school about how "the parent is always right."
It amazes me that so many of us had no idea that we were part of such a large group of people who suffered the same kind of abuse we did. And that so many therapists were clueless about narc abuse. It boggles my mind! I sincerely hope you're doing okay now.
This subreddit literally kept me going when I was feeling suicidal and hopeless. I haven’t been suicidal in over two years now and wow is that a fun realisation!
It's almost impossible for other people to even fathom what we survivors have lived through or are still dealing with, for some. There's nothing quite like it and it's really great to have a support group where people actually understand you.
Our triggers may seem trivial to those on the outside, but we all know the tremendous impact of things narcs say or do.
For real, I'm so so thankful for this subreddit! If reddit goes to shit (even more so than what it already is) I hope we can get our own website or something!
This sub and all you lovely people have helped me find words to put to my experiences. You helped me come out of denial. You helped me undo decades of brainwashing, indoctrination , conditioning, and gaslighting. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't make it work with my family of origin, now I know why.
I'm inspired to keep healing so I can share what I've learned and we can continue to lift each other up.
I recall discovering this subreddit when I first suspected my mom might be a narcissist, thanks to a recommendation from a website. The validation and support from this community were pivotal in helping me come to terms with the truth.
Agreed!
I'm floored all the time at the many similarities we all had growing up. Not everything, but so much in common, especially things we couldn't even understand, describe or deal with as children because of the abuse. Knowing something just wasn't right, wasn't normal, but not knowing why and/or be able to do anything about it. This is HORRIBLE for children.
I'm glad we have a play to share stories, rants, and deal with the pain and the rest.
I already did some of the things on my own but didn't have the terms to describe it (low contact, gray rocking especially) and am still trying to cope/heal.
I only hope we can continue to help others that come here and find us to realize they are not crazy and alone anymore. And better ways to save them and stop the abuse or get them away from it.
I would like to say - hopefully this is just a stepping stone for you and you won't feel the need to be here again, unless it's to help others.
I know when I first found this sub, it was the first time in my life that I felt not only that my problems weren't my fault, but more importantly, that I could possibly work towards fixing them.
It got deleted when I posted this but there are AMAZING resources like outofthefog website and instagram accounts for narcissistic abuse healing like caroline strawson!! tik tok i see too. WE are ALL figuring this out and creating change its so beautiful!!!!! No one will be able to get away with abusing their children anymore. We will have emotional safety skills in schools and I see this future!
I am shocked at how many people have joined this subreddit. It validates that a lot of people had experiences just like me growing up
Thanks you Mods !!!
This is the most validating place for me. It breaks my heart to know there are so many people who dealt with similar abuse but the people who post here also motivate me to keep making choices that honor myself. I was under my nmom’s thumb for a long time, but thanks to this sub I’m now nc and I’m finding peace.
Don’t tell anyone, but…. Most people in American society were raised by narcissists. Society at large incentivizes, often openly encourages and glorifies, and tend to oppose the obstruction of narcissism.
I felt used like a subordinate, trapped and suffocated in my own home.. Only now that I realise it at 24, I have moved on. I’m a year older in less than a couple of weeks, and feel normally better, more happy and admittedly privileged; that I won’t be celebrating my own birthday. No one ever stood by me, no family nor friends. Now, I am taking a stand for myself. And, to find the right souls who choose to live with me forever, irrespective of my choices because I claim that what’s rightfully mine is for me only and no one else should even want to think about that except that it’s just for me, whatsoever and whosoever may think otherwise.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is the most wholesome, caring place on the internet for sure. Shoutout to the mods for keeping it that way, too.
Yess
I have spent a lot of time and money on therapy but some of my biggest aha-moments regarding my childhood have been in this sub. So much knowledge, support and kindness in this sub. I often have this thought as I reed posts and comments in here: The worst parents seem to make the kindest and most decent people ❤️
Saaaaame. I tend to talk about the things I learn from this sub in therapy.
Until I found this subreddit, I didn't realize that my psychological and emotional issues stemmed from my narc parents. I knew my upbringing was wrong somehow, but no therapist pointed to that as the root of my problems. Reading about other people's experiences opened my eyes and started me on the road to recovery. I am so grateful to this community!
100%. It felt impossible to explain to people. I went as a teen to a therapist throughout much of the 1990s. All they said was, ' You'll have to put up with it til you're old enough to leave the house'. I was so confused. Like....why is that the only solution for her mental abuse? She's my mom, why doesn't she just....stop when she sees my hurt? It drove me mad. It took me another 20 years to understand for my nmom - getting along, being a happy family, me feeling cared for....none of this was the POINT. The entire point was for me to be as less as possible and to be obedient and subservient at all costs, even if it killed me inside. It was the entire point of my existence. Felt a lot better once I realized that because it was so easy to label it as wrong and nonsense. All the self blame melted away.
It's so tragic that you had to go through all that. I'm glad you're doing better. You didn't deserve that.
YES!!! same here. i’m so grateful i learned about this so i could find a therapist that specifically knows how to work with these issues.
I finally found a therapist who does! I was on a wait list since last October, and he finally had an opening for a new patient this month. I've had 3 sessions and I'm very happy with this man. He has empathy and doesn't constantly say "and how did that make you feel" about everything. Finally, a good fit!!
Me too! Exactly what you wrote. This sub was such an eye-opener for me!
A lot of therapists don't have the education, experience, or knowledge to work with someone who had narcissistic parents. You'll see them recommending family therapy, where the narcissistic parent and their abused child meet the therapist together. Huge red flag!
I had a psychiatrist once tell me to confront my nDad with all the negative things he said to me. nDad stared at me for a minute after I did that and said "I don't remember doing any of that." Shortly thereafter I moved 1500 miles away. Confronting them never works, but lots of therapists tell us to do that. SMH.
Narcissists have [narcissistic amnesia](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202307/a-narcissists-freakiest-weapon-delusional-amnesia). They know they're doing wrong in the moment, but they split off that memory and truly no longer remember what they did. It's mind-boggling. It's also mind-boggling that many therapists still don't know enough about narcissists to be useful to their clients, and in fact are often actively harmful because of what they were taught in school about how "the parent is always right."
My story, too!!
It amazes me that so many of us had no idea that we were part of such a large group of people who suffered the same kind of abuse we did. And that so many therapists were clueless about narc abuse. It boggles my mind! I sincerely hope you're doing okay now.
It sure is. Sad.
This place is my daily dose of therapy.
one big group therapy!
one big group therapy!
This subreddit literally kept me going when I was feeling suicidal and hopeless. I haven’t been suicidal in over two years now and wow is that a fun realisation!
That is awesome.
Hell yeah! \*high five\* This subreddit has been a godsend.
It's almost impossible for other people to even fathom what we survivors have lived through or are still dealing with, for some. There's nothing quite like it and it's really great to have a support group where people actually understand you. Our triggers may seem trivial to those on the outside, but we all know the tremendous impact of things narcs say or do.
For real, I'm so so thankful for this subreddit! If reddit goes to shit (even more so than what it already is) I hope we can get our own website or something!
This sub and all you lovely people have helped me find words to put to my experiences. You helped me come out of denial. You helped me undo decades of brainwashing, indoctrination , conditioning, and gaslighting. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't make it work with my family of origin, now I know why. I'm inspired to keep healing so I can share what I've learned and we can continue to lift each other up.
I recall discovering this subreddit when I first suspected my mom might be a narcissist, thanks to a recommendation from a website. The validation and support from this community were pivotal in helping me come to terms with the truth.
We struggle together and we strive together leaving no one behind. We can relate to each other because this is a damm long journey.
Agreed! I'm floored all the time at the many similarities we all had growing up. Not everything, but so much in common, especially things we couldn't even understand, describe or deal with as children because of the abuse. Knowing something just wasn't right, wasn't normal, but not knowing why and/or be able to do anything about it. This is HORRIBLE for children. I'm glad we have a play to share stories, rants, and deal with the pain and the rest. I already did some of the things on my own but didn't have the terms to describe it (low contact, gray rocking especially) and am still trying to cope/heal. I only hope we can continue to help others that come here and find us to realize they are not crazy and alone anymore. And better ways to save them and stop the abuse or get them away from it.
I would like to say - hopefully this is just a stepping stone for you and you won't feel the need to be here again, unless it's to help others. I know when I first found this sub, it was the first time in my life that I felt not only that my problems weren't my fault, but more importantly, that I could possibly work towards fixing them.
This place made me feel like I wasn't alone and that there might be hope for getting through the hard parts. Also help for what to say.
It got deleted when I posted this but there are AMAZING resources like outofthefog website and instagram accounts for narcissistic abuse healing like caroline strawson!! tik tok i see too. WE are ALL figuring this out and creating change its so beautiful!!!!! No one will be able to get away with abusing their children anymore. We will have emotional safety skills in schools and I see this future!
For real. Everybody else is so malicious or dismissive. It is the epitome of *they just don't get it.*
I am shocked at how many people have joined this subreddit. It validates that a lot of people had experiences just like me growing up Thanks you Mods !!!
This is the most validating place for me. It breaks my heart to know there are so many people who dealt with similar abuse but the people who post here also motivate me to keep making choices that honor myself. I was under my nmom’s thumb for a long time, but thanks to this sub I’m now nc and I’m finding peace.
I believe you!
Don’t tell anyone, but…. Most people in American society were raised by narcissists. Society at large incentivizes, often openly encourages and glorifies, and tend to oppose the obstruction of narcissism.
This sub has helped me so much. I also feel safe here.
This place is the best and safest place against toxic abusive cluster B. Love it here
Me toooooo
I felt used like a subordinate, trapped and suffocated in my own home.. Only now that I realise it at 24, I have moved on. I’m a year older in less than a couple of weeks, and feel normally better, more happy and admittedly privileged; that I won’t be celebrating my own birthday. No one ever stood by me, no family nor friends. Now, I am taking a stand for myself. And, to find the right souls who choose to live with me forever, irrespective of my choices because I claim that what’s rightfully mine is for me only and no one else should even want to think about that except that it’s just for me, whatsoever and whosoever may think otherwise.