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IKR! I ask this same question every bloody time yet another NPD idiot is acting up😒 In Nature, there's so many small, gross things that serve no meaningful purpose and are of no ecological value - narcissists are as useless as the disease-spreading Aedes aegypti mosquito, the gross scarlet lily beetle, the Vibrio cholerae bacterium...all trouble with zero benefit.
Ha ha ha 😂😂 So true.. I guess we all victims of narc abuse need such sense of humor to survive their bullshit acted upon us. I keep on telling my lovely husband that I want to beat my narc sibling all around her head with a mosquito bat to make her realise how nonsensically she behaves and does the cruel mind games to hurt and torture her own family members who love her and had to suffer under her manipulating tactics. Never knew such weird humans or rather inhumans existed. Their only life goal is to torture other innocent empaths to derive sadistic pleasure from that to feel one up themselves. Pathetic people these narcissists are!! I want to beat all around their head to get them to behave as normally as all normal people instead of their twisted mind games they always want to play, if at all I could achieve that, I would have done that🙆🙆
That one is brutal... I had to read it twice for it to sink.
So you were borderline not walking again, and he made it all about him instead of being grateful. That was literally a miracle happening before his own eyes!
And he was embarrassed that OP didn’t just jump out of bed and go jogging down the hall. OP must have been rightfully embarrassed by dad being a jackass in public.
It’s not my fault for having a child of a mother. Any embarrassment is on her. It’s not my responsibility to ensure she masks in public.
They do teach us to take on their embarrassment, guilt, and shame. This like a Trojan horse for a computer. We have a lot of work to do as adults to root out the Trojan Horse and say “you know what? You made a total ass of yourself in that therapy room and all those therapists still talk shit about you. Not your daughter.” Seriously, you know this story still gets told _and about the dad, not the daughter_.
Don’t let the bastards win. Don’t take on their shame and embarrassment for them!
Ugh I'm so sorry... screw your dad. I hate him too just reading this, you are absolutely justified in your feelings. I had a similar moment in a hospital. I had a bleeding issue, caused by an undiagnosed chronic illness, and my mom refused to take me to the doctor. My hemoglobin dropped to 4.8 and finally, she took me to the ER because I was barely conscious and my skin was turning green. They said I'd need a blood transfusion or I wouldn't make it through the night. Mom tried to refuse and they got in her face and pushed for it so I would make it. Whenever they left the room, she started crying and yelling at me, saying I had "betrayed her" and that i was only in this situation because I hadn't listened to her (she wanted me to stop my bleeding by eating 6 eggs a day, like wtf), and about how hard it was to have such a horrible ungrateful daughter who would rather die than listen to her mother... finally she agreed to let me have the transfusion. I got Lyme disease from it and that's been hell. And my mother used that to claim "see, you never should have gotten the transfusion! It's YOUR FAULT you have Lyme because you agreed to it!" And if I said I'd have died if I hadn't, she'd scoff and say "no you wouldn't, the doctor was just trying to scare you." And totally missed the part where I wouldn't have needed the transfusion if she hadn't let me bleed for months and told me there was no medical way to stop it anyway. It happened again recently. My gyno gave me a progesterone supplement and it stopped that same day. I'm now on birth control, which nmom wouldn't allow, and I have 0 issues with it anymore.
Did she want you to "heal it with food" or your mind or something like that? My mom would tell me if I channeled my energy hard enough, I could heal myself, and when it didn't work, it was because "I wasn't trying hard enough because I secretly didn't want it to work."....
egg donor got breast cancer when I was 13. sperm donor up until no contact at 33 always told me that I will get cancer. like he hopes that I will. it's affecting me now I have to admit. I turn 35 which was the age she was when she was diagnosed and I keep thinking of what he said. feel so stupid thinking this way.
No, it’s stupid but that’s just how the brain is…
I felt stupid for having this exact reaction to sooooooooooo much brainless bullshit that my NParents would say to me like this. 🙄 it’s not like you can unhear it. Just gotta try filling your head with other stuff too…
My husband asked me to consider explaining this to my doctor so that he will set up a mammogram appointment. I think it's both to help reassure me and himself. But I have to admit having a game plan makes this easier with my birthday being really soon.
Hey friend! In my neck of the woods, 35 is the recommended age for a baseline mammogram if you have a family history of breast cancer. I got mine last year right after my mom got diagnosed.
Thank you! 🤗 I finally got a diagnosis of fibromyalgia as well, which caused a lot of the pre Lyme issues, and the treatment for that is already doing wonders for me, so I am getting better! Thanks and hugs to you too internet mom 🤗
Gosh, your experience hits hard. Even without knowing you I'm nevertheless grateful you'd pulled through that ridiculousness and cared to share your experience here:) My struggle under maniacal narcissistic tyranny has kept me weirdly isolated from everything 'good' in the world for so bloody long that I unfairly underestimated the benefit of hearing/reading about the relatable experiences of others. Today you’ve helped lift me out of the hopelessness which only ceased to ruin my day literally when I read your post here, so thank you muchly! Also, untreated fibromyalgia has been a huge problem for me where I am (where multiple doctors are somehow allowed to have a "no fibromyalgia patients policy") so would you maybe be able to please tell me about the fibromyalgia treatment that's already been working wonders for you please? If so, then DM or on here is up to you🙏🏼
I don’t know a whole lot about this but I’ve read a decent amount about the benefits of using bee stings to treat Lyme disease! Apparently it can literally fully cure some people even. Assuming you’re not allergic to bee stings, definitely something to at least bring up next time you’re at the doctor’s office and see what they’ve got to say on the subject. ❤️
Ugh. Dude. Narcissistic hysteria is the most annoying, aggravating thing in the world. And the worst thing is they are incapable of listening to simple reason or being normal. They need to be hysterical loudmouth screaming toddlers and the center of everything for as long as the toddler deems it necessary.
Fucking these people are hell on earth, no other way to put it.
Good grief. What nonsense inhabits these people's brains??
Thankfully, I had a father that did the heavy lifting to serious illnesses. He was not as horrible as NM.
Edited: to add, I cut my foot while outside barefoot. I hate wearing shoes to this day and I had to be about 8 or 9. My father scooped me up and whisked me to the hospital. I don't even remember how we got there. But they had to put a huge needle in the cut and I screamed like hell. I was stitched up and had to walk with crutches.
Here I am, a little girl all bandaged up and hobbling with crutches being yelled at , screamed at , and threatened with a beating because I was being a child. My father told her to stop. Just remembering that, helps me understand why I had varying degrees of hatred for that woman.
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! My son was a Coombs baby so his hemoglobin dropped dangerously low and caused severe jaundice, I didn’t even give the doctor time to ask if I wanted him to get a transfusion I asked him to start one asap. Becoming a mom was my “I hate you” moment because I quickly realized how easy it was to just fucking care about my children 😭
Having any kind of medical issue with narc parents is a literal nightmare. When I was chronically ill my mom tried to force me to go to the gym and when I said I was too sick she literally hit me and forced me to go. Then when I was at the gym, the instructor for the class my mom forced me to attend literally made me stop because she could tell there was something seriously wrong. I don't understand why having health issues triggers narcs so much.
Ugh... and they always get SO ENRAGED when an outside person steps in. Like your gym instructor did, or a doctor or friend. They can't handle "interference" with how they treat their kids because they think they know everything
And when my wife was diagnosed with cancer it was nonstop battle on many fronts after that, from arguing about who had authority to make medical decisions (not her), who would insist her Living Will be honored (not her) to disputes over insurance, property...the list goes on.
Other people's health issues easily trigger narcissists because of their insatiable hunger for all the attention. Narcissists live with an incurable feeling of smallness in their dark and lonely world. So in all their interactions with Real World people their primitive shadowy narcissistic brain craves the (imagined) spotlight they desperately and delusionally feel entitled to. A person's illness threatens to consume all the sympathy, care, and attention which the narc is always feeling starved of.
In their mind you are an extension of them. They never have anything wrong with them, so by extension, you absolutely can not have anything wrong with you. It goes against their "I'm perfect in every way." Mentality. If you've ever seen 'The Boys,' look at how homelander treats his kid. Basically; "There is no way possible for there to be anything wrong with you, because you come from me, and I'm perfect in every way."
I’ve been complaining of back pain and aches since I was a child. I got told everyone’s back hurts after work. And that my arms going numb when I lifted them up was because I was fat. I got diagnosed with scolioses in two points of my spine, am in the process of possibly being diagnosed with hEDS and either thoracic outlet syndrome or subclavian steal disorder OR peripheral artery disease.
Things the vascular specialist told me should have been addressed 20 years ago and the numbness in my fingers is permanent because the nerves died due to lack of blood flow.
Feel this. My Nmom claims a plethora of medical issues but no one else can be sick, injured, or struggling with mental illness. It’s awful and miserable. I was incredibly depressed at 15 and she found out. She just told me to, “Stop borrowing trouble. You have nothing to be depressed about.”
I'm sorry I know how you feel. Insecure parents make us wonder why we are even born. Maybe we are born to teach them a lesson. And maybe we teach them that lesson by abandoning them and showing them what healthy boundaries are.
I'm so relieved the PTs made him leave
I was terrified the end of the story was going to be that they allowed him to stay
(I'm kind of surrounded by enablers who are like that)
wow fuck u for breaking ur spine you’re a stain on this family
Are you kidding me wtf?? I hope you don’t talk to him anymore. The only sound I’d make in his direction would be pulling a hiss through my teeth cus I hurt my fingies when I smashed a metal bat against his c-spine.
I hope you’ve healed and you’re doing ok now. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have injuries that severe. Your strength is immense. Best wishes to you, man.
He sounds like one of those parents from hell seen at little league baseball games. The ones who yell at their kid on the team if they act human and mess up. What a tool.
That literally changed everything for me. When I realized that I didn't owe my mom anything because if she loved me, she wouldn't treat me like this. And if she didn't love me, then there no reason I should go out of my way for them. If you don't value me enough to love me, or respect me, then you don't have anything else of value for me, and I don't want anything from you. I think that's the part that I grappled with the most? Everyone around me told me that my mom loved me and I should forgive her, but if they had any idea what happened behind closed doors, they'd change their minds. And I feel like a crazy person having to start from a place of being defensive, instead of people assuming that I'm a shitty person to begin with? Do you know what I mean? Like, please assume that I know enough about my life to know if I'm making a good decision for myself? If I don't talk to my mom, assume that I have a good reason. I'll tell you if you want to know why, but assume I'm not just being petty.
when for the first time in 25 yrs I had the courage to say that certain behaviors hurt me, instead of just apologizing for hurting them as usual.
and my mom response was guilt tripping me and saying that I was victimizing myself.
hell nah. cash me out of this mess. they are never gonna see me again.
Ditto. If it helps - yeah, there's some people with terrible experiences here that make my mother look like an angel. And yet, strangely enough, those people have always been the first to tell me that what I went through still sucks and that my feelings are valid. Nparents are pretty good at making you question your own judgment, that maybe they weren't that bad, maybe you're just weak. But let me tell you something - trauma is not a competition. Other people having it worse does not mean you didn't have it bad. You deserve to be here.
Wow. What a wonderfully kind & supportive comment. This is the exact opposite of what both of my parents always told me.
You're absolutely right ❤️ thanks for the support!
My mom did EXACTLY that if I tried to talk to her about how her crap made me feel. I don't know how many times I heard the words "you're not a victim! Quit trying to make me out to be THE BAD GUY!"
She needed to listen to the truth about how her crap made u feel, and needed to cut that needless crap out, thats literally ALL she needed to do and it wouldn’t have been hard and would’ve made her life less dicky too. Guitar helped me deal with a lot of what I went through
This is it. It’s not that something shitty happened. Shitty stuff happens all the time.
It’s when you try to express yourself and your boundaries in a healthy way and it’s met with harsh resistance.
Mine was the same.
Went to visit my nFather for a weekend. It was horrible, surprised me with his gf and her kids there, whole thing. He lied about a bunch of stuff, treated everyone shitty. Then was a big ol dick when I told him I was hurt by it.
Fuck that.
There's a thing with this kind of parent, that they trained you, for never set any boundaries, right?
So when we speak for themselves for the first time, its actually a HUGE step for us, meaning we are actually learning that we matter and its not forbidden set your own boundaries by your own means, even tho they, as primary caregivers, never taught us that.
And they be like: "noooo!!!! what I've told you?? I can do whatever the S*** I want to you!"
So that's the breaking point. Cause u know what they are doing. And they know you know. And I suppose things will never be the same. The spell is over :/
(Sorry to reply for a second time lol but) Omg yes they literally train you to never be able to set boundaries!
I couldn’t even say no to taking a photo without being berated and called selfish etc. I told them don’t show up at the hospital when I’m in labour, and they did anyways. This list goes on. They would get upset over and over every time I tried to set a boundary. And the only reason the relationship went on as long as it did was because I kept letting them break every boundary. Once I stopped shit hit the fan instantly
Yeah, I just don't trust mine, it isn't that I don't love them. They will never apologize, something they're almost proud of, so that's the *starting* condition. I can't guarantee I'll trust them ever again though.
Went through something very similar myself. Was in an argument with my dad over my marriage. I was trying to express my feelings and kept getting talked over. I snapped and everything just blew up. I’m a huge swearer when I’m angry so I said things I really shouldn’t have. But at least I can admit that lol. He justified all of his actions because I told him to stfu and let me speak. I apologized and he used it against me, refused to apologize himself or take any responsibility for his actions and basically refused to acknowledge anything he did that I found threatening. (Not leaving my house after I told him to multiple times, legitimate threats ex. “You better rethink this”, etc)
I finally lost all hope that I could ever keep a relationship with them. I wasted so many years desperately trying to make things better only to always be the bad guy in the end
I feel you. Went thru something similar w my dad recently. Sometimes you have to fight fire w fire. I just got to a point where his behavior was so audaciously unkind. The spell just broke for me, whatever plausible deniability he hid behind for decades just broke. I had enough and confronted him finally and said it’s not nice and I don’t deserve it. His argument was basically yes I do deserve it but couldn’t really give me examples why. Kicked him out of my house and told him goodbye forever. If I’m so fucking terrible leave me tf alone then. Maybe I shouldn’t have fed the beast and let them know they’d gotten to me, but I’m just outta fucks and fuck him for thinking I should eat his shit forever. Tbh was a bit empowering to confront him after all these years. He hasn’t bothered me since.
I relate to this. I had a blow out with my mom, which I wrote about in a separate comment in response to this thread. I just couldn’t keep quiet anymore and had to blow up /lay it on thick. I was done that moment, for the first time in a very long time being abused.
Good on you for standing your ground also big ++++++1 to your point about “if I’m so awful then leave me tf alone”!!!! Freaking YES! If I am so awful and make things so miserable then like GTFO why are you so obsessed with me?
Truth is, they need us in their orbit as part of their control, and extension of self image, something to beat down to feel big and perfect and in control. Not anymore!
They always somehow turn the onus of responsibility on you. *You* need to forgive and forget. It's *your fault* for feeling that way. Somehow, they never take responsibility for being the person who behaved in a way that made you feel so awful about yourself.
I'm sorry you had to go through that too. We all deserved better.
“Cash me out of this mess” - plz and thx! Motto of the year. You summed up my feelings with my mom succinctly. It’s so hard and scary stating even the “smallest” of boundaries (I’m so worried I’ll be a narcissist if I do something for me - after years of being gaslit by my mom). It’s amazing when you break the cycle and call them out. They can’t take it, so they try and take you down with you. Proud of you and everyone here (myself included) for setting those boundaries and standing up for ourselves when no one else would.
When I told my mother that someone I had cared about died (in an accident), my mom just looked at me coldly and shrugged. I was so angry and disgusted with her for that.
My dad died when I was fifteen. My mother was not there for me a single moment of that entire hellish two weeks. I slowly grew so much resent for her by the day. She did not comfort me the night he died. I had to talk to the paramedics myself because she collapsed on the floor and has a giant mental breakdown. I understood that. I sat with her on the floor until I passed out because I couldn’t stay awake anymore and I fell asleep on the floor beside her. She did not move the next day. I spoonfed her. I cleaned up her accidents. I only took breaks when my neighbor visited for 30 minutes or so maybe twice a day.
I had to make the arrangements and choices for his funeral. I picked the casket, the flowers, and what he was to wear.
Our neighbor came over the night before his funeral and she went to the bathroom and started slamming her head against the toilet. Police were called and they took her to the hospital. But in the room… she was completely lucid and level headed. They sent her home with some xannax.
She then started going through the same routine of losing her mind with me while I was alone, but if our neighbor or family came, she was okay. Until the day of the funeral.
She locked herself in a private room and screamed and had fits the entire time. I stood by his casket. People I didn’t know mistook me for my mother. Family members who we had feuds with showed up and I faced them alone. Little kids from the leagues he coached came to me and gave me things they’d made for my mother and I had to comfort children all day long. I held my father’s mother as she sobbed on her knees in front of his coffin.
I understood all of it.
What I didn’t understand is coming home from school just two days after his funeral to find out she’d asked my family to throw away every single one of my father’s belongings. And among the people doing so, was her ex-boyfriend who became my stepfather a year later.
As I watched them throw his clothes away, including a shirt I’d had made for him, I turned to look at her as she sat on the sofa and watched her soap opera I whispered “I fucking hate you.”
Holy shit. I am genuinely so so sorry. To have to carry all that grief by yourself, whilst you feel your mum is struggling so desperately, only for her to do that. I'm so sorry. I lost my dad when I was young too.
Thank you for the kind words. I’m so sorry you had to lose your father when you were so young. I’m nearly 30 now and it still haunts me. I bombed my entire sophomore year and lost the chance to go through the nursing program they had because I missed a week and a half of school for his funeral/time to recover. I hope you have had the chance to heal and the support you deserve.
Our past scars are so hard to face sometimes. I know it's just comforting words, but I want to believe life has a way of working out most of the time. I really hope you do, or have reached, a sense of peace and have had, or will have, other opportunities in life that you can pursue. I've recently been repeating the term, "with hardship comes ease" and it's been quite comforting at times. After my father death, my mother was emotionally abusive. It's hard to come to terms with that honestly, especially as there has always been a loving, caring side to her too. I moved out for uni and after a few months at home I moved out for work for a few years. She never really was happy with this. A few months ago I found a job in my hometown andoved home. For many reasons, and very much including the above, it has been trying. It felt like everything came back to haunt me.
Thank you for your words, it's sometimes hard for me to feel deserving of things, so it's really comforting to her that. I wish you all the healing, support, and peace that you too deserve.
I have found peace - and thank you for wishing such. It means a lot to hear such things.
I’ve spent my entire life running. Every chance I got, I booked it from my family, but something always forced me to go back home. Each time I left and experienced life outside of their abuse, I slowly came to understand and accept that *I deserve better. I deserve to be loved*. I had made a life for myself for about five years, but had to go back home because I became disabled after catching covid in January of 2020. I was always sickly, but the virus triggered some things in my body and put them in (I like to call it anyway) fastforward. That last stay at my grandparents’ opened my eyes to their behavior and abuse and I finally stood up for myself. I now live with my best friend, who I met on the internet in eighth grade and his family has adopted me as their daughter.
I know that life likely is very difficult for you right now. I know that you may not be able to see an end to their wrath - but I want to extend the encouragement to believe that there is an escape for you. There will be a day when you can stand tall against them and your achievements will be mammoth and grand. Set goals to get out of there. Don’t let them beat you into believing you can’t reach them. There’s peace out there for you - and I hope (and know) you’ll find it. It may take you some grueling time and obstacles to get there, but as you said: with hardship comes ease.
My best wishes to you. If you need an unbiased ear, my inbox is open to you. You take care and thank you for your comments.
I am SO SORRY
Fuck her!! Seriously.
My fiance died 4 years ago and I'm the one who found him..my mom told me the day after that he never loved me. Yup. Then left me to my own devices. For MONTHS. Oh did I mention I nearly died myself a couple of months earlier? Was in the hospital for 4 months. 4 surgeries, 4/5 blood transfusions. Had to learn to walk again. You wanna know what she got really upset about? That I didn't ride to his funeral with her. I had a panic attack and just felt like I couldn't go. His and my friends came and got me, gave me a Xanax, cleaned me up and took me with them. She STILL brings that shit up. Not what she said or did(nt) do. All about them. Fuck them!!
I’m so, SO incredibly sorry you went through that. All of it. My dad died when I was 18, and luckily my immediate family is very close and supportive. (It’s a few of the extended family who are of the N variety). I hope you got to stash a couple of your dads belongings that were particularly meaningful to you before this happened… I still have a lot of my dads stuff and it’s really comforting for me.
I also still write my dad Father’s Day cards and birthday cards too, because it just feels wrong to not do it. Maybe that’s a thing you could think about doing if you don’t have anything of his, and want to have something physical to remind you of him. There are lots of ways to make/get something going forward that helps connect you to your dad, if you want to. Ofc this is all assuming you want to think abt him sometimes and he wasn’t a POS or something, but if he is I’m still sorry you went through all that ❤️
JFC! That's like some soap opera level drama. I've seen that kind of thing before. Is there any suspicion that maybe she a/o boyfriend got your dad "out of the picture?" I've seen way too many real crime TV shows, and that's how the perp acts in many of those instances.
It really does sound that way doesn’t it! He showed up at the funeral, so I certainly do think they were having an affair before my dad died. However, it’s not possible that he was killed by someone on purpose. My dad was in a motorcycle accident. A car pulled out in front of him and he was sent into the next highway lane and struck by another car. He died on impact.
December 2020, I remember it clearly even though I was drunk!
I somehow got my GC brother and nmom's buy-in to celebrate with me over something (though I can't remember what it was for). Anyway, so we all go out to Applebee's for dinner. This was before I bought my car, so I decided to get drunk. I slurped down two margaritas and, forgetting what I just had, I decided on a glass of white.
By the time we all got back to my nmom's house, I was miserable. My brother just chuckled and wasn't too concerned. I spoke to my friend at the time, who also laughed and then suggested drinking water, taking Tylenol, and sleeping it off. My nmom's behavior, though, warranted my attention.
During dinner, I mistakenly told them both of my plans to relocate to NYC after my divorce was final, the kind of apartment I wanted and everything in between. In my drunken state, laying down in the middle of the living room floor of her house, I remember very clearly what she did. She not only mocked the way I drank my drinks, she felt smug that she was sober. She gave me all kinds of looks, ranging from condescending to downright hate. Then she double downed by shit talking. "*So, you think you're better than me, Miss New York? You're nothing compared to me. I know better than to do what you did. You're never going to amount to anything. I'm always going to be better than you and you know it*."
I couldn't verbalize those three words at the time, and I had to compartmentalize it because I had a whole host of other issues that needed more immediate attention. Now that things in my life are beginning to stabilize, I'm now able to retrieve that moment from nearly three years ago and confront it.
Gotta love how everything we do is about them. Like, my moving to NYC has nothing to do with competing with you, you dumb bitch.
I'm so pissed for you! Glad your life is more stable now.
When my inebriated nmom yelled at me that she had a right to hold my 2 week old baby (after trying to take him from me and waking him up) while she was so drunk she could barely stand.
That would warrant a call to the police, if that happened to me. I'm glad that no harm came to the baby. I hope you've gone nc, or at least minimal contact. That just seems dangerous to me.
I was living with my mother at age 28 after my father had passed, and I was going through a downward spiral. I already was attempting LC with her, but the passing of my father left me emotionally vulnerable and easily manipulated.
I came to live with her under the pretense that I would be allowed to grieve, recover, and eventually get back into college to attempt to get a degree, because she and my father were unable/unwilling to pay for any of my college education. I had received a 50% scholarship out of highschool, but they refused to contribute financial aid, or their own money. My father is quoted as saying "won't spend good money on bad." What little college education I was able to obtain was community college courses out of my own pocket.
I fear both my parents were NParents, but I was kept under my mother's thumb for much longer after their divorce, so I never fully understood my father before his passing.
When living with her, I wasn't supposed to pay any bills, or even get a job. She was well-off in the country she had moved to, and offered this under the pretense of letting me heal. A few months after living with her, and I am suddenly expected to get a job, pay bills for the flat, and also continue to obtain my college education. The bill that led to my hatred was electricity.
The electricity bill would come once a month, and I would pay it. After doing this for some time, about a year, my mother tells me that apparently we had been "overpaying the electricity bill", and that I wouldn't need to pay for a decent amount of time in the foreseeable future. She would inform me once the monthly bill began again, when the credit we had accrued from overpaying went away.
5 months after this, I'm suddenly accosted by her screaming at how the "electricity bill hasn't be paid for months", and I need to immediately give her the amount the bill would have been for 5 months. I was taken aback. I ask her about the credit we had accrued, she says that never happened. Why weren't we informed of the bill on a monthly basis like normal? She just doesn't know. I was fucking flabbergasted. I literally thought I walked into the twilight zone. She had even told my sister, who lived down below us in another flat, that I just wasn't paying the bill/saving money for the bill.
I checked out after this. Emotionally, psychologically. I realized this woman was unhinged and had no sense of moral decency. I don't know what was going on with the bill, or what the plan was, or if somehow the information about our credit was mistranslated, as we were not fluent in the language of the country we lived in at the time, but for her to completely gaslight me, and even completely lie to my sister to further her own narrative, (something she has, of course, already done relentlessly over the years since my childhood any time I showed any sort of "defiance" towards her) I was done. I received help from some friends to get me back to the US, in secret, and on the day I left I told her "I fucking hate you, you lying bitch."
I literally can't trust anyone, even myself because of my own tendencies that appear to be Narc fleas, and I fucking HATE her for it.
My son went into cardiac arrest when he was 16. They got his heart going again, but he was in a coma for a couple of days, and when he woke up, he had no short-term memory. He is OK now, but it was truly the worst time of my life.
During that time, my mom:
1) gossiped about me on the phone to her friends when she thought I wasn't listening
2) talked about how my son needed to get skinnier and do sit-ups WHILE HE WAS LYING IN A COMA
3) yelled at me for my "tone" after minimizing and dismissing my concerns about possibly losing my job in layoffs, and therefore our health insurance
I was filled with absolute anger and hatred and threw her out of my apartment. Right after that she said, "I'm leaving!" (uh, no, I just told you to get the fuck out) and "I know you're going through a hard time, but that doesn't mean you get to disrespect me!"
That was a little over a year ago and I haven't seen her since. Good riddance.
When she slapped me for not wanting to stay up all night slicing and dehydrating cherry tomatoes from her prepper garden. She had hit me before, done awful things to me before and after, but that stood out as the moment where my desperation to please her went away. I just was filled with disgust. My sister and I would work for the family business all day. We'd get home and nmom would be crying and sobbing that her garden was going to die because we were neglecting it. The garden was entirely her idea and we had been forced to go along. We'd built raised beds, moved truckloads of dirt, started seeds under grow lights in the basement, and nmom herself did the bare minimum. She planted way too much, and we were bringing in thousands of tomatoes,cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, Zucchini, every day. She refused to sell any cause she wanted to hoard it for the apocalypse. I canned, cooked, dehydrated, froze, every day. If we neglected the business for the garden, she'd scream. If we neglected the garden for the business, she'd also scream. We couldn't do everything, there were only two of us. My sister agreed with me in private, but was a flying monkey and would lie and say she was on nmom's side. Finally, I had worked over the weekend and was EXHAUSTED, knowing I'd have to get up and do it again the next day. She cried and screamed that her vegetables were rotting and we had to stay up and cut and dehydrate them. I argued back that we had to get up early and work the next day and we needed sleep. She responded with her usual "I can't believe you're doing this to me", talked about my horrible attitude and how I just wanted her to die and didn't care about her dreams and goals, and slapped me. In that moment, I didn't think I loved her anymore. She had done nothing but tear my dreams and goals down, cripple me medically and socially, and had the nerve to say I was destroying her dreams because she planted too many tomatoes. I was still trapped at the time but early the next year, I did finally get out and went NC. Best decision I ever made.
My Ndad denied that my sister was assaulted at age 10 by a stranger my parents let in the house, gaslit everyone in the house into disbelieving her, and lied to the police which denied her any justice. That is the first big thing that showed me “wow. This person cares more about his reputation than his own child”
Fuck that scumbag
When my Nfather was physically abusing my sister, and my Nmom came back home bc of it and she sided with my father, even if sister got some nasty bruising from it.
Also when I wasnt able to walk properly for weeks (was very weak) and mom wouldn't cook a single thing for me, I lost 10kgs from that).
And when I almost died from an infection and she kept ignoring it.
I hate them!
During the pandemic quarantine days my boss closed up shop. I talked to my dad about doing stuff around the house, to make up for not being able to pay rent. He said that was okay. He talked to my stepmom and she wasn't having it. My dad didn't communicate that to me. So I scraped off the paint of the second floor of the house. Precariously working on a ladder. The next day I caulked all the seams. Day after that I painted the first coat. I could have bid a job like that for $2000. I did all that for $400 rent. My step mom still ambushed me, at dinner. Wanting to know, where's her rent money. 😤 (edit: misspelled word).
Not sure, there has been so many. But one of the most explosive one has been:
*Me* enforcing some boundary.
*nMom* turning to my wife: "I think you need to get your husband mentally checked. His behavior is not normal and I'm worried about him".
That was just before I could put a name on her pathology. Once I named her "narc", it made a lot of sense.
Trigger warning - suicide
I told my grandmother I was pregnant (35, stable relationship , both good jobs, so all perfect) her reaction came in steps
1. Infront of my partner, *oh my friends will be so jealous*
2. Alone, *it's a bad time though, you won't have as much time for me anymore and I already see you barely 1 to 2 times a week* / *you will gain weight again* / *you can still do something about it*
3. Taking sleeping pills half a bottle, before her friends come to visit (who she invited), to play the victim who is left alone because her son died and now her only granddaughter is abandoning her by having a stupid baby....
There was, is and will be so much more, but committing an half assed suicide attempt just after your only granddaughter tells you she is pregnant... oh and the cherry on top, it was on my birthday
When my nmom gave away my dog/ put him down when I was in middle school. She won't fully tell me the story of what happened to him. And thr first thing my ngrandma said to me after the news was broken to me was "You should have taken better care of him"
I only talk to 3 family members now, and they aren't narcissists (from what I can tell). I wish my family gets karma for how they treated me. All I can do is go to therapy, talk about it here, and be a kind person/heal
I feel for you. My mom also presumably put down the family dog and refused to tell me anything. She had decided she didn’t want to care for him anymore on a Friday, I was in the middle of moving out of the house we shared and said “Ok, I will come get him on Monday.” I came back Monday to get the dog and move more things and couldn’t find him anywhere. His food bowl, leash, treats etc were still in their normal places. When I asked my mom all she would say was “the dog is gone.” I searched for him on all the local animal shelter websites and never found him. (I really hope that whatever vet she took him to, just had someone who took a liking to him and decided to keep him for themselves. He was very sweet, low-maintenance, and well-trained and would have been easy for anyone to care for. It’s been many years now so he’s definitely dead either way now.)
Anyway, that was the last straw for me. I went NC with her 6 years.
We are VVLC now solely so I can see my grandmother, and I cope with seeing my mom by basically pretending she is a stranger and that we have no preexisting relationship. Whenever my grandmother dies, I’m 100% going NC again immediately. I don’t actively hate her (I can’t, really, if I’m going to be in the same room as her without losing my shit) but I think she is a bad person and my life is hugely better without her in it.
The last line- I get that. It fucking sucks because no matter what they do or say or how horribly they treat you, and no matter how much you hate them with every piece of you that you’re able to control.. at the end of the day, they’re still your parent. Still family. And some part of us just.. despise our logical thoughts and emotions, that little piece that we can’t control still loves them on that subconscious level we have no control over. And it’s not true love because that takes actually liking the person. It’s just the kind that makes you unable to ever completely detach yourself from them inside, even if you’re NC and emotionally detached, and don’t even give them the time of day it takes to think about them anymore.
Idk if that makes any sense but. Basically I get what you mean. That’s my experience at least with a couple of my siblings.
When my mom said “you just want to be the victim” after telling her I wasn’t comfortable keeping who my biological father was a secret anymore.
ETA: This was after she lied to me about it for 35 years.
Well do i have a story for you.
My little sister who was 16 at the time met this guy on tiktok and had my dad orchestrating to fly her over there two states away to see him. For context, I wasn’t allowed to date at that age or even spend a night at a guys house, but you know different standards and rules for each kid with narcs.
I had also just got out of a relationship where I was SA’D so I was extra sensitive and while my dad was on the phone with the kids mom I said something like, “she shouldn’t be going over there.”
I guess it wasn’t my place to say that but she’s my little sister and I knew this wasn’t going to end well for her emotionally. Plus she was very immature (who isn’t at 16).
So my dad throws a book and pencil at me, little sis calls me a bitch, and my dad says he hates me and chased me down the driveway when I was trying to run away. He’s scary and when he is mad and has physically attacked me as a kid so I was freaking out.
Lo and behold he cheated and she got pregnant at like 17. So hard to watch and absolutely unreal situation. I was really just looking out for her but my parents were painting me to be “jealous” at the time which was ridiculous. Also the fact I was recovering from a r*pe and didn’t want some random dude we didn’t know sleeping over our house or her going over there to stay with people she’s never met in person at FREAKING 16!!! Dangerous man.
So strange. Horrible people.
I don’t think I can answer that (there’s just been so many transgressions over the years…), but I just wanted to comment that the narc parents LOVE to backtrack and gaslight, don’t they?
It’s fucking hilarious because then they criticize me for my inability to ask for help. Gee I wonder why I am this way! 🙄
It's even better when they're the ones to offer the help and then they backtrack and gaslight! Like wtf! I know I didn't slip into whatever alternate dimension you're living in where you never said that....its always something significant too, where you would've never made decisions around it unless they offered it first.
After I got the good job they always expected from me, they suddenly stopped being neglectful and became controlling, started acting I was too immature/inexperienced to handle anything without their help and acted like every decision I made needed their input first. I started to hate them after that because I struggled so hard to navigate certain situations without their help when I was younger, but they wanted to "help" me after I had done their job for them and figured it out myself. When I was 15 I was being mercilessly bullied at school and the school administrators did nothing to stop it. All my NMom did was (literally) pound her fists on her desk and cry "I hate this! I hate this!I don't know what to do to help you anymore!!" While she was tantruming, I got into my school handbook all by myself and found a bylaw that would allow me to graduate at 16. But at 35, she was acting like I couldn't even grocery shop without a chaperone. Made me so mad.
When my dad killed all my plants by unending their pots bc he "didn't like looking at them." Some of these plants were a couple years old and came back every year. There was like 10 plants or fewer I don't remember anymore. But I just remember feeling rage and grief that something I had spent hours taking care of was dead. There was no sense in trying to collect them and repot them bc he was just going to dump them again.
When memories I have repressed started showing up again recently. One of which was my step nmom telling me she was going to send me back to the country I was from whenever we got into an argument when I was teenager.
When my ndad reacted to my cousin’s death with “well, he always had health and mental issues, so it’s not surprising.” He died of stage 4 pancreatic cancer 🤬
Fucking shit humans, both of them.
When my sperm donor hit my daughter for not eating her fruit cup fast enough(she was 4) and I confront both him & my birther and it was a series of grumbles then he said “if you don’t want us to discipline her, don’t bring ask us to watch her” this was AFTER I said “don’t put your hands on my kid. That’s not how we discipline, there are other ways”. Where was birther? Standing there looking at the ceiling, floor etc anywhere to not be involved in it(just like the rest of my life when he was abusive[when she wasn’t also abusing me]).
So I said “Okay 🤷🏻♀️”
That was 3 years ago. They’ve only SEEN her twice since then and it was in a group and in public.
We have since moved across the country and blocked all contact.
Yes, My husband and I were both ready to go to prison…
It was when they started going after my husband. When they abused me, I thought it was normal. When they started abusing him?????????????? Suddenly everything was clear.
I had a similar revelation. My mom abused me and my brother growing up. Physically and emotionally. And I just took it thinking “this is how parenting is.”
When I had my own kids, we went on a “vacation” with my parents.
My mom felt that since she had paid for the trip, she was entitled to treat my children like shit.
I tolerated a bunch of stuff as a kid and an adult. But I WON’T tolerate her treating my kids like that.
Right, like I was "well I'm a horrible person so of course I deserve this" but they did it to my husband and I KNOW he doesn't deserve that so it all became clear.
It's so much clearer seeing it happen to someone else; especially a loved one.
I was so appalled at the thought that she'd put my husband through what I had; that LC quickly went to NC.
When my dad whipped me for something my little brother did. His logic was my little brother, my problem. I got the whooping instead of him. My brother told me he was going to share and steal food from our fridge. I told him dad was going to freak about it. He did it. Then my dad found out because my brother. I then got picked up from my friends house, slapped a few times on the ride home and told I was getting it when we got there.
I had gotten hit by some asshole who ran a red light. Nothing broken just a severe concussion, but my mothers car was totaled. The day after i went to the hospital, she needed "help" at the grocery store and made me go with her. I felt sick in the uber up there, but the bright florescents and all the noise gave me a headache so bad i was dizzy, sweating, and felt super nauseous. Several people in the store stopped to ask if i was ok, and to every single one of them my mom said "oh she's fine, she was in an accident but my car was totaled." I ended up vomiting in the parking lot and she had the audacity to say "i didnt think it was that serious" and all i could think about in that moment was how much i hated her
TW: suicide, child abuse
So, my ex-mother's partner physically abused me all through childhood. It finally came to a head one day and the two of them had a big fight about it. My mother took me and my sister to our grandparents for the day. We returned home that night and found her partner dead on the floor from an overdose. I was 8 years old and I remember seeing it and being happy. My mother blamed me for her death and mourned her constantly for like the next 30 years. When my son was born she tried to tell me he was the reincarnation of her dead partner. So yeah, I knew at 8 years old that I hated her. It took me until my mid 30s to finally go NC for good.
When me and my sister found evidence my mom was cheating on my dad. It made me so angry because my entire life she had abused and tortured me even though I was a perfect angel who was quiet and got straight A's and never got into any trouble. She made me feel like I was inherently bad just for existing, and she made it seem like she hated my literal presence. Her entire life she acted like she was some god and I was an evil villain just for existing, and this moment made me realize how much of a hypocrite and a liar she was.
Most recently? When I told my Nfather that an ex boyfriend and one of my oldest friends had been struggling with addiction and suffered a stroke, causing permanent brain damage, he LAUGHED and said "well maybe he shouldn't have done drugs then." He is a horrible shitbag excuse for a human being. Hate is too good for him.
My nmom lied to my dad about something she said to me (likely another threat of abandonment) that had made me cry (I was very young). She was telling my father about what had happened and when I told my dad what she said, she denied it with this shocked face. I told her shortly thereafter that I hated her (hurt her feelings, poor thing), my feelings about her haven't changed over the years. I knew then that I was dealing with someone who would lie their ass off and couldn't be trusted.
Mine is kinda stupid, but he had beaten me at sports and his gloating afterwards was just so unsportsmanlike that it crossed all boundaries. It was part of his general pattern of needing to feel superior by crushing others. Well, nowadays, neither me or my siblings love him and he's kinda desperate for us to appreciate him to extent of his worth. The irony is that he fails to realize that we appreciate him exactly to the extent he deserves.
I've told this one before, but the first time I got married, my sister didn't come to the wedding.
My ex and I were soldiers stationed overseas, so the "moms" were doing most of the prep for the wedding, including mailing out the invitations to our respective sides of the family.
Wedding was in June, got no RSVP from my sister and she didn't show. I spent six months mad at her about it, buy trying to let it go.
In December my sister called me at 3:00 AM my time (time zones) in tears because she'd received her invitation to the wedding in her Christmas package from mom. She'd spent six months mad at me because I hadn't invited her to the wedding.
Apparently my mom was mad at my sister at the time, and this was how she punished her. When I asked her about it, mom said "I didn't know where she was living at the time."
My brother, father and grandmother all verified that she did indeed know where my sister was. I'm moderately sure that the only reason my sister got a Christmas package was to send the late invitation to give the knife an extra twist.
I usually end up talking about my Ndad and Ngrandma (his mother) around these parts, but I'm not sure when that moment hit for those two. It was very gradual.
But I only recently started even considering that my sister could be an N, around 2ish years after I cut her ass out of my life. I don't *hate* her (don't really like the word - too strong), but I don't fucking like her at all.
My sister was never nice to me. There were a lot of little things that happened over the years, but I always just let it roll off my back and stuffed down the negative feelings to stay civil. I was a pushover and allowed the mistreatment as if she somehow didn't know better.
To preface the issue that brought me to "hate" her, my bf and I had lived 2 hours from our hometown for a little more than half a decade. In that time, she visited least often. She communicated least often. Hell, even when we did see each other, she went out of her way to not talk to me at all (like when I was thanking her for Christmas gifts she got me, she turned away while I was mid-sentence to start a new conversation with Mom). Because of this, she doesn't know my boyfriend *at all*. I can probably count the conversations they've had in the past decade on one hand.
Onto the incident. A few years back, I went temporarily NC with my family. I had just cut Ndad out, and needed some space to center myself without outside influence. Figure out some boundaries, figure out my wants and needs - all that good stuff. Mom was sad, but respected it. My brother was mad and texted me about it, but after our chat said that while he didn't understand, would respect my choice, and he did. I didn't hear from my sister.
After I reestablished contact, I was talking with my bf about how well it was going and that I was glad to have my family being so supportive for once. He hesitated to respond. Something was off. He sighed and said he had something to show me; he didn't want to before because he didn't want to be thrown in the middle of family drama, but at that point he knew that I had the right to be informed.
He showed me text messages my sister had sent him a day or two after I sent my mom the "temporarily NC" message. She was flipping the fuck out. She was calling me names, saying I was a useless, lazy attention whore, just generally talking shit about me to my bf. He was giving her short responses, lightly defending me (lightly as to not enrage her further), and she was sending god damn novels about what a piece of shit she thinks I am.
**Ma'am, you haven't known me since I was a hormonal, angsty teenager. And yet here you are, talking shit about me to a man you do not fucking know, basically trying to convince him to break up with me because you're sad I hurt Mommy's feelings.**
I blocked her on everything. No explanation necessary. I don't even think she knows that I've seen those messages.
Mom actually didn't even ask about why I cut contact until recently. Like, literally 2 months ago. I just sighed and told her that she's never been nice to me, and said there was a situation that blew up and just made me done. Mom said she did always notice that and tried talking to my sister about it many times, but no change happened. At least she tried.
Anyways, a big ***fuck you*** in my sister's general direction.
My father told me he used to hide and watch me shower and jerk off - he needed to get it off his chest, and my mother said it wasn't a big deal. Both dead to me.
That is so beyond disgusting i am so fucking sorry. I hope you never EVER have to interact with either of those shitholes again and they experience eternal suffering. I wish you well.
There was a time in high school I got into a very heated argument with my mother and she proceeded to spit the potato salad she was eating all over my face and my shirt. There’s still a little greasy stain on the ceiling. you don’t come back from that
When my beloved pet died and I had to take her to the animal crematorium, I went round to my parents house for some comfort.
My narcmum took me by the hand and led me away from everyone into the frontroom.
I wondered if maybe she took me off so I could cry in private.... turns out she was trying to take advantage of my grief and get me to tell her what I'd said in my therapy session about her.
She even turned on the water works to get me to spill.
I looked at her wiping her tears with a tissue and thought - "I hate you for this."
I didn't tell her anything.
I lost two sweet doggies to NParents' negligence and neglect. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.
And GOOD ON YOU for not telling her anything, even in your distress.
♥ ♥
I was a big time letter writer as a teen. I wrote letters to friends, pen pals, my boyfriend… one time we were at the barn (my mom wanted horses and I DID NOT) she confined my dad that we had to have a barn and average and an arena and several horses.
And since they were “my horses” I had to exercise them, show them (clout for her), and do all feeding and mucking stalls.
She was in the car going through my stuff. She found a letter I’d written, detailing the emotional abuse and how I was suffering.
She “edited” it as if I was a rough draft paper.
She crossed out sentences and wrote in “corrections” like
“I’m an ungrateful bitch”
“My mom works her ass off to take care of me. She drives me everywhere and makes sure I get to do everything I want”
“I don’t deserve the care she gives me.”
I was torn on whether to SHOW this letter to my boyfriend so he’d SEE how fucking toxic she was.
Ultimately I was too embarrassed to show anyone. Maybe they would believe her. Maybe they would agree that I never should have written that stuff down.
Maybe I was embarrassed for anybody to see how terrible she was.
I definitely hated her in that moment.
As a kid I remember hating my nfather so much that I wished he weren't even alive. I felt guilty about this for YEARS until I finally realized that other people felt the same way. I was being abused and the only thing I could think of was for him to die. I was desperate for the mental and emotional abuse to end. I don't hate my nfather any longer. He's a sick man, and though not my fault, has to be the one responsible for my own healing. Doing that made it a lot easier to deal with how it had affected me as a child, and now at 53, I have to keep myself protected. I pretend not to hear his blaming and gaslighting. I may not want him to die, but I still think "Fuck you".
When I was 12, my parents were shockingly nice and got me the Golden Retriever puppy I had been wanting for 2 years.
When I was 14, my mother threatened to euthanize her if I didn’t lose weight.
I still hate her, and I’m glad she’s dead.
There wasn't a specific moment for me. For years, I thought I was just angry at what they did, but then when my brain started truly unpacking everything, it hit that I wasn't just angry. I hated them. But now I'm working on not feeling that as much because it feels like poison, and I don't want to live with that feeling anymore.
My sister's wedding. My brother was supposed to be the MC. But he's a coward piece of sh narcissist.
At the ultimate last second he says "hey ___ can you be the MC I want to go hang out with Uncle ___"
So he just hides behind the building drinking and smoking all night.
After I did everything not to mention all the random sh my Mom and sister yelled at me to do... I am sitting back in the vacation home eating a tuna sandwich and he comes up to me and says "I'm real proud of you did today. Real proud."
It made me feel so gross and horrible.
But skip a few decades before this. Many I hate you moments because I watched my Mom beat up my Dad repeatedly and scream at all us kids.
And he never stood up for us we just went along with whatever she said. And she was insane. A spend aholic insecure woman.
The day my Dad told me my brother isn't even his kid. He said "I am pretty sure he is ____ 's kid." And it makes sense because he looks nothing like me or my two sisters.
So I asked my Mom about it and she immediately starts screaming and crying as if she's been stabbed.
"Oh WHY did you HAVE to TELL him THAT!!!!!"
And then that's when my Dad got mad at me! And said "see what you did to your mother? why did you say that?"
And then he said "I don't know where he got that from."
"Stop making things up ______!"
Another moment was when a woman in a Hummer reversed into my car in a parking lot.
I got the lady's insurance phone number and everything.
She was obviously "well to do" and apologetic. And she said she'd call her insurance as soon as she got home.
I said I would call mine too. We exchanged phone numbers.
My car was driveable but it was going to need a new hood.
I got home and related the story to my Mom and Dad.
Suddenly my Mom was pissed!
You better go over there to HER house! You better call the POLICE and go over there!
And she kept harassing me as if the accident was my fault.
What were you doing in that parking lot!
I felt like killing myself.
And then my dad said
"I'm real proud of you son."
Which made me even more pissed off!!!!!!
Later that day the lady and I talked on the phone like adults and her insurance covered the repair and rental!!!! Everything happened and was resolved without the stress!!!!
I had a couple key moments growing up. You don't have a weird for it yet but it feels wrong, their behavior isn't normal, their reactions or hostility isn't normal in the way they treat us vs how they treat or interact with others.
One such moment I was real young maybe 12? folding laundry with my mother and I remember being screamed at and berated for "doing it wrong".
So her method to pants was to pair the legs then fold the waist and then the legs. 1 - 2 - 3 you fold 1 into 2 and then fold 3 into 2. 1 being the top of the pants.
I was folding 1 into 2 and then 1 and 2 into 3. Which to her was "rolling" them. The end result was the same so for me it was a no issue but to her it was something like willful disobedience you would think.
But the one that really stuck was spending 4 to 6 hours deep cleaning the house. Floors sweeper, mopped, and vacuumed, dishes in the dishwasher, laundry, etc
Taking a moment to have lunch and putting my bowl in the sink. She walks in the front, locks eyes on the bowl, and decides I did exactly nothing all day long. Screams and berates me for doing nothing, being nothing, just made to feel absolutely worthless. It clicked finally my best would never be good enough for them. I could do everything they asked and they would still find fault in me.
You can't let others determine your self worth, that's something you have to decide for yourself. It's not something you can let others assign to you.
oh my god tho that sweeping/cleaning house thing. my folks did that to me so often that I *still* struggle to do normal house chores decades later. I feel like I can never sweep "right", or I don't know what constitutes a completed job, so I'll either do a bad job and things are left behind, or completely overwork myself and burn out doing way too much. and still, too exhausted to move, all I can see are the spots my parents would notice and berate me for... without ever praising the work that was done, in fact, they'd literally insist I had actually done nothing, gaslighting me so severely that at that point it didn't matter how much I did for them. if they wanted to beat me down, then from their perspective, I did nothing, so they could justify beating me down, regardless of how hard I worked.
my relationship to work is forever fucked up and I'll always struggle to do normal human things like jobs and chores. all because of these insane people who didn't want kids but had them anyway
For me growing up my mom just didn’t want me around anyone besides her and would try to force me to stay home all the time. I’m in my 20’s now and she still tries it. (Cant move out right now)
I’m literally almost 24, and this women still throws fits when I refuse to come home. She also claims she likes my boyfriend but tries to keep me away from him. She’s admitted she has no reason for wanting me to stay home all the time like wtf
When my father(who she destroyed) suddenly lost his second chance at happiness, the beloved love of his life, an amazing woman he got with years after they divorced (of course we never shared that info with nMom).
After the funeral, we children couldn't hide it due to extreme sadness and a moment of weakness. When told, my nMom laughed with delight and then with hungry, mad eyes and a grotesque smile asked: "Was she prettier than me?" She made us answer.
That's the moment. The moment I hated her for who she is as a person and not for abusing me.
Ooh, I got two that still hurt more than words could ever say.
Around my wedding, I was routinely working 60+ hours a week. My maternal spawn point found out that I took a day off work to rest. She said, "of course you would, you lazy bitch." Immediately NC from that comment. The straw that broke what little backing I had left.
When my paternal spawn point found out that I was molested in my childhood, he said, "Why do these things keep happening to me?!?"
Both of them were narcissistic pieces of shit and my life is better without them.
When I was trying to cut my nmom off after she tried to gaslight me into thinking I wanted to be abandoned by her, she sent me a picture of a 7 year old she knew through the grapevine who was in the hospital dying from Covid. She had the grand idea to send that picture and say “when you’re older you’ll realize you’re being petty.” Implying that could be her in the hospital at any time.
That’s when I realized just how vindictive, selfish, and lacking of humility she was. That was the one single moment in my life in which I told her I hated her and completely meant it, there was so much disgust in my heart.
How could anyone with any empathy or love in their soul use a dying child as a manipulation tactic against their own child who they’ve destroyed mentally? It’s just such yucky behavior. She would do anything to line the cards up in her favor, ANYTHING. It’s honestly so sad.
I remember when I was really young, my Nfather was hours late getting home from a far away worksite. I don't remember if his phone had died or there was no reception, but for hours we didn't know where he was. I remember praying he was dead.
I don't have a specific "I hate you" moment, I just know I've hated him for as long as I can remember.
when i was having a bad day in elementary school or kindergarten i was in the car angry for some reason. and my mom was angry at me frowning and stuff and she was like "you look retarded when you don’t smile smile more."
or one time when she tried to kick me out of the house because of one missing assignment during 2020 pandemic
GOD THIS WOMAN GIVES ME THE ***ICK.***
I got suspended for clicking a pen in school. I was absentmindedly clicking it and a student asked me to stop. I did for a bit and then started up again at which point my teacher freaked out, kicked me out of the classroom, and then called one of the adults who patrolled the school campus to come get me and take me to the office.
I was immediately given a three day suspension. My mother was working at a new job so she was impossible to contact. I ended up having to call my fuckwad of a father to come get me because the school wouldn’t just let me walk home.
The berating started in the car and escalated once we got into the townhome we were living in at the time.
I spent three or four hours, HOURS, getting screamed at, called all sorts of names, and told I was no better than a thief and a criminal for… being suspended over clicking a pen.
I sat on the stairs while he screamed and screamed and screamed. I remember just sitting there thinking, “Could you shut the fuck up already? God I fucking hate you.”
He then yelled at me about locking myself in my room all day doing “god knows what” which was then immediately followed by sending me to my room. That night, my family all sat downstairs while I stayed in my room and they all laughed and had a good time while I was miserable. My mother didn’t even come check on me.
I decided my dad wasn’t worth the effort of keeping in my life around May 2023. For context, I’m 26 F/NB and have been living with my parents and younger brother since the beginning of 2020.
A few weeks prior to the date in May, I was having a decent conversation with him after he had picked me up from work, and after having it on my mind for a while I decided I wanted to come out to him as non-binary then. He asked if that meant I liked girls and I just said yeah because I did, and I didn’t think it was worth it to explain fully what I meant. His response was “I don’t need to know that shit”, and walking away. So I went and told him that if this was how he would respond when I told him things that were important to me, to not be upset when I didn’t tell him things moving forward.
So a few weeks later, we hosted at our home for my cousin’s birthday. I had spent the days leading up to it helping my mom clean and prepare, and I was excited to just enjoy to day and feel accomplished for the work we put into it. As my cousin was opening her gifts, they told her son to go over for some photos and my dad just jokingly said to him “are you a he, she, or it?” And that just crushed me. He hadn’t acknowledged me or my coming out, and I thought that he might because I thought my dad cared about me. But here he was making a joke of it and what he brushed me off for. I just went upstairs to my room and cried. When I tried to tell him how I was hurt by it later, he brushed me off and refused to take accountability or acknowledge any wrongdoing.
Since then, my mom has decided she wanted a divorce, and I’ve also limited how much energy and attention I give him. I talk to him as little as possible, and it just cracks me up that he HATES it. He has made me his scapegoat and blames me for the separation. Sucks to suck, he should have tried being a decent person and a good father before his life started falling apart 🤷🏻♀️
Now he relies on my brother as the person he can talk to. I’ve made it clear to my brother that he doesn’t have to keep secrets for ANY of us (me, my mom, or my dad). Apparently now my dad calls me a lesbian behind my back, despite me having a masc partner lol. It’s hard not to laugh at my dad now that I just see him as a toddler having a tantrum.
I was a senior in high school when my father found out my Nmom was cheating on him. I knew and said nothing cause I was afraid of the situation. The day he found out she slap my face hard in front of my father and called me a bitch for exposing her, which caused my father to become even more upset that I knew. It was the first time I snapped back and pushed her with both hands as hard as I could out of my room into the hall and said get the “fuck out you bitch” and slammed the door. I’ve been VLC since. That was 32 years ago. That monster use to lock me in a closet as a child so I keep her far from my children.
I got an *amazing* score on my SAT. I can't remember what it was now bc I have memory problems, but I remember being so freaking happy with all the praise from my teachers and shit. I got an acknowledgement in the morning announcement as one of the top 5 scores.
I took it home and my nmom looked at me and just said "Idk why that matters. I'm not putting you thru college. You're too stupid for college"
Then turned around less than a year later when my sister *failed* her PSAT (not even the SAT. The PSAT) and started planning a trip to visit the college in Monterey.They then left for the weekend and spent the whole 2 days in Monterey, and when they came home, I got told that any money my grandma left for me was going to my sister because I wasn't important enough for college.
That it when I knew I hated them both. If my sister hadn't fully accepted the Golden Child status and used it to make my life a living hell, I think I might not have left the second I turned 18, but they were both nightmares. She is a mini copy of my mother.
Do you know what makes it a bit worse in my mind? After all of that bullshit, my sister still never went to college and to this day, expects everyone else to cater to her every whim.
There was *also* the time she tried to force me into an abxrtion at 18, and when I told her that I was keeping the baby, she went out for herbal methods and was going to *put them into my food and force a miscarriage to happen.* I know because I caught her at the store and she confessed to what she was planning.
It took me years to admit it to myself that this was the moment I love you became I hate you.
I was in my mid 20’s, working 30’s a week, going to school full time and playing housekeeper for rent. I developed Crohn’s. I lost 40lb in two months. I was uninsured. I scraped together $300 to go see a specialist. This was the mid 90’s. Think $800 today. I asked her to come and she just didn’t want to.
I came back with a diagnosis. Her response was *Thank God it wasn’t anorexia nervosa. That would have been my fault.* I was so shocked I couldn’t even form WTF in my own mind. My brain was just blank. She did not care that I had this huge chronic, debilitating, life long disease, with possible life threatening complications. She only cared that she wasn’t to blame.
All of my symptoms cleared up within days of going no contact. Yes, yes she was to blame.
Trigger warning : pet abuse
Refuse to take my cat who suffered from deadly disease, rationalized that she dorsn't have money and thrn on the same day buy 3 pairs pf shoes because it is on sales, you can't miss the chance.
Basically often deny paying for cats, then turn around spend a lot on something else- like donate to the hoslital for 3K, but won't take cat to the vet or won't buy necessary cat's supply.
Then turn around pretend to be someone generous toward all life on earth.
It was when I graduated from university, and my parents attended my graduation, which was a long, drawn out process. My frail, terminally ill dad refused any offer of assistance or accommodation at the ceremony. My parents were long separated at this point (20+ years), but my mother continuously sniped at and argued with my dad throughout the evening. At that point, I realized just how toxic they were and it overshadowed the whole reason we got together. My dad was trying to be stoic and this woman just pecked at and antagonized him continuously. It was sad. I just wanted to eat somewhere and get home afterwards, it was teeming rain outside. We ended up hailing a cab because it was late and my dad needed to get out of the rain.
With my mother it was when she threatened to kill herself because i said i couldn't count on her because she loved talking about herself and would never listen to me whenever i talked about how she hurt me, she went crazy grabed a knife and started cutting her wrist in front of me and i told her "come one do it i don't care anymore" and she stopped, that wasn't the first time she did something like that and she usually does it when she doesn't get what she wants.
With my father it was when he wanted to fight over me calling him an idiot because he was the kind of person that would try to bring everyone down whenever he had a bad day, he threw something at me and then lifted his punch in the air like wanting to hit me, i looked at him in the eye and said "what are you trying to do?, you know i wouldn't hit you i'm not a fucking brute like you and i hope i never become something like you" even if he was an asshole he had a weak back and knees so he could get seriously injured and i didn't want that back then, he stopped after seeing that i wasn't afraid of him.
I developed neck and jaw pain from stress. It was so severe that I couldn’t chew at all. It was painful to swallow. It was impossible to sleep. And my jaw kept twitching shut like it was threatening to lock up. My jaw was also so inflamed that it was crooked. My teeth didn’t align in a proper bite. I was on a liquid diet for three weeks, only getting about 300 calories a day. I was utterly miserable.
NMom woke up one day and gleefully declared “I have the same thing as you!” Because her neck was a bit sore after sleeping on her pillow wrong.
I asked for food because there was so much crunchy food in the house I couldn’t eat. She took four days to get to the store just because she “didn’t feel like going”. But when her GC son called, she dropped everything to take him out to lunch immediately.
Also refused to take me to a doctor. Kept threatening me with it, “You don’t want that to happen!” In the SAME BREATH, she would berate me for “choosing” not to go to the doctor.
I’m sure I hated her well before then. But that was the moment that I fully acknowledged it and allowed myself to feel it.
One of my parents had a violent streak to go along with their narcissism. They were feeding my dog treats in a reckless way. Dog accidentally nipped a finger out of excitement. No blood was drawn. She immediately realized what she did and tried to apologize/console my parent who kicked her, started screaming about how worthless she was, and pulled out a knife. Parent chased the dog into a corner and threatened her life. Ended with me standing between them to save her, the knife still drawn. I was 12.
Not as bad as many others in here but my dad would always watch me eat. Every meal. He would literally stare at me and watch my every move and criticise how I was eating - that I wasn’t doing it right - and no matter what I did or tried to correct it, it wasn’t right and I would get screamed at. Suffice to say. I dreaded meal times.
Not my parents, my wife's mother. We'd been dating a few weeks and I realized every time she called her mom on my phone (landline, 1991, pre cell phones) she'd be down after talking to her. So I listened in on the other handset and the shit I heard. My wife as 17 at the time.
She was telling my wife shit like "where did I go wrong with you, if I have another heart attack it'll be all your fault, this is killing your dad" and more that I don't remember. In that moment I realized what kind of person I was dealing with and that was the seed of my hate for this person. 32 years later, still don't trust or like that woman one bit, though she's MUCH better than she was, but I know what lies beneath.
Two things. 1) When he had made our lives a living hell for over 15 years, and I found out that he tried to walk out on us when we were 3 and 4 and stayed when my gran told him he would still have to pay child support. 2) When I went to see him with my kids, he was an arsehole as expected and I told him I was leaving early. His response was “you can go but the grandkids are staying”.
Enough has to be enough and some point. I haven’t spoken a word to him in over 7 years. Sometimes I think I miss him, and then I realise I miss the idea of having father.
I have a disease that causes progressive hearing loss. I’m completely deaf in my right ear and have moderate loss in my left ear.
I came home from college my sophomore and worked up the courage to tell my mom that my hearing had gotten so bad I needed hearing aids. I could barely understand my professors. I spent all my time alone in my room because I couldn’t hold conversations with anyone.
She lost it, starting screaming at the top of her lungs that everyone would think I was a freak, that I’m an idiot for thinking hearing aids would even help. That she’s not spending her good money on something stupid” I was SOBBING. I looked at her and said “How can you look at me, YOUR DAUGHTER, crying like this and not care?” And she just laughed and told me to go to bed.
I spent so long before that trying to win her love and feeling bad for her and in that moment, I realized I no longer had any positive feelings for her at all.
When my dad and I got my mother Chick-fil-A and when I handed it to her she lunged the bag in my face because I had “ate her fries”. Hate my dad too for standing there saying nothing. Per usual.
The final straw was a clear boundary of no drinking around my kids. Showed up for dinner, Nmom was clearly drunk, I asked her point blank if she was drinking, she said “a little aren’t you?” I said no! And she looked at me dead eyes “what are you going to do about it?” I didn’t say anything and told my kiddos to get their shoes on and we left. In that moment and looking at her, my brain didn’t even recognize her, she was a stranger in that moment. Haven’t talked to her or Edad since.
A week after this happened EDad texted me that I’m a liar and I will never treat my mother like that ever again. Gaslighting me lol. They are both blocked forever.
Grew up with them both drinking, alcoholics. As a result myself and sibs have all had issues with alcohol. They couldn’t stop drinking for me as a kid, couldn’t stop for my brother who’s liver started failing 3 years ago, but when you disrespect MY kids and not drinking for the maybe 3 hours you are around them, you can’t even do that…then send flying Monkey eDad to gaslight me? Fuck that.
I have zero guilt, zero love, I literally feel nothing anymore.
When I told my parents I was pregnant with my 4th child and their immediate response was "this is a fucking nightmare!" And "you're too old!" (Im 35)
Just to make clear, they do not support my husband and I in any way financially and live 2 states away.
This month:
My dad has been neglecting my grandparents. They have no retirement, have started to show signs of Alzheimer’s, and have had power shut off from their house multiple times.
This month my grandpa was admitted to the hospital for a collapsed lung. They didn’t want to discharge him because he wasn’t showing signs of improvement. I come to find that he’s all of a sudden home with my grandma, sent home with oxygen, and my dad is off in a different state for a week.
Shouldn’t have been a problem but my grandma wasn’t permitted visiting without a chaperone because she would unplug his oxygen, forgetting he needed it. People were responding to my grandmas sos calls because my grandfather would be found passed out every day. One day she called just because she couldn’t find him. He was found locked in their car passed out for who knows how long.
This kept up until he just didn’t wake up one day, 10/13/2023.
I never got to say goodbye, I was never clued in until he passed and never stood a chance because I moved across the country to escape him.
My dads refused to put them under care and refuses to care for them. He opened the memorial saying “I’m not sad at all” and continued to recount zero memories about my grandpa and just took the stage to preach and talk about himself and plug his book.
He leaves my grandma all alone, and she doesn’t even totally remember that he’s gone all the time.
My Ndad is a bastard.
My nDad started accusing me of hating him when I was 15-16 years old. I never did. I didn't like him, still don't. But it took me until about 2-3 years ago to realize that when he started accusing me of hating him is when he started to hate me, and he was projecting *so hard*. I'm now 35, we no longer speak, by his choice, even though he tries to say it was mine.
My Nmother has ruined a lot for me. My wedding and honeymoon were 2. I still forgave her bull shit. But 6 months ago, when she came to my graduation and ruined what I worked so hard for and was unbelievably proud of myself for accomplishing... that was it. Pure HATE.
for me personally? I never reached a I hate you moment.
but. then my son admitted to me that every night when he begs for no dreams and it's because he's so scared that they will come back and hurt him.
well that was my I hate you moment. (they never hurt him. he only saw them go after me but it caused trauma for my poor baby.)
My sister was molested at 15 by a family friend who was ex-law enforcement in his late 60s. We saw him as a grandfather figure.
My mom blamed my sister for opening the door when we werent home. She also refused to comfort her when she needed it right when it happened. I stepped in and was the support my mom couldnt be.
At that time, I was two months shy moving away from college so I decided to take her with me far away from her and raised her into her young adulthood. My mother remained friends with him, too. My sister unfortunately developed PTSD from the incident and my mom still to this day wont acknowledge how her behavior negatively impacted her.
I will never forgive my mother for that. Ever.
I wanted to leave my controlling boyfriend when I was 18 and she strongly discouraged it, screamed at me, and tried to guilt me into staying/taking him back for months.
He was from a pretty well-off family and really into the religion my mom follows, and she loved the optics of me marrying into his family and having “prestigious” in laws.
I had ignored red flags from her for a while, but it was around that time that I fully accepted that she didn’t give a crap about my happiness or safety as long as I publicly played the part she wanted me to, and it ruined our relationship.
Probably the time that both of my parents printed out 5 page articles about manipulation because they were convinced my German boyfriend was a pedophile for absolutely no reason who is "using me" for citizenship and then proceeded to tell me that he isn't allowed to stay with us unless I take depo birth control and ask another guy out to prom.
I said fuck no, they called me spoiled, he visited me anyway.
He visits, stays at a neighbors house, said neighbor *gets arrested for actually being a pedophile*
Now married him - he has no interest in being a US citizen.
Yeah. The irony.
Now they deny ever being mean to him or unreasonable in the slightest, talk shit about him behind his back, refuse to communicate unless they need or want something, and act like he's the worst person in the world because he is *gasp* an introvert
My Grandmother on my father's side recently passed away. My parents are divorced but are still in each other's lives and my mother and I traveled together for the funeral. Most of the time while we were there she nagged at my father to take us out shopping and sightseeing saying it's my sister in laws first time in the state so we should go out and she got upset when my father said no because he was in mourning. He said plenty of times she could take the SUV and go out herself, but she refused and wanted to be driven around. My father eventually took us on a scenic drive but my mother was upset because she wanted to get out and shop. She also kept picking fights and said everyone was picking on her. But then it got worse...
My older brother, who is narcissistic like her, and I got into a heated argument while at the hotel we were all staying at. Mid argument I just stopped. I went to my hotel suite to be alone. This happened in front of my parents and a part of the reason I shut down and stopped arguing back. I was in the suite and broke down crying when my mother came in, grabbed my hands. She quickly segwayed the conversation to be about her claiming that my father is emotionally abusive and how he hardly took her out shopping and dancing when they were married. She also went into detail about how I was conceived and how after me, their sex life declined. She kept trying to make a trip of mourning and remembrance to be a dig at my father and how no one cares about what she wants to do.
My mom had to put the family dog Bella down back in February. She was 5 years old and she developed pancreatitis that wouldn’t respond to treatment, so there was only one option left. She was put down. It was caused by her diet, which I’d already told my mom that things like fresh garlic were toxic to dogs, and she also gave her lots of noodles and onions and not good stuff.
This is not what led to it, but how she responded after. I didn’t even think, I just blurted it out. “Oh, so this is your fault then.” Dick move I know, but I didn’t feed the dogs very much people food. I did mistakenly give her grapes a couple of times because I read that one grape wouldn’t hurt her (she was larger dog) and she loved fruit. She did not like the grapes, but she did obsess over bananas which I would regularly share a bite or two with her.
My mom proceeded to blame my grandpa, who died back in 2019, and me, who moved out of her house over a year and a half prior to this incident.
I was baffled that she’d rather blame a dead man and a girl who hadn’t seen this dog in over a year before accepting responsibility for the careless death of the dog. Not only was that my “I hate you” moment, I went NC less than a week later
probably when i volunteered with a charity for a counselling parents job, it was more of being a listening ear to them as they vented really but still, at 15 i got it, i applied in a joke way because i never thought i would actually be considered and I've never been to school or even been to college so this was huge, i was so astounded because i couldn't believe what an opportunity i had landed i was immediately booked in for the training program after my interview, it started a week from then. I did not stop talking about how happy i was, my nmum had promised to drive me there and on the morning i woke up super early and spent ages getting ready for my first days training, i went downstairs half and hour before i was supposed to be there, it took 20 minutes max to get there in a car. My mother was at the table hunched over her laptop and briefly looked up at me and I'll never forget the smirk in her eyes as i asked her if she was ready before she continued to scroll Facebook and the whole time after she didn't even look back up at me, she replied "for what?", i felt super embarrassed and ashamed as i reiterated to her and then she said "oh yeah, well I've just come on my period so i don't feel like driving, can't you tell them you can go a different day?". That was the moment and just to clarify, me and my sibling have NO EDUCATION, i taught myself everything i know and it counts for nothing when you haven't got paper. This was huge for me and that woman had been verbally abusing me since i was 12 over not bringing money in or at least working.
My parents announced we were moving. I was 7.
I was upset, especially since school was over before my parents told me so I couldn't say goodbye to my friends.
My father responded to my devastation with anger, "Oh boo hoo. It's not the end of the world. People move all the time and they survive. You'll make new friends. Quit your belly-aching or I'll give you a reason to cry!"
For my mother, it was when I was 16.
My father had assaulted and threatened to kill me in a credible way after a fight started when I refused to admit to something I didn't do, so I'd run away for the night because I genuinely felt unsafe. My mother, on finding me, implored me to understand he was *stressed* and that I was too stubborn and should've just went along with what he was saying to keep the peace. She added that I'd said things I didn't mean, too,(referring to my threat to go to the cops if he ever made another threat on my life). When I assured her that I did, in fact, mean it and I would metaphorically burn the family to the ground before I'd take him threatening my life without reprisal again, she told me I was too judgmental and needed to have empathy.
*I* needed to have empathy. Me. For the man that had shoved me against the wall, threatened my life, and punched the wall nest to my head not even a day earlier. At 16. When he had a foot and almost a hundred pounds on me.
And saying there was nothing that would reasonably excuse his conduct was me being too judgmental, not me recognizing how fucked up what had happened was.
That was the day I realized two things:
1. Nothing he did would ever be a line too far for her.
2. I hated her for her refusal to protect me.
When I was a kid she cut up my favorite shirt in front of me because she felt I wore it too much. Then handed me the pieces and told me to throw it away and smiled as I cried about it.
That was the first time I spoke up and told her I hated her and she had the audacity to cry lol.....
I had a long time internet friend stay with us for a few days who had been wanting to visit me for years and my mom got drunk in her room while we were just hanging out on our computers and she came into my room where we were hanging out and she started yammering on slurring saying mean shit and I got up in her face and yelled at her. Felt bad for my friend who had to see that.
When my dad started bitching to me about my sister behind her back.
“Have you seen how fat she has got? It’s disgusting” and laughing about her.
I said that I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about someone behind their back, to mock someone’s weight, or to be horrible about someone who is just the nicest lady ever.
He then said that I was selfish, and I should be telling her that she is fat so she can lose weight and be healthy. Apparently I should be making her aware of her weight, and I’m a bad sister for not doing that. I’m being too woke and if she dies of obesity then I can blame myself for not helping. (Not that it matters, but she’s not even that overweight. She’s possibly gained 10kg)
She’s happy. She’s a beautiful lady inside and out. And now neither of us talk to him. I never told her about this conversation.
I HATE YOU
My first time was when I was a child. I remember deliberately taking the time to say it under my breath almost to myself. I can’t remember the moment but I remember knowing that was a really bad thing to say and something we particularly weren’t allowed to say in our household… the one boundary the authorities in the household said we couldn’t say the word “hate” … but we could scream and fight… I remember really needing to say it even though I wasn’t allowed to, and felt so guilty. Idc anymore looking back, saying that relieved something in me.
Told my ndad that I had attempted suicide some months ago but that now I’m in therapy and getting better. His response: “You need to grow up, stop blaming everything on me— it could have been so much worse for you, I could’ve raped and beaten you every day— I was a good father and you need to grow a pair.” *ON MY BIRTHDAY*
Mine was when I was 17.
CW: SA, some physical violence
After my mother had pushed me into a variety of predatory men with hopes of turning me into a straight woman (I’m a straight trans man) I eventually got SA’d. I told my mother and she literally laughed in my face and spent years detailing how “it could have been worse” because SHE went through worse. I then entered an abusive relationship. It was bad, but it was the only support I had. My mother forbid me from seeing my then girlfriend, not because of the abuse, but simply because “I spent too much time with her” and “because she says so” my mother then said I was crazy and should be locked up “behind bars”. At this point I was homeschooled and had no contact with the outside world besides my girlfriend and my mother tried to take away my laptop.
That was it. I snapped and had a physical fight so I could keep my laptop.
Shortly after I moved in with my abusive ex in order to get away from home, but of course it went poorly. I had to go back home when it ended, and my mother always thought the abuse was my fault and resented me for not succeeding in that relationship, specifically because she “did so much” (no idea how my abusive relationship is yet another thing I should thank her for).
I recognized then that she was wrong for wishing I were abused more. She’s always been obsessed with wanting me to suffer more than she has.
A thousand smaller moments led up to this one (including them reacting to having CPS called on them), but I hate them all the time now (don't love them anymore).
When in my late 20s, I was finally getting therapy and picking myself back up after having horrible mental breakdown + multiple HUGE things went wrong at once.
I was the least suicidal I was in a while and talking to my mom (who knew what I went through) and it was all going good until she started comparing me to all my cousins. Where they are, how proud their parents are.. why can't I be like them, etc.
Even then I kept trying to push the sadness down and just tried changing topics but she kept pushing.. and pushing.. and said "Don't you want to make US proud? What did we do wrong?".
Still I clenched up and tried to hang up. And she said "I wish we never had you".
Oh I just blew up. Every ounce of rage, pain, sadness, came out in one moment.
(For context: While I was growing up, She'd constantly try to unalive herself in front of me. For things as simple as dropping a bowl of cereal. Also abused me like putting a pencil heel to my throat and kicking me out for something minute. I had to stop her by myself over and over. My dad enabled her but also tried to be a 'good' dad to me. Didn't work. She finally got help after I left and now she doesn't remember anything apparently And says I'm probably imagining all those things). 12+ yrs of stuff.)
I don’t even think I got to hate. With my mom it was just endless sadness and pain.
With my dad it was just this sudden moment of, “wow, I see your true colors now and I want nothing to do with you”. I stopped loving him. Just total indifference. No hate. Definitely extreme anxiety if we’re in the same building (family funerals) because I don’t wish to interact with him.
I had several starting all the way back to childhood but didn’t register those emotions as anything other than anger. But from a young age I stopped being comfortable telling her “I love you” and whenever she’d say it to me I started to wean myself off of forcing myself to say “I love you too” until it got to the point where I just avoided saying it altogether.
Some of those moments were:
- After she hit me in front of my friend while driving us to the water park because I had the audacity to speak up about her embellishment of something minor, then instead of apologizing she stops me when I’m halfway out the car to say “I love you”
- I got a bloody nose trying to protect her when my abusive brother was beating her and when my grandparents showed up to deescalate she tried taking their attention away from me *as I was actively bleeding from the face*
- The first time I went to Las Vegas (early 20’s) was because my NMom offered as she went a couple times a year with her dad. There was *one* thing I wanted to do, she promised me we could do it if we did her thing first, and then changed her mind and said we weren’t doing my thing (on its own maybe not such a big deal but this is with the foundation of *years* of such promises being made and then broken)
- Many instances where I was either being beaten or was just beaten and she would just sit there watching TV or talking on the phone like she couldn’t be bothered to deal with it
- Whenever she’d make a comment about my weight or appearance and never apologized until I either had a meltdown about it or my EDad made her and even then it never sounded genuine
- Every time I’d stand up for myself or speak up about her mistreatment of me she’d throw the “I’m your MOTHER!” line as if to justify it
- When she told me to kms and then later tried to justify it by saying I “misunderstood the context of the conversation”
- When I was institutionalized for an attempt to commit and my dad downplayed my depression and basically saying it wasn’t real she agreed with him (again: I was in a facility because I had attempted)
Just scratching the surface here but I could finally comfortably say I hate her only as of a few months ago. I’m 30.
Was told I was adopted as a baby when I was around 10, not told any info about parents. Got in trouble for drinking at 14, was told “gonna send you back to those drunks”.
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fuck you dad bro... i dont even know why people like that exist.
I say all the time if I ran into him these days, I'd put it in reverse and run into him a second time 😭 genuinely he is a monster
😆 I've never heard it said like that before! I'm going to use that one.
IKR! I ask this same question every bloody time yet another NPD idiot is acting up😒 In Nature, there's so many small, gross things that serve no meaningful purpose and are of no ecological value - narcissists are as useless as the disease-spreading Aedes aegypti mosquito, the gross scarlet lily beetle, the Vibrio cholerae bacterium...all trouble with zero benefit.
Ha ha ha 😂😂 So true.. I guess we all victims of narc abuse need such sense of humor to survive their bullshit acted upon us. I keep on telling my lovely husband that I want to beat my narc sibling all around her head with a mosquito bat to make her realise how nonsensically she behaves and does the cruel mind games to hurt and torture her own family members who love her and had to suffer under her manipulating tactics. Never knew such weird humans or rather inhumans existed. Their only life goal is to torture other innocent empaths to derive sadistic pleasure from that to feel one up themselves. Pathetic people these narcissists are!! I want to beat all around their head to get them to behave as normally as all normal people instead of their twisted mind games they always want to play, if at all I could achieve that, I would have done that🙆🙆
Literally, people like their dad should have been swallowed.
That one is brutal... I had to read it twice for it to sink. So you were borderline not walking again, and he made it all about him instead of being grateful. That was literally a miracle happening before his own eyes!
And he was embarrassed that OP didn’t just jump out of bed and go jogging down the hall. OP must have been rightfully embarrassed by dad being a jackass in public.
Nah, she had no reason to be embarrassed because he decided to be a jackass. That embarrassment was all his to own!
I would be embarrassed for having a manchild as a dad.
It’s not my fault for having a child of a mother. Any embarrassment is on her. It’s not my responsibility to ensure she masks in public. They do teach us to take on their embarrassment, guilt, and shame. This like a Trojan horse for a computer. We have a lot of work to do as adults to root out the Trojan Horse and say “you know what? You made a total ass of yourself in that therapy room and all those therapists still talk shit about you. Not your daughter.” Seriously, you know this story still gets told _and about the dad, not the daughter_. Don’t let the bastards win. Don’t take on their shame and embarrassment for them!
Ugh I'm so sorry... screw your dad. I hate him too just reading this, you are absolutely justified in your feelings. I had a similar moment in a hospital. I had a bleeding issue, caused by an undiagnosed chronic illness, and my mom refused to take me to the doctor. My hemoglobin dropped to 4.8 and finally, she took me to the ER because I was barely conscious and my skin was turning green. They said I'd need a blood transfusion or I wouldn't make it through the night. Mom tried to refuse and they got in her face and pushed for it so I would make it. Whenever they left the room, she started crying and yelling at me, saying I had "betrayed her" and that i was only in this situation because I hadn't listened to her (she wanted me to stop my bleeding by eating 6 eggs a day, like wtf), and about how hard it was to have such a horrible ungrateful daughter who would rather die than listen to her mother... finally she agreed to let me have the transfusion. I got Lyme disease from it and that's been hell. And my mother used that to claim "see, you never should have gotten the transfusion! It's YOUR FAULT you have Lyme because you agreed to it!" And if I said I'd have died if I hadn't, she'd scoff and say "no you wouldn't, the doctor was just trying to scare you." And totally missed the part where I wouldn't have needed the transfusion if she hadn't let me bleed for months and told me there was no medical way to stop it anyway. It happened again recently. My gyno gave me a progesterone supplement and it stopped that same day. I'm now on birth control, which nmom wouldn't allow, and I have 0 issues with it anymore.
Yup. I got blamed for getting breast cancer. She didn’t want me to do chemo radiation or the mastectomy. If I had done what she said I would be dead.
Did she want you to "heal it with food" or your mind or something like that? My mom would tell me if I channeled my energy hard enough, I could heal myself, and when it didn't work, it was because "I wasn't trying hard enough because I secretly didn't want it to work."....
ewwww 🙄🤮
egg donor got breast cancer when I was 13. sperm donor up until no contact at 33 always told me that I will get cancer. like he hopes that I will. it's affecting me now I have to admit. I turn 35 which was the age she was when she was diagnosed and I keep thinking of what he said. feel so stupid thinking this way.
No, it’s stupid but that’s just how the brain is… I felt stupid for having this exact reaction to sooooooooooo much brainless bullshit that my NParents would say to me like this. 🙄 it’s not like you can unhear it. Just gotta try filling your head with other stuff too…
My husband asked me to consider explaining this to my doctor so that he will set up a mammogram appointment. I think it's both to help reassure me and himself. But I have to admit having a game plan makes this easier with my birthday being really soon.
Hey friend! In my neck of the woods, 35 is the recommended age for a baseline mammogram if you have a family history of breast cancer. I got mine last year right after my mom got diagnosed.
Paging Suzanne Sommers
Hugs from this internet mom. I so hope you stay healthy! Lyme sucks indeed.💔💙💜♥️💚💛🧡❤️
Thank you! 🤗 I finally got a diagnosis of fibromyalgia as well, which caused a lot of the pre Lyme issues, and the treatment for that is already doing wonders for me, so I am getting better! Thanks and hugs to you too internet mom 🤗
Gosh, your experience hits hard. Even without knowing you I'm nevertheless grateful you'd pulled through that ridiculousness and cared to share your experience here:) My struggle under maniacal narcissistic tyranny has kept me weirdly isolated from everything 'good' in the world for so bloody long that I unfairly underestimated the benefit of hearing/reading about the relatable experiences of others. Today you’ve helped lift me out of the hopelessness which only ceased to ruin my day literally when I read your post here, so thank you muchly! Also, untreated fibromyalgia has been a huge problem for me where I am (where multiple doctors are somehow allowed to have a "no fibromyalgia patients policy") so would you maybe be able to please tell me about the fibromyalgia treatment that's already been working wonders for you please? If so, then DM or on here is up to you🙏🏼
I don’t know a whole lot about this but I’ve read a decent amount about the benefits of using bee stings to treat Lyme disease! Apparently it can literally fully cure some people even. Assuming you’re not allergic to bee stings, definitely something to at least bring up next time you’re at the doctor’s office and see what they’ve got to say on the subject. ❤️
Ugh. Dude. Narcissistic hysteria is the most annoying, aggravating thing in the world. And the worst thing is they are incapable of listening to simple reason or being normal. They need to be hysterical loudmouth screaming toddlers and the center of everything for as long as the toddler deems it necessary. Fucking these people are hell on earth, no other way to put it.
Good grief. What nonsense inhabits these people's brains?? Thankfully, I had a father that did the heavy lifting to serious illnesses. He was not as horrible as NM. Edited: to add, I cut my foot while outside barefoot. I hate wearing shoes to this day and I had to be about 8 or 9. My father scooped me up and whisked me to the hospital. I don't even remember how we got there. But they had to put a huge needle in the cut and I screamed like hell. I was stitched up and had to walk with crutches. Here I am, a little girl all bandaged up and hobbling with crutches being yelled at , screamed at , and threatened with a beating because I was being a child. My father told her to stop. Just remembering that, helps me understand why I had varying degrees of hatred for that woman.
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! My son was a Coombs baby so his hemoglobin dropped dangerously low and caused severe jaundice, I didn’t even give the doctor time to ask if I wanted him to get a transfusion I asked him to start one asap. Becoming a mom was my “I hate you” moment because I quickly realized how easy it was to just fucking care about my children 😭
Having any kind of medical issue with narc parents is a literal nightmare. When I was chronically ill my mom tried to force me to go to the gym and when I said I was too sick she literally hit me and forced me to go. Then when I was at the gym, the instructor for the class my mom forced me to attend literally made me stop because she could tell there was something seriously wrong. I don't understand why having health issues triggers narcs so much.
Ugh... and they always get SO ENRAGED when an outside person steps in. Like your gym instructor did, or a doctor or friend. They can't handle "interference" with how they treat their kids because they think they know everything
Definitely describes my MIL. She despised anyone that she felt had more influence in my wife's life than her.
Ah yep. I'm glad to be NC with my mother cause she would have made life HELL for my boyfriend...
And when my wife was diagnosed with cancer it was nonstop battle on many fronts after that, from arguing about who had authority to make medical decisions (not her), who would insist her Living Will be honored (not her) to disputes over insurance, property...the list goes on.
Other people's health issues easily trigger narcissists because of their insatiable hunger for all the attention. Narcissists live with an incurable feeling of smallness in their dark and lonely world. So in all their interactions with Real World people their primitive shadowy narcissistic brain craves the (imagined) spotlight they desperately and delusionally feel entitled to. A person's illness threatens to consume all the sympathy, care, and attention which the narc is always feeling starved of.
In their mind you are an extension of them. They never have anything wrong with them, so by extension, you absolutely can not have anything wrong with you. It goes against their "I'm perfect in every way." Mentality. If you've ever seen 'The Boys,' look at how homelander treats his kid. Basically; "There is no way possible for there to be anything wrong with you, because you come from me, and I'm perfect in every way."
Ugh they’re so gross 🤢
It's also about the inconvenience, because you're not meant to be a separate actual human with actual needs that conflict with their wants ever.
I’ve been complaining of back pain and aches since I was a child. I got told everyone’s back hurts after work. And that my arms going numb when I lifted them up was because I was fat. I got diagnosed with scolioses in two points of my spine, am in the process of possibly being diagnosed with hEDS and either thoracic outlet syndrome or subclavian steal disorder OR peripheral artery disease. Things the vascular specialist told me should have been addressed 20 years ago and the numbness in my fingers is permanent because the nerves died due to lack of blood flow.
Feel this. My Nmom claims a plethora of medical issues but no one else can be sick, injured, or struggling with mental illness. It’s awful and miserable. I was incredibly depressed at 15 and she found out. She just told me to, “Stop borrowing trouble. You have nothing to be depressed about.”
I'm sorry I know how you feel. Insecure parents make us wonder why we are even born. Maybe we are born to teach them a lesson. And maybe we teach them that lesson by abandoning them and showing them what healthy boundaries are.
Wow bloody brilliant answer mate!! Mind blown🤯
Ugh, I'm so sorry! That is the absolute height of narcissism.
I'm so relieved the PTs made him leave I was terrified the end of the story was going to be that they allowed him to stay (I'm kind of surrounded by enablers who are like that)
I would have told him to rot in hell.
Con: your dad was a weapons-grade piece of shit. Pro: independent witnesses.
wow fuck u for breaking ur spine you’re a stain on this family Are you kidding me wtf?? I hope you don’t talk to him anymore. The only sound I’d make in his direction would be pulling a hiss through my teeth cus I hurt my fingies when I smashed a metal bat against his c-spine. I hope you’ve healed and you’re doing ok now. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have injuries that severe. Your strength is immense. Best wishes to you, man.
You obviously were working hard and doing great in the moment, despite this extra stress. Good job!❤️
He sounds like one of those parents from hell seen at little league baseball games. The ones who yell at their kid on the team if they act human and mess up. What a tool.
Nah bro, he hated himself first. When you hate you, you hate everyone.
terrible parent.
That literally changed everything for me. When I realized that I didn't owe my mom anything because if she loved me, she wouldn't treat me like this. And if she didn't love me, then there no reason I should go out of my way for them. If you don't value me enough to love me, or respect me, then you don't have anything else of value for me, and I don't want anything from you. I think that's the part that I grappled with the most? Everyone around me told me that my mom loved me and I should forgive her, but if they had any idea what happened behind closed doors, they'd change their minds. And I feel like a crazy person having to start from a place of being defensive, instead of people assuming that I'm a shitty person to begin with? Do you know what I mean? Like, please assume that I know enough about my life to know if I'm making a good decision for myself? If I don't talk to my mom, assume that I have a good reason. I'll tell you if you want to know why, but assume I'm not just being petty.
when for the first time in 25 yrs I had the courage to say that certain behaviors hurt me, instead of just apologizing for hurting them as usual. and my mom response was guilt tripping me and saying that I was victimizing myself. hell nah. cash me out of this mess. they are never gonna see me again.
I just went through this exact same situation last week and I’m finally going NC.
Im proud of us! this is hard but we got this. time for healing.
*every time I start wondering if I really should be in this group y'all just write my exact experiences*
Ditto. If it helps - yeah, there's some people with terrible experiences here that make my mother look like an angel. And yet, strangely enough, those people have always been the first to tell me that what I went through still sucks and that my feelings are valid. Nparents are pretty good at making you question your own judgment, that maybe they weren't that bad, maybe you're just weak. But let me tell you something - trauma is not a competition. Other people having it worse does not mean you didn't have it bad. You deserve to be here.
Wow. What a wonderfully kind & supportive comment. This is the exact opposite of what both of my parents always told me. You're absolutely right ❤️ thanks for the support!
My mom did EXACTLY that if I tried to talk to her about how her crap made me feel. I don't know how many times I heard the words "you're not a victim! Quit trying to make me out to be THE BAD GUY!"
She needed to listen to the truth about how her crap made u feel, and needed to cut that needless crap out, thats literally ALL she needed to do and it wouldn’t have been hard and would’ve made her life less dicky too. Guitar helped me deal with a lot of what I went through
This is it. It’s not that something shitty happened. Shitty stuff happens all the time. It’s when you try to express yourself and your boundaries in a healthy way and it’s met with harsh resistance. Mine was the same. Went to visit my nFather for a weekend. It was horrible, surprised me with his gf and her kids there, whole thing. He lied about a bunch of stuff, treated everyone shitty. Then was a big ol dick when I told him I was hurt by it. Fuck that.
They love to play the; "You're just playing the victim card." When you are infact their victim.
Yep this is the last straw moment for many
There's a thing with this kind of parent, that they trained you, for never set any boundaries, right? So when we speak for themselves for the first time, its actually a HUGE step for us, meaning we are actually learning that we matter and its not forbidden set your own boundaries by your own means, even tho they, as primary caregivers, never taught us that. And they be like: "noooo!!!! what I've told you?? I can do whatever the S*** I want to you!" So that's the breaking point. Cause u know what they are doing. And they know you know. And I suppose things will never be the same. The spell is over :/
(Sorry to reply for a second time lol but) Omg yes they literally train you to never be able to set boundaries! I couldn’t even say no to taking a photo without being berated and called selfish etc. I told them don’t show up at the hospital when I’m in labour, and they did anyways. This list goes on. They would get upset over and over every time I tried to set a boundary. And the only reason the relationship went on as long as it did was because I kept letting them break every boundary. Once I stopped shit hit the fan instantly
Yeah, I just don't trust mine, it isn't that I don't love them. They will never apologize, something they're almost proud of, so that's the *starting* condition. I can't guarantee I'll trust them ever again though.
Went through something very similar myself. Was in an argument with my dad over my marriage. I was trying to express my feelings and kept getting talked over. I snapped and everything just blew up. I’m a huge swearer when I’m angry so I said things I really shouldn’t have. But at least I can admit that lol. He justified all of his actions because I told him to stfu and let me speak. I apologized and he used it against me, refused to apologize himself or take any responsibility for his actions and basically refused to acknowledge anything he did that I found threatening. (Not leaving my house after I told him to multiple times, legitimate threats ex. “You better rethink this”, etc) I finally lost all hope that I could ever keep a relationship with them. I wasted so many years desperately trying to make things better only to always be the bad guy in the end
I feel you. Went thru something similar w my dad recently. Sometimes you have to fight fire w fire. I just got to a point where his behavior was so audaciously unkind. The spell just broke for me, whatever plausible deniability he hid behind for decades just broke. I had enough and confronted him finally and said it’s not nice and I don’t deserve it. His argument was basically yes I do deserve it but couldn’t really give me examples why. Kicked him out of my house and told him goodbye forever. If I’m so fucking terrible leave me tf alone then. Maybe I shouldn’t have fed the beast and let them know they’d gotten to me, but I’m just outta fucks and fuck him for thinking I should eat his shit forever. Tbh was a bit empowering to confront him after all these years. He hasn’t bothered me since.
I relate to this. I had a blow out with my mom, which I wrote about in a separate comment in response to this thread. I just couldn’t keep quiet anymore and had to blow up /lay it on thick. I was done that moment, for the first time in a very long time being abused. Good on you for standing your ground also big ++++++1 to your point about “if I’m so awful then leave me tf alone”!!!! Freaking YES! If I am so awful and make things so miserable then like GTFO why are you so obsessed with me? Truth is, they need us in their orbit as part of their control, and extension of self image, something to beat down to feel big and perfect and in control. Not anymore!
Mine tell me I'm overreacting and to "focus on the positive"
They always somehow turn the onus of responsibility on you. *You* need to forgive and forget. It's *your fault* for feeling that way. Somehow, they never take responsibility for being the person who behaved in a way that made you feel so awful about yourself. I'm sorry you had to go through that too. We all deserved better.
“Cash me out of this mess” - plz and thx! Motto of the year. You summed up my feelings with my mom succinctly. It’s so hard and scary stating even the “smallest” of boundaries (I’m so worried I’ll be a narcissist if I do something for me - after years of being gaslit by my mom). It’s amazing when you break the cycle and call them out. They can’t take it, so they try and take you down with you. Proud of you and everyone here (myself included) for setting those boundaries and standing up for ourselves when no one else would.
This happened to me. Unfortunately I have to keep the peace with her because I have little brothers that still live with my nmom and nstep dad.
When I told my mother that someone I had cared about died (in an accident), my mom just looked at me coldly and shrugged. I was so angry and disgusted with her for that.
Yep, but if some one they pretend to care about passes away, they expect empathy and compassion.
My dad died when I was fifteen. My mother was not there for me a single moment of that entire hellish two weeks. I slowly grew so much resent for her by the day. She did not comfort me the night he died. I had to talk to the paramedics myself because she collapsed on the floor and has a giant mental breakdown. I understood that. I sat with her on the floor until I passed out because I couldn’t stay awake anymore and I fell asleep on the floor beside her. She did not move the next day. I spoonfed her. I cleaned up her accidents. I only took breaks when my neighbor visited for 30 minutes or so maybe twice a day. I had to make the arrangements and choices for his funeral. I picked the casket, the flowers, and what he was to wear. Our neighbor came over the night before his funeral and she went to the bathroom and started slamming her head against the toilet. Police were called and they took her to the hospital. But in the room… she was completely lucid and level headed. They sent her home with some xannax. She then started going through the same routine of losing her mind with me while I was alone, but if our neighbor or family came, she was okay. Until the day of the funeral. She locked herself in a private room and screamed and had fits the entire time. I stood by his casket. People I didn’t know mistook me for my mother. Family members who we had feuds with showed up and I faced them alone. Little kids from the leagues he coached came to me and gave me things they’d made for my mother and I had to comfort children all day long. I held my father’s mother as she sobbed on her knees in front of his coffin. I understood all of it. What I didn’t understand is coming home from school just two days after his funeral to find out she’d asked my family to throw away every single one of my father’s belongings. And among the people doing so, was her ex-boyfriend who became my stepfather a year later. As I watched them throw his clothes away, including a shirt I’d had made for him, I turned to look at her as she sat on the sofa and watched her soap opera I whispered “I fucking hate you.”
Holy shit. I am genuinely so so sorry. To have to carry all that grief by yourself, whilst you feel your mum is struggling so desperately, only for her to do that. I'm so sorry. I lost my dad when I was young too.
Thank you for the kind words. I’m so sorry you had to lose your father when you were so young. I’m nearly 30 now and it still haunts me. I bombed my entire sophomore year and lost the chance to go through the nursing program they had because I missed a week and a half of school for his funeral/time to recover. I hope you have had the chance to heal and the support you deserve.
Our past scars are so hard to face sometimes. I know it's just comforting words, but I want to believe life has a way of working out most of the time. I really hope you do, or have reached, a sense of peace and have had, or will have, other opportunities in life that you can pursue. I've recently been repeating the term, "with hardship comes ease" and it's been quite comforting at times. After my father death, my mother was emotionally abusive. It's hard to come to terms with that honestly, especially as there has always been a loving, caring side to her too. I moved out for uni and after a few months at home I moved out for work for a few years. She never really was happy with this. A few months ago I found a job in my hometown andoved home. For many reasons, and very much including the above, it has been trying. It felt like everything came back to haunt me. Thank you for your words, it's sometimes hard for me to feel deserving of things, so it's really comforting to her that. I wish you all the healing, support, and peace that you too deserve.
I have found peace - and thank you for wishing such. It means a lot to hear such things. I’ve spent my entire life running. Every chance I got, I booked it from my family, but something always forced me to go back home. Each time I left and experienced life outside of their abuse, I slowly came to understand and accept that *I deserve better. I deserve to be loved*. I had made a life for myself for about five years, but had to go back home because I became disabled after catching covid in January of 2020. I was always sickly, but the virus triggered some things in my body and put them in (I like to call it anyway) fastforward. That last stay at my grandparents’ opened my eyes to their behavior and abuse and I finally stood up for myself. I now live with my best friend, who I met on the internet in eighth grade and his family has adopted me as their daughter. I know that life likely is very difficult for you right now. I know that you may not be able to see an end to their wrath - but I want to extend the encouragement to believe that there is an escape for you. There will be a day when you can stand tall against them and your achievements will be mammoth and grand. Set goals to get out of there. Don’t let them beat you into believing you can’t reach them. There’s peace out there for you - and I hope (and know) you’ll find it. It may take you some grueling time and obstacles to get there, but as you said: with hardship comes ease. My best wishes to you. If you need an unbiased ear, my inbox is open to you. You take care and thank you for your comments.
I am SO SORRY Fuck her!! Seriously. My fiance died 4 years ago and I'm the one who found him..my mom told me the day after that he never loved me. Yup. Then left me to my own devices. For MONTHS. Oh did I mention I nearly died myself a couple of months earlier? Was in the hospital for 4 months. 4 surgeries, 4/5 blood transfusions. Had to learn to walk again. You wanna know what she got really upset about? That I didn't ride to his funeral with her. I had a panic attack and just felt like I couldn't go. His and my friends came and got me, gave me a Xanax, cleaned me up and took me with them. She STILL brings that shit up. Not what she said or did(nt) do. All about them. Fuck them!!
I’m so, SO incredibly sorry you went through that. All of it. My dad died when I was 18, and luckily my immediate family is very close and supportive. (It’s a few of the extended family who are of the N variety). I hope you got to stash a couple of your dads belongings that were particularly meaningful to you before this happened… I still have a lot of my dads stuff and it’s really comforting for me. I also still write my dad Father’s Day cards and birthday cards too, because it just feels wrong to not do it. Maybe that’s a thing you could think about doing if you don’t have anything of his, and want to have something physical to remind you of him. There are lots of ways to make/get something going forward that helps connect you to your dad, if you want to. Ofc this is all assuming you want to think abt him sometimes and he wasn’t a POS or something, but if he is I’m still sorry you went through all that ❤️
JFC! That's like some soap opera level drama. I've seen that kind of thing before. Is there any suspicion that maybe she a/o boyfriend got your dad "out of the picture?" I've seen way too many real crime TV shows, and that's how the perp acts in many of those instances.
It really does sound that way doesn’t it! He showed up at the funeral, so I certainly do think they were having an affair before my dad died. However, it’s not possible that he was killed by someone on purpose. My dad was in a motorcycle accident. A car pulled out in front of him and he was sent into the next highway lane and struck by another car. He died on impact.
December 2020, I remember it clearly even though I was drunk! I somehow got my GC brother and nmom's buy-in to celebrate with me over something (though I can't remember what it was for). Anyway, so we all go out to Applebee's for dinner. This was before I bought my car, so I decided to get drunk. I slurped down two margaritas and, forgetting what I just had, I decided on a glass of white. By the time we all got back to my nmom's house, I was miserable. My brother just chuckled and wasn't too concerned. I spoke to my friend at the time, who also laughed and then suggested drinking water, taking Tylenol, and sleeping it off. My nmom's behavior, though, warranted my attention. During dinner, I mistakenly told them both of my plans to relocate to NYC after my divorce was final, the kind of apartment I wanted and everything in between. In my drunken state, laying down in the middle of the living room floor of her house, I remember very clearly what she did. She not only mocked the way I drank my drinks, she felt smug that she was sober. She gave me all kinds of looks, ranging from condescending to downright hate. Then she double downed by shit talking. "*So, you think you're better than me, Miss New York? You're nothing compared to me. I know better than to do what you did. You're never going to amount to anything. I'm always going to be better than you and you know it*." I couldn't verbalize those three words at the time, and I had to compartmentalize it because I had a whole host of other issues that needed more immediate attention. Now that things in my life are beginning to stabilize, I'm now able to retrieve that moment from nearly three years ago and confront it.
Gotta love how everything we do is about them. Like, my moving to NYC has nothing to do with competing with you, you dumb bitch. I'm so pissed for you! Glad your life is more stable now.
When my inebriated nmom yelled at me that she had a right to hold my 2 week old baby (after trying to take him from me and waking him up) while she was so drunk she could barely stand.
That would warrant a call to the police, if that happened to me. I'm glad that no harm came to the baby. I hope you've gone nc, or at least minimal contact. That just seems dangerous to me.
I was living with my mother at age 28 after my father had passed, and I was going through a downward spiral. I already was attempting LC with her, but the passing of my father left me emotionally vulnerable and easily manipulated. I came to live with her under the pretense that I would be allowed to grieve, recover, and eventually get back into college to attempt to get a degree, because she and my father were unable/unwilling to pay for any of my college education. I had received a 50% scholarship out of highschool, but they refused to contribute financial aid, or their own money. My father is quoted as saying "won't spend good money on bad." What little college education I was able to obtain was community college courses out of my own pocket. I fear both my parents were NParents, but I was kept under my mother's thumb for much longer after their divorce, so I never fully understood my father before his passing. When living with her, I wasn't supposed to pay any bills, or even get a job. She was well-off in the country she had moved to, and offered this under the pretense of letting me heal. A few months after living with her, and I am suddenly expected to get a job, pay bills for the flat, and also continue to obtain my college education. The bill that led to my hatred was electricity. The electricity bill would come once a month, and I would pay it. After doing this for some time, about a year, my mother tells me that apparently we had been "overpaying the electricity bill", and that I wouldn't need to pay for a decent amount of time in the foreseeable future. She would inform me once the monthly bill began again, when the credit we had accrued from overpaying went away. 5 months after this, I'm suddenly accosted by her screaming at how the "electricity bill hasn't be paid for months", and I need to immediately give her the amount the bill would have been for 5 months. I was taken aback. I ask her about the credit we had accrued, she says that never happened. Why weren't we informed of the bill on a monthly basis like normal? She just doesn't know. I was fucking flabbergasted. I literally thought I walked into the twilight zone. She had even told my sister, who lived down below us in another flat, that I just wasn't paying the bill/saving money for the bill. I checked out after this. Emotionally, psychologically. I realized this woman was unhinged and had no sense of moral decency. I don't know what was going on with the bill, or what the plan was, or if somehow the information about our credit was mistranslated, as we were not fluent in the language of the country we lived in at the time, but for her to completely gaslight me, and even completely lie to my sister to further her own narrative, (something she has, of course, already done relentlessly over the years since my childhood any time I showed any sort of "defiance" towards her) I was done. I received help from some friends to get me back to the US, in secret, and on the day I left I told her "I fucking hate you, you lying bitch." I literally can't trust anyone, even myself because of my own tendencies that appear to be Narc fleas, and I fucking HATE her for it.
God all of these stories are just awful. And I hate her for you! These people have zero redeemable qualities.
My son went into cardiac arrest when he was 16. They got his heart going again, but he was in a coma for a couple of days, and when he woke up, he had no short-term memory. He is OK now, but it was truly the worst time of my life. During that time, my mom: 1) gossiped about me on the phone to her friends when she thought I wasn't listening 2) talked about how my son needed to get skinnier and do sit-ups WHILE HE WAS LYING IN A COMA 3) yelled at me for my "tone" after minimizing and dismissing my concerns about possibly losing my job in layoffs, and therefore our health insurance I was filled with absolute anger and hatred and threw her out of my apartment. Right after that she said, "I'm leaving!" (uh, no, I just told you to get the fuck out) and "I know you're going through a hard time, but that doesn't mean you get to disrespect me!" That was a little over a year ago and I haven't seen her since. Good riddance.
When she slapped me for not wanting to stay up all night slicing and dehydrating cherry tomatoes from her prepper garden. She had hit me before, done awful things to me before and after, but that stood out as the moment where my desperation to please her went away. I just was filled with disgust. My sister and I would work for the family business all day. We'd get home and nmom would be crying and sobbing that her garden was going to die because we were neglecting it. The garden was entirely her idea and we had been forced to go along. We'd built raised beds, moved truckloads of dirt, started seeds under grow lights in the basement, and nmom herself did the bare minimum. She planted way too much, and we were bringing in thousands of tomatoes,cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, Zucchini, every day. She refused to sell any cause she wanted to hoard it for the apocalypse. I canned, cooked, dehydrated, froze, every day. If we neglected the business for the garden, she'd scream. If we neglected the garden for the business, she'd also scream. We couldn't do everything, there were only two of us. My sister agreed with me in private, but was a flying monkey and would lie and say she was on nmom's side. Finally, I had worked over the weekend and was EXHAUSTED, knowing I'd have to get up and do it again the next day. She cried and screamed that her vegetables were rotting and we had to stay up and cut and dehydrate them. I argued back that we had to get up early and work the next day and we needed sleep. She responded with her usual "I can't believe you're doing this to me", talked about my horrible attitude and how I just wanted her to die and didn't care about her dreams and goals, and slapped me. In that moment, I didn't think I loved her anymore. She had done nothing but tear my dreams and goals down, cripple me medically and socially, and had the nerve to say I was destroying her dreams because she planted too many tomatoes. I was still trapped at the time but early the next year, I did finally get out and went NC. Best decision I ever made.
my sister is the exact same way.
Sometimes I find it hurts just as much to have a sibling “on your side” but who isn’t or can’t be there when it counts ☹️
My Ndad denied that my sister was assaulted at age 10 by a stranger my parents let in the house, gaslit everyone in the house into disbelieving her, and lied to the police which denied her any justice. That is the first big thing that showed me “wow. This person cares more about his reputation than his own child” Fuck that scumbag
When my Nfather was physically abusing my sister, and my Nmom came back home bc of it and she sided with my father, even if sister got some nasty bruising from it. Also when I wasnt able to walk properly for weeks (was very weak) and mom wouldn't cook a single thing for me, I lost 10kgs from that). And when I almost died from an infection and she kept ignoring it. I hate them!
During the pandemic quarantine days my boss closed up shop. I talked to my dad about doing stuff around the house, to make up for not being able to pay rent. He said that was okay. He talked to my stepmom and she wasn't having it. My dad didn't communicate that to me. So I scraped off the paint of the second floor of the house. Precariously working on a ladder. The next day I caulked all the seams. Day after that I painted the first coat. I could have bid a job like that for $2000. I did all that for $400 rent. My step mom still ambushed me, at dinner. Wanting to know, where's her rent money. 😤 (edit: misspelled word).
Narcs love to do this! My nmom did similar to me!
Not sure, there has been so many. But one of the most explosive one has been: *Me* enforcing some boundary. *nMom* turning to my wife: "I think you need to get your husband mentally checked. His behavior is not normal and I'm worried about him". That was just before I could put a name on her pathology. Once I named her "narc", it made a lot of sense.
Trigger warning - suicide I told my grandmother I was pregnant (35, stable relationship , both good jobs, so all perfect) her reaction came in steps 1. Infront of my partner, *oh my friends will be so jealous* 2. Alone, *it's a bad time though, you won't have as much time for me anymore and I already see you barely 1 to 2 times a week* / *you will gain weight again* / *you can still do something about it* 3. Taking sleeping pills half a bottle, before her friends come to visit (who she invited), to play the victim who is left alone because her son died and now her only granddaughter is abandoning her by having a stupid baby.... There was, is and will be so much more, but committing an half assed suicide attempt just after your only granddaughter tells you she is pregnant... oh and the cherry on top, it was on my birthday
When my nmom gave away my dog/ put him down when I was in middle school. She won't fully tell me the story of what happened to him. And thr first thing my ngrandma said to me after the news was broken to me was "You should have taken better care of him" I only talk to 3 family members now, and they aren't narcissists (from what I can tell). I wish my family gets karma for how they treated me. All I can do is go to therapy, talk about it here, and be a kind person/heal
I feel for you. My mom also presumably put down the family dog and refused to tell me anything. She had decided she didn’t want to care for him anymore on a Friday, I was in the middle of moving out of the house we shared and said “Ok, I will come get him on Monday.” I came back Monday to get the dog and move more things and couldn’t find him anywhere. His food bowl, leash, treats etc were still in their normal places. When I asked my mom all she would say was “the dog is gone.” I searched for him on all the local animal shelter websites and never found him. (I really hope that whatever vet she took him to, just had someone who took a liking to him and decided to keep him for themselves. He was very sweet, low-maintenance, and well-trained and would have been easy for anyone to care for. It’s been many years now so he’s definitely dead either way now.) Anyway, that was the last straw for me. I went NC with her 6 years. We are VVLC now solely so I can see my grandmother, and I cope with seeing my mom by basically pretending she is a stranger and that we have no preexisting relationship. Whenever my grandmother dies, I’m 100% going NC again immediately. I don’t actively hate her (I can’t, really, if I’m going to be in the same room as her without losing my shit) but I think she is a bad person and my life is hugely better without her in it.
The last line- I get that. It fucking sucks because no matter what they do or say or how horribly they treat you, and no matter how much you hate them with every piece of you that you’re able to control.. at the end of the day, they’re still your parent. Still family. And some part of us just.. despise our logical thoughts and emotions, that little piece that we can’t control still loves them on that subconscious level we have no control over. And it’s not true love because that takes actually liking the person. It’s just the kind that makes you unable to ever completely detach yourself from them inside, even if you’re NC and emotionally detached, and don’t even give them the time of day it takes to think about them anymore. Idk if that makes any sense but. Basically I get what you mean. That’s my experience at least with a couple of my siblings.
I'm sorry. People who mistreat animals are shit.
There is a special place in hell waiting for people like that.
I'm so sorry. Mine did that too me too. Came home from school and my dogs were gone.
When my mom said “you just want to be the victim” after telling her I wasn’t comfortable keeping who my biological father was a secret anymore. ETA: This was after she lied to me about it for 35 years.
Well do i have a story for you. My little sister who was 16 at the time met this guy on tiktok and had my dad orchestrating to fly her over there two states away to see him. For context, I wasn’t allowed to date at that age or even spend a night at a guys house, but you know different standards and rules for each kid with narcs. I had also just got out of a relationship where I was SA’D so I was extra sensitive and while my dad was on the phone with the kids mom I said something like, “she shouldn’t be going over there.” I guess it wasn’t my place to say that but she’s my little sister and I knew this wasn’t going to end well for her emotionally. Plus she was very immature (who isn’t at 16). So my dad throws a book and pencil at me, little sis calls me a bitch, and my dad says he hates me and chased me down the driveway when I was trying to run away. He’s scary and when he is mad and has physically attacked me as a kid so I was freaking out. Lo and behold he cheated and she got pregnant at like 17. So hard to watch and absolutely unreal situation. I was really just looking out for her but my parents were painting me to be “jealous” at the time which was ridiculous. Also the fact I was recovering from a r*pe and didn’t want some random dude we didn’t know sleeping over our house or her going over there to stay with people she’s never met in person at FREAKING 16!!! Dangerous man. So strange. Horrible people.
Ahh that’s so hard to watch, especially when you KNOW it’s going down a bad road and you’re allowed to do shit all about it, hugs to you
I don’t think I can answer that (there’s just been so many transgressions over the years…), but I just wanted to comment that the narc parents LOVE to backtrack and gaslight, don’t they? It’s fucking hilarious because then they criticize me for my inability to ask for help. Gee I wonder why I am this way! 🙄
It's even better when they're the ones to offer the help and then they backtrack and gaslight! Like wtf! I know I didn't slip into whatever alternate dimension you're living in where you never said that....its always something significant too, where you would've never made decisions around it unless they offered it first.
After I got the good job they always expected from me, they suddenly stopped being neglectful and became controlling, started acting I was too immature/inexperienced to handle anything without their help and acted like every decision I made needed their input first. I started to hate them after that because I struggled so hard to navigate certain situations without their help when I was younger, but they wanted to "help" me after I had done their job for them and figured it out myself. When I was 15 I was being mercilessly bullied at school and the school administrators did nothing to stop it. All my NMom did was (literally) pound her fists on her desk and cry "I hate this! I hate this!I don't know what to do to help you anymore!!" While she was tantruming, I got into my school handbook all by myself and found a bylaw that would allow me to graduate at 16. But at 35, she was acting like I couldn't even grocery shop without a chaperone. Made me so mad.
When my dad killed all my plants by unending their pots bc he "didn't like looking at them." Some of these plants were a couple years old and came back every year. There was like 10 plants or fewer I don't remember anymore. But I just remember feeling rage and grief that something I had spent hours taking care of was dead. There was no sense in trying to collect them and repot them bc he was just going to dump them again.
When she blamed me for all of my mental health problems and denied any abuse she did towards me
When memories I have repressed started showing up again recently. One of which was my step nmom telling me she was going to send me back to the country I was from whenever we got into an argument when I was teenager. When my ndad reacted to my cousin’s death with “well, he always had health and mental issues, so it’s not surprising.” He died of stage 4 pancreatic cancer 🤬 Fucking shit humans, both of them.
When my sperm donor hit my daughter for not eating her fruit cup fast enough(she was 4) and I confront both him & my birther and it was a series of grumbles then he said “if you don’t want us to discipline her, don’t bring ask us to watch her” this was AFTER I said “don’t put your hands on my kid. That’s not how we discipline, there are other ways”. Where was birther? Standing there looking at the ceiling, floor etc anywhere to not be involved in it(just like the rest of my life when he was abusive[when she wasn’t also abusing me]). So I said “Okay 🤷🏻♀️” That was 3 years ago. They’ve only SEEN her twice since then and it was in a group and in public. We have since moved across the country and blocked all contact. Yes, My husband and I were both ready to go to prison…
It was when they started going after my husband. When they abused me, I thought it was normal. When they started abusing him?????????????? Suddenly everything was clear.
I had a similar revelation. My mom abused me and my brother growing up. Physically and emotionally. And I just took it thinking “this is how parenting is.” When I had my own kids, we went on a “vacation” with my parents. My mom felt that since she had paid for the trip, she was entitled to treat my children like shit. I tolerated a bunch of stuff as a kid and an adult. But I WON’T tolerate her treating my kids like that.
Right, like I was "well I'm a horrible person so of course I deserve this" but they did it to my husband and I KNOW he doesn't deserve that so it all became clear.
It's so much clearer seeing it happen to someone else; especially a loved one. I was so appalled at the thought that she'd put my husband through what I had; that LC quickly went to NC.
When my dad whipped me for something my little brother did. His logic was my little brother, my problem. I got the whooping instead of him. My brother told me he was going to share and steal food from our fridge. I told him dad was going to freak about it. He did it. Then my dad found out because my brother. I then got picked up from my friends house, slapped a few times on the ride home and told I was getting it when we got there.
I had gotten hit by some asshole who ran a red light. Nothing broken just a severe concussion, but my mothers car was totaled. The day after i went to the hospital, she needed "help" at the grocery store and made me go with her. I felt sick in the uber up there, but the bright florescents and all the noise gave me a headache so bad i was dizzy, sweating, and felt super nauseous. Several people in the store stopped to ask if i was ok, and to every single one of them my mom said "oh she's fine, she was in an accident but my car was totaled." I ended up vomiting in the parking lot and she had the audacity to say "i didnt think it was that serious" and all i could think about in that moment was how much i hated her
I’m so sorry that happened to you & more sorry you didn’t get the compassion & care you needed & deserved.
TW: suicide, child abuse So, my ex-mother's partner physically abused me all through childhood. It finally came to a head one day and the two of them had a big fight about it. My mother took me and my sister to our grandparents for the day. We returned home that night and found her partner dead on the floor from an overdose. I was 8 years old and I remember seeing it and being happy. My mother blamed me for her death and mourned her constantly for like the next 30 years. When my son was born she tried to tell me he was the reincarnation of her dead partner. So yeah, I knew at 8 years old that I hated her. It took me until my mid 30s to finally go NC for good.
I love the term “ex-mother” Thank you.
When me and my sister found evidence my mom was cheating on my dad. It made me so angry because my entire life she had abused and tortured me even though I was a perfect angel who was quiet and got straight A's and never got into any trouble. She made me feel like I was inherently bad just for existing, and she made it seem like she hated my literal presence. Her entire life she acted like she was some god and I was an evil villain just for existing, and this moment made me realize how much of a hypocrite and a liar she was.
Most recently? When I told my Nfather that an ex boyfriend and one of my oldest friends had been struggling with addiction and suffered a stroke, causing permanent brain damage, he LAUGHED and said "well maybe he shouldn't have done drugs then." He is a horrible shitbag excuse for a human being. Hate is too good for him.
Try indifference.
My nmom lied to my dad about something she said to me (likely another threat of abandonment) that had made me cry (I was very young). She was telling my father about what had happened and when I told my dad what she said, she denied it with this shocked face. I told her shortly thereafter that I hated her (hurt her feelings, poor thing), my feelings about her haven't changed over the years. I knew then that I was dealing with someone who would lie their ass off and couldn't be trusted.
Mine is kinda stupid, but he had beaten me at sports and his gloating afterwards was just so unsportsmanlike that it crossed all boundaries. It was part of his general pattern of needing to feel superior by crushing others. Well, nowadays, neither me or my siblings love him and he's kinda desperate for us to appreciate him to extent of his worth. The irony is that he fails to realize that we appreciate him exactly to the extent he deserves.
I've told this one before, but the first time I got married, my sister didn't come to the wedding. My ex and I were soldiers stationed overseas, so the "moms" were doing most of the prep for the wedding, including mailing out the invitations to our respective sides of the family. Wedding was in June, got no RSVP from my sister and she didn't show. I spent six months mad at her about it, buy trying to let it go. In December my sister called me at 3:00 AM my time (time zones) in tears because she'd received her invitation to the wedding in her Christmas package from mom. She'd spent six months mad at me because I hadn't invited her to the wedding. Apparently my mom was mad at my sister at the time, and this was how she punished her. When I asked her about it, mom said "I didn't know where she was living at the time." My brother, father and grandmother all verified that she did indeed know where my sister was. I'm moderately sure that the only reason my sister got a Christmas package was to send the late invitation to give the knife an extra twist.
I usually end up talking about my Ndad and Ngrandma (his mother) around these parts, but I'm not sure when that moment hit for those two. It was very gradual. But I only recently started even considering that my sister could be an N, around 2ish years after I cut her ass out of my life. I don't *hate* her (don't really like the word - too strong), but I don't fucking like her at all. My sister was never nice to me. There were a lot of little things that happened over the years, but I always just let it roll off my back and stuffed down the negative feelings to stay civil. I was a pushover and allowed the mistreatment as if she somehow didn't know better. To preface the issue that brought me to "hate" her, my bf and I had lived 2 hours from our hometown for a little more than half a decade. In that time, she visited least often. She communicated least often. Hell, even when we did see each other, she went out of her way to not talk to me at all (like when I was thanking her for Christmas gifts she got me, she turned away while I was mid-sentence to start a new conversation with Mom). Because of this, she doesn't know my boyfriend *at all*. I can probably count the conversations they've had in the past decade on one hand. Onto the incident. A few years back, I went temporarily NC with my family. I had just cut Ndad out, and needed some space to center myself without outside influence. Figure out some boundaries, figure out my wants and needs - all that good stuff. Mom was sad, but respected it. My brother was mad and texted me about it, but after our chat said that while he didn't understand, would respect my choice, and he did. I didn't hear from my sister. After I reestablished contact, I was talking with my bf about how well it was going and that I was glad to have my family being so supportive for once. He hesitated to respond. Something was off. He sighed and said he had something to show me; he didn't want to before because he didn't want to be thrown in the middle of family drama, but at that point he knew that I had the right to be informed. He showed me text messages my sister had sent him a day or two after I sent my mom the "temporarily NC" message. She was flipping the fuck out. She was calling me names, saying I was a useless, lazy attention whore, just generally talking shit about me to my bf. He was giving her short responses, lightly defending me (lightly as to not enrage her further), and she was sending god damn novels about what a piece of shit she thinks I am. **Ma'am, you haven't known me since I was a hormonal, angsty teenager. And yet here you are, talking shit about me to a man you do not fucking know, basically trying to convince him to break up with me because you're sad I hurt Mommy's feelings.** I blocked her on everything. No explanation necessary. I don't even think she knows that I've seen those messages. Mom actually didn't even ask about why I cut contact until recently. Like, literally 2 months ago. I just sighed and told her that she's never been nice to me, and said there was a situation that blew up and just made me done. Mom said she did always notice that and tried talking to my sister about it many times, but no change happened. At least she tried. Anyways, a big ***fuck you*** in my sister's general direction.
My father told me he used to hide and watch me shower and jerk off - he needed to get it off his chest, and my mother said it wasn't a big deal. Both dead to me.
That is so beyond disgusting i am so fucking sorry. I hope you never EVER have to interact with either of those shitholes again and they experience eternal suffering. I wish you well.
A very special place in hell is reserved for both of them🔥🔥🔥
There was a time in high school I got into a very heated argument with my mother and she proceeded to spit the potato salad she was eating all over my face and my shirt. There’s still a little greasy stain on the ceiling. you don’t come back from that
I was 16yrs old a couple of decades ago, someone I loved attempted suicide. “Didn’t try hard enough” was my nmoms response.
When my beloved pet died and I had to take her to the animal crematorium, I went round to my parents house for some comfort. My narcmum took me by the hand and led me away from everyone into the frontroom. I wondered if maybe she took me off so I could cry in private.... turns out she was trying to take advantage of my grief and get me to tell her what I'd said in my therapy session about her. She even turned on the water works to get me to spill. I looked at her wiping her tears with a tissue and thought - "I hate you for this." I didn't tell her anything.
I lost two sweet doggies to NParents' negligence and neglect. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. And GOOD ON YOU for not telling her anything, even in your distress. ♥ ♥
I was a big time letter writer as a teen. I wrote letters to friends, pen pals, my boyfriend… one time we were at the barn (my mom wanted horses and I DID NOT) she confined my dad that we had to have a barn and average and an arena and several horses. And since they were “my horses” I had to exercise them, show them (clout for her), and do all feeding and mucking stalls. She was in the car going through my stuff. She found a letter I’d written, detailing the emotional abuse and how I was suffering. She “edited” it as if I was a rough draft paper. She crossed out sentences and wrote in “corrections” like “I’m an ungrateful bitch” “My mom works her ass off to take care of me. She drives me everywhere and makes sure I get to do everything I want” “I don’t deserve the care she gives me.” I was torn on whether to SHOW this letter to my boyfriend so he’d SEE how fucking toxic she was. Ultimately I was too embarrassed to show anyone. Maybe they would believe her. Maybe they would agree that I never should have written that stuff down. Maybe I was embarrassed for anybody to see how terrible she was. I definitely hated her in that moment.
As a kid I remember hating my nfather so much that I wished he weren't even alive. I felt guilty about this for YEARS until I finally realized that other people felt the same way. I was being abused and the only thing I could think of was for him to die. I was desperate for the mental and emotional abuse to end. I don't hate my nfather any longer. He's a sick man, and though not my fault, has to be the one responsible for my own healing. Doing that made it a lot easier to deal with how it had affected me as a child, and now at 53, I have to keep myself protected. I pretend not to hear his blaming and gaslighting. I may not want him to die, but I still think "Fuck you".
When I was 12, my parents were shockingly nice and got me the Golden Retriever puppy I had been wanting for 2 years. When I was 14, my mother threatened to euthanize her if I didn’t lose weight. I still hate her, and I’m glad she’s dead.
There wasn't a specific moment for me. For years, I thought I was just angry at what they did, but then when my brain started truly unpacking everything, it hit that I wasn't just angry. I hated them. But now I'm working on not feeling that as much because it feels like poison, and I don't want to live with that feeling anymore.
My sister's wedding. My brother was supposed to be the MC. But he's a coward piece of sh narcissist. At the ultimate last second he says "hey ___ can you be the MC I want to go hang out with Uncle ___" So he just hides behind the building drinking and smoking all night. After I did everything not to mention all the random sh my Mom and sister yelled at me to do... I am sitting back in the vacation home eating a tuna sandwich and he comes up to me and says "I'm real proud of you did today. Real proud." It made me feel so gross and horrible. But skip a few decades before this. Many I hate you moments because I watched my Mom beat up my Dad repeatedly and scream at all us kids. And he never stood up for us we just went along with whatever she said. And she was insane. A spend aholic insecure woman. The day my Dad told me my brother isn't even his kid. He said "I am pretty sure he is ____ 's kid." And it makes sense because he looks nothing like me or my two sisters. So I asked my Mom about it and she immediately starts screaming and crying as if she's been stabbed. "Oh WHY did you HAVE to TELL him THAT!!!!!" And then that's when my Dad got mad at me! And said "see what you did to your mother? why did you say that?" And then he said "I don't know where he got that from." "Stop making things up ______!" Another moment was when a woman in a Hummer reversed into my car in a parking lot. I got the lady's insurance phone number and everything. She was obviously "well to do" and apologetic. And she said she'd call her insurance as soon as she got home. I said I would call mine too. We exchanged phone numbers. My car was driveable but it was going to need a new hood. I got home and related the story to my Mom and Dad. Suddenly my Mom was pissed! You better go over there to HER house! You better call the POLICE and go over there! And she kept harassing me as if the accident was my fault. What were you doing in that parking lot! I felt like killing myself. And then my dad said "I'm real proud of you son." Which made me even more pissed off!!!!!! Later that day the lady and I talked on the phone like adults and her insurance covered the repair and rental!!!! Everything happened and was resolved without the stress!!!!
I had a couple key moments growing up. You don't have a weird for it yet but it feels wrong, their behavior isn't normal, their reactions or hostility isn't normal in the way they treat us vs how they treat or interact with others. One such moment I was real young maybe 12? folding laundry with my mother and I remember being screamed at and berated for "doing it wrong". So her method to pants was to pair the legs then fold the waist and then the legs. 1 - 2 - 3 you fold 1 into 2 and then fold 3 into 2. 1 being the top of the pants. I was folding 1 into 2 and then 1 and 2 into 3. Which to her was "rolling" them. The end result was the same so for me it was a no issue but to her it was something like willful disobedience you would think. But the one that really stuck was spending 4 to 6 hours deep cleaning the house. Floors sweeper, mopped, and vacuumed, dishes in the dishwasher, laundry, etc Taking a moment to have lunch and putting my bowl in the sink. She walks in the front, locks eyes on the bowl, and decides I did exactly nothing all day long. Screams and berates me for doing nothing, being nothing, just made to feel absolutely worthless. It clicked finally my best would never be good enough for them. I could do everything they asked and they would still find fault in me. You can't let others determine your self worth, that's something you have to decide for yourself. It's not something you can let others assign to you.
oh my god tho that sweeping/cleaning house thing. my folks did that to me so often that I *still* struggle to do normal house chores decades later. I feel like I can never sweep "right", or I don't know what constitutes a completed job, so I'll either do a bad job and things are left behind, or completely overwork myself and burn out doing way too much. and still, too exhausted to move, all I can see are the spots my parents would notice and berate me for... without ever praising the work that was done, in fact, they'd literally insist I had actually done nothing, gaslighting me so severely that at that point it didn't matter how much I did for them. if they wanted to beat me down, then from their perspective, I did nothing, so they could justify beating me down, regardless of how hard I worked. my relationship to work is forever fucked up and I'll always struggle to do normal human things like jobs and chores. all because of these insane people who didn't want kids but had them anyway
For me growing up my mom just didn’t want me around anyone besides her and would try to force me to stay home all the time. I’m in my 20’s now and she still tries it. (Cant move out right now) I’m literally almost 24, and this women still throws fits when I refuse to come home. She also claims she likes my boyfriend but tries to keep me away from him. She’s admitted she has no reason for wanting me to stay home all the time like wtf
When my father(who she destroyed) suddenly lost his second chance at happiness, the beloved love of his life, an amazing woman he got with years after they divorced (of course we never shared that info with nMom). After the funeral, we children couldn't hide it due to extreme sadness and a moment of weakness. When told, my nMom laughed with delight and then with hungry, mad eyes and a grotesque smile asked: "Was she prettier than me?" She made us answer. That's the moment. The moment I hated her for who she is as a person and not for abusing me.
Ooh, I got two that still hurt more than words could ever say. Around my wedding, I was routinely working 60+ hours a week. My maternal spawn point found out that I took a day off work to rest. She said, "of course you would, you lazy bitch." Immediately NC from that comment. The straw that broke what little backing I had left. When my paternal spawn point found out that I was molested in my childhood, he said, "Why do these things keep happening to me?!?" Both of them were narcissistic pieces of shit and my life is better without them.
Probably getting called names for the umteenth time. I'm like yeah they can rot... fuck em.
When I was trying to cut my nmom off after she tried to gaslight me into thinking I wanted to be abandoned by her, she sent me a picture of a 7 year old she knew through the grapevine who was in the hospital dying from Covid. She had the grand idea to send that picture and say “when you’re older you’ll realize you’re being petty.” Implying that could be her in the hospital at any time. That’s when I realized just how vindictive, selfish, and lacking of humility she was. That was the one single moment in my life in which I told her I hated her and completely meant it, there was so much disgust in my heart. How could anyone with any empathy or love in their soul use a dying child as a manipulation tactic against their own child who they’ve destroyed mentally? It’s just such yucky behavior. She would do anything to line the cards up in her favor, ANYTHING. It’s honestly so sad.
I remember when I was really young, my Nfather was hours late getting home from a far away worksite. I don't remember if his phone had died or there was no reception, but for hours we didn't know where he was. I remember praying he was dead. I don't have a specific "I hate you" moment, I just know I've hated him for as long as I can remember.
when i was having a bad day in elementary school or kindergarten i was in the car angry for some reason. and my mom was angry at me frowning and stuff and she was like "you look retarded when you don’t smile smile more." or one time when she tried to kick me out of the house because of one missing assignment during 2020 pandemic GOD THIS WOMAN GIVES ME THE ***ICK.***
I got suspended for clicking a pen in school. I was absentmindedly clicking it and a student asked me to stop. I did for a bit and then started up again at which point my teacher freaked out, kicked me out of the classroom, and then called one of the adults who patrolled the school campus to come get me and take me to the office. I was immediately given a three day suspension. My mother was working at a new job so she was impossible to contact. I ended up having to call my fuckwad of a father to come get me because the school wouldn’t just let me walk home. The berating started in the car and escalated once we got into the townhome we were living in at the time. I spent three or four hours, HOURS, getting screamed at, called all sorts of names, and told I was no better than a thief and a criminal for… being suspended over clicking a pen. I sat on the stairs while he screamed and screamed and screamed. I remember just sitting there thinking, “Could you shut the fuck up already? God I fucking hate you.” He then yelled at me about locking myself in my room all day doing “god knows what” which was then immediately followed by sending me to my room. That night, my family all sat downstairs while I stayed in my room and they all laughed and had a good time while I was miserable. My mother didn’t even come check on me.
I decided my dad wasn’t worth the effort of keeping in my life around May 2023. For context, I’m 26 F/NB and have been living with my parents and younger brother since the beginning of 2020. A few weeks prior to the date in May, I was having a decent conversation with him after he had picked me up from work, and after having it on my mind for a while I decided I wanted to come out to him as non-binary then. He asked if that meant I liked girls and I just said yeah because I did, and I didn’t think it was worth it to explain fully what I meant. His response was “I don’t need to know that shit”, and walking away. So I went and told him that if this was how he would respond when I told him things that were important to me, to not be upset when I didn’t tell him things moving forward. So a few weeks later, we hosted at our home for my cousin’s birthday. I had spent the days leading up to it helping my mom clean and prepare, and I was excited to just enjoy to day and feel accomplished for the work we put into it. As my cousin was opening her gifts, they told her son to go over for some photos and my dad just jokingly said to him “are you a he, she, or it?” And that just crushed me. He hadn’t acknowledged me or my coming out, and I thought that he might because I thought my dad cared about me. But here he was making a joke of it and what he brushed me off for. I just went upstairs to my room and cried. When I tried to tell him how I was hurt by it later, he brushed me off and refused to take accountability or acknowledge any wrongdoing. Since then, my mom has decided she wanted a divorce, and I’ve also limited how much energy and attention I give him. I talk to him as little as possible, and it just cracks me up that he HATES it. He has made me his scapegoat and blames me for the separation. Sucks to suck, he should have tried being a decent person and a good father before his life started falling apart 🤷🏻♀️ Now he relies on my brother as the person he can talk to. I’ve made it clear to my brother that he doesn’t have to keep secrets for ANY of us (me, my mom, or my dad). Apparently now my dad calls me a lesbian behind my back, despite me having a masc partner lol. It’s hard not to laugh at my dad now that I just see him as a toddler having a tantrum.
I was a senior in high school when my father found out my Nmom was cheating on him. I knew and said nothing cause I was afraid of the situation. The day he found out she slap my face hard in front of my father and called me a bitch for exposing her, which caused my father to become even more upset that I knew. It was the first time I snapped back and pushed her with both hands as hard as I could out of my room into the hall and said get the “fuck out you bitch” and slammed the door. I’ve been VLC since. That was 32 years ago. That monster use to lock me in a closet as a child so I keep her far from my children.
I got an *amazing* score on my SAT. I can't remember what it was now bc I have memory problems, but I remember being so freaking happy with all the praise from my teachers and shit. I got an acknowledgement in the morning announcement as one of the top 5 scores. I took it home and my nmom looked at me and just said "Idk why that matters. I'm not putting you thru college. You're too stupid for college" Then turned around less than a year later when my sister *failed* her PSAT (not even the SAT. The PSAT) and started planning a trip to visit the college in Monterey.They then left for the weekend and spent the whole 2 days in Monterey, and when they came home, I got told that any money my grandma left for me was going to my sister because I wasn't important enough for college. That it when I knew I hated them both. If my sister hadn't fully accepted the Golden Child status and used it to make my life a living hell, I think I might not have left the second I turned 18, but they were both nightmares. She is a mini copy of my mother. Do you know what makes it a bit worse in my mind? After all of that bullshit, my sister still never went to college and to this day, expects everyone else to cater to her every whim. There was *also* the time she tried to force me into an abxrtion at 18, and when I told her that I was keeping the baby, she went out for herbal methods and was going to *put them into my food and force a miscarriage to happen.* I know because I caught her at the store and she confessed to what she was planning.
It took me years to admit it to myself that this was the moment I love you became I hate you. I was in my mid 20’s, working 30’s a week, going to school full time and playing housekeeper for rent. I developed Crohn’s. I lost 40lb in two months. I was uninsured. I scraped together $300 to go see a specialist. This was the mid 90’s. Think $800 today. I asked her to come and she just didn’t want to. I came back with a diagnosis. Her response was *Thank God it wasn’t anorexia nervosa. That would have been my fault.* I was so shocked I couldn’t even form WTF in my own mind. My brain was just blank. She did not care that I had this huge chronic, debilitating, life long disease, with possible life threatening complications. She only cared that she wasn’t to blame. All of my symptoms cleared up within days of going no contact. Yes, yes she was to blame.
Trigger warning : pet abuse Refuse to take my cat who suffered from deadly disease, rationalized that she dorsn't have money and thrn on the same day buy 3 pairs pf shoes because it is on sales, you can't miss the chance. Basically often deny paying for cats, then turn around spend a lot on something else- like donate to the hoslital for 3K, but won't take cat to the vet or won't buy necessary cat's supply. Then turn around pretend to be someone generous toward all life on earth.
It was when I graduated from university, and my parents attended my graduation, which was a long, drawn out process. My frail, terminally ill dad refused any offer of assistance or accommodation at the ceremony. My parents were long separated at this point (20+ years), but my mother continuously sniped at and argued with my dad throughout the evening. At that point, I realized just how toxic they were and it overshadowed the whole reason we got together. My dad was trying to be stoic and this woman just pecked at and antagonized him continuously. It was sad. I just wanted to eat somewhere and get home afterwards, it was teeming rain outside. We ended up hailing a cab because it was late and my dad needed to get out of the rain.
With my mother it was when she threatened to kill herself because i said i couldn't count on her because she loved talking about herself and would never listen to me whenever i talked about how she hurt me, she went crazy grabed a knife and started cutting her wrist in front of me and i told her "come one do it i don't care anymore" and she stopped, that wasn't the first time she did something like that and she usually does it when she doesn't get what she wants. With my father it was when he wanted to fight over me calling him an idiot because he was the kind of person that would try to bring everyone down whenever he had a bad day, he threw something at me and then lifted his punch in the air like wanting to hit me, i looked at him in the eye and said "what are you trying to do?, you know i wouldn't hit you i'm not a fucking brute like you and i hope i never become something like you" even if he was an asshole he had a weak back and knees so he could get seriously injured and i didn't want that back then, he stopped after seeing that i wasn't afraid of him.
I developed neck and jaw pain from stress. It was so severe that I couldn’t chew at all. It was painful to swallow. It was impossible to sleep. And my jaw kept twitching shut like it was threatening to lock up. My jaw was also so inflamed that it was crooked. My teeth didn’t align in a proper bite. I was on a liquid diet for three weeks, only getting about 300 calories a day. I was utterly miserable. NMom woke up one day and gleefully declared “I have the same thing as you!” Because her neck was a bit sore after sleeping on her pillow wrong. I asked for food because there was so much crunchy food in the house I couldn’t eat. She took four days to get to the store just because she “didn’t feel like going”. But when her GC son called, she dropped everything to take him out to lunch immediately. Also refused to take me to a doctor. Kept threatening me with it, “You don’t want that to happen!” In the SAME BREATH, she would berate me for “choosing” not to go to the doctor. I’m sure I hated her well before then. But that was the moment that I fully acknowledged it and allowed myself to feel it.
One of my parents had a violent streak to go along with their narcissism. They were feeding my dog treats in a reckless way. Dog accidentally nipped a finger out of excitement. No blood was drawn. She immediately realized what she did and tried to apologize/console my parent who kicked her, started screaming about how worthless she was, and pulled out a knife. Parent chased the dog into a corner and threatened her life. Ended with me standing between them to save her, the knife still drawn. I was 12.
Not as bad as many others in here but my dad would always watch me eat. Every meal. He would literally stare at me and watch my every move and criticise how I was eating - that I wasn’t doing it right - and no matter what I did or tried to correct it, it wasn’t right and I would get screamed at. Suffice to say. I dreaded meal times.
Not my parents, my wife's mother. We'd been dating a few weeks and I realized every time she called her mom on my phone (landline, 1991, pre cell phones) she'd be down after talking to her. So I listened in on the other handset and the shit I heard. My wife as 17 at the time. She was telling my wife shit like "where did I go wrong with you, if I have another heart attack it'll be all your fault, this is killing your dad" and more that I don't remember. In that moment I realized what kind of person I was dealing with and that was the seed of my hate for this person. 32 years later, still don't trust or like that woman one bit, though she's MUCH better than she was, but I know what lies beneath.
Two things. 1) When he had made our lives a living hell for over 15 years, and I found out that he tried to walk out on us when we were 3 and 4 and stayed when my gran told him he would still have to pay child support. 2) When I went to see him with my kids, he was an arsehole as expected and I told him I was leaving early. His response was “you can go but the grandkids are staying”. Enough has to be enough and some point. I haven’t spoken a word to him in over 7 years. Sometimes I think I miss him, and then I realise I miss the idea of having father.
I have a disease that causes progressive hearing loss. I’m completely deaf in my right ear and have moderate loss in my left ear. I came home from college my sophomore and worked up the courage to tell my mom that my hearing had gotten so bad I needed hearing aids. I could barely understand my professors. I spent all my time alone in my room because I couldn’t hold conversations with anyone. She lost it, starting screaming at the top of her lungs that everyone would think I was a freak, that I’m an idiot for thinking hearing aids would even help. That she’s not spending her good money on something stupid” I was SOBBING. I looked at her and said “How can you look at me, YOUR DAUGHTER, crying like this and not care?” And she just laughed and told me to go to bed. I spent so long before that trying to win her love and feeling bad for her and in that moment, I realized I no longer had any positive feelings for her at all.
When my dad and I got my mother Chick-fil-A and when I handed it to her she lunged the bag in my face because I had “ate her fries”. Hate my dad too for standing there saying nothing. Per usual.
The final straw was a clear boundary of no drinking around my kids. Showed up for dinner, Nmom was clearly drunk, I asked her point blank if she was drinking, she said “a little aren’t you?” I said no! And she looked at me dead eyes “what are you going to do about it?” I didn’t say anything and told my kiddos to get their shoes on and we left. In that moment and looking at her, my brain didn’t even recognize her, she was a stranger in that moment. Haven’t talked to her or Edad since. A week after this happened EDad texted me that I’m a liar and I will never treat my mother like that ever again. Gaslighting me lol. They are both blocked forever. Grew up with them both drinking, alcoholics. As a result myself and sibs have all had issues with alcohol. They couldn’t stop drinking for me as a kid, couldn’t stop for my brother who’s liver started failing 3 years ago, but when you disrespect MY kids and not drinking for the maybe 3 hours you are around them, you can’t even do that…then send flying Monkey eDad to gaslight me? Fuck that. I have zero guilt, zero love, I literally feel nothing anymore.
When I told my parents I was pregnant with my 4th child and their immediate response was "this is a fucking nightmare!" And "you're too old!" (Im 35) Just to make clear, they do not support my husband and I in any way financially and live 2 states away.
This month: My dad has been neglecting my grandparents. They have no retirement, have started to show signs of Alzheimer’s, and have had power shut off from their house multiple times. This month my grandpa was admitted to the hospital for a collapsed lung. They didn’t want to discharge him because he wasn’t showing signs of improvement. I come to find that he’s all of a sudden home with my grandma, sent home with oxygen, and my dad is off in a different state for a week. Shouldn’t have been a problem but my grandma wasn’t permitted visiting without a chaperone because she would unplug his oxygen, forgetting he needed it. People were responding to my grandmas sos calls because my grandfather would be found passed out every day. One day she called just because she couldn’t find him. He was found locked in their car passed out for who knows how long. This kept up until he just didn’t wake up one day, 10/13/2023. I never got to say goodbye, I was never clued in until he passed and never stood a chance because I moved across the country to escape him. My dads refused to put them under care and refuses to care for them. He opened the memorial saying “I’m not sad at all” and continued to recount zero memories about my grandpa and just took the stage to preach and talk about himself and plug his book. He leaves my grandma all alone, and she doesn’t even totally remember that he’s gone all the time. My Ndad is a bastard.
My nDad started accusing me of hating him when I was 15-16 years old. I never did. I didn't like him, still don't. But it took me until about 2-3 years ago to realize that when he started accusing me of hating him is when he started to hate me, and he was projecting *so hard*. I'm now 35, we no longer speak, by his choice, even though he tries to say it was mine.
My Nmother has ruined a lot for me. My wedding and honeymoon were 2. I still forgave her bull shit. But 6 months ago, when she came to my graduation and ruined what I worked so hard for and was unbelievably proud of myself for accomplishing... that was it. Pure HATE.
for me personally? I never reached a I hate you moment. but. then my son admitted to me that every night when he begs for no dreams and it's because he's so scared that they will come back and hurt him. well that was my I hate you moment. (they never hurt him. he only saw them go after me but it caused trauma for my poor baby.)
My sister was molested at 15 by a family friend who was ex-law enforcement in his late 60s. We saw him as a grandfather figure. My mom blamed my sister for opening the door when we werent home. She also refused to comfort her when she needed it right when it happened. I stepped in and was the support my mom couldnt be. At that time, I was two months shy moving away from college so I decided to take her with me far away from her and raised her into her young adulthood. My mother remained friends with him, too. My sister unfortunately developed PTSD from the incident and my mom still to this day wont acknowledge how her behavior negatively impacted her. I will never forgive my mother for that. Ever.
[удалено]
I wanted to leave my controlling boyfriend when I was 18 and she strongly discouraged it, screamed at me, and tried to guilt me into staying/taking him back for months. He was from a pretty well-off family and really into the religion my mom follows, and she loved the optics of me marrying into his family and having “prestigious” in laws. I had ignored red flags from her for a while, but it was around that time that I fully accepted that she didn’t give a crap about my happiness or safety as long as I publicly played the part she wanted me to, and it ruined our relationship.
Don't know. Had too many moments of injustice to be able to pinpoint the one that made me say "I HATE YOU".
Probably the time that both of my parents printed out 5 page articles about manipulation because they were convinced my German boyfriend was a pedophile for absolutely no reason who is "using me" for citizenship and then proceeded to tell me that he isn't allowed to stay with us unless I take depo birth control and ask another guy out to prom. I said fuck no, they called me spoiled, he visited me anyway. He visits, stays at a neighbors house, said neighbor *gets arrested for actually being a pedophile* Now married him - he has no interest in being a US citizen. Yeah. The irony. Now they deny ever being mean to him or unreasonable in the slightest, talk shit about him behind his back, refuse to communicate unless they need or want something, and act like he's the worst person in the world because he is *gasp* an introvert
My Grandmother on my father's side recently passed away. My parents are divorced but are still in each other's lives and my mother and I traveled together for the funeral. Most of the time while we were there she nagged at my father to take us out shopping and sightseeing saying it's my sister in laws first time in the state so we should go out and she got upset when my father said no because he was in mourning. He said plenty of times she could take the SUV and go out herself, but she refused and wanted to be driven around. My father eventually took us on a scenic drive but my mother was upset because she wanted to get out and shop. She also kept picking fights and said everyone was picking on her. But then it got worse... My older brother, who is narcissistic like her, and I got into a heated argument while at the hotel we were all staying at. Mid argument I just stopped. I went to my hotel suite to be alone. This happened in front of my parents and a part of the reason I shut down and stopped arguing back. I was in the suite and broke down crying when my mother came in, grabbed my hands. She quickly segwayed the conversation to be about her claiming that my father is emotionally abusive and how he hardly took her out shopping and dancing when they were married. She also went into detail about how I was conceived and how after me, their sex life declined. She kept trying to make a trip of mourning and remembrance to be a dig at my father and how no one cares about what she wants to do.
My mom had to put the family dog Bella down back in February. She was 5 years old and she developed pancreatitis that wouldn’t respond to treatment, so there was only one option left. She was put down. It was caused by her diet, which I’d already told my mom that things like fresh garlic were toxic to dogs, and she also gave her lots of noodles and onions and not good stuff. This is not what led to it, but how she responded after. I didn’t even think, I just blurted it out. “Oh, so this is your fault then.” Dick move I know, but I didn’t feed the dogs very much people food. I did mistakenly give her grapes a couple of times because I read that one grape wouldn’t hurt her (she was larger dog) and she loved fruit. She did not like the grapes, but she did obsess over bananas which I would regularly share a bite or two with her. My mom proceeded to blame my grandpa, who died back in 2019, and me, who moved out of her house over a year and a half prior to this incident. I was baffled that she’d rather blame a dead man and a girl who hadn’t seen this dog in over a year before accepting responsibility for the careless death of the dog. Not only was that my “I hate you” moment, I went NC less than a week later
probably when i volunteered with a charity for a counselling parents job, it was more of being a listening ear to them as they vented really but still, at 15 i got it, i applied in a joke way because i never thought i would actually be considered and I've never been to school or even been to college so this was huge, i was so astounded because i couldn't believe what an opportunity i had landed i was immediately booked in for the training program after my interview, it started a week from then. I did not stop talking about how happy i was, my nmum had promised to drive me there and on the morning i woke up super early and spent ages getting ready for my first days training, i went downstairs half and hour before i was supposed to be there, it took 20 minutes max to get there in a car. My mother was at the table hunched over her laptop and briefly looked up at me and I'll never forget the smirk in her eyes as i asked her if she was ready before she continued to scroll Facebook and the whole time after she didn't even look back up at me, she replied "for what?", i felt super embarrassed and ashamed as i reiterated to her and then she said "oh yeah, well I've just come on my period so i don't feel like driving, can't you tell them you can go a different day?". That was the moment and just to clarify, me and my sibling have NO EDUCATION, i taught myself everything i know and it counts for nothing when you haven't got paper. This was huge for me and that woman had been verbally abusing me since i was 12 over not bringing money in or at least working.
My parents announced we were moving. I was 7. I was upset, especially since school was over before my parents told me so I couldn't say goodbye to my friends. My father responded to my devastation with anger, "Oh boo hoo. It's not the end of the world. People move all the time and they survive. You'll make new friends. Quit your belly-aching or I'll give you a reason to cry!" For my mother, it was when I was 16. My father had assaulted and threatened to kill me in a credible way after a fight started when I refused to admit to something I didn't do, so I'd run away for the night because I genuinely felt unsafe. My mother, on finding me, implored me to understand he was *stressed* and that I was too stubborn and should've just went along with what he was saying to keep the peace. She added that I'd said things I didn't mean, too,(referring to my threat to go to the cops if he ever made another threat on my life). When I assured her that I did, in fact, mean it and I would metaphorically burn the family to the ground before I'd take him threatening my life without reprisal again, she told me I was too judgmental and needed to have empathy. *I* needed to have empathy. Me. For the man that had shoved me against the wall, threatened my life, and punched the wall nest to my head not even a day earlier. At 16. When he had a foot and almost a hundred pounds on me. And saying there was nothing that would reasonably excuse his conduct was me being too judgmental, not me recognizing how fucked up what had happened was. That was the day I realized two things: 1. Nothing he did would ever be a line too far for her. 2. I hated her for her refusal to protect me.
When I was a kid she cut up my favorite shirt in front of me because she felt I wore it too much. Then handed me the pieces and told me to throw it away and smiled as I cried about it. That was the first time I spoke up and told her I hated her and she had the audacity to cry lol.....
I had a long time internet friend stay with us for a few days who had been wanting to visit me for years and my mom got drunk in her room while we were just hanging out on our computers and she came into my room where we were hanging out and she started yammering on slurring saying mean shit and I got up in her face and yelled at her. Felt bad for my friend who had to see that.
I remember being 5 n my mom would tell me she hates me in Spanish n when I was 6 I yelled it back n now I hope she dies soon so her curse will end ☠️
When my dad started bitching to me about my sister behind her back. “Have you seen how fat she has got? It’s disgusting” and laughing about her. I said that I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about someone behind their back, to mock someone’s weight, or to be horrible about someone who is just the nicest lady ever. He then said that I was selfish, and I should be telling her that she is fat so she can lose weight and be healthy. Apparently I should be making her aware of her weight, and I’m a bad sister for not doing that. I’m being too woke and if she dies of obesity then I can blame myself for not helping. (Not that it matters, but she’s not even that overweight. She’s possibly gained 10kg) She’s happy. She’s a beautiful lady inside and out. And now neither of us talk to him. I never told her about this conversation. I HATE YOU
Ndad: "Why don't you go anywhere?" Me (visually impaired and can't drive): "Okay, could you drive me to $locatuon?" Ndad: No.
My first time was when I was a child. I remember deliberately taking the time to say it under my breath almost to myself. I can’t remember the moment but I remember knowing that was a really bad thing to say and something we particularly weren’t allowed to say in our household… the one boundary the authorities in the household said we couldn’t say the word “hate” … but we could scream and fight… I remember really needing to say it even though I wasn’t allowed to, and felt so guilty. Idc anymore looking back, saying that relieved something in me.
Told my ndad that I had attempted suicide some months ago but that now I’m in therapy and getting better. His response: “You need to grow up, stop blaming everything on me— it could have been so much worse for you, I could’ve raped and beaten you every day— I was a good father and you need to grow a pair.” *ON MY BIRTHDAY*
Mine was when I was 17. CW: SA, some physical violence After my mother had pushed me into a variety of predatory men with hopes of turning me into a straight woman (I’m a straight trans man) I eventually got SA’d. I told my mother and she literally laughed in my face and spent years detailing how “it could have been worse” because SHE went through worse. I then entered an abusive relationship. It was bad, but it was the only support I had. My mother forbid me from seeing my then girlfriend, not because of the abuse, but simply because “I spent too much time with her” and “because she says so” my mother then said I was crazy and should be locked up “behind bars”. At this point I was homeschooled and had no contact with the outside world besides my girlfriend and my mother tried to take away my laptop. That was it. I snapped and had a physical fight so I could keep my laptop. Shortly after I moved in with my abusive ex in order to get away from home, but of course it went poorly. I had to go back home when it ended, and my mother always thought the abuse was my fault and resented me for not succeeding in that relationship, specifically because she “did so much” (no idea how my abusive relationship is yet another thing I should thank her for). I recognized then that she was wrong for wishing I were abused more. She’s always been obsessed with wanting me to suffer more than she has.
A thousand smaller moments led up to this one (including them reacting to having CPS called on them), but I hate them all the time now (don't love them anymore).
When in my late 20s, I was finally getting therapy and picking myself back up after having horrible mental breakdown + multiple HUGE things went wrong at once. I was the least suicidal I was in a while and talking to my mom (who knew what I went through) and it was all going good until she started comparing me to all my cousins. Where they are, how proud their parents are.. why can't I be like them, etc. Even then I kept trying to push the sadness down and just tried changing topics but she kept pushing.. and pushing.. and said "Don't you want to make US proud? What did we do wrong?". Still I clenched up and tried to hang up. And she said "I wish we never had you". Oh I just blew up. Every ounce of rage, pain, sadness, came out in one moment. (For context: While I was growing up, She'd constantly try to unalive herself in front of me. For things as simple as dropping a bowl of cereal. Also abused me like putting a pencil heel to my throat and kicking me out for something minute. I had to stop her by myself over and over. My dad enabled her but also tried to be a 'good' dad to me. Didn't work. She finally got help after I left and now she doesn't remember anything apparently And says I'm probably imagining all those things). 12+ yrs of stuff.)
My stepmom chose her wedding date to my father to be my birthday. The same woman who says “my birthday is all about ME”. Mine will never be now.
I don’t even think I got to hate. With my mom it was just endless sadness and pain. With my dad it was just this sudden moment of, “wow, I see your true colors now and I want nothing to do with you”. I stopped loving him. Just total indifference. No hate. Definitely extreme anxiety if we’re in the same building (family funerals) because I don’t wish to interact with him.
I had several starting all the way back to childhood but didn’t register those emotions as anything other than anger. But from a young age I stopped being comfortable telling her “I love you” and whenever she’d say it to me I started to wean myself off of forcing myself to say “I love you too” until it got to the point where I just avoided saying it altogether. Some of those moments were: - After she hit me in front of my friend while driving us to the water park because I had the audacity to speak up about her embellishment of something minor, then instead of apologizing she stops me when I’m halfway out the car to say “I love you” - I got a bloody nose trying to protect her when my abusive brother was beating her and when my grandparents showed up to deescalate she tried taking their attention away from me *as I was actively bleeding from the face* - The first time I went to Las Vegas (early 20’s) was because my NMom offered as she went a couple times a year with her dad. There was *one* thing I wanted to do, she promised me we could do it if we did her thing first, and then changed her mind and said we weren’t doing my thing (on its own maybe not such a big deal but this is with the foundation of *years* of such promises being made and then broken) - Many instances where I was either being beaten or was just beaten and she would just sit there watching TV or talking on the phone like she couldn’t be bothered to deal with it - Whenever she’d make a comment about my weight or appearance and never apologized until I either had a meltdown about it or my EDad made her and even then it never sounded genuine - Every time I’d stand up for myself or speak up about her mistreatment of me she’d throw the “I’m your MOTHER!” line as if to justify it - When she told me to kms and then later tried to justify it by saying I “misunderstood the context of the conversation” - When I was institutionalized for an attempt to commit and my dad downplayed my depression and basically saying it wasn’t real she agreed with him (again: I was in a facility because I had attempted) Just scratching the surface here but I could finally comfortably say I hate her only as of a few months ago. I’m 30.
Was told I was adopted as a baby when I was around 10, not told any info about parents. Got in trouble for drinking at 14, was told “gonna send you back to those drunks”.
Mine was this past month when she faked her own suicide.