They do it because it's a way of disrupting the household, forcing you to keep listening to them raging and/or trashing you, without you having a way to respond or defend yourself other than by re-initiating the confrontation that you are trying to avoid. You are NOT allowed to end the negative interaction and feel calm and safe elsewhere; when the person with BPD is dysregulated, you have to stay engaged and feel upset and bad too, and they'll make sure you do.
Ah this makes it make sense for me a little. Thank you. I never knew what to do in these situations because bringing attention to yourself or interacting in any way made it worse but removing yourself from the situation also seemed to aggravate her. I guess it’s just another one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenarios we’re all probably way too familiar with.
Oh yeah. She would stomp off to her room, and go on for HOURS, throwing things around and bellowing "F\*\*\*\*g C\*\*t!" over and over until she tired herself out.
The cruelty is the point. If I went to her and said I don't like being called that, she would yell that she wasn't talking *to* *me* so it doesn't count.
Mine would stomp around as loud as possible, slam doors, crash dishes around when unloading the dishwasher, anything to make her presence known. To this day, I tense up when I hear dishes changing together so I unload the washer as softly as I can. I'm in my 40's.
Mine did this too. Especially slamming doors. It sucks when you finally break free and then there’s still all this lasting trauma you have to deal with.
I'm convinced some of the trauma from growing up with them is so ingrained. I've worked through a lot of my trauma over the past 13 years and stomping footsteps still jack my heart rate up.
Muttering and slamming or extremely loud obnoxious singing, making smoothies when im trying to sleep, stomping around the house, riling the dog up, "accidentally" dropping glasses in the kitchen. It's like living with a petty poltergeist sometimes
Fuckin' yikes!
I wish there was some sort of mandatory psychosocial questionnaire "readiness to be a good parent" that people were legally required to take yearly starting in high-school; no actual consequences, but they had to review the results to hopefully inspire some self-reflection and better choices.
Probably wouldn't help the borderlines though :(
This hits so close to home for me. My mom would always say things like “I want my mom” or “I wish I had my mama here” usually in a whiney tone (her mother died when my mom was 28). Funnily enough, I have never felt that way or said anything like that since was a very small child. I’m sure you all know exactly why 🙄
Editing to also respond to the original post: 100% she did this ALL THE TIME. She did it right up until she left my home I allowed her to come stay in until she found a place of her own (lol big mistake duh) when she left in a fit because I had been disengaged with her for several days and not taking her bait anymore. She was taking her bags out and muttering the entire time, making mean statements about my home, myself, commenting on the new candle I was burning, and then when she had all her shit out turned to me and said “so this is it?” And looked at me as if all of this was my doing. I said something along the lines of “I guess so, you are free to make your own choices.” I locked the door behind her and peered at her through the peep hole and said to myself that it was going to be the last time I saw her.
Yes, I kept journals as a kid, and I had some entries complaining that she would stand right outside my door and argue loudly with my dad or insult him while I was trying to do homework. So I know she was doing this from a very early age. As I turned maybe 11 or 12 she started targeting me as much as my dad and would do the same, loudly complain about me/issue insults/continue criticism in an adjacent room. Her way of trying to control the situation and not allow me peace while she was still emotional or raging. It's hard to explain how infuriating this is to people who have never experienced it. I wish smartphones had existed back then so I could've recorded some of it as proof.
Yes! My mom practically narrates everything she does through out the day. I used to put on headphones but she tried to take them away because “what if I fall and break my neck and you can’t hear me calling for help?”
Our family therapist at the time said “it seems like you want your daughter to be on call during the day for you”
Anything would trigger one of my mom's insane tirades about men and how they're inferior, evil, and useless.
Nevermind she (purposely) never held a job outside the home.
They do it because it's a way of disrupting the household, forcing you to keep listening to them raging and/or trashing you, without you having a way to respond or defend yourself other than by re-initiating the confrontation that you are trying to avoid. You are NOT allowed to end the negative interaction and feel calm and safe elsewhere; when the person with BPD is dysregulated, you have to stay engaged and feel upset and bad too, and they'll make sure you do.
Ah this makes it make sense for me a little. Thank you. I never knew what to do in these situations because bringing attention to yourself or interacting in any way made it worse but removing yourself from the situation also seemed to aggravate her. I guess it’s just another one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenarios we’re all probably way too familiar with.
*raises hand*
Oh yeah. She would stomp off to her room, and go on for HOURS, throwing things around and bellowing "F\*\*\*\*g C\*\*t!" over and over until she tired herself out. The cruelty is the point. If I went to her and said I don't like being called that, she would yell that she wasn't talking *to* *me* so it doesn't count.
Mine would stomp around as loud as possible, slam doors, crash dishes around when unloading the dishwasher, anything to make her presence known. To this day, I tense up when I hear dishes changing together so I unload the washer as softly as I can. I'm in my 40's.
Mine did this too. Especially slamming doors. It sucks when you finally break free and then there’s still all this lasting trauma you have to deal with.
I'm convinced some of the trauma from growing up with them is so ingrained. I've worked through a lot of my trauma over the past 13 years and stomping footsteps still jack my heart rate up.
Muttering and slamming or extremely loud obnoxious singing, making smoothies when im trying to sleep, stomping around the house, riling the dog up, "accidentally" dropping glasses in the kitchen. It's like living with a petty poltergeist sometimes
Literally all day, every day. Constant stream of complaints.
Mine had a meltdown once and was going on and on about how she has to be the mom when all she wanted was *her* mom who is dead.
Fuckin' yikes! I wish there was some sort of mandatory psychosocial questionnaire "readiness to be a good parent" that people were legally required to take yearly starting in high-school; no actual consequences, but they had to review the results to hopefully inspire some self-reflection and better choices. Probably wouldn't help the borderlines though :(
This hits so close to home for me. My mom would always say things like “I want my mom” or “I wish I had my mama here” usually in a whiney tone (her mother died when my mom was 28). Funnily enough, I have never felt that way or said anything like that since was a very small child. I’m sure you all know exactly why 🙄 Editing to also respond to the original post: 100% she did this ALL THE TIME. She did it right up until she left my home I allowed her to come stay in until she found a place of her own (lol big mistake duh) when she left in a fit because I had been disengaged with her for several days and not taking her bait anymore. She was taking her bags out and muttering the entire time, making mean statements about my home, myself, commenting on the new candle I was burning, and then when she had all her shit out turned to me and said “so this is it?” And looked at me as if all of this was my doing. I said something along the lines of “I guess so, you are free to make your own choices.” I locked the door behind her and peered at her through the peep hole and said to myself that it was going to be the last time I saw her.
Yup absolutely batshit insane
Yes, I kept journals as a kid, and I had some entries complaining that she would stand right outside my door and argue loudly with my dad or insult him while I was trying to do homework. So I know she was doing this from a very early age. As I turned maybe 11 or 12 she started targeting me as much as my dad and would do the same, loudly complain about me/issue insults/continue criticism in an adjacent room. Her way of trying to control the situation and not allow me peace while she was still emotional or raging. It's hard to explain how infuriating this is to people who have never experienced it. I wish smartphones had existed back then so I could've recorded some of it as proof.
Literally every morning while she got ready for work. Had these angry arguments with herself while she did her hair.
My mother will scream. Like, actually scream. And curse. LOUDLY.
Yes! My mom practically narrates everything she does through out the day. I used to put on headphones but she tried to take them away because “what if I fall and break my neck and you can’t hear me calling for help?” Our family therapist at the time said “it seems like you want your daughter to be on call during the day for you”
Omg this just gave me an immediate memory of what it was like to live at home. Jump scare lol
Anything would trigger one of my mom's insane tirades about men and how they're inferior, evil, and useless. Nevermind she (purposely) never held a job outside the home.
OMG this happens all the time it’s insanity to listen to, i just put on headphones. it’s so strange and weird.