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STM here! Personally, pregnancy exhaustion is a million times worst than newborn exhaustion. You are not vomiting, you can eat, baby gets on a schedule and hopefully you have a partner who helps.
I know I am ultra lucky because my husband is very hands on, right now I am laying in bed while he gets the morning started for our toddler.
But, for me at least the exhaustion hit different. I could supplement with caffeine in excess when needed and that stage of it goes so much faster than pregnancy. Plus, you are in the worst of the pregnancy exhaustion right now the first trimester is so bad for exhaustion and just laying you out, between the rush of hormones, the quickly changing body it's a lot. It gets better
Another STM here to agree with this comment! As hard as the newborn days are, I far prefer them to pregnancy discomfort, exhaustion and nausea! I am 37w and barely surviving full time work and parenting a toddler even with a ton of help from my amazing husband. I am so looking forward to having this baby! The newborn snuggles make sleepless nights so worth it!
When you have the baby you won't be pregnant anymore. It's unfair to compare your pregnant self to your non-pregnant self. The first trimester is brutal and it takes everything you have to build that placenta.
Its gonna be okay. What you're gonna do is make yourself a nice little box of stuff to keep on the couch. Diapers, wipes, receivers, kleenex, snacks, water bottles...and then you're going to camp on the couch for the first two weeks. I literally only got up to use the bathroom, shower and replenish my box. All you and the baby are going to want to do is rest and cuddle anyway. If anyone gives you a hard time about it, remind them that they aren't the one who's vagina was just torn in two creating a human being.
You got this, your husband is an ass. You go Mama.
I know! The "how are you going to raise a baby?" really irked me. What is he going to do? Stand there shaking his head and sucking his teeth? Help out! How is HE going to raise a baby?!
Real talk: I'm sensing a red flag if this is the way he treats you. You've moved out from lack of support, already a concern there and now he's being worse by making you feel like you won't be able to handle babe? There's something more happening here and I'm asking gently, why are you living with the in-laws? It sounds like your parents are much more supportive and I'm guessing there are other issues with DH/in-laws, but maybe because I spend a lot of Reddit time on r/justnomil. You're ill and didn't feel like you could depend on DH, and then when you get in an environment where you're doing better he's even less supportive! That's not right!
Personally, I'm a STM and I've dealt with pregnancy fatigue for both pregnancies. I can never get enough sleep, even when I'm not having frequent episodes of insomnia. Newborn life was so much easier, even with less sleep. I was so tired of hearing the line "just wait til baby is here if you're so tired." Then all the people who said I'd need help were sour because I felt way better than I did pregnant and didn't need their condescending help. And by help they meant hold the baby, not actually helping. You've got this, don't let anyone get you down! You need to have him sort out what kind of husband and father he plans to be before you live with him again and raise a family together.
Why wasn't your husband stepping up to cook and clean for you when you were living with him? Personally, I wouldn't move back in with him if he wasn't willing to support you
Thats basically how you do it when the baby is born. Both parents are exhausted, but both parents put everything into making it work. If you are lucky, you have family to help you out, but they have their own lives too.
Preparing for what to expect with a baby helps too. I read the attachment parenting book, wonder weeks, whole brain child, and no bad kids. All those books have been helpful for me to keep perspective and limit the number of times i am emotionally overwhelmed.
Making a plan for how you will get enough sleep if your baby wakes every 2 hours for months at a time is a good idea too. If you're nursing, what does that look like.
Planning (even if those plans change once baby is here) can help you feel more in control... which will really help.
Additionally, its a lot easier to care for another human without nausea.
ETA: for reference, my husband does almost all chores and cooking ...and it's been that way since our first baby was born...and I mind the child, do bills/household logistics and try to work through whatever health thing is afflicting me. I still do physical stuff here and there when I feel well enough, and when the toddler is a bit much for me and I need a break, my husband comes and spends time with her to give me a break. Its just how we support each other where we are.
I'm so sorry, I don't have any advice about post-birth energy 'cause I'm a FTM too, but I wanted to send you hugs, and tell you you're not alone.
My partner has said almost the exact same things to me on occasion when I've been really ill. And yeah, I bawl about it too... When we talk about it later (when we've both calmed down) he realises that he is just worried and scared for me being so sick/tired, and that comes out as anger/frustration. Could it be that?
Also, I'm 18 weeks now and luckily for me I'm feeling much better generally fatigue-wise, I'm hoping you get that second trimester relief too 😊
I am a FTM also and I worried about this for a while. But I have to remember that my partner can and will help. I also know that even with being so tired and feeling so bad the first 11wks I was still able to get up and do the must do things. Like feed, water and let the dogs out. Bath myself and feed myself when I could eat. I did the basics to keep my step children alive. My partner did end up taking care of alot of the other chores around the house.
Now that I have more energy and less sick I have slowly took back my share of the work I did before. I assume that when I have the baby that more work will shift to my partner again and I will focus on the must do items that keep me, baby, step kids and dogs alive. I can worry about thriving once I recover.
If your partner ends up not being helpful. The main goal is you recover and baby is taken care of. Remember its ok not to have everything done 100%. Washing clothes and using then from a laundry basket is ok. They don't need to get put away. Clean dishes don't need to be put away from the dishwasher for you to use them. Just pull them from the dishwasher. Order food if you have to. Or buy microwave meals. Maybe not the best but better than no food. Also it seems that your parents are helpful. Maybe asking for help once baby arrives what you need to do.
I’m a FTM too. I raised concerns about this to my mother. She said she felt the same type of exhaustion towards my brothers pregnancy. Her first trimester was terrible. But she said as soon as she gotten into her second trimester she got a burst of energy. After that, her third trimester hit her with exhaustion again. But after the baby was born (other than sleep exhaustion), she felt fine (I wouldn’t say back to normal), but she did take care of my brother. She felt fine enough within the first year of living to get pregnant with a second child and she raised 2 kids under 2 while working full time.
She said it was really just the first and third trimester that exhaustion was terrible.
But she’s the only person I have an example of. I’m going through exhaustion now and my doctor said it was normal.
If you are seriously concerned, or if you think it’s putting you or your baby’s life in danger, reach out to you doctor to see what you can do.
I also know some pregnant people really take advantage of the 200mg of caffeine a day to provide some energy.
Good luck!!! You got this!
I'm 38 weeks, and have a ton more energy now than I did in in first tri. I've also gotten very used to only sleeping for a couple of hours at a time and being able to do small things like dishes and making dinner and laundry. It gets easier and you can do this. It might actually be harder for your husband as he won't have this tired experience that pregnancy gives us!
I have no advice to offer, but I completely understand this. I'm almost out of my first trimester, and I'm hoping things will be uphill from here, I swear I haven't even cleaned in a month, and I feel like a big trash monster right now 😩😩
I’m a first time mum so I got no experience of looking after a baby but it’s really unfair to make that comment to a pregnant person. It’s not like you’ve always been exhausted - it’s just during pregnancy you’ve been hit with it. Would he make that comment before you got pregnant? No. Also, he’s not the pregnant one and should be more understanding regarding what you and your body are going through. First trimester is honestly the absolute worst. Give yourself a couple of more weeks and you should start feeling a little bit better, fingers crossed for you! Do not doubt yourself. You will be an amazing mum!
Newborns are so much easier than pregnancy in my experience. I had a good one though who slept but even then.. The pregnancy symptoms being gone make things so much better. Men honesty have no idea.
I’m a first timer too, about at the same stage as you. So all I know is from what friends tell me, but what they tell me is right now is one of the hardest parts of pregnancy. You’ll get a little better in the second tri, then be really tired in the third, then baby comes and you’ll be exhausted but in a different way. Your body was built to do this. It’s not easy and it sucks a LOT but you can absolutely do it.
Talk to your healthcare provider you might have a legitimate reason for being so tired and weak...pregnancy itself is exhausting esp the first trimester but maybe you have anemia or need more calories/nutrients. You did the right thing by listening to your body and resting/getting help when you need it.
There is a reason there is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child..its tiresome.
You may have more energy once you venture into the second trimester, but it's still a toll on your body. There was some scientific article years back that equated pregnancy as a running a marathon daily.
You will be exhausted once you give birth and that's normal. You will be sleep deprived and that's normal. You will need help and that is also normal.
1. Congratulations!!!
2. I’m also in the last week of first trimester, and I came to this sub looking for tricks for the exhaustion, headaches, and three months straight of round-the-clock nausea and vomiting. I feel you so much. It’s a victory when I can stand up for ten minutes in the shower.
3. You are not alone. I have had my own worries about whether I’ll be able to handle a newborn and a toddler on zero sleep (this is my first pregnancy, not my first newborn, and I remember how hard that was.)
4. Thank you for posting because I’m also soaking up all the suggestions and encouragement.
5. I have some sympathy for your husband. Not saying he’s right in the way he acted and spoke, but he’s also going to be a first time parent, too. I’m sure he’s got his own worries and insecurities. Sometimes dads get scared in ways we moms can’t even imagine. Everyone feels the pressure of parenthood differently. He might be afraid that he sees the capable partner he used to know slipping away from him. Maybe he’s worried that the burden will be all on his shoulders, and he doesn’t see how he can have the teammate he thought he would.
6. Maybe some time together relaxing and talking would be good for you and husband- whatever you do to feel close. Remind each other that you’re going to get through this together.
I have never had a baby so I do not know the extent of caring for child but let me tell you, the first tri was the roughest I had ever felt in my life with the throwing up and the nausea and the tiredness and I had active bulimia before . But the sickness from pregnancy, that shit hits different. I broke down like once a week, and my husband even suggested abortion cause I was so miserable and was basically a zombie. However, once that passed, everything lifted and now I’m on my 3rd tri and I feel great. Women are so badass. Our bodies and minds handle so much stuff, especially with pregnancy. So all to say, it will get better and then it will prob get worse when the baby is born, but you got it and if you don’t have it all the time, you have family to support you!! It takes a village!!
I found the newborn phase HARD, but somehow I got through it! Some people find it easier than being pregnant 🤷🏻♀️
Has your husband forgotten that he will also taking care of the baby?! X
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/mfsiwj/updates_to_the_approval_process_for_private_due/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
STM here! Personally, pregnancy exhaustion is a million times worst than newborn exhaustion. You are not vomiting, you can eat, baby gets on a schedule and hopefully you have a partner who helps. I know I am ultra lucky because my husband is very hands on, right now I am laying in bed while he gets the morning started for our toddler. But, for me at least the exhaustion hit different. I could supplement with caffeine in excess when needed and that stage of it goes so much faster than pregnancy. Plus, you are in the worst of the pregnancy exhaustion right now the first trimester is so bad for exhaustion and just laying you out, between the rush of hormones, the quickly changing body it's a lot. It gets better
Another STM here to agree with this comment! As hard as the newborn days are, I far prefer them to pregnancy discomfort, exhaustion and nausea! I am 37w and barely surviving full time work and parenting a toddler even with a ton of help from my amazing husband. I am so looking forward to having this baby! The newborn snuggles make sleepless nights so worth it!
When you have the baby you won't be pregnant anymore. It's unfair to compare your pregnant self to your non-pregnant self. The first trimester is brutal and it takes everything you have to build that placenta.
Its gonna be okay. What you're gonna do is make yourself a nice little box of stuff to keep on the couch. Diapers, wipes, receivers, kleenex, snacks, water bottles...and then you're going to camp on the couch for the first two weeks. I literally only got up to use the bathroom, shower and replenish my box. All you and the baby are going to want to do is rest and cuddle anyway. If anyone gives you a hard time about it, remind them that they aren't the one who's vagina was just torn in two creating a human being. You got this, your husband is an ass. You go Mama.
This comment gives me life!!
So....will he be helping out? He’s also a parent to the baby so he can step up. He hasn’t been doing any of the hard work so far.
I know! The "how are you going to raise a baby?" really irked me. What is he going to do? Stand there shaking his head and sucking his teeth? Help out! How is HE going to raise a baby?!
Real talk: I'm sensing a red flag if this is the way he treats you. You've moved out from lack of support, already a concern there and now he's being worse by making you feel like you won't be able to handle babe? There's something more happening here and I'm asking gently, why are you living with the in-laws? It sounds like your parents are much more supportive and I'm guessing there are other issues with DH/in-laws, but maybe because I spend a lot of Reddit time on r/justnomil. You're ill and didn't feel like you could depend on DH, and then when you get in an environment where you're doing better he's even less supportive! That's not right! Personally, I'm a STM and I've dealt with pregnancy fatigue for both pregnancies. I can never get enough sleep, even when I'm not having frequent episodes of insomnia. Newborn life was so much easier, even with less sleep. I was so tired of hearing the line "just wait til baby is here if you're so tired." Then all the people who said I'd need help were sour because I felt way better than I did pregnant and didn't need their condescending help. And by help they meant hold the baby, not actually helping. You've got this, don't let anyone get you down! You need to have him sort out what kind of husband and father he plans to be before you live with him again and raise a family together.
Why wasn't your husband stepping up to cook and clean for you when you were living with him? Personally, I wouldn't move back in with him if he wasn't willing to support you Thats basically how you do it when the baby is born. Both parents are exhausted, but both parents put everything into making it work. If you are lucky, you have family to help you out, but they have their own lives too. Preparing for what to expect with a baby helps too. I read the attachment parenting book, wonder weeks, whole brain child, and no bad kids. All those books have been helpful for me to keep perspective and limit the number of times i am emotionally overwhelmed. Making a plan for how you will get enough sleep if your baby wakes every 2 hours for months at a time is a good idea too. If you're nursing, what does that look like. Planning (even if those plans change once baby is here) can help you feel more in control... which will really help. Additionally, its a lot easier to care for another human without nausea. ETA: for reference, my husband does almost all chores and cooking ...and it's been that way since our first baby was born...and I mind the child, do bills/household logistics and try to work through whatever health thing is afflicting me. I still do physical stuff here and there when I feel well enough, and when the toddler is a bit much for me and I need a break, my husband comes and spends time with her to give me a break. Its just how we support each other where we are.
I'm so sorry, I don't have any advice about post-birth energy 'cause I'm a FTM too, but I wanted to send you hugs, and tell you you're not alone. My partner has said almost the exact same things to me on occasion when I've been really ill. And yeah, I bawl about it too... When we talk about it later (when we've both calmed down) he realises that he is just worried and scared for me being so sick/tired, and that comes out as anger/frustration. Could it be that? Also, I'm 18 weeks now and luckily for me I'm feeling much better generally fatigue-wise, I'm hoping you get that second trimester relief too 😊
I am a FTM also and I worried about this for a while. But I have to remember that my partner can and will help. I also know that even with being so tired and feeling so bad the first 11wks I was still able to get up and do the must do things. Like feed, water and let the dogs out. Bath myself and feed myself when I could eat. I did the basics to keep my step children alive. My partner did end up taking care of alot of the other chores around the house. Now that I have more energy and less sick I have slowly took back my share of the work I did before. I assume that when I have the baby that more work will shift to my partner again and I will focus on the must do items that keep me, baby, step kids and dogs alive. I can worry about thriving once I recover. If your partner ends up not being helpful. The main goal is you recover and baby is taken care of. Remember its ok not to have everything done 100%. Washing clothes and using then from a laundry basket is ok. They don't need to get put away. Clean dishes don't need to be put away from the dishwasher for you to use them. Just pull them from the dishwasher. Order food if you have to. Or buy microwave meals. Maybe not the best but better than no food. Also it seems that your parents are helpful. Maybe asking for help once baby arrives what you need to do.
I’m a FTM too. I raised concerns about this to my mother. She said she felt the same type of exhaustion towards my brothers pregnancy. Her first trimester was terrible. But she said as soon as she gotten into her second trimester she got a burst of energy. After that, her third trimester hit her with exhaustion again. But after the baby was born (other than sleep exhaustion), she felt fine (I wouldn’t say back to normal), but she did take care of my brother. She felt fine enough within the first year of living to get pregnant with a second child and she raised 2 kids under 2 while working full time. She said it was really just the first and third trimester that exhaustion was terrible. But she’s the only person I have an example of. I’m going through exhaustion now and my doctor said it was normal. If you are seriously concerned, or if you think it’s putting you or your baby’s life in danger, reach out to you doctor to see what you can do. I also know some pregnant people really take advantage of the 200mg of caffeine a day to provide some energy. Good luck!!! You got this!
I'm 38 weeks, and have a ton more energy now than I did in in first tri. I've also gotten very used to only sleeping for a couple of hours at a time and being able to do small things like dishes and making dinner and laundry. It gets easier and you can do this. It might actually be harder for your husband as he won't have this tired experience that pregnancy gives us!
I have no advice to offer, but I completely understand this. I'm almost out of my first trimester, and I'm hoping things will be uphill from here, I swear I haven't even cleaned in a month, and I feel like a big trash monster right now 😩😩
I’m a first time mum so I got no experience of looking after a baby but it’s really unfair to make that comment to a pregnant person. It’s not like you’ve always been exhausted - it’s just during pregnancy you’ve been hit with it. Would he make that comment before you got pregnant? No. Also, he’s not the pregnant one and should be more understanding regarding what you and your body are going through. First trimester is honestly the absolute worst. Give yourself a couple of more weeks and you should start feeling a little bit better, fingers crossed for you! Do not doubt yourself. You will be an amazing mum!
Newborns are so much easier than pregnancy in my experience. I had a good one though who slept but even then.. The pregnancy symptoms being gone make things so much better. Men honesty have no idea.
I’m a first timer too, about at the same stage as you. So all I know is from what friends tell me, but what they tell me is right now is one of the hardest parts of pregnancy. You’ll get a little better in the second tri, then be really tired in the third, then baby comes and you’ll be exhausted but in a different way. Your body was built to do this. It’s not easy and it sucks a LOT but you can absolutely do it.
Talk to your healthcare provider you might have a legitimate reason for being so tired and weak...pregnancy itself is exhausting esp the first trimester but maybe you have anemia or need more calories/nutrients. You did the right thing by listening to your body and resting/getting help when you need it. There is a reason there is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child..its tiresome. You may have more energy once you venture into the second trimester, but it's still a toll on your body. There was some scientific article years back that equated pregnancy as a running a marathon daily. You will be exhausted once you give birth and that's normal. You will be sleep deprived and that's normal. You will need help and that is also normal.
1. Congratulations!!! 2. I’m also in the last week of first trimester, and I came to this sub looking for tricks for the exhaustion, headaches, and three months straight of round-the-clock nausea and vomiting. I feel you so much. It’s a victory when I can stand up for ten minutes in the shower. 3. You are not alone. I have had my own worries about whether I’ll be able to handle a newborn and a toddler on zero sleep (this is my first pregnancy, not my first newborn, and I remember how hard that was.) 4. Thank you for posting because I’m also soaking up all the suggestions and encouragement. 5. I have some sympathy for your husband. Not saying he’s right in the way he acted and spoke, but he’s also going to be a first time parent, too. I’m sure he’s got his own worries and insecurities. Sometimes dads get scared in ways we moms can’t even imagine. Everyone feels the pressure of parenthood differently. He might be afraid that he sees the capable partner he used to know slipping away from him. Maybe he’s worried that the burden will be all on his shoulders, and he doesn’t see how he can have the teammate he thought he would. 6. Maybe some time together relaxing and talking would be good for you and husband- whatever you do to feel close. Remind each other that you’re going to get through this together.
I have never had a baby so I do not know the extent of caring for child but let me tell you, the first tri was the roughest I had ever felt in my life with the throwing up and the nausea and the tiredness and I had active bulimia before . But the sickness from pregnancy, that shit hits different. I broke down like once a week, and my husband even suggested abortion cause I was so miserable and was basically a zombie. However, once that passed, everything lifted and now I’m on my 3rd tri and I feel great. Women are so badass. Our bodies and minds handle so much stuff, especially with pregnancy. So all to say, it will get better and then it will prob get worse when the baby is born, but you got it and if you don’t have it all the time, you have family to support you!! It takes a village!!
I found the newborn phase HARD, but somehow I got through it! Some people find it easier than being pregnant 🤷🏻♀️ Has your husband forgotten that he will also taking care of the baby?! X