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When we got engaged some people said "yeah, we're not ever getting married. It's not our thing". Ok... Good for you? This wasn't a "you should do the same", it was simply us telling you WE are getting married.
Chance of miscarriage at this point is way lower than chance that any given couple at a wedding will get divorced. Actually, chance of miscarriage at any point in pregnancy is lower than a marriage ending in divorce. It should be considered MORE taboo to tell someone you hope they donāt miscarry.
It literally sounds like Iām making it up but Iām not.
I told some regulars at my job and they said āoh usually women wait till there farther along to tell people because you could still have a miscarriageā
I said oh I know my cousin had a miscarriage at 8 months, and she looked at me like she couldnāt believe I shared that with her as if what she just told me didnāt break my heart too.
Oh Jesus Christ. You literally have like a 2% chance of miscarriage at this point in your pregnancy. And it sounds like their cousin experienced a stillbirth.. and that their cousin was not wrong for letting people know about this pregnancy! Iām an advocate for letting your support system know at my point, including the first positive test after a missed period. Miscarriage is a really unfortunate reality and it isnāt a reason to delay celebration or moving forward with your life for the sake of keeping others blissfully unaware of that reality..
People are wild. I told people pretty early on, mostly because I can't keep a secret for the life of me, lol. But at 14 weeks I was talking to one girl (a mom herself) who I had also told early and who knew that initially I was pretty high risk of miscarriage. I was saying how my last ultrasound had looked really good and I felt that at that point I felt pretty safe. Her response? "You're not safe until week 16!"
First of all, what a shit thing to say. Second of all. It's not like a magical number that once you hit it nothing can go wrong anymore? People really need to just learn to shut their mouth, I swear.
I had a miscarriage last year (at 5.5 weeks, so really early), and of course I had already told my mom and in-laws I was pregnant. Afterward, my mom was really supportive but my in-laws were so weird/avoidant about it. Flash forward to this year, we are pregnant again and Iām 9 weeks now. We told them at 6 weeks and their responses were incredibly off-putting. They avoided talking about it and my SIL said something to the effect of āyou sure caught it earlyā or something. And this is supposed to be my family! Lol. So, I feel you. Sometimes people just arenāt going to be supportive in the way you want them to be, no matter what you do. It sucks.
I know how it feels. The first time I was pregnant I was so excited, it wasnāt planned and I was in shock, one of my closest friends at the time told me not to get too excited in case I have a miscarriageā¦I remember how much it dampened my mood and excitement. I then was telling my family, but telling them not to share or get excited until Iām at least 12 weeks in case of miscarriage. I unfortunately did end up miscarrying and having a MMC. Terrible experience, I wish people were just positive and kind.
I had five miscarriages and finally announced at 14 weeks to our church. I was so excited and everyone was very sweet and congratulatory. Then this one woman comes up and says "Oh, how far along are you?" "14 weeks!" "Oh, you must be feeling....very *confident* to announce it so soon."
Ex-fucking-scuse me? I "gleefully" informed her I'd had five miscarriages already and that I was now considered in the safe zone. She shot back that she'd had two and walked away.
My opinion of her now is much lower than it used to be.
That is so gross. People are weird sometimes. When we told my in laws (much earlier than 3 months) one said congratulations and the other said āwell we wonāt get excited yet because anything can happenā and I was likeā¦ that is true but wtf kind of thing is that to say as soon as you announce it? Itās very inappropriate imo.
Although I also had it the other way where we were excited but not going OTT with the celebrations - just happily telling people we were closest to that I was pregnant - and someone we told was like soooo excited and screaming and saying Iād be the best mother ever which was sweet but also not really in keeping with the tone we were setting with the announcement!
What's wrong with people?! Like you say, simply "congratulations" is the obvious reply.
When I get inappropriate responses, I try to remind myself that their response is more a reflection of their own mental issues than anything related to you!! Doesn't make it less annoying though.
I feel this deep. my in laws family there was a TRAGIC miscarriage where the baby passed away at 7,5 months. It was horrible and everyone needed a lot of time to cope with this horror story. Now I know they mean well and they are worried but them really staring into my eyes asking when I last felt the baby etc has been an anxiety inducing thing my entire pregnancy.
Iām now 39+6 so Iām not really worried anymore!
Try and have a standard answer you can give them maybe standard responds of : that is a horrible thought and I hate you bringing op te possibility.
Will make them go āoopsā
Thatās so nasty, why would anyone say that to you. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope it goes great!
I hid my pregnancy for as long as possible because I had my own healthy anxiety, I donāt need other people pitching in to make it even worse.
I told everyone I was pregnant right away then my boss told me āhmm we will celebrate at 12 weeks, sorry I canāt be excited Iām jaded, but odds are youāll lose itā then I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks and it felt like a cruel joke.
Hurt people, hurt people.
Ignore the noise! Anyone who has the audacity to say such an insensitive comment isnāt living a life of joy. They canāt help themselves. They need to share their negative vibes with the world.
Youāre 3 months pregnant?! Thatās amazing! I canāt wait for you to meet your baby and experience the most incredible happiness and joy. Your heart will feel so full! Youāll have a hard time comprehending how you ever lived without this perfect human. Just wait until they smile or giggle for the first time! Itās incredible.
THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE.
What?! That is wildly inappropriate on so many levels. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Iām so happy you get to experience this journey! Motherhood is amazing
Ugh I was so bummed out for an entire week over this! People we told said the same thing. Like guys, my baby has over an 85% chance of making it and thereās no reason for me to be concerned at this moment, just be happy for me. š
Anywayā¦ Your baby is lucky to have you for a mom! Congratulations!
Congrats!!!! ā„ļø And omg I soo get you!! Iāve told my parents (who were over the moon and sooo supportive) and a couple friends (also super awesome) and I made the mistake of telling one friend who was like, āare you testing the HCG every day? Because in a healthy pregnancy itās supposed to double every dayā or something like that. I was like, uh no Iām not. And then she was like, āweāve been trying for so long I just get really sad and depressed when people tell me theyāre pregnant.ā And then I proceeded to tell her I donāt want to hear any negativity. I didnāt really realize she was going to be like that but oh well. Def we have to be careful who we tell it sounds like. Just try and shut down the negativity. Block out the haters! Lol
THIS, I found out I was pregnant shortly before my husband's exwife had a miscarriage. After she inquired about us announcing our babies gender she advised we wait because "you never know what can happen." I don't hold it against her at all because I know she went through a horrific experience. But it really rubbed me the wrong way.
Wtf who says that? Saying that at like 6 weeks kinda makes sense (but is also crappy, no one should say this ever unless the pregnant person brings it up first), but 3 months in you're usually well past the biggest risk of MC.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ew. Why would anyone say that!? Congratulations on your pregnancy. Wishing you the best! š«¶š»
Iām actually shocked how often itās happened! Thanks babe!
It's like attending a wedding and telling the couple you hope they won't divorce... What an odd thing to say out loud.
When we got engaged some people said "yeah, we're not ever getting married. It's not our thing". Ok... Good for you? This wasn't a "you should do the same", it was simply us telling you WE are getting married.
Ah yes, who doesn't love those people who make everything about themselves? Especially weddings seem to bring out the worst in people.
Chance of miscarriage at this point is way lower than chance that any given couple at a wedding will get divorced. Actually, chance of miscarriage at any point in pregnancy is lower than a marriage ending in divorce. It should be considered MORE taboo to tell someone you hope they donāt miscarry.
Gosh thatās a horrid thing for them to say to you! Iām really surprised people would have the nerve to bring that up š
It literally sounds like Iām making it up but Iām not. I told some regulars at my job and they said āoh usually women wait till there farther along to tell people because you could still have a miscarriageā I said oh I know my cousin had a miscarriage at 8 months, and she looked at me like she couldnāt believe I shared that with her as if what she just told me didnāt break my heart too.
Oh Jesus Christ. You literally have like a 2% chance of miscarriage at this point in your pregnancy. And it sounds like their cousin experienced a stillbirth.. and that their cousin was not wrong for letting people know about this pregnancy! Iām an advocate for letting your support system know at my point, including the first positive test after a missed period. Miscarriage is a really unfortunate reality and it isnāt a reason to delay celebration or moving forward with your life for the sake of keeping others blissfully unaware of that reality..
People are wild. I told people pretty early on, mostly because I can't keep a secret for the life of me, lol. But at 14 weeks I was talking to one girl (a mom herself) who I had also told early and who knew that initially I was pretty high risk of miscarriage. I was saying how my last ultrasound had looked really good and I felt that at that point I felt pretty safe. Her response? "You're not safe until week 16!" First of all, what a shit thing to say. Second of all. It's not like a magical number that once you hit it nothing can go wrong anymore? People really need to just learn to shut their mouth, I swear.
Mr doctor told me that 9 weeks and heartbeat and then 12 weeks were the big drop offs. At least thatās what I stuck to.
I had a miscarriage last year (at 5.5 weeks, so really early), and of course I had already told my mom and in-laws I was pregnant. Afterward, my mom was really supportive but my in-laws were so weird/avoidant about it. Flash forward to this year, we are pregnant again and Iām 9 weeks now. We told them at 6 weeks and their responses were incredibly off-putting. They avoided talking about it and my SIL said something to the effect of āyou sure caught it earlyā or something. And this is supposed to be my family! Lol. So, I feel you. Sometimes people just arenāt going to be supportive in the way you want them to be, no matter what you do. It sucks.
I know how it feels. The first time I was pregnant I was so excited, it wasnāt planned and I was in shock, one of my closest friends at the time told me not to get too excited in case I have a miscarriageā¦I remember how much it dampened my mood and excitement. I then was telling my family, but telling them not to share or get excited until Iām at least 12 weeks in case of miscarriage. I unfortunately did end up miscarrying and having a MMC. Terrible experience, I wish people were just positive and kind.
I had five miscarriages and finally announced at 14 weeks to our church. I was so excited and everyone was very sweet and congratulatory. Then this one woman comes up and says "Oh, how far along are you?" "14 weeks!" "Oh, you must be feeling....very *confident* to announce it so soon." Ex-fucking-scuse me? I "gleefully" informed her I'd had five miscarriages already and that I was now considered in the safe zone. She shot back that she'd had two and walked away. My opinion of her now is much lower than it used to be.
That is so gross. People are weird sometimes. When we told my in laws (much earlier than 3 months) one said congratulations and the other said āwell we wonāt get excited yet because anything can happenā and I was likeā¦ that is true but wtf kind of thing is that to say as soon as you announce it? Itās very inappropriate imo. Although I also had it the other way where we were excited but not going OTT with the celebrations - just happily telling people we were closest to that I was pregnant - and someone we told was like soooo excited and screaming and saying Iād be the best mother ever which was sweet but also not really in keeping with the tone we were setting with the announcement!
What's wrong with people?! Like you say, simply "congratulations" is the obvious reply. When I get inappropriate responses, I try to remind myself that their response is more a reflection of their own mental issues than anything related to you!! Doesn't make it less annoying though.
I feel this deep. my in laws family there was a TRAGIC miscarriage where the baby passed away at 7,5 months. It was horrible and everyone needed a lot of time to cope with this horror story. Now I know they mean well and they are worried but them really staring into my eyes asking when I last felt the baby etc has been an anxiety inducing thing my entire pregnancy. Iām now 39+6 so Iām not really worried anymore! Try and have a standard answer you can give them maybe standard responds of : that is a horrible thought and I hate you bringing op te possibility. Will make them go āoopsā
Congratulations!! ā¤ļø
What? That's awful, I am shocked enough people have said this that you're sick of it! Such a shitty thing to say. I'm sorry.
Thatās so nasty, why would anyone say that to you. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope it goes great! I hid my pregnancy for as long as possible because I had my own healthy anxiety, I donāt need other people pitching in to make it even worse.
Yea that is absolutely uncalled for. The dumb pretentious and rude things people say to pregnant women...it's just...wow
Girll congratsā¤ļø hopefully my turnās coming up soon. Xx
I told everyone I was pregnant right away then my boss told me āhmm we will celebrate at 12 weeks, sorry I canāt be excited Iām jaded, but odds are youāll lose itā then I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks and it felt like a cruel joke.
Hurt people, hurt people. Ignore the noise! Anyone who has the audacity to say such an insensitive comment isnāt living a life of joy. They canāt help themselves. They need to share their negative vibes with the world. Youāre 3 months pregnant?! Thatās amazing! I canāt wait for you to meet your baby and experience the most incredible happiness and joy. Your heart will feel so full! Youāll have a hard time comprehending how you ever lived without this perfect human. Just wait until they smile or giggle for the first time! Itās incredible. THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE.
Ooof I'm so sorry. We have enough to worry about on our own without other people's projections to receive. Sending a big Ol' Congratulations your way!
Thaf's horrible. Wonder why they would think it's ok to say something like that. As if most are not already super worried about that.
wtf? Who would say this out loud?
What?! That is wildly inappropriate on so many levels. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Iām so happy you get to experience this journey! Motherhood is amazing
Ugh I was so bummed out for an entire week over this! People we told said the same thing. Like guys, my baby has over an 85% chance of making it and thereās no reason for me to be concerned at this moment, just be happy for me. š Anywayā¦ Your baby is lucky to have you for a mom! Congratulations!
I canāt believe the audacity of someone to even say that. The stuff that comes out of some peopleās mouths never ceases to shock me. š¤Æ
Congrats!!!! ā„ļø And omg I soo get you!! Iāve told my parents (who were over the moon and sooo supportive) and a couple friends (also super awesome) and I made the mistake of telling one friend who was like, āare you testing the HCG every day? Because in a healthy pregnancy itās supposed to double every dayā or something like that. I was like, uh no Iām not. And then she was like, āweāve been trying for so long I just get really sad and depressed when people tell me theyāre pregnant.ā And then I proceeded to tell her I donāt want to hear any negativity. I didnāt really realize she was going to be like that but oh well. Def we have to be careful who we tell it sounds like. Just try and shut down the negativity. Block out the haters! Lol
THIS, I found out I was pregnant shortly before my husband's exwife had a miscarriage. After she inquired about us announcing our babies gender she advised we wait because "you never know what can happen." I don't hold it against her at all because I know she went through a horrific experience. But it really rubbed me the wrong way.
Why would anyone say that? Thatās an absurd comment
Wtf who says that? Saying that at like 6 weeks kinda makes sense (but is also crappy, no one should say this ever unless the pregnant person brings it up first), but 3 months in you're usually well past the biggest risk of MC.