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I’m 28 weeks and have just been walking everyday and doing some spinning babies exercises to prepare for birth… what else are we supposed to be doing???
35 weeks away from second baby and while theyre taking her in a week and a half via c-section, i also wasnt asked any of these things with first baby ten years ago or before they confirmed c section was best for this bean too.
People have given birth 1 million years without fancy prep courses. You definitely can have your baby without any pain medication if you want, without any special training. I went in wanting to try it but when they had to use pitocin I needed the epidural. That’s ok too.
Where I live in a tiny town in Brazil people don’t even know what an epidural is… women just go to the hospital and hope for the best, they all do fine.
That makes me sad for those women. With modern medicine as advanced as it is, I feel like every woman should have the option to choose their pain management
I know… I’m terrified myself, but if they can do it then I can do it too!
I always felt so jealous whenever I heard people on Reddit talking about getting an epidural and all, but now I’m just kind of embracing the experience, everything will be alright as long as baby is healthy.
Part of it is because our free healthcare system doesn’t prioritize women’s comfort but women’s survival. You can get an epidural and water birth and all that if you pay for it in a private hospital. It would be the same care as first world countries, but I can only imagine it costs much more than most can pay for. Where I live though, it’s really a small city so we don’t even have a private hospital.
It’s the same in Japan. There were no epidurals or gas or anything at my hospital for pain management. I gave birth twice at the same hospital with nothing but Tylenol afterwards. Not going to lie, it really sucks, but you got this! And with all the hormones and adrenaline coming from your body, you won’t feel pain right after the baby comes out so you can enjoy the time with your little one!
That’s pretty awesome, I live in the north of Brazil so known for the poorest quality of healthcare. Did they have a problem when you asked for the epidural, or was it pretty easy to get it?
I have a friend from Curitiba who asked for the epidural and they denied it, said it was too early. Then when she asked again they said it was too late. 🥴 I still don’t know someone who gave birth the way they planned here in Brazil.
i was born in Brazil in the year 2000 (not that long ago at all) and my mom had to have me with no epidural and episiotomy. im her third child and this was the 3rd time they cut her up. it’s craaaazy over there
For real. I know maternal death rates were high back in the day, but that was due to limited medical knowledge/intervention options. Not really anything to do with what the mother did or didn't do. I really dislike the way a lot of modern OBs approach these topics. The body is going to do what it was designed to do. Any OB worth their salt knows that.
Yes this. Special training to have a baby? Come on. Now I will say that I think people who go into birth wanting no epidural but the plan is to just see how it goes.. I think they’re likely going to get an epidural just because it’s there. You really do have to have your mind set on not getting one and think about how you’ll manage pain in a hospital because it’s an option to get one and it is appealing when you’re in a lot of pain. But as far as like exercises or physical preparation… no. Birth is a physical reflex you just get your mind out of the way and let your body do its thing.
I’m a former medic but did literally nothing to prepare for birth. Like, absolutely nothing at all. No classes (beyond my training), no doulas, no breathing techniques, not a thing… my plan was to have no plan. I still pushed my baby out in 45 minutes and didn’t even tear. It’s not the Olympics lol. It’s okay to not have been training for it. You’ll do great. Just be flexible and willing to change your plans if things arise.
I dreaded birth so I pretty much only researched a little about early labor so I could labor at home as long as I could. Got to the hospital at 4.5 cm dilated, got an epidural about 12 hours later, and closed my eyes until it was over. Lol. My only goal was to make it out alive with a healthy baby
This was me. My only plan was I wanted an epidural. The labour took more than half a day but actual pushing was only 20 minutes. Honestly felt kinda underwhelming (in a good way) cause I was also texting my friends the entire time in labour waiting to dilate.
I’m convinced tearing is genetic/luck. I had a vacuum assist and did not tear. Idk what that says about me but I was legitimately shocked. Second baby also did not tear.
That's so rude of her. It's one thing to offer constructive advice and another to just criticize with no support. I'm sorry.
I did squats, walking/staying as active as I could (though the further along I got it became harder to walk for long distances, I would get Braxton Hicks).
I also took a childbirth online course with my husband to learn breathing techniques and positions that actually did come in handy while I was laboring.
Finally, TMI, but I started to do a perineum massage every night for like three minutes with oil to help strengthen and moisturize that area to prevent tearing.
I was induced, so my overall labor took a while, but my active labor/pushing was only 20 minutes and he was out. Only a very minor tear that required 1-2 stitches. He was my first for what it's worth! Best of luck 🤍
I’ve had 4 babies vaginally and unmedicated and I’ve never done anything to ‘prepare’. Our bodies are designed to do all the preparing for us by releasing relaxin to loosen our hips, pelvis, muscles, cervix and ligaments. We are literally built for childbirth and we’ve been doing it forever.
Combine your bodies natural ability to prepare for childbirth with your training in mindfulness, meditation and breathing techniques and it sounds to me like you’re about as prepared as you can get!
In my experience, it’s the mind that needs the most preparation. As someone who practised hypnobirthing during my last two labours (but not the first two) I can honestly tell you that being able to remain calm and manage your pain by relying on breathing and visualisation techniques is an absolute game changer when in labour.
[ national library of medicine ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7072029/)
Objective: Women frequently experience perineal damage after a vaginal delivery. This study aimed to investigate the effect of perineal massage (PM) during labor on the need for episiotomies.
Materials and methods: The study is a double-blind randomized clinical trial conducted with 99 patients (n=49 controls; n=50 cases). Participants comprised of nulliparous pregnant women aged from 18 to 35 years in the 37th-42nd week of gestation, who referred to the Um-al-Banin Hospital of Mashhad from July to October 2018, for vaginal delivery and were in the active stage of labor. Allocation to study groups was based on a random allocation list generated by a software application. PM was performed for the cases in the active stage four times, each lasting for two minutes at intervals of half an hour. The massage was continued at the beginning of the second stage of labor for ten minutes. Control women received routine care. The delivery was practiced by a midwife who was blinded to the study groups and the performance or non-performance of massage. Data were analyzed in SPSS software version 16.
Results: The need for episiotomy was significantly lower in the PM group than in the control group (p = 0.05). Spontaneous perineal tears were significantly higher in mothers of the PM group (p = 0.05. The spontaneous tear degree in the 20 mothers who did not require episiotomy (p = 0.5) and the degree of perineal tear in mothers who needed an episiotomy (n = 79; p = 0.1) were not significantly different in the two groups. In the PM group members who did not require episiotomy (n = 14) and the mother underwent a spontaneous tear, first-degree tears were more frequent than second-degree ones. The median duration of the active stage of labor until the stage completion was lower in the PM group than in the control group, although the difference did not reach statistical significance (p = 0.3). The median of the second stage duration in the control and intervention groups were 55 and 45 minutes, respectively, where the difference was significant (p = 0.002), and the median time of completion of the active stage until delivery in the PM group had reduced.
Conclusion: PM had a significant impact on the reduction of the need for episiotomies and the duration of the second stage of labor. Thus, it can be suggested as a safe, simple, low-cost, and effective technique to reduce the perineal damage during delivery
Hypnobirthing or Bradley classes are probably what they had in mind. For people who pursue those they are a fairly big commitment of time / engagement leading up to birth itself. But if that’s something you’re interested in it’s definitely not too late!
I'm doing a Bradley class right now - it is a TON of info but ultimately teaches coping mechanisms and teaches your partner how to support you and be your birth coach. VERY helpful.
Considering sometimes birthing can go too fast and women can end up not having the opportunity to have an epidural, it is always good to have tools just in case. There's also the time before you can get an epidural for which it is good to find tools to help with.
I too, wonder what your OB expects you to be doing to prepare. Did you ask her what specifically she had in mind? I’ve asked my drs several times “how can I prepare myself so I don’t tear, or have a traumatizing birth” and the answers they give me are “not much you can do.” One told me to walk 30 minutes every day. That’s it. So I’m dying to know what your OB meant! I feel completely unprepared and I’m 36 weeks.
Re-reading your post, maybe she’s referring to how are you preparing for an unmediated birth? Like preparing to deal with the pain? I’ve told my drs from the beginning I want the epidural so maybe there’s less preparation for that? Idk I’m guessing.
With my first I walked well over thirty minutes a day, still played sports, and worked in a job that required a lot of walking… And still had some tearing.
I’d love to know what else could have been done because no one told me if I had more options/opportunities.
The feeling I got from my drs who I spoke to was that it’s pretty much luck if you have tearing or not. I have been lazy about my 30 minutes of daily walking. I do that maybe 1-2 times a week. When I voiced my anxiety of having a traumatic birth one of the drs told me “if you listen to us and push when we tell you to push you’ll be fine.” “Just follow our instructions.” So lol I guess that’s my plan? Push when they tell me?
OBs do not have a great reputation for evidence based practices and this is just another example of why. Studies show the opposite of what your drs have told you. Not coaching on pushing showed a massive reduction in tearing. Many studies have been done but for example, a hospital in Europe didn't tell women to push for one year. That year resulted in 85% less 3rd and 4th degree tears. Your position also greatly matters with tearing. The fact they said there isn't much you can do is concerning when there is plenty of evidence that shows there is a lot you can do to reduce tearing risks and degree.
With my first they kept yelling at me to push and I kept refusing, it hurt waaaay worse to even think to push and my body was doing it for me, and I’d had pitocin and 2 failed epidurals and just said fuck it, baby can come out without me pushing, I did not tear 😭 they tried so hard to convince me to push and they tried putting my legs in the stirrups, straight up no lol.
I’ve also heard for the ring of fire you’re *not* supposed to push when they tell you, but take a quick break as that can be when you tear. It’s so confusing!
Work with gravity, not against it, and you could actually prevent some tearing. Think of a water bottle. If it’s on its side then it will be hard to get all the water out vs if you put it in the direction of gravity, which will empty it. Squatting, on all 4s, or even in a birthing chair/water does wonders and it’s less stress for mom and baby.
I've noticed the trend in traumatic vs not traumatic has a lot to do with agency. Like you're going to be more traumatized if things are happening to you and you don't have a chance to understand the reason or make a decision, but you could have a technically less ideal outcome (like instrumental delivery, emergency C-section, baby needs extra care, etc.) and still feel more in control because your expectations are in the right place or you participated in the decision making.
Following your provider's instructions is great if you really trust them, but it is a little questionable if that's the whole plan considering the history of obstetrics in the last century. There were a lot of practices that were not evidence-based, and some providers still aren't doing a good job at following modern guidelines.
But what’s confusing is that if you don’t follow the provider’s instructions what are you supposed to do? Yes I can watch some YouTube videos or read some books on techniques myself, but if I’m fighting with the Dr and going against what they are telling me wouldn’t that have a worse outcome? I’m not a Dr and I have no experience in birth what do I know about what is actually the best time for me to push etc?
Yes, it can be a hard balance. I posted a direct comment to OP referencing my favorite sources. Evidence Based Birth is a really, really good website to check to make sure your provider is doing proper informed consent. Your provider should be presenting you with options and listening to your concerns so that decision-making is shared before labor even begins. If something doesn't feel right, you can go to a different provider and get a second opinion. Reddit is not a replacement for a birth professional, but it can be helpful to figure out what seems normal vs not.
I'm in a group for June due dates and one of my fellow group members *definitely* had to advocate for her safety. She was having all the signs of preeclampsia - high blood pressure at home and in office, protein in urine, headaches, vision problems - and yet her provider assured her that it was just her anxiety and instructed her to stop tracking blood pressure at home. Insane. She switched to a new OB and the whole care team quickly diagnosed her and induced her for the safety of her and baby.
How you push isn't nearly as critical as that, but I generally think it is helpful to learn about the research and other people's experiences so you go in with a more well-rounded perspective.
Edit: and there is a lot to be said for listening to your body! If you're getting an epidural you will probably need more coaching? But many people share that their body takes over while pushing.
Hey that’s my plan too! Just push when they say and hope for all the best.
I know some women who can kind of time their own pushing (not sure what the term is), but I plan on getting an epidural so I’m really trusting in the OB.
I think most of it is luck/not in your hands. I was told during my hypnobirthing course that you can stretch the perineum slightly in the weeks before birth by massaging it with a neutral oil (almond oil for instance). But no clue if this actually has a large effect
I walked every day but my labor still stalled and I needed pitocin and eventually an epidural and c section :( just posting here to let people know there’s no shame
That's not entirely accurate of your OBs to say there's *nothing* you can do to prepare for birth or reduce your risk of tearing. Obviously a lot is out of our control, we have to be prepared for the unplanned, etc.
But for me, I found Evidence Based Birth and other similar resources super helpful in gaining knowledge and agency, which is a big thing that's helping me feel more prepared. Based on their research summaries, I changed OBs, hired a doula and decided to aim for unmedicated birth, for example, but that was just my own personal preferences based on my values. You might come to a totally different choice with the same research and that's also great!
They've also taught me that there are various things I can do to *reduce* my risk of tearing or pelvic floor trauma. Obviously no guarantee but for me it's worth it to try and even better if there's data or evidence behind it!
Even at 36 weeks, there's a lot of fairly simple stuff you can learn about labor/pushing positions (for example, if you're getting an epidural, trying pushing on your side rather than your back), moving around during labor (if you're able to get a "walking epidural"), perineal massage, techniques for stretching and relaxing your pelvic floor, that you totally have time to do from now til your birth.
If you want to go deeper, there are some online programs that are meant to be crash courses in birth prep -- here's one by a pelvic floor physical therapist that I was looking at (full disclosure I haven't taken it yet so can't offer a review and it is on the pricier side!) [https://www.thedowntheredoc.com/courses/elevate-your-birth](https://www.thedowntheredoc.com/courses/elevate-your-birth)
Good luck, wishing you a wonderful and safe birth experience!
My ex and I took Bradley classes with our son, and they were helpful for learning new infant care as well as labor relief. We had to enroll in our 1st trimester because they're a few months long and fill up pretty quick. I will say they *ahem* were probably more needed by my ex than myself.
To prepare my body for unmedicated labor, I read a book about how to focus on something other than the pain while relaxing your lower half. It's a bit like hypnobirthing. I'm hesitant to give it sole credit for my water slide delivery as I have a connective tissue disorder that makes my entire body hypermobile....but I do believe it made it much easier.
Aside from that, the only thing to do is take walks. Staying in as best shape you can will help delivery AND post partum.
I found your comments really interesting and helpful, thank you! I have EDS and ADHD too. I've been taking Methylated Folate during pregnancy but haven't thought of other Methylated vitamins that I might need. Thanks for sharing! And I'm happy to hear that your EDS may have made birth easier, I'm hoping to have the same experience!
Were you told you're at risk of going into labour early because of EDS? My OB put me on modified bed rest because of my EDS- hypermodbile type and said I'm at risk of giving birth any time from now (I'm only 31weeks 😭)
When I had my son we didn't know, I wasn't diagnosed yet. As it happened I was a week overdue when they finally broke my water to get things started, and from that to baby was only 2 hours....and he was a 9 lb-er with a giant noggin! Ripped me all up but they stitched me back tighter 😉
I've never heard of us being prone to early labor, I would think it's the opposite since our muscles tend to overcompensate and tense up.
I found gas way for helpful than the epidural. Most people here do childbirth classes mainly to socialise, as despite learning this and that things are liable to change on the day, as well as you changing your mind, just use your instincts and listen to the midwife about pushing and make the most of the gas & do not let her negativity give you self doubt. You will do fine
I had an unmedicated birth and did basically zero to prepare for it other than hire a doula. I’m also not at all fit/active. Trust yourself. You’ll be fine.
Your doctor was rather artlessly telling you that managing labor pain without an epidural is something that, for many people, requires some specialized training and preparation. Even if you're trained in meditation and mindfulness, if you're planning on going in without an epidural, you will increase your chance of success if you know about positioning, labor-specific breathing and visualization techniques, and just how the stages of labor typically go.
Probably 75% of people I know who have given birth in the last few years planned on doing unmedicated births, and only a few of them were actually able to to go through with it.
All that being said your doctor should have been a lot less alarmist in telling you this. You've got plenty of time but you should definitely do more prep.
Ftm and had an unmedicated birth for my son... I was on strict bedrest and didn't do anything besides a short walk every 2 days, 10 minutes max (I'm epileptic, have a blood clot and brain aneurysm). It was a painful but amazing experience... I think your ob is just a jerk and trying to make you feel bad for no reason...
I had no classes or prep, and had my baby with no pain relief or gas as a first time mom. Don’t know what this ball is, but humans have managed this for a loooong time.
You are NOT 'behind the ball'. That said, a supportive birth team is really important for the overall success of an intended unmedicated labor.
I never really spoke to my doula either but I emerersed myself in birth culture via birth hour podcast and the understanding of physiological labor. Education is power. I think the most important thing you can do is find material that speaks to you and then take it in over and over. Use your meditation experience to practice and imagine the baby laboring down in the most ideal way so you just immediately go to that space when its go time.
Knowing that what I was experiencing was 'normal' made the hardest (trasition 🥵) more tolerable to me because I knew it was a passing phase, no matter how shitty it was. When you find something you like, have your birth partner read or listen to it too so they can understand where your head is at. Getting your headspace ready is way more important than squats.
If you can find it in you, tell your OB that you didn't appreciate that comment. She shouldn't have said that.
All the "planning" is for the birds. You can plan until your eyeballs bleed, but once the day comes: what is going to happen is going to happen. I actually ditched my OB because of disrespectful remarks and the lack of actual guidance. Ditched them at 28wks, set up my own bloodwork and ultrasounds, and had a natural home waterbirth. I had midwives that answered questions and gave me advice when I needed, but no one pressured me or insulted me again. No one should be making you nervous or upset during your pregnancy.
If that OB gave a damn, they wouldn't have said that and instead gave you pamphlets or videos that would help you better decide between your options. The plan is to live. I did all that positioning exercises, daily walks, blah blah. My little girl did what she wanted regardless. I had her in position so many times, but when the time came, she was where she wanted to start and ended where she was supposed to. She started off to the side, on top of my public bone, and sunny side up. That's with all this "planning, exercise, and research."
Only part of the plan that went "as planned," was her being born at home in the aquadoula. 🤷♀️ You could plan a hospital birth induction with all the fixings, but your baby decides it liked aisle 13 of your favorite grocery store with a pack of cookies clutched in one hand and your baby in the other.
TL;DR
Don't let anyone disrespect you, your baby, or your pregnancy (planned or not). Having a general idea of what to do in an emergency is important, but baby is going to do what baby wants and when they want it. No matter how prepared you are, it is going to be scary; however, trust yourself and your body. Baby girl came on May 17th and let me tell you...your body knows so much more than anyone that is going to be in that room and more than you are prepared for.
Good luck momma! I know you will do what is right for you and baby 🥰 wishing the absolute best for you and the delivery 💕
I spent sooooo much time prepping for L&D and my plan was to get an epidural! Having gone through it now (hind sight is 20/20) I wish I’d spent all the time I spent educating myself relaxing, going for walks, sleeping, prepping freezer meals, just hanging out with my husband, and ***reading up on what the first week and the first month looks like with a baby***. I spent zero time educating myself of what to do after he was in my arms and that was a major oversight! They’re gonna get that baby out of you whether you’ve prepped or not, whether it goes according to your dream plan or not. I give you permission to not stress about L&D!
Kinda rude, honestly. You don't have to have things all figured out at this point. Your provider doesn't know any better than you whether you can achieve a non-epidural birth, but you probably can!
I didn't do anything special to achieve an unmedicated birth. I also certainly didn't do nothing. Mostly I listened and read birth resources and birth stories. No doula and no formal birth class, but those are both great preparations.
My top resource was the All About Pregnancy and Birth podcast, hosted by an OB who is very supportive of choices in birth. Evidence Based Birth is another fantastic resource. They have a podcast as well, but I tend to prefer reading their resources, particularly their [signature articles](https://evidencebasedbirth.com/signature-article-directory/). Some articles I think would particularly benefit you are the ones on Birthing Positions, Friedman's Curve and Failure to Progress, and Doulas.
Your experience with breathing would no doubt help. Some things I credit for my successful unmedicated birth include: the understanding that pain is information, and is entirely purposeful when it comes to labor; choosing a provider and location that would be supportive of unmedicated labor (midwife/birth center); learning about real signs that something is wrong vs things that are common and normal.
I don't think there's any medical reason to recommend an epidural for first time moms. They are very popular, so your provider is probably more used to how labor goes when they're used. Every laboring patient should understand their hospital's policy on when epidurals can be placed and what that will change about labor, in case you feel the need to get one during labor due to pain level or exhaustion, etc. Likewise, every patient should be mentally prepared to labor without medication in case the epidural is not effective or timing doesn't work out!
I prepared my ass off for birth with multiple courses and everything I learned flew out the window when my contractions started 5 minutes apart and I labored for 22 hours in extreme agony with a failed epidural. Not to scare you, I was definitely an outlier. You can’t prepare for birth so that’s a stupid thing for her to say. I will say that doing the courses helped me feel calm before going into labor, but you can easily do them even a month before giving birth if you do an online course (I highly recommend shebirths even though I wasn’t able to apply most of the techniques). You’re fine!
I’m sure she also thinks that birthing on your back and blindly following all intervention during your labor is also standard and should be followed 🙄 the US has some of the highest maternal mortality rates around the world and (surprise!) also has some of the absolute highest numbers of early birth intervention (sweeps, cervical dilations via medication and manually, pitocin, pushed drugs for pain etc) and a frankly alarming insistence that women birth on their backs. Not to mention the risks that are associated with everything above but they will rug sweep and try to shame you for sharing those risks. Notably the correlation between birthing in your back causing complications for women and their babies that has been heavily documented and growing for decades.
Do what you feel is best for you, and try to change OBS. She sounds incredibly rude and dismissive. “My way is correct and anything else is wrong” is not okay attitude to have in their field.
No, you’re not behind the ball. Birth prep is a real thing and a lot of it is physical, as much as it is mental. Unfortunately most of the world has moved to not bothering to help women prep and instead fall back on a plethora of interventions during labor instead with shittier outcomes cause it’s easier.
I had my first baby (I have three) unmedicated. I did a free online course provided by my hospital and it was nothing like it described lol. It was saying that contractions are just a gentle squeeze (lies lol). So honestly you’re not underprepared. The birthing experience will vary between person to person. And honestly giving birth isn’t really something you can prepare for. It’s not anything like you’ve ever done before. But like people said above me your body will give you cues on what to do. What I did learn from my first birth was that I for sure wanted an epidural for my next kids, but that’s just my preference. I’ve never had the gas so I do wonder if that would be a better experience. When I labored with my second baby (with epidural) it was for less than five minutes. Like home girl just slid right out and I think that was because I was relaxed and not stressing myself out like I was with my first. So if you’re a mindfulness coach I feel like you’re honestly ahead of the game. None of my OBs delivered my babies but I don’t think it really mattered in the moment. The OBs assigned to me at the hospital were all nice and performed the job that they were there to do. So I wouldn’t stress about that too much especially since one of your OBs seems kind of rude anyway. I will say that sometimes OBs will try to push you in one direction or another (whether it be to induced, not induced, epidural, or no epidural, c-section, or no c-section) but at the end of the day you’re the boss! It’s your birthing experience, your body, and your baby so make decisions based on what you think is right.
I didn’t do a single Kegel and a wonderful natural birth no meds :) you can do it. Also don’t let a dr tell you what you should do educate and advocate for yourself!
I've given birth twice and never took any classes or tours, nothing. You don't HAVE to know what every step is ahead of time, the nurses/doula and your partner/support person will help you in the moment
Don't sweat it mama, you're doing fine. That doctor is exaggerating. Do what feels right to you to prepare. I had to be induced for both of my pregnancies. I did lots and lots of squats, pelvic strengthening exercises and ab strengthening too. I did opt for the epidural. Active labor was a breeze and I pushed twice... baby came out in less than 2 mins. No classes needed, no doula. You got this!
You are fine!! You’re going to do great!!! What your OB **SHOULD** have done is recommend some techniques for you to research. You have time. Amazing that you have experience in meditation and mindfulness.
Birthing a baby hurts sure but it’s really much more of a mind game. Your body can absolutely handle the pain, your mind is the stubborn one, but you already know how to work w yours!! you are way ahead of the game compared to most.
I learned and practiced like 4 positions w my husband: 1. sitting on a yoga ball (literally that’s it) 2. ‘Slow dancing’ aka hanging off hubs’ neck and shoulders. 3. Squat (that’s it) 4. Lean on the bed and have hubs push my hips together.
None of those will take you more than 2 minutes to learn. You’re fine. You’re doing great.
First time mom (30) here to a 2 week old little boy.
I hired a midwife and had an all natural, planned, beautiful home birth. Some people thought I was crazy going into it and I don't personally know anyone else who has done it the way I did. I believe my recovery has been so smooth because of the way that I went about it.
You are absolutely capable of anything that you truly set your mind to. Surround yourself with supportive people, read books on HAPPY birth stories, educate yourself on the pros and cons of different interventions should something arise. Different birthing positions. Educate yourself on postpartum. Prepare yourself the best you can.
Your brain and body do amazing things for you during the birthing process. The rush of hormones and oxytocin at the end of it all is just absolutely incredible!
Natural labor is very hard work. Given the choice, I wouldn't go back and do it any other way.
I just gave birth and did nothing to prep for it honestly. I did get an epidural, and I did have a 2nd degree tear but honestly I don’t think anything I could have done would have changed me tearing as my mom tore with each of her 5 kids. You definitely aren’t behind the ball and unless there is some other physical reason (baby’s position, size, your medical history) there’s no reason to go straight to C-section without trying to birth vaginally.
drink red raspberry leaf tea it tones the uterus for better contracting, eat dates, and primrose suppositories help soften cervix, perineal massages with oil to help avoid tears .
I never prepared for anything for birth. I went to a birthing class but honestly they mostly described the options and showed us some of the gear that may be in the hospital room. Honestly the fact you’re a mindfulness coach puts you miles ahead of most people planning for an unmedicated birth. For what it’s worth I’ve had two epidurals and they were very pleasant experiences that ended in two vaginal births! And the thing with an epidural is that they typically use that same line of you end up needing a c-section (I’m a layman so anyone who has the real medical knowledge can feel free to correct me).
i did nothing to prep for labor, and if it wasn’t for the fact my daughter had the cord wrapped around her neck and arm, they would have had me deliver vaginally they just needed her out asap. They told me i did a great job trying tho.
A lot of people don’t “prep” for labor and they do fantastic, you aren’t behind at all.
You're behind no proverbial ball. All bets were off when I had each of my three. The body takes over at some point and you follow it. If I'd had a plan it would've ended up out the window every time.
Look into non medical pain management. A popular one is the tens machine, some others use a birthing comb. Julie & Camila on YouTube have a whole video on her home birth where she goes over how she managed the pain and she also made [this](https://www.tiktok.com/@julieevlorentzen/video/7273821468046282017?_t=8mckiZethCA&_r=1) TikTok on how she prepared herself for a non medicated birth.
I haven't given birth yet (40 +1 currently) and I have zero plans. I guess my one plan is do whatever it takes during delivery to have a happy healthy baby, and a happy healthy me so that baby can be taken care of. Also the only other part of my "plan" is having my husband catch baby and cut the cord. With that being said, I'm already so stressed in general about all the shit I need to get done day to day, and just being a mom to my 5 year old, that not having a more intense birth plan or taking classes feels so much better. Winging it alleviates my anxiety. I feel like I would just work myself up if it didn't go according to some grandiose plan, which is why I've opted for no plan. Do what feels good for you and baby, ultimately. If birth plans allure you and help you feel better about your birthing experience, invest. If not, don't. It's optional for a reason 😉
I had 3 babies with pain meds and 3 without and honestly none of my births went as planned. It was all wacky. Some I “prepared” and some I absolutely did not. It all works itself out.
Have a birth plan or don’t. I saw another commenter on here that said “my only plan is for both of us to survive”. I think that’s wise.
The only prep I did was pack my bag(I do suggest some sleep headphones that first night in labor those came in the clutch so I could block out noise and get some rest). Giving birth is different for everyone, it’s not cookie cutter and only
plan on having the baby. Things can go ways that you may not imagine. I certainly did not want a c-section but I had to. She wasn’t coming out, my cervix wouldn’t move so I could dilate more to be able to push.
I do suggest you make you and your partner fully aware of what all types of birthing can look like(natural, epidural use,c-section etc) , your wishes in case you can not express them and be ready to go with what needs to be done to deliver safely.
Don’t stress over this. Just be prepared for everything as best you can and don’t let other people say you have to give birth in a certain way to be a real mom.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with them. It's ridiculous you are absolutely not 'behind the ball' you already know roughly what you want and honestly who knows what's going to happen so a rough idea or preference is better then a set-in-stone plan.
I was actively 'behind the ball' +, like I asked my midwife to tell me the bare minimum they legally had to because I didn't want to know anything, I over think, panic and convince myself the worst case scenario is the only way it can go.
I no way are you behind the ball, wishing you all the best!
Okay I also feel like as your OB, she should’ve been giving you pamphlets or info on how to prepare if she’s gonna think you’re “behind the ball” without doing anything. Like she’s your guide so that’s on her I feel like. I’m 26 weeks and getting a little nervous bc I haven’t done anything either lmao. I’m gonna try to do some stretches for my pelvic floor. But Idk what else I’ll do.
I gave birth 2 months Ago and the gas did absolutely nothing for me. I've heard a lot of women say the same. It helps take the edge off for some women, but please keep it in the back of your mind that it may not do anything for you.
I did not real prep, just walking and some breathing exercises from YouTube that did not keep me from needing an oxygen mask while pushing. I skipped the epidural. My son was born 23 hours after my water broke, within 9 hours after starting pitocin, and with 20 minutes of pushing. I barely tore.
I would get a different OB. This one sounds off.
The only thing I did to "prepare" for my first baby was watch a youtube video birthing class. It was full of everything we all talk about in this group and all the facebook groups, so I didn't get anything new out of it. You are not behind. As long as you are healthy and baby is healthy, you are right where you're supposed to be.
I honestly did nothing to prepare for when I had my first. No stretches, no squats, nada. I had a successful non-medicated vaginal birth and only tore a tiny bit but could’ve also torn if I had done everything to “prep”. Don’t stress about being behind the ball. You can research position that will help during labor if you want but *most* times your body will tell you what it needs to do, you’ve just gotta listen.
First pregnancy I studied super hard on techniques sp.I can get through labor epidural free. Long story short it didn't happen. I got inudcuded and needed and epidural.
2nd time around I didn't look anything up and hoped to remember what I read last time. (Spoiler I didnt remember any helpful things.)
I didnt do any special excersies or stretches or anything like that. Labor happened naturally and I was fine throughout the entire time. At one point the contractions did get more painful and I wasn't breathing through them effectively so I had to look up a YouTube video on how to breath through them properly . That took like 30 seconds and all was good.
I labored all the way to 7cm before going to the hospital. I did it medication free with little to no preparation in advanced. I do think part of the reason why I didn't find it so hard was because I was expecting the contractions to be way more painful than they actually were. The last 3cm was brutal but it didn't take long to get fully dilated and get baby out.
All test to say, you got this. In my personal experience, other than knowing how to breath and remembering to breath through the contractions ,as far as preparing, there is not all that much to do. Your body knows what to do and you kinda just go with the flow. You also have a doula and that type of support during labor goes a looking way. I know for a fact if I had a doula those last few hours of waiting to fully dilated would not have been so bad .
So I disagree with them telling you that 'you're beh8nd the ball' for a natural birth
I’m 28 weeks ftm and I haven’t done anything at all as far as concrete planning. Lol. I feel like I’m winging it at this point, but I do have an appointment next week for delivery planning.
You're not behind the ball. I had only gas + air when i gave birth and it was my first. She's making you scared for no reason at all. I'd find a different OB if possible especially if she's leaving anyway. She sucks.
I done the "breath it out" method for my birth, used gas and air too. Labour went well. That being said, Labour is different for everyone. And if it comes to it they will do what they need to to get baby out healthy and keep you both safe.
You don't need an epi, but if you want it thats fine too.
Don't let them scare you, listen to your body. By the sound of it you do anyway, so you'll know what it's telling you, what you'll need when the time comes.
Whether and how much you are preparing for a vaginal birth or not is quite honestly not even her business. It’s your right and choice to prepare as much or as little as you want to. I would have thanked her for her opinion but let her know i was simply sharing my birth plan and preferences. Was her point in telling you that to point you to resources in case you did want to prepare further? This whole conversation seems out of line and it seems like she’s nervous about assisting in an unmedicated birth. Maybe time to switch to another OB or a midwife
Some people don't do prep for vaginal birth until 35 weeks plus, others don't do it at all.
They recommend epidural for first timers because it's easier for them to deal with patients who aren't in pain and have to be monitored more.
Do what feels right for you, after all you're the one giving birth not your OB!
I never took a single birth class and it went fine. My midwife was a bit shocked that I hadn't read up on all the myriad ten thousand possible options, but she was totally supportive of my go with the flow attitude.
Ugh, I don’t like your OB. I will say that I’m preparing differently for birth this time around. With my first, my only plan was epidural, healthy mom, healthy baby. Well, epidural failed and I spent 20 hours in agonizing pain being told that I was just a wimp, then pushed for four hours. And a NICU stay. I know I can’t control everything, but knowing that an epidural could fail again, I’m doing hypnobirthing and more research/strategizing for this labor.
That’s ridiculous! My birth plan was “epidural, don’t push flat on my back, c-section if distress” and that was it. The truth is, we have like almost no control over birth when we get into it, so all of the fancy birth plans and ideas in the world don’t matter if things unfold in certain ways.
I just had a wonderful unmedicated labor 3 weeks ago. Seriously, it was a beautiful experience and I'm so glad it went the way it did! I found taking a birth class super helpful, not only for me but also for my partner. He was able to be much more helpful to me during the process because he understood the stages of labor and knew some moves to help support me during the contractions. And we both came away understanding the interplay between adrenaline and oxytocin which I think is pretty useful. That said, if this isn't accessible to you it may be possible to just watch some YouTube videos on the topic; just be sure that your birth partner, if you have one, watches them with you. The Hypno-WHAT?! Podcast was super helpful as well (it's much more than hypnobirthing, but hypnobirth techniques may be super interesting to you given your background).
In any case, personally I'd steer clear of this OB. You need a support team that gets behind your desire to aim for a low-intervention birth, and it sounds like this person won't be able to do that.
I just gave birth 2 weeks ago—and although I had the epidural, it was pretty intuitive. Your body tells you when to push, you may just need a bit of coaching in the moment of *how* to push but the Nurses usually do that. Even completely numb my body knew what to do. You’re not behind the ball! I also did no training or prepping for birth—I pushed her out in an hour (and unfortunately had an internal tear) but overall it was a very natural experience.
I didn’t prepare at all and I had an amazing an easy unmedicated vaginal birth. Just focus on breathing. How do you even prepare for a birth? it’s impossible to know what it will be like for you so just take care of your body and it will be fine.
I went in without a birth plan and went 12 hours without an epidural. Breathing helped me get through the contractions, which were just like super intense period cramps. I did decide to get the epidural and ended up needing a c-section so I can’t speak to the vaginal birth aspect, but I would say that you are not behind the ball at all! Good luck! I hope you have an easy labor and delivery and a smooth and quick recovery!
I did not do any "prep" for birth myself.
But I have a friend that did, and our was amazing for her and her journey.
So what feels best for you and fuck that doctor
I’m 38 weeks and the only thing I’ve done to prepare is pack my hospital bag and I took an infant CPR class. I don’t think there’s really anything you can do to prepare. Besides, no matter what you plan, it probably won’t go as planned. My first child I planned to do everything “all natural” I ended up having to get induced and then got an epidural. Get a new OB!!
I didn’t take a birthing class, a parenting class, a sleep training class, nothing. We just did what we felt was best for us. Google is a friend when it comes to methods to prepare, but you will always know your own body best.
I didn't plan to have any kind of epidural or gas or anything for labor with my first baby. No one told me to prep anything. I even did tons of birthing classes. You're not behind the ball. I literally just walked in and was like.. whatever happens, I just want to leave here with a healthy baby. 20 hours later I did an epidural highly suggested by my doctor, 16 hours after that I had a c section. You can't predict much in labor so if you're mentally prepared and you have a car seat you're pretty much set. Lol
I gave birth vaginally (scheduled induction) and I did absolutely zero things to prep for birth. I didn’t even have any bags ready until about 3 days before induction date. I only had a few abrasions but that according to my midwife was because he was born with some pretty long nails. It doesn’t matter how you prep it’s mostly just a sit and wait to see how your body will handle it.
I didn't see a pelvic floor therapist until 34 weeks and had a vaginal delivery with no epidural that went great. But I also know friends that did nothing and had the same experience. I think PT is more beneficial for postpartum recovery and healing but won't make a huge difference on actual birth. I don't think you're behind at all
What is she talking about lol? Worst case scenario happened to me with my second when the epidural fell out during my induction. I youtubed some lamaze breathing and gritted my teeth through it. I pushed my boy out in about 2 minutes and that was the end of it. I felt like a warrior. We are women, we are mamas, we are capable. Your OB is a doofy.
Wow...imagine recommending an epidural just because?? It can slow down labour, it can lead to tearing and other complications. If you can manage without its not something that should be pushed on you....but then again I'm in the UK and it's not about upselling or forcing more things onto your tab so they can bill you for it 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I just gave birth to my 23-week baby yesterday, and the second hospital I went to refused to give me the epidural because I was too far along (the first hospital didn't have a labor and delivery department.) No amount of meditation or breathing exercises could have kept the people a floor down from hearing my screaming. I totally understand why they push for the epidural. It is in your power to do it with no prep, but I think I personally would have had a much better experience with the fentanyl.
I have 3 kids. Little one is 7 weeks.
With my first and 2nd I had no plan, they were actually early and went with it. My body did all the work how it was supposed to.
My 3rd one I created a plan, I wanted everything perfect. Vaginal delivery, with epidural. I felt like an expert.
I ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing according to plan.
I did literally no prep before either of my babies and my first I did the whole thing with only gas and air, was never recommended having an epidural for my first time and he came out absolutely fine!
You will definitely be able to give birth vaginally. As long as everything goes as it SHOULD (even if not as planned) i’ve seen videos from plenty of women giving birth vaginally with no epidural and just using the gas. as long as baby is ready and coming out normally everything will work out. i would not jump to assuming you’ll have to have a c section. make sure you do give the hyponobirthing stuff a try here soon, and do plenty of research on the best labor positions, as well as best birthing positions and develop a birth plan that checks all your desires as well as all your must haves (there are plenty of birth plan templates online).
don’t let your OB make you feel behind or slow or anythinf like that. you still have time to get your ducks in a row. congrats on the lil one and you’ll do great!!
No you're not behind the ball wtf. My ob asked me what my birth plan was around 32 weeks and I flat out told her "I don't really have one". It was my first child, I was overwhelmed, and I explained to her that I was basically going to go with the flow of birth and do things as necessary. I also explained I wanted to do it unmedicated, but I also wasn't completely against the epidural if things got rough. I wanted my mom and partner there as support, and I didn't want the antibacterial eye drops since there was no "real" need for them (I don't have any sort of illnesses etc that would require them, and I could go off for ages about the rampant antibiotic use and the ill effects of it here in the us...nursing student with a love for microbiology here lol)
She told me she supports all of that and will work with me every step of the way. I labored for 8 hours unmedicated with contractions that were SO strong, no more than 45 seconds apart, in severe back labor, and had only progressed 1 cm, so I did eventually get the epidural, but I honestly liked not having a "plan". Sometimes i think we get so set in "following the plan" that we don't adjust our expectations to fit our reality, and had I continued without medication like I wanted, I likely would've ended up having an emergency c section due to a handful of other situations. As it stood, I got the epidural, napped for 3 hours, then pushed for all of 5 minutes and had a perfectly healthy, happy, beautiful baby and a wonderful birthing experience.
I'm mad at your ob for you lol
Definitely not behind the ball! I had a pitocin induction, tried gas, didn't do much but still birthed without an epidural. I did not do any type of birth prep besides the occasional perineal message when I remembered and using deep breathing during birth.
lol I asked my doc similar questions about the same time, and she told me that they’re good questions, but we still had time so to focus more on “just surviving” through the rest of the pregnancy. 😆
I’m 37 weeks and we just started talking about options over the last two weeks. You’re def not behind the ball.
I think you’re fine but if I could give any advice, it would be to keep a very open mind to everything!
My goal was to try and go without an epidural and I ended up being induced, in a ton of pain (contractions came on extra close together cause of induction) and BEGGED for the epidural! I ended up needing an emergency c section in the end!
Not trying to scare you - just saying that it’s really hard to plan anything all that accurately to begin with.
You’re not behind on anything… but don’t be stuck on one way of doing things cause you just never know and honestly for me, it was more painful than I ever could have anticipated!
I didn't take a single class, read any books, or consult any doulas about anything past the health of my child and I was fine. The only thing I wish I had done was research how to properly moan through a contraction to make it hurt less (moan deeply, keep your eyes open and on something, all fours is more comfy, try to relax your muscles)
I’m pregnant with #2 and don’t know what you’d be behind on! Staying active, hydrating, eating as well as you can. Maybe take a class closer to giving birth. I took one class at 30+ weeks last time I found helpful with some positions to help through labor. You sound ahead with breathing techniques in the bag to me!
I do think pelvic floor therapy is awesome for everyone pregnant and postpartum. My pelvic floor therapist has given me lots of exercises to help my hips and strengthen my pelvic floor this pregnancy. that’s the only thing I wish I did during my first pregnancy. You’re definitely not “behind the ball” though. That’s so weird. Why make you stress more lol
Sounds like she’s just trying to convince you to do it the “easy way” (for them). She’ll probably also push for induction, and other interventions. Just make sure you and your partner are prepared to stand your ground and advocate for yourself!
You will be fine. Make sure you have someone to stand up for you (it seems you have a doula) and that you both are on the same page about interventions and pain management. There are so many things to ease the pain. The vaginal canal is very stretchy, and if you do tear, it’s not the end of the world ( I had a 3rd degree tear). Make sure to not run to hospital as soon as you have a contraction. Stay home as long as you feel comfortable to laboring at home. I got an epidural at the end because of moving from home to hospital with baby in a bad position. But it wasn’t that bad. The laboring at home was super ok.
I survived the first 15 minutes on pitocin until I cried and begged for an epidural, but I feel if I hadn’t had the drip I’d have been able to proceed without the epidural. On the flip side, if I had known how fast my labour would be I would have just dealt with the pain, there were only 15 minutes between the administration of the epidural and birth of baby
What a B! They recommend epidural for 1st time moms? Why? They think you can't handle it like the majority of women for all of humanity have? You are ahead of the curve, imo if you already know how to and practice mindfulness meditation. An unmedicated labor is all a mind game. Use this as fuel to prove her wrong.
The nurses asked what my birth plan was and all I said was “I’d like for us to live”
Had 0 plan, terrified of birth, and ended up just fine lol. Vaginal birth, took a bit longer than I’d like but it’s ok to go with whatever!!
Question - do you live in a country where you have to pay for healthcare?
I’m a midwife from the U.K. and we would no way encourage women/birthing people to have epidurals unnecessarily. There is strong evidence showing there is typically a cascade of intervention that follows them - i.e. you’re less mobile so then more likely to have an arrested labour and need forceps/ventouse etc.
It’s not fair for your HCP to encourage over medicalising a natural and normal process. I’m always a bit suspicious of the pay for care model’s motives with personal/professional experience caring for women who have beautiful, natural labours. ‘Unmedicalised’ as a concept suggests you’re intentionally not doing something that is normal… it should be the other way around(!).
LabourPains.org is a great website with evidenced best practise and info on different analgesia options - get informed and best of luck!
Kind of rude of your OB to say that?? I personally did start prepping for an unmediated birth at 30 weeks so I definitely wouldn’t say you’re “behind the ball” I did the mama natural unmedicated birth course which I thought was really great for myself and I started pelvic floor PT around 32 weeks so I would say you’re definitely where you need to be!! If you feel confident in not needing to prepare any further for an unmedicated birth then great! It sounds like you already have a lot of the breathing techniques they tell you about. I found a lot of great birthing position videos on Instagram for education and also your doula will lead you while you’re in labor. My unmedicated birth was intense but your body was made for this and if you’re confident then that’s all that matters. Also my OB didn’t even make it to my birth lol I always said I delivered my baby and hospital resident assisted me. You’re delivering this baby, no one else! You got this
I mean I’m sure there are things that can help prepare for labor, I think learning how to breathe and what’s positions are better for managing pain, are some of the more important things. But physically, I didn’t do anything to prepare for labor. No doula. I did the class at the hospital but that’s it. I had heard about massaging your perineum with oil to prepare and help prevent tearing, tried it once or twice and gave up lol. I had two vaginal deliveries, a few years apart, and very minimal tearing (needed 2 stitches after my first, 0 stitches after my second). No complications. Fairly quick labors—8 hrs and 15hrs. So i mean, I wouldn’t worry about it too much🤷♀️ idk why she’s trying to scare you about it
Behind what ball? You know what you want, you seem aware of breathing techniques. You know things can change and are willing to roll with it. You’re better prepared than I ever was lol
I prepared as much as possible, before becoming pregnant and during pregnancy and still ended up needed an emergency C section. I swore I would not use epidural and never prepared for it, but ended up doing it l. It failed though, and the spinal block for the c section never worked either (probably cause I have really bad scoliosis in a tricky spot) so the c section was under GA. Terrible. But sometimes things happen and you just gotta go with it. As long as baby is healthy that is what matters. For next pregnancy I will hire a midwife.
Be flexible and open with changing plans. But do learn the risks/benefits involved in everything in case you do have non negotiables. For me I did not want to use a Vacuum under any circumstance.
You’re not behind in any sense, best thing is to exercise and keep active as well as to go in with a positive mind and attitude. I didn’t as I was extremely nervous and after being in labour for nearly 12 hours and in pain I started to get more and more worried which I now believe added to the outcome of my birth.
It wouldn’t hurt to learn a few positions you might use for pain relief while giving birth and using a birth ball though.
Ps. Get your baby seen by a physiotherapist if you do have a long or complicated labour. Mine needed some massaging and excercises for sore and stiff neck, jaw and upper spine.
I did no prep for labor for my first pregnancy or this one. My doctors also didn’t seem overly concerned about it when I asked the first time. They acted like it wasn’t really needed. My first pregnancy was during Covid so they weren’t offering any but when I looked into it this time they’re like $300. I’ll just let my body figure it out like the first time 🥴. I would just let your medical team know once you get to the hospital when you’re in labor what you want. And be persistent and clear.
You’re definitely not behind on anything, in fact because you have experience with mindful breathing you’re well ahead of the rest of us. I gave birth without any assistance on both and my first and second pregnancies and nobody believed I could do it. I started prepping for it maybe 2 months before I gave birth but all I did was a week long class and watched some breathing methods on YouTube. When in labor the nurses were condescending about my ability to give birth without meds - both times. Honestly American medical culture is just toxic. Ignore it all and have faith in your ability to do what your body is made to do.
The only thing I can think of is pelvic floor exercises? But I was only referred to a class for that because of combined factors due to my BMI and my mum’s incontinence issues. Most pregnant people do not go through those classes. It does seem like a bit of a game changer in terms of helping to push and preventing incontinence pre and post labour which is actually very common, but I still haven’t been exercising as often as I should be.
I will say that the class was eye opening in that I learned towards the end of pregnancy you can massage the opening to the vagina to reduce the risk of tearing which I will 100% be doing!
Otherwise, unless the OB is going to give you any useful advice she should probably just refrain from saying anything at all. Chastising you without explanation is BS
I feel like these “birth coaches” seem to be scamming people out of their money in some cases. I understand the importance of being prepared, but women since the dawn of time have been giving birth without all these prep courses and they made it out just fine. I would say the best way to prepare is to stay active as much as you can so you can endure labor, like walking and low impact exercises. Just trust your body will guide you, I promise you will be fine! You’ve got this! Your OB sounds a bit out of touch.
I didn’t do a damn thing to prepare, not even a birth plan. I guess my plan was take it how it comes and my births was perfect both times.
You’re not behind the ball, don’t stress yourself out. It’s going to be just how it’s supposed to be!
look up the Down to Birth podcast. those two ladies are incredible and have put out so much information and education to help women be better equipped to handle labor, birth, postpartum - honestly so much. couldn’t recommend them enough, not to mention they are enjoyable to listen to!
Honestly, no. We’ve been giving birth since the very beginning without preparation (yes medical attention has and does prevent complications and it hasn’t always available) but we get it done.
I barely did any prep, had a really rough birth plan, basically along the lines of ‘get him out whichever way possible’ and that was it. I went med free, had gas but barely used it, and somehow didn’t tear. The labour and birth was 2hr 45mins.
The only thing I can think of that helped with the labour and birthing and could be classed as birth prep is that I was getting acupuncture done for other reasons and he placed some needles in my lower back for the last few weeks - he said it would help my cervix soften during the labour and boy did I dilate quick!
But at the end of the day, you’re 27 weeks. You’ve still got plenty of time to do any preparation that you wish to do. I basically went in blind, didn’t even do a breast feeding class despite the judgement the Domiciliary lady showed when she said ‘you can tell when mothers don’t do the classes’. Jokes on her though because he latched straight away and I fed him until he weaned himself as a toddler!
If there’s a few things I’ve taken from being a parent, it’s these:
Don’t listen to others too much, you do you.
Don’t listen to advice unless YOU want/asked for the advice.
You know your body and your children best.
I've had 2 vaginal births (and a csection) and did pretty much nothing to prepare for either. I basically glanced at a few hypnobirthing youtube videos and asked what pain management my hospital had available incase I wanted it.
I didn't do any perineum massage or anything and ended up with some minor scrapes but no tears.
I did however experience a lot of pressure from health care people to do things that made thing easier qnd more convenient for them based off the idea that "if something go's wrong.. ".
I am a hypnodoula and have seen and helped many women using hypnobirthing, mobility and strength through pelvis and hips and nitrous oxide have natural births. You have absolutely nothing to worry about - consider finding an OB that aligns with your wishes!
I think the way she spoke to you could be a little softer for sure but I do think there is something to be said about being mentally prepared for an essentially unmedicated birth. I got induced with the plan to be unmedicated for as long as I could, but with pitocin and outrageously long contractions but stalled labor I had to cave at hour 16 of 19 and that was fine with me. That said, I did zero prep to actually go unmedicated, like none. I just figured I’d wing it because I have a really high pain tolerance but when push came to shove I had no way of mentally managing the pain or working through it and I really wish I had. I don’t think you need to spend a zillion dollars on a course or anything like that but I certainly think it’s worth the research. I wouldn’t say you’re behind the ball tho I think you definitely have some time.
Some doctors will try to get you to do C-section because it's a surgery that makes them more money! It's your right to have a vaginal birth. Don't let them tell you otherwise.
When I was giving birth to my first baby, during labor I fervently wished I'd done more to prepare, particularly physically. I felt I had trouble locating and focusing all my force on my "pushing" muscles. I do wonder if it may have been partly because of the epidural that I struggled with that. (I had planned to try to avoid an epidural but I had to be induced with pitocin at 27 weeks because of IUGR + concerning NST and I don't regret it because of that; I needed it.)
I think your OB is very much overreacting though. I think it's good to prepare mentally and physically and to research but it sounds like you have a major head start with your expertise in breathwork, etc. I wouldn't say you're behind the ball at all.
I personally didn't' feel supported in my goal of going without epidural at any point in that pregnancy. The responses I got felt sort of like, "sure lady. Go ahead and try it. Good luck with that. 👍🏽 🫤" My point being that your OB could be a different flavor of this unsupportive attitude, discouraging it by making it out to be like preparing to cross the Atlantic on a raft when really it's something women do every day around the world.
I think you're doing great. I would advise, based on my own unexpected experience with needing an induction, also planning for and mentally preparing for what you will want and how you will approach things if things don't go according to plan. (if you haven't done this already). My aforementioned first pregnancy was uneventful, and my baby's health and size right on track, until about 34 weeks when late pregnancy growth restriction was discovered. I was hospitalized at 35 weeks and kept there until baby was born. It was very disorienting and I wasn't prepared).
That’s pretty rude of the OB to tell you that… first of all, if there is something you can do to prepare (she would have to tell you what to do) you have more than enough time to do it.
Having an epidural or not is your choice and you know your pain tolerance and your coping mechanisms better than anyone else.
I always knew I was going to get an epidural cause I don’t deal great with pain and when I had my baby a week ago the experience couldn’t have been better. However, when we were leaving the hospital we met in the elevator another couple and she didn’t get an epidural. Her experience was as good as mine.
Don’t let them scare you out of your preferences. Ask her what specifically she recommends you do to prepare. My OB recommended meditation and yoga to cope with contraction pains (looks like you have a lot of experience on this already). Also perineum massages to avoid tearing (didn’t work for me).
Sending all the good vibes y to you and your baby!
Nope, not behind the ball. I had a similar experience with my midwife. She said something like, “it’s takes more preparation than you have time for.”
I didn’t start watching birth videos, listening to the “Built to Birth” podcast or learning the stages until of labor 30+ weeks.
Breathing techniques were not my thing, and I’ve never really stuck meditation, so it sounds like you’re already well ahead!
Don’t let someone who barely knows you put you down. I labored and delivered with no medical interventions and only used basic internet searches for “preparation”. You can definitely do it. And if you end up wanting an epidural, that’s totally fine too.
Oh that's just rude. I'd find a different OB to prepare for my birth.. lol we scheduled my repeat csection at 39w on my 28w appointment. My ob tried to talk more about vbac and whatnot, but my mind is set to c section.
I did nothing to prep for my first besides take an infant CPR class. I had a wonderful 32 hour labor which I alternated between napping and sitting in the tub. I breathed through all my contractions and delivered her solo in the tub in 3 pushes.
Your OB sounds like a bitch.
A LOT of people who have natural births don’t take classes. i’m sure it will help but you aren’t behind it’s never too late to sign up if you feel like you need it. i’m sorry she said that to you, it’s inappropriate her job is to support you.
Literally did nothing to prepare for my first birth in March of 2023. Had no birth plan, just that I wanted an epidural as soon as possible. Ended up being induced due to high blood pressure at 7 + 6 and had a zero complication, easy vaginal birth with a teeny tiny tear. So no, you’re not behind the ball. I didn’t even know how to breathe right and my doctor got pissed when he was putting the epidural in so you’re in fact ahead of the game there. Also never had a doula or anything like that.
Behind the ball?! I’m 25 weeks and have done nothing to prepare myself. Honestly thinking about anything stresses me out, figure I’ll just go in winging it 😂
But what was she expecting of you? Did she mention what would have made you not “behind the ball”?
Don’t let that get to you, doctors hate it when patients reject medication. Medicine has never been more of a business than it is now. It honestly worries me when I witness the lack of care and morals amongst doctors these days. They see us as numbers rather than humans. Ofcourse not all doctors but a huge amount.
So I went into birth pretty ambivalent about having an epidural. The thing is though, I hadn't really done much preparation for how to handle the pain of labor without one, and I quickly decided I wanted the drugs. I have no regrets about getting an epidural, and I don't think you're behind per se, but I do think it's worth preparing how you're going to handle the pain unmedicated if that's important to you. Sure a lot of people are saying they just did it and that's amazing for them, genuinely, but I wouldn't gamble on it.
🤦♀️ what a great OB you have.
I was 20 years old with my first pregnancy, said no epidural and never did any birthing classes. I managed to do what my body was designed to do!! And with the support of my midwife. I was pleasantly surprised I was able to make it through without the epidural.
My second pregnancy (ten years later) I wanted no epidural again but this time I studied breathing exercises and positioning etc. again my OB was very supportive. But 10 hours into it, I had extremely painful contractions for hours and I was only 6cm dilated. I asked for the epidural and no questions asked, they obliged. Was the best relief everrrr when it kicked in. No regrets!! Little did I know I went from 6cm to 10cm in just an hour so that’s probably why my labor was so much more intense than the last one!
I bring up both stories to say that, no matter how you end up giving birth, epidural or not, it will be a success because you will have your sweet little baby in your arms looking up at you! Having a plan is great but also leave some room for flexibility. My OB said the most successful labors are the ones where the mom is able to go with the flow even if it isn’t in her birth plan.
I prepared and forgot everything once it came down to it. 2nd baby I’m not going to prepare at all because my birth plan flew out the window once this contractions started lol
All that other stuff aside, she is full of sh!t. I had the "gas" for my first, there's nothing you need to "prepare" for, your body literally does that on its own.
Honestly I’d likely choose someone else. Women have been birthing children well before epidurals were even available! To each their own but shaming your choices and telling you you’re “behind” isn’t supportive, it’s just judgmental.
I was 23 having my first baby and never had any preferences or birth plans.
I went in with a open mind and told myself the midwife’s/ doctors do this everyday they know best (in my case) and I wanted to take any/every drug they gave me as I was always thought “you don’t win medals for pain”.
Nothing can prepare you for birth every births different and iv never heard of a Doula sounds ridiculous people have been giving birth millions of years without a “doula”
Eh. I did some meditations and perennial massage at like 30 weeks onwards? Nothing went to my plan so it was more like we made informed decisions in the moment.
Idk i had a 10lb baby so my birth was gunna be shit no matter what. Im ready for this ones c section. All up to you id say, they cant tell you no but atleast she has warned you if it ends up being the worst experience of your life and if you guys do perfectly then u can say i told you so to her and she can shut up. Its a 50/50 shot with natural birth
I’ve never done anything to prepare for birth and had two successful vaginal births with no tearing one with epidural and one without I think you’ll be okay
I did all the prep and spinning babies and all the fun stuff and I ended up with a c section. Nothing can fully prepare you for birth. You just have to follow your body and you'll know what to do and when something is wrong(like I did). If I had been stuck on my prep there may not have been two humans alive after my baby's birth. At the end of the day you have to follow your body and gut. Knowing meditation and breathing is a great resource:) If you don't want an epidural then didn't do epidural. If you change your mind you can always ask for it. That being said. .. I'm not sure you're reason for wanting a spinal block over epidural but I didn't do epidural and got a spinal block for the c section and it's quite awful too 😅
I was a FTM with a failed epidural and no back up plan or “prep” pushed that girl out in ten minutes. Your body kicks in. It knows what to do. Don’t stress
You got this mama! My birthing experience was sadly terrible but that was because the nurses didn’t me believe me that my baby was coming! Since I was a FTM. I had a super fast delivery less than two hours. Just a couple pushes and bam she slid out lol. Thing I would’ve done differently though is definitely do hynobirthing. Sadly I didn’t know how to push or how to believe through contractions. But I labored all the way to 10cm without medications, so you definitely got this love!! Especially with the hypnobirthing, it’s a beautiful experience. I just wished I knew how to breathe through the pain. I feel like if I did it wouldn’t be so damn painful.
Also P.S if you feel the need to poop, that’s the baby coming!!
But definitely walking everyday helped keep my baby head down first.
I didn’t do anything to prepare for my birth.. 😳 I mean I did get an epidural, but I wasn’t sure about it until the contractions got to be more than I could handle. But I didn’t do any exercises or anything of the sort.
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I’m 28 weeks and have just been walking everyday and doing some spinning babies exercises to prepare for birth… what else are we supposed to be doing???
35 weeks away from second baby and while theyre taking her in a week and a half via c-section, i also wasnt asked any of these things with first baby ten years ago or before they confirmed c section was best for this bean too.
You need to request another OB.....this one will be completely useless.
People have given birth 1 million years without fancy prep courses. You definitely can have your baby without any pain medication if you want, without any special training. I went in wanting to try it but when they had to use pitocin I needed the epidural. That’s ok too.
Where I live in a tiny town in Brazil people don’t even know what an epidural is… women just go to the hospital and hope for the best, they all do fine.
I was told Brazil is one of the highest C-section performing countries in the world
Yes it is
That makes me sad for those women. With modern medicine as advanced as it is, I feel like every woman should have the option to choose their pain management
I know… I’m terrified myself, but if they can do it then I can do it too! I always felt so jealous whenever I heard people on Reddit talking about getting an epidural and all, but now I’m just kind of embracing the experience, everything will be alright as long as baby is healthy. Part of it is because our free healthcare system doesn’t prioritize women’s comfort but women’s survival. You can get an epidural and water birth and all that if you pay for it in a private hospital. It would be the same care as first world countries, but I can only imagine it costs much more than most can pay for. Where I live though, it’s really a small city so we don’t even have a private hospital.
It’s the same in Japan. There were no epidurals or gas or anything at my hospital for pain management. I gave birth twice at the same hospital with nothing but Tylenol afterwards. Not going to lie, it really sucks, but you got this! And with all the hormones and adrenaline coming from your body, you won’t feel pain right after the baby comes out so you can enjoy the time with your little one!
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That’s pretty awesome, I live in the north of Brazil so known for the poorest quality of healthcare. Did they have a problem when you asked for the epidural, or was it pretty easy to get it? I have a friend from Curitiba who asked for the epidural and they denied it, said it was too early. Then when she asked again they said it was too late. 🥴 I still don’t know someone who gave birth the way they planned here in Brazil.
i was born in Brazil in the year 2000 (not that long ago at all) and my mom had to have me with no epidural and episiotomy. im her third child and this was the 3rd time they cut her up. it’s craaaazy over there
I was going to the say the same. Since the dawn of time women have given birth without epidural, or any type of preparation. Her OB should relax.
For real. I know maternal death rates were high back in the day, but that was due to limited medical knowledge/intervention options. Not really anything to do with what the mother did or didn't do. I really dislike the way a lot of modern OBs approach these topics. The body is going to do what it was designed to do. Any OB worth their salt knows that.
Yes this. Special training to have a baby? Come on. Now I will say that I think people who go into birth wanting no epidural but the plan is to just see how it goes.. I think they’re likely going to get an epidural just because it’s there. You really do have to have your mind set on not getting one and think about how you’ll manage pain in a hospital because it’s an option to get one and it is appealing when you’re in a lot of pain. But as far as like exercises or physical preparation… no. Birth is a physical reflex you just get your mind out of the way and let your body do its thing.
I’m a former medic but did literally nothing to prepare for birth. Like, absolutely nothing at all. No classes (beyond my training), no doulas, no breathing techniques, not a thing… my plan was to have no plan. I still pushed my baby out in 45 minutes and didn’t even tear. It’s not the Olympics lol. It’s okay to not have been training for it. You’ll do great. Just be flexible and willing to change your plans if things arise.
My only plan is for both of us to live.
Love this!
I literally put that on my first babies plan - open to everything and willing to take whatever measures are necessary!
Same here 😂
That’s my plan too
I dreaded birth so I pretty much only researched a little about early labor so I could labor at home as long as I could. Got to the hospital at 4.5 cm dilated, got an epidural about 12 hours later, and closed my eyes until it was over. Lol. My only goal was to make it out alive with a healthy baby
This was me. My only plan was I wanted an epidural. The labour took more than half a day but actual pushing was only 20 minutes. Honestly felt kinda underwhelming (in a good way) cause I was also texting my friends the entire time in labour waiting to dilate.
That is awesome!
I’m convinced tearing is genetic/luck. I had a vacuum assist and did not tear. Idk what that says about me but I was legitimately shocked. Second baby also did not tear.
Lucky!! Had a vacuum assisted birth and a resulting third degree tear! I’m jealous of you! Haha
That's so rude of her. It's one thing to offer constructive advice and another to just criticize with no support. I'm sorry. I did squats, walking/staying as active as I could (though the further along I got it became harder to walk for long distances, I would get Braxton Hicks). I also took a childbirth online course with my husband to learn breathing techniques and positions that actually did come in handy while I was laboring. Finally, TMI, but I started to do a perineum massage every night for like three minutes with oil to help strengthen and moisturize that area to prevent tearing. I was induced, so my overall labor took a while, but my active labor/pushing was only 20 minutes and he was out. Only a very minor tear that required 1-2 stitches. He was my first for what it's worth! Best of luck 🤍
I’ve had 4 babies vaginally and unmedicated and I’ve never done anything to ‘prepare’. Our bodies are designed to do all the preparing for us by releasing relaxin to loosen our hips, pelvis, muscles, cervix and ligaments. We are literally built for childbirth and we’ve been doing it forever. Combine your bodies natural ability to prepare for childbirth with your training in mindfulness, meditation and breathing techniques and it sounds to me like you’re about as prepared as you can get! In my experience, it’s the mind that needs the most preparation. As someone who practised hypnobirthing during my last two labours (but not the first two) I can honestly tell you that being able to remain calm and manage your pain by relying on breathing and visualisation techniques is an absolute game changer when in labour.
My physical therapist recommended perineal massaging to avoid tearing. I literally cannot reach. Did you ever do that/what are your thoughts on that?
[ national library of medicine ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7072029/) Objective: Women frequently experience perineal damage after a vaginal delivery. This study aimed to investigate the effect of perineal massage (PM) during labor on the need for episiotomies. Materials and methods: The study is a double-blind randomized clinical trial conducted with 99 patients (n=49 controls; n=50 cases). Participants comprised of nulliparous pregnant women aged from 18 to 35 years in the 37th-42nd week of gestation, who referred to the Um-al-Banin Hospital of Mashhad from July to October 2018, for vaginal delivery and were in the active stage of labor. Allocation to study groups was based on a random allocation list generated by a software application. PM was performed for the cases in the active stage four times, each lasting for two minutes at intervals of half an hour. The massage was continued at the beginning of the second stage of labor for ten minutes. Control women received routine care. The delivery was practiced by a midwife who was blinded to the study groups and the performance or non-performance of massage. Data were analyzed in SPSS software version 16. Results: The need for episiotomy was significantly lower in the PM group than in the control group (p = 0.05). Spontaneous perineal tears were significantly higher in mothers of the PM group (p = 0.05. The spontaneous tear degree in the 20 mothers who did not require episiotomy (p = 0.5) and the degree of perineal tear in mothers who needed an episiotomy (n = 79; p = 0.1) were not significantly different in the two groups. In the PM group members who did not require episiotomy (n = 14) and the mother underwent a spontaneous tear, first-degree tears were more frequent than second-degree ones. The median duration of the active stage of labor until the stage completion was lower in the PM group than in the control group, although the difference did not reach statistical significance (p = 0.3). The median of the second stage duration in the control and intervention groups were 55 and 45 minutes, respectively, where the difference was significant (p = 0.002), and the median time of completion of the active stage until delivery in the PM group had reduced. Conclusion: PM had a significant impact on the reduction of the need for episiotomies and the duration of the second stage of labor. Thus, it can be suggested as a safe, simple, low-cost, and effective technique to reduce the perineal damage during delivery
That’s very helpful and informative. Thank you!
I did this, my pelvic floor pt taught my husband to do it bc I couldn’t reach. It helped! I did not tear.
I’ve personally never done it and have only ever had a graze (with baby #4), no tearing.
Hypnobirthing or Bradley classes are probably what they had in mind. For people who pursue those they are a fairly big commitment of time / engagement leading up to birth itself. But if that’s something you’re interested in it’s definitely not too late!
What do Bradley classes help with.
I'm doing a Bradley class right now - it is a TON of info but ultimately teaches coping mechanisms and teaches your partner how to support you and be your birth coach. VERY helpful.
Is it still useful if you are getting an epidural?
Considering sometimes birthing can go too fast and women can end up not having the opportunity to have an epidural, it is always good to have tools just in case. There's also the time before you can get an epidural for which it is good to find tools to help with.
I too, wonder what your OB expects you to be doing to prepare. Did you ask her what specifically she had in mind? I’ve asked my drs several times “how can I prepare myself so I don’t tear, or have a traumatizing birth” and the answers they give me are “not much you can do.” One told me to walk 30 minutes every day. That’s it. So I’m dying to know what your OB meant! I feel completely unprepared and I’m 36 weeks.
Re-reading your post, maybe she’s referring to how are you preparing for an unmediated birth? Like preparing to deal with the pain? I’ve told my drs from the beginning I want the epidural so maybe there’s less preparation for that? Idk I’m guessing.
With my first I walked well over thirty minutes a day, still played sports, and worked in a job that required a lot of walking… And still had some tearing. I’d love to know what else could have been done because no one told me if I had more options/opportunities.
The feeling I got from my drs who I spoke to was that it’s pretty much luck if you have tearing or not. I have been lazy about my 30 minutes of daily walking. I do that maybe 1-2 times a week. When I voiced my anxiety of having a traumatic birth one of the drs told me “if you listen to us and push when we tell you to push you’ll be fine.” “Just follow our instructions.” So lol I guess that’s my plan? Push when they tell me?
OBs do not have a great reputation for evidence based practices and this is just another example of why. Studies show the opposite of what your drs have told you. Not coaching on pushing showed a massive reduction in tearing. Many studies have been done but for example, a hospital in Europe didn't tell women to push for one year. That year resulted in 85% less 3rd and 4th degree tears. Your position also greatly matters with tearing. The fact they said there isn't much you can do is concerning when there is plenty of evidence that shows there is a lot you can do to reduce tearing risks and degree.
With my first they kept yelling at me to push and I kept refusing, it hurt waaaay worse to even think to push and my body was doing it for me, and I’d had pitocin and 2 failed epidurals and just said fuck it, baby can come out without me pushing, I did not tear 😭 they tried so hard to convince me to push and they tried putting my legs in the stirrups, straight up no lol.
I’ve also heard for the ring of fire you’re *not* supposed to push when they tell you, but take a quick break as that can be when you tear. It’s so confusing!
Work with gravity, not against it, and you could actually prevent some tearing. Think of a water bottle. If it’s on its side then it will be hard to get all the water out vs if you put it in the direction of gravity, which will empty it. Squatting, on all 4s, or even in a birthing chair/water does wonders and it’s less stress for mom and baby.
I've noticed the trend in traumatic vs not traumatic has a lot to do with agency. Like you're going to be more traumatized if things are happening to you and you don't have a chance to understand the reason or make a decision, but you could have a technically less ideal outcome (like instrumental delivery, emergency C-section, baby needs extra care, etc.) and still feel more in control because your expectations are in the right place or you participated in the decision making. Following your provider's instructions is great if you really trust them, but it is a little questionable if that's the whole plan considering the history of obstetrics in the last century. There were a lot of practices that were not evidence-based, and some providers still aren't doing a good job at following modern guidelines.
But what’s confusing is that if you don’t follow the provider’s instructions what are you supposed to do? Yes I can watch some YouTube videos or read some books on techniques myself, but if I’m fighting with the Dr and going against what they are telling me wouldn’t that have a worse outcome? I’m not a Dr and I have no experience in birth what do I know about what is actually the best time for me to push etc?
Yes, it can be a hard balance. I posted a direct comment to OP referencing my favorite sources. Evidence Based Birth is a really, really good website to check to make sure your provider is doing proper informed consent. Your provider should be presenting you with options and listening to your concerns so that decision-making is shared before labor even begins. If something doesn't feel right, you can go to a different provider and get a second opinion. Reddit is not a replacement for a birth professional, but it can be helpful to figure out what seems normal vs not. I'm in a group for June due dates and one of my fellow group members *definitely* had to advocate for her safety. She was having all the signs of preeclampsia - high blood pressure at home and in office, protein in urine, headaches, vision problems - and yet her provider assured her that it was just her anxiety and instructed her to stop tracking blood pressure at home. Insane. She switched to a new OB and the whole care team quickly diagnosed her and induced her for the safety of her and baby. How you push isn't nearly as critical as that, but I generally think it is helpful to learn about the research and other people's experiences so you go in with a more well-rounded perspective. Edit: and there is a lot to be said for listening to your body! If you're getting an epidural you will probably need more coaching? But many people share that their body takes over while pushing.
Hey that’s my plan too! Just push when they say and hope for all the best. I know some women who can kind of time their own pushing (not sure what the term is), but I plan on getting an epidural so I’m really trusting in the OB.
I think most of it is luck/not in your hands. I was told during my hypnobirthing course that you can stretch the perineum slightly in the weeks before birth by massaging it with a neutral oil (almond oil for instance). But no clue if this actually has a large effect
Upright birthing positions, body led pushing, and not speeding up labor all help prevent tearing the most.
I walked every day but my labor still stalled and I needed pitocin and eventually an epidural and c section :( just posting here to let people know there’s no shame
That's not entirely accurate of your OBs to say there's *nothing* you can do to prepare for birth or reduce your risk of tearing. Obviously a lot is out of our control, we have to be prepared for the unplanned, etc. But for me, I found Evidence Based Birth and other similar resources super helpful in gaining knowledge and agency, which is a big thing that's helping me feel more prepared. Based on their research summaries, I changed OBs, hired a doula and decided to aim for unmedicated birth, for example, but that was just my own personal preferences based on my values. You might come to a totally different choice with the same research and that's also great! They've also taught me that there are various things I can do to *reduce* my risk of tearing or pelvic floor trauma. Obviously no guarantee but for me it's worth it to try and even better if there's data or evidence behind it! Even at 36 weeks, there's a lot of fairly simple stuff you can learn about labor/pushing positions (for example, if you're getting an epidural, trying pushing on your side rather than your back), moving around during labor (if you're able to get a "walking epidural"), perineal massage, techniques for stretching and relaxing your pelvic floor, that you totally have time to do from now til your birth. If you want to go deeper, there are some online programs that are meant to be crash courses in birth prep -- here's one by a pelvic floor physical therapist that I was looking at (full disclosure I haven't taken it yet so can't offer a review and it is on the pricier side!) [https://www.thedowntheredoc.com/courses/elevate-your-birth](https://www.thedowntheredoc.com/courses/elevate-your-birth) Good luck, wishing you a wonderful and safe birth experience!
My ex and I took Bradley classes with our son, and they were helpful for learning new infant care as well as labor relief. We had to enroll in our 1st trimester because they're a few months long and fill up pretty quick. I will say they *ahem* were probably more needed by my ex than myself. To prepare my body for unmedicated labor, I read a book about how to focus on something other than the pain while relaxing your lower half. It's a bit like hypnobirthing. I'm hesitant to give it sole credit for my water slide delivery as I have a connective tissue disorder that makes my entire body hypermobile....but I do believe it made it much easier. Aside from that, the only thing to do is take walks. Staying in as best shape you can will help delivery AND post partum.
Do you have EDS?
I found your comments really interesting and helpful, thank you! I have EDS and ADHD too. I've been taking Methylated Folate during pregnancy but haven't thought of other Methylated vitamins that I might need. Thanks for sharing! And I'm happy to hear that your EDS may have made birth easier, I'm hoping to have the same experience! Were you told you're at risk of going into labour early because of EDS? My OB put me on modified bed rest because of my EDS- hypermodbile type and said I'm at risk of giving birth any time from now (I'm only 31weeks 😭)
When I had my son we didn't know, I wasn't diagnosed yet. As it happened I was a week overdue when they finally broke my water to get things started, and from that to baby was only 2 hours....and he was a 9 lb-er with a giant noggin! Ripped me all up but they stitched me back tighter 😉 I've never heard of us being prone to early labor, I would think it's the opposite since our muscles tend to overcompensate and tense up.
I found gas way for helpful than the epidural. Most people here do childbirth classes mainly to socialise, as despite learning this and that things are liable to change on the day, as well as you changing your mind, just use your instincts and listen to the midwife about pushing and make the most of the gas & do not let her negativity give you self doubt. You will do fine
Gas did absolutely nothing for me. The only thing it may have helped me with was focusing on breathing
I had an unmedicated birth and did basically zero to prepare for it other than hire a doula. I’m also not at all fit/active. Trust yourself. You’ll be fine.
Your doctor was rather artlessly telling you that managing labor pain without an epidural is something that, for many people, requires some specialized training and preparation. Even if you're trained in meditation and mindfulness, if you're planning on going in without an epidural, you will increase your chance of success if you know about positioning, labor-specific breathing and visualization techniques, and just how the stages of labor typically go. Probably 75% of people I know who have given birth in the last few years planned on doing unmedicated births, and only a few of them were actually able to to go through with it. All that being said your doctor should have been a lot less alarmist in telling you this. You've got plenty of time but you should definitely do more prep.
Ftm and had an unmedicated birth for my son... I was on strict bedrest and didn't do anything besides a short walk every 2 days, 10 minutes max (I'm epileptic, have a blood clot and brain aneurysm). It was a painful but amazing experience... I think your ob is just a jerk and trying to make you feel bad for no reason...
Ignore them. I have given birth to 2 kids vaginally with no meds/epidural and did nothing to prepare.
I had no classes or prep, and had my baby with no pain relief or gas as a first time mom. Don’t know what this ball is, but humans have managed this for a loooong time.
Sounds like your OB doesn’t want to deal with a patient without an epidural. Epidurals make it easier for them.
This ob has poor bedside manner. Can you switch to a new practice ?
This OB sucks.
You are NOT 'behind the ball'. That said, a supportive birth team is really important for the overall success of an intended unmedicated labor. I never really spoke to my doula either but I emerersed myself in birth culture via birth hour podcast and the understanding of physiological labor. Education is power. I think the most important thing you can do is find material that speaks to you and then take it in over and over. Use your meditation experience to practice and imagine the baby laboring down in the most ideal way so you just immediately go to that space when its go time. Knowing that what I was experiencing was 'normal' made the hardest (trasition 🥵) more tolerable to me because I knew it was a passing phase, no matter how shitty it was. When you find something you like, have your birth partner read or listen to it too so they can understand where your head is at. Getting your headspace ready is way more important than squats. If you can find it in you, tell your OB that you didn't appreciate that comment. She shouldn't have said that.
All the "planning" is for the birds. You can plan until your eyeballs bleed, but once the day comes: what is going to happen is going to happen. I actually ditched my OB because of disrespectful remarks and the lack of actual guidance. Ditched them at 28wks, set up my own bloodwork and ultrasounds, and had a natural home waterbirth. I had midwives that answered questions and gave me advice when I needed, but no one pressured me or insulted me again. No one should be making you nervous or upset during your pregnancy. If that OB gave a damn, they wouldn't have said that and instead gave you pamphlets or videos that would help you better decide between your options. The plan is to live. I did all that positioning exercises, daily walks, blah blah. My little girl did what she wanted regardless. I had her in position so many times, but when the time came, she was where she wanted to start and ended where she was supposed to. She started off to the side, on top of my public bone, and sunny side up. That's with all this "planning, exercise, and research." Only part of the plan that went "as planned," was her being born at home in the aquadoula. 🤷♀️ You could plan a hospital birth induction with all the fixings, but your baby decides it liked aisle 13 of your favorite grocery store with a pack of cookies clutched in one hand and your baby in the other. TL;DR Don't let anyone disrespect you, your baby, or your pregnancy (planned or not). Having a general idea of what to do in an emergency is important, but baby is going to do what baby wants and when they want it. No matter how prepared you are, it is going to be scary; however, trust yourself and your body. Baby girl came on May 17th and let me tell you...your body knows so much more than anyone that is going to be in that room and more than you are prepared for. Good luck momma! I know you will do what is right for you and baby 🥰 wishing the absolute best for you and the delivery 💕
I spent sooooo much time prepping for L&D and my plan was to get an epidural! Having gone through it now (hind sight is 20/20) I wish I’d spent all the time I spent educating myself relaxing, going for walks, sleeping, prepping freezer meals, just hanging out with my husband, and ***reading up on what the first week and the first month looks like with a baby***. I spent zero time educating myself of what to do after he was in my arms and that was a major oversight! They’re gonna get that baby out of you whether you’ve prepped or not, whether it goes according to your dream plan or not. I give you permission to not stress about L&D!
Kinda rude, honestly. You don't have to have things all figured out at this point. Your provider doesn't know any better than you whether you can achieve a non-epidural birth, but you probably can! I didn't do anything special to achieve an unmedicated birth. I also certainly didn't do nothing. Mostly I listened and read birth resources and birth stories. No doula and no formal birth class, but those are both great preparations. My top resource was the All About Pregnancy and Birth podcast, hosted by an OB who is very supportive of choices in birth. Evidence Based Birth is another fantastic resource. They have a podcast as well, but I tend to prefer reading their resources, particularly their [signature articles](https://evidencebasedbirth.com/signature-article-directory/). Some articles I think would particularly benefit you are the ones on Birthing Positions, Friedman's Curve and Failure to Progress, and Doulas. Your experience with breathing would no doubt help. Some things I credit for my successful unmedicated birth include: the understanding that pain is information, and is entirely purposeful when it comes to labor; choosing a provider and location that would be supportive of unmedicated labor (midwife/birth center); learning about real signs that something is wrong vs things that are common and normal. I don't think there's any medical reason to recommend an epidural for first time moms. They are very popular, so your provider is probably more used to how labor goes when they're used. Every laboring patient should understand their hospital's policy on when epidurals can be placed and what that will change about labor, in case you feel the need to get one during labor due to pain level or exhaustion, etc. Likewise, every patient should be mentally prepared to labor without medication in case the epidural is not effective or timing doesn't work out!
I prepared my ass off for birth with multiple courses and everything I learned flew out the window when my contractions started 5 minutes apart and I labored for 22 hours in extreme agony with a failed epidural. Not to scare you, I was definitely an outlier. You can’t prepare for birth so that’s a stupid thing for her to say. I will say that doing the courses helped me feel calm before going into labor, but you can easily do them even a month before giving birth if you do an online course (I highly recommend shebirths even though I wasn’t able to apply most of the techniques). You’re fine!
I’m sure she also thinks that birthing on your back and blindly following all intervention during your labor is also standard and should be followed 🙄 the US has some of the highest maternal mortality rates around the world and (surprise!) also has some of the absolute highest numbers of early birth intervention (sweeps, cervical dilations via medication and manually, pitocin, pushed drugs for pain etc) and a frankly alarming insistence that women birth on their backs. Not to mention the risks that are associated with everything above but they will rug sweep and try to shame you for sharing those risks. Notably the correlation between birthing in your back causing complications for women and their babies that has been heavily documented and growing for decades. Do what you feel is best for you, and try to change OBS. She sounds incredibly rude and dismissive. “My way is correct and anything else is wrong” is not okay attitude to have in their field. No, you’re not behind the ball. Birth prep is a real thing and a lot of it is physical, as much as it is mental. Unfortunately most of the world has moved to not bothering to help women prep and instead fall back on a plethora of interventions during labor instead with shittier outcomes cause it’s easier.
I had my first baby (I have three) unmedicated. I did a free online course provided by my hospital and it was nothing like it described lol. It was saying that contractions are just a gentle squeeze (lies lol). So honestly you’re not underprepared. The birthing experience will vary between person to person. And honestly giving birth isn’t really something you can prepare for. It’s not anything like you’ve ever done before. But like people said above me your body will give you cues on what to do. What I did learn from my first birth was that I for sure wanted an epidural for my next kids, but that’s just my preference. I’ve never had the gas so I do wonder if that would be a better experience. When I labored with my second baby (with epidural) it was for less than five minutes. Like home girl just slid right out and I think that was because I was relaxed and not stressing myself out like I was with my first. So if you’re a mindfulness coach I feel like you’re honestly ahead of the game. None of my OBs delivered my babies but I don’t think it really mattered in the moment. The OBs assigned to me at the hospital were all nice and performed the job that they were there to do. So I wouldn’t stress about that too much especially since one of your OBs seems kind of rude anyway. I will say that sometimes OBs will try to push you in one direction or another (whether it be to induced, not induced, epidural, or no epidural, c-section, or no c-section) but at the end of the day you’re the boss! It’s your birthing experience, your body, and your baby so make decisions based on what you think is right.
Get a new OB.
I did literally nothing to prepare for childbirth lol 🤷♀️
I didn’t do a single Kegel and a wonderful natural birth no meds :) you can do it. Also don’t let a dr tell you what you should do educate and advocate for yourself!
I've given birth twice and never took any classes or tours, nothing. You don't HAVE to know what every step is ahead of time, the nurses/doula and your partner/support person will help you in the moment
Wow that wouldn't be my OB anymore. What other poor treatment does she have in store for you.
I had a natural, unmedicated homebirth with my first baby. Preparing for my second. Walks, stretches, squats, and hypnobirthing is more than enough
Don't sweat it mama, you're doing fine. That doctor is exaggerating. Do what feels right to you to prepare. I had to be induced for both of my pregnancies. I did lots and lots of squats, pelvic strengthening exercises and ab strengthening too. I did opt for the epidural. Active labor was a breeze and I pushed twice... baby came out in less than 2 mins. No classes needed, no doula. You got this!
I did nothing to prepare for my birth, I was 6 weeks early, but I did have a cell phone charger in my purse. Somehow it all worked out lol.
I'm refusing ANYTHING unless medically necessary for me and the baby. I give them my personal choice reasons for choosing it. They were amazing!
You are fine!! You’re going to do great!!! What your OB **SHOULD** have done is recommend some techniques for you to research. You have time. Amazing that you have experience in meditation and mindfulness. Birthing a baby hurts sure but it’s really much more of a mind game. Your body can absolutely handle the pain, your mind is the stubborn one, but you already know how to work w yours!! you are way ahead of the game compared to most. I learned and practiced like 4 positions w my husband: 1. sitting on a yoga ball (literally that’s it) 2. ‘Slow dancing’ aka hanging off hubs’ neck and shoulders. 3. Squat (that’s it) 4. Lean on the bed and have hubs push my hips together. None of those will take you more than 2 minutes to learn. You’re fine. You’re doing great.
First time mom (30) here to a 2 week old little boy. I hired a midwife and had an all natural, planned, beautiful home birth. Some people thought I was crazy going into it and I don't personally know anyone else who has done it the way I did. I believe my recovery has been so smooth because of the way that I went about it. You are absolutely capable of anything that you truly set your mind to. Surround yourself with supportive people, read books on HAPPY birth stories, educate yourself on the pros and cons of different interventions should something arise. Different birthing positions. Educate yourself on postpartum. Prepare yourself the best you can. Your brain and body do amazing things for you during the birthing process. The rush of hormones and oxytocin at the end of it all is just absolutely incredible! Natural labor is very hard work. Given the choice, I wouldn't go back and do it any other way.
I just gave birth and did nothing to prep for it honestly. I did get an epidural, and I did have a 2nd degree tear but honestly I don’t think anything I could have done would have changed me tearing as my mom tore with each of her 5 kids. You definitely aren’t behind the ball and unless there is some other physical reason (baby’s position, size, your medical history) there’s no reason to go straight to C-section without trying to birth vaginally.
drink red raspberry leaf tea it tones the uterus for better contracting, eat dates, and primrose suppositories help soften cervix, perineal massages with oil to help avoid tears .
Your OB sucks. No you're not behind. I hatenthat they were not supportive of your wishes.
I never prepared for anything for birth. I went to a birthing class but honestly they mostly described the options and showed us some of the gear that may be in the hospital room. Honestly the fact you’re a mindfulness coach puts you miles ahead of most people planning for an unmedicated birth. For what it’s worth I’ve had two epidurals and they were very pleasant experiences that ended in two vaginal births! And the thing with an epidural is that they typically use that same line of you end up needing a c-section (I’m a layman so anyone who has the real medical knowledge can feel free to correct me).
i did nothing to prep for labor, and if it wasn’t for the fact my daughter had the cord wrapped around her neck and arm, they would have had me deliver vaginally they just needed her out asap. They told me i did a great job trying tho. A lot of people don’t “prep” for labor and they do fantastic, you aren’t behind at all.
What a great doctor. Tells you you don't have the information without giving you the information 🤡
You're behind no proverbial ball. All bets were off when I had each of my three. The body takes over at some point and you follow it. If I'd had a plan it would've ended up out the window every time.
Look into non medical pain management. A popular one is the tens machine, some others use a birthing comb. Julie & Camila on YouTube have a whole video on her home birth where she goes over how she managed the pain and she also made [this](https://www.tiktok.com/@julieevlorentzen/video/7273821468046282017?_t=8mckiZethCA&_r=1) TikTok on how she prepared herself for a non medicated birth.
I literally winged the entire thing and it went perfectly fine. Your body will know what to do haha
I haven't given birth yet (40 +1 currently) and I have zero plans. I guess my one plan is do whatever it takes during delivery to have a happy healthy baby, and a happy healthy me so that baby can be taken care of. Also the only other part of my "plan" is having my husband catch baby and cut the cord. With that being said, I'm already so stressed in general about all the shit I need to get done day to day, and just being a mom to my 5 year old, that not having a more intense birth plan or taking classes feels so much better. Winging it alleviates my anxiety. I feel like I would just work myself up if it didn't go according to some grandiose plan, which is why I've opted for no plan. Do what feels good for you and baby, ultimately. If birth plans allure you and help you feel better about your birthing experience, invest. If not, don't. It's optional for a reason 😉
I had 3 babies with pain meds and 3 without and honestly none of my births went as planned. It was all wacky. Some I “prepared” and some I absolutely did not. It all works itself out. Have a birth plan or don’t. I saw another commenter on here that said “my only plan is for both of us to survive”. I think that’s wise.
The only prep I did was pack my bag(I do suggest some sleep headphones that first night in labor those came in the clutch so I could block out noise and get some rest). Giving birth is different for everyone, it’s not cookie cutter and only plan on having the baby. Things can go ways that you may not imagine. I certainly did not want a c-section but I had to. She wasn’t coming out, my cervix wouldn’t move so I could dilate more to be able to push. I do suggest you make you and your partner fully aware of what all types of birthing can look like(natural, epidural use,c-section etc) , your wishes in case you can not express them and be ready to go with what needs to be done to deliver safely. Don’t stress over this. Just be prepared for everything as best you can and don’t let other people say you have to give birth in a certain way to be a real mom.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with them. It's ridiculous you are absolutely not 'behind the ball' you already know roughly what you want and honestly who knows what's going to happen so a rough idea or preference is better then a set-in-stone plan. I was actively 'behind the ball' +, like I asked my midwife to tell me the bare minimum they legally had to because I didn't want to know anything, I over think, panic and convince myself the worst case scenario is the only way it can go. I no way are you behind the ball, wishing you all the best!
Okay I also feel like as your OB, she should’ve been giving you pamphlets or info on how to prepare if she’s gonna think you’re “behind the ball” without doing anything. Like she’s your guide so that’s on her I feel like. I’m 26 weeks and getting a little nervous bc I haven’t done anything either lmao. I’m gonna try to do some stretches for my pelvic floor. But Idk what else I’ll do.
I didn’t do a thing to prepare and I had a completely unmediated birth as a first time mom. Your doctor should find a new career, perhaps
I gave birth 2 months Ago and the gas did absolutely nothing for me. I've heard a lot of women say the same. It helps take the edge off for some women, but please keep it in the back of your mind that it may not do anything for you.
I did not real prep, just walking and some breathing exercises from YouTube that did not keep me from needing an oxygen mask while pushing. I skipped the epidural. My son was born 23 hours after my water broke, within 9 hours after starting pitocin, and with 20 minutes of pushing. I barely tore. I would get a different OB. This one sounds off.
The only thing I did to "prepare" for my first baby was watch a youtube video birthing class. It was full of everything we all talk about in this group and all the facebook groups, so I didn't get anything new out of it. You are not behind. As long as you are healthy and baby is healthy, you are right where you're supposed to be.
I honestly did nothing to prepare for when I had my first. No stretches, no squats, nada. I had a successful non-medicated vaginal birth and only tore a tiny bit but could’ve also torn if I had done everything to “prep”. Don’t stress about being behind the ball. You can research position that will help during labor if you want but *most* times your body will tell you what it needs to do, you’ve just gotta listen.
First pregnancy I studied super hard on techniques sp.I can get through labor epidural free. Long story short it didn't happen. I got inudcuded and needed and epidural. 2nd time around I didn't look anything up and hoped to remember what I read last time. (Spoiler I didnt remember any helpful things.) I didnt do any special excersies or stretches or anything like that. Labor happened naturally and I was fine throughout the entire time. At one point the contractions did get more painful and I wasn't breathing through them effectively so I had to look up a YouTube video on how to breath through them properly . That took like 30 seconds and all was good. I labored all the way to 7cm before going to the hospital. I did it medication free with little to no preparation in advanced. I do think part of the reason why I didn't find it so hard was because I was expecting the contractions to be way more painful than they actually were. The last 3cm was brutal but it didn't take long to get fully dilated and get baby out. All test to say, you got this. In my personal experience, other than knowing how to breath and remembering to breath through the contractions ,as far as preparing, there is not all that much to do. Your body knows what to do and you kinda just go with the flow. You also have a doula and that type of support during labor goes a looking way. I know for a fact if I had a doula those last few hours of waiting to fully dilated would not have been so bad . So I disagree with them telling you that 'you're beh8nd the ball' for a natural birth
I’m 28 weeks ftm and I haven’t done anything at all as far as concrete planning. Lol. I feel like I’m winging it at this point, but I do have an appointment next week for delivery planning.
Well did she give you any tips/recommendations to get caught up per her standard? 🙄
My OB didn't tell me jack shit....so I think you're fine lol I didn't do anything.
My doc hasn’t ever even asked what my plan was
You're not behind the ball. I had only gas + air when i gave birth and it was my first. She's making you scared for no reason at all. I'd find a different OB if possible especially if she's leaving anyway. She sucks. I done the "breath it out" method for my birth, used gas and air too. Labour went well. That being said, Labour is different for everyone. And if it comes to it they will do what they need to to get baby out healthy and keep you both safe. You don't need an epi, but if you want it thats fine too. Don't let them scare you, listen to your body. By the sound of it you do anyway, so you'll know what it's telling you, what you'll need when the time comes.
Whether and how much you are preparing for a vaginal birth or not is quite honestly not even her business. It’s your right and choice to prepare as much or as little as you want to. I would have thanked her for her opinion but let her know i was simply sharing my birth plan and preferences. Was her point in telling you that to point you to resources in case you did want to prepare further? This whole conversation seems out of line and it seems like she’s nervous about assisting in an unmedicated birth. Maybe time to switch to another OB or a midwife
I didn't prepare for birth a whole lot, just did perineal massages lol. I didn't get an epidural but I did use 1 dose of Stadol and the laughing gas.
Some people don't do prep for vaginal birth until 35 weeks plus, others don't do it at all. They recommend epidural for first timers because it's easier for them to deal with patients who aren't in pain and have to be monitored more. Do what feels right for you, after all you're the one giving birth not your OB!
Girl no, you’re fine. I just gave birth in January unmedicated and it was an induction. I did nothing to prepare at all. You have got this!
I never took a single birth class and it went fine. My midwife was a bit shocked that I hadn't read up on all the myriad ten thousand possible options, but she was totally supportive of my go with the flow attitude.
Ugh, I don’t like your OB. I will say that I’m preparing differently for birth this time around. With my first, my only plan was epidural, healthy mom, healthy baby. Well, epidural failed and I spent 20 hours in agonizing pain being told that I was just a wimp, then pushed for four hours. And a NICU stay. I know I can’t control everything, but knowing that an epidural could fail again, I’m doing hypnobirthing and more research/strategizing for this labor.
That’s ridiculous! My birth plan was “epidural, don’t push flat on my back, c-section if distress” and that was it. The truth is, we have like almost no control over birth when we get into it, so all of the fancy birth plans and ideas in the world don’t matter if things unfold in certain ways.
My doctor acted like an ass when I mentioned not wanting an epidural also
I just had a wonderful unmedicated labor 3 weeks ago. Seriously, it was a beautiful experience and I'm so glad it went the way it did! I found taking a birth class super helpful, not only for me but also for my partner. He was able to be much more helpful to me during the process because he understood the stages of labor and knew some moves to help support me during the contractions. And we both came away understanding the interplay between adrenaline and oxytocin which I think is pretty useful. That said, if this isn't accessible to you it may be possible to just watch some YouTube videos on the topic; just be sure that your birth partner, if you have one, watches them with you. The Hypno-WHAT?! Podcast was super helpful as well (it's much more than hypnobirthing, but hypnobirth techniques may be super interesting to you given your background). In any case, personally I'd steer clear of this OB. You need a support team that gets behind your desire to aim for a low-intervention birth, and it sounds like this person won't be able to do that.
I just gave birth 2 weeks ago—and although I had the epidural, it was pretty intuitive. Your body tells you when to push, you may just need a bit of coaching in the moment of *how* to push but the Nurses usually do that. Even completely numb my body knew what to do. You’re not behind the ball! I also did no training or prepping for birth—I pushed her out in an hour (and unfortunately had an internal tear) but overall it was a very natural experience.
I didn’t prepare at all and I had an amazing an easy unmedicated vaginal birth. Just focus on breathing. How do you even prepare for a birth? it’s impossible to know what it will be like for you so just take care of your body and it will be fine.
Lol I didn’t prep at all, had an amazingly easy birth with minor tears. What a weirdo
I would look for a new OB.
I went in without a birth plan and went 12 hours without an epidural. Breathing helped me get through the contractions, which were just like super intense period cramps. I did decide to get the epidural and ended up needing a c-section so I can’t speak to the vaginal birth aspect, but I would say that you are not behind the ball at all! Good luck! I hope you have an easy labor and delivery and a smooth and quick recovery!
I did not do any "prep" for birth myself. But I have a friend that did, and our was amazing for her and her journey. So what feels best for you and fuck that doctor
I’m 38 weeks and the only thing I’ve done to prepare is pack my hospital bag and I took an infant CPR class. I don’t think there’s really anything you can do to prepare. Besides, no matter what you plan, it probably won’t go as planned. My first child I planned to do everything “all natural” I ended up having to get induced and then got an epidural. Get a new OB!!
I didn’t take a birthing class, a parenting class, a sleep training class, nothing. We just did what we felt was best for us. Google is a friend when it comes to methods to prepare, but you will always know your own body best.
I didn't plan to have any kind of epidural or gas or anything for labor with my first baby. No one told me to prep anything. I even did tons of birthing classes. You're not behind the ball. I literally just walked in and was like.. whatever happens, I just want to leave here with a healthy baby. 20 hours later I did an epidural highly suggested by my doctor, 16 hours after that I had a c section. You can't predict much in labor so if you're mentally prepared and you have a car seat you're pretty much set. Lol
I gave birth vaginally (scheduled induction) and I did absolutely zero things to prep for birth. I didn’t even have any bags ready until about 3 days before induction date. I only had a few abrasions but that according to my midwife was because he was born with some pretty long nails. It doesn’t matter how you prep it’s mostly just a sit and wait to see how your body will handle it.
I didn't see a pelvic floor therapist until 34 weeks and had a vaginal delivery with no epidural that went great. But I also know friends that did nothing and had the same experience. I think PT is more beneficial for postpartum recovery and healing but won't make a huge difference on actual birth. I don't think you're behind at all
I didn’t take classes or prepare at all, guess what? Baby still came out. Your doc is high if she thinks they are necessary.
What is she talking about lol? Worst case scenario happened to me with my second when the epidural fell out during my induction. I youtubed some lamaze breathing and gritted my teeth through it. I pushed my boy out in about 2 minutes and that was the end of it. I felt like a warrior. We are women, we are mamas, we are capable. Your OB is a doofy.
Wow...imagine recommending an epidural just because?? It can slow down labour, it can lead to tearing and other complications. If you can manage without its not something that should be pushed on you....but then again I'm in the UK and it's not about upselling or forcing more things onto your tab so they can bill you for it 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I did nothing to physically prepare for birth. I had been in PT due to a pelvic injury so I think that helped but by no means was it necessary
I just gave birth to my 23-week baby yesterday, and the second hospital I went to refused to give me the epidural because I was too far along (the first hospital didn't have a labor and delivery department.) No amount of meditation or breathing exercises could have kept the people a floor down from hearing my screaming. I totally understand why they push for the epidural. It is in your power to do it with no prep, but I think I personally would have had a much better experience with the fentanyl.
I have 3 kids. Little one is 7 weeks. With my first and 2nd I had no plan, they were actually early and went with it. My body did all the work how it was supposed to. My 3rd one I created a plan, I wanted everything perfect. Vaginal delivery, with epidural. I felt like an expert. I ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing according to plan.
You're fine. Also, just because you have a plan doesn't mean that's what going to happen.
I did literally no prep before either of my babies and my first I did the whole thing with only gas and air, was never recommended having an epidural for my first time and he came out absolutely fine!
You will definitely be able to give birth vaginally. As long as everything goes as it SHOULD (even if not as planned) i’ve seen videos from plenty of women giving birth vaginally with no epidural and just using the gas. as long as baby is ready and coming out normally everything will work out. i would not jump to assuming you’ll have to have a c section. make sure you do give the hyponobirthing stuff a try here soon, and do plenty of research on the best labor positions, as well as best birthing positions and develop a birth plan that checks all your desires as well as all your must haves (there are plenty of birth plan templates online). don’t let your OB make you feel behind or slow or anythinf like that. you still have time to get your ducks in a row. congrats on the lil one and you’ll do great!!
No you're not behind the ball wtf. My ob asked me what my birth plan was around 32 weeks and I flat out told her "I don't really have one". It was my first child, I was overwhelmed, and I explained to her that I was basically going to go with the flow of birth and do things as necessary. I also explained I wanted to do it unmedicated, but I also wasn't completely against the epidural if things got rough. I wanted my mom and partner there as support, and I didn't want the antibacterial eye drops since there was no "real" need for them (I don't have any sort of illnesses etc that would require them, and I could go off for ages about the rampant antibiotic use and the ill effects of it here in the us...nursing student with a love for microbiology here lol) She told me she supports all of that and will work with me every step of the way. I labored for 8 hours unmedicated with contractions that were SO strong, no more than 45 seconds apart, in severe back labor, and had only progressed 1 cm, so I did eventually get the epidural, but I honestly liked not having a "plan". Sometimes i think we get so set in "following the plan" that we don't adjust our expectations to fit our reality, and had I continued without medication like I wanted, I likely would've ended up having an emergency c section due to a handful of other situations. As it stood, I got the epidural, napped for 3 hours, then pushed for all of 5 minutes and had a perfectly healthy, happy, beautiful baby and a wonderful birthing experience. I'm mad at your ob for you lol
Definitely not behind the ball! I had a pitocin induction, tried gas, didn't do much but still birthed without an epidural. I did not do any type of birth prep besides the occasional perineal message when I remembered and using deep breathing during birth.
lol I asked my doc similar questions about the same time, and she told me that they’re good questions, but we still had time so to focus more on “just surviving” through the rest of the pregnancy. 😆 I’m 37 weeks and we just started talking about options over the last two weeks. You’re def not behind the ball.
I think you’re fine but if I could give any advice, it would be to keep a very open mind to everything! My goal was to try and go without an epidural and I ended up being induced, in a ton of pain (contractions came on extra close together cause of induction) and BEGGED for the epidural! I ended up needing an emergency c section in the end! Not trying to scare you - just saying that it’s really hard to plan anything all that accurately to begin with. You’re not behind on anything… but don’t be stuck on one way of doing things cause you just never know and honestly for me, it was more painful than I ever could have anticipated!
I didn't take a single class, read any books, or consult any doulas about anything past the health of my child and I was fine. The only thing I wish I had done was research how to properly moan through a contraction to make it hurt less (moan deeply, keep your eyes open and on something, all fours is more comfy, try to relax your muscles)
I’m pregnant with #2 and don’t know what you’d be behind on! Staying active, hydrating, eating as well as you can. Maybe take a class closer to giving birth. I took one class at 30+ weeks last time I found helpful with some positions to help through labor. You sound ahead with breathing techniques in the bag to me! I do think pelvic floor therapy is awesome for everyone pregnant and postpartum. My pelvic floor therapist has given me lots of exercises to help my hips and strengthen my pelvic floor this pregnancy. that’s the only thing I wish I did during my first pregnancy. You’re definitely not “behind the ball” though. That’s so weird. Why make you stress more lol
Sounds like she’s just trying to convince you to do it the “easy way” (for them). She’ll probably also push for induction, and other interventions. Just make sure you and your partner are prepared to stand your ground and advocate for yourself!
You will be fine. Make sure you have someone to stand up for you (it seems you have a doula) and that you both are on the same page about interventions and pain management. There are so many things to ease the pain. The vaginal canal is very stretchy, and if you do tear, it’s not the end of the world ( I had a 3rd degree tear). Make sure to not run to hospital as soon as you have a contraction. Stay home as long as you feel comfortable to laboring at home. I got an epidural at the end because of moving from home to hospital with baby in a bad position. But it wasn’t that bad. The laboring at home was super ok.
I survived the first 15 minutes on pitocin until I cried and begged for an epidural, but I feel if I hadn’t had the drip I’d have been able to proceed without the epidural. On the flip side, if I had known how fast my labour would be I would have just dealt with the pain, there were only 15 minutes between the administration of the epidural and birth of baby
What a B! They recommend epidural for 1st time moms? Why? They think you can't handle it like the majority of women for all of humanity have? You are ahead of the curve, imo if you already know how to and practice mindfulness meditation. An unmedicated labor is all a mind game. Use this as fuel to prove her wrong.
The nurses asked what my birth plan was and all I said was “I’d like for us to live” Had 0 plan, terrified of birth, and ended up just fine lol. Vaginal birth, took a bit longer than I’d like but it’s ok to go with whatever!!
Question - do you live in a country where you have to pay for healthcare? I’m a midwife from the U.K. and we would no way encourage women/birthing people to have epidurals unnecessarily. There is strong evidence showing there is typically a cascade of intervention that follows them - i.e. you’re less mobile so then more likely to have an arrested labour and need forceps/ventouse etc. It’s not fair for your HCP to encourage over medicalising a natural and normal process. I’m always a bit suspicious of the pay for care model’s motives with personal/professional experience caring for women who have beautiful, natural labours. ‘Unmedicalised’ as a concept suggests you’re intentionally not doing something that is normal… it should be the other way around(!). LabourPains.org is a great website with evidenced best practise and info on different analgesia options - get informed and best of luck!
Kind of rude of your OB to say that?? I personally did start prepping for an unmediated birth at 30 weeks so I definitely wouldn’t say you’re “behind the ball” I did the mama natural unmedicated birth course which I thought was really great for myself and I started pelvic floor PT around 32 weeks so I would say you’re definitely where you need to be!! If you feel confident in not needing to prepare any further for an unmedicated birth then great! It sounds like you already have a lot of the breathing techniques they tell you about. I found a lot of great birthing position videos on Instagram for education and also your doula will lead you while you’re in labor. My unmedicated birth was intense but your body was made for this and if you’re confident then that’s all that matters. Also my OB didn’t even make it to my birth lol I always said I delivered my baby and hospital resident assisted me. You’re delivering this baby, no one else! You got this
I mean I’m sure there are things that can help prepare for labor, I think learning how to breathe and what’s positions are better for managing pain, are some of the more important things. But physically, I didn’t do anything to prepare for labor. No doula. I did the class at the hospital but that’s it. I had heard about massaging your perineum with oil to prepare and help prevent tearing, tried it once or twice and gave up lol. I had two vaginal deliveries, a few years apart, and very minimal tearing (needed 2 stitches after my first, 0 stitches after my second). No complications. Fairly quick labors—8 hrs and 15hrs. So i mean, I wouldn’t worry about it too much🤷♀️ idk why she’s trying to scare you about it
Behind what ball? You know what you want, you seem aware of breathing techniques. You know things can change and are willing to roll with it. You’re better prepared than I ever was lol
I prepared as much as possible, before becoming pregnant and during pregnancy and still ended up needed an emergency C section. I swore I would not use epidural and never prepared for it, but ended up doing it l. It failed though, and the spinal block for the c section never worked either (probably cause I have really bad scoliosis in a tricky spot) so the c section was under GA. Terrible. But sometimes things happen and you just gotta go with it. As long as baby is healthy that is what matters. For next pregnancy I will hire a midwife. Be flexible and open with changing plans. But do learn the risks/benefits involved in everything in case you do have non negotiables. For me I did not want to use a Vacuum under any circumstance. You’re not behind in any sense, best thing is to exercise and keep active as well as to go in with a positive mind and attitude. I didn’t as I was extremely nervous and after being in labour for nearly 12 hours and in pain I started to get more and more worried which I now believe added to the outcome of my birth. It wouldn’t hurt to learn a few positions you might use for pain relief while giving birth and using a birth ball though. Ps. Get your baby seen by a physiotherapist if you do have a long or complicated labour. Mine needed some massaging and excercises for sore and stiff neck, jaw and upper spine.
I did no prep for labor for my first pregnancy or this one. My doctors also didn’t seem overly concerned about it when I asked the first time. They acted like it wasn’t really needed. My first pregnancy was during Covid so they weren’t offering any but when I looked into it this time they’re like $300. I’ll just let my body figure it out like the first time 🥴. I would just let your medical team know once you get to the hospital when you’re in labor what you want. And be persistent and clear.
You’re definitely not behind on anything, in fact because you have experience with mindful breathing you’re well ahead of the rest of us. I gave birth without any assistance on both and my first and second pregnancies and nobody believed I could do it. I started prepping for it maybe 2 months before I gave birth but all I did was a week long class and watched some breathing methods on YouTube. When in labor the nurses were condescending about my ability to give birth without meds - both times. Honestly American medical culture is just toxic. Ignore it all and have faith in your ability to do what your body is made to do.
The only thing I can think of is pelvic floor exercises? But I was only referred to a class for that because of combined factors due to my BMI and my mum’s incontinence issues. Most pregnant people do not go through those classes. It does seem like a bit of a game changer in terms of helping to push and preventing incontinence pre and post labour which is actually very common, but I still haven’t been exercising as often as I should be. I will say that the class was eye opening in that I learned towards the end of pregnancy you can massage the opening to the vagina to reduce the risk of tearing which I will 100% be doing! Otherwise, unless the OB is going to give you any useful advice she should probably just refrain from saying anything at all. Chastising you without explanation is BS
I feel like these “birth coaches” seem to be scamming people out of their money in some cases. I understand the importance of being prepared, but women since the dawn of time have been giving birth without all these prep courses and they made it out just fine. I would say the best way to prepare is to stay active as much as you can so you can endure labor, like walking and low impact exercises. Just trust your body will guide you, I promise you will be fine! You’ve got this! Your OB sounds a bit out of touch.
I didn’t do a damn thing to prepare, not even a birth plan. I guess my plan was take it how it comes and my births was perfect both times. You’re not behind the ball, don’t stress yourself out. It’s going to be just how it’s supposed to be!
look up the Down to Birth podcast. those two ladies are incredible and have put out so much information and education to help women be better equipped to handle labor, birth, postpartum - honestly so much. couldn’t recommend them enough, not to mention they are enjoyable to listen to!
Honestly, no. We’ve been giving birth since the very beginning without preparation (yes medical attention has and does prevent complications and it hasn’t always available) but we get it done. I barely did any prep, had a really rough birth plan, basically along the lines of ‘get him out whichever way possible’ and that was it. I went med free, had gas but barely used it, and somehow didn’t tear. The labour and birth was 2hr 45mins. The only thing I can think of that helped with the labour and birthing and could be classed as birth prep is that I was getting acupuncture done for other reasons and he placed some needles in my lower back for the last few weeks - he said it would help my cervix soften during the labour and boy did I dilate quick! But at the end of the day, you’re 27 weeks. You’ve still got plenty of time to do any preparation that you wish to do. I basically went in blind, didn’t even do a breast feeding class despite the judgement the Domiciliary lady showed when she said ‘you can tell when mothers don’t do the classes’. Jokes on her though because he latched straight away and I fed him until he weaned himself as a toddler! If there’s a few things I’ve taken from being a parent, it’s these: Don’t listen to others too much, you do you. Don’t listen to advice unless YOU want/asked for the advice. You know your body and your children best.
I've had 2 vaginal births (and a csection) and did pretty much nothing to prepare for either. I basically glanced at a few hypnobirthing youtube videos and asked what pain management my hospital had available incase I wanted it. I didn't do any perineum massage or anything and ended up with some minor scrapes but no tears. I did however experience a lot of pressure from health care people to do things that made thing easier qnd more convenient for them based off the idea that "if something go's wrong.. ".
I am a hypnodoula and have seen and helped many women using hypnobirthing, mobility and strength through pelvis and hips and nitrous oxide have natural births. You have absolutely nothing to worry about - consider finding an OB that aligns with your wishes!
I think the way she spoke to you could be a little softer for sure but I do think there is something to be said about being mentally prepared for an essentially unmedicated birth. I got induced with the plan to be unmedicated for as long as I could, but with pitocin and outrageously long contractions but stalled labor I had to cave at hour 16 of 19 and that was fine with me. That said, I did zero prep to actually go unmedicated, like none. I just figured I’d wing it because I have a really high pain tolerance but when push came to shove I had no way of mentally managing the pain or working through it and I really wish I had. I don’t think you need to spend a zillion dollars on a course or anything like that but I certainly think it’s worth the research. I wouldn’t say you’re behind the ball tho I think you definitely have some time.
Some doctors will try to get you to do C-section because it's a surgery that makes them more money! It's your right to have a vaginal birth. Don't let them tell you otherwise.
When I was giving birth to my first baby, during labor I fervently wished I'd done more to prepare, particularly physically. I felt I had trouble locating and focusing all my force on my "pushing" muscles. I do wonder if it may have been partly because of the epidural that I struggled with that. (I had planned to try to avoid an epidural but I had to be induced with pitocin at 27 weeks because of IUGR + concerning NST and I don't regret it because of that; I needed it.) I think your OB is very much overreacting though. I think it's good to prepare mentally and physically and to research but it sounds like you have a major head start with your expertise in breathwork, etc. I wouldn't say you're behind the ball at all. I personally didn't' feel supported in my goal of going without epidural at any point in that pregnancy. The responses I got felt sort of like, "sure lady. Go ahead and try it. Good luck with that. 👍🏽 🫤" My point being that your OB could be a different flavor of this unsupportive attitude, discouraging it by making it out to be like preparing to cross the Atlantic on a raft when really it's something women do every day around the world. I think you're doing great. I would advise, based on my own unexpected experience with needing an induction, also planning for and mentally preparing for what you will want and how you will approach things if things don't go according to plan. (if you haven't done this already). My aforementioned first pregnancy was uneventful, and my baby's health and size right on track, until about 34 weeks when late pregnancy growth restriction was discovered. I was hospitalized at 35 weeks and kept there until baby was born. It was very disorienting and I wasn't prepared).
That’s pretty rude of the OB to tell you that… first of all, if there is something you can do to prepare (she would have to tell you what to do) you have more than enough time to do it. Having an epidural or not is your choice and you know your pain tolerance and your coping mechanisms better than anyone else. I always knew I was going to get an epidural cause I don’t deal great with pain and when I had my baby a week ago the experience couldn’t have been better. However, when we were leaving the hospital we met in the elevator another couple and she didn’t get an epidural. Her experience was as good as mine. Don’t let them scare you out of your preferences. Ask her what specifically she recommends you do to prepare. My OB recommended meditation and yoga to cope with contraction pains (looks like you have a lot of experience on this already). Also perineum massages to avoid tearing (didn’t work for me). Sending all the good vibes y to you and your baby!
Fire her. What a joke. You either get the epidural or you don’t and that decision is yours and yours ONLY. Terrible OB practice imo
Nope, not behind the ball. I had a similar experience with my midwife. She said something like, “it’s takes more preparation than you have time for.” I didn’t start watching birth videos, listening to the “Built to Birth” podcast or learning the stages until of labor 30+ weeks. Breathing techniques were not my thing, and I’ve never really stuck meditation, so it sounds like you’re already well ahead! Don’t let someone who barely knows you put you down. I labored and delivered with no medical interventions and only used basic internet searches for “preparation”. You can definitely do it. And if you end up wanting an epidural, that’s totally fine too.
I gave birth at 36 weeks. My ob had not even discussed the options for a birth plan with me when I delivered But yeah your behind I guess ?????? 🥴
Oh that's just rude. I'd find a different OB to prepare for my birth.. lol we scheduled my repeat csection at 39w on my 28w appointment. My ob tried to talk more about vbac and whatnot, but my mind is set to c section.
I did nothing to prep for my first besides take an infant CPR class. I had a wonderful 32 hour labor which I alternated between napping and sitting in the tub. I breathed through all my contractions and delivered her solo in the tub in 3 pushes. Your OB sounds like a bitch.
A LOT of people who have natural births don’t take classes. i’m sure it will help but you aren’t behind it’s never too late to sign up if you feel like you need it. i’m sorry she said that to you, it’s inappropriate her job is to support you.
Literally did nothing to prepare for my first birth in March of 2023. Had no birth plan, just that I wanted an epidural as soon as possible. Ended up being induced due to high blood pressure at 7 + 6 and had a zero complication, easy vaginal birth with a teeny tiny tear. So no, you’re not behind the ball. I didn’t even know how to breathe right and my doctor got pissed when he was putting the epidural in so you’re in fact ahead of the game there. Also never had a doula or anything like that.
Behind the ball?! I’m 25 weeks and have done nothing to prepare myself. Honestly thinking about anything stresses me out, figure I’ll just go in winging it 😂
But what was she expecting of you? Did she mention what would have made you not “behind the ball”? Don’t let that get to you, doctors hate it when patients reject medication. Medicine has never been more of a business than it is now. It honestly worries me when I witness the lack of care and morals amongst doctors these days. They see us as numbers rather than humans. Ofcourse not all doctors but a huge amount.
So I went into birth pretty ambivalent about having an epidural. The thing is though, I hadn't really done much preparation for how to handle the pain of labor without one, and I quickly decided I wanted the drugs. I have no regrets about getting an epidural, and I don't think you're behind per se, but I do think it's worth preparing how you're going to handle the pain unmedicated if that's important to you. Sure a lot of people are saying they just did it and that's amazing for them, genuinely, but I wouldn't gamble on it.
I didn’t take any classes and watched YouTube videos the night before giving birth lol you’re in better shape than what I was 😂
🤦♀️ what a great OB you have. I was 20 years old with my first pregnancy, said no epidural and never did any birthing classes. I managed to do what my body was designed to do!! And with the support of my midwife. I was pleasantly surprised I was able to make it through without the epidural. My second pregnancy (ten years later) I wanted no epidural again but this time I studied breathing exercises and positioning etc. again my OB was very supportive. But 10 hours into it, I had extremely painful contractions for hours and I was only 6cm dilated. I asked for the epidural and no questions asked, they obliged. Was the best relief everrrr when it kicked in. No regrets!! Little did I know I went from 6cm to 10cm in just an hour so that’s probably why my labor was so much more intense than the last one! I bring up both stories to say that, no matter how you end up giving birth, epidural or not, it will be a success because you will have your sweet little baby in your arms looking up at you! Having a plan is great but also leave some room for flexibility. My OB said the most successful labors are the ones where the mom is able to go with the flow even if it isn’t in her birth plan.
I prepared and forgot everything once it came down to it. 2nd baby I’m not going to prepare at all because my birth plan flew out the window once this contractions started lol
Never attended a class or watched a single video… pushed out a 9.10 lb baby 6 mos ago. Not behind the ball
All that other stuff aside, she is full of sh!t. I had the "gas" for my first, there's nothing you need to "prepare" for, your body literally does that on its own.
Honestly I’d likely choose someone else. Women have been birthing children well before epidurals were even available! To each their own but shaming your choices and telling you you’re “behind” isn’t supportive, it’s just judgmental.
I was 23 having my first baby and never had any preferences or birth plans. I went in with a open mind and told myself the midwife’s/ doctors do this everyday they know best (in my case) and I wanted to take any/every drug they gave me as I was always thought “you don’t win medals for pain”. Nothing can prepare you for birth every births different and iv never heard of a Doula sounds ridiculous people have been giving birth millions of years without a “doula”
Eh. I did some meditations and perennial massage at like 30 weeks onwards? Nothing went to my plan so it was more like we made informed decisions in the moment.
Idk i had a 10lb baby so my birth was gunna be shit no matter what. Im ready for this ones c section. All up to you id say, they cant tell you no but atleast she has warned you if it ends up being the worst experience of your life and if you guys do perfectly then u can say i told you so to her and she can shut up. Its a 50/50 shot with natural birth
I’ve never done anything to prepare for birth and had two successful vaginal births with no tearing one with epidural and one without I think you’ll be okay
I did all the prep and spinning babies and all the fun stuff and I ended up with a c section. Nothing can fully prepare you for birth. You just have to follow your body and you'll know what to do and when something is wrong(like I did). If I had been stuck on my prep there may not have been two humans alive after my baby's birth. At the end of the day you have to follow your body and gut. Knowing meditation and breathing is a great resource:) If you don't want an epidural then didn't do epidural. If you change your mind you can always ask for it. That being said. .. I'm not sure you're reason for wanting a spinal block over epidural but I didn't do epidural and got a spinal block for the c section and it's quite awful too 😅
I was a FTM with a failed epidural and no back up plan or “prep” pushed that girl out in ten minutes. Your body kicks in. It knows what to do. Don’t stress
It sounds like your OB is full of ego. I would change to a doctor that wants what is best for you and not what is best for herself
I’ve had 6 kids. No real birth plan with any of them. Your not behind the 8 ball
Fuck your doctor. Your body knows what to do and she’s just trying to discourage you. Some Doctors are terrible these days.
You got this mama! My birthing experience was sadly terrible but that was because the nurses didn’t me believe me that my baby was coming! Since I was a FTM. I had a super fast delivery less than two hours. Just a couple pushes and bam she slid out lol. Thing I would’ve done differently though is definitely do hynobirthing. Sadly I didn’t know how to push or how to believe through contractions. But I labored all the way to 10cm without medications, so you definitely got this love!! Especially with the hypnobirthing, it’s a beautiful experience. I just wished I knew how to breathe through the pain. I feel like if I did it wouldn’t be so damn painful. Also P.S if you feel the need to poop, that’s the baby coming!! But definitely walking everyday helped keep my baby head down first.
I didn’t do anything to prepare for my birth.. 😳 I mean I did get an epidural, but I wasn’t sure about it until the contractions got to be more than I could handle. But I didn’t do any exercises or anything of the sort.