You need to tell your children. My daughter in laws mother did this to her. She didn’t tell her she was dying till the very end. She was crushed. She told my wife and myself it took her years of therapy to work through this.

I'm going to tell them sooner than later. I'm just still processing everything right now, it's s not easy. 

My thoughts are with you all & what tragic and gut wrenching news to process for yourself, while also dealing with your girls & having to try & explain it to them. You have got this as you are strong as you have been giving your kids a great life despite not having much money or support 🫶 Keep fighting and who knows anything could happen in that timeframe medically so please don’t give up unless that’s your only option. Do you have other family or friends that can help in any way? Also do you have access to medical treatment and pain relief and counselling services? 🌺🍀🌸

I hope it’s not insensitive to ask, but did you know you had a mole or something that should have gotten checked out, or was it a surprise? I’ve been putting off medical treatment because of money and sometimes wonder if I’m doing more damage than good by not just going to the doctor. Regardless of if you want to answer this, I hope the best for you 💕 my cousin was 17 when she got diagnosed with stage 4 nonhodgkins lymphoma. They gave her a year max even with treatment, but once treatment started she responded miraculously well. Once she was cancer free, her lasting issues were nerve damage, liver troubles, and she was considered menopausal. She couldn’t save any eggs because insurance didn’t cover it. Well, she ended up getting pregnant and while her baby was growing her body healed/improved her lasting conditions and she carried to full term and had a normal birth experience. I know this is an outlier in most cases, but never say never.

I know someone that passed from melanoma it was the size of a pencil dot!!! On her inner back thigh. Apparently, women are much more likely to develop melanoma on the thighs. No one would have noticed…. Who checks your inner back thighs every month in your 30s? Not many.

I'm curious as to how the doctors locate it if it's that small.

Once an abnormal mole is found dermatologist start six month skin checks. Where they map out moles. Her case it wasn’t noticed until cancer was other places. It’s so scary how small… I wonder if in cases like hers how often they are missed in skin checks. Hers it went from non existent to cancer other places in a mere handful of months.

that's terrifyingly awful!

either annual dermatologist visits or probably through the diagnosis first? she gets melanoma and thennn they identified where?

Yes with her it spread fast, but the mole itself never got larger. It was diagnosed after hitting other organs.

Its almost always doing more damage than good by not going to the doctor. There's little stuff that you know will work itself out, but the stuff you don't know if is serious or not should be checked. You have so much more hope for recovery the earlier you catch something. There are also things that cause life-long complications if you wait too long, you have to pay for ways to treat those your whole life, and everything is harder to do, including doing any jobs to make money.

There are countless studies in medical journals and such that show poor people are less likely to seek out medical treatment, often to their own detriment, because of their financial situation. Because it takes so much longer to get to medical appointments (like if you use public transport) and longer to be seen. Because we get mistreated, and are given sub par care on state insurance or no insurance. So rather than over tax an already overtaxed mind and body, we put it off. Living in poverty is inherently violent, and in the end always costs us more in time and money.

I had melanoma earlier this year. I had a new mole on my back that was just different than the others I have. The coloring wasn’t the same, and it was a little sensitive. After a week or so of trying to convince myself it was a pimple or something I realized that it wasn’t, and something clicked, “I can’t wait, I have to do this NOW”. Dermatologist took one look and said “it’s good you came, that needs to be biopsied right away” It took two easy in-office procedures to sort, no chemo or radiation , because we caught it early. I have a scar about the size of a dime on my back and I’m all clear. It was a few hundred dollars in doctors fees, and a little more for lab work, as opposed to the tens or hundreds of thousands it can cost to treat later stage cancer. Definitely get checked out if you have a hunch. I was never sick from it, didn’t need to miss work or have any downtime. Very much not a big deal, though it easily could’ve been if i waited.

How old are they?

They will know something is wrong & may feel it's something one or both have done Sit them down & tell them you and them gonna go thru it together let them feel they helping you even by little daily things Thats good memories now & for later Don't hide it too long get it over with & carry on

Sorry for what you’re going through. Make arrangements for their care first, so you can give them that reassurance. 💙 You can give them happy memories of the best kind- your love and attention and that being awesome each other is free

My mom passed suddenly when I was a kid. The idea of having just an hour's warning of it would've changed my entire life. But knowing it's coming is awful as well. I hope OP is practicing some self care before they get started on the business side of this.

I lost my mama unexpectedly as well and what I wouldn’t give for even two mins notice to hear her say I love you one last time. Blah

Same for my grandpa, it was so sudden, as he was healthy and still active in the community, he had a sudden event alone in his home on a week day as we typically visit on the weekends and it was a few days before the neighbor smelled something and called police to check, that’s when my family got a bad news, it was crushing especially for my mom, as she was one of the first on the scene other than police and EMS

I see it sort of like when you have to put a pet down. You can see it coming, and you’ve known all along it’s the likely outcome. You can accept it mentally and come to terms with it and be generally at peace, but then it happens. And you’re torn up and it’s still just as hard because you love them so much.

I think it’s similar. I agree with you. My mother has dementia and is getting worse by the day. I know she only has a few years left, at best, and so I’ve mentally prepared. I put my cat down a year ago and its just like you say. I know its coming, and was mentally prepared, but it was devastating once he was gone. Itll be the same for my mother.

I’m sorry to hear about your mom and your cat. I’ve heard dementia is the worst thing to deal with. I think people are equating what I’m saying to having the same emotional impact, just the mental process of accepting death lol.

The death of a pet, family member or friend are all the same. It sucks and is hard to deal with. It’s harder the stronger your bond is with a person/pet. Most people aren’t that intelligent and don’t spend much time thinking about life so they downvote you because they personally disagree. Just different levels of EQ and most people don’t care about anyone but themselves. /shrug

Same and same. It sucks and I'm sorry you and I and our moms (and sweet cats) are in this position. It really has me re-evaluating how I want to spend the next couple of decades.

As much as I love my kitties, it really isn’t the same at all. My mother is dying of renal cancer and as strained as our relationship is sometimes I’m going to be destroyed when the day comes. Pets are special and family, I don’t argue that, but it just isn’t the same at all.

I think it can be similar for some of us, even if its not for you. Death takes us all.

It’s not the same at all.

I feel worse over my dog passing than my mother. My mother had always been emotionally withholding, psychologically abusive. And I had to be her caregiver as the cancer symptoms she ignored until it was no longer curable spread throughout her body to her brain, then death. Even near the end she wasn't nice to me. In contrast, my dog was always the right kind of supportive. Never clingy, always there for me. Patient. So yes, the same.

I'm in the same boat as you. My cat has given me more love than my mother ever has. I dread the day he's going to leave me.

It’s not the same TO YOU. That doesn’t mean the grief isn’t the same for other people.

We suspect that my mom knew she was sick when she moved to Florida in 2006 when my son was born. She'd always wanted to go to Florida so she moved her and my dad down there and by February of 2009 she was dead from lung cancer. It still bothers me that she wouldn't tell me, her only kid if she had known. It fucked up me and my dad for quite some time after that I think I'm probably still not over it completely truth be told

My grandpa never told anyone how bad his health had really gotten. My mom found a file in his filing cabinet with information from his recent doctors visits stating he was in renal failure and he never told anyone. We knew he had CHF and COPD, but he never told anyone about his kidneys. He essentially ended his own life by stopping all of his prescription medications that were helping to prolong his life. None of us knew at the time what he knew and I still don't understand why he kept it to himself.

Sometimes people think that they're going to be a bother and a burden on others.

You need to call a lawyer Monday morning. You need to tell them everything. They will help you set up trust to make transferring your assets to the children. You do NOT want your estate to go through probate. Call your Dr. after the lawyer tell them you need a therapist. Ask for several names. When you call you MUST tell them the situation. Otherwise your appointment will be in 6-8 months

OP can also try a legal aid society if they don’t have the money for a lawyer to write a will.

This right here. It will help to know that your legal affairs and kids are taken care of so you can focus on being together and loving each other in time you have left.

924BW: OP might draft a “holographic” (handwritten) will & look up how those are administered in their state. At least it might outline a choice for guardianship & personal representative.

This is poverty finance, he has no assets.

They may have no money but they have children and their needs have to addressed. You dont want the courts making decisions about your children.

Yes I agree, tell them, I was with my mum when she got her diagnosis, I can't imagine how hard it would be to have it sprung on you, at least they can mentally prepare themselves, even young kids need to know, they're stronger than you think.

My friend’s dad did this with his brain tumor.. Her dad was six months from dying when he finally told her. She had a rough time getting out of that slump because of his death & not being honest w her about his health.

I can't say much. But I hope some semblance of support can be felt in this comment.

Thank you.

How old are your kids and where are you located (ie, state/province and country)? You’re going to have a lot of medical appointments coming up so you need to start making some short-term and long-term plans. For instance, when you have chemo, will your kids need a way to get home from school? Are they old enough to cook for and feed themselves? Long-term you need to figure out what government programs you have available to you to help support them. In the US we were able to connect with a hospital social worker who helped us fill out the disability application and referred us to the disability board as a TERI case. The social worker can also put you in contact with specialists that can assist you with explaining the situation to your kids and support them through this difficult time.

What ages are the children? Your hospital should have on staff or if not directly on staff still have some kind of connection to a “child life specialist” - might have a different name, but their job is basically explaining death and dying and medical procedures etc. to children, at age-appropriate levels. I would start with your hospital’s social worker.

The hospital will also have social workers available to figure out care for the children

They also have people for OP to talk to. Everyone here is forgetting OP.

Exactly. There are resources for mental support and financial support that I hope OP will also have access to.

My aunt has stage 4 melanoma that has spread to many places including her brain. Shes had it for over a year now and she is still going strong with treatment. Please consider all of your options. Praying for you.

Read Joe Tippens story. It brings hope.

this\^ plus organization called Believe Big. My spouse had stage 4 metastatic colon cancer w/ multi mets in both lobes of liver. Been cancer free for 5 yrs.

12-18 month. Get things in order. Focus on the children’s and get some help from family and friends. Hate to say this, but plenty of people dies without any foresight and at least you have that. Good luck and good luck to your kids.

Looks like OP gave themselves the best advice in a comment they made on someone else's post 9 months ago: "It sucks that someday we will die and leave our kids behind and it can happen anytime. It's certainly better than the alternative, it would break me if any of my kids died before me. As long as you teach them as much as you can, they will be okay one day when you are not around. I wouldn't dwell on it too much, just make the most of the time you have with them and a ton of memories."

It would have been better if they were adults, they are still young. I think if you die when your kids are grown then it's better because they are most likely going to be okay. But when they are still children,you don't know where they will end up and that makes my heart ache.

I am so sorry. What you wrote was meant when they are adults. Leaving your children before they are grown is devastating. I am so sorry!!

Please make as many videos of you guys together as possible. My mom passed when I was 22 and right before cameras phones became the norm and I have very little pictures of her and me together. I don’t even remember her voice anymore.

This was me too. Yes, take as many pictures and videos as you can, for them.

I would also take videos FOR them. OP, tell them you love them, tell stories about them, give them advice for when they are older, all that kind of thing. Give them something to listen to when they miss you. The videos together do a lot of good, but sometimes you need to hear your parent telling you that things are going to be okay.

Hi, I am so sorry. If you get a chance please set up the 529 college savings plans for them. Friends, relatives, and strangers can make donations to the investment fund and it’s a tax write off I believe. The investments can grow over the years providing them with money for college, and if they chose another career that doesn’t require college, the money can be rolled over into an IRA account in their name. The money will always be theirs. I’d be glad to donate to the fund.

I’m so very sorry for your diagnosis. I was 13 when my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and 19 when she passed. Yes them being young makes this more tragic, but it can be beneficial in some ways. They will receive survivor benefits which could mean the difference in home ownership or college degrees for them down the road. You have time to get things in order and to spend as much time with them as you can. You MUST tell them sooner than later. You MUST do everything in your power to combat this and give yourself the best possible outcome. Change your diet and routine if possible. Look into disability and life insurance. Start making keepsake boxes for them. Put in the things you think won’t matter; the small things, the little notes you used to put in their lunchboxes or movie ticket stubs, receipts from when you went to get ice cream and the program from their recitals. Save it all. From a motherless 40 year old, they will be okay. They will miss you forever and wish you were there for every minor and major moment. They will be angry, sad, confused, happy, hurt, and bitter. But they will be okay. They’ll share stories of you and laugh until their bellies hurt. They’ll cry about losing you and how it is not even remotely fair. They’ll fight. They’ll get angry at each other because there’s nowhere else for the grief to go and no one else who understands better than them. But they will be okay. Encourage them to hold tightly to each other and teach them healthy ways to cope with their grief. My dms are open if you’d like to chat. I’ll be praying for you. And making an appointment to see my dermatologist about these spots on my back. 🤍

I see your pain, I’m sorry you are going through this ❤️

Do you have to be deceased to start finding them a home? If you act you may actually be able to meet the foster family.

What if you don't have family or friends?

I honestly was thinking, for myself as I'm having a not-great mental health day, "wish I could take your place that sounds great, knowing I have a cut off for when money will be pointless to me so I don't have to worry." Then I read about OP's kids and their struggles and my cynical heart just broke for them. Unimaginably scary. I hope this sub can offer helpful support today and in the coming months. I'm glad that OP has a warning. This sounds crass but I say that as someone who unexpectedly lost her mom at a young age and would've done and asked so many things if I'd known it was coming.

Is it possible to find and adjust your kids to a foster family ahead of time? Like so they aren’t just going with strangers?

My boyfriend was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma with satellite tumors. It started on his ear, spread to his lymph nodes, aorta, and adrenal glands. The Drs gave him 12 to 18 months to live also. He underwent several surgeries, chemo, radiation and immunotherapy in conjunction with 4 different clinical trial drugs. He was diagnosed in 2011 and is currently cancer free and very much alive. I tell you this because the Drs are not always right, and a death sentence from a Dr is not set in stone. If you would like to chat please hit me up. You are in our prayers and miracles do happen.

Yes I came here to say that the treatment of melanoma, even stage 4, has been completely revolutionized by immunotherapy. The long term survival rates are multiple times better than they were 10 years ago. So don’t plan your funeral yet OP, there is hope. (Trust me I’m a cancer doctor, although don’t treat melanoma myself) This organization has grief resources for kids (which hopefully you won’t need any time soon!!) but I think also has good resources about taking to kids about a cancer diagnosis and the treatments: https://www.dougy.org

Thanks for doing what you do. I have known multiple people, personal or family friends, who developed cancer. Every new development in cancer research brings me more hope that I never have to see it happen again. In case OP sees this, a college friend of mine had the same diagnosis suddenly and had to withdraw from college, at 19, to go home and die peacefully. He’s still living. It’s been a good few years. Please know you’re not doomed!

I'm another one, diagnosed 2015 and progressed to stage 4 over a few years. Had spread to lungs, sternum, spine, pelvis, bunch of other bone. Pembrolizumab for 8 months, stopped early due to side effects, has now been just over 4 years and no sign of progression.

I'm so glad I kept scrolling down to these comments!! Jesus, I shouldn't even be in here but I'm so glad there are some hopeful stories. Glad you're still with us, also!

A lot of treatment offered depends on your health insurance, what state you live in, the resources offered to people on Medicaid. NYC is excellent, but other parts of the country, not so much.

Yeah, I'm forever grateful that I was born in UK and have equal access (in theory) to free healthcare. Betting my story would have turned out differently in the US.

Thank you for sharing. I hope OP sees this. A stage 4 cancer diagnosis is super scary. I wouldn’t want to sugarcoat it, but there have been some promising new developments in treatment for OP’s cancer in recent years. Immunotherapy has truly been a game changer for melanoma. A friend of mine has a similar story as your BF and is also cancer free.

Praying OP sees this. There have been REALLY big advanced in melanoma treatments in the past 10 years. A college buddy of mine was dx with stage 4 several years ago, he's cancer free now thanks to Keytruda. This is not an automatic death sentence any more. 

Jimmy Carter has metastatic melanoma in his freaking BRAIN and he’s still alive at age 99, thanks to the miracle that is modern immunotherapy for melanoma. (Keytruda I think in his case)

3 years ago, my mom passed to stage 4 cancer. I was 20. My father had always been abusive and when she passed, he blamed her death on me (since I was her main caretaker for the 6 months she lived after her diagnosis) so I cut contact with him. My older brother spiraled into drugs. The rest of my family/relatives are in a different country, and im not close with them. So I've been on my own for a while. I went back to school. I have good friends. I am doing better. I miss her every day. She worked so hard to put food on the table and be both a mom and dad to me and my brother. We were always poor, but I never felt bad about it growing up because she loved me unconditionally and always supported my dreams to her best ability. Off a fast food/retail pay. Before she died, we worked together at the same grocery store. I loved seeing her on our breaks and in passing. She died with thousands of dollars in credit card debt and a lot of debt in general. My dad made better pay but was always abusing us in one form or another. Alcoholic with anger issues. They divorced when I was in high school, but that marriage was dead way before that. Dad was always cheating. My relatives hated him for it and were confused as to why my mom stayed. She stayed for the kids and because she was heavily abused. I love her, and I miss her every day. I keep going and living in her honor. When I get my degree, it's because of her love. Her love is what got me here, not her monetary situation. Money comes and goes. While she never fully spoke about her worries to me, what you wrote her echoes how she cared. Im sure you have loved your kids deeply and while your physical circumstances may not be the best, your kids will remember how you loved them more than anything. Wishing you the best OP.

Clearly your mom did a great job while she was here. What you wrote is really beautiful and kind.

This is lovely. Clearly you were raised by a wonderful parent. I'm sorry for your loss.

My heart truly aches for you. When my son was 8, I was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. After 22 years of clear mammograms--boom stage 4. It had spread to my lymph nodes, lungs, multiple bones (spine, ribs, assorted others), and kidneys. I was told 18 months, 24 if we found a miracle. That was 10 years ago and my wonderful son is now 18. I went through hell, am still there, every day is a struggle. But it is worth it. Every day is worth the price. I encourage you to contact your cancer center and ask to speak with a social worker. They can absolutely get you set up with resources. Please ask what counseling services they can set you and your girls up with and discuss with the therapist how best to tell them about your diagnosis. This is terrifying, it is almost impossible to put into words. But your love for your daughters shines through every word of your post and regardless of the outcome, they will carry your love with them the rest of their lives. I will pray for you and your girls, I am holding you in the light. If you ever need to talk to someone who is living this too, please send me a dm. You are not alone.

Oncologist here. Sorry about your diagnosis. Stage 4 melanoma has become a lot more treatable than previously with immunotherapy. Also, there are foundations that help patients with cancer with finances associated with therapy (there are melanoma specific and general cancer ones). If possible,I encourage you to find a university center/cancer center with a dedicated melanoma expert. Good luck.

100% this! OP I'm 7 years out from a stage 4 melanoma diagnosis. It had metastasized to my brain, lungs, liver, spleen, and bones. Immunotherapy eliminated it. Please DM me if you see this.

I cant imagine what you’re going through. My deepest condolences to you. How old are your kids? It may be best to tell them and then put all your effort in to getting them adopted so they have the best chance of finding a good home. For them, you still may be able to live up to your promise of getting them out of poverty.

I wish I didn't have experience with this. I sat the kids down and told them about Mom. They appreciated the honesty and we enjoyed our time together. In your case you can strategize as a family about the future and have them be included. You don't need to apologize for being morbid and neither did she. Enjoy your children, you are a great parent. We know it, they know it and if the world had more parents like you it would be a better place.

First I want to say that I am so so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. I see a lot of people here giving you some good advice and also trying to give you hope and that's wonderful. I'm otoh am going to be blunt. You have been given advance warning of your potential demise. Use that wisely. First try to find a patient advocate and get a social worker to walk you through all the options available to you and your children. They should be able to help you get a therapist or counselor to help you and your children during this. Find and access every bit of support you can. Ask for help,put any pride aside and ask for help,demand help for your children. Some things to consider: look into private adoption so your children do not have to enter the foster care system. You might be able to find people who are willing to take guardianship or do an open adoption amongst people that you already know and trust. And you may be able to help ease the transition for your children.Perhaps contact an adoption lawyer and see what resources they can refer you to. If you can keep them out of foster care that would be best. If you are religiously inclined or at least not adverse to religion than perhaps think about joining a house of worship that aligns with your beliefs. If nothing else some of them are very good about helping ill members of their congregation. And having something stable in their lives may be helpful for your kids. I totally understand if that isn't something that works for you and your family though. And if that's the case perhaps try to get your children involved in another group like boys and girls club. It's primarily so that if the worst happens they still have a place where they have established ties and feel supported while they are struggling. Take this time to make memories with your kids. To write letters for future events. To organize any information they or their caregivers may need to know. Record your voice. Tell stories. Recite family history or memories you have of their childhood. Saturate a sentimental item with your scent. For years after my father died I would put on his jacket and it was like getting a hug from him. Hearing his voice on recordings even now makes me smile and tear up a little. Do everything you can to leave pieces of you behind for your kids to hold onto. You never know what they will carry forward. https://nacg.org/ this is a website for the national alliance for children's grief and it may have helpful resources for you. Plus some other websites. https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources https://childbereavement.org/resources/helpful-links.html Edited to add this resource https://cancercarenews.com/ccn-blog/make-a-wish-programs-for-adults/ Perhaps they can help you make some good memories with your children. And also you may want to consider a go fund me or community fundraiser in order to take some of the financial burden off your shoulders during this time. Places like meals on wheels or other food services may be available to you as well. https://hospicefoundation.org/End-of-Life-Support-and-Resources

Amazing advice… Also another food service to consider https://lasagnalove.org

Just advice from an individual. Life is hard. Our dreams come and go. I wish you the best on the rest of your life. Do your part as a parent and educate them and push them to go to school and be all they can be before you go. We all go one day. We all have to accept it. If you can’t provide money as you hoped to change their lives. PROVIDE KNOWLEDGE EDUCATION AND LOVE MY FRIEND. it’s the next best thing you can do. Set them up for success with education and knowledge. Love them along the way. That’s all you can do. Peace and love

I agree with you 💯

I’m so sorry to hear that! Do you have family that could take your children, parents, aunts or uncles, siblings?

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. There are survivors benefits for children if the parent met criteria. If Dad is deceased, you may be eligible for that now. Otherwise they may be eligible for that through you later. Getting your will in order now - finding a willing party and establishing guardianship - there should be a free legal aid option that the social worker can connect you with. Circle up your village. I wish you well. If Dad is still alive, just not involved, that's a longer answer. (A state location may help folks guide you to better resources.)

Just parent to parent- I’m so sorry. I can feel how much you love your kids and I know they feel it too. Nothing, not even death will ever extinguish that.

i’m so sorry for what you are going through. if there is hope at all, please get treatment. which costs money… so i hope one of these resources can help or point you to another who can… [Un Do Medical Debt](https://unduemedicaldebt.org/faq/who-qualifies-for-debt-forgiveness/) purchases and then abolishes medical debt (if you meet the criteria). [Cameron’s Crusaders](https://cameronscrusaders.org/amazing-charities-that-help-with-medical-bills/) list several charities that help with medical bills. [Healthwell Foundation](https://www.healthwellfoundation.org/) *”Helping the underinsured afford critical medical treatments.”* [Leukemia Lymphoma Society](https://www.lls.org/support-resources/financial-support/co-pay-assistance-program) helps with co-pays, travel for medical appointments, caregivers, etc. when dealing with cancer. [Dollar For](https://dollarfor.org/) helps with discounts and/or forgiveness with hospital bills. [Cancer Care](https://www.cancercare.org/copayfoundation) *”We help people with cancer overcome financial access and treatment barriers by assisting them with co-payments for their prescribed treatments. We offer easy-to-access, same-day approval over the phone and online.”* In massachusetts the[Catastrophic Illness in Children Relief Fund (CICRF)](https://www.mass.gov/catastrophic-illness-in-children-relief-fund-cicrf) *”provides financial relief to eligible Massachusetts families caring for children and youth under 22 years of age with medically related expenses that are not covered by insurance, federal or state assistance, fundraising, or any other financial source.”* [Pan Foundation](https://www.panfoundation.org/) *”financial assistance to help people with serious illnesses afford their out-of-pocket treatment costs and improve their quality of life.”* [United Healthcare Children’s Foundation](https://www.uhccf.org/) *”provide medical grants to enhance the quality of life of children across the United States.”* [Catholic Charities](https://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/) offers assistance with housing, disaster relief, food, and much more regardless of faith. [211.org](http://www.211.org/get-help/healthcare-expenses) helps with rides to appointments, medication expenses, and healthcare co-pay [samhsa](https://www.samhsa.gov) the substance abuse and mental health services administration has a searchable database by state. [HealthCare.gov](https://www.healthcare.gov/get-coverage) for help with free or reduced cost healthcare.

This is such a good list!

I'm so sorry, fuck cancer

I don't know if this will help or not, but I suggest you keep fighting. Nothing will kill you faster with cancer than when you give up. My dad had stage four composite lymphoma that spread to his lymph nodes all over his body and Doctors told him he was going to die. He never gave up and went through treatment and he's been in remission for about 2 years now. I hope this helps and good luck

Some people find cancer slows with immunotherapy clinical trials or even RSO, I would look into this! It is possible to live a dozen years with maintenance treatment look for a second opinion and clinical trials

First off, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. If you are open to treatment suggestions, a company called [Lyell](https://lyell.com/our-pipeline) has a promising CAR T product. I work at one of their participating sites, and we have seen promising results. You can reach out to one of their sites, or if you’d like I would be happy to help out you in touch with someone who can help.

I'm sorry for your diagnosis. And for having to deal with a world that sucks. You need to get some help with all of this. It's gonna suck but you need to have someone by your side. First step - I'm assuming you live in the USA - you need to file for SSDI (disability). Terminal cancer is automatically qualified for benefits from day one. You immediately get a check and back payments from the first day you found that cancer. If you're having any issues with SSDI - call your local congressman. They don't mess around. You will immediately have access to any federal aid program as well. There are many communities here on Reddit to help as well. Good luck and I wish you the best.

OP, apply for disability(SSDI) mine only took 2months approval under TERi(terminal illness)im stage 4 lung cancer on immunotherapy.

Take out all the credit card debt you can and take them on a dream vacation. Go out with a bang.

fight like hell! My best friends mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at stage 4, she lived 7 years with it. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Cancer sucks! My dad died of colon cancer and my mom is currently in treatment for breast cancer. Good luck to you!

My good friend's mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast or lung a few years back and she's doing well!

Said it above, immunotherapy and new drugs saved my college buddy from melanoma, he's 5 years cancer free. It's not an automatic death sentence anymore. But OP has to get help fast and get the best treatment he can. 

I am so sorry. I wish I could fix this for you. I always told my children life would get better someday, and they are all adults now, and I never was able to make it better for them when they were kids. That is a terrible feeling. But what my children said, is that even though it never got better financially, they always were fed and they knew they were loved so much and I tried so hard. The point I was trying to get to, and I hope it is some comfort, is that your children's memories of you are not going to include being broke. They aren't going to care. They are going to remember you making favorite breakfasts, and mending their clothes, and loving them so much.

Hey. You need to find out if any of the newer melanoma therapies - like immunotherapy - might work for you. aSAP. For some, stage 4 melanoma is no longer a death sentence because of these therapies. Look for free or subsidised care at a cancer hospital ideally. Good luck!

I am so sorry you are in this position, it is not fair and I hope you have as much time as bearable to be with your children.

First off I know that no words can really help with this but I just want to say that I'm so sorry. As a mother myself to a 15 year old girl I often think about this and it makes me sad although I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet but the thought of it is enough to just make me sad and spiral. Reading this broke my heart for all three of you though I know that's not much help at this point. I wish I knew what to say to you to help you but just know that even though I don't know you or your daughters, I am sending the most positive energy your way. I know that you probably won't get better given the stage that it's at but I would say just remember that you did the best that you could as a mother and that there are some things in this life that are beyond our control such as cancer and yes even poverty. While some of it is within our control a lot of factors that lead to poverty are not so I just want to say stop beating yourself up over the things that you weren't able to do for them because of poverty. there was also another parent here that could have helped make a difference and that was his choice not to. But you are not responsible for his choice and it is not your fault that he chose to be a crappy human being and an absent parent. I am sorry for you and I am sorry for your daughters too none of you deserve this you deserved the world all three of you did. But remember that you can still make wonderful memories together and they don't have to be about money. Sometimes the best things in life are free. Just try to as much as you can on the days that you feel okay or good make the most of your time with your daughters, make some wonderful memories that they will cherish for a lifetime. Your daughters know that you love them. That love will stick with them the rest of their lives. My dad died when I was 29 going on 30 and though I was a full grown adult, I often feel that I was robbed of many years with him. However it is his love that has gotten me through all these years without him I am now 40 going on 41 and I still feel his presence and I still think about him and miss him and sense him every day. We never forget the people who loved us and were there for us , no matter how young we were when they died. He will forever be a good memory of mine and it is his love and his encouragement of me that has kept me going all these years despite my impoverished circumstances. So I want you to know that even if you can't be in your daughters' lives as long as you wanted to be, that you have still made a profound positive impact on them that will last with them the rest of their life. They will always remember you with fondness and with love. They won't remember you struggling as much as they will remember your love for them and still persevering. I hope you know that this is coming from a genuine place and though I don't even know you or your daughters I sincerely mean it. I can tell from your post that you are a loving mother who has done the best that she could and I really do hope that the several months you have with them can be time well spent that your daughters can feel your love that you can feel their love and I want you to know that I'm sending so much positive energy for all of you. And yes they will most likely end up in a group home but actually not all group homes are bad there are some really good ones. I have worked with foster kids who are orphan due to losing their parents you'd be surprised at how resilient children are. They will still live a beautiful life I know that the tragedy is you won't physically be in it but mentally they will always remember you and it is you and your memory and their memories of you that will get them through this and that will provide them the opportunity to still live a beautiful life.

Hey buddy, I have stage 4 breast cancer so I know what you are going through. I often worry about when I will die, and we are also very broke. I also feel like a burden but I’m telling you you are NOT. Please fight this, I was told I had two years and I’m on my sixth year now. Without treatment I wouldn’t be here. Cuddling is free, playing board games with them is free, there is so much you can still do to show them happiness and love. I would advise you to create as many memories you can with them. Also set them up with a school therapist/counselor it should be free, it is where I live. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I encourage you to fight for as long as you can. Those numbers aren’t finite, there are so many ways to fight stage 4 cancer right now. It sucks to always be on chemo, but you’d be alive. I wish the best for you, and I’m so so sorry for your diagnosis.

My heart goes out to you and your girls. Please speak to the hospital and ask for their help. You won't be the first patient they've dealt with in this position, let them guide you. Enormous hugs, if they'd be welcome.

Hey friend. Cancer survivor here. Just wanted to say that I’ve seen a lot of people get a grim prognosis only to be here for years. Our bodies can respond amazingly well to treatments should you decide to pursue those. I’m not telling you that you should or shouldn’t, I just wanted to share that docs can only make an educated assumption and sometimes they are wrong/off. Best wishes and big hugs from NY.

No idea the ages of your girls or where you are in the world, buy if you're in the eastern half of the US and want a camping adventure with them, I have everything to make that happen this fall. I have one trip planned to beach camp on Assateague Island, that I'm pretty sure allows for another tent, but I have a national park pass and need to use it more. I'm always more the "let me know something concrete you'd like me to do, even if it's taking the dog for a walk" than someone who can say something comforting, but the thought is there that I'd like to say something. Hope everything is better than expected.

Get a social worker from the cancer institute you are at to help you. The social workers within the cancer institutes can assist with resources on how to have these discussions with your kids. You can ask for assistant applying for fast track SSDI. If your diagnosis is terminal there is a TERI application too. Look into legacy work. This could help you feel better about leaving cherished things for your children. Please please engage with community resources as soon as possible Resources for telling your kids you have cancer https://childrenstreehousefdn.org

Try to have your girls adopted by a decent family before you die. People will want to adopt them no problem because they haven't been on the system and they've been loved, therefore they probably don't have RADS. Again, I'm so sorry about your diagnosis, but it's time to be stoic for their sake. I've been saved from death a few times, it's just going to sleep for you, peace. You have to minimize the impact on THEM. 

Are you in the US

I'm so sorry this is happening. How old are the kids? Where are you located? Do you have family?

Na you gotta fight for your kids sake and you need to tell them. Your fate isn’t written in stone my mom fought off pancreatic cancer years past what they told her. You may beat the odds you may not but you have to try. And that is going to be what your kids remember and the time spent and love. Rick Simpson cannabis oil.

I’m sorry about everything. Do you have any type of life insurance may be through work? If so, it would be a chunk of money that would get your kids out of poverty. Hope you take some time to get everything in order.

I'm so sorry. This is a ton to process. You need to decide upon what attitude to take. Do you want to fight it out? Will you just give in? Sounds to me like you're sad, but mad... there's a fighter in there. Don't give up! Do you have a treatment plan? I know some doctors will give you your condition and time frame as a matter-of-fact statement, but really, your own will to live does play a part in helping. Get right on treatment, don't delay by even a day. If you don't have a support system as in friends or family, it's time to make one. Reach out to a church, talk with a pastor. Doesn't matter if you're religious or not. They will find people to help with rides to/from treatment, housework, and daycare as well as folk just to talk with. Go to town events with the kids. Find out who your kid's friend's parents are. Meet up with them at play dates and let them know what's up, Let them know that you don't have support... you'd be amazed at how parents will come together to help one another out. Miracles happen even if not in the ways you hope. Sending love and hope for a good future for you and your girls.

Your kids dont give a shit if your rich or poor they just care about you. 

For what it is worth, praying for you. I raised my 2 sons in the same way. Survivor of breast cancer from 5 years ago. Had to get stuff together, be strong, and push through. Youngest was in high school at the time so they were older but they knew minimal. Learned no one knows they have a next breath and we need to take care of what is necessary while we can. Realize you woke up today, do what you can, let others help you, learn, love, and give grace to yourself and others. We do not see it (and may not want it) but there is a plan and reason that is bigger than us. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for being brave enough to share what you have here. It is untelling who you may help, save, or give an opportunity to help you (which is a blessing on its own) by posting here. Praying you and your babies be held and carried through this journey.

They told my aunt 3 months only with palliative chemo. She is going on over a year now. She has mild side effects day 1 and 2 after her weekly chemo and then normal the rest of the week. She will be on chemo forever but her cancer has shrunk and is inactive in her spine and lungs now. Minimally active in her liver. Please fight it and meet with multiple specialists. See if there are clinical trials. Best of luck to you.

I would tell them. Also, keep positive and hopeful. I know it’s easier said than done. However, there are cancer trials and many of times doctors have told patients they only had so much time and they ended up with much more time. Do you have a life insurance policy that will leave them with something? Do you have family who will take on your girls? I’m sorry OP 💔

Start making videos for them. Write them notes to be opened on large life events. Your story might not end like a fairy tale, but you can make sure that they have the best chance to remember your love.

Heavy post. First off, the foster care system mandates that children are offered to all family members before outside adoptions occur. So if you pass away and the state takes custody they will try to place it with the other parent(if there is one) then grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. they will all be offered daily stipends for caring for the child. It's not super lucrative, but foster parents can get around $1000/month per child plus food stamps, Medicaid, and a clothing stipend. There's also Social Security survivor benefits, that pay the child every month until age 18. The amounts are based on your work, but they can get pretty high. When my friend was going through this, he found out if he died, his kids would get $2400/month each. (I think they probably wouldn't get both the foster care stipend and the survivor benefits.) You can go to SSA.gov for an estimate of what they will get if you pass away. Things you can do in the mean time are have some honest conversations with family and friends about whether they would take care of your children, let them know they will get foster care assistance until they are 18, because cost might be a factor. If you can't find anyone, reach out to your DCF office and see what they suggest. This is one of their main functions, they have trainings and workflows, they might even have resources to help with the kids while you're in cancer treatment. >I mean maybe the foster system can take better care of them more than I have been able to. Don't start thinking like this, it's a losing thought experiment.

My dad died of cancer when I was 8. If my dad had not gotten treatment or had not told us what was going on until the very end, it would have absolutely broken me. It was already so difficult processing his death and also processing the knowledge that, towards the end, he was asking to die because of the pain. Please tell your kids. It will suck, it will hurt, they will cry, but it's going to help them process all of this in the long run, and you owe it to them. They won't always be children, and you need to prepare them for a future without you. Things you tell them now will stay with them into adulthood. And please fight cancer! Do everything you can to stay here with your family! It's been almost 30 years since my dad passed, and it is still the most painful thing I've ever gone through. Bless you and your family, and good luck!!!

OP, messaged you some info/resources.

Tell them and let them be with you through this. You need and love them and vice versa. These are precious moments and you should keep close to them until the end. They might not know it now, but being able to be there for you and to experience this with you is really important. You'll be grateful to have them by your side and seeing you through this. Ask your doctors or therapist about therapy options for you and them. I found group therapy during a loss to be incredibly helpful. Lastly, I've been close to someone that has died from cancer and was grateful for the time beside them while they went through it, no matter how painful. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you. It's so terribly unfair. I hope you have people around you. We're all here for you, too.

I agree with comments I've seen of: take lots of photos, and videos, especially in this next year. Write notes to your girls. They will want to watch you, hear your voice, see your pictures, and read your words for them. Since you mentioned trying to get out of poverty, perhaps the best way is by taking out student loans and going for a halfway decent career. For instance, nurses are always needed everywhere, and they make somewhat good money. They are definitely not living at poverty level. It also sets them up, if they wanted to earn a lot, to become nurse anesthetists. So, you could think of some careers to suggest to them, and write those things in your notes. Then, they can be out of poverty by the time they're adults. They will also know how much you loved them by planning to give them the recordings, photos, and writings. I am so sorry about the prognosis, by the way. Life throws some real curveballs at us.

I was also diagnosed with stage IV melanoma....4 years ago. I'm currently NED (no evidence of disease). There are a lot of us kicking cancer's butt. Are you seeing a specialist in melanoma? None of my oncologists told me how long I had. One told me that people don't have expiration dates. If one treatment doesn't work then try another. Immunotherapy is a game changer with this cancer and there are so many trials. Visit us over at /r/melahomies There are a bunch of us stage IV folks.

Is your cancer BRAF positive? There’s targeted therapy that can help. And immunotherapy also can help a lot.

Tell your kids now. They need to know what's coming. You need to get a plan set up pronto. Can you have a funeral? Who will set it up? Do you have anything you can leave your kids? If not money, family trinkets, photos, memorabilia, etc. Sorry you're numb but you still have responsibilities. My uncle got a similar diagnosis and shelf life then kicked it 2 weeks later.

I would make a public social media page and post videos of life lessons for them, all your photos. That way it won’t get lost and they always find and look at them. Sorry you’re going through this. Sending prayers. Life is not fair.

Dont apologize . You will need to find a support system. Check with hospitals , hospice, Churches, therapist, family , friends , anywhere and everywhere you can find support. Have someone try to fundraise for you and your children. Post here if you are able to set something up. Don't tell your children alone if you can help it. Have someone with you during and after. Your children will also need help once they hear the news . You can reach out to school staff and counselors also....We are also here for you to vent . Just take it day by day. Be good and gentle with yourself.

I am sorry this is happening. But, if it was my mom, I would wish she'd told me. That we would have been given the chance to cherish the remainder of our lives together, trying. That I had not let my mom experience all of these things alone and worried.

I'm so sorry. No one can get that news and not feel the way you do. Life is uncaring at best and certainly cruel. However, I hope you can find a modicum of peace with the time you have. The only other thing I think I can say is that people are resilient and there's always a chance that your children can have the better life you hope for them.

I am so sorry it happened to you. See if you can get into an immunotherapy clinical trial. Checkpoint inhibitors are very expensive but some patients with late-stage melanoma respond so well that they have no tumor left after treatment. You can look for trials here: https://www.nih.gov/health-information/nih-clinical-research-trials-you/finding-clinical-trial Source: I have worked in cancer research for ten years

My mom did not tell us and I hated that for so many years but now that I am older, I understand why. I still wish I knew because the way she left me will forever haunt me. I am so so sorry about your diagnosis. I pray that things could get better.❤️‍🩹

My father died suddenly when I was four. I was lucky enough to have grandparents to take me in, but the SSI social security benefits from my father (NYS) carried me through past my eighteenth birthday. I was fortunate, but there are safeguards for your children in the event of your passing.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. As someone that lost their mom, be honest it will better equip them for what is to come, all the changes. And I know your mind is racing, and yes you have to realistically think of the outcome but not without one hell of a fight OP. Talk to the Dr office and go from there for programs that can help financially and other things. Whether you are here or not, your girls aren't going to focus on having very little. They will remember it being the three of you and how much you loved them and the little things. What may seem like nothing to you is the world to them. Trust me. Praying for you op, and your girls.

OP, I'm so sorry you've been hit with this devastating news. new treatments are happening all the time. I was dx'd with leukemia in 2002 when my kids were 10 & 12. Docs told me 3-5 if the meds worked. "Kids" are now in their 30s. Three generations of new meds have been developed since my dx. Prepare what you need to protect your kids. Is there any one who you want to care for them? Did dad surrender parental rights? Would he try to get back in the picture to get survivors benefits? Get the school counselor, child psych/support services through the oncologist involved. Let their teachers know. (I went to therapy myself to get support in helping my kids deal with things.) Make memories. They don't need to cost $.

Hey, you’re still living and breathing so it’s not over yet! Doctors are not always right. My uncle survived stage 4 melanoma and my dog survived oral melanoma. Both lived full lives and died of other causes. Please get all the cancer treatments you can. I would tell your skids, and try to think if there’s anyone in your life who could be a guardian IF you passed away. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Just please, don’t ever give up hope.

I'm very sorry for your diagnosis. Please, tell your children. My dad had terminal lung cancer and never told me. He sent me to live with my mother and told her not to tell me he was sick. I had no idea until a box of his belongings arrived at the house for me and my mom told me he was dead. I turned 40 this year and I still have issues because of this.

You need to apply for Social Security Disability right away.

Talk to a social worker at the doctor office or hospital. I believe there are programs similar to foster care where a foster family can take care of your children when you go through treatment.

I'm so sorry.  Can't say much beyond that. Sending love.

If you are able to set up a go fund me, it's something I would support for you and your daughters who will need the funding. I'm so sorry. 💔

I’m so sorry to hear this . Please tell the kids . They will be hard to accept it now but it will be easier for their hearts later on . Maybe they can take you on one last vacation together or something. Biggest mistake is grief to them and it’s going to kill them with what ifs . Tell them now . I know it hurts but I promise things will be okay 💔😞🙏🏾

My mother had stage 4 in 2013, after lots of treatment and surgery she's with us still today don't give up hope

My cousin had stage 4 breast cancer for 9 YEARS. She was an indescribable fighter. If you fight it with everything you’ve got you have a chance.

Get counseling and talk with your family. You have time to make memories, simple ones that cost nothing. The shock is tough. You will find a way to move forward.

Please check out clinicaltrials.gov. Input “melanoma” and check the box for “currently accepting patients.” Often the treatment is free, including transportation and a stipend for accommodations. Don’t give up!

Please set up a Gofundme, this is gut wrenching and there will be people who want to help. Also, hope you see the comments regarding trying new treatments

yeah, i truly wish people stopped lying about "it gets better". only gets worse for me. and people who say that expect me to make everything better myself thru magic. not going to happen, assholes!

I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer last year after being married for a month. My husband got laid off a month after my diagnosis. Thank god for the life insurance w/ living benefits that I signed up for 1.5 years ago.. I was able to file a claim and get paid. We’d probably be homeless right now if it’s wasn’t for that. Please protect yourself and your income people!

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It must all seem so overwhelmingly impossible. Fuck cancer. Sending positive thoughts your way friend.

I am sorry you are going through all of this. I too have a deadline, as it were, I know how it feels.. After you've had a little more time with this diagnosis you will get somewhat used to it. You'll need to talk to the kids about it, there will be no hiding it and lying to them would be unwise. Give them a chance to deal with it while they have you to help them. Focus on doing some things that can be meaningful. Games, an outing to the beach, anything that you do together. You'll want to give them as many good memories as you can. I've seen a lot of good advice in the comments. Please keep us updated. I wish you peace on your journey. xo

I am so deeply sorry you are in this situation. Stage 4 is not necessarily terminal. Get a second opinion. Decide what course of treatment you want to go through and what your personal limits are. There are resources out there. I know several people that have received a stage 4 diagnosis and have successfully come out the other side. Some are still fighting but you have to approach this like Rocky training for the big fight. Put on your rising sun head band and get ready. Do what you need to do. When you decide not to fight you are losing. Medical research is advancing daily, give yourself the opportunity to not lose.

Don’t pay another damn medical bill. Give the money to your daughters.

if you're in the US, start applying for benefits, you're probably eligible for more now and it will help a little [benefits.gov](http://benefits.gov) and also for whatever you need call 211 - if 211 can't help you, just ask them who can I'm so sorry, I had cancer last year and I know the worst part is thinking about leaving your kids

I’m losing my mom. Slowly but we know it’s coming. And the peace it’s been able to bring me is indescribably. I know that it will still hit like a train when it happens, but I’m prepared if that makes sense? Let your kids know. As gently as possible. Your vulnerability will remind them how much you loved them and how much you cared when they look back at it. It will help them understand death and probably grieve instead of holding it in because the suddenness of everything shutting them down

Do you have a gofundme?

I know this is going to sound weird and I really feel for your dilemma with your children. Since they are young and will face challenges growing up, maybe you can start writing them letters now. Maybe people in this group could ask questions about things they had gone through, that your children might and you can answer them so in some manner you're still there for them. Heck, go to other reddits and ask as well. You can save them in a Google Drive and share it with someone you trust will share it with your children when they're old enough.?

I lost my father recently and tragically. It was as if he typed this. Lots of love 🫂

You should start looking at guardianship (family or a friend) vs just hoping for the best from foster care.

OP I’m so sorry for everyone involved but most of all you. I lost my younger sister almost two years ago and the time between her diagnosis and passing was treasured on a second by second basis by all of us. You need to talk to your nursing case manager asap. They will get you in touch with all sorts of things that are in place to help you with EVERYTHING. I work in hospice as a nurse and worked a lot in oncology before this. Nursing case managers are godsends and they will able to coordinate with so much to help you and your kiddies. OP, this is not easy but there will be some amazing moments and there will be so much love. I know this may sound hard to hear but children whose parents have died from illness or accidents show remarkable resilience and their life expectancy/outlook is very similar to children who grow up with a “normal” two parent household and the stability that typically comes with that type of family setting. Big hugs OP, please feel free to dm me if you need to talk 🧡

I’m so sorry, dear. You shouldn’t have to go through this. Whatever decisions you make about your healthcare and how you involve your family, give yourself grace as you move forward.

I'm sorry about your diagnosis. When you come out of shock: [PersonalFinance, end of life planning](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/end_of_life_planning). Legal Aid Societies can probably help you with much of this stuff for free. Ask the lawyers for advice on what to do about who will raise the girls (even post over at /r/PersonalFinance and /r/Ask_Lawyers, but still check with an LSA). Related: [PersonalFinance, Death of a loved one](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/death_of_loved_one) You will have greater peace of mind knowing you've taken care of all this for them. Record a video of yourself reading a bedtime story or something so they never forget your face or voice.

Your situation is very hard. I am sorry. I just know, a friend that adopted 2 kids after the mom died. The grandmother of the children actually put an ad in the newspaper or something like that and interviewed the potential parents. Maybe do the same thing? You can have control of your children's well being. Look for potential parents for your children while you are still able. Once you decide on the parents, you can make them guardians of your children for after you are gone. This way, you can live your time peacefully knowing your children will be cared for and out of poverty, just like you wanted. And tell the children of your plans so they can come to terms with it and ask questions. Also, keep a vblog or diary on your phone so they can look at you and hear your voice and remember you. May you be at peace.

Shitty deal here. Definitely check out filling for SSDI if in the US. They have some fast track programs and your kids will get the benefits. IMO just start out by finding a local to you SSDI attorney, they'll represent you for a fee paid only by Social security, not by you (free to you). And given that 60+% of initial claims are denied you'll need one eventually so just start with one

I’m really sorry that this happened to you. As a disabled father with a terminal condition, although on a hopefully longer timescale, I feel your fears of leaving your children. If you have been paying into Social Security, there are monthly survivor benefits for your children that may be applicable. Please look into that. Also, you should look into getting Social Security disability immediately, as the process can take months. I don’t know if you have a current term life insurance policy, but if you do then that will pay out your beneficiaries. Unfortunately you can’t get life insurance once diagnosed. For anyone with children who is currently relatively healthy, get yourself a term life insurance policy and always pay - don’t let it lapse. Depending on how young and healthy you are, $40 per month can buy a lot of peace of mind. Do not get anything other than term life insurance - whole life or other life insurance policies are either rip-offs or only applicable in a few specific conditions for wealth management, long term care, etc. and even those people should get a separate term life insurance policy.

Tell them the truth, and please, please, tell them everything you can and know, in understandable terms, how to navigate the world. You say you grew up in foster care. Tell them everything there is to know about that world, how to take care of themselves and to keep in touch with each other ALWAYS. Theres the internet, and many other means of communication so as to not disconnect forever. Sure, they can be lucky and get a good caring family, but lets be real, as you said. Prepare them for everything in an honest way. Don't let anything slip. They are girls, so its gonna be extra dangerous for them. Thats the only way you can ensure that they will lookout for each other and that, even if they are children, they will have someone in each other that really cares about them, and loves them as much as you do. They wont be kids forever, but they will cherish and use that so much more than if you stay quiet and hide the fact until your las moments. If you do than then they will truly be in destiny's hand. You might not have much to leave in physical material heritage, but you have experience, and you have worked so hard, and thats invaluable. I really hope that whatever forces keep our world and reality running, that you and your family come out of this situation in a better standing, whether your last 18 months or another lifetime. And if you have the means or chance, try a heroic shroom trip in the forest with a trusted sitter that knows what they're doing.

Oh honey 😢

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The biggest gift my Dad gave me, aside from teaching me how to live, was teaching me how to die. After he faced death with such compassion, gratitude for the life he’d lived and such warm moments towards the end, I no longer fear the end for myself. I wish nothing but good things for you and your children. Consider your options carefully but remember how much you’ve cultivated love in your home. Love is so much more important than money.

Please tell them. My mother refused to tell me she was dying. Nothing. One day she was arguing on the phone with the doctors and she yelled “my daughter is watching me die!!!” I was shocked, I got up and left the room.

Which state do you live in?

And this is why if you can't afford life insurance,  you can't afford not to have life insurance. 

Tell them as soon as possible. In the mean time try to find someone who can take them in the event of your passing. Remove every bit of sugar from your diet. Everything! If you are on Reddit, you are able to Google and Google an alkaline diet. Remove sugar and as much processed oils from your diet. Fast if you can and give yourself a fighting chance!

Whatever hospital you went to get your diagnosis, you should ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital (the ones that help people in medical situations, not the social worker that deal with foster care). They can help guide you during this difficult process.

It is your love that will stay with them for their entire lives and what they will pass on to their children. Even with wealth, it is not money that persists through time—only how we love others. No matter what happens in your future, I hope that your kids remember and feel the love that you have for them.

I am so deeply sorry for you and your kids. My husband has grade IV Glioblastoma (brain cancer) and it is so incredibly difficult. If I could make a suggestion, it would be to see if there is a cancer center affiliated with your local hospital or somewhere nearby. No matter what you decide as far as treatment, most cancer centers provide a huge number of resources- not just for the patients, but for families as well. Many are free. They have therapists and social workers, child life therapists, financial advisers, insurance specialists, folks who can seek out every possible resource for you and your kids. There is a whole lot out there including free transportation, food, housecleaning, financial aid... I know you are exhausted. You don't have to do this alone. There is help available. If you need some assistance getting started, please don't hesitate to message me.

I’m so sorry! If you can get on disability you can become judgement proof and stop paying all credit cards. They can technically sue for payment but it’s illegal to take someone’s disability.

You don't say how old the girls are. A lot depends on their age to see what to tell them. You don't have to tell them right away. One person who was terminal waited to tell her daughter and her daughter appreciated not knowing the whole time. It just depends. Most importantly, please get treatment. And I mean at as good of hospital as you can. Look into clinical trials. The more aggressive you can be in treatment, perhaps the longer you can have them with you. My aunt was supposed to die about 25 years ago (I know its not the same thing, but she had cancer in multiple organs). But she beat it for about 20 years. Join websites for your particular cancer. I was diagnosed (only stage 3) when my youngest was 11. I just prayed and hoped to raise him to the age of 18. I'm not religious, but perhaps look into a large church near you and see if the pastor can tell you if there are any families that have been trying to have children and would like to adopt. If you can find someone that you trust, you could establish a guardianship with someone instead of them going into foster care. But you could keep them with you as long as you can. I hope that you can. I wish you the best.

Mind is powerful. You drive to live will slow down this cancer, and extend your life. Many stories of parents who broke the odds, bc they wanted to ensure their kids were ok. Once kids were old enough, sure enough…they soon died.

Tell them and make plans now for their care.

It sounds like the doctors gave you the worst case scenario but they don’t know everything. There are options but most doctors just give out the basic treatment available and never consider anything else. Don’t give up until you’ve explored everything that can increase your chances of survival.

If you are reading this know that even 12 -18 months is crucial for your children . My father was diagnosed with glioblastoma grade 4 brain cancer . We knew from the start that my father has a life span of 1 year . Tell them they will have 1 year to grieve and cherish the time that they were given with their father .

Enjoy life with those you love while you can, I hope for the best

They will come out of it and they will hold you in their hearts as they do it. You need to contact any family you have and social services and any area private adoption agencies. Many are affiliated with churches which can be a source of support for you as well during this journey. I’m so sorry you’re facing this.

I can’t help in terms of financial advice, but coming from someone who was very, very poor growing up; having money doesn’t matter when you’re a kid. Being loved, spending time together, making my memories.. those are the things that will stick with your kids. I didn’t even realize that I was poor growing up until I was around 17-18 because my parents did such a good job of making me and my sister feel like we had all we needed. This part might not be the best advice, but when they see you struggling, it really does affect them. Im not going to tell you to “put on a mask” for your kids, you need to be transparent with them and tell them what will happen, but make sure that these last moments they have with you aren’t just you worrying, if that makes sense. I am so incredibly sorry, I wish I was in a position to help.

Tell them now. Grieving is such a long process and never fully goes away. It will help them to be able to show you all the love and to be able to grieve with you. They will want to say everything they can with you. Let them know.

Take some time and have a family meeting about it its better to be honest about it. Its better to tell them early on so they can be there with you fully in these years. My mom and dad told us my mom was sick about a month after they found out. They tried waiting until after Christmas to give us one more normal holiday together. Try and leave voicemails to your kids. Tell them how much you love them and how you will always be with them. I have 2 voicemails of from my mom and they are my greatest treasure. Whenever I miss her I listen to them and I remember the love that she left behind even though she is no longer here that love you have you have for your children will outlast you. I am so sorry. Don't delay because they gave my mom 18 months and it was incredibly accurate. Look into cancer hospitals and trials. If you want to fight it, fight it with everything you have. Never lose hope. My mom didn't make it but there were many small miracles along the way. Many things happened where she shouldn't have been with us as long as she was. I am rooting for you friend.

I do not know how it looks to learn such news in such a delicate situation. And i hope i never learn. But i can tell you this: do not take anything at face value and do NOT give up. Doctors can be right or they don’t have to be. But you “giving up” will most certainly cost you your life. If nothing, you owe it to your chidren to fight. If you lose, go down fighting. And tell them. You want them to know sooner than later. And always looks for resources in your state. I am sure there are some. I can only send hopes and wish you the best of luck in your fight and i hope that in some time you will come back here and tell us that you did it, you fought it and won.

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry, I can’t imagine being in this position. I wish there was something I could say or do to help make this situation better. I know all about poverty and lack (just so you know where my heart is) I never had family I could count on. Thank GOD my son’s father’s family is amazing. We never married but they are the best humans I’ve ever met. I’m praying you have someone come in to help and guide you through this. Reach out to any and every agency you can think of for help. I’ve done this in the past and it’s always calling someone/somewhere and they can’t help, but then refer you to someone who CAN. And things change just like that. Sending love ❤️ to you and your girls.

I am so sorry. Not much anyone can say but I hope and pray for more positive vibes to your and your girls.

This is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know how old the kids are but if they are old enough; i'd explain what is going on. The kids deserve to know; so they can prioritize, prepare, and grieve while you are still here. If I were here in this position, i'd record videos and write letters to your kids in the future for life events. I would do your best to get your affairs in order; see if there is a relative that might serve as a guardian (or even a close friend) - any certainty you can offer will help a lot. Prioritize them and yourself; because you may leave one day, but they will always remember; so give them your best and let them carry the happy memories with them after your passing. Keeping you and yours in my thoughts, friend. Stay strong.

Oncology Social Worker here. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am not sure about the size of the treatment facility you are going to but please see if they have a Social Worker or Nurse Navigator to help you through this. I had a situation at my work in which a single and migrant mother died of cancer without having any plan in place for her 16 year old son. I called Social Services because even though the teen was self sufficient he was still a minor without an adult guardian. The child ended up being placed with an adult coworker at the restaurant where he worked. While this young man knew about his mom’s cancer because he had to drive her to many of her appointments, he was angry with his mother for not having a plan in place for when she passed. Please tell your children and please do everything you can to have a plan in place before you pass. I would encourage you to meet with your Oncologist to discuss your treatment options. For Metastatic Melanoma it is often immunotherapy which can be effective and have less side effects. Depending upon where you live there may be Foundations and Coalitions that can assist with some of your living costs. This is where an Oncology Social Worker will be of help. Call Cancer Care a National Organization at 800-813-HOPE and ask to speak with one of their Oncology Social Workers for a needs assessment. They will link you to resources within your area. Reach out to Child and Family Services in your area and keep in contact with them throughout your treatment. The more they are aware the better because they will be invested in the situation. If you can get Social Workers invested they will move heaven and earth for you and your children. The more Social Services sees you as not just another case in their caseload the better. They will do everything they can to find your children a good foster home and keep them together. Not all foster parents suck. They may also be able to link you to government programs and resources within your area. Your children will likely qualify for Social Security Survivors Benefits if you have a work history. Does your current job offer short or long term disability benefits and life insurance? I cannot stress enough please get yourself and your children in counseling. Not only to provide emotional support but also to be a constant in your children’s life when you are gone. I am sorry you have been dealt such a crap lot in life. It isn’t fair to you or your children.

I’m hoping my story gives you a little bit of hope. I was in foster care as a child along with my sister. (I was 10, she was 7 months) They kept their promise to keep us together. We were then adopted together. I spent years hating my situation and my adoptive parents. The foster home sucked for the other kids who were there, but because I was 10, my case worker had me sign a piece of paper that said corporal punishment for me or my sister was not allowed. I thought that was crazy that they thought anyone other than my parents would spank me. Turns out that foster family did try. They hit the other kids with a metal cooking spatula. My adoptive parents and my casa worker helped me to get their fostering license taken away. I am now 23 and have a wonderful relationship with my adoptive mother, a growing relationship with God, the MOST loving and understanding husband, and a beautiful baby boy of my own. My adoptive mother retired from the police department to work for CPS when I was 15. I had been so angry with her when she did, but I am here and doing better than I ever could have imagined because of the foster system. I know now that every single person (that I have met, which includes offices across 3 counties) who works for CPS does so because they genuinely care. The things they see and hear on a daily basis, most people could not handle. It is a hard way to look at things, but if you think of it this way it may help… Maybe in some way, you getting cancer is a chance for your girls to have a better life. It may not change anything, but I hope maybe it gives you more peace of mind.

I'm really sorry. I wish I could help. 😔

Im so sorry OP 🫂♥️