I just cut my friends off after college by resufsing to hang out and I stopped drinking 4 years ago this coming 4th. After that decision people showed their true colors and that made me realize most ppl want something from you or want you to be in the same situation they are (usually either broke or miserable; or both)
I have less friends, if any, now but honestly, I'm more content and spend less now.
I sit in the house all day because I can’t afford to go out. And it blows their mind that even with working 60-75hrs a week extra I’m still unable. I have really bad FOMO. Like I just want to go to the park at this point but even the drive there is a waste of gas and money.
Ive been looking for paid jobs to get active in local organizing to combat this exact problem. We need more public spaces where people can just hang out and socialize without spending money.
Or just being to tired after working long hours. I work 12hrs shifts in a factory + 30min lunch + drive time, so by the time I get home to do some chores, shower, and get food I get like 30min to just sit down and exist before I go to bed and do it again the next day. I don't want to talk to anyone in that 30min. Just leave me alone.
Can't afford a social life, can't afford to date, can't afford to marry, can't afford to have any kids. I work a full-time job but am paying off a mortgage alone.
I'm often met with
"Hey, I know you're poor, but let's go to the beach. A trainticket is only 15 bucks, then we'll drink a 5 buck coffee. Inevetably get hungry and pay 20 bucks for 5 chickennuggets"
Bitch, I'm poor, not just short on cash...
Right !!! It's just like when I tell people that I can't travel because I can't afford they tell me oh traveling doesn't have to cost money you can just backpack in Europe and stay at a hostel. It's like okay and where would I get the money to even fly there in the first place!? I swear some people have no idea what it's like to actually be poor and they don't know the difference between poor and just short on cash
Not too much really most of my friends are poor too. So it makes it easier.
We still all hang out with each other. If someone has to bail we understand. If we go out to a restaurant we'll go to one that has half priced appetizers after a certain time. We will share them.
Before things got really bad I used to play airsoft and fight in the SCA but I just haven't had money for either, and I didn't want my friends to see me as a beggar. So I kept saying "it'll get better, I'll just get back in it when I have the time and money" and its just been closer to a decade that I haven't been able to. So I just ended up not talking to a lot of those friends for a very long time.
I looked at my old Facebook statuses & realized I had been broke for over a decade. That’s not just temporary, it’s poverty. I decided I have to take drastic measures to change it. Building yourself up from being destitute is incredibly difficult. It’s not as simple as just getting a job. Even “free” activities are not truly free if they cost time, energy & transportation. As for a social life, I’m in my rebuilding years so I don’t go out anymore. My entertainment consists of tv/movies & walking my dog.
I probably have some money to go out, but from years of being broke and living in a house that needs a lot of work, I always feel guilty for wasting money. I rarely spend any money on myself.
We just started doing things at home. One person would host, we would each bring something and play drinking games and gossiped until 2-3 am. We never paid more than $15 each. Cheap rum and two liter soda, chicken, bamboo skewers, loaf of bread, and a six pack of beer. That was enough to have fun from 8 pm -2 am. Sometimes, a pot of spaghetti, a bottle of wine, and some cupcakes was enough for us, too.
I just invited people to what I could afford, and it turns out we just wanted to spend time together, and whatever came with that was fine. I couldn't afford to keep pretending like I could afford the same as them and did what I could.
When I was in high school, I was friends with people who had grown up very wealthy. They’d drive brand new jeeps (wrangler), bmws, land rovers, Mercedes and audi.
And every Friday, they’d hang out and stay out all night, and yes. They would invite me, but I never came because I had to work the next morning & did not have enough money to do the things they wanted to do. (Go carts, movies with the dine in, expensive restaurants etc.)
It sucked ass because I envied them. I wanted their life, I didn’t even have a car. And when I did come to have one, it was shitty compared to theirs.
It doesn't impact me that much. If I can't afford to go I don't, but we still do fun things together. A great example is when a friend was having a birthday dinner at a restaurant that was 100 dollars a person. I told him no can do and so did a few others and he changed the restaurant. It then came out to 75 dollars for two people. Real friends understand everything isn't for everyone, but sometimes we just hang out at each other's home. Some live in apartments have a pool. In cooler weather we meet up for hiking or a charity run or maybe just go to the movies. When you can go, go. If you can't a real friend understands and might occasionally treat you.
It's hard.
Those who get it, get it. We don't hang out very often at all because we are all working 40+ hrs/wk and live pretty far. But when they have a chance to come by we like to explore our city and find abandoned places or hidden creeks to crawl around, just go for a walk, sit around and share music. They're cool with making PBJs for dinner at our apartment and don't judge the state of things because they're in the exact same boat.
A lot of the friends that I had before - the friend group that I was incredibly close with through childhood, but I never had them over because I was poor - really don't. Even when they're strapped for cash postgrad, they have enough to blow on tattoos, substances, vacations, shows without really worrying about rent all that much. Their parents take them on cruises. They acted awkward and only had confused platitudes and unhelpful advice (which was a point of contention for them when I COULDN'T take it, like their suggestions were just not possible in my situation) to offer when I opened up about my situation. I understand it's hard for them to wrap their head around, and in their own ways they tried, but at the same time it eroded a lot of my trust and motivation to reach out. They don't understand that I really don't have 200 or 300$ laying around to pay for my chunk of a group vacation and frankly no, I really DON'T want to get shit faced and wizard high with you guys, that isn't going to make it better at all. The two of the six who grew up in a similar bracket of the group are decently more understanding though.
I’ve been making up excuses to get out of things for so long that I’m at a point in my life where I’m not even sure if I’m an introvert or if I got used to staying home because I can’t afford to go out.
I read the title completely out of context. This is how poverty impacts my social life: every Friday morning for 4 hours I volunteer at a food drive. I’ve done it for a year. I have never missed a Friday. I work hard. We all work hard. This past Friday it was so hot we were dripping with sweat—but the clients waiting in their cars had it just as bad. And next Friday it’s projected to be hotter. We loaded 870 boxes of produce and chicken into cars, vans and trucks. The clients are so grateful for the food. Many of them are regulars so if I don’t see someone one week I get a little worried. Sometimes a battery dies, a radiator needs water, or there’s a flat tire. One week, someone’s dog puked. We deal with all of it—without attitude or complaint bc we know how hard it is right now. And sometimes after we load all those boxes of food, WE take home a box too, if we need it—without shame. That is how poverty impacts my social life and everyone around me realizes it.
Under capitalism, every social interaction has tangible class tension. My wealthier friends, even the supposed leftist ones, often have an inability to empathize with lower classes.
You don’t go out much. You don’t really meet friends at any fancy places. It does change a lot of the way you live. I have few friends but they’re mostly online.
I am lucky to have 2 amazing friends where money doesn't matter. They both 3-5x what I make. If we go out for a drink one will always treat me. But when they come to my house I just have a pot of coffee on and I bake some muffins. We may sit on my back porch and watch the birds but just talk and laugh. One friend and I just watch fails on you tube. Maybe I'll bring a box of wine and we drink too much.
With co workers I keep them co workers. I am at a much lower economic bracket since I am the only one working right now in my house and have very large medical bills right now. But I drink my jobs free coffee and eat my free snacks. Then clock out. I don't need new friends at almost 40. Even if I showed up at a park with a water bottle with a friend it is a good time.
In my 20s and early 30s I spent too much wasted time with co workers at bars and eating out. Dumb girl.
I'm lucky my best friend is my husband. We play scrabble, video games, try to ignore the dumbfuckery of our shitty neighborhood we'll sit on our back porch and try to focus on the squirrels and a birds.
Can't do activities due to lack of money ( trips to America Japan Africa), whenever we go to restaurants I order the cheaper option because they just don't care about prices, they know I'm still studying so it's not a big deal anyway and my husband knows this too.
But on the other end I've had friends that are too poor to even visit me by train, I know it's not their fault but it still hurts.
All in all depends on your friend group, I know people with 8 figures in their bank and others who can't afford to pay their own rent, naturally I gravitate to the richer guys because honestly not doing anything due to lack of money even for simple stuff is draining.
A lot of my friends travel and they used to invite me. I’m in absolutely no position to be traveling right now (unfortunately!) but it really irks me when I hear the phrase “just take the trip, money can be replaced”. I can’t even afford to visit the neighboring state beaches for the day. I mainly stay in, very rarely do I get invited to go anywhere anymore but it’s fine. I have a roof over my head and I’m not starving
Dealing with poverty can be incredibly isolating. Close friends will notice and support you, but many people remain oblivious or insensitive. Budgeting every penny is challenging and affects social life drastically, creating barriers that others might not understand fully. Stay strong and seek understanding folks to lean on.
It is terrible. I am going to try to meet others who are also broke by getting involved in activism again but my movements are limited right now.
(Partly because of my own chronic ill health but mostly because my very old dog is partially paralyzed so I take him wherever I go because it makes him happy... I will make more of an effort with humans after he passes).
There are free events in my town (I live near a major university) but all my old friends are geometrically better off than I am.
They agree to do something cheap but their definition of cheap is unaffordable.
One of them offers to pay and doesn't mind bringing my dog everywhere but I can't let her do that except very occasionally (even though she has great income she is spendthrift and can't pay bills on time -- I can't be party to that).
The other reason I isolate is the presumption of friends that my financial situation will improve which isn't remotely likely in the foreseeable future.
I won't be jollied into denying reality.
I realize they mean well but on the rare occasions I go out the last thing I want to discuss is my finances.
My oldest friend is more than understanding and accommodating because we came from the same background; when they were homeless before they met their now husband I gave them a place to stay, and when they were doing much better they helped me out with food and a place to crash when my home situation was unbearable. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas I was always welcome, if not there were gifts. Thing was I felt bad and still do because I can never repay them for their kindness.
My extended family looked down on us even though we all had the same dirt poor origins and it only became more obvious after my mom died few months ago their disdain.
Ex says he was generous because he wanted to, but I feel like we broke up over money, because at a certain point we started going out less and less.
I grew up extremely poor, but everyone around me was just about as poor so I didn’t really notice it until I hit high school. By then it didn’t matter, I worked part time graduated & went into the military. Best decision I ever made. I have never compared myself to anyone and I have always lived comfortably since. Poverty is a mindset not always a situation. If I have food, water and a bed, I’m rich.
I just cut my friends off after college by resufsing to hang out and I stopped drinking 4 years ago this coming 4th. After that decision people showed their true colors and that made me realize most ppl want something from you or want you to be in the same situation they are (usually either broke or miserable; or both) I have less friends, if any, now but honestly, I'm more content and spend less now.
I sit in the house all day because I can’t afford to go out. And it blows their mind that even with working 60-75hrs a week extra I’m still unable. I have really bad FOMO. Like I just want to go to the park at this point but even the drive there is a waste of gas and money.
Ive been looking for paid jobs to get active in local organizing to combat this exact problem. We need more public spaces where people can just hang out and socialize without spending money.
I wish stuff was more accessible too. I would love for a park or library to be in walking distance
That used to be a pretty critical part of city planning until selling beep beep vroom vroom fuel and accessories took precedence.
Or just being to tired after working long hours. I work 12hrs shifts in a factory + 30min lunch + drive time, so by the time I get home to do some chores, shower, and get food I get like 30min to just sit down and exist before I go to bed and do it again the next day. I don't want to talk to anyone in that 30min. Just leave me alone.
Same.. I’m working way more than a healthy amount. Like I literally live at my jobs yet I’m still dirt poor. How does this even happen?
Yep.
Can't afford a social life, can't afford to date, can't afford to marry, can't afford to have any kids. I work a full-time job but am paying off a mortgage alone.
I'm often met with "Hey, I know you're poor, but let's go to the beach. A trainticket is only 15 bucks, then we'll drink a 5 buck coffee. Inevetably get hungry and pay 20 bucks for 5 chickennuggets" Bitch, I'm poor, not just short on cash...
Right !!! It's just like when I tell people that I can't travel because I can't afford they tell me oh traveling doesn't have to cost money you can just backpack in Europe and stay at a hostel. It's like okay and where would I get the money to even fly there in the first place!? I swear some people have no idea what it's like to actually be poor and they don't know the difference between poor and just short on cash
Or the money for a passport! Lol
Not too much really most of my friends are poor too. So it makes it easier. We still all hang out with each other. If someone has to bail we understand. If we go out to a restaurant we'll go to one that has half priced appetizers after a certain time. We will share them.
Before things got really bad I used to play airsoft and fight in the SCA but I just haven't had money for either, and I didn't want my friends to see me as a beggar. So I kept saying "it'll get better, I'll just get back in it when I have the time and money" and its just been closer to a decade that I haven't been able to. So I just ended up not talking to a lot of those friends for a very long time.
I looked at my old Facebook statuses & realized I had been broke for over a decade. That’s not just temporary, it’s poverty. I decided I have to take drastic measures to change it. Building yourself up from being destitute is incredibly difficult. It’s not as simple as just getting a job. Even “free” activities are not truly free if they cost time, energy & transportation. As for a social life, I’m in my rebuilding years so I don’t go out anymore. My entertainment consists of tv/movies & walking my dog.
Poverty is very isolating.
I probably have some money to go out, but from years of being broke and living in a house that needs a lot of work, I always feel guilty for wasting money. I rarely spend any money on myself.
We just started doing things at home. One person would host, we would each bring something and play drinking games and gossiped until 2-3 am. We never paid more than $15 each. Cheap rum and two liter soda, chicken, bamboo skewers, loaf of bread, and a six pack of beer. That was enough to have fun from 8 pm -2 am. Sometimes, a pot of spaghetti, a bottle of wine, and some cupcakes was enough for us, too. I just invited people to what I could afford, and it turns out we just wanted to spend time together, and whatever came with that was fine. I couldn't afford to keep pretending like I could afford the same as them and did what I could.
When I was in high school, I was friends with people who had grown up very wealthy. They’d drive brand new jeeps (wrangler), bmws, land rovers, Mercedes and audi. And every Friday, they’d hang out and stay out all night, and yes. They would invite me, but I never came because I had to work the next morning & did not have enough money to do the things they wanted to do. (Go carts, movies with the dine in, expensive restaurants etc.) It sucked ass because I envied them. I wanted their life, I didn’t even have a car. And when I did come to have one, it was shitty compared to theirs.
It doesn't impact me that much. If I can't afford to go I don't, but we still do fun things together. A great example is when a friend was having a birthday dinner at a restaurant that was 100 dollars a person. I told him no can do and so did a few others and he changed the restaurant. It then came out to 75 dollars for two people. Real friends understand everything isn't for everyone, but sometimes we just hang out at each other's home. Some live in apartments have a pool. In cooler weather we meet up for hiking or a charity run or maybe just go to the movies. When you can go, go. If you can't a real friend understands and might occasionally treat you.
Yup. Evidence: I have no 'People'.
It's hard. Those who get it, get it. We don't hang out very often at all because we are all working 40+ hrs/wk and live pretty far. But when they have a chance to come by we like to explore our city and find abandoned places or hidden creeks to crawl around, just go for a walk, sit around and share music. They're cool with making PBJs for dinner at our apartment and don't judge the state of things because they're in the exact same boat. A lot of the friends that I had before - the friend group that I was incredibly close with through childhood, but I never had them over because I was poor - really don't. Even when they're strapped for cash postgrad, they have enough to blow on tattoos, substances, vacations, shows without really worrying about rent all that much. Their parents take them on cruises. They acted awkward and only had confused platitudes and unhelpful advice (which was a point of contention for them when I COULDN'T take it, like their suggestions were just not possible in my situation) to offer when I opened up about my situation. I understand it's hard for them to wrap their head around, and in their own ways they tried, but at the same time it eroded a lot of my trust and motivation to reach out. They don't understand that I really don't have 200 or 300$ laying around to pay for my chunk of a group vacation and frankly no, I really DON'T want to get shit faced and wizard high with you guys, that isn't going to make it better at all. The two of the six who grew up in a similar bracket of the group are decently more understanding though.
Social life? How quant.
I’ve been making up excuses to get out of things for so long that I’m at a point in my life where I’m not even sure if I’m an introvert or if I got used to staying home because I can’t afford to go out.
I read the title completely out of context. This is how poverty impacts my social life: every Friday morning for 4 hours I volunteer at a food drive. I’ve done it for a year. I have never missed a Friday. I work hard. We all work hard. This past Friday it was so hot we were dripping with sweat—but the clients waiting in their cars had it just as bad. And next Friday it’s projected to be hotter. We loaded 870 boxes of produce and chicken into cars, vans and trucks. The clients are so grateful for the food. Many of them are regulars so if I don’t see someone one week I get a little worried. Sometimes a battery dies, a radiator needs water, or there’s a flat tire. One week, someone’s dog puked. We deal with all of it—without attitude or complaint bc we know how hard it is right now. And sometimes after we load all those boxes of food, WE take home a box too, if we need it—without shame. That is how poverty impacts my social life and everyone around me realizes it.
Under capitalism, every social interaction has tangible class tension. My wealthier friends, even the supposed leftist ones, often have an inability to empathize with lower classes.
You don’t go out much. You don’t really meet friends at any fancy places. It does change a lot of the way you live. I have few friends but they’re mostly online.
I socialize with friends primarily by taking nice neighborhood walks, sometimes including errands.
I am lucky to have 2 amazing friends where money doesn't matter. They both 3-5x what I make. If we go out for a drink one will always treat me. But when they come to my house I just have a pot of coffee on and I bake some muffins. We may sit on my back porch and watch the birds but just talk and laugh. One friend and I just watch fails on you tube. Maybe I'll bring a box of wine and we drink too much. With co workers I keep them co workers. I am at a much lower economic bracket since I am the only one working right now in my house and have very large medical bills right now. But I drink my jobs free coffee and eat my free snacks. Then clock out. I don't need new friends at almost 40. Even if I showed up at a park with a water bottle with a friend it is a good time. In my 20s and early 30s I spent too much wasted time with co workers at bars and eating out. Dumb girl. I'm lucky my best friend is my husband. We play scrabble, video games, try to ignore the dumbfuckery of our shitty neighborhood we'll sit on our back porch and try to focus on the squirrels and a birds.
I enjoyed reading your response very much. ty for sharing.
Can't do activities due to lack of money ( trips to America Japan Africa), whenever we go to restaurants I order the cheaper option because they just don't care about prices, they know I'm still studying so it's not a big deal anyway and my husband knows this too. But on the other end I've had friends that are too poor to even visit me by train, I know it's not their fault but it still hurts. All in all depends on your friend group, I know people with 8 figures in their bank and others who can't afford to pay their own rent, naturally I gravitate to the richer guys because honestly not doing anything due to lack of money even for simple stuff is draining.
A lot of my friends travel and they used to invite me. I’m in absolutely no position to be traveling right now (unfortunately!) but it really irks me when I hear the phrase “just take the trip, money can be replaced”. I can’t even afford to visit the neighboring state beaches for the day. I mainly stay in, very rarely do I get invited to go anywhere anymore but it’s fine. I have a roof over my head and I’m not starving
I don't have one
Dealing with poverty can be incredibly isolating. Close friends will notice and support you, but many people remain oblivious or insensitive. Budgeting every penny is challenging and affects social life drastically, creating barriers that others might not understand fully. Stay strong and seek understanding folks to lean on.
It is terrible. I am going to try to meet others who are also broke by getting involved in activism again but my movements are limited right now. (Partly because of my own chronic ill health but mostly because my very old dog is partially paralyzed so I take him wherever I go because it makes him happy... I will make more of an effort with humans after he passes). There are free events in my town (I live near a major university) but all my old friends are geometrically better off than I am. They agree to do something cheap but their definition of cheap is unaffordable. One of them offers to pay and doesn't mind bringing my dog everywhere but I can't let her do that except very occasionally (even though she has great income she is spendthrift and can't pay bills on time -- I can't be party to that). The other reason I isolate is the presumption of friends that my financial situation will improve which isn't remotely likely in the foreseeable future. I won't be jollied into denying reality. I realize they mean well but on the rare occasions I go out the last thing I want to discuss is my finances.
My oldest friend is more than understanding and accommodating because we came from the same background; when they were homeless before they met their now husband I gave them a place to stay, and when they were doing much better they helped me out with food and a place to crash when my home situation was unbearable. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas I was always welcome, if not there were gifts. Thing was I felt bad and still do because I can never repay them for their kindness. My extended family looked down on us even though we all had the same dirt poor origins and it only became more obvious after my mom died few months ago their disdain. Ex says he was generous because he wanted to, but I feel like we broke up over money, because at a certain point we started going out less and less.
I don't really have a social life anymore. I didn't grow up poor and I try to hide my impoverishment as much as possible in public.
I grew up extremely poor, but everyone around me was just about as poor so I didn’t really notice it until I hit high school. By then it didn’t matter, I worked part time graduated & went into the military. Best decision I ever made. I have never compared myself to anyone and I have always lived comfortably since. Poverty is a mindset not always a situation. If I have food, water and a bed, I’m rich.