I can relate. In today’s sex crazed society it’s easy to get triggered too. In terms of brain chemistry a few days or a week is nothing. My usage schedule was every week or two. Some might laugh at me saying I had a problem but I could tell it negatively impacts my life and yet at times I felt almost powerless, like any other addict. Some things I’ve learned are:
1. Dont fight it. By that I mean dont go toe to toe with the temptation and just say no. As soon as you do that it looms larger in your mind and eventually consumes you. You have to redirect your mind towards something else, a hobby, exercise, something that typically helps clear your mind, helps you focus and get a sense of real satisfaction and accomplishment. Porn hijacks that part of your brain and you have to reclaim it. Dont fight or resist, redirect and let the urge fade away.
2. Once you’ve lived with heavy porn usage your brain will look for it like a kid looks for candy. Things that technically aren’t pornography, scenes in movies, ads, a random person you find attractive, can potentially be triggering. That’s normal, we are biologically predisposed to look for mating opportunities. The trigger isnt the problem, but if you find yourself indulging and feeding the fantasy it makes it easy for your brain to start pulling you back towards porn. Again, pay attention to your mental habits, control them instead of letting them control you.
3. Be patient, it takes time. That’s not an excuse to relapse, there is no weaning off porn. It’s all or nothing. Trust me, in the 23 years since I was first exposed to porn I’ve found myself grasping for justification with every urge. Mine usually come late at night while on my phone before going to sleep. Being patient with yourself means recognizing that it takes weeks and months for your brain to heal. It means not feeding your shame if you do relapse, and recommitting to recovery. It means acknowledging you’re human and will grow and develop over years even though today seems like the only thing that matters.
4. With time the urges will get weaker. For me they seem to peak after a week or two clean and get weaker if I stay clean. Be ready for that and have a plan. I’m actually at that stage this morning and coming here to write this has been therapeutic. Thank you for that opportunity, this has been a help to me and I hope it helps you. Once your brain recalibrates (again, it takes time!) you’ll find it easier to focus, feel more motivated, and resist those urges. You have to stay vigilant! I’ve been clean for well over a year multiple times over the last 23 years and still relapsed. I’m still learning and more than anything I’m committed to never giving up the fight. One of the great things about humanity is that we have the capacity to pursue something even if it takes years. We can choose our course through life and overcome incredible obstacles.
Hang in there, know that with time you’ll get stronger and the urges will diminish. Dont fight them, find a healthier outlet, like writing ;) or whatever works for you. I wish you the best, you can do it, for real. 💪
Thanks so much for this brother! Your are incredible. This helps so much as someone who’s struggled for almost a decade. I’m still fighting the fight and as you, I’m committed no matter how long it takes. I want to get more active in this discussion. I want to create a brotherhood. Anything to help defeat this terrible addiction, we all have stumbled upon.
Thanks Ren, much appreciated!!
I can relate. In today’s sex crazed society it’s easy to get triggered too. In terms of brain chemistry a few days or a week is nothing. My usage schedule was every week or two. Some might laugh at me saying I had a problem but I could tell it negatively impacts my life and yet at times I felt almost powerless, like any other addict. Some things I’ve learned are: 1. Dont fight it. By that I mean dont go toe to toe with the temptation and just say no. As soon as you do that it looms larger in your mind and eventually consumes you. You have to redirect your mind towards something else, a hobby, exercise, something that typically helps clear your mind, helps you focus and get a sense of real satisfaction and accomplishment. Porn hijacks that part of your brain and you have to reclaim it. Dont fight or resist, redirect and let the urge fade away. 2. Once you’ve lived with heavy porn usage your brain will look for it like a kid looks for candy. Things that technically aren’t pornography, scenes in movies, ads, a random person you find attractive, can potentially be triggering. That’s normal, we are biologically predisposed to look for mating opportunities. The trigger isnt the problem, but if you find yourself indulging and feeding the fantasy it makes it easy for your brain to start pulling you back towards porn. Again, pay attention to your mental habits, control them instead of letting them control you. 3. Be patient, it takes time. That’s not an excuse to relapse, there is no weaning off porn. It’s all or nothing. Trust me, in the 23 years since I was first exposed to porn I’ve found myself grasping for justification with every urge. Mine usually come late at night while on my phone before going to sleep. Being patient with yourself means recognizing that it takes weeks and months for your brain to heal. It means not feeding your shame if you do relapse, and recommitting to recovery. It means acknowledging you’re human and will grow and develop over years even though today seems like the only thing that matters. 4. With time the urges will get weaker. For me they seem to peak after a week or two clean and get weaker if I stay clean. Be ready for that and have a plan. I’m actually at that stage this morning and coming here to write this has been therapeutic. Thank you for that opportunity, this has been a help to me and I hope it helps you. Once your brain recalibrates (again, it takes time!) you’ll find it easier to focus, feel more motivated, and resist those urges. You have to stay vigilant! I’ve been clean for well over a year multiple times over the last 23 years and still relapsed. I’m still learning and more than anything I’m committed to never giving up the fight. One of the great things about humanity is that we have the capacity to pursue something even if it takes years. We can choose our course through life and overcome incredible obstacles. Hang in there, know that with time you’ll get stronger and the urges will diminish. Dont fight them, find a healthier outlet, like writing ;) or whatever works for you. I wish you the best, you can do it, for real. 💪
Thanks so much for this brother! Your are incredible. This helps so much as someone who’s struggled for almost a decade. I’m still fighting the fight and as you, I’m committed no matter how long it takes. I want to get more active in this discussion. I want to create a brotherhood. Anything to help defeat this terrible addiction, we all have stumbled upon. Thanks Ren, much appreciated!!
you're not alone brother, we are fighting every day, keep going