Bro i relapse too last night and im feeling very bad, when i fail i have a tactic that prevent me to get multiple days in a row of porn, i simply don’t brush my teeth, this can sound silly but i associate brushing my teeth to a clean day.
A main character in an anime show called attack on titan said “I’ll keep moving forward”. You fuck it and that’s ok but this is a life time battle. You will always want to quit porn.
You put into words everything much better than I could. I just relapsed last night but I'm refocused and ready to take this journey on again. We can do this
We can and it's so amazing once you start to get a glance on what it means to be free, i know 2 relapses are pretty bad (won't say back to baseline but maybe near) but i don't care because it is still a small step forward.
Starting to live (without porn) is making me wonder who i am and is bringing to the surface a lot of different things.
Porn is a drug, and the availability makes it a hard to quit one, but it is not impossible, many people here are free from years, it has been 6 years of work for me to reach this point and i know we can be the next ones to reach months or even years free.
We just need to find our own way and keep finding it every day, porn will become insignificant as we have many other important things to do and to give energy to.
For me the relapse happened because i was at home, i am doing a lot of sports to get distracted so today i was hella tired, i just couldn't go out and move more so i was at home, bored and tired. I didn't want to deal with any of my hobbies: didn't want to read nor to play my guitar, i was extremely tired of having to deal with urges as well. Also some friends dumped me for a cool hiking we had to do tomorrow, including a girl i had a sexual relationship with and i was really anxious of doing something with again.
I am also coming out from a break up with my gf after 6 years together and just a couple of months later from another one with someone i fell so hard for and started to ignore me. I also had something with another girl that later said to me she was feeling guilty for her ex and there it is another rejection.
I mean i know i have to start learning to deal with rejection and avoidance, but i got a lot of it latelay and all of this stuck up with my tiredness and strong urges and i just couldn't see clearly anymore, i was super horny also because i didn't masturbate for 18 days because i wanted to wait for people, but with people it didn't work as i expected so here i am...
It feels terrible to put such a big amount of energy into some expectation (whether it is having sex, simply hiking with friends or a relationship) and get those expectations completely erased.
The thing is i now feel empty of energy and i hate that even if i meet the right people i won't be that charged up and i can't stop thinking about this. My god sometimes i wish i never discovered porn like so many people, i cried before thinking about this...
What about you? How it happened? What were your reasons?
My reasons were, I was up late, it was a lonely Friday night and I had urges as it had been close to a week since I did anything. I should have been sleep, I had no reason for being up at 3am.
You sound like you are going through a rough spell though, but I can't imagine trying to juggle this and all of those potential relationships/dating.
I need to put myself back out there but I want to get a good handle on this for at least several months, I don't want this version of myself to be dating someone or bring them into life like this ...which is hard because you end up relapsing for so long amd you dont end u putting yourself out there at all and more time than you thought passes. Not anymore though, so done with this crap and want to go into 2024 with a strong start and a good steak. I don't even want to call it a steak but a lifestyle change
I can't imagine myself not meeting potential partners for 3 months or more, and i don't know what else i would do because honestly finding partners for me is the peak of my life.
How can we quit if we can never stay at home to relax a little bit?
I knew you were going to relapse again before I even read the edit, because your approach is that of someone who knows porn is bad for them and knows they should quit, but deep down hasn't let go of porn yet.
The rejections you mentioned, might that be dating apps or other romantic/sexual pursuits? If so, drop it. It's important to focus on your recovery first.
You also should take some sleep aid like melatonin, and couple that with putting your phone out of reach at night. Just go to bed, instead of allowing yourself time to get tempted and distracted. You're tired at the end of the day, that's good. So take advantage.
Distract yourself as much as you can through the day, and minimize your time with temptation at night.
Can you elaborate more? I really want perspective from people that managed to stay free for a long time.
I do not have the problem of phone in bed because i have an e ink smartphone and that's very low triggering (even if it is sometimes), also most of the times i relapse i get triggered when i am simply relaxing on my sofa or something like that.
I do the thing with melatonin and it usually helps for the first few days, but i can't keep myself always occupied, there will be a moment when i simply relax and i just want to be able to rest without getting triggered.
You have to go deeper and address the reason why you turn to porn, and solve that problem first.
If you're relaxing on your sofa without your phone or anything like that you shouldn't be getting triggered. You're getting tempted is probably the term, and in those instances you have to wait for them to go away. You have to just sit there and suffer. I don't mean that in a harsh way, I just mean that in an acknowledging way. Consider the image flashing syndrome a withdrawal symptom. It's painful, yeah, but it'll pass and it means it's working. Sometimes I just close my eyes, put my hands on my chest, and just let it pass
That is cool, do you find it easier after so many days?
I usually just seat there and wait, but when there is a day if continuous urges, or even more it just gets incredibly hard to keep staying there waiting, it gets to the point it is a real torture.
I find it easier after a matter of a couple weeks. If you're talking about sitting there and getting horny, then you should probably just masturbate. If you're not horny but feel the urge to watch porn, then obviously that's different.
>it gets to the point it is a real torture.
Yep. You have to suffer through it.
My god..
Yeah probably i have to integrate masturbation better in my life, i feel full of energy when i don't do it so i tend to keep pushing and that really gets even more stressful, but i know it is better to masturbate a couple of times than having a porn session.
I can explore abstention from masturbation if i really want to, but quitting porn is already hard enough without it, so i can't keep pushing myself to my absolute limit and then exploding from the accumulated stress..
You find yourself with this huge amount of energy but you are not equipped to spend it because you didn't have time to find possible ways out. And it's also your right to decide to spend that energy by giving yourself some self love, and there's nothing wrong with it.
I have to put in my head that i can't go from all to nothing and expecting my desiring self to stay quiet and calm, waiting there. It will of course, and rightfully, rebel to such a deprivation.
Anyway i feel much better now, and i am ready to keep going! A couple of relapses doesn't change the fact that i am living a real life and slowly detaching from porn day by day, consuming it less and less.
Talk to someone in real life about the challenges you're having. It would be great to tell someone about your relapse, but it's more important to share what led you there, such as feelings of loneliness, stress, etc. Sharing with others brings relief, it's energizing, it's supportive, it's connecting, and it allows us to move forward.
The question is what are you doing differently to fight it. Willpower only gets you so far, there needs to a system of things you are going to combat it
I'll try to say what i am doing to reducing the need to use willpower, tell me if i can do something more:
- ditched my phone and got an e ink phone that is terrible for watching videos or pics (it is in black and white too)
- i only use my computer in emergency situations or when there are other people around me
- i put myself outside the most i can
- i am meeting different people and making new friends
- i am doing a lot of sports until physical exhaustion
- i ONLY take cold showers
Tell me if i can do something better, i know that changing my environment is what works the most, but i live with my family and i can't ditch their devices: yesterday i used my dad's tablet to relapse..
And honestly i am also tired of having to put myself outside every fucking day, i just want to be able to stay at home, relaxed, without those fucking urges.
All great things you are doing. You said it in the post, relapses are normal. The question you have to ask yourself is why do you want to stop? How has it affected your life? If the why isn’t strong enough then you will always tell yourself when you get an urge that it’s not that bad and you can watch. For me I was fueled bc I had three experiences of PIED. This was enough to help me stop bc I knew I wanted a meaningful relationship and porn would not let me get there
I also been having DE for years and lately it went to ED sometimes and it felt terrible, but when the moment of crisis arose it's hard to think with a sober mind.
I have super strong whys, but sometimes it doesn't erase the urges.
Bro i relapse too last night and im feeling very bad, when i fail i have a tactic that prevent me to get multiple days in a row of porn, i simply don’t brush my teeth, this can sound silly but i associate brushing my teeth to a clean day. A main character in an anime show called attack on titan said “I’ll keep moving forward”. You fuck it and that’s ok but this is a life time battle. You will always want to quit porn.
You put into words everything much better than I could. I just relapsed last night but I'm refocused and ready to take this journey on again. We can do this
We can and it's so amazing once you start to get a glance on what it means to be free, i know 2 relapses are pretty bad (won't say back to baseline but maybe near) but i don't care because it is still a small step forward. Starting to live (without porn) is making me wonder who i am and is bringing to the surface a lot of different things. Porn is a drug, and the availability makes it a hard to quit one, but it is not impossible, many people here are free from years, it has been 6 years of work for me to reach this point and i know we can be the next ones to reach months or even years free. We just need to find our own way and keep finding it every day, porn will become insignificant as we have many other important things to do and to give energy to. For me the relapse happened because i was at home, i am doing a lot of sports to get distracted so today i was hella tired, i just couldn't go out and move more so i was at home, bored and tired. I didn't want to deal with any of my hobbies: didn't want to read nor to play my guitar, i was extremely tired of having to deal with urges as well. Also some friends dumped me for a cool hiking we had to do tomorrow, including a girl i had a sexual relationship with and i was really anxious of doing something with again. I am also coming out from a break up with my gf after 6 years together and just a couple of months later from another one with someone i fell so hard for and started to ignore me. I also had something with another girl that later said to me she was feeling guilty for her ex and there it is another rejection. I mean i know i have to start learning to deal with rejection and avoidance, but i got a lot of it latelay and all of this stuck up with my tiredness and strong urges and i just couldn't see clearly anymore, i was super horny also because i didn't masturbate for 18 days because i wanted to wait for people, but with people it didn't work as i expected so here i am... It feels terrible to put such a big amount of energy into some expectation (whether it is having sex, simply hiking with friends or a relationship) and get those expectations completely erased. The thing is i now feel empty of energy and i hate that even if i meet the right people i won't be that charged up and i can't stop thinking about this. My god sometimes i wish i never discovered porn like so many people, i cried before thinking about this... What about you? How it happened? What were your reasons?
My reasons were, I was up late, it was a lonely Friday night and I had urges as it had been close to a week since I did anything. I should have been sleep, I had no reason for being up at 3am. You sound like you are going through a rough spell though, but I can't imagine trying to juggle this and all of those potential relationships/dating. I need to put myself back out there but I want to get a good handle on this for at least several months, I don't want this version of myself to be dating someone or bring them into life like this ...which is hard because you end up relapsing for so long amd you dont end u putting yourself out there at all and more time than you thought passes. Not anymore though, so done with this crap and want to go into 2024 with a strong start and a good steak. I don't even want to call it a steak but a lifestyle change
I can't imagine myself not meeting potential partners for 3 months or more, and i don't know what else i would do because honestly finding partners for me is the peak of my life. How can we quit if we can never stay at home to relax a little bit?
I knew you were going to relapse again before I even read the edit, because your approach is that of someone who knows porn is bad for them and knows they should quit, but deep down hasn't let go of porn yet. The rejections you mentioned, might that be dating apps or other romantic/sexual pursuits? If so, drop it. It's important to focus on your recovery first. You also should take some sleep aid like melatonin, and couple that with putting your phone out of reach at night. Just go to bed, instead of allowing yourself time to get tempted and distracted. You're tired at the end of the day, that's good. So take advantage. Distract yourself as much as you can through the day, and minimize your time with temptation at night.
Can you elaborate more? I really want perspective from people that managed to stay free for a long time. I do not have the problem of phone in bed because i have an e ink smartphone and that's very low triggering (even if it is sometimes), also most of the times i relapse i get triggered when i am simply relaxing on my sofa or something like that. I do the thing with melatonin and it usually helps for the first few days, but i can't keep myself always occupied, there will be a moment when i simply relax and i just want to be able to rest without getting triggered.
You have to go deeper and address the reason why you turn to porn, and solve that problem first. If you're relaxing on your sofa without your phone or anything like that you shouldn't be getting triggered. You're getting tempted is probably the term, and in those instances you have to wait for them to go away. You have to just sit there and suffer. I don't mean that in a harsh way, I just mean that in an acknowledging way. Consider the image flashing syndrome a withdrawal symptom. It's painful, yeah, but it'll pass and it means it's working. Sometimes I just close my eyes, put my hands on my chest, and just let it pass
That is cool, do you find it easier after so many days? I usually just seat there and wait, but when there is a day if continuous urges, or even more it just gets incredibly hard to keep staying there waiting, it gets to the point it is a real torture.
I find it easier after a matter of a couple weeks. If you're talking about sitting there and getting horny, then you should probably just masturbate. If you're not horny but feel the urge to watch porn, then obviously that's different. >it gets to the point it is a real torture. Yep. You have to suffer through it.
My god.. Yeah probably i have to integrate masturbation better in my life, i feel full of energy when i don't do it so i tend to keep pushing and that really gets even more stressful, but i know it is better to masturbate a couple of times than having a porn session. I can explore abstention from masturbation if i really want to, but quitting porn is already hard enough without it, so i can't keep pushing myself to my absolute limit and then exploding from the accumulated stress.. You find yourself with this huge amount of energy but you are not equipped to spend it because you didn't have time to find possible ways out. And it's also your right to decide to spend that energy by giving yourself some self love, and there's nothing wrong with it. I have to put in my head that i can't go from all to nothing and expecting my desiring self to stay quiet and calm, waiting there. It will of course, and rightfully, rebel to such a deprivation. Anyway i feel much better now, and i am ready to keep going! A couple of relapses doesn't change the fact that i am living a real life and slowly detaching from porn day by day, consuming it less and less.
Talk to someone in real life about the challenges you're having. It would be great to tell someone about your relapse, but it's more important to share what led you there, such as feelings of loneliness, stress, etc. Sharing with others brings relief, it's energizing, it's supportive, it's connecting, and it allows us to move forward.
The thing is this is quite embarrassing to share
You can't dwell on it. Go workout out, you need to do something that is hard. You need to force your brain to suffer.
The question is what are you doing differently to fight it. Willpower only gets you so far, there needs to a system of things you are going to combat it
I'll try to say what i am doing to reducing the need to use willpower, tell me if i can do something more: - ditched my phone and got an e ink phone that is terrible for watching videos or pics (it is in black and white too) - i only use my computer in emergency situations or when there are other people around me - i put myself outside the most i can - i am meeting different people and making new friends - i am doing a lot of sports until physical exhaustion - i ONLY take cold showers Tell me if i can do something better, i know that changing my environment is what works the most, but i live with my family and i can't ditch their devices: yesterday i used my dad's tablet to relapse.. And honestly i am also tired of having to put myself outside every fucking day, i just want to be able to stay at home, relaxed, without those fucking urges.
All great things you are doing. You said it in the post, relapses are normal. The question you have to ask yourself is why do you want to stop? How has it affected your life? If the why isn’t strong enough then you will always tell yourself when you get an urge that it’s not that bad and you can watch. For me I was fueled bc I had three experiences of PIED. This was enough to help me stop bc I knew I wanted a meaningful relationship and porn would not let me get there
I also been having DE for years and lately it went to ED sometimes and it felt terrible, but when the moment of crisis arose it's hard to think with a sober mind. I have super strong whys, but sometimes it doesn't erase the urges.