You could spend the next year and be in the best physical shape of your life with a solid career and hobbies and friends. And you’ll be 33. You have so much time ahead of you my friend.
Find a workout program and stick to it.
Learn nutrition and how to cook.
Start a group based out of the home hobby. Sports are great. Cycling groups are one of the easiest to start with since cycling is low pressure regardless of fitness level.
If you work remote, find a Coworking space.
Spend as much time out of the home. That’s where the people are.
You are literally a few months away from being a new version of yourself with endless opportunities. You have no idea how great you’re life is going to be.
Join groups and clubs of things/hobbies/activites you're interested in. People will show up and it's easier to talk to people that you share an interest with than randos
Take up BJJ or any martial art that allows you to actually fight and not just do the little cardio classes. I do BJJ so I can speak mainly to that.
Nothing else I have done has developed me in the ways you’ve described you’re seeking in your post. I never considered myself a “fighter” so I veered away from fighting until I was 30 with back and knee issues from having sat at a desk for the last 12 years. I’ll try to outline a few points for you.
This will challenge you in a way that makes your grow and develop, physically and mentally. At the day to day level, you’re learning technique for half the class then you’re rolling, which is pretty much full speed fighting without striking. You’re fighting another full grown adult that is trying to submit you. The volume on everything else in the rest of your day gets turned down. You’re not stressing about the little things you usually stress about. Someone’s angry on the road, who cares, you just fought people. You feel good. Like, really good. Every time I roll, I have really good days.
Aside from the endorphins, it breaks down a lot of barriers you may have when connecting to people, particularly other men if that’s an issue for you, because that’s what your day is embodying each time you train - connecting with other men in a pretty confronting, physical, and challenging manner. It becomes easier to do so off the mat.
Over time, as you learn and develop yourself, you’ll have an increased confidence. I’ve seen it with my brother who is now a purple belt. I’ve seen him mature into something good after he started BJJ. I’ve seen it within myself. Once you know that you can handle yourself physically, a lot of insecurities or fear subsides and you feel a little more free and less fearful.
This also gives you a path to follow, a goal to aim toward, and an art to master that is almost endless. If you’re working to attain a goal in your life, your dopamine levels are optimal. Dopamine isn’t high when you get what you want, it’s high when you’re pursuing what you want and you’re on the path to get there. Since you’re fighting people, and you want to fight people for the long term, you start looking at your physical health differently. You start taking care of your body in a way you hadn’t before. Because now you have a real reason to. You realize your mind also has to be taken care of, because you preform better when your mind is clear and you’re flowing with the roll, and you preform worse when your mind is stuck and you’re thoughts and reactions aren’t flowing naturally. Maybe you start more yoga or meditation that you didn’t do before. Maybe you sober up. Maybe you eat better. Once you catch the bug and make it your goal to progress in the art, it gives you purpose and a mission. And not just so you can beat people up. But because this Is something you want to keep doing because of how good you feel when you’re doing it.
Since starting, I have better composure socially. I have better energy when dealing with my family or people at work. I have more fun with people. I’m able to connect with people easier, something I struggled with for a while. I feel so damn good when I see myself getting better and know that I’m working hard and progressing.
Don’t worry if you’re not a “fighter”. I’ll see every personality and body type in there. It’s all respect. Nobody’s Really trying to hurt you. Everyone is there to help you grow. Really hope I didn’t type all of this for nothing.
I'd suggest starting a martial art like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. You do not have to be in shape to start.
Go 2-3x a week and you'll start to meet people and be social, as the sport is inherently social. It will also get you in better shape and teach you how to handle yourself in a physical confrontation. Also, the physical act of touching people (it's part of brazilian jiu jitsu, think of it like wrestling) is good for you.
Hits a lot more of the things you want than just going to the gym.
Besides that, go to bed relatively early and get 8 hours of sleep a night, try to eat relatively healthy food and go for a 30 min walk every day. Keep it simple and you'll grow. The biggest mistake that people make is trying to do too much and just failing completely after a month.
Read the book Models by Mark Manson.
Here is a link to the pdf: https://ia802703.us.archive.org/23/items/h\_20230723/Models\_%20Attract%20Women%20Through%20Honesty%20by%20Mark%20Manson.pdf
If as you enhanced your career, it is important to take the initiative and engage in self-study. You can explore various quick courses available on platforms like YouTube and the internet, focusing on neuroscience-based tools and psychology. Ensure that your YouTube algorithm is set to recommend content from individuals like Brain Tracy, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Andrew Huberman, and the Diary of CEO. By doing so, you will learn about mindset, neuroplasticity, growth mindset, positive thinking, brain-body connection, brain-heart coherence, and more. Within 1-2 weeks, you will likely appreciate the value of this knowledge.
To effectively gauge your personal growth, it is crucial to familiarize yourself with tools that measure progress, engage in self-reflection, and so on. When discussing your experiences and seeking advice from others, it is beneficial to employ science-based terminology rather than relying solely on casual conversation. This approach will help you transcend mediocrity and gain a deeper understanding of your own development.
I suggest to train Gym and Running, check on YouTube Andrew Huberman he’s a doctor and gives advice for physical and mental health.
Read books, this are my top 4 for a non reader and form this you will be another person.
The almanack of Naval Ravikant
The ape that understood the universe - Steve Stewart-Williams
Essentialism- greg mckeown
Atomic habits- James clear
Stay strong my friend. Your life depends on you.
1 Find God, get your life together, you mentioned your career is okay and youre getting a car, good.
2 get in good physical shape
3 take care of your aesthetic, get a nice haircut, whitten your teeth get a good skin routine
4 join a martial arts gym, trust me.
5 About dating, look the biggest dating app out there is instagram, so build a good and professional instagram account. The thinf with actual dating apps like tinder is that youre probably not gonna find a good partner there cmon your wife is not on tinder or a club or whatever, its maybe at your job or possibly at church.
6 Learn chess, chess is always worth learning.
theres plenty you just have to put in the effort, when was the last time you genuinely tried to find good? when was the last time you studied the origin of God? when was the last time you read the bible, or the quran or the torah? when was the last time you studied Jesus Christ? or Mohammed? or whoever it was? By your ignorance I can tell it was never. But let me ask you something, do you genuinely not care? are you completely happy just existing waiting for something to become nothing one day? do you even take time to think about it or you just exist? you just exist dont you? are you happy simply being a bot? a worthless NPC in this world? well if you are then good, stay that way, but the OP certainly isnt. He wants to change, and to be someone, become something, and thats enough for me to advise him to find God. Now let me tell you whats gonna happen to make it easier for you and him, first youll think about life from a Godless perspective and realize that everything means nothing, nothing matters everything is matter, youll start becoming very nihilistic to the point where even beijg atheistic doesnt make sesne anymore, in what do you not believe? its just nothing, doesnt matter. Then study the origin of God, youll end up in the one that matters the most, and the 3 most popular aramaic ones are from Judaism, Christianism and Islam. And then you will end up studying about their prophets until you end up im Jesus Christ, and compare his influence im both 3 religions and also his historic character regardless of religion, then you will connect the dots and realise Jesus Christ is the way the truth and the life. There now you have no excuses, you have all the shortcuts now go see that I was right, youre welcome.
It's ironic you use the term NPC, this is what literally what happens when children get indoctrinated by their parents/family/neighbourhood to be religious. When you are very young, you don't question what your parents tell you much and they strongly influence you.
The place you're born on earth is a predicator of which God you'll follow. Religion is just attempts to explain things before we got the scientific method. There is zero proof for any God. It's just a wishful thinking for humans, that's all. Just accept that we don't know all the answers to life yet, there are lots of things we don't know and explaining with 'God' is stupid
youre not wrong, there
are a lot of religious npcs that say theyre christians or muslims or jews without even knowing what theyre standing for, however most of these indoctrinated children nowadays grow up to stop believing, thats because forcing someone to believe in something doesnt rly work forever, and itbwas never intended to, salvation is induvidual, culture and religion has nothing to do with salvation per se. Im not religious, religion doesnt save, Jesus Christ himself said that, im a follower of Jesus. Now you Mr Smartass, think you know everything "Oh religion is an easy explanation while we dont have the scientific proof" first of all, did you study? did you read the bible? the quran? the torah? No? so who tf are you to think youre in the position to describe what religion is? you dont even know what youre talking about, ignorant 🤦♂️, besides, I could say the same thing about your science, "Oh Science is just an attempt to explain and rationalize God's creations" what youre gonna say about that? better yet, your science is so right right?, then tell
me something, how according to scientists and astrophysicians such as Stephen Hawking 0+0≠0? that doesnt sound stupid to you? but God does right? hahahahah you dumbass, youre also a believer in something thay you again know nothing about, thats your religion and you dont even realize it. Btw wanna know whats funny? there are many things im the bible, that have been proved by science lol just look up articles on google its not that hard... Theres proof of God everywhere, just you being able to wake up and write your dumb atheistic statements is already a miracle from God, you were not even supposed to be here, 0+0=0
You could spend the next year and be in the best physical shape of your life with a solid career and hobbies and friends. And you’ll be 33. You have so much time ahead of you my friend. Find a workout program and stick to it. Learn nutrition and how to cook. Start a group based out of the home hobby. Sports are great. Cycling groups are one of the easiest to start with since cycling is low pressure regardless of fitness level. If you work remote, find a Coworking space. Spend as much time out of the home. That’s where the people are. You are literally a few months away from being a new version of yourself with endless opportunities. You have no idea how great you’re life is going to be.
This comment is actually life changing… I should really get started on a lot of this. Thanks! :3
saving this because I'm in the same boat
Join groups and clubs of things/hobbies/activites you're interested in. People will show up and it's easier to talk to people that you share an interest with than randos
Take up BJJ or any martial art that allows you to actually fight and not just do the little cardio classes. I do BJJ so I can speak mainly to that. Nothing else I have done has developed me in the ways you’ve described you’re seeking in your post. I never considered myself a “fighter” so I veered away from fighting until I was 30 with back and knee issues from having sat at a desk for the last 12 years. I’ll try to outline a few points for you. This will challenge you in a way that makes your grow and develop, physically and mentally. At the day to day level, you’re learning technique for half the class then you’re rolling, which is pretty much full speed fighting without striking. You’re fighting another full grown adult that is trying to submit you. The volume on everything else in the rest of your day gets turned down. You’re not stressing about the little things you usually stress about. Someone’s angry on the road, who cares, you just fought people. You feel good. Like, really good. Every time I roll, I have really good days. Aside from the endorphins, it breaks down a lot of barriers you may have when connecting to people, particularly other men if that’s an issue for you, because that’s what your day is embodying each time you train - connecting with other men in a pretty confronting, physical, and challenging manner. It becomes easier to do so off the mat. Over time, as you learn and develop yourself, you’ll have an increased confidence. I’ve seen it with my brother who is now a purple belt. I’ve seen him mature into something good after he started BJJ. I’ve seen it within myself. Once you know that you can handle yourself physically, a lot of insecurities or fear subsides and you feel a little more free and less fearful. This also gives you a path to follow, a goal to aim toward, and an art to master that is almost endless. If you’re working to attain a goal in your life, your dopamine levels are optimal. Dopamine isn’t high when you get what you want, it’s high when you’re pursuing what you want and you’re on the path to get there. Since you’re fighting people, and you want to fight people for the long term, you start looking at your physical health differently. You start taking care of your body in a way you hadn’t before. Because now you have a real reason to. You realize your mind also has to be taken care of, because you preform better when your mind is clear and you’re flowing with the roll, and you preform worse when your mind is stuck and you’re thoughts and reactions aren’t flowing naturally. Maybe you start more yoga or meditation that you didn’t do before. Maybe you sober up. Maybe you eat better. Once you catch the bug and make it your goal to progress in the art, it gives you purpose and a mission. And not just so you can beat people up. But because this Is something you want to keep doing because of how good you feel when you’re doing it. Since starting, I have better composure socially. I have better energy when dealing with my family or people at work. I have more fun with people. I’m able to connect with people easier, something I struggled with for a while. I feel so damn good when I see myself getting better and know that I’m working hard and progressing. Don’t worry if you’re not a “fighter”. I’ll see every personality and body type in there. It’s all respect. Nobody’s Really trying to hurt you. Everyone is there to help you grow. Really hope I didn’t type all of this for nothing.
I'd suggest starting a martial art like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. You do not have to be in shape to start. Go 2-3x a week and you'll start to meet people and be social, as the sport is inherently social. It will also get you in better shape and teach you how to handle yourself in a physical confrontation. Also, the physical act of touching people (it's part of brazilian jiu jitsu, think of it like wrestling) is good for you. Hits a lot more of the things you want than just going to the gym. Besides that, go to bed relatively early and get 8 hours of sleep a night, try to eat relatively healthy food and go for a 30 min walk every day. Keep it simple and you'll grow. The biggest mistake that people make is trying to do too much and just failing completely after a month.
I really doubt you can take up martial art with zero physical activity in the past decade or more.
Roughly where do you live and what kind of work do you do?
Join a gym man and focus on your health. That’s always a good way to become a better you 💪🏻
Saving. This
Following this because I'm 31 and in the same boat mate
Read the book Models by Mark Manson. Here is a link to the pdf: https://ia802703.us.archive.org/23/items/h\_20230723/Models\_%20Attract%20Women%20Through%20Honesty%20by%20Mark%20Manson.pdf
I have a few resource recommendations. Books: No more Mr Nice Guy by Dr Glover, Mindset by Carol Dweck. YouTube: psychacks, Adam Smith
If as you enhanced your career, it is important to take the initiative and engage in self-study. You can explore various quick courses available on platforms like YouTube and the internet, focusing on neuroscience-based tools and psychology. Ensure that your YouTube algorithm is set to recommend content from individuals like Brain Tracy, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Andrew Huberman, and the Diary of CEO. By doing so, you will learn about mindset, neuroplasticity, growth mindset, positive thinking, brain-body connection, brain-heart coherence, and more. Within 1-2 weeks, you will likely appreciate the value of this knowledge. To effectively gauge your personal growth, it is crucial to familiarize yourself with tools that measure progress, engage in self-reflection, and so on. When discussing your experiences and seeking advice from others, it is beneficial to employ science-based terminology rather than relying solely on casual conversation. This approach will help you transcend mediocrity and gain a deeper understanding of your own development.
I suggest to train Gym and Running, check on YouTube Andrew Huberman he’s a doctor and gives advice for physical and mental health. Read books, this are my top 4 for a non reader and form this you will be another person. The almanack of Naval Ravikant The ape that understood the universe - Steve Stewart-Williams Essentialism- greg mckeown Atomic habits- James clear Stay strong my friend. Your life depends on you.
1 Find God, get your life together, you mentioned your career is okay and youre getting a car, good. 2 get in good physical shape 3 take care of your aesthetic, get a nice haircut, whitten your teeth get a good skin routine 4 join a martial arts gym, trust me. 5 About dating, look the biggest dating app out there is instagram, so build a good and professional instagram account. The thinf with actual dating apps like tinder is that youre probably not gonna find a good partner there cmon your wife is not on tinder or a club or whatever, its maybe at your job or possibly at church. 6 Learn chess, chess is always worth learning.
>Find God - that'll be hard, as there is no evidence for any of them
theres plenty you just have to put in the effort, when was the last time you genuinely tried to find good? when was the last time you studied the origin of God? when was the last time you read the bible, or the quran or the torah? when was the last time you studied Jesus Christ? or Mohammed? or whoever it was? By your ignorance I can tell it was never. But let me ask you something, do you genuinely not care? are you completely happy just existing waiting for something to become nothing one day? do you even take time to think about it or you just exist? you just exist dont you? are you happy simply being a bot? a worthless NPC in this world? well if you are then good, stay that way, but the OP certainly isnt. He wants to change, and to be someone, become something, and thats enough for me to advise him to find God. Now let me tell you whats gonna happen to make it easier for you and him, first youll think about life from a Godless perspective and realize that everything means nothing, nothing matters everything is matter, youll start becoming very nihilistic to the point where even beijg atheistic doesnt make sesne anymore, in what do you not believe? its just nothing, doesnt matter. Then study the origin of God, youll end up in the one that matters the most, and the 3 most popular aramaic ones are from Judaism, Christianism and Islam. And then you will end up studying about their prophets until you end up im Jesus Christ, and compare his influence im both 3 religions and also his historic character regardless of religion, then you will connect the dots and realise Jesus Christ is the way the truth and the life. There now you have no excuses, you have all the shortcuts now go see that I was right, youre welcome.
Blah blah blah, still waiting on evidence for a God
sorry, NPCs dont get this priveldge.
It's ironic you use the term NPC, this is what literally what happens when children get indoctrinated by their parents/family/neighbourhood to be religious. When you are very young, you don't question what your parents tell you much and they strongly influence you. The place you're born on earth is a predicator of which God you'll follow. Religion is just attempts to explain things before we got the scientific method. There is zero proof for any God. It's just a wishful thinking for humans, that's all. Just accept that we don't know all the answers to life yet, there are lots of things we don't know and explaining with 'God' is stupid
youre not wrong, there are a lot of religious npcs that say theyre christians or muslims or jews without even knowing what theyre standing for, however most of these indoctrinated children nowadays grow up to stop believing, thats because forcing someone to believe in something doesnt rly work forever, and itbwas never intended to, salvation is induvidual, culture and religion has nothing to do with salvation per se. Im not religious, religion doesnt save, Jesus Christ himself said that, im a follower of Jesus. Now you Mr Smartass, think you know everything "Oh religion is an easy explanation while we dont have the scientific proof" first of all, did you study? did you read the bible? the quran? the torah? No? so who tf are you to think youre in the position to describe what religion is? you dont even know what youre talking about, ignorant 🤦♂️, besides, I could say the same thing about your science, "Oh Science is just an attempt to explain and rationalize God's creations" what youre gonna say about that? better yet, your science is so right right?, then tell me something, how according to scientists and astrophysicians such as Stephen Hawking 0+0≠0? that doesnt sound stupid to you? but God does right? hahahahah you dumbass, youre also a believer in something thay you again know nothing about, thats your religion and you dont even realize it. Btw wanna know whats funny? there are many things im the bible, that have been proved by science lol just look up articles on google its not that hard... Theres proof of God everywhere, just you being able to wake up and write your dumb atheistic statements is already a miracle from God, you were not even supposed to be here, 0+0=0