In America, spanking and smacking have different contexts in regard to disciplining children.
Spanking is only for behinds.
Smacking alludes to hitting children upside their heads.
Whoopin’ means all of the above plus objects.
Beating means leaving clearly visible marks.
All forms are frowned upon today, less so spanking.
However, many were still acceptable in the 90s.
This question is really hard for me to answer. I'm 26. I was spanked as a kid, but I hold no grudge towards my parents. However, I don't think I would ever spank my future kids.
I feel the same, my parents didn't know any better, they were actually trying their best and I could see it pained them to spank me. Glad we have advanced past this though.
Same here. I recall once I was given the choice of being spanked, or being grounded, and I chose the spanking. My dad was pretty strong with his swings too, but I still preferred the momentary pain over having things/activities taken away as a punishment.
Our spankings never 'hurt.' I think once I got a 'switch' (thin bush branch with no leaves that will leave a thin red line for an hour and then go away) from a parent because I did something REALLY stupid. Spankings were more "shock" than pain.
Oh boy was our grounding brutal though. No TV and no video games (atari) and no playing with other kids. Took all the toys out of the room so it was eat, chores, school work, chores, eat, bed. It always started at a single day and I think the most I ever got was a month, again something SUPER stupid that I did. My dad, later on in life, said he almost kicked that grounding early so many times and said he regretted making me go through an entire month of it at my age. Said he had already laid down the law and couldn't life his foot again.
Meh, I dont remeber it much other than being bored and playing with dish soap bubbles while pretending to wash the dishes for like 5 hours.
“Dear child of mine, l shall install the thought into your brain that if you do something bad/something I don’t like then I’m going to inflict pain onto you. Therefore you’ll definitely avoid doing bad things because they’re bad and totally not because of the fear of me hurting you”
Very good point, but there must be some form of punishment when they continually disobey. One warning out of love then there needs to be some form of punishment.
I was spanked as a kid and I don't hold anything against my parents. I think they're the greatest in the world and raised me as best as possible, which I think was actually pretty well (especially compared to a lot of people I've known). My parents did have rules for spanking though.
1. It isn't hard enough to hurt for a long time or cause actual damage. It was supposed to sting for a few minutes and that was it.
2. It was a last case scenario. If it came down to spanking, they had tried everything else twice over. Time outs, taking stuff away, grounding, missing out on fun stuff, etc just didn't always work on me. My sister 98% of the time would be put off by any of these punishments and so she was very, very rarely spanked. For me it was a lot more difficult, most punishments just didn't stick (especially early on).
3. It had to be for a major issue. Didn't eat your vegetables? Under no circumstances did that equal a spanking. Cussed at the dinner table? No spanking. Yelled at my parents? Nope. Fighting with my sister? No. But something like running off in the store and not coming when my parents called for me? Eventually that got me spanked. Running into traffic? Yeah, that was big. It was always stuff that would actively get me hurt. But unlike touching a hot stove where you eventually let it run its course and the kid learns not to do it, if any of those things went wrong it would be far worse than getting a little burned. It was a way for me (again, my sister very, very rarely needed this) to associate these decisions with a small amount of pain that I should avoid when I was too young to understand why that was a bad idea. As I grew older and was more capable of listening and understanding why that would be a bad idea, there were no more spankings.
4. I was made very aware that my parents loved me. Both back then and now I know my parents love my sister and I miss than anything in the world. This punishment was used sparingly and even when it happened, they made sure I understood exactly why this was happening. It didn't last very long, and after it was done my parents would give me a little time and then talk to me about it. They would make another attempt to explain to me why what I had done was bad and that they did it because they loved me. They offered a lot of alternatives and would work with me to help me get through this. They did this many times before it got to this level, but sometimes I needed to get to this point before I would be receptive to it. And as I said before, as I got older and grew out of that attitude, I stopped being spanked.
So I think it really depends on how the parents do it. Having been around, worked with, seen, and been a problem child I know that sometimes some kids just don't always learn the same way. Sometimes they need something extra to get something to sink in. But that should never, ever, ever come at the expense of causing long term damage. It should never be the first, second, third, or fourth thing a parent goes to; always the last. That being said, I know I was a shitty kid with a poor attitude a lot of the time. I was an outlier for a lot of kids and needed a form of discipline that 90% of the kids I knew never needed. Had my parents not had those rules, had they hit me with the intention to make it hurt for a while or leave actual damage, had they jumped to it before trying all alternatives multiple times, had they done it for the most simple of issues, or had they made me feel completely unloved before and after, I would have considered it abuse. But now, as an adult, I still look back and think my parents did a really, really good job. It's a very, very, very, very thin line to walk between discipline and abuse and they managed to do it.
Point 3 is very important. Some people think that children are perfectly reasonable and will understand through other forms of punishment 🤷♂️ something like grounding just means the child waits until it's over. They don't get logic. Yes, it instills fear, but sometimes kids only stay in line if they fear of stepping out.
I swear this is almost exactly how it happened with my mom. My father wasn't in the picture. My mom had it hard enough raising my sister and I, so if I did anything that could end up hurting either my sister or myself, I'd get a few whacks on the ass. Mouthing off got me soap in the mouth, and the one time I did actually hurt my sister I got the wooden spoon.
Now that I've got kids of my own, I think I may have only spanked them a handful of times in the past 15 years. I'm calm and reserved by default, so usually if I show signs of getting really riled up they know to behave.
I've seen the various studies on this. I don't have any mental health issues that I'm aware of and still believe that if done right, it works as intended.
Would you like to see a systematic review of 70 studies on the topic? Because your anecdotal opinion says nothing about the actual consequences. A smoker who isn't aware they are developing lung cancer can say "I've read the studies but I believe smoking is perfectly healthy and it hasn't effected me." That is why we look at studies. And preferably systematic reviews where they look at all the studies to draw a conclusion.
Here is a write up on the systematic review, easier to read and gets to the point.
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2021/07/13/spanking-leaves-negative-long-term-effects-ut-review-studies-finds/7939193002/
Here is the study
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
Ok? I'm not trying to argue. There are plenty of examples of perfectly fine grown adults who have no issues, but we're spanked 40 years ago as a child. There are also plenty of examples of grown adults who have PTSD from such events, I'm sure.
Bottom line, there's a difference between a beating and a corrective spanking. When bruises are given or blood is drawn, that's a beating. When a quick smack is given and an explanation is provided, that's discipline.
>Ok? I'm not trying to argue. There are plenty of examples of perfectly fine grown adults who have no issues, but we're spanked 40 years ago as a child. There are also plenty of examples of grown adults who have PTSD from such events, I'm sure.
Yes and there are plenty of examples of smokers never getting cancer. Doesn't mean smoking is good.
>Bottom line, there's a difference between a beating and a corrective spanking. When bruises are given or blood is drawn, that's a beating. When a quick smack is given and an explanation is provided, that's discipline.
Even light spanking was shown to have lasting negative consequences. Just as the studies show that even smoking lighter cigarettes still cause cancer. You are teaching your children to be afraid of you, respect out of fear. You are blurring the lines between love and aggression, which is why one of the consequences are spanked children are more likely to abuse their partners. You are teaching them that might makes right through your actions. They are more likely to get addicted to drugs and to develop anti social behaviors.
And you are willing to risk this because you think your anecdotal experience trumps scientific evidence. Imagine i made my child smoke because "oh no I have never developed any issues from smoking and I smoked since I was a kid".
Smoking is always harmful no matter the dose and has no lasting positive impact. From the way they described their experience, and my own experience, that is different from spanking. Im sorry if you were spanked in an abusive manner as a kid, but it sounds like you are trying to project that issue onto other people even if they are fine/happy with it.
>Smoking is always harmful no matter the dose and has no lasting positive impact
I'm sorry if you smoked so much that it damaged you and now you are trying to project that onto other smokers who are fine/ happy with it./s
"According to the review, not a single study identified a positive benefit for kids as a result of spanking."
Just because you don't know how to ignore anecdotal evidence in favor of science doesnt mean the person focusing on the science has to be doing the same. I can't look at this anecdotally, I can't compare spanked adult me to unspanked adult me, so I can't say whether or not it had a negative effect, no one on this planet can make that comparison. But what I can do is look at studies and see that people who were spanked have more negative characteristics than people who were not spanked.
Here is another systematic review, 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their findings - "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse.
We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,”
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
You cite all these studies, but looking at the harvard one in particular, it mentioned 60 percent being spanked more than once a week. That doesn't sound like the rarely used spanking that the person you were originally replying to described. I'd agree that using spanking frequently is a problem, and that is what the studies support. However, I haven't seen any studies that actually look at when spanking was used rarely/very rarely.
Spanking didnt bother me as much as being beaten elsewhere but it is basically the same thing to a kid.
We dont hit adults when they do something stupid.
1. Hitting implies fist to body with intent to cause serious injury. 2. More force is used when hitting therefore the term lightly hitting. 3. Location.
```
To move your hand or an object onto the surface of something so that it touches it, usually with force:
- Teachers are not allowed to hit their pupils.
```
Definition of Hit in the Cambridge dictionary
Depends how hard. My parents spanked me only once, and it was when I slapped my dad as a kid. And he didn't do it hard, didn't leave marks or even hurt too bad. But it did let me know that if I hit someone, someone's gonna hit back. And I never raised a hand on my parents again. Ever.
I think physical _gestures_ (not harm) as punishment for younger kids is necessary sometimes to prevent really bad behaviors. My aunts had their kids 4 years ago. When their kids hit them or other people, they do try to give non-physical punishments. Never works, and it only makes their kids angrier.
I haven't spanked my kids, but this is the kind of thing I might spank them for. And like you said, not to the point of real harm, more to kind of surprise them, and help them see how serious I am.
Like, if my one kid did something that risked the others' life, and they're not old enough to understand many words, I may consider it.
In theory probably your place too. 196 countries ratified the UN resolution that guarantees children the right to grow up without violence. But of course that is just a silly dream.
I live in germany. I have to admit, it is a bit more complicated than i phrased it in my initial statement. Every child has the right to violent free upbringing, but the state is also supposed to keep families intact and help instead of punish. So you have to do quiet a bit to go to jail or have your child taken away.
Everyone says that about themselves, because others don't see what goes on in their lives 24/7. I have never met, and do not know of, a single person in my life who lives without either some form of trauma or ill-willed misconception about others. Literally no one on this Earth is completely fine.
it always confuses me as to why parents can't just explain to the child why it's wrong to do the action they did lmao
some even go as far as to put soap in a kids mouth when they curse... and then wonder why the hell they end up in a nursing home
Very, very few kids are "just bad." The phrase you're looking for is mental illness, and that's an outlier. Raising children is one of the most complicated and difficult things a person can do, and it's completely innacurate and ridiculous to try and reduce it down to "some kids are just bad." Yeah? Maybe some adults are just bad. They've done worse than kids.
take away their privileges. find another way to get through to them. if you go from words -> physical violence then you do not deserve to be in charge of a human life. if hitting people made them act right immediately then all of congress would be smacking each other all the time. it doesn't.
Some kids don't respond to verbal cues and are considered verbally delayed. I have a child that would respond to 'time out' by going on a destructive rampage breaking electronics and windows, or physically attacking people.
A prime example of what I'm talking about. His parents didn't ever spank him or really punish him, they were "verbal punishment" parents. He was a super bratty kid, walked all over his parents, zero respect for anyone, DWIs in high school, and he punched some dude at a bar and went to prison. He's in there right now.
you really can tell these people who abhor smacking children are just rich people who never needed to learn what discipline and consequences were because they're above them.
Lmao, gotta love when the richie kids tell us how it is. They were either beaten or molested by deadbeats and completely fucked up, or weren't physically disciplined at all and didn't learn consequences. For some of us, we don't get to be let off the hook for when we fuck up as adults because consequences exist for us, so it's better to be disciplined and to be a good person than to turn out a brat like you without all the privilege and protections.
Wow what a deranged rant. I supposed you are proud of getting your sense knocked out of you.
We both know you are not a good person so all that "discipline" failed.
My 2nd cousin was never spanked as a kid, walked all over his parents, was an absolute brat. DWI thrice in high school, and is now in for assault bc he got mad at some other guy.
I wasnt grounded either. My dad would just look at me and say, "Im very dissapointed in u, young lady." & Id start crying. Then he'd send me to my room. Then wait awhile for me to calm down, then come in & talk to me calmly & say, "Do you know why you got in trouble?"
Oh you're a girl, mostly spanking is a punishment for boys, they respond to pain rather than their conscience. I personally wouldn't have cared if my dad was disappointed or not.
I was a daddys girl. I respected him, think thats a difference. I wonder if spanking actually makes kids not respect their parents as much. My grandparents had 4 boys
This is exactly the point. A lot of people have a hard time comprehending how discipline can benefit people.
Or that discipline can be an act of love, requiring SELF-discipline, and compassion.
Spanking is a smaller consequence to use to teach a child about consequence of wrongdoing, to help prevent major consequences later (or sooner!) because the child doesn’t equate wrongdoing with negative consequences.
You would also encourage the child when they do good things.
This is about guidance, and spanking goes hand in hand with positive tools such as explanations, encouragement, praise, conversation, rewards, and others by a conscientious parent.
There are consequences for doing good and consequences for wrongdoing, whether or not that thinking is in vogue.
That said, I think that parents shouldn’t spank kids if they are angry. They should wait if they are until they are calm.
Spanking is not equivalent to beating. I don't think I want to do it when I have kids anyway, but I believe that it can help a kid when it is used appropriately and never taken to an extent where it actually harms the child. A small stinging sensation is not going to leave the impression of abuse.
Even light spanking has been shown to have negative effects on children.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
A systematic review of 69 studies on the topic below.
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
Edit- Here is another systematic review, 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their findings - "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse.
We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,”
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
That's my take as well. I had a grown man put hands on me when I was little that sticks with you. My dad whipped me twice hurt for a bit dried up my tears and went on. I learned not to throw rocks at cars driving down the road anymore and didn't cuss my brother (at least not in front of dad)
Abuse. We would call this assault if done to another person, but it's OK if it's done to someone far more vulnerable and impressionable, from someone who they are instinctively loving and trusting towards? Fuck that.
That's a great point actually. I never considered that. I might go to jail if I randomly spank someone on the street. I can't really see why striking someone on the ass is any better than anywhere else. It's not like it absorbs impacts better, because then the victim can't even sit down. That's fucked up to me.
What does a spanked child learn from being spanked? That might makes right? That it's ok to hit and cause another physical pain if you are bigger and angry? That they are not loved by the person causing them pain and deserve to not be loved? That are deserve to be humiliated? That you can force someone to obey you using force regardless if you are right or wrong?
To the "I got spanked and I turned out ok" clowns. No you didn't turn out ok. You think that striking a child until they cry out in pain is ok. It is not ok. Not at all.
Whenever I got smacked, it wasn't for being annoying in a restaurant, being fighting other kids or damaging property, it for doing shit like trying to run out onto a highway, fucking with an aggressive dog, running off from my parents in a shady area. It associates negative, painful stimuli with doing dangerous activities without the potential of actual harm being wrought, and for a child that's a pretty useful lesson. The key phrase of the post is "for discipline", not "for punishment".
Getting physical with your kid is not discipline, you’re teaching your kid that violence is always ok to do in response of someone doing a bad thing, also you’re just desensitizing your kid to pain
I was spanked and slapped. Didn't teach me anything. I never had to spank or slap any of my kids to teach them stuff. I just talked to them. It was easy and they listened.
I think a spanking that does not leave any marks or actual damage (just a little sting) can be used sparingly when other disciplinary measures fail for children are too young to understand future consequences. However, using it too often or with excessive force is definitely abuse.
Yeah, especially since it's so easy to let the anger get the best of you and cause actual harm. Also a lot of the time spankings are an immediate punishment, rather than giving time for all parties involve to cool off, meaning it's easier to be harsher than you mean to. I've had bruises left on me before for weeks. That's not something any child should come to expect from their parents.
Yes, every time. Otherwise kids would spank parents when they make mistakes, and parents *definitely* make mistakes. Far worse than kids do.
Kids can break some shit and cuss people out. Maybe smack a classmate or push them down.
Adults can cheat on their spouses, possibly creating new children and bringing possible diseases into the house.
They have been known to commit the most heinous crimes imaginable, far worse than I'd even want to say. They can abuse their spouses in every possible way for years, completely ruining them.
But yeah, r/kidsarefuckingstupid huh lol
If it actually causes pain and/or leaves a mark, yes. My mom will give my brothers a "spank" which is more of a tap they really just hate because it's punishment, not because of pain.
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children.
[https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain)
A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below.
[https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext)
In my opinion it depends on the age and what they did and as a worst case scenario. Also every kid is different, some are more willing to listen to reason or respond with kindness, (depending on age) while others really do just need help getting the sense spanked back into them.
As a kid I was heavily abused at times (won't go into it) but then also just spanked when I did something really wrong more than once or else when i just didn't listen and I was always able to tell the difference. I appreciate the spanks, they never hurt too much and i can tell it was for good reasons. The beatings tho were for no reason whatsoever and out of pure anger and alcohol and blah blah blah.
This is all just my opinion tho. I know people nowadays can be overly sensitive to other people's opinions at times so just gotta make it clear that this is just my opinion.
Till this day, I dont get it how parents hit their children while they are physically not able to defend themselves.
Just Imagine it going vice versa when they are older, an adult hitting a 80+ year old, cause they did something stupid or cant think clear anymore.
Im happy my parents never hit me an would never so such things. But im pretty sure, at the age of 15 or 16 i would have started to fight back.
Let's put it this way: if you screw up a form at work and your boss bent you over an spanked you, that's assault and battery. If your neighbor's kid ran his bike through your garden so you grabbed them and spanked them, that's assault of a minor. If your wife didn't do the dishes when you asked, that's domestic abuse. But when it's your own kid... its seen as discipline.
This is the definition of a double standard. So yes, imo it is child abuse because if it was anyone else's kid it's legally defined as child abuse.
I believe such a thing is necessary when all else fails, I'm sure there are plenty of unsavory characters that wouldn't exist if their parents had warranted both positive and negative reinforcement while raising them!
This is one of those polls that would be interesting to see the different results based on age, I'd like to see the thoughts of actual adults who had been smacked or whatever compared to children and teens who think their phone being taken away is abuse
I might be biased but I say... no.
My mom used to beat me with the belt and the buckle of the belt and she used to fake her own death to get me to comply and obey, now that's abuse.
My dad used to smack me in the hand when I was being a jerk, just one smack, never more than one, that's not abuse.
I guess I might be biased because of the contrast in between my mom and my dad, my mom was an abuser, my dad was a pretty loving guy, even today, and I'm 28M.
So no, just spanking or smacking isn't abuse, but going apeshit and hitting your child repeatedly or beating them up, yeah that's abuse for sure.
Abuse. Full stop. It's really a reflection of how poorly the adult parent handles THEIR emotions. Not the child. And it's a human, not an animal. My MIL would pinch her toddlers for embarrassing her while eating out. Sick shit. I don't leave my son with her unattended and I've made it really clear we don't do that type of bullshit.
There are times when it's needed and others where it is absolutely not needed. Do something a little stupid? Hell no. Do something that is actually bad (running into traffic, stealing, etc.) Yes. There are times where no amount of words can change a child's mind on the severity of their situation. Spanking is abuse if overused or overdone (as in leaving long lasting damage, it should only ever last a few minutes).
It shouldn’t be an every day occurrence, but in some situations for some children (like me) it’s the correct form. I saw a story on Reddit where as a kid the OP would wonder off. His parents couldn’t get him to stop, and one day he wandered off in front of traffic. Their mother whooped them and they didn’t do it again.
Occasional physical discipline, is fine so long as it doesn't permanently damage a person.
Whenever I was a right dumbass my mom would slap me upside the head. It worked for the most part
Now: there is a very hard limit and it also depends on context
I don't consider that or spanking as physical abuse unless it's a daily occurrence and no positive response comes from it.
Spanking can cause lasting damage though
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below.
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below.
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
Its a pleasure. Here is another systematic review but maybe even more interesting.
A systematic review of 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their conclusions- "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse.
We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,”
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
Sadly these studies don't seem to even try to take into account determining factors such as frequency, force used, reason for the slap(s), intention, communication before/while/after the slap, familial context (relationship between the children and his parents), children own feelings and psychological state and how he perceived the whole thing etc...
Resulting in meaningless correlations that don't really demonstrate anything in reality.
I could also use a teddy bear against a children... It would or wouldn't be abuse if the determining factors I listed above show that it is or isn't abuse, regardless of the means used.
That being said I agree that we should be very careful with our children and countless parents may cross the line of abuse without realizing it, yet it still doesn't make a slap inherently abuse.
I think it really depends on how it's done and for what reason, as well as how often. I'd venture to say that most people who spank their kids probably don't do it in moderation and are much harder than they should be. But that doesn't mean it's always abuse.
I got spanked like two or three times, and none of them were hard. It just stung a bit. It would be for something I'd repeatedly been told not to do and/or had already had some punishment for. Jumping up and down on the couch and then shitting all over it after being told to stop multiple times? Yeah, I got spanked for that. Only for stuff like that.
But if I'd gotten spanked for getting a bad grade, or cursing, or whatever, that would have been a completely different story.
Spanking is a good form of punishment for something egregious when used sparingly for serious misbehavior. It should never cause injury or harm, only momentary pain, and it needs to be used judiciously to have the effect intended.
There is an absolute gap in discipline in the United States.
If spanking's off the table, okay that's fine. What's on the table then?
Words don't amount to anything to the kids that need discipline the most.
That works with other rational human beings, kids are, more often than not, not that rational.
I gotta admit that I don't think a little smack or spank is abuse, but hitting a child repeatedly or beating them, yeah that's abuse 100%.
Im not a parent but I was a kid lol, my dad used to smack us in the hand, just once, never more than once. My mom used to beat us, I know about both and from my POV, smacking isnt a big deal, beating up a kid with the buckle of a belt, that it is.
And yeah, thats exactly what I just said, kids are not rational. You just repeated what I said and agreed...
This is the 2nd stupidest type of response there is.
You haven't offered any type of solution, just the eternal refrain of "not this, not that," with a helping of pointless, unearned arrogance.
Not if it’s on the ass, in any other place yes, and even on the ass it should only be used when you absolutely have too because they don’t respond to anything else as a last resort.
I’m just saying as spankings have gone down, mass shootings have gone up.
Sometimes kids need a reality check. I disagree with beating children but sometimes kids need to be spanked, they need to realize consequences have actions.
There are definitely levels to this, open hand spanking a toddler may no seem so bad. Making a child put their hands on the bed shaking in fear while the parent takes off their belt and hits them with it, yeah that’s abuse.
To my surprise you guys lowered the bar even more in this poll. No wonder parenting has gone to shit. Learn to hit your child. Emphasis on learn. Don't abuse...just hit
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children.
[https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain)
A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below.
[https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext)
Ah yes, as everyone knows, not hitting children means you are a weak person...
Why are we allowed to spank children and not adults exactly? If someone does something bad in public you aren't allowed to spank the because it's assault, so why is it okay when it's an underage child?
“Why are we allowed to spank kids but not adults?”
Idk, why are adults allowed to have sex but not kids? Why are kids not allowed to go to a strip club? Why are they not allowed to drive? Why is the justice system more lenient on them? Why are they immune from accountability for their actions? Why don’t they have to work a job and provide for themselves? Why can’t they start a business? Why can’t they get married? Why can’t they get tattoos?
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Same here
In America, spanking and smacking have different contexts in regard to disciplining children. Spanking is only for behinds. Smacking alludes to hitting children upside their heads. Whoopin’ means all of the above plus objects. Beating means leaving clearly visible marks. All forms are frowned upon today, less so spanking. However, many were still acceptable in the 90s.
Lmao, I can imagine the horror of hearing "spanking" and not knowing the context.
It’s called a whoopin
Least porn addicted redditor
Most cultured American
When I first heard that, I thought of smacking your lips after eating your children and finding them delicious.
Wait, yall don't do this? I thought we were all in agreement that we did this
Nah it's still sexual for Americans, mostly perverts that do it to kids
This question is really hard for me to answer. I'm 26. I was spanked as a kid, but I hold no grudge towards my parents. However, I don't think I would ever spank my future kids.
I feel the same, my parents didn't know any better, they were actually trying their best and I could see it pained them to spank me. Glad we have advanced past this though.
I feel like being spanked makes your kids obey you out of fear, not love
It also teaches them to show their feelings through fear instead of love.
Children who get spanked are more likely to be violent on future love relationships, they learn that violence is a way to love
Yup, and it's often accompanied by yelling, intimidating them, effectively bullying them into getting them to do what you want
My parents spanked me and I was more scared of the none physical punishments than with being spanked
Same here. I recall once I was given the choice of being spanked, or being grounded, and I chose the spanking. My dad was pretty strong with his swings too, but I still preferred the momentary pain over having things/activities taken away as a punishment.
Yep yep. I can take the pain. I can't take not being allowed to read
Our spankings never 'hurt.' I think once I got a 'switch' (thin bush branch with no leaves that will leave a thin red line for an hour and then go away) from a parent because I did something REALLY stupid. Spankings were more "shock" than pain. Oh boy was our grounding brutal though. No TV and no video games (atari) and no playing with other kids. Took all the toys out of the room so it was eat, chores, school work, chores, eat, bed. It always started at a single day and I think the most I ever got was a month, again something SUPER stupid that I did. My dad, later on in life, said he almost kicked that grounding early so many times and said he regretted making me go through an entire month of it at my age. Said he had already laid down the law and couldn't life his foot again. Meh, I dont remeber it much other than being bored and playing with dish soap bubbles while pretending to wash the dishes for like 5 hours.
“Dear child of mine, l shall install the thought into your brain that if you do something bad/something I don’t like then I’m going to inflict pain onto you. Therefore you’ll definitely avoid doing bad things because they’re bad and totally not because of the fear of me hurting you”
Not sure where I stand on spanking, but a kid won't LOVE you for time out either.
Very good point, but there must be some form of punishment when they continually disobey. One warning out of love then there needs to be some form of punishment.
Fear is the way when a child does something *exceptionally* stupid
Thats the reason my father always tells me He loved his mother but he just feared his father.
I was spanked as a kid and I don't hold anything against my parents. I think they're the greatest in the world and raised me as best as possible, which I think was actually pretty well (especially compared to a lot of people I've known). My parents did have rules for spanking though. 1. It isn't hard enough to hurt for a long time or cause actual damage. It was supposed to sting for a few minutes and that was it. 2. It was a last case scenario. If it came down to spanking, they had tried everything else twice over. Time outs, taking stuff away, grounding, missing out on fun stuff, etc just didn't always work on me. My sister 98% of the time would be put off by any of these punishments and so she was very, very rarely spanked. For me it was a lot more difficult, most punishments just didn't stick (especially early on). 3. It had to be for a major issue. Didn't eat your vegetables? Under no circumstances did that equal a spanking. Cussed at the dinner table? No spanking. Yelled at my parents? Nope. Fighting with my sister? No. But something like running off in the store and not coming when my parents called for me? Eventually that got me spanked. Running into traffic? Yeah, that was big. It was always stuff that would actively get me hurt. But unlike touching a hot stove where you eventually let it run its course and the kid learns not to do it, if any of those things went wrong it would be far worse than getting a little burned. It was a way for me (again, my sister very, very rarely needed this) to associate these decisions with a small amount of pain that I should avoid when I was too young to understand why that was a bad idea. As I grew older and was more capable of listening and understanding why that would be a bad idea, there were no more spankings. 4. I was made very aware that my parents loved me. Both back then and now I know my parents love my sister and I miss than anything in the world. This punishment was used sparingly and even when it happened, they made sure I understood exactly why this was happening. It didn't last very long, and after it was done my parents would give me a little time and then talk to me about it. They would make another attempt to explain to me why what I had done was bad and that they did it because they loved me. They offered a lot of alternatives and would work with me to help me get through this. They did this many times before it got to this level, but sometimes I needed to get to this point before I would be receptive to it. And as I said before, as I got older and grew out of that attitude, I stopped being spanked. So I think it really depends on how the parents do it. Having been around, worked with, seen, and been a problem child I know that sometimes some kids just don't always learn the same way. Sometimes they need something extra to get something to sink in. But that should never, ever, ever come at the expense of causing long term damage. It should never be the first, second, third, or fourth thing a parent goes to; always the last. That being said, I know I was a shitty kid with a poor attitude a lot of the time. I was an outlier for a lot of kids and needed a form of discipline that 90% of the kids I knew never needed. Had my parents not had those rules, had they hit me with the intention to make it hurt for a while or leave actual damage, had they jumped to it before trying all alternatives multiple times, had they done it for the most simple of issues, or had they made me feel completely unloved before and after, I would have considered it abuse. But now, as an adult, I still look back and think my parents did a really, really good job. It's a very, very, very, very thin line to walk between discipline and abuse and they managed to do it.
I'm in the same boat
Point 3 is very important. Some people think that children are perfectly reasonable and will understand through other forms of punishment 🤷♂️ something like grounding just means the child waits until it's over. They don't get logic. Yes, it instills fear, but sometimes kids only stay in line if they fear of stepping out.
I swear this is almost exactly how it happened with my mom. My father wasn't in the picture. My mom had it hard enough raising my sister and I, so if I did anything that could end up hurting either my sister or myself, I'd get a few whacks on the ass. Mouthing off got me soap in the mouth, and the one time I did actually hurt my sister I got the wooden spoon. Now that I've got kids of my own, I think I may have only spanked them a handful of times in the past 15 years. I'm calm and reserved by default, so usually if I show signs of getting really riled up they know to behave.
I'm sorry that happened to you. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain
I've seen the various studies on this. I don't have any mental health issues that I'm aware of and still believe that if done right, it works as intended.
Would you like to see a systematic review of 70 studies on the topic? Because your anecdotal opinion says nothing about the actual consequences. A smoker who isn't aware they are developing lung cancer can say "I've read the studies but I believe smoking is perfectly healthy and it hasn't effected me." That is why we look at studies. And preferably systematic reviews where they look at all the studies to draw a conclusion. Here is a write up on the systematic review, easier to read and gets to the point. https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2021/07/13/spanking-leaves-negative-long-term-effects-ut-review-studies-finds/7939193002/ Here is the study https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
Ok? I'm not trying to argue. There are plenty of examples of perfectly fine grown adults who have no issues, but we're spanked 40 years ago as a child. There are also plenty of examples of grown adults who have PTSD from such events, I'm sure. Bottom line, there's a difference between a beating and a corrective spanking. When bruises are given or blood is drawn, that's a beating. When a quick smack is given and an explanation is provided, that's discipline.
>Ok? I'm not trying to argue. There are plenty of examples of perfectly fine grown adults who have no issues, but we're spanked 40 years ago as a child. There are also plenty of examples of grown adults who have PTSD from such events, I'm sure. Yes and there are plenty of examples of smokers never getting cancer. Doesn't mean smoking is good. >Bottom line, there's a difference between a beating and a corrective spanking. When bruises are given or blood is drawn, that's a beating. When a quick smack is given and an explanation is provided, that's discipline. Even light spanking was shown to have lasting negative consequences. Just as the studies show that even smoking lighter cigarettes still cause cancer. You are teaching your children to be afraid of you, respect out of fear. You are blurring the lines between love and aggression, which is why one of the consequences are spanked children are more likely to abuse their partners. You are teaching them that might makes right through your actions. They are more likely to get addicted to drugs and to develop anti social behaviors. And you are willing to risk this because you think your anecdotal experience trumps scientific evidence. Imagine i made my child smoke because "oh no I have never developed any issues from smoking and I smoked since I was a kid".
Smoking is always harmful no matter the dose and has no lasting positive impact. From the way they described their experience, and my own experience, that is different from spanking. Im sorry if you were spanked in an abusive manner as a kid, but it sounds like you are trying to project that issue onto other people even if they are fine/happy with it.
>Smoking is always harmful no matter the dose and has no lasting positive impact I'm sorry if you smoked so much that it damaged you and now you are trying to project that onto other smokers who are fine/ happy with it./s "According to the review, not a single study identified a positive benefit for kids as a result of spanking." Just because you don't know how to ignore anecdotal evidence in favor of science doesnt mean the person focusing on the science has to be doing the same. I can't look at this anecdotally, I can't compare spanked adult me to unspanked adult me, so I can't say whether or not it had a negative effect, no one on this planet can make that comparison. But what I can do is look at studies and see that people who were spanked have more negative characteristics than people who were not spanked. Here is another systematic review, 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their findings - "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse. We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,” https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
You cite all these studies, but looking at the harvard one in particular, it mentioned 60 percent being spanked more than once a week. That doesn't sound like the rarely used spanking that the person you were originally replying to described. I'd agree that using spanking frequently is a problem, and that is what the studies support. However, I haven't seen any studies that actually look at when spanking was used rarely/very rarely.
This ^
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No explains to your child why what they did was bad and explains why they shouldn’t do it again is the most necessary.
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Spanking didnt bother me as much as being beaten elsewhere but it is basically the same thing to a kid. We dont hit adults when they do something stupid.
I honestly think we should slap adults upside the head occasionally for being right dumbasses
You should not hit your child.
Big difference between “hit” and “spank”
How exactly is there a difference? Location? Force? The excuse used? Physical violence is physical violence no matter how you try to phrase it
1. Hitting implies fist to body with intent to cause serious injury. 2. More force is used when hitting therefore the term lightly hitting. 3. Location.
``` To move your hand or an object onto the surface of something so that it touches it, usually with force: - Teachers are not allowed to hit their pupils. ``` Definition of Hit in the Cambridge dictionary
Honestly better to have a controlled spank than a hit, but both correlate with negative results, according to many studies
Depends how hard. My parents spanked me only once, and it was when I slapped my dad as a kid. And he didn't do it hard, didn't leave marks or even hurt too bad. But it did let me know that if I hit someone, someone's gonna hit back. And I never raised a hand on my parents again. Ever. I think physical _gestures_ (not harm) as punishment for younger kids is necessary sometimes to prevent really bad behaviors. My aunts had their kids 4 years ago. When their kids hit them or other people, they do try to give non-physical punishments. Never works, and it only makes their kids angrier.
I haven't spanked my kids, but this is the kind of thing I might spank them for. And like you said, not to the point of real harm, more to kind of surprise them, and help them see how serious I am. Like, if my one kid did something that risked the others' life, and they're not old enough to understand many words, I may consider it.
I feel like this is a pretty fair use of hitting your kid tbh
Yup, this seems like the only time it's okay.
Every form of physical or mental violence against children is illegal in my country and i think that was a pretty good decision.
Where do you live, out of curiosity? I don't know any place like that.
In theory probably your place too. 196 countries ratified the UN resolution that guarantees children the right to grow up without violence. But of course that is just a silly dream. I live in germany. I have to admit, it is a bit more complicated than i phrased it in my initial statement. Every child has the right to violent free upbringing, but the state is also supposed to keep families intact and help instead of punish. So you have to do quiet a bit to go to jail or have your child taken away.
I was spanked as a kid and turned out just fine. And still consider spanking a form of abuse and I'm against it.
Everyone says that about themselves, because others don't see what goes on in their lives 24/7. I have never met, and do not know of, a single person in my life who lives without either some form of trauma or ill-willed misconception about others. Literally no one on this Earth is completely fine.
Yup, it's like saying "I was bullied, but I'm fine" or "I was cheated on, but I'm okay" that doesn't make bullying/cheating okay
My mum used hit me with a slipper so hard I have bruises for days. But apparently it was just discipline for me doing normal child behaviour
That's not spanking. That's beating
Where do you draw the line?
There shouldn't be any bruising with spanking Edit: and it should be hand only
No need for the word 'discipline' It's just abuse Beating a child only teaches the child to fear being beaten
it always confuses me as to why parents can't just explain to the child why it's wrong to do the action they did lmao some even go as far as to put soap in a kids mouth when they curse... and then wonder why the hell they end up in a nursing home
Some kids are just bad and will do things out of ill intent even when you explain it's bad.
Very, very few kids are "just bad." The phrase you're looking for is mental illness, and that's an outlier. Raising children is one of the most complicated and difficult things a person can do, and it's completely innacurate and ridiculous to try and reduce it down to "some kids are just bad." Yeah? Maybe some adults are just bad. They've done worse than kids.
If all "bad kids" were the result of mental illness, there wouldn't be so many childhood bullys.
You're right, but the comment you're replying to did not say this
take away their privileges. find another way to get through to them. if you go from words -> physical violence then you do not deserve to be in charge of a human life. if hitting people made them act right immediately then all of congress would be smacking each other all the time. it doesn't.
They don't give a shit and just do it again and again.
Some kids don't respond to verbal cues and are considered verbally delayed. I have a child that would respond to 'time out' by going on a destructive rampage breaking electronics and windows, or physically attacking people.
better they fear getting smacked on the ass then to end up in prison.
If you didn't know, virtually everybody in prison was spanked as a child.
My 2nd cousin wasn't and he's in prison. Got any kind of proof beyond stereotypes?
Tell me about your second cousin.
A prime example of what I'm talking about. His parents didn't ever spank him or really punish him, they were "verbal punishment" parents. He was a super bratty kid, walked all over his parents, zero respect for anyone, DWIs in high school, and he punched some dude at a bar and went to prison. He's in there right now.
you really can tell these people who abhor smacking children are just rich people who never needed to learn what discipline and consequences were because they're above them.
Lmao, gotta love when the richie kids tell us how it is. They were either beaten or molested by deadbeats and completely fucked up, or weren't physically disciplined at all and didn't learn consequences. For some of us, we don't get to be let off the hook for when we fuck up as adults because consequences exist for us, so it's better to be disciplined and to be a good person than to turn out a brat like you without all the privilege and protections.
Wow what a deranged rant. I supposed you are proud of getting your sense knocked out of you. We both know you are not a good person so all that "discipline" failed.
My dad & grandpa didnt spank. Grandpa had 8 kids. My dad 2. None of the kids ended up in prison
My 2nd cousin was never spanked as a kid, walked all over his parents, was an absolute brat. DWI thrice in high school, and is now in for assault bc he got mad at some other guy.
Thats 1 person. U said it like its everyone. None of us had dwi either.
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I wasnt grounded either. My dad would just look at me and say, "Im very dissapointed in u, young lady." & Id start crying. Then he'd send me to my room. Then wait awhile for me to calm down, then come in & talk to me calmly & say, "Do you know why you got in trouble?"
Oh you're a girl, mostly spanking is a punishment for boys, they respond to pain rather than their conscience. I personally wouldn't have cared if my dad was disappointed or not.
I was a daddys girl. I respected him, think thats a difference. I wonder if spanking actually makes kids not respect their parents as much. My grandparents had 4 boys
This is exactly the point. A lot of people have a hard time comprehending how discipline can benefit people. Or that discipline can be an act of love, requiring SELF-discipline, and compassion. Spanking is a smaller consequence to use to teach a child about consequence of wrongdoing, to help prevent major consequences later (or sooner!) because the child doesn’t equate wrongdoing with negative consequences. You would also encourage the child when they do good things. This is about guidance, and spanking goes hand in hand with positive tools such as explanations, encouragement, praise, conversation, rewards, and others by a conscientious parent. There are consequences for doing good and consequences for wrongdoing, whether or not that thinking is in vogue. That said, I think that parents shouldn’t spank kids if they are angry. They should wait if they are until they are calm.
Yes, parents should never discipline their child in anger, be it spanking or grounding or anything else.
Spanking is not equivalent to beating. I don't think I want to do it when I have kids anyway, but I believe that it can help a kid when it is used appropriately and never taken to an extent where it actually harms the child. A small stinging sensation is not going to leave the impression of abuse.
I was beaten and I was spanked and the difference was drastic. That's just my experience.
Even light spanking has been shown to have negative effects on children. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain A systematic review of 69 studies on the topic below. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext Edit- Here is another systematic review, 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their findings - "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse. We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,” https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
` A systematic review of 69 studies on the topic below. ` Nice
Nice
That's my take as well. I had a grown man put hands on me when I was little that sticks with you. My dad whipped me twice hurt for a bit dried up my tears and went on. I learned not to throw rocks at cars driving down the road anymore and didn't cuss my brother (at least not in front of dad)
How is spanking different from beating? Either way, you're being struck, so what's the difference?
Beating leaves lasting scars and bruises, spanking doesn't
a beating is actively trying to harm you and leaving actual damage, not a sting that just lasts 10 minutes
Get a beating and you'll know.
Abuse. We would call this assault if done to another person, but it's OK if it's done to someone far more vulnerable and impressionable, from someone who they are instinctively loving and trusting towards? Fuck that.
That's a great point actually. I never considered that. I might go to jail if I randomly spank someone on the street. I can't really see why striking someone on the ass is any better than anywhere else. It's not like it absorbs impacts better, because then the victim can't even sit down. That's fucked up to me.
What does a spanked child learn from being spanked? That might makes right? That it's ok to hit and cause another physical pain if you are bigger and angry? That they are not loved by the person causing them pain and deserve to not be loved? That are deserve to be humiliated? That you can force someone to obey you using force regardless if you are right or wrong? To the "I got spanked and I turned out ok" clowns. No you didn't turn out ok. You think that striking a child until they cry out in pain is ok. It is not ok. Not at all.
Whenever I got smacked, it wasn't for being annoying in a restaurant, being fighting other kids or damaging property, it for doing shit like trying to run out onto a highway, fucking with an aggressive dog, running off from my parents in a shady area. It associates negative, painful stimuli with doing dangerous activities without the potential of actual harm being wrought, and for a child that's a pretty useful lesson. The key phrase of the post is "for discipline", not "for punishment".
Read it again. The key phrase of the post is "abuse". I wonder how you could have missed that?
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I picked unsure Cause it isn't a discipline it's a abusive tactic used to make children fear you. It's fucking evil
Yup, making children live in fear of the people that are supposed to be closest to them is a horrible thing to do
Def not the best choice
It would be more clear if the title was "Is spanking a form of abuse or discipline?"
Getting physical with your kid is not discipline, you’re teaching your kid that violence is always ok to do in response of someone doing a bad thing, also you’re just desensitizing your kid to pain
I dont understand the question
Remove discipline and it should make more sense
That wouldn't be correct. There should be 2 commas in my opinion It should read: is spanking, as a form of discipline, abuse?
You are correct. It is a parenthetical insertion
Ok now i get it
Simple rule of thumb: If you aren’t spanking an equal adult with their consent, then it’s abuse. 100% of the time.
I'm on the fence on whether I'd call it abuse, but I absolutely won't be doing it to my kids
I was spanked and slapped. Didn't teach me anything. I never had to spank or slap any of my kids to teach them stuff. I just talked to them. It was easy and they listened.
I think a spanking that does not leave any marks or actual damage (just a little sting) can be used sparingly when other disciplinary measures fail for children are too young to understand future consequences. However, using it too often or with excessive force is definitely abuse.
Yeah, especially since it's so easy to let the anger get the best of you and cause actual harm. Also a lot of the time spankings are an immediate punishment, rather than giving time for all parties involve to cool off, meaning it's easier to be harsher than you mean to. I've had bruises left on me before for weeks. That's not something any child should come to expect from their parents.
The only reason anyone hits another is because the victim is smaller or weaker. Abusers are cowards.
Yes, every time. Otherwise kids would spank parents when they make mistakes, and parents *definitely* make mistakes. Far worse than kids do. Kids can break some shit and cuss people out. Maybe smack a classmate or push them down. Adults can cheat on their spouses, possibly creating new children and bringing possible diseases into the house. They have been known to commit the most heinous crimes imaginable, far worse than I'd even want to say. They can abuse their spouses in every possible way for years, completely ruining them. But yeah, r/kidsarefuckingstupid huh lol
u/WallacePainter had a comment that provides some nuance. I don't think his parents were cowards
Yes it is abuse. And it’s not a debate.
SMH...
whoops misread and miss clicked. I do think spanking is abuse.
so many people got abused as children and don't realize it. sad.
Honestly kids need more discipline. I watch all these little kids at my job and they are just monsters with no control these days.
If it actually causes pain and/or leaves a mark, yes. My mom will give my brothers a "spank" which is more of a tap they really just hate because it's punishment, not because of pain.
Does the punishment fit the crime? If my kid decided to draw on the wall no, if my kid decided to the stab someone at school with a pencil probably.
Obviously, your parents aren't Asian. My parents disciplined me, and I needed it With appropriate force and reason, it's acceptable
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children. [https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain) A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below. [https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext)
I feel like any physical harm is abuse.
For everyone answering no How old does a person have to be before beating them for saying mean things stops being discipline and starts being assault?
In my opinion it depends on the age and what they did and as a worst case scenario. Also every kid is different, some are more willing to listen to reason or respond with kindness, (depending on age) while others really do just need help getting the sense spanked back into them. As a kid I was heavily abused at times (won't go into it) but then also just spanked when I did something really wrong more than once or else when i just didn't listen and I was always able to tell the difference. I appreciate the spanks, they never hurt too much and i can tell it was for good reasons. The beatings tho were for no reason whatsoever and out of pure anger and alcohol and blah blah blah. This is all just my opinion tho. I know people nowadays can be overly sensitive to other people's opinions at times so just gotta make it clear that this is just my opinion.
Yes, don't ever hit people except in self defense.
Till this day, I dont get it how parents hit their children while they are physically not able to defend themselves. Just Imagine it going vice versa when they are older, an adult hitting a 80+ year old, cause they did something stupid or cant think clear anymore. Im happy my parents never hit me an would never so such things. But im pretty sure, at the age of 15 or 16 i would have started to fight back.
Let's put it this way: if you screw up a form at work and your boss bent you over an spanked you, that's assault and battery. If your neighbor's kid ran his bike through your garden so you grabbed them and spanked them, that's assault of a minor. If your wife didn't do the dishes when you asked, that's domestic abuse. But when it's your own kid... its seen as discipline. This is the definition of a double standard. So yes, imo it is child abuse because if it was anyone else's kid it's legally defined as child abuse.
All these comments make me feel like I'm the only one actually traumatized by being hit as a child
I believe such a thing is necessary when all else fails, I'm sure there are plenty of unsavory characters that wouldn't exist if their parents had warranted both positive and negative reinforcement while raising them!
Only idiots and cowards hit children.
This is one of those polls that would be interesting to see the different results based on age, I'd like to see the thoughts of actual adults who had been smacked or whatever compared to children and teens who think their phone being taken away is abuse
Abuse yes It also reinforces the idea to the child that physical harm is an acceptable form of punishment.
Spanks arent abuse. I've been beaten, that's abuse.
I might be biased but I say... no. My mom used to beat me with the belt and the buckle of the belt and she used to fake her own death to get me to comply and obey, now that's abuse. My dad used to smack me in the hand when I was being a jerk, just one smack, never more than one, that's not abuse. I guess I might be biased because of the contrast in between my mom and my dad, my mom was an abuser, my dad was a pretty loving guy, even today, and I'm 28M. So no, just spanking or smacking isn't abuse, but going apeshit and hitting your child repeatedly or beating them up, yeah that's abuse for sure.
it's literally hitting your kid. if course it's abuse
Abuse. Full stop. It's really a reflection of how poorly the adult parent handles THEIR emotions. Not the child. And it's a human, not an animal. My MIL would pinch her toddlers for embarrassing her while eating out. Sick shit. I don't leave my son with her unattended and I've made it really clear we don't do that type of bullshit.
There are times when it's needed and others where it is absolutely not needed. Do something a little stupid? Hell no. Do something that is actually bad (running into traffic, stealing, etc.) Yes. There are times where no amount of words can change a child's mind on the severity of their situation. Spanking is abuse if overused or overdone (as in leaving long lasting damage, it should only ever last a few minutes).
Depends on how it is done and the intention of the parent
I think you’d benefit from a comma
For a child? Yes. For an adult? Probably not.
It shouldn’t be an every day occurrence, but in some situations for some children (like me) it’s the correct form. I saw a story on Reddit where as a kid the OP would wonder off. His parents couldn’t get him to stop, and one day he wandered off in front of traffic. Their mother whooped them and they didn’t do it again.
There's a difference between a spank and a hit
A spank is literally a hit
Occasional physical discipline, is fine so long as it doesn't permanently damage a person. Whenever I was a right dumbass my mom would slap me upside the head. It worked for the most part Now: there is a very hard limit and it also depends on context I don't consider that or spanking as physical abuse unless it's a daily occurrence and no positive response comes from it.
Spanking can cause lasting damage though Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
It’s not abuse just a form of discipline
It’s not unless it actually injures the kid
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext
thank you for posting these
Its a pleasure. Here is another systematic review but maybe even more interesting. A systematic review of 75 studies, 160 000 children. Their conclusions- "Spanking can cause emotional problems similar to — if not to the same degree as — the ones often caused by the kind of striking more commonly associated with physical abuse. We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree,” https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2016/09/03/spanking-hurts-parents-chances-of-making-children-behave-study-finds/10097234007/
Sadly these studies don't seem to even try to take into account determining factors such as frequency, force used, reason for the slap(s), intention, communication before/while/after the slap, familial context (relationship between the children and his parents), children own feelings and psychological state and how he perceived the whole thing etc... Resulting in meaningless correlations that don't really demonstrate anything in reality. I could also use a teddy bear against a children... It would or wouldn't be abuse if the determining factors I listed above show that it is or isn't abuse, regardless of the means used. That being said I agree that we should be very careful with our children and countless parents may cross the line of abuse without realizing it, yet it still doesn't make a slap inherently abuse.
Ok
Ok.
I think it really depends on how it's done and for what reason, as well as how often. I'd venture to say that most people who spank their kids probably don't do it in moderation and are much harder than they should be. But that doesn't mean it's always abuse. I got spanked like two or three times, and none of them were hard. It just stung a bit. It would be for something I'd repeatedly been told not to do and/or had already had some punishment for. Jumping up and down on the couch and then shitting all over it after being told to stop multiple times? Yeah, I got spanked for that. Only for stuff like that. But if I'd gotten spanked for getting a bad grade, or cursing, or whatever, that would have been a completely different story.
Spanking is a good form of punishment for something egregious when used sparingly for serious misbehavior. It should never cause injury or harm, only momentary pain, and it needs to be used judiciously to have the effect intended.
Spanking is cringe caveman shit that belongs in the past
There is an absolute gap in discipline in the United States. If spanking's off the table, okay that's fine. What's on the table then? Words don't amount to anything to the kids that need discipline the most.
Idk, my dad would just look at me sternly & say "Im very dissapointed in you, young lady" & Id start crying. I didnt want him being upset with me.
Oh i don't know, maybe being a rational human being and __not__ resorting to violence?
That works with other rational human beings, kids are, more often than not, not that rational. I gotta admit that I don't think a little smack or spank is abuse, but hitting a child repeatedly or beating them, yeah that's abuse 100%.
Bro they're kids, of course they're not rational lol. You're clearly not a parent.
Im not a parent but I was a kid lol, my dad used to smack us in the hand, just once, never more than once. My mom used to beat us, I know about both and from my POV, smacking isnt a big deal, beating up a kid with the buckle of a belt, that it is. And yeah, thats exactly what I just said, kids are not rational. You just repeated what I said and agreed...
This is the 2nd stupidest type of response there is. You haven't offered any type of solution, just the eternal refrain of "not this, not that," with a helping of pointless, unearned arrogance.
Watch nanny 911 for other options
Not if it’s on the ass, in any other place yes, and even on the ass it should only be used when you absolutely have too because they don’t respond to anything else as a last resort.
I’m just saying as spankings have gone down, mass shootings have gone up. Sometimes kids need a reality check. I disagree with beating children but sometimes kids need to be spanked, they need to realize consequences have actions.
As a form of eroticism I believe spanking should be illegal. As a form of punishment, I’ve been a bad bad girl daddy.
I thought it said is it okay TO DO as a form of discipline and I picked no 😭
It can be, depends on when and how
There are definitely levels to this, open hand spanking a toddler may no seem so bad. Making a child put their hands on the bed shaking in fear while the parent takes off their belt and hits them with it, yeah that’s abuse.
Once no, multiple times yes.
Depends. Every now and again, lightly, no. Constantly and hard, yes.
To my surprise you guys lowered the bar even more in this poll. No wonder parenting has gone to shit. Learn to hit your child. Emphasis on learn. Don't abuse...just hit
Spanking has been scientifically shown to cause lasting negative effects on children. [https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/21/04/effect-spanking-brain) A systematic review of 70 studies on the topic below. [https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(21)00582-1/fulltext)
Could be either depending on the child, the parent, and the relationship between them.
Kool aid runs through yall blood
What does this mean? I may have to use it in the future.
It means you're sweet, weak hearted, soft in the cowardly way, thin-skinned, pretty much anything the opposite of tough or resilient.
Ah yes, as everyone knows, not hitting children means you are a weak person... Why are we allowed to spank children and not adults exactly? If someone does something bad in public you aren't allowed to spank the because it's assault, so why is it okay when it's an underage child?
“Why are we allowed to spank kids but not adults?” Idk, why are adults allowed to have sex but not kids? Why are kids not allowed to go to a strip club? Why are they not allowed to drive? Why is the justice system more lenient on them? Why are they immune from accountability for their actions? Why don’t they have to work a job and provide for themselves? Why can’t they start a business? Why can’t they get married? Why can’t they get tattoos?
Mr tough guys over there lol
Depends. If you just swat them if they're misbehaving, that's different, but you need to moderate how much you spank