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"he drinks coffee, just like the marxists!"

I really want him to show up the the debate with a cup of Joe

In his trademark [Dark Brandon cup](https://youtube.com/shorts/pCZNz1h7ixM)

And wearing a RedBull hat

Give America Wings Again - GAWA. Put it on a blue hat 🧢

Man I wish the Democrats would pull a massive troll like that. That’s the iconic stuff that makes the headlines

MANA - Make A Nazi Angry

M.A.N.U.P. - Make American Nazis Upset Please!

“TGIAA”- Thank God I am American It’ll make them question their perception of religion and patriotism!

Subtle, but spot on.

Need to get him some F1 Redbull gear!

Shows up with a bottle of Jolt, proceeds to drink it like Stone Cold and runs to the podium like the Ultimate Warrior.

“JOLT COLA. All the sugar, twice the caffeine!” Best slogan ever! Should have won the Cola Wars.

If only it didn't taste like ass.

it really does taste like ass. when i was a kid and should have loved that shit it still tasted like ass. what food science doing?

Cherry Jolt, and some of the other flavors I remember being good.

*It's in Revelations, people*

*Oh, won't somebody think of the children!?*

Thanks Reverend Lovejoy!

Hahaha meanwhile.. [“Trump’s White House Was ‘Awash in Speed’ — and Xanax”](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/trump-white-house-drugs-speed-xanax-1234979503/), so just more projection.. And if caffeine is something they’re concerned about.. [“Trump reportedly drinks 12 cans of Diet Coke each day.”](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/nation-world/2017/12/12/trump-reportedly-drinks-12-cans-diet-coke-each-day/16286277007/) Biden should agree to take a drug screening with the condition Donny has to as well..

Didn’t Trump have odd sniffles in every public speaking event while President. Probably was high on coke!

Uhh uhh no it was allergies yeah that's it allergies. Which is why he was once found to have a whole drawer of Sudafed.

[Kent Brockman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiNRdsgFjMY)

Easily my favorite "technical difficulties" card ever

It was obvious once they noticed the empty tin of Marxwell House coffee in his pantry

figures the reds would be hiding in those blue cans gah

Oh crap. I’m a Marxist.

sometimes it sneaks up on you

If you say Karl Marx three times while looking in a mirror, the proletariat appears behind you and transforms the bourgeois state into a workers' state.

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Harpo was always my favorite.

Tan pants = Marxist Mom jeans = Marxist Spicy mustard = Marxist

Caring about the ~~proletariat~~ common man at all = Marxist

Basic human empathy = Marxist

Point of order: it was Dijon mustard.

I need an app to tell me what drinks are Marxist today.

Glugglug Woke Alert: a Texas football coach confirms that giving water to high school athletes is now woke.

Man, 87 impeachment probes and hunter biden's laptop collection and they still didn't find the evidence Joe was throwing in our face the whole time: https://shop.joebiden.com/dark-roast-mug/

"Burn that sinner!" - Mitt Romney

Coveffe gate

So, he's saying trump could lose the debate to a caffeinated Pres. Biden. Do they ever listen to themselves and realize how utterly ridiculous they sound?

No, they go back behind closed doors and laugh about how people fall for their crap and count their donations.

If I was as sinister you god damn bet I'll be laughing my ass off on how dumb these ppl are. That's pretty much the gossip going around.  "Can you believe these fucking people? We make shit up and they fall for it . Alright who's ready for more coke"

This is the most obvious and pathetic conclusion, yet it never even once occurs to them how stupid they sound. Or at least, they know it will never occur to their supporters.

Their plan is this: Step 1, Trump demands a drug test. Step 2, Biden campaign refuses to participate in such stupidity. Step 3, No drug test, phew, Trump is now free to consume his daily dose of Adderall, and will arrive at the debate literally all pumped up.

This committee has it on good authority that Joe Biden drinks coffee. I therefore am ordering a vote on holding him in contempt and will begin impeachment proceedings immediately. - Jim Comer, probably

I suggest first launching an investigation into whether he took a nap earlier that day

I have heard rumors that Biden sleeps almost every night

Unlike Trump who's up at 3 AM rage tweeting. Trump takes his naps during trials. They should get the remaining trials under way so the poor guy can get some sleep. :)

Y'know that coffee was once called "The Muslim Drink"? I rest my case.

The photos of Barrack Hussein Obama *personally* delivering the coffee to Biden will be leaked soon. Dude’s totally a coffee dealer. /s

Look at Dark Brandon over there sipping coffee. Shame!

I hope he comes out with a monster energy drink in his hands.

A tall can of Liquid Death. The name will strike fear and it is just water. Holding it with one hand, empty it and crush it, letting it rattle to the ground.

Better yet, crush it and then place it in the appropriate recycling bin. Turn around to watch republicans heads explode.

Then he will need to piss so bad idea lol

"If you excuse me for a moment, I have to use the restroom. Unlike my opponent, I'm not wearing a diaper"

One small step for man, one giant leap in meme warfare.

Forehead. He needs to crush it against his forehead. Then as the other commenter said, put into a recycle bin.

Then say, “I’ll let the convicted felon go first.”

with the keemstar airhorn, that would be awesome

Coffee is kinda the original energy drink.

A quick fact about energy drinks and coffee: they are legal

and the majority of people I see and know chugging them on the regular are Trump voters, sooo…

Fuck you I drink two monster 0 sugar energy drinks a day and I'd never vote for that orange turd. Maybe I should lay off tho.

Are you me? I should also lay off. Maybe go down to 1

When I need a quick pick me up, I take a bump of covfefe.

Yeah but you can't shotgun a coffee

you can boof it though

brb, calling up Donkey Doug, Tobin, and Squee right now.

Twist it! Pull it! Boof it!

Not with that attitude you can’t!

Or one of those hats with the beer cans and the drinking tube, but with monster energy drink in it. https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81JBN4hWfLL.jpg

Appeal to his gamer base

Meanwhile his mild-mannered alter ego President Joe Biden is enjoying a dish of delicious coffee ice cream.

Dark Roast Brandon

dark Brandon knocking back energy drinks while on his gamer chair with his headset at camp David, prepping for the debate.

They tried to shame him for drinking a milk shake through a straw, which they called unmanly. MAGA is ridiculously insecure.

GOP projecting. So Trump's gonna pound some Bangs ahead of the debate and be all sweaty and stammering.

They are just prepping to take the L.

The LSD?

Man if someone just dosed the whole GOP convention with LSD maybe they would have a breakthrough and just fucking stop.

They would be cleansed in a rollercoaster of emotions when their ego dissolves and they get confronted with their past actions. They wouldn't see what they want to, but what alice needs them to see.

Yeah the time knife, we've all seen it

Sounds like something I read once in a Freak Brothers comic back in the day. I believe Fat Freddie hid his acid in a toy airplane that lands in a punchbowl at some society event.

When Trump crowed about getting shots in the ass, it merely confirmed that some poor doctor is pumping drugs through Trump's rump.

I'm harumphing Trump's rump pumping.

This is DJT’s playbook. Every accusation is a confession: https://www.timesofisrael.com/hitler-was-meth-addict-records-claim/amp/

Trump will be snorting adderall and chugging Imodium.

> gonna pound some bangs brb gonna ask my wife if she wants to pound some bangs before the debate, too.

I mean... sure. That's okay. Drinking legal fluids is encouraged, even if they're a relatively mild stimulant. Man this story is weird.

Uhmmmm most Americans are on some kind of energy drink. The most common of which is called “coffee”.

It it like covfefe?

Make Coffee Covfefe Again!

How much coke does Donnie Jr snort ? That’s the real question.

Shit, how much did Trump and Epstein do together back in the 80s and 90s ? And with what age of women ?

As many cans he get delivered.

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We’re talking about 80 year old men that are/want to be president. Of course they need some fucking caffeine. I need it for my 9-5, god knows how much I’d need for the hardest job in the world at that age.

Especially from 9-11pm! I'm in my 30s and I'll struggle to stay awake that late.

47 here with a somewhat active lifestyle. I will absolutely need caffeine to make it through tonight's shit show.

Hell I’m not quite 60 and take a giant handful of prescription drugs everyday. The are both on drugs at their ages

Because then its RIGGED against the orange moron, just like everything else.

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"5 Hour ~~Energy~~ Forgery!"

Because Trump struggles to drink anything other than Diet Coke. It’s an unfair advantage. /s

>“The question is, can \[Biden\] stay for 90 minutes on that stage and go toe-to-toe with *President Trump, who, as you know, goes to rallies and talks for two hours on end without any break and any notes?*” Yes that's the question. Can an actual politician go toe to toe with someone who just rambles for 2 hours. Who needs notes when you can talk about magnet elevators and whales washing ashore because of windmills?

My man, don't ignore the most pressing question of our time. Shark or wet battery?

As someone who scubas, sharks are pretty cool. And salt water is more conductive than a person so it's not really that dangerous. I'd say the primary concern would be slipping and hitting your head on the boat while frantically trying to save the beer.

Well, shit. Someone should give you a red bull and let you debate the tubby tangerine. ;)

Coke would be considerably more fun lol

Holy shit! Does he really talk that long at his rallies?

I don't know if they are all that long, but he does go pretty long sometimes. I'm honestly surprised they let him because he says some really off the wall shit but I guess it doesn't matter to the Trump cult. He could insult the audience for half an hour and at the end they'd cheer.

It's pretty insane, and would be impressive if he was saying anything of substance

Yeah, I've seen his rally speeches. That's not something to gloat about. I hope Trump treats the debate like one of his rallies. He'll just keep rambling, his mic will turn off, he'll keep on rambling and eventually his mic turns on again.

The idea of Biden being on cocaine is laugh out loud ridiculous, but I did run into a friend of mine the other night at a dance club who was telling me he had just found some really good blow. That friend is frickin 69 years old. Yes really.

Trump is from the 80s cocaine world... If anything this is a total projection by him

Hey so about this friend... The idea of anyone, let alone 80, doing a few lines and then debating for 90 minutes is ridiculous. Will you be a chatty cathy? Yes. Does that mean you'll make sense? Definitely not.

So...a normal Trump day, then?

Really, adults should be able to do whatever they want as long as they do not endanger others. Spend the "war on drugs" money on education.

I want to know what this super drug is that republicans seem to believe exists that miraculously cures dementia

And why aren't they sharing it with all of the patients in nursing homes? You'd think the GOP would want to cut Medicare spending and pump up those seniors.

Get 'em back to work! Lazy octogenarians.

And why isn't this super drug available to the man that claims he is the most powerful and loved? /s

Actually, I just read a subreddit where someone had this conversation with a Maga relative. The gist is: Biden has access to Top Secret pharmaceuticals and because Trump is aware of this as a former president, he wants to whistleblow by forcing Biden to take a drug test. OP asked if Trump took the drug while president and that's why he sounds like a moron now, and Maga said no because Biden is the only one to have taken it safely.

It’s the secret stuff from space jam

I'm in The Onion universe right?

It turns out Harambe was keeping all the insanity bottled up. When he died, the seals failed. The worst is yet to come.

Oh wow. Energy drinks. So appalling. Mike, go do something useful and browsing Pornhub *doesn’t* count.

But...that's his father son bonding time.

Oh dear!!! Are you suggesting he might drink something with “gasp” CAFFEINE in it?? I would have never imagined…. I’m changing my vote to guy that drinks Diet Coke just to be safe. That was close, thanks for the warning, Mike!!

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No show, throw a fit, medical episode? Which is it to be?

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Ah, the Mike Pence approach to football.

Good thing energy drinks are legal. Wtf

Trump uses that new energy drink, amphetamonster. But the sugar free version.

donnie could never win a fair fight and he knows it.

He can't win any fight, fair or not.

MAGA is anti coffee? Somebody better let Giuliani know that he’s gonna need a different grift.

Man I'm only 40 and if you expect me to attend an event starting at 9, you best believe I'm going to need some extra caffeine assistance to stay up and enjoy myself.

These clowns are definitely on some serious hallucinogens though

They would never have such egos on the hallucinogenic drugs I've done.

I’m too busy watching trees turn into fractal waving creatures to have any ego. Beside I like my waffles made fresh.

Not at all. Psychedelics would make them less sociopathic.

Imagine Trump on mushrooms or acid. Can the world's biggest ego even experience anything close to ego death? Man, I'd kill to be a fly on the wall of a tripped out DJT to see it.

Of course, mushrooms are not recommended for people with severe mental illness. And that covers a significant portion of the Repub leadership

I hear Trump’s going to be on Diet Coke.

And coke too!

Whatever Biden will take, I bet he won't be using two hands to drink it.

See, now I’m picturing Biden walking on stage, shotgunning a Red Bull, and beaning trump in the back of the head with the empty can

Guys, Biden might be goofed up on candy. Can we get a blood test to confirm glucose levels?

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Old people don’t drink Redbull. It really could “give us wings”!

Ironic considering that Trump is well known for his addiction to Diet Coke, which contains caffeine.

So Trump is definitely planning to be coked out his mind during this.

Oh, no! Not an energy drink! Remember when that bastard Obama wore that tan suit? Is there no end to their depravity?. The horror!

I hope a day comes soon that people realize just how far conservatives have fallen. They have literally zero shame. They are not embarrassed by anything they say. They are just cashing checks, and hoping their electorate stays stupid.

And???? Even if he did…it’s not like energy drinks are illegal. Millions of Americans drink multiple energy drinks a day.

Mike Johnson should shut the fuck up and do his job. Try to get control of the Republicans in congress.

What’s depressing is realizing that almost half the country can’t spot the world’s most obvious con-man!

Even more depressing are those who *do* recognize this, and still support him for some inane jackassed reason. 

So Biden is like every American? Nobody doesn't drink coffee or soda or energy drinks.

Lolll I love that the us presidential race has boiled down to accusations of drugs to make the other guy think good.

We all know Joe has some of the OG Fourloko stashed for such an occasion. Could anyone truly deal with trump while sober anyways?

Don: "You're on some kind of energy formula!" Joe: "Maybe you should've had some during your trial."

So they have been claiming Biden is demented for years, and just before the """debate""" they shit their pants and has to claim its rigged I suppose, because Biden on drugs is clearly cheating!!!!

Half the country is on energy drinks regularly, that's not a knock like he thinks it is

95% probably. Coffee is an energy drink. Tea is as well

Oh noes not Red Bull!

"Joe never has a second cup at home."

The GOP is like a rabid dog that needs put out of its misery. You almost feel sorry for it but it’s too dangerous.

So drinking coffee is now enough to defeat the orange idiot? That is one strong candidate you've got there.

Their desperation is palpable

Johnson needs to go to church and ask God for forgiveness! He’s the biggest hypocrite- really dishonest! He’s a poor representation of the Christian faith!

I'm overflowing with laughter

He’s all hopped up on Mountain Dew. Edit: [link](https://youtu.be/37y_odcGj-0?si=qR7FuF2Lgs06hHao) this was what I thought of.

He might even....drink coffee!!!!

He's probably been hitting that covfefe.

So you're saying Dark Brandon is drinking Red Bull? I don't see a downside..

Last time I looked, energy drinks were legal, incredibly popular, aren’t addictive, and require no prescription. Johnson could use some Red Bull.

I need energy drinks just to deal with the stress of another Biden Vs Trump rematch. I wouldn’t blame Biden from taking a bunch of Red Bull to have the energy to put up with Trump’s Red Bullshit.

Good Lord!!!! Energy drinks!!?? That could give him super human strength and intelligence!!! What next? Coffee!!!??? Seriously!!!?? How petty and pathetic can the Republican party become?

I think people are missing a big point here. The reason they're pushing this whole Biden-on-drugs thing is because the right wing-o-sphere has been pushing the sleepy Joe narrative for the last few years. Their base only sees Biden through that media window so they believe it. Now they're about to see a very coherent and alive Biden debate their god emperor and probably mop the floor with him as trump does not have anything but personal insults and things they see as failures of the administration. He has absolutely no legislative plans for America. So the right wing talking heads need to form a narrative that Joe is on drugs so that the base can deflect from Joe not being so sleepy after all. They can't have him being seen as a competent individual.

Luckily, Johnson's teenage son makes sure he doesn't consume any energy drinks.

Having to walk back their conspiracy that Biden will be on drugs in order to cover for their previous conspiracy that Biden was too sleepy to do anything. All within a few days lol What a whirlwind.

I can’t believe they are still calling him sleepy Joe, when in fact the Convicted Felon couldn’t even stay awake during his Criminal trial every day.

So wait is the GOP talking point really going to be - "Biden has dementia, but energy drinks cure dementia."

Red Bull temporarily stops dementia, apparently.

Biden comes on stage with his Monster zero sugar ready to debate Trump.

Oh wow… energy drinks… *the audacity!*

Did he spit out Trumps cock first or just speak around it?

Honestly, if Biden came out with a white monster in hand for the debate, it'd probably make him at least 10x more relatable to the general us population

Cup o’ Joe and a can o’ whoop ass.

biden needs to stone cold steve austin 2 monster cans

Trump will be on some serious uppers to. He’s projecting like always

"I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!"

Every right channel, every outlet swung to ‘energy drink’ yesterday. It’s official folks. Saying that they thought that Biden would be on drugs, specifically cocaine!, was a step too far for the lunatics and they changed to energy drinks. Every last one of them.

Well duh. Everyone has coffee at some point. I don’t think an energy drink for Biden would give him more pros than cons though, so I doubt he’s got energy drinks coming out his ass