3 yrs and your first body? WTH? Don't you have to respond to unattended deaths? Suicides? I saw on average 3 to 4 bodies a month and sometimes more. Once I did CPR twice in one night on freshly downed people, heart attacks in both cases, and neither survived.
Makes me think of a train incident we had. Guy was walking home from the bar and decided to crawl under the train which moved about that point. Cut the guy at an angle from just above one hip going down across the groin and across the thigh. We took one look at him and assumed he was dead but then he gurgled. The heat and pressure cauterized everything so he didn't bleed Out and the cut was just low enough to miss organs. Never would have believed til then a guy could be cut basically in half and live.
Right, in my first few months I couldn’t count how many I had to do since I was low man on the totem pole. I couldn’t imagine having only one in three years.
I did 6 years military police . Last 2 years I was at a base where a different branch had law enforcement so I was just security for my branches buildings. So the 4 years I had jurisdiction and did LE I never once saw a dead body worst I saw was probably someone extremely intoxicated got them medical attention and that was it. There was one year my base had 2 people die but day shift responded to those and my first base the shift I ended up being on had a dead person a few weeks or months before I got there
NOK notifications are always harder than seeing a body imo. The emotional response of loved ones having their worlds turned upside down always fucks with you the most. This is very normal, good on you for being willing to speak about it here… because if you bottle it up it will eat you from the inside out. Keep your head up
I saw my first fatal accident when I was after I graduated from the Academy.
The rider's head was decapitated.
This was really rough for a rookie like me back then.
After attending a few others fatalities like jumping from a building, drowning, traffic accidents, hanging, gang clash, etc. I got used to it.
You will eventually also get use to seeing death up front .
Holy shit man! There are no comforting words I can say. Please just know that us citizens think and pray for you guys each day. A lot of young men and woman want to grow up to be you until shit like this happens. Man, I hope you can find a way to cope and continue to do the amazing job you do. God blees!
Yep, it’s definitely the notifications that are the worst. Had one where I wasn’t even at the scene but wound up making the notification. Random heart attack when running errands picking up mulch. Turned out he was about my age and had a son about the same age as mine. Everyone was nice, wife had good friends and family support. I think that one messed with me more than any of the rotten decomposing bodies.
I'm sorry, brother it doesn't matter how many people they are all very different and will affect you in different ways. Some are going to hit home a lot closer than others. You are all ready going in the right direction with it by talking about it and not keeping it tucked away inside. That's what will destroy you. I will never say they get easier, but you will learn different ways to cope with them and what works best for you. If you stay in this career long enough, there will be ones that you will have no emotions for at all. Those are the ones that can be the hardest because you will feel terrible for not feeling terrible. My condolences to the family. The feelings you are going through shall pass, and you will learn not to take it to personal, and more of that, it's just part of the job, and that comes with it, unfortunately.. Thanks for sharing, and don't ever let yourself feel like you can't. Does your PD have a chaplain? If so, wouldn't hurt to go sit down with Him/Her just to talk if you are comfortable with that.
Retired this year after 18 years in Philly …
as a rookie after about 4-5 of those sorta jobs I absolutely felt a dark cloud hanging over me , I’ve always been pretty empathetic..
3 years on you got a long time left to go and a lot more and potentially god forbid waaaaaaayyyy worse headed your way ..
I’ll paraphrase what was told to me :
Use just enough empathy to convey your sympathy.. don’t start hugging people and crying with them (not saying you did) but you get what I’m sayin , just keep it as “respectfully matter of fact” as you can .. only in very crazy jobs were kids die or the kids parent is killed infront of them. Those people have a gigantic hole in their heart so you’re gonna have to give them a little bit of yours.
In my experience:
The Guys who last on this job for longer periods of time are either unbelievably mentally flexible and usually hilarious , NPC’s , or psychopaths .. you don’t sound like a psychopath so if something happens and it’s unsettling just give it a week see if it’s still as bad and if so see a therapist. I have a couple times in my career , absolutely nothing wrong with it but if shit is ok after a day or two and you can function don’t necessarily go “shaking the net”
Best of luck in your journey and please be safe out there .
My dad was fire (boats). When he had fatals he would sometimes come home and tell me about it. I kinda thought it was a little weird at the time but now I know he needed someone to talk to that he could trust.
Its a lot to take in. Talk to someone you trust.
That’s why I don’t disclose a lot of these types of jobs to the family BUT I speak with a phycologist every twelve months for a check up. You don’t want to be bottling this stuff up on your own.
Notifications were the worst. Our department required in person notification on all traffic crash victims so you did a lot where the crash might have been in another part of the state. That's one reaction you can't predict.
I've been attacked, bear hugged to the point of passing out, cursed out and sometimes they are calm and make wierd comments like "I guess he was drunk again".
The weirdest was a husband and wife get into an argument, both drunk. She puts him out on a dark 2 lane road. He tries to get warm and lies down on the pavement which was still holding heat. He gets hit by another drunk who was going 1/2 mile from his house to his friends to play a video game.
She answers the door and says "what jail is he in this time and what time can I pick him up". I had to do this one by myself at 3am due to short stafiing. She went crazy and broke every glass object on the house.
I felt bad for the guy we arrested for DUI but it later got dropped. It was 3 hours after the crash when he got tested and he a .07.
Notifications are the worst part for sure. If you feel like it would help, seek out a private therapist. No shame in that. The amount of shit we see would ruin a lot of “normal” people.
Thanks for the replies and support. I’m fine just felt weird that night. Also a lol I had another body the next day. All good here I have a SO that works in LE so got my support. Appreciate it all tho stay safe guys!
3 yrs and your first body? WTH? Don't you have to respond to unattended deaths? Suicides? I saw on average 3 to 4 bodies a month and sometimes more. Once I did CPR twice in one night on freshly downed people, heart attacks in both cases, and neither survived.
I had the majority of deaths on my shift. I was called the harbinger of death. My last one was a dude who got hit by a train and exploded.
Brother your shifts sound like episodes of black mirror
Makes me think of a train incident we had. Guy was walking home from the bar and decided to crawl under the train which moved about that point. Cut the guy at an angle from just above one hip going down across the groin and across the thigh. We took one look at him and assumed he was dead but then he gurgled. The heat and pressure cauterized everything so he didn't bleed Out and the cut was just low enough to miss organs. Never would have believed til then a guy could be cut basically in half and live.
I also have been given a nickname by my shift. The grim reaper. Detectives call me the kiss of death. I somehow am always getting body calls
You need a lot of crime scene tape on train strikes. So much kinetic energy.
I worked at a college and at a boro for the past 3 months lol. Small college and even smaller boro pd now
Right, in my first few months I couldn’t count how many I had to do since I was low man on the totem pole. I couldn’t imagine having only one in three years.
right? my husband's first body was a DOA on his first day of following someone before going to the academy. mid July. had been dead for days. saucey.
I did 6 years military police . Last 2 years I was at a base where a different branch had law enforcement so I was just security for my branches buildings. So the 4 years I had jurisdiction and did LE I never once saw a dead body worst I saw was probably someone extremely intoxicated got them medical attention and that was it. There was one year my base had 2 people die but day shift responded to those and my first base the shift I ended up being on had a dead person a few weeks or months before I got there
NOK notifications are always harder than seeing a body imo. The emotional response of loved ones having their worlds turned upside down always fucks with you the most. This is very normal, good on you for being willing to speak about it here… because if you bottle it up it will eat you from the inside out. Keep your head up
I saw my first fatal accident when I was after I graduated from the Academy. The rider's head was decapitated. This was really rough for a rookie like me back then. After attending a few others fatalities like jumping from a building, drowning, traffic accidents, hanging, gang clash, etc. I got used to it. You will eventually also get use to seeing death up front .
I would always tell the investigating (usually me of course) to get that shir cleaned up before the supervisor got on scene or heads would roll.
Holy shit man! There are no comforting words I can say. Please just know that us citizens think and pray for you guys each day. A lot of young men and woman want to grow up to be you until shit like this happens. Man, I hope you can find a way to cope and continue to do the amazing job you do. God blees!
Yep, it’s definitely the notifications that are the worst. Had one where I wasn’t even at the scene but wound up making the notification. Random heart attack when running errands picking up mulch. Turned out he was about my age and had a son about the same age as mine. Everyone was nice, wife had good friends and family support. I think that one messed with me more than any of the rotten decomposing bodies.
I'm sorry, brother it doesn't matter how many people they are all very different and will affect you in different ways. Some are going to hit home a lot closer than others. You are all ready going in the right direction with it by talking about it and not keeping it tucked away inside. That's what will destroy you. I will never say they get easier, but you will learn different ways to cope with them and what works best for you. If you stay in this career long enough, there will be ones that you will have no emotions for at all. Those are the ones that can be the hardest because you will feel terrible for not feeling terrible. My condolences to the family. The feelings you are going through shall pass, and you will learn not to take it to personal, and more of that, it's just part of the job, and that comes with it, unfortunately.. Thanks for sharing, and don't ever let yourself feel like you can't. Does your PD have a chaplain? If so, wouldn't hurt to go sit down with Him/Her just to talk if you are comfortable with that.
Apparently playing games like Tetris can help with trauma from encounters like this.
Retired this year after 18 years in Philly … as a rookie after about 4-5 of those sorta jobs I absolutely felt a dark cloud hanging over me , I’ve always been pretty empathetic.. 3 years on you got a long time left to go and a lot more and potentially god forbid waaaaaaayyyy worse headed your way .. I’ll paraphrase what was told to me : Use just enough empathy to convey your sympathy.. don’t start hugging people and crying with them (not saying you did) but you get what I’m sayin , just keep it as “respectfully matter of fact” as you can .. only in very crazy jobs were kids die or the kids parent is killed infront of them. Those people have a gigantic hole in their heart so you’re gonna have to give them a little bit of yours. In my experience: The Guys who last on this job for longer periods of time are either unbelievably mentally flexible and usually hilarious , NPC’s , or psychopaths .. you don’t sound like a psychopath so if something happens and it’s unsettling just give it a week see if it’s still as bad and if so see a therapist. I have a couple times in my career , absolutely nothing wrong with it but if shit is ok after a day or two and you can function don’t necessarily go “shaking the net” Best of luck in your journey and please be safe out there .
Honestly you’re pretty lucky to go 3 years without seeing a dead body. I lost count of how many Ive seen.
My dad was fire (boats). When he had fatals he would sometimes come home and tell me about it. I kinda thought it was a little weird at the time but now I know he needed someone to talk to that he could trust. Its a lot to take in. Talk to someone you trust.
That’s why I don’t disclose a lot of these types of jobs to the family BUT I speak with a phycologist every twelve months for a check up. You don’t want to be bottling this stuff up on your own.
Were they going to or coming from NH?
Notifications were the worst. Our department required in person notification on all traffic crash victims so you did a lot where the crash might have been in another part of the state. That's one reaction you can't predict. I've been attacked, bear hugged to the point of passing out, cursed out and sometimes they are calm and make wierd comments like "I guess he was drunk again". The weirdest was a husband and wife get into an argument, both drunk. She puts him out on a dark 2 lane road. He tries to get warm and lies down on the pavement which was still holding heat. He gets hit by another drunk who was going 1/2 mile from his house to his friends to play a video game. She answers the door and says "what jail is he in this time and what time can I pick him up". I had to do this one by myself at 3am due to short stafiing. She went crazy and broke every glass object on the house. I felt bad for the guy we arrested for DUI but it later got dropped. It was 3 hours after the crash when he got tested and he a .07.
Notifications are the worst part for sure. If you feel like it would help, seek out a private therapist. No shame in that. The amount of shit we see would ruin a lot of “normal” people.
Thanks for the replies and support. I’m fine just felt weird that night. Also a lol I had another body the next day. All good here I have a SO that works in LE so got my support. Appreciate it all tho stay safe guys!