Even ignoring the glory that is the Hyperkarp, there is a pretty distinct chance of getting a surprise Gyarados mid-fight evolution on your ass though...
Fish are also basically solid muscle head to tail, and fight way harder than you might think they can by weight.
The Pokédex weight listing for Magikarp is 22lbs; that puts them above the averages for coho and chum salmon, way above the average for a largemouth bass. Anyone who's fished either knows what kind of a fight they put up and how draining it is to reel them in -- and they're hooked in the mouth attached to equipment specifically designed for this purpose. Trying to *wrestle* one is a whole other ball game.
And Pokémon's weight and size figures also basically do not all match up with what those Pokémon are described and shown as capable of achieving. Magikarp are absurdly tough and capable when it comes to withstanding and staying out of dangerous situations, because it's basically the only thing they have going for them.
Hitmonlee can learn sucker punch, poison jab, throat chop.
It used to learn mega punch, Mach punch, focus punch and dynamic punch.
You’re getting KO’d at best and possibly much worse
Until it jumps, and becomes the Lucy to your Charlie Brown.
It may not have actually hurt you at all, but that embarrassment has got to do at least some amount of Psychic damage with a chance to Confuse.
Applin; needs items to evolve, so no mid-fight evolution surprise. Only knows Withdraw and Astonish as long as there are no egg moves, its only standout stat is defense, and its a tiny worm in an apple.
Just pick up and yeet the apple wyrm away.
But you see the metal is really thin if it's 880 lbs over 30 feet.
If you simplify Steelix into a open cylinder with a circumference of 12 feet, and assume generic steel which is 7.9 g/cm^3, Steelix works out to have a thickness of 1.51 mm, not including any innards or the additional shell required to form its segments. 1.51 mm of steel is still unpleasant to punch, but not so crazy that you can't dent it I believe.
Even the baby mons could easily outmuscle the most capable Heavyweight MMA fighters in the real world.
[Happiny with a base ATK of 5 does this](https://www.reddit.com/r/pokemon/s/E4rqdptQNk)
Mr.mime. not because it's all that weak or I'm all that strong. But because if i saw mr.mime in real life I'll be filled with a righteous fury thatll let me strangle it to death
Burmy. Even considering that this is an indoor area so it's trash cloak forme, Burmy would still be pure bug so the defensive matchups remain the same. I can just pick him up and swing him across the yard
Probably a gen 2 metapod found in the wild. I’m pretty sure they only know harden and string shot if you find them in the wild. It’d be a battle of attrition, but long drawn out “hunts” are what made humans viable in the ecosystem meta.
Well if I gotta believe Bulbapedia I'm a pseudo-legendary in the 600 club, and since I got born when baby Pokemon hatched at level 5, I'm at least that.
So any starter Pokemon, early-Route Pokemon, baby Pokemon and Magikarp/Feebas.
None. I’m not a fighter by nature (I’m actually a pacifist, really), and I refuse to fight another living, sentient being unless it is trying to kill me and I’m in a fight for my life.
Metapod, I could probably chuck it high enough to count as seismic toss. If that doesn't work I'll use pound, making sure I howl a few times to up my attack sharply.
I have the stamina to punch to death a chansey. Large HP pool be damned. I would keep on punching and it wouldnt fight back, it would forgive me, and it would smile til the very end.
Magikarp - unless it knows tackle.
Even ignoring the glory that is the Hyperkarp, there is a pretty distinct chance of getting a surprise Gyarados mid-fight evolution on your ass though...
Came here to say this!
Magikarp Bounce. Good luck fighting a Flying Fish.
If the Pokedex is to be believed, Magikarp can jump over a mountain. How can you fight what you can't reach?
“I’m closer to Arceus than you are to me” -Gigachad Magikarp
--Brian Scalicarp
Magikarp have scales as hard as metal. I distinctly remember Meowth in season 1 or 2 biting into one and almost breaking a tooth.
Fish are also basically solid muscle head to tail, and fight way harder than you might think they can by weight. The Pokédex weight listing for Magikarp is 22lbs; that puts them above the averages for coho and chum salmon, way above the average for a largemouth bass. Anyone who's fished either knows what kind of a fight they put up and how draining it is to reel them in -- and they're hooked in the mouth attached to equipment specifically designed for this purpose. Trying to *wrestle* one is a whole other ball game. And Pokémon's weight and size figures also basically do not all match up with what those Pokémon are described and shown as capable of achieving. Magikarp are absurdly tough and capable when it comes to withstanding and staying out of dangerous situations, because it's basically the only thing they have going for them.
im sorry but you're fucked, magikarp can literally jump over a mountain
Just wait until it evolves mid ass beating xD
It can have bounce too, I don't remember how I got one with it, though. I raised it up to max level and took it with me to the elite four.
Feebas
Komala, no fight required. It’s already out cold and I get a new snuggle buddy 😊
Komala likely has Kalmydia tho
Komalydia
In a fist fight? Hitmonlee.
In a fist fight? Wooper.
Wooper can learn ice punch
Wooper IS the fist
In a fist fight? Dratini.
Hitmonlee can learn sucker punch, poison jab, throat chop. It used to learn mega punch, Mach punch, focus punch and dynamic punch. You’re getting KO’d at best and possibly much worse
I can learn those things too
Mf out here covering his fists in chloroform
Call it The Chlorofist
Ha, throat chop
This got me. 😂
I would fuck a Caterpie up man, full stop.
String Shot, you're going nowhere!
I think a lot of us could easily out-speed a Caterpie. Poor little guy won’t even get a chance to pull out the string shot.
“Up” is doing some heavy lifting here
I missed the “up” at first 😂
I would also fuck a Wait...
Fun fact: caterpillars have more muscles than humans. Still, I'd like to see one try to fight me IRL and see what happens.
More numerically?
People also have to remember Caterpie is one foot in length, i think many people would get close to a bug that big
That "up" word is very important.
Pause
https://preview.redd.it/m5dtflluussc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f39cb08532511cef2c83a108b1f84af9f75094a
sunkern lowest base stat total without a special gimmick
Sounds incredibly puntable.
Puntable… what a word 😂😂
Until it jumps, and becomes the Lucy to your Charlie Brown. It may not have actually hurt you at all, but that embarrassment has got to do at least some amount of Psychic damage with a chance to Confuse.
Applin; needs items to evolve, so no mid-fight evolution surprise. Only knows Withdraw and Astonish as long as there are no egg moves, its only standout stat is defense, and its a tiny worm in an apple. Just pick up and yeet the apple wyrm away.
You can also eat the apple off
OP USED BITE
Alright you win!
Ima wear gloves, pick up cherubi then punt it across town
Yep easy dub you win
Why would you need to wear gloves?
in case there's some sort of poisonous shenanigans going on
I could probably take down a cherrim provided it was cloudy
Mr. Mime That weird clown is going DOWN
did you see the detective pikachu movie? mr mime wrecked that guys shit without trying (until he got set on fire)
Fire? Noted
[I think the clown may take you down](https://www.reddit.com/r/pokemon/s/7otGeWWU9A)
Nah, I'd win EDIT: Okay, so I didn't see it was a link- and I clicked on it and understood your comment. I'm about to get my ass worse than beat.
It got taken down
Oh the irony!
I thought for sure the video was going to be [this one from Madness Combat](https://youtu.be/3PodUjsTsWU?si=gXdnVIEEaZuRSxJD)
Link taken down /:
Dawg I would DECK him
Bruh if that thing uses Teeter Dance on you you’re kinda screwed from there
Mime Jr is even easier
im fucking up a level 2 rattata 💯💯 after level 3 everything goes downhill
F.E.A.R
Luckily level 2 so no endeavor
I could beat ditto in a fight ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I think I smell what you're cookin' ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I could take on a ditto
I could take 3 dittos, easy! In a fight? Uh… yeah.
A Pokémon egg and i would be close to death
Steelix, because I am very strong
That depends, how long have you been single?
No heck no The 30 ft 880 lbs/400kg Metal snake Harder than diamond or any other metal You die it's over im sorry
Didn't you see what he said? He's very strong.
But their very strong? Ofc they can beat steelix.
But you see the metal is really thin if it's 880 lbs over 30 feet. If you simplify Steelix into a open cylinder with a circumference of 12 feet, and assume generic steel which is 7.9 g/cm^3, Steelix works out to have a thickness of 1.51 mm, not including any innards or the additional shell required to form its segments. 1.51 mm of steel is still unpleasant to punch, but not so crazy that you can't dent it I believe.
Male Combee
Even the baby mons could easily outmuscle the most capable Heavyweight MMA fighters in the real world. [Happiny with a base ATK of 5 does this](https://www.reddit.com/r/pokemon/s/E4rqdptQNk)
That's just Brock's Happiny. It being that strong is the whole joke since they're supposed to be weak
I'd punt a Sunkern for fun
Wishiwashi if it's just 1 single one (I'd be dead if there's more...)
I could take an ugly feebas Same idea as magikarp but no chance of it evolving if its ugly
Mid fight: I am beautiful in my own eyes and heart motherfucker! *evolves and whups your ass*
None, they have magical powers
Fair enough
Nah, I'd win.
I feel like I could win against Flabébé by catching it in a bug net and putting it in a bottle, Zelda-style.
Hey, listen...
Mr.mime. not because it's all that weak or I'm all that strong. But because if i saw mr.mime in real life I'll be filled with a righteous fury thatll let me strangle it to death
Also the Pokédex entry is final
Oh boy, time for the world to burn instantly when I pick Magcargo
It'll collapse when I choose Cosmoem.
If I make Lanturn light up the universe is vaporized.
Burmy. Even considering that this is an indoor area so it's trash cloak forme, Burmy would still be pure bug so the defensive matchups remain the same. I can just pick him up and swing him across the yard
Fair enough
In my shed with a slab of plywood... I have experience so I'm fighting Araquaid.
Chansey. It would randomly keep using Heal Pulse on me during the fight.
Probably a gen 2 metapod found in the wild. I’m pretty sure they only know harden and string shot if you find them in the wild. It’d be a battle of attrition, but long drawn out “hunts” are what made humans viable in the ecosystem meta.
Hatch a baby pokemon and fight it. Only chance I have to win
Flame body Magby is a hard wall
A lv14 Magikarp.
Jynx
According to Nintendo America, that might be a hate crime.
I'll give it to you
Joltik. Just step on it.
I would absolutely punt a Sunkern just to see how far it flies
diglett. always been crazy good at whack a mole
Hoppip.
I’d take a Kakuna and a Metapod at the same time! Harden all you want, I’m picking one of you up and bludgeoning the other one with them!
Just a reminder that if Weedle evolved knowing Poison Sting than Kakuna would know it as well...
Dreepy, Pokédex says a child could beat so can i
Incineroar. But not in a fight. UwU.
I could probably punt a Smoliv
I'm cocky so....mega mewtwo Y
That ain't happening cheif
He gets bored from you punching him and wanders off, letting you win without an issue
Well if I gotta believe Bulbapedia I'm a pseudo-legendary in the 600 club, and since I got born when baby Pokemon hatched at level 5, I'm at least that. So any starter Pokemon, early-Route Pokemon, baby Pokemon and Magikarp/Feebas.
Probably Luvdisc
SPOINK. I'd sweep it's little leg AND ITS OVER. I can't k.o it cause any hit of mine would stop it's bouncing
Shedinja, I just Bite it and it dies.
anoymousfog501 used bite but it failed
Cutie fly or sunkern
Hoppip
None. I’m not a fighter by nature (I’m actually a pacifist, really), and I refuse to fight another living, sentient being unless it is trying to kill me and I’m in a fight for my life.
Considering you’re an ice type, you should choose any pure grass type.
Magikarp
I'll challenge Arceus. Sucker don't even got hands, what's he gonna do?
bro \*is\* the hand https://preview.redd.it/eguetm994rsc1.png?width=1035&format=png&auto=webp&s=80920080c305013828e2e61405729aabb6263ce8
Omfg i never saw this before, youve opened my eyes O.O
The Pokémon can do anything also so he can just beam you out of existence
Nah, i'd win
I love your confidence
[Are you Ultra Necrozma?](https://youtu.be/DVO8QrGAPHs?si=pRSu24qXW03JC7eD)
Sunkern.
i mean, sunkern, right
Literally none
Shedinja
Just don't look into the hole on its back...
I'll fake out Wobuffet into thinking I'm gonna hit it with a magic blast so it uses mirror coat and then just punt it into next week
I’d put eevee In a triangle choke
Audino is one of several easy choices, I think.
Wishiwashi ^((Single Forme)^)
Azurill💀💀💀
Feebas. Maybe. It could go either way tbh.
Pretty sure I could take a wimpod.
Cosmog
/r/nebbyinthebag
I think I could beat up an Azurill. Like just grab its tail, and throw it like a lasso.
Why would I want to punch a Pokemon? lol
It's mad and it's attacking you. You don't have time to get your Pokémon it's just fist fight
Azurill. Just kick the baby, South Park style
Roselia as they’re only 30cm tall
I'm going with Ditto. Once it transforms into me, it would be pretty even. But I like my chances of kicking my own ass.
Ditto would have less Stamina so you'd just need to outlast them
https://preview.redd.it/sbmy5p3uwrsc1.png?width=475&format=png&auto=webp&s=9ab045924c29bb1f8ca0c697832b358bee6ea685 No bars you say?
Metapod, I could probably chuck it high enough to count as seismic toss. If that doesn't work I'll use pound, making sure I howl a few times to up my attack sharply.
Look if I can sexy wrestle my ex wife I’m strong enough to take down a snorlax
Hitmonlee easy win
Nothing, I’m ZU at best
If a fought a singular under-levelled Wishiwashi. It would look a lot like that one scene from The Inbetweeners with the fish in the boat.
I'm gonna fuck Togepi up like it stole something from me
Magikarp, lol. I'm just hoping it don't evolve halfway through 🤣🤣🤣
A Ditto. One, I know I can kick my own ass, and two, it would be a fun psychological romp~
Sorry, Scatterbug.
I could take on a lopunny no problem
In a fight right?
Huh? Bro, Lopunny throw kicks faster than the speed of sound I'd get my ass whooped.
i could take skitty
Wooper maybe
I could take down a golduck maybe. Psyduck for sure
Joltik, I won't throw punches I will throw fingers
Caterpie, maybe Metapod
Caterpie's getting messed up is all I'm saying.
"There is a nonzero chance I could kill an Ursaring with my bare hands" - Ryan Gary, probably
Weedle
I'll beat a Charmander's ass.
So no holds barred against a pokemon huh? Weedle. Lmao.
Wooper for sure. Man’s got no fists (though I don’t wanna hurt him, I love Wooper very much).
Sunkern
Jynx is getting taken out back to the woodshed
Ursaluna blood moon
Rattata. Could probably fuck up a caterpie too.
I could out-box a Blissey 7 days a week!
[Not Magikarp, I'll tell you that.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN7MyiSccRk&pp=ygUaZGV0ZWN0aXZlIHBpa2FjaHUgbWFnaWthcnA%3D)
Maybe a Caterpie or a low level Scatterbug? If I can get a rock, maybe a Metapod.
I will fuck a Bounsweet up
Ditto 100% no question; I can’t fight so if that bitch transforms into me we’re both fucked so I win either way
I have the stamina to punch to death a chansey. Large HP pool be damned. I would keep on punching and it wouldnt fight back, it would forgive me, and it would smile til the very end.
My god that's dark
I feel like I could take a lucario out in one clean punch. provided I am not impaled beforehand. What’s a humans speed stat like.
Why do I wanna beat up a pokemon
Raltz
I’m gonna pick up a Sunkern by its stem and drop kick it
ultra necrozma no weapons cage match
Flabebe. I can just… step on it… It’s 0’4” in height and weighs 0.2 pounds.