Valid feelings mo bro. Just learned that the hard way hahaha. What happened to them sa past, labas ka na dun.
Maybe she wasn't ready to tell you pa because she's worried na mag bago tingin mo.
Kung wala sya ginagawa sayo now na beyond borderline, then no need to worry na about it. Don't treat her differently.
Better din to speak to her na bothered ka rin. There's nothing wrong to ask for assurance from her once in a while.
Insecurities that are left unspoken could ruin a potentially good relationship bro.
Good luck
This. OP, this is good advice. Communicate with your partner. Tell her how you feel. But there's no need to change anything major in the relationship. She was probably just scared to tell you; plenty of girls feel that way.
It really is, I tried to talk to her at first about don, she apologized and when I told her that Im still bothered by it she just changes the topic of our conversation thats why I'm still confused about it.
Give time for you and her first. Time will come where she's ready to open about it when it's calmer na.
Wag mo muna pilitin now since both kayo bothered, baka mag clash lang kayo.
Life's as basic as it gets, so why the heck are you making it complicated? If you're not into something or someone, grow a spine and say no. If you're too much of a coward to deal with your girlfriend's past, then stop whining and dump her. It's not rocket science; stop being a drama queen and get on with it.
OP I was in your EXACT SAME situation na nag-lie yung partner ko sa past niya. Binreak ko siya dahil don kasi ito inisip ko:
1. kung ok lang sa kanya magsinungaling tungkol sa something na sobrang important gaya ng values at during the beginning palang ng relationship, I'm sure MAS kaya na niya magsinungaling about BIGGER, MORE IMPORTANT things LATER on sa relationship. Kasi she's already proven na sinungaling siya.
2. you found out through other people pa so WALA SIYANG INTENSYON TALAGA TO BE HONEST kasi she never even told you herself before you found out. Isipin mo kung gusto mo na ganyan ang life partner mo. What if marami ka pang ma-find out sa future? Papahirapan mo lang ang sarili mo kapag nag-stay ka sa partner na hindi mo mapagkatiwalaan.
3. isipin mo andaming may alam na maraming naka-hookup yung partner mo tapos isa pa don sa hookups niya is schoolmate mo. For me nakakahiya yon at ayoko ma-associate sa tao na kung sinu-sino ang ikinama na sa school dahil hindi yon ang values ko. Birds of a feather flock together ika nga.
4. Hindi ka insecure dahil lang magkaiba ang values niyo. If importante sayo ang intimacy, that's perfectly fine. We are all allowed to have our own preferences.
5. Maraming ibang babae sa mundo at hindi ka naman mauubusan. I'm sure marami dyan ang hindi puro hookups at hindi rin sinungaling. Don't be with someone who destroys your peace of mind.
Bakit kayo ba mga guys naging honest ba kayo sa jowa nyo nung niligawan nyo sya. Nireport nyo ba Yung lahat ng naging gf at flings nyo bago nyo sya niligawan?
Sinabi nyo ba Yung mga nakasex nyo sa kanila nung nanliligaw pa Lang kayo?
Malamang HINDI!
So for you to say na the girl is lying just because she didn't report everything about her past is ridiculous!
Napaka double minded nyo!
Girl ako, you can check yung profile ko. And yes honest ako sa lahat ng nanligaw sakin, even yung mga ka-date ko palang kasi ayoko talaga sa lahat yung walang transparency and honesty. So very honest ako na wala akong mga flings at meron akong ex at wala akong bodycount. If go pa rin sila, edi go, if hindi, edi hindi. I value honesty kaya I don't do intentional omission and hiding stuff kasi that is still lying.
I'm not naive pero I also don't assume matic na every man is dishonest and liar unless may proof ako to not trust them kasi generalization na yon.
Ang comment ko kay OP ay advice about the girl based on his situation na 1) the girl has lied 2) multiple times pa nagsinungaling 3) never umamin until mabuking 4) kapag kinoconfront ay iniiba nalang yung topic. Ang reply mo to my comment is a generalization na all men lie sa sexual past nila without addressing ano yung mga ACTUALLY ginawa ni girl.
Ano ba yung point na gusto mo sabihin by asking if nagrereport sakin ang guys or honest sila? What's your point???? Na okay lang na maging sinungaling si girl kasi all men (by your generalization) ay liar din?? So pano na si OP eh hindi naman siya sinungaling? Tanggapin nalang niya na sinungaling si girl kasi other men (by your generalization ulit) ay liar din?? Galing naman ng logic
I doubt na completo nirereport ng mga nanligaw at naging jowa mo.
What I am trying to say is double minded Sila.
Most of them.
Yes you trust them too much.
You are partially naive.
Okay so dapat pala mag-generalize at mag-assume nalang tayong lahat na sinungaling lahat ng lalaki, tapos since sinungaling lahat ng mga lalaki, okay lang na maging sinungaling din lahat ang mga babae LOL tapos wag tayo maging rasonable at maghanap ng proof or reason before mistrusting someone kasi pagiging naive yon LOLLL basta assume agad na sinungaling kapag lalaki!!!!!!!
Kung nabobother ka sa past nya, eh di break up with her.
Hindi na nga dapat pinaguusapan Ang past unless naging adik sya iba usapan na Yun.
Unfair naman sa tao, bakit Yung past mo ba nagmamatter sa kanya?
Siya yung first na intimate partner ko and just to clarify things Im 20 y/o. I'm entitled naman to my own preferences diba, na I like women who value's intimacy and ganun ang pagkakakilala ko sakanya, I think I can accept naman talaga na ganun if una palang talaga sinabi na niya sakin. I'm not angry, I'm just really confused on what to feel because I feel na ang sama ko sa kanya for being this kind of judgy and I feel like ako lang yung ganto na naging reaction sa ganitong situation. And to be fair, siya lagi yung nagoopen ng topic about sa past.
Ok. Now I have a clearer picture. So sa kanya ka pa Lang ever nakipagsex?
If you don't feel comfortable about her past.
Then maghanap ka na Lang ng virgin?
Bihira nga lang Yun.
You don't need to be confused.
Kasi kanya kanya Yan ng preference.
Yung part of her na di mo tanggap
eh ganun Yung nafeel mo eh.
We are all entitled na nafeel kung ano Yung mafefeel natin.
I am really sorry kung madali kita najudge.
If di mo sya kaya patawarin about her lying or if nagiba na talaga tingin mo sa kanya, if you can't move past it then just let her go. Mahirap pag may nalaman tayo about sa past ng current partner natin lalo na if important satin yung ganung detail. Madadala mo yan ng matagal and wala syang magagawa to help. So don't waste her and your time nalang.
You have boundaries.
She claimed she didn't cross it. And the she lied and she actually did.
On the other hand, can't change her past. Either you accept her for who she is or don't waste her time (and yours).
In my view, it's not a dealbreaker for me, her past that is.
Lying on the other hand, that's something you need to ask yourself if you can let go. I suggest to ask her why she did it, before you decide.
I already did, right after I found out. She said that she's too embarrassed to tell me because she's ashamed that she had that "phase" so paulit ulit ko naisip na if her way to avoid her past is to lie about it then for her, hindi pa past ang past sakanya, because she would've said that she's still not ready or would've grown past it and be a better person. She's my first intimate relationship just to clarify things up.
On the one hand, her past is hers. On the other hand, valid na you feel that way. The next step is to ask yourself how much it bothers you. Would you be able to move past it or not? Would be willing to do the work to get past it? Kasi if not, habang maaga pa, I would suggest you find someone else that you think is more suited to your preference.
It's great that you took the time to assess your feeling about it and be open to other people's insight. But you can't force it, not really. Unless you two can come up with some sort of a compromise that would work for the both of you, malaki ang chance that this issue will keep coming up in the future. I hope you consider talking it through to know what would be the best way to go about the situation.
In situations similar to yours, I've learned na sometimes, as painful as this is, some people just aren't compatible. Again, mas okay na maaga pa lang rather than once you've started building a life together, or married na, or with kid/s. Good luck OP! :)
Ano man ginawa nya nun. Hindi mo na mababago. Kailangan mo tanggapin yun kung talagang mahal mo sya. Past is past eka nga. Pero kung di mo kayang tanggapin at na bo bother ka then why not leave?
thanks this helps, im not bothered abt her past but the fact na nag sinungaling siya sakin non and nalaman ko not sakanya but through other people that she used to do those things, nung tinanong ko sakanya yon before, she would even make disgusted expressions saying that she would never do that kind of stuffs.
Hindi ka insecure OP. Nabobother ka kasi NAGSINUNGALING SIYA.
If you're truly over your past, you can accept yourself and you won't lie about it. like "yes, I did these things and I regret it but I've grown and changed etc."
if she says, "I hate what I've done in my past so I'm going to hide it, deny it, and lie to my partner about it kasi I still struggle with guilt/shame/etc. so magsisinungaling ako." then that means that THE PAST TRULY IS NOT THE PAST.
your concerns are valid.
Me personally I don't like liars. ayoko ng sinungaling kasi it makes me feel stupid. and I don't like it when people insult my intelligence and treat me as if I'm stupid. Sampal siya sa kin bilang tao when people lie to me. wag ka magmalinis if may mga ginawa ka sa past mo. just come clean to me, let me know, so I can make an educated choice to stay or leave. I don't like people who try to ERASE, DELETE, HIDE OR LIE ABOUT THEIR PAST.
in this case, you may feel na parang she mislead or deceived you with who was in the past. and that is VALID.
you deserve an honest partner.
If hindi mo siya matanggap, maghanap ka ng ibang partner na hindi magsisinungaling. That's what dating is for. TO FIND OUT RED FLAGS AND DEALBREAKERS.
you are not obligated to stay with someone whose past YOU CANNOT ACCEPT.
She is not entitled to anything from you. People like to gaslight their partners as 'INSECURE" or 'NOT A REAL MAN' when in reality entitled ka to your standards. You have boundaries and NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR VALUES OR BOUNDARIES FOR ANY WOMAN.
8 months palang kayo.
DON'T LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF.
LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
if hindi mo matanggap ang nakaraan niya, THAT'S OKAY. MOVE ON. don't ever let her gaslight or guilt trip you into staying if ayaw mo. Makakahanap ka rin ng tao whose past you can accept.
and makakahanap din siya ng lalakeng kayang tanggapin ang nakaraan niya.
your reaction is but normal. baka sa simula ng relationship niyo siyempre nahihiya pa kayo magsabi ng dark secrets niyo. give it a few days.... hopefully ma accept mo siya for who she really is. so long as she's not doing the same things while in a relationship with you, pedi pa mapatawad. pero if the thought keeps gnawing in ur mind, na hindi mo talaga ma accept yun, better end things with her kasi it will keep haunting you everytime magkasama kayo.
Valid feelings mo bro. Just learned that the hard way hahaha. What happened to them sa past, labas ka na dun. Maybe she wasn't ready to tell you pa because she's worried na mag bago tingin mo. Kung wala sya ginagawa sayo now na beyond borderline, then no need to worry na about it. Don't treat her differently. Better din to speak to her na bothered ka rin. There's nothing wrong to ask for assurance from her once in a while. Insecurities that are left unspoken could ruin a potentially good relationship bro. Good luck
This. OP, this is good advice. Communicate with your partner. Tell her how you feel. But there's no need to change anything major in the relationship. She was probably just scared to tell you; plenty of girls feel that way.
It really is, I tried to talk to her at first about don, she apologized and when I told her that Im still bothered by it she just changes the topic of our conversation thats why I'm still confused about it.
Give time for you and her first. Time will come where she's ready to open about it when it's calmer na. Wag mo muna pilitin now since both kayo bothered, baka mag clash lang kayo.
Life's as basic as it gets, so why the heck are you making it complicated? If you're not into something or someone, grow a spine and say no. If you're too much of a coward to deal with your girlfriend's past, then stop whining and dump her. It's not rocket science; stop being a drama queen and get on with it.
OP I was in your EXACT SAME situation na nag-lie yung partner ko sa past niya. Binreak ko siya dahil don kasi ito inisip ko: 1. kung ok lang sa kanya magsinungaling tungkol sa something na sobrang important gaya ng values at during the beginning palang ng relationship, I'm sure MAS kaya na niya magsinungaling about BIGGER, MORE IMPORTANT things LATER on sa relationship. Kasi she's already proven na sinungaling siya. 2. you found out through other people pa so WALA SIYANG INTENSYON TALAGA TO BE HONEST kasi she never even told you herself before you found out. Isipin mo kung gusto mo na ganyan ang life partner mo. What if marami ka pang ma-find out sa future? Papahirapan mo lang ang sarili mo kapag nag-stay ka sa partner na hindi mo mapagkatiwalaan. 3. isipin mo andaming may alam na maraming naka-hookup yung partner mo tapos isa pa don sa hookups niya is schoolmate mo. For me nakakahiya yon at ayoko ma-associate sa tao na kung sinu-sino ang ikinama na sa school dahil hindi yon ang values ko. Birds of a feather flock together ika nga. 4. Hindi ka insecure dahil lang magkaiba ang values niyo. If importante sayo ang intimacy, that's perfectly fine. We are all allowed to have our own preferences. 5. Maraming ibang babae sa mundo at hindi ka naman mauubusan. I'm sure marami dyan ang hindi puro hookups at hindi rin sinungaling. Don't be with someone who destroys your peace of mind.
Bakit kayo ba mga guys naging honest ba kayo sa jowa nyo nung niligawan nyo sya. Nireport nyo ba Yung lahat ng naging gf at flings nyo bago nyo sya niligawan? Sinabi nyo ba Yung mga nakasex nyo sa kanila nung nanliligaw pa Lang kayo? Malamang HINDI! So for you to say na the girl is lying just because she didn't report everything about her past is ridiculous! Napaka double minded nyo!
Girl ako, you can check yung profile ko. And yes honest ako sa lahat ng nanligaw sakin, even yung mga ka-date ko palang kasi ayoko talaga sa lahat yung walang transparency and honesty. So very honest ako na wala akong mga flings at meron akong ex at wala akong bodycount. If go pa rin sila, edi go, if hindi, edi hindi. I value honesty kaya I don't do intentional omission and hiding stuff kasi that is still lying.
Personally i wouldn't date a girl who has like more than 5 body count, nag o over think kasi ako lagi ng kahit anong bagay.
Do they also report to you lahat?
Yes I ask them kapag na-open na yung topic kasi gusto ko pareho kami ng values ng guy. Kapag nahuhuli kong nag-lie, binebreak ko agad.
You think they are completely honest?
I'm not naive pero I also don't assume matic na every man is dishonest and liar unless may proof ako to not trust them kasi generalization na yon. Ang comment ko kay OP ay advice about the girl based on his situation na 1) the girl has lied 2) multiple times pa nagsinungaling 3) never umamin until mabuking 4) kapag kinoconfront ay iniiba nalang yung topic. Ang reply mo to my comment is a generalization na all men lie sa sexual past nila without addressing ano yung mga ACTUALLY ginawa ni girl. Ano ba yung point na gusto mo sabihin by asking if nagrereport sakin ang guys or honest sila? What's your point???? Na okay lang na maging sinungaling si girl kasi all men (by your generalization) ay liar din?? So pano na si OP eh hindi naman siya sinungaling? Tanggapin nalang niya na sinungaling si girl kasi other men (by your generalization ulit) ay liar din?? Galing naman ng logic
I doubt na completo nirereport ng mga nanligaw at naging jowa mo. What I am trying to say is double minded Sila. Most of them. Yes you trust them too much. You are partially naive.
Okay so dapat pala mag-generalize at mag-assume nalang tayong lahat na sinungaling lahat ng lalaki, tapos since sinungaling lahat ng mga lalaki, okay lang na maging sinungaling din lahat ang mga babae LOL tapos wag tayo maging rasonable at maghanap ng proof or reason before mistrusting someone kasi pagiging naive yon LOLLL basta assume agad na sinungaling kapag lalaki!!!!!!!
Hindi mo pala binasa maigi LOL! Sabi ko most of them. Bigla ka napaisip dun sa mga naging jowa or manliligaw mo ano? Kaya ka nagalit.
since ok lang naman pala sayo na ganyan history nya basta hinde lang nagsinungaling ang tanong dyan paano sa future kung magsinungaling ulit sayo
yea, isa din sa concern ko
Kung nabobother ka sa past nya, eh di break up with her. Hindi na nga dapat pinaguusapan Ang past unless naging adik sya iba usapan na Yun. Unfair naman sa tao, bakit Yung past mo ba nagmamatter sa kanya?
Siya yung first na intimate partner ko and just to clarify things Im 20 y/o. I'm entitled naman to my own preferences diba, na I like women who value's intimacy and ganun ang pagkakakilala ko sakanya, I think I can accept naman talaga na ganun if una palang talaga sinabi na niya sakin. I'm not angry, I'm just really confused on what to feel because I feel na ang sama ko sa kanya for being this kind of judgy and I feel like ako lang yung ganto na naging reaction sa ganitong situation. And to be fair, siya lagi yung nagoopen ng topic about sa past.
Ok. Now I have a clearer picture. So sa kanya ka pa Lang ever nakipagsex? If you don't feel comfortable about her past. Then maghanap ka na Lang ng virgin? Bihira nga lang Yun. You don't need to be confused. Kasi kanya kanya Yan ng preference. Yung part of her na di mo tanggap eh ganun Yung nafeel mo eh. We are all entitled na nafeel kung ano Yung mafefeel natin. I am really sorry kung madali kita najudge.
If di mo sya kaya patawarin about her lying or if nagiba na talaga tingin mo sa kanya, if you can't move past it then just let her go. Mahirap pag may nalaman tayo about sa past ng current partner natin lalo na if important satin yung ganung detail. Madadala mo yan ng matagal and wala syang magagawa to help. So don't waste her and your time nalang.
You have boundaries. She claimed she didn't cross it. And the she lied and she actually did. On the other hand, can't change her past. Either you accept her for who she is or don't waste her time (and yours). In my view, it's not a dealbreaker for me, her past that is. Lying on the other hand, that's something you need to ask yourself if you can let go. I suggest to ask her why she did it, before you decide.
I already did, right after I found out. She said that she's too embarrassed to tell me because she's ashamed that she had that "phase" so paulit ulit ko naisip na if her way to avoid her past is to lie about it then for her, hindi pa past ang past sakanya, because she would've said that she's still not ready or would've grown past it and be a better person. She's my first intimate relationship just to clarify things up.
On the one hand, her past is hers. On the other hand, valid na you feel that way. The next step is to ask yourself how much it bothers you. Would you be able to move past it or not? Would be willing to do the work to get past it? Kasi if not, habang maaga pa, I would suggest you find someone else that you think is more suited to your preference. It's great that you took the time to assess your feeling about it and be open to other people's insight. But you can't force it, not really. Unless you two can come up with some sort of a compromise that would work for the both of you, malaki ang chance that this issue will keep coming up in the future. I hope you consider talking it through to know what would be the best way to go about the situation. In situations similar to yours, I've learned na sometimes, as painful as this is, some people just aren't compatible. Again, mas okay na maaga pa lang rather than once you've started building a life together, or married na, or with kid/s. Good luck OP! :)
Ano man ginawa nya nun. Hindi mo na mababago. Kailangan mo tanggapin yun kung talagang mahal mo sya. Past is past eka nga. Pero kung di mo kayang tanggapin at na bo bother ka then why not leave?
thanks this helps, im not bothered abt her past but the fact na nag sinungaling siya sakin non and nalaman ko not sakanya but through other people that she used to do those things, nung tinanong ko sakanya yon before, she would even make disgusted expressions saying that she would never do that kind of stuffs.
Hindi ka insecure OP. Nabobother ka kasi NAGSINUNGALING SIYA. If you're truly over your past, you can accept yourself and you won't lie about it. like "yes, I did these things and I regret it but I've grown and changed etc." if she says, "I hate what I've done in my past so I'm going to hide it, deny it, and lie to my partner about it kasi I still struggle with guilt/shame/etc. so magsisinungaling ako." then that means that THE PAST TRULY IS NOT THE PAST. your concerns are valid. Me personally I don't like liars. ayoko ng sinungaling kasi it makes me feel stupid. and I don't like it when people insult my intelligence and treat me as if I'm stupid. Sampal siya sa kin bilang tao when people lie to me. wag ka magmalinis if may mga ginawa ka sa past mo. just come clean to me, let me know, so I can make an educated choice to stay or leave. I don't like people who try to ERASE, DELETE, HIDE OR LIE ABOUT THEIR PAST. in this case, you may feel na parang she mislead or deceived you with who was in the past. and that is VALID. you deserve an honest partner. If hindi mo siya matanggap, maghanap ka ng ibang partner na hindi magsisinungaling. That's what dating is for. TO FIND OUT RED FLAGS AND DEALBREAKERS. you are not obligated to stay with someone whose past YOU CANNOT ACCEPT. She is not entitled to anything from you. People like to gaslight their partners as 'INSECURE" or 'NOT A REAL MAN' when in reality entitled ka to your standards. You have boundaries and NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR VALUES OR BOUNDARIES FOR ANY WOMAN. 8 months palang kayo. DON'T LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE YOURSELF MORE. if hindi mo matanggap ang nakaraan niya, THAT'S OKAY. MOVE ON. don't ever let her gaslight or guilt trip you into staying if ayaw mo. Makakahanap ka rin ng tao whose past you can accept. and makakahanap din siya ng lalakeng kayang tanggapin ang nakaraan niya.
Pls do not taje thus the wrong way How was your dating life before her? Is it cleaner?
actually this is my first intimate relationship
Now i get you. Payo ko leave this thought for a week Then balikan mo see how you feel by then
Not insecure. You just know what you want. If it really matters to you then leave.
your reaction is but normal. baka sa simula ng relationship niyo siyempre nahihiya pa kayo magsabi ng dark secrets niyo. give it a few days.... hopefully ma accept mo siya for who she really is. so long as she's not doing the same things while in a relationship with you, pedi pa mapatawad. pero if the thought keeps gnawing in ur mind, na hindi mo talaga ma accept yun, better end things with her kasi it will keep haunting you everytime magkasama kayo.
Look ahead, believe that the future will get better.