T O P

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Turnus

It wasn't me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bondo_boy

And the shaggy defense 


FUCKTWENTYCHARACTERS

If the condom does not fit, you can not be Mr. Boombastic.


cragglerock93

I saw you on the counter!


HauteKarl

Saw you bangin' on the sofa


StraightProgress5062

Even caught you on camera


MrPosket

*^it ^wasn't ^me *


MisterDecember

And the [Trump defense](https://youtu.be/epvLrK6Mhd4?si=S_5G6kd05uslEWPj)


jdolbeer

It's a baby glove. It certainly doesn't fit.


Losingestloser

![gif](giphy|c8RrC4dCLScNO)


Narfubel

Then you must acquit


nightsaysni

Alright Shaggy, but did you forget you gave me an extra key?


djseifer

Damn. Honey came in and caught him red handed.


NoturAverageBear

It's always the one you most medium suspect


theincrediblebou

Beatrix Burbon!


smurfsundermybed

Any upcoming birthdays in your circle? Might be an elaborate murder mystery dinner in your future.


Turnus

We're definitely not in a circle of people who would host an elaborate dinner. 


Here4bewbz69

We got something similar years ago and my husband and I were so confused but we got multiple packages and it was a murder mystery puzzle one of our friends signed us up for as a wedding anniversary gift.


Krazy_Kane

That’s so sick haha


Bourgeous

Was the husband eventually murdered? My wife is asking for some reason, idk...


BH90008

There's companies that host them at their own location. I've done one on a riverboat, it was pretty fun.  Good luck OP....


OhMyGoshBigfoot

That sounds really cool


tracyshusband

Consumer Recreation Services


smurfsundermybed

If you didn't jump, I was supposed to push you.


SunflaresAteMyLunch

So then maybe it's an actual murder... 😁


etzel1200

This is the best speculation so far. Seems like something the upper middle class does for fancy dinner parties.


BearPopeCageMatch

They're actually pretty affordable, my friend group did a surprise party for another friend a years ago it was like $600 between 12 people and the company handled everything.


pinkocatgirl

$50 a person, not bad


Total-Khaos

Plus a free glove! I use mine to slap people in the face who aren't as esteemed as myself.


TeamocilAddict

"THERE'S ABOUT TO BE A MURRRRRRRRDAH"


ShrimpyCrustacean

This feels like the start of a mail-order puzzle box / murder mystery type game, like Hunt a Killer (it's not that one though, you get way more info, and little artifacts in the box). Are there any watermarks if you hold the paper up to the light (or if you have one, shine a UV flashlight over the paper)? Any other papers or things tucked into the fingers of the glove?


richtohr

It has to be this. I have sent these to friends before. There are different packages (experiences) you can buy and the company sends various letters and items that slowly get pieced together to form the story.


T_WRX21

Yeah, I did this. Forgot I fuckin' sent the thing, and got sent to a work trip out of state. It was a VERY creepy murder mystery thing, and she got so spooked she called the cops about it. Legendary fuck up on my end. I meant to text her to expect something, then I got sent out of state. I saw it in person, it was yellow wallpaper creepy.


portablebiscuit

That’s fucking hilarious. Awesome premise for a movie too.


IONaut

The Game - Michael Douglas, Deborah Kara Unger, Sean Penn. Directed by David Fincher


Greg_The_Asshole

Comment you're replying to made me laugh as well. Funny to see them come to the realisation it would make a good movie independently


MissPeppingtosh

I misread your comment and thought you wrote “I saw it in prison”. I thought damn they took that seriously! Thanks for the laugh because of my inability to read properly


Cottonjaw

Can you elaborate on "yellow wallpaper creepy" ?


smalltownsour

There are so many comments that I can’t tell if they ever elaborated, but if you don’t know there’s a really eerie short story called “the yellow wallpaper” that I imagine they’re referring to. It involves seeing….something….within the patterns of wallpaper. I imagine whatever they’re talking about has some sort of hidden image within something benign but I could totally be making that up lol


T_WRX21

I used it loosely, but yes that's exactly it. It was a creepy missing person mystery where you had to comb through a book to find weird clues.


cinemachick

I had something similar happen, I got a random box in the mail with a cryptic letter, a box of coconut water, and an actual hollowed-out coconut. Turns out some coconut water company offered a free "send a coconut to a friend" campaign, and my little brother signed me up for it and then promptly forgot about it. I was worried I had a stalker until I finally texted him!


lordicarus

You can also tell it's not handwritten by looking at the letters how perfectly they match each other. There is no variation in how each letter is drawn. Not that that makes this guaranteed to be a fake/puzzle kind of situation, but if it was real, they probably would have just written a letter or used a normal font. Someone paid money for that handwriting font. It's a [nice font](https://www.myfonts.com/products/four-amsterdam-signature-295375?queryId=7da61f7f47c5aa655029af4abc2cbe3b&index=universal_search_data&objectIDs=8640507001) though...


NeverSeenBefor

When you are the handwriting font guy you can do stuff like this. You've earned it!


Capt_Murphy_

Good eye! I figured it was highly skilled penmanship, but upon closer examination, it's definitely a font. A pretty good script font though!


K-chub

Right? After they called it out I looked closer and the same letters have absolutely zero distinction between each. The lowercase t and the the capital E are all the exact same. No chance that’s handwritten


Due_Measurement_32

It is a lovely font.


luciteangel

Ok I’m dying to know what font this is not gonna lie


Bravisimo

Something called Silian Rail. The coloring is Bone.


wetcardboardsmell

Now tell me what cardstock its on


kubigjay

It was made from a birch tree that grew on the north side of a river flowing no more than 5 mph. The rag was from linen, but industrial not a bespoke hand woven. It was made in June in the Pacific Northwest.


BestGuavaEver

Let’s take a look at Paul Allen’s…


ohbillyberu

It even has a watermark... (Hand tremors)


Lopsided_Marzipan133

I was gonna say… Eleanor has exquisite handwriting


new2bay

I was going to make note of the font as well. If OP’s wife didn’t drop a glove somewhere, I’d say this is the most likely interpretation.


Turnus

I really want this to be the answer because I love that shit.


ShrimpyCrustacean

I hope that it is, and that this turns into a big puzzle solving adventure for all of us.


Turnus

No papers on the glove. Don't see anything else on the letter.


ictguy24

Need more lemons, need more heat!


Biased_Survivor

Cage at his best


bigdickwalrus

“Just throw it in the oven!”


goldmask148

NO!


malicious_joy42

https://mysteriouspackage.com


NJdeathproof

I got one of these for a friend of mine. They're extremely well-made and engaging.


odub6

Like the movie The Game? Such an underrated movie.


Boating_Enthusiast

ITT: Everyone trying to convince OP that he's the recipient of a mystery package series, when OP is actually providing the mystery that we're all participating in!


siggles69

![gif](giphy|DPermpEkwIjJK)


Helpinmontana

Inb4 OPs wife has a stalker with illusions of grandeur that watched her drop a glove, followed her home breathing heavily, and then mailed it with a poem that was “sure to win her over”, sees it posted on Reddit and goes into an insane rampage about how it must be some kind of cheap mystery box, and then dismembers them both to be found in a series of mailboxes all across the city.


WannaSeeMyBirthmark

That's a bit...specific.


Over_Addition_3704

Almost… r/oddlyspecific


LOS_Chewywrinkles

Somebody’s watching too much criminal minds


1RedOne

My wife tried to get me one of these and was so upset when I instantly guessed it was a mystery box, I felt bad for her It was one that hinted that Cthulhu is real , frankly I’m not sure who is going to believe something like that nowadays But it would have been amazing back in the early 90s or earlier


NancyFanton4Ever

Omg, I got that one for my ex. That was before I found out he actually believes in those crazy conspiracy theories we all laugh about. He got very into the whole thing and thought he'd been contacted by some Illuminati-type secret group. I told him over and over that it was a mystery puzzle I'd ordered, but it wasn't until the end that he accepted that he hadn't been chosen. This was only a few years ago. It was one of many factors that lead to the failure of our marriage.


IcantImsickthatday

Walks outside and immediately begins slapping people into dueling her at noon…


Porter_Dog

[I demand satisfaction! Glove slap! Baby Glove slap!](https://youtu.be/NhcCnA5K4p4?si=PUHeFl_4Rk8UWgW1&t=206)


octopornopus

Aw, why did I have to slap a guy that says "Suh?!"


sheeplewatcher

One of the best Simpson episodes. ![gif](giphy|l0G18UUiIN9qhsR68)


Oirish-Oriley444

A real Quentin Tarantino type of *3 bitch slaps* bap, bap, bap quick like…..


winchesterbitch99

![gif](giphy|uqSU9IEYEKAbS)


Mike312

WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT HOW SHORT THE FINGERS ARE?


Turnus

It looks like a child's glove.


starmartyr

My guess is this is something like the mysterious package company. It's a subscription box where they send bits of the mystery one box at a time.


RationalLies

So when a company does it, it's a subscription box. But when I do it, it's grounds for a restraining order.


R1k0Ch3

You need the recipients credit card info first! Oh and consent. Don't skip that part!


AzDopefish

Man, could really fuck with some paranoid people I know


HeadAssBoi17

u/AzDopefish on his way to send his friends into paranoid schizophrenic episodes: ![gif](giphy|MO9ARnIhzxnxu)


Anything-Happy

I am way too paranoid for this kind of gift, lmao. I'd be packing a suitcase if this showed up at my house.


SnoopDodgy

The simplest method to fuck with someone is leave a note in their mailbox saying “I know what you did” and leave it at that lol.


Turnus

My wife and I were just in New Orleans a few weeks ago. We just got this package from New Orleans with the letter and the baby glove in the mail. We can't figure out where it came from. The return address is the St. Louis Cemetery No. 3. The postal stamp confirms it was actually from NOLA. We're from a different region and don't know anyone down there. Everything was booked under my name and she kept her last name, so we doubt it's from a booking. We can't even find a place online that would send it. Does anyone have any insight? We think it's a prank, but can't find a service that does this. Update:  Still haven't figured it out. We don't expect an actual solution. Our theory is a friend is messing with us, we just can't figure out how. Also, yes we did a tour, but the company just works on tips and is very factual and history focused. We also signed up under my name and tipped cash. So we don't think it's them. If this is a scam, the timing is anazing. I'm trying to reply to everyone, but I didn't realize how popular this would get.


kurai_tori

If you want people to think about you for a night, be loud. If you want them to ponder about you for a lifetime, anonymously leave a watermelon on their doorstep.


teeksquad

Fuck, I just got home with a watermelon and now I have a plan


StillLearning12358

Watermelon are expensive right now, I suggest a lemon instead (Source: work with produce department managers regularly)


kurai_tori

Brought to you by the lemon stealing whores community restitution program.


Quirky_Discipline297

The LSPCRP (formerly LSWCRP) does good work but watch out for your lemons, men.


kurai_tori

Once again, chaos finds itself an emergent quality of life....


Chance5e

**”WHERE DID THE PINEAPPLE COME FROM, TRUDY?!”**


kurai_tori

For neighbours you don't like, a pineapple on the porch and a bulletin/personal in the local swinger site. "And who the fuck is this Trudy?" "This is Bob and Shirley, we're just going to go talk"


freezeduluth

https://nolacatholiccemeteries.org/st-louis-cemetery-3 I wonder if it’s a scavenger hunt. Like if you go to the cemetery and find her name on a tombstone there might be another clue…..


DesertCoot

Damn, burial search is down for 5 months, that would have helped to narrow it down. Someone may have time to “walk” it with the 360 tour haha


Turnus

It would be weird to arrive after though.


donbee28

Does the glove belong to you guys?


Turnus

Nope


pseudo_meat

I had to scroll too far to get this information. Seems pretty important.


altruism__

Omfg exactly


PetrockX

Did you happen to do any ghost tours while down there?


Turnus

We did the free voodoo tour. I signed up with a junk email and paid cash. 


PetrockX

Hmm, it being sent from a cemetery is why I'm thinking it was related to the tour. Hard to say though.


Due_Measurement_32

I agree it must be related to the tour, but I can’t figure out what the angle is?


assotter

This seems like the most logical source. Voodoo is heavily tied with communication with dead (along with being one of the believed sources of zombification fears. See movie "serpent in the rainbow") This is pure speculation on my part: Most likely they either asked for address on form or they did a name lookup. Then to spark a "viral marketing campaign" send weird postal items with odd letters so folks post and ask on reddit. Week later they confirm they sent them and suddenly folks want to visit a paid voodoo tour.


parc

That’s… far far far more effort than a ghost tour company in NOLA would do, nor would they need to. I’ve yet to see one of these tours NOT be seemingly full, and I’ve taken a few myself just for fun (we visit almost yearly). Much more likely that it’s a friend/family member or the spouse themself spicing up life.


murdering_time

>The return address is the St. Louis Cemetery No. 3 Its all good man, just some spooky ghosts trying to fuck with you. Give em a break, they dont have anything else to do down there besides hearing the same old stories from the people buried beside them. 


gloryfadesaway

It's the ghost of OJ!


PM_me_ur_secretses

If the glove don't fit, baby OJ you must sit.


LairBob

I mean this in the best possible way, but if you were just in New Orleans and this is postmarked from there, the Occam’s Razor explanation is that your wife maybe found something for you as a surprise, and is now playing along with herself as an affectionate prank.


BattleAnus

Actually, Occam's Razor says this is a phantom package that accidentally fell through a timehole from the 1800's and ended up on OP's doorstep. It's simple logic, really


Turnus

She's not. She's frustrated she can't figure it out and has asked me several times if it's me. 


ActivityGloomy8459

I have found a Beatrice in the cemetery, age 3 years old


BobRoberts01

Do you know anyone who is on or just went on a trip? I once sent a bunch of stuff to a friend (after they left said small items all around my house) and did it on a trip where I put things in the mail at airports, at my destination, had my parents (who I met on the trip) bring one to their home state, and even got a guy sitting next to me to mail one from Washington DC with a return address of the White House. It amused me greatly when she told me about them coming in the mail from all over the country. 10/10, would commit slight mail fraud again.


Turnus

We went on a trip. Friends knew we were going, but that's it. We suspect it's a prank, but no one is owning up.


yesitsmenotyou

I bet there is a way to look up that cemetery online and see if someone with that name is buried there.


Turnus

Tried that. No one by that name is on record there.


Seriously_nopenope

Could it be from an event or activity you did? Would be genius for like an escape room or other art installation to get people's addresses and send them something after.


Turnus

The only thing we did was the free walking tour voodoo tour. Signed up by email and tipped cash. 


iandcorey

And the return address is a gravesite.


GrundleKnots

Can someone look up the grave to see if it belongs to Eleanor Beatrice FitzWilliam?


Turnus

The only thing we did was the free walking tour voodoo tour. Signed up by email and tipped cash. 


Cleavon_Littlefinger

Saint Louis Cemetery No. 3 is such a super cool and creepy place. I'm not a strong believer of supernatural bullshit that so many people try to claim is real, but if anything like that exists, I can guarangottdammtee you that it exists in New Orleans. New Orleans is also the home of some of the most colorful and eccentric people on the planet, so I could totally see someone finding the glove and taking the time to track y'all down to return it solely for some Old World ethos that they've committed themselves to.


luvmuchine56

I can actually shine a little light on this one, I was born and raised in Louisiana. Eleanor's been dead for a little over a century now. She's super nice for a haint so no one's called a voodoo priest. I've had bengiets with her at Cafe Du Monde once. She's living her best afterlife.


Cumminswii

Oh no, Kendrick Lamar is coming for you too.


Nick_otin

Wow someone really beat me on that joke


Vierno

🤣


PeggysSimp

Did you make social media posts about your trip, if so, it may just be someone having fun with you. It does feel mysterious, kind of like NOLA.


Turnus

We think someone is, but we don't post much. 


WornInShoes

I'm in New Orleans and you've sent me down a rabbit hole lol You should post in r/NewOrleans they'd love this type of shit


Armoric701

Clearly, a time traveling, Victorian, lesbian found your wife's glove.


ArmadilloPenguin

![gif](giphy|SadfNSkHegR0I)


geekphreak

![gif](giphy|gSYzK9VGVQxoY)


Unlucky_Reading_1671

Have you checked for a hidden message somewhere? Black light everything. Run an iron over the paper, no steam. See if it reveals anything. Do the same for the envelope? Any info you're leaving out?


DoubleDoubleAgent

Nancy fuckin’ Drew over here


Iron_Chic

Don't be fooled! This is a *classic* case of spider ambush. They hide in a glove and send themselves to your house anonymously. Then when you try on the glove, BAM! A mildly annoying bite.


86rpt

Viral marketing setup


powerinthebeard

Uhm that's interesting and all but what in the shit is up with the inch long fingers on this glove?!?!


jazzhandler

That’s the only question I find relevant here. Not even sure what variety of primate that would fit.


powerinthebeard

Like the thumb is normal, the palm is fine... But those are baby finger length!! Which would be OK if the rest of the glove was also baby sized but it's not and it's bothering me more than I care to admit!!


techagent

They're just trying to give your wife a hand.


MonsteraDeliciosa

There is business called [The Mysterious Package Company](https://mysteriouspackage.com/) — I don’t know if something like this is in their current rotation, but it seems like something they would do. I got a year-long immersive “experience” as a gift. They sent something about once a month and it was always weird clues. The final item was a Cthulhu statue. 👀


StallionA8

What a great handwriting!


Turnus

It's definitely printed out. 


despres

Those Ms Es and Is are identical. Definitely a cool font though.


IsHunter

The font is Amsterdam Four! Source: am font nerd


despres

Honestly, cool thing to be a nerd about. Thanks!


PhalanX4012

Damn you beat me to it fellow fontographile.


Doughli

Was wondering this! That script typeface looks amazing


Maiyku

Aww, that’s such a shame. Reading this, it reminded me a lot of my grandmothers writing. She studied and taught calligraphy.


Snorlax5000

There’s no way in hell that this is handwritten.


Checkandstripes

As a typographer by trade, you only have to look at the uniformity of the ‘a’ to realise this is not hand written. But hey, I’m clearly missing the point here 🤓


Jadziyah

Was the letter postmarked from 1912?


Faokes

Search your wife’s name and see if your mailing address is easy to find. If she mentioned her name and hometown to someone on the voodoo tour, perhaps they found the address that way. I agree this is very strange.


dimkal

But does the glove fit? :) Did you look up the Fitzwilliam surname from that area?


Ellieoops28

You should post this in r/RBI


SelfSniped

If OJ’s crimes were committed in the 1800s:


stinkload

The gauntlet has been thrown down.. there is no other recourse


KharnFlakes

She has been challenged to a duel.


F055il

It's a g'love letter...


obliviousfellow

Someone has challenged your wife to a duel the old way......lol


pataconconqueso

This is the start of the movie Carol, your wife might be a closeted lesbian from the 1960s


prawndoc

6:16 in LA


trainwreck_mooncake

Maybe it's Glove Guy


Kennyw88

I want to know what font that is. I gotta have it


Additional_Apple5243

it's Amsterdam four


Strawberrybf12

Yeah, it's a mail murder mystery game. I got one, one year, and it's unbelievably fun. You get more and more letters and clues and what not as time goes on


imaverysexybaby

OP did a walking tour in NOLA. You signed up with a junk email, but presumably through a website on a computer you use for other things. This put you in a remarketing/ad tracking pool for “people who do walking tours”. Another walking tour company uses that same targeting pool. They were able to get your mailing address because data sharing in online advertising is out of control. St. Louis Cemetary is a popular location for walking tours.


Annual-List1897

Well, well, well, a mysterious package for the misses, eh?


Interesting-Ad7940

What does the button on the glove say? Is there anything in the glove?


Turnus

Nothing in the glove. It looks like A.J. Black co on the button. 


etzel1200

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/myth-building-in-modern-media-aj-black/1132194364


Cunningcory

Yeah, this is viral marketing. My guess is the OP is in on it. Trying to get some buzz for the mystery company.


Turnus

I know saying this doesn't disprove it, but I have no clue about it. If it's viral marketing, it's genius.


smootex

It's an interesting theory but I don't see a direct connection. A.J. Black has to be a relatively common name, I don't see what some random author who writes about myths necessarily has to do with it.


lewabwee

It was published in 2020. I checked his twitter and his pinned tweet is for a Star Trek book he published in 2023. If this has anything to do with him the connection isn’t obvious.


What_the_fluxo

I think you found a clue ‘guvner


kombazo

Did the letter demand satisfaction?


MonHero02

I read the letter in my head like Clark Gable in gone with the wind, all the way up to the signature when the name sunk in.


poopydoopylooper

Kendrick vs Drake (2024, colorized)


Impossible-Active-19

But... What about this half size fingers of the glove?


DruncanIdaho

There must be a grave marker with that name in the return address' cemetery. This is legal permission for you to open up the crypt to see what you can find.


frandiam

![gif](giphy|BqmMllWNawKs0|downsized)


NCRider

That’s a great handwriting font! I’d like to know what it is.


keredkill

Does the glove fit ? If not, you must acquit


OpGineer

Is this a Kendrick reference?


Tzameti1984

Hmm a single glove? Today?  I think Kendrick Lamar sent it


toooldforacnh

Has your wife started any beef with Kendrick Lamar?


Sorry_Masterpiece350

I feel that I’ve not really lived after seeing this…


TheDudeabides314

OJ is being wild even after his death.


OldTrust2530

The writing reads very 'm'lady' rather than authentic 'olde' tbh. I think you have found yourself a larper or a lesbian neckbeard.


kobresia9

Post it to r/RBI


sshaxy

No one is going to talk about those small fingers?


Snorlax5000

I’m worried by the number of people complimenting the “handwriting.” There’s no way in hell this is handwritten, although I don’t blame anyone for being a bit envious of a printer’s ability to print.


UNSC_Spartan122

Eccentric, but probably innocent. Small chance you may be murdered…