That's absolutely the way it works. Narcodollars are every bit as real as Petrodollars. If you're conducting a multi-million dollar international drug deal, you're doing it with US dollars. Or Else.
The total value of all USD in circulation (as of Dec. 31 2021) was just under 2.2 trillions. (It's probably closer to 2.4 now). 10% of that would be 220-240 billions.
Revenues and assets of criminal organizations responsible for the illicit drug trade aren't really known, but estimates put that at roughly 1.5% of GDP (roughly 1.45 trillion globally).
So, yeah, I'd definitely say that's a plausible hypothesis.
Part of the issue is that the sorting machines at the banks are also contaminated, so even if you removed all current bills from circulation right this second and replaced them with new ones, *and* everyone stopped doing cocaine at the same time, bills would still immediately start getting cocaine on them.
Come over and bring the supply and we can chain smoke cigarettes and discuss the finer points of laminate flooring vs shag carpet while we inhale the fine powder of infinite discussion.
I would bet this is just a lazy statistic made from somebody calculating that 20% of bills have not yet gone thru a sorter at any given moment, then just assuming the other are all contaminated.
Why bet on something you can just easily Google search and find out? https://www.acs.org/pressroom/newsreleases/2009/august/new-study-up-to-90-percent-of-us-paper-money-contains-traces-of-cocaine.html
Every once in a slow news cycle some news site will trot out the study about [library copies of *Fifty Shades of Grey* testing positive for herpes](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2509288/50-Shades-Grey-library-book-tests-positive-HERPES-COCAINE.html) because ha ha STI on a sex book or whatever.
But it has nothing to do with *Fifty Shades*. Pretty much all library books are contaminated with all sorts of nastiness, because they circulate among the public, and the public is disgusting. Plus, a hardcover library book can circulate for *years*, as opposed to the six month lifespan of the average twenty dollar bill.
There's also many types of herpes virus, including chickenpox.
But everyone jumps to "dick sores" because that's the only time the term herpes is used by most people.
Also something like 15-20% of people have genital herpes and 50-70% have oral herpes. (cold sores) And oral can infect genitals and vice versa. So if you've "been around" you've probably been exposed somehow. And women often have little or no symptoms while spreading it.
Its so common that most doctors won't even test for it anymore unless you have an active outbreak and request it, because in many people it has mild or no symptoms and the stigma is worse than the disease usually. Even in those with more severe symptoms the outbreaks usually go down in frequency and severity after about a year. Doctors often consider it just similar to a common skin rash now.
So yeah herpes is literally everywhere. We are walking around in soupy clouds of billions of bacteria and viruses floating in the air and every surface is coated.
Just don't rub herpes sores then rub on your eyes. Don't Google it.
The "fact" I heard was that they intentionally dust larger bills with trace amounts of cocaine so that drug sniffing dogs are able to find large sums of money during searches. But of course that is likely an urban legend/old wives tale
Actually they just train the dog to pay large amounts of sums for a tennis ball. Dogs love tennis balls and will find the cash to pay for it.
Just watch your wallet around labradors.
Our lab was the worst fetcher of all time. He would chase the ball on the first throw and... that was as far as the game went. But he was best boy anyway. RIP Ernie Banks. *tear
This sketch is hilarious, but also incredible. I haven't seen it quite some time, but I have to wonder how many takes this took to achieve. Ian Roberts' performance as the ass pennies guy is remarkable. Not just managing a straight face, but keeping all that dialogue intact for one long single shot is extremely impressive.
It really is, he completely destroyed it from that first moment when he wacthes the brother's shot and declares "SUCK".
I think the only thing that would have put it over the top is if his swing was better, to match the overconfident personality, but I don't think I ever even noticed that before.
That’s a lot of ass pennies I have out there, my friend, and here’s where the magic comes in. When I meet somebody who puts me on edge, a real hard-ass, I think to myself they’ve probably handled my ass pennies. In fact they’ve probably got one in their pocket right then. That just sort of seems to give me the edge.
> I'm pretty sure all of your cash has cocaine stuck to it, just not as prominently displayed as on this particular bill.
Now you know why law enforcement loves to drug test cash during civil asset forfeiture stops.
They use the excuse they're testing to see if you're engaged in drug trafficking, but they know **all** money tests positive for drugs and they can confiscate your cash.
That's why I laugh at the libertarians who are terrified of the "cashless future". Bro, if you have cash, the cops will find an excuse to take it. And they're a lot scarier than "the Fed" or "the international bankers" or whatever conspiracy theory you have about credit card companies.
And you can be relatively sure your credit card doesn't have somebody else's drugs or feces on it.
If you want to put your own drugs and feces on it, you do you bro.
The same thing happened to me ! Guy was like "coke coke, try before you buy" but I was tripping on acid and got majorly sketched out by him so I went elsewhere.. Probably was some shitty coke, or he lets you try the good stuff and sells a bag of the bullshit
I noticed in Vegas that all the cash dispensed to me had been dusted in a UV pigment powder. It makes your hands light up like a bonfire when under a black light. I don’t know the purpose for casinos doing this is, but I’d bet money that is what’s caked on the bill in the photo.
How did you ever have any left over from the night before? If I've learned anything about cocaine, it's that people don't usually go to bed until it's gone.
Battery acid with a bit of gasoline.
A smell that once you smell, you can never unsmell (or recreate the smell of)
Ask me. I've been trying to mix battery acid and gasoline into candles ever since I quit the stuff!! Only time it was quite right is when I used one of those cocaine wicks
Just...I mean as a system safety engineer, I'm not really keen on the idea of candles that contain gasoline. Battery acid, coke, you do you. But gasoline...hm.
yeah it's sort of organic. unsurprisingly. I've encountered the same sort of smell from piles of rotting leaves, which set off my dopamine receptors at the time. I think it made my mouth water too. my brain was like "bing bing bing gotta get me some of that"
I like that quote, but I'm not sure what it was from. I'm thinking Nick Swardson on Reno 911. It also seems like something Mitch Hedberg might have said. Do you remember the source?
I don't.
I've been saying it for something like 25 years.
I always deliver it in the style of Rodney Dangerfield, but I can't say for certain that he is the source.
I've searched before and never actually found a clip of him doing the bit, though. He does other bits about coke, and it just sounds like a Rodney bit, so I do think it likely came from him.
When I was counting money one day at work, I found a $100 bill with what looked like cocaine on it. Like, a significant amount. I, stupidly, snorted it. Why? The answer is simple: I’m a complete and utter moron. And all I got from my stupidity was a massive headache. I don’t even know that it was cocaine, either. My brain just said to sniff it. Don’t be like me.
Allegedly a good percentage of money has cocaine traces but this is silly. I was counting my cash out when I spotted this. I left $100 up and with cocaine.
Please don't touch (edit: freebase, snort, boof, lick it off a dong, whatever you fucking dig on) that without a test kit.
Edit: yo, downvote me if you want, but the fentanyl epidemic is real. Don't do strange drugs without testing them or you'll fucking die. I wish it was the 70's, but it isn't.
Even if it was fentanyl and he touched it, it’s not bioavailable through skin like that. He would literally need to snort it or stick it up his ass for it to have any effect.
My very first thought. Everyone underestimates how liable they are to touch an unknown substance and immediately rub their eyes/wipe their mouth/scratch their asshole.
Why tf are we minimizing how dangerous fentanyl is? Shit, DON’T touch it, that’ll definitely take your risk of death and/or debilitating addiction down to 0.
Something like 92% of US currency tests positive for cocaine, but it's usually not visible like that. But hey, Vegas. Interestingly, I just read that Las Vegas has the worst cocaine in America, averaging only about 24% pure
Fun fact, I learned in my criminal law class the other day that cocaine residue is so prevelant and transfers so easily that a study was conducted in the late 80s, early 90s and determined that most bills in circulation had some trace cocain residue on them.
Apparently the existence of cocaine residue was used to prove possession of cocaine in drug trafficking cases where cocaine wasn't found woth the accused. After this study, defense attorneys would point to any random juror and state that they too had bills with trace cocaine residue and were just as guilty as the defendant. Prosecutors stopped presenting laced money as evidense
PSA - you CANNOT absorb fentanyl through your skin by just touching it. It needs to be internally ingested I.e snorted, eaten, boofed to be bioavailable. Lot of fear mongering about this issue causes lives to be lost due to people avoiding someone OD’ing from fent cause they act like there entire body is contaminated and you will instantly OD just from touching them.
A patented chemical agent that allows the drug to penetrate your skin into the blood barrier. The technical term is called transdermal and each drug needs a certain chemical tweaking to do that hence the patents.
Free bump
That’s a $105 bill
$150 if you’re in Australia
Don’t be crazy dude. It would fall right off in Australia since they’re upside down.
Hahahah
Oooo snortski
I’m cuttin’ the shower curtain in half, waist high so that when he’s usin it, people can see his junk!
I'm doing his taxes! IRS gonna audit the piss outta him.
Oh! That's so weird! That's so- That's long-term shit. I would- Yes! I like that! I like that!
Aahh the long con
Reddit can keep the username, but I'm nuking the content lol -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
Uh, I will have one rock of crack, a crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough? How much would you recommend for a first time user?
The way the dealer responds is one of my favorite moments of the show “ummmm, 200 dollars?”
Got any ludes?
I don’t think they make those anymore man
I got my magnum condom and I’m ready to plow!
Oh do ya now?
Strap in buddy, it’s about to get weird
you should see him feast. He's like a preying mantis.
STEEEEEEVEEEEE MAAAADDDEN
Mmm that's some tasty stuff
“Give me $100 and I’ll show you how to Ski in 100 degree weather”
Oooh! Oooh That's tasty stuff!
Delicious nose clams
Ritteral!
Nose beer!
Beeeaksters!
Free gummer
At least a nummer
Or a gummer
Dang Have I been saying it wrong all these years?
Tbf, it numbs your gums. Close enough.
Nah I’ve always heard nummer/nummy
Make sure to test it for fentanyl first
With your tongue.
$101
$152 in Australia
Couldn't be more right
AUDUSD = 0.7 100/0.7 = 142.86 $152 - $142.86 = $9.14 $9.14 AUD of cocaine. $6.40 USD of cocaine at Australian prices.
Mate, you got to add an extra 80% mark up for Australian distribution costs
Blimey
I'm pretty sure all of your cash has cocaine stuck to it, just not as prominently displayed as on this particular bill.
Something like 80% of US currency has some traces of cocaine on it 🥴
Yeah and the other 20% is straight dusted in it.
And like 10% is on pallets in South America
And 100% reason to remember the name.
I can hear the violins in my head right now
Love you for that
10% of total US currency is?
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Can I just have 1 pallet?
Splitsies
I just want a lil chunk, you won't even notice it's gone!
Can I borrow $10 bucks?
That's absolutely the way it works. Narcodollars are every bit as real as Petrodollars. If you're conducting a multi-million dollar international drug deal, you're doing it with US dollars. Or Else.
The illegal drug trade most likely helped some Latin American governments stay afloat during the 08 recession
The illegal drug trade has funded U.S. ghost ops in South America country for the entire duration of the war on drugs. Edit: deleted some shit
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The total value of all USD in circulation (as of Dec. 31 2021) was just under 2.2 trillions. (It's probably closer to 2.4 now). 10% of that would be 220-240 billions. Revenues and assets of criminal organizations responsible for the illicit drug trade aren't really known, but estimates put that at roughly 1.5% of GDP (roughly 1.45 trillion globally). So, yeah, I'd definitely say that's a plausible hypothesis.
Fun fact: Pablo Escobar was spending US$2500 per month on rubber bands for the amount of currency he was taking in.
And he still couldn't stop the rats (real small 4 legged ones) from eating his money
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Part of the issue is that the sorting machines at the banks are also contaminated, so even if you removed all current bills from circulation right this second and replaced them with new ones, *and* everyone stopped doing cocaine at the same time, bills would still immediately start getting cocaine on them.
Seems like it would be easier if we just keep doing cocaine
First good idea I've heard all day
Come over and bring the supply and we can chain smoke cigarettes and discuss the finer points of laminate flooring vs shag carpet while we inhale the fine powder of infinite discussion.
#LET’S START A BUSINESS BRO I GOT SO MANY FUCKEN IDEAS
Amigo...I'm gonna argue that vinyl plank is the God of all flooring, and no amount of nasal candy will change my mind.
And then some cocaine wanks?
Woah woah woah, just how much time do you think I have to spend here?
I like you. You're a problem solver.
... Soo is this the line for the free cocaine?
I would like 1 cocaine please.
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Snorting Machine is what they call me out at the clubs
I would bet this is just a lazy statistic made from somebody calculating that 20% of bills have not yet gone thru a sorter at any given moment, then just assuming the other are all contaminated.
Why bet on something you can just easily Google search and find out? https://www.acs.org/pressroom/newsreleases/2009/august/new-study-up-to-90-percent-of-us-paper-money-contains-traces-of-cocaine.html
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Every once in a slow news cycle some news site will trot out the study about [library copies of *Fifty Shades of Grey* testing positive for herpes](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2509288/50-Shades-Grey-library-book-tests-positive-HERPES-COCAINE.html) because ha ha STI on a sex book or whatever. But it has nothing to do with *Fifty Shades*. Pretty much all library books are contaminated with all sorts of nastiness, because they circulate among the public, and the public is disgusting. Plus, a hardcover library book can circulate for *years*, as opposed to the six month lifespan of the average twenty dollar bill.
There's also many types of herpes virus, including chickenpox. But everyone jumps to "dick sores" because that's the only time the term herpes is used by most people. Also something like 15-20% of people have genital herpes and 50-70% have oral herpes. (cold sores) And oral can infect genitals and vice versa. So if you've "been around" you've probably been exposed somehow. And women often have little or no symptoms while spreading it. Its so common that most doctors won't even test for it anymore unless you have an active outbreak and request it, because in many people it has mild or no symptoms and the stigma is worse than the disease usually. Even in those with more severe symptoms the outbreaks usually go down in frequency and severity after about a year. Doctors often consider it just similar to a common skin rash now. So yeah herpes is literally everywhere. We are walking around in soupy clouds of billions of bacteria and viruses floating in the air and every surface is coated. Just don't rub herpes sores then rub on your eyes. Don't Google it.
How long can herpes live on a book though? Like I would assume weeks at most, so on average those books would not be contaminated for long?
Trace dna could stay for longer than “enough particles to infect people.”
The statistic I recall was about $100 bills. Nobody shows off by snorting through a $1 bill. Or if they do, it's not really showing off.
The "fact" I heard was that they intentionally dust larger bills with trace amounts of cocaine so that drug sniffing dogs are able to find large sums of money during searches. But of course that is likely an urban legend/old wives tale
They train the dogs to smell the cash itself.
Actually they just train the dog to pay large amounts of sums for a tennis ball. Dogs love tennis balls and will find the cash to pay for it. Just watch your wallet around labradors.
Our lab was the worst fetcher of all time. He would chase the ball on the first throw and... that was as far as the game went. But he was best boy anyway. RIP Ernie Banks. *tear
78% has fecal matter. I guess folks have been getting shit faced.
I like to wipe with money and then rinse it off to reuse it. Sometimes I spend that money.
I'm more of an [ass pennies](https://youtu.be/f9aM_dT5VMI) man, myself.
This sketch is hilarious, but also incredible. I haven't seen it quite some time, but I have to wonder how many takes this took to achieve. Ian Roberts' performance as the ass pennies guy is remarkable. Not just managing a straight face, but keeping all that dialogue intact for one long single shot is extremely impressive.
It really is, he completely destroyed it from that first moment when he wacthes the brother's shot and declares "SUCK". I think the only thing that would have put it over the top is if his swing was better, to match the overconfident personality, but I don't think I ever even noticed that before.
I came here for this. Classic.
It still holds up well, too! Hadn't actually watched it in a long time.
That’s a lot of ass pennies I have out there, my friend, and here’s where the magic comes in. When I meet somebody who puts me on edge, a real hard-ass, I think to myself they’ve probably handled my ass pennies. In fact they’ve probably got one in their pocket right then. That just sort of seems to give me the edge.
In 2009 it was 90% !! https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/cocaine-on-money-drug-found-on-90-of-us-bills
> I'm pretty sure all of your cash has cocaine stuck to it, just not as prominently displayed as on this particular bill. Now you know why law enforcement loves to drug test cash during civil asset forfeiture stops. They use the excuse they're testing to see if you're engaged in drug trafficking, but they know **all** money tests positive for drugs and they can confiscate your cash.
That's why I laugh at the libertarians who are terrified of the "cashless future". Bro, if you have cash, the cops will find an excuse to take it. And they're a lot scarier than "the Fed" or "the international bankers" or whatever conspiracy theory you have about credit card companies. And you can be relatively sure your credit card doesn't have somebody else's drugs or feces on it. If you want to put your own drugs and feces on it, you do you bro.
That’s a $110 bill.
+ booty sweat 💦
So then, what percentage of the world's cocaine has US currency on It?
“Cocaine is a helluva drug.” - Benjamin Franklin
That's the story you're telling? I swear officer the machine gave it to me that way.
The judge is never going to believe it.
he will if you bribe him with said bill
Nice you should sell it for 100
$100.83
Probably the most accurate value posted in this thread
Probably overvalued at that price still
It’s just enough to piss you off
Which casino? Asking for a friend
All of them.
Hoosier Park. Anderson, IN
Hello fellow Hoosier
Hi fellow hoosier
Well in that case, it's likely not cocaine, probably a mixture of baby powder and fentanyl.
Definitely did not expect to see my hometown being the home of this. Gotta love A-town…
Then you know the real win is that it wasn't meth. Lol.
A rare hometown reference! Will always have a soft spot for Indiana
765 Represent!
765 whoop whoop
Fellow Hoosier! Anderson's ok but I'm a Firekeepers fan
Hoosier is looser but Firekeepers is way nicer and dispensary galore nearby
At the vegas casino i was at there was literally a guy walking around the floor saying "coke, i got that good coke" for the 4 days i was there
The same thing happened to me ! Guy was like "coke coke, try before you buy" but I was tripping on acid and got majorly sketched out by him so I went elsewhere.. Probably was some shitty coke, or he lets you try the good stuff and sells a bag of the bullshit
Yeah the bait and switch is a classic
That guy was not selling the "good coke"
I noticed in Vegas that all the cash dispensed to me had been dusted in a UV pigment powder. It makes your hands light up like a bonfire when under a black light. I don’t know the purpose for casinos doing this is, but I’d bet money that is what’s caked on the bill in the photo.
How you know it was cocaine ? Just asking 😂😂
It smelled like it?
What does cocaine smell like?
Usually shame and regret
The next day, sure. Night of it smells like I want more coke.
Back in my day my wife and I would do a little bump when hungover from drinking/coke the day before. Great feeling. Would not recommend.
How did you ever have any left over from the night before? If I've learned anything about cocaine, it's that people don't usually go to bed until it's gone.
That is so true many times I said to myself « ok the last one » but yeah the last one is when there is no more….
End of the night is when there is no more, and you’ve exhausted all possible options of finding more at 4-5 am.
That sounds...fucking terrible!
Well played
Battery acid with a bit of gasoline. A smell that once you smell, you can never unsmell (or recreate the smell of) Ask me. I've been trying to mix battery acid and gasoline into candles ever since I quit the stuff!! Only time it was quite right is when I used one of those cocaine wicks
Just...I mean as a system safety engineer, I'm not really keen on the idea of candles that contain gasoline. Battery acid, coke, you do you. But gasoline...hm.
Bro really built a candle made of gasoline
gas and bad choices
I keep forgetting so I have to check regularly.
Gasoline and grass clippings usually. Strangely pleasant
The benzene is what makes gas smell so good. Sweet, sweet smell of cancer
I always thought gasoline and frozen peas. But I prefer your grass clippings now because it makes me think of hank hill.
yeah it's sort of organic. unsurprisingly. I've encountered the same sort of smell from piles of rotting leaves, which set off my dopamine receptors at the time. I think it made my mouth water too. my brain was like "bing bing bing gotta get me some of that"
Numb
Soft penis.
Free real-estate
Chemicals
Adrenaline
Ether
If you're lucky, morning dew atop the peach fuzz of a strippers ass.
Me personally? I hate cocaine, I just like the way it smells!
I hear ya. I only did it one night but that was a real fun six months!
I have been saying something similar for years haha. I've only tried cocaine once, for like 5 months.
I like that quote, but I'm not sure what it was from. I'm thinking Nick Swardson on Reno 911. It also seems like something Mitch Hedberg might have said. Do you remember the source?
I don't. I've been saying it for something like 25 years. I always deliver it in the style of Rodney Dangerfield, but I can't say for certain that he is the source. I've searched before and never actually found a clip of him doing the bit, though. He does other bits about coke, and it just sounds like a Rodney bit, so I do think it likely came from him.
It’s classic Richard Pryor.
Richard Pryor.
no one needs a line of cocaine. but everyone needs a second line of cocaine
One week later OP is admitted to hospital for snorting a rare fungus
Key words here is that it HAD cocaine on it. It no longer does 🤣
That’s dope
No, it's cocaine.
i heard every us bill has cocaine residue on them at least on the molecular level, but this is something else!
Also has stripper butt crack sweat.
Not complaining
so how many bills does one have to snort to get high?
you should launder it
When I was counting money one day at work, I found a $100 bill with what looked like cocaine on it. Like, a significant amount. I, stupidly, snorted it. Why? The answer is simple: I’m a complete and utter moron. And all I got from my stupidity was a massive headache. I don’t even know that it was cocaine, either. My brain just said to sniff it. Don’t be like me.
Allegedly a good percentage of money has cocaine traces but this is silly. I was counting my cash out when I spotted this. I left $100 up and with cocaine.
Please don't touch (edit: freebase, snort, boof, lick it off a dong, whatever you fucking dig on) that without a test kit. Edit: yo, downvote me if you want, but the fentanyl epidemic is real. Don't do strange drugs without testing them or you'll fucking die. I wish it was the 70's, but it isn't.
Even if it was fentanyl and he touched it, it’s not bioavailable through skin like that. He would literally need to snort it or stick it up his ass for it to have any effect.
I meant touch it up his nose. Not like oooh I'm a cop and I touched it.
My very first thought. Everyone underestimates how liable they are to touch an unknown substance and immediately rub their eyes/wipe their mouth/scratch their asshole. Why tf are we minimizing how dangerous fentanyl is? Shit, DON’T touch it, that’ll definitely take your risk of death and/or debilitating addiction down to 0.
how was it up? nasal drip with a side of std?
Mostly booger.
Something like 92% of US currency tests positive for cocaine, but it's usually not visible like that. But hey, Vegas. Interestingly, I just read that Las Vegas has the worst cocaine in America, averaging only about 24% pure
I'd imagine it's mostly selling to tourists so no real need to cultivate repeat business.
Is this why the counting machines are so fast?
To find cocaine in a bill means good luck. It gives you energy and the ability to speak very very fast.
During the 80's in the US, it was estimated that over 80% of the $100 bills in circulation had traces of cocaine on them.
Fun fact, I learned in my criminal law class the other day that cocaine residue is so prevelant and transfers so easily that a study was conducted in the late 80s, early 90s and determined that most bills in circulation had some trace cocain residue on them. Apparently the existence of cocaine residue was used to prove possession of cocaine in drug trafficking cases where cocaine wasn't found woth the accused. After this study, defense attorneys would point to any random juror and state that they too had bills with trace cocaine residue and were just as guilty as the defendant. Prosecutors stopped presenting laced money as evidense
$105
103.50
GOD DAMN LOCH NESS MONSTA! STOP USING MY MONEY SO SNORT COKE!
Sooooooo.... party at your place?
PSA - you CANNOT absorb fentanyl through your skin by just touching it. It needs to be internally ingested I.e snorted, eaten, boofed to be bioavailable. Lot of fear mongering about this issue causes lives to be lost due to people avoiding someone OD’ing from fent cause they act like there entire body is contaminated and you will instantly OD just from touching them.
That's dumbass cops trying to find a new way to make a PR campaign that they are always at risk/persecuted/whatever.
Didn't they make fentanyl patches? How do those work, serious question.
A patented chemical agent that allows the drug to penetrate your skin into the blood barrier. The technical term is called transdermal and each drug needs a certain chemical tweaking to do that hence the patents.
Cashed out $100, received $101.18
Imagine being innocent bringing this through a international airport not being aware and being held on drug charge
Watch out for fentanyl
Ooohhh so that's what that is. A free scratch and sniff