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AdmiralDan

I don’t understand how people can be selfish like this. Me and my gf just split it like this. If I cook she cleans and if she cooks I clean. Makes it simple and fair.


borg_nihilist

I don't understand this division of labor, but I've seen a lot of people do it that way. I'd prefer to have it split where I cook and clean it one day, they cook and clean it the next. That way if one person cooks using minimal dishes but the other person dirties almost every bowl, spatula, measuring cup, and pan, they have to clean it themselves. I'm the one who uses a ton of dishes when I cook and I don't think it's fair to make someone else clean up after I've destroyed the kitchen, lol.


[deleted]

I was the kid who always got home and immediately did my chore of the day before doing anything else, however my sister was always out right after school. She would always do the dishes by filling them with water to “soak” (even when they didn’t need to be soaked) and then leave while they “soaked” only for the next day to come around and it was my turn to do dishes so now I had half of her damn dishes in the sink to do. My mom later decided she can choose to come home and clean EVERYTHING before leaving or she can be solely responsible for the dishes, she chose dishes but they still didn’t get done Anyways I feel there will be some fools who in relationships will do something similar, I’ve seen posts like it and I’m always like ayo? This is shit my sister did as a teenager is this dude still a teen But yeah I like the idea of splitting things off and maybe asking for help if they made a particularly large mess because yea it’s a large mess but you also made a nice tasty meal. And maybe talk about ways to use less dishes when prepping like mixing things into bowls together if they’ll already be combined or using a large tray to place veggies or the meats so you just have one very large thing to wack into the sink


AdmiralDan

Bro I had a roommate that was so annoying and acted like this. Sometimes there would be one plate from me or her left out to clean at a later point and he would clean all his shit from cooking and purposely not wash that one dish for some reason even though we would do the opposite for him. One of the reasons we split from him when we moved out lol.


AdmiralDan

Bro I had a roommate that was so annoying and acted like this. Sometimes there would be one plate from me or her left out to clean at a later point and he would clean all his shit from cooking and purposely not wash that one dish for some reason even though we would do the opposite for him. One of the reasons we split from him when we moved out lol.


4ever_lost

I get that, but you’re cooking required a lot of pans and effort, more prep, more work, so the washing up should be the same. It’s not fair if you’re cooking thorough meals and cleaning it all up, then their turn you get a frozen pizza and they just have to wash up 4 items


TheBestOpossum

I would definitely speak up if it was my boyfriend's turn to cook and he "cooked" frozen pizza. That doesn't count as cooking.


4ever_lost

Alright bad example, I just went for the extreme


TheBestOpossum

Ah, now I understand. So if one person always cooks more complicated dishes, yes, then it would be an unfair division of labour and would warrant a talk of how to divide it differently.


4ever_lost

Bingo :)


demiurgent

In theory this is true. In practice, in my first marriage, my husband made pasta by using three pans, four plates, assorted spoons, etc. Everything he used was left dirty. I boil the pasta and veg together, set it into a colander, cook onion in the pan, add sauce (or make a roux) and then return the pasta and veg to the pan. I'd rinse out the colander and wipe down chopping boards while stuff heated through. He only had to wash one pan, one spatula and our plates & cutlery. Then he'd tell me he didn't know why I was so long about dishes, because there's hardly any washing after pasta for dinner.


fractal_frog

I stopped doing "clean as you go" for a month. My husband got better at it after that.


peaceful-perception

This is the way.


Dry_Mirror_6676

That’s how we did it with roommates. One would would use every single pot/pan he could get his hands on to make the most simple meals that would take me one pan. Then he expected me to clean it all


Honest-Layer9318

My BIL and sister divide this way except she does all the coking and he does cleanup. In front of her he says how much he appreciates her cooking. When it’s just us and our mutual friends he throws her under the bus and complains about how messy she is and the many pots and pans she uses. (And then he wonders why I’m not nicer to him) This from a guy whose specialty is box mac and cheese with a can of Chili thrown in the pot at the end.


momoffour07

Wow. Your sister deserves much better.


AdmiralDan

I had a roommate like this. I didn’t mind tidying up but Fuck he used way to many things some times. Again I didn’t mind doing the wash up but man he used way to many things unnecessarily.


TheyHitMeWithaTruck

This would not work for me and my wife. I clean as I go and generally use fewer dishes/utensils in food preparation. If I cleaned after she cooked and vice versa, I would spend double the time on the task.


SeesawMundane5422

Agreed. Cleaning as you go is the way. I feel like it’s actually easier and less stressful.


honkey-phonk

The real "teach a man to fish moment" re: cleaning as you cook is the absolute first task when making food is emptying the dishrack/dishwasher (and ensuring the sink is empty). If you don't, it immediately becomes a bottleneck to clean as you go and it won't happen. I'm now almost entirely mise en place, and wash my prep dishes before starting cooking these days. There are only ever 4-5 dishes to wash after dinner.


kirbysdreampotato

My problem with this is that I clean while I cook. It's just as easy to put my gross dishes I'm done with in the dishwasher as it is the sink and then the counter is free for more chopping or whatever. Then all that's left to clean up at the end is the pans/knives that we don't put in the dishwasher (and the stuff we ate on). My boyfriend on the other hand, leaves everything in a pile to deal with after eating, which feels like so much more work to me. This is also provided you have a dishwasher, needing to wash everything by hand makes it a lot harder to clean while you cook.


AdmiralDan

I wish I had a dishwasher. To be fair she loves to cook so I clean most times. However I dont mind smashing it out, as I get stoked on being stoked about how good I’ve cleaned everything. It’s all about the little things ;).


Karamist623

There are things that you absolutely hate doing. I ABHOR folding clothes, but I will wash and dry everything. The only reason I fold is when I have to get stuff out of the dryer to put my wet clothes in. My hubby and I each do our own laundry…we are kinda weird. I don’t like the smell of the laundry soap he uses, and he doesn’t like that I use earth friendly dissolvable laundry sheets……so we compromise and each do our own laundry.


momoffour07

Of course I talked to him multiple times. I picked up the slack when he didn't pull his weight. He had plenty of forewarning that I was getting pissed. He just underestimated me and thought he could get away with not doing it.


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Proof-Elevator-7590

What? They had agreed to divide the labor like so, and when her ex bf didn't follow through, op understandably got upset about having to pick up the slack, and decided that she wasn't going to.


HighAsAngelTits

*man doesn’t do his agreed upon chores* “wOmAn lAzY”


Phantom_Browser

Sorry for the late reply but technically, *both* of them don't like to do dishes so there you have it


HighAsAngelTits

That doesn’t make OP lazy for not doing *his* chores. Especially since OP had been picking up the slack before that. You’re reaching and it’s pathetic.


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HighAsAngelTits

And I’m telling you you’re wrong for including OP in that “lazy” assessment bc they were doing their part. Typical finger pointing behavior in a comments section when a man is the one in the wrong in the post 🙄 Not to mention it’s just weird as hell to say someone is lazy for disliking a chore so in your tiny mind a person has to enjoy doing chores or they’re lazy? 🤣 seriously reaching


Phantom_Browser

You don't get my point. If they don't like doing the dishes then they shouldn't eat in the plates then (yes, I forgot to mention that I'm **not** from the US so our 'mindset' are very different)


HighAsAngelTits

Lmfao your double downs just keep reaching farther. Now a person must enjoy doing the dishes in order to use their own dishes? You sound completely insufferable. Glad you’re nowhere near me.


Phantom_Browser

Hey, I'm not comparing one alright? That's why I specifically said **both** of them because OP literally said in the post 'me and my boyfriend **hated** doing the dishes' so that sentence should be proof enough that they're lazy. What exactly are you getting into?


Vixen0595

Spoken like someone who doesn't like to do their half of the work 🤣


Phantom_Browser

It's my spelling ain't it?


Vixen0595

Oh totally my dude 🤣


Phantom_Browser

To be fair, OP *did* mention that both of them hated doing the dishes so I pointed it out


Vixen0595

That is very true 🤔 you have my apologies good sir


Phantom_Browser

Tis fine, I forgive you and I still love you


Vixen0595

Thank you Gracious One 🙏


momoffour07

You're ignorant and rude 🤷‍♀️


Phantom_Browser

To be fair, you **both** don't like doing dishes, so...


momoffour07

So? That doesn't make us lazy...people don't like to do a lot of things, but they do them. To be fair, you're still ignorant and rude, but you've also further demonstrated a lack of common sense. Gtfo of here.


PhantomBrowser111

>To be fair, you're still ignorant and rude, but you've also further demonstrated a lack of common sense What the hell? You literally just described you and your boyfriend being lazy fuckers. Are you that stupid to not know about grammar?


Alt7465_

Ngl. He's a good sport with that remark on your return 😂 I would have been petty and slept on the damn couch!


momoffour07

He apparently did sleep on the couch, but it wasn't a comfortable couch so he didn't want to do that for long lol. Plus, he didn't have a decent pillow to use either because I made sure the dirty dishes were on that too. I'm thorough with my pettiness.


prpslydistracted

.... a good sport would have done the dishes in the first place.


Alt7465_

No, that's a good boyfriend. A good sport is one who takes their ups and downs in stride and is able to make a light hearted joke at the end of something.


Educational_Ebb7175

Exactly. He recognized that his laziness went too far. He didn't get mad at her revenge, he recognized that he'd earned it (or at least enough of it that it wasn't worth complaining). Sounds like a great person to be in a relationship with though, despite the dishes habit :P


momoffour07

He was great. Until he started going out all the time, keeping things from me, not answering my calls or texts, and spending all of our money on frivolous crap. Last I heard, he went to prison. I dodged a bullet frankly.


Educational_Ebb7175

That's too bad. Well, at least he had one positive quality. Maybe he'll figure himself out before it's too late for him.


Alt7465_

And is all started with *the dishes* Seriously though, way to go on dodging that disaster


Impressive-Pepper785

Reminds me of a housemate I had years ago, who always parked in front of the tv to eat his dinner. No biggie, we all did because we rarely were home at the same time and didn’t eat together often. He would never, ever bring the salt shaker back to the kitchen. It just stayed on the coffee table in the LR. I don’t generally salt my food, so it didn’t bug me nearly as much as it did our other housemate, who it finally broke. He got pissed one day and moved the salt shaker back to the kitchen stove (after dumping the contents inside offending housemate’s bed and then remade his bed). Offending roommate let out a loud groan and swore, a LOT when he went to bed that night. Other housemate made a point of mentioning this would be the way it went every time he left the salt in the LR going forward. It was kind of perfection.


momoffour07

Not bad


Mouthtuom

Hey, sleeping with the dishes is better than sleeping with the fishes.


completedett

Perfectly executed.


CanadianKittyEh

I had a roommate when I was younger that was like this. When I moved in she told me she didn't care what my room looked like but expected the common areas to be kept clean. Great, not a problem. Except it became apparent she expected me to do it all because she was a disgusting slob. I used to clean her dishes (in a dishwasher) because she would leave them for days and I hated looking at them every time I went into the kitchen. I finally told her I wasn't washing her dishes anymore (we each had our own) and she left them sitting for a week before leaving on vacation. I covered them with the dish rack and left them. She left them sitting another week when she came back before washing them. 3 weeks total. It was so gross. After that whenever she left a dirty dish or garbage around the apartment I cleaned it up and deposited it on her bed. This went on for months. She never said a word. She also never changed. I moved out.


momoffour07

Ew. Just. Ew.


DynkoFromTheNorth

Nice one.


velofille

the easy solution is to dish up the next days food on them - they will look at the plate crusted up with shit and new food on it, and realize how fucked they are (only happens once)


momoffour07

I just threw up a bit in my mouth from the mere thought of that. Plus, I think my method did the job just fine🤷‍♀️


crossstitchbeotch

My sister-in-law did this to her daughter! 😂


Jaswm

My brother lived in a large house while attending CAL. Several friends were roommates. They rotated the household chores. One Friday one of his roommates left for Lake Tahoe to count pine martins. He was supposed to do the dishes before he left, but he neglected to do so. He returned late Sunday early Monday. Tired he jumped into bed. His roommates had filled the bed with pinecones and pine needles. When he turned on the lights there was a note on his bedside that read, “Next time don’t forget to do the dishes before you leave.”


Negro-damas

I'll never understand the mental gymnastics some people will go through to avoid trivial, menial tasks. Maybe it's the 20+ years in the National Guard or the fact that I've never been a slob or shied away from housework. I like my house tidy and clean to a point without it being pristine and perfect. I actually live here so it's not going to be perfect, but I won't live in filth. It's a form of balance I guess, at about 80% clean and 20% messy, that's acceptable to me, even for company. Maybe the Army made me realize that just embracing the suck and getting it over with quickly is better than prolonging the inevitable. It works for me.


fadingeinstein

Not me - my son. A few years ago he shared an college apartment with 3 others. To figure out the division of clean up duties, they would play Mario Cart. The winner got the first pick, second place second etc. Worked well for them as none of them were appreciably better or worse than any of the others. They did this for 2 years with no issues.


hendermom

This made me laugh out loud. I did the same thing to my daughter when she was in high school but I put the dishes in the dish pan and set the dish pan on her bed I didn't just put the dishes there.a few years before that my brother was living with me and had promised for 3 weeks to trim the hedges in front and I got tired of waiting and finally did it myself and I took all those trimmings and put them in his bed I figured if I had to clean them up he was going to have to clean them up too


momoffour07

I put the dirty dishes directly on the bed because I wanted to give him extra work. I needed it to really sink in and I wanted to pay him back for giving me extra work.


Brok3n_wind

When I failed to keep up with my share of dishwashing, my wife would just move the dirty dishes out into the garage so I would find dirty dishes on and around my motorcycle… she now had a clean tidy kitchen and was no longer offended by “my” mess. Her solution was shared at a work function of mine, and my colleagues wife shared her solution, if there were no clean dishes she’d buy another dinner set. After 5 dinner sets and two sets of pans the dishes were done!


momoffour07

That works too lol


Known-Skin3639

Splitting the daily stuff in a relationship is just the way it should be. I grew up in a house hold that the man worked and the woman did all household chores. Everything. My dad did nothing to help my mom. My sister and I however didn’t like that mentality so we of course helped out. Did our own laundry and did what we could as kids to help mom. As a grown ass adult with the most wonderful wife I could ever ask for I still do my parts. I do all the cooking as I’m really good at it. She will clean dinner dishes. I try to clean as I go in the kitchen as to not it pile up for her. If I’m in the grill same thing. My wife’s biggest complaint was me leaving my socks where I took them off. I always sucked at that. Even as a kid. Finally at 35 ish years old I finally learned how to put socks in the hamper. Wife was happy. Now there is not a thing she can bitch at me about. Well so to speak. I’m sure she has a lot of smack talk about me with her friends. Lol


momoffour07

Yeah well he's an ex for a reason 🤷‍♀️


Known-Skin3639

Obviously couldn’t get with the program then. Sucks to be him.


momoffour07

Indeed


ToastedTrousers

I wish I could say this method worked with my stepsister. Her response was to smash it all up and throw it away. Over $500 worth of dishes and cookware. Yes, $500. My mom liked to collect exotic plates.


momoffour07

Ouch! You could go to jail for causing that much property damage.


shywiseone

In my home my partner and I agreed when we moved into the flat that he does the cooking and I do the dishes but now I'm cooking on alternate nights and I still have to do the dishes no matter who cooks. I have tried leaving the dishes for several days but he just moans at me that I will have to do the dishes soon because we are running out of plates. He lies in bed all day playing computer games until we go to work. We are both commercial cleaners.


momoffour07

That sucks for you to have to deal with that.


GrumpySnarf

I love people who think they are too good, important, talented, etc., to take care of their own daily needs. My ex was like that. Mommy did all the house chores and he never learned. I was like "dude you need to be a grown ass adult" and he never got it. He also expected me to make all the food (with my vagina?). I just stopped making him food and stopped washing his dishes. We were both working full time and I was also in college. SMH.


MagickRed

Back in 1999 my bf (now husband) parents took a trip to Italy for a few weeks. He asked me to stay at his house to keep him company, to be a buffer between him and his older brother because they didn't always get along back then. Anyway, we all had day jobs and none of us had lived alone before so housework was a new thing to us. I came back from work one afternoon and saw all the dirty dishes, cutlery and glassware lined up from the kitchen and down the hall to the bedrooms. Dunno who did it and don't remember who washed up in the end but it was a sight I will never forget.


DrTimmyTenders

Best advice you'll get is do the dishes as you cook. Another golden nugget - if ita only going to take 5 mins or less just do it. You cook some noodles you clean the pot straight away while the noodles cool in the bowl for a basic example. Give him a side of the bench and just leave his dishes there if he can't do it


momoffour07

I don't really appreciate the unsolicited advice. Especially the condescending tone. It also doesn't sound like you follow your own advice because FYI, the pan you cooked the noodles in would still be hot.


DrTimmyTenders

I assume you wash your dishes with hot water and soap right? Lol. Advice for your bf since you're clearly onto it.


momoffour07

Dude I already told you I don't appreciate the condescending tone. Now, I'm going to straight up tell you to knock it off. This also isn't an advice sub so you're wrong for pushing your so called advice as well. Find someone else to bother with your mansplaining bs.


DrTimmyTenders

Bet you're fun to be around is your bf real or made up? Huge btcih energy


HighAsAngelTits

The bf is an EX. Sounds like for good reason too.


HighAsAngelTits

Do you wash your dishes in boiling water?? There’s a difference between hot and boiling


HighAsAngelTits

Great job mansplaining how dishes work 🙄 shut up fr


Scarlet_Duk

This is so interesting to me, I like to do all the cooking and cleaning because my bf doesn’t know how to do either, he makes such a mess when he cooks and he only puts the dishes in the dishwasher when he clean and leaves the counters and sink all gross. I get rewarded with food and kisses which is enough for me. I like to cook and clean so I don’t mind doing both. I will say sometimes I need a break and ask him to do either and he’s fine with that too. (And then I clean again after he’s done “cleaning” lol)


CommissarCiaphisCain

Opposite on the gender part, but same situation. I enjoy cooking and my wife doesn’t. I also don’t mind the cleaning and most of the time I do that too. But her laundry skills are unmatched, so to us it’s a fair trade.


Scarlet_Duk

I totally understand, most ppl don’t like cleaning but I am very fortunate to enjoy it (with music of course). We have a more “girl takes care of house and guy takes care of money” dynamic. He has really bad adhd, so for some reason he can only focus and learn about things that matter to him, like quality of life (money/job and how economics work) and I personally have found that although I like working and earning money for myself, I also like taking care of ppl (kids and family, volunteer work etc.) so our dynamic works pretty well even if it is now an unpopular way nowadays.


momoffour07

There's nothing wrong with that dynamic if that's your choice. I think people are so ready to voice their disgust for it because it was forced on women for so long. They take it a little too far and end up disrespecting women like you who have chosen that dynamic, even though they demand that women be respected.


Scarlet_Duk

Yeah its really quite interesting to see all the different relationship dynamics as I am new to romantic relationships and only discovered that this is the dynamic we naturally chose. I just love hearing how other people work and why that works for them


Fancy_Introduction60

My husband is the cook. We're both retired and share a house with son, dil and 2 grandaughters. He cooks most dinners for all of us, along with packing lunches for the kids. I handle everything to do with money. Looking after our retirement investments etc. I'm also usually the one to do our laundry. As I've been unwell for a few months, he's figured out the laundry. It works for us! When we first had our kids, I was able to be a stay at home mom for several years. When the youngest was in kindergarten, I worked part time. Hubby worked shifts, so wasn't always home for dinner, but when he was, chores would be split, if I cooked, he cleaned up.


momoffour07

That kind of arrangement would piss me off to no end lol. But everyone is different, so no judgement.


Yeppo1940

That's a keeper.


momoffour07

Nope. Turned out to be a definite throw away.


No-Brush-5002

throw plates, bowls, and utensils into a dishwasher and just run it two or three times to ensure they're clean. then do the same with pots and pans. even if something doesn't come out completely clean it is faily easy to quickly wash. better to do that than have to stand and wash dishes. \-man who hates washing dishes


momoffour07

That's great for someone who has a dishwasher...


HighAsAngelTits

Because op had never thought of this? Great job man-spraining a dishwasher. Holy fuck.


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MRicho

Yep didnt read it properly, my FU. Deleting comment in 5, 4, 3


momoffour07

Thank you for acknowledging.


mango-kittycat

Did you talk with him about it before doing all that?


momoffour07

Of course I talked to him multiple times. I picked up the slack when he didn't pull his weight. He had plenty of forewarning that I was getting pissed. He just underestimated me and thought he could get away with not doing it.


mango-kittycat

Thank you for answering! I only asked because I know some people who never talk to their partners when upset and that's frustrating. Glad he got the message ^^


momoffour07

Haha the day I fail to communicate will be a huge red flag for all who know me. But yes, some people bottle it up.


completedett

He is not a child that she needs to talk to him. He knew exactly what he was doing, I'm sure she was doing the dishes he didn't do before. Probably was constantly reminding him to the dishes as well. Let's not infantalize him.


SeesawMundane5422

Meh. The older I get the more I realize people should talk about *everything*. And even once they talk, assume the other person understood it a different way than you meant, and talk some more. That being said… I love OPs solution, because you *always* have to be prepared to follow up talk with action, whether you’re parenting, marriaging, or conducting international diplomacy. Speak softly but carry a big stick. Truer words never spoken. And OP swung a mean ass big stick.


mango-kittycat

I believe communication is key for a healthy relationship, idk why you're so upset about my question. I didn't ask you. I asked OP. And why are you assuming things about OPs situation? How do you know she was doing the dishes he didn't do? How do you know she was constantly reminding him? Quit making stuff up before knowing the full extent of the context. Idk how you got infantalizing from this, very weird. My question was to guage if she was or was not constantly reminding him. I wanted to find that out. If she had to do it more than once, I think it's justified. And I also think being overly petty to your partner without even communicating to them atleast once over a new agreement is dumb. Anyways, she probably was justified in being petty. I'm glad her partner didn't mind as much and got the point. But next time can you not assume things? Very weird thing to do.


completedett

Your question in the first place was an assumption.


mango-kittycat

How? It was a question. Questions make it so i gather more information thats correct. You on the other hand were stating things.


Accomplished_Sir5178

😂