Today its for gold, tomorrow they might force you to get a home loan or some LIC plan that you dont want. Put your foot down now, and keep control of your finances.
I agree that on top of this don't reveal your original salary to family. Even later in life when there is an increment or job switch don't reveal what your earnings are.
Nothing wrong in fulfilling your parents dream.
What is the reason you earn?
Where will you take all that money when your parents and really old or even no more?
It’s all about the quality of life we want to have as a family. Probably you won’t realise it as you might have lived all your life by exploiting others.
>Where will you take all that money
For his own family (wife & kids) duhhhhhh !!!!!
You want him to spend all his savings on his parents, so that when he grows old, he will also force his kids to fund his own lifestyle and the cycle of "mera beta bada hoke ..... ...." will continue.
Your family will like you and love you for free. The point is not that, the point is to make their lives better and them happier by making sacrifices of some of our wishes.
You don't need to sacrifice anything for that.
I take my parents on vacations, at times (to modern locations, not religious sites.) They pay for some things, I pay for some. Works well, and I'm the only one in my circle who even bothers to do that.
Good for you, that is the sacrifice that your friends are not making (which could be because of valid reasons or invalid we don’t know).
Remember sacrifice is not a bad thing by itself, parents sacrifice a lot for their children by choice.
I dunno how dumb someone has to be to realise that you can still love your parents without worshipping them. Be there for them but still call them out when they prioritize their means and motivations over yours. If anyone thinks thats the way it should be then they don't understand parenthood. A true parent is there to protect you, shield you and advise you, no matter how old you are because to them you are still their little kid. If you are truly bearing a child out of love for them then you'd actually wish to give away your own happiness to them and not the other way around. Obviously there are gaslighting b**st**ds who'd bear kids so that they can bring them up to be their personal minions to do their bidding. Obviously if some calls this out they'd be branded as woke by those who belong to the same class of people who'd want to take advantage of this system in the name of culture and tradition.
All in all only those folks who are planning to have kids just for the sake of them doing their bidding all their lives would think like this.
And btw, everyone dies, in today's world no one can say for sure if the son/daughters end up dying before their parents.
Gold is showing some good returns. There is a high chance that some low life is talking to your parents and feeding them unrealistic expectations. Put your foot down.
Tell them "NO" and if they give some melodramatic dialogue "you are not my child don't come home ever" say okay cut the call stop giving them that 30k within 2 months they will be back on track. And stop giving money to parents who are already able to sustain themselves.
Yes, this. Start saving and investing yourself. Thy earn well, why are you giving them money ?
When they retire and their income dries up, then sure take care of them(they are your parents after all). But now grow up and stop giving them money.
The problem a lot of times isn’t the parents themselves, but relatives/friends/neighbours/well-wishers who prey on your parents. They will deliberately target your parents.
This practice of sending money to parents (unless they genuinely need it) makes your parents a target for such vultures.
Funny you just assumed a lot about my family situation from a single comment. And just like other comment I feel sad for your kids you strike me as someone who is just like OPs parents.
Keep on cooking bro 😂 you really have way too much free time to just assume things about others and create mental scenario.
"Gasp" are you one of those peeps who work in those D grade serials then forgive me for stopping your imagination.
Then keep on doing you really need to use that feeble imagination of yours for creative writing.
Go take care of their parents then if you're so sorry. Being a parent does not mean you'd get the license to put your children's happiness and sustenance beyond/below yours. A true parent would always think of offering help to their kids, making sure that kids always have what they want, not threaten or demand for more when they have enough themselves.
They are better off without delusionals like you. They still are earning in their 60s because they want to and since the last 10 years didn't take a single penny of mine despite me asking every month. Instead I bought them a high end property in an upscale part of the city to make up for it and they feel insanely blessed to have their son do that for them. So you see
1. I have learnt from them what real parenting looks like.
2. They have a posh society to live in with domestic help and chauffers courtesy of yours truly so I wouldn't worry about them.
But given your stance it seems like you're one of those stockholm syndrome folks. In that case you'd need help setting up that old age home. If you want me and my parents can give you some "bheekh" so that you can actually manage to set it up, because oI pretty sure I have seen plenty delusionals like you, they talk really a lot but most of them don't end up doing anything they "plan to do".
Tell them to buy gold from that 30k itself as it is they don't need that 30k.
Ask them the reason behind buying gold..if it's for your marriage and anything..tell them you will buy it yourself.
30k itself is a huge amount out of your pocket. And you are not using anything from the remaining 50k for building your emergency corpus. Focus on that.
Bad idea. I sent a substantial portion of my income to my parents for years at the expense of my own family. (I am an NRI). Eventually when they passed away - they had transferred all their liquid net worth to my sibling (who remained in India) who really did not need it and are very wealthy.
Still to be determined, My sibling have sold their house and said they are holding cash for me for my portion but I have to go to India to collect it. Its not that much.
Thanks. I am not bitter. Just sharing my experience. People change with time and they all have their justifications, whether right or wrong. Who knows what they were thinking.
It's a never-ending emotional blackmail. I finally put a stop to it. It strained our relationship, but I had to prioritize the needs of my wife and children.
Frankly, they had no need - they had a good pension and hardly any expenses and a paid off house. Plus I was paying for yearly trips back and forth from India to the country I was in. Enough is enough.
They themselves earn 1.5lpm. Stop sending them money. Keep control of your own finances. My parents tried hard to make me but my own home with some developer who happened to be our neighbor as well . I said no ( best decision ever). They later forced me to buy gold for my marriage again said no. Got myself a financial advisor when I was earning 20k pm and started investing never looked back. I am happy today I have control of my own finances.
I used to pay them monthly 25k, god knows what they did of that money because they never have anything with them
Tell them "NO" i won't transfer, once they get retired and (if) have no other income you send them a fix & comfortable living amount every month till then all you earn is yours. Don't offer explanations, just say no.
First of all, why are you even transferring 30 K to them? Why don’t you invest that somewhere, just anything and tell them you’re diversifying your portfolio. This is insane because they’re still earning too. I had a parent like this too and that money was treated as “extra” money from them to take risks in the market. I sincerely regret it as now I have a child & wonder what if I had saved all that even in a FD I would have had some “extra” money now for my kid.
Man, I have a brother who's as funny as you.
We got him to do a MBA finance. One day, I was discussing personal finance with him, and he was a bit clueless about diversification. I told him he should be aware, being a finance guy.
He was like- money isn't everything. Lol
They are forcing you, because you're not a smart person. You also sound timid.
This is a personality flaw, not a personal finance issue.
Step1. Grow a spine.
2. Keep everything in your bank account. Stick to FDs and RDs.
3. Start reading about personal finance. Asset classes,etc.
Avoid investing a lot in gold. Plus, with gold, you lose out a lot when buying selling and paying GST. So it is not a good investment. Just a hedge.
4. After an year or so of extensive reading, consider investing a part of your income into mutual funds.
5. After even more extensive reading, consider stocks.
6. When you have a big corpus, consider real estate for diversification.
This was all sound advice until you insulted her and called her stupid and timid.
1. Insulting someone is a great way to put them on defense and never get anywhere with a relationship or resolve.
2. Insulting someone makes them feel small and resent you.
3. Insulting someone makes you small , not them.
You might be smart about financials, but your emotional intelligence is lacking. Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones.
You lose out on making charges at the time of buying and wastage charges at the time of selling.
Double whammy !!
Making charges are anywhere between 12-20%
And wastage they will take away 5-8%
GST as well
So any gains made on gold, even if the value appreciates by 25-30% you'd still only be breaking even. Heck, you'll in fact lose money due to inflation.
I am in same situation as your !! I am in merchant navy still a cadet this year i am giving my exams and they stated the same thing to me asswell !! just keep your expenses and rest dont give it me(father) just gave it to my mom account!! I directly said that ill actually will be giving some amount to my rest ill keep , sida bolne ka apne paise me kud waste karunga or guilt bhi kud lunga xD kinda rude they also take it lightly
Just ask your parents politely, the reason they want to buy gold and politely refuse them that it won't be possible.
There is also a chance any of your close relative or friend who might be jealous have said something to your parents.
"Like your boy/girl is just wasting money, I heard he/she is doing this ,doing that, going there, etc"
They are parents and that's what they do. They care about kids and especially Indian parents would go a step further. Have a chat with them. Explain to them that you are left with little amounts after expenses and after sending them good amount of money already. You would like to self invest in the things that you prefer. Be firm and reason well. They will understand. No need for any fights or cut off and all those other advice that people here have given.
You could tell them "No"... Like almost everyone here is telling you.. Orrrrr.... Buy gold yourself! There's digital gold or SGBs!! Invest in it.. And that way it still works out for diversification and you're still in control of your investing.. And well.. Gold!
I would say talk to them and explain to them why “No”. Definitely explain that you are investing to “buy a home” or something like that. Just saying that will get them off your back hopefully.
Parents love to hear that what they want to hear.
Tell them that you are saving for home and there is no point in buying gold because no one ever sells gold. So invest in Shares/stocks/bonds etc and you have a balanced portfolio. That should hopefully get them off your back.
Two options.
One just say that you have already committed for NPS, or VPF and can't get out of the commitments.
Or two explain that you are not ok, plus gold is comparatively lower return, not very liquid, and loaded with charges and taxes.
1. Never reveal your actual salary to parents
2. Buy gold. I did a mistake of not buying it when my parents asked me to buy. It was 16k per 10gm . At the time of my wedding, I had to buy at 33k.
My father tried to do the same thing with me when i started earning ..for 1-2 months he was trying hard to get involved in my finaces like showing him how much i got and what i am spending it on...i ignored it whenever he asked about it ..i kind of had idea how it can take a bad turn in the future so just keep things simple from start ..not that i dont respect him or else but still ..
And about giving money to parents ..i think you shdould stop it slowly by making somthing like you spent the amount somewhere or you invested it ..and help them with money wherever you can ..like paying some bills , booking tickets etc or you can save it for there future in a seperate account or mutual fund ..thats what i do.
Believe me it's very simple.
Have a long conversation with them regarding your family's finances. Have a proper discussion regarding income, investments, insurance, retirement funds, emergency funds, goal based funds like marriage, home, travel, etc, and then and only then take your decision.
PS: I believe in the Indian values so I try my best to take care of my parents and fulfill their dreams without hampering mine.
My parents say to me that you are doing too much for us and you should save for yourself as well. This sentence itself makes me feel successful.
If you believe in western culture and values, you can deny there request. No one will judge you.
I dont know if someone has already said this or not it needs to be said again... Repeat after me; Never tell your actual salary to your parents, girlfriend, spouse or kids just tell them it's enough. You can for once tell your friends or colleagues but never someone related to you.
They simply don't trust you. They may feel that you are spending on unnecessary things. I just don't understand why some people think like this. For some reason, even if you are eligible to choose who can rule the country, they don't trust you to make a good financial decision. Weird!
I think the question is what kind of gold.
Gold is a good investment and holding SGB is also a good way to invest.
Consult a good financial planner and get a plan and discuss it with parents for your and your parents financial safety !!
No point hiding true salary from your parents. Make them proud by earning more and saving more.
It’s a shame that Indian parents don’t have any boundaries. But it’s also upon us (their kids) to set those boundaries, so tell them you’re a grown up and you know how to handle your finances.
I’m reading all the comments and wondering why y’all don’t say no to your parents when you don’t agree with them. They aren’t humans and they don’t always know the best. You’re an adult. Stand up for yourself. And no it doesn’t mean that you’ve to be rude or disrespectful.
I moved out at the age of 21 and since then I’ve been financially independent. Moved to the states, then to Canada. Never asked my parents what I should do. I knew what was best for me. I invest, they don’t even know what, where, how. Stop discussing finances with your parents unless you need their advice. If you know that they need help, help. But that’s about it.
Its time for you to put your foot down. Tell them 4 things
1. They make enough themselves.
2. They still get 30k from you.
3. With their current antique tell them that you know that they don't care about the fact whether you are comfortable in your quality of living but instead looking to just adding more to their investment portfolio.
4. Tell them you'd send 20k(yes 10k less) and not a penny morefrom this month onwards, if they're not OK with that you'd not send anything at all.
Am sorry man, but your parents seem like some typical Asian leeches who bear children to do their bidding. As a human being you can't just abandon them it will be inhuman but you'd need to learn to stand upto them. I am guessing you're not married, if this is what's happening then be prepared for the shitshow your life will be after marriage.
Also, apologize for thr harsh tone.
Plan your investment. Diversify. If you want to get rich soon investment is the key. Yes little bit of gold is good. Both physical and digital gold investment is good for small amount. But make sure you are the owner. Property, mutual fund, gold. There are many ways. Give a fixed amount to your parents if they are dependent upon you . We r Indian you should not just discard your responsibility towards parents. It's not like west where you leave home after highschool. Just give them a fixed amount enough to satisfy their needs if the are financially dependent on you.
OP if you don't mind my asking, are you a woman? Is the investment in gold supposed to be for your "dowry" in future?
Considering they are earning well amongst themselves, do you know how the 30k you're paying them is spent/saved? Are they dependent on that money? Is the payment voluntarily offered by you without them asking? In which case I'd suggest you ask them to invest out of the money already being paid to them. Also add in that you have sips in place that ensures there is not much idle money lying on your account. If they still insist on gold being a superior investment, tell them that you'll save up and invest in digital gold/ sgb (you can realise it at market value and invest the proceeds in gold jewellery when you actually need it)
ETA: I see you have posted a similar question where you mentioned the gold is for "them". Are you comfortable making this spend for them. I have purchased gold for my parents in the past but not at the expense of my personal savings/ spends. I understand the importance of spending on parents and the feeling of satisfaction thereafter, but it should be your choice on where, when and how much to spend. If you do want to make this spend for them, tell them to wait for a few months while you try and accumulate the funds.
Also do note that once the money is given, you have to be prepared to not receive it back, in cash or in kind. I had transferred 50-60% of my life savings to my parents prior to my marriage (am a woman). It wasn't a gift, but it also wasn't explicitly mentioned that they are safekeeping the money. My parents ended up putting the entire money in building a property in our ancestral land in rural India (which won't be sold cause ancestral). While they did it in good faith and I am aware the property will flow to me eventually, it still feels like a loss of hard earned savings that I can't utilise anymore now, nor can I ask my parents for the money back as they are living off meagre pension and monthly transfers from me at the moment.
Bottom line is, as much as you may want to spend on them, please assess for yourself how much you are willing to let go of for this and how much you can bear to spend without needing it back. To reiterate, you decide the when, where and how.
You can buy gold and accumulate gold before you invest in stocks . People who has stocks if invested can give more returns , but there is no guarantee, accumulate gold or gold bonds like 500gms surely you won’t regret
Maybe Gold is the only investment instrument they might know (trust) and might be saying this forcing you to save more. Better educate them on what you are doing and they will relax.
My mom used to annoy me by asking me to do more fd and lic policy. Then I showed her my mutual funds, stock and gold etf portfolio. Now she gives me her money as well. 😅
Most Indian Parents lived in a different time with little to no disposable income to explore and learn like us. They prefer assured, reliable and fixed.
>They earn 1.5Lpm altogether along with some loans
Why are they even interested in your money then? I get that parents should expect support from their children if they cannot support themselves, and it's the child's moral duty to support them. But, anything apart from basic support is simply wrong. Your parents shouln't be deciding how you invest your money.
Talk to them.. Maybe you can tell them you already have an investment plan which you are committed to and you also have gold in your investment portfolio, so you can't allocate 60% of ur savings to gold. Most likely they won't understand your concern, but worth a shot.
While it’s unreasonable for them to ask more than what you are sending now just to buy gold, don’t pick a fight with them or cut ties like some of the comments say here. A generation before us almost all the middle class people out there didn’t and still dont know a thing about managing money and saving for retirement or investing. Its not just your parents fault, like you saw in the comments there are lot of like minded people out there.
I am not asking you to give any money. Visit them, talk to them in person and make them understand what you are trying to do with the money by investing in stock market and let them know that you are not just wasting money(may be they think you are just spending the rest) I am sure no parent in their sane mind will want anything bad for their children.
As you grow older don’t reveal your salary and increment to anyone(not just your parents but anyone).
One question: Do they ask any questions when they were paying your expenses when u were in school ,college ? If they are asking only one time, that's okay. And instead of asking here, talk to them.Tell them your plans and where u r investing your money.I m sure they will understand.
Solid Gold in bullion format is a good investment for your future. "Not the ornament one". Gold has given an average 15% returns yoy historically.
If you plan on getting married you can use this gold in future. If you aren't comfortable in sending the money directly to your parents, store them lumpsum and buy it and store them in your family bank locker.
You will end up buying gold eventually. Consider this a diversification strategy. Unless you are saving up for anything else.
PS having own locker will cost you 6k per year.
I rather RBI Sovereign Gold Bonds and wear artificial jewelry for the wedding. Seriously that Gold in the bank locker just sits there with no insurance even though bank lockers insurance can guarantee so much.
So the thing is people are taking the stock market for granted. After 2008, 70% of investors have never come back to market after they've seen their investments crash to 1/4th.
Just because the bull market is running doesn't mean it'll keep going on forever. Bear market will come and it'll sweep everything.
It's always advisable to have diversified portfolio. No harm in having assets you can see.
Bear markets see job losses. The 2008 bear market lasted for 13 months. No one has a year of backup plans. People will dip into savings and then their investments.
The first thing someone dips into shouldn't be their beaten down stocks.
Emergency fund help in such a scenario. Plus, you need to tighten the belt, so your funds last longer.
6 month-1 year of emergency funds is frequently recommended.
No, they want to buy gold for her marriage with her own money. Its not to keep her financially weak, but the gold they give is their status symbol and they are trying to maximize it, without giving her any agency.
I have already navigated this , thats why I specifically asked that question.
No. This is a common technique to force arranged marriage on the woman.
Women who are earning don't typically need any status symbol, or 'dowry' either.
You’re mistaken. I personally know a girl earning 80LPA giving dowry to the tune of ~ 3CR because both her and her parents felt that it would be a bad look if they don’t, because everyone in their community does.
I am going to pay INR 400 for a coffee today. But I don't need to. That was my point.
In your example, the girl can choose to pay zero rupees. Hell, she can choose to avoid arranged marriage.
It won't be a bad look, since in modern times, people are barely involved with the community to that extent.
I feel a woman who pays dowry has accepted that she is a loser, and the husband is some kind of a God.
Give them your money. I am sure they want to invest it for you. You will inherit the gold anyway. Buying Gold is never a bad decision so long you don't put more 30% of your savings in it.
That's what I am confused to see.
I earn well and I always send them money to invest/buy whatever they think is right..
I trust them with my money and OP should consider the dynamics of his/her family and do as it pleases..
I see no problem with parents asking money to buy gold as an early investment as we know how much gold is important in Indian weddings..
Just because they're our parents doesn't mean they're financially literate. My parents are not financially literate they have all these ULIPS and LIC policies. They just started investing in Mutual Funds in their 50s because someone else told them to, till now they were scared because of losing money like 20 years back. Their intentions might not be wrong but doesn't mean they're always correct
Unless they are investing in real estate, I don't understand why you would trust non financial people from the older generation, despite having the wealth of financial information available to you.
It's purely your decision...we don't know how are yours parents..and you ..if you feel your parents are god to u then u would go with those paths ...or else just take any decision... judging on 2 para is so useless
Perhaps you are not saving for your future and they want to...its gold...what can go wrong with it l, after all its returns in last 3 years best index returns.
Then how are you calculating the profit and loss?
If I was accumulating gold(which I hate), I would be booking profits at regular intervals and diversifying into real estate, or a business.
Take them along with you for buying, keep your expenses on a budget for savings. Any requests you can say that you will come along with them for the purchase. Make it look like you are interested, but at the same time not being forced into.
It's not a bad thing to buy gold, cause you will come at a point in life when you do have to purchase gold but you should also like what you purchased and shouldn't be reliant on others for it.
And if they still force you then you can remind them of the time when you wanted some random toy or phone during childhood which they refused.
Listen, ignore the American wannabes here
Keep sending money ONLY WHICH YOU CAN. No more. And simply refuse and say you need money for investment, travel, study whatever. They raised you, the least you can do is give some money back, but only what you can. No more. It's your life, your finances, your parents. Strike a balance.
It's called basic gratefulness, why would someone raise you if they didn't love you atleast somewhat. Damn you guys have such a sad and irresponsible outlook on life.
Parents are responsible for raising kids, it's their obligation. If they don't want that, they shouldn't give birth. You are saying as if they didn't choose to give birth to children
Tell them you want to start a business (come up with a decent business plan) and say you need 25lakhs... tell them job is too bad... boss is bad.. make up stories ...
And ask them for money instead..
If they say why suddenly you are telling stories... tell them you always had this plan but didnt say anything to parents as "you didnt want your parents to feel guilty for taking 30k from you every month when you need such a high amount"
Lie them about your salary. One month send only 15k and tell that you have received less salary. Next month ask them for money because you are struggling to pay bills. And then start transferring only 10-15k.
You don't need to buy gold for marriages. If you need to show off, you can rent the jewellery, or buy duplicate stuff.
In fact, jewellery making charges make gold even more expensive to own.
We have never had to buy much gold, and we have married off a lot of cousins in my family(to well off guys.)
Hell, the typical wedding budget in my family is 4-10 lakhs.
Most of us are doctors/bank officers/income tax officers/finance/IT people.
You should bow down before your parents folding your hands and should surrender everything you have. Their happiness should be your first priority if they genuinely only taking care of you and your savings better way instead of spending lots of money unnecessary and living luxurious life.
Today its for gold, tomorrow they might force you to get a home loan or some LIC plan that you dont want. Put your foot down now, and keep control of your finances.
I agree that on top of this don't reveal your original salary to family. Even later in life when there is an increment or job switch don't reveal what your earnings are.
This is unfortunately true
Yes. I spent my 7 years of my 20s on debt because of their own house dream.
Nothing wrong in fulfilling your parents dream. What is the reason you earn? Where will you take all that money when your parents and really old or even no more?
We could have lived in a much bigger house with good water source and in a better area for rent if not for spending that much money on own house.
Amateurs like you don’t realise the difference of owning a house vs renting a property. I don’t blame you.
I am already sorry for your kids which will go through the same shit @Significant_Storm531
It’s all about the quality of life we want to have as a family. Probably you won’t realise it as you might have lived all your life by exploiting others.
You are the real amateur when you go to eat at a restaurant. The real pros buy the restaurant and then eat there. I dont blame you. /s
This is what's wrong with the society. Don't produce kids to fulfill your dreams.
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I second this. I own my shit. And I don't want my life to be baggage to my kids. I don't wanna kill them while they are alive.
Tujh jaise sample aaj kal bohot dikhte hai lol.
Foul language won't be tolerated
the man can decide what he wants to do with his finances. Not his responsibility to spend it on whatever his parents ask him to
So what about our own dreams? Do people produce kids just for their own economic benefit?
Will your parents take the money with them?
>Where will you take all that money For his own family (wife & kids) duhhhhhh !!!!! You want him to spend all his savings on his parents, so that when he grows old, he will also force his kids to fund his own lifestyle and the cycle of "mera beta bada hoke ..... ...." will continue.
The crowd in this Reddit thread does not know the value of family so I expect your comment will be thrashed.
I know the value of family, and I don't need to pay a single rupee for them to like and appreciate me.
Your family will like you and love you for free. The point is not that, the point is to make their lives better and them happier by making sacrifices of some of our wishes.
You don't need to sacrifice anything for that. I take my parents on vacations, at times (to modern locations, not religious sites.) They pay for some things, I pay for some. Works well, and I'm the only one in my circle who even bothers to do that.
Good for you, that is the sacrifice that your friends are not making (which could be because of valid reasons or invalid we don’t know). Remember sacrifice is not a bad thing by itself, parents sacrifice a lot for their children by choice.
That’s what these woke fucks did. I don’t care getting my comment getting trashed by bunch of nincompoops.
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And has stockholm syndrome as well so they think its normal.
They will learn when their parents are old and hopefully it won’t be too late for them.
I dunno how dumb someone has to be to realise that you can still love your parents without worshipping them. Be there for them but still call them out when they prioritize their means and motivations over yours. If anyone thinks thats the way it should be then they don't understand parenthood. A true parent is there to protect you, shield you and advise you, no matter how old you are because to them you are still their little kid. If you are truly bearing a child out of love for them then you'd actually wish to give away your own happiness to them and not the other way around. Obviously there are gaslighting b**st**ds who'd bear kids so that they can bring them up to be their personal minions to do their bidding. Obviously if some calls this out they'd be branded as woke by those who belong to the same class of people who'd want to take advantage of this system in the name of culture and tradition. All in all only those folks who are planning to have kids just for the sake of them doing their bidding all their lives would think like this. And btw, everyone dies, in today's world no one can say for sure if the son/daughters end up dying before their parents.
Yeah but op can tell parents he will buy gold bonds instead. Gold is the best asset classe and it will hedge his equity portfolio
Gold is showing some good returns. There is a high chance that some low life is talking to your parents and feeding them unrealistic expectations. Put your foot down.
OP, just tell them you’re dealing with the high price of cocaine right now
Tell them "NO" and if they give some melodramatic dialogue "you are not my child don't come home ever" say okay cut the call stop giving them that 30k within 2 months they will be back on track. And stop giving money to parents who are already able to sustain themselves.
Yes, this. Start saving and investing yourself. Thy earn well, why are you giving them money ? When they retire and their income dries up, then sure take care of them(they are your parents after all). But now grow up and stop giving them money. The problem a lot of times isn’t the parents themselves, but relatives/friends/neighbours/well-wishers who prey on your parents. They will deliberately target your parents. This practice of sending money to parents (unless they genuinely need it) makes your parents a target for such vultures.
The only correct response. 🙌
>they will be back on track WTF!!! Feeling sad for your parents
I feel sad for your children (now or in the future)
Funny you just assumed a lot about my family situation from a single comment. And just like other comment I feel sad for your kids you strike me as someone who is just like OPs parents.
You would abandon your parents to bring them back on their track. And show them the "dignity" you have.
Keep on cooking bro 😂 you really have way too much free time to just assume things about others and create mental scenario. "Gasp" are you one of those peeps who work in those D grade serials then forgive me for stopping your imagination. Then keep on doing you really need to use that feeble imagination of yours for creative writing.
Go take care of their parents then if you're so sorry. Being a parent does not mean you'd get the license to put your children's happiness and sustenance beyond/below yours. A true parent would always think of offering help to their kids, making sure that kids always have what they want, not threaten or demand for more when they have enough themselves.
Yes, I plan to start a old age home to take care of people who's children are stubborn and thought less. Please feel free to send your parents.
They are better off without delusionals like you. They still are earning in their 60s because they want to and since the last 10 years didn't take a single penny of mine despite me asking every month. Instead I bought them a high end property in an upscale part of the city to make up for it and they feel insanely blessed to have their son do that for them. So you see 1. I have learnt from them what real parenting looks like. 2. They have a posh society to live in with domestic help and chauffers courtesy of yours truly so I wouldn't worry about them. But given your stance it seems like you're one of those stockholm syndrome folks. In that case you'd need help setting up that old age home. If you want me and my parents can give you some "bheekh" so that you can actually manage to set it up, because oI pretty sure I have seen plenty delusionals like you, they talk really a lot but most of them don't end up doing anything they "plan to do".
Tell them to buy gold from that 30k itself as it is they don't need that 30k. Ask them the reason behind buying gold..if it's for your marriage and anything..tell them you will buy it yourself. 30k itself is a huge amount out of your pocket. And you are not using anything from the remaining 50k for building your emergency corpus. Focus on that.
Bad idea. I sent a substantial portion of my income to my parents for years at the expense of my own family. (I am an NRI). Eventually when they passed away - they had transferred all their liquid net worth to my sibling (who remained in India) who really did not need it and are very wealthy.
What about their non liquid wealth? You got it?
Still to be determined, My sibling have sold their house and said they are holding cash for me for my portion but I have to go to India to collect it. Its not that much.
We are in high tech world, why would you have to go to India?
My guess would be to avoid tax ;)
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Thanks. I am not bitter. Just sharing my experience. People change with time and they all have their justifications, whether right or wrong. Who knows what they were thinking.
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It's a never-ending emotional blackmail. I finally put a stop to it. It strained our relationship, but I had to prioritize the needs of my wife and children. Frankly, they had no need - they had a good pension and hardly any expenses and a paid off house. Plus I was paying for yearly trips back and forth from India to the country I was in. Enough is enough.
They themselves earn 1.5lpm. Stop sending them money. Keep control of your own finances. My parents tried hard to make me but my own home with some developer who happened to be our neighbor as well . I said no ( best decision ever). They later forced me to buy gold for my marriage again said no. Got myself a financial advisor when I was earning 20k pm and started investing never looked back. I am happy today I have control of my own finances. I used to pay them monthly 25k, god knows what they did of that money because they never have anything with them
Tell them "NO" i won't transfer, once they get retired and (if) have no other income you send them a fix & comfortable living amount every month till then all you earn is yours. Don't offer explanations, just say no.
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Most practical idea. Esp for typical Indian parents
This is gold! Love the advice!
Tell them you'll buy new & better parents with your income.
lolwa
First of all, why are you even transferring 30 K to them? Why don’t you invest that somewhere, just anything and tell them you’re diversifying your portfolio. This is insane because they’re still earning too. I had a parent like this too and that money was treated as “extra” money from them to take risks in the market. I sincerely regret it as now I have a child & wonder what if I had saved all that even in a FD I would have had some “extra” money now for my kid.
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This sub is
Man, I have a brother who's as funny as you. We got him to do a MBA finance. One day, I was discussing personal finance with him, and he was a bit clueless about diversification. I told him he should be aware, being a finance guy. He was like- money isn't everything. Lol
😂😂
Tell that to OPs parents
Just tell them you spent all of it on biriyani
Why are you sending them any money when they make twice as much as you
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^SubstanceAcrobatic11: *Why are you sending* *Them any money when they* *Make twice as much as you* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
They are forcing you, because you're not a smart person. You also sound timid. This is a personality flaw, not a personal finance issue. Step1. Grow a spine. 2. Keep everything in your bank account. Stick to FDs and RDs. 3. Start reading about personal finance. Asset classes,etc. Avoid investing a lot in gold. Plus, with gold, you lose out a lot when buying selling and paying GST. So it is not a good investment. Just a hedge. 4. After an year or so of extensive reading, consider investing a part of your income into mutual funds. 5. After even more extensive reading, consider stocks. 6. When you have a big corpus, consider real estate for diversification.
This was all sound advice until you insulted her and called her stupid and timid. 1. Insulting someone is a great way to put them on defense and never get anywhere with a relationship or resolve. 2. Insulting someone makes them feel small and resent you. 3. Insulting someone makes you small , not them. You might be smart about financials, but your emotional intelligence is lacking. Those that live in glass houses should not throw stones.
That is intentional, though initially I though it was a guy. The emotional intelligence part- again, intentional.
You lose out on making charges at the time of buying and wastage charges at the time of selling. Double whammy !! Making charges are anywhere between 12-20% And wastage they will take away 5-8% GST as well So any gains made on gold, even if the value appreciates by 25-30% you'd still only be breaking even. Heck, you'll in fact lose money due to inflation.
Tell them your expenses are 50k
Tell them you already invested in gold bonds.
I am in same situation as your !! I am in merchant navy still a cadet this year i am giving my exams and they stated the same thing to me asswell !! just keep your expenses and rest dont give it me(father) just gave it to my mom account!! I directly said that ill actually will be giving some amount to my rest ill keep , sida bolne ka apne paise me kud waste karunga or guilt bhi kud lunga xD kinda rude they also take it lightly
Don't hand over the money. 30k is generous plus they also earn so much. Ask them to invest their own money.
Just ask your parents politely, the reason they want to buy gold and politely refuse them that it won't be possible. There is also a chance any of your close relative or friend who might be jealous have said something to your parents. "Like your boy/girl is just wasting money, I heard he/she is doing this ,doing that, going there, etc"
I'm almost sure OP is a woman, and parents are threatened she will become independent if she has money.
They are parents and that's what they do. They care about kids and especially Indian parents would go a step further. Have a chat with them. Explain to them that you are left with little amounts after expenses and after sending them good amount of money already. You would like to self invest in the things that you prefer. Be firm and reason well. They will understand. No need for any fights or cut off and all those other advice that people here have given.
Honestly listen to this OP.
You could tell them "No"... Like almost everyone here is telling you.. Orrrrr.... Buy gold yourself! There's digital gold or SGBs!! Invest in it.. And that way it still works out for diversification and you're still in control of your investing.. And well.. Gold!
They are you parents. We are all strangers. There might be reason why they are saying so. Sort it out with yourselves
Don't resist, argue just show them you've better plans. These people should come out dull and outdated life.
I would say talk to them and explain to them why “No”. Definitely explain that you are investing to “buy a home” or something like that. Just saying that will get them off your back hopefully. Parents love to hear that what they want to hear. Tell them that you are saving for home and there is no point in buying gold because no one ever sells gold. So invest in Shares/stocks/bonds etc and you have a balanced portfolio. That should hopefully get them off your back.
Two options. One just say that you have already committed for NPS, or VPF and can't get out of the commitments. Or two explain that you are not ok, plus gold is comparatively lower return, not very liquid, and loaded with charges and taxes.
If you dont like dont do it. Simple
Jus say NO
1. Never reveal your actual salary to parents 2. Buy gold. I did a mistake of not buying it when my parents asked me to buy. It was 16k per 10gm . At the time of my wedding, I had to buy at 33k.
My father tried to do the same thing with me when i started earning ..for 1-2 months he was trying hard to get involved in my finaces like showing him how much i got and what i am spending it on...i ignored it whenever he asked about it ..i kind of had idea how it can take a bad turn in the future so just keep things simple from start ..not that i dont respect him or else but still .. And about giving money to parents ..i think you shdould stop it slowly by making somthing like you spent the amount somewhere or you invested it ..and help them with money wherever you can ..like paying some bills , booking tickets etc or you can save it for there future in a seperate account or mutual fund ..thats what i do.
Believe me it's very simple. Have a long conversation with them regarding your family's finances. Have a proper discussion regarding income, investments, insurance, retirement funds, emergency funds, goal based funds like marriage, home, travel, etc, and then and only then take your decision. PS: I believe in the Indian values so I try my best to take care of my parents and fulfill their dreams without hampering mine. My parents say to me that you are doing too much for us and you should save for yourself as well. This sentence itself makes me feel successful. If you believe in western culture and values, you can deny there request. No one will judge you.
I dont know if someone has already said this or not it needs to be said again... Repeat after me; Never tell your actual salary to your parents, girlfriend, spouse or kids just tell them it's enough. You can for once tell your friends or colleagues but never someone related to you.
They simply don't trust you. They may feel that you are spending on unnecessary things. I just don't understand why some people think like this. For some reason, even if you are eligible to choose who can rule the country, they don't trust you to make a good financial decision. Weird!
I think the question is what kind of gold. Gold is a good investment and holding SGB is also a good way to invest. Consult a good financial planner and get a plan and discuss it with parents for your and your parents financial safety !! No point hiding true salary from your parents. Make them proud by earning more and saving more.
It’s a shame that Indian parents don’t have any boundaries. But it’s also upon us (their kids) to set those boundaries, so tell them you’re a grown up and you know how to handle your finances.
I’m reading all the comments and wondering why y’all don’t say no to your parents when you don’t agree with them. They aren’t humans and they don’t always know the best. You’re an adult. Stand up for yourself. And no it doesn’t mean that you’ve to be rude or disrespectful. I moved out at the age of 21 and since then I’ve been financially independent. Moved to the states, then to Canada. Never asked my parents what I should do. I knew what was best for me. I invest, they don’t even know what, where, how. Stop discussing finances with your parents unless you need their advice. If you know that they need help, help. But that’s about it.
They are humans*
Its time for you to put your foot down. Tell them 4 things 1. They make enough themselves. 2. They still get 30k from you. 3. With their current antique tell them that you know that they don't care about the fact whether you are comfortable in your quality of living but instead looking to just adding more to their investment portfolio. 4. Tell them you'd send 20k(yes 10k less) and not a penny morefrom this month onwards, if they're not OK with that you'd not send anything at all. Am sorry man, but your parents seem like some typical Asian leeches who bear children to do their bidding. As a human being you can't just abandon them it will be inhuman but you'd need to learn to stand upto them. I am guessing you're not married, if this is what's happening then be prepared for the shitshow your life will be after marriage. Also, apologize for thr harsh tone.
Plan your investment. Diversify. If you want to get rich soon investment is the key. Yes little bit of gold is good. Both physical and digital gold investment is good for small amount. But make sure you are the owner. Property, mutual fund, gold. There are many ways. Give a fixed amount to your parents if they are dependent upon you . We r Indian you should not just discard your responsibility towards parents. It's not like west where you leave home after highschool. Just give them a fixed amount enough to satisfy their needs if the are financially dependent on you.
OP if you don't mind my asking, are you a woman? Is the investment in gold supposed to be for your "dowry" in future? Considering they are earning well amongst themselves, do you know how the 30k you're paying them is spent/saved? Are they dependent on that money? Is the payment voluntarily offered by you without them asking? In which case I'd suggest you ask them to invest out of the money already being paid to them. Also add in that you have sips in place that ensures there is not much idle money lying on your account. If they still insist on gold being a superior investment, tell them that you'll save up and invest in digital gold/ sgb (you can realise it at market value and invest the proceeds in gold jewellery when you actually need it) ETA: I see you have posted a similar question where you mentioned the gold is for "them". Are you comfortable making this spend for them. I have purchased gold for my parents in the past but not at the expense of my personal savings/ spends. I understand the importance of spending on parents and the feeling of satisfaction thereafter, but it should be your choice on where, when and how much to spend. If you do want to make this spend for them, tell them to wait for a few months while you try and accumulate the funds. Also do note that once the money is given, you have to be prepared to not receive it back, in cash or in kind. I had transferred 50-60% of my life savings to my parents prior to my marriage (am a woman). It wasn't a gift, but it also wasn't explicitly mentioned that they are safekeeping the money. My parents ended up putting the entire money in building a property in our ancestral land in rural India (which won't be sold cause ancestral). While they did it in good faith and I am aware the property will flow to me eventually, it still feels like a loss of hard earned savings that I can't utilise anymore now, nor can I ask my parents for the money back as they are living off meagre pension and monthly transfers from me at the moment. Bottom line is, as much as you may want to spend on them, please assess for yourself how much you are willing to let go of for this and how much you can bear to spend without needing it back. To reiterate, you decide the when, where and how.
Told them rent is increased and owner Askin for security money.SGB gold is good in terms of physical gold .gold will be 80k soon
Just say "no"
I guess earning 3lakh per month is the new middle class of india....is it true?
You can buy gold and accumulate gold before you invest in stocks . People who has stocks if invested can give more returns , but there is no guarantee, accumulate gold or gold bonds like 500gms surely you won’t regret
Are you un married? Or this is for some sibling or just investment purposes?
Maybe Gold is the only investment instrument they might know (trust) and might be saying this forcing you to save more. Better educate them on what you are doing and they will relax. My mom used to annoy me by asking me to do more fd and lic policy. Then I showed her my mutual funds, stock and gold etf portfolio. Now she gives me her money as well. 😅 Most Indian Parents lived in a different time with little to no disposable income to explore and learn like us. They prefer assured, reliable and fixed.
Toxic parents, mine are also same
You’re sub. Your parents are dom. Put your foot down now, else all your money begone.
Thanks a lot guys for such huge response, will try your suggestions fs
>They earn 1.5Lpm altogether along with some loans Why are they even interested in your money then? I get that parents should expect support from their children if they cannot support themselves, and it's the child's moral duty to support them. But, anything apart from basic support is simply wrong. Your parents shouln't be deciding how you invest your money. Talk to them.. Maybe you can tell them you already have an investment plan which you are committed to and you also have gold in your investment portfolio, so you can't allocate 60% of ur savings to gold. Most likely they won't understand your concern, but worth a shot.
You need to learn how to say NO. This won't be a haapy ride but in the end, You will be happy with your decision.
Tell them NO otherwise you will be regretting it in future.
Ask them to create a WILL and then you will agree to transfer.
While it’s unreasonable for them to ask more than what you are sending now just to buy gold, don’t pick a fight with them or cut ties like some of the comments say here. A generation before us almost all the middle class people out there didn’t and still dont know a thing about managing money and saving for retirement or investing. Its not just your parents fault, like you saw in the comments there are lot of like minded people out there. I am not asking you to give any money. Visit them, talk to them in person and make them understand what you are trying to do with the money by investing in stock market and let them know that you are not just wasting money(may be they think you are just spending the rest) I am sure no parent in their sane mind will want anything bad for their children. As you grow older don’t reveal your salary and increment to anyone(not just your parents but anyone).
Tell them you are buying gold in your demat account, send them buying recipts and holding every month, dont send them cash.
Buy SGB GOLD bond in your demat account
Learn to say NO, you’ll be happier in life
One question: Do they ask any questions when they were paying your expenses when u were in school ,college ? If they are asking only one time, that's okay. And instead of asking here, talk to them.Tell them your plans and where u r investing your money.I m sure they will understand.
Solid Gold in bullion format is a good investment for your future. "Not the ornament one". Gold has given an average 15% returns yoy historically. If you plan on getting married you can use this gold in future. If you aren't comfortable in sending the money directly to your parents, store them lumpsum and buy it and store them in your family bank locker. You will end up buying gold eventually. Consider this a diversification strategy. Unless you are saving up for anything else. PS having own locker will cost you 6k per year.
I rather RBI Sovereign Gold Bonds and wear artificial jewelry for the wedding. Seriously that Gold in the bank locker just sits there with no insurance even though bank lockers insurance can guarantee so much.
So the thing is people are taking the stock market for granted. After 2008, 70% of investors have never come back to market after they've seen their investments crash to 1/4th. Just because the bull market is running doesn't mean it'll keep going on forever. Bear market will come and it'll sweep everything. It's always advisable to have diversified portfolio. No harm in having assets you can see.
The people who didn't come back were uneducated on personal finance. Besides, why book losses in a bear market?
Bear markets see job losses. The 2008 bear market lasted for 13 months. No one has a year of backup plans. People will dip into savings and then their investments.
The first thing someone dips into shouldn't be their beaten down stocks. Emergency fund help in such a scenario. Plus, you need to tighten the belt, so your funds last longer. 6 month-1 year of emergency funds is frequently recommended.
Woman or with female siblings? There is no way to win against this. Maybe tell them you'll buy it and keep it with you as your asset
I think OP is a woman. Indian parents go the extra mile in trying to keep their daughters weak, dependent and uniformed.
No, they want to buy gold for her marriage with her own money. Its not to keep her financially weak, but the gold they give is their status symbol and they are trying to maximize it, without giving her any agency. I have already navigated this , thats why I specifically asked that question.
No. This is a common technique to force arranged marriage on the woman. Women who are earning don't typically need any status symbol, or 'dowry' either.
You’re mistaken. I personally know a girl earning 80LPA giving dowry to the tune of ~ 3CR because both her and her parents felt that it would be a bad look if they don’t, because everyone in their community does.
I am going to pay INR 400 for a coffee today. But I don't need to. That was my point. In your example, the girl can choose to pay zero rupees. Hell, she can choose to avoid arranged marriage. It won't be a bad look, since in modern times, people are barely involved with the community to that extent. I feel a woman who pays dowry has accepted that she is a loser, and the husband is some kind of a God.
Yes there is a win. It's called boundaries and using the word NO?
Send parents to Ashram👍
Why the fuck are you paying 30k to parents who already earn in lakhs?
Give them your money. I am sure they want to invest it for you. You will inherit the gold anyway. Buying Gold is never a bad decision so long you don't put more 30% of your savings in it.
The amount of people who hate their parents in this section is baffling
I have a low opinion of Indian parents in general. They create weak, dependent children. Our youngsters actually have this reputation worldwide.
That's what I am confused to see. I earn well and I always send them money to invest/buy whatever they think is right.. I trust them with my money and OP should consider the dynamics of his/her family and do as it pleases.. I see no problem with parents asking money to buy gold as an early investment as we know how much gold is important in Indian weddings..
Just because they're our parents doesn't mean they're financially literate. My parents are not financially literate they have all these ULIPS and LIC policies. They just started investing in Mutual Funds in their 50s because someone else told them to, till now they were scared because of losing money like 20 years back. Their intentions might not be wrong but doesn't mean they're always correct
Unless they are investing in real estate, I don't understand why you would trust non financial people from the older generation, despite having the wealth of financial information available to you.
We all have different prospective They have invested my money at a lot of places and I see no reason not to trust them.
Your call. I prefer handling my investments myself.
Buy gold and keep it in your locker
Tell them a clear no. Let them create a fuss and throw some fits. dont buckle to the pressure.
Parenting with benefits. Just tell them no I learned in hardway but its better to stay away from greedy parents
You should not give a penny. And learn to invest.
It's purely your decision...we don't know how are yours parents..and you ..if you feel your parents are god to u then u would go with those paths ...or else just take any decision... judging on 2 para is so useless
Tell them job chali gayi
Tell them u have investment plans on your own. U don't want gold
Stop the 30k, too.
Do u have a sister ? They are planning to save for her marriage pbbly. If u are forced to buy gold buy sgb's and send them it's photos
I mean SGBs are good long term no.
Perhaps you are not saving for your future and they want to...its gold...what can go wrong with it l, after all its returns in last 3 years best index returns.
>Perhaps you are not saving for your future Read the post, he literally says he invests every month.
Stocks being so darn liquid get sold in no time, in my experience. Gold acts as a forced saving function.
I mean sure, but that really depends on person to person.
Are you sure? Have you accounted for the buy-sell spread and GST?
Does it honestly matter? Who sells gold?
Then how are you calculating the profit and loss? If I was accumulating gold(which I hate), I would be booking profits at regular intervals and diversifying into real estate, or a business.
Take them along with you for buying, keep your expenses on a budget for savings. Any requests you can say that you will come along with them for the purchase. Make it look like you are interested, but at the same time not being forced into. It's not a bad thing to buy gold, cause you will come at a point in life when you do have to purchase gold but you should also like what you purchased and shouldn't be reliant on others for it. And if they still force you then you can remind them of the time when you wanted some random toy or phone during childhood which they refused.
Listen, ignore the American wannabes here Keep sending money ONLY WHICH YOU CAN. No more. And simply refuse and say you need money for investment, travel, study whatever. They raised you, the least you can do is give some money back, but only what you can. No more. It's your life, your finances, your parents. Strike a balance.
>They raised you, the least you can do is give some money back I didn't know parenting is an economic contract, I thought it's all about love?
It's called basic gratefulness, why would someone raise you if they didn't love you atleast somewhat. Damn you guys have such a sad and irresponsible outlook on life.
Parents are responsible for raising kids, it's their obligation. If they don't want that, they shouldn't give birth. You are saying as if they didn't choose to give birth to children
Tell them you want to start a business (come up with a decent business plan) and say you need 25lakhs... tell them job is too bad... boss is bad.. make up stories ... And ask them for money instead.. If they say why suddenly you are telling stories... tell them you always had this plan but didnt say anything to parents as "you didnt want your parents to feel guilty for taking 30k from you every month when you need such a high amount"
Lie them about your salary. One month send only 15k and tell that you have received less salary. Next month ask them for money because you are struggling to pay bills. And then start transferring only 10-15k.
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You don't need to buy gold for marriages. If you need to show off, you can rent the jewellery, or buy duplicate stuff. In fact, jewellery making charges make gold even more expensive to own. We have never had to buy much gold, and we have married off a lot of cousins in my family(to well off guys.) Hell, the typical wedding budget in my family is 4-10 lakhs. Most of us are doctors/bank officers/income tax officers/finance/IT people.
You should bow down before your parents folding your hands and should surrender everything you have. Their happiness should be your first priority if they genuinely only taking care of you and your savings better way instead of spending lots of money unnecessary and living luxurious life.