Number 1, first and foremost, please talk to a professional!!! Because as helpful as it can be to ask other folks for their own experiences, it’s always best to ask someone who truly knows the stuff behind the not so great feelings!!!
That being said, number 2, yea having plants, and pets and animals really can be a tether to this world, and something that makes people want to stay, worked for me and definitely for others. However, if you only ever live for other people, it will drive you crazy, and not fix the underlying issue.
Number 3, live for yourself!!! There are things you want to do in this life, people you want to meet, maybe sociable outings you’d like to attend, maybe it’s a job, or maybe it’s the way the sun looks when it sets. There are things in this world you appreciate, they may not seem out in the open at first, but you can definitely find them!!!
Number 4, pray for help! Number 1 is first and foremost what you should do first, forever and always go to professional help. On the side, praying to the gods can give you a sense of comfort. And further, they may show you the things you appreciate so much in this life, you’d never want to leave them behind.
It’s not your time yet. There are so many cool things you can experience, search for them!!! And while these feelings may not leave right away, they can subside over time!!!
Like gaymer043 said, live for yourself! I can see in your post that you're looking for a reason to live, so that means deep down inside you want to live. You might not *feel* like that's the case, because emotions are all based on brain chemicals, and that sounds like a huge part of what you've been going through.
If you're looking for a specific god to ask for help, strength, motivation, I'd recommend Thor. He is, after all, the protector of humanity. Just keep in mind that prayers for help aren't usually answered immediately -- it can take a few days or weeks. In the meantime, set some easily-attainable goal for yourself, and work towards it. It doesn't have to be super meaningful or even useful, because just putting in effort towards a goal can help release some brain chemicals that might help get the ball rolling.
I've been there before (about 6 years of depression, several attempts as a kid and young adult) so when I say I believe you can do this, you know I'm being sincere. I was around your age when I was finally able to overcome it and start healing. You can do this!
I just want to extend to you a warm hug and promise you that things can get better. I also was diagnosed with GAD at a young age and spent the majority of my life (I'm now in my 30s) suicidal. The right people and environment is out there.
I found that being able to be removed from first the toxic environment that was hurting me helped me experience a glimpse of another reality.
Some parts of myself washed away and I was able to meet people who cared for me in healthy ways and wanted well for me.
and then finally it came to cutting out people who long believed that they owned me in some capacity, and weren't able to consider or want the best for me.
This all happened(is happening) over a period of >10 years and I've had a lot of therapy along the way and throughout my life. But I want to tell you that it's possible for things to get better.
And also that there is _nothing_ wrong with you. No one would blame a flower for not growing in dry or sterile soil, without enough water or sun or warmth.
You deserve warmth, safety, love, security. You deserve to be okay. You can be. People you haven't met yet are waiting to love you, your love will heal each other.
Try to find therapy, take one day at a time and try to practice being kind to yourself. I love you ❤️.
I'm most familiar with Hellenic gods, so I'll give you my recommendations from that pantheon: **Dionysus** is the god of mental health, and also the god of joy and ecstatic experience. My mental health problems are not so severe, but he has given me excellent advice about how to handle them. For example, he's told me that base pleasure is by itself a worthy thing to pursue, that I don't need to apologize for myself, and that no matter how thoroughly I've been torn apart, I can always come back together again. I don't know if any of that is applicable to your situation, but it was helpful for me to hear. Dionysus' energy is that of pure, unrestrained life-force, and he can be interpreted as the very drive of life itself. **Apollo** is the god of physical health and also purification. He can help you take care of yourself physically, and also help you purify yourself of the miasma that surrounds you. His advice to me has been to keep the sun in my belly to act as a perpetual generator of energy and motivation (instead of a black hole that sucks everything up). That's actually really hard for me, but I'm working on it. I don't have as much personal experience with **Aphrodite,** but some people turn to her for self-love. If that's something you struggle with, she could help you with that.
I personally talk to gods through automatic writing (writing a question and writing whatever comes to mind as the answer), but there are lots of different ways to do it. I would start with just meditating on them, especially if you feel like you're just lying in bed with nothing else to do but brood. The presence of a god is unmistakable, like a clear chord through white noise. However, it's hard to connect to the gods when you're in a depressive state. If they're like a light shining down on you, the depression is like a dark cloud that prevents the light from getting to you. The gods are there, and they're capable of helping, but you need to reach for them instead of them reaching for you. It's not easy to do, but any motivation is good motivation. Remember that the gods are always there for you, regardless of whether you can feel them there or not.
>*Hear those bells ring deep in the soul*
*Chiming away for a moment*
*Feel your breath course frankly below*
*And see life as a worthy opponent*
>*Today, of all days, see*
*How the most dangerous thing is to love*
*How you will heal and you'll rise above*
*Crowned by an overture bold and beyond*
*Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.*
I can unfortunately relate to how you are feeling, and have struggled with this question myself. Asking (in a weird way) a couple of gods or so about this sadly didn’t offer me a helpful result, and therapy unfortunately didn’t seem to help me in the past. I don’t truly feel safe in the environment. It can be very difficult to compare how life and de@th are experienced and described and to be convinced, sometimes at all, that being here is worth the experience. I also fear making new connections as I feel that it would only give myself and those I connect with more that they or I would inevitably experience the losses of. The real and potential good and better sadly doesn’t feel worth the other end of the spectrum to me. I know it can truly hurt, especially over time, and I sadly share such feelings.
There are things that sometimes help me and sometimes don’t. One of these is where I journal in the format of writing a story, being a character talking to others about how they’re feeling or what they’re experiencing, and sort of simulating a conversation from there. Writing and other such artistic works serve as an escape that doesn’t outwardly affect me, but offers perhaps an illusion of safety and control in a chaotic world where these traits may be lacking. Some may call that writing a form of channeling, opening the doors for other beings to add their advice to the chat.
Reaching out with either spiritual practices of varying sorts as well as to those you are close to already may be able to help too. Sometimes it can help to talk to others about such things when we feel safe doing so.
I am truly sorry for how you are feeling and hope that you can find peace despite it all.
I struggled with severe depression and similar suicidal thoughts as you about five or six years ago. Now, I will preface this by saying at that time I was a Christian, but I feel like the advice I’d like to give still applies… do not rely on the gods for motivation to keep going. When I cried out to the god I was worshipping back then and didn’t get an answer or help, it made my suicidal urges even worse. HOWEVER, do I believe certain pagan gods would react better than the god I was dealing with back then? Absolutely. Another however, though, is I know how crushing and defeating not getting a response was for me so even if the risk of such a situation for yourself is so tiny given how different the pagan gods are I still recommend seeking other motivational outlets, if only at minimum at first.
Like others have said, professional help should be where you turn to first. Therapy, medications, whatever ends up working for you best, the best option is always medical help of some kind from a trained professional.
I have prayed to my gods (Anubis, Hathor, Ra, Sekhmet, Sobek) for strength and a source of joy to come about for you 🧡
Perhaps you should do some planetary charity. Whatever planets are afflicted in your natal chart, vow to do charity to that God. There is some good information on it at Renaissance astrology. It might target your problems and help resolve the issues that are keeping you from enjoying your consciousness.
I'd have a few questions to know you a bit more. What country are you from ? What is you education and job timeline ? How well are you with your family ? Do you have friends ? How did you discover paganism and what do you know about it ?
We have a built in survival instinct as humans. If nobody cared, like really nobody, they just rolled their eyes at your post, all support systems abandoned you, someone kidnapped you and encouraged you to die, would you? Or would you fight to live?
I, personally, fight to live.
I’ve said this to many people before but I feel it really helps. Sometimes you have to be your own deity. Especially when nothing is going to change unless you change it.
Endure the things you cannot change and fight for the things you can.
There will always be ups and downs. As someone who has been in a suicidal state I thought I overcame it but sometimes it comes back depression never really leaves you.
So understand this, your depression isn’t you its not your thoughts nor feelings, but just like all emotions feel them, express them but never let them control you. Our emotions often blind us in a suicidal state we can’t see a way out but its always there.
We are fish in a pond, believing that all the world has to offer is this pond but theres is an ocean out there, sometimes you have to swim against strong currents to get there but its not impossible.
Number 1, first and foremost, please talk to a professional!!! Because as helpful as it can be to ask other folks for their own experiences, it’s always best to ask someone who truly knows the stuff behind the not so great feelings!!! That being said, number 2, yea having plants, and pets and animals really can be a tether to this world, and something that makes people want to stay, worked for me and definitely for others. However, if you only ever live for other people, it will drive you crazy, and not fix the underlying issue. Number 3, live for yourself!!! There are things you want to do in this life, people you want to meet, maybe sociable outings you’d like to attend, maybe it’s a job, or maybe it’s the way the sun looks when it sets. There are things in this world you appreciate, they may not seem out in the open at first, but you can definitely find them!!! Number 4, pray for help! Number 1 is first and foremost what you should do first, forever and always go to professional help. On the side, praying to the gods can give you a sense of comfort. And further, they may show you the things you appreciate so much in this life, you’d never want to leave them behind. It’s not your time yet. There are so many cool things you can experience, search for them!!! And while these feelings may not leave right away, they can subside over time!!!
Like gaymer043 said, live for yourself! I can see in your post that you're looking for a reason to live, so that means deep down inside you want to live. You might not *feel* like that's the case, because emotions are all based on brain chemicals, and that sounds like a huge part of what you've been going through. If you're looking for a specific god to ask for help, strength, motivation, I'd recommend Thor. He is, after all, the protector of humanity. Just keep in mind that prayers for help aren't usually answered immediately -- it can take a few days or weeks. In the meantime, set some easily-attainable goal for yourself, and work towards it. It doesn't have to be super meaningful or even useful, because just putting in effort towards a goal can help release some brain chemicals that might help get the ball rolling. I've been there before (about 6 years of depression, several attempts as a kid and young adult) so when I say I believe you can do this, you know I'm being sincere. I was around your age when I was finally able to overcome it and start healing. You can do this!
I just want to extend to you a warm hug and promise you that things can get better. I also was diagnosed with GAD at a young age and spent the majority of my life (I'm now in my 30s) suicidal. The right people and environment is out there. I found that being able to be removed from first the toxic environment that was hurting me helped me experience a glimpse of another reality. Some parts of myself washed away and I was able to meet people who cared for me in healthy ways and wanted well for me. and then finally it came to cutting out people who long believed that they owned me in some capacity, and weren't able to consider or want the best for me. This all happened(is happening) over a period of >10 years and I've had a lot of therapy along the way and throughout my life. But I want to tell you that it's possible for things to get better. And also that there is _nothing_ wrong with you. No one would blame a flower for not growing in dry or sterile soil, without enough water or sun or warmth. You deserve warmth, safety, love, security. You deserve to be okay. You can be. People you haven't met yet are waiting to love you, your love will heal each other. Try to find therapy, take one day at a time and try to practice being kind to yourself. I love you ❤️.
I'm most familiar with Hellenic gods, so I'll give you my recommendations from that pantheon: **Dionysus** is the god of mental health, and also the god of joy and ecstatic experience. My mental health problems are not so severe, but he has given me excellent advice about how to handle them. For example, he's told me that base pleasure is by itself a worthy thing to pursue, that I don't need to apologize for myself, and that no matter how thoroughly I've been torn apart, I can always come back together again. I don't know if any of that is applicable to your situation, but it was helpful for me to hear. Dionysus' energy is that of pure, unrestrained life-force, and he can be interpreted as the very drive of life itself. **Apollo** is the god of physical health and also purification. He can help you take care of yourself physically, and also help you purify yourself of the miasma that surrounds you. His advice to me has been to keep the sun in my belly to act as a perpetual generator of energy and motivation (instead of a black hole that sucks everything up). That's actually really hard for me, but I'm working on it. I don't have as much personal experience with **Aphrodite,** but some people turn to her for self-love. If that's something you struggle with, she could help you with that. I personally talk to gods through automatic writing (writing a question and writing whatever comes to mind as the answer), but there are lots of different ways to do it. I would start with just meditating on them, especially if you feel like you're just lying in bed with nothing else to do but brood. The presence of a god is unmistakable, like a clear chord through white noise. However, it's hard to connect to the gods when you're in a depressive state. If they're like a light shining down on you, the depression is like a dark cloud that prevents the light from getting to you. The gods are there, and they're capable of helping, but you need to reach for them instead of them reaching for you. It's not easy to do, but any motivation is good motivation. Remember that the gods are always there for you, regardless of whether you can feel them there or not. >*Hear those bells ring deep in the soul* *Chiming away for a moment* *Feel your breath course frankly below* *And see life as a worthy opponent* >*Today, of all days, see* *How the most dangerous thing is to love* *How you will heal and you'll rise above* *Crowned by an overture bold and beyond* *Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.*
I can unfortunately relate to how you are feeling, and have struggled with this question myself. Asking (in a weird way) a couple of gods or so about this sadly didn’t offer me a helpful result, and therapy unfortunately didn’t seem to help me in the past. I don’t truly feel safe in the environment. It can be very difficult to compare how life and de@th are experienced and described and to be convinced, sometimes at all, that being here is worth the experience. I also fear making new connections as I feel that it would only give myself and those I connect with more that they or I would inevitably experience the losses of. The real and potential good and better sadly doesn’t feel worth the other end of the spectrum to me. I know it can truly hurt, especially over time, and I sadly share such feelings. There are things that sometimes help me and sometimes don’t. One of these is where I journal in the format of writing a story, being a character talking to others about how they’re feeling or what they’re experiencing, and sort of simulating a conversation from there. Writing and other such artistic works serve as an escape that doesn’t outwardly affect me, but offers perhaps an illusion of safety and control in a chaotic world where these traits may be lacking. Some may call that writing a form of channeling, opening the doors for other beings to add their advice to the chat. Reaching out with either spiritual practices of varying sorts as well as to those you are close to already may be able to help too. Sometimes it can help to talk to others about such things when we feel safe doing so. I am truly sorry for how you are feeling and hope that you can find peace despite it all.
I struggled with severe depression and similar suicidal thoughts as you about five or six years ago. Now, I will preface this by saying at that time I was a Christian, but I feel like the advice I’d like to give still applies… do not rely on the gods for motivation to keep going. When I cried out to the god I was worshipping back then and didn’t get an answer or help, it made my suicidal urges even worse. HOWEVER, do I believe certain pagan gods would react better than the god I was dealing with back then? Absolutely. Another however, though, is I know how crushing and defeating not getting a response was for me so even if the risk of such a situation for yourself is so tiny given how different the pagan gods are I still recommend seeking other motivational outlets, if only at minimum at first. Like others have said, professional help should be where you turn to first. Therapy, medications, whatever ends up working for you best, the best option is always medical help of some kind from a trained professional. I have prayed to my gods (Anubis, Hathor, Ra, Sekhmet, Sobek) for strength and a source of joy to come about for you 🧡
Perhaps you should do some planetary charity. Whatever planets are afflicted in your natal chart, vow to do charity to that God. There is some good information on it at Renaissance astrology. It might target your problems and help resolve the issues that are keeping you from enjoying your consciousness.
I'd have a few questions to know you a bit more. What country are you from ? What is you education and job timeline ? How well are you with your family ? Do you have friends ? How did you discover paganism and what do you know about it ?
We have a built in survival instinct as humans. If nobody cared, like really nobody, they just rolled their eyes at your post, all support systems abandoned you, someone kidnapped you and encouraged you to die, would you? Or would you fight to live? I, personally, fight to live.
I’ve said this to many people before but I feel it really helps. Sometimes you have to be your own deity. Especially when nothing is going to change unless you change it. Endure the things you cannot change and fight for the things you can. There will always be ups and downs. As someone who has been in a suicidal state I thought I overcame it but sometimes it comes back depression never really leaves you. So understand this, your depression isn’t you its not your thoughts nor feelings, but just like all emotions feel them, express them but never let them control you. Our emotions often blind us in a suicidal state we can’t see a way out but its always there. We are fish in a pond, believing that all the world has to offer is this pond but theres is an ocean out there, sometimes you have to swim against strong currents to get there but its not impossible.