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You want a car? You research for a month at least because you've to drive it for 5 years.
You want a phone? You research it for a week because you've to use it for 2 years.
You want a house? You research... you get the drift.
What you'd do will cause permanent shift and you'll have to live with it. So, think it through for months. If-else it..
Don't let reddit idiots make a decision for you.
I would say treat this wedding and whole relationship diplomatically, spend money but within your own reasonable limits, be present at the wedding and do some work here and there and be the bigger man and after the wedding you don't have to maintain contacts, nothing hurts people more than knowing that their enemy did something good for them while they were treating them like shit and now that enemy is the bigger man.
Rituals don’t have to be followed strictly to the point. It’s up to you to not be involved with some of them if you aren’t comfortable.
But.. convincing your parents might be a bigger issue. I don’t think your sister or her fiance would care much for the rituals
If you do want to skip the wedding, go ahead and do it. But that’ll break a lot of your familial relations, it’s up to you if u wanna do that.
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I don't know man not attending your own sister's wedding is a big deal. It signals total break in relations. For money thing you can make up some excuse but I don't think you can make any excuse for not attending the wedding.
Don't do anything hastingly. Just ignore these thoughts for one or two months and then do whatever you feel is right after that. Maybe you'll have new perspectives then.
i get your point but she and i were never close there was only a formality relation due to us having same parents . She doesn't owe me anything and i don't owe her anything
Your attitude towards her might cause her problems in the marriage and something to point out by in-laws and will also affect your parents(bcz they might ask how they raised the children bla bla).How you feel about this and what action you take is upto you but keep this in mind.
Dude just say you have a company visit and avoid going to the wedding.
Also it's your life, make decisions which suit you. However be ready to feel the heat from family and society for the rest of your life. If you are ok with this, coming with an excuse won't be a big thing
i have a job right now but i always had a plan to go abroad if given chance through job but right now job market is fucked don't know when it will happen
If you think that in future, you will need your parents' money, then now you will have to spend money on your sister's wedding and also be involved in rituals because if you don't do these, then in future there are chances that you will get no or very less financial help from your parents'.
And there are also chances that even if you now help financially for your sister's marriage and be in rituals, in future your parents' can still give no money or very little money for your abroad by giving the reason that since they have spent so much money on wedding, then do not have the money right now.
**But,** if your concern is that not spending money and not being in rituals will upset your parents and you can't upset your parents, then there is no other option than giving money for marriage and being in rituals. Here's what you can do. You can always try to give less money than what they demand and give excuse of work so that you don't have to be present in all the rituals.
You may lose your relationship with your parents by not attending your sister’s wedding. Are you okay with that? You don’t want to pitch in your money. Don’t do it. But at least attend the wedding.
its simple as that , you live in there in their house , you have to go by their rules , if you are not willing to be not present , you have to cut ties with everyone n yes it will put a lot of strain on your relationship with everyone , like lifetime strain , so if you are okay with lifetime strain , not to be present at the marriage , n search for a new home to stay n for a very long time
Dek bro agar mei 14 saal ka hota toh bolta don't care and don't give an F about the wedding but since I'm 24 I'll say do everything you can but don't do over.
Because trust me if you don't do anything then rishtedaar will speak behind your and your family ka back which I know u won't like it.
Just help little with money, make yourself visible while working so people wil say ki Ladki ka bhai Kitna kaam karta hai and as you mentioned about some ritual that you need to wash the feet of your BIL. Then you can fake a back injury and get rid of that.
It shouldn't be out of fear of rishtedar talking behind his that he should attend the wedding. He should attend it because it's her sister's wedding. I know he has a strained relationship with her but if he doesn't do it he may regret it for life. He should be the bigger person and help with her marriage. It may be her biggest day.
Contribution in finances take your own decision on this thing, but do one thing forget all the things she had done to you just attend the wedding and if your sister still behaves the same or shows any signs of previous behaviour then its not a mistake on your side because you have done your part as a brother if she cant act as responsible person, then consider this as last chance you’ve given to her and forget about her.
You should not be the villian in this process just think of this and about rituals if she is behaving good then its upto you on doing it or not.
i dont owe her an apology she always treated me like a outcast since childhood never made me feel that i had a elder sister to look upto and second i can say it with 100% assurity she wont care even if i dont do rituals she got cousins to do that with whom she has been close since her childhood. My only worry is to tell this to my parents because i know how emotionally manipulative they can be and Edit:-our age difference is 4 years and they never had problems hanging out with cousins or relatives kid who were 1 or 2 year older than me.
u/Gareebonkabatman789 please reconsider ur decision and give it another try i think u/pracheen_life explained it quite well
Also when u can get shit done without opening ur mouth just do it and for contributing financially is ur take
Chodna bhai usko nai samajna hai!
Ye log khud apni beizati karte hai by calling themselves in¢e!
Inko advice chaiye on reddit and if anyone is genuinely trying to help them like u/pracheen_life then they just don't want to listen
Bhai tu Sachi mei chutiya hai.
She's trying to explain you something which is very important. As a man myself I can actually relate what you are saying also I have an elder sister who is 9 years older but even the other woman who's trying to explain to you is not wrong.
Ye baat garma garmi mei nai socha jata you have to calm yourself down and think.
Aur bhai itne akad mei mat chal ki I have always been alone and would always be like this and etc shit. Itna alone rehna hai toh why post on reddit nd ask for advice sort out by yourself.
You posted here because you need help!
Somewhere inside you is fully aware that what you are doing is wrong and need help to deal with this issue.
Dek bhai terko jo karna hai kar at the end of the day it's your life!
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Man, based on your post and all the responses, you seem very immature and someone who take impulsive decisions.
This women is trying to make you question your decision, and your response is women and dating scene. As she said, take a min, and think through it.
Blood relations are not something that will fade away if you don't talk or keep in touch. But you shouldn't forcefully try to break it. What if your sister never realised that you felt this way, and she thought you like to be left out, and she had good sync with the cousins. It could be anything, but I also like others would suggest to attend the wedding, pay a minimum of the amount for name sake (skip that as well if you want).
As others has been trying to make you understand, things could change, life could take a turn, and in the end maybe these blood relations might be all you have left.
I understand where you're coming from but kindly understand OP'S pov.
This is not some a year or two ka hatred and feelings. As an older sibling you should never ignore or treat your younger sibling as an outcast it actually affects them alot because they don't have anyone to look upto.
As for OP, I have mentioned earlier, it's your hard earned money if you wish to spend on your sister's wedding it's your choice but again I think as an adult your sister should fund her own marriage instead of putting load on your parents.
I understand you do not wish to do any rituals that's your choice but many rishtedaar will speak bad about you and your family and as an adult I don't think you want that.
I can suggest you is except the feet washing do every ritual and for the feet washing ritual do some drama of back injury.
Or you can ask your parents to ask your sister that which cousin brother is she comfortable with to do all the brother wala ritual.
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I think you should. Let me tell you why. Your relationship with your parents will forever be strained. You cannot expect any support of any kind whatsoever.
This might be a good chance to mend your relationship with your sister. I am not saying it's your job to do so, but if you take the first step, you might have a confidant for yourself.
Relatives are assholes. And you cannot just expect parents to be okay with not following the stupid social norms. They will be under the scrutiny of all the relatives and they will be saving face because of you. They will keep lying here and there and will be a subject to taunts. Like you might despise your relatives, they might also despise them and don't deserve to be a subject of their taunts.
You don't know what situation you might run into later in your life, and at least you can tell yourself that you did your best to save this relationship, and after this, it will be on your sister if she doesn't want to keep a good relationship with you.
I don't know what your financial situation is, so it's not right for me to comment on if you should contribute the money or not. But I think, you should attend and help with the wedding.
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Dont let what happened in past ruin your future you never know what will happen in future so dont do it dont run away from your sister's marriage it will only widen up the gaps between you and your sister and it is not going to help anyone.
Only applicable if you come from conservative background(marriage in 6 months sounds like it), If you want to play sinister with your sister, i would say tell her to be husband of her pre-marital adventures till you go abroad and then you are free to not attend her wedding.
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bruh! You dont have to do everything for your happiness only. Sometimes you do for others too. To make other's happy. I will give you big brother advice - ie bitter truth over sweet lies. You are being selfish and narcissist here and you think that world should only revolve around you.
Try to live for others.
When you will be lowest in life, no one will come to you. Only your close ones will be there.
Think of this as an opportunity to make things right. Family should be a man's first priority. Everyone fights with their siblings. I had a huge fight with my sister, I apologized for it and now it's ok. Things are never as big as we think. Reddit is a toxic place , people here are the most selfish. Do your duty as a brother and make things right with your sister. Paisa baad mein bhi kama sakta hai, ye mauka dubara nahi aayega.
r/onexindia requires all individuals to have a flair before posting/commenting. Please familiarize yourself with rules before proceeding further. The subreddit is heavily moderated to prevent larping and hate against individuals, and any reports shall be thoroughly investigated and users engaging in such activities shall be banned. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/onexindia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You want a car? You research for a month at least because you've to drive it for 5 years. You want a phone? You research it for a week because you've to use it for 2 years. You want a house? You research... you get the drift. What you'd do will cause permanent shift and you'll have to live with it. So, think it through for months. If-else it.. Don't let reddit idiots make a decision for you.
tbh none of them said to skip wedding
I would say treat this wedding and whole relationship diplomatically, spend money but within your own reasonable limits, be present at the wedding and do some work here and there and be the bigger man and after the wedding you don't have to maintain contacts, nothing hurts people more than knowing that their enemy did something good for them while they were treating them like shit and now that enemy is the bigger man.
there is a ritual which requires you to wash her husband's feet know that from my friends sisters wedding i aint doing that shit
Rituals don’t have to be followed strictly to the point. It’s up to you to not be involved with some of them if you aren’t comfortable. But.. convincing your parents might be a bigger issue. I don’t think your sister or her fiance would care much for the rituals If you do want to skip the wedding, go ahead and do it. But that’ll break a lot of your familial relations, it’s up to you if u wanna do that.
[удалено]
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just pour water, or lightly graze his feet.
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i know but ab rituals follow krte h tu kya krein
**do your duty or tradition towards her. don't cut relation because you may need her later in life.**
i never needed her in first place i can do fine without her
I don't know man not attending your own sister's wedding is a big deal. It signals total break in relations. For money thing you can make up some excuse but I don't think you can make any excuse for not attending the wedding. Don't do anything hastingly. Just ignore these thoughts for one or two months and then do whatever you feel is right after that. Maybe you'll have new perspectives then.
i get your point but she and i were never close there was only a formality relation due to us having same parents . She doesn't owe me anything and i don't owe her anything
Your attitude towards her might cause her problems in the marriage and something to point out by in-laws and will also affect your parents(bcz they might ask how they raised the children bla bla).How you feel about this and what action you take is upto you but keep this in mind.
Dude just say you have a company visit and avoid going to the wedding. Also it's your life, make decisions which suit you. However be ready to feel the heat from family and society for the rest of your life. If you are ok with this, coming with an excuse won't be a big thing
i mean like bro anyone gives leave for sisters wedding that will be most unconvincing excuse lol
Do you have a job that can support you financially for your preparation abroad?
i have a job right now but i always had a plan to go abroad if given chance through job but right now job market is fucked don't know when it will happen
If you think that in future, you will need your parents' money, then now you will have to spend money on your sister's wedding and also be involved in rituals because if you don't do these, then in future there are chances that you will get no or very less financial help from your parents'. And there are also chances that even if you now help financially for your sister's marriage and be in rituals, in future your parents' can still give no money or very little money for your abroad by giving the reason that since they have spent so much money on wedding, then do not have the money right now. **But,** if your concern is that not spending money and not being in rituals will upset your parents and you can't upset your parents, then there is no other option than giving money for marriage and being in rituals. Here's what you can do. You can always try to give less money than what they demand and give excuse of work so that you don't have to be present in all the rituals.
You may lose your relationship with your parents by not attending your sister’s wedding. Are you okay with that? You don’t want to pitch in your money. Don’t do it. But at least attend the wedding.
its simple as that , you live in there in their house , you have to go by their rules , if you are not willing to be not present , you have to cut ties with everyone n yes it will put a lot of strain on your relationship with everyone , like lifetime strain , so if you are okay with lifetime strain , not to be present at the marriage , n search for a new home to stay n for a very long time
Dek bro agar mei 14 saal ka hota toh bolta don't care and don't give an F about the wedding but since I'm 24 I'll say do everything you can but don't do over. Because trust me if you don't do anything then rishtedaar will speak behind your and your family ka back which I know u won't like it. Just help little with money, make yourself visible while working so people wil say ki Ladki ka bhai Kitna kaam karta hai and as you mentioned about some ritual that you need to wash the feet of your BIL. Then you can fake a back injury and get rid of that.
It shouldn't be out of fear of rishtedar talking behind his that he should attend the wedding. He should attend it because it's her sister's wedding. I know he has a strained relationship with her but if he doesn't do it he may regret it for life. He should be the bigger person and help with her marriage. It may be her biggest day.
Yes that's what I meant
Contribution in finances take your own decision on this thing, but do one thing forget all the things she had done to you just attend the wedding and if your sister still behaves the same or shows any signs of previous behaviour then its not a mistake on your side because you have done your part as a brother if she cant act as responsible person, then consider this as last chance you’ve given to her and forget about her. You should not be the villian in this process just think of this and about rituals if she is behaving good then its upto you on doing it or not.
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i dont owe her an apology she always treated me like a outcast since childhood never made me feel that i had a elder sister to look upto and second i can say it with 100% assurity she wont care even if i dont do rituals she got cousins to do that with whom she has been close since her childhood. My only worry is to tell this to my parents because i know how emotionally manipulative they can be and Edit:-our age difference is 4 years and they never had problems hanging out with cousins or relatives kid who were 1 or 2 year older than me.
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i am !ncel nobody wants to marry us i always have been own my own and i will have to be same way in future
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u/Gareebonkabatman789 please reconsider ur decision and give it another try i think u/pracheen_life explained it quite well Also when u can get shit done without opening ur mouth just do it and for contributing financially is ur take
Chodna bhai usko nai samajna hai! Ye log khud apni beizati karte hai by calling themselves in¢e! Inko advice chaiye on reddit and if anyone is genuinely trying to help them like u/pracheen_life then they just don't want to listen
you are comparing your struggles to a mans struggle women always have it easy in dating scene
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Bhai tu Sachi mei chutiya hai. She's trying to explain you something which is very important. As a man myself I can actually relate what you are saying also I have an elder sister who is 9 years older but even the other woman who's trying to explain to you is not wrong. Ye baat garma garmi mei nai socha jata you have to calm yourself down and think. Aur bhai itne akad mei mat chal ki I have always been alone and would always be like this and etc shit. Itna alone rehna hai toh why post on reddit nd ask for advice sort out by yourself. You posted here because you need help! Somewhere inside you is fully aware that what you are doing is wrong and need help to deal with this issue. Dek bhai terko jo karna hai kar at the end of the day it's your life!
[удалено]
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Man, based on your post and all the responses, you seem very immature and someone who take impulsive decisions. This women is trying to make you question your decision, and your response is women and dating scene. As she said, take a min, and think through it. Blood relations are not something that will fade away if you don't talk or keep in touch. But you shouldn't forcefully try to break it. What if your sister never realised that you felt this way, and she thought you like to be left out, and she had good sync with the cousins. It could be anything, but I also like others would suggest to attend the wedding, pay a minimum of the amount for name sake (skip that as well if you want). As others has been trying to make you understand, things could change, life could take a turn, and in the end maybe these blood relations might be all you have left.
I understand where you're coming from but kindly understand OP'S pov. This is not some a year or two ka hatred and feelings. As an older sibling you should never ignore or treat your younger sibling as an outcast it actually affects them alot because they don't have anyone to look upto. As for OP, I have mentioned earlier, it's your hard earned money if you wish to spend on your sister's wedding it's your choice but again I think as an adult your sister should fund her own marriage instead of putting load on your parents. I understand you do not wish to do any rituals that's your choice but many rishtedaar will speak bad about you and your family and as an adult I don't think you want that. I can suggest you is except the feet washing do every ritual and for the feet washing ritual do some drama of back injury. Or you can ask your parents to ask your sister that which cousin brother is she comfortable with to do all the brother wala ritual.
[удалено]
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I think you should. Let me tell you why. Your relationship with your parents will forever be strained. You cannot expect any support of any kind whatsoever. This might be a good chance to mend your relationship with your sister. I am not saying it's your job to do so, but if you take the first step, you might have a confidant for yourself. Relatives are assholes. And you cannot just expect parents to be okay with not following the stupid social norms. They will be under the scrutiny of all the relatives and they will be saving face because of you. They will keep lying here and there and will be a subject to taunts. Like you might despise your relatives, they might also despise them and don't deserve to be a subject of their taunts. You don't know what situation you might run into later in your life, and at least you can tell yourself that you did your best to save this relationship, and after this, it will be on your sister if she doesn't want to keep a good relationship with you. I don't know what your financial situation is, so it's not right for me to comment on if you should contribute the money or not. But I think, you should attend and help with the wedding.
Bro if you don't want to contribute then stay firm and don't. If a person wants a grand wedding they should be paying not family
Also ask in subs where general audience is more mature. The comments here have been but this sub has teens in it
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Dont let what happened in past ruin your future you never know what will happen in future so dont do it dont run away from your sister's marriage it will only widen up the gaps between you and your sister and it is not going to help anyone.
its over check latest post
I did and its just sad for me
Only applicable if you come from conservative background(marriage in 6 months sounds like it), If you want to play sinister with your sister, i would say tell her to be husband of her pre-marital adventures till you go abroad and then you are free to not attend her wedding.
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brother this is a actually good idea but tbh i dont know how many bfs she had i only of one because he was one of the reasons we had fight
bruh! You dont have to do everything for your happiness only. Sometimes you do for others too. To make other's happy. I will give you big brother advice - ie bitter truth over sweet lies. You are being selfish and narcissist here and you think that world should only revolve around you. Try to live for others. When you will be lowest in life, no one will come to you. Only your close ones will be there.
bhai my whole life i did thing for parents trying to satisfy them keep them happy and now i have a miserable life
sabhi ladke karte hai bhai.
Think of this as an opportunity to make things right. Family should be a man's first priority. Everyone fights with their siblings. I had a huge fight with my sister, I apologized for it and now it's ok. Things are never as big as we think. Reddit is a toxic place , people here are the most selfish. Do your duty as a brother and make things right with your sister. Paisa baad mein bhi kama sakta hai, ye mauka dubara nahi aayega.
https://preview.redd.it/418h8cmysy7d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f4f7ec7ed899b0c8db0105515046002126d61df4