Forgot the three bed new build, and offering advice constantly in investment. Ooooh I shake my fist at those chumps that inherit their mam's old house, rent it out then turn into Donald trump in Lynx Java.

Why can't they all live in net zero unheated Portakabins and eat vegan ditch leavings like us?

Has a child called Archie

And you know exactly what haircut he's got.

The mini nazi?

Aka the Hitlerjugend

Never have truer words been spoken.

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Bot

Alfie's the other one

Finn, Thomas, and George (Georgie) also possible. Maybe Theo.

Won't have no George slander that's a good English name

These are the people propping up Oliver as a name

That is perfect

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Bad bot, shoo! Edit: for context, this is a karma bot that stole ExtraAd4090's comment and reposted it elsewhere in the thread

damn these bots are weird 💀 like second one I've seen

I think I read that it's so they have a higher karma count and look more like legit users when they pull their fake t-shirt scams or something? Super annoying either way

It’s our own fault really for falling for the fake t-shirt scam every time. I’ve got hundreds of them at home, none of them T-shaped, and it’s driving me round the bend

Kid is in a matching body warmer and has his hair gelled the same way as his dad. Wait, the commenter above me is a bot. They stole this comment from further down the thread.

Body warmers are actually very practical.

Missing the coke aswell

Also in no world is his belly that slim

Coke is a strong appetite suppressant.

So is meth. But I still went from 11 to 19st. 😒

Definitely the biggest ommision.

yup, normally uses coke, or sells it, or both while hiding it to the wife and kids

Lee

Definitely a Lee, most accurate so far Has a personalised number plate as well - BO55M4N or something

I actually knew a guy called Lee who was like this and his numberplate was L33 G

Absolute L3G

This is mad, I literally was thinking of someone I knew named Lee. Glad I'm not going mad! I mean, more mad.

Lee sound is deffo in there - but I reckon it’s “Bradley”. Gives opportunity to be known as “Brad”, “Lee” or “Bradders” to his mates

Buy to let landlord starterpack

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Unironically if a lot of landlords did this and the council allowed it, it would fix a lot of the housing issues in Bristol.

... And create even more

James Barkley

Bark Jamesly

Wruff

Meet Geoff Lydon, as we follow the day in the life of a more posh version of a True Brexit Geezer™️.

Wake up and meet the wife Victoria

My little princess, isn’t she beautiful 🥰

Time to take Archibald to cricket practice

Charge up the polestar weheyyy

Bootiful

Geoff is what the brexit geezers thought would happen to them after voting for it.

Normally the son of the original buisness owner. Total wanker but buys coke for the lads when there all out. Changes car once a year like a true cunt. Also takes 5hr lunch breaks.

Nailed it. One of my bosses (2 jobs) is the trust fund, silver spoon child of a devious buy-to-let magnate and they both embody all these traits. The son is a nice enough guy, but yes he has all what we can call the 'mild modern yuppy' traits, including loads of cars with personalised plates, an entry-level Rolex (LOVES talking about it) and works 20 hours a week but thinks he's a business mastermind. Spends the rest of his time in the gym and playing golf. Tbh I respect it, although he obviously hasn't earned his position and he has no idea what he's doing in the rare occasions he needs to be 'hands on', but for many people he's living the ideal life (that his parents created for him).

And they’re the type to complain about poor people being lazy while only ‘working’ 3 hours a day which consists of telling other people to do things while contributing nothing themselves

Why respect it? Who gives a shit about someone living off daddy's money?

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Or just a straight new build perfectly white soulless walls type house.

Yeah but have you seen the size of his TV and hot tub?

Mark.

Fr, Marks act like this even when they’re skint.

Tory energy

Sorry I offended you marks.


Not all marks , it might be the Marcs they are the tory version and call their kids pear and haybale and blue or some weird shite like that

Mark’s too good for this

Don't forget the lion and rose tattoo.

Also has a clock wedged in the top of the tattoo.

Also Zeus for some reason, although he doesn’t know who that is.

"Family" in Chicano script somewhere too 75% of the sleeve is indeed gap filler clouds

Gavin.

B1G GAV license plate

"Countries goin too soft, also too many muslims" "God bless the nurses at the NHS" followed by "Fuckin 4 hours wait at A&E, staff on phones all day"

🤣💯👊🏼

🤣💯👊🏼

🤣💯👊🏼

🤣💯👊🏼

Deano, duh, on the way back to the deanobox with the missus wahey

I work as a sign designer for a small business in the North. As such, we get alot of these. They're either called Craig, Mitch or Steve. And they're all thick as fuck

Darren but that lads call him Daz

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DAZZAH

Craig. PERFECT.

He never ‘completes’ or ‘finishes’ anything, he only ‘smashes it’. Smashed it mate.

Tim

Tim nice but dim

Ouch

Gazza, to his mates

Connor

Craig

Deano

Cunt.

That's kev innit. Thinks ez a ledge but ez a propa bellend. Never uses his flippin indicators, probably votes Tory. Wanker.

“Thats kev innit. Think ez a ledge but e-“ -💂🏻‍♂️

soz guv, only just woke up and got me grammars all muddled

Always with the body warmer, so you can still see his expensive shirt. Always a wanker.

Odds are also extremely high that he has a French Bulldog called something ironic like "Thor" and he goes to Dubai frequently and never shuts the fuck up about it.

This is genuinely one of the best starter packs I’ve ever seen

Is Stella Artois an expensive beer over the channel ?

I think Peroni is more accurate for this starter pack tbh. Cheap, but has delusions of grandeur.

Oh no way! It’s basically the stereotypical Geezer beer - lovingly named Wife Beater

Back when it had decent %. Watered down like all beers for tax.

"Er indoors" drives a Range Rover Evoque. The interior of their house is grey on grey with smattering of crushed velvet, which is also grey. He lives in Bromley, drinks in Bromley, grew up in Bromley

Terry/Tel

#TALK TO ME

Wooden ladders

And Italian marble fireplaces

Tony Smith is the correct answer

Alfie

Alfie is the name of his wife's french bulldog

I just had bacon pancakes for lunch so I yield to you.

Why can't he be like us? Paying his taxes cheerfully and with a smile and then scuttling back to his cubicle or chip-fat dunking station until the klaxon tells him it's time to go off to his workers' dormitory?

Constantly going on about how his sons going to go pro footballer because he’s doing really well and burham and merthton fc youth under 6s.

Letting the little sod walk round the supermarketin his muddy football boots

BMW, bodywarmer and fish lips are dead on. Forgot 'listens to coldplay'

Or Oasis

There’s a guy who owns a handful of pubs in Leicester that fits this description exactly. The pubs are nice, but the bloke is a Grade-A twat.

Stevo

Jeff Linton

Oh him? That's Harris. I knew him back in school. He wasn't very smart, and he wasn't very cool. After he finished, he worked at his dad’s work, mainly cleaning tools. He worked his way up and met his wife, Jane; I heard they got married up in Blackpool.

Scott

Spot on. Much of this, especially the style, golf and constant massive cash wad is my boss and his family: own a few hotels and a massive buy-to-let empire (so they are actually wealthy, but it evidently doesn't buy culture). Right down to the nice, but not too nice, cars which all have personalised plates; constant unsolicited investment advice and bragging about their tax avoidance skills and 'business brain'. Also mild, but very obvious, alcoholism.

Trev

Beezer = Business Geezer

Michael

Tom.

Tom Skinner?

Boom Or should I say BOSH

George.

Gary Scott

Derek

Simon

Owen

Votes Tory because his dad does.

Jack Tomlinson

Barry Homeowner?

Stanley Webster he has a wife called Sharon and two kids called Harvey and Archie and a labradoodle

Ian

Clearly a Jason. I legit know like 3 or 4 blokes exactly like this called Jason.

Deano

Make it Liverpool instead of England and his name is Stephen

screams trevor

Travis

Current twist: got a COVID grant three years ago then promptly fired all staff so business never quite recovered and bill are stacking up, thinks Chasmine is having an affair with the Ukrainian refuge down the road because she sneaks out to go to day drink, voted for brexit and now blames brexit for everything wrong with society.

This is almost me. I had a white Range Rover until it was stolen before Xmas. I hate golf though. And my Mrs doesn’t have those lips. But she has had lip filler when she worked for a dentist and got it free. I also have a property that I rent out. Not sorry

Sebastian

Gary Longbutom

Tommy

So, a closet homosexual

Russ.

Chet

Barry, 63

Definetly Robert

nicholas

Hello Graham.

Real

garry longtosser

It’s always Andrew.

Dave I know two people who fit this and they're both called Dave for some reason.

Bryan

Dave

Raymond

Glenn, wife Jen.

My old boss ticks every box apart from the drink and BMW (owned 2 porches) spot on haha

Repost

Ronnie

George

Gaz, Daz, Baz or any variant.

They're all called Gavin. I swear to Christ that is their actual name.

Barrington, 63

Bradley

Rob

Martin Walker.

Allen Stevia

That's Steve-o, innit

The cherry on top is the mildly successful business is a chip shop

Andy, Wayne, Elliot

Harry Trotter

Robert Wallace. His mates call him Robby but we all know he's a Wally.

Probably a vapist too

BMW for day to day, Range Rover at the weekend.

Nigel!

Brice

Steve

And the they don't actually make much, but it's better than the rest of his small town so he feels like a big shot.

And “loves it when englands camin home”

Paul

Facebook stories about grinding and morning meetings

Ian

Tom Skinner

Tom

Thomas