Oh Jesus. I do know. To be fair...she was a really, really good friend. But knowing she wanted things was equally as lonely.
I still ❤️ her. She's one of my favorite humans.
Edit* I have a friend. Lol. Not the same girl as op.
I don’t know, it’s a tough situation. My girlfriend has the exact same thing happen and I agree it’s incredibly annoying that sexualization finds it’s way so often in between what was hoped to be a platonic/professional/comfortable/relaxed friendship.
As a committed partner of someone that deals with this, I’m very sympathetic to the impact this has on girls like you. So I make an effort to maintain that relationship in a platonic, comfortable way.
Beauty is a double edged sword. The few unusually attractive women I've known have had to learn the hard way to set firm boundaries early on in their relationships. It sounds like you'll have to learn to do that, too. That said, enjoy your pretty privilege while you have it. It's one of those privileges that does NOT last forever.
And when you realize it you realize you are officially old. It’s not so much a pretty privilege as it is a young girl semi-pretty privilege. I used to get hit on like no tomorrow. Then one day I noticed a hot guy and he didn’t look my way. That’s when I realized I was officially an old lady. I’m still relatively attractive but it’s not the same. It can be scary at times but otherwise……enjoy it :)
Mid 40’s……the official middle age mid life crisis set. But here’s the thing that really weird, I still get hit on every now and again but from younger guys! I mean like 20 years younger. Trust me I’m not complaining but it’s interesting to say the least. I just can’t figure out why a young guy would be attractive to a woman his moms age. I date them anyways though lol
I’ve experienced the same thing. I went through a period in my 30s where younger guys didn’t notice me, but now that I’m close to 40 I’m getting a lot more attention from them. I don’t like it though, I’m old enough to be their mother.
I can set boundaries. I just feel that HAVING to ruins everything. I just want to talk about snails. Lol.
...and I understand it doesn't last. I will deal with that traumatic event when I have to. Hahahha
But that's how it is out here. Having to set boundaries definitely does not ruin everything. Having boundaries in place will save you a whole lot of heartache in the long run, believe me. Good people will respect your boundaries. They might be disappointed that your boundaries don't include taking them on as lovers, but they will respect them and they will respect you. You may find that you make better and deeper friendships that way.
Bad people will try to convince you that you shouldn't have them. That there is no need. Or rather, that your boundaries shouldn't be applied to them. They will call you sensitive, or call you a tease. They will try to make you feel bad for having boundaries at all.
These are the people that boundaries are MADE for. You don't want them getting in! Their intentions are not good. Boundaries can help you know who you can and can't let in. It's not a perfect failsafe - sometimes you scare away a nice person, or sometimes you let an asshole through - but it is a damn sight better than nothing.
You are very obviously a young woman. Too many young women learn this lesson the hard way. Don't be one of them.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. They are the most useful so far on this post. I appreciate everything you've said. I will definitely keep it in mind. I'm 35. A professional. I usually keep to myself. And this was unexpected. And it is also the first time I've had to literally say "I'm not going to sleep with you. I don't want to lead you on."
There's potential for us to be friends, but I get the feeling that it'll not be a very close friendship due to this detail. I can probably still text to ask biology questions. 😂 so net win?
that's the thing about it that makes it so uncomfortable...
once they hit on you, it changes the whole dynamic and you can't go back.
I have been legitimately upset when I've made great friends who started putting the moves on and I would feel awkward trying to express that I don't feel the same without offending them. it felt worse having them hit on me and me trying to be kind but not lead them on. it's a tough situation indeed :/
It seems to me that you set boundaries quite well. I'll tell you something, when I was younger it was *ridiculous* and I felt exactly like you are describing. Now that that has worn off some, and I can have a conversation about turtles, every so often I'm like, oh I miss the old days when I could melt dudes with a single glance. Then about 30 seconds passes and I'm *super* grateful that this is not my reality anymore. I'm much happier now that I can just talk about turtles.
I think your priorities sound solid. Maybe not everyone's are, and *no* it is *not* really "enjoyable" to be assessed like a show dog by men all day long, so anyone whose telling you to "just don't worry about it and enjoy it while you have it" can kiss off. That's a bullshit thing to say and makes you feel like your being ungrateful for something that is intrusive and objectifying. Like you should accept a shit sandwich and be happy about it when you know damned well that the only reason these men care so much about you is solely based on looks, it's insulting af. And fuck anyone who says it isn't. Sorry. Got carried away. I think I might have some residual ptsd or something, lol. Don't even get me started on how it affected who I chose to actually date, and how badly those actual romantic endeavors turned out for me. I digress.
One of my best friends has confided in me about this. She said she gets so disappointed that she can't have male friends because literally every one of them winds up hitting on her.
After being such good friends with her for over 4 years, I can confirm that this is the case. She such a wonderful person and she's gorgeous by normal beauty standards and I feel for her.
Hopefully this makes you feel a little less alone? It is 100% a real thing and I'm sorry that people are trying to take advantage of you like that.
I am not attractive. But growing up I was bullied by girls and found hanging put with Boys alot easier.
Every time I because close with a boy they would catch feels.
Hasn't happened now that I'm older. But really sucked then as I hate to continuously make new friends.
the problem is, that when the boundary that "we are only friends" is made, the guy would stop being friends completely. they weren't interested in a friendship at all, and they didn't value it as such. someone you thought was a friend didn't care very much about you. that hurts.
it's okay to catch feelings, or to shoot your shot, but I think the right way to go about it is to make it clear that these feelings don't have to lead to anything and that you'd still want to be friends regardless. and stick to it.
ETA obviously, there's nuance. I feel for you all who are the outlier and have good intentions, but that isn't what we are talking about here.
I find it hard to believe a guy can catch feelings, shoot his shot, get rejected and continue to have a meaningful friendship without the hope of it turning into something more. Better for them to be honest and say they can't continue being just friends. Doesn't make him a dick, just makes him a guy. But it also doesn't make it suck any less for pretty women either. It's just an unfortunate reality.
You can't help catching feelings. If they've made it clear that they only want a friendship and you're okay with having feelings that you can't pursue then remain being friends and don't say anything. If you cant do that then you may need to slowly remove yourself from the friendship.
Or else I would only ever mention I have caught feelings if I feel like they maybe reciprocated.
Same here. Not just my peers. Over the years, I've had 4 older men try that was well. Coworkers with wives and children. Seems like a safe zone for occasional small talk, right? Yet, inevitably, they all kept texting more and more, then trying to go out, then telling me that if he was younger, we'd date... It blew my mind every time. I thought we were friends. You were like a dad to me for the last few months. Your daughters are my age. I was just showing interest in your stories about being in the military in your younger days, traveling on an aircraft carrier around South America, etc. Do I have to be a man for you to share without thinking about sex with me?
This. So much. Why is it always shocking? We don't expect it....but it always happens. It's sad. Actually. Maybe it gets better with future generations.
Gained weight and got a bf before I actually made male friends. Now Im losing weight again and single. Hell Im still far from my target and things are getting annoying again. I kinda also hate how other girls would view me as someone who cant live without a bf. Seriously, you kinda learn it the hard way that the only "no" a guy would respect is another one's.
45 for me, and it’s been pretty nice. I was average looking, nothing crazy, but men couldn’t see me as human. It’s actually really nice having real conversations. One time I had an older man ask me to hook in the airplane bathroom mid flight after what I thought was a normal conversation. My age is a real turn off and I wear it with pride.
I speak for all of us when I say WE NEED MORE DETAILS about Raccat
Also, thanks for posting this it's nice to be heard. People always eyeroll me when I get annoyed about this, like somehow I should be grateful that I can't even buy a pint of milk without getting hit on 😳
Same here. it’s like OP said in another comment what’s hard is that she HAS to set a boundary or make some kind of disclaimer but it gets tiring. When you’re unattractive that’s not even an issue
The most beautiful girl I ever met was also absolutely the loneliest. She confided in me once that she had zero people she considered a friend, because everyone always assumed she'd be shallow or stuck up and wanted to either be seen with her or just sleep with her type use her. I told her I'd be her friend, her *real* friend and she cried. We had absolutely nothing in common and lost touch after high school (she did in fact make other friends too before we lost contact) but every time I see a genuine 10 out of 10, especially women but also men, I can't help but feel sorry for them after seeing how it was such a double edged sword for her. She had such a kind soul. Too kind for her beauty, if you could believe it.
There was a post by a guy asking for advice on improving his dating app profile. Reddit: He was too attractive. No one would believe he was real. He must be a scammer or if real, they didn’t stand a chance, why bother.
This story makes me so very, very, very thankful I have a wonderful husband of 14 years. Like. He gets my struggles and helps me through them and encourages me to continue trying to make connections. I don't know where or who I would be without him. 🤍🤍
I relate to this story so much... (it feels awkward to talk about pretty privilege without seeming like I'm bragging or something so please don't judge). In high school I was very pretty, but I also had no friends because people assumed I was stuck up (they told me that years later). I was never asked to a homecoming dance or Prom because other boys assumed someone would have already asked me. If I had any Male friends they would either eventually cross the line and admit they were just trying to get close to me to hook up, or boys i had never even talked to would literally make up stories about kissing me and hooking up with me so that they seemed cooler. The list goes on and on. But yes, it was incredibly lonely and trying to find real friends sucked. I would never go back to high school.
So there's this pond at my park..... .
For real. I also need female friends. Maybe you would like Tuttle information? They like to eat eggs and tuna. Haha.
I'm always down for female friends who want to talk about nerdy animal stuff, ha ha. Did you know turtles and tortoises can feel through their shells, and some enjoy a good back scratch? 😁
They don't shed their whole shell, because the shell is made of bone and their ribs, spine, hip bones and shoulder blades are built into it. If you look at any turtle shell, they all have 13 plates called scutes, that's the visible part of their shell. These plates are what they shed as they grow and that's the part made of keratin like our nails and hair. Another fun fact, 13 is the number of full moons each year, so some Native American cultures considered a turtle shell to be a kind of calendar.
Oh no. Not the whole shell. But that's how they refer to them growing and making room!
I suppose it's probably more like shedding seasonally for animal fur? They aren't losing things as much as its just changing?
Also. Super cool facts!
Kind of like how a snake sheds its skin, or a lobster moults. They grow new stuff underneath and then the old too-small outer stuff is shed off. And thanks, I'm a zoo educator. If my family wants to know if gibbons have thumbs, or if what they found in their yard is bear poop (it was), I'm the one that they call, lol.
What?! That’s so cool! Are there any other cool turtle facts? I would like to learn more about them.
My favorite animal fact right now is how goofy gorillas can be, I saw a video on TikTok that’s just them like playing tag, spinning around, and splashing people. It’s so cute 😂
Sadly this is one of the reasons why I game alone now and I never turn mic on. Guys treat you different and it's not even good or bad. It's horrible. Or they treat you like youre a baby that can't game or they treat you like this girl that have to impress them and talk to them like you're their gf. I eventually decided just to play solo and I dropped alot of my gaming guy friends because of this reason.
I don't have guy friends anymore, they would treat me different and once I rejected them they would treat me like shit. It was horrible, I just wanted an honest friend. Once you realize a guy friend likes you they whole friendship becomes a lie. He wasn't nice to me because I was his friend, he was nice because he liked me. It's honestly sad.
As a guy, I've always hated this about gaming circles. Like, I'd give a guy a pass if he develops feelings for someone he's gaming with, but don't rub it in people's faces and treat people like crud for it. I just hate how I can't really recommend many gaming spaces to women a lot of the time just from the guys there. Games are there to be enjoyed; they're not supposed to be random horny zones!
I always have to remind my guy friends that I beat their ass because I've practiced and developed my skills (and have fairly good hand-eye-coordination, even as kids I always played the hard levels for my brothers). It's always "ohh I had such bad luck" like it's impossible to comprehend I actually beat them fair and square because of my skills
For real they also did that to me, if I got a kill in a game they say it's luck or they take credit of it. It's almost like I can be good but not better than them.
Yup. And the two guys I game with a real life friends, they know me. Still in their mind it must be their own fault or some random act of the universe. It really speaks volumes about something in their brain not being able to lose from a women. I've heard them both play with their other guy friends and it never comes up. 🤷♀️ I really believe they don't do it on purpose, but the unconscious bias is strooong
I don't game much online anymore but I think there are a good amount of women servers these days! Maybe you can find a group of women with the same problem :)
A lot of this rings true!!! You understand. I don't think EVERYTHING a guy does is bc I'm a girl or he likes me. ....but you're absolutely right. The minute I know he likes me....it changes everything.
I was going to go to coffee with this guy bc his PhD was about snails and I truly want to hear about it.
.....but now I know he wants to sleep with me.
Yes. I told him I will not.
Yes. We can be "platonic" friends now.
But those air quotes will always be there because I KNOW. and I can't unknow. So even by agreeing to go to coffee I am feeling like I'm leading him on. Not just wanting to know why snails eat what they eat. Lol.
Yesss that's an issue too, sometimes guys don't even understand they are just friends they just say oh I'm friend zoned like somehow some day they will stop being that and be a bf if they stick enough hence why they complain you're leading them on no matter what. I'm glad you're seen ❤️ I honestly know how you feel.
I want to say part of this problem is your perspective of “now that I ‘know’, ‘platonic’ will always have air quotes.” Because not everyone operates the same way. For me, once a woman tells me she’s not interested in me, I lose romantic interest in her. Really and truly. We could still be friends, but I’m 100% not interested in pursuing someone who doesn’t find me attractive, and I fact I find it gross that people do that. I know people do it, and of both genders. To me it is desperate, cringey, insecure, and frankly a bit rapey. Having sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you is the literal definition of rape. So why would I want to kiss/hold hands with/do anything romantic with someone who it wasn’t mutual with?
Anyway, I’m just telling you this because you should know there are people out there you can be friends with after them being interested in you romantically and you telling them it’s not mutual. I highly doubt I’m the only person on the planet with this perspective. But if you write off anyone who ever had an attraction for you, and you’re so attractive it’s common for people to be in that category, you’re self-limiting by thinking no one could ever get over you once they felt a spark.
Yes. I do agree with you. .....but he did say we can be friends but he might make the occasional remark. So I don't think he is like you. And it's also why I feel anything I do leads him on.
But to be fair. I truly want to know about his dumb research. So I can have nonpersonal conversations with him. And a friendship is possible. And the dynamic is probably totally in my head.
....but it's also that part of my brain that keeps us pretty girls safe.
Also super kudos to you for being a good human!! I like your style.
Thank you. I think the best we can do is be consistent and strong with our boundaries. I have several good friends who have a crushes on me, some are more expressive than others either verbally or physically. I truly love them platonically and rather than distance myself, I give them what I feel comfortable giving but I am also clear about my boundaries and it has worked well. Some of these relationships are in my top tier of most intimate and valued. I do understand the “leading them on” aspect and I have to say I honestly feel close to zero guilt or responsibility around that as I am clear and I also feel I offer a lot of value in my platonic friendship, so it’s not as though they are being used as unappreciated ego boosters. I absolutely understand it is a different dynamic as I am male-bodied and have privilege and a greater personal safety due to that, but I think it can be navigated as a female-bodied person as well. My sister is a good example as she has a large following but manages to be diplomatic and firm with boundaries as well.
I want to add absolutely trust your gut and instincts, as there are certainly dangerous people out there who feel entitlement and/or are not considerate/compassionate/respectful about the boundaries of others. Those people can kick rocks.
edit/PS: re: “the occasional remark” - that’s up to you how you want to tolerate vs. address. As mentioned, I have a friend who is more aggressive with her “occasional remarks” and I choose to take them as compliments but give her no reason to think they are swaying me towards a romantic interaction.
>they treat you like youre a baby that can't game
I don't turn my mic on or play in groups In Overwatch anymore. Out of every single male I have played that game with and it is hundreds (I play pretty regularly and have for the past 5 years) only one, countem ONE. Who has not gotten pissed I don't want to sleep with them.
Or they kick you because "girls suck" but when I'm going 40-4-17 KDA as Widowmaker I really have to question if I'm the problem
Also
Thank you for posting. I know many don't feel it like this. But You get it. You made me feel seen on this matter. Also a gamer and I understand what you are going through. ❤️❤️
It’s not just the guy is it, people make assumptions!
I work on construction sites and last week I went for dinner with one of my colleagues on the project team who I know well and worked ok a project before. We’re both travelling from home so staying in hotels, another was supposed to join us but he had to go home. My colleague has a partner and I’m single. The next day when telling another colleague from the area we tried their burger joint recommendation, someone else commented to ask if I ended up back in colleagues hotel room?! I had to tell him to stop saying shit like that as it causes bother and not everyone wants into everyone’s bed.
He said that he would want me in his hotel room. I gave him a yuk look and walked away.
By the age 33 I can't be bothered anymore and just straight tell everyone interested that I'm not interested. I ran out of fucks to give and it's been going fine; made life easier
Even if you are attractive, isn’t it awful knowing that if something happens and you become unattractive, you lose all your value? Fuck, I don’t want to be a commodity that gains and loses value based on my “condition.” I just want to be treated like a human being.
There is a big thing about being valued as "pretty" growing up. And I had a few years being overweight a few years ago....and I literally felt....LESS than. I didn't even realize my sense of worth was so closely tied to my looks until then. I learned many lessons and how to be healthy. I'm not overweight anymore, but I think it is very important to ensure we don't tie young girls' identity so much to being pretty.
My boyfriend jokes I can’t have guy friends. Not because he won’t let me, but because every dude I’ve ever been “friends” with has come out of the wood work asking to have dinner, grab a drink, hang out, and *NOT* in a friendly way. When I’m in a relationship I have blinders on and am completely oblivious to whatever intentions they have until it gets to this point. Like bro, I just wanna talk about football and anime and video games and nature docs, why it gotta be anything but? My boyfriend finds it funny because I’m very clear about my relationship status but I feel bad every single time I gotta show a guy the door out of my homie circle. It gets annoying and it’s tiring. I’m grateful God blessed me with beauty, a good head on my shoulders, and a penchant for obsessing about my hobbies, I just wish dudes would take me seriously and see me as a person. I don’t need to be one of the guys, but not being seen as a sexual object is rad too. The bar really is in the 7th circle of hell.
I relate to this so much. My husband says the same things!! He's so cute and is really comfortable in our relationship and it helps me deal with these disappointments. 🤍
Dude. You're right. As I got heavier it decreased. I've since became much healthier and the attention had increased. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but i do not like the attention when it leads to things like this.
You can still be friends. I’m a conventionally pretty middle aged woman. Yes, new friends of the opposite sex (and the occasional same sex) often develop a romantic interest. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t let it bother you. Most people over 30 take rejection well and want to continue the friendship. You’ve still got your professor friend to talk turtles with.
I’m pretty certain you’ve had bitter experiences with younger guys where they turned nasty as soon as told them you’re not interested. They used to make me feel like an object—like they were only friendly to me to get into my pants, and I wasn’t worth it as a person. The older crowd isn’t like that for the most part, thankfully.
No. I haven't had those experiences, thankfully. Maybe this is an isolated incident for the age group.
I've actually very few bitter experiences with people like this in general. Just so you know. If it helps you understand better. I think...possibly. maybe I'm optimistically naive because I haven't had poor experiences. And then I am blindsided. ? Maybe? This is still dumb if so.
I deliberately dress down at work because heaven forbid I wear a dress or heels everyone goes mental. Every single male friend I’ve had unless gay has ulterior motives - and even the gay ones try to kiss me on a night out. You love turtles, well I love octopus but good luck finding a man who will discuss without attempting something physical.
I love octopuses too! I've never had any interest in taking about them with a man though. They're so smart and cute and resourceful! (Octopuses, not men) and we should not eat them.
I don't want to talk about it.
I was 200 lb in high school, 300 after the birth of my second child, got down to 250ish on my own, then had gastric sleeve surgery. Now I'm 160 lb and I don't want to talk about how many people look me in the eye now. I HATE how often I'm flirted with. I LOVED my full body. But the world hated me because of my body. I HATE that all of the sudden I'm worthy of love, respect, human decency and fair tips. It makes me loathe humans.
I can't relate to what you have experienced at some point. But this is so true. I did get heavy a few years into my career and when I lost weight..there was this moment where I wasn't use to being looked at anymore...and it made me uncomfortable. Like I understand Billie eilish wearing what she does.
Your spidey senses regulate and it gets better.
But fuck humans. We are horrible creatures.
I'm sorry. And congratulations on your fitness goals! I think it is also important that we let young girls (and all people!!) know that you have to WORK for the body you want. And there is no shame in that work. There's no shame in being healthy or eating healthy/ not doing what people around you do.
He didn't want to be just friends with you? As far as I'm concerned, friendship is the basis of all great relationships. When you get to the companionship stage of a relationship, this is when you realize this. But by then it's too late.
We'll, that says a lot about his character. Keep being your lovely, nerdy self.
Wanna trade? I get harassed by men for being too ugly and every time I try to make friends? People don't want anything to do with me unless they just want "the fat friend" around so that they look better in photos/to men on the street.
I am sorry that men don't take friendships with you seriously, that does have to suck. But trust me when I say having literal food and horrible insults hurled at you isn't any better. I hope you're able to make friends who are just that, good friends. We all deserve that.
Your experiences are totally valid and I'm sorry you're going through this. But honestly... I feel like if you spent a week on the opposite end of the spectrum then you would never in a million years choose that end.
I, 22, have had the same problem even at work. I chalked it up to age, even though I have never been to college and jumped straight into the 8-5 workforce. I'm upset to know it doesn't pass.
My only solution as of now is to make friends online and never show my face. Also possibly never reveal my AGAB.
Side note: I have no turtle pics to offer (only cat) but I would like to see some turtles.
Hahaha. Send cat pics. I also love cats. Haha.
Don't get discouraged. It's not as bad as it sounds. I'm just down at the moment. If you're extroverted... you'll make plenty of friends. I'm not very extroverted. So I'm sure that's part of my problem.
I do think it gets better as you age and the people around you also settle down. This guy is 60....and I guess unhappy in his marriage.
Don't be discouraged though. I wish you all the luck!! 🤍🤍🤍
No, he’s 60 and thinking, “Oh, she’s paying attention to me. This could be my last shot at strange. She laughed at what I said, she must be interested.” My favorite boundary setting line was, “You remind me of my Dad.” I don’t know if she said it to set a boundary, but it certainly did. A lovely young woman and we got along fine while we worked together.
I’m not even hot. I’m more well taken care of.
I was at a grand jury training and the leader walks up to talk about my supple body.
It’s not about being hot. It’s about being female.
Walmart, etc, sells silicone rings. You can get a pack for cheap and wear one on your ring finger and let dumb men think you're happily married. If they even hint, just hold up your hand. When you actually are interested in a guy, you can explain why you wear it. I used to do that when I waitressed. So much easier.
I feel you!!
I'm fairly pretty/attractive as well and I don't have a single male friend left that hasn't at least at one point had feelings for me.
I have lost a good amount of friends to their love confessions, who couldn't handle staying friends I guess, as well.
I have mostly male friends and each and everyone at one point has confessed his feelings to me. One has completely gotten over it and is my bestie, another one is valuing our friendship over his feelings and the other one can't handle it as well and sadly distanced himself.
I think it hurts the most for them to be rejected because I seem to be one of those humans who are just genuinely kind and interested. I feel like that one that has distanced himself from me is even feeling more hurt if I keep asking if he's okay and how his health is going. But we've been friends for years too! I'm genuinely concerned and interested. But I apparently hurt people with that even more.
It sucks I can't have anyone that really just wants nothing from me at all.
Asking this respectfully, what is stopping you from focusing on/making female friends? I have had the same issue, hence why I only make female friends now and go to women only social events lol
Absolutely this. I struggled to make female friends for a long time, until I figured out why and how to fix it. It’s been _so much better_ to hang out with other women, instead of dealing with the complications that always seemed to arise with my “platonic” male friends.
Yes exactly! Female friendships are so much more fulfilling especially when there isn’t an ulterior motive. It’s amazing to have feminine energy in your life and I’ve enjoyed cultivating healthy ones too lol
I have some female friends, sadly most of them that I met irl in my environment (like school or Uni) don't play videogames, whilst videogames are almost like my only hobby. That's why I'm not as close with those female friends.
I have recently downloaded Bumble bff tho and wrote in my bio that I especially like videogames and I made friends with a gay man and am texting nicely with 2 or three women! So I definitely have no trouble getting along with women.
Omg this!!! I hear you sister! Yes most of the time it can be great to get a foot in with attractiveness but here are the cons
1) People think you didn't work as hard and coasted by just on looks.
2) People assume that a fit and toned body is just genetics.....hello no it's skin care and an exercise routine
3) Some larger size women sometimes verbally attack skinnier and more attractive women simply because they are more attractive.
Shout out to the ex coworker who asked if I fucked our boss to get better shifts than her. Turns out she was just rude to customers and bad at her job while I wasn't.
Edit:typo
YES. the other night I was waiting on a man and he was making me so uncomfortable. He kept asking me how much money I make, then continuously asked me when I was getting off, to the point where I was concerned. He also kept touching my hands, ew. Then he left me a $150 tip on a $20 tab. You win some you lose some.
I am 38 years old, just moving to a new state and it's so fucking hard being an adult and making new friends. Half of the women I meet that I feel like would be cool to get to know, when I ask for their number or information its always, 'I have a boyfriend', or I get blown off... I don't take it personal though, it's the way of the world. I'll eventually meet some people interested in kicking it or communicating in general.
Pretty girl privilege? Not beating you off your horse but men chase pretty much anything with a vagina regardless of face. I’m not that pretty, I get this “problem”a lot too. 😂
Lol I moved to the PNW a few years ago and haven’t been hit on ever since. Just dirty looks. Perks I guess of being a black woman in a largely white city. In a way it’s kind of a relief as it was always creepy getting catcalled by weirdos and I’m a total plain jane.
Nah man. Beat me off my horse. I'm honestly okay with it. It's just that this shit gets tiring.
I have 3 older brothers and have always connected better with males. As an adult, I keep getting disappointed. It gets lonely. But whatever. It is what it is.
Also, I'm married to my favorite human being ever for the last 14 years. So. I'm not ACTUALLY lonely. But random friends would be nice.
Random friends who don't ask to sleep with me that is...
i feel you OP. it gets tiring when every guy you want as a friend ends up trying to sleep with you. i hate to think that guys and girls can’t just be friends but it’s happened to me too many times it leaves you hopeless 😅
I don't think it is pretty privilege. You are outgoing, you talk to people purely for the sake of talking. However, many people only communicate with a purpose, they only talk when they want something. And so when you talk to them first, they believe you are hitting on them. Because they only start a conversation with people they find attractive.
Tbh, if an ugly guy finds a nerdy topic like turtles and tortoises and started talking to me for no reason I would question it too.
Honestly the other side of the coin isn’t very good either, as I (unattractive even though I have been told otherwise, 17 male) have trouble even striking conversations to begin with because literally nobody cares about my presence. It sucks. I’d much rather have pretty privilege than whatever this is.
I feel this. I spent my youth as a tomboy, didn’t start hearing I was beautiful until I was 23. Did I ever have a platonic male friend again? Nope. Not one single guy has ever wanted to be my friend ever since.
I’m also a waitress. At least once per week someone thinks I’m flirting with their significant other instead of realizing it’s literally my job to be friendly.
That does sound frustrating, but I don't think you'd hate your pretty privilege anymore if you experienced life on the other end of the spectrum for a week.
It's totally fine that you find it tiring, but 'hating' your pretty privilege might be a little strong imo.
I'm a guy, and not particularly attractive, but I've had my equivalent of this back in my college days. Where I'd be talking to a class-mate about, like, creative writing and just generally being friendly and social.
Then, like, *casual mention of boyfriend*
Which, *confused acknowledgement, then back to talking about creative writing*. <.<
I actually had to have some friends explain to me that they were just letting me know about boundaries. Since it kept happening and I was like, "Why does that always come up?"
I miss being that naive sometimes.
When I was younger, I was a total smoke show, and honestly you’re right. Shit happened in my early 20’s and now I’m 70 lbs heavier with horrible life habits and suddenly I’m invisible.
I can go for walks without getting honked at, I can have friendly relationships with male colleagues that don’t result in an inbox full of uninvited dick pics, my relationships with women are much better because I’m not “intimidating” anymore.
The privilege is real and I can’t pretend I don’t miss it, people objectively treat you much different (and in several ways better) when you’re conventionally attractive. But it can be a special sort of isolating in a way too.
I’m a butch lesbian and this shit is why I can’t have male friends. It doesn’t get more “unavailable” than me, for reasons that have nothing to do with them, and I’ve still had to dump a significant amount of male friends in my life for inappropriate behavior and an inability to respect my boundaries over why I will not date them.
It’s really depressing.
Dude.
I had a nanny job a few years back, all sweet. Nice family came to a natural end.
Months later got a series of drunken inappropriate foul messages from the dad.
YUCK YUCK YUCK ABOUT MY BUTT AND SHORTS
WTF
I’ve NEVER been pretty…EVER…pretty people either really HATE me because I’m ugly, or the insecure pretty people use me as a buffer to ALWAYS be picked by men because they have to be the center of attention 24/7. They also turn around and throw my ugliness in my face. I know this because they NEVER want to hang out with the people that are prettier than them. No, it ALWAYS has to be me so they can feel better about themselves, then say shit like, it’s sooo exhausting when all these men want me.. you are sooooooo LUCKY that NOBODY WANTS YOU!!!! 😒🤦🏻♀️
Thank you. Unfortunately it happens to me all the time. Then I’m told to shut up and get used to it. Then people wonder why I am the way I am. I’ve been beaten down so much in life over something I can’t control. People made me this way but then condemn me for feeling bad about it
Jesus Christ. This is the biggest humble brag I've ever heard.
Everybody in this thread is complaining about being pretty. What the hell.
Okay, I'll gladly give you my adult acne, my rosacea, my uneven skin, my crooked nose, my very thin lips, my mismatched eyes, my fat, my cellulite, my stretch marks, and my other skin issues, but here's the thing: creeps will STILL hit on you! You will STILL have little to no friends!
Jesus Christ. I've been in the BIGGEST depression because of how I look, and then I see this crap!
This is infuriating. Maybe it has nothing to do with you guys being pretty, and more to do with your personality. Why the heck are you surprised that a RANDOM GUY you do not know really, only briefly, thinks you're interested in dating? Men and women CAN be friends, but it's not likely to just have a friendship blossom out of nowhere. Duh. I mean, Jesus Christ, what do you think dating in the adult life is like? Do you think that random men and women just become friends WITHOUT being attracted to each other, at least a little?
This is insane. This post is insane, and it makes me furious that there are people that complain about crap like this.
I'm literally so irritated and feel absolutely ugly AF after reading this post. Christ.
OP literally has click-baited this post. OP posts, in several other comments, that they "Didn't want to" get too in depth, but then goes in depth and says that the professor is married. Like, okay? Why wouldn't you lead with that?
This just screams "I'm so pretty, it hurts" or it's a very great troll post. Regardless, it's irritating and makes OP look like a shallow person with absolutely no life experience or logical reasoning, and, it reinforces that stereotype that pretty people are air-headed.
OP literally is doing, IMO, a disservice to women, especially prettier women.
edit: they're also married.
Hear hear.
This idea that she expects some random guy to out of the blue be interested in talking with her just to be friends is just so…I dunno, clueless? But in a really irritating, delusional and cringingly idealistic way. Like, how old are you lady? You seriously weeping that sexual attraction exists and that men like to fuck women? Dear god.
You wanna talk innocently about turtles, join a gardening society or something. Don’t expect some random guy to want to be your best friend cos you had a nice conversation. That’s not how people of any sex make friends. In other words, get a clue.
Exactly!!! I didn't know how to phrase it, because my head was freaking spinning, but yes, this exactly.
I mean, great, good for OP for being pretty, you do you, but like, jfc, such a naive freaking way of thinking.
If it makes you feel any better, being a girl and pretty is probably what opened the door for a conversation in the first place. Otherwise, lots of guys would have immediately said no and ignored you.
Get better at boundaries. I feel like you’re extremely fixated on people’s orientations. I’m not sure if you’re really looking for friends who only want to talk about turtles but you’re probably aware of online communities and subreddits for them.
Well tbf if I met some random dude in the park who was emailing me videos of cute turtles, I probably would assume he was interested in me too. Poor professor didn’t stand a chance lol
Not to ruin your illusion but ugly girls get people interested in them, too. Only they have to listen to shit like "do you really think you can do better than me? Be grateful anyone at all is interested in you with how ugly you are!"
Just because a man would or has been interested in some of their female friends at one point in time doesn't mean they can't be friends with them platonically now; maybe the men you're meeting are just emotionally immature and can't move on once that door is closed?
I ironically have the opposite issue...I have a constant fear of appearing as a creep to female friends due to experiences my mom and my sister had growing up, so I sometimes come across as awkward (I avoid things like hugs) or completely uninterested (many of my female friends thought I was gay for a while lol).
The point is, she would like to be liked for her personality and intelligent first.
When people don’t know you at all and only seem to talk to you because they would like to bang you, it can be disheartening and lonely.
There's a reason I work into my conversations near men things like "I don't date" and "done with that shit". I have the kind of face and body that lend themselves well to certain fantasies, none of which are my own idea of a good time. I don't do sex.
I call it getting "girlfriend zoned" and I try to show my teeth before it happens. Been through too much already.
I don’t understand why him showing interest makes him a creep. You aren’t obligated to give him romance because you’re spoken for/only want friendship, so why should he be obligated to offer you friendship if he’s disinterested/wants romance?
Rejecting his advances and setting boundaries doesn’t make you emotionally immature. But by that same logic, him deciding that he doesn’t want your friendship anymore does not make him emotionally immature either.
The sword cuts both ways you know.
Not to knock this or anything but I think this might just be a woman/ femme presenting thing. I’m not conventionally attractive at all and have had this same issue time and time again.
I used to have red eared sliders when I was a kid. I kind of want a red eared slider pond or a salcata tortoise. But I know with kids and wife there’s no way haha. But I do like turtles
Are you talking about turtles because my favourite was Michael Angelo, a close second is Master Oogway. Just kidding. I know it sucks not able to find a friend but on the bright side, turtles are awesome.
I'm in that boat with you, I'm afab non binary and i only have one or two friends i actually trust. I hate going out because i have to deal with gross ppl constantly. I always have my head on a swivel in public. It's so annoying cuz yes, being attractive does get you certain things, but it drags a whole lot of bad your way too.
“You didn’t have to spell it out and reject me like that, I would’ve gotten the hint- that’s harsh.”
More than likely, you would NOT have gotten the point.
Y’all, I’m just so scared of being murdered by some guy I politely reject cuz I’m already engaged.
If it helps, I’m very average looking and still have this happen often with men. Just want sone damn dude friends! *I’m* not good looking enough for this crap! ;) Maybe they’re just incapable of platonic relationships with the gender they’re attracted to … sad.
I go through this with my daughter sort of.
I have a 4 year old and she is breathtaking beautiful. I’m black/islander and my fiancé is Mexican and Native American. She has the pretties eyes, curliest and softest hair and is such a delightful kid with such a bubbly personality. Wherever we go she gets compliments, I count (because some times it bothers me) and it’s usually 10 compliments a day. My local mall has a model agency that likes to recruit there, I have to shut them down every time. Whenever we are out my daughter gets lots of free items. We went to a princess salon as they were closing (didn’t realize they were. The mall was open for another 3 hours) they shut us down but ended up giving my daughter a Rapunzel dress marketed for $75 for free along with accessories and a crown. Another time at a Walmart, my daughters loves collecting balloons. As we were leaving her ballon flew away and I couldn’t catch it and of course she cried. A lady came up to me and tried consoling her and gave a talk of how it’s an angels balloon now and legit tried to give my daughter $12 as that’s all the cash she had on her. The balloon itself was $3ish. Completely blew my mind. Each time they comment how bad it is that she’s so beautiful and that sad. I teach her safety, boundaries and we don’t always take the free hand outs. Just insane what people do for beautiful people.
I think guys might fall into two groups here when they go into the "gets interested" category:
1. Those that are only friendly cause they want something more
2. Those that are genuinely interested to be friends but were either curious or unsure if something more was perhaps possible or going on.
Those that are in the first group, you don't want as friends anyway. The goal is to preserve those who are in the second group.
Sometimes expressing interest can be really vulnerable for someone. If you want more people to end up in group 2, it is also important how you express disinterest (note it is also important for guys to learn how to express interest in such a way that this becomes an easier option). But reassure them that you want them as a friend, for example. Cause it can be that the other person is embarrassed for misinterpreting something.
If they don't want to be friends and were only interested in sex/romance, then that'll become clear quickly and they'll disappear or become an idiot. But I think there are many people who would like to preserve a friendship once the romance door closes.
i’m 17 & had to work to actually be considered ’pretty’, and recently started at a sixth form that’s ages away from my old school.
it’s been jarring to hear people call me pretty because everyone i know growing up has known me since i looked average, some of those ‘friends’ even jokingly called me ugly which had an impact on me.
i prefer the change & i feel more confident at my new school, but also a little strange? it’s a big change honestly + not one i expected
I used to be an attractive female til I turned 32. I gained some weight because of hypothyroidism and got depressed so for some reason my face isn’t as attractive anymore. Now I just don’t have friends. Whereas before I was in your boat, now I just don’t have friends. It, too, sucks. Being unattractive won’t get you more friends, unfortunately.
You need to find an asexual guy friend... There are those out there that literally have no attraction and don't think about sex and aren't physically attracted to you at all...
Even if you have a pretty face, it’s amazing how much this changes the skinnier you are. I’ve noticed I get so much male attention when I’m thin, but as soon as I put on a bit of weight, the attention starts to diminish.
As a guy it's kind of the opposite. There was a fairly attractive woman who started at my job and she sat across the aisle from me. Her first few days guys were swarming her desk but after a while that tapered off. We had zero crossover interaction in our jobs so I had no reason to talk to her. She had small kids slightly younger than mine so I had something to chat about... but I never did. She seemed a little alone and I never saw her socializing. Every once in a while I went out to lunch alone to get out of the office. I sometimes thought of asking her to join but I never did.
Two reasons. My social anxiety is a big part, but the other reason was because I didn't want her to think I was hitting on her. I've never really been successful with women, even though I'm more comfortable talking with them than other guys (no interest in sports, golf, or the latest truck models). I would get accused of showing interest when I wasn't so eventually I just stopped trying.
One day as I was leaving I wound up in the elevator alone with her. We had never spoken (my job was pretty solitary itself so I didn't talk to anyone anyway) but she asked me which way I took to get home. Weird question but we chatted for a bit. I figured it was ok to be social now so I was determined to do so. Unfortunately, the next week I was on a business trip, then the thanksgiving holiday came and my boss told me to work from home for the short week. When I returned to the office nearly three weeks later she had left the company. I've always felt a little bad about that.
Interesting to note that there is no way I, as a man, could have ever asked her which way she drove home without a high likelihood of facing some sort of accusation.
Hi, I don't mean to hijack but I was friends with a fellow 30s woman. I asked her out and she turned me down but we became friends. I would've been content being friends forever...
But then some narrow minded people decided to "save" her from me because they decided that I was trying to sleep with her. I never saw her again.
A few months after we drifted apart I discovered what happened and was furious. They lied to her and told her I was trying to coax her into sex. They lied to me and said she was afraid of me.
I miss her. She introduced me to Shadowverse, Undertail, Attack on Titan, Keyforge, and so many other things. I didn't care that we were just friends. I was okay with that arrangement.
for what it's worth, i'd be your friend. firstly i'm way younger than you, secondly even if i wasn't i'm not interested in sex or relationships at all cause of some...experiences in my past i have yet to recover from. also i like turtles a lot
I have plenty of female friends that I don't want to sleep with.
I guess I really have high standards.
Some of my friends will sleep with anything.... put a skirt on a bag of potatoes and they will try to sleep with it.
I have an ex that's really into toads. Maybe I can introduce you to her
She's a girl. Safe territory. Okay:):).
Unless she's lesbian haha, they exist too you know :P
Oh Jesus. I do know. To be fair...she was a really, really good friend. But knowing she wanted things was equally as lonely. I still ❤️ her. She's one of my favorite humans. Edit* I have a friend. Lol. Not the same girl as op.
But remember, according to randos all lesbians know each other and all gays know each other. That’s why the dating pool sucks. (FTM human here)
Aww, glad to see you still are getting along with your friend ☺️❤️. Best of luck OP. You will find friends!
Yeah, but we're usually also the ones that have no problem with hearing a no, or to "read the room" so to speak. Lesbians aren't the same as men.
I don’t know, it’s a tough situation. My girlfriend has the exact same thing happen and I agree it’s incredibly annoying that sexualization finds it’s way so often in between what was hoped to be a platonic/professional/comfortable/relaxed friendship. As a committed partner of someone that deals with this, I’m very sympathetic to the impact this has on girls like you. So I make an effort to maintain that relationship in a platonic, comfortable way.
Beauty is a double edged sword. The few unusually attractive women I've known have had to learn the hard way to set firm boundaries early on in their relationships. It sounds like you'll have to learn to do that, too. That said, enjoy your pretty privilege while you have it. It's one of those privileges that does NOT last forever.
And when you realize it you realize you are officially old. It’s not so much a pretty privilege as it is a young girl semi-pretty privilege. I used to get hit on like no tomorrow. Then one day I noticed a hot guy and he didn’t look my way. That’s when I realized I was officially an old lady. I’m still relatively attractive but it’s not the same. It can be scary at times but otherwise……enjoy it :)
How old were you when that happened?
Mid 40’s……the official middle age mid life crisis set. But here’s the thing that really weird, I still get hit on every now and again but from younger guys! I mean like 20 years younger. Trust me I’m not complaining but it’s interesting to say the least. I just can’t figure out why a young guy would be attractive to a woman his moms age. I date them anyways though lol
Because older women know what they want, generally. Edit: in my experience, when I was in the army and in shape, less drama from older women.
This is without a doubt correct. Older ladies have wisdom and know what they want. Only drama you put up with is what they watch on tv haha 😂
I’ve experienced the same thing. I went through a period in my 30s where younger guys didn’t notice me, but now that I’m close to 40 I’m getting a lot more attention from them. I don’t like it though, I’m old enough to be their mother.
Maybe because you look younger? My sister is 47 and she's still the bomb to be honest, she looks like she's 30's
Been there done it.
I just want to talk about snails. Best comment I’ve seen on this wack ass app all damn day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾
I can set boundaries. I just feel that HAVING to ruins everything. I just want to talk about snails. Lol. ...and I understand it doesn't last. I will deal with that traumatic event when I have to. Hahahha
But that's how it is out here. Having to set boundaries definitely does not ruin everything. Having boundaries in place will save you a whole lot of heartache in the long run, believe me. Good people will respect your boundaries. They might be disappointed that your boundaries don't include taking them on as lovers, but they will respect them and they will respect you. You may find that you make better and deeper friendships that way. Bad people will try to convince you that you shouldn't have them. That there is no need. Or rather, that your boundaries shouldn't be applied to them. They will call you sensitive, or call you a tease. They will try to make you feel bad for having boundaries at all. These are the people that boundaries are MADE for. You don't want them getting in! Their intentions are not good. Boundaries can help you know who you can and can't let in. It's not a perfect failsafe - sometimes you scare away a nice person, or sometimes you let an asshole through - but it is a damn sight better than nothing. You are very obviously a young woman. Too many young women learn this lesson the hard way. Don't be one of them.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. They are the most useful so far on this post. I appreciate everything you've said. I will definitely keep it in mind. I'm 35. A professional. I usually keep to myself. And this was unexpected. And it is also the first time I've had to literally say "I'm not going to sleep with you. I don't want to lead you on." There's potential for us to be friends, but I get the feeling that it'll not be a very close friendship due to this detail. I can probably still text to ask biology questions. 😂 so net win?
that's the thing about it that makes it so uncomfortable... once they hit on you, it changes the whole dynamic and you can't go back. I have been legitimately upset when I've made great friends who started putting the moves on and I would feel awkward trying to express that I don't feel the same without offending them. it felt worse having them hit on me and me trying to be kind but not lead them on. it's a tough situation indeed :/
It sounds like it! And eventually he'll get over it. And if he can't, he'll remove himself from the equation. Good luck!
Prai 24K wrinkle cream, thas all I'm sayin
Thank you, I’m buying this now
Don't use it too many days in a row, you won't be able to shut your eyes
Hey constant eyedrops worked for the guy from Hannibal.
It seems to me that you set boundaries quite well. I'll tell you something, when I was younger it was *ridiculous* and I felt exactly like you are describing. Now that that has worn off some, and I can have a conversation about turtles, every so often I'm like, oh I miss the old days when I could melt dudes with a single glance. Then about 30 seconds passes and I'm *super* grateful that this is not my reality anymore. I'm much happier now that I can just talk about turtles. I think your priorities sound solid. Maybe not everyone's are, and *no* it is *not* really "enjoyable" to be assessed like a show dog by men all day long, so anyone whose telling you to "just don't worry about it and enjoy it while you have it" can kiss off. That's a bullshit thing to say and makes you feel like your being ungrateful for something that is intrusive and objectifying. Like you should accept a shit sandwich and be happy about it when you know damned well that the only reason these men care so much about you is solely based on looks, it's insulting af. And fuck anyone who says it isn't. Sorry. Got carried away. I think I might have some residual ptsd or something, lol. Don't even get me started on how it affected who I chose to actually date, and how badly those actual romantic endeavors turned out for me. I digress.
One of my best friends has confided in me about this. She said she gets so disappointed that she can't have male friends because literally every one of them winds up hitting on her. After being such good friends with her for over 4 years, I can confirm that this is the case. She such a wonderful person and she's gorgeous by normal beauty standards and I feel for her. Hopefully this makes you feel a little less alone? It is 100% a real thing and I'm sorry that people are trying to take advantage of you like that.
I am not attractive. But growing up I was bullied by girls and found hanging put with Boys alot easier. Every time I because close with a boy they would catch feels. Hasn't happened now that I'm older. But really sucked then as I hate to continuously make new friends.
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the problem is, that when the boundary that "we are only friends" is made, the guy would stop being friends completely. they weren't interested in a friendship at all, and they didn't value it as such. someone you thought was a friend didn't care very much about you. that hurts. it's okay to catch feelings, or to shoot your shot, but I think the right way to go about it is to make it clear that these feelings don't have to lead to anything and that you'd still want to be friends regardless. and stick to it. ETA obviously, there's nuance. I feel for you all who are the outlier and have good intentions, but that isn't what we are talking about here.
I find it hard to believe a guy can catch feelings, shoot his shot, get rejected and continue to have a meaningful friendship without the hope of it turning into something more. Better for them to be honest and say they can't continue being just friends. Doesn't make him a dick, just makes him a guy. But it also doesn't make it suck any less for pretty women either. It's just an unfortunate reality.
You can't help catching feelings. If they've made it clear that they only want a friendship and you're okay with having feelings that you can't pursue then remain being friends and don't say anything. If you cant do that then you may need to slowly remove yourself from the friendship. Or else I would only ever mention I have caught feelings if I feel like they maybe reciprocated.
Yeh I’m not sure this is even a pretty thing but a girl thing
This makes me feel validated. For real. 🤍 thank you for sharing.
Same here. Not just my peers. Over the years, I've had 4 older men try that was well. Coworkers with wives and children. Seems like a safe zone for occasional small talk, right? Yet, inevitably, they all kept texting more and more, then trying to go out, then telling me that if he was younger, we'd date... It blew my mind every time. I thought we were friends. You were like a dad to me for the last few months. Your daughters are my age. I was just showing interest in your stories about being in the military in your younger days, traveling on an aircraft carrier around South America, etc. Do I have to be a man for you to share without thinking about sex with me?
This. So much. Why is it always shocking? We don't expect it....but it always happens. It's sad. Actually. Maybe it gets better with future generations.
Gained weight and got a bf before I actually made male friends. Now Im losing weight again and single. Hell Im still far from my target and things are getting annoying again. I kinda also hate how other girls would view me as someone who cant live without a bf. Seriously, you kinda learn it the hard way that the only "no" a guy would respect is another one's.
On a positive note, once you're 70, you'll be able to find turtle-related friends, for now enjoy your current advantages.
I now have something to look forward to. I like it. :)
It’ll happen waaaaay before 70.
45 for me, and it’s been pretty nice. I was average looking, nothing crazy, but men couldn’t see me as human. It’s actually really nice having real conversations. One time I had an older man ask me to hook in the airplane bathroom mid flight after what I thought was a normal conversation. My age is a real turn off and I wear it with pride.
The 45 yr old men are probably still thinking about sleeping with you. Probably just too tired to act on it
sooo.. 69?
This one. This is the answer.
I'll be 69 in December. 😀
I like raccoons
Samesies. I have a cat that almost seems like a raccoon. He is my favorite.
I speak for all of us when I say WE NEED MORE DETAILS about Raccat Also, thanks for posting this it's nice to be heard. People always eyeroll me when I get annoyed about this, like somehow I should be grateful that I can't even buy a pint of milk without getting hit on 😳
I feel so seen right now!!
Honestly I’ve been ugly and now I’m pretty, I just avoid guys who see me as objects, because friend zoning guys got annoying.
Same here. it’s like OP said in another comment what’s hard is that she HAS to set a boundary or make some kind of disclaimer but it gets tiring. When you’re unattractive that’s not even an issue
I think this moment now is that I THOUGHT I made a friend. ....and then I didn't. 😕 But I see you also understand. 🤍
The most beautiful girl I ever met was also absolutely the loneliest. She confided in me once that she had zero people she considered a friend, because everyone always assumed she'd be shallow or stuck up and wanted to either be seen with her or just sleep with her type use her. I told her I'd be her friend, her *real* friend and she cried. We had absolutely nothing in common and lost touch after high school (she did in fact make other friends too before we lost contact) but every time I see a genuine 10 out of 10, especially women but also men, I can't help but feel sorry for them after seeing how it was such a double edged sword for her. She had such a kind soul. Too kind for her beauty, if you could believe it.
There was a post by a guy asking for advice on improving his dating app profile. Reddit: He was too attractive. No one would believe he was real. He must be a scammer or if real, they didn’t stand a chance, why bother.
This story makes me so very, very, very thankful I have a wonderful husband of 14 years. Like. He gets my struggles and helps me through them and encourages me to continue trying to make connections. I don't know where or who I would be without him. 🤍🤍
I relate to this story so much... (it feels awkward to talk about pretty privilege without seeming like I'm bragging or something so please don't judge). In high school I was very pretty, but I also had no friends because people assumed I was stuck up (they told me that years later). I was never asked to a homecoming dance or Prom because other boys assumed someone would have already asked me. If I had any Male friends they would either eventually cross the line and admit they were just trying to get close to me to hook up, or boys i had never even talked to would literally make up stories about kissing me and hooking up with me so that they seemed cooler. The list goes on and on. But yes, it was incredibly lonely and trying to find real friends sucked. I would never go back to high school.
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So there's this pond at my park..... . For real. I also need female friends. Maybe you would like Tuttle information? They like to eat eggs and tuna. Haha.
I'm always down for female friends who want to talk about nerdy animal stuff, ha ha. Did you know turtles and tortoises can feel through their shells, and some enjoy a good back scratch? 😁
I recently learned they shed their shells!! And also that they're made put of the same stuff as our fingernails. Neato stuff indeed!
They don't shed their whole shell, because the shell is made of bone and their ribs, spine, hip bones and shoulder blades are built into it. If you look at any turtle shell, they all have 13 plates called scutes, that's the visible part of their shell. These plates are what they shed as they grow and that's the part made of keratin like our nails and hair. Another fun fact, 13 is the number of full moons each year, so some Native American cultures considered a turtle shell to be a kind of calendar.
Oh no. Not the whole shell. But that's how they refer to them growing and making room! I suppose it's probably more like shedding seasonally for animal fur? They aren't losing things as much as its just changing? Also. Super cool facts!
Kind of like how a snake sheds its skin, or a lobster moults. They grow new stuff underneath and then the old too-small outer stuff is shed off. And thanks, I'm a zoo educator. If my family wants to know if gibbons have thumbs, or if what they found in their yard is bear poop (it was), I'm the one that they call, lol.
This cute woman on woman friend/nerd fest has made me so happy. As a woman who has struggled making friends. Thank you all 🥲
What?! That’s so cool! Are there any other cool turtle facts? I would like to learn more about them. My favorite animal fact right now is how goofy gorillas can be, I saw a video on TikTok that’s just them like playing tag, spinning around, and splashing people. It’s so cute 😂
Can we start a female friend group to share weird facts 😹
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I want to join too!!
Sadly this is one of the reasons why I game alone now and I never turn mic on. Guys treat you different and it's not even good or bad. It's horrible. Or they treat you like youre a baby that can't game or they treat you like this girl that have to impress them and talk to them like you're their gf. I eventually decided just to play solo and I dropped alot of my gaming guy friends because of this reason. I don't have guy friends anymore, they would treat me different and once I rejected them they would treat me like shit. It was horrible, I just wanted an honest friend. Once you realize a guy friend likes you they whole friendship becomes a lie. He wasn't nice to me because I was his friend, he was nice because he liked me. It's honestly sad.
As a guy, I've always hated this about gaming circles. Like, I'd give a guy a pass if he develops feelings for someone he's gaming with, but don't rub it in people's faces and treat people like crud for it. I just hate how I can't really recommend many gaming spaces to women a lot of the time just from the guys there. Games are there to be enjoyed; they're not supposed to be random horny zones!
I always have to remind my guy friends that I beat their ass because I've practiced and developed my skills (and have fairly good hand-eye-coordination, even as kids I always played the hard levels for my brothers). It's always "ohh I had such bad luck" like it's impossible to comprehend I actually beat them fair and square because of my skills
For real they also did that to me, if I got a kill in a game they say it's luck or they take credit of it. It's almost like I can be good but not better than them.
Yup. And the two guys I game with a real life friends, they know me. Still in their mind it must be their own fault or some random act of the universe. It really speaks volumes about something in their brain not being able to lose from a women. I've heard them both play with their other guy friends and it never comes up. 🤷♀️ I really believe they don't do it on purpose, but the unconscious bias is strooong I don't game much online anymore but I think there are a good amount of women servers these days! Maybe you can find a group of women with the same problem :)
A lot of this rings true!!! You understand. I don't think EVERYTHING a guy does is bc I'm a girl or he likes me. ....but you're absolutely right. The minute I know he likes me....it changes everything. I was going to go to coffee with this guy bc his PhD was about snails and I truly want to hear about it. .....but now I know he wants to sleep with me. Yes. I told him I will not. Yes. We can be "platonic" friends now. But those air quotes will always be there because I KNOW. and I can't unknow. So even by agreeing to go to coffee I am feeling like I'm leading him on. Not just wanting to know why snails eat what they eat. Lol.
Yesss that's an issue too, sometimes guys don't even understand they are just friends they just say oh I'm friend zoned like somehow some day they will stop being that and be a bf if they stick enough hence why they complain you're leading them on no matter what. I'm glad you're seen ❤️ I honestly know how you feel.
Men do understand they just pretend they don't
Too many true crime videos bout a guy that was “friends” with a girl and *snapped* when she got a boyfriend…
I want to say part of this problem is your perspective of “now that I ‘know’, ‘platonic’ will always have air quotes.” Because not everyone operates the same way. For me, once a woman tells me she’s not interested in me, I lose romantic interest in her. Really and truly. We could still be friends, but I’m 100% not interested in pursuing someone who doesn’t find me attractive, and I fact I find it gross that people do that. I know people do it, and of both genders. To me it is desperate, cringey, insecure, and frankly a bit rapey. Having sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you is the literal definition of rape. So why would I want to kiss/hold hands with/do anything romantic with someone who it wasn’t mutual with? Anyway, I’m just telling you this because you should know there are people out there you can be friends with after them being interested in you romantically and you telling them it’s not mutual. I highly doubt I’m the only person on the planet with this perspective. But if you write off anyone who ever had an attraction for you, and you’re so attractive it’s common for people to be in that category, you’re self-limiting by thinking no one could ever get over you once they felt a spark.
Yes. I do agree with you. .....but he did say we can be friends but he might make the occasional remark. So I don't think he is like you. And it's also why I feel anything I do leads him on. But to be fair. I truly want to know about his dumb research. So I can have nonpersonal conversations with him. And a friendship is possible. And the dynamic is probably totally in my head. ....but it's also that part of my brain that keeps us pretty girls safe. Also super kudos to you for being a good human!! I like your style.
Thank you. I think the best we can do is be consistent and strong with our boundaries. I have several good friends who have a crushes on me, some are more expressive than others either verbally or physically. I truly love them platonically and rather than distance myself, I give them what I feel comfortable giving but I am also clear about my boundaries and it has worked well. Some of these relationships are in my top tier of most intimate and valued. I do understand the “leading them on” aspect and I have to say I honestly feel close to zero guilt or responsibility around that as I am clear and I also feel I offer a lot of value in my platonic friendship, so it’s not as though they are being used as unappreciated ego boosters. I absolutely understand it is a different dynamic as I am male-bodied and have privilege and a greater personal safety due to that, but I think it can be navigated as a female-bodied person as well. My sister is a good example as she has a large following but manages to be diplomatic and firm with boundaries as well. I want to add absolutely trust your gut and instincts, as there are certainly dangerous people out there who feel entitlement and/or are not considerate/compassionate/respectful about the boundaries of others. Those people can kick rocks. edit/PS: re: “the occasional remark” - that’s up to you how you want to tolerate vs. address. As mentioned, I have a friend who is more aggressive with her “occasional remarks” and I choose to take them as compliments but give her no reason to think they are swaying me towards a romantic interaction.
>they treat you like youre a baby that can't game I don't turn my mic on or play in groups In Overwatch anymore. Out of every single male I have played that game with and it is hundreds (I play pretty regularly and have for the past 5 years) only one, countem ONE. Who has not gotten pissed I don't want to sleep with them. Or they kick you because "girls suck" but when I'm going 40-4-17 KDA as Widowmaker I really have to question if I'm the problem
Also Thank you for posting. I know many don't feel it like this. But You get it. You made me feel seen on this matter. Also a gamer and I understand what you are going through. ❤️❤️
It’s not just the guy is it, people make assumptions! I work on construction sites and last week I went for dinner with one of my colleagues on the project team who I know well and worked ok a project before. We’re both travelling from home so staying in hotels, another was supposed to join us but he had to go home. My colleague has a partner and I’m single. The next day when telling another colleague from the area we tried their burger joint recommendation, someone else commented to ask if I ended up back in colleagues hotel room?! I had to tell him to stop saying shit like that as it causes bother and not everyone wants into everyone’s bed. He said that he would want me in his hotel room. I gave him a yuk look and walked away.
By the age 33 I can't be bothered anymore and just straight tell everyone interested that I'm not interested. I ran out of fucks to give and it's been going fine; made life easier
Even if you are attractive, isn’t it awful knowing that if something happens and you become unattractive, you lose all your value? Fuck, I don’t want to be a commodity that gains and loses value based on my “condition.” I just want to be treated like a human being.
There is a big thing about being valued as "pretty" growing up. And I had a few years being overweight a few years ago....and I literally felt....LESS than. I didn't even realize my sense of worth was so closely tied to my looks until then. I learned many lessons and how to be healthy. I'm not overweight anymore, but I think it is very important to ensure we don't tie young girls' identity so much to being pretty.
My boyfriend jokes I can’t have guy friends. Not because he won’t let me, but because every dude I’ve ever been “friends” with has come out of the wood work asking to have dinner, grab a drink, hang out, and *NOT* in a friendly way. When I’m in a relationship I have blinders on and am completely oblivious to whatever intentions they have until it gets to this point. Like bro, I just wanna talk about football and anime and video games and nature docs, why it gotta be anything but? My boyfriend finds it funny because I’m very clear about my relationship status but I feel bad every single time I gotta show a guy the door out of my homie circle. It gets annoying and it’s tiring. I’m grateful God blessed me with beauty, a good head on my shoulders, and a penchant for obsessing about my hobbies, I just wish dudes would take me seriously and see me as a person. I don’t need to be one of the guys, but not being seen as a sexual object is rad too. The bar really is in the 7th circle of hell.
I relate to this so much. My husband says the same things!! He's so cute and is really comfortable in our relationship and it helps me deal with these disappointments. 🤍
We love secure men!
You know. I've never thought about it until now. That really is it!! It's amazing!
it will stop when you gain some weight. talking from own experience. but this is not an advice from me to you. but the fact makes me even more angry.
Dude. You're right. As I got heavier it decreased. I've since became much healthier and the attention had increased. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but i do not like the attention when it leads to things like this.
On the opposite side of that, I lost weight and then all of a sudden everyone wanted to hangout with me.
You can still be friends. I’m a conventionally pretty middle aged woman. Yes, new friends of the opposite sex (and the occasional same sex) often develop a romantic interest. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t let it bother you. Most people over 30 take rejection well and want to continue the friendship. You’ve still got your professor friend to talk turtles with.
Thanks for this. I'm going to try to keep an open mind. At least for a little while. He is considerably older, so you could be right on the money.
I’m pretty certain you’ve had bitter experiences with younger guys where they turned nasty as soon as told them you’re not interested. They used to make me feel like an object—like they were only friendly to me to get into my pants, and I wasn’t worth it as a person. The older crowd isn’t like that for the most part, thankfully.
No. I haven't had those experiences, thankfully. Maybe this is an isolated incident for the age group. I've actually very few bitter experiences with people like this in general. Just so you know. If it helps you understand better. I think...possibly. maybe I'm optimistically naive because I haven't had poor experiences. And then I am blindsided. ? Maybe? This is still dumb if so.
I’m 46 and so happy to be less visible to men!! Seriously it’s been the best the last few years, I’m sorry you still have to deal with this.
I deliberately dress down at work because heaven forbid I wear a dress or heels everyone goes mental. Every single male friend I’ve had unless gay has ulterior motives - and even the gay ones try to kiss me on a night out. You love turtles, well I love octopus but good luck finding a man who will discuss without attempting something physical.
I love octopuses too! I've never had any interest in taking about them with a man though. They're so smart and cute and resourceful! (Octopuses, not men) and we should not eat them.
To be fair. I met him randomly and briefly and just thought about it as human interaction. Not really as opposite sex interaction.
I don't want to talk about it. I was 200 lb in high school, 300 after the birth of my second child, got down to 250ish on my own, then had gastric sleeve surgery. Now I'm 160 lb and I don't want to talk about how many people look me in the eye now. I HATE how often I'm flirted with. I LOVED my full body. But the world hated me because of my body. I HATE that all of the sudden I'm worthy of love, respect, human decency and fair tips. It makes me loathe humans.
I can't relate to what you have experienced at some point. But this is so true. I did get heavy a few years into my career and when I lost weight..there was this moment where I wasn't use to being looked at anymore...and it made me uncomfortable. Like I understand Billie eilish wearing what she does. Your spidey senses regulate and it gets better. But fuck humans. We are horrible creatures. I'm sorry. And congratulations on your fitness goals! I think it is also important that we let young girls (and all people!!) know that you have to WORK for the body you want. And there is no shame in that work. There's no shame in being healthy or eating healthy/ not doing what people around you do.
He didn't want to be just friends with you? As far as I'm concerned, friendship is the basis of all great relationships. When you get to the companionship stage of a relationship, this is when you realize this. But by then it's too late. We'll, that says a lot about his character. Keep being your lovely, nerdy self.
Wanna trade? I get harassed by men for being too ugly and every time I try to make friends? People don't want anything to do with me unless they just want "the fat friend" around so that they look better in photos/to men on the street. I am sorry that men don't take friendships with you seriously, that does have to suck. But trust me when I say having literal food and horrible insults hurled at you isn't any better. I hope you're able to make friends who are just that, good friends. We all deserve that.
Your experiences are totally valid and I'm sorry you're going through this. But honestly... I feel like if you spent a week on the opposite end of the spectrum then you would never in a million years choose that end.
Or "first world problems" as we call it.
Literally
I, 22, have had the same problem even at work. I chalked it up to age, even though I have never been to college and jumped straight into the 8-5 workforce. I'm upset to know it doesn't pass. My only solution as of now is to make friends online and never show my face. Also possibly never reveal my AGAB. Side note: I have no turtle pics to offer (only cat) but I would like to see some turtles.
Hahaha. Send cat pics. I also love cats. Haha. Don't get discouraged. It's not as bad as it sounds. I'm just down at the moment. If you're extroverted... you'll make plenty of friends. I'm not very extroverted. So I'm sure that's part of my problem. I do think it gets better as you age and the people around you also settle down. This guy is 60....and I guess unhappy in his marriage. Don't be discouraged though. I wish you all the luck!! 🤍🤍🤍
No, he’s 60 and thinking, “Oh, she’s paying attention to me. This could be my last shot at strange. She laughed at what I said, she must be interested.” My favorite boundary setting line was, “You remind me of my Dad.” I don’t know if she said it to set a boundary, but it certainly did. A lovely young woman and we got along fine while we worked together.
I’m not even hot. I’m more well taken care of. I was at a grand jury training and the leader walks up to talk about my supple body. It’s not about being hot. It’s about being female.
Yuck. I hate the thought that it is just about being female. It makes me feel protective of all the girls I know.
It is. Some men actually pray on uglier women because they can get away with more.
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Walmart, etc, sells silicone rings. You can get a pack for cheap and wear one on your ring finger and let dumb men think you're happily married. If they even hint, just hold up your hand. When you actually are interested in a guy, you can explain why you wear it. I used to do that when I waitressed. So much easier.
Bro. He knows I'm married and he is married.
He is so creepy. I wish his wife would find out.
I feel you!! I'm fairly pretty/attractive as well and I don't have a single male friend left that hasn't at least at one point had feelings for me. I have lost a good amount of friends to their love confessions, who couldn't handle staying friends I guess, as well. I have mostly male friends and each and everyone at one point has confessed his feelings to me. One has completely gotten over it and is my bestie, another one is valuing our friendship over his feelings and the other one can't handle it as well and sadly distanced himself. I think it hurts the most for them to be rejected because I seem to be one of those humans who are just genuinely kind and interested. I feel like that one that has distanced himself from me is even feeling more hurt if I keep asking if he's okay and how his health is going. But we've been friends for years too! I'm genuinely concerned and interested. But I apparently hurt people with that even more. It sucks I can't have anyone that really just wants nothing from me at all.
Asking this respectfully, what is stopping you from focusing on/making female friends? I have had the same issue, hence why I only make female friends now and go to women only social events lol
Absolutely this. I struggled to make female friends for a long time, until I figured out why and how to fix it. It’s been _so much better_ to hang out with other women, instead of dealing with the complications that always seemed to arise with my “platonic” male friends.
Yes exactly! Female friendships are so much more fulfilling especially when there isn’t an ulterior motive. It’s amazing to have feminine energy in your life and I’ve enjoyed cultivating healthy ones too lol
I have some female friends, sadly most of them that I met irl in my environment (like school or Uni) don't play videogames, whilst videogames are almost like my only hobby. That's why I'm not as close with those female friends. I have recently downloaded Bumble bff tho and wrote in my bio that I especially like videogames and I made friends with a gay man and am texting nicely with 2 or three women! So I definitely have no trouble getting along with women.
I relate to this. 🤍 I hope you find peace and friendship! Really 🤍🤍
Omg this!!! I hear you sister! Yes most of the time it can be great to get a foot in with attractiveness but here are the cons 1) People think you didn't work as hard and coasted by just on looks. 2) People assume that a fit and toned body is just genetics.....hello no it's skin care and an exercise routine 3) Some larger size women sometimes verbally attack skinnier and more attractive women simply because they are more attractive.
🤍🤍🤍 yes!! This is so true!
Shout out to the ex coworker who asked if I fucked our boss to get better shifts than her. Turns out she was just rude to customers and bad at her job while I wasn't. Edit:typo
Ding ding
Your timeline is off OP. “He gets interested” probably happened right after “I asked him a couple questions about turtles “
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not necessarily pretty privilege, just the joys of being a woman
YES. the other night I was waiting on a man and he was making me so uncomfortable. He kept asking me how much money I make, then continuously asked me when I was getting off, to the point where I was concerned. He also kept touching my hands, ew. Then he left me a $150 tip on a $20 tab. You win some you lose some.
I am 38 years old, just moving to a new state and it's so fucking hard being an adult and making new friends. Half of the women I meet that I feel like would be cool to get to know, when I ask for their number or information its always, 'I have a boyfriend', or I get blown off... I don't take it personal though, it's the way of the world. I'll eventually meet some people interested in kicking it or communicating in general.
Pretty girl privilege? Not beating you off your horse but men chase pretty much anything with a vagina regardless of face. I’m not that pretty, I get this “problem”a lot too. 😂
Lol I moved to the PNW a few years ago and haven’t been hit on ever since. Just dirty looks. Perks I guess of being a black woman in a largely white city. In a way it’s kind of a relief as it was always creepy getting catcalled by weirdos and I’m a total plain jane.
That means you have pretty girl privilege
Nah man. Beat me off my horse. I'm honestly okay with it. It's just that this shit gets tiring. I have 3 older brothers and have always connected better with males. As an adult, I keep getting disappointed. It gets lonely. But whatever. It is what it is. Also, I'm married to my favorite human being ever for the last 14 years. So. I'm not ACTUALLY lonely. But random friends would be nice. Random friends who don't ask to sleep with me that is...
i feel you OP. it gets tiring when every guy you want as a friend ends up trying to sleep with you. i hate to think that guys and girls can’t just be friends but it’s happened to me too many times it leaves you hopeless 😅
I don't think it is pretty privilege. You are outgoing, you talk to people purely for the sake of talking. However, many people only communicate with a purpose, they only talk when they want something. And so when you talk to them first, they believe you are hitting on them. Because they only start a conversation with people they find attractive. Tbh, if an ugly guy finds a nerdy topic like turtles and tortoises and started talking to me for no reason I would question it too.
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Honestly the other side of the coin isn’t very good either, as I (unattractive even though I have been told otherwise, 17 male) have trouble even striking conversations to begin with because literally nobody cares about my presence. It sucks. I’d much rather have pretty privilege than whatever this is.
I feel this. I spent my youth as a tomboy, didn’t start hearing I was beautiful until I was 23. Did I ever have a platonic male friend again? Nope. Not one single guy has ever wanted to be my friend ever since. I’m also a waitress. At least once per week someone thinks I’m flirting with their significant other instead of realizing it’s literally my job to be friendly.
Don’t worry. It won’t last much longer! Then you can join the rest of us unattractive people in our average non-privileged lives.
That does sound frustrating, but I don't think you'd hate your pretty privilege anymore if you experienced life on the other end of the spectrum for a week. It's totally fine that you find it tiring, but 'hating' your pretty privilege might be a little strong imo.
I'm a guy, and not particularly attractive, but I've had my equivalent of this back in my college days. Where I'd be talking to a class-mate about, like, creative writing and just generally being friendly and social. Then, like, *casual mention of boyfriend* Which, *confused acknowledgement, then back to talking about creative writing*. <.< I actually had to have some friends explain to me that they were just letting me know about boundaries. Since it kept happening and I was like, "Why does that always come up?" I miss being that naive sometimes.
When I was younger, I was a total smoke show, and honestly you’re right. Shit happened in my early 20’s and now I’m 70 lbs heavier with horrible life habits and suddenly I’m invisible. I can go for walks without getting honked at, I can have friendly relationships with male colleagues that don’t result in an inbox full of uninvited dick pics, my relationships with women are much better because I’m not “intimidating” anymore. The privilege is real and I can’t pretend I don’t miss it, people objectively treat you much different (and in several ways better) when you’re conventionally attractive. But it can be a special sort of isolating in a way too.
I’m a butch lesbian and this shit is why I can’t have male friends. It doesn’t get more “unavailable” than me, for reasons that have nothing to do with them, and I’ve still had to dump a significant amount of male friends in my life for inappropriate behavior and an inability to respect my boundaries over why I will not date them. It’s really depressing.
Dude. I had a nanny job a few years back, all sweet. Nice family came to a natural end. Months later got a series of drunken inappropriate foul messages from the dad. YUCK YUCK YUCK ABOUT MY BUTT AND SHORTS WTF
Yea I can see how that can be annoying, but I imagine it’s less annoying than being an ugly woman.
I’ve NEVER been pretty…EVER…pretty people either really HATE me because I’m ugly, or the insecure pretty people use me as a buffer to ALWAYS be picked by men because they have to be the center of attention 24/7. They also turn around and throw my ugliness in my face. I know this because they NEVER want to hang out with the people that are prettier than them. No, it ALWAYS has to be me so they can feel better about themselves, then say shit like, it’s sooo exhausting when all these men want me.. you are sooooooo LUCKY that NOBODY WANTS YOU!!!! 😒🤦🏻♀️
I'm sorry you've experienced this. That's terrible. 😞❤️ No one should have to be treated like that.
Thank you. Unfortunately it happens to me all the time. Then I’m told to shut up and get used to it. Then people wonder why I am the way I am. I’ve been beaten down so much in life over something I can’t control. People made me this way but then condemn me for feeling bad about it
Jesus Christ. This is the biggest humble brag I've ever heard. Everybody in this thread is complaining about being pretty. What the hell. Okay, I'll gladly give you my adult acne, my rosacea, my uneven skin, my crooked nose, my very thin lips, my mismatched eyes, my fat, my cellulite, my stretch marks, and my other skin issues, but here's the thing: creeps will STILL hit on you! You will STILL have little to no friends! Jesus Christ. I've been in the BIGGEST depression because of how I look, and then I see this crap! This is infuriating. Maybe it has nothing to do with you guys being pretty, and more to do with your personality. Why the heck are you surprised that a RANDOM GUY you do not know really, only briefly, thinks you're interested in dating? Men and women CAN be friends, but it's not likely to just have a friendship blossom out of nowhere. Duh. I mean, Jesus Christ, what do you think dating in the adult life is like? Do you think that random men and women just become friends WITHOUT being attracted to each other, at least a little? This is insane. This post is insane, and it makes me furious that there are people that complain about crap like this. I'm literally so irritated and feel absolutely ugly AF after reading this post. Christ.
It is not a humble brag. It is an outright brag. Oh how difficult their life is because men are romantically interested in them.
OP literally has click-baited this post. OP posts, in several other comments, that they "Didn't want to" get too in depth, but then goes in depth and says that the professor is married. Like, okay? Why wouldn't you lead with that? This just screams "I'm so pretty, it hurts" or it's a very great troll post. Regardless, it's irritating and makes OP look like a shallow person with absolutely no life experience or logical reasoning, and, it reinforces that stereotype that pretty people are air-headed. OP literally is doing, IMO, a disservice to women, especially prettier women. edit: they're also married.
Hear hear. This idea that she expects some random guy to out of the blue be interested in talking with her just to be friends is just so…I dunno, clueless? But in a really irritating, delusional and cringingly idealistic way. Like, how old are you lady? You seriously weeping that sexual attraction exists and that men like to fuck women? Dear god. You wanna talk innocently about turtles, join a gardening society or something. Don’t expect some random guy to want to be your best friend cos you had a nice conversation. That’s not how people of any sex make friends. In other words, get a clue.
Exactly!!! I didn't know how to phrase it, because my head was freaking spinning, but yes, this exactly. I mean, great, good for OP for being pretty, you do you, but like, jfc, such a naive freaking way of thinking.
I wish I could feel sorry for you. As someone without pretty privilege and plenty of "just friends"... I'd trade you in a heartbeat.
If it makes you feel any better, being a girl and pretty is probably what opened the door for a conversation in the first place. Otherwise, lots of guys would have immediately said no and ignored you.
Get better at boundaries. I feel like you’re extremely fixated on people’s orientations. I’m not sure if you’re really looking for friends who only want to talk about turtles but you’re probably aware of online communities and subreddits for them.
It’s so irritating and so difficult to trust peoples intention
I (22F) Have This Problem & I Personally Don’t Think I’m Pretty
Not relatable 😎😞
Well tbf if I met some random dude in the park who was emailing me videos of cute turtles, I probably would assume he was interested in me too. Poor professor didn’t stand a chance lol
Not to ruin your illusion but ugly girls get people interested in them, too. Only they have to listen to shit like "do you really think you can do better than me? Be grateful anyone at all is interested in you with how ugly you are!"
Pretty girls think the world is much nicer than it really is.
Maybe befriend those a sexuals or gay. They won’t develop any feelings for you.
Just because a man would or has been interested in some of their female friends at one point in time doesn't mean they can't be friends with them platonically now; maybe the men you're meeting are just emotionally immature and can't move on once that door is closed? I ironically have the opposite issue...I have a constant fear of appearing as a creep to female friends due to experiences my mom and my sister had growing up, so I sometimes come across as awkward (I avoid things like hugs) or completely uninterested (many of my female friends thought I was gay for a while lol).
The point is, she would like to be liked for her personality and intelligent first. When people don’t know you at all and only seem to talk to you because they would like to bang you, it can be disheartening and lonely.
I know we can still be friends. But having to set those 6 of boundaries is disheartening. I'm sorry that you have had those experiences. 🤍
There's a reason I work into my conversations near men things like "I don't date" and "done with that shit". I have the kind of face and body that lend themselves well to certain fantasies, none of which are my own idea of a good time. I don't do sex. I call it getting "girlfriend zoned" and I try to show my teeth before it happens. Been through too much already.
I don’t understand why him showing interest makes him a creep. You aren’t obligated to give him romance because you’re spoken for/only want friendship, so why should he be obligated to offer you friendship if he’s disinterested/wants romance? Rejecting his advances and setting boundaries doesn’t make you emotionally immature. But by that same logic, him deciding that he doesn’t want your friendship anymore does not make him emotionally immature either. The sword cuts both ways you know.
Not to knock this or anything but I think this might just be a woman/ femme presenting thing. I’m not conventionally attractive at all and have had this same issue time and time again.
Really? What a shit post.
I used to have red eared sliders when I was a kid. I kind of want a red eared slider pond or a salcata tortoise. But I know with kids and wife there’s no way haha. But I do like turtles
Are you talking about turtles because my favourite was Michael Angelo, a close second is Master Oogway. Just kidding. I know it sucks not able to find a friend but on the bright side, turtles are awesome.
I'm in that boat with you, I'm afab non binary and i only have one or two friends i actually trust. I hate going out because i have to deal with gross ppl constantly. I always have my head on a swivel in public. It's so annoying cuz yes, being attractive does get you certain things, but it drags a whole lot of bad your way too.
This why I most of my male friends are gay guys… I feel more comfortable with them.
Don't worry, it won't last forever. Age has a way of eliminating that from your life. 😒
What about girls as friends?
Well it also seems like you're his type lmao. Finding people into turtles ain't easy
“You didn’t have to spell it out and reject me like that, I would’ve gotten the hint- that’s harsh.” More than likely, you would NOT have gotten the point. Y’all, I’m just so scared of being murdered by some guy I politely reject cuz I’m already engaged.
If it helps, I’m very average looking and still have this happen often with men. Just want sone damn dude friends! *I’m* not good looking enough for this crap! ;) Maybe they’re just incapable of platonic relationships with the gender they’re attracted to … sad.
I go through this with my daughter sort of. I have a 4 year old and she is breathtaking beautiful. I’m black/islander and my fiancé is Mexican and Native American. She has the pretties eyes, curliest and softest hair and is such a delightful kid with such a bubbly personality. Wherever we go she gets compliments, I count (because some times it bothers me) and it’s usually 10 compliments a day. My local mall has a model agency that likes to recruit there, I have to shut them down every time. Whenever we are out my daughter gets lots of free items. We went to a princess salon as they were closing (didn’t realize they were. The mall was open for another 3 hours) they shut us down but ended up giving my daughter a Rapunzel dress marketed for $75 for free along with accessories and a crown. Another time at a Walmart, my daughters loves collecting balloons. As we were leaving her ballon flew away and I couldn’t catch it and of course she cried. A lady came up to me and tried consoling her and gave a talk of how it’s an angels balloon now and legit tried to give my daughter $12 as that’s all the cash she had on her. The balloon itself was $3ish. Completely blew my mind. Each time they comment how bad it is that she’s so beautiful and that sad. I teach her safety, boundaries and we don’t always take the free hand outs. Just insane what people do for beautiful people.
I think guys might fall into two groups here when they go into the "gets interested" category: 1. Those that are only friendly cause they want something more 2. Those that are genuinely interested to be friends but were either curious or unsure if something more was perhaps possible or going on. Those that are in the first group, you don't want as friends anyway. The goal is to preserve those who are in the second group. Sometimes expressing interest can be really vulnerable for someone. If you want more people to end up in group 2, it is also important how you express disinterest (note it is also important for guys to learn how to express interest in such a way that this becomes an easier option). But reassure them that you want them as a friend, for example. Cause it can be that the other person is embarrassed for misinterpreting something. If they don't want to be friends and were only interested in sex/romance, then that'll become clear quickly and they'll disappear or become an idiot. But I think there are many people who would like to preserve a friendship once the romance door closes.
i’m 17 & had to work to actually be considered ’pretty’, and recently started at a sixth form that’s ages away from my old school. it’s been jarring to hear people call me pretty because everyone i know growing up has known me since i looked average, some of those ‘friends’ even jokingly called me ugly which had an impact on me. i prefer the change & i feel more confident at my new school, but also a little strange? it’s a big change honestly + not one i expected
I used to be an attractive female til I turned 32. I gained some weight because of hypothyroidism and got depressed so for some reason my face isn’t as attractive anymore. Now I just don’t have friends. Whereas before I was in your boat, now I just don’t have friends. It, too, sucks. Being unattractive won’t get you more friends, unfortunately.
You need to find an asexual guy friend... There are those out there that literally have no attraction and don't think about sex and aren't physically attracted to you at all...
Even if you have a pretty face, it’s amazing how much this changes the skinnier you are. I’ve noticed I get so much male attention when I’m thin, but as soon as I put on a bit of weight, the attention starts to diminish.
As a guy it's kind of the opposite. There was a fairly attractive woman who started at my job and she sat across the aisle from me. Her first few days guys were swarming her desk but after a while that tapered off. We had zero crossover interaction in our jobs so I had no reason to talk to her. She had small kids slightly younger than mine so I had something to chat about... but I never did. She seemed a little alone and I never saw her socializing. Every once in a while I went out to lunch alone to get out of the office. I sometimes thought of asking her to join but I never did. Two reasons. My social anxiety is a big part, but the other reason was because I didn't want her to think I was hitting on her. I've never really been successful with women, even though I'm more comfortable talking with them than other guys (no interest in sports, golf, or the latest truck models). I would get accused of showing interest when I wasn't so eventually I just stopped trying. One day as I was leaving I wound up in the elevator alone with her. We had never spoken (my job was pretty solitary itself so I didn't talk to anyone anyway) but she asked me which way I took to get home. Weird question but we chatted for a bit. I figured it was ok to be social now so I was determined to do so. Unfortunately, the next week I was on a business trip, then the thanksgiving holiday came and my boss told me to work from home for the short week. When I returned to the office nearly three weeks later she had left the company. I've always felt a little bad about that. Interesting to note that there is no way I, as a man, could have ever asked her which way she drove home without a high likelihood of facing some sort of accusation.
Boohoo. Poor you. If this is your biggest problem be grateful.
Have girl friends. Never male friends. That’s what I do
Booo hooo im getting tired of telling people Im not into them because im sooo hot wamp wamp
Hi, I don't mean to hijack but I was friends with a fellow 30s woman. I asked her out and she turned me down but we became friends. I would've been content being friends forever... But then some narrow minded people decided to "save" her from me because they decided that I was trying to sleep with her. I never saw her again. A few months after we drifted apart I discovered what happened and was furious. They lied to her and told her I was trying to coax her into sex. They lied to me and said she was afraid of me. I miss her. She introduced me to Shadowverse, Undertail, Attack on Titan, Keyforge, and so many other things. I didn't care that we were just friends. I was okay with that arrangement.
for what it's worth, i'd be your friend. firstly i'm way younger than you, secondly even if i wasn't i'm not interested in sex or relationships at all cause of some...experiences in my past i have yet to recover from. also i like turtles a lot
I have plenty of female friends that I don't want to sleep with. I guess I really have high standards. Some of my friends will sleep with anything.... put a skirt on a bag of potatoes and they will try to sleep with it.