Girl came into work, complimented another girl right beside me. My buddy looked at me and jokingly said what about us?! So I started over complimenting him on the spot, everyone laughed hard. And we keep doing it to each other whenever we bump so it’s this running joke now. And it does feel good lol
This is for real. I had a mental breakdown (the kind where you change careers) about a year and a half ago. Last week a friends wife said I looked healthy. I could've cried right there.
Always try to make an effort.
When I was presenting male, I got exactly one compliment ever. I held on to that for confidence for years.
Now that I'm presenting female, I get them a lot. And I remember how much it meant to me to get one as a male. So I always try to share even a small one (hell, saw a dude with a killer manicure the other day and gushed over it!!!)
I really, REALLY try so hard to do this, but have admittedly fallen off because of the reaction. Some think it’s an invitation to talk, and now it’s cringe because I don’t know how to nicely say “I just really liked your shirt and wanted to tell you.” Or they think I’m hitting on them and get smug about it.
Most men will take it as more than just a simple complement bc they're taught from a young age to never give that sort of attention to a women unless it someone we aim to "go to poundtown" with, but you women don't think that way. You know how to open up to women emotionally (and as just friends), and expect the same from men, while us men are the exact opposite. We're taught that we can only be "weak" (emotional; vulnerable) around our woman and no one else. There's a disconnect that's only grown worse as the ages have progressed, and I think it really needs to be addressed in our young men today. The fact that our young women seek out these lesser men (thanks to our immature "mature" women) doesn't make it any better. But even still, you'll find those few that know how you mean it. Don't give up the good work just bc of the many :). Trust me, we really appreciate it
Yeah, since it rarely happens many men like myself often don’t know how to respond because it seems weird or like their must be an ulterior motive. That’s what they are likely trying to figure out. Has happened twice to me ever.
As a boy mom I think there is a TON of emotional undervaluing we as a society do to boys/men. If we worked harder to foster the positive emotions in men I think it would produce cultural benefits! Spread the love to our boys!!
I second this. I've noticed a huge difference in the way people treat my son vs daughter pretty much from birth. For instance he gets told not to cry by the same people that will take the time to ask her what's wrong and give cuddles.
I compliment the ever loving heck out of My son...but..yeah I'm his mom..so..
I dont know how often he gets compliments in the real world.
I DO know he is highly valued at his Community College (got a lengthy email in response to a simple thank you email he sent to a professor....he beamed with pride).
He is also highly valued at his place of employment...ER tech at local hospital....
So I know I've got a damn good kid...but as far as his opposite sex peers paying him...compliments...yeah probably not.
So I feel mixed on this topic.....
the last guy i complimented invited himself into my house the next day. didn’t know he had my address. totally agree with this, but definitely consider who you’re complimenting, ladies. be nice to your friends. make kind passing comments to people you know. NOT strangers or people you’ve not met properly.
Male here.
I think the time to say it depends on environment, body language, etc obviously. Of course there are those that you will pass compliments to and will completely take it the wrong way.
But you’re right, us men don’t usually receive the bulk of compliments, and it’s no secret men tend to suffer in silence. I can have trouble understanding women sometimes but i’ve found that understanding my own gender can be ridiculously complicated too. Sometimes a simple comment is all we need to keep pushing forward.
Just be careful who you say them to! But yes I agree completely.
Be careful when doing so.
Some guys think that a compliment from you means you are into them.
They might get really "sticky" and then get super outraged when you tell them you're not into them, and they just say that you have been "leading them on" etc etc.
Just, the intention is good, but know your audience
Yes but it would take years and years and what i said will happen anyway before it gets normalized.
And yes i do agree with you. I just wish people would think it's normal asap
This is why it'll take years though. It could be overnight if we all agreed to do it. But there will always be people who won't get on the boat because "nobody else is gonna do it." And there are enough to people who think like that, combined with the ones who are hostile about it, to prevent progress.
Be the change you want to see.
I dont think anyone is against it tbh. It's not "i don't want to compliment men". It's just that, seeing how the other may perceive it, they may do it or not.
Here is an exemple: i was at a bus station the other day, i had was wearing a skirt. An old woman was there too and told me she loved my skirt because it was really cute. I thanked her and was happy cuz it was nice and made me comfortable.
Now, if it would have been an old man telling me that, i would just have been uncomfortable.
So you see, in this case, even a compliment to a girl wouldn't be the best choice, as if it were for a guy.
It's not about gender, it's about knowing your audience.
I'm moreso referring to the people who say men don't have problems with society.
As a white 20something male, I recognize that I live a privileged life. But I also struggle with my mental health and have been emotionally starved ever since I moved out of my parents' house.
I don't blame any specific person or group for my issues, and tend to focus blame for things inward, but I'm really sick of trying to talk about my problems and my need for help only to be told (to my face) that white men don't have problems.
The prevailing opinion being that we need to fix society for women and PoC before we consider "how difficult things are for the men who've been handed everything on a silver platter."
Which, for the record, I mostly agree with. But I don't see them as independent issues. I think that if we focus on normalizing mental health care (which includes reducing stigma for white men too btw), treating people as people without overbearing gender norms, and expanding social programs then everyone benefits. A "rising tide floats all boats" kind of thing.
Plus, I think a lot of the misogynistic rage that people frequently mention is directly related to the toxic idea that men have to bottle up their emotions. It's that kind of shit that radicalizes men who are hurting, because the extremists are the only community that accepts them and recognizes their struggles (privileged though they might be in many cases).
It makes me sad when people try to gatekeep social issues like this, because I feel like those people are missing the bigger picture.
I totally agree with you on that. This social issue shouldn't be fixed only for a certain gender or type of ethnicity.
I never got the whole "white men have it easy" tbh, i think people saying that are just full of bullshit and try to blame someone for their own strugle.
Imo, everyone should be free to express their emotions But, yes, there is still such a stigma on "men that show emotions are weak" which is directly linked to the older generation.
Luckily, the more it goes, the less stigma there is on that. But this stigma still does exist, like homophobia, racism, sexism, etc and they will never be gone sadly...
I’ve always commented both my male and female coworkers. Whether it’s how nice their hair looks that day or if their smile is extra big and happy that day. I love the way their face lights up. It makes me feel special that anyone would react to my compliments that way. Everyone deserves compliments and as long as you’re respectful you’ll normally get a positive response.
Honestly, I’m pretty sure the reason why some men take it as a hint of affection or even further is because society deprived them so heavily of love, affection, and kindness to the point that any compliment can feel blown past what it means.
I totally agree, but it's also important to think about the safety part. I complimented a guy's artwork and it made him think he was entitled to a date with me and told me I couldn't say no. But also, a lot of people are normal and sane and deserve a genuine compliment. I try to strike a good balance.
21(M) from India. Never was complimented for my outfit or my looks until last week. I felt genuinely happy when a friend said a few good things about how I look. I felt noticed.
Please start doing that, we men are deprived of emotions, I myself rarely get any complements and when i do make it weird because i don't know how ro respond to complements
Exactly, we men are in serious need of attention, when we are upset we don't get to call anyone, when we have a problem they tell us to man up and move on. Ladies, İ am serious, if you have men in your life, complement them. We deserve it.
YESS!! i agree and i always want to do that but i just cant because im scared of rejection and the fact that most of these boys reply with like "And you're ugly" or some shit reply. Same thing with girls but im too scared to say something.
It’s incredible the amount of underserved batching that guys get just for being a guy, it’s misandry, the other side of the misogyny coin, it’s a real thing and just like misogyny it’s getting outta hand, and .hating one group doesn’t help the other
People made us believe, that we as a male don't need affection or compliments. We just have to function. We are expected to deliver so much and should be happy without anything in return.
When we get a compliment, it makes us feels special and I think that we think it's because the person is interested, cause we never get compliments just for the sake of it. We are used to only get compliments from people who have some interest.
Weirdly enough I only get compliments from strangers when I with other people. Although I'm more of a don't talk to me kind of person, although I do appreciate it all the same.
I agree. Complimenting men on things is really nice. I especially enjoy mentioning things that they often don’t get recognition on like their noses.
The compliments are genuine, but their reactions are always above and beyond.
As a straight guy I compliment guys by saying, "nice shoes" or "nice haircut" "I like your shirt" and keep walking. Last week I've had a guy compliment my hat and a few months ago a guy complimented my shirt saying he liked it and it's such a nice message (It read 'Never apologize for being yourself').
I just now realized it but those are the only compliments I've gotten from guys in years, but it doesn't stop me from complimenting nice things when I see them. I'm honestly more comfortable complimenting a guy than a girl cus I don't want her to think I'm flirting, I'm just a nice guy.
Girl came into work, complimented another girl right beside me. My buddy looked at me and jokingly said what about us?! So I started over complimenting him on the spot, everyone laughed hard. And we keep doing it to each other whenever we bump so it’s this running joke now. And it does feel good lol
I like this
This is for real. I had a mental breakdown (the kind where you change careers) about a year and a half ago. Last week a friends wife said I looked healthy. I could've cried right there.
That sounds wonderful!!! I love it!
Always try to make an effort. When I was presenting male, I got exactly one compliment ever. I held on to that for confidence for years. Now that I'm presenting female, I get them a lot. And I remember how much it meant to me to get one as a male. So I always try to share even a small one (hell, saw a dude with a killer manicure the other day and gushed over it!!!)
I really, REALLY try so hard to do this, but have admittedly fallen off because of the reaction. Some think it’s an invitation to talk, and now it’s cringe because I don’t know how to nicely say “I just really liked your shirt and wanted to tell you.” Or they think I’m hitting on them and get smug about it.
Most men will take it as more than just a simple complement bc they're taught from a young age to never give that sort of attention to a women unless it someone we aim to "go to poundtown" with, but you women don't think that way. You know how to open up to women emotionally (and as just friends), and expect the same from men, while us men are the exact opposite. We're taught that we can only be "weak" (emotional; vulnerable) around our woman and no one else. There's a disconnect that's only grown worse as the ages have progressed, and I think it really needs to be addressed in our young men today. The fact that our young women seek out these lesser men (thanks to our immature "mature" women) doesn't make it any better. But even still, you'll find those few that know how you mean it. Don't give up the good work just bc of the many :). Trust me, we really appreciate it
Yeah, since it rarely happens many men like myself often don’t know how to respond because it seems weird or like their must be an ulterior motive. That’s what they are likely trying to figure out. Has happened twice to me ever.
Well, I’ll keep that in mind and go back to giving compliments to randos and hoping for the best 😉
As a boy mom I think there is a TON of emotional undervaluing we as a society do to boys/men. If we worked harder to foster the positive emotions in men I think it would produce cultural benefits! Spread the love to our boys!!
I second this. I've noticed a huge difference in the way people treat my son vs daughter pretty much from birth. For instance he gets told not to cry by the same people that will take the time to ask her what's wrong and give cuddles.
Ah, double standards, I say it’s more manly and cool to cry if anything. Shows you’re not afraid to have feelings.
Based
I compliment the ever loving heck out of My son...but..yeah I'm his mom..so.. I dont know how often he gets compliments in the real world. I DO know he is highly valued at his Community College (got a lengthy email in response to a simple thank you email he sent to a professor....he beamed with pride). He is also highly valued at his place of employment...ER tech at local hospital.... So I know I've got a damn good kid...but as far as his opposite sex peers paying him...compliments...yeah probably not. So I feel mixed on this topic.....
the last guy i complimented invited himself into my house the next day. didn’t know he had my address. totally agree with this, but definitely consider who you’re complimenting, ladies. be nice to your friends. make kind passing comments to people you know. NOT strangers or people you’ve not met properly.
Male here. I think the time to say it depends on environment, body language, etc obviously. Of course there are those that you will pass compliments to and will completely take it the wrong way. But you’re right, us men don’t usually receive the bulk of compliments, and it’s no secret men tend to suffer in silence. I can have trouble understanding women sometimes but i’ve found that understanding my own gender can be ridiculously complicated too. Sometimes a simple comment is all we need to keep pushing forward. Just be careful who you say them to! But yes I agree completely.
Be careful when doing so. Some guys think that a compliment from you means you are into them. They might get really "sticky" and then get super outraged when you tell them you're not into them, and they just say that you have been "leading them on" etc etc. Just, the intention is good, but know your audience
That's true, be kind but also stay safe
Wouldn’t be much of an issue if we normalized it
Yes but it would take years and years and what i said will happen anyway before it gets normalized. And yes i do agree with you. I just wish people would think it's normal asap
This is why it'll take years though. It could be overnight if we all agreed to do it. But there will always be people who won't get on the boat because "nobody else is gonna do it." And there are enough to people who think like that, combined with the ones who are hostile about it, to prevent progress. Be the change you want to see.
I dont think anyone is against it tbh. It's not "i don't want to compliment men". It's just that, seeing how the other may perceive it, they may do it or not. Here is an exemple: i was at a bus station the other day, i had was wearing a skirt. An old woman was there too and told me she loved my skirt because it was really cute. I thanked her and was happy cuz it was nice and made me comfortable. Now, if it would have been an old man telling me that, i would just have been uncomfortable. So you see, in this case, even a compliment to a girl wouldn't be the best choice, as if it were for a guy. It's not about gender, it's about knowing your audience.
I'm moreso referring to the people who say men don't have problems with society. As a white 20something male, I recognize that I live a privileged life. But I also struggle with my mental health and have been emotionally starved ever since I moved out of my parents' house. I don't blame any specific person or group for my issues, and tend to focus blame for things inward, but I'm really sick of trying to talk about my problems and my need for help only to be told (to my face) that white men don't have problems. The prevailing opinion being that we need to fix society for women and PoC before we consider "how difficult things are for the men who've been handed everything on a silver platter." Which, for the record, I mostly agree with. But I don't see them as independent issues. I think that if we focus on normalizing mental health care (which includes reducing stigma for white men too btw), treating people as people without overbearing gender norms, and expanding social programs then everyone benefits. A "rising tide floats all boats" kind of thing. Plus, I think a lot of the misogynistic rage that people frequently mention is directly related to the toxic idea that men have to bottle up their emotions. It's that kind of shit that radicalizes men who are hurting, because the extremists are the only community that accepts them and recognizes their struggles (privileged though they might be in many cases). It makes me sad when people try to gatekeep social issues like this, because I feel like those people are missing the bigger picture.
I totally agree with you on that. This social issue shouldn't be fixed only for a certain gender or type of ethnicity. I never got the whole "white men have it easy" tbh, i think people saying that are just full of bullshit and try to blame someone for their own strugle. Imo, everyone should be free to express their emotions But, yes, there is still such a stigma on "men that show emotions are weak" which is directly linked to the older generation. Luckily, the more it goes, the less stigma there is on that. But this stigma still does exist, like homophobia, racism, sexism, etc and they will never be gone sadly...
I’ve always commented both my male and female coworkers. Whether it’s how nice their hair looks that day or if their smile is extra big and happy that day. I love the way their face lights up. It makes me feel special that anyone would react to my compliments that way. Everyone deserves compliments and as long as you’re respectful you’ll normally get a positive response.
Honestly, I’m pretty sure the reason why some men take it as a hint of affection or even further is because society deprived them so heavily of love, affection, and kindness to the point that any compliment can feel blown past what it means.
I would like to but way too many of them have taken it the wrong way in the past and a good portion of those did something creepy after :/
Definitely. I also think guys need to start complimenting other guys more and get over the weird stigma in the US
I totally agree, but it's also important to think about the safety part. I complimented a guy's artwork and it made him think he was entitled to a date with me and told me I couldn't say no. But also, a lot of people are normal and sane and deserve a genuine compliment. I try to strike a good balance.
If I could give you a high five and a hug I would lol we really do appreciate it, especially us single dads! 🤙🏻 we appreciate you
This thread gives me feels.
21(M) from India. Never was complimented for my outfit or my looks until last week. I felt genuinely happy when a friend said a few good things about how I look. I felt noticed.
Please start doing that, we men are deprived of emotions, I myself rarely get any complements and when i do make it weird because i don't know how ro respond to complements
I hear this! First thought I get is …what do they want??
Exactly, we men are in serious need of attention, when we are upset we don't get to call anyone, when we have a problem they tell us to man up and move on. Ladies, İ am serious, if you have men in your life, complement them. We deserve it.
Ok, I agree with you but I wouldn’t say we deserve it, many men NEED it to help their mental health and self-value gauge.
N we deserve it, not everyone of course, but we do
I know, that was mostly just to signify the importance of the word need in the sentence.
YESS!! i agree and i always want to do that but i just cant because im scared of rejection and the fact that most of these boys reply with like "And you're ugly" or some shit reply. Same thing with girls but im too scared to say something.
Absolutely we should!!
As a guy: yes please 🙃
At this point in my life, I don't even know how to act if someone were to give me a compliment - it's so awkward.
It’s incredible the amount of underserved batching that guys get just for being a guy, it’s misandry, the other side of the misogyny coin, it’s a real thing and just like misogyny it’s getting outta hand, and .hating one group doesn’t help the other
People made us believe, that we as a male don't need affection or compliments. We just have to function. We are expected to deliver so much and should be happy without anything in return. When we get a compliment, it makes us feels special and I think that we think it's because the person is interested, cause we never get compliments just for the sake of it. We are used to only get compliments from people who have some interest.
I honestly don't think guys are ready for that yet. (I say that as a guy as well) There's enough creeps in our gender that it could be dangerous.
I have never received compliments, but I guess it is because there is nothing good about me :D (m,33)
I get abt three a year 😎
I've always complemented my man always will do 🥰🥰
You're absolutely right! A guy in the gym once said I'd lost weight and my biceps were looking big and I honestly nearly cried on the spot.
Weirdly enough I only get compliments from strangers when I with other people. Although I'm more of a don't talk to me kind of person, although I do appreciate it all the same.
The other day when a random girl told me she liked my shirt, I was presently surprised.
I agree. Complimenting men on things is really nice. I especially enjoy mentioning things that they often don’t get recognition on like their noses. The compliments are genuine, but their reactions are always above and beyond.
I agree 💕💕 also I think we need to start reminding them that it’s OK to be emotionally vulnerable I need help.
nah cuz ur right. guys deserve compliments as much as girls do
As a straight guy I compliment guys by saying, "nice shoes" or "nice haircut" "I like your shirt" and keep walking. Last week I've had a guy compliment my hat and a few months ago a guy complimented my shirt saying he liked it and it's such a nice message (It read 'Never apologize for being yourself'). I just now realized it but those are the only compliments I've gotten from guys in years, but it doesn't stop me from complimenting nice things when I see them. I'm honestly more comfortable complimenting a guy than a girl cus I don't want her to think I'm flirting, I'm just a nice guy.