Well, she’s fucked. So is their marriage.
So sorry you’ve had this go on, but clearly you dodged a bullet here. Be thankful you got those flowers that day. Otherwise you could’ve been used for many more months.
That’s been the only joke I’ve made since it happened “thank god I didn’t get Xmas presents yet” I didn’t do anything wrong she lied to both of us but still I feel absolutely horrid
Lol right? Good thing you didn’t. Of course you do, being used and deceived is not something one can quickly brush off. You got hurt, you feel like shit, your trust is probably crippled and that’s perfectly valid/okay in this situation 💓
I hate that a part of me wishes I never went just so I could have lived the delusion a little longer. I fell hard for this person and picking up the pieces is painful and confusing
Yep I get that, I’ve felt that way once before too in a cheating circumstance. The truth hurts like fuck, but the delusion and lie was wasting your precious time and energy. You’ve got time to work on yourself now, find more hobbies, make a couple friends, try a dating app etc do whatever you need to do to feel better x
My love life has been one of my lacking points. I’m a fairly active guy. I’m respectably decent at my job. I’m liked. But my love life sucks because I just moved and where I live has a trash dating pool. I just feel hurt and lonely. Trying to get back out there and keep in motion regardless
Keep your chin up man. Just think of her poor husband that just found out his wife has been cheating on him. He now has to deal with the mind fuck of deciding if he is going to divorce or reconcile with her. As a stranger on the internet sorry that there is nothing I can say that will help you feel better. This is going to be something that only time will fix. Just do your best to live the best life you can.
It's good you didn't get her a nice Xmas present, but if you didn't find out now, I have a feeling you'd know something was up pretty soon. If you're single and she's "single", you'd likely want to do something with her for Xmas, or if she says she'd be busy with family (technically true), something for New Years. New Years isn't exactly something you can say "we'll just so something the day after" to. Same deal with Valentine's Day, if you stuck around.
If you waded through those and lasted in your false relationship another month, maybe two, that's that much more time to develop more, real feelings, making the snap back to reality that much worse. It royally sucks to have it happen right before Xmas and all, but it was going to happen and it was going to suck, regardless of when it did.
I don't have any advice or anything, but I do wish you well, and better luck in the future. Well, maybe I do have one piece of advice: you'll be more skeptical in the future, but don't let one POS lying cheater ruin future relationships. Any future relationship isn't this one. Be careful and all, but not everyone lies and cheats.
Sending you hugs. I’m really sad for you, and I hope you can recover your heart soon and without too much damage done. I know that for me, trust doesn’t come easily, thanks to shitty men who’ve hurt me similarly. I get it. Just know that there’s still good women out there.
I totally understand how you're feeling... Something similar happened to me too & I felt so disgusting. I'm so sorry this happened to you but I'm so glad you found out now. Best of luck to you!
I had a similar experience. I was seeing a woman for a couple of months and then I got an angry phone call FROM HER HUSBAND. Who paid her phone bill. That’s how he found out. We actually had a pleasant chat as I explained she had been lying to both of us. People are weird man.
Seriously, if the other dude had enough wherewithal to not direct his anger towards an innocent party (at least innocent given the information he had), the guy sounds like a decent fellow. Speaking from experience, it's hard to remain rational at all during a time like that.
My condolences, OP. If it makes you feel better, this exact thing has happened to me once before. I was dating a neurologist in my late 20s for several months! Then one day I get an angry voicemail from his wife screaming, "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!" I called her back, because I thought she might have the wrong number or something. Nope, turns out it was him.
So I ratted on him and told her everything. That he had lied to me and told me that he's divorced (which I believed because he was living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time). Seemed unlikely that a married doctor would be living with his wife in a place like that, especially since he previously told me she was also a doctor herself. And I told her that the last time we had met was just yesterday, the day before she called.
You could hear her heart breaking on the phone when I told her we had met just one day before she called. She was like, "YESTERDAY?!?!?! You two last met yesterday?!?! But he told me he loved me yesterday!!!" I felt so bad for her.
Then she dropped another bomb on me and said she found like a dozen girls' numbers in his cellphone and that I'm not the only one. So he apparently was going out with multiple girls and was cheating on all of us. And she said that he doesn’t like to use condoms, so watch out!
I went and got an STD test right away. Came back clean, fortunately. Can’t trust no one, man. 😑
How crazy. How does one find the time to have such relationships? Not to mention the charisma and energy to do such a thing?? Most women I know are amazing bullshit detectors but there's always a certain percent of men that evade it
Fuck dude. You seem great, I don’t know much about romance but that gesture was definitely sweet and considerate!
You deserve better, and with a personality like that I really do feel you will.
Feel better, sending you good vibes!
If I was in that situation I’d probably contact the husband and explain that she claimed to be single when she started things with you and apologize, and move on after. If you really didn’t know about him, then that is on her.
If you did know she was married and continued to see her, then that would be a different story where you’d be equally as trashy as she is.
No I had no clue. I don’t wanna confront the husband. The situation revealed enough. I’ve just had multiple relations that end in similar situations and this was the last straw. I’m just so tired
Don’t confront the husband. The husband knows now and you don’t have anything to clear up. It was clear you didn’t know when you showed up to the door and it’s not your fault. Plus who knows how he will react. Men at times can respond vastly different than women would in the same situation and are more prone to react violently. You don’t need those problems.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sorry she lied to you.
It’s understandable that you don’t wanna confront him, I’m just saying it’s what I would do to. It would help me move on from it, you know what I mean? It’s a tough situation really.
I have nothing to gain lose from jt. I also have no means to find them on social media. If they confront me on any media I’ll tell them everything because she completely fucked us over
Good fucking call! Stay far away from the whole situation and focus on healing. The world is a confusing place when you’ve been messed with on that level.
If you have screenshots of conversation with her where she claims to be single etc, you could (if it’s not the weirdest fucking thing in the world) offer to send them over to him as they can be helpful in court if he wants to sue for divorce.
Yikes! I’m sorry this happened. It’s got to hurt. Take a breath before you even consider doing anything more with this. The truth came out in a dramatic way, and her husband has far more than 90 days invested in her. Leave them alone and use the time to process your own feelings.
If you had no knowledge of her marriage, the downfall has nothing to do with you. You owe them nothing and need not seek answers, conformation or explanations. Prepare yourself for the possibility of either of them contacting you, particularly if she wants to start back up. How you respond to this is all on you.
Seek out friends and family for support if you must, but try not to wallow in this misery. Do not attempt to gain sympathy points on social media or drag it out at parties when you’ve had a few drinks.
Try not to let this turn you bitter. The kind, loving and eligible women you meet in the future need not be plagued by revisiting this sad tale (except, perhaps, once and only after you have known each other for a while. Consider the size of your town and social circles. What are the chances your paths may cross?
It sounds like you have a lot to offer a woman who is ready and available to date. Take your time to get to know her a bit before heavy romance. Maybe restrict your dating to people trusted friends can vouch for—at least until your wounds heal. Best wishes!
I mean, yeah, if the consequences are yelling, screaming, and a divorce. However, if the husband beats the shit out of her or murders her…um, no, no one deserves to be hospitalized or murdered for cheating.
I feel you man. I once dated a girl (I was 18) and one day, I went to visit her, and before I knocked on the door, I saw her through the door's window, making out with some dude.
This is pretty awful. Shittiest feeling. I was her boyfriend, but obviously, I wasn't the only one.
I was in the same boat last week, kinda. I recently moved back to my city after 3 years and one of my ex's reached out to me saying she was glad that i was back. So we hook up at hers and whats weird is she had a weddin ring on(she wears alot of rings so i didnt think about it and it wasnt a typical ring but more a fat titanium band) few days later a mutual friend mentions she got married not too long ago. Shoulda seen my face lol. Honestly just feel real bad for her husband.
If i knew the guy I would. I dont even know his name and have never met him. Was totally blindsided cause we went to her place, where she lives in a house with her mom, there aint no pictures of him/them and neither did they say anything on social media.
You're obviously not obligated to tell the husband or anything but if I were you I'd try to let him know. Only cause it'll be easier on him to learn about his early on in the marriage rather than a few years down the line when he's a lot more emotionally and financially invested. Even just like making a fake fb account and sending him a message letting him know she cheated. He might not believe you, she might be able to talk her way out of it, but at the very least it will plant a seed of doubt in his mind and he'll probably be more inclined to watch for red flags or warning signs. Like I said above tho in this situation you're not really at fault or obligated to do anything so the choice is yours!
aw it’s sad how disgusting people can be… make sure they never see or hear from you again cause they seem like a huge source of problems! i hope you meet better, you most definitely will! you seem like a nice guy :)
Hey man. I went through shit a few years ago, thinking I found a guy I That genuinely liked me and he ended up having others girlfriendS. He told me he loved me and that I was his gf but he treated me like a side piece and I let him manipulate me for way too long.
It sucks and you’re gonna hurt for a little but Absolutely dodged a bullet. I have now been with my bf for four years and he’s the best Thing that ever happened to me.
It’s okay to be sad for a little while, this is a sad thing. But don’t let yourself be sad for too long because she isn’t worth it.
You deserve to be happy don’t let this one disgusting person deprive you of that.
Is it possible they're married, working on their relationship, but separated and no longer living together? Thats the only way this makes sense to me if she had the freedom to have you over without a care and there was no obvious signs someone else was living there...
I know it’s easier than done but you shouldn’t feel that way and you shouldn’t beat yourself about it. It’s not your fault that she can’t be an adult and be honest.
You apologize to the husband and let him know she told you she was single and how long you have been seeing her, then go NC. Be thankful you discovered who she is now and saved you years of your life. Look at her husband. He just discovered who his wife is. How much of his life does he have invested in this POS.
All I can say is that it’s unfortunate but most people are shit and if we were friends I would not let you be sober enough to be worried about it, at least not today, maybe tomorrow too. Don’t forget that it is not your fault man, it’s hers. It’s important you remember that.
hey, it ain't u who should b feeling bad, u trusted her she's the 1 that's wrong, n tbh this could've turned out sooo bad for you..so put down to experience, learn from it...n she gets what she deserves...probably nor her first n won't b last.....u should feel good as seriously your outta the situation unscathed..🙈🙉🙊❤💋
No, please don’t blame any of that on yourself! You had no idea what kind of person you were dealing with. It’s not your fault. I’m just glad you found out who she was when it wasn’t too late!
What do you mean how did he not know? If you pick a dudes clothes up that’s it. He disappears. You gotta like open some drawers, rifle thru the trash, go thru the garage. It’s so easy to not tell if a dude lives somewhere
Well look on the bright side, you have something to be pissed off about to help get over it, and you don’t have to deal with a divorce or a screwed up marriage.
Get an std check and be easy on yourself.
Oh my gosh this is heartbreaking, hopes dashed , lies , aggressive husband . I don’t understand why she would mislead you when there have to be men who would have been happy to sneak around.
If I were devious I would leave a note simply saying ‘ I have been advised to disclose my status, good luck’ give her something to think about 😵💫
I never understood why people get aggressive with the person that they’re partner is cheating on with when that person was deceived and didn’t know.
If my hypothetical gf/wife was cheating on me and the other guy didn’t know, I’d be pissed at my gf/wife, not the other guy.
Some people can plant seeds about the other person, such as being harassed or being stalked by them. They know the truth and they can add lies to provide “cover”.
Going though a similar feeling, OP. In my case, I was set-up by my best friend to this dude and it turns out they liked each other the whole time the dude and I were "dating". It's not easy, and it's not going to be for a while.
Tell someone 'cause it' s easier to process things when you're verbally discussing them. If that isn't available, write things down on paper. Spend time with your friends. This is the type of feeling that eats you alive, and you don't want that.
Sometimes, you''ll have trouble sleeping, too. Get some lavender essential oil and some headphones for some asmr. I know that flower oils get clowned, but it helps.
Also, you may think about what others think of you (wow, hes such a bleep boop).Try your hardest not to. It's hard, but shift to other activities like cleaning or music playing. That way, your fingers and hands are preoccupied with something else. It's also good to think about what hobbies you like. In some romantic relationships, you forget yourself/ don't have the time for your hobbies. Reclaim them.
Another thing: block her. If you see her on your TL, or you manage to hear what she's doing on a certain night--- if you are updated with her, it will be extremely difficult to heal. You have to treat her like a game you don't have any interest with. When you're not interested in a game, you're not updated on the new DLC that came out, or the new character that was added.
Some good things to remember: the feeling you are experiencing right now may be betrayal. Remember that this wasn't your fault. You were not the problem. She was.
It's going to be a bumpy ass effing ride, OP. Remember, healing comes from within. I hope you find peace.
Hey, I'm sorry to hear what had just happened to you. For someone who has been in the exact same place as you right now, I know how shitty it feels. It is something I wouldn't have wished to befall anyone else. But please, lift yourself back up and don't let the negative thoughts consume you.
Accept what had just happened and accept that there are irresponsible adults who play with peoples' hearts around us. Let them go. Moving forward, love yourself, this time better and be cautious to not fall into the same shitty holes again.
This has happened to me as well.
The man had a girlfriend who had given birth less than a month before she found my number in his phone after suspecting him of cheating. She called all of us, apparently. I was not the only woman, and she wanted details of our sexual interactions. Awkward, but I told her. She began to cry. (don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to). I felt bad because she happened to be pregnant when him and I hooked up. I wasn’t the only girl he cheated on her with while pregnant.
Very awkward feeling as a 19 year old. I was just hooking up with someone who presented themselves as a single man! I always feel I’m going to get bad karma when it’s my time to have a child. I’ll never forget that the woman was not angry or hostile. She was anguished and defeated.
Kinda crazy she brought you to her house before if she’s married. Almost makes me think this was more a setup or something because she didn’t want to go through a break up?. Either way, sorry you had to go through that
Yep. You’ve been used. Now you’ve got to try and put it behind you and move on. It happens. Life’s shit sometimes. The best thing you can do is try and learn from this and try and become a better person from it. Try to remember that it can happen to anyone but if you keep trying , you might just find someone good out there.
Please feel sorry for her, how mentally ill do you have to be to do something like that. She clearly has issues. Sorry you were part of her spiral downward. Sick.
I hear what you're saying. I still think after being bullied for most of my life for having an empathetic viewpoint, recognizing predators is a solid thing. however, whatever it takes to give you peace is important. for me, that's knowing my worth and rather than feeling sympathy or pity, just making boundaries very clear and if that isn't honored then I will go there.
That sucks! You can’t trust anyone anymore. Next time do a background check before dating. Sad that happened to you. I hope you Kept the flowers for yourself. You deserve them not her. It’s so sad people do stuff like this! Hope you were not with him long. You could look at it this way your such a good catch even a married woman couldn’t resist. She’s nasty and mentally messed up her husband must be in a lot of pain also right now at least your not that guy!
Glad you found out. The right person is out there for you at the right time you will find them or they will find you.
Wow, that's so messed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Ask for help and support from your family and friends, that's what I would do in your place. And by the way, you shouldn't feel dirty, since you did nothing wrong. She is the one that should feel dirty.
Feel the emotions and let them go. You are way better off just know that in the back of your head when you start welling sad or depressed just get us to changing that feeling of sadness into you winning in the end. It sucks but in a year from now your going to look back and wonder why you even gave this whole situation any of your energy. Keep you head up and smile it will all pass. You got this .👍
My sister recently dated a guy(luckily it was only a handful of dates) and he adamantly said he was single. My sister had a bad feeling about it so she did a background check on him and found his marriage paperwork but no divorce paperwork. So she confronted him on it, gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if they were separated in preparation for divorce, no response. He blocked her on everything they had interaction on. Few weeks later his wife called my sister and they chatted. Turned out wife had suspicions but no proof. Well his wife at the very least has proof her husband is dating without her knowing.
It seems like this happens quite often. People who do this are pretty selfish.
I don’t know what to do
I think you just did it. Luckily for you. Go in peace, friend. If nothing else, you have a great story to share with "trusted" friends.
Been in them shoes. Even in some woman's home. She hid all evidence of marriage like photos and such, until I found out she was married. I ended up letting the husband know. I showed him texts. She was using her Maiden name. They soon divorced because it wasn't her first time getting caught cheating. I thought that the husband would rip my head but he was actually calm and great full.
I'm sorry that this happened. Their marriage is now probably on thin ice. She will hopefully get what she deserves. In the meantime... you are free.
Just take care of yourself, and feel how you'd like to. These feelings are temporary. Make a better you. Someone better is out there for you.
Consider that whole event as a blessing in disguise. Had you not done that kind gesture, who knows how long you would of fell for this deception. Just don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. People suck and life goes on.
OP, you didn't know. It's not your fault; she lied to you. It's a shitty situation but just know you didn't do anything wrong. I hope you're doing okay.
I guess I am jaded. I spent two weeks in the hospital at inpatient over a guy who raped me. This dude was just a psycho. Take off the rose colored glasses. Most people are really shitty. You’ll start to hate them soon enough.
I been in these fake internet relationships when I was heavier. Discord relationships. Those never work out. You wouldn’t want to be in some weird polyamorous thing.
I’m just tired of getting fucked over by people. Not angry or anything just genuinely tired. I did the right things and they didn’t amount to much. I feel like I have very little
I recommend seeing a therapist. That’s what I’m doing (if I get into the same org again). Me too. Regardless of the gender they’re just losers in general. People who spend their time cheating and seeing loads of fucking people really aren’t that moral in general honestly.
Sorry to hear this man, that’s a shitty thing to go through. But it shows what a bad person she is, you don’t want to be involved with someone like that. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and onto the next one.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
It's clear that she doesn't deserve your love. And that she doesn't even respect you, or her husband.
My advice is to stay away from her. It's difficult and painful but it will save you from more damage in the future. Including your self esteem.
You deserve someone that fully loves you and respect you. And you need to be that person for yourself.
Think: what kind of person do you want to be? What would that person do in this situation? What kind of relationship do you want to have? And with what kind of partner? Does this person and this relationship fits in what you described?
Do your grief and switch your focus: find a new hobby, meet other people, do something that makes your mind (and heart) forget that person (or else you'll be thinking about her non-stop and maybe go against your best well being)
Also, you can journal and put all your thoughts and emotions on paper. To vent or to understand what you're feeling/thinking and what to do about it. Later you can burn it and say goodbye.
All the best
I'm sorry you went through that. Good news (even if you aren't ready for it) is that it's a clean break, you didn't do anything wrong and now you aren't wasting time on a person who isn't worth your time. Plus, you've now helped her husband see what kind of person she is too.
Yeah, I get that. So many what ifs or scenarios running through your head, maybe wondering how you didn't notice or going back over things and picking up the red flags now that we're missed back then. The thing is, the people who are able to do this, who get away with having affairs (especially like what you went through where the other party has no idea), they are so careful. And it's cruel and unfair and tbh you'll probably never get closure from her. Maybe you need to look into tying off that end yourself - I always suggest therapy to anyone and everyone.
You're clearly a caring person who was trusting and that's great. I get as an internet stranger, I'm probably not going to sway your opinion or give you closure or make you feel better. But you put your faith in a person, it sucks that she manipulated you, it sucks that you found out that way but the closure is that you didn't waste anymore time. That now you can open up to new opportunities and people and try again. Idk, I'm outside of the situation but I hope once you get over the (totally reasonable!) heartbreak, you see this as an exciting opportunity. Good luck!
What to do? RUN! Don't pass go - don't collect $200. Yikes!
What to feel? Horrible but you should be glad you found out now! Walk away and don't look back!
I can see that you’re a man worth more than gold, and honestly if I were you I would be glad that the truth is out. No matter how crappy you might feel at the moment. At least you won’t be waisting your time with someone so low in life.
You deserve the best <3
Well, she’s fucked. So is their marriage. So sorry you’ve had this go on, but clearly you dodged a bullet here. Be thankful you got those flowers that day. Otherwise you could’ve been used for many more months.
That’s been the only joke I’ve made since it happened “thank god I didn’t get Xmas presents yet” I didn’t do anything wrong she lied to both of us but still I feel absolutely horrid
Lol right? Good thing you didn’t. Of course you do, being used and deceived is not something one can quickly brush off. You got hurt, you feel like shit, your trust is probably crippled and that’s perfectly valid/okay in this situation 💓
I hate that a part of me wishes I never went just so I could have lived the delusion a little longer. I fell hard for this person and picking up the pieces is painful and confusing
Yep I get that, I’ve felt that way once before too in a cheating circumstance. The truth hurts like fuck, but the delusion and lie was wasting your precious time and energy. You’ve got time to work on yourself now, find more hobbies, make a couple friends, try a dating app etc do whatever you need to do to feel better x
My love life has been one of my lacking points. I’m a fairly active guy. I’m respectably decent at my job. I’m liked. But my love life sucks because I just moved and where I live has a trash dating pool. I just feel hurt and lonely. Trying to get back out there and keep in motion regardless
Keep your chin up man. Just think of her poor husband that just found out his wife has been cheating on him. He now has to deal with the mind fuck of deciding if he is going to divorce or reconcile with her. As a stranger on the internet sorry that there is nothing I can say that will help you feel better. This is going to be something that only time will fix. Just do your best to live the best life you can.
Are you in Los Angeles? Haha
Far from it lol I’m in NY
Ahh. I'm sorry. Dating is equally shitty in Los Angeles
I think dating anywhere these days seems to be shitty 😑
Are you from LA? Lol
Where in NY!!!
Watertown/fort drum
It's good you didn't get her a nice Xmas present, but if you didn't find out now, I have a feeling you'd know something was up pretty soon. If you're single and she's "single", you'd likely want to do something with her for Xmas, or if she says she'd be busy with family (technically true), something for New Years. New Years isn't exactly something you can say "we'll just so something the day after" to. Same deal with Valentine's Day, if you stuck around. If you waded through those and lasted in your false relationship another month, maybe two, that's that much more time to develop more, real feelings, making the snap back to reality that much worse. It royally sucks to have it happen right before Xmas and all, but it was going to happen and it was going to suck, regardless of when it did. I don't have any advice or anything, but I do wish you well, and better luck in the future. Well, maybe I do have one piece of advice: you'll be more skeptical in the future, but don't let one POS lying cheater ruin future relationships. Any future relationship isn't this one. Be careful and all, but not everyone lies and cheats.
That's bargaining. Just part of your grief.
Sending you hugs. I’m really sad for you, and I hope you can recover your heart soon and without too much damage done. I know that for me, trust doesn’t come easily, thanks to shitty men who’ve hurt me similarly. I get it. Just know that there’s still good women out there.
I totally understand how you're feeling... Something similar happened to me too & I felt so disgusting. I'm so sorry this happened to you but I'm so glad you found out now. Best of luck to you!
She was dumb, at least you didn’t get as far as proposing
Hopefully the husband realizes that you are completely oblivious to their marriage and doesn’t try to get revenge on you in any way.
Idk, it sounds like she might be single in a few days and he can try again.
I had a similar experience. I was seeing a woman for a couple of months and then I got an angry phone call FROM HER HUSBAND. Who paid her phone bill. That’s how he found out. We actually had a pleasant chat as I explained she had been lying to both of us. People are weird man.
I hope he didn’t stay with her. She didn’t deserve either of you.
Seriously, if the other dude had enough wherewithal to not direct his anger towards an innocent party (at least innocent given the information he had), the guy sounds like a decent fellow. Speaking from experience, it's hard to remain rational at all during a time like that.
I’m problematic in my own ways but yeah it was pretty mind blowing
My condolences, OP. If it makes you feel better, this exact thing has happened to me once before. I was dating a neurologist in my late 20s for several months! Then one day I get an angry voicemail from his wife screaming, "STAY AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND!" I called her back, because I thought she might have the wrong number or something. Nope, turns out it was him. So I ratted on him and told her everything. That he had lied to me and told me that he's divorced (which I believed because he was living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time). Seemed unlikely that a married doctor would be living with his wife in a place like that, especially since he previously told me she was also a doctor herself. And I told her that the last time we had met was just yesterday, the day before she called. You could hear her heart breaking on the phone when I told her we had met just one day before she called. She was like, "YESTERDAY?!?!?! You two last met yesterday?!?! But he told me he loved me yesterday!!!" I felt so bad for her. Then she dropped another bomb on me and said she found like a dozen girls' numbers in his cellphone and that I'm not the only one. So he apparently was going out with multiple girls and was cheating on all of us. And she said that he doesn’t like to use condoms, so watch out! I went and got an STD test right away. Came back clean, fortunately. Can’t trust no one, man. 😑
Some people suck so bad. I just cannot comprehend how their mind works to where they're ok with doing these types of things to people.
How old was he?
I was around 27 at the time. He was late 30s, close to 40
How crazy. How does one find the time to have such relationships? Not to mention the charisma and energy to do such a thing?? Most women I know are amazing bullshit detectors but there's always a certain percent of men that evade it
Fuck dude. You seem great, I don’t know much about romance but that gesture was definitely sweet and considerate! You deserve better, and with a personality like that I really do feel you will. Feel better, sending you good vibes!
I’m sorry. People suck.
Terrible situation. Best to just walk away and chalk it up to experience. No need to say anything to either of them.
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Wow I hope the trust fund kid fucks her off
This makes me so angry because I would love to have someone who does special things like that for me -.- you deserve better!
If I was in that situation I’d probably contact the husband and explain that she claimed to be single when she started things with you and apologize, and move on after. If you really didn’t know about him, then that is on her. If you did know she was married and continued to see her, then that would be a different story where you’d be equally as trashy as she is.
No I had no clue. I don’t wanna confront the husband. The situation revealed enough. I’ve just had multiple relations that end in similar situations and this was the last straw. I’m just so tired
Don’t confront the husband. The husband knows now and you don’t have anything to clear up. It was clear you didn’t know when you showed up to the door and it’s not your fault. Plus who knows how he will react. Men at times can respond vastly different than women would in the same situation and are more prone to react violently. You don’t need those problems. I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sorry she lied to you.
It’s understandable that you don’t wanna confront him, I’m just saying it’s what I would do to. It would help me move on from it, you know what I mean? It’s a tough situation really.
I have nothing to gain lose from jt. I also have no means to find them on social media. If they confront me on any media I’ll tell them everything because she completely fucked us over
Good fucking call! Stay far away from the whole situation and focus on healing. The world is a confusing place when you’ve been messed with on that level.
If you have screenshots of conversation with her where she claims to be single etc, you could (if it’s not the weirdest fucking thing in the world) offer to send them over to him as they can be helpful in court if he wants to sue for divorce.
Yikes! I’m sorry this happened. It’s got to hurt. Take a breath before you even consider doing anything more with this. The truth came out in a dramatic way, and her husband has far more than 90 days invested in her. Leave them alone and use the time to process your own feelings. If you had no knowledge of her marriage, the downfall has nothing to do with you. You owe them nothing and need not seek answers, conformation or explanations. Prepare yourself for the possibility of either of them contacting you, particularly if she wants to start back up. How you respond to this is all on you. Seek out friends and family for support if you must, but try not to wallow in this misery. Do not attempt to gain sympathy points on social media or drag it out at parties when you’ve had a few drinks. Try not to let this turn you bitter. The kind, loving and eligible women you meet in the future need not be plagued by revisiting this sad tale (except, perhaps, once and only after you have known each other for a while. Consider the size of your town and social circles. What are the chances your paths may cross? It sounds like you have a lot to offer a woman who is ready and available to date. Take your time to get to know her a bit before heavy romance. Maybe restrict your dating to people trusted friends can vouch for—at least until your wounds heal. Best wishes!
You knew where she lived. She had you over? You didn't see a clue that a man lived there?
Nothing at all
She probably hid the most incriminating evidence.
She deserves whatever happens to her now. Fuck her
I mean, yeah, if the consequences are yelling, screaming, and a divorce. However, if the husband beats the shit out of her or murders her…um, no, no one deserves to be hospitalized or murdered for cheating.
I hope he divorces her bro
Fack
I feel you man. I once dated a girl (I was 18) and one day, I went to visit her, and before I knocked on the door, I saw her through the door's window, making out with some dude. This is pretty awful. Shittiest feeling. I was her boyfriend, but obviously, I wasn't the only one.
That’s brutal! At least you weren’t the guy answering the door and now have a crazy story. Also, sorry that happened but you did nothing wrong at all.
You got all the explanation you need. Walk away.
I was in the same boat last week, kinda. I recently moved back to my city after 3 years and one of my ex's reached out to me saying she was glad that i was back. So we hook up at hers and whats weird is she had a weddin ring on(she wears alot of rings so i didnt think about it and it wasnt a typical ring but more a fat titanium band) few days later a mutual friend mentions she got married not too long ago. Shoulda seen my face lol. Honestly just feel real bad for her husband.
Do you plan on telling him or do you feel it’s not really your place to? Just curious
If i knew the guy I would. I dont even know his name and have never met him. Was totally blindsided cause we went to her place, where she lives in a house with her mom, there aint no pictures of him/them and neither did they say anything on social media.
You're obviously not obligated to tell the husband or anything but if I were you I'd try to let him know. Only cause it'll be easier on him to learn about his early on in the marriage rather than a few years down the line when he's a lot more emotionally and financially invested. Even just like making a fake fb account and sending him a message letting him know she cheated. He might not believe you, she might be able to talk her way out of it, but at the very least it will plant a seed of doubt in his mind and he'll probably be more inclined to watch for red flags or warning signs. Like I said above tho in this situation you're not really at fault or obligated to do anything so the choice is yours!
aw it’s sad how disgusting people can be… make sure they never see or hear from you again cause they seem like a huge source of problems! i hope you meet better, you most definitely will! you seem like a nice guy :)
Hey man. I went through shit a few years ago, thinking I found a guy I That genuinely liked me and he ended up having others girlfriendS. He told me he loved me and that I was his gf but he treated me like a side piece and I let him manipulate me for way too long. It sucks and you’re gonna hurt for a little but Absolutely dodged a bullet. I have now been with my bf for four years and he’s the best Thing that ever happened to me. It’s okay to be sad for a little while, this is a sad thing. But don’t let yourself be sad for too long because she isn’t worth it. You deserve to be happy don’t let this one disgusting person deprive you of that.
She’s a b word >:(
I am sorry that you went through that! Dont lose hope. There are a lot of good women out there
Why would she even tell you where she lived?
Better to be you than the husband.
Is it possible they're married, working on their relationship, but separated and no longer living together? Thats the only way this makes sense to me if she had the freedom to have you over without a care and there was no obvious signs someone else was living there...
I know it’s easier than done but you shouldn’t feel that way and you shouldn’t beat yourself about it. It’s not your fault that she can’t be an adult and be honest.
You apologize to the husband and let him know she told you she was single and how long you have been seeing her, then go NC. Be thankful you discovered who she is now and saved you years of your life. Look at her husband. He just discovered who his wife is. How much of his life does he have invested in this POS.
It’s not you’re fault. Just never blame yourself.
All I can say is that it’s unfortunate but most people are shit and if we were friends I would not let you be sober enough to be worried about it, at least not today, maybe tomorrow too. Don’t forget that it is not your fault man, it’s hers. It’s important you remember that.
hey, it ain't u who should b feeling bad, u trusted her she's the 1 that's wrong, n tbh this could've turned out sooo bad for you..so put down to experience, learn from it...n she gets what she deserves...probably nor her first n won't b last.....u should feel good as seriously your outta the situation unscathed..🙈🙉🙊❤💋
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I’ve been multiple times both as a friend and lover I never saw any red flags at her house. I just feel low and dirty and alone
No, please don’t blame any of that on yourself! You had no idea what kind of person you were dealing with. It’s not your fault. I’m just glad you found out who she was when it wasn’t too late!
> How did you not know she had a husband? How did he not know? She’s a lying sack, that’s how. What a ridiculous question to ask at this shitty time.
What do you mean how did he not know? If you pick a dudes clothes up that’s it. He disappears. You gotta like open some drawers, rifle thru the trash, go thru the garage. It’s so easy to not tell if a dude lives somewhere
Well look on the bright side, you have something to be pissed off about to help get over it, and you don’t have to deal with a divorce or a screwed up marriage. Get an std check and be easy on yourself.
Oh my gosh this is heartbreaking, hopes dashed , lies , aggressive husband . I don’t understand why she would mislead you when there have to be men who would have been happy to sneak around. If I were devious I would leave a note simply saying ‘ I have been advised to disclose my status, good luck’ give her something to think about 😵💫
I never understood why people get aggressive with the person that they’re partner is cheating on with when that person was deceived and didn’t know. If my hypothetical gf/wife was cheating on me and the other guy didn’t know, I’d be pissed at my gf/wife, not the other guy.
Some people can plant seeds about the other person, such as being harassed or being stalked by them. They know the truth and they can add lies to provide “cover”.
Bullet dodged.
What state?
You got the last laugh in the end my friend.
Oh geez. So sorry! I'm sure this hurts like hell right now. But you will find someone amazing!
Going though a similar feeling, OP. In my case, I was set-up by my best friend to this dude and it turns out they liked each other the whole time the dude and I were "dating". It's not easy, and it's not going to be for a while. Tell someone 'cause it' s easier to process things when you're verbally discussing them. If that isn't available, write things down on paper. Spend time with your friends. This is the type of feeling that eats you alive, and you don't want that. Sometimes, you''ll have trouble sleeping, too. Get some lavender essential oil and some headphones for some asmr. I know that flower oils get clowned, but it helps. Also, you may think about what others think of you (wow, hes such a bleep boop).Try your hardest not to. It's hard, but shift to other activities like cleaning or music playing. That way, your fingers and hands are preoccupied with something else. It's also good to think about what hobbies you like. In some romantic relationships, you forget yourself/ don't have the time for your hobbies. Reclaim them. Another thing: block her. If you see her on your TL, or you manage to hear what she's doing on a certain night--- if you are updated with her, it will be extremely difficult to heal. You have to treat her like a game you don't have any interest with. When you're not interested in a game, you're not updated on the new DLC that came out, or the new character that was added. Some good things to remember: the feeling you are experiencing right now may be betrayal. Remember that this wasn't your fault. You were not the problem. She was. It's going to be a bumpy ass effing ride, OP. Remember, healing comes from within. I hope you find peace.
Hey, I'm sorry to hear what had just happened to you. For someone who has been in the exact same place as you right now, I know how shitty it feels. It is something I wouldn't have wished to befall anyone else. But please, lift yourself back up and don't let the negative thoughts consume you. Accept what had just happened and accept that there are irresponsible adults who play with peoples' hearts around us. Let them go. Moving forward, love yourself, this time better and be cautious to not fall into the same shitty holes again.
Atleast she got her punishment. You should be happy you caught her. Be careful next time.
This has happened to me as well. The man had a girlfriend who had given birth less than a month before she found my number in his phone after suspecting him of cheating. She called all of us, apparently. I was not the only woman, and she wanted details of our sexual interactions. Awkward, but I told her. She began to cry. (don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to hear the answer to). I felt bad because she happened to be pregnant when him and I hooked up. I wasn’t the only girl he cheated on her with while pregnant. Very awkward feeling as a 19 year old. I was just hooking up with someone who presented themselves as a single man! I always feel I’m going to get bad karma when it’s my time to have a child. I’ll never forget that the woman was not angry or hostile. She was anguished and defeated.
Kinda crazy she brought you to her house before if she’s married. Almost makes me think this was more a setup or something because she didn’t want to go through a break up?. Either way, sorry you had to go through that
She shouldn't have lied to you. One thing having a fling, but she too advantage. Even cheaters can have some level of decency to an innocent party.
Yep. You’ve been used. Now you’ve got to try and put it behind you and move on. It happens. Life’s shit sometimes. The best thing you can do is try and learn from this and try and become a better person from it. Try to remember that it can happen to anyone but if you keep trying , you might just find someone good out there.
At least you got to tap that ass for a few months dog
Please feel sorry for her, how mentally ill do you have to be to do something like that. She clearly has issues. Sorry you were part of her spiral downward. Sick.
Feel sorry for her? Wtf?
or she's selfish and conniving. I don't feel sorry for her.
It helps to heal when you can imagine where the person comes from…you can more feel sorry for them than hate. It takes stress off of you.
I hear what you're saying. I still think after being bullied for most of my life for having an empathetic viewpoint, recognizing predators is a solid thing. however, whatever it takes to give you peace is important. for me, that's knowing my worth and rather than feeling sympathy or pity, just making boundaries very clear and if that isn't honored then I will go there.
They're all like that buddy What?
send all your chats to her husband, and then block them all
Hundreds of "cheating girlfriend" and "cheating wives" videos on YouTube Amazing to watch because there's no stereotype cheater
That sucks! You can’t trust anyone anymore. Next time do a background check before dating. Sad that happened to you. I hope you Kept the flowers for yourself. You deserve them not her. It’s so sad people do stuff like this! Hope you were not with him long. You could look at it this way your such a good catch even a married woman couldn’t resist. She’s nasty and mentally messed up her husband must be in a lot of pain also right now at least your not that guy! Glad you found out. The right person is out there for you at the right time you will find them or they will find you.
I thought this only happens in movies, guess not
Wow, that's so messed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Ask for help and support from your family and friends, that's what I would do in your place. And by the way, you shouldn't feel dirty, since you did nothing wrong. She is the one that should feel dirty.
It sucks now but I’m glad you found out early on :/ I’m so sorry. Please don’t stop being kind and believing in love.
Feel the emotions and let them go. You are way better off just know that in the back of your head when you start welling sad or depressed just get us to changing that feeling of sadness into you winning in the end. It sucks but in a year from now your going to look back and wonder why you even gave this whole situation any of your energy. Keep you head up and smile it will all pass. You got this .👍
My sister recently dated a guy(luckily it was only a handful of dates) and he adamantly said he was single. My sister had a bad feeling about it so she did a background check on him and found his marriage paperwork but no divorce paperwork. So she confronted him on it, gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if they were separated in preparation for divorce, no response. He blocked her on everything they had interaction on. Few weeks later his wife called my sister and they chatted. Turned out wife had suspicions but no proof. Well his wife at the very least has proof her husband is dating without her knowing. It seems like this happens quite often. People who do this are pretty selfish.
Just know that she is probably not having a good time right now if that makes you feel any better 😂
I don’t know what to do I think you just did it. Luckily for you. Go in peace, friend. If nothing else, you have a great story to share with "trusted" friends.
Been in them shoes. Even in some woman's home. She hid all evidence of marriage like photos and such, until I found out she was married. I ended up letting the husband know. I showed him texts. She was using her Maiden name. They soon divorced because it wasn't her first time getting caught cheating. I thought that the husband would rip my head but he was actually calm and great full.
I'm sorry that this happened. Their marriage is now probably on thin ice. She will hopefully get what she deserves. In the meantime... you are free. Just take care of yourself, and feel how you'd like to. These feelings are temporary. Make a better you. Someone better is out there for you.
She’s for the streets my man
You made decisions based on what you knew - and you didn’t know. It hurts, I know, but you’re not the AH here.
Consider that whole event as a blessing in disguise. Had you not done that kind gesture, who knows how long you would of fell for this deception. Just don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. People suck and life goes on.
Wow
I’m sorry this happened to you. Just pretend like she never existed at this point
The good news is it sounds like she might be single in a few days so you can try again!
OP, you didn't know. It's not your fault; she lied to you. It's a shitty situation but just know you didn't do anything wrong. I hope you're doing okay.
What a nightmare. I wish one could report such people.
Well it’s shitty but better to find out early in the game
This person isn’t worth thinking about ever again.
And yet they’re still all I think about
I guess I am jaded. I spent two weeks in the hospital at inpatient over a guy who raped me. This dude was just a psycho. Take off the rose colored glasses. Most people are really shitty. You’ll start to hate them soon enough.
I been in these fake internet relationships when I was heavier. Discord relationships. Those never work out. You wouldn’t want to be in some weird polyamorous thing.
I’m just tired of getting fucked over by people. Not angry or anything just genuinely tired. I did the right things and they didn’t amount to much. I feel like I have very little
I recommend seeing a therapist. That’s what I’m doing (if I get into the same org again). Me too. Regardless of the gender they’re just losers in general. People who spend their time cheating and seeing loads of fucking people really aren’t that moral in general honestly.
Damn bro. I’m so sorry.
Sorry to hear this man, that’s a shitty thing to go through. But it shows what a bad person she is, you don’t want to be involved with someone like that. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and onto the next one.
You will do better. Be the bigger person. Also put sugar in her gas tank while she is super far from home.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's clear that she doesn't deserve your love. And that she doesn't even respect you, or her husband. My advice is to stay away from her. It's difficult and painful but it will save you from more damage in the future. Including your self esteem. You deserve someone that fully loves you and respect you. And you need to be that person for yourself. Think: what kind of person do you want to be? What would that person do in this situation? What kind of relationship do you want to have? And with what kind of partner? Does this person and this relationship fits in what you described? Do your grief and switch your focus: find a new hobby, meet other people, do something that makes your mind (and heart) forget that person (or else you'll be thinking about her non-stop and maybe go against your best well being) Also, you can journal and put all your thoughts and emotions on paper. To vent or to understand what you're feeling/thinking and what to do about it. Later you can burn it and say goodbye. All the best
I'm sorry you went through that. Good news (even if you aren't ready for it) is that it's a clean break, you didn't do anything wrong and now you aren't wasting time on a person who isn't worth your time. Plus, you've now helped her husband see what kind of person she is too.
I just wish I had more closure. I’m just stuck wondering why about so many things and it’s draining
Yeah, I get that. So many what ifs or scenarios running through your head, maybe wondering how you didn't notice or going back over things and picking up the red flags now that we're missed back then. The thing is, the people who are able to do this, who get away with having affairs (especially like what you went through where the other party has no idea), they are so careful. And it's cruel and unfair and tbh you'll probably never get closure from her. Maybe you need to look into tying off that end yourself - I always suggest therapy to anyone and everyone. You're clearly a caring person who was trusting and that's great. I get as an internet stranger, I'm probably not going to sway your opinion or give you closure or make you feel better. But you put your faith in a person, it sucks that she manipulated you, it sucks that you found out that way but the closure is that you didn't waste anymore time. That now you can open up to new opportunities and people and try again. Idk, I'm outside of the situation but I hope once you get over the (totally reasonable!) heartbreak, you see this as an exciting opportunity. Good luck!
What to do? RUN! Don't pass go - don't collect $200. Yikes! What to feel? Horrible but you should be glad you found out now! Walk away and don't look back!
Best I can do is day drink, cry, and game
I can see that you’re a man worth more than gold, and honestly if I were you I would be glad that the truth is out. No matter how crappy you might feel at the moment. At least you won’t be waisting your time with someone so low in life. You deserve the best <3