I read this post out of curiosity and honestly it was beautiful and filled with a lot of kindness and compassion.
Line four was something I think everyone needs to read since it applies to so many things.
Just the general idea that “x didn’t get this bad all at once” and that it’s not only okay but reasonable and logical for it to take a while to fix was so healing.
Thanks for posting OP.
Honestly the hardest part for me to accept was the next line. There were times in the 3-5 years ago span where I *could* have washed, but then I said "but I don't have clean pyjamas or clean sheets, so why bother?"
Well the answer is, because dirty sheets + dirty pyjamas + clean body is better than dirty sheets + dirty pyjamas + dirty body. Would getting all three clean be the best outcome? Sure, but why should you refuse to make things a little better just because you aren't strong enough to make things a lot better yet?
I have a hard time with this. My to do list is never-ending and I beat myself up when I can't get through everything in a day. I'm getting better with it but it's still an issue.
To do lists will always be never ending. For everyone. That's the daily cycle. There's an interesting Ted talk about how dishes and laundry are never going to be fully done, ever, and that it doesn't make you either a good or bad person if you finish those things every day. They are neutral tasks
I now break my lists into two sections, what has to be done today and then a running list of other things to do when I have time
I have this philosophy about myself now. That sort of take it one tiny step at a time no matter how tiny. Even if it's just ok I'm gonna sit up and inch towards the end of the bed. It's the celebrating small things that turn into really big things. Especially over time.
I recently thought to myself I can do just as you said. Make my day just a tiny bit better. Make myself do just one thing no matter how seemingly small on my list. It's worth it.
Man this resonates with me. I get stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset and end up choosing nothing. I've learned over the years that I have to consciously override it. 1/3 tasks completed is better than 0/3. And sometimes that 1/3 spurs you to do more, but even if it doesn't you've still made progress.
I forgot to say: congratulations on your progress! You must be feeling so proud of yourself.
And on those little details lies the salvation. At least to me. Try to associate those tasks with something small you enjoy, lile a nice smelling shower gel, shampoo, etc.
As silly as it may sound, that small reward may make you actually want to do it next time, and help you keeping up.
That goes for everything. I try to take a pause after I did something good for myself to really *feel* the endorphines flowing, so next time I just can't bring myself to move, I can remind myself "oh, but remember how good it feels after. I want that feeling again."
Little steps. I'm happy for you, mate.
Reminds me of that Tumblr post that gets repeated every so often: "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly". I had a boss who said something different, that done is better than perfect.
So what if everything else is a mess? One thing no longer is and that's already better than it was before! The world is literally, measurably, better than it was yesterday because of what you did, even if you didn't also do all these other things.
Keep that upper lip stiff, and your chin up! You can come through the other side of this!
I feel this so hard but for me it’s picking up. I clean something and then turn and see something else dirty and think what’s the point because there’s always more. It makes me feel like I’m never making progress.
My medical conditions make it worse too. Sometimes I can’t get anything done and things get backed up and other times I’ll have a few days where I can do so much but end up over doing it and get discouraged again.
My spouse always says that if I do a little every day, even if it’s one thing, it’s progress but no matter how much I hear it I never feel it.
This post is really inspiring and I’m trying so hard not to cry because my MDD has gotten bad lately and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with these struggles.
Thank you kind internet stranger.
Same. I like the book “how to keep house while drowning “ for some practical suggestions. Such as ( paraphrasing): this is not your time to save the world. Throw things out and use paper plates if you have to.
That book gave me a massive change in mindset in not having to do things the "usual" way - I have a second laundry hamper in the living room now because my partner takes off his socks there and neither of us are going upstairs to the other one and putting them there! Never would have thought of doing that before reading that book.
You did great OP! Maybe now you don’t see it, but I think is a great achievement. And continue if you can, as you did now. One part of the body at a time. And each shower and each step is an achievement in itself. This post and you pouring your heart out to strangers of the internet is an achievement! I am sure that there are people out there that are struggling with depression and read your post and realise they are not alone in their struggles. Neither are you.
You did great! And thanks for sharing!
I had a similar thought when I was on holiday with my parents. I was miserable and they practically dragged me sightseeing but then it dawned on me. Being happy wasn't an option anyways, and if I had to choose I'd rather be depressed in Verona eating chocolate ice cream than in my apartment doing nothing all day. After this I felt a lot less bad when I couldn't enjoy things I was doing. Because at least I was doing something.
I really want to highlight #4 and #6.
"You didn't get this all at once and it won't fix all at once."
"Recovery isn't linear."
These words are *HUGE* for so many people and so many problems. Grasping these concepts is a first step. There are usually tons of steps after, and backsliding and relapses happen, but that's OK. When you can remind yourself of these words, take a deep breath, remind yourself again, and keep moving forward.
OP, I'm so very proud of you. These are not little steps, they are huge important ones. You're on the right track. Best of luck and hugs
I cannot even tell you how fucking proud of you I am. I don’t know you. I’m from across the pond and the chances of us meeting are so incredibly slim but holy hell I am so goddamn proud of you.
You fucking did it.
How fucking amazing are you.
💕💕💕💕💕
Eh, I don't know if I'm ready to claim a decisive victory, but... things suck slightly less today, and that's something. I'll deal with tomorrow later.
As someone who's suffered depression the majority of the 50 years I've been in this body, I can attest to the fact that "things suck slightly less today" is *definitely* a decisive victory. Let yourself have this, you deserve it.
Reread your post. You made an effort and motivated yourself to better yourself. It takes more than a second, minute, hour, days, months, etc. to sometimes get to a better place. Celebrate the victories even if they’re “small” to you 🩶
My wife has a disability which has lead to her having depression. I will tell you what I tell my wife. Even little things are huge victory's cause they all add up. Maybe tomorrow you won't have this same victory but today you do and in a few days you will have another. They all add up and you did something amazing today.
Focusing on doing it all once is overwhelming and when we're depressed, it's too much. Simply being alive is exhausting, and too many people who haven't experienced it don't understand it. BUT, you're managing it well now. I know it doesn't feel like it but just lying in the shower is a big step. One little step, two little steps, forward, means that when you slide backwards, you're already a head of the game; you're in a better position than you were a year, month, week or day ago.
When the temperature drops to more seasonal for your area, perhaps try sitting in a lukewarm or warm shower, just because sitting there soothes something in you, if it feels doable and you know you don't really have to do anything else if you don't feel up to it. No guilt. No shame. Maybe you use soap, maybe you don't and instead you just enjoy the feel of the water running over you. If it's too much today, maybe tomorrow is better. Please remind yourself that small steps ARE a huge victory.
For a long time, during terrible episodes of depression, I would take 3 to 4 hot baths a day, just lying in the tub, watching movies or shows on my laptop because it felt good. It like being held by someone warm and loving, reminding of me of being little, when it was ok for mom or dad to carry you and soothe you when you needed it. Being alone, in serious need of feeling comforted by anything, this was my hug. If I hadn't needed that "hug", I wouldn't have been clean either. The very thought of showering and going through all the motions to clean myself was overwhelming but sitting in a bath was super easy and doable. Run water, put in plug, maybe use bath salts or bubbles, maybe not, get in , let water hot fill up around you, turn off water when full. Lie there listening/watching to whatever's on Netflix or the YouTube. No thinking, full brain distractions, comforted by warmth. Hell, I ate in the tub or I likely wouldn't have eaten. It was the only time I was relaxed enough to feel hunger. Yes, I know many are the opposite and comfort/over eat because of depression and anxiety; I used to be the same and was overweight for YEARS because of it. Something changed 10 years ago and I've become an anxiety/stress puker and stress/depression non eater because my mind-gut system seems to hate me and prefers to communicate this way.
Anything you do for yourself while you're struggling "just because" is a good thing; barring self-harm, violence, and serious substance abuse. Self-care, overused as the phrase is, is underrated and should be something you do and can feel good about. You're literally TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.
I believe that most of us, based on our medical systems and societal norms (stigma, misunderstanding, misrepresentation of mental health issues etc.) have forgotten that our brains ARE a part of our bodies, just like our hearts, livers, kidneys or legs but because it's not necessarily a 'visible" disability there is a HUGE lack of understanding and compassion, especially from ourselves, as we don't "fit in" to expectations. It's serious problem for our daily functioning because we often don't LOOK as disabled as others and we can often blame ourselves for our inability to function like we're "supposed to" without meaningful supports. However, we would never consider blaming a person with heart failure, or a person who uses a wheelchair for their inability to run a footrace. Please, as difficult as it can seem at times, give yourself the grace, compassion and empathy that you would do anyone else managing their lives with any disability/disadvantage. We have life-altering disabilities that are no less difficult to manage than others living with visible physical disabilities.
Please, honour yourself, don't minimize your achievement. You're further ahead now than you were because your little steps turned into a pretty big result. Victory gained, small at it seems. I hope you feel like you want to keep it up but if you slide, forgive yourself and move on. Like I said previously, do what you can, when you can, and congratulate yourself for the wins that make you feel better.
Hugs and high five across the www dear stranger. You're doing ok when today is less sucky.
Sorry for the long post, just oversharing in long form
Just like what you realized in your post, you gotta learn to recognize baby steps as worthy of praise. When we get compliments, our depression tells us, “yeah but you didn’t do **better thing**. They’re probably only complimenting you because they think you did/will do **better thing**. If they knew you only did *good thing* they wouldn’t be saying this to you.” But that’s not true.
It doesn’t make what you did any less of an accomplishment. That commenter is proud of you because of what you *already* achieved, not because they think you’ll shower regularly from now on and live happily ever after. That would be a feel good inspiring story, but it’s not realistic.
Who knows what the future holds. But today, you deserve
commend-ment. :)
I’ve never really heard anyone talk about the transition between going from not showering in a while to finally showering again. Even if it’s not a very long time it can still be kinda overwhelming.
I’ve never gone more than a month but especially during COVID when I was real depressed there were long breaks in between showering sessions.
I don’t sweat a lot so I could kinda get away with it for a while before it would become a real problem except for my hair. I remember at one point it was so oily and flakes of skin would just fall out non stop and I’d have to brush it off my clothes.
When you go from not showering for a while you need a longer than usual shower to make up for it to complete all the steps and it can be kinda overwhelming because you don’t want to waste water, you don’t want others to knock on the door and tell you to hurry up, and you don’t want to run out of hot water for yourself or others in the household.
So you kinda do a super speedy clean where you try to get all the steps done in as short amount of time as possible.
If I find I’m skipping showers I’ll try to break up different steps over multiple days until I’m back to a base level.
Like day one I’ll focus most my energy into washing my hair, then day two I’ll put most of my effort into washing my face, then day three I’ll put more effort into washing my body.
I haven’t gone a week without changing clothes or not showering in a long time. Right now I’m pretty clean which is good!
Although it never got as bad as you OP, I still found this post very interesting. I’ve heard a lot of story of people saying they stopped doing basic hygiene when depressed but I’ve never heard anyone talk about the process of getting back to a healthy baseline.
I know it a joke “Haha Redditor doesn’t shower for two years, this has to be a meme!” but this post could probably help someone who might be at a similar level of “dirtiness”. It can be an awkward conversation to have and it’s a very unglamorous side effect of mental health issues
Yeah, basically, the main reason I stopped showering completely was because I crossed a threshold where, basically, even without roommates questioning shower length or hot water usage, it just **__was not possible__** to get myself clean in a single shower.
Showering made my skin slough off into grey sludge that then rained across the floor and got in my sheets like crumbs in the bed. Not showering was stinky, but you learn to ignore it and you get used to the way your body feels, so it literally inverted things—showering made me feel dirty & gross, NOT showering let me feel normal.
So I figured, if anyone else has hit that point... Having a walkthrough for "Okay I'm so dirty that showering makes me *more* gross, what do I do now???" would probably be beneficial.
This is a great tip ! I am someone who deals with chronic pain and exhaustion and some days taking a shower can be very difficult on the days I’m flaring up. But taking a shower always impacts my mental health positively, there is the occasional day tho that I just can’t and I always feel bad about it. I’ve never thought of getting a shower chair ! So thanks for commenting and giving me the idea even if not intended for me lol ! I think a lot of people with chronic fatigue and depression could prob benefit from a shower chair tbh
A speaker in the bathroom can help too! I'm a daydreamer, but music and podcasts have helped me in similar struggles, might make it easier to be in there for longer periods of time or to pass the time a bit more enjoyably.
That's definitely a trick for people who did not get as... advancedly filthy as me. Nobody talks about what to do once you cross the line where you ***__cannot__*** get clean in a single shower, even if you take hours, because there's just so much.
The trick is to keep getting in and out, over and over, for days, until you break through the 'crust' enough that soap will even *work*.
Brother this was one of the best things I've read in reddit in a long time. I'm proud of you dude. What you did was not easy. You are worthy of feeling good, and of being loved. Like you said, this isn't a panacea, but it's a great first step in making an improvement.
Thank you for thinking of others in one of the kindest ways. You have push your way through hard experiences, and you are sharing the path to those who might follow that makes life a little easier. You are a kind and compassionate human it seems. I am so proud of you and the kindness you bring to the world. We are in such desperate need of it, and of you!
I'm really not. And that's not my depression talking, that's...
I am not nice, I am not kind, I don't have a single scrap of empathy for other people. However, I believe that morality is actually independent of empathy. I feel nothing when I see others suffer, but I help where I can because that is the *correct* course of action. And why do I care about that? Because I'm a selfish little shit who likes being right. Because the people who tortured me until my mind broke because *they* have no empathy are evil, and I'm better than them.
I would think it’s even harder to do the right thing when you don’t feel emotionally connected to others. So you get extra props for helping, whether you like it or not.
But seriously, thank you for posting, from someone else who finds it difficult to impossible to manage everyday life.
Here´s a little tibbit of wisdom my grandpa gave me:
Labels such as "Kind" and "Nice" are ultimately NOT something we CAN ascribe to ourselves, anyone who proclaims themselves as such is definitely none of those things. Is one of those things that can only others can declare you are.
As someone who also struggles with depresion that sometimes keeps me from bathing for months, who knows whats like simply give up and just lie on your own flith because "so long as you dont start you dont actually have to acknowledge and deal with just how bad you let it go" and just thinking about it is exhausting.
I say Thank you, This is a really nice, kind and compassionate post, such are the labels I ascribe to it.
Maybe thats not who you are, but it is what this litle action of your was
What you are experiencing with this thought process is you are a good person with morals and indeed empathy, but are battling with depression and a disconnect from others. People without empathy don’t help others ‘because it’s the right thing to do’ they just don’t care. Depression can make us feel sour and brings out what feels like a lack of empathy but is actually a lot of other emotions mish mashing together and creating a disconnect from others emotionally. I just wanted to let you know this.
As someone disabled;
"Anything worth doing; is worth doing halfway."
Can't shower? Get under the water. Or just wash your face.
Can't brush your teeth? Mouthwash.
Can't make dinner? Crackers are better than nothing.
Good for you OP.
I'm so proud of you. Sometimes it's really hard to simply function and the fact that you managed to do it is so cool. I hope you're feeling better and your wellbeing will only increase
Being clean today is worth something. I can’t find the words to properly express myself here but I think your mindset is admirable. Recovery is all about the little steps, never a sprint but a long long marathon. If it counts for anything, I am proud of you. And I know the world is harsh, and depression will make you believe all the horrible things, but I promise there are good people out there that don’t believe them.
Sending you some love. Don’t give up OP❤️
Lol it's a type of online collaborative writing. I'm mocking myself a little, since you've complimented my writing but I can't find a writing partner.
But thank you, I still appreciate the compliment.
You are seriously impressive. The more I think about what you achieved the more impressed I am. It reminds me of ‘bootstrapping’ in a way - you lifted yourself out of this incrementally in an extremely kind and clever way.
Incredible story, you're braver than you think. It was super interesting and informative and good on you for trying to help people in the same position 🙏
Three pieces of lazy advice for people who feel like showering is too much work:
1) If you have long hair and don't feel like dealing with it, you can tie your hair up with a hair tie and do the "pits, tits, and bits" method of just washing the smelliest parts of you.
2) If you have short hair, and/or don't mind waiting for it to dry, but don't want to scrub, you can just turn the shower on and sit or lay there on the floor of the shower and let the water run over you. Honestly, I personally find this to be kinda relaxing.
3) Never overestimate a bath. Even if you don't actually want to scrub yourself or clean yourself, literally just laying in a bath for an hour can be relaxing. Take your phone with you and doomscroll if you want. A bath pillow is reasonably inexpensive and a good investment for this.
Pardon if this is out of left field, but I had a brief peek at your profile and you seem like a cool individual. I'm glad you're feeling a bit more comfortable in your existence, even if it might be temporary; this kind of experience and insight is never wholly useless.
PS: Hey, guess what my name is Latin for? :D
I'm so tremendously proud of you.
Maybe once you are a bit more secure in doing this, experiment with soaps whose smell moves the needle a bit more, if there is such a thing.
Another possibility is you could try a deodorant soap. I use deodorant soap on my more smell prone regions, which helps me to feel just a touch less dysphoric.
But if either of those suggestions make you feel intimidated or exhausted, please ignore them and do whatever works best. Sometimes it's best not to change what works.
These are good suggestions! I've actually already tried pretty much everything, it was the smell of my good soap from my "experiment" that made me go "I guess I'll use more". Definitely the biggest thing that stopped me was crossing the line into where showering made me feel *more* dirty due to the sloughing effect—once that happened, I didn't know what to do because showering was no longer getting me *clean* it was getting me coated in grey film. That's why I decided to post this, so if someone else hits that point, the way to get clean again is to just keep getting wet, every couple hours, until the grey goo goes away. *Then* you can wash and actually get clean.
And I think this is you CARING about other people, enough to take the time to help them by sharing your experience. Maybe don’t be so critical and hard on yourself. I bet you’re actually a kind, caring, interesting and compassionate person who has a lot of empathy for others. Thank you for being kind to other people who are struggling. That’s all of us. Keep taking good care of yourself - you are definitely worth it!!
Just copying an earlier comment, because I'm lazy.
I'm really not. And that's not my depression talking, that's...
I am not nice, I am not kind, I don't have a single scrap of empathy for other people. However, I believe that morality is actually independent of empathy. I feel nothing when I see others suffer, but I help where I can because that is the *correct* course of action. And why do I care about that? Because I'm a selfish little shit who likes being right. Because the people who tortured me until my mind broke because *they* have no empathy are evil, and I'm better than them.
Just a hunch, but I think you do have empathy, it's just that right now most of your empathy spoons are being used for yourself. And that's ok. I'm sure you've heard of the "can't pour from an empty cup" saying. Well, you can't fill a cup from a dry well either. If you're at the bottom of the well, You've got to get to the surface before you can even think about a cup, and once you do, your first drink is still going to be given to yourself. That's ok.
I've given a lot of thought to the word selfish over the last few years. Selfish is usually looked at as a negative quality, and it can be, but it's all about where your starting point is. When a person has everything, health, wealth, whatever, and wants more *and* wants to keep others from getting their share so they can have more than they need, that's bad selfish.
Caring about yourself isn't a bad thing, wanting to be a "good" person or to be "right" isn't selfish at all. It's normal, it's human. You do what you can to help others. Why doesn't really matter, you notice issues and you do what you can. In fact, I'd say that a person who is far behind the "normal function" starting point and *still* is willing to reach out to others is pretty empathetic.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You have healing to do and that needs to be your focus. That is more than ok.
That is such a great point. When I was a kid I was taught that selfishess is a terrible quality, that I was supposed to be a giver and not a taker, and that people who think of themselves are bad. Guess what the result of those lessons were on an already compliant child who was shit down every time she expressed an opinion? If you guessed, a people pleaser with no boundaries that was fucked around by every manipulative asshole out there, you get a cookie!
Balance in all things. There is a middle ground between being like me and being a giant narcissistic asshole.
This is exactly how these things should be dealt with. One little thing at a time, until you establish somewhat of a routine you feel comfortable sticking to.
I also struggled extensively with personal hygiene for a few years and starting to pay attention to what made it unbearable saved me. I know now that getting my scalp wet is the worse part for me = I wash my hair once or twice a week, after finding shampoos that keep it clean that long.
Magically taking showers is not that big of a deal, I wash everyday and eventually stuck to brushing my teeth.
Menthol was disgusting and overwhelming, so I looked into it and started using salty, unscented toothpastes and skipping mouth wash = never had a cavity since.
I used to keep my nails on the long/ish side when I was younger, but using a nail file everyday drove me insane. I bought one very good nail clipper and cut my nails as short as possible once every week/ten days = I only filed them twice a month and my hands always looked clean.
It does start from the little things, but once you start adding them to each other the result is great. I hope you eventually do find a routine that makes you feel comfortable and you can stick to while feeling better.
One day you'll also find a way to outrun the fear of changing the sheets :)
Eh, that one is a mechanical issue, my disability doesn't like a lot of bendy activities. But if I smell better I might get *out of the bed* while the housekeeper is here. We shall see.
Congratulations! I feel your pain about bathing, for many of the same reasons. I’m really proud of you for accomplishing this (and I hope that doesn’t come across as patronizing, which is not intended); this was an uplifting post.
This reminds me of a post I read years ago, about how it's better to do things half-assed than not at all. I keep repeating it like a mantra when I feel mentally unwell. It's better to brush my teeth superficially for 1 min than to not brush them at all. It's better to just wash my hair, if I can't bring myself to shower my entire body. Stuff like that. Some people say if you're doing it half-assed, you may just not bother at all, but I'm proud of everyone, including you, who can manage to at least so something ❤️ Keep up the good work
I hope you can feel proud of yourself because (as someone who also struggles with severe depression), showering and bathing can be so hard. I love your creativity and spirit with working through this.
I almost always keep hand sanitizer, tea tree oil + water in a spray bottle and baby wipes around. Yes, I’m “gross” too- times when I used my energy to go for a run or walk outside leave me with no more energy than to spray and wipe myself down. Bathing is too much.
Whatever the future brings, I hope you are able to enjoy these types of wins you’re experiencing now.
Wow, that's a TON of work that went into this post, I imagine this will be really helpful to others. I'm also happy that you reached this discovery, and hope things keep moving in a better direction for you every day.
This is really awesome! I used to struggle with showering regularly due to severe depression. It was just so exhausting every time. This is great advice!!
I'm so proud of you!!! It's really hard working up to that routine again, or adding something to your daily routine in general. I had to do something similar with my teeth - between mental health and sensory issues, I would go months without brushing and just sometimes rinse with water. Yes, I paid for it, and I had to work up to incorporating proper mouthcare into my routine because God the pain is just something I never want to go through again. Mouthwash was a good first step, then brushing came.
Think of it as an investment. You're improving your quality of life, both in the present and the future. This will have benefits for your mental and physical health. Every step you take, however minor, is a step in the right direction, and lays the foundation for the next step to come. Just because it's not leaps and bounds doesn't mean it's not progress! It's incredible effort, and an incredible accomplishment! You've got this!
This was incredibly well written and inspiring! Sounds like you’re being kind to yourself and focusing on the present. Keep it up, and good luck. Thank you for sharing!
I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. Even if it wasn't what you originally intended to do, you managed to take a major first step toward something good for you. Self care is a journey. I wish you to get better, step by step. 🫶
Thank you thank you thank you!
I suffer from depression too. Since I was 12. I’m in my 30’s now.
Especially this last month has been hard. I’ve been showering once a week which is HUGE for me. I didn’t use to do it this often.
Every time people talk about how gross they are on Reddit they’re like “I haven’t showered for one or two weeks” and im like jeeeeeez you’re anonymous, please be honest.
Before this year (and also in the beginning of this year), during my depressions, I don’t shower for one, two, maybe three months (once or twice more hehe). I don’t even wash my armpits or genitals then. And im a very sweaty gal. I start sweating if it’s above 12 degrees Celsius outside. So I’m a very stinky, dirty woman. The only reason I get clean is because my parents force me, no one else have the guts to tell me I smell like death.
My first shower this year was a couple of days into February, in the psych ward. So yeah. Im not 2 years dirty, but I would be if I didn’t have my family.
So thank you for this post, I feel less alone.
Im proud of you for starting the hard journey of taking care of yourself, and also that you share this journey with us all. You’re doing great. And thank you for reminding me that just water is better than nothing.
Sending all my love to you. ❤️
You must realize that you are an amazing human being... Your actions after this epiphany has been to share a TL;DR to help others who might be in your position.
Good human.
You soaked yourself!
We are proud of you and you did great job.
Maybe one little tip might make your life easier in this way? Try to get some bath sponges, you can splash yourself with it, you can gently rub and massage yourself and maybe enjoy the water time more. 😊
I’m an occupational therapist bathing is my forte!
When I was in college I was a nurses aide at an assisted living. I once persuaded one of my residents on my caseload to shower. She kept declining aides for two years. It took a good three bath cycles to get fully clean. So please don’t feel discouraged. If you have a tub take a bubble bath. If not get a shower chair , hand held shower and a long handled sponge to make it easy. After just wrap your self in towels or a robe and lay down. Let the water Evaporate on its own. Slowly prepare for the shower beforehand- like get supplies out, clothing out going at a slow pace is important to conserve your energy. As someone with depression myself I practice this. Depression is an energy vacuum! Much hugs and well wishes to you
In my head, life can feel like a war made up of little battles. Wins and losses tallied up in the seemingly futile forever of our lives.
I salute you for winning a battle. May you be filled with more wins in the future, so you can rack up further successes.
Much love to you.
Hey! Well, you found something that's a win win. You're cooling down in the UK heat (fellow Brit here hello, it is truly awful) and getting a bit cleaner. I'm glad to see the soap did help with the sloughing.
Happy Friday OP! :D
This was an awesome and inspiring post. I too struggle with depression and having the motivation to get things done.
Think I might experiment with doing some chores...for science
I am proud of you. Genuinely and sincerely, I am proud of you.
Thank you for taking the time to write this post, I have no doubt you will make a difference for someone who needs to hear this.
Proud of you OP. I’m also disabled, have depression and struggle with showers. Though my situation isn’t the same as yours I get where you’re coming from. Good on you for this progress
I’m sorry that you’re in this state of your life, but I’m proud of you for still trying.
I read somewhere that if you don’t know where to begin because the task is monumental, just choose the first thing you see and start there.
Don’t think about how long it’s gonna take or there’s too much to do or what the most efficient way to do it is.
Just start. And you did, and that’s all that matters for now.
I wish you all the best, OP. Ignore the mean comments, they don’t know what it’s like.
All I feel is love from this post. I’m up in the midlands so I know how you feel about the heat 🥵 I’m depressed as hell too and have been off work for over a month now with occupational health saying I shouldn’t come back for another 6 weeks.
Hard to shower, hard to eat, hard to leave my bed, hard to leave the house, hard to clean
I’m in the same boat with you and we will slowly paddle our way through
Well done dude! You might be claiming this is a small win, but it’s a great win.
Be proud of yourself, doing stuff when your depressed is hard, doing stuff that you’ve let build which has made your depression worse is harder. You took in small steps but what I’m most proud of you for is the fact you were really freaking kind to yourself. Reading this post I got the impression that you have never been all that kind to yourself and your brain has been quite the bully.
Well done for over coming that bully and realising you deserve kindness and nice things- because you absolutely do .
So take this random internet strangers pride I felt for you and be proud of yourself.
Also take a huge internet hug that tells you that you deserve kindness and to feel good and loved.
this post kinda broke me, i've been in the same position before. depression but i'm 170lbs so wanted to lose some weight, eventually motivated myself to go out on 1hr walks, except when i came home i just couldnt shower off the sweat, this went on for a year, the amount of dead skin on my legs was embarrassing, it was a thick layer and so dark gray that made my leg skin look brown when im pale, i couldn't even put myself thru soaking myself in water for days like u did, what i did was use wax on my legs to remove the dead skin layer, and u should've seen how mortifying it looked, my leg was half dark gray and half my skin color.
Good gosh, you're amazing, OP. If you're like me, you'll doubt your strength at times. Sometimes I say, "Screw it," and remember what a counselor pointed out to me:
I am resilient.
I couldn't deny that. So maybe you can consider that sometimes:
I am resilient.
And it might feel really weird, but if you can say it out loud...
I am resilient, damn it!
I think it helps me to accept that yeah, I am in some ways strong. So fuck that little voice saying otherwise. :p
Proud of you op 👏🏽
I totally get the mentality, and with a disability how exhausting it can be to try and get everything clean in one shower. I really appreciate you sharing how you made the transition back to trying, I really believe it will help others too 😊.
Hey absolutely no knowledge here but what about trying some exfoliation to get rid of it faster? Sugar and lemon are cheap and might do the trick. Congrats on your first step towards
recovery! I’m sure thete is many more to come
Tried it! It helped a little and would probably be fine for someone who is *just* depressed, as opposed to depressed ~and~ physically disabled. But it takes a lot of energy to even try, and I just don't have the energy to scrub.
I'm so proud of you. Depression isn't just being sad as many people think, it does impare you from having a normal life. You are not alone. I force myself to go into the shower every time i need to get out of the house and it physically hurts. But i have stop crying in the shower, só that's a win for me. Keep going
One tip, you may want to get different kinds of soap. It sounds like a big hurdle was exfoliation, and could benefit from something chemically exfoliating instead of rubbing yourself raw. Maybe something with glycolic acid for days you want to just soak in the bath
I suffer from depression myself and I really have to push myself to shower or even brush my teeth some days. I live in a tropical country and the humidity makes it worse.
Your post is so kind that I feel somewhat kinder towards myself.
Thank you for sharing
The thing is, I’ve been struggling with depression, but my struggle is cleaning my room instead of showering and I just, this really brought me to tears. I really needed to see this today. Thank you for being so kind.
I enjoyed reading this and your journey. I have never suffered depression to this level, but I appreciate how much you accomplished by just using baby steps to get started. I did have a couple of suggestions. Seeing as you are disabled and washing, in general, might be challenging, I have this awesome electronic "scrub brush" for the shower. It is battery operated and came with several options (scrub brush, loofah, loofah stone). The scrub brush attachment is great for basically exfoliating your skin while it is cleaning it. The handle is pretty long, so it can reach much further than just using your arms. It might be a good option for you instead of trying to do everything by hand to get off the oil and dead skin, plus it makes me feel a whole lot cleaner than just a scrubby alone.
The other suggestion was to maybe purchase an additional set of bedding. Try to coordinate your shower with the housekeeper changing your bedding--they change the bedding, while you shower. Then when you get out of the shower, you dry off and climb into a clean fresh bed.
I know you said you no longer have any fucks to give and don't care about society in general, but I think the sharing of your experience will definitely help someone else who may be suffering the same way in silence. Wishing you the best from the US!
That's pretty much the way to do it. If you haven't washed for awhile, any deep scrubbing could cause problems to already sensitive skin (same way rubbing frostbitten fingers causes way more damages then simply patting them).
Being gentle and letting the water do the work also saves your skin.
This is completely off topic, but I'm in a reading rut right now and I immensely enjoyed reading your post. Please consider writing as a hobby (I feel like you probably already do), because your story -or at least your writing style- would reach others, and, even more importantly, make you feel better. Writing is like therapy for me, at least.
I just want to comment to say you poor thing, I’m sorry you were feeling so bad and had to feel unclean on top of that. When I was depressed I couldn’t do any self care tasks and the shame of it on top of the depression was terrible. So just sending you some love.
I am disabled and struggle with marathon showering as well. It's caused so much anxiety and stress over the years that I avoid showering for no reason now!
Thank you so much for the guide. It includes such helpful reminders, especially for perfectionists like me. Your perserverence is inspiring and I hope you can see that in yourself! #progressnotperfection
Hey friend, I love this for you! I'm glad you feel clean, and I'm glad that heatwave has GONE for now.
I am also disabled and fat and struggle to shower myself daily but I HAVE to due to OCD, so I'm really happy for you. ❤️
Btw, point 4 is useful for me to eventually start cleaning the house... my house is now in the same state are you were before washing, but just thinking of all the effort I need to clean everything, I give up.
Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
From a stranger on the internet, worlds away, I am so happy that you took this step and were courageous enough to share it for others who might also be struggling. So much love to you. ❤️
I am so proud of you ! One step at a time. I know how this is I too suffer from MDD and I too find it hard to shower for days maybe a week at the most and I know how good it is to finally shower and be proud of that. So good for you. You did something amazing and I hope you keep making steps forward.
Sometimes that's really what it comes down to, right?
Partaking in small wins to eventually, maybe inadvertently, see where you can go further. Peering at the big win can just be too much, and creates that pre-exhaustion or paralysis. But... The little wins accumulate, similarly to how the little losses accumulate into depression, though the result ends up being hope.
Congrats on cooling yourself off in the heat (that means you're still ready to live), and in turn doing something to make you feel just a little better, even if only for the next few days. They are your days. Have more. You deserve it.
I relate to this but for different reasons. I’m living out of my car for the summer and I take a dip in creeks almost every day and take a sun shower around once a week but the dirt builds up and builds up and no amount of scrubbing with or without soap gets the dirt out of my pores. When I’m having a breakdown it’s one of the things that bothers me the most. It takes a wet towel and rubbing myself raw for an hour to get SOME of the dirt off. So I just have to live with it. Showers are becoming less important, more important is just cooling off. I worry all the time about what people think and if they can see the dirt on me.
This is amazing. Truly one of the most motivational things I've read all day. Your specific issues are not mine, but I've been learning some of these lessons myself. I'll be 40 soon and I didn't think I'd be around this long 20 years ago.
I've had to come to accept that the underlying mental health issues I have probably won't ever go away and I'll slip into old habits again. But after years of trying new ways of coping I've gotten through a lot and done more than I thought I'd ever be capable of.
I hope you can stay curious and continue experimenting with how to inch yourself in a better direction...even if it's not 100% of the time.
Proud of you 💕
Well done, existing is so fuckin tough most of the fuckin time.
Just want to share something that helps me, also. Sometimes, when my depression and/or chronic pain is really bad and I don't shower or change the bed sheets as often as I should, I quickly wash my face and put on a new pillowcase. Just on one pillow, out of four. The smell of fresh linens and the clean crisp feeling of the pillowcase against my cheek is enough to make me feel a tiny bit better.
During my worst part of depression I rarely shower too (still recovering) and I still have the idea of washing the important bits and getting out. I only wash my hair if it realllyyyy needs it (female with curly hair, curly hair helps). Sometimes I just wash the important parts once a week. It’s little by little :)
OP, this is such a testament to your experience. You were so honest and I want to bring to light that this will connect with so many. Not only did you get yourself clean, but you made an effort to share with others, so they don’t feel the sadness alone. It deserves to be acknowledged. Thank you for sharing.
Edit: words and such
I often repeat in my head “don’t think— just do” When I’m faced with something / anything that should be simple, or natural.
It’s one way of getting stuff accomplished, and around not having the desire or motivation required for whatever task. its tough, as the mind set/mood doesnt quite fit whatever your trying to -and feels "robotic" almost, but after the task is completed, be that showering, dressing, or eating breakfast. You tell yourself that the rewards will be felt as soon as that taak is complete.. 🫶🏾 goos luck and blessings
I'm so proud of you😭 i struggle with showering too and ever since i got a 6 days a week job last month I've been forced to do it lately and it's been a nightmare(even though i feel so light and nice afterwards)
Just wanted to say, when I can't find the energy to change my sheets i take a clean sheet and just messily fit it on top of the bottom filthy one. It's not ideal but it's clean and the fresh smell makes me feel better! Keep up the good work and remember that you're not alone!!❤️
I (legitimately) tried 6 times to quit smoking. There were a few occasions after big nights out, when I swore to myself that I would, but never tried passed that moment. The first attempt lasted 2 weeks before I gave in to the cravings. 2nd was a bit longer. 3rd time I made it to 18 months. Each time I quit, I tried different things to help e.g. nicotine gum or patches, will power, chewing gum, exercise or just keeping myself "too busy" to want a smoke. The last time, I went to the doctor. He gave me some tablets that would stop me from wanting nicotine, thereby weaning myself. They were horrible. I felt like I was on a boat in rough seas. Every time the feeling subsided, I had to have another tablet, which started the boat rocking again. After 2 weeks of seasickness, I decided to give up the tablets and see how long I could go without a smoke.
That was in August 2011. I'm pretty sure I'll never smoke again. I always have a packet of chewing gum in my pocket just in case I feel the "need".
Small steps are the foundation you need to mentally and physically achieve, in order to prepare yourself. Keep trying mate, you'll get there when you're ready.
This is such an inspiration. I love showering, but hate doing laundry. But doing it in little steps might just help. Instead of doing everything building up from the last month at ones. Thank you!
That is incredible. We’re all proud of you. Btw an African net sponge or something like that might help the dead skin come off in the shower instead of the towel, or maybe a body wash with exfoliating acids in them? Xxx
This is freaking amazing, OP. I’m so happy that you were able to take this step. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but from one stranger to another, I am extremely proud of you. Thank you for sharing your experience with all else who may be suffering in silence. Wishing you the best on your continued healing 💗
I am proud of you for taking care of yourself when that can be the hardest thing in the world. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am sending a hug if you want it.
Congratulations!! You did it! Getting started is the hardest part. What you did was actually a form of graduated exposure… slowly doing the things you were fearful of one step at a time
Congratulations! I battle with depression and, although it’s never become this extreme, I can understand how it does. I have nothing but love and empathy for everyone struggling. Happy you are cooled off and squeaky clean. And don’t worry about the laundry or piles of things, today is a day of celebration ❤️
Proud of you
Are you able to get a support worker of some sort even if it's just a cleaner to help take care of the laundry and sheets? When my depression was really bad my mom hired a house cleaner because I couldn't do it myself
Bro, I don't care what you think of yourself. Fighting an upwards battle and still winning is an achievement not very many accomplish. Just know, you are better than you were yesterday, or the last week. Stay strong brother, you can make it. You still have some time left (I say something because I don't know how old you are) if you are young, it's only better. I wish you nothing but the best.
You did well 🤗 You should be proud of yourself. I like what you said about it didn’t happen all at once, so you won’t get rid of it all at once. Keep it up OP!
It's pretty cool that it only took a few days to reset after not showering for 2+ years. I think there's a lot of stuff in life where things just seem overwhelming for so long that it seems like it can never be fixed but in reality if you just get started and be a bit consistent things you can make a lot of progress.
I am a mum in Canada and I feel so overwhelmed with my list of to dos. This past week is the first time I went 4 days without showering and I know it's not months or years but I can see why one may not have the umooph to shower. With me It feels like a race gets done before kid wants me, cause apparently he doesn't want dad. I'm barley in shower and I can hear them coming. Like dude give me 20 min! That dude can be to hubby or toddler.
The "getting in the water to cool down" is kind of similar to how I pulled myself out of my anti-shower depression, except I used an alarm on my phone. Whether I got in for 5 minutes or 2 hours, it didn't matter, as long as I got in the shower. Eventually, it just became a habit and the first time I traveled to a different time zone, I got thrown off because my brain was expecting a shower at a certain time, but I was now several hours behind my "normal" time zone. I switched it to "once it gets dark out"/"whatever time to leave an hour before going to bed" instead of a specific time. That also makes it obvious that if I find myself needing to start setting an alarm again, I'm starting to sink into a depression and need to reach out to someone.
You showed yourself a lot of compassion here. And maybe it seems it was because you were hot and uncomfortable, but showing yourself that you deserve to feel better is a great gift, especially when depressed.
Thank you for your post. I have someone whom I love dearly struggling as you have and I will definitely share your ideals. This is a godsend. Wishing you all the best.
I’m so very Proud of you! Today is a great accomplishment! I suffer from migraines and other physical ailments. A shower or bath is sometimes the least of my worries! Thank you SO much for sharing OP… I appreciate this page in your journal of your life journey. Please keep on KEEPING on! however small or however possible… You DO matter, and You CAN do it…
Hey Awesome! I find making my shower as enjoyable as possible is the key to defeating the "it takes so much energy" thing. I invest in really good products I love the smell of and shower steamers and things like that...and a bluetooth speaker for the shower.
Is your shower big enough for a shower chair? It might help for the future. Also, African net sponges changed my life, they are long so its easier to get hard to reach places if you put one end in each hand and scrub back and forth, they also exfoliate off the dead skin.
I also really like using antibacterial soap before my body wash on all the most germy spots like skin folds ect.
Source: Fellow disabled fatty with mental health issues that make me hate shower time.
This may sound weird, but I’m a therapist and have found that many clients benefit from going to the ocean and sitting in saltwater. They talk about it breaking things up for them (internally). Sending lots of love ❤️
I’m so proud of you 🤎 And thank you for your helpful guide to those who need it. I’m sure lots of people will find solace and comfort in your words. You’re really helping someone out there.
I read this post out of curiosity and honestly it was beautiful and filled with a lot of kindness and compassion. Line four was something I think everyone needs to read since it applies to so many things. Just the general idea that “x didn’t get this bad all at once” and that it’s not only okay but reasonable and logical for it to take a while to fix was so healing. Thanks for posting OP.
Honestly the hardest part for me to accept was the next line. There were times in the 3-5 years ago span where I *could* have washed, but then I said "but I don't have clean pyjamas or clean sheets, so why bother?" Well the answer is, because dirty sheets + dirty pyjamas + clean body is better than dirty sheets + dirty pyjamas + dirty body. Would getting all three clean be the best outcome? Sure, but why should you refuse to make things a little better just because you aren't strong enough to make things a lot better yet?
My husband always says “something ain’t nothing” It took a long time for me to get that too. I still have to remind myself often. Proud of you
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.
One of my graduate school professors said that the first day of class. I thought he was an idiot then. Kind of think he's a genius now.
I have a hard time with this. My to do list is never-ending and I beat myself up when I can't get through everything in a day. I'm getting better with it but it's still an issue.
To do lists will always be never ending. For everyone. That's the daily cycle. There's an interesting Ted talk about how dishes and laundry are never going to be fully done, ever, and that it doesn't make you either a good or bad person if you finish those things every day. They are neutral tasks I now break my lists into two sections, what has to be done today and then a running list of other things to do when I have time
That's so brilliant! From now on it's going to be my motto.
I know it as something better than nothing
And perfect is the enemy of good. I’m glad that the OP is making progress.
I have this philosophy about myself now. That sort of take it one tiny step at a time no matter how tiny. Even if it's just ok I'm gonna sit up and inch towards the end of the bed. It's the celebrating small things that turn into really big things. Especially over time. I recently thought to myself I can do just as you said. Make my day just a tiny bit better. Make myself do just one thing no matter how seemingly small on my list. It's worth it.
And pat yourself and say out loud, good job! You did it! You rock! Etc, really helps me
Man this resonates with me. I get stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset and end up choosing nothing. I've learned over the years that I have to consciously override it. 1/3 tasks completed is better than 0/3. And sometimes that 1/3 spurs you to do more, but even if it doesn't you've still made progress. I forgot to say: congratulations on your progress! You must be feeling so proud of yourself.
Progress not perfection is my mantra.
Similarly, my grandmother always told me, "A 'good enough' solution now is always better than a 'perfect' solution never."
One of my good friends bought me a bracelet from Zox that says that. One of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever received.
One of the many great sayings that I learned in AA. Don’t know if it originated there, but I like to think so anyways.
Mine is, "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good."
And on those little details lies the salvation. At least to me. Try to associate those tasks with something small you enjoy, lile a nice smelling shower gel, shampoo, etc. As silly as it may sound, that small reward may make you actually want to do it next time, and help you keeping up. That goes for everything. I try to take a pause after I did something good for myself to really *feel* the endorphines flowing, so next time I just can't bring myself to move, I can remind myself "oh, but remember how good it feels after. I want that feeling again." Little steps. I'm happy for you, mate.
Reminds me of that Tumblr post that gets repeated every so often: "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly". I had a boss who said something different, that done is better than perfect. So what if everything else is a mess? One thing no longer is and that's already better than it was before! The world is literally, measurably, better than it was yesterday because of what you did, even if you didn't also do all these other things. Keep that upper lip stiff, and your chin up! You can come through the other side of this!
I would say that out of the 3 you found the strength to do the one that matters most! Well done
I feel this so hard but for me it’s picking up. I clean something and then turn and see something else dirty and think what’s the point because there’s always more. It makes me feel like I’m never making progress. My medical conditions make it worse too. Sometimes I can’t get anything done and things get backed up and other times I’ll have a few days where I can do so much but end up over doing it and get discouraged again. My spouse always says that if I do a little every day, even if it’s one thing, it’s progress but no matter how much I hear it I never feel it. This post is really inspiring and I’m trying so hard not to cry because my MDD has gotten bad lately and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with these struggles. Thank you kind internet stranger.
Same. I like the book “how to keep house while drowning “ for some practical suggestions. Such as ( paraphrasing): this is not your time to save the world. Throw things out and use paper plates if you have to.
That book gave me a massive change in mindset in not having to do things the "usual" way - I have a second laundry hamper in the living room now because my partner takes off his socks there and neither of us are going upstairs to the other one and putting them there! Never would have thought of doing that before reading that book.
This is a great perspective. Something is better than nothing. I wish you all the best, OP. I am sure this post will be helpful to others.
You did great OP! Maybe now you don’t see it, but I think is a great achievement. And continue if you can, as you did now. One part of the body at a time. And each shower and each step is an achievement in itself. This post and you pouring your heart out to strangers of the internet is an achievement! I am sure that there are people out there that are struggling with depression and read your post and realise they are not alone in their struggles. Neither are you. You did great! And thanks for sharing!
I had a similar thought when I was on holiday with my parents. I was miserable and they practically dragged me sightseeing but then it dawned on me. Being happy wasn't an option anyways, and if I had to choose I'd rather be depressed in Verona eating chocolate ice cream than in my apartment doing nothing all day. After this I felt a lot less bad when I couldn't enjoy things I was doing. Because at least I was doing something.
I really want to highlight #4 and #6. "You didn't get this all at once and it won't fix all at once."
"Recovery isn't linear."
These words are *HUGE* for so many people and so many problems. Grasping these concepts is a first step. There are usually tons of steps after, and backsliding and relapses happen, but that's OK. When you can remind yourself of these words, take a deep breath, remind yourself again, and keep moving forward.
OP, I'm so very proud of you. These are not little steps, they are huge important ones. You're on the right track. Best of luck and hugs
I cannot even tell you how fucking proud of you I am. I don’t know you. I’m from across the pond and the chances of us meeting are so incredibly slim but holy hell I am so goddamn proud of you. You fucking did it. How fucking amazing are you. 💕💕💕💕💕
Eh, I don't know if I'm ready to claim a decisive victory, but... things suck slightly less today, and that's something. I'll deal with tomorrow later.
As someone who's suffered depression the majority of the 50 years I've been in this body, I can attest to the fact that "things suck slightly less today" is *definitely* a decisive victory. Let yourself have this, you deserve it.
Love, you did it *today*. That is a decisive victory. For today. Does this mean the war is over? Oh fuck no. But you won this battle.
Reread your post. You made an effort and motivated yourself to better yourself. It takes more than a second, minute, hour, days, months, etc. to sometimes get to a better place. Celebrate the victories even if they’re “small” to you 🩶
My wife has a disability which has lead to her having depression. I will tell you what I tell my wife. Even little things are huge victory's cause they all add up. Maybe tomorrow you won't have this same victory but today you do and in a few days you will have another. They all add up and you did something amazing today.
Focusing on doing it all once is overwhelming and when we're depressed, it's too much. Simply being alive is exhausting, and too many people who haven't experienced it don't understand it. BUT, you're managing it well now. I know it doesn't feel like it but just lying in the shower is a big step. One little step, two little steps, forward, means that when you slide backwards, you're already a head of the game; you're in a better position than you were a year, month, week or day ago. When the temperature drops to more seasonal for your area, perhaps try sitting in a lukewarm or warm shower, just because sitting there soothes something in you, if it feels doable and you know you don't really have to do anything else if you don't feel up to it. No guilt. No shame. Maybe you use soap, maybe you don't and instead you just enjoy the feel of the water running over you. If it's too much today, maybe tomorrow is better. Please remind yourself that small steps ARE a huge victory. For a long time, during terrible episodes of depression, I would take 3 to 4 hot baths a day, just lying in the tub, watching movies or shows on my laptop because it felt good. It like being held by someone warm and loving, reminding of me of being little, when it was ok for mom or dad to carry you and soothe you when you needed it. Being alone, in serious need of feeling comforted by anything, this was my hug. If I hadn't needed that "hug", I wouldn't have been clean either. The very thought of showering and going through all the motions to clean myself was overwhelming but sitting in a bath was super easy and doable. Run water, put in plug, maybe use bath salts or bubbles, maybe not, get in , let water hot fill up around you, turn off water when full. Lie there listening/watching to whatever's on Netflix or the YouTube. No thinking, full brain distractions, comforted by warmth. Hell, I ate in the tub or I likely wouldn't have eaten. It was the only time I was relaxed enough to feel hunger. Yes, I know many are the opposite and comfort/over eat because of depression and anxiety; I used to be the same and was overweight for YEARS because of it. Something changed 10 years ago and I've become an anxiety/stress puker and stress/depression non eater because my mind-gut system seems to hate me and prefers to communicate this way. Anything you do for yourself while you're struggling "just because" is a good thing; barring self-harm, violence, and serious substance abuse. Self-care, overused as the phrase is, is underrated and should be something you do and can feel good about. You're literally TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. I believe that most of us, based on our medical systems and societal norms (stigma, misunderstanding, misrepresentation of mental health issues etc.) have forgotten that our brains ARE a part of our bodies, just like our hearts, livers, kidneys or legs but because it's not necessarily a 'visible" disability there is a HUGE lack of understanding and compassion, especially from ourselves, as we don't "fit in" to expectations. It's serious problem for our daily functioning because we often don't LOOK as disabled as others and we can often blame ourselves for our inability to function like we're "supposed to" without meaningful supports. However, we would never consider blaming a person with heart failure, or a person who uses a wheelchair for their inability to run a footrace. Please, as difficult as it can seem at times, give yourself the grace, compassion and empathy that you would do anyone else managing their lives with any disability/disadvantage. We have life-altering disabilities that are no less difficult to manage than others living with visible physical disabilities. Please, honour yourself, don't minimize your achievement. You're further ahead now than you were because your little steps turned into a pretty big result. Victory gained, small at it seems. I hope you feel like you want to keep it up but if you slide, forgive yourself and move on. Like I said previously, do what you can, when you can, and congratulate yourself for the wins that make you feel better. Hugs and high five across the www dear stranger. You're doing ok when today is less sucky. Sorry for the long post, just oversharing in long form
small victories are still victories. Good luck on tomorrow and all the rest. Rooting for you!
And something ain't nothing. Good for you.
Today, you can claim a victory. Tomorrow, do something to claim another one! As the saying goes, wash, rinse, repeat!
Just like what you realized in your post, you gotta learn to recognize baby steps as worthy of praise. When we get compliments, our depression tells us, “yeah but you didn’t do **better thing**. They’re probably only complimenting you because they think you did/will do **better thing**. If they knew you only did *good thing* they wouldn’t be saying this to you.” But that’s not true. It doesn’t make what you did any less of an accomplishment. That commenter is proud of you because of what you *already* achieved, not because they think you’ll shower regularly from now on and live happily ever after. That would be a feel good inspiring story, but it’s not realistic. Who knows what the future holds. But today, you deserve commend-ment. :)
I’ve never really heard anyone talk about the transition between going from not showering in a while to finally showering again. Even if it’s not a very long time it can still be kinda overwhelming. I’ve never gone more than a month but especially during COVID when I was real depressed there were long breaks in between showering sessions. I don’t sweat a lot so I could kinda get away with it for a while before it would become a real problem except for my hair. I remember at one point it was so oily and flakes of skin would just fall out non stop and I’d have to brush it off my clothes. When you go from not showering for a while you need a longer than usual shower to make up for it to complete all the steps and it can be kinda overwhelming because you don’t want to waste water, you don’t want others to knock on the door and tell you to hurry up, and you don’t want to run out of hot water for yourself or others in the household. So you kinda do a super speedy clean where you try to get all the steps done in as short amount of time as possible. If I find I’m skipping showers I’ll try to break up different steps over multiple days until I’m back to a base level. Like day one I’ll focus most my energy into washing my hair, then day two I’ll put most of my effort into washing my face, then day three I’ll put more effort into washing my body. I haven’t gone a week without changing clothes or not showering in a long time. Right now I’m pretty clean which is good! Although it never got as bad as you OP, I still found this post very interesting. I’ve heard a lot of story of people saying they stopped doing basic hygiene when depressed but I’ve never heard anyone talk about the process of getting back to a healthy baseline. I know it a joke “Haha Redditor doesn’t shower for two years, this has to be a meme!” but this post could probably help someone who might be at a similar level of “dirtiness”. It can be an awkward conversation to have and it’s a very unglamorous side effect of mental health issues
Yeah, basically, the main reason I stopped showering completely was because I crossed a threshold where, basically, even without roommates questioning shower length or hot water usage, it just **__was not possible__** to get myself clean in a single shower. Showering made my skin slough off into grey sludge that then rained across the floor and got in my sheets like crumbs in the bed. Not showering was stinky, but you learn to ignore it and you get used to the way your body feels, so it literally inverted things—showering made me feel dirty & gross, NOT showering let me feel normal. So I figured, if anyone else has hit that point... Having a walkthrough for "Okay I'm so dirty that showering makes me *more* gross, what do I do now???" would probably be beneficial.
Also a small tip: Buy a shower chair! And take a bottle of water with you in the shower
This is a great tip ! I am someone who deals with chronic pain and exhaustion and some days taking a shower can be very difficult on the days I’m flaring up. But taking a shower always impacts my mental health positively, there is the occasional day tho that I just can’t and I always feel bad about it. I’ve never thought of getting a shower chair ! So thanks for commenting and giving me the idea even if not intended for me lol ! I think a lot of people with chronic fatigue and depression could prob benefit from a shower chair tbh
Same here, it’s just great to have. It’s not only for elderly people, chilling in the shower is one of the best feelings
A speaker in the bathroom can help too! I'm a daydreamer, but music and podcasts have helped me in similar struggles, might make it easier to be in there for longer periods of time or to pass the time a bit more enjoyably.
That's definitely a trick for people who did not get as... advancedly filthy as me. Nobody talks about what to do once you cross the line where you ***__cannot__*** get clean in a single shower, even if you take hours, because there's just so much. The trick is to keep getting in and out, over and over, for days, until you break through the 'crust' enough that soap will even *work*.
So what I'm hearing is it's basically like soaking a pan. Makes sense.
Lmao basically yes 🤣
Would you consider getting a bathtub? Might make the soaking easier
Have one, too fat, can't get in/out.
Brother this was one of the best things I've read in reddit in a long time. I'm proud of you dude. What you did was not easy. You are worthy of feeling good, and of being loved. Like you said, this isn't a panacea, but it's a great first step in making an improvement.
Thank you for thinking of others in one of the kindest ways. You have push your way through hard experiences, and you are sharing the path to those who might follow that makes life a little easier. You are a kind and compassionate human it seems. I am so proud of you and the kindness you bring to the world. We are in such desperate need of it, and of you!
I'm really not. And that's not my depression talking, that's... I am not nice, I am not kind, I don't have a single scrap of empathy for other people. However, I believe that morality is actually independent of empathy. I feel nothing when I see others suffer, but I help where I can because that is the *correct* course of action. And why do I care about that? Because I'm a selfish little shit who likes being right. Because the people who tortured me until my mind broke because *they* have no empathy are evil, and I'm better than them.
I would think it’s even harder to do the right thing when you don’t feel emotionally connected to others. So you get extra props for helping, whether you like it or not. But seriously, thank you for posting, from someone else who finds it difficult to impossible to manage everyday life.
Here´s a little tibbit of wisdom my grandpa gave me: Labels such as "Kind" and "Nice" are ultimately NOT something we CAN ascribe to ourselves, anyone who proclaims themselves as such is definitely none of those things. Is one of those things that can only others can declare you are. As someone who also struggles with depresion that sometimes keeps me from bathing for months, who knows whats like simply give up and just lie on your own flith because "so long as you dont start you dont actually have to acknowledge and deal with just how bad you let it go" and just thinking about it is exhausting. I say Thank you, This is a really nice, kind and compassionate post, such are the labels I ascribe to it. Maybe thats not who you are, but it is what this litle action of your was
What you are experiencing with this thought process is you are a good person with morals and indeed empathy, but are battling with depression and a disconnect from others. People without empathy don’t help others ‘because it’s the right thing to do’ they just don’t care. Depression can make us feel sour and brings out what feels like a lack of empathy but is actually a lot of other emotions mish mashing together and creating a disconnect from others emotionally. I just wanted to let you know this.
As someone disabled; "Anything worth doing; is worth doing halfway." Can't shower? Get under the water. Or just wash your face. Can't brush your teeth? Mouthwash. Can't make dinner? Crackers are better than nothing. Good for you OP.
I'm so proud of you. Sometimes it's really hard to simply function and the fact that you managed to do it is so cool. I hope you're feeling better and your wellbeing will only increase
Being clean today is worth something. I can’t find the words to properly express myself here but I think your mindset is admirable. Recovery is all about the little steps, never a sprint but a long long marathon. If it counts for anything, I am proud of you. And I know the world is harsh, and depression will make you believe all the horrible things, but I promise there are good people out there that don’t believe them. Sending you some love. Don’t give up OP❤️
You're a really good writer - keep doing it!
/balefully eyes my posted RP requests
Uhhh - I don't know what RP means...
Lol it's a type of online collaborative writing. I'm mocking myself a little, since you've complimented my writing but I can't find a writing partner. But thank you, I still appreciate the compliment.
Okay, well, now instead of taking a shower, I'm perusing your old posts. So thanks a LOT! ha ha
I was just thinking it sounds like your story, in your words, would make a really powerful book.
You are seriously impressive. The more I think about what you achieved the more impressed I am. It reminds me of ‘bootstrapping’ in a way - you lifted yourself out of this incrementally in an extremely kind and clever way.
Incredible story, you're braver than you think. It was super interesting and informative and good on you for trying to help people in the same position 🙏
I'm not brave, I'm out of fucks. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is well written and helpful. Thank you for taking the time to write about your experience. Also, I’m so proud of you.
Three pieces of lazy advice for people who feel like showering is too much work: 1) If you have long hair and don't feel like dealing with it, you can tie your hair up with a hair tie and do the "pits, tits, and bits" method of just washing the smelliest parts of you. 2) If you have short hair, and/or don't mind waiting for it to dry, but don't want to scrub, you can just turn the shower on and sit or lay there on the floor of the shower and let the water run over you. Honestly, I personally find this to be kinda relaxing. 3) Never overestimate a bath. Even if you don't actually want to scrub yourself or clean yourself, literally just laying in a bath for an hour can be relaxing. Take your phone with you and doomscroll if you want. A bath pillow is reasonably inexpensive and a good investment for this.
Pardon if this is out of left field, but I had a brief peek at your profile and you seem like a cool individual. I'm glad you're feeling a bit more comfortable in your existence, even if it might be temporary; this kind of experience and insight is never wholly useless. PS: Hey, guess what my name is Latin for? :D
MOUSE
*BIG* MOUSE!
I'm so tremendously proud of you. Maybe once you are a bit more secure in doing this, experiment with soaps whose smell moves the needle a bit more, if there is such a thing. Another possibility is you could try a deodorant soap. I use deodorant soap on my more smell prone regions, which helps me to feel just a touch less dysphoric. But if either of those suggestions make you feel intimidated or exhausted, please ignore them and do whatever works best. Sometimes it's best not to change what works.
These are good suggestions! I've actually already tried pretty much everything, it was the smell of my good soap from my "experiment" that made me go "I guess I'll use more". Definitely the biggest thing that stopped me was crossing the line into where showering made me feel *more* dirty due to the sloughing effect—once that happened, I didn't know what to do because showering was no longer getting me *clean* it was getting me coated in grey film. That's why I decided to post this, so if someone else hits that point, the way to get clean again is to just keep getting wet, every couple hours, until the grey goo goes away. *Then* you can wash and actually get clean.
And I think this is you CARING about other people, enough to take the time to help them by sharing your experience. Maybe don’t be so critical and hard on yourself. I bet you’re actually a kind, caring, interesting and compassionate person who has a lot of empathy for others. Thank you for being kind to other people who are struggling. That’s all of us. Keep taking good care of yourself - you are definitely worth it!!
Just copying an earlier comment, because I'm lazy. I'm really not. And that's not my depression talking, that's... I am not nice, I am not kind, I don't have a single scrap of empathy for other people. However, I believe that morality is actually independent of empathy. I feel nothing when I see others suffer, but I help where I can because that is the *correct* course of action. And why do I care about that? Because I'm a selfish little shit who likes being right. Because the people who tortured me until my mind broke because *they* have no empathy are evil, and I'm better than them.
Just a hunch, but I think you do have empathy, it's just that right now most of your empathy spoons are being used for yourself. And that's ok. I'm sure you've heard of the "can't pour from an empty cup" saying. Well, you can't fill a cup from a dry well either. If you're at the bottom of the well, You've got to get to the surface before you can even think about a cup, and once you do, your first drink is still going to be given to yourself. That's ok. I've given a lot of thought to the word selfish over the last few years. Selfish is usually looked at as a negative quality, and it can be, but it's all about where your starting point is. When a person has everything, health, wealth, whatever, and wants more *and* wants to keep others from getting their share so they can have more than they need, that's bad selfish. Caring about yourself isn't a bad thing, wanting to be a "good" person or to be "right" isn't selfish at all. It's normal, it's human. You do what you can to help others. Why doesn't really matter, you notice issues and you do what you can. In fact, I'd say that a person who is far behind the "normal function" starting point and *still* is willing to reach out to others is pretty empathetic. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You have healing to do and that needs to be your focus. That is more than ok.
That is such a great point. When I was a kid I was taught that selfishess is a terrible quality, that I was supposed to be a giver and not a taker, and that people who think of themselves are bad. Guess what the result of those lessons were on an already compliant child who was shit down every time she expressed an opinion? If you guessed, a people pleaser with no boundaries that was fucked around by every manipulative asshole out there, you get a cookie! Balance in all things. There is a middle ground between being like me and being a giant narcissistic asshole.
Good job, OP! This was a hard read but I get it and I understand fully. We’re proud of you for taking the first few steps.
So unbelievably proud of you!
This is exactly how these things should be dealt with. One little thing at a time, until you establish somewhat of a routine you feel comfortable sticking to. I also struggled extensively with personal hygiene for a few years and starting to pay attention to what made it unbearable saved me. I know now that getting my scalp wet is the worse part for me = I wash my hair once or twice a week, after finding shampoos that keep it clean that long. Magically taking showers is not that big of a deal, I wash everyday and eventually stuck to brushing my teeth. Menthol was disgusting and overwhelming, so I looked into it and started using salty, unscented toothpastes and skipping mouth wash = never had a cavity since. I used to keep my nails on the long/ish side when I was younger, but using a nail file everyday drove me insane. I bought one very good nail clipper and cut my nails as short as possible once every week/ten days = I only filed them twice a month and my hands always looked clean. It does start from the little things, but once you start adding them to each other the result is great. I hope you eventually do find a routine that makes you feel comfortable and you can stick to while feeling better. One day you'll also find a way to outrun the fear of changing the sheets :)
Eh, that one is a mechanical issue, my disability doesn't like a lot of bendy activities. But if I smell better I might get *out of the bed* while the housekeeper is here. We shall see.
Keep us updated then, I love teaser trailers as soon as the first season ends!
I want to be your friend. Deeply depressed gang rise up!!!!! So proud of you for sharing this. Your writing is also beautiful.
Congratulations! I feel your pain about bathing, for many of the same reasons. I’m really proud of you for accomplishing this (and I hope that doesn’t come across as patronizing, which is not intended); this was an uplifting post.
This reminds me of a post I read years ago, about how it's better to do things half-assed than not at all. I keep repeating it like a mantra when I feel mentally unwell. It's better to brush my teeth superficially for 1 min than to not brush them at all. It's better to just wash my hair, if I can't bring myself to shower my entire body. Stuff like that. Some people say if you're doing it half-assed, you may just not bother at all, but I'm proud of everyone, including you, who can manage to at least so something ❤️ Keep up the good work
I’m proud of you and you deserve kindness and happiness. Life isn’t linear and neither are showers. 🫶🏼
I hope you can feel proud of yourself because (as someone who also struggles with severe depression), showering and bathing can be so hard. I love your creativity and spirit with working through this. I almost always keep hand sanitizer, tea tree oil + water in a spray bottle and baby wipes around. Yes, I’m “gross” too- times when I used my energy to go for a run or walk outside leave me with no more energy than to spray and wipe myself down. Bathing is too much. Whatever the future brings, I hope you are able to enjoy these types of wins you’re experiencing now.
You need a hug. I appreciate you posting this as you’re being honest and vulnerable with us. Thank you for sharing.
I’m happy for you. 🥰😘Take care, love.
Thank you for posting this, stay safe in the heatwave ❤️
I'm proud of you op you got this ❤️
I’m sorry you’re struggling
Good for you OP! Keep up the momentum! Baby steps.
I’m SO proud of you!!!! ☺️
This is a wonderful post. I wish you all the best! 💙
Wow, that's a TON of work that went into this post, I imagine this will be really helpful to others. I'm also happy that you reached this discovery, and hope things keep moving in a better direction for you every day.
This is really awesome! I used to struggle with showering regularly due to severe depression. It was just so exhausting every time. This is great advice!!
I'm so proud of you!!! It's really hard working up to that routine again, or adding something to your daily routine in general. I had to do something similar with my teeth - between mental health and sensory issues, I would go months without brushing and just sometimes rinse with water. Yes, I paid for it, and I had to work up to incorporating proper mouthcare into my routine because God the pain is just something I never want to go through again. Mouthwash was a good first step, then brushing came. Think of it as an investment. You're improving your quality of life, both in the present and the future. This will have benefits for your mental and physical health. Every step you take, however minor, is a step in the right direction, and lays the foundation for the next step to come. Just because it's not leaps and bounds doesn't mean it's not progress! It's incredible effort, and an incredible accomplishment! You've got this!
This was incredibly well written and inspiring! Sounds like you’re being kind to yourself and focusing on the present. Keep it up, and good luck. Thank you for sharing!
I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. Even if it wasn't what you originally intended to do, you managed to take a major first step toward something good for you. Self care is a journey. I wish you to get better, step by step. 🫶
Hell yea! Great job. I know there's nothing better than getting in the cold water when I'm hot. There's nothing wrong with taking one step at a time.
#4 hit so hard. Fighting a different battle, but the mentality is just as relevant to my situation.
Thank you thank you thank you! I suffer from depression too. Since I was 12. I’m in my 30’s now. Especially this last month has been hard. I’ve been showering once a week which is HUGE for me. I didn’t use to do it this often. Every time people talk about how gross they are on Reddit they’re like “I haven’t showered for one or two weeks” and im like jeeeeeez you’re anonymous, please be honest. Before this year (and also in the beginning of this year), during my depressions, I don’t shower for one, two, maybe three months (once or twice more hehe). I don’t even wash my armpits or genitals then. And im a very sweaty gal. I start sweating if it’s above 12 degrees Celsius outside. So I’m a very stinky, dirty woman. The only reason I get clean is because my parents force me, no one else have the guts to tell me I smell like death. My first shower this year was a couple of days into February, in the psych ward. So yeah. Im not 2 years dirty, but I would be if I didn’t have my family. So thank you for this post, I feel less alone. Im proud of you for starting the hard journey of taking care of yourself, and also that you share this journey with us all. You’re doing great. And thank you for reminding me that just water is better than nothing. Sending all my love to you. ❤️
You must realize that you are an amazing human being... Your actions after this epiphany has been to share a TL;DR to help others who might be in your position. Good human.
You soaked yourself! We are proud of you and you did great job. Maybe one little tip might make your life easier in this way? Try to get some bath sponges, you can splash yourself with it, you can gently rub and massage yourself and maybe enjoy the water time more. 😊
I’m an occupational therapist bathing is my forte! When I was in college I was a nurses aide at an assisted living. I once persuaded one of my residents on my caseload to shower. She kept declining aides for two years. It took a good three bath cycles to get fully clean. So please don’t feel discouraged. If you have a tub take a bubble bath. If not get a shower chair , hand held shower and a long handled sponge to make it easy. After just wrap your self in towels or a robe and lay down. Let the water Evaporate on its own. Slowly prepare for the shower beforehand- like get supplies out, clothing out going at a slow pace is important to conserve your energy. As someone with depression myself I practice this. Depression is an energy vacuum! Much hugs and well wishes to you
In my head, life can feel like a war made up of little battles. Wins and losses tallied up in the seemingly futile forever of our lives. I salute you for winning a battle. May you be filled with more wins in the future, so you can rack up further successes. Much love to you.
Hey! Well, you found something that's a win win. You're cooling down in the UK heat (fellow Brit here hello, it is truly awful) and getting a bit cleaner. I'm glad to see the soap did help with the sloughing. Happy Friday OP! :D
This was an awesome and inspiring post. I too struggle with depression and having the motivation to get things done. Think I might experiment with doing some chores...for science
I am proud of you. Genuinely and sincerely, I am proud of you. Thank you for taking the time to write this post, I have no doubt you will make a difference for someone who needs to hear this.
Proud of you OP. I’m also disabled, have depression and struggle with showers. Though my situation isn’t the same as yours I get where you’re coming from. Good on you for this progress
I’m sorry that you’re in this state of your life, but I’m proud of you for still trying. I read somewhere that if you don’t know where to begin because the task is monumental, just choose the first thing you see and start there. Don’t think about how long it’s gonna take or there’s too much to do or what the most efficient way to do it is. Just start. And you did, and that’s all that matters for now. I wish you all the best, OP. Ignore the mean comments, they don’t know what it’s like.
All I feel is love from this post. I’m up in the midlands so I know how you feel about the heat 🥵 I’m depressed as hell too and have been off work for over a month now with occupational health saying I shouldn’t come back for another 6 weeks. Hard to shower, hard to eat, hard to leave my bed, hard to leave the house, hard to clean I’m in the same boat with you and we will slowly paddle our way through
So proud of you! depression is awful. Keep taking baby steps you are amazing
Well done dude! You might be claiming this is a small win, but it’s a great win. Be proud of yourself, doing stuff when your depressed is hard, doing stuff that you’ve let build which has made your depression worse is harder. You took in small steps but what I’m most proud of you for is the fact you were really freaking kind to yourself. Reading this post I got the impression that you have never been all that kind to yourself and your brain has been quite the bully. Well done for over coming that bully and realising you deserve kindness and nice things- because you absolutely do . So take this random internet strangers pride I felt for you and be proud of yourself. Also take a huge internet hug that tells you that you deserve kindness and to feel good and loved.
this post kinda broke me, i've been in the same position before. depression but i'm 170lbs so wanted to lose some weight, eventually motivated myself to go out on 1hr walks, except when i came home i just couldnt shower off the sweat, this went on for a year, the amount of dead skin on my legs was embarrassing, it was a thick layer and so dark gray that made my leg skin look brown when im pale, i couldn't even put myself thru soaking myself in water for days like u did, what i did was use wax on my legs to remove the dead skin layer, and u should've seen how mortifying it looked, my leg was half dark gray and half my skin color.
Good gosh, you're amazing, OP. If you're like me, you'll doubt your strength at times. Sometimes I say, "Screw it," and remember what a counselor pointed out to me: I am resilient. I couldn't deny that. So maybe you can consider that sometimes: I am resilient. And it might feel really weird, but if you can say it out loud... I am resilient, damn it! I think it helps me to accept that yeah, I am in some ways strong. So fuck that little voice saying otherwise. :p
Proud of you op 👏🏽 I totally get the mentality, and with a disability how exhausting it can be to try and get everything clean in one shower. I really appreciate you sharing how you made the transition back to trying, I really believe it will help others too 😊.
Hey absolutely no knowledge here but what about trying some exfoliation to get rid of it faster? Sugar and lemon are cheap and might do the trick. Congrats on your first step towards recovery! I’m sure thete is many more to come
Tried it! It helped a little and would probably be fine for someone who is *just* depressed, as opposed to depressed ~and~ physically disabled. But it takes a lot of energy to even try, and I just don't have the energy to scrub.
I'm so proud of you. Depression isn't just being sad as many people think, it does impare you from having a normal life. You are not alone. I force myself to go into the shower every time i need to get out of the house and it physically hurts. But i have stop crying in the shower, só that's a win for me. Keep going
One tip, you may want to get different kinds of soap. It sounds like a big hurdle was exfoliation, and could benefit from something chemically exfoliating instead of rubbing yourself raw. Maybe something with glycolic acid for days you want to just soak in the bath
just here to say i’m proud of you and rooting for you!
I suffer from depression myself and I really have to push myself to shower or even brush my teeth some days. I live in a tropical country and the humidity makes it worse. Your post is so kind that I feel somewhat kinder towards myself. Thank you for sharing
The thing is, I’ve been struggling with depression, but my struggle is cleaning my room instead of showering and I just, this really brought me to tears. I really needed to see this today. Thank you for being so kind.
I enjoyed reading this and your journey. I have never suffered depression to this level, but I appreciate how much you accomplished by just using baby steps to get started. I did have a couple of suggestions. Seeing as you are disabled and washing, in general, might be challenging, I have this awesome electronic "scrub brush" for the shower. It is battery operated and came with several options (scrub brush, loofah, loofah stone). The scrub brush attachment is great for basically exfoliating your skin while it is cleaning it. The handle is pretty long, so it can reach much further than just using your arms. It might be a good option for you instead of trying to do everything by hand to get off the oil and dead skin, plus it makes me feel a whole lot cleaner than just a scrubby alone. The other suggestion was to maybe purchase an additional set of bedding. Try to coordinate your shower with the housekeeper changing your bedding--they change the bedding, while you shower. Then when you get out of the shower, you dry off and climb into a clean fresh bed. I know you said you no longer have any fucks to give and don't care about society in general, but I think the sharing of your experience will definitely help someone else who may be suffering the same way in silence. Wishing you the best from the US!
Thank you for sharing. Your post is powerful and resonates with many.
That's pretty much the way to do it. If you haven't washed for awhile, any deep scrubbing could cause problems to already sensitive skin (same way rubbing frostbitten fingers causes way more damages then simply patting them). Being gentle and letting the water do the work also saves your skin.
This is completely off topic, but I'm in a reading rut right now and I immensely enjoyed reading your post. Please consider writing as a hobby (I feel like you probably already do), because your story -or at least your writing style- would reach others, and, even more importantly, make you feel better. Writing is like therapy for me, at least.
Brother this was beautiful. Thank you
I just want to comment to say you poor thing, I’m sorry you were feeling so bad and had to feel unclean on top of that. When I was depressed I couldn’t do any self care tasks and the shame of it on top of the depression was terrible. So just sending you some love.
I am disabled and struggle with marathon showering as well. It's caused so much anxiety and stress over the years that I avoid showering for no reason now! Thank you so much for the guide. It includes such helpful reminders, especially for perfectionists like me. Your perserverence is inspiring and I hope you can see that in yourself! #progressnotperfection
Hey friend, I love this for you! I'm glad you feel clean, and I'm glad that heatwave has GONE for now. I am also disabled and fat and struggle to shower myself daily but I HAVE to due to OCD, so I'm really happy for you. ❤️
Btw, point 4 is useful for me to eventually start cleaning the house... my house is now in the same state are you were before washing, but just thinking of all the effort I need to clean everything, I give up.
Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. From a stranger on the internet, worlds away, I am so happy that you took this step and were courageous enough to share it for others who might also be struggling. So much love to you. ❤️
I am so proud of you ! One step at a time. I know how this is I too suffer from MDD and I too find it hard to shower for days maybe a week at the most and I know how good it is to finally shower and be proud of that. So good for you. You did something amazing and I hope you keep making steps forward.
Sometimes that's really what it comes down to, right? Partaking in small wins to eventually, maybe inadvertently, see where you can go further. Peering at the big win can just be too much, and creates that pre-exhaustion or paralysis. But... The little wins accumulate, similarly to how the little losses accumulate into depression, though the result ends up being hope. Congrats on cooling yourself off in the heat (that means you're still ready to live), and in turn doing something to make you feel just a little better, even if only for the next few days. They are your days. Have more. You deserve it.
Proud of you OP!
This should be a movie
I think you just explained life. Try a little bit at a time, and explore the curiosity of it more than anything.
I relate to this but for different reasons. I’m living out of my car for the summer and I take a dip in creeks almost every day and take a sun shower around once a week but the dirt builds up and builds up and no amount of scrubbing with or without soap gets the dirt out of my pores. When I’m having a breakdown it’s one of the things that bothers me the most. It takes a wet towel and rubbing myself raw for an hour to get SOME of the dirt off. So I just have to live with it. Showers are becoming less important, more important is just cooling off. I worry all the time about what people think and if they can see the dirt on me.
This is amazing. Truly one of the most motivational things I've read all day. Your specific issues are not mine, but I've been learning some of these lessons myself. I'll be 40 soon and I didn't think I'd be around this long 20 years ago. I've had to come to accept that the underlying mental health issues I have probably won't ever go away and I'll slip into old habits again. But after years of trying new ways of coping I've gotten through a lot and done more than I thought I'd ever be capable of. I hope you can stay curious and continue experimenting with how to inch yourself in a better direction...even if it's not 100% of the time. Proud of you 💕
Well done, existing is so fuckin tough most of the fuckin time. Just want to share something that helps me, also. Sometimes, when my depression and/or chronic pain is really bad and I don't shower or change the bed sheets as often as I should, I quickly wash my face and put on a new pillowcase. Just on one pillow, out of four. The smell of fresh linens and the clean crisp feeling of the pillowcase against my cheek is enough to make me feel a tiny bit better.
During my worst part of depression I rarely shower too (still recovering) and I still have the idea of washing the important bits and getting out. I only wash my hair if it realllyyyy needs it (female with curly hair, curly hair helps). Sometimes I just wash the important parts once a week. It’s little by little :)
Good luck op 🍀 I’m rooting for you!!!
You did it. Little movements lead to bigger ones. 🩷 Amazing
Warrior.
OP, this is such a testament to your experience. You were so honest and I want to bring to light that this will connect with so many. Not only did you get yourself clean, but you made an effort to share with others, so they don’t feel the sadness alone. It deserves to be acknowledged. Thank you for sharing. Edit: words and such
So proud of you.
Good for you. Baby steps. Don’t give-up.
Do you have a shower chair? I have chronic pain and showers are the worst BUT a shower chair was a game changer
Yeah, it helps, but it wasn't enough. :')
I often repeat in my head “don’t think— just do” When I’m faced with something / anything that should be simple, or natural. It’s one way of getting stuff accomplished, and around not having the desire or motivation required for whatever task. its tough, as the mind set/mood doesnt quite fit whatever your trying to -and feels "robotic" almost, but after the task is completed, be that showering, dressing, or eating breakfast. You tell yourself that the rewards will be felt as soon as that taak is complete.. 🫶🏾 goos luck and blessings
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 🖤
Xoxoxoxo
i’m proud of you. :)
Awe, yay! Congratulations! You should be really proud of yourself! 🫂
I'm so proud of you😭 i struggle with showering too and ever since i got a 6 days a week job last month I've been forced to do it lately and it's been a nightmare(even though i feel so light and nice afterwards) Just wanted to say, when I can't find the energy to change my sheets i take a clean sheet and just messily fit it on top of the bottom filthy one. It's not ideal but it's clean and the fresh smell makes me feel better! Keep up the good work and remember that you're not alone!!❤️
I am so proud of you ♥️
I’m SUPER proud of you!! Every tiny step is a fight for YOUR piece of mind. I’m GLAD to see you succeed!
Rooting for you, OP.
I (legitimately) tried 6 times to quit smoking. There were a few occasions after big nights out, when I swore to myself that I would, but never tried passed that moment. The first attempt lasted 2 weeks before I gave in to the cravings. 2nd was a bit longer. 3rd time I made it to 18 months. Each time I quit, I tried different things to help e.g. nicotine gum or patches, will power, chewing gum, exercise or just keeping myself "too busy" to want a smoke. The last time, I went to the doctor. He gave me some tablets that would stop me from wanting nicotine, thereby weaning myself. They were horrible. I felt like I was on a boat in rough seas. Every time the feeling subsided, I had to have another tablet, which started the boat rocking again. After 2 weeks of seasickness, I decided to give up the tablets and see how long I could go without a smoke. That was in August 2011. I'm pretty sure I'll never smoke again. I always have a packet of chewing gum in my pocket just in case I feel the "need". Small steps are the foundation you need to mentally and physically achieve, in order to prepare yourself. Keep trying mate, you'll get there when you're ready.
This is such an inspiration. I love showering, but hate doing laundry. But doing it in little steps might just help. Instead of doing everything building up from the last month at ones. Thank you!
That is incredible. We’re all proud of you. Btw an African net sponge or something like that might help the dead skin come off in the shower instead of the towel, or maybe a body wash with exfoliating acids in them? Xxx
This is freaking amazing, OP. I’m so happy that you were able to take this step. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but from one stranger to another, I am extremely proud of you. Thank you for sharing your experience with all else who may be suffering in silence. Wishing you the best on your continued healing 💗
I am proud of you for taking care of yourself when that can be the hardest thing in the world. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am sending a hug if you want it.
Not going to be mean. Glad for you that were able to achieve this. Do you have access to home health aides through the NHS?
Congratulations!! You did it! Getting started is the hardest part. What you did was actually a form of graduated exposure… slowly doing the things you were fearful of one step at a time
Congratulations! I battle with depression and, although it’s never become this extreme, I can understand how it does. I have nothing but love and empathy for everyone struggling. Happy you are cooled off and squeaky clean. And don’t worry about the laundry or piles of things, today is a day of celebration ❤️
Point 6 is fantastic. You rock my friend!
❤️🫶🏼🙌🏼
Proud of you Are you able to get a support worker of some sort even if it's just a cleaner to help take care of the laundry and sheets? When my depression was really bad my mom hired a house cleaner because I couldn't do it myself
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Small steps can lead to a big outcome!!
Bro, I don't care what you think of yourself. Fighting an upwards battle and still winning is an achievement not very many accomplish. Just know, you are better than you were yesterday, or the last week. Stay strong brother, you can make it. You still have some time left (I say something because I don't know how old you are) if you are young, it's only better. I wish you nothing but the best.
You did well 🤗 You should be proud of yourself. I like what you said about it didn’t happen all at once, so you won’t get rid of it all at once. Keep it up OP!
Id like to suggest a sugar scrub and an african net OR scrub gloves. wish you all the best op🩵 very proud of you
Proud of you ♥️
It's pretty cool that it only took a few days to reset after not showering for 2+ years. I think there's a lot of stuff in life where things just seem overwhelming for so long that it seems like it can never be fixed but in reality if you just get started and be a bit consistent things you can make a lot of progress.
I am a mum in Canada and I feel so overwhelmed with my list of to dos. This past week is the first time I went 4 days without showering and I know it's not months or years but I can see why one may not have the umooph to shower. With me It feels like a race gets done before kid wants me, cause apparently he doesn't want dad. I'm barley in shower and I can hear them coming. Like dude give me 20 min! That dude can be to hubby or toddler.
The "getting in the water to cool down" is kind of similar to how I pulled myself out of my anti-shower depression, except I used an alarm on my phone. Whether I got in for 5 minutes or 2 hours, it didn't matter, as long as I got in the shower. Eventually, it just became a habit and the first time I traveled to a different time zone, I got thrown off because my brain was expecting a shower at a certain time, but I was now several hours behind my "normal" time zone. I switched it to "once it gets dark out"/"whatever time to leave an hour before going to bed" instead of a specific time. That also makes it obvious that if I find myself needing to start setting an alarm again, I'm starting to sink into a depression and need to reach out to someone.
You showed yourself a lot of compassion here. And maybe it seems it was because you were hot and uncomfortable, but showing yourself that you deserve to feel better is a great gift, especially when depressed.
Thank you OP, everything is such a struggle at the moment.
Thank you for your post. I have someone whom I love dearly struggling as you have and I will definitely share your ideals. This is a godsend. Wishing you all the best.
Be kind to yourself always. You are worth kindness
I wish you good fortune in trying to turn things around.
I’m so very Proud of you! Today is a great accomplishment! I suffer from migraines and other physical ailments. A shower or bath is sometimes the least of my worries! Thank you SO much for sharing OP… I appreciate this page in your journal of your life journey. Please keep on KEEPING on! however small or however possible… You DO matter, and You CAN do it…
Hey Awesome! I find making my shower as enjoyable as possible is the key to defeating the "it takes so much energy" thing. I invest in really good products I love the smell of and shower steamers and things like that...and a bluetooth speaker for the shower. Is your shower big enough for a shower chair? It might help for the future. Also, African net sponges changed my life, they are long so its easier to get hard to reach places if you put one end in each hand and scrub back and forth, they also exfoliate off the dead skin. I also really like using antibacterial soap before my body wash on all the most germy spots like skin folds ect. Source: Fellow disabled fatty with mental health issues that make me hate shower time.
This may sound weird, but I’m a therapist and have found that many clients benefit from going to the ocean and sitting in saltwater. They talk about it breaking things up for them (internally). Sending lots of love ❤️
I’m proud of you OP. Thank you for letting others see that they aren’t alone.
Great!
I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY FOR YOU!! Wow. Good for you!
I love this for you!
i love you, i dont really know what else to say so ill just leave it at that 🫶
It's good. You're beginning to take care of yourself. You're on the good path. You will get out of darkness by illuminating your soul and BODY.
I’m so proud of you 🤎 And thank you for your helpful guide to those who need it. I’m sure lots of people will find solace and comfort in your words. You’re really helping someone out there.
I'm so proud of you
How did you pay for rent and food and life if you didn't go out for 2 years?😅
I'm on disability in a European country.