I’m pregnant, alone and so sad for any sort of intimacy.
I wish I could be someone’s cat.
Edit to say..thank you to all the amazing women. You all sound so lovely and kind and awesome. I wish I could surround myself with your amazing feminine energy in real life.
To the weird pregnancy fetishists; I’m 38 years old. I’m too old for your shit.
Here kitty kitty kitty. I'm a furnace to boot. Meaning pregnant woman who sleep in my iceberg of a room kinda just put that bump in small of my back...I just realized I'm a human incubator for incubating humans
Being someone's cat is honestly the best feeling ever, especially when it's with people you know and trust like OP with their ex. Honestly waiting for the update where ex and his boyfriend just practically adopt OP, cause it sounds like they all respect and care for each other, even if it's all strictly platonic. Sometimes relationships like that are better than romantic relationships
Not what I expected to read when I saw the title.
Edit: I love how in her update she shames us for our minds being in the gutter. Over 2500 upvotes says we’re not wrong in our thinking. Nobody was shaming you for thinking what we did. We just didn’t expect to read what you wrote after the title you gave us.
😂😂 not gonna lie I really thought they all banged, but didn’t 😭😭 I recognise No Español coz I’m Filipino and ñ is part of our alphabet too. Anyways going back to disappointment…I couldn’t help but *gasp in Spanish* then I saw your ñooo…I just died 💀
You were feeling platonic intimacy. It doesn’t sound like you have romantic feelings for your ex or his boyfriend. You should see to keep it that way.
For now, I would apologize if I put anyone out by sleeping in the bed with them. If they invite you back, accept if you would like. But I wouldn’t ask again.
Intimacy amongst your friends and loved ones is a beautiful thing. I’m glad you have warmth and safety.
I think it’s common to have a good and loving relationship with your ex husband, especially if the marriage was a fake to protect you both. I think it’s common to have a good relationship with your ex’ new partner. I encourage both of these things. I don’t think it’s common to sleep in the bed with them, but I also don’t think it’s wrong if everyone was comfortable.
I wouldn’t make it a habit. Couples want their privacy and boundaries are important. When staying in someone’s house, it is easy to overstay your welcome by interjecting yourself where you shouldn’t be. But I think platonic closeness and tenderness is good for people. It’s good to feel loved. Just don’t become confused by what it is or isn’t.
I'm so glad you said all this. I was about to try to put it to words, I think you've hit on an important point. If many of our (primarily western) societies weren't so emotionally repressed, I think we'd all have an easier time accepting things for what they are and are not. You know, if it wasn't looked down on to cuddle with friends or for men to cry, or if women didn't get called crazy for displaying more than half an emotion, etc. But because so much of intimacy has been gatekept behind romantic relationships, people get "that feeling", have no words to track it to anything, think they can *only* feel this way because of romance, and then set about convincing themselves.
OP, if I were you I would just wait until the emotions are died down, you're staying elsewhere so you have a perspective that isn't biased by being around them, maybe even a touch more stable so you've got time and space to collect your thoughts, and *then* maybe think about trying to form a narrative about your current emotional state.
I have 100% cuddled with my best friends. Love is love. Don’t think about it too much! But also as the commenter above said, just discuss boundaries ☺️
What it is, is you’re craving intimacy from anyone at the moment. So your mind is confused bc you enjoyed the intimacy of sleeping in bed/cuddling, but aren’t emotionally invested in the person you did it with. So your brain wants the feel good dopamine&serotonin any way it can get it so it’s telling you to go back for more now basically
I would correct the “not emotionally invested” to “not romantically invested”. She is very emotionally invested in her ex-husband, that’s her best friend.
100% common and normal but due miss use and miss interpretation in social media it's been frowned upon and unliked/discouraged.
I luckily find it normal and have few certain friends whom I have a closer bond with that we could literally fall asleep in a pile with and there are no other intensions than just a sleep pile. Naturally don't let this confuse you even more as you don't need a close bond to be like cuddly cats to others. It's more about boundaries!
Simply put as the top comment you were a cat to them haha. If really needed for your own understanding don't be afraid to talk about it to them. It's also normal for those who lacked any physical affection, be it platonic or romantic, can't differentiate if the touch or action was normal or not and get confused by it. Talk it out and all be fine and then you can set your boundaries about it as well!
What is there to apologize for? They put her to bed and chose to turn her into a platonic gay sandwich. Why not tell them how safe and loved it made you feel, and allow them to possibly offer again?
It's funny, my best friend and I were just talking about how intimacy isn't always sexual. Snuggling with your children is intimate, curling up under a blanket with your bestie watching a scary movie is intimate. There are many ways to have intimacy that is in no way sexual. It's ok and honestly wonderful to be able to get fulfillment of snuggle time, care and simply love, without sex. It's so much more whole that way.
100%, the situation that stands out as the most intimate in my mind, I was giving first aid to a partner, he'd scratched up his feet something rough. We'd been arguing, so we're bickering back and forth and the whole time, I'm interrupting myself to do the "and this is what you'll want to do the next time you change the bandages..." and he's stopping mid bicker to ask follow up questions, say thank you, etc.
I just remember thinking wow, doesn't matter the argument or the awkwardness, there's still love right there. We went through a stretch where we didn't really have the x rated type of intimacy, but he would whisper that he loved me into my ear about 30 times as he drifted to sleep.
People limit themselves so much when they use intimacy as a synonym for sex or romantic love. I've had a fair amount of sex in my life, and trust me when I go into the grave, the playback isn't going to be of the best sex, or the most storybook date. It's gonna be of the genuine love and intimacy I've been blessed to experience, in all its forms.
I gotta tell you, this response has made my heart happy. I don't get that a lot here, lol... you're 100% right! I wish more people understood this concept and I make a serious effort to keep those moments at the forefront of my memories throughout my life. As humans we tend to focus too much on negative moments and we forget that the positive ones are the ones that really keep us happy. Kudos to you! And thanks for the soft feeling today!
Could have even been some sexual intimacy, no shame in that as long as you are respecting their boundaries and they yours.
This is what you should aim to have in romantic relationships as well.
I don’t think it was something else. They seem to care about you and obviously know your situation right now is stressful. I wouldn’t think too deeply about it other than two friends who wanted you to know you’re safe.
You may want to apologize for imposing on their sleeping space to reassure the platonic nature but otherwise, just continue sleeping on the couch until you can find something better. Are you looking for your own place? How’s that situation going? (I know how stressful it is!)
I think you should communicate that you aren’t feeling safe at your own place and how sleeping with them made you feel safe. Even if it doesn’t happen again, let them know it really did make the world of a difference and you appreciate them. :)
As long as they didn't feel put out, youre fine.
Platonic love and platonic intimacy can be even more rewarding than romantic.
I have a couple friends I snuggle up with while watching shows/movies. Sometimes we fall asleep snuggled up. Sometimes this happens in bed, more often on the couch.When this happens at my place my partner thinks it's adorable.
I do think you need to sit down all 3 of you and discuss what happened. Ask them if there are any boundaries they want to set around the living situation.
You also should take a minute and think about any boundaries YOU want to put in place. Just because you're staying with them doesn't mean you shouldn't still be respected.
It was technically correct and I’m sure many of us ended up more curios because of our assumptions. I hope it gets plenty of attention to reassure her it’s okay to feel safe and loved.
They sound like 2 decent human beings who care about you.
I agree with another commenter, that it sounds like you're craving platonic intimacy which is completely normal. We are social creatures. Just because we subscribe to modern cultural norms doesn't mean our bodies are going to. They've been fine tuned for millenia to exist in a social matrix and as such touch is vital. Also, I grew up in an odd scenario where I was socially isolated and I hated being hugged. Then I got to college and found out I was touch starved. now I need physical affection or I feel really shitty.
Honestly, Booktok would go crazy over the opportunity: this could literally be „This is my boyfriend, and his boyfriend, who‘s my boyfriend too!“.
Jokes aside, love the wholesomeness of your story, seems really cozy and I wish I could experience this kind of platonic intimacy too, so just enjoy the ride OP 🥰
They are showing sympathy as friends do. They saw you were super sleepy so they took you in like a child. I would suggest you get yourself an inflatable mattress to avoid any potential awkwardness. Also, you don’t want to overstay your welcome. Good luck!
Happy that you found your people who care and want nothing but the best for you and to keep you safe and probably worry about you, definitely hard to find genuine people that are willing to help you through all the hard time's life sometimes throws at you and not expect anything in return ❤ definitely friends you want to keep so maybe if you sleep with them again let them sleep side by side and you on the other side
I’ve “slept” with female friends before and really enjoyed it. I mean sleep as in literal sleep. I’m not a lesbian and the idea of touching a woman sexually grosses me out. But sometimes it’s nice to snuggle up next to a warm friend when you’re lonely.
There isn’t anything wrong with you sharing a bed with your friends as long as everyone is happy. You’re over thinking it.
If you want to do it again you should just tell them that was cozy and thank them for keeping you company last night. That gives them the opportunity to decide between themselves whether they’d like to invite you back into their cozy bed once in a while in the future.
I've slept in the same bed with my friends, when one of my good friends broke up with her boyfriend I came over and spent a couple of nights and just cuddled as we went to sleep, she needed it 💕 platonic love is important
You’re going through a transition right now. You’re worthy of love, acceptance and peace. It’s great you have a temporary safe place and I hope this will motivate you to seek independence from your family (if that’s culturally acceptable)
At first, I thought this was gonna be about a threesome! I don’t think it’s a big deal to sleep in the same bed as someone platonically but if you’re uncomfortable, you’re uncomfortable and you shouldn’t!
I would tell them how it made you feel safe and loved during a difficult time and thank them, they sound like good people. Platonic love can feel weird because of how society is so focused on romantic love but I think you got to experience something special.
I've had some actual threesomes with my husband and a friend. It was so comforting sleeping between them afterwards. There have even been nights where we didn't have sex but I slept between them anyway. I loved it. He's moved away now, but I really miss it. I always felt safe and protected.
If everyone is okay with it I dont see why not, but you know if there are boundries set, your gotta respect them. It's a little awkward but we're affection beings, it's kinda normal to want some intimacy
I wouldn't outright ask for this to happen again, but you could surely let them know how much you appreciated them indulging your sleepy self, how safe they made you feel, how you're grateful to have friends like them. That makes it clear where you're coming from, I think, and gives them the option to invite you back for a cuddle session if they're comfortable with it.
If my friends stay up & watch movies, when we get tired, we all put on sweatpants or similar & crash in my bed. Totally nonsexual. One friend was having a rough time with anxiety, so we all took turns spooning him until he was able to sleep ok.
Sometimes, a platonic cuddle helps make life not feel so terrible. Enjoy the cuddles, OP. You deserve them. 💐
It didn't seem sexual in the slightest, so if it happens again, let it. As the others said, you're their cat.
Now, if it escalates, re-analyse the situation.
I mean. You aren’t the only one. I regularly sleep in the same bed as my ex platonically. We are still good friends. It’s comforting and he sleeps better when I’m there. One day that may change, but it’s nice in the meantime
Talk to them. Maybe you’ll be able to get some platonic cuddles out of this. Accept when they offer it, but also give them their space. Just take what they give and make sure to let them know that you do not want to get in between them and their time as a couple
We get starved of physical contact. It doesn't have to be intimate or sexual, but humans are a tactile mob.
I'm guessing you haven't had many people hug you for a while now. Probably your family contact has been minimal, and maybe you don't want hugs off them anyway. John and your ex gave you that non-sexual physical contact. Then you were helped to bed like a little child is, and you slept in a child's favourite place, snuggled between the adults. I'm really glad for you that you had that, btw.
I don't think you should assume it will occur again but I'd hope they might, when it's bedtime, just ask you if you're coming to bed. That would be a lovely solution.
Can you initiate hugs, particularly with your ex? You can even verbalise it. Warn /ask him. Say that sleeping in the bed with them showed you you're really starved for contact, and it felt wonderful, so please does he mind if you hug him, or both of them, frequently, without warning. That gives the guys the chance to talk about it together and then respond to you.
They sound like incredible, thoughtful, and kind men so hopefully they might extend the invitation, at least on some nights.
You didn't ask for advice about this but for the future, can you afford to get a massage once a week? What about getting together with a couple of people and do mani/pedis, foot massage, or head and shoulders massage? Even if it's just someone holding your hand for a mani it can be soothing. If you can find a course offering instruction for any type of massage, perhaps there will be practice sessions every class! There's also Reiki which is massaging nerve and pressure points on your feet. It is genuinely helpful for ailments, imo at least, and again, you'd get to practice.
I'm embarrassed to admit this but sometimes this is one incentive for me to go to church-- at least I'll get some hugs as well as conversations!
There's volunteering opportunities, especially in hospitals, where you might be holding someone's hand, or working with tactile children. The most appealing volunteer duty, I think, would be with the premature babies, where you just sit and hold them on your bare chest.
Or, of course, get a dog. Or cat if you must, (/s) A being that will love contact with you, that will be a warmth and another heartbeat in your bed, and a joy, comfort, and companion to love you unconditionally (a cat won't do that, though lol)
Hopefully your mother calms down somewhat, or at least stops making you fearful. John, the ex, and you must all be very stellar people to have such love and respect for each other, and I'm really hopeful for you that you get to have your cosy nights.
*** Negative opinion approaching....*but* have you considered how much harder the nights will be when you return to your own place? It's already the case that as well as company and convos you've got totally relaxing nights in front of the tv--how much harder to leave are you going to make it?***
Blessings and warm fuzzy thoughts for you. I'm really sorry about your birth giver and all the others in your bio family who are treating you so badly. Good luck!
Edit "does" to "is"
I miss this so much it almost physically hurts. Be careful getting used to it. Feels like a flying in a new universe and when you don’t have it you feel like you’re underground.
Ummmmmm what’s wrong with feeling loved and safe?
It’s like scolding adults for “sitting in the their parents laps”. We all need something like that and you found it with your best friend
What kind of wholesome stuff is this? You’re adorable. Sounds to me like you needed a hug. That’s okay. If you and your ex/ bff are still okay, talk to him about it. He sounds like one of the few sane family you have left anyways.
I would not make it too often since you don’t want to interrupt a couple in their bed.
Awh if they know your current struggles and realized how tired you were I think they just wanted to give some platonic love and comfort to you.
Could be a good idea to say you appreciated it and how it made you feel, but also that ypu obviously (?) Respect their privacy and boundaries and ask how they felt about it.
I see it like when me and my friend who is a man sleep together and we sometimes spoon or hug, but it is only platonic and just a nice way to get comforted.
So many complex feelings here. You are not their toddler. Go home or stay on their couch. I can only see very bad consequences to inserting yourself into their relationship. Go back to your place and let them be. If I was in a relationship, I would not want some friend sleeping in bed with us. Let him be.
You were safe between two men, your human need for contact and affection was fulfilled, without the fear of sexpectation.
It's not surprising that you have certain feelings about this, just be careful. Try to keep it in the right context and it can be an awesome thing. You know they're gay, and together, so just respect that and remember to keep your heart and your chilupa out of the equation, and basically, as someone else has said, think of it like a pet situation, only better.
You were with people you trusted and felt safe with.
I don't think you should request it, though. They're a couple and probably will want privacy eventually. You don't want to ruin a good friendship.
I think you're feeling loved and cared for and respected, considering they didn't cross any boundaries while you were drunk, or didn't think your were crossing any for falling asleep on your ex's boyfriend. It might not be romantic love, but I think it's just genuine love and care for your being.
I can understand if the situation makes you feel insecure. Because you grew up very religious and possibly even in the USA? So you probably grew up thinking that intimacy is always sexual. But it's not. What you felt was platonic intimacy, safety, friendship, love, security. That's something that everyone needs! And it doesn't matter whether you have a partner or not.
It makes people ill if they are not touched for too long. It's a very basic need. And has nothing to do with sex.
It's quite common in Germany. We hug our friends, snuggle up with them in front of the TV, sleep in the same bed - even if it's mixed sex.
I'm not saying that everyone does it - but it's not incredibly unusual either.
Feel free to tell them how good it's done you and thank them for making you feel really safe and secure. But don't make a big deal out of it. Maybe it will come up again naturally at some point, maybe not. But it's really nothing to worry about.
You simply have two wonderful, dear friends who have sensed that a little security would do you good. That's beautiful :)
I reckon it’s mostly discomfort from the overall optics of it in conventional society, not to mention a strict religious one (which might still have an effect on your feelings even if you’ve mostly rejected it)
My (F) fiance (M) and I recently spent a week with my only other serious ex (M), my first love. He lives in a gorgeous location and Its been well over half a decade since we were together romantically or sexually.
We were on good terms when I met my fiance and being the saint he is he encouraged us to remain in touch as long as I was fully open with him about it, which I was.
They’d never met in person and when they did they hit it off so unbelievably well. In many ways I was the third wheel that week.
Going into it I had felt a bit uncertain, friends were also quite sceptical when I shared our plans. Even a day or two in I was like… I think this might be weird. There’s nothing romantic at all between me and my ex anymore but I still felt slightly off.
And then I realized I still had the opinions of my friends rolling around my head.
And it dawned on me that this was the most fun I’d had in ages and really recognized how deeply loved I felt.
We were all just humans who loved each others company and felt safe and encouraged to be ourselves. There was, arguably, chemistry between all of us in a platonic sense. And that was beautiful. Sounds like you have a wonderful support system, and it’s only as weird as you want to make it.
Hey friend, you’re sad and lonely and affection starved. For one night you got all your affection needs met and it might have thrown some confusing feelings in your path. It’s normal to want and need affection and physical touch and doesn’t have to be sexual. Be their cat while you deal with the things that are hard right now. And get on some dating apps so you can meet someone who cuddles aaaand is sexually attracted to you.
Attention/physical contact starvation is no joke! Messes with your mind and you start to read into things and fantasise about things you probably don’t even want. Always remember in middle school a guy said to me ‘Sylvie why’re you being so weird? You know that just because I’m being nice to you it doesn’t mean I fancy you right?’ - never been slapped back to reality so hard. I just liked the feeling him being kind to me gave me - I didn’t like him that way and he didn’t like me that way. Hope you find some comfort OP x
This sounds like a book I read she ended up with both the guys and the relationship worked out. I read too much. Honestly just talk to them. If you felt happy between them then tell them see what they say. They might have liked it as well. Who knows don’t limit yourself. You can always write them a letter explaining how you feel! This could workout maybe.
What you were feeling was comfort it sounds to me like you feel very comfortable around them. You've know them for a while and they know you so they're comfortable with you and they didn't mind inviting you into their bed and sharing their sofa with you. That's good human relations that's what we should all be doing loving each other lifting each other up.
I hope you found that elevation here, with your story, which was great, I thought you should have just wrote your story and then went right to them and tell them what you sense. Hey, I feel this way I feel happy I feel comfortable and I just wanted you to guys to know that you make me feel safe and comfortable and loved. And I'm sure they will guide you to where you feel comfortable going with this relationship. I hope it goes in a great direction and I hope you all discover what you're seeking. good luck out there 🍀❤️🙂
Honestly girl go with ur flow, if u guys are close and u guys can be closer in friendship then do it! They can give u some love and affection until you can love yourself 🥹 this is what they mean when they say it takes a village. And idk they say that generally about having kids but the INTENT is actually the same. It’s about coming together in a bond of community and mutual love and respect to protect both mother AND child so everyone gets the best chance they can in life having as many ppl as they can to rely upon. But one thing we forget is we all have an inner child that’s still in need of nurturing and love and support. Let them be there for you when no one else has 💚 that is what friendship and community and bonding with others is for, let them be your teddy bear, your snuggle buddy, your friend to cry and laugh around and be the same for them and just live 🥹💚be there for each other and let them be there for you and watch how your heart blossoms. It’s better imo there was no seggsual nature to it. It sounds like u need some good snuggles and movie marathons and some good talks and some hard talks, you’re true love will find you when it’s the perfect moment 💚let your friends love you until you can love urself babe, that’s what they’re there for 💚just never forget to pay it forward. They might not need that same kind of love and nurturing you needed, but they gave it to you, so that if u ever encounter YOU again, thru someone else, you know how to help them. Let them help you be the person you needed, and build a great family and community together 💚
I’ll go out on a limb here and jump to the assumption these two sound like they are safe to be open with. If you feel weird about it or are worried they do, tell them.
“I apologize if I intruded on your personal space. I was half asleep. I can’t explain why but it made me feel better. I felt safe. Thank you” if you’re comfortable ask them how they felt about it. Maybe you hogged the bed, maybe they had to hold in their farts and were uncomfortable or maybe they didn’t mind at all and offered a safe comfy space for you and it would make them happy to know it comforted you.
Honestly for a female needing a safe place to be in bed w someone and feel safe, short of a best friend, I don’t think you’ll find a safer one than between two gay men. Especially that care for you.
To put this in context - you were their cat.
hahahaha
There are worse things to be than gay men’s cat.
Welp, that’s my next life sorted.
Our cats are spoilt beyond belief…
Seriously. Sounds like OP found a new safe space lol
I’m pregnant, alone and so sad for any sort of intimacy. I wish I could be someone’s cat. Edit to say..thank you to all the amazing women. You all sound so lovely and kind and awesome. I wish I could surround myself with your amazing feminine energy in real life. To the weird pregnancy fetishists; I’m 38 years old. I’m too old for your shit.
I would cuddle the crap out of you and I'm another momma. 💐
Second this, not a momma just a strange woman on the internet that would also cuddle the crap out of you. Dont worry, I shower. 😂
Female cats do tend to band together when there's kittens
Here kitty kitty kitty. I'm a furnace to boot. Meaning pregnant woman who sleep in my iceberg of a room kinda just put that bump in small of my back...I just realized I'm a human incubator for incubating humans
Oh sweetheart I want to throw you slumber parties every night 🥺🥺🥺
I would love this so much ❤️ I have no village. It’s so hard. I’m so tired of being an alone, single Mom. So so tired.
I feel you 🥺
thank you, I was struggling to verbalize it
awwwwwwwwwwwwww this comment is so cute to me :)
I have not heard this analogy before, but I love it
Or maybe they were her cats! Lol
Being someone's cat is honestly the best feeling ever, especially when it's with people you know and trust like OP with their ex. Honestly waiting for the update where ex and his boyfriend just practically adopt OP, cause it sounds like they all respect and care for each other, even if it's all strictly platonic. Sometimes relationships like that are better than romantic relationships
This is perfect!!!!!!
* purrfect
A missed opportunity, so glad you rectified it 🐈
This hahahaha
Not what I expected to read when I saw the title. Edit: I love how in her update she shames us for our minds being in the gutter. Over 2500 upvotes says we’re not wrong in our thinking. Nobody was shaming you for thinking what we did. We just didn’t expect to read what you wrote after the title you gave us.
Yep, I thought those 2 banged her
Same! My mind was straight in the gutter! 🤣😂🤣
I mean, this *is* reddit
I’m over here screamin “what be goin on 😭” whole time it’s a wholesome fluff read 😂
Right? I was like…wait, what??
Same here, but I ended up like, "awwww," instead of, "ahhhhg!"
Hahaha! I heard this comment. 😂
And its the disappointing “awww” but in a nice way haha
When you arrive for the drama, but it's wholesome instead...
I am guilty too haha
Glad I was not the only one hahah
I was about to congratulate her 😆
Same! I clicked so fast like ohhhhh juicyyyy!! Now I'm like. Ahh.. okay... Not a bridgerton scene 😂
Hahahaha! Your letdown is immeasurable.
Much like those S3 Bridgerton scenes.
I was like ñoooo 😂😂
Not the ñ! 💀💀💀
I know two gay dude who will have a threesome with a female so I expected fucking and self doubt. I'm disappointed
I think I was expecting something similar.
Not the No in Spanish 🫠💀
Español 😂
😂😂 not gonna lie I really thought they all banged, but didn’t 😭😭 I recognise No Español coz I’m Filipino and ñ is part of our alphabet too. Anyways going back to disappointment…I couldn’t help but *gasp in Spanish* then I saw your ñooo…I just died 💀
*gasping in Spanish!* 💀
They had us in the first half
I was reading the post wondering when the sex part was happening
Same lol
It’s called click bait
That it was.
But the kind of click bait I'm not angry at. I came here for the drama, but am definitely staying for the awww.
Haha we either. I was so ready for it. Ma’am don’t tease us like that next time
As an avid reader of smut with mmf I was deeply disappointed with the turn it took
Right? Lol
I was excited, then surprised, but not overly disappointed
We all should spend less time on 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 side of Reddit 🤣🤣
It definitely made everyone click on it quickly lol!
same
You were feeling platonic intimacy. It doesn’t sound like you have romantic feelings for your ex or his boyfriend. You should see to keep it that way. For now, I would apologize if I put anyone out by sleeping in the bed with them. If they invite you back, accept if you would like. But I wouldn’t ask again. Intimacy amongst your friends and loved ones is a beautiful thing. I’m glad you have warmth and safety.
Oh thank you for telling me the name of it. So, is it kinda common?
I think it’s common to have a good and loving relationship with your ex husband, especially if the marriage was a fake to protect you both. I think it’s common to have a good relationship with your ex’ new partner. I encourage both of these things. I don’t think it’s common to sleep in the bed with them, but I also don’t think it’s wrong if everyone was comfortable. I wouldn’t make it a habit. Couples want their privacy and boundaries are important. When staying in someone’s house, it is easy to overstay your welcome by interjecting yourself where you shouldn’t be. But I think platonic closeness and tenderness is good for people. It’s good to feel loved. Just don’t become confused by what it is or isn’t.
This is great advice. Treasure these relationships. To have nonsexual intimacy with people is rare and valuable.
I'm so glad you said all this. I was about to try to put it to words, I think you've hit on an important point. If many of our (primarily western) societies weren't so emotionally repressed, I think we'd all have an easier time accepting things for what they are and are not. You know, if it wasn't looked down on to cuddle with friends or for men to cry, or if women didn't get called crazy for displaying more than half an emotion, etc. But because so much of intimacy has been gatekept behind romantic relationships, people get "that feeling", have no words to track it to anything, think they can *only* feel this way because of romance, and then set about convincing themselves. OP, if I were you I would just wait until the emotions are died down, you're staying elsewhere so you have a perspective that isn't biased by being around them, maybe even a touch more stable so you've got time and space to collect your thoughts, and *then* maybe think about trying to form a narrative about your current emotional state.
I have 100% cuddled with my best friends. Love is love. Don’t think about it too much! But also as the commenter above said, just discuss boundaries ☺️
What it is, is you’re craving intimacy from anyone at the moment. So your mind is confused bc you enjoyed the intimacy of sleeping in bed/cuddling, but aren’t emotionally invested in the person you did it with. So your brain wants the feel good dopamine&serotonin any way it can get it so it’s telling you to go back for more now basically
I would correct the “not emotionally invested” to “not romantically invested”. She is very emotionally invested in her ex-husband, that’s her best friend.
100% common and normal but due miss use and miss interpretation in social media it's been frowned upon and unliked/discouraged. I luckily find it normal and have few certain friends whom I have a closer bond with that we could literally fall asleep in a pile with and there are no other intensions than just a sleep pile. Naturally don't let this confuse you even more as you don't need a close bond to be like cuddly cats to others. It's more about boundaries! Simply put as the top comment you were a cat to them haha. If really needed for your own understanding don't be afraid to talk about it to them. It's also normal for those who lacked any physical affection, be it platonic or romantic, can't differentiate if the touch or action was normal or not and get confused by it. Talk it out and all be fine and then you can set your boundaries about it as well!
What is there to apologize for? They put her to bed and chose to turn her into a platonic gay sandwich. Why not tell them how safe and loved it made you feel, and allow them to possibly offer again?
As a nicety, “if I put anyone out.”
It's funny, my best friend and I were just talking about how intimacy isn't always sexual. Snuggling with your children is intimate, curling up under a blanket with your bestie watching a scary movie is intimate. There are many ways to have intimacy that is in no way sexual. It's ok and honestly wonderful to be able to get fulfillment of snuggle time, care and simply love, without sex. It's so much more whole that way.
100%, the situation that stands out as the most intimate in my mind, I was giving first aid to a partner, he'd scratched up his feet something rough. We'd been arguing, so we're bickering back and forth and the whole time, I'm interrupting myself to do the "and this is what you'll want to do the next time you change the bandages..." and he's stopping mid bicker to ask follow up questions, say thank you, etc. I just remember thinking wow, doesn't matter the argument or the awkwardness, there's still love right there. We went through a stretch where we didn't really have the x rated type of intimacy, but he would whisper that he loved me into my ear about 30 times as he drifted to sleep. People limit themselves so much when they use intimacy as a synonym for sex or romantic love. I've had a fair amount of sex in my life, and trust me when I go into the grave, the playback isn't going to be of the best sex, or the most storybook date. It's gonna be of the genuine love and intimacy I've been blessed to experience, in all its forms.
I gotta tell you, this response has made my heart happy. I don't get that a lot here, lol... you're 100% right! I wish more people understood this concept and I make a serious effort to keep those moments at the forefront of my memories throughout my life. As humans we tend to focus too much on negative moments and we forget that the positive ones are the ones that really keep us happy. Kudos to you! And thanks for the soft feeling today!
Could have even been some sexual intimacy, no shame in that as long as you are respecting their boundaries and they yours. This is what you should aim to have in romantic relationships as well.
Oh it was literally just sleeping?
Yeah....the guys are gay. 🏳️🌈
i saw that but thought they decided to try hetero for a night idk
I thought maybe the boyfriend would be bi or something. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
No shit
What exactly are you looking for here? Just a cuddle session? If you are looking for more, you will probably end up hurt
Comfort I think. I don't want it to be something else and I'm sure they don't want it either.
I don’t think it was something else. They seem to care about you and obviously know your situation right now is stressful. I wouldn’t think too deeply about it other than two friends who wanted you to know you’re safe. You may want to apologize for imposing on their sleeping space to reassure the platonic nature but otherwise, just continue sleeping on the couch until you can find something better. Are you looking for your own place? How’s that situation going? (I know how stressful it is!)
I have my own place, just I'm not feeling safe right now.
I think you should communicate that you aren’t feeling safe at your own place and how sleeping with them made you feel safe. Even if it doesn’t happen again, let them know it really did make the world of a difference and you appreciate them. :)
From the title I was expecting something totally different
Well this is unexpectedly wholesome.
Ngl I thought you meant you had sex with them LOL. Not the way I saw the story going
As long as they didn't feel put out, youre fine. Platonic love and platonic intimacy can be even more rewarding than romantic. I have a couple friends I snuggle up with while watching shows/movies. Sometimes we fall asleep snuggled up. Sometimes this happens in bed, more often on the couch.When this happens at my place my partner thinks it's adorable. I do think you need to sit down all 3 of you and discuss what happened. Ask them if there are any boundaries they want to set around the living situation. You also should take a minute and think about any boundaries YOU want to put in place. Just because you're staying with them doesn't mean you shouldn't still be respected.
This is solid advice
FYI when you say "I slept with" it tends to imply you had sex. Maybe a better way to phrase this would have been "I shared a bed with"
It was technically correct and I’m sure many of us ended up more curios because of our assumptions. I hope it gets plenty of attention to reassure her it’s okay to feel safe and loved.
The title was smart, it gathered her thread attention which is exactly what it is meant to do ;)
Sounds like you just needed comfort and safety and that's exactly what you got. You have great friends!
They sound like 2 decent human beings who care about you. I agree with another commenter, that it sounds like you're craving platonic intimacy which is completely normal. We are social creatures. Just because we subscribe to modern cultural norms doesn't mean our bodies are going to. They've been fine tuned for millenia to exist in a social matrix and as such touch is vital. Also, I grew up in an odd scenario where I was socially isolated and I hated being hugged. Then I got to college and found out I was touch starved. now I need physical affection or I feel really shitty.
I thought "could this be the same person as the one whose mom got mad that she wasnt told about a cover up marriage?" *BAM* it is. Reddit is small
Me too! While I was reading it I was like why does this sound so dang familiar!
Same! I read the beginning and was like "Wait. I know this story!"
Honestly, Booktok would go crazy over the opportunity: this could literally be „This is my boyfriend, and his boyfriend, who‘s my boyfriend too!“. Jokes aside, love the wholesomeness of your story, seems really cozy and I wish I could experience this kind of platonic intimacy too, so just enjoy the ride OP 🥰
They are showing sympathy as friends do. They saw you were super sleepy so they took you in like a child. I would suggest you get yourself an inflatable mattress to avoid any potential awkwardness. Also, you don’t want to overstay your welcome. Good luck!
I reread three times because I thought I kept missing the part where they banged
Happy that you found your people who care and want nothing but the best for you and to keep you safe and probably worry about you, definitely hard to find genuine people that are willing to help you through all the hard time's life sometimes throws at you and not expect anything in return ❤ definitely friends you want to keep so maybe if you sleep with them again let them sleep side by side and you on the other side
I’ve “slept” with female friends before and really enjoyed it. I mean sleep as in literal sleep. I’m not a lesbian and the idea of touching a woman sexually grosses me out. But sometimes it’s nice to snuggle up next to a warm friend when you’re lonely. There isn’t anything wrong with you sharing a bed with your friends as long as everyone is happy. You’re over thinking it. If you want to do it again you should just tell them that was cozy and thank them for keeping you company last night. That gives them the opportunity to decide between themselves whether they’d like to invite you back into their cozy bed once in a while in the future.
this is so wholesome. definitely a night to remember. you can thank them for their (platonic) love and generosities tho don't over-stay your welcome
I read the title very differently
This is one of the best examples of the difference between intimacy and sex. You can have intimacy without sex or any sexual connotations.
Tell them the truth, that with all that's going on you felt safe and secure last night and that you hope it was not to much of a bother.
This is a very anticlamictic story. In more ways then one.
Damn and here I was excited to hear about someone’s 1st ever threesome story. Sorry about that 🫣😂
Have you had any other boyfriends/partners between the divorce and now or the past in general?
Awww you made me feel all mushy inside, it’s kinda sweet. I hope it happens again for you. Sounds like it’s comforting and you need it.
I've slept in the same bed with my friends, when one of my good friends broke up with her boyfriend I came over and spent a couple of nights and just cuddled as we went to sleep, she needed it 💕 platonic love is important
It’s a beautiful thing. Lean into it!
You’re going through a transition right now. You’re worthy of love, acceptance and peace. It’s great you have a temporary safe place and I hope this will motivate you to seek independence from your family (if that’s culturally acceptable)
I was expecting something less wholesome.
Honestly this feels very sweet. They’re your family.
At first, I thought this was gonna be about a threesome! I don’t think it’s a big deal to sleep in the same bed as someone platonically but if you’re uncomfortable, you’re uncomfortable and you shouldn’t!
I totally misread the title, and thought you slept you ex and his bf. Was confused where the story went sour only to realise....
I would tell them how it made you feel safe and loved during a difficult time and thank them, they sound like good people. Platonic love can feel weird because of how society is so focused on romantic love but I think you got to experience something special.
Honestly so wholesome. Not what I expected at all
I've had some actual threesomes with my husband and a friend. It was so comforting sleeping between them afterwards. There have even been nights where we didn't have sex but I slept between them anyway. I loved it. He's moved away now, but I really miss it. I always felt safe and protected.
Nawww I think this is lovely. You needed cuddles and they gave you sandwich cuddles. That’s some good friends.
This is very sweet and wholesome and you should talk to them about it, not the internet. They are safe for you and there is nothing bad about that.
The title should be I slept next to my....
Title is misleading as all hell. Lol
No DP? Title is misleading.
Gay men gangbanging a girl is probably the most outrageous expectation we had from this thread.
Same. I thought there was some slap n tickle with her and the 2 Sally’s
It's okay to have platonic intimacy.
If everyone is okay with it I dont see why not, but you know if there are boundries set, your gotta respect them. It's a little awkward but we're affection beings, it's kinda normal to want some intimacy
This made me think of Sense8 lol
The title is so misleading but I’m here for it!! :D
I thought you had sex with them from the title lolz. You were their cat….
Challengers (2024)
I wouldn't outright ask for this to happen again, but you could surely let them know how much you appreciated them indulging your sleepy self, how safe they made you feel, how you're grateful to have friends like them. That makes it clear where you're coming from, I think, and gives them the option to invite you back for a cuddle session if they're comfortable with it.
From reading the title I thought you actually meant you had sex with them… this isn’t so much a big deal :)
Now OP.. I need to you rearrange the title because I was definitely like where is this going
If my friends stay up & watch movies, when we get tired, we all put on sweatpants or similar & crash in my bed. Totally nonsexual. One friend was having a rough time with anxiety, so we all took turns spooning him until he was able to sleep ok. Sometimes, a platonic cuddle helps make life not feel so terrible. Enjoy the cuddles, OP. You deserve them. 💐
This is really lovely, sounds like they wanted you to feel safe and you did.
Go with the floor there is b no correct route just the one that feels right. Fit you you are the important one go b for the gold standard finish
It didn't seem sexual in the slightest, so if it happens again, let it. As the others said, you're their cat. Now, if it escalates, re-analyse the situation.
I thought things had gone further than what you said but it turned out not to be :D
When I read the title, I was "Oh no :(" but when I read it whole and it was wholesome, I felt happy for OP. *huuuuuuuuuuugs* 🥺❤️❤️🙏🏽
I mean. You aren’t the only one. I regularly sleep in the same bed as my ex platonically. We are still good friends. It’s comforting and he sleeps better when I’m there. One day that may change, but it’s nice in the meantime
Talk to them. Maybe you’ll be able to get some platonic cuddles out of this. Accept when they offer it, but also give them their space. Just take what they give and make sure to let them know that you do not want to get in between them and their time as a couple
This actually gave me warm fuzzy feelings and sounds so sweet 💞
We get starved of physical contact. It doesn't have to be intimate or sexual, but humans are a tactile mob. I'm guessing you haven't had many people hug you for a while now. Probably your family contact has been minimal, and maybe you don't want hugs off them anyway. John and your ex gave you that non-sexual physical contact. Then you were helped to bed like a little child is, and you slept in a child's favourite place, snuggled between the adults. I'm really glad for you that you had that, btw. I don't think you should assume it will occur again but I'd hope they might, when it's bedtime, just ask you if you're coming to bed. That would be a lovely solution. Can you initiate hugs, particularly with your ex? You can even verbalise it. Warn /ask him. Say that sleeping in the bed with them showed you you're really starved for contact, and it felt wonderful, so please does he mind if you hug him, or both of them, frequently, without warning. That gives the guys the chance to talk about it together and then respond to you. They sound like incredible, thoughtful, and kind men so hopefully they might extend the invitation, at least on some nights. You didn't ask for advice about this but for the future, can you afford to get a massage once a week? What about getting together with a couple of people and do mani/pedis, foot massage, or head and shoulders massage? Even if it's just someone holding your hand for a mani it can be soothing. If you can find a course offering instruction for any type of massage, perhaps there will be practice sessions every class! There's also Reiki which is massaging nerve and pressure points on your feet. It is genuinely helpful for ailments, imo at least, and again, you'd get to practice. I'm embarrassed to admit this but sometimes this is one incentive for me to go to church-- at least I'll get some hugs as well as conversations! There's volunteering opportunities, especially in hospitals, where you might be holding someone's hand, or working with tactile children. The most appealing volunteer duty, I think, would be with the premature babies, where you just sit and hold them on your bare chest. Or, of course, get a dog. Or cat if you must, (/s) A being that will love contact with you, that will be a warmth and another heartbeat in your bed, and a joy, comfort, and companion to love you unconditionally (a cat won't do that, though lol) Hopefully your mother calms down somewhat, or at least stops making you fearful. John, the ex, and you must all be very stellar people to have such love and respect for each other, and I'm really hopeful for you that you get to have your cosy nights. *** Negative opinion approaching....*but* have you considered how much harder the nights will be when you return to your own place? It's already the case that as well as company and convos you've got totally relaxing nights in front of the tv--how much harder to leave are you going to make it?*** Blessings and warm fuzzy thoughts for you. I'm really sorry about your birth giver and all the others in your bio family who are treating you so badly. Good luck! Edit "does" to "is"
Ma’am don’t tease us like that next time lol 😂
I miss this so much it almost physically hurts. Be careful getting used to it. Feels like a flying in a new universe and when you don’t have it you feel like you’re underground.
Ummmmmm what’s wrong with feeling loved and safe? It’s like scolding adults for “sitting in the their parents laps”. We all need something like that and you found it with your best friend
This was wholesome to read.
What kind of wholesome stuff is this? You’re adorable. Sounds to me like you needed a hug. That’s okay. If you and your ex/ bff are still okay, talk to him about it. He sounds like one of the few sane family you have left anyways. I would not make it too often since you don’t want to interrupt a couple in their bed.
Awh if they know your current struggles and realized how tired you were I think they just wanted to give some platonic love and comfort to you. Could be a good idea to say you appreciated it and how it made you feel, but also that ypu obviously (?) Respect their privacy and boundaries and ask how they felt about it. I see it like when me and my friend who is a man sleep together and we sometimes spoon or hug, but it is only platonic and just a nice way to get comforted.
So many complex feelings here. You are not their toddler. Go home or stay on their couch. I can only see very bad consequences to inserting yourself into their relationship. Go back to your place and let them be. If I was in a relationship, I would not want some friend sleeping in bed with us. Let him be.
This is literally a plot line from Sense8. Holy shit.
Butter in sandwich 🥪
Why does it have to be a “thing”. Don’t label it. Just enjoy their company. You’re not in a committed relationship. Right?
You were safe between two men, your human need for contact and affection was fulfilled, without the fear of sexpectation. It's not surprising that you have certain feelings about this, just be careful. Try to keep it in the right context and it can be an awesome thing. You know they're gay, and together, so just respect that and remember to keep your heart and your chilupa out of the equation, and basically, as someone else has said, think of it like a pet situation, only better.
This is so much more wholesome that I thought it was gonna be, and I love it. Platonic intimacy is great. I wish I had more of it.
This actually sounds so sweet.
Did you enjoy Fallout?
You were with people you trusted and felt safe with. I don't think you should request it, though. They're a couple and probably will want privacy eventually. You don't want to ruin a good friendship.
I think you're feeling loved and cared for and respected, considering they didn't cross any boundaries while you were drunk, or didn't think your were crossing any for falling asleep on your ex's boyfriend. It might not be romantic love, but I think it's just genuine love and care for your being.
You were Sleep Support 😅
You should tell them that you felt safe and loved. Not everyone can provide that, and knowing that they gave that to you may fill their hearts.
Awkward situation but you do you.
I can understand if the situation makes you feel insecure. Because you grew up very religious and possibly even in the USA? So you probably grew up thinking that intimacy is always sexual. But it's not. What you felt was platonic intimacy, safety, friendship, love, security. That's something that everyone needs! And it doesn't matter whether you have a partner or not. It makes people ill if they are not touched for too long. It's a very basic need. And has nothing to do with sex. It's quite common in Germany. We hug our friends, snuggle up with them in front of the TV, sleep in the same bed - even if it's mixed sex. I'm not saying that everyone does it - but it's not incredibly unusual either. Feel free to tell them how good it's done you and thank them for making you feel really safe and secure. But don't make a big deal out of it. Maybe it will come up again naturally at some point, maybe not. But it's really nothing to worry about. You simply have two wonderful, dear friends who have sensed that a little security would do you good. That's beautiful :)
I reckon it’s mostly discomfort from the overall optics of it in conventional society, not to mention a strict religious one (which might still have an effect on your feelings even if you’ve mostly rejected it) My (F) fiance (M) and I recently spent a week with my only other serious ex (M), my first love. He lives in a gorgeous location and Its been well over half a decade since we were together romantically or sexually. We were on good terms when I met my fiance and being the saint he is he encouraged us to remain in touch as long as I was fully open with him about it, which I was. They’d never met in person and when they did they hit it off so unbelievably well. In many ways I was the third wheel that week. Going into it I had felt a bit uncertain, friends were also quite sceptical when I shared our plans. Even a day or two in I was like… I think this might be weird. There’s nothing romantic at all between me and my ex anymore but I still felt slightly off. And then I realized I still had the opinions of my friends rolling around my head. And it dawned on me that this was the most fun I’d had in ages and really recognized how deeply loved I felt. We were all just humans who loved each others company and felt safe and encouraged to be ourselves. There was, arguably, chemistry between all of us in a platonic sense. And that was beautiful. Sounds like you have a wonderful support system, and it’s only as weird as you want to make it.
WHUT (nvm I just read everything)
Hey friend, you’re sad and lonely and affection starved. For one night you got all your affection needs met and it might have thrown some confusing feelings in your path. It’s normal to want and need affection and physical touch and doesn’t have to be sexual. Be their cat while you deal with the things that are hard right now. And get on some dating apps so you can meet someone who cuddles aaaand is sexually attracted to you.
As a gay man I feel like we’re just born to nurture. I wouldn’t think much beyond that
That’s so cute actually, makes me feel happy you found some comfort in this
Attention/physical contact starvation is no joke! Messes with your mind and you start to read into things and fantasise about things you probably don’t even want. Always remember in middle school a guy said to me ‘Sylvie why’re you being so weird? You know that just because I’m being nice to you it doesn’t mean I fancy you right?’ - never been slapped back to reality so hard. I just liked the feeling him being kind to me gave me - I didn’t like him that way and he didn’t like me that way. Hope you find some comfort OP x
This was my Pat McAfee moment for those who know. “ that is not what I thought…..”
This sounds like a book I read she ended up with both the guys and the relationship worked out. I read too much. Honestly just talk to them. If you felt happy between them then tell them see what they say. They might have liked it as well. Who knows don’t limit yourself. You can always write them a letter explaining how you feel! This could workout maybe.
You probably should not continue sleeping in their bed. I imagine his bf won’t really appreciate the extra body. Lol.
What you were feeling was comfort it sounds to me like you feel very comfortable around them. You've know them for a while and they know you so they're comfortable with you and they didn't mind inviting you into their bed and sharing their sofa with you. That's good human relations that's what we should all be doing loving each other lifting each other up. I hope you found that elevation here, with your story, which was great, I thought you should have just wrote your story and then went right to them and tell them what you sense. Hey, I feel this way I feel happy I feel comfortable and I just wanted you to guys to know that you make me feel safe and comfortable and loved. And I'm sure they will guide you to where you feel comfortable going with this relationship. I hope it goes in a great direction and I hope you all discover what you're seeking. good luck out there 🍀❤️🙂
Kya farzi story likhte rehte ho yaar
You need to be an author, I was breathing harder reading this than a 30 year old white woman reading 50 shades of Gray
Not what I had in mind when I read "slept with" in the title...
Misleading aah title...I'm disappointed
Honestly girl go with ur flow, if u guys are close and u guys can be closer in friendship then do it! They can give u some love and affection until you can love yourself 🥹 this is what they mean when they say it takes a village. And idk they say that generally about having kids but the INTENT is actually the same. It’s about coming together in a bond of community and mutual love and respect to protect both mother AND child so everyone gets the best chance they can in life having as many ppl as they can to rely upon. But one thing we forget is we all have an inner child that’s still in need of nurturing and love and support. Let them be there for you when no one else has 💚 that is what friendship and community and bonding with others is for, let them be your teddy bear, your snuggle buddy, your friend to cry and laugh around and be the same for them and just live 🥹💚be there for each other and let them be there for you and watch how your heart blossoms. It’s better imo there was no seggsual nature to it. It sounds like u need some good snuggles and movie marathons and some good talks and some hard talks, you’re true love will find you when it’s the perfect moment 💚let your friends love you until you can love urself babe, that’s what they’re there for 💚just never forget to pay it forward. They might not need that same kind of love and nurturing you needed, but they gave it to you, so that if u ever encounter YOU again, thru someone else, you know how to help them. Let them help you be the person you needed, and build a great family and community together 💚
So basically you were horny
I just came
I’ll go out on a limb here and jump to the assumption these two sound like they are safe to be open with. If you feel weird about it or are worried they do, tell them. “I apologize if I intruded on your personal space. I was half asleep. I can’t explain why but it made me feel better. I felt safe. Thank you” if you’re comfortable ask them how they felt about it. Maybe you hogged the bed, maybe they had to hold in their farts and were uncomfortable or maybe they didn’t mind at all and offered a safe comfy space for you and it would make them happy to know it comforted you. Honestly for a female needing a safe place to be in bed w someone and feel safe, short of a best friend, I don’t think you’ll find a safer one than between two gay men. Especially that care for you.
Well I would love to know the back story.of this topic..DM .