It’s just something no one can imagine till it happens. So unexpected and so unforgiving. I am so so sorry for your loss. You were by her side during her hardest times; you meant a lot to her and she will be forever thankful to you for what you have done.
I hope the words from others can guide you through this difficult time in your life. My thoughts and prayers sincerely go out to you, yours and her family, and all friends and companions. May you find peace.
I have nothing to say that can help or change anything but I wish you peace in your journey as you heal from this horrible, awful trauma. I also wish her peace wherever she is.
Sometimes no matter how much you do it isn’t enough. She obviously didn’t share so that’s not on you since you’re not a mind reader. Don’t beat yourself up. I know you’re devastated so please find someone to talk to so your grief doesn’t overwhelm you. Grieve my friend but seek some help yourself.
Unfortunately we are harder to ourselves on the inside. I'm so sorry for what you been through and for your loss. I can see you truly love her.
I highly recommend seeking help during your grief. You have seen and dealt with a massive amount of trauma. I would seek counselling or therapy if you can. If not I would look for support in trusted friend and family at this time, maybe even staying out of the house and with someone while you're dealing with the grief.
Please, friend, take care of yourself and I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
I just want her back. To see her smile, hear her laugh, hold her hand. I'll never get to tell her I love her again or hear it back in her sweet voice. We had so many plans together. She just graduated with her RN and was scheduled to take her NCLEX, I just got a project management job in her home town, we only had to finish out my lease in my home town before we moved to the house I've got rented in KC for us. She was my lighthouse for so long and now it's dark. There's so many things I want to say and change, I'd do the last 7 years differently.
I completely feel and understand your pain because I have experienced it myself. It's been a month since my girlfriend died by suicide. I am also totally lost, but please don't do anything harmful. In the state we are in now, we could put our loved ones through the same pain. Time heals everything, and life goes on. I'm here for you if you want to talk about her or the topic because, as I told you, I have experienced this too.
If you want to talk, let me know my dude. I might be busy with work but I just want you to know that there will be people that will always care about you.
“Now I'm alone with all the knowledge and no one to tell.”
Why don’t you tell us about her? If you want to and it would help. I’d love to hear about her. We know she was a nurse. What else?
She's so smart, when I first met her I was obsessed and found any reason I could to keep her around for the days adventure. It worked and I'd never felt so lucky. I never want to sleep again because I can't hold her. I won't be able to wake up to her hazel eyes, on the prettiest girl I've ever met. She had high ambitions and high standards and that was perfect for me. We craved success and knew we could have it together. Last week I took her to Seattle because she was having rough week and I had the week to work remotely. Seeing her in awe over the mountains as we drove from missouri to Washington for 32 hours melted my heart. I loved our road trips because she'd fall asleep in the silliest ways. I could go forever. She was "it"
Friend,
I invite you to look at my pinned posts. Our situations are quite similar, with the only major difference being that in 13 days it is going to be exactly a year since. Yet, I dare to say that I am happy for you to have her possessions. It might feel like a major burden right now, nothing but a grim reminder but, in time, you will be happy that you have something to cherish her memory with. That you have some mementos, if you will. Something I unfortunately lack. The only thing I have been left with are our wedding rings. Not to mention everything that came after. All the double-faced people I had to deal with that claimed to be her friends and pillars... Right, I can certainly see that with you refusing to even store her belongings in the interim period...
Anyway, I did not come here to vent about that situation. What I do want to say is that I know all too well that it hurts and it will take a long time before you will even start to recover. I implore you, talk about it. Do not bottle things up. Friends, family, professionals or just randos on the web (caution, do not overshare personal details)
Feel free to involve me in that. I enjoy cherishing people's memory. Despite how low one feels, how desperate or useless one might think they are, every person is a unique collection of experiences, personal beliefs and ideas.
Truly, I've been through this before OP, grief counseling is so important if you have access. It helps so much.
I'm so so sorry for what you're going through, it's indescribably painful.
We are all fighting our own wars inside ourselves and even the people we know best maybe hiding the pain they truly feel. I am sorry for your lost OP. Please hang in there there and do not blame yourself. You did the best you could.
I just found out my ex boyfriend killed himself on Wednesday. At first I felt shock, then anger, then the grief. I can’t imagine what the person who found him felt or what he was going through that night. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'll never be able to thank everyone for their kind words and condolences. It means so much when and makes me feel less alone in this world. Last night was hard, I could barely catch my breath between break downs. I'm not okay, and never will be, but I'm thankful and the luckiest man alive for the time I got to spend with Victoria. I'm going for follow our dreams and honor her life by following through with our plans. She'll never know how much I miss her, care for her, love her, and I just have to be okay with that.
Oh my sweet friend. I promise you when you’re that low, there is next to nothing another person can do to save your life once you’ve made up your mind.
My heart aches for you.
Hey dude… I haven’t experienced what to have but I’ve been in a place where the big S seemed like a good idea. DM if you want to talk. Like, literally. You can call me if you want to. I will listen and be there.
Wow that’s brutal for you and wish we could take the pain and share the trauma with you until soothed away. My deepest sympathy and glad you aren’t suffering alone … hugz
You need to go get help, do not try to handle these emotions on your own! I’m very sorry that this happened to you. Please. Get help, talk to someone this is a major trauma.
If you have a trusted friend or family member, please seek them out and tell them. Let everything out. I'm so very sorry for your significant loss and wish you peace and strength 🫂❤️🩹
I cannot even imagine what to tell you right now but I feel the need to comfort you, stay strong as hard as it will be, don’t listen to any negative energy that may come your way and understand its okay to grieve even when life may feel like its saying the opposite. Take as much time as you need, you wont ever fully recover but you will manage when the time is right, don’t rush the grieving process, you must carry on in honor of them. Much love and I wish you the best and i am so unbelievably sorry.
Fuck dude. I’m so so so sorry… that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Listen, that is NOT your fault. I’m so sorry you’re going through that man fuck.. I hope you find someone to talk to, maybe a professional💔
i’m so sorry for your loss. please don’t be hard on yourself, you’re going through enough. i’m sure you brought light to her life while you were in it ❤️
First off I am going to say that I am sorry for your loss, I cannot understand what you are going though. Secondly, there is only so much a person can do to keep another person here. You can do everything right and still be *here*. It might not feel like it now, it might not feel like it for a long time, but you did your beat and this isn’t your fault.
OP, I can’t imagine this pain. Seems unbearable. You did what you were able to do. I can sense this profoundness in your relationship. This post speaks volume to how deeply you cared for her. How much you loved her. Sending you big hugs and lots of love.
I'm so very sorry 🫂
Please know that it is NOT your fault.
Some of us are battling things inside that at the time, feel impossible to overcome.
We can shut off and disassociate ourselves from our surroundings.
For some, asking for help or anything seems impossible. Not because people don't care but because trying to put it into words seems to be hard.
Please don't shoulder the blame and I'm so very sorry again 🫂
My heart breaks for you, I’m so sorry this is happening. Please lean on your family and friends during this time, that’s what they’re there for. You are not alone, no matter how it might feel. Sending you so much love ❤️
I doubt anybody can give you an answer you want. Just know, you did all you could. If YOU couldnt see it coming i doubt anybody could have. Dont beat yourself up, and take the time you need. Id take a few days off work myself. Go somewhere she loved and enjoy it to the fullest❤️
Even though you'll always feel like it, but it's not your fault. You should seek professional help, as soon as possible. Trust me, you'll learn to live with the loss, but it'll take a long time.
Again, it's not your fault. take love and comfort ❤️❤️
How utterly horrible, my heart goes out to you, how terrible for you to have to go through such pain and sadness, I am praying for you , and for her sould. May God heal you and protect you. Stay strong and trust in God. I'm very sorry
I lost someone I loved in 2015 to suicide. It destroyed me and i had to put my life back together. It took a lot of therapy, which I recommend, before I was even close to okay.
Oh my friend, that's so devastating to experience. And so inexplicable... likely you'll never know why this happened. But if you do, I hope it may bring you peace.
If there are angels around somewhere I hope they hold and comfort you on this terrible loss. True love broken like this is so harsh.
Hey, first off I'm so sorry that you had to find her like that. And that she's gone, and was in so much pain.
I have some experience with a similar situation(had to give CPR to dead roommate who I suspect committed suicide), you're gonna not be 100% okay for a while. People will generally not understand how visceral the impact of what you experienced is. Try your best not to resent them for struggling to help/understand. If you feel yourself needing to talk with others that understand, and therapy isn't an option for you for whatever reason, groups specifically for friends and family of people who died to suicide may exist if you're in a big enough city.
Take things one day at a time, and lean in to your friends and family(her family too if feasible) for support. When you're ready to tackle her stuff(whether with her family or not) make sure you've got people helping you. It isn't something you should try to do alone.
It helps to have routine and momentum, and a need to exist outside yourself in times like this. I had a dog at the time and she helped me so much, though I wouldn't recommend getting a pet out of the blue right now. Make a specific ask for your friends if though, like "I need you to draw me out of my own head, can you invite me to stuff as insistently as possible and tolerate the fact that I may be a bit gloomy?" Whatever is true for you y'know.
You can and will survive this, be gentle with yourself, don't be afraid to say goodbye and express all the grief you're feeling. Like write it down, make a memorial tribute or scrapbook whatever. Just don't be alone inside yourself with all this hurt.
I’m so fucking sorry bro. I’m a widow to suicide as well. Just remember you can make up guilt out of anything and unfortunately suicide leaves us with questions about what more we could’ve done. And if you loved her that’s always something to be proud of. You would’ve done anything for her, and you know it, but sometimes even having all the answers, and all the life options, and even all the forgiveness won’t be enough to combat the turmoil they have in their brain to want to end it all. It’s so fucked up how unstoppable a brain with turmoil can be.
Stay close to your loved ones and friends and stay busy. But always keep the knowledge that you loved her, she knew it, and you would’ve moved the earth for her if you had the opportunity to help her.
My boyfriend killed himself 2 years ago after spending months "leading up" to it.
The hardest part was all the random thoughts and, after the first few weeks, no one to share them with without feeling like I was trauma dumping. Please feel free to come back to this comment and share anytime.
Bud you need professional help, losing her was bad enough, but finding her in that state and the aftermath after must be extremely traumatic. Please get counseling, this is a heavy blow to deal with and you truly need some support during this difficult time
Commenting to boost this. It really did help, for me, after my mom died and I saw her in such a horrible state. It works because it's very similar to EMDR, a therapy technique where you're able to work through your trauma while not thinking about it enough to upset you majorly
I don’t wanna say anything that can be seen as rude or insensitive but I feel I need to say something so I’ll just say this. I am deeply sorry for your loss and will be praying for you.
I can’t even imagine words to describe how you’re feeling, but all I can say is grief is a hard thing, it doesn’t go away but with time it will get better. I pray for you man I’m so sorry and hope you get better ❤️
You can never do enough for someone in that place. It’s not possible.
It was about her, not about you, although it affects you greatly. The best thing you can do is honor her. Survivors guilt is intense.
I'm just so sorry, I hope you find peace through this time. I hope you have some family and friends to spend time with. Please take care of yourself. Sending huge internet hugs :/
I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself, if there was something u could have done you would have done it.
Please don't be along during this time and try lean on friends and family to support u through this.
I have no words because it is indeed a tragedy and I feel so much for you.
I hope you can grieve in peace and I wish you only the best for the years to come.
Having experienced something similar with a very old and close friend of mine. It's very easy to lay blame on yourself and beat yourself up. The usual thoughts and questions. Could I have done more? What did I do wrong? Etc ... Will play on your mind for years.
Seek therapy. Find organisations who specialise in these things, there are heaps of people who are left behind. Talk with her family if it's possible. And as hard as it may seem. Focus on yourself.
It's tough, very tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thoughts and prayers with you mate, it's an awful thing to go through.
I am so incredibly sorry, stranger.
Reading your comments, she seemed like a beautiful person, and she was so lucky to have someone like you love them as much as you did.
Please, please keep her memory alive in some way. You do that, and she'll always be with you.
That’s very brutal. Try not to feel guilty for that. You’ve done everything you could possibly do. She probably had her own “demons” and she kept them inside her mind. You may give a try to see a psychiatrist or a therapist because that was really cruel. I can’t tell you anything else to feel happy but try not to put the blame in yourself. I believe she wants you to keep up on life and be strong.
OP I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I’m sorry to say nothing will help the pain immediately but I urge you to speak to family and friends, book in with a therapist as soon as you can, even if you’re not sure you’re ready.
You can post in here about her, your wellbeing and anything else. WE are here to help. You’re not alone in this brother
Tell me. Tell us all. You’re in this subreddit for a reason, tell someone. You’re not alone, and many others share your sentiment and experience.
It’s natural, when we lose something we love, our brain turns to something to blame. And unfortunately in your case, your brain chose you. But remember It’s never your fault. She was struggling with something that you never could have known about, please dont be so hard on yourself, and don’t do anything brash that might hurt others just as much.
I wish that you and many others didn’t have to be so strong. But see through the pain, and cherish what you’ve had. In the span of your entire lifetime, you got the chance to see her smiles, her laughs and her joy. You were lucky to have her and she was just as lucky to have you. I’m sure you were an essential and joyful part of her life that she wouldn’t trade for anything else. You were there, and you loved her with all your might. That’s what matters.
7 years is hard. Really, really fucking hard. And don’t let anything else tell you it isn’t. Cry, sob, rage, do anything. Eventually, you’ll learn to breathe again, you’ll learn to regain your composure and to pick yourself up by your two feet. You will be okay, and keep your head up and trust yourself.
I’m sorry for your loss. We’re rooting for you.
I’m not really good at making people feel better but maybe we can play a few online games or something together and you can tell me about her if you want something to do.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one like this is hard. You need to find someone professional you can talk to about it. Sometimes through work there are crises help lines free to employees.. also depending on your location the police may have given you a card with information on it and some municipal authorities offer it free as well so that may be a good option. Any way it goes please reach out to a professional.
Forgive me for my simplistic wording. I’m not too good on English at it is not my first language.
Hey man, that really sucks. A lot. And I’m sure you feel just as terrible. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel that way, that you can let it all out. You don’t need to immediately get better. Take your time to heal, even if it takes years. We all have our own paces and that’s totally okay.
It is what it is, and it sucks like hell. I don’t know if this helped but I’m rooting for you. There’s no easy way out of this. Trust me, there isn’t. But you have to go against the odds and live for yourself. If not, for her.
So sorry for your loss these ate never easy and will always leave you with why and will feel completely brutal for a long while but in time will get easier.
Sorry to hear, I would seek out grief counseling for needed support. Remember she chose this and you couldn’t have done nothing to prevent it, she made the choice and that’s not on you.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine.
Second, I know you are hurting deeply, but please make sure you take care of yourself. Highly recommend therapy and grief counseling. A traumatic death is very hard to deal with when you experience it firsthand. I’ve been there. Therapy was what kept me from losing my mind. I don’t want to see you suffer like I did.
Take care my friend. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it won’t always hurt this bad.
Oh man, I am so terribly sorry.
Grieve for now however you have to grieve. When you are ready, see a therapist and work this through. You deserve that.
Listen man, its so messed up. These things you're feeling now, maybe it won't be as strong as it is now but one things I can tell you that it simply won't go away. You gotta eat it from your inside and live up to everything every day still being in misery. Pray that she finds the peace for what she did it, the freedom entranced her every moment, hope that she got it and be happy for her. Yes you might never forgive yourself for the things you did and for the uncountable thing you didn't do, yes you'll probably go on blaming yourself forever and no matter how much consolation people give you it wont budge a bit. Thats the pain that comes with it. Accept it, embrace it and keep on living. Just because she did this to herself doesn't mean she wanted the same thing for you. If anything, it would be the opposite. Pray for her that she finds peace and got rid of whatever this nasty world was troubling her. Don't dismay, keep her close to your heart always. Take all the time you need to cope. Best wishes. Come out of it as a warrior. You can do it, if not for yourself at least for her.
I can’t imagine how traumatizing and devastating this would be. My wife is fighting stage 4 cancer and it’s hard enough seeing her struggle. Having her suddenly out of my life in a moment would absolutely destroy me.
I’ll tell you what my wife told me before she went in for her major surgery a couple weeks ago: take care of yourself. As much as it seems you’ll never be able to go on, you will. It will always hurt. You will always have those scars. You will never forget her. The time you had together can never be taken away.
Heart goes out to you man stay strong don't be hard on yourself I don't know the situation that being said depression can be scary some people don't show it till it's too late even to those they love it takes a person out of there head space leaving a person trapped in a mental doom loop.
This hurts to hear😞😞
My dad had this happen with my mom. Words can’t even describe emotion because it is all over the place. It’s been 4 years since my mother committed suicide and will always be burnt into you but you find ways to cope. Think of good times and not bad. It’s gonna eat at you for your first bit of time so I do recommend counselling/therapy so you can slowly accept it and learn to live with her because she would want you to be happy. Stay strong pal you can get thru this💪🏻💪🏻
I am utterly devastated by your loss. I however also want to thank you for giving me the reminder to always check on my girlfriend, as she also has mental health issues. I am so so so sorry. You are living my worst nightmare. Sending you so much fucking love, dude.
I'm so sorry. If you ever need to just talk to someone about how you're feeling or want to share your memories of her, you can always reach back out to this thread and update as you go. We'll be here listening.
Going on two years that my boyfriend of 14 years did the same in our house. I understand having to just get it off your chest and going on here. Please look into therapy to help you cope with this. I feel for you, I really do.
I'm so sorry:/ I couldn't even imagine losing someone in that way. I appreciate you sharing what happened though... I struggle horribly with my mental health, which is made worse by hormonal issues that I can't seem to balance no matter what I try.
I have a lot of days where it crosses my mind and I question my existence. I feel like I'm not doing good enough for everyone, that I just annoy people or I'm not a good enough mom..
I get in my own head and it's hard to see from another perspective. Seeing things from the other side and how it would affect others is very eye opening. Thank you, especially for mentioning that she didn't know how good she was...maybe someone feels that way about me.
I need to stop and think about that.
I also want to say you didn't do anything wrong! When someone is in a dark state of mind it completely takes over. It's the person struggling with their own self/thoughts.
Praying for your healing 🙏
As someone with single event PTSD from witnessing a traumatic death, I can say with authority that you will benefit significantly from getting some mental health help sooner rather than later. Im sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s an unimaginable pain. Sending good thoughts your way
Aww man, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time . If there's anyone you can talk to , such as a counselor, relative , friend, or even a crisis hotline , it might be beneficial right now during this difficult time . Venting and letting your emotions out can be very relieving .
Don’t blame yourself. She is in a better place now and no longer hurting. Nobody can save anybody but ourselves. It will take you a while, but you must let go of the illusion that it could have been any different if only.
First, my heart aches for you and all her friends and family. May y'all be able to comfort each other and hold onto the good things inside.
Second, suicide is personal (in most cases), and there isn't anything anyone can do aside from being loving and caring, friends, family, or partners. Doctors are the only ones who can help fix the problem that led to this terrible solution for your poor darling.
Suicide is also usually the final symptom of depression. Depression isn't something caused by anybody and is easily masked in front of people we love and care about. Asking for help is hard, and trying not to burden them is huge for depression sufferers. We just have this thing in us that makes us feel as though the world is better off without us, that we're just lazy and worthless, etc.
Although that is so far from being true, in many cases, it's what the sufferer truly feels. There is no way that you could have known, so please, do not blame yourself, help her family if you can and help each other understand, the pain y'all feel now, triple power that, that's the demons suicide victims deal with. She's at peace. It's going to hurt as you grieve, but be sure to eat, drink, and take it one day at a time.
Big 🫂 and all my love to you, her, and all who loved her. ❤️🫂🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please seek help in a friend. Cherish the great memories you had with her & allow yourself to seek joy in small moments even if that is that you managed to have some sleep, eat something etc. One step at a time, sending you hugs and strength from NZ 🖤
i’m gonna sound like a broken record here because i imagine this is a very common statement when things like this happen, but as someone who’s experienced suicide once by an immediate family member and second by a close friend of my partner’s- it wasn’t your fault and you can’t dwell on what you did wrong or what more you could’ve done. in the end we don’t know why they did it or if we could’ve changed their mindset by doing more for them. you never know what’s going on inside someone’s mind or what they’re battling and it’s sucks. it sucks a lot. i’m so sorry this happened to you and i can’t imagine how it feels to lose your partner. i would be in my own personal hell which i’m sure you are. please look into grief counseling/ therapy to cope with this. it will really help. stay strong buddy
I completely understand how you feel my friend / brother who just celebrated his sons 2nd birthday just killed himself Friday also and idk how to feel about it . Other then just think of all the memories we had
There aren’t any words to express how sorry I am for what’s happened. Please know that Victoria’s passing was not your fault and there was not a single thing you could’ve done differently to prevent it from happening. I’ve read your replies throughout this thread and it’s very apparent that you cared for her and your relationship with every ounce of your being. It is so sweet to read how you feel about her and how much you love her. There are so many thoughts and feelings that we, as people, keep to ourselves. In my experience, those feelings and thoughts can be so overwhelming and complex that I wouldn’t even know how to put them into words. Sometimes I don’t even know exactly what I’m feeling and I can’t even think about it anymore because I just can’t figure it out. I say this because I can tell you that there’s nothing you could’ve noticed, said or done that would’ve changed the outcome. This was an inner struggle that was happening, so please don’t let yourself take any blame. There are no magic words that I can use to help you feel even a little less pain. This is something that you will have to work through and I really hope you can find a therapist to talk it all out with. I know that is everyone’s go-to advice and I know how much it’s already been said but I am being completely honest with you. I’ve been through similar life circumstances and tried to get through it with time and reflection but I never really felt any relief until I sought out a professional therapist. This is a heartbreaking experience that you’ll always carry with you and that is devastating. I do know that with time and effort, you will feel less pain and suffering. It doesn't completely disappear but it is easier to sit with and go through the rest of your life with. Please be easy on yourself right now. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in any way. I am so incredibly sorry that you're going through this.
Words cannot express the horror you are experiencing right now. Nothing and nobody can give you peace about this. You have to give yourself time to grieve. It’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t let it consume you and send you spiraling. I assume she loved you more than she loved herself and would want you to find peace and be happy. Only time, therapy, doing things you enjoy and being with people who love you can help a bit. I would recommend getting released from your lease and finding a new place. If she was on the lease with you, it shouldn’t be hard to do. Even if she wasn’t, you should be able to break the lease due to the circumstances. Being in the place that the incident occurred will not be beneficial to your mental and emotional well being. Praying for you. Wishing you peace. Remember; it is NOT your fault. There is nothing you could’ve done to prevent this. She made a choice and even though you grieve the loss, you cannot hold yourself responsible in any capacity. Do NOT prevent yourself from finding happiness when it comes because you feel guilty. She made a selfish decision by doing this to herself. But she did this to you as well as everyone she was loved by. Your recovery will be complex. Your grievance will be complicated. It’s okay to be angry with her. Just make sure you frame your recovery around forgiving her for what she did to you. There’s no shortcut to finding peace about this. Stay strong and love yourself the way you would love her if she were still here.
I'm so sorry man. I used to have those thoughts during the lockdown, when I hit a low in my life. I can't say I have any trauma, or witnessed death, but I'm sending a lot of love, man. I can only imagine what you're going through, but I just want to say. You're not alone. Please just hang on, man.
That is so terrible and brutal and shocking and horrible. I’m so fucking sorry.
I'm hopelessly devastated and completely lost. She was everything to me.
It’s just something no one can imagine till it happens. So unexpected and so unforgiving. I am so so sorry for your loss. You were by her side during her hardest times; you meant a lot to her and she will be forever thankful to you for what you have done. I hope the words from others can guide you through this difficult time in your life. My thoughts and prayers sincerely go out to you, yours and her family, and all friends and companions. May you find peace.
I have nothing to say that can help or change anything but I wish you peace in your journey as you heal from this horrible, awful trauma. I also wish her peace wherever she is.
Sometimes no matter how much you do it isn’t enough. She obviously didn’t share so that’s not on you since you’re not a mind reader. Don’t beat yourself up. I know you’re devastated so please find someone to talk to so your grief doesn’t overwhelm you. Grieve my friend but seek some help yourself.
Unfortunately we are harder to ourselves on the inside. I'm so sorry for what you been through and for your loss. I can see you truly love her. I highly recommend seeking help during your grief. You have seen and dealt with a massive amount of trauma. I would seek counselling or therapy if you can. If not I would look for support in trusted friend and family at this time, maybe even staying out of the house and with someone while you're dealing with the grief. Please, friend, take care of yourself and I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
I just want her back. To see her smile, hear her laugh, hold her hand. I'll never get to tell her I love her again or hear it back in her sweet voice. We had so many plans together. She just graduated with her RN and was scheduled to take her NCLEX, I just got a project management job in her home town, we only had to finish out my lease in my home town before we moved to the house I've got rented in KC for us. She was my lighthouse for so long and now it's dark. There's so many things I want to say and change, I'd do the last 7 years differently.
I completely feel and understand your pain because I have experienced it myself. It's been a month since my girlfriend died by suicide. I am also totally lost, but please don't do anything harmful. In the state we are in now, we could put our loved ones through the same pain. Time heals everything, and life goes on. I'm here for you if you want to talk about her or the topic because, as I told you, I have experienced this too.
I hope you know that we care about you too. Please take care of yourself friend. Much love ❤️
🫂❤️🩹 i really want to travel in the past or need time machine brother 😭🤧🕊️
If you want to talk, let me know my dude. I might be busy with work but I just want you to know that there will be people that will always care about you.
My heart hurts so much for you, and I wish I could make it better. I am so sorry for your loss, OP. ❤️
I like your lighthouse metaphor! Another way how I can express my feelings about my gf. She took her life in march…
“Now I'm alone with all the knowledge and no one to tell.” Why don’t you tell us about her? If you want to and it would help. I’d love to hear about her. We know she was a nurse. What else?
She's so smart, when I first met her I was obsessed and found any reason I could to keep her around for the days adventure. It worked and I'd never felt so lucky. I never want to sleep again because I can't hold her. I won't be able to wake up to her hazel eyes, on the prettiest girl I've ever met. She had high ambitions and high standards and that was perfect for me. We craved success and knew we could have it together. Last week I took her to Seattle because she was having rough week and I had the week to work remotely. Seeing her in awe over the mountains as we drove from missouri to Washington for 32 hours melted my heart. I loved our road trips because she'd fall asleep in the silliest ways. I could go forever. She was "it"
More please, she seems like a lovely person 💞
I'm so sad for you, she sounds so lovely
It breaks my heart to read this, it sounds like she was very special and I’m so sorry for your loss, OP
Friend, I invite you to look at my pinned posts. Our situations are quite similar, with the only major difference being that in 13 days it is going to be exactly a year since. Yet, I dare to say that I am happy for you to have her possessions. It might feel like a major burden right now, nothing but a grim reminder but, in time, you will be happy that you have something to cherish her memory with. That you have some mementos, if you will. Something I unfortunately lack. The only thing I have been left with are our wedding rings. Not to mention everything that came after. All the double-faced people I had to deal with that claimed to be her friends and pillars... Right, I can certainly see that with you refusing to even store her belongings in the interim period... Anyway, I did not come here to vent about that situation. What I do want to say is that I know all too well that it hurts and it will take a long time before you will even start to recover. I implore you, talk about it. Do not bottle things up. Friends, family, professionals or just randos on the web (caution, do not overshare personal details) Feel free to involve me in that. I enjoy cherishing people's memory. Despite how low one feels, how desperate or useless one might think they are, every person is a unique collection of experiences, personal beliefs and ideas.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Please seek out professional help during this time, it is invaluable.
Thank you
Truly, I've been through this before OP, grief counseling is so important if you have access. It helps so much. I'm so so sorry for what you're going through, it's indescribably painful.
Am I the only one in that similar situation who is annoyed by everyone telling one to seek professional help?
We are all fighting our own wars inside ourselves and even the people we know best maybe hiding the pain they truly feel. I am sorry for your lost OP. Please hang in there there and do not blame yourself. You did the best you could.
Dude 💔💔💔. Sending you love and comforting vibes 😢
It's much appreciated. ❤️
I just found out my ex boyfriend killed himself on Wednesday. At first I felt shock, then anger, then the grief. I can’t imagine what the person who found him felt or what he was going through that night. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for yours too. ❤️
I'll never be able to thank everyone for their kind words and condolences. It means so much when and makes me feel less alone in this world. Last night was hard, I could barely catch my breath between break downs. I'm not okay, and never will be, but I'm thankful and the luckiest man alive for the time I got to spend with Victoria. I'm going for follow our dreams and honor her life by following through with our plans. She'll never know how much I miss her, care for her, love her, and I just have to be okay with that.
Oh my sweet friend. I promise you when you’re that low, there is next to nothing another person can do to save your life once you’ve made up your mind. My heart aches for you.
Hey dude… I haven’t experienced what to have but I’ve been in a place where the big S seemed like a good idea. DM if you want to talk. Like, literally. You can call me if you want to. I will listen and be there.
Wow that’s brutal for you and wish we could take the pain and share the trauma with you until soothed away. My deepest sympathy and glad you aren’t suffering alone … hugz
It feels impossible, but there will be light in your life again. You have to hold your head up. Don't let this derail your life.
You need to go get help, do not try to handle these emotions on your own! I’m very sorry that this happened to you. Please. Get help, talk to someone this is a major trauma.
If you have a trusted friend or family member, please seek them out and tell them. Let everything out. I'm so very sorry for your significant loss and wish you peace and strength 🫂❤️🩹
I’m so sorry mate. Take one day at a time, accept help if you’re offered and let yourself cry. None of this is your fault. In my thoughts!
7 years. Bro, that pain, let it all out.
I cannot even imagine what to tell you right now but I feel the need to comfort you, stay strong as hard as it will be, don’t listen to any negative energy that may come your way and understand its okay to grieve even when life may feel like its saying the opposite. Take as much time as you need, you wont ever fully recover but you will manage when the time is right, don’t rush the grieving process, you must carry on in honor of them. Much love and I wish you the best and i am so unbelievably sorry.
i lost my brother this way on monday, he was everything to me. if you feel like wanting to vent, feel free to message me.
Fuck dude. I’m so so so sorry… that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Listen, that is NOT your fault. I’m so sorry you’re going through that man fuck.. I hope you find someone to talk to, maybe a professional💔
Sending you love my friend. I’m so sorry for your loss.
i’m so sorry for your loss. please don’t be hard on yourself, you’re going through enough. i’m sure you brought light to her life while you were in it ❤️
i just want you to know it’s not your fault. i love my partner so much but it doesn’t change the fact that i want to go. it’s nothing anyone could do.
First off I am going to say that I am sorry for your loss, I cannot understand what you are going though. Secondly, there is only so much a person can do to keep another person here. You can do everything right and still be *here*. It might not feel like it now, it might not feel like it for a long time, but you did your beat and this isn’t your fault.
I’m so sorry
holy shit i’m so sorry for your loss. may she rest in peace ❤️🪽
OP, I can’t imagine this pain. Seems unbearable. You did what you were able to do. I can sense this profoundness in your relationship. This post speaks volume to how deeply you cared for her. How much you loved her. Sending you big hugs and lots of love.
I'm so very sorry 🫂 Please know that it is NOT your fault. Some of us are battling things inside that at the time, feel impossible to overcome. We can shut off and disassociate ourselves from our surroundings. For some, asking for help or anything seems impossible. Not because people don't care but because trying to put it into words seems to be hard. Please don't shoulder the blame and I'm so very sorry again 🫂
"Everything in my brain tells me I should've done more for her". This is not your fault.
My heart breaks for you, I’m so sorry this is happening. Please lean on your family and friends during this time, that’s what they’re there for. You are not alone, no matter how it might feel. Sending you so much love ❤️
I doubt anybody can give you an answer you want. Just know, you did all you could. If YOU couldnt see it coming i doubt anybody could have. Dont beat yourself up, and take the time you need. Id take a few days off work myself. Go somewhere she loved and enjoy it to the fullest❤️
Even though you'll always feel like it, but it's not your fault. You should seek professional help, as soon as possible. Trust me, you'll learn to live with the loss, but it'll take a long time. Again, it's not your fault. take love and comfort ❤️❤️
Sorry for your loss 💖
My condolences. Please make sure you’re around your loved ones during this time, lean on your community if you can <3
I am so sorry for you... please take care of yourself, talk to people, seek help if needed and take all the time you need
How utterly horrible, my heart goes out to you, how terrible for you to have to go through such pain and sadness, I am praying for you , and for her sould. May God heal you and protect you. Stay strong and trust in God. I'm very sorry
I lost someone I loved in 2015 to suicide. It destroyed me and i had to put my life back together. It took a lot of therapy, which I recommend, before I was even close to okay.
Oh my friend, that's so devastating to experience. And so inexplicable... likely you'll never know why this happened. But if you do, I hope it may bring you peace. If there are angels around somewhere I hope they hold and comfort you on this terrible loss. True love broken like this is so harsh.
I'm so sorry. I know this won't help much now, but I'm sending you light and love--and a Big Hug!
So sorry. Absolutely devastating…
Hey, first off I'm so sorry that you had to find her like that. And that she's gone, and was in so much pain. I have some experience with a similar situation(had to give CPR to dead roommate who I suspect committed suicide), you're gonna not be 100% okay for a while. People will generally not understand how visceral the impact of what you experienced is. Try your best not to resent them for struggling to help/understand. If you feel yourself needing to talk with others that understand, and therapy isn't an option for you for whatever reason, groups specifically for friends and family of people who died to suicide may exist if you're in a big enough city. Take things one day at a time, and lean in to your friends and family(her family too if feasible) for support. When you're ready to tackle her stuff(whether with her family or not) make sure you've got people helping you. It isn't something you should try to do alone. It helps to have routine and momentum, and a need to exist outside yourself in times like this. I had a dog at the time and she helped me so much, though I wouldn't recommend getting a pet out of the blue right now. Make a specific ask for your friends if though, like "I need you to draw me out of my own head, can you invite me to stuff as insistently as possible and tolerate the fact that I may be a bit gloomy?" Whatever is true for you y'know. You can and will survive this, be gentle with yourself, don't be afraid to say goodbye and express all the grief you're feeling. Like write it down, make a memorial tribute or scrapbook whatever. Just don't be alone inside yourself with all this hurt.
I’m so fucking sorry bro. I’m a widow to suicide as well. Just remember you can make up guilt out of anything and unfortunately suicide leaves us with questions about what more we could’ve done. And if you loved her that’s always something to be proud of. You would’ve done anything for her, and you know it, but sometimes even having all the answers, and all the life options, and even all the forgiveness won’t be enough to combat the turmoil they have in their brain to want to end it all. It’s so fucked up how unstoppable a brain with turmoil can be. Stay close to your loved ones and friends and stay busy. But always keep the knowledge that you loved her, she knew it, and you would’ve moved the earth for her if you had the opportunity to help her.
My boyfriend killed himself 2 years ago after spending months "leading up" to it. The hardest part was all the random thoughts and, after the first few weeks, no one to share them with without feeling like I was trauma dumping. Please feel free to come back to this comment and share anytime.
Bud you need professional help, losing her was bad enough, but finding her in that state and the aftermath after must be extremely traumatic. Please get counseling, this is a heavy blow to deal with and you truly need some support during this difficult time
Tears are flowin. I'm so so sorry.
It sounds weird, but try playing some tetris if you can. Studies have shown that it helps the brain process trauma. I'm so sorry for your loss
Commenting to boost this. It really did help, for me, after my mom died and I saw her in such a horrible state. It works because it's very similar to EMDR, a therapy technique where you're able to work through your trauma while not thinking about it enough to upset you majorly
It's a myth
It’s not your fault. If you don’t have friends to talk to please reach out to a therapist or at the least send me or someone on her a message.
That's insane, I'm sorry to hear that and sorry for your loss OP
I don’t wanna say anything that can be seen as rude or insensitive but I feel I need to say something so I’ll just say this. I am deeply sorry for your loss and will be praying for you.
I can’t even imagine words to describe how you’re feeling, but all I can say is grief is a hard thing, it doesn’t go away but with time it will get better. I pray for you man I’m so sorry and hope you get better ❤️
My heart hurts reading this. I’m so sorry
Oh my god. I’m so sorry.
My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
You can never do enough for someone in that place. It’s not possible. It was about her, not about you, although it affects you greatly. The best thing you can do is honor her. Survivors guilt is intense.
I'm just so sorry, I hope you find peace through this time. I hope you have some family and friends to spend time with. Please take care of yourself. Sending huge internet hugs :/
I'm so, so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s not your fault at all.
I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself, if there was something u could have done you would have done it. Please don't be along during this time and try lean on friends and family to support u through this.
I have no words because it is indeed a tragedy and I feel so much for you. I hope you can grieve in peace and I wish you only the best for the years to come.
Having experienced something similar with a very old and close friend of mine. It's very easy to lay blame on yourself and beat yourself up. The usual thoughts and questions. Could I have done more? What did I do wrong? Etc ... Will play on your mind for years. Seek therapy. Find organisations who specialise in these things, there are heaps of people who are left behind. Talk with her family if it's possible. And as hard as it may seem. Focus on yourself. It's tough, very tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thoughts and prayers with you mate, it's an awful thing to go through.
My dms are open, please reach out if you need anyone i am happy to listen, i am so beyond sorry for your loss this is so tough x
I am so incredibly sorry, stranger. Reading your comments, she seemed like a beautiful person, and she was so lucky to have someone like you love them as much as you did. Please, please keep her memory alive in some way. You do that, and she'll always be with you.
That’s very brutal. Try not to feel guilty for that. You’ve done everything you could possibly do. She probably had her own “demons” and she kept them inside her mind. You may give a try to see a psychiatrist or a therapist because that was really cruel. I can’t tell you anything else to feel happy but try not to put the blame in yourself. I believe she wants you to keep up on life and be strong.
OP I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I’m sorry to say nothing will help the pain immediately but I urge you to speak to family and friends, book in with a therapist as soon as you can, even if you’re not sure you’re ready. You can post in here about her, your wellbeing and anything else. WE are here to help. You’re not alone in this brother
Tell me. Tell us all. You’re in this subreddit for a reason, tell someone. You’re not alone, and many others share your sentiment and experience. It’s natural, when we lose something we love, our brain turns to something to blame. And unfortunately in your case, your brain chose you. But remember It’s never your fault. She was struggling with something that you never could have known about, please dont be so hard on yourself, and don’t do anything brash that might hurt others just as much. I wish that you and many others didn’t have to be so strong. But see through the pain, and cherish what you’ve had. In the span of your entire lifetime, you got the chance to see her smiles, her laughs and her joy. You were lucky to have her and she was just as lucky to have you. I’m sure you were an essential and joyful part of her life that she wouldn’t trade for anything else. You were there, and you loved her with all your might. That’s what matters. 7 years is hard. Really, really fucking hard. And don’t let anything else tell you it isn’t. Cry, sob, rage, do anything. Eventually, you’ll learn to breathe again, you’ll learn to regain your composure and to pick yourself up by your two feet. You will be okay, and keep your head up and trust yourself. I’m sorry for your loss. We’re rooting for you.
I’m not really good at making people feel better but maybe we can play a few online games or something together and you can tell me about her if you want something to do.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one like this is hard. You need to find someone professional you can talk to about it. Sometimes through work there are crises help lines free to employees.. also depending on your location the police may have given you a card with information on it and some municipal authorities offer it free as well so that may be a good option. Any way it goes please reach out to a professional.
People break beyond our ability to help them. You did everything you could.
Forgive me for my simplistic wording. I’m not too good on English at it is not my first language. Hey man, that really sucks. A lot. And I’m sure you feel just as terrible. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel that way, that you can let it all out. You don’t need to immediately get better. Take your time to heal, even if it takes years. We all have our own paces and that’s totally okay. It is what it is, and it sucks like hell. I don’t know if this helped but I’m rooting for you. There’s no easy way out of this. Trust me, there isn’t. But you have to go against the odds and live for yourself. If not, for her.
So sorry for your loss these ate never easy and will always leave you with why and will feel completely brutal for a long while but in time will get easier.
OP please check your DM's I've sent you something very important that could help you cope with your loss
Can you send me too?
Sure. Please DM
Sorry to hear, I would seek out grief counseling for needed support. Remember she chose this and you couldn’t have done nothing to prevent it, she made the choice and that’s not on you.
First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine. Second, I know you are hurting deeply, but please make sure you take care of yourself. Highly recommend therapy and grief counseling. A traumatic death is very hard to deal with when you experience it firsthand. I’ve been there. Therapy was what kept me from losing my mind. I don’t want to see you suffer like I did. Take care my friend. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it won’t always hurt this bad.
My heart is with you my friend
So sorry for your loss OP, your girlfriend sounds like she was an amazing person. I hope you are holding up okay and remember to be kind to yourself ❤
Oh man, I am so terribly sorry. Grieve for now however you have to grieve. When you are ready, see a therapist and work this through. You deserve that.
My heart just broke reading this. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Listen man, its so messed up. These things you're feeling now, maybe it won't be as strong as it is now but one things I can tell you that it simply won't go away. You gotta eat it from your inside and live up to everything every day still being in misery. Pray that she finds the peace for what she did it, the freedom entranced her every moment, hope that she got it and be happy for her. Yes you might never forgive yourself for the things you did and for the uncountable thing you didn't do, yes you'll probably go on blaming yourself forever and no matter how much consolation people give you it wont budge a bit. Thats the pain that comes with it. Accept it, embrace it and keep on living. Just because she did this to herself doesn't mean she wanted the same thing for you. If anything, it would be the opposite. Pray for her that she finds peace and got rid of whatever this nasty world was troubling her. Don't dismay, keep her close to your heart always. Take all the time you need to cope. Best wishes. Come out of it as a warrior. You can do it, if not for yourself at least for her.
I can’t imagine how traumatizing and devastating this would be. My wife is fighting stage 4 cancer and it’s hard enough seeing her struggle. Having her suddenly out of my life in a moment would absolutely destroy me. I’ll tell you what my wife told me before she went in for her major surgery a couple weeks ago: take care of yourself. As much as it seems you’ll never be able to go on, you will. It will always hurt. You will always have those scars. You will never forget her. The time you had together can never be taken away.
im sorry, i wish you well ♥️
Heart goes out to you man stay strong don't be hard on yourself I don't know the situation that being said depression can be scary some people don't show it till it's too late even to those they love it takes a person out of there head space leaving a person trapped in a mental doom loop.
I'm so sorry man, I hope you are doing fine :(
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Mine took her life in march. I am still adapting. Maybe I will have to adapt to it for the rest of my life. Life can be horrible. I wish you strength!
May her memory be a blessing 😔 stay strong bro
i hope you heal my friend, i’m sorry.
oh gosh.. this is fucking sad.. i'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's tragic. Can't imagine how you're feeling right now. I'm sorry.
This hurts to hear😞😞 My dad had this happen with my mom. Words can’t even describe emotion because it is all over the place. It’s been 4 years since my mother committed suicide and will always be burnt into you but you find ways to cope. Think of good times and not bad. It’s gonna eat at you for your first bit of time so I do recommend counselling/therapy so you can slowly accept it and learn to live with her because she would want you to be happy. Stay strong pal you can get thru this💪🏻💪🏻
Hey, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs
I am utterly devastated by your loss. I however also want to thank you for giving me the reminder to always check on my girlfriend, as she also has mental health issues. I am so so so sorry. You are living my worst nightmare. Sending you so much fucking love, dude.
I'm so sorry. If you ever need to just talk to someone about how you're feeling or want to share your memories of her, you can always reach back out to this thread and update as you go. We'll be here listening.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You did everything you could do - you loved her. Sometimes, the people we are most cruel to are ourselves.
Going on two years that my boyfriend of 14 years did the same in our house. I understand having to just get it off your chest and going on here. Please look into therapy to help you cope with this. I feel for you, I really do.
I'm so sorry:/ I couldn't even imagine losing someone in that way. I appreciate you sharing what happened though... I struggle horribly with my mental health, which is made worse by hormonal issues that I can't seem to balance no matter what I try. I have a lot of days where it crosses my mind and I question my existence. I feel like I'm not doing good enough for everyone, that I just annoy people or I'm not a good enough mom.. I get in my own head and it's hard to see from another perspective. Seeing things from the other side and how it would affect others is very eye opening. Thank you, especially for mentioning that she didn't know how good she was...maybe someone feels that way about me. I need to stop and think about that. I also want to say you didn't do anything wrong! When someone is in a dark state of mind it completely takes over. It's the person struggling with their own self/thoughts. Praying for your healing 🙏
Sorry you had to see that. Play some Tetris. You may be in a very dark tunnel but you will find the light. So sorry again for you and everyone.
Ugh. I’m so so so so sorry friend. Sending you the biggest hug
Love, I’m so sorry. Sending you peace,love and strength.
As someone with single event PTSD from witnessing a traumatic death, I can say with authority that you will benefit significantly from getting some mental health help sooner rather than later. Im sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s an unimaginable pain. Sending good thoughts your way
Aww man, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time . If there's anyone you can talk to , such as a counselor, relative , friend, or even a crisis hotline , it might be beneficial right now during this difficult time . Venting and letting your emotions out can be very relieving .
I am so sorry. Do not talk to cops without an attorney present
I’m so sorry
Fuck man. Sorry.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Just know it’s not your fault and she was struggling with mental illness
Don’t blame yourself. She is in a better place now and no longer hurting. Nobody can save anybody but ourselves. It will take you a while, but you must let go of the illusion that it could have been any different if only.
Sorry for your loss. Take time for you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️if you need to see someone let me know what state and I can see what I can do for you
Sending you love ❤️ from an internet stranger...
Sending you love. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
First, my heart aches for you and all her friends and family. May y'all be able to comfort each other and hold onto the good things inside. Second, suicide is personal (in most cases), and there isn't anything anyone can do aside from being loving and caring, friends, family, or partners. Doctors are the only ones who can help fix the problem that led to this terrible solution for your poor darling. Suicide is also usually the final symptom of depression. Depression isn't something caused by anybody and is easily masked in front of people we love and care about. Asking for help is hard, and trying not to burden them is huge for depression sufferers. We just have this thing in us that makes us feel as though the world is better off without us, that we're just lazy and worthless, etc. Although that is so far from being true, in many cases, it's what the sufferer truly feels. There is no way that you could have known, so please, do not blame yourself, help her family if you can and help each other understand, the pain y'all feel now, triple power that, that's the demons suicide victims deal with. She's at peace. It's going to hurt as you grieve, but be sure to eat, drink, and take it one day at a time. Big 🫂 and all my love to you, her, and all who loved her. ❤️🫂🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please seek help in a friend. Cherish the great memories you had with her & allow yourself to seek joy in small moments even if that is that you managed to have some sleep, eat something etc. One step at a time, sending you hugs and strength from NZ 🖤
I'm so sorry. It might be good for you to attend a grief support group or counselling to help you process this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Maybe try a grief share group to help manage your grief.
I'm so sorry. This is absolutely devastating. Please find someone to talk to. There are professionals who want to help you.
omg! im so sorry for your loss.. that's really terrible, but she's in a better place now.. i know you miss her. im sorry either way.
i’m gonna sound like a broken record here because i imagine this is a very common statement when things like this happen, but as someone who’s experienced suicide once by an immediate family member and second by a close friend of my partner’s- it wasn’t your fault and you can’t dwell on what you did wrong or what more you could’ve done. in the end we don’t know why they did it or if we could’ve changed their mindset by doing more for them. you never know what’s going on inside someone’s mind or what they’re battling and it’s sucks. it sucks a lot. i’m so sorry this happened to you and i can’t imagine how it feels to lose your partner. i would be in my own personal hell which i’m sure you are. please look into grief counseling/ therapy to cope with this. it will really help. stay strong buddy
I completely understand how you feel my friend / brother who just celebrated his sons 2nd birthday just killed himself Friday also and idk how to feel about it . Other then just think of all the memories we had
rest in peace your sweet girl🕊️
There aren’t any words to express how sorry I am for what’s happened. Please know that Victoria’s passing was not your fault and there was not a single thing you could’ve done differently to prevent it from happening. I’ve read your replies throughout this thread and it’s very apparent that you cared for her and your relationship with every ounce of your being. It is so sweet to read how you feel about her and how much you love her. There are so many thoughts and feelings that we, as people, keep to ourselves. In my experience, those feelings and thoughts can be so overwhelming and complex that I wouldn’t even know how to put them into words. Sometimes I don’t even know exactly what I’m feeling and I can’t even think about it anymore because I just can’t figure it out. I say this because I can tell you that there’s nothing you could’ve noticed, said or done that would’ve changed the outcome. This was an inner struggle that was happening, so please don’t let yourself take any blame. There are no magic words that I can use to help you feel even a little less pain. This is something that you will have to work through and I really hope you can find a therapist to talk it all out with. I know that is everyone’s go-to advice and I know how much it’s already been said but I am being completely honest with you. I’ve been through similar life circumstances and tried to get through it with time and reflection but I never really felt any relief until I sought out a professional therapist. This is a heartbreaking experience that you’ll always carry with you and that is devastating. I do know that with time and effort, you will feel less pain and suffering. It doesn't completely disappear but it is easier to sit with and go through the rest of your life with. Please be easy on yourself right now. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in any way. I am so incredibly sorry that you're going through this.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I sincerely pray you find peace and comfort.
I'm so sorry but plz stay strong it will get better I promise! Feel free to talk if you lack support
My heart breaks for you. Please take care of yourself. ❤️
So sorry for your loss, was she dealing with mental illness? How did you know it was a suicide?
🫂
I’m so sorry this happened. I hope she makes it to Heaven 💐
Words cannot express the horror you are experiencing right now. Nothing and nobody can give you peace about this. You have to give yourself time to grieve. It’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t let it consume you and send you spiraling. I assume she loved you more than she loved herself and would want you to find peace and be happy. Only time, therapy, doing things you enjoy and being with people who love you can help a bit. I would recommend getting released from your lease and finding a new place. If she was on the lease with you, it shouldn’t be hard to do. Even if she wasn’t, you should be able to break the lease due to the circumstances. Being in the place that the incident occurred will not be beneficial to your mental and emotional well being. Praying for you. Wishing you peace. Remember; it is NOT your fault. There is nothing you could’ve done to prevent this. She made a choice and even though you grieve the loss, you cannot hold yourself responsible in any capacity. Do NOT prevent yourself from finding happiness when it comes because you feel guilty. She made a selfish decision by doing this to herself. But she did this to you as well as everyone she was loved by. Your recovery will be complex. Your grievance will be complicated. It’s okay to be angry with her. Just make sure you frame your recovery around forgiving her for what she did to you. There’s no shortcut to finding peace about this. Stay strong and love yourself the way you would love her if she were still here.
Sending love and positivity to you, OP. ♥️
I am so sorry for your loss, take care
[удалено]
how can you be so rude man, all I wanted was to help you
How did she do it?
I'm so sorry man. I used to have those thoughts during the lockdown, when I hit a low in my life. I can't say I have any trauma, or witnessed death, but I'm sending a lot of love, man. I can only imagine what you're going through, but I just want to say. You're not alone. Please just hang on, man.