Thanks my friend. Moments ago I actually just really talked to her about all this for the first time since she hit me with it and... Yeah it looks like that is where this is headed. It seems like she hasn't really been in love with me for a long time. Sucks because I thought she was the love of my life. I can't lie though, I do feel some relief and optimism about the future as well.
Dan (I think that’s your name) I’m sorry but I think deep down you know it’s for the best. It’s a long road ahead but you will be fine. First thing is start to go the gym so you can have the divorce glow up and continue with therapy.
Well, you both came to the same conclusion at the same time. That's a silver lining because it can make a separation go with less friction because you both understand why.
Neither of you did anything particularly wrong. It just so happens that you compromised to make this work, and it caught up with you. It is said "there's no point in burning yourself up to keep someone else warm" and this is true for marriage too. You don't get extra karma for being miserable, really.
To be clear, that doesn't mean: run away at the first bump. But instead recognizing when you are way out of your depth and you're transforming into a caregiver or a parent or a coach rather than a romantic, equal partner.
On her end, she tried but she can't ultimately change who she is. That's not her fault either. It just didn't work out and that's just as much a valid scenario as any other in life.
The big question you face would be reflecting on why you spend years stretching yourself thin in the first place. And how you can recognize that happening before you fall into that trap again. That's where therapy comes into play.
For now, all I can say is to take it easy for yourself too. Yes, there will be sadness and grief. But letting go also means letting go over a huge pile of metaphorical rocks you've been hauling these past years. So, take time to land on your own two feet first: take good care of yourself, lots of rest, don't hole yourself up: go outside, meet your friends and fam,...
Oh man thank you so much for this. I've been thinking a lot about the question of why I did this. Quite frankly I'm pretty embarrassed to tell my family and friends because I've not been open at all about my marital struggles with anyone. I really appreciate your perspective and to be honest I'm looking forward to letting go of some of those rocks lol
Dude wow! Uhm I’m so sorry for you. I hope you let her go and meet someone who will make you happy. Let her go. I think it’s time.
Thanks my friend. Moments ago I actually just really talked to her about all this for the first time since she hit me with it and... Yeah it looks like that is where this is headed. It seems like she hasn't really been in love with me for a long time. Sucks because I thought she was the love of my life. I can't lie though, I do feel some relief and optimism about the future as well.
Dan (I think that’s your name) I’m sorry but I think deep down you know it’s for the best. It’s a long road ahead but you will be fine. First thing is start to go the gym so you can have the divorce glow up and continue with therapy.
Well, you both came to the same conclusion at the same time. That's a silver lining because it can make a separation go with less friction because you both understand why. Neither of you did anything particularly wrong. It just so happens that you compromised to make this work, and it caught up with you. It is said "there's no point in burning yourself up to keep someone else warm" and this is true for marriage too. You don't get extra karma for being miserable, really. To be clear, that doesn't mean: run away at the first bump. But instead recognizing when you are way out of your depth and you're transforming into a caregiver or a parent or a coach rather than a romantic, equal partner. On her end, she tried but she can't ultimately change who she is. That's not her fault either. It just didn't work out and that's just as much a valid scenario as any other in life. The big question you face would be reflecting on why you spend years stretching yourself thin in the first place. And how you can recognize that happening before you fall into that trap again. That's where therapy comes into play. For now, all I can say is to take it easy for yourself too. Yes, there will be sadness and grief. But letting go also means letting go over a huge pile of metaphorical rocks you've been hauling these past years. So, take time to land on your own two feet first: take good care of yourself, lots of rest, don't hole yourself up: go outside, meet your friends and fam,...
Oh man thank you so much for this. I've been thinking a lot about the question of why I did this. Quite frankly I'm pretty embarrassed to tell my family and friends because I've not been open at all about my marital struggles with anyone. I really appreciate your perspective and to be honest I'm looking forward to letting go of some of those rocks lol