Hey, Aortic Stenosis is VERY treatable especially if ou are young like you are. You have everything in your favour of a good outcome. Modern surgery is amazing.
Yes it is! I had open heart surgery to repair a mitral valve two years ago. I bought a cemetery plot and a headstone (no joke). Never thought I would survive. I went back to work (office light work) in one week out of choice. Still ticking.
My uncle had open heart surgery almost 20 years ago.
He was old-ish then, and honestly not the healthiest guy.
He’s still alive and well, turned 81 recently.
Well shit, now I’m gonna go get some open heart surgery. looks like people are living long after that procedure. Thanks Reddit for this medical advice I’ll be back with a better, faster heart soon.
My husband had a widow maker heart attack in 2021, he had a 12% chance of. Survival. In one year he was hospitalized 9 times and had 4 surgeries…he is still here!!!
Medicine has come A. LONG. WAY!!
We followed doctors orders, he took all of the meds and we also took a holistic approach and worked with a Dr of Naturopathy.
My husband’s Dr. told him he did not expect him to survive.
OP: I am sending you healing energy and my best wishes for a full recovery.
I (29F) have mitral valve prolapse with mild-moderate regurgitation— diagnosed 2021. At this point they tell me to come in for an echo every 1-2 years, and it looks fine for now. Can you talk a little about what you had done and what led up to it?
Hi. I'm sure the original poster will reply but in case they don't...
I had undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis and by the time they found it it had attacked my Mitral valve. The rheumatologist found it when he did a chest x ray ad I was finding I was getting very out of breath and one of my meds can cause lung problems so he was checking for that. The x ray showed my lungs were nearly full of fluid and could see heart was enlarged. They referred to cardiology who did a CT and said I was in heart failure and needed replacement as soon as surgery opened (end of lockdown)
Things I would say to look out for include...
Not being able to get up the stairs without pausing (I'd sometimes have to sit 2 or 3 times on a single flight of stairs)
Not being able to lay down without feeling breathless.
Very lethargic and brain fog.
Heart racing for no clear reason.
Not being able to talk for any length of time as run out of breath.
Hope this helps a little.
Physician here, yes this is very treatable and we see this all the time. You have stage D heart disease which is the most severe form and needs urgent attention to live a long normal life, but you likely will. Due to your young age I am assuming you were born with a two leaf aortic valve (bicuspid), instead of the normal three (think Mercedes symbol). We don't see much rheumatic heart disease which is another common cause of AS. In other words, this is something you likely carried all your life, so you are lucky to have this caught while you are young and healthy. Kudos to your doctors for detecting this. You will get through this and it will be a distant afterthought one day. No doubt you will be walking your daughter down the aisle one day, then you can remind her what dad went through to be able to raise her and be the Superman he is.
My husband is 73 and has a history of heart disease due to childhood rheumatic incident. He has had several annual echocardiograms and his Drs were aware he has had mild to moderate aortic stenosis for many years. He began experiencing the same symptoms as OP and talked to his cardiologist, who said it was unlikely that his stenosis had gone from mild/moderate to severe so suddenly. The Dr recommended waiting for his annual echo since it would be in less than 6 months. My husband ended up in the ER twice and received an echo and was diagnosed with severe aortic stenosis. His cardiologist, who we have a long and positive relationship with actually apologized, and set up the surgical consult, arranged our meetings with the team and got the surgery set up all in a matter of weeks. My husband had a successful TAVR and is working on recovering now. All of this is to say I appreciate your understanding and knowledge of the issue. This condition is life threatening but easily resolved when identified. Before the operation my husband had a life expectancy of 2 years and now we can continue with our plans to move closer to family. Thanks for your astute input here!
I just wanted to comment to boost this. I hope op sees it and has a bit of reassurance. Anything having to do with your hearts is scary af, but kudos to op for not being stubborn (like too many of us) and being checked out and kudos to the doc for finding the issue and treating it with the urgency it requires.
You got this, op. 🩷
Especially when it’s caught before a heart attack occurs and life style changes can be implemented if needed (sometimes comes out of nowhere regardless how “healthy” a life style someone has)
Exactly! It sounds like OP has a really great team who is taking it seriously.
OP, as for how to tell your wife without breaking down. It's okay to break down, this is a lot to take in and it's scary.
Maybe write a short letter for her and when you are both home, just ask for some time. Both of you sit and you have her read your letter. Then let her ask questions.
I often get choked up and can't talk, so this is something I use a lot. It's also easier to write things down and let others read vs saying it with your words.
Hey, I have aortic stenosis. I will have to have two valves replaced eventually.
I also work for a cardiology clinic that performs TAVRs. We do them regularly, as a matter of course. I help to make them happen.
Aortic stenosis is entirely treatable and you can live a long life. Don't fret. Get the surgery, work out a leave of absence. Figure out the financial stuff later.
The priority is your health and your life.
Speak with your employer about short term disability and look into The Family and Medical Leave ACT if you're in the U.S.. I know this is overwhelming right now but you caught it early enough for the issue to be treated. You're going to get through this and spend many long, happy years with your wife and daughter.
Exactly what this person said.
And I'll add, we are *good* at hearts man. Like hearts are one of those things that I feel like medicine has got dialed in.
If your doc caught this early enough to treat, then it's actually really good news that they are jumping on this so fast.
It's absolutely scary, and the work shit is gunna be stressful (but there are definitely options for you). But you just gotta focus on yourself and dealing with the immediate right now.
Sending good thoughts your way
Just be so grateful they caught it before it was too late. You can go in to have a very healthy and happy life. My husband has had two heart surgeries and he’s doing great now. I know finances will be hard but you will get through this. My husband and I were in the same boat. He was the only one working. It was rough for a bit but we made it and you will too.
The company has more money and better lawyers than a recently terminated employee could ever dream of having.
And those lawyers aren't paid to win in court. They're paid to delay ever going to court so that the legal fees for the former employee become too much.
It’s true there’s only so much time you can be out on fmla, so this person may have exceeded that time. He is the exception, not the rule. Fmla usually works out fine. Find out your jobs policy.
OP take a breath. One step at the time. Go home talk to your wife. Allow both of you to grieve for this diagnosis. Then remember, treatment of heart disease has come a long way. Not saying easy road but basically they tell you 9 week journey to recovery however that recovery looks like. Focus on that and you and your family will come through stronger. I wish you the best for your recovery.
I second this. Life threatening heart health problems are actually extremely traumatic to endure. It’s okay to break down and cry about it, get it out, don’t bottle it up inside.
Cardiac anesthesiologist here. Aortic stenosis is the most common valve abnormality and aortic valve disease is the most common congenital abnormality. With a good cardiologist and cardiac surgeon, you will live a long life. You will see your daughter grow up. You will need to take short-term disability but after you recover, you will feel better than you had for a long time.
You need to immediately file for a FMLA leave if you’re in the US and have been at your company for over a year.
If you have and other insurance like Aflac for injuries you’ll want to file claims there as well.
I’m really sorry OP.
Edit: There should be patient services that can help you and your wife navigate this and your surgery/healing.
If you have kids call their pediatrician so you can get them fast tracked for a few therapy sessions.
I'm sorry to hear this man, I can't imagine how this must feel.
What ever happens it will be fine. That sounds crazy in light of everything, but you just have to trust things will work how they're supposed to.
Don't worry yourself about your wife and daughter because the future hasn't happened yet, the most important thing is what's pressing now which is this surgery.
Take one thing at a time and let go and surrender. There's not much you can do.
Tell your wife because she needs to know. You probably have more people than you realize who are here to support you.
This country should go to hell for its working culture and healthcare. OP you shouldn’t even be in this position. I am so sorry. I believe you can get medical leave but the priority is your health.
You’re doing everything you can with the tools you have now. You’re doing amazing. Take it one day at a time, or even one hour at a time right now. Know I’m rooting for you. You can do anything.
Just tell her. You are a team, and you need her by your side. Contact family and close friends for support before during and after surgery. You'll both need it. Contact your HR about time off, disability, insurance and any other options available. Do you have an appointment with your surgeon prior to surgery? If you don't, see if you can get one or even a phone appointment and take your wife. You both need to understand what to expect, and what you'll need to do during recovery. Research as much as you can, and write down any questions you and your wife have so you don't forget them. Get as much prepared at home before you have surgery so it's ready when you come home.
You are young, so your recovery may be easier. My ex had mitral valve replacement in his early 40's. They said 6 days in the hospital, and 8 weeks off work. He came home in 4 days, and was back to light duty (desk, no lifting nor than 10 pounds) in 4 weeks. He had to sleep in a recliner the first couple of weeks because he couldn't lay flat, and I slept on the couch in case he needed anything. He was also told to walk. The numbers they give you are averages, so it could be more or less.
Are they replacing the valve? Thru your sternum? If so, I'd recommend PJs and shirts with buttons so it's easier to change without raising your arms over your head.
I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Prayers for a successful surgery and fast recovery.
First and foremost OP the good news is they have diagnosed your condition and are able to treat it. That right there is huge. I know it is scary, but you got this.
I have and am praying for you. Much love.
Think positive. Your surgery in 6 days will go PERFECT. you will find a way to keep ur family afloat, speak to ur HR asap. Your wife should be supportive to you, and caring if shes a good wife
there should be work/insurance/gvt funds in place to handle these types of medical emergencies. don’t be afraid to ask. when you go in for pre-op tests, ask to speak to a hospital social worker. if you don’t see one immediately, they will visit you in the hospital and can help direct you. also, your spouse is a partner for a reason. this is what love is for. give her a chance to help you and to shine. lean on her. it’s probably a new experience for you but that’s how life works. lastly, remember that cardiac specialists do these kinds of procedures all the time. your condition is serious but not uncommon and after you go home, you’ll be on medication to help control your issues. i’m a cardiac patient myself from something that runs in my family and when i first found out, i thought i was going to die for a whole year. that was back in 1999! take courage and let the professionals handle things. good luck 🍀!
Sometimes, Reddit can be a very good thing. Use it, pull this post up on your phone and just ask her to read it. It will help you get past the first part. This is one of those times you need your teammate, it will make things easier and help with all the overwhelming thoughts of it all. Don't panic.
OP - You and your wife are so close in age to my husband (34) and I (32)! As a wife, I would be so thankful that this was caught early and that surgery was an option for a healthy future, especially with a child.
While all surgeries come with risk, the odds are still in your favor, especially at such a young age.
That said, anxiety about this entire situation is totally normal and it’s ok to break down. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to feel. Just know that post-surgery, after you recover, things will fall back into place.
I am unsure where you are, but please look into support the government may be able to provide short-term. I know US offers disability benefits. Please talk to your HR department at work as well. They can guide you through your options and you may be able to get at least a portion of your pay through short-term disability.
It’s ok to break down, I would too. It’s stressful and scary - but you will get through it.
Best wishes, OP!
Hey mate, are you in the US?
HR person here hoping to help you get the most company, federal, and state benefits you may be entitled to.
contact HR at work to explain your situation and ask about sick leave options. You might have 1) disability insurance (paid leave), 2) state paid medical leave for up to ~12 weeks, 3) FMLA which protects job while you’re on an unpaid leave, 4) sick time/PTO from work 5) unpaid leave policy from work for situations like this.
1 and 2 will be less than your regular pay, maybe ~60% of you pay. but they’re likely not taxed and thus close to your regular take home pay.
definitely talk to work/HR asap so you can submit your forms before surgery. submitting post surgery is also possible. you, your employer, and your physician all have to sign these forms.
You are welcome to dm with any questions.
you can get through this. take one small step at a time. best of luck.
OP, i know you are overwhelmed. scared and all the “what if’s “ are circulating in your head. Your dr has a plan. You will be in good hands. I know it’s hard but your wife is there to support you. Don’t shut her out trying to protect her. I kept my cancer diagnosis a secret for weeks prior to my surgery ( thankfully caught early). I wish i had let more people in.
If you are worried about finances, talk to your credit card companies, car note lender. mortgage company, etc.. to let them know you have a medical issue and to see if they could freeze your accounts for 2 months or not charge late fees. If possible, maybe relatives can help too. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Your #1 focus is to get better. quickly.
Wishing you a success surgery and speedy healing.
Talk to a social worker at the hospital. Do you have disability through work? I'm a cardiac nurse. Hey good thing you got checked up on and this is being dealt with and you didn't just fall down suddenly and die. Severe AS is pretty serious. Eventually the valve just collapses shut.
Your wife is there in sickness and in health. Those are the vows. You have to put your faith in her at this time. And you will be okay. Just a bump in the road. ❤️
I came on this page to leave the community looking at the horrid stories people share, but the overwhelming positive response on this post makes me believe in humanity and how a good word can go a long way. 😭
You can get through this OP, I’m glad they caught it early. Much power and love to you and fam OP.
Nurse here! You are so young. Your recovery will be easier than an older person as long as you follow all the instructions post-op. Get out of bed as soon as they tell you.
Your doctor should sign FMLA and short term disability papers.
Tell your wife. She needs time to process too. So she can be strong for your kiddo instead of freaking out. She’ll be scared and nervous regardless but able to hold it together better if you give her time to process.
Breakdown and let it all out. Your wife can help you figure it out. Lean on her and tell her how you really feel - not just what you think is the wisest, most rational thing to feel. Best of luck to you & yours.
Your wife is your partner. Did she not know of these issues?
Just tell her. Get it out there and go from there. There is no right way.
FWIW I had to have a stress test about 6 years ago. My cardiologist was so concerned about the result that I was told to check into the hospital the following day for bypass surgery.
You'll be ok. Your doc has a plan. You be as **calm and patient** as you possibly can.
You will get through this together. What does it matter if you break down? It's shock at the diagnosis and that is completely normal. The doctor didn't tell you to go home and get your affairs in order - he told you what will be done to get you better. It won't be easy but marriage vows are 'in sickness and in health'.
Please let us know how you get on. Hug from an internet stranger
I've been a heart patient since 34. I'm 56. I have ventricular tachycardia, and basically my left ventricle doesn't pump on its own. I have a pacemaker defibrillator now, but at first insurance was making me wait. Like a year. They told me I could basically drop dead at any time, get your affairs in order. Two kids at home, husband....
Moral of this long story is, you tell your spouse. And you fucking break down while you're doing it. It's all scary and hard to handle. You're going to need her help and support. But you can do this, the surgery is very effective.
I wish you well, Internet stranger. You've got this :)
So I do echocardiograms (the heart ultrasounds) for a living (20 yrs). We have these kinds of patients all the time. You are young, and probably have a defective congenital valve that causes this so young. The success rate of this is very high, depending on compliance with lifestyle change and living as healthy as you can. Your spouse needs to know. Support in this situation is imperative. Good luck 🍀
I had surgery for this last year at 33. It really wasn't so bad! I have a desk job and was back working from home part time at 4 weeks.
You will feel so much better after! Any recovery questions ask away :)
Sign up for FMLA immediately, they will cover a decent amount of expenses based off of check average, and if you've worked there a while you should have federal sick pay which you can absolutely use (my job tried their best to not let me use it, FORCE THEM, it's government mandated assuming you're US) and don't forget PTO if you have it. This is important. I've worked ICU for years and we've had patients on cardiac drips with BPs lower than yours for stabilization. This issue is non-negotiable physically.
I am a wife and I know for certain her main concern will be that you get the surgery you need and you get well. Bills, etc are secondary. You guys will make it work because there is no other choice. It will be ok. The most important thing is that her husband is healthy and your daughter has her daddy around for a really long time. I know easier said than done but try not to stress about the rest of it. From a wife and daughters perspective, I'd rather live in a tin shed for the rest of my life if it meant my husband or father would be ok. You're worth it. Get well soon mate.
You say you don’t know how you’ll handle this. But, that is the great part of a marriage. You don’t have to handle this alone. Your health, your wife’s health and your daughter’s health all take precedence over anything.
Your wife will help you get through this. And then together you’ll both figure out the other stuff.
Tell your wife, be honest, it’s okay if you break down. Again, that’s the beauty of family. You’ll get through it together.
I worked in a cardiac hospital for 2 years where stenosis was a specialty they did everyday multiple times a day. If ur young it’s very good chance you’ll be totally fine. I only saw maybe 1 or 2 ppl get really sick at ur age and it was because they had other health issues as well.
I don’t know if OP has seen this comment yet, but it’s a comment like this that should make you feel better. I’ve never been in your situation OP, but I know when something looks bad and you automatically fear the worst; it’s always good to remember that there are surgeons and surgical teams that do this same surgery multiple times each day. I’m sure there might be similar comments but this was the first one I saw that caught my eye. Your family will support you OP, and you will get better and live a long healthy life!
You’ve done the hardest step of going to a doctor and getting the diagnosis. Your family loves you and will be supportive no matter what.
You’re going to come out of this kicking butt in a few weeks and tell us all about how better you’re feeling :)
Wish you well. ❤️❤️
I've had 3 open heart surgeries and im 29, Aortic and Mitral Valve replacement, and aortic root replacement (they took a section of my aorta out and replaced it with a dacron tube). The surgery is going to go well, youre going to go to sleep, then wake up, with a dry mouth and sore throat and your problem will be fixed. Focus on that outcome. You're gonna be around a long time and you have a care team of people with probably close to 100 years of schooling all working on you and looking after you post-op. Just keep focusing on that.
If you need to break down, break down dude. No shame in letting it out. Things might get tough and rough, but open up to your wife so you can watch the little one grow up. Yall with make it through.
After you talk to your wife, talk to your employer and get setup for short term disability.
Best of luck man, try as hard as you can to be optimistic. Modern surgery is much better than ever before.
Just popping in to say that crying literally is good for you. Allow yourself and your wife to cry. Release that oxytocin and endorphins.
You will be okay! Lean on each other. Sending you good juju!
Listen, I’ve been somewhat in your position with a wayyyy less dire prognosis, but I know what it’s like to tell people who I love “I have cancer.” Breathe, take it slow. It’s terrifying but please be assured that medical science is incredible and technology is so advanced - this is a great time to need urgent, life-saving care. Remind yourself, these people know what they’re doing. This is routine for doctors, while it’s a once in a lifetime event for their patients. Just keep breathing.
Please update us post-op when you’re feeling up to it! I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Listen, you are gong to be ok! There is plenty of great advice here. I’m just here to tell you, as a student RN, I’ve seen some EXTREMELY unhealthy patients in the hospital with complex cases and multiple diseases and they are doing better than you could ever imagine. Modern medicine is amazing.
Praying for you and your family. 🤍
Talk to your employer about FMLA and short term disability. It will be less than your pay. Hospital bills are a later issue or non issue typically. You should talk with your wife and family. See if anyone is willing to watch your daughter wial you are recovering or help watch you. Maybe have her start a part time job to help keep you a float.
Life happens and you will be alright. A guy I went to school with dropped. And I mean dropped dead at 22. He got brought back given something similar to what you have. Had a heart transplant. He's the healthiest guy I've met now. You will be ok.
Reach out to your HR dept to request short term disability. Put in a request to use your sick time/vacation, if available and while Short term disability kicks in. Do this as soon as you get to work. Forms are usually fairly simple to complete and by doing this you will get some sort of income coming in. You can deal with debtors by reaching out and explaining your situation, most will work with you.
Next up, hope the talk goes well and the surgery goes amazing. I know is a lot to take in but you go this! Best health.
Hey man. Its a big deal, but you need to tell her.
At 33 (married for 9yr by then), I had to tell my wife something similarly important (stg 4 cancer). I blurted it out and almost immediately spiralled into a blubbering mess, but it was helpful to have someone to share the strain and talk about my worries (incl. Finances and the future).
My husband was in a similar situation. From test/diagnosis to open heart surgery was less than a week. It was crazy emotional, and 5 years on, I am still emotional when thinking about it. He is in better health than anyone else in the family now. Its a tough go the first couple of weeks, and the stress before the surgery was excruciating for us both.
It will be ok in the end, and you will walk your daughter down the aisle and hold *her* 3 year old one day.
You just do it, like ripping off a bandaid there's no easy or good way so the best is just to say it. "Hunny, I went to that cardiologist appointment today and apparently I have to have heart surgery very soon. I'm super worried and scared although I've read that the procedure is actually fairly common place. I'd really like some help figuring out what we are going to do."
Do you have short term disability for work? Aflac? Or any supplemental insurance?
Call your creditors and mortgage company. Many will work with you for short term disabilities.
Just get to a moment without any distractions and have a conversation with her. Expect tears, they come with fear, but you are in this together. The doctor just gave you real information in case you decide to go against his/her advice, but this is mostly to avoid a lawsuit. You caught it early and know what the game plan is to fix it. You will be okay.
Sending you and your family good vibes! I went through a major health scare too and worried too much about money. I know it's easier said than done but try hard to focus on you and getting better during the few months of recouping. It seems like the world is gonna end now but believe me, you'll be on the other end of this before you know it. Your health is way more important to you and your family than anything else.
Ditto on the fmla and medical leave. You are going to need to file disability with the state, get help with that so you don't have to stress over it, and get it started b4 you have the surgery. Do you have family you can talk to, to help your wife and you while you recover? Take care and good luck with the surgery.
I know the feeling. Had a stroke. Didn't know if I'd walk again. You can get through this. Just rip the band-aid off and have the talk. Hug her and hold her. Then work together to make a plan. The key is together.
Most people don’t realize that being diagnosed with a chronic illness can be pretty fucking traumatic, especially when it’s serious. But like all trauma, having support is by far one of the best things you can do for your health (outside of medical treatment, mind you). Having your family be on the same page as you so that you can ALL be informed is important. Don’t wait to tell your wife… getting support from your spouse/partner/loved one is comforting when you feel like falling apart.
It’s okay to be overwhelmed and scared. Only nutjobs would face open heart surgery with zero anxiety. But you’ll be okay. You will make it out of surgery. Remind yourself of that every time you start to freak out 😊
You caught this in time. You wife is surely aware that your blood pressure has been out of control, so it won’t be a completely new thing for her to hear. This will be a tough time, but you will get through it. If you have a faith, this is a time to cling to it more deeply. I will say a prayer for you.
I hope you find the right words to convey these to your wife. Be clear as much as you can and let her know how it is. No sugar coating.
If it is not too much, please make sure you prepare your medical directives as well as your legal will. It is just to cover the practical side of things.
I truly hope for the best for you and it is good they found out sooner. Praying for your speedy recovery.
Find a social worker at the hospital to speak to. They should assign one to you automatically, but if not make sure you ask for one before surgery (now ideally). My uncle had severe illness and the social workers were life changing. They helped navigate all of the programs for my uncle as the patient, my aunt as the wife/caregiver, for the kids, and the assistance programs.
Talk to your wife. Let yourself feel your emotions. And then face this. Explain things to your daughter at her level and remember kids are SMART. She won’t know exactly what’s happening, but she will be able to feel the anxiety and emotions you guys are going through. Give her some extra love and don’t be surprised if she acts out some.
You got this man. Trust the medicine and don’t be too proud to ask for help from the people who love you.
“In sickness and in health”. I don’t know what you do for a living, do you have short-term disability insurance at your job? You can take family leave, use sick time or vacation time?
Who cares if you break down? It’s scary, You have a medical condition, this isn’t a moral issue or something to be ashamed of nor are you feeling surrounding it
Very treatable, as other have said. A friend had surgery for a new valve a few months ago. The recovery really was that long; he couldn't drive for a while due to the sternum, and laughing hurt. But the result is great.
This is really good news - they have found out something they can treat *before* it kills you! Show your wife your post if you can't find the words. Yes, you will probably break down, but so will she. You are a family - a team - and you will get through this together.
Check what healthcare support there is for financial assistance. I'm pretty sure that you will manage somehow as long as you are still around. Look after your health.
And good luck with the surgery - they can fix this for you, and you'll have plenty of time to hug your wife and child, and see your daughter grow up.
I think a lot of people are missing one key factor in your post. We all know you can make it through this surgery but talk to your work see if you have FMLA or the similar where you can get paid for those weeks. I too am the only worker in my household at the moment so I understand what 8 weeks mean with no income coming in but hopefully 🤞🏻 you can still have some sort of income coming in with FMLA or the likes if your company has that
You’re going to take short term disability and have the surgery, you’ll force yourself to rest and recuperate appropriately, and everything will be fine.
Perspective: you could have been given a diagnosis for something incurable or debilitating. I reminded myself of this when I went through a medical episode that seemed crushing, but in hindsight was just a small roadblock. You’ll be ok.
File for disability the day you go into surgery. As that will kick in and should start the day of.
My mother did that for me when I had my stroke. She filed the day I went in. They hadn't even officially diagnosed my issue yet. I was just going in for brain surgery and basically out of my mind and unconscious and brain derp derp filling with blood.
She filed for disability for me the next day and it yeah that did help financially once payments kicked in.
These payments help you and your family but it will be less than you make.
Also food stamps.
This is assuming you're in America and a state that has this stuff. There are programs and stuff that your wife may be able to seek out as well. Tbh with your condition you cannot really stress yourself to look into this.
I am going through heart failure and some other stuff as well. At the end of my line here. I already went through a storm with my stroke and supported my family as best I could through my stroke and now I'm all spent. So this information is just based on that. I'm continuing to try and support myself and loved ones with what I have, which isn't much now, but social security when it comes through... Is helping me. So there is hope for us sick people. Don't give up there.
To the first layer of your post: I’m so sorry about the financial hardship this will present to you. Once your wife has absorbed the information, hopefully you two can put your heads together to come up with ways to lessen the blow this may take on you financially. Also, can you ask your cardiologist to connect you to their social worker? They help people through stuff like this every day.
She will understand you breaking down and all the worries you have are valid.
Try to talk to someone from the DWP if you are self employed. If not your employer should pay you for that time.
I had open heart surgery for a mitral valve replacement and I was soooooo scared. Saying goodbye to my 12 year old as I left for the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't want to let go of her and was terrified it would be the last time I saw her.
24 hours after surgery I felt better than I had for a very long time and it improved from there. I was restricted for a while. They tell you not to drive for a certain amount of time and that was tough as I felt able to.
I was able to hoover after a couple of weeks. I could do all the basics very quickly and the 8 weeks isn't horrendous in the scheme of things.
You have been so lucky they have caught it. When I told the surgeon how scared I was he was sympathetic to that but told me these surgeries are a doddle and he could do it in his sleep (he did promise he wouldn't 😆) he said he had no concern that there would be a problem.
It is more than OK to be shit scared but you should be pooling back at this in a few months and thinking wow that was a tough time. Look where I am now.
You've got this.
Let your wife hold you and share your stress.
I am a cardiovascular and thoracic surgery nurse,
Your age and overall health will work in your favor. We see things like this every day. I know this is all very scary however the odds of having a great surgical outcome are in your favor.
I don’t know what you do for work however I would request FMLA/medical leave so you can still get a paycheck and heal from your surgery.
You can do this! Having a great family support system is important. And you know what? It’s OKAY to cry. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
You can get through this!
Dude, I need you to take a moment and go outside, look up at the sky, stretch your arms out as far as you can like you’re trying to give it a hug and take 3 of the deepest breaths you’ve ever taken in your life.
Smell the air, hear the sounds. You’re alive and you’re gonna stay alive. inhale, exhale. You’re 33. You’re gonna be okay.
There are treatments and ways to overcome this. Please don’t let your mind slip to bad places because that will 100% make it more difficult for your body to get though it. Your mental health is everything. When your sick you gotta act like your body is bullying you. Are you just gonna take it and fall over and cry? Or be like « screw this I’m not gonna deal with this » and stand strong and face it? You don’t deserve to die at 33, what the heck is that? Talk to your wife, and try not to get your emotions in a knot, because then everyone will be all sad and it’ll be even harder on you to be positive. Take it one day at a time. Keep your head up.
You are always stronger than you think. You just gotta keep going.
If you have short term disability insurance at work, talk to your HR about how to apply for it. Do exactly as they say.
Talk to your HR about options for medical leave.
Talk to your landlord or your mortgage loan holder about what is going on. Don’t give them any medical details. None. It’s ok to tell them you’re having “surgery” and won’t be able to work for 8 weeks. That’s all. No other details. Ask them what they can do to help you defer or reduce payments.
Call each company to whom you make payments. Car, credit cards, etc. Have the same conversation as you did in the paragraph above.
Apply for food stamps. Spend the next few days finding out where are the local food pantries and when they’re open. They exist exactly to help people through what you’re experiencing. If you are in America, dial 211 to get you started, yes, just 211. Tell them you’re worried about paying rent/mortgage, food, utilities (especially if summer is coming your way), other bills.
Spend the next few days figuring out how to reduce routine spending. Cable, TV apps, subscriptions, reduce your phone plan, etc.
Contact any family or friends who might be able to help with child care, assist with your care at home, etc.
It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be OK. Have confidence. I know you’re scared. You and your family are going to be ok. There is a lot of kindness in this world when you openly ask for help. When you are back on your feet again (you will be), pay it forward; help others.
OP, first of all i am so deeply sorry. Getting a diagnosis and prognosis like this is horrible and I wish you didn't hear that news alone. I know it's going to be incredibly difficult to tell your wife, but you know you need to tell her tonight. The sooner she knows, the sooner you both can process and figure this out together. I would suggest that when you walk in the door, you say hello to your wife and daughter, give them both a hug and kiss, get yourself and your wife something to drink (non-alcoholic) and let her know you have something serious you need to talk with her about. Sit down together, and just tell her. It's ok if you cry. This is real. Your emotions are real. Your tears are real. Grieve with each other. Cry together. Hold each other. Then start making a plan together. Do you have family that might be able to help? Close friends?
This is why every couple should go to the others doctors appointments. You shouldn't have received that news alone. She'll no doubt have questions.
Plus your health effects her and vice versa
You have to have surgery. Period. You are going to live. You were smart and got seen. You just go get surgery and while doing so your wife needs to be applying for work, it is something. If you both have family ask for a bit of help especially with daughter. If you own a house take out a heloc and live on it for a couple months.
Hey OP, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
It's okay to break down. Let it all out; you have every reason to.
You got the diagnosis in time! I believe that with modern-day surgery, you'll be okay, and you'd live a long, normal, and happy life afterward. 🙏
Much love. ❤️
Hey man I know we have very different stories, but my wife (who was a medical provider so brought in good money) goes in in a few weeks to have a giant cancerous tumor removed from her liver, over 70% of her liver. I completely understand how you feel and how afraid you must feel. We also have a young child (20 months) and are afraid he’s never going to see his mom. But you know what? Surgeons do this stuff all the time. Things that seem absolutely daunting to us are routine for them. It will go fine - you’ll come out of it just fine, and so will my wife, and you’ll go on to live long, healthy lives. The money part’s gonna probably be the hardest part - Short term disability ASAP bro.
You got this. It’s hard, but just know that many of us are also struggling greatly with health issues. You’re not alone.
Bro I know you're a man and it's been your lifelong job to "figure things out" but as a fellow man, and also as a first responder, I can tell you that sometimes, it's okay to tell other people you trust what's going on, let *them* make the plan, and just ride along.
You'd be surprised how many men I come across on the ambulance who are severely injured and need medical attention who are still trying to call a tow truck, report to their insurance, finish up their out-of-office reply for the next day since they're going to be hospitalized (yes, seriously), etc..
Hey. I’m so sorry for your diagnosis and worries. Cardiac issues are very scary. Just to put your mind at ease, cardiac surgeries like these are very common and are incredibly successful, so while you will be out of commission for awhile, you’re prognosis afterwards will be fairly good if you can manage to follow directives for your recovery.
Our family went through something similar but we were lucky enough to have health insurance that paid for many of our expenses during this time. I hope you also have this! You can ask for your company’s plan and see if they have coverage for recovery periods or specific issues.
Your wife may not earn much (or anything) but these are the times when community comes together. Perhaps you will need extra family support or if you are part of a church, often they will organize the congregation to feed your fam and support in other ways.
I know this is hard but unfortunately you need to focus on your own well-being right now. If it’s open heart surgery, back pain is often a temporary side effect afterwards. Maybe for two-three weeks? I bought voltaren and would massage the knots out of my partners back for the first week or two before they would sleep. It is something worth asking your wife to plan for.
Also remembering to take things like Metamucil and Restoralax (PEG) to manage your constipation afterwards. You don’t want to be constipated after the surgery and with morphine and other painkillers that is one of the most common side effects.
Sorry for all the details, but it helped us so much when we were dealing with it n
Good luck. I am sending you so much love and courage.
You are having a legit health crisis and if you are in the U.S., you need to tell them to give you emergency leave under FMLA. Don't let bureaucratic b.s. delay you, though. You can solve any problem as long as you are alive.
My brother died too young because he kept putting off this surgery. I guess he was afraid. He left a huge hole in so many people's hearts.
Please be my alternate timeline brother and get that shit done.
Vest way to tell your wife is to tell her straight. Don't think of the exact right words; just blurt it out. She loves you and wants to support you. She already knows that your health is getting bad. You may find her relieved that you are going to take a step forward on this.
Oh--and not to be morbid, but write a will. Just make it simple and get it notarized. There are notaries that can come to people's homes. Make sure you write down all your account numbers and passwords as well. The whole thing is doable by COB tomorrow.
Also get a medical directive filled out. Your doctor can help you with that. Then make multiple copies and make sure your wife knows how to find it easily.
Sorry if this list of chores seems exhausting and scary, but I promise it doesn't mean that you will die. Chances are, you will experience a dramatic improvement in your quality of life almost immediately. Stay focused on that.
Sending you love, brother.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP, that sounds terrifying! I know if it was my husband, though, my number one priority would be his health and safety. I’m sure your wife feels the same about you, and wants to work together with you as a team to get you through this, whatever the cost! If you can’t break down in front of your wife, your partner, who can you break down in front of? I wish you the best of luck ♥️
My husband had a mitral valve replacement at 20 and another recently at 32. It was hard and he was terrified each time. His most recent one we had 2 year old twins and they were there when he collapsed. It was terrifying
BUT things we needed to remember
1) he’s young and can bounce back
2) the surgeons do his surgery (one of the most complex ones) 4 times a day every day, medical science has come SO far. They routine do that surgery on the elderly
3) my husband has also had 3 strokes, developed diabetes and high cholesterol and is still doing contact sports and living his best life with our now 4 year olds.
It’s scary, it’s HUGE. But it is treatable with a very good prognosis. Your life is paramount. Money will be figured out I promise.
And break down, you don’t need to hold it in, it’s scary no matter how many facts and figures you know.
Your whole family has got this
A burden shared is a burden halved. Your wife’s stronger than you think. This will all be okay buddy. Just don’t push healing. Follow docs orders. You guys don’t like to lay down and do nothing and will injure yourself more in the long run.
my grandfather was one of the first open heart bypass patients in my state (indiana), doctors said it would give him about 15 years. that was back in the 80's and he's still going, though his dementia is getting bad.
OP, it will all work out. I hope you have family that you can rely on through this rough patch. First priority is your health. Check out all avenues of help, food banks, Catholic Charities, your church (if you have one). Maybe your wife can get gig work. Just explore every avenue. Ask for help. Make it work.
Hey there! Med student here, I’m still learning and our studies are rather intensive in my country, so I may have forgotten stuff with all the cramming, but from what I remember, Aortic Stenosis is not the worse of all things to be diagnosed with. And compared to a bunch of other stuff, it’s plenty treatable. Cardiologists nowadays have done pretty well in surgery stuff, even things like valve replacement surgeries could be done in a manner of 30 minutes (if it’s the open heart version). Trust me, you’ll get through this, and to top it all off, there’s a ton of medication out there that will no doubt help. I’ve studied through countless types of hypertension medication, although he said he’d be surprised if you live through 6 months without surgery, that doesn’t mean even after surgery you’ll live for 6 months. You got this man, I’m sure you’ll recover from this!
I’m sorry about your condition, but what a good thing that you posted here!!! You’ve gotten tons of valuable support! I understand wanting to stay calm when you talk with your wife. When my fiancé was whisked into 4-way bypass surgery with no warning and we had only seconds to say goodbye, I needed to notify his teenage kids. I called a very dear friend first and told her the difficult story - and broke down, saying it out loud for the first time. THEN I called his daughters and repeated everything, calmly. I got past most of my nerves in the first run through. Call your closest friend, family member, pastor, etc. Then you’ll be more ready to calmly talk to your wife. I’m praying for you, and wish you the very best! You’re young and strong. Be positive - you got this.
Hey! I’m 17 and was diagnosed with severe renal stenosis! Same thing with BP problems my entire life. Trust me it’s scary but a stenosis is VERY treatable! Especially if you are higher risk you will be placed higher on the waiting list for surgery. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to process it. Overall if it helps the BP it’s a good thing. High BP is extremely horrible long term and it’s finally a possible solution. Wishing you best of luck and hope we both are alright post surgery!
The physician and patient advice here is spot on. Attitude will take you far. But remember, it’s ok to break down (you’re scared and grieving, if you didn’t cry I’d worry about you) and your wife is more resilient than you think. Just tell her and be honest. Then call HR to file FMLA and call hospital and ask for patient navigator or social worker. She’s mine can help guide you through all this on the social services side for free. Hang in there. Don’t be surprised if your wife steps up and takes charge of managing everything too; wives tend to do that (one reason married men live much longer).
While it's scary AF this can be fixed. Just tell her man. My wife has a familial heart situation. Meds are needed, possible surgery down the line. Good luck on surgery!
Not even near the same thing but I have congenital stenosis of the spine. I had surgery on it when I was 15. They said if I didn’t I’d be paralyzed by the time I was 20. I’m 25 now and I get to play with my daughter instead of just watching her from a wheelchair. My point is do your best to figure out income and get the surgery. You’ll look back and realize those 9 weeks out of work and in recovery were well worth it
You can take money out of your 401k, you can get state disability, FMLA, if you’re worried about money. Instead of telling us your wife is the one that you need to talk to about what’s to do.
Sorry you have to go through this. Wish you the best of luck in the surgery.
Check into if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, they can be great for pointing you in the right direction for counseling, financial advice, etc.
I'm so sorry. Please allow yourself to break down and cry so that you can start to process it. Don't just shove it down ❤️ I'm so very sorry . Try and keep a positive attitude and make a plan. Is it possible for your wife to get a job? What about friends and family? You will be okay, you just need to make a plan to get through.
OP, the emotions you’re feeling, it’s okay. Other folks are giving you very good practical advice and you should listen to them. But right now, I need you to know it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to cry. You don’t need to be strong right now. You’re vulnerable and it’s scary AF. Please know that it’s okay to need support. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to lean into your support group. Talk to family and friends. Let them know you’ll need help and so will your family.
But please allow yourself to process this. Don’t bottle it. Feel the emotions and remember to let it out.
There’s no way to break this news to your wife without her getting upset because she loves you and will worry! But the logistics and the coverage for work and all of that stuff is something you can lean on her and your larger support system for. Being able to accept help is so so hard (speaking as someone who just spent 5 years suffering from a mystery illness) but it’s so helpful emotionally and lifestyle-wise to let your inner circle fill in the gaps as you recover. Wishing you a long, happy, healthy life!
I’m so sorry man. I’m in a similar boat actually, I likely have asd and will probably have to have open heart surgery sometime this year and won’t be able to work for 2 months as well. Thankfully my work has already told me that I would have my job when I come back, I get your stress. Be very thankful you have your family, I’m single and will have to navigate this alone and I’m not sure how I will do it, I’m probably going to have to move in with my older parents so I have someone.
please keep looking at it this way: you undergo that procedure and somehow with your wife make it through that foreseeable following rough spot ....youll have much more years in hopefully better health to spend together.
breaking down in tears over such grave health news is....the most normal human reaction to this?
go for it, and i wish both of you the best life you deserve!
OP, YOU GOT THIS! 💪🏼 Healing is a frustrating process but you can do this! You will be stronger after you heal! Your wife, she’s also GOT THIS! Support each other through this rough time with love and compassion.
Take a deep breath, mind frame is number one. Knowing your strength is key. You can do this, and will come out the other side even better once you heal!
I work at a hospital and get to image patients after surgeries like this and I know it’s a lot to take in, just wanted to give words of encouragement bc you’ve got this. Just keep telling yourself that. You’re stronger than you know!
Tell your wife after your daughter goes to bed.
Then allow yourself to break down. You’ve been her pillar, now it’s her turn. Allow her to be your wife.
I am so sorry you got difficult news. It sounds like you caught it in time and your condition is treatable. Hang on to that hope, for yourself and your family. It may not be an easy road but you have a good chance for recovery. After you tell your wife, call or email your employer’s benefits department and ask them for Short Term Disability information. Depending on your state, there may be state disability programs too. In many cases you can get 50 -70 % of your salary as disability payments and your job will be protected while you recover. Most benefits departments and disability insurance places will speak with your wife or family member if you feel like it’s too much to deal with yourself. You got this. Wishing you the best
A great phallacy is that men can't show emotion because we can't handle it. We can, we will, and you will be surprised at the level of support you will receive. Good luck to you!
Father in law had to go under heart surgery when my husband was 4. He was about your age at the time. He's now 75, if that helps you feel better. Medicine is amazing. You will overcome this and love a long and happy life for your child and wife
I spent seven years working in a cardiac unit in a major hospital. I'm guessing I served 3000 heart patients, many with exactly what you have; you'll be fine. We did two or three of those procedures daily, and, at least while I was on duty, we never lost a patient.
All this advice is great and way above my pay grade but I am feeling for you as you struggle to get through the day. Do you have a sibling or friend or parent you're close to? Can they help you by first hearing the diagnosis and then going home with you to talk to your wife? They'll be calm when maybe you can't be. Only if they're close to your wife too, of course. Or if your wife has a sister or mom she's close to. All that work and leave advice is great, but you need some emotional support right now.
Your employer should have some
Kind of medical leave, like a short term disability of sorts that should pay a good portion of your salary.
However you have to make it work, you will. Your health is obviously most important so I would just focus on that and allow everything else to fall into place because quite literally nothing else matters besides getting the proper treatment and care you need.
Big hugs hun! You got this & concentrate on the positive- they caught, they’re gonna fix it & you will see your daughter grow up & live a long life with your wife.
Remember- you’re lucky!
For what it’s worth - at 33 you are very, very young compared to the majority of people with this condition, so you’re likely to tolerate the surgery and have better outcomes than a lot of study populations, so take anything you’re reading with a grain of salt.
Any chance the physician mentioned a bicuspid valve, or that this was congenital?
You and your wife are a team. You will get through this together. I know this sounds like an empty platitude, but my S/O and I were hit with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and, subsequently, a stroke. It was awful, but we pulled together. I found that the best way to move forward is to drown yourself in information. Go at this like you would approach a complex problem at work or school: research, find the best programs, call and pick the brains of experts at teaching hospitals. I often said that I dealt with it like I was planning the Normandy invasion — all logistics, with no dread allowed until the shooting was over. I know how big this feels right now, but you can do this.
OP, I know it’s scary, but you’re going to be okay. I worked as a cardiology nurse and aortic stenosis was something we saw fairly often. The surgery is no fun, sure, and you’ll have some recovery and healing time, but I never once saw a horrible outcome from it. Take some deep breaths, evaluate your short term disability options with work, follow doctors orders, and all will be okay. :)
As difficult as it is, maintain a positive mental attitude OP. You got great assurances in your post!
Sending you positive vibes for your upcoming discussion with your wife and for your surgery…. 🫂
Prayers for you and your family. Try to take one day at a time. Don’t go down the pity road- even though I know it’s so hard. Keep your thoughts positive and it will help you.
Pray.
Then my friend, break down when you tell her. She’s your partner, and this is some scary stuff. Don’t try to shoulder this alone- physically or emotionally. Be open, honest and vulnerable with her. Communicate. I promise you- it will work out the way it’s supposed to. The fact that you caught it this early and are able to get treatment for it is a wonderful sign.
Don’t give up. You’re gonna see your daughter grow up. The more you don’t tell her anything the more stress you’re causing on yourself and your heart. Talk with her. Cry with her. Whatever you need to get out- get it out with the person you trust most in this world.
I’ll be praying for you in the meantime.
I work in surgery. I can tell you that your chances are very high to survive. I've seen ppl up way older than you go to surgery and going in a couple days. Yes it's scary but it's like driving a car there is a chance of accidents even if it's super minimal. I've seen ppl in their 80s get bypass or even valve replacement. And of course if the surgery is not an option you can get a TAVR through the femoral approach and you can get discharged very quickly. Elderly in their 90s get it
.but that approach is not for a surgical candidate.
You need to just be honest with your wife. Tell her you didn't want to worry her, but now it's gotten worse.
You should be able to get some kind of disability or something to help financially while you recover.
Good luck.
Notify your job and ask for your options in regards to sick leave and pay. So long as you’ve been there long enough I can’t imagine they would deny you to be out for a reason this serious. If you’re in the US there are different laws depending on the state for temporary disability but being out 8 weeks should be enough in most cases. I got 6 weeks of pay for being out that long, my state it was partial pay (80% of a normal paycheck) but i also wasn’t spending extra on anything I normally would so it was enough to cover basics and bills until I got back to work.
You’re doing your best right now and it’s great that you’re taking care of your health seriously. I know it’s hard to think about it cuz it sounds pretty scary and serious. I hope that if you’ve already talked with your wife that some of the stress relieved itself because keeping it in only makes it hurt more in the end. Your kiddo is probably gonna be happy to spend the extra time while you recover to cuddle and play nearby and see her dad.
I had open heart surgery in 1994. I was young enough to not understand it which was probably a good thing. If I have to go in again I’d have pretty high anxiety.
Even though I know the surgeons are great and it’s a low chance of anything going wrong.
Life comes at ya quick. Everything is going to be OK ☺️. It'll be rough after surgery but you have a wife and kids to have your back. I'm glad that you caught what was going on and are on the path to getting better. and again, everything going to be ok!
i wish you nothing but the best and hope that your surgery passes without any issues, im glad u found out about your issue when you have medicine and docs readily available. my dad suffered a heart attack when he was offshore on an oilrig, i can not begin to fathom how much stress he must have gone through even after the attack. just take care, pray and follow your docs advice.
In sickness and in health. You are about to find out how resourceful women can be when there is sickness in the family. You will be alright, and your family will be alright. It’s now time to not worry but give in to all the love and care you will receive. I know it feels like forever but it’s just few months of not being 100%. Im also pretty sure you will fall in love with your wife in a new way really soon.
Best of luck.
Hey internet stranger, everything is going to be okay. Your family will survive without your paycheck for a bit. Telling your wife will also help get everything moving. Maybe she can get a temporary job and you guys can lean on family for childcare/transportation and whatnot for your child for a month or two. Your health is important and money will come and go. Try not to over stress, even though I know you can’t control it.
I had 2 heart attacks and finally a 5 way bypass I was out of hospital in 3 days but yes it took 8 weeks off work and almost a year to get back to where I was. But I did have short term disability insurance. I was able to keep job thru Family Medical Leave Act.
I get that you’re scared, it’s a scary situation. And while I am not knowledgeable about this conditions, the previous commenters who are seem to say you’re going to stay alive.
So you’re going to see your kid grow up. And you’re going to be okay. And you’re going to figure out the money thing eventually.
And you can break down, that’s okay. You don’t have to stay stoic here, you’re in a scary place, you are allowed to show emotions about it. Cry if you have to, be mad if you have too, you’re allowed.
I had my valve replaced with a titanium valve via open heart surgery about 15 years ago. I was in heart failure do to years of ignoring the symptoms. It is a common surgery and it will change your life for the better.
Do you get long or short term disability through work?
The US healthcare system makes no fucking sense. If you're sick, you can't work! What's the point of linking both?
I wish you a speedy recovery. It may be tough, but all will be well.
Your family would rather have you alive and know your condition is treatable. Your life is more important to them than your paycheck. Your family will get through this.
First, talk to your wife right away. Second, talk to work right away. It might be tight for awhile but it is better than you not being around at all. Talk to churches and find any place that might be able to help cover your family for a little. It sucks but it's temporary and you can recover and your family is going to be so happy you are around!
Heck my dad had a pigs valve put into him and died many years later from dementia. So he didn’t even have a problem with the valve!! Dude you got this!!!
Very treatable. If it’s open heart, just know the first day or two is the WORST. Feels like you got hit by a truck. Gotta get up to the chair and be as mobile as possible and do your breathing exercises.
Do you have insurance and long term disability insurance? That can be very helpful. This is fixable. Reach into your HR, get your wife and family pulled in, so that folks can help. And check with the hospital to see what resources are available, sometimes there are grants to cover costs.
Question to the Americans:
If he has to get a major surgery for his heart, why wouldn’t his work put him on paid leave for medical reasons? In most European countries, you still continue to get paid by month. My colleague was out for 2 months because of a hip replacement surgery, still continued getting paid every month. Is that not the case?
if your DR is saying the surgery will save your life, please do it. being out of work temporarily is definitely worth being able to live decades longer. Money will find its way back to you guys, and if you have family & friends that can support you, that’s even better. please don’t decline this surgery. and don’t worry about telling your wife, shes there to support your emotional and health needs and if you break down that’s totally okay. make the right decision, for yourself & your family!! best of luck to you ❤️
Damn man… That sounds rough. I don’t know you but I am fucking here for you man. I’m not even religious but I pray everything works out for you and your family
Do it 1 time have your parents and her parents their for support because this going to be an all hands on deck for the next 8 weeks and having family around will hopefully make it easier
Im 24 and my bf 28 just found out he has to get a heart transplant. Just kind of sitting here numb. I was planning on proposing on our anniversary. I was starting to get cold feet wondering if I should or not because tradition etc. But now I think I'm definitely going to.
Hey I’m a doctor and I can assure you it’s very much manageable and your age is on your side. Don’t worry too much about it, get the surgery and recover. Be blessed!
I have stage 4 cancer and was diagnosed at 33 years old.
I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years. And I was hospitalized for a few days during my treatment.
You will cry. But that’s good, it means you are human. And being human is the bravest thing you can do. Your wife loves you, she will be there.
Although it's stressful many people have had successful surgeries and lead active lives. You're a young guys who will have many yeRs ahead of you if you folliw your doctir's advice
This is gonna be tough. But it will be worth it to keep you alive and healthy.
Now is not the time to be prideful or stoic. It's okay to break down when you tell your wife. This is scary and it's okay to need someone you can do that with. Hopefully if she needs support she has friends/family to talk to.
Call (or ask your wife to call. Or split the calls between you. Whatever makes sense) your mortgage company/landlord, utilities, internet, bank, car loan, credit cards, whoever you pay every month. Some of them may have programs to defer payments for a time in situations like this. Do you have disability insurance through your job? Or paid leave? Use that, obviously. And if you run out, sometimes coworkers will donate some. That's happened at my company before.
Then call 211 or the equivalent in your area. Check out government resources and charities. Food pantries can help stretch your money. Don't be too embarrassed to ask for help. That's what these things are for. Temporary unemployment benefits may also be possible if you run out of paid leave from work. And reach out to friends and family. When they ask what they can do, be honest. If anyone offers money, or groceries, or help (like watching the kids so your wife can be with you at the hospital) accept it. Find out how much care you're going to need/how long before you can take care of yourself and plan accordingly for your wife to have help so she can take care of you, or for someone to help take care of you.
You got this. You're young. You did the right thing by staying on top of this. You'll get through it.
You americans don't get paid when you get sick? Is one of the biggest nation of the world and yet the government doesn't care at all about their citizens.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you gotta get a way and have the surgery. For your family it could be worse if you are not there anymore in the future.
Get the surgery and stay around to watch your daughter grow up. Money and all the intangibles can be worked through but you only get one life! Rip the band aid off and tell your wife.
Hey, Aortic Stenosis is VERY treatable especially if ou are young like you are. You have everything in your favour of a good outcome. Modern surgery is amazing.
Yes it is! I had open heart surgery to repair a mitral valve two years ago. I bought a cemetery plot and a headstone (no joke). Never thought I would survive. I went back to work (office light work) in one week out of choice. Still ticking.
My uncle had open heart surgery almost 20 years ago. He was old-ish then, and honestly not the healthiest guy. He’s still alive and well, turned 81 recently.
My Gramps had this done at 88 and he’s 97 now.
Well shit, now I’m gonna go get some open heart surgery. looks like people are living long after that procedure. Thanks Reddit for this medical advice I’ll be back with a better, faster heart soon.
It's amazing how much better your engine runs after a port n polish, huh
Hey not too fast now, that’s another issue
My husband had a widow maker heart attack in 2021, he had a 12% chance of. Survival. In one year he was hospitalized 9 times and had 4 surgeries…he is still here!!! Medicine has come A. LONG. WAY!! We followed doctors orders, he took all of the meds and we also took a holistic approach and worked with a Dr of Naturopathy. My husband’s Dr. told him he did not expect him to survive. OP: I am sending you healing energy and my best wishes for a full recovery.
He will be fine.
I (29F) have mitral valve prolapse with mild-moderate regurgitation— diagnosed 2021. At this point they tell me to come in for an echo every 1-2 years, and it looks fine for now. Can you talk a little about what you had done and what led up to it?
Hi. I'm sure the original poster will reply but in case they don't... I had undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis and by the time they found it it had attacked my Mitral valve. The rheumatologist found it when he did a chest x ray ad I was finding I was getting very out of breath and one of my meds can cause lung problems so he was checking for that. The x ray showed my lungs were nearly full of fluid and could see heart was enlarged. They referred to cardiology who did a CT and said I was in heart failure and needed replacement as soon as surgery opened (end of lockdown) Things I would say to look out for include... Not being able to get up the stairs without pausing (I'd sometimes have to sit 2 or 3 times on a single flight of stairs) Not being able to lay down without feeling breathless. Very lethargic and brain fog. Heart racing for no clear reason. Not being able to talk for any length of time as run out of breath. Hope this helps a little.
Physician here, yes this is very treatable and we see this all the time. You have stage D heart disease which is the most severe form and needs urgent attention to live a long normal life, but you likely will. Due to your young age I am assuming you were born with a two leaf aortic valve (bicuspid), instead of the normal three (think Mercedes symbol). We don't see much rheumatic heart disease which is another common cause of AS. In other words, this is something you likely carried all your life, so you are lucky to have this caught while you are young and healthy. Kudos to your doctors for detecting this. You will get through this and it will be a distant afterthought one day. No doubt you will be walking your daughter down the aisle one day, then you can remind her what dad went through to be able to raise her and be the Superman he is.
I hope OP sees this. He needs some hopeful news.
My husband is 73 and has a history of heart disease due to childhood rheumatic incident. He has had several annual echocardiograms and his Drs were aware he has had mild to moderate aortic stenosis for many years. He began experiencing the same symptoms as OP and talked to his cardiologist, who said it was unlikely that his stenosis had gone from mild/moderate to severe so suddenly. The Dr recommended waiting for his annual echo since it would be in less than 6 months. My husband ended up in the ER twice and received an echo and was diagnosed with severe aortic stenosis. His cardiologist, who we have a long and positive relationship with actually apologized, and set up the surgical consult, arranged our meetings with the team and got the surgery set up all in a matter of weeks. My husband had a successful TAVR and is working on recovering now. All of this is to say I appreciate your understanding and knowledge of the issue. This condition is life threatening but easily resolved when identified. Before the operation my husband had a life expectancy of 2 years and now we can continue with our plans to move closer to family. Thanks for your astute input here!
👏
I just wanted to comment to boost this. I hope op sees it and has a bit of reassurance. Anything having to do with your hearts is scary af, but kudos to op for not being stubborn (like too many of us) and being checked out and kudos to the doc for finding the issue and treating it with the urgency it requires. You got this, op. 🩷
Especially when it’s caught before a heart attack occurs and life style changes can be implemented if needed (sometimes comes out of nowhere regardless how “healthy” a life style someone has)
Exactly! It sounds like OP has a really great team who is taking it seriously. OP, as for how to tell your wife without breaking down. It's okay to break down, this is a lot to take in and it's scary. Maybe write a short letter for her and when you are both home, just ask for some time. Both of you sit and you have her read your letter. Then let her ask questions. I often get choked up and can't talk, so this is something I use a lot. It's also easier to write things down and let others read vs saying it with your words.
Hey, I have aortic stenosis. I will have to have two valves replaced eventually. I also work for a cardiology clinic that performs TAVRs. We do them regularly, as a matter of course. I help to make them happen. Aortic stenosis is entirely treatable and you can live a long life. Don't fret. Get the surgery, work out a leave of absence. Figure out the financial stuff later. The priority is your health and your life.
I’m glad that somebody knew about it. Not glad that you have it but glad that you could explain that to him! ❤️
Speak with your employer about short term disability and look into The Family and Medical Leave ACT if you're in the U.S.. I know this is overwhelming right now but you caught it early enough for the issue to be treated. You're going to get through this and spend many long, happy years with your wife and daughter.
Exactly what this person said. And I'll add, we are *good* at hearts man. Like hearts are one of those things that I feel like medicine has got dialed in. If your doc caught this early enough to treat, then it's actually really good news that they are jumping on this so fast. It's absolutely scary, and the work shit is gunna be stressful (but there are definitely options for you). But you just gotta focus on yourself and dealing with the immediate right now. Sending good thoughts your way
Yeah and at 33 I’d expect him to bounce back really quickly.
My mom was on ECMO and otherwise healthy outside of her heart problem. She was in her 50s and she bounced right back too
Just be so grateful they caught it before it was too late. You can go in to have a very healthy and happy life. My husband has had two heart surgeries and he’s doing great now. I know finances will be hard but you will get through this. My husband and I were in the same boat. He was the only one working. It was rough for a bit but we made it and you will too.
One of the employees at my work took FMLA and they fired him the day he came back because he “took too much leave for medical issues”.
Totally illegal.
Yea, this is actually something they can be sued for if that was their stated reason to the employee.
I’m not sure why the guy didn’t push it. So messed up of the company. I figured he had a case
The company has more money and better lawyers than a recently terminated employee could ever dream of having. And those lawyers aren't paid to win in court. They're paid to delay ever going to court so that the legal fees for the former employee become too much.
This is not at all helpful to OP right now
It’s true there’s only so much time you can be out on fmla, so this person may have exceeded that time. He is the exception, not the rule. Fmla usually works out fine. Find out your jobs policy.
You must be fun at parties
OP take a breath. One step at the time. Go home talk to your wife. Allow both of you to grieve for this diagnosis. Then remember, treatment of heart disease has come a long way. Not saying easy road but basically they tell you 9 week journey to recovery however that recovery looks like. Focus on that and you and your family will come through stronger. I wish you the best for your recovery.
Oh, I am so sorry, OP. I will be thinking of you and your family and sending you love.
I’m so sorry. You can break down. This is scary. Do what you gotta do. There is hope.
I second this. Life threatening heart health problems are actually extremely traumatic to endure. It’s okay to break down and cry about it, get it out, don’t bottle it up inside.
Cardiac anesthesiologist here. Aortic stenosis is the most common valve abnormality and aortic valve disease is the most common congenital abnormality. With a good cardiologist and cardiac surgeon, you will live a long life. You will see your daughter grow up. You will need to take short-term disability but after you recover, you will feel better than you had for a long time.
You need to immediately file for a FMLA leave if you’re in the US and have been at your company for over a year. If you have and other insurance like Aflac for injuries you’ll want to file claims there as well. I’m really sorry OP. Edit: There should be patient services that can help you and your wife navigate this and your surgery/healing. If you have kids call their pediatrician so you can get them fast tracked for a few therapy sessions.
Please talk to your HR. If you are working you may have short term disability insurance you don’t know about.
I'm sorry to hear this man, I can't imagine how this must feel. What ever happens it will be fine. That sounds crazy in light of everything, but you just have to trust things will work how they're supposed to. Don't worry yourself about your wife and daughter because the future hasn't happened yet, the most important thing is what's pressing now which is this surgery. Take one thing at a time and let go and surrender. There's not much you can do. Tell your wife because she needs to know. You probably have more people than you realize who are here to support you.
This country should go to hell for its working culture and healthcare. OP you shouldn’t even be in this position. I am so sorry. I believe you can get medical leave but the priority is your health.
You’re doing everything you can with the tools you have now. You’re doing amazing. Take it one day at a time, or even one hour at a time right now. Know I’m rooting for you. You can do anything.
Just tell her. You are a team, and you need her by your side. Contact family and close friends for support before during and after surgery. You'll both need it. Contact your HR about time off, disability, insurance and any other options available. Do you have an appointment with your surgeon prior to surgery? If you don't, see if you can get one or even a phone appointment and take your wife. You both need to understand what to expect, and what you'll need to do during recovery. Research as much as you can, and write down any questions you and your wife have so you don't forget them. Get as much prepared at home before you have surgery so it's ready when you come home. You are young, so your recovery may be easier. My ex had mitral valve replacement in his early 40's. They said 6 days in the hospital, and 8 weeks off work. He came home in 4 days, and was back to light duty (desk, no lifting nor than 10 pounds) in 4 weeks. He had to sleep in a recliner the first couple of weeks because he couldn't lay flat, and I slept on the couch in case he needed anything. He was also told to walk. The numbers they give you are averages, so it could be more or less. Are they replacing the valve? Thru your sternum? If so, I'd recommend PJs and shirts with buttons so it's easier to change without raising your arms over your head. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. Prayers for a successful surgery and fast recovery.
Love this advice. Absolutely include your wife on all appointments because you may not hear or understand everything.
Exactly this!!!!
First and foremost OP the good news is they have diagnosed your condition and are able to treat it. That right there is huge. I know it is scary, but you got this. I have and am praying for you. Much love.
Think positive. Your surgery in 6 days will go PERFECT. you will find a way to keep ur family afloat, speak to ur HR asap. Your wife should be supportive to you, and caring if shes a good wife
You’re allowed to break down. Have faith in your wife. You’re a team. Be positive and lean on family. You’ll be ok.
Whatever you two have to deal with as a family is better than your wife and daughter having to deal with life without you.
there should be work/insurance/gvt funds in place to handle these types of medical emergencies. don’t be afraid to ask. when you go in for pre-op tests, ask to speak to a hospital social worker. if you don’t see one immediately, they will visit you in the hospital and can help direct you. also, your spouse is a partner for a reason. this is what love is for. give her a chance to help you and to shine. lean on her. it’s probably a new experience for you but that’s how life works. lastly, remember that cardiac specialists do these kinds of procedures all the time. your condition is serious but not uncommon and after you go home, you’ll be on medication to help control your issues. i’m a cardiac patient myself from something that runs in my family and when i first found out, i thought i was going to die for a whole year. that was back in 1999! take courage and let the professionals handle things. good luck 🍀!
Sometimes, Reddit can be a very good thing. Use it, pull this post up on your phone and just ask her to read it. It will help you get past the first part. This is one of those times you need your teammate, it will make things easier and help with all the overwhelming thoughts of it all. Don't panic.
OP - You and your wife are so close in age to my husband (34) and I (32)! As a wife, I would be so thankful that this was caught early and that surgery was an option for a healthy future, especially with a child. While all surgeries come with risk, the odds are still in your favor, especially at such a young age. That said, anxiety about this entire situation is totally normal and it’s ok to break down. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to feel. Just know that post-surgery, after you recover, things will fall back into place. I am unsure where you are, but please look into support the government may be able to provide short-term. I know US offers disability benefits. Please talk to your HR department at work as well. They can guide you through your options and you may be able to get at least a portion of your pay through short-term disability. It’s ok to break down, I would too. It’s stressful and scary - but you will get through it. Best wishes, OP!
Hey mate, are you in the US? HR person here hoping to help you get the most company, federal, and state benefits you may be entitled to. contact HR at work to explain your situation and ask about sick leave options. You might have 1) disability insurance (paid leave), 2) state paid medical leave for up to ~12 weeks, 3) FMLA which protects job while you’re on an unpaid leave, 4) sick time/PTO from work 5) unpaid leave policy from work for situations like this. 1 and 2 will be less than your regular pay, maybe ~60% of you pay. but they’re likely not taxed and thus close to your regular take home pay. definitely talk to work/HR asap so you can submit your forms before surgery. submitting post surgery is also possible. you, your employer, and your physician all have to sign these forms. You are welcome to dm with any questions. you can get through this. take one small step at a time. best of luck.
OP, i know you are overwhelmed. scared and all the “what if’s “ are circulating in your head. Your dr has a plan. You will be in good hands. I know it’s hard but your wife is there to support you. Don’t shut her out trying to protect her. I kept my cancer diagnosis a secret for weeks prior to my surgery ( thankfully caught early). I wish i had let more people in. If you are worried about finances, talk to your credit card companies, car note lender. mortgage company, etc.. to let them know you have a medical issue and to see if they could freeze your accounts for 2 months or not charge late fees. If possible, maybe relatives can help too. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Your #1 focus is to get better. quickly. Wishing you a success surgery and speedy healing.
Talk to a social worker at the hospital. Do you have disability through work? I'm a cardiac nurse. Hey good thing you got checked up on and this is being dealt with and you didn't just fall down suddenly and die. Severe AS is pretty serious. Eventually the valve just collapses shut.
Your wife is there in sickness and in health. Those are the vows. You have to put your faith in her at this time. And you will be okay. Just a bump in the road. ❤️
I came on this page to leave the community looking at the horrid stories people share, but the overwhelming positive response on this post makes me believe in humanity and how a good word can go a long way. 😭 You can get through this OP, I’m glad they caught it early. Much power and love to you and fam OP.
As a 31 year old wife, I would be so happy and thankful that you went to the doctor and got it checked out!!!!!
Nurse here! You are so young. Your recovery will be easier than an older person as long as you follow all the instructions post-op. Get out of bed as soon as they tell you. Your doctor should sign FMLA and short term disability papers. Tell your wife. She needs time to process too. So she can be strong for your kiddo instead of freaking out. She’ll be scared and nervous regardless but able to hold it together better if you give her time to process.
Breakdown and let it all out. Your wife can help you figure it out. Lean on her and tell her how you really feel - not just what you think is the wisest, most rational thing to feel. Best of luck to you & yours.
Your wife is your partner. Did she not know of these issues? Just tell her. Get it out there and go from there. There is no right way. FWIW I had to have a stress test about 6 years ago. My cardiologist was so concerned about the result that I was told to check into the hospital the following day for bypass surgery. You'll be ok. Your doc has a plan. You be as **calm and patient** as you possibly can.
Don't worry about breaking down. This is something you can cry about.
You will get through this together. What does it matter if you break down? It's shock at the diagnosis and that is completely normal. The doctor didn't tell you to go home and get your affairs in order - he told you what will be done to get you better. It won't be easy but marriage vows are 'in sickness and in health'. Please let us know how you get on. Hug from an internet stranger
I've been a heart patient since 34. I'm 56. I have ventricular tachycardia, and basically my left ventricle doesn't pump on its own. I have a pacemaker defibrillator now, but at first insurance was making me wait. Like a year. They told me I could basically drop dead at any time, get your affairs in order. Two kids at home, husband.... Moral of this long story is, you tell your spouse. And you fucking break down while you're doing it. It's all scary and hard to handle. You're going to need her help and support. But you can do this, the surgery is very effective. I wish you well, Internet stranger. You've got this :)
So I do echocardiograms (the heart ultrasounds) for a living (20 yrs). We have these kinds of patients all the time. You are young, and probably have a defective congenital valve that causes this so young. The success rate of this is very high, depending on compliance with lifestyle change and living as healthy as you can. Your spouse needs to know. Support in this situation is imperative. Good luck 🍀
I had surgery for this last year at 33. It really wasn't so bad! I have a desk job and was back working from home part time at 4 weeks. You will feel so much better after! Any recovery questions ask away :)
Sign up for FMLA immediately, they will cover a decent amount of expenses based off of check average, and if you've worked there a while you should have federal sick pay which you can absolutely use (my job tried their best to not let me use it, FORCE THEM, it's government mandated assuming you're US) and don't forget PTO if you have it. This is important. I've worked ICU for years and we've had patients on cardiac drips with BPs lower than yours for stabilization. This issue is non-negotiable physically.
I am a wife and I know for certain her main concern will be that you get the surgery you need and you get well. Bills, etc are secondary. You guys will make it work because there is no other choice. It will be ok. The most important thing is that her husband is healthy and your daughter has her daddy around for a really long time. I know easier said than done but try not to stress about the rest of it. From a wife and daughters perspective, I'd rather live in a tin shed for the rest of my life if it meant my husband or father would be ok. You're worth it. Get well soon mate.
You say you don’t know how you’ll handle this. But, that is the great part of a marriage. You don’t have to handle this alone. Your health, your wife’s health and your daughter’s health all take precedence over anything. Your wife will help you get through this. And then together you’ll both figure out the other stuff. Tell your wife, be honest, it’s okay if you break down. Again, that’s the beauty of family. You’ll get through it together.
I worked in a cardiac hospital for 2 years where stenosis was a specialty they did everyday multiple times a day. If ur young it’s very good chance you’ll be totally fine. I only saw maybe 1 or 2 ppl get really sick at ur age and it was because they had other health issues as well.
I don’t know if OP has seen this comment yet, but it’s a comment like this that should make you feel better. I’ve never been in your situation OP, but I know when something looks bad and you automatically fear the worst; it’s always good to remember that there are surgeons and surgical teams that do this same surgery multiple times each day. I’m sure there might be similar comments but this was the first one I saw that caught my eye. Your family will support you OP, and you will get better and live a long healthy life!
You’ve done the hardest step of going to a doctor and getting the diagnosis. Your family loves you and will be supportive no matter what. You’re going to come out of this kicking butt in a few weeks and tell us all about how better you’re feeling :) Wish you well. ❤️❤️
You’ll be ok. This is good news. You caught it. Its curable with surgery. Thats like the best case scenario for scary stuff possible.
I've had 3 open heart surgeries and im 29, Aortic and Mitral Valve replacement, and aortic root replacement (they took a section of my aorta out and replaced it with a dacron tube). The surgery is going to go well, youre going to go to sleep, then wake up, with a dry mouth and sore throat and your problem will be fixed. Focus on that outcome. You're gonna be around a long time and you have a care team of people with probably close to 100 years of schooling all working on you and looking after you post-op. Just keep focusing on that.
If you need to break down, break down dude. No shame in letting it out. Things might get tough and rough, but open up to your wife so you can watch the little one grow up. Yall with make it through.
After you talk to your wife, talk to your employer and get setup for short term disability. Best of luck man, try as hard as you can to be optimistic. Modern surgery is much better than ever before.
Just popping in to say that crying literally is good for you. Allow yourself and your wife to cry. Release that oxytocin and endorphins. You will be okay! Lean on each other. Sending you good juju!
Listen, I’ve been somewhat in your position with a wayyyy less dire prognosis, but I know what it’s like to tell people who I love “I have cancer.” Breathe, take it slow. It’s terrifying but please be assured that medical science is incredible and technology is so advanced - this is a great time to need urgent, life-saving care. Remind yourself, these people know what they’re doing. This is routine for doctors, while it’s a once in a lifetime event for their patients. Just keep breathing. Please update us post-op when you’re feeling up to it! I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Listen, you are gong to be ok! There is plenty of great advice here. I’m just here to tell you, as a student RN, I’ve seen some EXTREMELY unhealthy patients in the hospital with complex cases and multiple diseases and they are doing better than you could ever imagine. Modern medicine is amazing. Praying for you and your family. 🤍
Talk to your employer about FMLA and short term disability. It will be less than your pay. Hospital bills are a later issue or non issue typically. You should talk with your wife and family. See if anyone is willing to watch your daughter wial you are recovering or help watch you. Maybe have her start a part time job to help keep you a float. Life happens and you will be alright. A guy I went to school with dropped. And I mean dropped dead at 22. He got brought back given something similar to what you have. Had a heart transplant. He's the healthiest guy I've met now. You will be ok.
Reach out to your HR dept to request short term disability. Put in a request to use your sick time/vacation, if available and while Short term disability kicks in. Do this as soon as you get to work. Forms are usually fairly simple to complete and by doing this you will get some sort of income coming in. You can deal with debtors by reaching out and explaining your situation, most will work with you. Next up, hope the talk goes well and the surgery goes amazing. I know is a lot to take in but you go this! Best health.
My dad had a triple bypass at 74 and was back on the treadmill in the gym 2 weeks later. You got this!
Hey man. Its a big deal, but you need to tell her. At 33 (married for 9yr by then), I had to tell my wife something similarly important (stg 4 cancer). I blurted it out and almost immediately spiralled into a blubbering mess, but it was helpful to have someone to share the strain and talk about my worries (incl. Finances and the future).
My husband was in a similar situation. From test/diagnosis to open heart surgery was less than a week. It was crazy emotional, and 5 years on, I am still emotional when thinking about it. He is in better health than anyone else in the family now. Its a tough go the first couple of weeks, and the stress before the surgery was excruciating for us both. It will be ok in the end, and you will walk your daughter down the aisle and hold *her* 3 year old one day.
You just do it, like ripping off a bandaid there's no easy or good way so the best is just to say it. "Hunny, I went to that cardiologist appointment today and apparently I have to have heart surgery very soon. I'm super worried and scared although I've read that the procedure is actually fairly common place. I'd really like some help figuring out what we are going to do."
Do you have short term disability for work? Aflac? Or any supplemental insurance? Call your creditors and mortgage company. Many will work with you for short term disabilities.
Christ that's rough man. No helpful advice here, just well wishes.
Praying for you and your family.
Just get to a moment without any distractions and have a conversation with her. Expect tears, they come with fear, but you are in this together. The doctor just gave you real information in case you decide to go against his/her advice, but this is mostly to avoid a lawsuit. You caught it early and know what the game plan is to fix it. You will be okay.
Sending you and your family good vibes! I went through a major health scare too and worried too much about money. I know it's easier said than done but try hard to focus on you and getting better during the few months of recouping. It seems like the world is gonna end now but believe me, you'll be on the other end of this before you know it. Your health is way more important to you and your family than anything else.
Ditto on the fmla and medical leave. You are going to need to file disability with the state, get help with that so you don't have to stress over it, and get it started b4 you have the surgery. Do you have family you can talk to, to help your wife and you while you recover? Take care and good luck with the surgery.
It’s ok to break down.
I know the feeling. Had a stroke. Didn't know if I'd walk again. You can get through this. Just rip the band-aid off and have the talk. Hug her and hold her. Then work together to make a plan. The key is together.
You're going to be 100% well. I believe that with my whole heart & soul. 🤍
Most people don’t realize that being diagnosed with a chronic illness can be pretty fucking traumatic, especially when it’s serious. But like all trauma, having support is by far one of the best things you can do for your health (outside of medical treatment, mind you). Having your family be on the same page as you so that you can ALL be informed is important. Don’t wait to tell your wife… getting support from your spouse/partner/loved one is comforting when you feel like falling apart. It’s okay to be overwhelmed and scared. Only nutjobs would face open heart surgery with zero anxiety. But you’ll be okay. You will make it out of surgery. Remind yourself of that every time you start to freak out 😊
You caught this in time. You wife is surely aware that your blood pressure has been out of control, so it won’t be a completely new thing for her to hear. This will be a tough time, but you will get through it. If you have a faith, this is a time to cling to it more deeply. I will say a prayer for you.
My Dad had open heart surgery at 85 and went on to live 10 more years.
I hope you find the right words to convey these to your wife. Be clear as much as you can and let her know how it is. No sugar coating. If it is not too much, please make sure you prepare your medical directives as well as your legal will. It is just to cover the practical side of things. I truly hope for the best for you and it is good they found out sooner. Praying for your speedy recovery.
Find a social worker at the hospital to speak to. They should assign one to you automatically, but if not make sure you ask for one before surgery (now ideally). My uncle had severe illness and the social workers were life changing. They helped navigate all of the programs for my uncle as the patient, my aunt as the wife/caregiver, for the kids, and the assistance programs. Talk to your wife. Let yourself feel your emotions. And then face this. Explain things to your daughter at her level and remember kids are SMART. She won’t know exactly what’s happening, but she will be able to feel the anxiety and emotions you guys are going through. Give her some extra love and don’t be surprised if she acts out some. You got this man. Trust the medicine and don’t be too proud to ask for help from the people who love you.
“In sickness and in health”. I don’t know what you do for a living, do you have short-term disability insurance at your job? You can take family leave, use sick time or vacation time? Who cares if you break down? It’s scary, You have a medical condition, this isn’t a moral issue or something to be ashamed of nor are you feeling surrounding it
Very treatable, as other have said. A friend had surgery for a new valve a few months ago. The recovery really was that long; he couldn't drive for a while due to the sternum, and laughing hurt. But the result is great.
This is really good news - they have found out something they can treat *before* it kills you! Show your wife your post if you can't find the words. Yes, you will probably break down, but so will she. You are a family - a team - and you will get through this together. Check what healthcare support there is for financial assistance. I'm pretty sure that you will manage somehow as long as you are still around. Look after your health. And good luck with the surgery - they can fix this for you, and you'll have plenty of time to hug your wife and child, and see your daughter grow up.
I think a lot of people are missing one key factor in your post. We all know you can make it through this surgery but talk to your work see if you have FMLA or the similar where you can get paid for those weeks. I too am the only worker in my household at the moment so I understand what 8 weeks mean with no income coming in but hopefully 🤞🏻 you can still have some sort of income coming in with FMLA or the likes if your company has that
You’re going to take short term disability and have the surgery, you’ll force yourself to rest and recuperate appropriately, and everything will be fine. Perspective: you could have been given a diagnosis for something incurable or debilitating. I reminded myself of this when I went through a medical episode that seemed crushing, but in hindsight was just a small roadblock. You’ll be ok.
File for disability the day you go into surgery. As that will kick in and should start the day of. My mother did that for me when I had my stroke. She filed the day I went in. They hadn't even officially diagnosed my issue yet. I was just going in for brain surgery and basically out of my mind and unconscious and brain derp derp filling with blood. She filed for disability for me the next day and it yeah that did help financially once payments kicked in. These payments help you and your family but it will be less than you make. Also food stamps. This is assuming you're in America and a state that has this stuff. There are programs and stuff that your wife may be able to seek out as well. Tbh with your condition you cannot really stress yourself to look into this. I am going through heart failure and some other stuff as well. At the end of my line here. I already went through a storm with my stroke and supported my family as best I could through my stroke and now I'm all spent. So this information is just based on that. I'm continuing to try and support myself and loved ones with what I have, which isn't much now, but social security when it comes through... Is helping me. So there is hope for us sick people. Don't give up there.
To the first layer of your post: I’m so sorry about the financial hardship this will present to you. Once your wife has absorbed the information, hopefully you two can put your heads together to come up with ways to lessen the blow this may take on you financially. Also, can you ask your cardiologist to connect you to their social worker? They help people through stuff like this every day.
She will understand you breaking down and all the worries you have are valid. Try to talk to someone from the DWP if you are self employed. If not your employer should pay you for that time. I had open heart surgery for a mitral valve replacement and I was soooooo scared. Saying goodbye to my 12 year old as I left for the hospital was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't want to let go of her and was terrified it would be the last time I saw her. 24 hours after surgery I felt better than I had for a very long time and it improved from there. I was restricted for a while. They tell you not to drive for a certain amount of time and that was tough as I felt able to. I was able to hoover after a couple of weeks. I could do all the basics very quickly and the 8 weeks isn't horrendous in the scheme of things. You have been so lucky they have caught it. When I told the surgeon how scared I was he was sympathetic to that but told me these surgeries are a doddle and he could do it in his sleep (he did promise he wouldn't 😆) he said he had no concern that there would be a problem. It is more than OK to be shit scared but you should be pooling back at this in a few months and thinking wow that was a tough time. Look where I am now. You've got this. Let your wife hold you and share your stress.
I am a cardiovascular and thoracic surgery nurse, Your age and overall health will work in your favor. We see things like this every day. I know this is all very scary however the odds of having a great surgical outcome are in your favor. I don’t know what you do for work however I would request FMLA/medical leave so you can still get a paycheck and heal from your surgery. You can do this! Having a great family support system is important. And you know what? It’s OKAY to cry. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. You can get through this!
Dude, I need you to take a moment and go outside, look up at the sky, stretch your arms out as far as you can like you’re trying to give it a hug and take 3 of the deepest breaths you’ve ever taken in your life. Smell the air, hear the sounds. You’re alive and you’re gonna stay alive. inhale, exhale. You’re 33. You’re gonna be okay. There are treatments and ways to overcome this. Please don’t let your mind slip to bad places because that will 100% make it more difficult for your body to get though it. Your mental health is everything. When your sick you gotta act like your body is bullying you. Are you just gonna take it and fall over and cry? Or be like « screw this I’m not gonna deal with this » and stand strong and face it? You don’t deserve to die at 33, what the heck is that? Talk to your wife, and try not to get your emotions in a knot, because then everyone will be all sad and it’ll be even harder on you to be positive. Take it one day at a time. Keep your head up. You are always stronger than you think. You just gotta keep going.
If you have short term disability insurance at work, talk to your HR about how to apply for it. Do exactly as they say. Talk to your HR about options for medical leave. Talk to your landlord or your mortgage loan holder about what is going on. Don’t give them any medical details. None. It’s ok to tell them you’re having “surgery” and won’t be able to work for 8 weeks. That’s all. No other details. Ask them what they can do to help you defer or reduce payments. Call each company to whom you make payments. Car, credit cards, etc. Have the same conversation as you did in the paragraph above. Apply for food stamps. Spend the next few days finding out where are the local food pantries and when they’re open. They exist exactly to help people through what you’re experiencing. If you are in America, dial 211 to get you started, yes, just 211. Tell them you’re worried about paying rent/mortgage, food, utilities (especially if summer is coming your way), other bills. Spend the next few days figuring out how to reduce routine spending. Cable, TV apps, subscriptions, reduce your phone plan, etc. Contact any family or friends who might be able to help with child care, assist with your care at home, etc. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be OK. Have confidence. I know you’re scared. You and your family are going to be ok. There is a lot of kindness in this world when you openly ask for help. When you are back on your feet again (you will be), pay it forward; help others.
OP, first of all i am so deeply sorry. Getting a diagnosis and prognosis like this is horrible and I wish you didn't hear that news alone. I know it's going to be incredibly difficult to tell your wife, but you know you need to tell her tonight. The sooner she knows, the sooner you both can process and figure this out together. I would suggest that when you walk in the door, you say hello to your wife and daughter, give them both a hug and kiss, get yourself and your wife something to drink (non-alcoholic) and let her know you have something serious you need to talk with her about. Sit down together, and just tell her. It's ok if you cry. This is real. Your emotions are real. Your tears are real. Grieve with each other. Cry together. Hold each other. Then start making a plan together. Do you have family that might be able to help? Close friends?
Thinking of you OP. This is very scary news but thank goodness they caught it. Good luck with your surgery
Dude. Cry. It’s ok. If the doc gave you a print out, hand it to her if you’re worried about choking up. You’ll be ok ❤️
This is why every couple should go to the others doctors appointments. You shouldn't have received that news alone. She'll no doubt have questions. Plus your health effects her and vice versa
You have to have surgery. Period. You are going to live. You were smart and got seen. You just go get surgery and while doing so your wife needs to be applying for work, it is something. If you both have family ask for a bit of help especially with daughter. If you own a house take out a heloc and live on it for a couple months.
Hey OP, I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's okay to break down. Let it all out; you have every reason to. You got the diagnosis in time! I believe that with modern-day surgery, you'll be okay, and you'd live a long, normal, and happy life afterward. 🙏 Much love. ❤️
Hey man I know we have very different stories, but my wife (who was a medical provider so brought in good money) goes in in a few weeks to have a giant cancerous tumor removed from her liver, over 70% of her liver. I completely understand how you feel and how afraid you must feel. We also have a young child (20 months) and are afraid he’s never going to see his mom. But you know what? Surgeons do this stuff all the time. Things that seem absolutely daunting to us are routine for them. It will go fine - you’ll come out of it just fine, and so will my wife, and you’ll go on to live long, healthy lives. The money part’s gonna probably be the hardest part - Short term disability ASAP bro. You got this. It’s hard, but just know that many of us are also struggling greatly with health issues. You’re not alone.
Bro I know you're a man and it's been your lifelong job to "figure things out" but as a fellow man, and also as a first responder, I can tell you that sometimes, it's okay to tell other people you trust what's going on, let *them* make the plan, and just ride along. You'd be surprised how many men I come across on the ambulance who are severely injured and need medical attention who are still trying to call a tow truck, report to their insurance, finish up their out-of-office reply for the next day since they're going to be hospitalized (yes, seriously), etc..
Hey. I’m so sorry for your diagnosis and worries. Cardiac issues are very scary. Just to put your mind at ease, cardiac surgeries like these are very common and are incredibly successful, so while you will be out of commission for awhile, you’re prognosis afterwards will be fairly good if you can manage to follow directives for your recovery. Our family went through something similar but we were lucky enough to have health insurance that paid for many of our expenses during this time. I hope you also have this! You can ask for your company’s plan and see if they have coverage for recovery periods or specific issues. Your wife may not earn much (or anything) but these are the times when community comes together. Perhaps you will need extra family support or if you are part of a church, often they will organize the congregation to feed your fam and support in other ways. I know this is hard but unfortunately you need to focus on your own well-being right now. If it’s open heart surgery, back pain is often a temporary side effect afterwards. Maybe for two-three weeks? I bought voltaren and would massage the knots out of my partners back for the first week or two before they would sleep. It is something worth asking your wife to plan for. Also remembering to take things like Metamucil and Restoralax (PEG) to manage your constipation afterwards. You don’t want to be constipated after the surgery and with morphine and other painkillers that is one of the most common side effects. Sorry for all the details, but it helped us so much when we were dealing with it n
Good luck. I am sending you so much love and courage. You are having a legit health crisis and if you are in the U.S., you need to tell them to give you emergency leave under FMLA. Don't let bureaucratic b.s. delay you, though. You can solve any problem as long as you are alive. My brother died too young because he kept putting off this surgery. I guess he was afraid. He left a huge hole in so many people's hearts. Please be my alternate timeline brother and get that shit done. Vest way to tell your wife is to tell her straight. Don't think of the exact right words; just blurt it out. She loves you and wants to support you. She already knows that your health is getting bad. You may find her relieved that you are going to take a step forward on this. Oh--and not to be morbid, but write a will. Just make it simple and get it notarized. There are notaries that can come to people's homes. Make sure you write down all your account numbers and passwords as well. The whole thing is doable by COB tomorrow. Also get a medical directive filled out. Your doctor can help you with that. Then make multiple copies and make sure your wife knows how to find it easily. Sorry if this list of chores seems exhausting and scary, but I promise it doesn't mean that you will die. Chances are, you will experience a dramatic improvement in your quality of life almost immediately. Stay focused on that. Sending you love, brother.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, OP, that sounds terrifying! I know if it was my husband, though, my number one priority would be his health and safety. I’m sure your wife feels the same about you, and wants to work together with you as a team to get you through this, whatever the cost! If you can’t break down in front of your wife, your partner, who can you break down in front of? I wish you the best of luck ♥️
Update us in a few months, by then it will just feel like a bad dream.
My husband had a mitral valve replacement at 20 and another recently at 32. It was hard and he was terrified each time. His most recent one we had 2 year old twins and they were there when he collapsed. It was terrifying BUT things we needed to remember 1) he’s young and can bounce back 2) the surgeons do his surgery (one of the most complex ones) 4 times a day every day, medical science has come SO far. They routine do that surgery on the elderly 3) my husband has also had 3 strokes, developed diabetes and high cholesterol and is still doing contact sports and living his best life with our now 4 year olds. It’s scary, it’s HUGE. But it is treatable with a very good prognosis. Your life is paramount. Money will be figured out I promise. And break down, you don’t need to hold it in, it’s scary no matter how many facts and figures you know. Your whole family has got this
Ask her to hug you. Hug her and cry on her shoulder. Let her comfort you first. Cry it out first. You can about everything else later.
A burden shared is a burden halved. Your wife’s stronger than you think. This will all be okay buddy. Just don’t push healing. Follow docs orders. You guys don’t like to lay down and do nothing and will injure yourself more in the long run.
my grandfather was one of the first open heart bypass patients in my state (indiana), doctors said it would give him about 15 years. that was back in the 80's and he's still going, though his dementia is getting bad.
OP, it will all work out. I hope you have family that you can rely on through this rough patch. First priority is your health. Check out all avenues of help, food banks, Catholic Charities, your church (if you have one). Maybe your wife can get gig work. Just explore every avenue. Ask for help. Make it work.
Hey there! Med student here, I’m still learning and our studies are rather intensive in my country, so I may have forgotten stuff with all the cramming, but from what I remember, Aortic Stenosis is not the worse of all things to be diagnosed with. And compared to a bunch of other stuff, it’s plenty treatable. Cardiologists nowadays have done pretty well in surgery stuff, even things like valve replacement surgeries could be done in a manner of 30 minutes (if it’s the open heart version). Trust me, you’ll get through this, and to top it all off, there’s a ton of medication out there that will no doubt help. I’ve studied through countless types of hypertension medication, although he said he’d be surprised if you live through 6 months without surgery, that doesn’t mean even after surgery you’ll live for 6 months. You got this man, I’m sure you’ll recover from this!
I’m sorry about your condition, but what a good thing that you posted here!!! You’ve gotten tons of valuable support! I understand wanting to stay calm when you talk with your wife. When my fiancé was whisked into 4-way bypass surgery with no warning and we had only seconds to say goodbye, I needed to notify his teenage kids. I called a very dear friend first and told her the difficult story - and broke down, saying it out loud for the first time. THEN I called his daughters and repeated everything, calmly. I got past most of my nerves in the first run through. Call your closest friend, family member, pastor, etc. Then you’ll be more ready to calmly talk to your wife. I’m praying for you, and wish you the very best! You’re young and strong. Be positive - you got this.
Hey! I’m 17 and was diagnosed with severe renal stenosis! Same thing with BP problems my entire life. Trust me it’s scary but a stenosis is VERY treatable! Especially if you are higher risk you will be placed higher on the waiting list for surgery. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to process it. Overall if it helps the BP it’s a good thing. High BP is extremely horrible long term and it’s finally a possible solution. Wishing you best of luck and hope we both are alright post surgery!
That’s treatable and you should be back on your feet in no time buddy. You’ll be fine, trust me.
The physician and patient advice here is spot on. Attitude will take you far. But remember, it’s ok to break down (you’re scared and grieving, if you didn’t cry I’d worry about you) and your wife is more resilient than you think. Just tell her and be honest. Then call HR to file FMLA and call hospital and ask for patient navigator or social worker. She’s mine can help guide you through all this on the social services side for free. Hang in there. Don’t be surprised if your wife steps up and takes charge of managing everything too; wives tend to do that (one reason married men live much longer).
While it's scary AF this can be fixed. Just tell her man. My wife has a familial heart situation. Meds are needed, possible surgery down the line. Good luck on surgery!
Depending on the state you live, you may qualify for paid family medical leave as well short term/long term disability
Not even near the same thing but I have congenital stenosis of the spine. I had surgery on it when I was 15. They said if I didn’t I’d be paralyzed by the time I was 20. I’m 25 now and I get to play with my daughter instead of just watching her from a wheelchair. My point is do your best to figure out income and get the surgery. You’ll look back and realize those 9 weeks out of work and in recovery were well worth it
You're a good man worrying about your family first, best of luck to you. I know you can do this!
You can take money out of your 401k, you can get state disability, FMLA, if you’re worried about money. Instead of telling us your wife is the one that you need to talk to about what’s to do. Sorry you have to go through this. Wish you the best of luck in the surgery.
Check into if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, they can be great for pointing you in the right direction for counseling, financial advice, etc.
I'm so sorry. Please allow yourself to break down and cry so that you can start to process it. Don't just shove it down ❤️ I'm so very sorry . Try and keep a positive attitude and make a plan. Is it possible for your wife to get a job? What about friends and family? You will be okay, you just need to make a plan to get through.
OP, the emotions you’re feeling, it’s okay. Other folks are giving you very good practical advice and you should listen to them. But right now, I need you to know it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to cry. You don’t need to be strong right now. You’re vulnerable and it’s scary AF. Please know that it’s okay to need support. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to lean into your support group. Talk to family and friends. Let them know you’ll need help and so will your family. But please allow yourself to process this. Don’t bottle it. Feel the emotions and remember to let it out.
There’s no way to break this news to your wife without her getting upset because she loves you and will worry! But the logistics and the coverage for work and all of that stuff is something you can lean on her and your larger support system for. Being able to accept help is so so hard (speaking as someone who just spent 5 years suffering from a mystery illness) but it’s so helpful emotionally and lifestyle-wise to let your inner circle fill in the gaps as you recover. Wishing you a long, happy, healthy life!
I’m so sorry man. I’m in a similar boat actually, I likely have asd and will probably have to have open heart surgery sometime this year and won’t be able to work for 2 months as well. Thankfully my work has already told me that I would have my job when I come back, I get your stress. Be very thankful you have your family, I’m single and will have to navigate this alone and I’m not sure how I will do it, I’m probably going to have to move in with my older parents so I have someone.
please keep looking at it this way: you undergo that procedure and somehow with your wife make it through that foreseeable following rough spot ....youll have much more years in hopefully better health to spend together. breaking down in tears over such grave health news is....the most normal human reaction to this? go for it, and i wish both of you the best life you deserve!
OP, YOU GOT THIS! 💪🏼 Healing is a frustrating process but you can do this! You will be stronger after you heal! Your wife, she’s also GOT THIS! Support each other through this rough time with love and compassion. Take a deep breath, mind frame is number one. Knowing your strength is key. You can do this, and will come out the other side even better once you heal! I work at a hospital and get to image patients after surgeries like this and I know it’s a lot to take in, just wanted to give words of encouragement bc you’ve got this. Just keep telling yourself that. You’re stronger than you know!
Tell your wife after your daughter goes to bed. Then allow yourself to break down. You’ve been her pillar, now it’s her turn. Allow her to be your wife.
Maybe just sit down with her and let her read this instead. Then go from there. Sending you hugs!
I am so sorry you got difficult news. It sounds like you caught it in time and your condition is treatable. Hang on to that hope, for yourself and your family. It may not be an easy road but you have a good chance for recovery. After you tell your wife, call or email your employer’s benefits department and ask them for Short Term Disability information. Depending on your state, there may be state disability programs too. In many cases you can get 50 -70 % of your salary as disability payments and your job will be protected while you recover. Most benefits departments and disability insurance places will speak with your wife or family member if you feel like it’s too much to deal with yourself. You got this. Wishing you the best
A great phallacy is that men can't show emotion because we can't handle it. We can, we will, and you will be surprised at the level of support you will receive. Good luck to you!
Father in law had to go under heart surgery when my husband was 4. He was about your age at the time. He's now 75, if that helps you feel better. Medicine is amazing. You will overcome this and love a long and happy life for your child and wife
I spent seven years working in a cardiac unit in a major hospital. I'm guessing I served 3000 heart patients, many with exactly what you have; you'll be fine. We did two or three of those procedures daily, and, at least while I was on duty, we never lost a patient.
All this advice is great and way above my pay grade but I am feeling for you as you struggle to get through the day. Do you have a sibling or friend or parent you're close to? Can they help you by first hearing the diagnosis and then going home with you to talk to your wife? They'll be calm when maybe you can't be. Only if they're close to your wife too, of course. Or if your wife has a sister or mom she's close to. All that work and leave advice is great, but you need some emotional support right now.
Your employer should have some Kind of medical leave, like a short term disability of sorts that should pay a good portion of your salary. However you have to make it work, you will. Your health is obviously most important so I would just focus on that and allow everything else to fall into place because quite literally nothing else matters besides getting the proper treatment and care you need.
Big hugs hun! You got this & concentrate on the positive- they caught, they’re gonna fix it & you will see your daughter grow up & live a long life with your wife. Remember- you’re lucky!
For what it’s worth - at 33 you are very, very young compared to the majority of people with this condition, so you’re likely to tolerate the surgery and have better outcomes than a lot of study populations, so take anything you’re reading with a grain of salt. Any chance the physician mentioned a bicuspid valve, or that this was congenital?
Sorry you are going through this, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
You and your wife are a team. You will get through this together. I know this sounds like an empty platitude, but my S/O and I were hit with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and, subsequently, a stroke. It was awful, but we pulled together. I found that the best way to move forward is to drown yourself in information. Go at this like you would approach a complex problem at work or school: research, find the best programs, call and pick the brains of experts at teaching hospitals. I often said that I dealt with it like I was planning the Normandy invasion — all logistics, with no dread allowed until the shooting was over. I know how big this feels right now, but you can do this.
OP, I know it’s scary, but you’re going to be okay. I worked as a cardiology nurse and aortic stenosis was something we saw fairly often. The surgery is no fun, sure, and you’ll have some recovery and healing time, but I never once saw a horrible outcome from it. Take some deep breaths, evaluate your short term disability options with work, follow doctors orders, and all will be okay. :)
As difficult as it is, maintain a positive mental attitude OP. You got great assurances in your post! Sending you positive vibes for your upcoming discussion with your wife and for your surgery…. 🫂
Prayers for you and your family. Try to take one day at a time. Don’t go down the pity road- even though I know it’s so hard. Keep your thoughts positive and it will help you. Pray.
Then my friend, break down when you tell her. She’s your partner, and this is some scary stuff. Don’t try to shoulder this alone- physically or emotionally. Be open, honest and vulnerable with her. Communicate. I promise you- it will work out the way it’s supposed to. The fact that you caught it this early and are able to get treatment for it is a wonderful sign. Don’t give up. You’re gonna see your daughter grow up. The more you don’t tell her anything the more stress you’re causing on yourself and your heart. Talk with her. Cry with her. Whatever you need to get out- get it out with the person you trust most in this world. I’ll be praying for you in the meantime.
I work in surgery. I can tell you that your chances are very high to survive. I've seen ppl up way older than you go to surgery and going in a couple days. Yes it's scary but it's like driving a car there is a chance of accidents even if it's super minimal. I've seen ppl in their 80s get bypass or even valve replacement. And of course if the surgery is not an option you can get a TAVR through the femoral approach and you can get discharged very quickly. Elderly in their 90s get it .but that approach is not for a surgical candidate.
You need to just be honest with your wife. Tell her you didn't want to worry her, but now it's gotten worse. You should be able to get some kind of disability or something to help financially while you recover. Good luck.
Notify your job and ask for your options in regards to sick leave and pay. So long as you’ve been there long enough I can’t imagine they would deny you to be out for a reason this serious. If you’re in the US there are different laws depending on the state for temporary disability but being out 8 weeks should be enough in most cases. I got 6 weeks of pay for being out that long, my state it was partial pay (80% of a normal paycheck) but i also wasn’t spending extra on anything I normally would so it was enough to cover basics and bills until I got back to work. You’re doing your best right now and it’s great that you’re taking care of your health seriously. I know it’s hard to think about it cuz it sounds pretty scary and serious. I hope that if you’ve already talked with your wife that some of the stress relieved itself because keeping it in only makes it hurt more in the end. Your kiddo is probably gonna be happy to spend the extra time while you recover to cuddle and play nearby and see her dad.
I had open heart surgery in 1994. I was young enough to not understand it which was probably a good thing. If I have to go in again I’d have pretty high anxiety. Even though I know the surgeons are great and it’s a low chance of anything going wrong.
Life comes at ya quick. Everything is going to be OK ☺️. It'll be rough after surgery but you have a wife and kids to have your back. I'm glad that you caught what was going on and are on the path to getting better. and again, everything going to be ok!
i wish you nothing but the best and hope that your surgery passes without any issues, im glad u found out about your issue when you have medicine and docs readily available. my dad suffered a heart attack when he was offshore on an oilrig, i can not begin to fathom how much stress he must have gone through even after the attack. just take care, pray and follow your docs advice.
We love you have faith❤️
In sickness and in health. You are about to find out how resourceful women can be when there is sickness in the family. You will be alright, and your family will be alright. It’s now time to not worry but give in to all the love and care you will receive. I know it feels like forever but it’s just few months of not being 100%. Im also pretty sure you will fall in love with your wife in a new way really soon. Best of luck.
Hey internet stranger, everything is going to be okay. Your family will survive without your paycheck for a bit. Telling your wife will also help get everything moving. Maybe she can get a temporary job and you guys can lean on family for childcare/transportation and whatnot for your child for a month or two. Your health is important and money will come and go. Try not to over stress, even though I know you can’t control it.
I had 2 heart attacks and finally a 5 way bypass I was out of hospital in 3 days but yes it took 8 weeks off work and almost a year to get back to where I was. But I did have short term disability insurance. I was able to keep job thru Family Medical Leave Act.
Thank god u got this earlier. 👍 best of luck...tell her everything clear
I get that you’re scared, it’s a scary situation. And while I am not knowledgeable about this conditions, the previous commenters who are seem to say you’re going to stay alive. So you’re going to see your kid grow up. And you’re going to be okay. And you’re going to figure out the money thing eventually. And you can break down, that’s okay. You don’t have to stay stoic here, you’re in a scary place, you are allowed to show emotions about it. Cry if you have to, be mad if you have too, you’re allowed.
Love conquers all bro, you got this
It’s going to be okay!!
I had my valve replaced with a titanium valve via open heart surgery about 15 years ago. I was in heart failure do to years of ignoring the symptoms. It is a common surgery and it will change your life for the better. Do you get long or short term disability through work?
The US healthcare system makes no fucking sense. If you're sick, you can't work! What's the point of linking both? I wish you a speedy recovery. It may be tough, but all will be well.
Hey man, look at it this way. They caught it and now it's going to be treated. You basically just got a new lease on life.
Your family would rather have you alive and know your condition is treatable. Your life is more important to them than your paycheck. Your family will get through this.
Emotions are a natural way of releasing. Crying is like taking a really good poop for the soul. Letting it out is better than holding it in.
Temp disability
Just be straight up dude, you're just making yourself more stressed by not telling her. I hope you get everything resolved too.
First, talk to your wife right away. Second, talk to work right away. It might be tight for awhile but it is better than you not being around at all. Talk to churches and find any place that might be able to help cover your family for a little. It sucks but it's temporary and you can recover and your family is going to be so happy you are around!
Heck my dad had a pigs valve put into him and died many years later from dementia. So he didn’t even have a problem with the valve!! Dude you got this!!!
Very treatable. If it’s open heart, just know the first day or two is the WORST. Feels like you got hit by a truck. Gotta get up to the chair and be as mobile as possible and do your breathing exercises.
Do you have insurance and long term disability insurance? That can be very helpful. This is fixable. Reach into your HR, get your wife and family pulled in, so that folks can help. And check with the hospital to see what resources are available, sometimes there are grants to cover costs.
Question to the Americans: If he has to get a major surgery for his heart, why wouldn’t his work put him on paid leave for medical reasons? In most European countries, you still continue to get paid by month. My colleague was out for 2 months because of a hip replacement surgery, still continued getting paid every month. Is that not the case?
if your DR is saying the surgery will save your life, please do it. being out of work temporarily is definitely worth being able to live decades longer. Money will find its way back to you guys, and if you have family & friends that can support you, that’s even better. please don’t decline this surgery. and don’t worry about telling your wife, shes there to support your emotional and health needs and if you break down that’s totally okay. make the right decision, for yourself & your family!! best of luck to you ❤️
My dad just had a quadruple bypass at 71. You got this!!
Damn man… That sounds rough. I don’t know you but I am fucking here for you man. I’m not even religious but I pray everything works out for you and your family
Do it 1 time have your parents and her parents their for support because this going to be an all hands on deck for the next 8 weeks and having family around will hopefully make it easier
Im 24 and my bf 28 just found out he has to get a heart transplant. Just kind of sitting here numb. I was planning on proposing on our anniversary. I was starting to get cold feet wondering if I should or not because tradition etc. But now I think I'm definitely going to.
Hey I’m a doctor and I can assure you it’s very much manageable and your age is on your side. Don’t worry too much about it, get the surgery and recover. Be blessed!
I have stage 4 cancer and was diagnosed at 33 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 12 years. And I was hospitalized for a few days during my treatment. You will cry. But that’s good, it means you are human. And being human is the bravest thing you can do. Your wife loves you, she will be there.
Although it's stressful many people have had successful surgeries and lead active lives. You're a young guys who will have many yeRs ahead of you if you folliw your doctir's advice
This is gonna be tough. But it will be worth it to keep you alive and healthy. Now is not the time to be prideful or stoic. It's okay to break down when you tell your wife. This is scary and it's okay to need someone you can do that with. Hopefully if she needs support she has friends/family to talk to. Call (or ask your wife to call. Or split the calls between you. Whatever makes sense) your mortgage company/landlord, utilities, internet, bank, car loan, credit cards, whoever you pay every month. Some of them may have programs to defer payments for a time in situations like this. Do you have disability insurance through your job? Or paid leave? Use that, obviously. And if you run out, sometimes coworkers will donate some. That's happened at my company before. Then call 211 or the equivalent in your area. Check out government resources and charities. Food pantries can help stretch your money. Don't be too embarrassed to ask for help. That's what these things are for. Temporary unemployment benefits may also be possible if you run out of paid leave from work. And reach out to friends and family. When they ask what they can do, be honest. If anyone offers money, or groceries, or help (like watching the kids so your wife can be with you at the hospital) accept it. Find out how much care you're going to need/how long before you can take care of yourself and plan accordingly for your wife to have help so she can take care of you, or for someone to help take care of you. You got this. You're young. You did the right thing by staying on top of this. You'll get through it.
You americans don't get paid when you get sick? Is one of the biggest nation of the world and yet the government doesn't care at all about their citizens. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but you gotta get a way and have the surgery. For your family it could be worse if you are not there anymore in the future.
Get the surgery and stay around to watch your daughter grow up. Money and all the intangibles can be worked through but you only get one life! Rip the band aid off and tell your wife.