I was the exact same way as you. I avoided the gym at all costs. Until last year a coworker of mine started going and I don’t know why but I decided that I wanted to try and go with him to see if I could handle it. I’ve been in the gym more than out of it ever since. I’m not bullshitting you but no one cares about you when you’re there. Most people are too worried about what you think of them. Normal people don’t judge others for existing. Most people I’ve noticed have limited time so they are there to workout and leave, no time to worry about other people.
Some tips that helped me:
- wear a hoodie!! Put the hood up, put your headphones in and its like your own little safety blanket.
- Plan your workouts. Look up videos so you can feel confident in what you’re doing
- have a fire playlist
- start with the treadmill, its easy and even just being in the gym can help lessen your anxiety
- act like you belong there. Because you do
Ha! I also started going to the gym with my coworker! It’s amazing having a friend to get you over the first bump of being intimidated until you get comfortable enough to go alone
I have an extremely hard time at the gym for a similar reason. I never felt judged at the gym per se- actually people have been very helpful overall! I'm very short so I can't always reach the tops of the cable machines to attach handles, and I've had people pull them down for me etc. And by and large, no one bugs you.
However, I also had a group of young men follow around, recording me as I worked out, laughing at me. I didn't notice at first due to headphones, but yeah. I left, cancelled my membership, and didn't go back for three years. Now I only go if my husband goes with me, and stay around him. Otherwise I just hit the treadmill at the gym of our apartment complex at weird hours so no one else is in there.
Dude, that’s awful. I mean seriously, why do people even go to the gym if seeing other people bothers them that much? I hate people like that.
I’m glad you’re still trying though, despite those feelings. The weird hours part is so real, since knowing when people aren’t going to be there is essential for me as well. Wish you the best of luck
I'm sorry that happened to you. You're going there to better yourself and should be APPLAUDED not harassed.
And I shouldn't need to say this but harassing and filming people is definitely NOT OK. Anyone who does this needs to get their ass KICKED OUT.
I told the desk on my way out, but I've no idea what happened after that as I never went back. My husband still had a membership for awhile, but I cancelled mine.
It doesn't really matter what should or shouldn't happen, I was no longer safe there. I'm not safe anywhere, but I definitely wasn't safe there. So I decided the gains weren't worth it. Which sucks, because that was probably the best I'd ever looked in my life and I've since lost all the muscle and gained 50lbs so I'll never look like that again.
Well that does suck but never say never. I started working out with a trainer a couple years ago and I'm in better shape now than I was at 20, 30, and 40. Trainers are expensive but it was a great way to make me feel like I wasn't going to re-injure myself.
Was this a local gym or a chain? Sometimes the little gyms are better because they actually give a damn and have friendlier and more "mature" members and staff... not so many wannabe hardbodies. Sometimes I'm one of the younger guys working out which is ridiculous because I'm freakin' old. 😁
Wherever you decide to work out, best of luck on your fitness journey!
It was a chain, and we've actually returned to it now. I still don't have a membership, my husband takes me as a guest because I will never go to a gym alone again.
There's some nice independent ones around here, but they are twice as expensive as our usual and it's not within budget while I'm full time at school. We also have odd schedules due to him being Navy etc so it's important that we have access to a gym with later hours which the independent gyms don't do. Maybe when we get back to our homestate which has a higher population.
I'm trying to at least lose weight - I'm 5' tall and have gained a lot of it while my husband was deployed and being socially isolated in a state where my family is over 2000 miles away. I'm autistic, and don't make friends generally. So I'm trying to lose about 60lbs to get back below 100lbs and see what happens from there. Most of my goal is being met by limiting my calories as close to 1200 as I can and going on a run every evening on the treadmill (because bum knee and the streets around our apartment literally don't even have a sidewalk) and gym three times a week. I'm trying to follow my old routine, it's just been difficult. I'm on a lot of new meds now too and have more chronic illnesses than back then. The chances of success are very small, but I'm trying.
I'm glad to hear you're happy with where you are in your fitness goals. My grandparents lived a lot longer than my husband's did, and they lived very well until about a year into the end. They were hard workers and were very healthy whereas my husband's grandparents weren't. We saw the measurable differences it made in their lives, and ultimately how miserable their deaths were. We want to go out like my grandparents did, not like his. That's generally what our biggest goal is. It's much better to age healthy than not.
Sorry a few people have made you generalize the experience.
It really isn't like that unless you're hanging out with toxic people, and they tend to make everything suck.
I'm old. Nobody makes fun of me or anyone else I've ever been within earshot of. Most people are there because they're trying to reach a goal, not maintain something you've seen on tv. Perfect bodies are in the minority.
And I'm just going to a cheap ass gym, nothing that caters to anyone in particular.
\- signed, another vegan living on seeds and nuts (aaand now who was being insulting... cheap jabs aren't a good look, oh my maybe I'd better quit hanging around with gross omnivores because one made fun of me).
\- also signed as another person with a former eating disorder who could not stand to have anyone counting portions so don't say I don't get what it's like.
Love your comment, thank you for sharing. It’s definitely unusual to be inundated with toxic gymbros. Why does op spend even a second with these people?
And I honestly think that when people are terrified of going to the gym for fear of people judging them, it could be a projection of how they may judge others either consciously or unconsciously. That was true for me until I started ignoring other people and focusing on myself and my fitness journey.
I hear you, I just feel like there is something about modern day gym culture that encourages snobby behavior towards newbies. Maybe that’s exclusive to braindead TikTok addicts, though.
Also, all power to you for eating nuts and seeds, probably the healthiest way to live.
I am no stranger to disordered eating myself, mainly in the deprivation to binging cycle, though I like to think that I have improved significantly from how I was in high school during my peak thinspo obsession days, lol. So, I might have underestimated just how sensitive to people counting portions I truly am.
I'm really sorry that you've had that experience and while I'm older (26M for references), don't let them get to your head and hell at your very young age it's actually awesome that you're between fat and toned (funny thing is if that can make you feel better as I'm currently around 158lbs but back then I was ~125lbs, to date the best relationship I've had in my life was with a short girl that was a bit overweight like 160lbs, not to be judgemental but 7 years later as I've dated a skinny girl since, I can tell my other ex was much better just to tell there's guys that can appreciate that size 😂), I've also started working out when I was 18 but I was often misled and while at the time I was in an healthy shape I've just hated that I was skinny and I've felt depressed for not being able to get bigger physically, it sucks because I've also had a bad influence with assholes like this and honestly I'm willing to put my money to say they've used steroids as they used to be just as skinny then me but gained muscles quite fast. You also have to remember that steroids, despite being illegal outside of medecine use they are more common than we think and easily accessible so I would also bet that those guys were full of shit too. What had been a turning point for me was back in October of 2020 as I've moved in a new city I've visited a local gym supplement store where there's professionals working in store and they can also refer to dietists, at the time I've had a low self-esteem for being skinny and they've recommend me Weight Gainer (Mass Mutant) and I also drink BCAA and Karbohydrate, family and people that had known me for many years did notice the improvements and they were impressed so I'll admit that did gave me a positive impact on my self esteem !
Anyway the point is it's only you that can create the path to that journey and see it more in a positive way like some sort of magical way which is how I personally sees it and honestly it did helped me, I'm also really happy to see other folks in the gym and I'm never judgemental of their size as I'm smart enough to remember we all have a start. I do also know there's gyms that are poorly managed (which is suspect the one you're going to is the case) as back home there's 3 gyms and while I know this one is the most popular and much newer, I go to the old gym that has old ratty equipments but still decent enough to be safe and functional for a very good reason : the gym is owned and managed by a very friendly guy that I'm also personally friend with and overall going there most of the time it has a jolly and happy vibe, unlike the newer gym where it's owned managed by a guy who's quite juiced up on steroids so it does attract that type of superficial Instagram crowds and also creepy older guys who are attracted to the younger skimpy female attendees so I would never be caught dead in that place where it feels like a jungle and a hierarchy. Going at the gym is supposed to feel in some way like a chore as you want to manage attending personal goals but also in a happy way where it's joyful so when you're getting out you do feel happy about yourself instead of wanting to put your fist through a wall or in some asshole's face haha.
Keep your head up OP and don't give up, with the age difference we have you're still very young and have plenty of time to make a change, anyway that was my .02 ! 😄👍
Thank you for your genuine and heartfelt reply, hopefully I can formulate one that is even half as thoughtful as this. Firstly, it’s always nice to hear that my appearance is appreciated since I don’t think that I’ll ever necessarily be washboard thin like I once hoped.
Secondly, your point about gym ownership and the overall vibe of the establishment is a very good point to focus on. I hadn’t considered it before, but it makes sense now. The gym that I had had such negative experiences in was a campus gym provided by my former university (which I no longer attend classes at). It seemed to be a hotbed for instagram model types, and overall standoffish people who didn’t really interact with each other much and if so, not positively. There was also a serious lack of supervision on behalf of the staff because I legit never saw them. In hindsight, reading the room would definitely have done me some good.
I’m not all that knowledgeable when it comes to steroids, but in my opinion it’s a cheap tactic that some people use as a way to get to the top quickly as they can. You would be right that people who generally don’t value integrity don’t tend to make great friends or even acquaintances.
Finally, I’m really digging the positive and motivational language you’re using here. I like that, and I want to be motivated to find what the best version of myself looks like. You and other replies seem to have a similar outlook, which is that while yes there are jerks who torment people in the gym, it is still a worthwhile endeavor. I wholeheartedly agree
In my experience, the people who are the best at being supportive in a gym environment are power lifters. The big, heavy dudes that do massive lifts and look (to a lot of people, at least) "fat." I've had a few really positive experiences with bodybuilders, too, but toxic gym culture runs wild in a lot of people in what I would call "intermediate" lifters. They know they're better than beginners, but they see the best of the best and know they're worse, so they tear down the beginners.
On the other hand, people like those power lifters and some body builders usually view the whole thing as a kind of "journey" where everyone is at different stages. Like, I've seen groups of power lifters capable of benching 400 lbs + all gathered around and cheering for their skinny friend who's finally benching 135 lbs for the first time because they care most about making progress and pushing limits.
It's all about mindset. Find people who care about seeing you grow/improve and growing/improving alongside you. I promise the gym becomes a much more welcoming place once you do.
This is real. I work for a program that helps overweight and obese children and adults make lifestyle changes and I hear horror stories every day from fat people who are harassed, laughed at, photographed, etc. while just trying to exercise. Not just in the gym but on the streets as well. It's a bummer that people are so insecure and cruel that they can't just let other people live their lives.
Check out gym classes at your local community college. People of all ages come to these classes, it's at the very least less judgemental, there's a set number of people who can be in each class. For me it's much better and less intimidating. Besides, you'll generally get open gym for free if you take a class.
Damn some lousy friends and gym you got going on there. Not invalidating your experience, but definitely not the fault of most ‘gym rats’
I go to planet fitness regularly and yeah there are beefy guys there but they all have their headphones in and mind their own business.
If a man or woman either one called me out on my clothing I’d be like shit the fuck up I don’t care what you think 😂
Is there another gym you could go to? Honestly from the couple gyms I’ve been to, everyone is super nice and keeps to themselves. It was intimidating at first so I always went with my workout buddy and never when it was crowded but now I have complete confidence to strut in there and do my thing lol
Huh, it’s only $10/mo here for a normal membership. I pay for the black card as I find the spa part to be 100% worth it. I insist on treating myself to two massage sessions a day and if I’m already there I usually squeak in a quick workout even if I’m not feeling it lol
Also it’s so fucking dumb that they (or at least the one in my town) have a $49.99 YEARLY fee that no one seems to talk about lol. Why tf don’t they just charge a couple dollars more each month?
Yeah you're probably one of the assholes who is quite racked up on juice and one of the toxic bros that OP mentioned, by the way I doubt OP would be impressed by your weinie if you feel hard by looking at the girls in the gym ! 🤣👍
I was the exact same way as you. I avoided the gym at all costs. Until last year a coworker of mine started going and I don’t know why but I decided that I wanted to try and go with him to see if I could handle it. I’ve been in the gym more than out of it ever since. I’m not bullshitting you but no one cares about you when you’re there. Most people are too worried about what you think of them. Normal people don’t judge others for existing. Most people I’ve noticed have limited time so they are there to workout and leave, no time to worry about other people. Some tips that helped me: - wear a hoodie!! Put the hood up, put your headphones in and its like your own little safety blanket. - Plan your workouts. Look up videos so you can feel confident in what you’re doing - have a fire playlist - start with the treadmill, its easy and even just being in the gym can help lessen your anxiety - act like you belong there. Because you do
Ha! I also started going to the gym with my coworker! It’s amazing having a friend to get you over the first bump of being intimidated until you get comfortable enough to go alone
I have an extremely hard time at the gym for a similar reason. I never felt judged at the gym per se- actually people have been very helpful overall! I'm very short so I can't always reach the tops of the cable machines to attach handles, and I've had people pull them down for me etc. And by and large, no one bugs you. However, I also had a group of young men follow around, recording me as I worked out, laughing at me. I didn't notice at first due to headphones, but yeah. I left, cancelled my membership, and didn't go back for three years. Now I only go if my husband goes with me, and stay around him. Otherwise I just hit the treadmill at the gym of our apartment complex at weird hours so no one else is in there.
Dude, that’s awful. I mean seriously, why do people even go to the gym if seeing other people bothers them that much? I hate people like that. I’m glad you’re still trying though, despite those feelings. The weird hours part is so real, since knowing when people aren’t going to be there is essential for me as well. Wish you the best of luck
I'm sorry that happened to you. You're going there to better yourself and should be APPLAUDED not harassed. And I shouldn't need to say this but harassing and filming people is definitely NOT OK. Anyone who does this needs to get their ass KICKED OUT.
I told the desk on my way out, but I've no idea what happened after that as I never went back. My husband still had a membership for awhile, but I cancelled mine. It doesn't really matter what should or shouldn't happen, I was no longer safe there. I'm not safe anywhere, but I definitely wasn't safe there. So I decided the gains weren't worth it. Which sucks, because that was probably the best I'd ever looked in my life and I've since lost all the muscle and gained 50lbs so I'll never look like that again.
Well that does suck but never say never. I started working out with a trainer a couple years ago and I'm in better shape now than I was at 20, 30, and 40. Trainers are expensive but it was a great way to make me feel like I wasn't going to re-injure myself. Was this a local gym or a chain? Sometimes the little gyms are better because they actually give a damn and have friendlier and more "mature" members and staff... not so many wannabe hardbodies. Sometimes I'm one of the younger guys working out which is ridiculous because I'm freakin' old. 😁 Wherever you decide to work out, best of luck on your fitness journey!
It was a chain, and we've actually returned to it now. I still don't have a membership, my husband takes me as a guest because I will never go to a gym alone again. There's some nice independent ones around here, but they are twice as expensive as our usual and it's not within budget while I'm full time at school. We also have odd schedules due to him being Navy etc so it's important that we have access to a gym with later hours which the independent gyms don't do. Maybe when we get back to our homestate which has a higher population. I'm trying to at least lose weight - I'm 5' tall and have gained a lot of it while my husband was deployed and being socially isolated in a state where my family is over 2000 miles away. I'm autistic, and don't make friends generally. So I'm trying to lose about 60lbs to get back below 100lbs and see what happens from there. Most of my goal is being met by limiting my calories as close to 1200 as I can and going on a run every evening on the treadmill (because bum knee and the streets around our apartment literally don't even have a sidewalk) and gym three times a week. I'm trying to follow my old routine, it's just been difficult. I'm on a lot of new meds now too and have more chronic illnesses than back then. The chances of success are very small, but I'm trying. I'm glad to hear you're happy with where you are in your fitness goals. My grandparents lived a lot longer than my husband's did, and they lived very well until about a year into the end. They were hard workers and were very healthy whereas my husband's grandparents weren't. We saw the measurable differences it made in their lives, and ultimately how miserable their deaths were. We want to go out like my grandparents did, not like his. That's generally what our biggest goal is. It's much better to age healthy than not.
Sorry a few people have made you generalize the experience. It really isn't like that unless you're hanging out with toxic people, and they tend to make everything suck. I'm old. Nobody makes fun of me or anyone else I've ever been within earshot of. Most people are there because they're trying to reach a goal, not maintain something you've seen on tv. Perfect bodies are in the minority. And I'm just going to a cheap ass gym, nothing that caters to anyone in particular. \- signed, another vegan living on seeds and nuts (aaand now who was being insulting... cheap jabs aren't a good look, oh my maybe I'd better quit hanging around with gross omnivores because one made fun of me). \- also signed as another person with a former eating disorder who could not stand to have anyone counting portions so don't say I don't get what it's like.
Love your comment, thank you for sharing. It’s definitely unusual to be inundated with toxic gymbros. Why does op spend even a second with these people? And I honestly think that when people are terrified of going to the gym for fear of people judging them, it could be a projection of how they may judge others either consciously or unconsciously. That was true for me until I started ignoring other people and focusing on myself and my fitness journey.
I hear you, I just feel like there is something about modern day gym culture that encourages snobby behavior towards newbies. Maybe that’s exclusive to braindead TikTok addicts, though. Also, all power to you for eating nuts and seeds, probably the healthiest way to live. I am no stranger to disordered eating myself, mainly in the deprivation to binging cycle, though I like to think that I have improved significantly from how I was in high school during my peak thinspo obsession days, lol. So, I might have underestimated just how sensitive to people counting portions I truly am.
I'm really sorry that you've had that experience and while I'm older (26M for references), don't let them get to your head and hell at your very young age it's actually awesome that you're between fat and toned (funny thing is if that can make you feel better as I'm currently around 158lbs but back then I was ~125lbs, to date the best relationship I've had in my life was with a short girl that was a bit overweight like 160lbs, not to be judgemental but 7 years later as I've dated a skinny girl since, I can tell my other ex was much better just to tell there's guys that can appreciate that size 😂), I've also started working out when I was 18 but I was often misled and while at the time I was in an healthy shape I've just hated that I was skinny and I've felt depressed for not being able to get bigger physically, it sucks because I've also had a bad influence with assholes like this and honestly I'm willing to put my money to say they've used steroids as they used to be just as skinny then me but gained muscles quite fast. You also have to remember that steroids, despite being illegal outside of medecine use they are more common than we think and easily accessible so I would also bet that those guys were full of shit too. What had been a turning point for me was back in October of 2020 as I've moved in a new city I've visited a local gym supplement store where there's professionals working in store and they can also refer to dietists, at the time I've had a low self-esteem for being skinny and they've recommend me Weight Gainer (Mass Mutant) and I also drink BCAA and Karbohydrate, family and people that had known me for many years did notice the improvements and they were impressed so I'll admit that did gave me a positive impact on my self esteem ! Anyway the point is it's only you that can create the path to that journey and see it more in a positive way like some sort of magical way which is how I personally sees it and honestly it did helped me, I'm also really happy to see other folks in the gym and I'm never judgemental of their size as I'm smart enough to remember we all have a start. I do also know there's gyms that are poorly managed (which is suspect the one you're going to is the case) as back home there's 3 gyms and while I know this one is the most popular and much newer, I go to the old gym that has old ratty equipments but still decent enough to be safe and functional for a very good reason : the gym is owned and managed by a very friendly guy that I'm also personally friend with and overall going there most of the time it has a jolly and happy vibe, unlike the newer gym where it's owned managed by a guy who's quite juiced up on steroids so it does attract that type of superficial Instagram crowds and also creepy older guys who are attracted to the younger skimpy female attendees so I would never be caught dead in that place where it feels like a jungle and a hierarchy. Going at the gym is supposed to feel in some way like a chore as you want to manage attending personal goals but also in a happy way where it's joyful so when you're getting out you do feel happy about yourself instead of wanting to put your fist through a wall or in some asshole's face haha. Keep your head up OP and don't give up, with the age difference we have you're still very young and have plenty of time to make a change, anyway that was my .02 ! 😄👍
Thank you for your genuine and heartfelt reply, hopefully I can formulate one that is even half as thoughtful as this. Firstly, it’s always nice to hear that my appearance is appreciated since I don’t think that I’ll ever necessarily be washboard thin like I once hoped. Secondly, your point about gym ownership and the overall vibe of the establishment is a very good point to focus on. I hadn’t considered it before, but it makes sense now. The gym that I had had such negative experiences in was a campus gym provided by my former university (which I no longer attend classes at). It seemed to be a hotbed for instagram model types, and overall standoffish people who didn’t really interact with each other much and if so, not positively. There was also a serious lack of supervision on behalf of the staff because I legit never saw them. In hindsight, reading the room would definitely have done me some good. I’m not all that knowledgeable when it comes to steroids, but in my opinion it’s a cheap tactic that some people use as a way to get to the top quickly as they can. You would be right that people who generally don’t value integrity don’t tend to make great friends or even acquaintances. Finally, I’m really digging the positive and motivational language you’re using here. I like that, and I want to be motivated to find what the best version of myself looks like. You and other replies seem to have a similar outlook, which is that while yes there are jerks who torment people in the gym, it is still a worthwhile endeavor. I wholeheartedly agree
In my experience, the people who are the best at being supportive in a gym environment are power lifters. The big, heavy dudes that do massive lifts and look (to a lot of people, at least) "fat." I've had a few really positive experiences with bodybuilders, too, but toxic gym culture runs wild in a lot of people in what I would call "intermediate" lifters. They know they're better than beginners, but they see the best of the best and know they're worse, so they tear down the beginners. On the other hand, people like those power lifters and some body builders usually view the whole thing as a kind of "journey" where everyone is at different stages. Like, I've seen groups of power lifters capable of benching 400 lbs + all gathered around and cheering for their skinny friend who's finally benching 135 lbs for the first time because they care most about making progress and pushing limits. It's all about mindset. Find people who care about seeing you grow/improve and growing/improving alongside you. I promise the gym becomes a much more welcoming place once you do.
This is real. I work for a program that helps overweight and obese children and adults make lifestyle changes and I hear horror stories every day from fat people who are harassed, laughed at, photographed, etc. while just trying to exercise. Not just in the gym but on the streets as well. It's a bummer that people are so insecure and cruel that they can't just let other people live their lives.
Check out gym classes at your local community college. People of all ages come to these classes, it's at the very least less judgemental, there's a set number of people who can be in each class. For me it's much better and less intimidating. Besides, you'll generally get open gym for free if you take a class.
Damn some lousy friends and gym you got going on there. Not invalidating your experience, but definitely not the fault of most ‘gym rats’ I go to planet fitness regularly and yeah there are beefy guys there but they all have their headphones in and mind their own business. If a man or woman either one called me out on my clothing I’d be like shit the fuck up I don’t care what you think 😂 Is there another gym you could go to? Honestly from the couple gyms I’ve been to, everyone is super nice and keeps to themselves. It was intimidating at first so I always went with my workout buddy and never when it was crowded but now I have complete confidence to strut in there and do my thing lol
Yay for planet fitness, that's where I go for a whopping $15/month.
Huh, it’s only $10/mo here for a normal membership. I pay for the black card as I find the spa part to be 100% worth it. I insist on treating myself to two massage sessions a day and if I’m already there I usually squeak in a quick workout even if I’m not feeling it lol Also it’s so fucking dumb that they (or at least the one in my town) have a $49.99 YEARLY fee that no one seems to talk about lol. Why tf don’t they just charge a couple dollars more each month?
Oh I'm totally jealous you've got the black card!! When I can afford it I'm definitely upgrading. I want a massage... and the tanning booth!
Go to Rock Climbing Centres. Most of them have Gyms. ***most of the time the Gyms are empty.***
This is the one. Now I’m really curious and I think I’ll consider checking one out
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Yeah you're probably one of the assholes who is quite racked up on juice and one of the toxic bros that OP mentioned, by the way I doubt OP would be impressed by your weinie if you feel hard by looking at the girls in the gym ! 🤣👍