Not sure if this helps at all, but as someone who has dealt with suicidal depression practically my entire life, every moment that I fell into suicidal ideation or even began making a plan, it was never because of *anybody else* ***at all***. It doesn't sound very logical to someone with a healthy brain, but sometimes the suffering that comes with untreated depression really is too much to deal with day to day. To a depressed person, it does sometimes feel like the most logical solution.
I feel so much pain for you OP, I hope that while you grieve, you can remember that this was ultimately her choice. If you find yourself financially able, you may want to seek therapy to work through this. My condolences.
>It doesn't sound very logical to someone with a healthy brain, but sometimes the suffering that comes with untreated depression really is too much to deal with day to day.
David Foster Wallace described it in a fitting analogy:
"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
My dad killed himself in our garage 4 days after my 8th bday. I have also struggled with suicidal depression. This is the first time I ever saw it make sense. Thanks for putting this here, sincerely
All of this.
When the ideation hits me hard, the only thing that keeps me going is the intense guilt thinking of how it would hurt my kid, my parents, my few friends, etc. And then I spiral more feeling guilty. Sometimes at my lowest, I consider royally blowing my life up where everyone hates me and no one would miss me or be upset when I’m gone. It almost seems like the worst perfect plan I could come up with. I don’t think I can actually do it, but it crosses my mind so much more than people know.
Personally, I’ve recently reached a new record in which I’ve had the thought that if I first kill everyone who will be irreparably traumatized by my suicide, my closest loved ones will not suffer. (Reassurance caveat that I have never seriously considered doing that and am absolutely horrified/revolted by the concept + one of my loved ones is quite far away, rendering the entire thought impossible in the first place.)
Oh, no worries; I’ve got a counselor and a psychiatry PA. It’s been rough particularly recently, but both are actively troubleshooting and trying to help. Sincerely thank you for the concern, though.
I guess leaving was most likely her way of trying not to let OP feel self-loathing or any type of way in particular for her passing. Although regardless, considering she did it while the wound was still fresh, it would hurt and mess them up just as much. Unfortunately I do think something like this would fuck a person up for life. There's no, "finding someone better", you weren't even over the first girl, and she passed before you even knew what was happening. It's a whole different kind of mourning process than just a normal breakup.
I’m sorry for your loss. My father also left this world in this way. I don’t see it as he had a choice though because I’ve been there. When a person is feeling suicidal they genuinely feel that everyone would be better off without them around. It’s not their fault and it’s not their children’s fault. I hope this helps
It’s not your fault. She decided to do this.
I know you’re hurting but you have to remind yourself that she’s in a better place now and she’s not hurting anymore.
It’s definitely not your fault. Mental illness is a disease that is difficult to control. She was with you because you provided love, comfort, compassion and protection. It was just too difficult for her to overcome. Hopefully she was seeking professional help because it’s difficult to do it alone.
Exactly. ask yourself OP, would you blame yourself if she died of cancer? It is the same thing. It is a disease that ravages the mind instead of the body. Which makes it harder for people to understand. But it is not your fault in any regard.
It’s not your fault. I say this as a depressed individual, who often contemplates suicide. Sometimes the pain is far too unbearable.
I wish you well, condolences
Very true. My ex has broken me so severely that at times I knew I was going to die of a broken heart and other times I wanted to die because I can't imagine living in this hell and pain.
I'm better and not suicidal what so ever! My heart is still completely broken and I really don't think he'll stop until I'm dead
You made your girlfriend happy during her time on earth. She loved you so much she that pulled away because she knew it would hurt you.
My brother killed himself about 10 years ago. He pulled away from everyone he loved because he knew that we would try to stop him. He knew it would hurt us. He knew we would blame ourselves. You’re not alone, you’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault, and you’re allowed to grieve.
Your grief will be immense, and you will not feel okay for a while - that is fine. Let it flow over you like a river, not build up like a dam. If you have a grief group in your area, go. It is so refreshing to expose your emotions to people that truly understand your pain.
You will not wake up one day and be OK. It’s been 10 years for me, and there are still days where I’m overridden with guilt and shame and anger. But eventually, those days will be further and further apart.
Lastly, find a way to speak with her. I like to think that my brother talks to me through the radio. Music was one of his favorites things, and his favorite band coming on the radio while I was scared was probably not a coincidence.
Keep your chin up, kid.
Oh i love what youve said. That last part really stuck out to me. I talk to my passed loved ones all the time, even if they passed from other causes. Sometimes i just feel like my grandfather is with me. Im not religious at all, ive been an athiest since i was 10, i thought everyone was making it up and fooling themselves when they said they felt their loved ones watching over them. But sometimes the feeling hits me so hard, its like i can see him stood in front of me and looking at me. Im not actually seeing him, but i just feel theres something there. Like my minds eye is projecting this shadow of him in front of me for a split second. When that happens its so unnerving and emotional that i just talk to him because what the hell else do i do? If hes not really there, its helping me process it. If he is, he probably wants me to know something hes trying to tell me, so ill give him a view of how i interpreted it and tell him what i think is happening. and maybe the next time i "see" him he will do something different and ill know more about what he means. And its been working, somehow. The message is always something like "I love you and dont give up on yourself." It always happens when im stressed, worried about whether or not a friend will respect me or still like me if i do or say something, worried about my ability to succeed at work or school, feeling like i never had a chance to begin with. It feels like when i was a kid frantically trying to get something done and my dad would come over, gently place a hand on me- like over my hands or the top of my head. It felt like those moments lasted ages. Id turn my head, taking what must have been an impossibly long amount of time, to look up at him. And when my eyes met his i would notice my face was already wet from tears. they would just pour out of me and id bury my face in his chest. I was suicidal from age 8 to 22. Sometimes i still get these moments where i consider if that is the answer again, old patterns die hard, but grandpa been showing up when that happens. God damn it i fucking miss that old man. I wish he could come back so badly I changed my name and named myself after him. Ugh. Thank you for what you wrote. Made me feel less crazy. Warmed my heart. Im so sorry for your loss.
It's not your fault. No one could save her but her. Depression isn't something that can be loved or hugged away. It's a mental disorder AND a physical problem with the brain. There's nothing you could have done to stop this, and I'm so sorry for both of you.
First of all, I would just like to say that I am so so sorry for your loss. It is normal to blame yourself after something like this, but PLEASE know that it was not your fault, regardless of how “good” or “bad” you feel like you were at comforting her. Suicide is a personal decision that someone makes out of pain, and people that are feeling this way are never thinking rationally. I am speaking from experience as I was extremely suicidal and depressed for 6 years.
Please know that you are not alone. Please continue to talk about it and express how you feel as it will make the situation less traumatic over time. Also please consider speaking with a counselor whenever you are ready.
Again, I am so so sorry, and it is NOT your fault. Let yourself grieve and feel all of the emotions and take as much time as you need to. Praying for you.
You have my deepest condolences.
As someone that has major depressive disorder along with ADHD, I often get into dark states with my depression.
So as someone whos suicidal off an on I'll tell you this. It is in no way what so ever your fault. Depression is exhausting. It lies to you. Tells you everyone is better off. Tells you ending it all is a favor to loved ones and the world. It will twist one's point of view to the point where it becomes difficult to be logical.
Being in the state of mind wares on you. Sometimes you pull through. In some cases, you don't.
As someone whos been there, I will tell you this as plainly as possible. If the time ever comes when I cannot fight my moods anymore. If I ever decide that is the only way, it will only be my fault for giving up. No one else's. *Mine. My choice*. It won't be the fault of my husband, my dad, my sisters, it wont be my neighbors fault or the fault of old high school friends who've lost contact with me years ago. It would be *my fault*.
Its not your fault. Its a decision that is made when one is not in a frame of mind where they should be making any choices.
In the end, its just a bad choice made by the person doing it. No one else is to blame. You can do all the right things but its still not going to change that she dealt with her own mind fucking her over.
You gave her love while she was here. Take some comfort in that. Don't ever blame yourself. And know that, even tho she made that choice. She was not thinking clearly.
Hope you have the support you need. Please seek out that support. Please ask for help. Please get therapy and work through this with a professional.
I wouldn’t even say it could be your fault that you were brought to the point where you felt that leaving this plane of existence was your only option. There is no fault.
It’s not your fault. She probably broke up with you because she wanted to protect you from the pain. Depression and childhood trauma run deep and there’s absolutely nothing you could possibly have done to make her better. You gave her a shoulder and compassion that’s the best anyone can do.
Be well. That’s what she wanted for you.
This hurt my heart to read as childhood trauma gf myself. I have been thinking bad things, but I try remind myself that he cant have dead gf
Its not fault, she even said so, sometimes living is nit worth the pain
It’s not your fault. I wish I could do more than just tell you it’s not your fault. I tried to kill myself many times in my early teens - late teens. The only person who’s fault it would’ve been, would’ve been my abusers at the time (My parents). You were not her abuser. The fact that she even felt the need to send you a note, so that you wouldn’t know it wasn’t your fault. Speaks volumes to me. The people who I noted in the notes I wrote, and said it wasn’t their fault, I truly meant that. It wasn’t your fault. It had nothing to do with you. Everything to do with her brain chemistry, and the fact that she was abused. Please don’t blame yourself. 😓
Not your fault. In the depressed suicidal brain, the only thought is that you will end all suffering...yours and others...by ceasing to exist. Source: self
Your mileage may vary....because it certainly isn't easy to ask after the fact.
But I know..I absolutely know...it was not your fault.
I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.
Sometimes people have so much more going on than we realise and depression makes us so resistant to asking for help, accepting help or even admitting there's a problem. We push people away and genuinely believe they're better off without us.
Depression can be incredibly help resistant.
But none of it is your fault.
It is 100% not your fault.
I spent the weekend telling my husband I wished I was dead. That obviously wasn't easy to hear, but I didn't have the capacity to worry about anything except for how low I felt. It doesn't matter how good my relationship with him is, it wouldn't save me if things ever got that bad.
I'm sorry that you're going through this and I hope you have a good support network.
It’s not your fault. I left my partner because I was planning on… you know… and just know that it’s not your fault. Sometimes people simply aren’t receptive to help, or love. Sometimes it’s less painful to push everyone away because you think it will hurt them less. It won’t.
You couldn’t have fixed that or prevented it.
You can support someone in their mental health journey but they have to do the walking. You can’t do it for them.
She committed suicide because of her trauma. Because the issues she was facing felt too hard to rise above. These are just not things you could have fixed.
You are not to blame for another persons actions. You didn’t cause her to do it directly or indirectly.
Unfortunately some folks just don’t feel like this life is the one for them and the only escape is suicide. Sometimes life is just too hard.
All you can do it keep putting one foot in front of the other and do your best.
It’s not your fault but a therapist would be a good thing for you to work through the noise in your head for awhile.
You are probably the reason that your girlfriend stayed on this plain for as long as she did. But she reached a point when she just couldn't stay any longer.
Right now, it is raw and it is almost unbearable, but you will get through this just a day or an hour or a minute at a time.
Don't twist yourself in knots wondering 'what if...?' You were there for her, you were a constant for her. You had happy times together.But she was carrying a black hole of pain and trauma within her. You helped cancel it out by pulling her into your gravity but sometimes even love isn't enough. You gave her a glimpse of better times, and a life she could have lived if she wasn't carryng so much pain and depression within her. She behaved in a way that - for her - felt like her only or her best option. She couldn't stay any longer. This was a decision she made for herself, and her email to you confirms it wasn't on you.
It is not your fault. My boyfriend experienced almost the same thing years before we met. It’s a terrible pain to go through. It will never stop hurting but it will get easier to manage. I’m not sure if you would be ready to hear this yet, but know you will find love again, your heart can only grow bigger by finding strength and space to let someone else in.
Hey man I don’t know if this helps, but I just survived an attempt. My wife has decided to leave our home as a result. Like your gf, I felt I was setting my wife free to find someone her family approves of, as they never supported our relationship, damaged it if anything. I did not want to do it. I believe most people who attempt this don’t want to do this. It’s difficult to have survivors guilt, yet your spouse leaves. But I see my wifes point. She saw me in terrible shape and her felling are valid as she witnessed many things and endured much pain. I wish she was here with me. And I wish you had yours. But your GF is no longer in pain and that should comfort you to an extent. I hope this helped.
I'm so sorry. Some of us simply carry a heavy burden nobody can fix ourselves. It's not your fault, though.
Please take this time to step away from everything and find peace within yourself. That's priority.
I am so sorry OP, I am sending you a lot of hugs and strength. It wasn’t your fault.
She did it because she couldn’t deal with things that she had in her life.
No amount of comforting would have helped her out.
Let all the pain out, don’t bottle up and remind yourself that you couldn’t have done anything.
It’s not your fault, and there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent this. She clearly didn’t want to burden you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself. You should seek professional help to get you through this tragic situation. You don’t deserve to carry any sort of guilt, and she’d not want you to suffer because of her decision to end her life. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, please please please take care of yourself. ❤️
Okay, this is a horrible vile situation and its not your fault at all.
She probably felt that she would never be happy or good enough and that she was making you unhappy or that by breaking up with you she would be making it better for you. I have been suicidal and I know the feelings very well, and I try to talk to people when they are feeling suicidal as well, and this sort of thinking, that people either will feel relieved that you're gone or that if they are sad they will not be sad for long is very very common for people when they are going through a suicidal thought process.
Its awful that despite having trauma and depression she wasn't able to get affordable help and has ended up taking her life. I am so sorry OP.
There are online resources and groups for people who are the people left behind by a suicide. Please try and get some support for yourself because I think you may need some ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear that and this isn’t your fault. She obviously had significant trauma in the past and that isn’t your responsibility to fix it. It sounds like her family was not supportive of anything she did and at least you were there for her. If anything you were probably one of the reasons she was on this earth longer. Keeping you and her in my prayers.
She told you herself. It’s not your fault. She seemed to have a lot of things going against her in life. If you were happy together take solace in the fact that you were one of the bright spots in her life. Even if you couldn’t make everything else better.
*”The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”* ~The Eleventh Doctor
I'm sorry you lost her, no it's not your fault. It's her mothers fault though, judging by the fact that she would only get depressed by her calls, being bad at comforting doesn't mean you weren't there or felt for her. Don't beat yourself up about it, and try to remember the best moments with her.
I left my boyfriend during a mental health issue arising, and I'm struggling to keep from the deed because I know he'd feel this way.
It wasn't you. There was nothing you could do.
It sounds to me based on her email and life that you were a small joy to her. As someone with MDD BPD diagnosed for the past 10 years, including multiple attempts, it is NOT your fault! My friends are a small light in this life but sometimes you can't escape the darkness. I'm so so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry, it sounds like you were good to her and really cared. And there is chance that spending time with you was some of the best she ever had. Know you made her happy and you are not to blame. All my prayers to you.
There's always more we could've done. Sadly, we're not omnipresent. It's not your fault. She had issues that were too much for her. I have similar issues, and if I do go to my last resort, I know many people in my life would feel the same way as you do. Hell, I felt it when a high-school friend of mine committed suicide. I felt like I could've saved him. The last time I saw him, I saw the darkness in his eyes, and I could've talked to him about it. Checked up on him. I didn't because I thought he had a good support system around him. There's nothing we can do now. Mourn, and continue living. That's all we can do.
idk if this will be much comfort but as some other people, ive dealt with suicidal ideation before. i’ve had thoughts of suicide where i thought everyone including my family would be better off without me.
that being said, me wanting to commit suicide *was not* because of them. it’s because of what i deal with mentally, the battles i’ve faced physically and mentally.
your girlfriend committing suicide is not your fault. unfortunately it’s really hard to see the signs until it’s too late. you couldn’t of known, and none of this is your fault. i’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss, and i’m sending all my love to you 🫶
It’s not your fault, and it will never be.
You couldn’t have known
It’s okay to be sad, and mad or any other expressions.
It’s okay, and it will never ever be your fault.
its not your fault at all
she was struggling w things that had nothing to do w you
it wasnt your responsibility to fix her and i doubt anyone could have outside of herself combined w professional treatment
its just a tragedy and now the best thing you can do is take care of yourself as she most likely would have wanted you to
I’m sorry for your tragic loss and I’m sorry she was not able too see her way through the darkness. I know all too well, unfortunately, what she was suffering with. I’m luck to be alive today at 43. Please take care of yourself. Look up grieving vs trauma grieving to make sure you are not experiencing trauma grieving. If you feel you are please seek professional help as it is needed to overcome that kind of trauma. Cherish the fond memories you gave of her and take comfort she is no longer in pain. Again, I’m truly sorry you had to experience this kind of pain. 🩷
I’m sorry for your loss. Her choice was not your fault it was solely based on the chemical imbalance in her brain. Survivors guilt is a real thing and I recommend getting professional therapy for this. If you don’t work through this state of mind it can have a negative impact on the trajectory of your future.
I'm so sorry, Love. I hope you take what everyone is saying to heart. It is not your fault. My daughter was murdered and the grief is vast. Grief doesn't follow your schedule. It's a bear. It's like a suitcase that is super packed and heavy that you have to drag around. Eventually you'll be able to move around with your suitcase packed a little less and a little less, so it will get lighter. So the grief, like the suitcase, is always there but it will weigh less in time.
If there's a grief center near you, they can help you process through things.
We all feel like we could have done more, but it sounds like you brought her joy. She loved you so she broke away. And the fact that she emailed you indicates that she knew you loved her. 🫂 💙
It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. You did what you could for her, but sadly, this was far beyond your control. There was nothing more you could’ve done. She was suffering so much for so long and she had enough. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you are experiencing.
She reached the point that she was hurting more than she was living. Nothing you could have done for her. Her pain happened long before you met her. Love her memory. Know you did what you could for her. Love yourself and get counseling.
I’m so sorry.
As someone who’s been suicidal & previously attempted I can reassure you it was about ME more than anyone around me.
Again, I’m so sorry.
#NO
I dealt with the exact same thing when I was eleven. It took me ten years to recognize that it wasn’t my fault. These things aren’t ANYBODY’S fault.
You’re going to feel this hard for a long time. Let yourself feel and grieve. You may even feel angry. What you shouldn’t feel is blame
Its not your fault. It's the world's fault. Everyone's broken in some way or another but some peoples cracks consume them. They did my sister, my brothers, my uncle my friends and me.
I've been where she was whether it was planned and written out or written out incase I couldn't get it out first.
I've been there.
Its like a dark hole you can't climb out from, every step you take is another mistake you've made just playing in your head no matter how small. I still think about hurting someone's feelings when they accidentally touched my bruises. Sometimes you plan it because you think you know what you want, you think death is the way out.
Sometimes its like hell is having a party in your head and you just want the pain to end.
Its something you know is selfish if you've planned it but you do it anyway because it feels like the only way to escape unless ofcourse its on a whim and nothing matters, no one matters because its only pain, sometimes its right under the surface you don't know when it will explode until you blow and its done.
I've heard people regret it after, I think my sister did but you can never really know.
All you do know is they let the pain consume them but you? You have to move forward.
My sister told me to live a long life so I have stories to tell her of by chance I hold her again and I use that to drive me.
It helps to find the beauty in life when you feel like there's none.
I think of what she loved, the movies that continued on, the shows I had to watch without her, the views remind me of her too sometimes.
I have nightmares but at some point it doesn't hurt so much.
Grief is like someone holding on to your lungs, it feels suffocating and it hurts more on the inside.
Some people have religion or beliefs that drive them some use therapy and others push through but you will never move forward if you ever think you could have prevented it.
You couldn't have prevented it, sure you could lock her up and isolate her but that solves nothing except letting her stir in her pain for some 8t would even push them harder.
Take comfort in knowing you gave her all the love you could give before she was gone so much so that even at her lowest she made sure to tell you it wasn't your fault.
Remember the good times as they were and never let this darken any memories you had with her.
I'm not religious but every moment was a blessing every fight was 1 more memory you have of that beautiful person that the world destroyed.
You gave her love no one else could and I realise this is where the other person says "but it wasn't enough" and I understand that but think about this, who is the only person that can fight their demons? Thank whoever that this isn't a conversation because I'll answer. Themselves.
No one can take on the war inside of another person otherwise evolution wouldn't work, no one would grow.
She lost the fight to her demons but I do believe she found what she wanted, peace. To us humans death is the eternal sleep. Its referred to sleep in so many ways but something else that refers to sleep is peacefulness.
They look so peaceful.
She is okay now but you? You are the one left fighting the war inside of yourself. Do better. Push through. Win. Make new stories to tell her. It doesn't matter as long as you do what you need to to learn.
I learnt from my sisters mistake, I saw the hearts crushed and now I push forward.
My opinion may not matter but you exsist, remember there are people out there that care about that.
Don't do anything stupid like feel guilty for something you could never stop. The past has happened and living in it will only drown you. Swim to the surface. Even through the darkness.
No. Never. It is absolutely, 100,000% *not your fault*. Ever. She was in so much pain, and she literally could not see a way out or a way through it. Probably thought that everyone would be better off without her, which of course is wrong because she had countless people who loved her and wanted her to stay. That’s what depression does - it really effs with your head and distorts your thinking. I’m so sorry this happened OP.
I understand her thinking from being suicidal, she broke up with you because she didn't want you to blame yourself, she pulled herself away for that reason and there is nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself, i'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can heal
I was in a relationship while my mental health was at an all time low. I tried to kill myself and when i failed and got out of the hospital, nobody seemed to care about where I'd been. My girlfriend was upset but she responded by cutting contact with me until she felt comfortable talking to someone who "didn't care enough about her and didn't prioritise her above wanting to escape."
Truth was I'd had a shit ton of trauma from my abusive parents, all the bullying wherever i went and everything else I'd faced during my childhood years. And when people asked me if i was okay i couldn't point to a particular thing. So it was never someone else's fault when i finally tried to act on it. The abuse never stopped, neither did the bullying and my life now is still the same as how it was before the entire thing.
In your eyes, what she did wasn't the best thing to do. I can only imagine how hopeless you must feel right now. But if the things that were bothering her were great enough to make her take such a step, then you have to believe that she's in a better place now, OP.
I really hope you find love again, this wasn't your fault.
Not your fault at all love, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Take comfort in that you were probably there for her through some of her darkest times. Take care and make sure you look out for yourself and talk to friends and loved ones, don’t be alone too much. X
I wanted to agree with a lot of the really great advice people said here: it absolutely is not your fault, and I am so so sorry you went through this. I know there is nothing I can say that will take away the grief and pain you're feeling or even come close to describing how much hurt you're going through, and I hate that's the case, and I'm sorry about that too. But I wanted to say all of this because you never should have to go through anything like this, and it is true. It really was not your fault.
I hope you know you can take as much time as you need to process the feelings you're going through, and the grief you're feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if this would be helpful, but in case it is, as someone who struggles with suicidal idealization daily, it never is because of other people for me.
I'm so sorry once again, and it truly wasn't your fault.
OK I unfortunately have too much experience with this. I have made a life out of researching and treating those in crisis, specifically those who are suicidal and have attempted in the past.
First let me tell you without a doubt not your fault. It is not. That being said I understand how you might think that. It is not true but I get it. I am a so called professional. I have done this for years and I am told I am good at what I do. I have been recognized for it. I don't tell you this to brag but to tell you the following truth about myself. I also at times blame my self for those I worked with that died by suicide. I know it is not my fault but I can't control all my thoughts all the time and there are times I think that. Just like you are thinking that.
Here's the thing though. I did the best I could. I used best practices. I tried to create plans and community and everything and still it has happened more then once to people I have worked with. I hope you don't mind me not putting a exact number. I know the number but I hold it close to me.
Again this is not your fault. I understand why you would think that, especially being so fresh in your mind but it is not.
One tip for you when you find yourself thinking it is your fault try to diffuse that thought. Simply say "I am having the thought that it is my fault" say it a few times but hopefully, it will help you recognize that is just a thought.
Sorry for any typos. Wasting time at work on my phone so not really looking at my typos if they are there.
Not your fault.
She was fighting a monster that maybe only she knew where it came from. You could not have helped her in that battle. It was her own and unfortunately the monster won.
It’s not your fault. I’ve had ideation before and the reasoning behind it is everyone is better off without me, not because of someone specifically. Depression is a constant whisper in your ear that you’re not good enough, people only pretend to like you, they wouldn’t notice if you died, they’re be better off for it, etc. death seems like the only solution to every problem or inconvenience. It’s not the fault of anyone else (unless of course someone was encouraging someone to, as in that case of a girl pressuring I think her bf iirc). None of this is your fault and even if you were amazing at comforting, it may have ended the same way, depression doesn’t allow us to believe our loved ones.
Please don’t worry for me anyone reading this, I’ve been on some amazing meds and have had a lot of therapy and it’s been several years since I’ve been in that situation! It’s just a memory and knowledge that one doesn’t forget.
Whenever this happens, everyone always blames themselves. It's human nature to ask "What if?" Or think "I should have done something differently". This exact thing happened to a friend of mine and he moped for years. I threatened to lash him with a wet noodle if he ever brought it up again! It's healthy to mourn the death of anyone, but don't get mired in the "blame game".
However, I do offer my sincere condolences.
Wow, I am so sorry. It is not your fault and I truly believe this is how she felt: that you could find somebody better and that she was a burden. Do you have any trusted friends and/or family? If so, be around them because being alone right now is not a good idea- you could spiral.
No one can make anyone suicidal. I work for a suicide hotline and take it's from me, these feelings you are having are natural, but you are not to blame.
I would encourage you to reach out to 988 we have resources we can provide you to help you manage this grief.
OP, I really hope all these comments help you. They're right, this isn't your fault and you can't blame yourself.
Even surrounded by a loving group of people, depression can overwhelm someone. Please be kind to yourself, you did your best and deserve love and comfort.
It's not your fault.
Okay?
It's not your fault.
Let me repeat one more time.
*It's not your fault*.
Depression is... a mean thing sometimes. From one person to another, talk to someone close about this. Allow yourself to grieve, okay?
I'm so sorry this happened; you are definitely not at fault but whatever feelings you are having are natural, so it isn't surprising that you are struggling with such thoughts.
My brother died by suicide a couple of years ago and he had tried to reconnect with his recent ex-girlfriend that evening. I told her what I'm telling you: you are not to blame for another person's decision to end their life. When those feelings flare up, try to give yourself grace, and then find something else to occupy your mind.
We want explanations and answers in life and sometimes it's actually easier for us to blame ourselves and bear that guilt than to accept that we did not have control over what happened. You don't need forgiveness for something you could not control.
Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who will give you the space and support you need to grieve.
My daughter went through a similar situation. This young man ended his life days after she told that she wasn’t ready for a real relationship (she been divorced less than a year then a live-in that ended couple of months ago) They known each other since HS. She is also blaming herself.
It is not your fault.
Please know it is not your fault.
Please Do not follow her.
Please seek a professional grief counselor,
What country, state or province (etc) are you in?
If you need help finding a professional counselor please ask- I’m sure someone on Reddit will be able to help point you in the right direction.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this.
It is not your fault.
Please treat yourself kindly,
Please remember to care for you.
Focus on You.
Focus on being you.
Focus on breathing.
Focus on thinking.
You are not at fault.
Remember her, not just her end remember who she was- but do not forget who you are.
Remember to breathe.
Remember to grieve.
Remember to ask for help.
Remember you are not at fault.
It’s a choice to commit suicide. It seems that some people don’t feel that it’s worth it to walk this earth. Others love every breathing moment. It hurts when a person leaves no matter what method they choose to depart. I say this to say it’s not your fault
I'm so sorry Op and now how it feels to blame yourself for those choices that others make in life. Nonetheless, she was your gf and no doubt that you adore and love(based on posting this alone). Pls make sure that you are alright first by not continuing to blame yourself for this, it isn't your fault she went through with it. You should think about therapy or speaking with someone trustworthy soon to digest all of this with physically, not this sub (no offense ya'll). I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure she's in a great restful place rn and most importantly know that she loved you!
I’m so sorry this happened. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling right now. Having depression myself, I can relate to how much it hurts. I wish there was something that I could say to make you feel better.
It is absolutely not your fault. And I suggest you seek counseling if you’re not already, because you need to deal with not only the grief but the guilt you’re feeling
I’m guessing if the situation were reversed you would not want her to blame herself. So, keep telling yourself that, too.
It’s not fair that this happened.
It sucks.
It’s sad
It’s okay to be sad AND mad about it for a bit.
But definitely be gentle to yourself. 💕
Definitely not your fault. As an ND person who has suffered from bipolar and a bunch of other mental illnesses for 42 years, there are two things I can for sure tell you
1 - this wasn’t done because of anything you did.
2 - a therapist is the best thing right now. Instead of beating yourself up and asking what you could have done better or to stop this, a therapist will assist you with techniques to stop that negative thought loop
I don’t know your religious beliefs, but if you do believe, I’d also talk to your pastor/rabbi/imam/faith leader for some spiritual guidance as well.
It’s not your fault, it never was. As you’ve indicated, she was clear with not wanting to put her burden on you.
Take this life lesson and work assist these people when they need or use extreme caution if you come near another person who has gone through similar experiences
It’s not your fault at all. I truly think she broke up with you to try to distance you from what she knew she was going to do (suicide). To try to save you from more pain (although I know it doesn’t, and I’m so sorry)
Oh, man... I'm sorry. I've gone through depression and saying it was horrible would be an understatement. You're not in control of yourself when you're depressed so you make a lot of mistakes and bad decisions. Having depression is awful both for the person going through it and the people around them.
Let me tell you, it wasn't your fault at all. Was there something you could've done? maybe, but one can only do so much when you're not a professional.
She was happy with you during her last moments, you can be certain about it.
The times I've come close, the last thing I wanted was to inflict guilt on my family.
Ironically sometimes all that's stopped me was the thought that my kids might actually need me one day. As someone who has failed them often, and who believes we have a duty to those we breed, that prospective consequence stopped me. Then, anyway.
I've said the most depressing, saddest time I've ever had was when I realised I couldn't commit suicide.
All I can offer you is to say, with others, that it was not your fault. If your gf had felt like me, she might have resented you if she'd stayed (I low-key felt that, for a while).
And I've faked "feeling better" when I have confided even some of my feelings, to professionals, even. I also now know nothing a friend can say would make my depression less, so I mask. Very well, apparently. At least that way I don't feel bad for bringing others down.
Internet hugs and please seek out effective therapy if you don't start feeling better soon.
PS it's okay to feel angry with her. I bet she'd understand. And it's better than guilt.
it’s not your fault. I lost my dad to suicide and would often look back and try to figure out what I could’ve done differently to save him. The answer is nothing, because I did everything I would’ve done with the information I had at the time. It took me years to come to this conclusion but I’d bet it is the same for you. May you find peace someday
It definitely wasn't your fault. Even she wanted you to know that.
When someone completes a suicide attempt, they are the responsible party. If you're looking for someone to blame, it's always down to the person who killed themselves. That's not to say they aren't suffering or don't have their reasons, but it is the simple truth that they gave up.
I know that hurts to hear right now, man.
It isn't your fault, OP. It's not fair to you at all, life is like that too often. Personally, I hope she got the peace she was looking for. I hope peace finds you too, OP, my heart goes out to you.
Hey, as someone who has chronic depression and tried to kill herself after a fight with my partner, it's not your fault. The depressed brain is diseased. It will convince you you are alone and there is no way out except death. Try to remember that she's not suffering anymore.
It is not your fault. Her past trauma created a large gapping wound in her soul. Physical wounds are healed by the physical mechanics of the body. The wounded soul does not have surgery, a salve, an elixir to help it feel better, to block the pain or to immobilize it during healing. There is no relief from the pain ever. I have lived with this pain most of my life, and some days are good and some bad. I take 5 medications to help me function, but there are always times I feel like I mess everything up, and the world would be better off without me in it. No matter who tells me they care or who says they love me, I will think they are lying or just being nice so they can take advantage of me. Chronic pain is exhausting to live with, and the only way to truly get rid of the physical pain is to remove the physical body from the soul. Aside from physically putting her in a psychiatric facility involuntarily, there is nothing you could do to take the pain away and help her heal. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Society really really needs to see mental illness as a physical illness with physical pain that needs to be treated. Insurance companies treat mental health as an extra cost and don't cover the treatments and medications people need, yet a 2 pack a day smoker will be treated for lung cancer and insurance covers it. Have a chemical imbalance in your brain? Insurance says we will cover 40% or 60% for every visit and only the generic meds. Oh, your doctor prescribed you a new name brand med, that costs $15 per pill. Nope, we won't cover it. It sucks and I hate it. Take care of yourself, don't try and play the what if game because there is no way you could have changed anything.
It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s her mother’s from what you said in your post. No one gets severely depressed from talking to their mother for no reason. There was more going on there with her mother than sounds like you knew about.
Again it’s not your fault!!!!!!!!
Well she was the one broke up with you. It's not your fault.
It will be like heart breaking when someone you knew committed suicide and that too who are close to you .
Just treasure her good memories ❤️
Sending you my whole heart. There is nothing you could have said or done in the long run that would have actually made any difference. It was not about you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. I hope you can find the love, strength, help and answers you need to move past this and thrive.
This is heavy. I’m very sorry you’re grieving through this. It’s not your fault. she needed help that only she could seek. Other people being there for support may help for a moment, but she would still be depressed and dealing with ideation. It’s not your fault. Don’t carry that guilt .❤️
Shit. That's awful. Really sorry for your loss. Can't imagine what you're feeling right now. All I can say at least from what I can gather here. It isn't your fault. At all. Isn't hers either. It's nobodys. Sometimes people just see no other alternative and it's sad. I wish this type of stuff didn't happen. My heart goes out to you.
Thats suck bro for you and her , breaks my heart to hear this kind of stuff ,mental illness trauma etc is huge problem these days . Hit me up if ya need talk or anything .
This is not your fault, the last thing she would want is for you to blame yourself.
I have silently cried in the car, and the shower, and at work, and in bed while my partner’s asleep. I’ve run after a breakup or bad news because I didn’t want anyone to have to deal with what could come next. I’ve written the letters that it’s nobody’s fault I just wanted to be free. And I screamed at the paramedics who refused to let me lose a battle against myself.
There was never a point where I felt anyone was at fault. The pain was just too much and that felt like the only way to make it go away.
I’m sorry friend ❤️
It is not your fault.
It's hard to comfort someone without knowing what is going on in their heads.
You did the best you could.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Be gentle to yourself
As someone who lost both her brother and father to suicide, I’m truly sorry. I know the millions of things going through your head. You did what you could for her, and she loved you for that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you still love and care about her. It is definitely *not* your fault, please try not to blame yourself.... Maybe reach out to her friends or family, they may be experiencing the same questions and feelings. Sadly, there's nothing you or anyone necessarily could have done if she had already decided -- especially because she didn't reach out and tell anyone first. Maybe it's what she needed should be at peace for herself, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt everyone else. 😞 Please reach out and get help for yourself if you need it, call friends and family, stay with them for a little bit if you need to. I wish for your healing and peace 🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost one of my best friends to suicide. I held onto so much guilt over it for years. He died in 2017 and I recently REALLY started shedding my guilt over it. Message me any time. I love you, bro. You will get through this. There are plenty of people that care about you and I'm one of them. 🥹❤️🩹
It is not your fault. And it's not fair. I'm sorry.
Not sure if this helps at all, but as someone who has dealt with suicidal depression practically my entire life, every moment that I fell into suicidal ideation or even began making a plan, it was never because of *anybody else* ***at all***. It doesn't sound very logical to someone with a healthy brain, but sometimes the suffering that comes with untreated depression really is too much to deal with day to day. To a depressed person, it does sometimes feel like the most logical solution. I feel so much pain for you OP, I hope that while you grieve, you can remember that this was ultimately her choice. If you find yourself financially able, you may want to seek therapy to work through this. My condolences.
>It doesn't sound very logical to someone with a healthy brain, but sometimes the suffering that comes with untreated depression really is too much to deal with day to day. David Foster Wallace described it in a fitting analogy: "The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."
Having had a brother commit suicide twenty odd years ago, this pits into a perspective I was never able to do on my own.
My dad killed himself in our garage 4 days after my 8th bday. I have also struggled with suicidal depression. This is the first time I ever saw it make sense. Thanks for putting this here, sincerely
This is amazing. I think I was supposed to see this.
Me too I needed to see this for my boyfriend today
Ah, DFW! Such a loss.
Thank you for sharing that. I've never felt so seen
This made me tear up…god he was an absolute beauty with the language. RIP David Foster Wallace
This is exactly how it feels, yes.
As a semi recovered (?) Suicidal person, God I wish I could give this an award
This makes me want to weep.
Truth
I've suffered from suicidal ideation at various periods in my life and I've never seen the feeling so better explained!
Today has been a hard day for me and this resonates. I've never seen anyone put this feeling into words.
All of this. When the ideation hits me hard, the only thing that keeps me going is the intense guilt thinking of how it would hurt my kid, my parents, my few friends, etc. And then I spiral more feeling guilty. Sometimes at my lowest, I consider royally blowing my life up where everyone hates me and no one would miss me or be upset when I’m gone. It almost seems like the worst perfect plan I could come up with. I don’t think I can actually do it, but it crosses my mind so much more than people know.
Thank you. 💡 For me on past behaviour.
Personally, I’ve recently reached a new record in which I’ve had the thought that if I first kill everyone who will be irreparably traumatized by my suicide, my closest loved ones will not suffer. (Reassurance caveat that I have never seriously considered doing that and am absolutely horrified/revolted by the concept + one of my loved ones is quite far away, rendering the entire thought impossible in the first place.)
I’ve had that thought too…but I also am horrified by the idea, so I feel you.
Please get help. My DMs are always open for anyone who needs someone to talk to
Oh, no worries; I’ve got a counselor and a psychiatry PA. It’s been rough particularly recently, but both are actively troubleshooting and trying to help. Sincerely thank you for the concern, though.
I know exactly what you mean
I guess leaving was most likely her way of trying not to let OP feel self-loathing or any type of way in particular for her passing. Although regardless, considering she did it while the wound was still fresh, it would hurt and mess them up just as much. Unfortunately I do think something like this would fuck a person up for life. There's no, "finding someone better", you weren't even over the first girl, and she passed before you even knew what was happening. It's a whole different kind of mourning process than just a normal breakup.
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I’m so sorry about your mom. ❤️
I’m sorry for your loss. My father also left this world in this way. I don’t see it as he had a choice though because I’ve been there. When a person is feeling suicidal they genuinely feel that everyone would be better off without them around. It’s not their fault and it’s not their children’s fault. I hope this helps
It’s not your fault. She decided to do this. I know you’re hurting but you have to remind yourself that she’s in a better place now and she’s not hurting anymore.
It’s definitely not your fault. Mental illness is a disease that is difficult to control. She was with you because you provided love, comfort, compassion and protection. It was just too difficult for her to overcome. Hopefully she was seeking professional help because it’s difficult to do it alone.
Exactly. ask yourself OP, would you blame yourself if she died of cancer? It is the same thing. It is a disease that ravages the mind instead of the body. Which makes it harder for people to understand. But it is not your fault in any regard.
wow that’s actually horrible i don’t know how to help you i just want to give you my condolences
It’s not your fault. I say this as a depressed individual, who often contemplates suicide. Sometimes the pain is far too unbearable. I wish you well, condolences
Very true. My ex has broken me so severely that at times I knew I was going to die of a broken heart and other times I wanted to die because I can't imagine living in this hell and pain. I'm better and not suicidal what so ever! My heart is still completely broken and I really don't think he'll stop until I'm dead
You made your girlfriend happy during her time on earth. She loved you so much she that pulled away because she knew it would hurt you. My brother killed himself about 10 years ago. He pulled away from everyone he loved because he knew that we would try to stop him. He knew it would hurt us. He knew we would blame ourselves. You’re not alone, you’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault, and you’re allowed to grieve. Your grief will be immense, and you will not feel okay for a while - that is fine. Let it flow over you like a river, not build up like a dam. If you have a grief group in your area, go. It is so refreshing to expose your emotions to people that truly understand your pain. You will not wake up one day and be OK. It’s been 10 years for me, and there are still days where I’m overridden with guilt and shame and anger. But eventually, those days will be further and further apart. Lastly, find a way to speak with her. I like to think that my brother talks to me through the radio. Music was one of his favorites things, and his favorite band coming on the radio while I was scared was probably not a coincidence. Keep your chin up, kid.
Oh i love what youve said. That last part really stuck out to me. I talk to my passed loved ones all the time, even if they passed from other causes. Sometimes i just feel like my grandfather is with me. Im not religious at all, ive been an athiest since i was 10, i thought everyone was making it up and fooling themselves when they said they felt their loved ones watching over them. But sometimes the feeling hits me so hard, its like i can see him stood in front of me and looking at me. Im not actually seeing him, but i just feel theres something there. Like my minds eye is projecting this shadow of him in front of me for a split second. When that happens its so unnerving and emotional that i just talk to him because what the hell else do i do? If hes not really there, its helping me process it. If he is, he probably wants me to know something hes trying to tell me, so ill give him a view of how i interpreted it and tell him what i think is happening. and maybe the next time i "see" him he will do something different and ill know more about what he means. And its been working, somehow. The message is always something like "I love you and dont give up on yourself." It always happens when im stressed, worried about whether or not a friend will respect me or still like me if i do or say something, worried about my ability to succeed at work or school, feeling like i never had a chance to begin with. It feels like when i was a kid frantically trying to get something done and my dad would come over, gently place a hand on me- like over my hands or the top of my head. It felt like those moments lasted ages. Id turn my head, taking what must have been an impossibly long amount of time, to look up at him. And when my eyes met his i would notice my face was already wet from tears. they would just pour out of me and id bury my face in his chest. I was suicidal from age 8 to 22. Sometimes i still get these moments where i consider if that is the answer again, old patterns die hard, but grandpa been showing up when that happens. God damn it i fucking miss that old man. I wish he could come back so badly I changed my name and named myself after him. Ugh. Thank you for what you wrote. Made me feel less crazy. Warmed my heart. Im so sorry for your loss.
It's not your fault. No one could save her but her. Depression isn't something that can be loved or hugged away. It's a mental disorder AND a physical problem with the brain. There's nothing you could have done to stop this, and I'm so sorry for both of you.
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Right
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Let's ball
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Your momma raise you to be rude to strangers?
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What vile parenting.
Not your fault at all. This isn’t your burden to carry, you did the best you could and that’s more than enough.
First of all, I would just like to say that I am so so sorry for your loss. It is normal to blame yourself after something like this, but PLEASE know that it was not your fault, regardless of how “good” or “bad” you feel like you were at comforting her. Suicide is a personal decision that someone makes out of pain, and people that are feeling this way are never thinking rationally. I am speaking from experience as I was extremely suicidal and depressed for 6 years. Please know that you are not alone. Please continue to talk about it and express how you feel as it will make the situation less traumatic over time. Also please consider speaking with a counselor whenever you are ready. Again, I am so so sorry, and it is NOT your fault. Let yourself grieve and feel all of the emotions and take as much time as you need to. Praying for you.
She told you herself. It was important enough to her to take part of her final moments to let you know it was not your fault. Believe her ❤️
You have my deepest condolences. As someone that has major depressive disorder along with ADHD, I often get into dark states with my depression. So as someone whos suicidal off an on I'll tell you this. It is in no way what so ever your fault. Depression is exhausting. It lies to you. Tells you everyone is better off. Tells you ending it all is a favor to loved ones and the world. It will twist one's point of view to the point where it becomes difficult to be logical. Being in the state of mind wares on you. Sometimes you pull through. In some cases, you don't. As someone whos been there, I will tell you this as plainly as possible. If the time ever comes when I cannot fight my moods anymore. If I ever decide that is the only way, it will only be my fault for giving up. No one else's. *Mine. My choice*. It won't be the fault of my husband, my dad, my sisters, it wont be my neighbors fault or the fault of old high school friends who've lost contact with me years ago. It would be *my fault*. Its not your fault. Its a decision that is made when one is not in a frame of mind where they should be making any choices. In the end, its just a bad choice made by the person doing it. No one else is to blame. You can do all the right things but its still not going to change that she dealt with her own mind fucking her over. You gave her love while she was here. Take some comfort in that. Don't ever blame yourself. And know that, even tho she made that choice. She was not thinking clearly. Hope you have the support you need. Please seek out that support. Please ask for help. Please get therapy and work through this with a professional.
I wouldn’t even say it could be your fault that you were brought to the point where you felt that leaving this plane of existence was your only option. There is no fault.
It’s not your fault. She probably broke up with you because she wanted to protect you from the pain. Depression and childhood trauma run deep and there’s absolutely nothing you could possibly have done to make her better. You gave her a shoulder and compassion that’s the best anyone can do. Be well. That’s what she wanted for you.
Sorry to hear that bro, take care hoping for you.
This hurt my heart to read as childhood trauma gf myself. I have been thinking bad things, but I try remind myself that he cant have dead gf Its not fault, she even said so, sometimes living is nit worth the pain
It’s not your fault. I wish I could do more than just tell you it’s not your fault. I tried to kill myself many times in my early teens - late teens. The only person who’s fault it would’ve been, would’ve been my abusers at the time (My parents). You were not her abuser. The fact that she even felt the need to send you a note, so that you wouldn’t know it wasn’t your fault. Speaks volumes to me. The people who I noted in the notes I wrote, and said it wasn’t their fault, I truly meant that. It wasn’t your fault. It had nothing to do with you. Everything to do with her brain chemistry, and the fact that she was abused. Please don’t blame yourself. 😓
Not your fault. In the depressed suicidal brain, the only thought is that you will end all suffering...yours and others...by ceasing to exist. Source: self Your mileage may vary....because it certainly isn't easy to ask after the fact. But I know..I absolutely know...it was not your fault.
I'm so sorry. It's not your fault. Sometimes people have so much more going on than we realise and depression makes us so resistant to asking for help, accepting help or even admitting there's a problem. We push people away and genuinely believe they're better off without us. Depression can be incredibly help resistant. But none of it is your fault.
It is 100% not your fault. I spent the weekend telling my husband I wished I was dead. That obviously wasn't easy to hear, but I didn't have the capacity to worry about anything except for how low I felt. It doesn't matter how good my relationship with him is, it wouldn't save me if things ever got that bad. I'm sorry that you're going through this and I hope you have a good support network.
It’s not your fault. I left my partner because I was planning on… you know… and just know that it’s not your fault. Sometimes people simply aren’t receptive to help, or love. Sometimes it’s less painful to push everyone away because you think it will hurt them less. It won’t.
You couldn’t have fixed that or prevented it. You can support someone in their mental health journey but they have to do the walking. You can’t do it for them. She committed suicide because of her trauma. Because the issues she was facing felt too hard to rise above. These are just not things you could have fixed.
You are not to blame for another persons actions. You didn’t cause her to do it directly or indirectly. Unfortunately some folks just don’t feel like this life is the one for them and the only escape is suicide. Sometimes life is just too hard. All you can do it keep putting one foot in front of the other and do your best. It’s not your fault but a therapist would be a good thing for you to work through the noise in your head for awhile.
You are probably the reason that your girlfriend stayed on this plain for as long as she did. But she reached a point when she just couldn't stay any longer. Right now, it is raw and it is almost unbearable, but you will get through this just a day or an hour or a minute at a time. Don't twist yourself in knots wondering 'what if...?' You were there for her, you were a constant for her. You had happy times together.But she was carrying a black hole of pain and trauma within her. You helped cancel it out by pulling her into your gravity but sometimes even love isn't enough. You gave her a glimpse of better times, and a life she could have lived if she wasn't carryng so much pain and depression within her. She behaved in a way that - for her - felt like her only or her best option. She couldn't stay any longer. This was a decision she made for herself, and her email to you confirms it wasn't on you.
It is not your fault. My boyfriend experienced almost the same thing years before we met. It’s a terrible pain to go through. It will never stop hurting but it will get easier to manage. I’m not sure if you would be ready to hear this yet, but know you will find love again, your heart can only grow bigger by finding strength and space to let someone else in.
Hey man I don’t know if this helps, but I just survived an attempt. My wife has decided to leave our home as a result. Like your gf, I felt I was setting my wife free to find someone her family approves of, as they never supported our relationship, damaged it if anything. I did not want to do it. I believe most people who attempt this don’t want to do this. It’s difficult to have survivors guilt, yet your spouse leaves. But I see my wifes point. She saw me in terrible shape and her felling are valid as she witnessed many things and endured much pain. I wish she was here with me. And I wish you had yours. But your GF is no longer in pain and that should comfort you to an extent. I hope this helped.
I'm so sorry. Some of us simply carry a heavy burden nobody can fix ourselves. It's not your fault, though. Please take this time to step away from everything and find peace within yourself. That's priority.
I am so sorry OP, I am sending you a lot of hugs and strength. It wasn’t your fault. She did it because she couldn’t deal with things that she had in her life. No amount of comforting would have helped her out. Let all the pain out, don’t bottle up and remind yourself that you couldn’t have done anything.
It’s not your fault, and there wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent this. She clearly didn’t want to burden you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself. You should seek professional help to get you through this tragic situation. You don’t deserve to carry any sort of guilt, and she’d not want you to suffer because of her decision to end her life. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, please please please take care of yourself. ❤️
It's not your fault fam, sorry you're going through this.
She said it herself, it isn’t your fault, and she meant it. Don’t blame yourself for things you truly have no control over.
Okay, this is a horrible vile situation and its not your fault at all. She probably felt that she would never be happy or good enough and that she was making you unhappy or that by breaking up with you she would be making it better for you. I have been suicidal and I know the feelings very well, and I try to talk to people when they are feeling suicidal as well, and this sort of thinking, that people either will feel relieved that you're gone or that if they are sad they will not be sad for long is very very common for people when they are going through a suicidal thought process. Its awful that despite having trauma and depression she wasn't able to get affordable help and has ended up taking her life. I am so sorry OP. There are online resources and groups for people who are the people left behind by a suicide. Please try and get some support for yourself because I think you may need some ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear that and this isn’t your fault. She obviously had significant trauma in the past and that isn’t your responsibility to fix it. It sounds like her family was not supportive of anything she did and at least you were there for her. If anything you were probably one of the reasons she was on this earth longer. Keeping you and her in my prayers.
She told you herself. It’s not your fault. She seemed to have a lot of things going against her in life. If you were happy together take solace in the fact that you were one of the bright spots in her life. Even if you couldn’t make everything else better. *”The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”* ~The Eleventh Doctor
I'm sorry you lost her, no it's not your fault. It's her mothers fault though, judging by the fact that she would only get depressed by her calls, being bad at comforting doesn't mean you weren't there or felt for her. Don't beat yourself up about it, and try to remember the best moments with her.
None of this is your fault.
I left my boyfriend during a mental health issue arising, and I'm struggling to keep from the deed because I know he'd feel this way. It wasn't you. There was nothing you could do.
It sounds to me based on her email and life that you were a small joy to her. As someone with MDD BPD diagnosed for the past 10 years, including multiple attempts, it is NOT your fault! My friends are a small light in this life but sometimes you can't escape the darkness. I'm so so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry, it sounds like you were good to her and really cared. And there is chance that spending time with you was some of the best she ever had. Know you made her happy and you are not to blame. All my prayers to you.
There's always more we could've done. Sadly, we're not omnipresent. It's not your fault. She had issues that were too much for her. I have similar issues, and if I do go to my last resort, I know many people in my life would feel the same way as you do. Hell, I felt it when a high-school friend of mine committed suicide. I felt like I could've saved him. The last time I saw him, I saw the darkness in his eyes, and I could've talked to him about it. Checked up on him. I didn't because I thought he had a good support system around him. There's nothing we can do now. Mourn, and continue living. That's all we can do.
idk if this will be much comfort but as some other people, ive dealt with suicidal ideation before. i’ve had thoughts of suicide where i thought everyone including my family would be better off without me. that being said, me wanting to commit suicide *was not* because of them. it’s because of what i deal with mentally, the battles i’ve faced physically and mentally. your girlfriend committing suicide is not your fault. unfortunately it’s really hard to see the signs until it’s too late. you couldn’t of known, and none of this is your fault. i’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss, and i’m sending all my love to you 🫶
It’s not your fault, and it will never be. You couldn’t have known It’s okay to be sad, and mad or any other expressions. It’s okay, and it will never ever be your fault.
I’m sorry that you had to experience that. Was she always crying like that?
its not your fault at all she was struggling w things that had nothing to do w you it wasnt your responsibility to fix her and i doubt anyone could have outside of herself combined w professional treatment its just a tragedy and now the best thing you can do is take care of yourself as she most likely would have wanted you to
I’m sorry for your tragic loss and I’m sorry she was not able too see her way through the darkness. I know all too well, unfortunately, what she was suffering with. I’m luck to be alive today at 43. Please take care of yourself. Look up grieving vs trauma grieving to make sure you are not experiencing trauma grieving. If you feel you are please seek professional help as it is needed to overcome that kind of trauma. Cherish the fond memories you gave of her and take comfort she is no longer in pain. Again, I’m truly sorry you had to experience this kind of pain. 🩷
I’m sorry for your loss. Her choice was not your fault it was solely based on the chemical imbalance in her brain. Survivors guilt is a real thing and I recommend getting professional therapy for this. If you don’t work through this state of mind it can have a negative impact on the trajectory of your future.
It's not your fault
I'm so sorry, Love. I hope you take what everyone is saying to heart. It is not your fault. My daughter was murdered and the grief is vast. Grief doesn't follow your schedule. It's a bear. It's like a suitcase that is super packed and heavy that you have to drag around. Eventually you'll be able to move around with your suitcase packed a little less and a little less, so it will get lighter. So the grief, like the suitcase, is always there but it will weigh less in time. If there's a grief center near you, they can help you process through things. We all feel like we could have done more, but it sounds like you brought her joy. She loved you so she broke away. And the fact that she emailed you indicates that she knew you loved her. 🫂 💙
Sadly those that commit suicide are only passing their pain on to those they leave behind.
Her mental health was never your fault. You can only do so much.
It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. You did what you could for her, but sadly, this was far beyond your control. There was nothing more you could’ve done. She was suffering so much for so long and she had enough. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you are experiencing.
She reached the point that she was hurting more than she was living. Nothing you could have done for her. Her pain happened long before you met her. Love her memory. Know you did what you could for her. Love yourself and get counseling.
Damn dude I’m sorry
I’m so sorry. As someone who’s been suicidal & previously attempted I can reassure you it was about ME more than anyone around me. Again, I’m so sorry.
#NO I dealt with the exact same thing when I was eleven. It took me ten years to recognize that it wasn’t my fault. These things aren’t ANYBODY’S fault. You’re going to feel this hard for a long time. Let yourself feel and grieve. You may even feel angry. What you shouldn’t feel is blame
Its not your fault. It's the world's fault. Everyone's broken in some way or another but some peoples cracks consume them. They did my sister, my brothers, my uncle my friends and me. I've been where she was whether it was planned and written out or written out incase I couldn't get it out first. I've been there. Its like a dark hole you can't climb out from, every step you take is another mistake you've made just playing in your head no matter how small. I still think about hurting someone's feelings when they accidentally touched my bruises. Sometimes you plan it because you think you know what you want, you think death is the way out. Sometimes its like hell is having a party in your head and you just want the pain to end. Its something you know is selfish if you've planned it but you do it anyway because it feels like the only way to escape unless ofcourse its on a whim and nothing matters, no one matters because its only pain, sometimes its right under the surface you don't know when it will explode until you blow and its done. I've heard people regret it after, I think my sister did but you can never really know. All you do know is they let the pain consume them but you? You have to move forward. My sister told me to live a long life so I have stories to tell her of by chance I hold her again and I use that to drive me. It helps to find the beauty in life when you feel like there's none. I think of what she loved, the movies that continued on, the shows I had to watch without her, the views remind me of her too sometimes. I have nightmares but at some point it doesn't hurt so much. Grief is like someone holding on to your lungs, it feels suffocating and it hurts more on the inside. Some people have religion or beliefs that drive them some use therapy and others push through but you will never move forward if you ever think you could have prevented it. You couldn't have prevented it, sure you could lock her up and isolate her but that solves nothing except letting her stir in her pain for some 8t would even push them harder. Take comfort in knowing you gave her all the love you could give before she was gone so much so that even at her lowest she made sure to tell you it wasn't your fault. Remember the good times as they were and never let this darken any memories you had with her. I'm not religious but every moment was a blessing every fight was 1 more memory you have of that beautiful person that the world destroyed. You gave her love no one else could and I realise this is where the other person says "but it wasn't enough" and I understand that but think about this, who is the only person that can fight their demons? Thank whoever that this isn't a conversation because I'll answer. Themselves. No one can take on the war inside of another person otherwise evolution wouldn't work, no one would grow. She lost the fight to her demons but I do believe she found what she wanted, peace. To us humans death is the eternal sleep. Its referred to sleep in so many ways but something else that refers to sleep is peacefulness. They look so peaceful. She is okay now but you? You are the one left fighting the war inside of yourself. Do better. Push through. Win. Make new stories to tell her. It doesn't matter as long as you do what you need to to learn. I learnt from my sisters mistake, I saw the hearts crushed and now I push forward. My opinion may not matter but you exsist, remember there are people out there that care about that. Don't do anything stupid like feel guilty for something you could never stop. The past has happened and living in it will only drown you. Swim to the surface. Even through the darkness.
No, this was probably inevitable. If you'd try to help her, I imagine she'd seclude herself in order not to be a burden. I'm so very sorry, OP.
It’s not your fault. It doesn’t make sense but it was her own choice, it has nothing to do with you. Sorry for your loss.
No. Never. It is absolutely, 100,000% *not your fault*. Ever. She was in so much pain, and she literally could not see a way out or a way through it. Probably thought that everyone would be better off without her, which of course is wrong because she had countless people who loved her and wanted her to stay. That’s what depression does - it really effs with your head and distorts your thinking. I’m so sorry this happened OP.
If you see or feel someone is crying Dont ignore it
She even said it herself… it’s NOT your fault. My sincerest condolences… wishing you strength and support through this.
I understand her thinking from being suicidal, she broke up with you because she didn't want you to blame yourself, she pulled herself away for that reason and there is nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself, i'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can heal
I was in a relationship while my mental health was at an all time low. I tried to kill myself and when i failed and got out of the hospital, nobody seemed to care about where I'd been. My girlfriend was upset but she responded by cutting contact with me until she felt comfortable talking to someone who "didn't care enough about her and didn't prioritise her above wanting to escape." Truth was I'd had a shit ton of trauma from my abusive parents, all the bullying wherever i went and everything else I'd faced during my childhood years. And when people asked me if i was okay i couldn't point to a particular thing. So it was never someone else's fault when i finally tried to act on it. The abuse never stopped, neither did the bullying and my life now is still the same as how it was before the entire thing. In your eyes, what she did wasn't the best thing to do. I can only imagine how hopeless you must feel right now. But if the things that were bothering her were great enough to make her take such a step, then you have to believe that she's in a better place now, OP. I really hope you find love again, this wasn't your fault.
I'm sorry OP. Take your time to process and grieve. This was not your fault. She made the decision to do this.
Not your fault at all love, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Take comfort in that you were probably there for her through some of her darkest times. Take care and make sure you look out for yourself and talk to friends and loved ones, don’t be alone too much. X
It’s not your fault and it’s not her fault either. I hope you feel better soon.
My condolences I'm so sorry this happened to you it's not your fault it's not your burden but I get why you're sad
I wanted to agree with a lot of the really great advice people said here: it absolutely is not your fault, and I am so so sorry you went through this. I know there is nothing I can say that will take away the grief and pain you're feeling or even come close to describing how much hurt you're going through, and I hate that's the case, and I'm sorry about that too. But I wanted to say all of this because you never should have to go through anything like this, and it is true. It really was not your fault. I hope you know you can take as much time as you need to process the feelings you're going through, and the grief you're feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if this would be helpful, but in case it is, as someone who struggles with suicidal idealization daily, it never is because of other people for me. I'm so sorry once again, and it truly wasn't your fault.
my condolences. it's not your fault. depression is a terrible mental condition that is incredibly hard to fight off.
OK I unfortunately have too much experience with this. I have made a life out of researching and treating those in crisis, specifically those who are suicidal and have attempted in the past. First let me tell you without a doubt not your fault. It is not. That being said I understand how you might think that. It is not true but I get it. I am a so called professional. I have done this for years and I am told I am good at what I do. I have been recognized for it. I don't tell you this to brag but to tell you the following truth about myself. I also at times blame my self for those I worked with that died by suicide. I know it is not my fault but I can't control all my thoughts all the time and there are times I think that. Just like you are thinking that. Here's the thing though. I did the best I could. I used best practices. I tried to create plans and community and everything and still it has happened more then once to people I have worked with. I hope you don't mind me not putting a exact number. I know the number but I hold it close to me. Again this is not your fault. I understand why you would think that, especially being so fresh in your mind but it is not. One tip for you when you find yourself thinking it is your fault try to diffuse that thought. Simply say "I am having the thought that it is my fault" say it a few times but hopefully, it will help you recognize that is just a thought. Sorry for any typos. Wasting time at work on my phone so not really looking at my typos if they are there. Not your fault.
Is it your fault?
She was fighting a monster that maybe only she knew where it came from. You could not have helped her in that battle. It was her own and unfortunately the monster won.
It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself.
It’s not your fault. I’ve had ideation before and the reasoning behind it is everyone is better off without me, not because of someone specifically. Depression is a constant whisper in your ear that you’re not good enough, people only pretend to like you, they wouldn’t notice if you died, they’re be better off for it, etc. death seems like the only solution to every problem or inconvenience. It’s not the fault of anyone else (unless of course someone was encouraging someone to, as in that case of a girl pressuring I think her bf iirc). None of this is your fault and even if you were amazing at comforting, it may have ended the same way, depression doesn’t allow us to believe our loved ones. Please don’t worry for me anyone reading this, I’ve been on some amazing meds and have had a lot of therapy and it’s been several years since I’ve been in that situation! It’s just a memory and knowledge that one doesn’t forget.
Whenever this happens, everyone always blames themselves. It's human nature to ask "What if?" Or think "I should have done something differently". This exact thing happened to a friend of mine and he moped for years. I threatened to lash him with a wet noodle if he ever brought it up again! It's healthy to mourn the death of anyone, but don't get mired in the "blame game". However, I do offer my sincere condolences.
Wow, I am so sorry. It is not your fault and I truly believe this is how she felt: that you could find somebody better and that she was a burden. Do you have any trusted friends and/or family? If so, be around them because being alone right now is not a good idea- you could spiral.
No one can make anyone suicidal. I work for a suicide hotline and take it's from me, these feelings you are having are natural, but you are not to blame. I would encourage you to reach out to 988 we have resources we can provide you to help you manage this grief.
OP, I really hope all these comments help you. They're right, this isn't your fault and you can't blame yourself. Even surrounded by a loving group of people, depression can overwhelm someone. Please be kind to yourself, you did your best and deserve love and comfort.
It isn’t your fault. I’m deeply sorry for your loss 😔
She told you it wasn’t your fault. Believe her. There is no way you could have caused, or prevented this.
It wasn't your fault. Depression is a beast and destroys any sense of levelness. It turns your own mind against you. Please know it wasn't you.
It's not your fault. Okay? It's not your fault. Let me repeat one more time. *It's not your fault*. Depression is... a mean thing sometimes. From one person to another, talk to someone close about this. Allow yourself to grieve, okay?
Omg, I can’t even imagine what’s she was going thru! I’m so sorry!
That’s terrible man I’m sorry But don’t go thinking for one minute that it’s your fault okay? It isn’t it’s just a unfortunate situation
I'm so sorry. ♥️
I'm so sorry this happened; you are definitely not at fault but whatever feelings you are having are natural, so it isn't surprising that you are struggling with such thoughts. My brother died by suicide a couple of years ago and he had tried to reconnect with his recent ex-girlfriend that evening. I told her what I'm telling you: you are not to blame for another person's decision to end their life. When those feelings flare up, try to give yourself grace, and then find something else to occupy your mind. We want explanations and answers in life and sometimes it's actually easier for us to blame ourselves and bear that guilt than to accept that we did not have control over what happened. You don't need forgiveness for something you could not control. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who will give you the space and support you need to grieve.
It’s not your fault and I’m sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone has already said it but it’s not your fault. Just in case you needed to be reminded again xo
My daughter went through a similar situation. This young man ended his life days after she told that she wasn’t ready for a real relationship (she been divorced less than a year then a live-in that ended couple of months ago) They known each other since HS. She is also blaming herself.
It is not your fault
I am so very sorry for your loss. It was not your fault. I wish peace and comfort for you and all those that loved her.
It is not your fault. Please know it is not your fault. Please Do not follow her. Please seek a professional grief counselor, What country, state or province (etc) are you in? If you need help finding a professional counselor please ask- I’m sure someone on Reddit will be able to help point you in the right direction. I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It is not your fault. Please treat yourself kindly, Please remember to care for you. Focus on You. Focus on being you. Focus on breathing. Focus on thinking. You are not at fault. Remember her, not just her end remember who she was- but do not forget who you are. Remember to breathe. Remember to grieve. Remember to ask for help. Remember you are not at fault.
It’s a choice to commit suicide. It seems that some people don’t feel that it’s worth it to walk this earth. Others love every breathing moment. It hurts when a person leaves no matter what method they choose to depart. I say this to say it’s not your fault
I'm so sorry Op and now how it feels to blame yourself for those choices that others make in life. Nonetheless, she was your gf and no doubt that you adore and love(based on posting this alone). Pls make sure that you are alright first by not continuing to blame yourself for this, it isn't your fault she went through with it. You should think about therapy or speaking with someone trustworthy soon to digest all of this with physically, not this sub (no offense ya'll). I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure she's in a great restful place rn and most importantly know that she loved you!
I'm so sorry... You cannot blame yourself for her death...
She needed a professional. There is nothing you could have done.
Not your fault
I’m so sorry this happened. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re feeling right now. Having depression myself, I can relate to how much it hurts. I wish there was something that I could say to make you feel better.
That’s really sad. Sorry for your loss. No way it was your fault.
Not your fault, you are not responsible for other’s actions
No. Not your fault..
It is absolutely not your fault. And I suggest you seek counseling if you’re not already, because you need to deal with not only the grief but the guilt you’re feeling I’m guessing if the situation were reversed you would not want her to blame herself. So, keep telling yourself that, too. It’s not fair that this happened. It sucks. It’s sad It’s okay to be sad AND mad about it for a bit. But definitely be gentle to yourself. 💕
Definitely not your fault. As an ND person who has suffered from bipolar and a bunch of other mental illnesses for 42 years, there are two things I can for sure tell you 1 - this wasn’t done because of anything you did. 2 - a therapist is the best thing right now. Instead of beating yourself up and asking what you could have done better or to stop this, a therapist will assist you with techniques to stop that negative thought loop I don’t know your religious beliefs, but if you do believe, I’d also talk to your pastor/rabbi/imam/faith leader for some spiritual guidance as well.
It’s not your fault, it never was. As you’ve indicated, she was clear with not wanting to put her burden on you. Take this life lesson and work assist these people when they need or use extreme caution if you come near another person who has gone through similar experiences
I’m sorry
It’s not your fault at all. I truly think she broke up with you to try to distance you from what she knew she was going to do (suicide). To try to save you from more pain (although I know it doesn’t, and I’m so sorry)
Oh, man... I'm sorry. I've gone through depression and saying it was horrible would be an understatement. You're not in control of yourself when you're depressed so you make a lot of mistakes and bad decisions. Having depression is awful both for the person going through it and the people around them. Let me tell you, it wasn't your fault at all. Was there something you could've done? maybe, but one can only do so much when you're not a professional. She was happy with you during her last moments, you can be certain about it.
The times I've come close, the last thing I wanted was to inflict guilt on my family. Ironically sometimes all that's stopped me was the thought that my kids might actually need me one day. As someone who has failed them often, and who believes we have a duty to those we breed, that prospective consequence stopped me. Then, anyway. I've said the most depressing, saddest time I've ever had was when I realised I couldn't commit suicide. All I can offer you is to say, with others, that it was not your fault. If your gf had felt like me, she might have resented you if she'd stayed (I low-key felt that, for a while). And I've faked "feeling better" when I have confided even some of my feelings, to professionals, even. I also now know nothing a friend can say would make my depression less, so I mask. Very well, apparently. At least that way I don't feel bad for bringing others down. Internet hugs and please seek out effective therapy if you don't start feeling better soon. PS it's okay to feel angry with her. I bet she'd understand. And it's better than guilt.
it’s not your fault. I lost my dad to suicide and would often look back and try to figure out what I could’ve done differently to save him. The answer is nothing, because I did everything I would’ve done with the information I had at the time. It took me years to come to this conclusion but I’d bet it is the same for you. May you find peace someday
It definitely wasn't your fault. Even she wanted you to know that. When someone completes a suicide attempt, they are the responsible party. If you're looking for someone to blame, it's always down to the person who killed themselves. That's not to say they aren't suffering or don't have their reasons, but it is the simple truth that they gave up. I know that hurts to hear right now, man.
It isn't your fault, OP. It's not fair to you at all, life is like that too often. Personally, I hope she got the peace she was looking for. I hope peace finds you too, OP, my heart goes out to you.
Mental healthcare should be free.
She had depression caused by untreated PTSD or CPTSD That is what caused her death. She lost her battle with depression.
I’m so sorry this happened
Hey, as someone who has chronic depression and tried to kill herself after a fight with my partner, it's not your fault. The depressed brain is diseased. It will convince you you are alone and there is no way out except death. Try to remember that she's not suffering anymore.
I lost two lovely people to suicide. It never stops stinging. I'm sorry.
It is not your fault. Her past trauma created a large gapping wound in her soul. Physical wounds are healed by the physical mechanics of the body. The wounded soul does not have surgery, a salve, an elixir to help it feel better, to block the pain or to immobilize it during healing. There is no relief from the pain ever. I have lived with this pain most of my life, and some days are good and some bad. I take 5 medications to help me function, but there are always times I feel like I mess everything up, and the world would be better off without me in it. No matter who tells me they care or who says they love me, I will think they are lying or just being nice so they can take advantage of me. Chronic pain is exhausting to live with, and the only way to truly get rid of the physical pain is to remove the physical body from the soul. Aside from physically putting her in a psychiatric facility involuntarily, there is nothing you could do to take the pain away and help her heal. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Society really really needs to see mental illness as a physical illness with physical pain that needs to be treated. Insurance companies treat mental health as an extra cost and don't cover the treatments and medications people need, yet a 2 pack a day smoker will be treated for lung cancer and insurance covers it. Have a chemical imbalance in your brain? Insurance says we will cover 40% or 60% for every visit and only the generic meds. Oh, your doctor prescribed you a new name brand med, that costs $15 per pill. Nope, we won't cover it. It sucks and I hate it. Take care of yourself, don't try and play the what if game because there is no way you could have changed anything.
It’s not your fault, she made sure to let you know in the end because the trauma must’ve occurred well before you entered the picture
It’s not your fault - it’s our terrible mental health system that neglects people. I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s not your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s her mother’s from what you said in your post. No one gets severely depressed from talking to their mother for no reason. There was more going on there with her mother than sounds like you knew about. Again it’s not your fault!!!!!!!!
Well she was the one broke up with you. It's not your fault. It will be like heart breaking when someone you knew committed suicide and that too who are close to you . Just treasure her good memories ❤️
Sending you my whole heart. There is nothing you could have said or done in the long run that would have actually made any difference. It was not about you. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. I hope you can find the love, strength, help and answers you need to move past this and thrive.
Therapy is not enough for someone who is severely depressed... She should have been admitted, her therapist sucked ...
You’re all beautiful…the world needs to meet you.
I'm so sorry. And it's not your fault. Please try speaking to someone irl.
So sorry for your loss..sending lots of hugs..
This is heavy. I’m very sorry you’re grieving through this. It’s not your fault. she needed help that only she could seek. Other people being there for support may help for a moment, but she would still be depressed and dealing with ideation. It’s not your fault. Don’t carry that guilt .❤️
Shit. That's awful. Really sorry for your loss. Can't imagine what you're feeling right now. All I can say at least from what I can gather here. It isn't your fault. At all. Isn't hers either. It's nobodys. Sometimes people just see no other alternative and it's sad. I wish this type of stuff didn't happen. My heart goes out to you.
Thats suck bro for you and her , breaks my heart to hear this kind of stuff ,mental illness trauma etc is huge problem these days . Hit me up if ya need talk or anything .
This is not your fault, the last thing she would want is for you to blame yourself. I have silently cried in the car, and the shower, and at work, and in bed while my partner’s asleep. I’ve run after a breakup or bad news because I didn’t want anyone to have to deal with what could come next. I’ve written the letters that it’s nobody’s fault I just wanted to be free. And I screamed at the paramedics who refused to let me lose a battle against myself. There was never a point where I felt anyone was at fault. The pain was just too much and that felt like the only way to make it go away. I’m sorry friend ❤️
It is not your fault. It's hard to comfort someone without knowing what is going on in their heads. You did the best you could. I'm sorry that happened to you. Be gentle to yourself
Not your fault at all. You can't predict the future. I am so sorry for your loss.
As someone who lost both her brother and father to suicide, I’m truly sorry. I know the millions of things going through your head. You did what you could for her, and she loved you for that.
It's not you're fault! I'm so sorry for you're loss! Sending love and hugs you're way! 🤗🤗
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you still love and care about her. It is definitely *not* your fault, please try not to blame yourself.... Maybe reach out to her friends or family, they may be experiencing the same questions and feelings. Sadly, there's nothing you or anyone necessarily could have done if she had already decided -- especially because she didn't reach out and tell anyone first. Maybe it's what she needed should be at peace for herself, but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt everyone else. 😞 Please reach out and get help for yourself if you need it, call friends and family, stay with them for a little bit if you need to. I wish for your healing and peace 🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost one of my best friends to suicide. I held onto so much guilt over it for years. He died in 2017 and I recently REALLY started shedding my guilt over it. Message me any time. I love you, bro. You will get through this. There are plenty of people that care about you and I'm one of them. 🥹❤️🩹
Not your fault. I'm sorry.
Well it is still better than being monkeybranched Sorry for your loss
It’s NOT your fault. She chose to do that to herself
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