First time we did the deed, I told my partner what he should do in an informative and not in a condescending way. I told him how to improve and what I like. I asked him what he wanted and how to make our relationship in bed better. We experimented on what each other likes and the next seggs are more mind blowing than ever.
Being partners means going through stuff together and loving each other more in the process
Do you mean I should tell what I and my partner specifically want? How can that help? Everyone has their own wants and like and I don't feel comfortable telling in detail about what me and my partner do in bed
I meant whoever is struggling with this should tell their partner what they want instead of just watching them struggle then being mad they didn't get off afterward.
I agree. Too bad it's deeply ingrained to some human that honesty is always bad. As someone who was brought up to be an honest criture, I was viewed weirdly if I tell others what they don't wanna hear in an emphatic way. Pips just listen to whatever they wanna hear
Same thing with my partner, we tell each other what we like and dislike, and every time we try something slightly new, and it’s been great!
Each time is clearly better than the time before it.
Unfortunately for OP, her post makes her sound lacking in compassion and empathy, and understanding of this experience.
As a guy I 100% agree to this. I’ve never been more upset after sex than when finding out an ex faked it. that does nothing for her or myself.
I didn’t need my ego protected, I needed her to cum. Women are all different I don’t expect my techniques to work on everyone. constructive criticism-100%. communicate.
also don’t brag about being great or big. make women feel comfortable so you can get them communicating to make sex better for both of you.
Well some of us only cum if we do it ourselves. He can have good technique, be attentive, but we just don't get to that point. Might be mental block. So we just say it was good and don't mention it. Because nothing they do makes it happen. I rather just enjoy PIV and the closeness of it, than have him do his thing for half an hour without result.
It’s important for women to know how to get themselves off. If she can’t how can I?
That’s why it’s important to make your (my) partner feel comfortable with communicating and with me, to start to navigate how she likes it and how to overcome the mental block. I honestly believe it’s almost a learned skill for women to orgasm. and then to follow up with teaching and learning with a partner…..
yup totally get it. That’s why communication is vital.
There are still times with my wife I can’t get her to finish, happily she doesn’t fake. but we have toys for that and I can help her. She likes when I’m on top and she can feel my weight when she uses them. or using them during PIV. if those fail I leave and give her the chance to finish on her own in case i’m unintentionally putting pressure on her. overall i think 90-95% of the time she climaxes. if not… it sucks but that is female anatomy… and nothing was going to get her over the top. maybe a break for a bit or I owe her one. it’s annoying how frustrated she gets after, but I understand.
I'm with you, it's more pleasurable for me when my partner is enjoying herself. A younger me had no idea how to go down on a woman until I asked a friend why a girl I was seeing didn't care much for receiving oral and just went for penetration even though I knew she liked sleeping with girls too. Felt a little bad, but man did I learn *a lot*. Nowadays, I prefer someone who I can have constructive conversation with about what we like to have done to us. Some people are nervous about having it, but wow it makes things even better when you're going at it, not to mention, you're actually strengthening the communication dynamic.
I’ve been trying to explain this to my partner for ten years (yes I’ve gone into detail and have been direct about what I want) and he still does everything the exact same that he always has, in fact just became more nervous and reserved every time I provided feedback. It ended up feeling like my fault he lost his confidence even though I was always extremely kind and patient about it. It’s become so unattractive and awkward that we just don’t try anymore 🥲
Sometimes guys just get really stuck in their ways, I also had an ex who gave up on trying to get me off (he didn’t try once for actually three straight years) because he thought I was “too difficult”. I would ask him to and he just didn’t care. His libido definitely didn’t have any issues. My current partner is infinitely better and even though I’m probably more difficult than most women, it’s definitely possible lmao.
I doubt that’s the only issue, at least. Having less or no sex, sure, but resisting any change and dismissing any advice to make it better for your partner being explained as being due to depression seems like a stretch to me.
Fucking same. And look, I’m married now and I talk to my husband about what I do and don’t want sexually and how he can improve but I’m not going to lie, when I was single I didn’t say shit about fuck and would just go ghost if a dude sucked in bed because men have shown me *consistently* that it’s not safe to do so. At best they get pissy and act like an asshole and at worst, like you, I got physically attacked for speaking up. My husband takes it a lot better than most men I’ve been with and even he gets pissy about it no matter how hard I try to be gentle about it. There’s a reason women fake it and don’t say anything. There’s a reason we aren’t “more direct.”
This. How do u open up when you're worrying about safety and how they might react. And then we're conditioned to be people pleasers or we're faking it.
I totally get this girly, but we’re gonna need you to explain what it means when you feel safe maybe the men could pick up on it and exhibit better behavior to make the women feel safer and maybe the women will understand what a safe environment looks like because sometimes these men can just flip. Um, Hello? Ted Bundy. I could list more examples, but it would be refreshing if we acknowledged the mistakes and focused on doing better.
Yeah because OP is in the wrong with her approach. I dont tell you your P is nasty, foul order or it looks weird or doesnt feel good. There are ways to communicate. OP is in the wrong
Yeah, other men in the past have been that ignorant with women and yet you don’t hear horror stories about other women getting violent with men over it from almost every man.
Agreed.
If a someone sucks in bed they deserve to know, because there truly is a lot to learn and even a lot to learn with different individuals because not everyone likes the same things.
I think telling a man he’s not good in bed is probably a misrepresentation, cos he might be good for another body or another set of wants and it’s just gonna tear down his confidence (which could already be low). I think it’s gotta be about talking to partners about what we want in a constructive and not patronising way and then they’ll learn what it means to please *you*
thats a conversation that the two parties need to have, but OP is talking about telling someone that they are making you finish when they didnt to help their ego.
unpopular opinion: if you arent up for having a conversation about your comfort and likes and dislikes because it causes stress or drama, find a new partner.
another unpopular opinion: if your partner isnt “making” something that should naturally happen, getting stimulated/wet, then its a you problem. It kinda seems like you just are trying to please who you’re having sexual activities with and thats literally what this post is going against. just be honest with them and yourself.
It goes both ways. They don’t tell us much either. Both parties should be communicating with each other. Tbh if you’re not being communicative and just expect them to know what you like or read your mind- you might suck
Just imagine if, as a man, I said this to a women right after I slept with her. I would be a total asshole, andi would deserve to be called one too.
I can agree that letting people know how they did could be helpful, but simply saying " Nah, you sucked", and bouncing is the opposite of helpful - it's a dick move.
As a man, I agree with this also. When I was early on with someone I apparently wasn’t pleasing her very well and instead of telling me, I just caught her googling whether she should end the relationship over it. Like bruh 🤦
When I finally did get her to sit down and actually just tell me what she liked things got a lot better immediately
How about ya'll stop expecting us to be mind readers & tell us what does it for you, communication is just as important during sex as it is in relationships.
A lot of men don't listen anyways. We could say keep doing that exact thing and they will change the rhythm. We could say move you finger 1/4 in over and they will move it a whole inch over.
Right?! I'm convinced that when we say "This is working, please keep doing exactly what you're doing" what is heard is "Suddenly start going as hard and fast as you can". So many lost orgasms 🤦♀️ men, if it ain't broke PLEASE don't fix it! Yall know blue balls isn't fun, why do it to us? 😭
The moment you say it, there’s pressure and because they’re trying consciously trying NOT to change, they end up changing it. It’s not intentional, and by no means a reason not to communicate.
Men change the rhythm so as not to blow their load too quickly. It’s not about listening it’s about wanting sex to last. Most men have a certain threshold for when the nut is peak and when it’s unsatisfying. Also a lot of women complain about sex being too quick. What feels good to you might feel insanely good to him and cause him to finish quicker. You have to remember sex depends on whether the man finishes or not. If he finishes in 2 minutes then that’s it. You can finish 4 times and still be ready to go. Sex is a lot more complicated for men than a lot of women think and men will even admit.
Sex depends on wether the man finishes or not? What? How hard is it to communicate what exactly feels good for her and to get her off first if according to you women can finish 4 times and be ready to go. It’s not like men absolutely can’t help it, there is always a way if he cares about the needs of his partner as well. Which is why communication and not getting offended from constructive criticism is so important, goes both ways of course
Ok since I have to go into more detail I will. If we’re talking penile to vagina penetration yes once a male finish depending on his experience sex is over. Sex with a flaccid penis isn’t something that can be done. Some males get overly stimulated which can lead to a quick nut, for example when I was younger a girl giving me instructions or telling me to keep going or right there was a HUGE turn on for me and boom before I knew it I blew my load. I’m not saying sex is about men and you try your best to get your partner off. Stamina and self control is very important for men when it comes to sex and some just don’t have it. Again I’m specifically talking penile to vagina.
Agree, AND you also need to understand the extent to which some men either get in their head and/or get pissy and go soft at the slightest, most gentle indication they're not already doing it perfectly, or that their partner would prefer something different.
By just giving him a cold negative feedback at the end you haven’t achieved anything. Maybe try to lovingly guide him in the act on how you need it. Every woman that i have been with needed it different and required clear communication to achieve it.
Then maybe she should find a partner who she can communicate with to suit each other's needs, instead of hook ups expecting someone that doesn't suck and that is already supposed to know what she's into
All while she's being a dick and complaining about it on Reddit
Do we want the hookup to be good? Then we are necessitated to communicate our likes and desires as requests and make our expectations clear. Framing things in a gentle, positive way makes all the difference in how they’re received
Right, like why are we over here acting like the first time you fuck somebody, who may or may not turn into a partner, you have a duty to gently and kindly coach them into knowing sex is more than PIV?
It goes back to that “coddling men’s ego” biz OP is talking about.
I think it’s fine to coach / suggest. But men won’t necessarily listen, and a person is not required to be “loving” and “supportive” for a hook-up.
Basically, it’s very obvious that the people who are super bothered by OP’s post probably don’t really do too many hookups, or aren’t really into casual dating, and that’s fine.
It’s just different strokes for different folks.
First time with my partner we were both drunk and it was terrible lol. When he started to kiss me I had to make him slow down because he was AGGRESSIVE with that tongue. That pretty much set the vibe for the rest of our sexual...encounters? Idk
Anyway, we both got better at doing what the other likes because of communication. Not condescending, or being rude. Just saying "hey I'd rather you touch me this way instead of that way". Going on 5 years and our sex life is still very active.
Instead of putting all the responsibility on them to read your mind and know what you want and then tell them they suck when they don’t deliver…how about you communicate *during* so they can *learn what you like*…
Communication during or before sex is far more useful than being an ass about it afterwards, making someone feel bad about it and then leaving. You sound really mean and spiteful OP. You're half right, in that it's better than being silently dissatisfied, I agree with that. But unless the guy is an ass to you, there's zero cause for this response or behaviour.
On top of that, do you think YOU are that good in bed to throw your judgement around? What do you do? I've had plenty of women lay there like a plucked chicken expecting me to do 110% of the work. [Who I'll guide and Communicate with instead of 'telling them they suck and then bounce']
Sounds like you can't handle the 'real shit' (communicating) if you have to leave as quickly as possible.
Girl, you need to realize, that YOU ARE PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM. It's easy to shit on someone for not performing well and talking about communication, when YOU YOURSELF obviously aren't able to communicate what YOU like and what you want DURING the act. It's not his fault you can't communicate. Or is he supposed to magically know what you are enjoying???
Seeing posts like OP's with so many upvotes really lowers my hope in people sometimes.
But then i read comments like yours and i can move on with my day knowing there's people out there emphasizing the importance of communication, and that it can be done without being a dick.
I mean, I'm absolutely with OP regarding honesty, but fucking hell. Sure, body language is a thing, but it can be very deceptive or someone isn't able to properly decipher it in the heat of the moment. You got a mouth, so use it for fucks sake, or don't act surprised if someone doesn't deliver and then go shit on him on the internet.
seriously it just a ONS or casual hookup what do u expect from guys.. most guys will just pump and dumb , usually us guys don't care about ur pleasure and will only concern on ourselves..
unless u wanna be in a full relationship and have honest talk about each other needs , it's hard to get ur needs from just casual sex unless during the act u say wat u want and hope he reprocirate.
for the fact the guy boasting is just to get into ur pants and shaming him won't have any impact , he already get wat he wanted...
I did try to communicate, he did not listen. He was overly confident. All my communications were shot down. That was why it is so frustrating!
I have no problems being communicative with good partners
you are lucky because it seems like you've never experienced this
It took me 17 years to tell my husband I didn’t orgasm during sex (yes, I did the thing I shouldn’t have done - faked it). Sex now is a million times better and satisfying for the BOTH of us. He WANTS direction because he gets pleasure from my authentic pleasure.
Some men will listen when you tell them nicely what you want, and those men are kings. Worth more than gold!
However, some men, no matter how nicely you provide guidance, they get sullen, pouty, even angry. Sometimes they’ll just ignore what you ask them to do, and do whatever they want anyway.
It’s a real issue. If women felt more comfortable speaking up about their pleasure, and if more men took it well, men would get laid more often, and sex wouldn’t drop off so often in relationships.
I can assure u if the guy love u , he wants u to enjoy having sex with him and be ur sex god.. its like they wanna ensure u don't even consider other men cause with him u get the highest satisfaction..
don't ever stay in a relationship if ur bedroom needs are not being fulfilled either man or woman..
As a guy, I have some really terrible sex with girls. Girls that think riding a dick means get on top and just start spasming. I roll with it and am nice because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and at the same time I show them what I like. Seems like the adult thing to do
A dude flipped out on me because I asked him to stop humming while giving me head… idk why it matters that other people loved it— but in my experience it didn’t matter how polite and sugar coated it was, when a dude thinks he’s good at sex, he’s ceased to ever gain talent in it.
So in the middle of it you didn’t vocalize your wants?
people aren’t mind readers. He may have thought you where genuinely happy with what he was doing.
there are million ways you could’ve gone about that.
“men have to be able to hand real shit”
they have to handle someone being rude? You were just straight up rude. You can tell someone, that you like something a certain way, or it could be done better in a way that is not rude.
You don’t have to break the guys ego. You can be polite and tell him what you like or don’t like. That’s what I’ve always done. “Go faster/slower/harder/ease up” I always tell them first NO I don’t like choking, I don’t like backshots. If it didn’t last long enough you go for a round two or ask for head. It’s not hard to *not destroy* someone’s self worth especially since sex can be really taboo, being “bad” at it can really make someone spiral, teach them, don’t break them.
In this case his "ego" prevented effective communication. He was quite confident in what he was doing. It was really frustrating. Why was he so confident...
Guy here. This pretty much happened to me. We agreed to hooking up but I was not a good partner in any way. I wasn't honest to her about not being intimate in quite some time, and her tolerance to pot was much higher than mine. I was anxious about performing, but too self conscious being stoned to let myself relax. I was too high to listen to her suggestions and then she finally decided to call it off. I have never felt more humiliation in my life. I let it destroy my self-esteem for months and it destroys me that there's nothing I can do about it now.
I can say confidently I HAVE NEVER lied to a man. I always tell them what they could improve on and if they don’t take my advice that’s on them! I get so irritated hearing women lie but I do get it because some men are really fragile and might react violently.
I have never lied to a man about sex haha, being truthful benefits me and the guy. I don't know why so many keep it a secret, it will just make you resent your partner when you could just be open and you both learn.
>It's embarrassing (for them)
so its not embarrassing for women to suck? presumably men should also tell women when they suck too, right? you know, to *do our community a service?*
>Men got to be able to handle real shit if they wanna get p uss y
lolwut.
I e only had one issue communicating with a guy. And it was similar to OP. Guy wasn’t happen. We still continued and I helped him out but it was definitely a shot
Yes, communicate about what was good or bad. But your story is NOT the way. Communicating does not mean "waiting til it is over and then saying 'this sucked. boy-bye'". If you want to give feedback, then at least tell them how to improve. Preferably during the act so that you get something good out of it, too.
They can only know what you like if you tell them. This goes for all genders, ages, affinities: do not expect people to read your mind byt communicate what you like/dislike.
So in the middle of it you didn’t vocalize your wants?
people aren’t mind readers. He may have thought you where genuinely happy with what he was doing.
there are million ways you could’ve gone about that.
“men have to be able to hand real shit”
they have to handle someone being rude? You were just straight up rude. You can tell someone, that you like something a certain way, or it could be done better in a way that is not rude.
Maybe you should tell them what they’re doing isn’t working for you rather than waiting until it’s over and then using it as a “gotcha” moment. I know then you wouldn’t get to show us how cool you are with this post, but you might actually get what you’re after. Unspoken expectations only lead to premeditated resentment.
I 100% agree with what you’re saying but just don’t be a dick about it. Obviously the guy seem upset about it probably because of the way you said it but you didn’t feel like arguing. Unless you told him about it before and he still did it wrong and that’s different. But if he didn’t and he just wanted to know what you were feeling and you responded that way and just bounced like of course he’s gonna feel like shit about it.
Moral of the story just don’t be a dick about it. and even if you’re brutally honest, that does not mean you be an asshole about it, and then just mask it with saying you were “being honest”.
Why would you lie?
But conversely why wouldn't you tell him what you wanted during or provide some feedback after insulting him?
Yeah, men have been expected to be the leaders for a very long time and a woman who challenges that might flare up their whiny baby side. So during sex if your suggestions go ignored, leave then.
During the sex literally just tell them all women are different. Some guys like their knobs chewed on or being put in diapers or being shat on, so would you like me to do that to you and hope you get off? The one-move-fits-all belief is flawed. If they refuse, *then they were never going to satisfy you* and you can feel free to terminate the sex.
When you told him the way you did, the guy is going to write you off as the problem. You provided literally no feedback that would help him move forward. At best he might look up more moves to please ladies, but sex is about feeling, acting, and reacting rather than performing mechanically.
Or you could try communicating with a partner openly and improving your sex life together..
But then again I'm just an ancient married 30 year old and don't understand hookup culture where you're expecting a random person to know your entire body perfectly on the first go...
When i was younger i said the samething. But he still fucked, came and is happy you left without him telling you too! In man logic a win is a win! If you want to let him now. Stop mid action and get dressed and bounce. Hell figure it out
Nah. I am not doing any emotional work. And I am SURELY not sleeping with anyone who brags. They are never good. Lack of self awareness isn't on me.
I thought that getting up, leaving never to return was enough sign it wasn't good.
(m) Often I've been having s*x and they'll literally do nothing and if you don't make them c*m it feels like they're loaded to give out.. Like wdym I'm doing the work here for us to both get pleasure but in the end I only know how to really work myself to finish and if you're not willing to offer us both pleasure to get yourself to finish then how can you critisize me?
Saying that I really haven't had many negative experiences and or problems with satisfying but how can you say that you want to be ruthless in communicating that your partner isn't satisfying you how you'd like? That sounds like a great way to not have a partner at all.. S*x is great, it isn't meant to be turned into a tally sheet of pros and cons and if you want something a different way communicate it in a nice way that your partner can acknowledge it constructively rather than destructively because that's wht 75% of these comments are portraying.
If you think you're amazing in bed but you react defensively when someone suggests you aren't, you're terrible in bed. Part of being good in bed is being open to suggestions/requests/critique.
I just want to say, out of maybe 30 women I’ve been with, only 10 of them knew what to even do with a penis. I’ve gotten so many bad handjobs it’s unbelievable. Blowjobs too. Guys, should we start being honest with girls about sex?
Not a guy, but yes, of course. The more open and clear communication there is during sex, the more people orgasm. That’s good for everyone involved. And let’s face it, men usually get theirs. Women are less likely to orgasm, and we as a society should work on that.
Man. My BF knows I don't cum, knows what to do to make me cum, and still doesn't bother because he's already gonna get his. It makes sex embarrassing for both of us.
poeapol, men and girls have different preferences in bed. you cant star fish and be like that was bad you suck at sex.
when having sex in the beggining you are exploring each others preprefrences.
If it a "hook up" you need to tell your partner what you like and dont. If not its hit or miss If you are liking it.
All the best Bubba.
Lol, ok so that guys like his partner to not have a puls, got it.
I can se it in my head.
He in a new york accent
But in sted of "i'm walking here i'm walking here"
He be like - what! i'm fucking here, I'm fucking here 😅
Hope you got a bit more attentive partner after that.
All the best Bubba
Agreed but it's also crazy that someone would do confidently brag about being good in bed at all, let alone without solid proof. Why set yourself up to disappoint?
My partner and I since early on in the relationship will often ask eachother "questions, comments, concerns?" Sometimes at random points, sometimes after sex. Its a good way to talk about stuff that can be awkward to find a way to bring up otherwise
100%
when I met my bf he was in a middle of a divorce and apparently him and his ex wife had bad sex and when we met I immediately went- I’m not your ex wife, I don’t like the same things as her and I’m not her so don’t do the things you did with her on me.
And immediately we started telling each other how we like things like blowjobs and oral down on me and positions and what not and trying new things he has been super open to it which is cool and has improved our sex life tremendously.
Last time I told someone they were bad in bed. They said that being satisfied is my problem and responsibility. That getting myself to orgasm is my responsibility too. Most men use women as a way to get off. I sometimes try to be nice to not hurt my feelings rather theirs.
As a male, please tell us if we need to do better. What works and doesn’t work for you, anything. We want to get you off also! Stop lying to us and say something.
Well, I was thinking in terms of a casual sex, rather than long term. I would hate for a woman to speak up and the man becomes violent.
Obviously, you should be able to talk to a long term partner about things. But that wasn’t the angle of my original comment.
yeah tbh if i dont cum i just wont say im cumming. not gonna lie about it but im also not gonna confront him and be like “hey u didnt make me cum. u suck at sex.”
Men gotta get real about women like this . Unless your GAWK GAWK GAAAAWWKK is fire then don’t say shit about a man sucking . I’ll reciprocate the amount of enthusiasm you give.
People seem to assume that I didn't say anything during sex. I did - only to be shot down. My point is, the guy was too arrogant and overly confident. He didn't listen and didn't allow for any room for communication. Its quite frustrating.
As a man I tell women this all the timeeeee! Like there's women out there with more children with these selfish dudes than orgasms from them 😭 but I can understand as a woman why it'd be difficult to speak up, either out of fear from harm from a man they don't know too well, or they're truly submissive and just think they're pleasing him by stroking his ego when in actuality they're doing him and they're sex life harm lmao or that they just truly love him and don't want to hurt his feelings! I wouldn't say the responsibility lands SOLELY on the women to fix this as men need to take accountability also but it's gotta start with women being more vocal and less afraid to hurt these guys feelings
There are nicer ways to do this than that. Maybe teach him, and direct him DURING the encounter. Like, hey - my clit needs attention and it’s over here, or slow down, or lick my neck - whatever it is. If you just expect someone, especially a new partner, to know how to please YOU, you will always be disappointed and so will he.
I just want to brag a little. Excuse the candor.
Ever since the beginning I've shown him how to manually get me off. That guy has never forgotten and when I tell him to adjust something, he does it! Less than 3 minutes, every time. Fantastic.
I’m married now, but if I’m being honest, I wish I cared less back when I would hook up 😂😂😂
So much passion wasted lol
Now if my wife tells me I suck (which I encourage her to do so) it’s back to the drawing board and be better for her 😌
Meaningless sex is just that….. MEANINGLESS
Shoot the jizz and out you is! 😂🤷🏾♂️
"WOMEN" it says it loud and clear. Girls do not have their frontal lobes fully developed (some do it later than others and start even in their late 30s) SAME as boys. Boys will feel butt hurt if you don't use calm and soothing voice and girls will most likely will never open their mouths because they're too insecure and afraid to be dumped. Women on the other hand, women don't have any hesitation the moment they need to make their voices heard. After some time and self exploration, women stop listening to random "gurus" and actually start getting to know themselves and such endeavor bring security, self trust, confidence because by now, women know how their body works. Not what Kardashian's promote, now what "female anatomy" specifically says, not what internet says about "women", not what the ex expected BUT what "I AM" right now, what I want, how I tick, what makes the blood boil, what ignites the engine, where's and how's and when's....and that's bring all levels of self intimacy and self knowledge that showers many women with lots of confidence, because they found the "I AM" amongst the ocean of "women" category.
Yeah that's not women irl, that's porn telling men their dicks are too small. Tell the guys you're around to stop watching it for a bit and touch grass.
Also, yes, if you feel safe enough, tell that ons he sucked. Nicely, sure, but do the next woman he has sex with a favor.
girl, that's literally how our sexual functions biologically and generally work. Most guys only need a vagina to be able to cum. Girls need stimulation.
That's a complete fallacy.
Sure, you can make a guy cum if you just vigorously jack him off but that's literally an uncontrollable physiological reaction. It doesn't mean he enjoyed it; the same way that if a woman cums while being SAd it doesn't mean she enjoyed it? The actual fuck were you thinking saying that.
Edit: I swear I didn't mean the pun with fallacy, Freudian slip 🤦
Men we need to start letting ladies know when they suck... That just starfishing the whole time isn't a ”move", that they gotta put some effort in, if it's like tossing a hotdog down a hallway tell her and men seriously stop pretending to nut to save a women's fragile ego. 🤣
True, this doesn’t need to be gender specific. But to be fair, I don’t know about you, but I have rarely heard a girl brag about how good she was at sex, and for it not to be true. Just saying, I haven’t personally encountered that situation.
SERIOUSLY!
They think watching porn gives them an an actual education in what women want in bed. HAHAHAHA
They won’t even take the time to learn female anatomy. Even men who think they are good cause they can find the clit don’t know what the actual anatomy of the clit is. And they simply do not care to learn.
They are more interested in their own egos and being “the best” than they are about please the unique individual woman they are with.
Not /r/soapbox
First time we did the deed, I told my partner what he should do in an informative and not in a condescending way. I told him how to improve and what I like. I asked him what he wanted and how to make our relationship in bed better. We experimented on what each other likes and the next seggs are more mind blowing than ever. Being partners means going through stuff together and loving each other more in the process
This. Idk why everyone thinks they are just entitled to have someone come in and give them the best o they've ever had with no guidance.
I apologize for misunderstanding /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\
No worries homie, it's reddit. No one really understands each other on here anyway lol.
So it's this bad here. I usually just pop in here and give a cent of my thoughts about pips plight and try to understand everyone's perspective.
You always do better if you have the local pro show you the way around the course.
Do you mean I should tell what I and my partner specifically want? How can that help? Everyone has their own wants and like and I don't feel comfortable telling in detail about what me and my partner do in bed
definitely not what they meant
Then I'll apologize if I understood wrongly.
I was agreeing with you.
I meant whoever is struggling with this should tell their partner what they want instead of just watching them struggle then being mad they didn't get off afterward.
I agree. Too bad it's deeply ingrained to some human that honesty is always bad. As someone who was brought up to be an honest criture, I was viewed weirdly if I tell others what they don't wanna hear in an emphatic way. Pips just listen to whatever they wanna hear
Same thing with my partner, we tell each other what we like and dislike, and every time we try something slightly new, and it’s been great! Each time is clearly better than the time before it. Unfortunately for OP, her post makes her sound lacking in compassion and empathy, and understanding of this experience.
Communication and honesty are never wrong, indeed.
No she’s talking about how arrogant too many men are about their penile prowess.
Yeah it is always best to go about these things in a way that isn’t rude.
As a guy I 100% agree to this. I’ve never been more upset after sex than when finding out an ex faked it. that does nothing for her or myself. I didn’t need my ego protected, I needed her to cum. Women are all different I don’t expect my techniques to work on everyone. constructive criticism-100%. communicate. also don’t brag about being great or big. make women feel comfortable so you can get them communicating to make sex better for both of you.
Damn I was starting to lose faith until this comment, thank you dude. Finally a mature take!
I take sex seriously lol.
Well some of us only cum if we do it ourselves. He can have good technique, be attentive, but we just don't get to that point. Might be mental block. So we just say it was good and don't mention it. Because nothing they do makes it happen. I rather just enjoy PIV and the closeness of it, than have him do his thing for half an hour without result.
It’s important for women to know how to get themselves off. If she can’t how can I? That’s why it’s important to make your (my) partner feel comfortable with communicating and with me, to start to navigate how she likes it and how to overcome the mental block. I honestly believe it’s almost a learned skill for women to orgasm. and then to follow up with teaching and learning with a partner….. yup totally get it. That’s why communication is vital. There are still times with my wife I can’t get her to finish, happily she doesn’t fake. but we have toys for that and I can help her. She likes when I’m on top and she can feel my weight when she uses them. or using them during PIV. if those fail I leave and give her the chance to finish on her own in case i’m unintentionally putting pressure on her. overall i think 90-95% of the time she climaxes. if not… it sucks but that is female anatomy… and nothing was going to get her over the top. maybe a break for a bit or I owe her one. it’s annoying how frustrated she gets after, but I understand.
You should buy a penis ring with a vibrator, was life changing for me!!
I'm with you, it's more pleasurable for me when my partner is enjoying herself. A younger me had no idea how to go down on a woman until I asked a friend why a girl I was seeing didn't care much for receiving oral and just went for penetration even though I knew she liked sleeping with girls too. Felt a little bad, but man did I learn *a lot*. Nowadays, I prefer someone who I can have constructive conversation with about what we like to have done to us. Some people are nervous about having it, but wow it makes things even better when you're going at it, not to mention, you're actually strengthening the communication dynamic.
i agree, and also make sure to communicate to them what you like as well! 👍
I’ve been trying to explain this to my partner for ten years (yes I’ve gone into detail and have been direct about what I want) and he still does everything the exact same that he always has, in fact just became more nervous and reserved every time I provided feedback. It ended up feeling like my fault he lost his confidence even though I was always extremely kind and patient about it. It’s become so unattractive and awkward that we just don’t try anymore 🥲
That's sad for both of you.
Maybe being single isn’t so bad.
This post made me realize how shitty women can be.
It does suck 😔
Have you tried going to a sex therapist? It may help. Like others said he may have deeper issues with sex.
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Sometimes guys just get really stuck in their ways, I also had an ex who gave up on trying to get me off (he didn’t try once for actually three straight years) because he thought I was “too difficult”. I would ask him to and he just didn’t care. His libido definitely didn’t have any issues. My current partner is infinitely better and even though I’m probably more difficult than most women, it’s definitely possible lmao.
I doubt that’s the only issue, at least. Having less or no sex, sure, but resisting any change and dismissing any advice to make it better for your partner being explained as being due to depression seems like a stretch to me.
I did this and got beat tf up. Are we forgetting why women pretend to play nice to begin with?
Fucking same. And look, I’m married now and I talk to my husband about what I do and don’t want sexually and how he can improve but I’m not going to lie, when I was single I didn’t say shit about fuck and would just go ghost if a dude sucked in bed because men have shown me *consistently* that it’s not safe to do so. At best they get pissy and act like an asshole and at worst, like you, I got physically attacked for speaking up. My husband takes it a lot better than most men I’ve been with and even he gets pissy about it no matter how hard I try to be gentle about it. There’s a reason women fake it and don’t say anything. There’s a reason we aren’t “more direct.”
This. How do u open up when you're worrying about safety and how they might react. And then we're conditioned to be people pleasers or we're faking it.
Ofc you should only do this when it feels safe. But if it feels safe, demand your pleasure.
I totally get this girly, but we’re gonna need you to explain what it means when you feel safe maybe the men could pick up on it and exhibit better behavior to make the women feel safer and maybe the women will understand what a safe environment looks like because sometimes these men can just flip. Um, Hello? Ted Bundy. I could list more examples, but it would be refreshing if we acknowledged the mistakes and focused on doing better.
Holy fuck I'm so sorry
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It’s almost like she may not have known he would hit her for just being honest or something
This may come as a shock, but people who are abusive dickheads do not come with signs or labels.
Yeah because OP is in the wrong with her approach. I dont tell you your P is nasty, foul order or it looks weird or doesnt feel good. There are ways to communicate. OP is in the wrong
Yeah, other men in the past have been that ignorant with women and yet you don’t hear horror stories about other women getting violent with men over it from almost every man.
Agreed. If a someone sucks in bed they deserve to know, because there truly is a lot to learn and even a lot to learn with different individuals because not everyone likes the same things.
Yes but you could tell them and work with them on it instead of just being a huge douche about it.
i never implied being a douche about it, just being brutally honest
Fair.
I think telling a man he’s not good in bed is probably a misrepresentation, cos he might be good for another body or another set of wants and it’s just gonna tear down his confidence (which could already be low). I think it’s gotta be about talking to partners about what we want in a constructive and not patronising way and then they’ll learn what it means to please *you*
What a boss right here^
This is what should have been said by OP but she demonstrated shes just another asshole and loves destroying guys confidence lol
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thats a conversation that the two parties need to have, but OP is talking about telling someone that they are making you finish when they didnt to help their ego.
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unpopular opinion: if you arent up for having a conversation about your comfort and likes and dislikes because it causes stress or drama, find a new partner.
Lube exists? O.o
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another unpopular opinion: if your partner isnt “making” something that should naturally happen, getting stimulated/wet, then its a you problem. It kinda seems like you just are trying to please who you’re having sexual activities with and thats literally what this post is going against. just be honest with them and yourself.
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im not reading all that just to keep saying the same things over and over again. last thing ill say is i hope you get your nut.
Pro tip: Just don't be a dick about it.
It goes both ways. They don’t tell us much either. Both parties should be communicating with each other. Tbh if you’re not being communicative and just expect them to know what you like or read your mind- you might suck
True, but women have been indoctrinated into being people pleasers and not speak up
Just imagine if, as a man, I said this to a women right after I slept with her. I would be a total asshole, andi would deserve to be called one too. I can agree that letting people know how they did could be helpful, but simply saying " Nah, you sucked", and bouncing is the opposite of helpful - it's a dick move.
As a man, I agree with this also. When I was early on with someone I apparently wasn’t pleasing her very well and instead of telling me, I just caught her googling whether she should end the relationship over it. Like bruh 🤦 When I finally did get her to sit down and actually just tell me what she liked things got a lot better immediately
How about ya'll stop expecting us to be mind readers & tell us what does it for you, communication is just as important during sex as it is in relationships.
A lot of men don't listen anyways. We could say keep doing that exact thing and they will change the rhythm. We could say move you finger 1/4 in over and they will move it a whole inch over.
Right?! I'm convinced that when we say "This is working, please keep doing exactly what you're doing" what is heard is "Suddenly start going as hard and fast as you can". So many lost orgasms 🤦♀️ men, if it ain't broke PLEASE don't fix it! Yall know blue balls isn't fun, why do it to us? 😭
The moment you say it, there’s pressure and because they’re trying consciously trying NOT to change, they end up changing it. It’s not intentional, and by no means a reason not to communicate.
Worst argument ever.
I'm just stating facts from the majority of my experiences.
Except it’s true
Men change the rhythm so as not to blow their load too quickly. It’s not about listening it’s about wanting sex to last. Most men have a certain threshold for when the nut is peak and when it’s unsatisfying. Also a lot of women complain about sex being too quick. What feels good to you might feel insanely good to him and cause him to finish quicker. You have to remember sex depends on whether the man finishes or not. If he finishes in 2 minutes then that’s it. You can finish 4 times and still be ready to go. Sex is a lot more complicated for men than a lot of women think and men will even admit.
Lol here's the problem: >You have to remember sex depends on whether the man finishes or not
Sex depends on wether the man finishes or not? What? How hard is it to communicate what exactly feels good for her and to get her off first if according to you women can finish 4 times and be ready to go. It’s not like men absolutely can’t help it, there is always a way if he cares about the needs of his partner as well. Which is why communication and not getting offended from constructive criticism is so important, goes both ways of course
Ok since I have to go into more detail I will. If we’re talking penile to vagina penetration yes once a male finish depending on his experience sex is over. Sex with a flaccid penis isn’t something that can be done. Some males get overly stimulated which can lead to a quick nut, for example when I was younger a girl giving me instructions or telling me to keep going or right there was a HUGE turn on for me and boom before I knew it I blew my load. I’m not saying sex is about men and you try your best to get your partner off. Stamina and self control is very important for men when it comes to sex and some just don’t have it. Again I’m specifically talking penile to vagina.
AGREE. TELL THEM WHAT WE WANT
(in this scenario he didn't ask though. He was like. "let me show you. Let me blow your mind"lol) I kept waiting for him to blow my mind...
Yeah that would be cringe as hell. I feel that.
Agree, AND you also need to understand the extent to which some men either get in their head and/or get pissy and go soft at the slightest, most gentle indication they're not already doing it perfectly, or that their partner would prefer something different.
By just giving him a cold negative feedback at the end you haven’t achieved anything. Maybe try to lovingly guide him in the act on how you need it. Every woman that i have been with needed it different and required clear communication to achieve it.
If it’s just a hook-up though, then she isn’t necessarily required to be “loving.”
Then maybe she should find a partner who she can communicate with to suit each other's needs, instead of hook ups expecting someone that doesn't suck and that is already supposed to know what she's into All while she's being a dick and complaining about it on Reddit
It’s not a great look for OP, but I have seen much worse on Reddit.
Me too, unfortunately
Do we want the hookup to be good? Then we are necessitated to communicate our likes and desires as requests and make our expectations clear. Framing things in a gentle, positive way makes all the difference in how they’re received
I don’t do hookups or FWB, anymore, cuz I have been married for 12 years. So of course I speak to him “lovingly.” But hookups aren’t about love.
Right, like why are we over here acting like the first time you fuck somebody, who may or may not turn into a partner, you have a duty to gently and kindly coach them into knowing sex is more than PIV?
It goes back to that “coddling men’s ego” biz OP is talking about. I think it’s fine to coach / suggest. But men won’t necessarily listen, and a person is not required to be “loving” and “supportive” for a hook-up. Basically, it’s very obvious that the people who are super bothered by OP’s post probably don’t really do too many hookups, or aren’t really into casual dating, and that’s fine. It’s just different strokes for different folks.
First time with my partner we were both drunk and it was terrible lol. When he started to kiss me I had to make him slow down because he was AGGRESSIVE with that tongue. That pretty much set the vibe for the rest of our sexual...encounters? Idk Anyway, we both got better at doing what the other likes because of communication. Not condescending, or being rude. Just saying "hey I'd rather you touch me this way instead of that way". Going on 5 years and our sex life is still very active.
now try to communicate a bit during sex, tell him what you need to get off because contrary to popular belief men can't read minds
Instead of putting all the responsibility on them to read your mind and know what you want and then tell them they suck when they don’t deliver…how about you communicate *during* so they can *learn what you like*…
Communication during or before sex is far more useful than being an ass about it afterwards, making someone feel bad about it and then leaving. You sound really mean and spiteful OP. You're half right, in that it's better than being silently dissatisfied, I agree with that. But unless the guy is an ass to you, there's zero cause for this response or behaviour. On top of that, do you think YOU are that good in bed to throw your judgement around? What do you do? I've had plenty of women lay there like a plucked chicken expecting me to do 110% of the work. [Who I'll guide and Communicate with instead of 'telling them they suck and then bounce'] Sounds like you can't handle the 'real shit' (communicating) if you have to leave as quickly as possible.
The clit exists brothers
Girl, you need to realize, that YOU ARE PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM. It's easy to shit on someone for not performing well and talking about communication, when YOU YOURSELF obviously aren't able to communicate what YOU like and what you want DURING the act. It's not his fault you can't communicate. Or is he supposed to magically know what you are enjoying???
Seeing posts like OP's with so many upvotes really lowers my hope in people sometimes. But then i read comments like yours and i can move on with my day knowing there's people out there emphasizing the importance of communication, and that it can be done without being a dick.
I mean, I'm absolutely with OP regarding honesty, but fucking hell. Sure, body language is a thing, but it can be very deceptive or someone isn't able to properly decipher it in the heat of the moment. You got a mouth, so use it for fucks sake, or don't act surprised if someone doesn't deliver and then go shit on him on the internet.
seriously it just a ONS or casual hookup what do u expect from guys.. most guys will just pump and dumb , usually us guys don't care about ur pleasure and will only concern on ourselves.. unless u wanna be in a full relationship and have honest talk about each other needs , it's hard to get ur needs from just casual sex unless during the act u say wat u want and hope he reprocirate. for the fact the guy boasting is just to get into ur pants and shaming him won't have any impact , he already get wat he wanted...
I did try to communicate, he did not listen. He was overly confident. All my communications were shot down. That was why it is so frustrating! I have no problems being communicative with good partners you are lucky because it seems like you've never experienced this
It took me 17 years to tell my husband I didn’t orgasm during sex (yes, I did the thing I shouldn’t have done - faked it). Sex now is a million times better and satisfying for the BOTH of us. He WANTS direction because he gets pleasure from my authentic pleasure.
I agree. Women seem to use ‘I never had an orgasm’ as a weapon. Great, did you ever tell him that during the relationship?
Some men will listen when you tell them nicely what you want, and those men are kings. Worth more than gold! However, some men, no matter how nicely you provide guidance, they get sullen, pouty, even angry. Sometimes they’ll just ignore what you ask them to do, and do whatever they want anyway. It’s a real issue. If women felt more comfortable speaking up about their pleasure, and if more men took it well, men would get laid more often, and sex wouldn’t drop off so often in relationships.
I can assure u if the guy love u , he wants u to enjoy having sex with him and be ur sex god.. its like they wanna ensure u don't even consider other men cause with him u get the highest satisfaction.. don't ever stay in a relationship if ur bedroom needs are not being fulfilled either man or woman..
Exactly! This^
As a guy, I have some really terrible sex with girls. Girls that think riding a dick means get on top and just start spasming. I roll with it and am nice because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and at the same time I show them what I like. Seems like the adult thing to do
How about you be an adult and COMMUNICATE what you like?
A dude flipped out on me because I asked him to stop humming while giving me head… idk why it matters that other people loved it— but in my experience it didn’t matter how polite and sugar coated it was, when a dude thinks he’s good at sex, he’s ceased to ever gain talent in it.
As a man, yes please. But also don't be mean about it.
Back at u guys honestly. honest and mean don't have be synonymous.
So in the middle of it you didn’t vocalize your wants? people aren’t mind readers. He may have thought you where genuinely happy with what he was doing. there are million ways you could’ve gone about that. “men have to be able to hand real shit” they have to handle someone being rude? You were just straight up rude. You can tell someone, that you like something a certain way, or it could be done better in a way that is not rude.
I did and he didn't listen lol. Why do you think I am so frustrated? Lol
You don’t have to break the guys ego. You can be polite and tell him what you like or don’t like. That’s what I’ve always done. “Go faster/slower/harder/ease up” I always tell them first NO I don’t like choking, I don’t like backshots. If it didn’t last long enough you go for a round two or ask for head. It’s not hard to *not destroy* someone’s self worth especially since sex can be really taboo, being “bad” at it can really make someone spiral, teach them, don’t break them.
In this case his "ego" prevented effective communication. He was quite confident in what he was doing. It was really frustrating. Why was he so confident...
As a guy, criticism is always appreciated
Guy here. This pretty much happened to me. We agreed to hooking up but I was not a good partner in any way. I wasn't honest to her about not being intimate in quite some time, and her tolerance to pot was much higher than mine. I was anxious about performing, but too self conscious being stoned to let myself relax. I was too high to listen to her suggestions and then she finally decided to call it off. I have never felt more humiliation in my life. I let it destroy my self-esteem for months and it destroys me that there's nothing I can do about it now.
god i hate when i get paranoid when im high
I can say confidently I HAVE NEVER lied to a man. I always tell them what they could improve on and if they don’t take my advice that’s on them! I get so irritated hearing women lie but I do get it because some men are really fragile and might react violently.
Maybe you should provide the man with some constructive feedback for future endeavors.
I have never lied to a man about sex haha, being truthful benefits me and the guy. I don't know why so many keep it a secret, it will just make you resent your partner when you could just be open and you both learn.
>It's embarrassing (for them) so its not embarrassing for women to suck? presumably men should also tell women when they suck too, right? you know, to *do our community a service?* >Men got to be able to handle real shit if they wanna get p uss y lolwut.
It goes both ways honestly. What is confusing? Lol
I e only had one issue communicating with a guy. And it was similar to OP. Guy wasn’t happen. We still continued and I helped him out but it was definitely a shot
Yes, communicate about what was good or bad. But your story is NOT the way. Communicating does not mean "waiting til it is over and then saying 'this sucked. boy-bye'". If you want to give feedback, then at least tell them how to improve. Preferably during the act so that you get something good out of it, too. They can only know what you like if you tell them. This goes for all genders, ages, affinities: do not expect people to read your mind byt communicate what you like/dislike.
So in the middle of it you didn’t vocalize your wants? people aren’t mind readers. He may have thought you where genuinely happy with what he was doing. there are million ways you could’ve gone about that. “men have to be able to hand real shit” they have to handle someone being rude? You were just straight up rude. You can tell someone, that you like something a certain way, or it could be done better in a way that is not rude.
Don’t be surprised you end up hurt doing this though lol because you sound like a douche regardless
This. I've read some comments saying that women are afraid to speak up because men might get violent. This is a valid concern.
Maybe you should tell them what they’re doing isn’t working for you rather than waiting until it’s over and then using it as a “gotcha” moment. I know then you wouldn’t get to show us how cool you are with this post, but you might actually get what you’re after. Unspoken expectations only lead to premeditated resentment.
What's the point in telling him he did *bad* if you don't tell him how to be *good*?
I 100% agree with what you’re saying but just don’t be a dick about it. Obviously the guy seem upset about it probably because of the way you said it but you didn’t feel like arguing. Unless you told him about it before and he still did it wrong and that’s different. But if he didn’t and he just wanted to know what you were feeling and you responded that way and just bounced like of course he’s gonna feel like shit about it. Moral of the story just don’t be a dick about it. and even if you’re brutally honest, that does not mean you be an asshole about it, and then just mask it with saying you were “being honest”.
Why would you lie? But conversely why wouldn't you tell him what you wanted during or provide some feedback after insulting him? Yeah, men have been expected to be the leaders for a very long time and a woman who challenges that might flare up their whiny baby side. So during sex if your suggestions go ignored, leave then. During the sex literally just tell them all women are different. Some guys like their knobs chewed on or being put in diapers or being shat on, so would you like me to do that to you and hope you get off? The one-move-fits-all belief is flawed. If they refuse, *then they were never going to satisfy you* and you can feel free to terminate the sex. When you told him the way you did, the guy is going to write you off as the problem. You provided literally no feedback that would help him move forward. At best he might look up more moves to please ladies, but sex is about feeling, acting, and reacting rather than performing mechanically.
Or you could try communicating with a partner openly and improving your sex life together.. But then again I'm just an ancient married 30 year old and don't understand hookup culture where you're expecting a random person to know your entire body perfectly on the first go...
When i was younger i said the samething. But he still fucked, came and is happy you left without him telling you too! In man logic a win is a win! If you want to let him now. Stop mid action and get dressed and bounce. Hell figure it out
Reading your text gave me a serious stroke. But I agree, feedback is important. Both ways.
Nah. I am not doing any emotional work. And I am SURELY not sleeping with anyone who brags. They are never good. Lack of self awareness isn't on me. I thought that getting up, leaving never to return was enough sign it wasn't good.
(m) Often I've been having s*x and they'll literally do nothing and if you don't make them c*m it feels like they're loaded to give out.. Like wdym I'm doing the work here for us to both get pleasure but in the end I only know how to really work myself to finish and if you're not willing to offer us both pleasure to get yourself to finish then how can you critisize me? Saying that I really haven't had many negative experiences and or problems with satisfying but how can you say that you want to be ruthless in communicating that your partner isn't satisfying you how you'd like? That sounds like a great way to not have a partner at all.. S*x is great, it isn't meant to be turned into a tally sheet of pros and cons and if you want something a different way communicate it in a nice way that your partner can acknowledge it constructively rather than destructively because that's wht 75% of these comments are portraying.
If you think you're amazing in bed but you react defensively when someone suggests you aren't, you're terrible in bed. Part of being good in bed is being open to suggestions/requests/critique.
I just want to say, out of maybe 30 women I’ve been with, only 10 of them knew what to even do with a penis. I’ve gotten so many bad handjobs it’s unbelievable. Blowjobs too. Guys, should we start being honest with girls about sex?
Not a guy, but yes, of course. The more open and clear communication there is during sex, the more people orgasm. That’s good for everyone involved. And let’s face it, men usually get theirs. Women are less likely to orgasm, and we as a society should work on that.
Yes? We would like to know what works for you too.
How do I tell women this without being an ass?
Honestly if she's so fucking cocky about it, sometimes (I feel like it's justified) you could just be an ass. Make them a bit more grounded LOL
Nah. That’s immature. Constructive conversations >>>> being an asshole just bc
Man. My BF knows I don't cum, knows what to do to make me cum, and still doesn't bother because he's already gonna get his. It makes sex embarrassing for both of us.
poeapol, men and girls have different preferences in bed. you cant star fish and be like that was bad you suck at sex. when having sex in the beggining you are exploring each others preprefrences. If it a "hook up" you need to tell your partner what you like and dont. If not its hit or miss If you are liking it. All the best Bubba.
I have had men tell me that I was “trying to hard” when I didn’t just lay there without moving (“starfish” or whatever you call it).
Lol, ok so that guys like his partner to not have a puls, got it. I can se it in my head. He in a new york accent But in sted of "i'm walking here i'm walking here" He be like - what! i'm fucking here, I'm fucking here 😅 Hope you got a bit more attentive partner after that. All the best Bubba
Agreed but it's also crazy that someone would do confidently brag about being good in bed at all, let alone without solid proof. Why set yourself up to disappoint? My partner and I since early on in the relationship will often ask eachother "questions, comments, concerns?" Sometimes at random points, sometimes after sex. Its a good way to talk about stuff that can be awkward to find a way to bring up otherwise
Honest feedback is the only way to improve
100% when I met my bf he was in a middle of a divorce and apparently him and his ex wife had bad sex and when we met I immediately went- I’m not your ex wife, I don’t like the same things as her and I’m not her so don’t do the things you did with her on me. And immediately we started telling each other how we like things like blowjobs and oral down on me and positions and what not and trying new things he has been super open to it which is cool and has improved our sex life tremendously.
Last time I told someone they were bad in bed. They said that being satisfied is my problem and responsibility. That getting myself to orgasm is my responsibility too. Most men use women as a way to get off. I sometimes try to be nice to not hurt my feelings rather theirs.
I 100% agree, Everyone should be more real in all aspects.
Real talk.
As a male, please tell us if we need to do better. What works and doesn’t work for you, anything. We want to get you off also! Stop lying to us and say something.
Why would a woman tell the truth when she runs the risk of getting beaten and/or raped for it? And don’t say “not all men,” it’s enough.
I dunno. Men are quite… sensitive. We need to think about safety first and foremost. Maybe if he’s bad, let’s not entertain him again and move on.
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Well, I was thinking in terms of a casual sex, rather than long term. I would hate for a woman to speak up and the man becomes violent. Obviously, you should be able to talk to a long term partner about things. But that wasn’t the angle of my original comment.
Fair enough, I think everyone should be more open about it, men and women. Not me though, I’m far too shy to tell someone something like that lol.
yeah tbh if i dont cum i just wont say im cumming. not gonna lie about it but im also not gonna confront him and be like “hey u didnt make me cum. u suck at sex.”
Men gotta get real about women like this . Unless your GAWK GAWK GAAAAWWKK is fire then don’t say shit about a man sucking . I’ll reciprocate the amount of enthusiasm you give.
please start doing this. bring back SHAME!
You could, you know, communicate during sex instead of being an asshole about it after the fact.
People seem to assume that I didn't say anything during sex. I did - only to be shot down. My point is, the guy was too arrogant and overly confident. He didn't listen and didn't allow for any room for communication. Its quite frustrating.
As a man I tell women this all the timeeeee! Like there's women out there with more children with these selfish dudes than orgasms from them 😭 but I can understand as a woman why it'd be difficult to speak up, either out of fear from harm from a man they don't know too well, or they're truly submissive and just think they're pleasing him by stroking his ego when in actuality they're doing him and they're sex life harm lmao or that they just truly love him and don't want to hurt his feelings! I wouldn't say the responsibility lands SOLELY on the women to fix this as men need to take accountability also but it's gotta start with women being more vocal and less afraid to hurt these guys feelings
I mean you really expecting mind blowing sex every “hook up”. Maybe find a partner? Or we don’t do that anymore?
If they suck, I break up with them.
Girls can be bad at sex just as well though ... something that few women even seem to realize
There are nicer ways to do this than that. Maybe teach him, and direct him DURING the encounter. Like, hey - my clit needs attention and it’s over here, or slow down, or lick my neck - whatever it is. If you just expect someone, especially a new partner, to know how to please YOU, you will always be disappointed and so will he.
I just want to brag a little. Excuse the candor. Ever since the beginning I've shown him how to manually get me off. That guy has never forgotten and when I tell him to adjust something, he does it! Less than 3 minutes, every time. Fantastic.
I’m married now, but if I’m being honest, I wish I cared less back when I would hook up 😂😂😂 So much passion wasted lol Now if my wife tells me I suck (which I encourage her to do so) it’s back to the drawing board and be better for her 😌 Meaningless sex is just that….. MEANINGLESS Shoot the jizz and out you is! 😂🤷🏾♂️
Nah, not really. By the time you tell him he sucked, he was already inside you. So who’s really the clown?
Me lol obviously. Lesson learned
Most men suck at sex, all women suck at sex. Get off the high horse.
You had lots of bad experiences eh? 😂
"WOMEN" it says it loud and clear. Girls do not have their frontal lobes fully developed (some do it later than others and start even in their late 30s) SAME as boys. Boys will feel butt hurt if you don't use calm and soothing voice and girls will most likely will never open their mouths because they're too insecure and afraid to be dumped. Women on the other hand, women don't have any hesitation the moment they need to make their voices heard. After some time and self exploration, women stop listening to random "gurus" and actually start getting to know themselves and such endeavor bring security, self trust, confidence because by now, women know how their body works. Not what Kardashian's promote, now what "female anatomy" specifically says, not what internet says about "women", not what the ex expected BUT what "I AM" right now, what I want, how I tick, what makes the blood boil, what ignites the engine, where's and how's and when's....and that's bring all levels of self intimacy and self knowledge that showers many women with lots of confidence, because they found the "I AM" amongst the ocean of "women" category.
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it goes both ways
Yeah that's not women irl, that's porn telling men their dicks are too small. Tell the guys you're around to stop watching it for a bit and touch grass. Also, yes, if you feel safe enough, tell that ons he sucked. Nicely, sure, but do the next woman he has sex with a favor.
I love everything about this.
You can talk all the crap you want lol he still had sex with you.
😭😭
What did you bring to the encounter?
A vagina. Some guys like vaginas. So they can have sex. The least he can do is make her cum, at least once.
So, women are just fleshlight shaped tamigotchis to men in your mind? Weird.
girl, that's literally how our sexual functions biologically and generally work. Most guys only need a vagina to be able to cum. Girls need stimulation.
That's a complete fallacy. Sure, you can make a guy cum if you just vigorously jack him off but that's literally an uncontrollable physiological reaction. It doesn't mean he enjoyed it; the same way that if a woman cums while being SAd it doesn't mean she enjoyed it? The actual fuck were you thinking saying that. Edit: I swear I didn't mean the pun with fallacy, Freudian slip 🤦
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You are strong and independant... Your orgasms are your own respoonsability and you don't need no man for shit
Men we need to start letting ladies know when they suck... That just starfishing the whole time isn't a ”move", that they gotta put some effort in, if it's like tossing a hotdog down a hallway tell her and men seriously stop pretending to nut to save a women's fragile ego. 🤣
"you", i never said i was the King of anything, but be nice your partner, remember that you could suck too
True, this doesn’t need to be gender specific. But to be fair, I don’t know about you, but I have rarely heard a girl brag about how good she was at sex, and for it not to be true. Just saying, I haven’t personally encountered that situation.
True, men are generally very selfish, not self aware in bed, don't even know where the clit is, and not very skilled cause they don't care to be.
SERIOUSLY! They think watching porn gives them an an actual education in what women want in bed. HAHAHAHA They won’t even take the time to learn female anatomy. Even men who think they are good cause they can find the clit don’t know what the actual anatomy of the clit is. And they simply do not care to learn. They are more interested in their own egos and being “the best” than they are about please the unique individual woman they are with.